1 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:09,520 I've just moved in with the world's biggest idiot. I've moved in. 2 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:10,960 Congratulations! 3 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,920 There's this bloke called Graham at the gym 4 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,840 -and he was saying that I should... -PAUL! 5 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,800 You look lovely in that. 6 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,160 I look disgusting. 7 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,280 As if. 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,800 Right, I'm off to Pilates. 9 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,800 -Do you want a lift, lover? -Graham's here. 10 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,280 We got robbed at work and they took my phone. 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,400 Oh, bloody hell. 12 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,520 Oh, don't. Laura's in there. 13 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,440 There's this bloke called Graham at the gym. 14 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:36,960 Paul. We're going. 15 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,320 You are being so suspicious today. 16 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:40,960 What's this? 17 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,400 Don't you dare get married before me. 18 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,440 Think at one point you thought I was going to ask you to marry me. 19 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,200 Why would I want to marry you? You fucking stink! 20 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,240 Don't ask her to marry you, Steve. 21 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,880 Look, I know we like to have a bit of banter, the two of us, 22 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,560 but let's just be serious for a minute. 23 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,520 And I will be talking to your dad as well. 24 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,480 If you ask her to marry you, I'll break your fucking neck. 25 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,640 How was your gran? 26 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,360 Ugh. Boring. All she does is talk about dead people. 27 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,440 Ugh. 28 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,040 They're dead. Get over it. Do you know what I mean? 29 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,440 What have you been doing? 30 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,400 What? 31 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,360 I made a bit of a mess in the bedroom. It's horrible. 32 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,560 You'd better have a look. 33 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,840 Have you done a poo in there? 34 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,720 No, of course I haven't done a poo in there! 35 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,680 Do you honestly think I'm the sort of man who'd do a poo 36 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,960 in his bedroom and get his girlfriend to go and look at it? 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,680 Just go and have a look. 38 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,360 Do you know what I mean though? 39 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,080 Just cos someone's dead, doesn't make them interesting. 40 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,200 Oh, my God. 41 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,560 Steve! 42 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,320 Have we got a new telly? 43 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,680 And... 44 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,480 Ah! 45 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,240 And also... 46 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,480 -It's cider. -Oh, my God! 47 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,560 9%. 48 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,240 Wait there. 49 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,680 Oh, you got Skittles. 50 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,560 THEME MUSIC PLAYING 51 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,960 What are you supposed to do when you see your doctor in the street? 52 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,480 Fuck me. 53 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,480 What's that? 54 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,080 I saw my doctor at a bus stop and I didn't know 55 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,360 whether to say hello or not. 56 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,080 Oh. Ha! 57 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,120 It's kind of awkward, isn't it, cos he's, like, 60 and 58 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,360 he's a nice bloke but at the same time he's had his finger up my arse. 59 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,360 Have you had some? 60 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,000 No. 61 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,240 Wow! 62 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,120 No wonder it was only a tenner. 63 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,400 So... 64 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,200 Why are you being creepy? 65 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,600 I'm not. What do you mean creepy? 66 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,560 Shutting the door. Your face. It's creepy. Stop it. 67 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,520 Would you mind if I just said something? 68 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,240 That's such a creepy thing to say. 69 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,520 Becky. 70 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,080 OK. 71 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,880 My dearest, darling Rebecca. 72 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,920 Today is our first anniversary. 73 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,280 Rebecca? You're such a knob! 74 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,440 Just let me finish. 75 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,200 Ooh. I haven't taken my pill. 76 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,480 Like them, by the way. 77 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,960 -OK? -Yep. 78 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,160 DOORBELL RINGS 79 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,560 It's just Dan. 80 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,840 My dearest, darling Rebecca. 81 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,280 Sorry! 82 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,440 Today is our first anniversary. 83 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,200 DOORBELL RINGS 84 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,440 Becky! Steve! I need your help with Laura! 85 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:06,120 Seriously. When they've gone, I'm going to rip the piss out of you. 86 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,640 DOORBELL RINGS 87 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,000 She's been drinking. She called me from a phone box. 88 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,720 -Shut up, pig. -Are you OK, Laur? 89 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,280 She was groping me. 90 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,600 I was trying to get her off the bus. 91 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,560 Any excuse. Any fucking excuse. 