1
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:06,080
[Paul] Graham's brought his car.
2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,360
-He wants me to run away with him.
-My car's in the disabled bay.
3
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,360
His back's poorly,
they give him a badge.
4
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:12,320
OK.
5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:13,480
We're getting out of here.
6
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:14,760
This is Lee,
he used to go out with Becky.
7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,120
-Yeah, Steve's told me all about you.
-Has he?
8
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,080
No.
9
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,640
You haven't been drinking, Becks.
You'd better not be pregnant.
10
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,080
Don't say anything to anyone,
'cause I haven't told Steve yet.
11
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,360
It's a big day, Paul, and you've
gotta do what you think's right.
12
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,640
You've gotta make a decision
and stick to it.
13
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,640
Will you all please stand for the bride?
14
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:51,080
♪ Somewhere over the rainbow ♪
15
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:56,920
♪ Way up high ♪
16
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:03,880
♪ There's a land that I've heard of ♪
17
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:08,240
♪ Once in a lullaby ♪
18
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:15,840
♪ Somewhere over the rainbow ♪
19
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:21,280
♪ Skies are blue ♪
20
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:28,800
♪ And the dreams
that you dare to dream ♪
21
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,600
♪ Really do come true ♪
22
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,920
♪ Some day I'll wish upon a star ♪
23
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:43,920
♪ And wake up where
the clouds are far behind me ♪
24
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,760
You look really great.
25
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,080
♪Where troubles melt
like lemon drops ♪
26
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,080
♪ Away above the chimney tops ♪
27
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:57,360
♪ That's where you'll find me ♪
28
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:04,320
♪ Somewhere over the rainbow ♪
29
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,280
♪ Bluebirds fly ♪
30
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,919
Kiss my hand, Paul.
31
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,320
[all] Aww.
32
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,440
Veil. Paul, veil.
33
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,120
♪ Birds fly over the rainbow ♪
34
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,800
Kiss me on the lips.
35
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,360
♪ Why then, oh why can't I? ♪
36
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,520
[laughter]
37
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,760
Please be seated.
38
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,240
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen,
39
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,560
and welcome to the wedding
of Laura and Paul.
40
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,440
My name is Caroline, and I will be
conducting the ceremony today,
41
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:52,920
and this is Claire,
42
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,680
who will be making the legal record
of the marriage.
43
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,480
[she giggles and gasps]
44
00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,880
[laughter]
45
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,160
Over the years, Laura and Paul's
love for one another
46
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,640
has grown and matured,
47
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,360
and now they have decided to come
together as husband and wife.
48
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,120
[Laura giggles]
49
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,600
Paul and Laura, as you prepare
to take these vows,
50
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,280
give them careful thought
and consideration,
51
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,840
for you are making an exclusive
commitment to each other
52
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,160
for as long as you both shall live.
53
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,160
If you'd like to take Laura's right hand
with your right hand,
54
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,080
and place it on Paul's left hand.
55
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,840
Do you give this woman
to be married to this man?
56
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:36,960
I do.
57
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,040
-Thank you. You can now sit down.
-Well done, Nigel!
58
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,200
[laughter]
59
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,960
Next...
60
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,560
well, you can take a seat too,
61
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,320
because it's time for the first
reading from Laura's parents,
62
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,960
Nigel and Jill.
63
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,600
[all] Aww.
64
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,360
[whispered] How is
she going to sit down in that dress?
65
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:19,839
Er, Laura's collected her thoughts on
marriage and asked us to read them.
66
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,760
There will be photostats of these
to collect at the end of the ceremony
67
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,200
should you wish to do so.
68
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,440
-"Love is magic."
-"Love is spherical."
69
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,920
"Love breathes new life
into the soul of the heavens."
70
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,440
"Love is a cuboid."
71
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,040
"If you can't find love,
love will find love."
72
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,440
"Love is a parallelogram."
73
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,200
"When you're in love you don't
need to apologize for things."
74
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,760
"Love is a double flower that
blossoms in the sunshine of the moon."
75
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,840
"Stars must love each other.
76
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,760
You can tell because they twinkle."
