1
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,087
You...

2
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,647
are...

3
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,407
very good at blow jobs.

4
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,887
Thank you.

5
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,767
And I am brilliant

6
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,647
at receiving them. Mm. Yes.

7
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,887
You were very well behaved.

8
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,767
So polite of you just
to lie back and take it.

9
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,087
Thank you, I do my best.

10
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,527
You, on the other hand,
brought the bloody house down.

11
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,767
Shut up.

12
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,800
You're incredibly noisy.

13
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,967
Why would you say that?
no, no, it's not a bad thing.

14
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,727
Course it's a bad thing.
Makes me feel...

15
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,000
Like a prostitute.

16
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,927
No. Paranoid.

17
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,927
It makes me feel paranoid.

18
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,487
What do you mean, a prostitute?

19
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,127
Well, I don't mean prostitute.

20
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,647
Well, not a professional one.

21
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,160
You've got a long way to go
till you're that good.

22
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,428
Shut up. When I have sex with you,

23
00:01:15,429 --> 00:01:19,407
I close my eyes, and I imagine
I'm hunched over a prostitute.

24
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,480
Hunched? It's the only reason
I like having sex with yer.

25
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,807
I'm going for a wee.
stay here and have sex with me.

26
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,760
Get off.

27
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,647
"All tall men
mind the mad arithmetic."

28
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,280
Six letters.

29
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,727
How did we get home last night?

30
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,167
Barney gave us a lift. Did he?

31
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,967
Why was he driving when he
could have been drinking?

32
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,967
What? You heard.

33
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,487
He's starting at HSBC today.

34
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,127
Oh, yeah.

35
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,047
Silly old sod.

36
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,567
Why's he got himself a job for?

37
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,847
Oh, I think I need a pooh as well.

38
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,447
Charming.

39
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,767
He's been watching Titanic...again.

40
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,567
Steve, can you make me some toast?

41
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:36,607
No, er, you'll eat in the bed
and I won't get rid of the crumbs.

42
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,447
Yes, you will.
Can't you just have it as bread? Raw?

43
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,327
Yeah. In the morning?

44
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,487
Yes, why not?

45
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,087
We must have had a
million pizzas in there.

46
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:52,040
Yeah I know, but it's just something
Julie used to do and I never liked it.

47
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,607
What? Don't watch me.

48
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,167
You look so cute on the loo.

49
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,327
Steve.

50
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,047
OK, it's fine, you can have toast if
you want. No, I don't want it now.

51
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:22,927
Get out. Obviously it's fine for
Julie and her big fucking tits.

52
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,680
They weren't as big as they looked.

53
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,204
How very disappointing for you,

54
00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:32,887
but despite her
disappointingly gargantuan tits,

55
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,007
you still found it in your heart to
let her eat toast in bed with you.

56
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,720
What a saint.

57
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,927
Are you going to make me
toast or not? Oh, shit.

58
00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,007
Beg your pardon? Er...nothing.
Are you going to make me toast?

59
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,087
Yes, yes, whatever.

60
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,440
Thank you. 

61
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,720
Don't let him in, he'll hear me.

62
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,480
It's only Dan.

63
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:32,887
You all right, Dan?

64
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,087
Morning, campers.
This got put through my door.

65
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,447
Oh, right, great.
Becky stay over last night?

66
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,715
Yeah, her parents have
got people staying, so...

67
00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:41,727
Hung over, dare I ask?

68
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,887
Yeah, a bit, but she's fine.

69
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,287
She has an egg before bed so
she doesn't get a hangover.

70
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,127
Oh, right, yeah.
So why does she do that?

71
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,767
Well, so she doesn't get a hangover.

72
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,767
That's good, yeah. What's she do?

73
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,047
Are you taking the piss?
No, I was just...being chatty.

74
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,847
Making conversation.

75
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,367
Well, don't.

76
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,847
Anita didn't reply to my e-mail.

77
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,095
I don't know if she's read it.

78
00:05:07,096 --> 00:05:12,007
Know her password. Er, been watching
Titanic again? Yeah, we heard.

79
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,727
Yeah, Winslet's tits. Yeah.

80
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,720
Thank God for the pause button.

81
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,360
Hello, mate.