92 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,280 -Don't do that, Laura. -Shut up, pig. 93 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,840 -Do you want to call Paul? -Yep. 94 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,240 I am not going in there and there's nothing you can do about it. 95 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,520 Come on. Let's go and have a lie down. 96 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,120 Don't touch me! 97 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,760 She doesn't wash her hands when she pisses. 98 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,360 I wash them after a poo. 99 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,440 -Pig. -Paul? 100 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:49,960 No, it's Steve. 101 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,480 Come on, Laura. Let go of the door frame. There's a good girl. 102 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,240 Don't I, Laura? I wash them after a poo. 103 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:58,600 Mm-hm. 104 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,880 -He's on his way! -Tell him I love him! 105 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,000 -OK. She loves you. -Come on, Laur. 106 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,080 He loves you too! 107 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,440 -He's lying. -OK. 108 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,800 -Get your hands off me. -BECKY: OK. 109 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,880 What's going on? 110 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,800 Sorry. Becky's sister's poorly. 111 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,880 Nice dressing gown. 112 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,120 Thanks. 113 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,280 And you. 114 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,960 Present? 115 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,280 Yeah. 116 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,200 Me too. 117 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,680 Have you got it on the back? 118 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,840 Yeah. 119 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,480 Bye then. 120 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,560 Bye. 121 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,440 I went to see Granny. She sends her love. 122 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,280 She's a wrinkly old fuck. 123 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,600 -She's excited about the baby. -Shall I get my tits out? 124 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,440 No. 125 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,560 Laura, that's our dinner! 126 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,240 Shush, Steve. I'm trying to eat. 127 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,640 For God's sake. 128 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:56,960 Where's Paul? 129 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,080 -Don't do that. -Where's Paul, you blow-job? 130 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,360 He says he's at Pilates with Graham. 131 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,920 He's a fucking liar! 132 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,120 -OK. Becky, can I have a word? -Yes. 133 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,520 I feel sick. 134 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,400 I'll get you something. 135 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,200 You'll feel better if you're sick. 136 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,720 When I was pregnant with Kieran... 137 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,960 When you were pregnant with Kieran, you were fucking enormous. 138 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,480 Becks? 139 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,640 Paul's not at Pilates. 140 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,200 I know. 141 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,200 He says that when he's with some fucking whore! 142 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,280 No! 143 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,560 Wow. 144 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,520 Are you OK? 145 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,680 Sorry. Bit of an over-reaction. 146 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,280 Yeah! 147 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,760 Come here. 148 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,480 I think that's the first time I've ever been called a blow-job. 149 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,840 Yeah? 150 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,000 Ooh. Chicken. 151 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,360 She's so drunk. 152 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,760 It's horrible. 153 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,920 She wiped her hands on the duvet. 154 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,160 Like you've never done that. 155 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,920 Don't give her anything. 156 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,640 I'll just make her a Resolve. Don't be such a blow-job! 157 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,160 Pilates? As if Paul's going to Pilates. 158 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,000 -Why are you being such a blow-job? -Becky! 159 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,520 -I think you'll find my name is Rebecca. -No. No. Becky! 160 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,360 -Don't be a dick. -Becky! 161 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,120 Steve, you're being annoying! 162 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,280 Becky... Just fuck off! 163 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,440 What the fuck was that? 164 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,000 Look. 165 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,480 DOORBELL RINGS 166 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,320 Sorry. 167 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,520 Get the door. 168 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,160 DOORBELL RINGS 169 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:17,440 Hi, Steve. I was wondering if I could borrow some limescale remover. 170 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,400 I was wondering if I could borrow some limescale remover? 171 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,880 My flat's covered in limescale. 172 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,400 Is that just an excuse to come in? 173 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,920 Yeah. 174 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,200 Thanks. 175 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:34,360 Shelly texted, said she was here. I've written her a poem. 176 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,400 -Yeah? -Yeah. 177 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,200 I'd love some feedback. 178 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,640 Not now, mate. 179 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,400 -Um...I'd change that. -Really? 180 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:03,120 And I'd take out that line. That bit, those two lines. 181 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,840 That whole section... Pretty grim. 182 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,480 That line. 183 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,560 That line. 184 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,200 And that line. 185 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,320 And I wouldn't end on the word "bollocks". 