77
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,960
"If you are in love, you cannot die."
78
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,480
"When the horses and the cows learn
to love each other,
79
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,640
the world will be a better place."
80
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,200
"Most people live,
but not many people love."
81
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,080
"Dreams are made of love,
but love is made of dreams."
82
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,800
"What is love
but two hearts dipped in moonlight?"
83
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,120
"If love is not love, what is love..."
84
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,240
[both] "but love itself."
85
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,800
Excuse me.
86
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,800
[Laura giggles]
87
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,800
She was wasted last night!
88
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,680
We spiked her drinks!
89
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,000
Thank you, Nigel and Jill.
90
00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,120
OK, Laura and Paul, would you
like to come forward, please?
91
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,560
Yes, we would.
92
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,600
Thanks.
93
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,640
You two OK, not too nervous?
94
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,040
I don't get nervous.
95
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,800
OK.
96
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,000
-Paul?
-I'm on cloud nine.
97
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,720
-Great.
-[laughter]
98
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,520
The place in which you are now
met has been duly sanctioned,
99
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,640
according to the law
for the celebration of marriage.
100
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:41,400
Sorry.
101
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,600
-Sorry.
-Thanks.
102
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,120
Before you are joined together
in matrimony, I have to remind you
103
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,160
of the solemn and binding character
of the vows you are about to make.
104
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,640
Marriage, according to the law
of this country,
105
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,760
is the union of one man
with one woman,
106
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:03,120
voluntarily entered into for life
to the exclusion of all others.
107
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,800
-I'm now going to--
-Could you repeat that last bit again?
108
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:06,880
I wasn't listening.
109
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:08,880
Which bit?
110
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,040
The last bit.
111
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,240
OK.
112
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,520
Before you are joined together
in matrimony--
113
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,720
No, I heard that.
114
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,160
Marriage, according to the law
of this country,
115
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,040
is the union of one
man with one woman,
116
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,840
voluntarily entered into for life
to the exclusion of all others.
117
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,240
-Was that it?
-Yes.
118
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:33,720
Oh, I did hear it.
119
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,560
OK.
120
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,640
Carry on.
121
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,400
I'm now going to ask
each of you in turn
122
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,240
to declare that you do not
know of any lawful reason
123
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,520
why you should not be married
to each other.
124
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,040
So, just reply, "I am."
125
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,200
Are you, Paul,
free lawfully to marry Laura?
126
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,800
-Most definitely.
-[laughter]
127
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,720
-"I am."
-I am.
128
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,840
And are you, Laura,
free lawfully to marry Paul?
129
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,360
-Absolutely!
-[laughter]
130
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,760
Just say "I am."
131
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,080
-I am.
-Thank you.
132
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,880
I am now required by law
to ask anyone here present,
133
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,360
who knows a reason why these persons
may not lawfully marry,
134
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,800
to declare it now.
135
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,760
[Laura giggles]
136
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,600
[laughter]
137
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,360
It looks like you got away
with that one.
138
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:31,480
[laughter]
139
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,000
What the fuck does that mean?
140
00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:36,240
-Nothing, it was a joke.
-We're not paying you to make jokes.
141
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,679
OK.
142
00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:39,200
Just do your fucking job.
143
00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:46,560
There will now be a reading from
Laura's friend Shelly.
144
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,360
This'll be good!
145
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,720
Get me one or I'll tell Steve
you're pregnant.
146
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,920
Laura wanted me to say
something about her--
147
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,320
Louder!
148
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:44,200
Laura wanted me to say something
about her and our friendship,
149
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,080
so I've written a little poem.
150
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,160
[all] Ahh.
151
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,040
"It's Laura's wedding day today...
152
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,920
And everyone will shout, "Hooray!"
153
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,640
She's marrying her prince, Paul
154
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,160
And a good time will be had by all.
155
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,600
It's an honour to be
a bridesmaid at their wedding...
156
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:09,000
Though I won't deny this speech
is something I've been dreading."
157
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,360
[laughter]
158
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,880
"I've known Laura for many years,
159
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,760
through lots of laughter
and one or two tears.