82
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,327
Er, well I hope you're with Laura, but...
You know what I mean.

83
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,367
What? What? What?

84
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,087
Eurgh, Paul.

85
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,023
What's going on?

86
00:05:36,024 --> 00:05:39,367
Paul, why are you telling me
this? Why is he telling you what?

87
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,487
Oh, you didn't.

88
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:46,440
Not Sporty? Oh, you filthy bastard.

89
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,447
OK, yeah. OK, OK.

90
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,847
It's fine, it's fine,
I'll kill it, it's fine.

91
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,647
Well, I don't know, I'll make
something up.

92
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,607
Yeah, speak to you later, mate.

93
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,360
Bye.

94
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:06,567
Any news? Paul spent the night with
a girl who looks like Sporty Spice.

95
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,040
Sporty Spice? I know.

96
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,320
Sporty Spice.

97
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,447
Do you reckon
she does back-to-front?

98
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,127
What's back-to-front?

99
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,847
What's back-to-front?

100
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,087
Ooh, that's followed you out.
What has?

101
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,447
Shut the door.
I haven't been doing anything.

102
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,200
You all right, Dan? Yeah.
Popped down to say hello, really.

103
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,127
Hello. Hello. How was your weekend?

104
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,487
Peaks and troughs, you know.

105
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,560
Peaks and troughs.

106
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,327
I would have preferred to have spent
it with a Spice Girl, but, er...

107
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,887
Dan.

108
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,960
A Spice Girl? Better go.

109
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,480
Yeah, thanks, Dan.

110
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,967
He wasn't even wearing a watch.
I hate it when people do that.

111
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,327
Why would anyone still
fancy the Spice Girls?

112
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:07,767
Look, it's from Rob. "Steve, having
a great time, nice weather, Rob".

113
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,880
Why do I care what the
weather's like in Spain?

114
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,080
Why were you and Dan
talking about the Spice Girls?

115
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,567
We weren't.

116
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,767
Why would anyone still
fancy the Spice Girls?

117
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,167
Well, I don't. Come on.
Let's have sex.

118
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,287
Why are you lying to me
about the Spice Girls?

119
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,007
I'm not. Now get your knickers off.

120
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,127
Yeah, yeah, mm, mm.

121
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,040
Oh, it doesn't need to be that loud.

122
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,487
Oh, no.

123
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,680
What? Oh, God.

124
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,487
What? Oh, I bet she's really...

125
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,800
What, what is it? Poor thing.

126
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,607
Rebecca! It's my sister.

127
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:10,167
She says Paul didn't
come home last night.

128
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,967
Have you heard anything?

129
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,927
What, Paul?

130
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,680
Yeah. No.

131
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,200
Just have a check. No. Nope.

132
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,207
She's just being a drama queen. I
bet she's sent that text to everyone.

133
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,807
Yeah it's probably fine, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

134
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,440
Forget about it.

135
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,167
We're missing Cash In The Attic.

136
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,927
We're about to have sex.

137
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,047
Oh, yeah. Mm.

138
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,647
Ooh. Was that a fart?

139
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,807
No, it was my tummy.
Well, that sounded like a fart.

140
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,087
Are you going to make me toast?

141
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,960
You know I can't have
sex on an empty stomach.

142
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,607
OK.

143
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:05,976
OK, I'll make you toast.

144
00:09:05,977 --> 00:09:09,847
Fine, but you're eating it on the
chair, and afterwards we are shagging.

145
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,680
Wow. It's like being a princess.

146
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:25,207
Steve, why have you put your
mug face down on the floor?

147
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,847
Jesus Christ.

148
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:27,606
Urgh, kill it!

149
00:09:27,607 --> 00:09:30,327
No, he might have babies.
Chuck it out the window, then.

150
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,007
No, no, you can
get AIDS from a spider.

151
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:32,882
You can't! You can.

152
00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,407
If he's been crawling round in
the blood of an AIDS victim...

153
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,017
Steve, be a man for once in your
life and get rid of the spider.

154
00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:39,400
All right, all right, give me that.

155
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,727
Don't touch, don't touch.

156
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,360
Stay behind me.

157
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,680
Yeah, I'll deal with him in a minute,
when I've worked out a plan.

