1 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,040 You're being so suspicious today. 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,560 I think at one point you thought I was gonna ask you to marry me. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,880 Why have we got Cava in the laundry basket? 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,000 It's the sort of thing he'd say in his speech. 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,200 What d'you mean, speech? 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,680 -What's that? -What? 7 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:17,880 Hello, Laura. 8 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,920 Here he is. Isn't he handsome? 9 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,920 Now get dressed, Steve, we're going for a picnic. 10 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,880 -I've got a hangover, Laur. -No, you don't. 11 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:29,960 Hello, Shelly. That was quick. Oh, right. 12 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,040 Wow. 13 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,680 -You had a nice morning? -It's been bloody brilliant. 14 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,080 I swear on my mum's life, you're being mental. 15 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,640 Why would I want to marry you? You fucking stink. 16 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,080 What's this? 17 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,800 Don't you dare get married before me. 18 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,920 -No, that's not... -It's fucking... No. 19 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,400 Would you still love me if I smelt like that? 20 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:19,320 Oh, my God! No. Of course not. 21 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:20,840 Wow. 22 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,760 What have we used that smells like that? 23 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,200 Oh, Jesus. 24 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,160 LAUGHS 25 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,200 -I think I'm all right. -Seriously. It's disgusting. 26 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,960 GROANS IN DISGUST 27 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,120 Oh, careful with that. It's the world's sharpest knife. 28 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,520 Okay, I'll take the bin down now 29 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:05,120 and then from now on every time it's half full, we're changing it. 30 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,320 Becks! We're waiting! 31 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,240 Okay! 32 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,720 You going in? 33 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,120 I want to see how you get out of this. 34 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,040 Very good. 35 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,320 Come on, Becks. Let's look at the dresses. 36 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,000 They're lovely, Laur. 37 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,040 Who wants sausages? 38 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,800 ALL: Yes, please! 39 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,280 Did he get enough breakfast stuff? 40 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,160 -Yes. -And is he doing me a grapefruit? 41 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,440 Yes. 42 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,360 Good. Now then... 43 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,640 This is the one I'm thinking is the most bridesmaidsy. 44 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:14,000 -Wow. That's lovely, Laura. -Yeah, that's really nice, Laur. 45 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,440 I'm going to put bells on it 46 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,680 so you'll jingle when you come up the aisle. 47 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,240 Nice. 48 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,320 -The bump said it's his favorite. -Did he? 49 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,680 Yeah. Ask him. 50 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,280 When are Paul and his mum getting here? 51 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,040 Oh, my God. You're going to love her. 52 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,400 Her clothes are ridiculous. And his brother's coming. 53 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,320 You should see him, Becks, he's like... 54 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,120 Have you seen one of those pornos 55 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,440 where the boys look a little bit underage? 56 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,840 No. 57 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,840 -Really? -Yes. 58 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,200 He's a bit like one of them. But happier. 59 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,600 Shelly! 60 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,480 -Sausages are on! -ALL: Thanks. 61 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,880 What was that? 62 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,600 -I was talking to them. -Oh. 63 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,840 -You doing me a grapefruit? -Yes. 64 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,600 I need vitamins, Steve, or the baby melts. 65 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,040 I know. 66 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,280 How is the little bump? Is he all right? 67 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,120 Yeah. I'm teaching him to speak. 68 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,000 How's that going? 69 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,560 Well. 70 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,200 Good. 71 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,400 I was just wondering if I could have a word about me and Becky. 72 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,560 Ta-da! 73 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:38,160 Oh. And have you given any more thought to readings, Laura? 74 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,520 Yes, Shelly. Nice of you to ask. 75 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,520 I thought each of you could read out a thing you've written about me. 76 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,920 Just a poem or something. An essay. 77 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,520 -A hymn. -Okay. 78 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,400 It wouldn't have to be long. Just five, 10 minutes. 79 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,080 Fifteen if you need it. No more than 20. 80 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,920 That okay, Becks? 81 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,640 Sounds perfect. 82 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,600 I love you. 83 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,600 -I love you too. -Good. 84 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,520 Now, this one's in case we want something off-the-wall 85 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,800 and completely fucking slutty. 