186 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,320 -Really? -Yeah. 187 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,240 Lucky I ran it past you. 188 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,000 Laura wants to get her tits out. 189 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,360 Becky! Come and have a look at them! 190 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,240 -Coming! -They're nice! 191 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,680 OK, Laur. Let's get you up, shall we? Paul will be here in a minute. 192 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,360 I want to sit on the floor. 193 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,440 It's not nice on the floor, come on. 194 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,320 Bring the chicken. He's not at Pilates. 195 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,520 He says that when he's out with some slut. 196 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,880 Drink your water. Come on. 197 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,560 I want to show Steve my tits. 198 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,880 I'm fine. I can see 'em. Fine as they are. 199 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,600 -Becks? -Yes? 200 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,160 Can I talk to you in the kitchen? 201 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,560 I'm all right, thanks. 202 00:10:58,640 --> 00:10:59,800 I got ID'd. 203 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,360 Did you? 204 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:06,360 They were like, "Are you over 18?" and I was like, "Yes." 205 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,960 I've still got it. 206 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,240 -Look at the pig. -Don't be mean. 207 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,240 Come on. Drink your water. 208 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:23,360 He says he's at this Pilates with this Graham, but he's not. 209 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,800 Laura! 210 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,560 Sorry, Shell. 211 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,720 SHE LAUGHS 212 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,600 No. It's fine. 213 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,640 Maybe Laura and Shelly should wait outside for Paul. 214 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,040 They're fine. 215 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,560 Steve, what do you love most about me? 216 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,240 I love everything about you. 217 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,920 Do you want to look at these? 218 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,040 No. 219 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,320 Will you go on holiday with me, Steve? 220 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,560 Yes. 221 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,720 -Becky? -Come and have a nuzzle. 222 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,640 -DOORBELL RINGS -Paul! 223 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,560 I'll get you some more water. 224 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,040 DOORBELL RINGS 225 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,320 You are so ugly. 226 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,600 It's fucking killing me! 227 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,880 Where is she? 228 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,120 Bedroom. 229 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,440 I should go, Paul. 230 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,960 No. Wait. 231 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,960 Um...everyone, this is Graham. Graham, this is everyone. 232 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,680 Nice to meet you all. 233 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,800 Graham's my friend. From Pilates. 234 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,680 Yes. 235 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,440 I'll wait in the car. 236 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,120 No! I'll be two minutes. 237 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,760 Why are you speaking to me like this? 238 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,800 I'm not speaking to you like anything. 239 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,600 -LAURA: Paul! Paul, I need you. -Listen to yourself, Paul. 240 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:18,880 Paul! 241 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,800 -What? -Where have you been? 242 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,080 Pilates. Have you been drinking? 243 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,080 I had a glass of wine with my lunch. 244 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,640 For fuck's sake Laura, you're pregnant. 245 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,040 -He seems nice. -Yeah. 246 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,720 BECKY: Laura, come on. 247 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,720 I've written you a poem. 248 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:37,920 Will you read it to me? 249 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,280 I WAS at Pilates. Look what I'm wearing! 250 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,680 Graham picked me up from work and we went to Pilates. 251 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,000 No, you didn't. 252 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,560 Laura! That's not for you! 253 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,120 It's for the baby. It sends him to sleep. 254 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,720 -Laura! -PAUL: Laura! Stop it! 255 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,480 You're better than the telly. 256 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,480 You make me wobble like a strawberry jelly. 257 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,680 Strawberry jelly! 258 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,720 When I see you my heart bangs and wallops. 259 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,920 And I like what you look like when you suck on my... 260 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,960 ...heart. 261 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,600 -I had to change the ending. -PAUL: 'Graham! Come here!' 262 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,280 No, it's brilliant. I love it. 263 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,200 Honestly, darling. You have to believe me! 264 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,200 Who's this prick? 265 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,280 This is Graham. 266 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:29,440 Who is it? 267 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,760 This is Graham. 268 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,960 This is my friend Graham, who I go to Pilates with. 269 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,200 -Graham? -Hello, Laura. 270 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,560 Yes, I'm Graham. 271 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,880 Lovely to meet you at last. 272 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,840 I've heard a lot about you. 273 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,520 Tell her. We've just been to Pilates, haven't we? 274 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,600 Yes. We've just been to Pilates. 275 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,920 I slipped a disc last summer 276 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,160 and it's actually rather good for the posture. 277 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,520 See? 278 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,120 Oh, my God! 279 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,200 SHE GIGGLES 280 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,120 Oh, my God! 281 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,360 So he hasn't been with some fucking whore? 