160
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,280
We first at Homerton Hospital met,
161
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,160
We worked on reception
and it was great fun, you bet.
162
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,840
We soon became the best of friends
163
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,880
Our Friday nights knew no ends.
164
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,520
Sharing little tips and tricks,
165
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,760
And something goes wrong,
you find a fix.
166
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,720
Drinking in the Goose
and going for a dance
167
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,000
I'd really like to go to France.
168
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,760
Our love and friendship
goes back years,
169
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,920
love and friendship
that fights the fears.
170
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,600
Laura's a lovely girl..."
171
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,400
-Put it away.
-"When her hair's wet..."
172
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,680
-Sorry, I'm just texting my mum.
-"It starts to curl.
173
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,800
She's funny and she likes a laugh.
174
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,640
She prefers a shower to a bath.
175
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,000
She really is the life and soul.
176
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,200
She'd help you
if you fell down a hole.
177
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:14,160
She's beautiful
and she's pretty too.
178
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,320
There's nothing for love
that she wouldn't do.
179
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,320
Laura, I wish you a happy life.
180
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,560
As Paul's loving and devoted wife."
181
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,360
-[all] Aww.
-[applause]
182
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,520
[baby cries]
183
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,480
That was great, love.
184
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,760
Thank you, Shelly,
what a lovely poem.
185
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,640
I thought it was never going to end!
186
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,760
[baby cries]
187
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,080
OK.
188
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,200
And now for a surprise, something
not in the order of service,
189
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,760
a reading from Laura's sister Becky.
190
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,320
And Laura has asked me to tell you
191
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,080
that Becky wrote the whole speech
completely by herself.
192
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,720
It's all in her own words!
193
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,720
Good luck.
194
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,000
Becks.
195
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,000
-What are you doing?
-Read it.
196
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,160
Go on.
197
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,720
Well, I didn't really...
198
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,280
-Laura helped a bit with writing it.
-She's so modest!
199
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,600
Um...
200
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,120
Um, OK.
201
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:13,320
"For those of you who don't know me,
I'm Laura's older and...
202
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,800
fatter sister, Becky."
203
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,440
[laughter]
204
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,000
"The best thing about Laura is how
much better she is than me.
205
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,800
She must be doing so well
206
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,480
to be able to pay for a wedding
as amazing as this."
207
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,440
It's true. I am.
208
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,320
"I love her more than anything
else in the world.
209
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,280
And the best times of my life are the
times when she comes round my flat.
210
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,040
[all] Aww.
211
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,480
"I lead a very boring life,
a bit like...
212
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,280
a bit like an ugly,
disabled hermit.
213
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,200
And I don't have a job or any money.
214
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,440
And I don't leave the flat much
and no one wants to meet me.
215
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,240
But I don't mind because I have
my divine sister Laura
216
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,120
who I love like the clouds
love the sky."
217
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,120
I love you too, Becks.
218
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,760
Thanks.
219
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,040
"Not only is Laura intelligent
and funny...
220
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,320
a bit like a cross between
Chandler from Friends,
221
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,080
Stephen Hawking,
before the accident
222
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,440
and that one who played
Jonathan Creek,
223
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,400
she really has the capacity
to go far.
224
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,840
One day she'll be famous
and then you'll all be sorry."
225
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,760
-Do you think that's enough?
-Don't be silly, Becks.
226
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,200
You spent ages writing this.
227
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,680
-Go on, Becky!
-Yeah, go Becky, you're doing great!
228
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,600
[chorus] Becky, Becky, Becky!
229
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,000
OK.
230
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,160
"My favorite thing about Laura
is her singing."
231
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,920
Ah, I never knew.
232
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,840
[laughter]
233
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,120
"When we were little, she used
to sing me to sleep at night.
234
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,080
I've never heard a sound as beautiful
as that, not even from a bird."
235
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,080
She's such a talented writer.
236
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,640
"I wish my relationship could be
as strong as Laura and Paul's..."
237
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,720
-Put it away.
-Sorry, it's my mum.
238
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,200
"Their love is as sweet
as the blossom on a tree.