86 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:12,920 Shelly! 87 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,440 DOORBELL RINGS 88 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,120 They've got an inflatable chair. 89 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,440 Lovely. 90 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,880 Yeah. It wobbles when you sit on it. 91 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,360 Is Laura going to be in there? 92 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,000 -Yeah. -Good. 93 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,600 It's filthy in there. Just to warn you. 94 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,480 Oh. God. Dirty? 95 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,760 Yeah. They're nice people but their flat is fucking disgusting. 96 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,440 Here he is! 97 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,920 Steve, I'd like you to meet Ian, my biological brother. 98 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,200 -Half-brother. -I finally found him! 99 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,120 -Ah, nice to meet you. -And you. 100 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,840 Our mum was going to come too but she's got a meeting. 101 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,480 Yeah, she's very busy. 102 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,440 -Okay. Paul. -What's wrong? Can't I give my own brother a kiss? 103 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,560 No, it's not that...half-brother. It's not that. It's just... 104 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,160 PAUL LAUGHS 105 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,920 Okay, Paul. I think that's enough. 106 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,680 Paul! 107 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,440 -I got him on the lips. -No, you didn't. 108 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,640 Come in and meet everyone. 109 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,960 -I did that. -Lovely. 110 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:22,880 Ian's here. 111 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,360 Hello, Ian, baby! Gimme a kiss! 112 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:26,720 Shit. 113 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,200 Let me introduce you to everyone. This is Steve. 114 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,080 There's not much to say about him. This is Shelly. 115 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,760 She's working nights and going through the menopause. 116 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:39,240 And this is my sister Becky. Becky, Shelly, this is Ian. 117 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,240 -He's Paul's biological brother. -Half-brother. 118 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,720 Yes, he's my brother, Becky, but more importantly, 119 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,400 he's my best friend. 120 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,680 -It's nice to meet you. -Yes. Very nice to meet you, Ian. 121 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,600 Look. 122 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,200 Oh, yes. Lovely. 123 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,640 -Told you. -Yep. Sit on it. 124 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,560 Steve, do you mind if I... 125 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:04,960 Go ahead. 126 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,760 -Wobbly? -Very. 127 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,720 Talk to him, Shell. Make conversation. 128 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,560 So what d'you do for a living, Ian? 129 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,320 He works in construction. They give him a car. 130 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,160 And he's got a French wife. 131 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,040 Ooh! 132 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,800 She's English. And we're not married. 133 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:39,360 So tell us about construction. What does that involve? 134 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,160 -Buildings and shit? -Yeah. 135 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,560 It's buildings and shit. Car parks. Restaurants. Sheds. 136 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,080 -Lovely. -Very nice. 137 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,640 It's probably a touch more specialized, if I'm honest. 138 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,080 Shh. 139 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,920 Look at him. Isn't he fuckable? 140 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,560 LAUGHS 141 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,960 Imagine being his PE teacher. 142 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,800 There are things I could do to you 143 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,600 that your wife's never even heard of. 144 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,480 -D'you want some breakfast, Ian? -I'm having a grapefruit. 145 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,760 -No. I've eaten. Thank you. -What d'you have? 146 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,560 -Toast. -White? 147 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,480 Yep. 148 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,000 That's what I have. 149 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,680 Kingsmill? 150 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,320 Warburtons. 151 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,360 Right. 152 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,520 Sorry, Steve. I wasn't told you were doing a breakfast. 153 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,080 Nor was I till about an hour ago. 154 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,320 Have an egg. 155 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,200 Honestly, I don't want to put anyone to any trouble. 156 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,160 You're not. Have an egg. 157 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,200 To be honest, we're meant to be on a detox this month... 158 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,880 Seriously, Ian. Have a fucking egg. 159 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,160 Could I maybe just have an egg? 160 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,520 -You don't have to. -He wants an egg. 161 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,200 I'd love an egg. 162 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,320 So these are the two we've looked at so far. 163 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,440 FIRE ALARM BLARES 164 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,880 Fire! Fire! Fire! 165 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,200 Jesus Christ, Steve! There's a fire! Steve! There's a fucking fire! 166 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,920 -Something's burning in the kitchen! -Shelly, get the fuck up. 167 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,520 Oh, bloody hell. For God's sake. 168 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,320 YELPS 169 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,040 COUGHS 170 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,080 ALARM CONTINUES 171 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,240 DOORBELL RINGS 172 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,720 Is that Flat B? 173 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,440 Yeah! 174 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,240 They don't fucking care! 175 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,920 They don't give a shit because they're fucking cock-suckers! 