282 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,640 No. 283 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,440 Well, I hope not, anyway. 284 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,440 No. Of course not. Those days are behind me. 285 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,320 Oh, my God! Paul! 286 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,400 -Have you got a stiffy? -No. 287 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,040 Laura! 288 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,640 I'd better be off. Nice to meet you all. 289 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,400 STEVE: Yes. Lovely to meet you. 290 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,720 Yes. 291 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,280 That is just sick. 292 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,120 Graham, one minute. 293 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,360 Look at the pig. 294 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,840 BECKY: Laura, don't be horrible. 295 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,640 LAURA: You're a fucking mess. 296 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,400 SHELLY: OK, Laura. Calm down. 297 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,680 Have you no shame, pig? 298 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,880 Why are you marrying her? 299 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,200 Well, it's... 300 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,680 Well, we've paid for the venue. 301 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,240 OK. 302 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,760 Graham. Please. 303 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,480 We can't do this. 304 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,480 Yes, we can. 305 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,320 It's not fair on me, Paul. 306 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,880 I'm sorry. 307 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,480 Graham. 308 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,120 Please! 309 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,760 You smell like a pig and you stink like a pig. 310 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,280 All right? 311 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,440 No, Laura. You can't speak to me like that. 312 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,160 You're just so unpregnant, it makes me want to shit. 313 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,520 Come on. 314 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,360 OK. I'm going to leave now, Laura. 315 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,520 Go get that spastic to flick your flaky little bean. Go on. 316 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,400 Pig! I'm speaking to you! 317 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,480 -Pig! -Just shut up! 318 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,640 Ooh! 319 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:50,360 I am not a pig! I am Shelly! 320 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,440 All right. Go flick your bean, Shelly. 321 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,200 Paul! 322 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,440 No! I will not go flick my bean! 323 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,640 You're going to be someone's mother! You cannot behave like this! 324 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,920 This is not on! I will not stand for it any longer! 325 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,040 It is not on! 326 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,920 You might have financial problems, and you and Paul 327 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,040 might have other problems too, but that's no excuse. 328 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,600 We don't have problems, do we? 329 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,440 No, of course not. 330 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,000 See? Silly fat pig. 331 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,000 Laura! I am not a pig and this is not on! 332 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,120 Sometimes you're really not a nice person! And you're getting worse! 333 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,880 Go fuck yourself, you slag! 334 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:34,160 I am NICE! And I am only ever nice to you! 335 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,760 And you just make me cry! I go home and I cry! 336 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,040 Because of you! 337 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,080 And you keep doing this to people and you'll have no friends left 338 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,920 and I'm going to piss my fucking pants when that happens. 339 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,840 I'm going to have a party, and everyone will be there, 340 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,560 and you won't be invited and it'll be exactly what you deserve! 341 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,240 It'll be exactly what you deserve because you are a nasty, 342 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,000 ignorant, cruel FUCKING BITCH! 343 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,760 You make me cry, Laura, 344 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,560 and you'll die alone, and I will dance on your grave! 345 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:09,800 I will dance for hours on your stupid grave, 346 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,800 you horrible, BLOODY BITCH! 347 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,000 You do know I'm pregnant, don't you, Shelly. 348 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,400 Incredible. 349 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,160 Excuse me, everyone. 350 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,640 Paul. 351 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,880 Are you OK, my beautiful? 352 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,040 Dan, that... 353 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,800 Well, that was horrible. 354 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,320 I can't explain why I did what I did, 355 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,680 but you have to know, I had a really good reason. 356 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,280 Yeah? What's that then? 357 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,080 I can't tell you. 358 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,920 Wow. OK. 359 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,440 Oh, for God's sake. 360 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,520 You OK? 361 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,680 We were having a really nice night. 362 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,040 I know we were. 363 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,080 No. Please! 364 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,160 I didn't mean to hurt you. 365 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,600 Becks. I didn't mean to hurt you! 366 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:16,920 So why did you? 367 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,280 Where are you going? 368 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,760 For a walk. 369 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,200 I swear on my mum's life, there's a perfectly good explanation. 370 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,160 I'm really sorry for hurting you because I'd never want to hurt you. 371 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,720 Please. Becky. 372 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,680 No! Becky! 373 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,320 The ring's in the... Don't go anywhere. 