239
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,880
Their happiness has never
been equalled
240
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,960
in the whole of human history.
241
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,760
Laura and Paul spend
so much time laughing,
242
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,520
it's a wonder they find time to
have as much sex as they do.
243
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,720
But they do have a lot of it.
244
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,640
And when they do it makes Laur...
245
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,600
-She enjoys it."
-I bloody love it!
246
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,960
[baby cries]
247
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,840
Basically, what happens is,
248
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,560
Paul gets in from work
and he's exhausted.
249
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,680
So I pop upstairs, clean my bits,
250
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,960
put on this thing
that I got off the internet
251
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,920
and Paul goes at it like a madman!
252
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,960
-[crowd murmurs]
-Goodness.
253
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,800
Carry on, Becks.
254
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,880
"Laura is the victim
of a sexist conspiracy.
255
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,400
If she had been lucky enough
to be born a man,
256
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,280
she would be famous by now.
257
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,800
Unfortunately, though,
because capitalism is evil,
258
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,840
not forgetting the bankers,
259
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,880
she has to wait
for her true purpose in life.
260
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,480
But when she makes it,
261
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,760
the one thing we do know is that the
world will be a safer place.
262
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,280
Laura loves recycling.
263
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,240
Every time she finishes using a piece
of paper or a plastic bottle
264
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,440
or, indeed, a can of drink,
she places it in the recycling bin
265
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,160
so it can be put to good use,
266
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,640
saving those unfortunate enough
267
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,720
to have been born and raised
in the Third World.
268
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,120
In conclusion,
269
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:52,000
the great sadness of my life is that
I'll live in Laura's shadow.
270
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,880
But from her I learned how to love,
271
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,800
how to laugh and, most importantly,
how to believe.
272
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,440
I owe her everything."
273
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,720
Thank you.
274
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,800
[applause]
275
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,280
Don't worry, I got it all on here.
276
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:19,839
Thank you.
277
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,359
Well, wasn't that lovely?
278
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,160
Now for the exciting bit.
279
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,319
Laura, Paul,
would you like to come forward?
280
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,640
I think we might need
to pop outside.
281
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,000
No, we don't.
282
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,240
-Laura.
-Come on.
283
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,520
-You all right?
-Yes.
284
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,680
You sure you're OK?
285
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,480
Yes, I'm on top of the world.
286
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,600
OK, lovely.
287
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,040
Please stand.
288
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,440
Laura and Paul,
will you please face each other,
289
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:13,680
and Laura, please take Paul's right hand
in yours and repeat after me.
290
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,280
I don't know my left from my right!
291
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,480
"I, Laura Felicity Williams."
292
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,960
I, Laura Felicity Williams.
293
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,640
"Take thee, Paul Harold Parker."
294
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,200
Take thee, Paul Harold Parker.
295
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,680
"To be my wedded husband."
296
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,240
To be my wedded husband.
297
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:49,880
OK.
298
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,320
Now you, Paul.
299
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,680
Please take Laura's right hand
in yours.
300
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,520
"I, Paul Harold Parker."
301
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,720
I, Paul Harold Parker.
302
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,480
"Take thee,
Laura Felicity Williams."
303
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,840
Take thee, Laura Felicity Williams.
304
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,120
"To be my wedded wife."
305
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,800
To be my wedded wife.
306
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,760
[all] Aww.
307
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,080
[laughter]
308
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,400
-May we have the rings?
-Steve.
309
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,120
Try not to lose them again, yeah?
310
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,440
He flushed the pouch down the loo.
311
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,400
[registrar] Paul, take the ring.
312
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,480
Take the ring, Paul.
313
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,040
Oh!
314
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,840
Don't worry, I always carry a spare!
315
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,200
[laughter]
316
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,640
What did I say about jokes?
317
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,720
Get on with it.
318
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,120
[giggles]
319
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,960
Paul, take the ring
and place it on Laura's finger.
320
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,160
And, keeping your hand on hers,
repeat after me.
321
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,360
"I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you."
322
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,640
Paul.
323
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,120
I give you it as a sign of love.