176 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,480 They're disgusting. 177 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:48,000 They just sit there, sucking cock! 178 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,360 And you're just as fucking disgusting. 179 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,600 You're too fucking weak to...don't you dare turn your back on me. 180 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:57,240 Jonathan! I'm so angry I could fucking kill you! 181 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,000 It's not on! 182 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,800 WOMAN: What's happened, Gina? 183 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,920 Those cock-suckers upstairs. 184 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,280 -WOMAN: Calm down, come on. -They're such cock-suckers! 185 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,760 -What's going on? -He's not answering! 186 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,520 -Come inside. -I don't know what to do. 187 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,480 Were you talking to that whore downstairs? 188 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,960 No. Of course not. 189 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,960 You better not be lying to me, Jonathan! 190 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,080 I'm not lying. 191 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,280 GINA: Setting the fire alarm off at this time of the day. 192 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,160 WOMAN: Come in and I'll do you a coffee. 193 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,080 GINA: You can stick your fucking coffee up your fucking japs-eye! 194 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,080 WOMAN: Come back in and close the door. 195 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,640 GINA: I hate living here. I fucking hate it! 196 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,880 DOOR SLAMS 197 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,360 That's good. I was worried we'd upset the neighbors. 198 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,720 What is wrong with me today? 199 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,480 Ian's posh, isn't he? 200 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,800 GASPS 201 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,280 Careful with that. It's the world's sharpest knife. 202 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:55,280 You're funny. My mum got it me. It cost her a tenner. 203 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,520 That's one of yours. 204 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,800 Salt's nice, isn't it? 205 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,720 Steve. Salt's nice, isn't it? 206 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,240 What d'you mean? 207 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,200 Salt. It's nice, isn't it? 208 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,600 Yes. 209 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,160 I've never really had it before. 210 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,520 Here we go. 211 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,440 -It's nice, though, isn't it? -Okay. Let's start from the beginning. 212 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,000 What d'you mean you've never had salt? 213 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,320 -My mum never used to get it. -Yes, she did. 214 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,080 -No, she didn't. -Yes, she did. 215 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,320 -No, she didn't. -Why are you lying? 216 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:35,400 I'm not. 217 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,600 Of course your mum got salt! What is this bollocks? 218 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,880 Before I met you I never used to eat it. 219 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,080 -Bullshit. -I didn't! 220 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,320 That is complete and utter fucking bullshit. 221 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,200 Thanks for that. 222 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,320 LAURA: Becks! I want you to try this dress on! 223 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,200 You're my chief bridesmaid, baby! 224 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,720 Just try it on and she'll shut up. 225 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,120 Why would anyone want to get married? 226 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,000 PAUL: So, this is the hallway. IAN: Very nice. 227 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,280 PAUL: That's a table. They keep their stationery in it. Any loose items. 228 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,920 Letters. Matches. There's sometimes a mug on it. 229 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,320 IAN: Is there? PAUL: Yeah, ask Steve. 230 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,800 Morning, campers. Hello. 231 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,520 Do you know if... Is Shelly in there? 232 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,200 Hey, Steve, everything okay? I heard an alarm. 233 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:44,000 I thought I-I heard an alarm. Alarm. I heard an alarm. 234 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,080 Hey, Steve! I heard an alarm. 235 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,200 Oh, sorry if I woke you up. 236 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,320 No, don't worry. I've been awake since four. 237 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,840 Shelly here? 238 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,040 Yeah. 239 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,160 Sausages? 240 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,680 -Yeah. -Excellent. 241 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,760 -Hello, Dan. -Hello, Paul. I heard an alarm. 242 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,160 Laura! 243 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,800 D'you want to come into the kitchen for a moment 244 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,440 to talk about your grapefruit? 245 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:27,600 No! 246 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,320 Now, come on, Becks. Put it on or I'll thump you. 247 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,440 It's just not very me, though, is it, Laur? 248 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,960 Well, that's not very Shelly, but she doesn't mind. 249 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,360 GIGGLES 250 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,520 -And Dan, this is Ian, my biological brother. -Half-brother. 