374 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,960 It was in the bread bin. 375 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,200 It was all part of a... 376 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,920 I had this. 377 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,680 I'd learnt it. 378 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,840 It was all part of, like, a plan, 379 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,840 which is why I didn't want you going in the bread bin. 380 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,360 And we were going to drink this. 381 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,720 I nicked the glasses from The Goose. I'm so sorry. 382 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,560 I just didn't want you to find it. 383 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,440 I'm so, so sorry, Becks. Please don't go. 384 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,520 I swear on my mum's life. I swear on your life. 385 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,800 I swear on my life and I'd swear on everything. 386 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:29,320 I am so sorry. I beg you, please don't go anywhere. 387 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,080 How long have you been planning this? 388 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,360 Ages. 389 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,320 Are you going to read it to me or not? 390 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,840 This? 391 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,440 Do you want me to? 392 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,080 OK. Here? 393 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,840 My dearest darling Rebecca - Becky. 394 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,560 Today is our first anniversary but it feels like our 50th. 395 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,960 The world began when we met. 396 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,480 It's like we've spent our whole lives in bed 397 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,080 and getting interrupted by Dan and Laura. 398 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:12,120 Everything else in the world is so boring except for you. 399 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,960 I get bored when you're on the loo. 400 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,080 We're the same person. 401 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,240 You're as different from me as one of my arms is or one of my thoughts is. 402 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,840 When I first met you, I didn't think it was possible to love someone more. 403 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760 Now every day, I find that it is. 404 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,440 The days go by so quickly and we grow up and our lives change 405 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,800 but the one certain thing in all of it is that I'll always be with you. 406 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,200 So I've got something I want to ask you. 407 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,560 That was when I was going to take the dressing gown off. 408 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,200 Then what? 409 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,320 Well, then there was this thing. 410 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,520 Shall I get it? 411 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,080 Like in Deal Or No Deal. 412 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,200 You have to choose one, I'll open it and it'll give you the answer. 413 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:28,960 Sure? 414 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:31,920 You can swap. 415 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,160 My mum helped me make 'em. 416 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,560 That's so cool. 417 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,440 Then there was more. Shall I? 418 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,960 I know we say we don't believe in it, 419 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,720 but what's so bad about getting married? 420 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,160 We'd get to spend the rest of our lives together. 421 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,800 We could be a little family. 422 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,600 And we don't have to be dicks about it. 423 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,560 We don't have to have a big wedding. 424 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,560 We don't have to invite any arseholes. 425 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,600 I'd just like to marry you... 426 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,560 because I'd get to call you my wife. 427 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,040 And I'd be so proud. 428 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:42,640 We'd never have to worry about anything ever again. So... 429 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,440 Well, you've really fucked this up, haven't you? 430 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,840 Have you asked my dad's permission? 431 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:10,680 How did that go? 432 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,160 How do you think? 433 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,560 Well, I'm not getting married in a bloody church. 434 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,960 We can do it literally anywhere you want. 435 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,680 Of course I'll marry you, you silly prick. 436 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,640 Thank God for that! 437 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,920 I'm so sorry about... 438 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,080 Ssh! Don't worry. 439 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,640 I'm so sorry. 440 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000 I can't believe I hurt you. 441 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,720 I just... I'm so, so, so, so sorry. 442 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:08,360 Oh, yeah. 443 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,360 One more thing. 444 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,000 # Come closer, come close and listen 445 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,800 # The beat of my heart Keeps on missing 446 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,240 # I notice it most when we're kissing 447 00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:33,800 # Come closer and love me tonight # 448 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,640 You are such a pillock. 449 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,000 # Come closer and cuddle me tight 450 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,760 # My heart goes boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang 451 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:43,760 # When you are near 452 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,960 # Boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang 453 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,720 # Loud in my ear 454 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,440 # Pounding away, pounding away Won't you be mine? 455 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,480 # Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time 456 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:59,280 # It's such a lovely feeling 457 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:03,120 # When I'm in your arms 458 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,040 # Don't go away, I want to stay My whole life through... 459 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,480 # Boom bang-a-bang-bang Close to you #