324
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,160
Can I have a word?
325
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,400
Laura. Yes.
326
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,360
Take the other ring
and place it on Paul's finger,
327
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,640
and, keeping your hand on his,
repeat after me.
328
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,200
"I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you."
329
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,480
Can I please talk to you outside?
330
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,360
I give you this ring
as a sign of my love for you.
331
00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,640
Laura and Paul, you have both made
the declarations required by law
332
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,040
and have made a solemn
and binding contract with each other
333
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,880
in the presence
of your witnesses and guests.
334
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,800
It gives me great pleasure
to pronounce you...
335
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,520
husband and wife.
336
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,480
You may kiss the bride, Paul.
337
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,000
Oh, good!
338
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,800
[all] Aww.
339
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,280
OK.
340
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,040
Now, would you all please be seated
while we sign the legal register?
341
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,880
If our witnesses Sue and Graham
could come forward?
342
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:49,960
Auntie Sue!
343
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,600
-Congratulations.
-Thank you so much for being our witness.
344
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,800
[baby cries]
345
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,240
Graham.
346
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,120
We will now have a reading
from Paul's friend Keith
347
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,800
and his half-brother Ian
348
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,480
during which we will be signing
the register.
349
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,720
There will then be an opportunity
to come and take photos of your own.
350
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,960
-Congratulations, Paul.
-Thanks, mate.
351
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,920
[baby cries]
352
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,200
"Come live with me and be my love,
353
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,360
And we will all the pleasures prove
354
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,400
That valleys, groves, hills,
and fields,
355
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,640
Woods or steepy mountain yields..."
356
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,480
"And we will sit upon the rocks,
357
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,600
Seeing the shepherds
feed their flocks,
358
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,400
By shallow rivers to whose falls
359
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,040
Melodious birds sing madrigals."
360
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,720
"A belt of straw and ivy buds,
361
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,640
Coral clasps and amber studs
362
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,840
And if these pleasures
may thee move,
363
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,920
Come live with me and be my love."
364
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,000
"The shepherds' swains
shall dance and sing
365
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,440
For thy delight
each May morning..."
366
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:12,560
-Shh-shh-shh...
-Hey.
367
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,000
Hi.
368
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,120
Great speech.
369
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,480
I take it you didn't
write it yourself.
370
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:19,760
No, it was Laura.
371
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:20,960
[man laughs]
372
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,640
You two really are the original
odd couple, aren't you?
373
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,680
[baby cries]
374
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,920
So, Laura's just told me.
375
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:31,480
What do you mean?
376
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,880
She said you were pregnant.
377
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,360
But I'm not supposed to tell Steve,
is that right?
378
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,840
I just want you to know
I'm here for you, babe.
379
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,360
Why did she tell you that?
380
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,920
Because you need the support
of your loved ones right now.
381
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,520
This has got nothing to do with you.
382
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,520
Oh, look, don't worry.
I won't say anything to Steve.
383
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,760
I just want you to know
I'm here for you.
384
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,800
I'm on your side. Just when...
385
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,080
Hi. All right?
386
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,160
[baby wails]
387
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,640
Smell her arse.
388
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,080
Ugh!
389
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,240
Does it stink?
390
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,600
Have a smell.
391
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,160
Ugh!
392
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,520
Wow. I wish my arse smelt like that.
393
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,160
I'll leave you to it.
394
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,480
You've got a rotten old bum,
haven't you?
395
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,320
Auntie Becky's going to clean
it for you, isn't she?
396
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,960
Did you enjoy Auntie Becky's
reading? It was good, wasn't it?
397
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,360
Yeah.
398
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,120
You seen how small her hands are?
399
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:45,600
[baby giggles]
400
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,520
What did he want?
401
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,800
Nothing.
402
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,960
You all right?
403
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,680
Are you worried our wedding
won't be as good as that?
404
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,240
Um, no.
405
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,200
OK.
406
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,560
What's wrong?
407
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,040
Becks...
408
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,160
Laura wants a photo with Bernadette.
409
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,400
Right.
410
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,080
Think she wants it now.
411
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:11,960
Right.