251 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,120 Stop saying that. 252 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,840 I found our mum on the Internet, 253 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,600 tracked this one down to his offices and we've never looked back. Have we? 254 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,080 -Nope. We've never looked back. -Nope. We've never looked back. 255 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,560 LAUGHS 256 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,000 I stayed round his flat the other night. 257 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,920 TOILET FLUSHES 258 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,720 Oi, Ian. Come and have a look in the kitchen. 259 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:10,000 No, it's just some flooding or something from the prick upstairs. 260 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,640 Yeah, and it's all come down through here. Right. 261 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,880 Yeah, it was definitely water, but it stinks. 262 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,600 I can still smell it. 263 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,160 Rick? Rick? 264 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:23,640 TUTS 265 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,600 -Are you happy? -What d'you mean? 266 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:35,920 Are you happy, Becks? 267 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,440 Are you happy with the state your life's in? 268 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,080 You can tell me. 269 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,920 Yeah, I'm happy. 270 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,080 Hmm. 271 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,320 D'you think she looks happy? 272 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,160 Yeah. 273 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:55,920 Hmm. 274 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,520 -Do you? -Tell me if I'm poking my nose in where it's not wanted. 275 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,120 -No. It's fine. -Great. 276 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,240 It's just...it doesn't really feel to me 277 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,520 like you and Steve have any hobbies. 278 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,200 -I've never had any hobbies. -What about the violin? 279 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:14,440 -I was seven. -And judo. It's such a shame you didn't keep up the judo. 280 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,840 I'd just...and again, tell me to mind my own business, 281 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,440 but I would hate it if Steve was holding you back 282 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,680 from following your dreams with the violin. Or judo. 283 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,120 It's fine. He's not. 284 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,320 Good. Excellent. 285 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,600 So I don't need to be worried, then. 286 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,080 No. 287 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,400 Excellent. 288 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,200 Because for me, I just think if you have a god-given talent... 289 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,520 It's fine, Laur. 290 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,840 Great. 291 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,960 That's Steve's. 292 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,720 Oh, yeah. 293 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,720 Oh, my God! I felt the baby kick. 294 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,240 Ian! Come feel my tummy! 295 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,440 Okay, Laura! 296 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,520 So what are you doing tonight? 297 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,120 D'you fancy a pint and a chat about Mum? 298 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,720 -Oh. I'd love to. But I'm going for a drink with a friend. -I'll come. 299 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,680 -Okay. -LAURA: Ian! 300 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:08,760 Wait! 301 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,080 Or...or we could go down the gym. 302 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,600 Sharp, isn't it? 303 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,280 Yeah. Really sharp. 304 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,120 And then tomorrow this bloke I know's organized a dog fight. 305 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,560 Tomorrow's really bad for me. 306 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,760 Well, Monday, then. D'you like swimming? Or we could go Tuesday? 307 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,400 Between five and six they bring out the floats. 308 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,920 LAURA: Ian, darling! 309 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,240 One minute, Laura! We're making arrangements! 310 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,120 Come feel my tummy. There's a good boy. 311 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,920 -Can I have a word, Laura? -Okay. 312 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,600 Oh, you do look funny in that, Shell. 313 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,080 It's because it doesn't fit, d'you know what I mean? 314 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,280 Yeah. 315 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,760 Look at her, Ian. Look at her tits. 316 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,400 Can you... 317 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,720 Look at them, Ian. 318 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,320 That's fine. Fine. 319 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,040 INHALES 320 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,120 SHELLY: I think it's maybe a little bit small for me. 321 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,720 LAURA: Understatement of the year. 322 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,920 LAURA GIGGLES 323 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,320 Thanks, Steve. 324 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:09,000 You should've seen her, Ian. She puts this dress on and I'm like, 325 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,160 as I'm watching her I'm thinking, "Good luck doing that up, Shell." 326 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,880 And anyway she puts it on and me and Becks are standing there 327 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,240 while she's got her top off. 328 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,720 She's got no shame. 329 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,960 And she put it on and I was like, 330 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,200 "Oh, my God, Shell, you look great in that." 331 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,200 And she was like, "Do I really?" And I was like, "No! Of course not!" 332 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,080 CELLPHONE BEEPS 333 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,200 That's funny, isn't it, Ian? Isn't it, though? 334 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,720 IAN: Yeah. Absolutely hilarious. 335 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,640 LAURA: Have you ever felt a baby kick? IAN: No, I haven't. 336 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,160 And to be perfectly honest I'm not sure it's really for me. 337 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,360 -CELLPHONE VIBRATES -LAURA: Of course it is. 338 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,160 IAN: Not sure it is. LAURA: Touch it. Go on. 339 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:45,720 PAUL: Touch her stomach. 340 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,840 LAURA: Can you feel him in there? IAN: Yes. Definitely. 341 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,200 CELLPHONE BEEPS 342 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,680 LAURA: Look at him, Shell. He's got a hard on. 343 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,960 IAN: I don't. 344 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,720 One for the wank bank. 345 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,160 You can have a little play with yourself later. 346 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,520 D'you know what? I should probably be going, actually. 347 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,680 No way. 348 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,080 Laura, could I have that word about your grapefruit, please? 349 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,480 Ugh. He's so banal. 350 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,600 You can't go yet. I haven't shown you the bathroom. 351 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,480 Oh. Yes. Thank you. 352 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,000 Come on. 353 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,880 Careful, Shell. Just scream if he touches you. 354 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,720 Yeah, thanks, Laura. 355 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,240 BATHROOM DOOR LOCKS 356 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,920 How was work last night? 357 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,360 Oh, you know. 358 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,960 Yeah. 359 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,920 YAWNING 360 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,320 You should be in bed. 361 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,040 I know. 362 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,440 You look lovely in that. 363 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,720 I look disgusting. 364 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,520 As if. 365 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,120 I found this. 366 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,200 That's lovely. 367 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560 Yeah. Thanks. It was in a hedge. 368 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:09,880 Very nice. 369 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,480 And then, once you've quartered them and removed the pips, 370 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,040 you sprinkle them with truffles and then set them in a raspberry jus. 371 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,160 Okay. 372 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,800 So I just wanted to talk to you about me and Becky 373 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,080 and the fact that we... 374 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,720 Can you shut the window, Steve? I'm freezing my bollocks off. 375 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:45,000 Sorry if I was a bit...you know when we did things. 376 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,760 No. Don't worry. 377 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,320 I don't know what to do with my hands. 378 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,560 Don't worry. 379 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,000 Put them behind your head. 380 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,720 D'you want to come and see me at work tonight? 381 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,440 I'd love that. 382 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,120 So. Laura. How are you feeling about the wedding? 383 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,600 It's great news you've set a date. 384 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,960 Are you coming on to me? 385 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,280 No. Of course not. 386 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,040 Because I would never do that to Becks, unless you were fit. 387 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,200 Okay. I'm not coming on to you. I just... 388 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,480 -I'm really excited for you. -You should water that. 389 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,960 Thanks. But it's just very exciting, isn't it, because... 390 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,360 Marriage is in the air, isn't it? 391 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,080 Are you going to cut up my grapefruit? 392 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,200 Or am I just going to stand here like a lesbian? 393 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,120 Okay. So, if I married Becky. 394 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,640 SNORTS That's not going to happen. 395 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,320 Okay, look. 396 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,920 I know we like to have a bit of banter between the two of us 397 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,680 but let's just be serious for a minute, 398 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,000 and I will be talking to your dad as well, of course. 399 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,040 Don't ask her to marry you, Steve. She doesn't like you. 400 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,480 She doesn't care about you. She doesn't love you. No-one does. 401 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,760 You're a prick. You've got no job and you're going to die. 402 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,080 There's nothing interesting or famous about you whatsoever. 403 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,800 Your parents are divorced and the best thing you could do 404 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,080 would be to fuck off out of Becky's life and hang yourself. 405 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,360 GRUNTS 406 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,120 SCREAMS 407 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,760 -Shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! -Don't get it on the grapefruit! 408 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,080 Oh. Bloody hell. 409 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,840 -WAILING -Stop over-reacting. 