412
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,600
You told her how great she looks?
413
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,160
-Yeah.
-Good.
414
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,040
-What's happened?
-Pardon?
415
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:28,200
Well, I was just wondering what you
were saying to Becky when I came in.
416
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,680
OK.
417
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,400
You're quite controlling,
aren't you, Steve?
418
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,440
What do you mean?
419
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,000
Well, just wanting to know Becky's
private conversations,
420
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,120
-that's a bit odd, innit?
-That's not what I meant.
421
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,680
It's a free society.
People died in the war for that.
422
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,840
So if me and Becky want to say
things to each other, in confidence,
423
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,040
without you knowing,
that's our prerogative.
424
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,600
That's not what I meant.
425
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,840
To be perfectly honest, mate, I
couldn't give a fuck what you meant.
426
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,520
The only person
I care about is Becky.
427
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,280
She's a sweet girl
but she's marrying you
428
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:02,040
and I think she's being a fucking
mug, if you'll excuse my French.
429
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,480
[Caroline] We're approaching
the end now.
430
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:04,560
After you.
431
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,600
Laura, Paul, if you'd like
to come back to the front.
432
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,480
OK, thank you.
433
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,280
And now, to end the proceedings,
434
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,600
Laura will perform a song
she wrote herself.
435
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:16,720
I'm not doing it.
436
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:17,760
OK.
437
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,360
We haven't got time for songs.
I need a drink!
438
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:25,480
Hurry up.
439
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,280
OK.
440
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,960
I've been asked to say
that the drinks and canapes
441
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,360
will be served in the Runciman Room
and on the front lawn.
442
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,480
I didn't tell him.
443
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,280
And don't miss the fireworks display
at the end of the evening.
444
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,960
When two people are as in love
as Laura and Paul...
445
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,320
Boring!
446
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:48,880
Hurry the fuck up.
447
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,240
OK. That's your marriage certificate.
448
00:26:57,120 --> 00:27:01,040
Now, it's my great privilege to
present to you for the first time,
449
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,160
Mr. and Mrs. Parker.
450
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:06,000
[cheering and applause]
451
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,200
["Walking on sunshine"
by Katrina & The Waves playing]
452
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:28,760
♪ I used to think maybe you love me
now baby I'm sure ♪
453
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:36,680
♪ And I just can't wait till the day
when you knock on my door ♪
454
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:40,760
["Boom Bang-A-Bang" by Lulu playing]
455
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,160
♪ Come closer, come closer and listen ♪
456
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,760
♪ The beat of my heart
keeps on missing ♪
457
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,480
♪ I notice it most when we're kissing ♪
458
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,920
♪ Come closer and love me tonight ♪
459
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,440
♪ That's right ♪
460
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,400
♪ Come closer and cuddle me tight ♪
461
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,960
♪ My heart goes boom bang a bang
boom bang a bang ♪
462
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,400
♪ When you are near ♪
463
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,840
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to Paul and Laura's wedding.
464
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,360
Paul is known by many
different names...
465
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,120
Faggot. Wha-What?!
466
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,880
Laura, be a bit quieter, yeah?
467
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,360
-I am being quiet, Becks.
-Carry on, Steve.
468
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,960
My fiancee Rebecca tells me
469
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,080
that the first time Paul and Laura
made love--
470
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,000
Not that.
471
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,200
Right.
472
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,320
♪ My heart goes boom bang a bang
boom bang a bang ♪
473
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:30,960
♪ When you are near ♪
474
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,200
♪ Boom bang a bang, boom bang a bang ♪
475
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,200
♪ Loud in my ear ♪
476
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,080
♪ Pounding away, pounding away ♪
477
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,960
♪ Won't you be mine? ♪
478
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,920
♪ Boom bang a bang bang all the time ♪
479
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,760
♪ It's such a lovely feeling ♪
480
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,720
♪ When I'm in your arms ♪
481
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:51,840
♪ Don't go away ♪
482
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,480
♪ I wanna stay my whole life through ♪
483
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,640
♪ Boom bang a bang bang ♪
484
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,200
♪ Close to you ♪