410 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,480 -The world's sharpest knife! -Shut up, Steve! You've got blood on my grapefruit. 411 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,160 Hold it above your head. 412 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,960 Hold it above your head, Steve. For fuck's sake! 413 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,120 Come into the bathroom. 414 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,440 Look at it. 415 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,640 Look. 416 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,760 Put it under the tap. 417 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,800 I was cutting up her bloody grapefruit. 418 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,320 I was using the knife and it's very sharp. 419 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:27,240 I know. It's the sharpest knife in the whole wide world. 420 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,760 Now, give me your thumb. 421 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,000 I liked your text. 422 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,360 -SMOKE ALARM BLARES -Oh, God! That'll be the toast! 423 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,240 Steve. Calm down. 424 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,560 Think about nice things. Come on. Calm down. 425 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,800 PAUL: I'm dealing with it. LAURA: Turn it off at the plug, Paul. 426 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,840 PAUL: I'm dealing with it, Ian. LAURA: Fire! Fire! 427 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,360 PAUL: There's no fire, it's just the toast! 428 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,560 LAURA: I'm inhaling the fumes, Paul. 429 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,200 IAN: Paul! She's inhaling the fumes. LAURA: Open the bloody window. 430 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,560 What nice things are you thinking about? 431 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,720 Eggs. 432 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,560 -ALARM STOPS -What about them? 433 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,920 They should sell just the egg yolks in a carton, like 50 egg yolks 434 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,760 all mixed together, so no-one has to eat the white bit. 435 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,160 You could have a yolk the size of an omelet. 436 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,440 You could dip a baguette in it. 437 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,920 Okay? Is that better? 438 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:42,960 How about now? 439 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,080 Nice bow. 440 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,480 Thanks. Yeah. It's pretty, isn't it? 441 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,040 Lovely. 442 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,440 I like a bow. 443 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,280 No. It suits you. 444 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,920 Thanks. 445 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,960 Would you still love me 446 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,320 if I wore this every day for the rest of my life? 447 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,120 Probably. 448 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,680 PEOPLE ARGUING 449 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,640 IAN: Please put the knife away! It's reckless and it's bloody dangerous! 450 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,680 I'm sorry but I will not be treated in this manner any longer. 451 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,000 It's completely inappropriate. 452 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,880 You've brought me into this place and I've been the model of good behavior 453 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,560 and yet I've met with nothing but threats and crudity. 454 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,160 Now, I was perfectly amenable to coming here, Paul, 455 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,080 and to make acquaintance with you all. 456 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,760 But that does not give you a carte blanche to treat me 457 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,960 in the way that frankly you wouldn't even treat an animal 458 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,480 and to poke me with what is by Steve's own admission a very sharp knife. 459 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,240 So will you all please just shove off? 460 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,320 LAUGHING 461 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,160 You're such a wally, d'you know that? 462 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,760 Seriously, Ian. You say some funny things. 463 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,720 Just like Mum. It's hilarious! 464 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,600 Let's have some breakfast. 465 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,920 Come on, put some more toast on, Shell. 466 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,240 Ah! That does look nice on you, Becks. 467 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,600 Becky was saying she wants a bigger bow. 468 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,640 That's such a good idea. 469 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,960 # Come closer, come closer and listen 470 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:31,000 # The beat of my heart Keeps on missing 471 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,000 # I notice it most when were kissing 472 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,640 Come on, mate. Let's get you an egg. 473 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,400 Thanks. 474 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,920 # That's right 475 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,960 # Come closer and cuddle me tight # 476 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,480 For fuck's sake. 477 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:48,760 # My heart goes 478 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,440 # Boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang 479 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,360 # When you are near 480 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,320 # Boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang 481 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,440 # Loud in my ear 482 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,360 # Pounding away, pounding away 483 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,160 # Won't you be mine? 484 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,120 # Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time 485 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,800 # It's such a lovely feeling 486 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,880 # When I'm in your arms 487 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,920 # Don't go away I wanna stay my whole life through ya 488 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,440 # Boom bang-a-bang-bang Close to you #