158
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:10,360
Upside down. You put a mug
upside down, not face down.

159
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,647
Ignore him. Oh, I can't.

160
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,207
Do you want to
clear the bed for the fuck fest?

161
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,840
OK.

162
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,280
Fuck fest? What?

163
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,000
"All tall men mind
the mad arithmetic."

164
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,080
Dan's back.

165
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,647
Hello, hello, hello.

166
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,920
Hi, Laura, you all right, babe?

167
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,000
What a total bastard.

168
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,320
What are you making?

169
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,447
Toast. Ooh, very posh. Yeah.

170
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,247
Thinking I might pop to Azeen,
you know, get some fruit. OK.

171
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,887
Just read an article about melon, yeah.
Fancy getting a melon with me?

172
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,087
Becky could come, too.

173
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,682
Ooh, I'm sure she'd
love to, but we're, er,

174
00:11:38,683 --> 00:11:40,487
kind of busy this morning. Sex.

175
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,167
Yeah.

176
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,287
I heard her hollering earlier.

177
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,720
Don't say that.

178
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,280
Don't be silly.

179
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,480
No. No, he shouldn't be
putting you through all this.

180
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,367
No, I know. Really?

181
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,367
Straight away?

182
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,887
OK.

183
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,207
Yeah. Course he won't mind.

184
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,567
All right then.

185
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,200
Bye, love.

186
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,207
Have I outstayed my welcome?
Yeah. No problem.

187
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,167
Get that fruit.

188
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,167
Good idea. Bye.

189
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,080
Bye-bye.

190
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:53,520
Right, You hold the plate beneath
the toast, you eat it on the chair.

191
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,047
Wow, what's this?

192
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,920
I thought you might like to watch.

193
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:06,880
Really? Yeah, where do you want me?
On the bed. Arse down.

194
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,647
Thought you didn't
like being watched. I don't mind,

195
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,047
if you do something for me.

196
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:22,080
Like what?
Like...letting Laura pop round.

197
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:23,932
Laura!

198
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:27,807
Well, she's my sister. Steve. She's
feeling really down about Paul.

199
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,607
There is nothing wrong with
Paul, I told you.

200
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,407
I'll moan and
groan as loud as you like.

201
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,087
Yeah well, er...

202
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,720
not too loud.

203
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,440
Come here.

204
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,567
Oh, that'll be Laura.

205
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,567
That was quick.
Well, she was on her way already.

206
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,455
So when you asked me
if I wanted to watch...

207
00:13:50,456 --> 00:13:53,600
I let you watch me. Now
be nice to Laura. Oh, God!

208
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,207
Hello, love, how you feeling?

209
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,007
I'm so worried, Becks.

210
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,080
Look at me, I'm shaking.

211
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,440
He's being a total bastard.

212
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:10,840
Laura's here.

213
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,927
Hi, Laura, are you all right?
Paul didn't come home last night.

214
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,607
Look at me, Steve, I'm shaking.

215
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,367
Yeah.

216
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:23,927
I couldn't even go to work.

217
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,887
Have you heard from him?

218
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,847
No. I'm sure he's fine, though.

219
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,920
He's a big lad,
I'm sure everything's tickety boo.

220
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,120
I need a piss.
Thanks for sharing that with us.

221
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,527
Is his phone still off? Yeah.

222
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,287
I left a message to
say that I was here.

223
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,120
And I was thinking,

224
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,099
maybe what's happened with little Luke,

225
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,687
with his scans and Luke's
Mum, Natalie, the slut.

226
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,607
You didn't flush. Steve.

227
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,367
You did a shit, and you didn't flush.

228
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,447
I didn't want Dan to hear.

229
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,087
You're an animal.
I can hardly breathe in there.

230
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,767
Oh, stop overreacting.

231
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,447
Careful, Steve, there's a mug
on the floor. This is my flat.

232
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,367
I'm the one who has to live here
in your stench. Oh, well done.

233
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,007
Steve, there's a mug on the floor.

234
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:19,407
If you shit in my flat,
you flush in my flat.

235
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,327
You've really got a way
with words, haven't you?

236
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,607
If you want to do a stinky shit,
go back to your parents' house and do it.

237
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,183
My Uncle Dennis is staying over.

238
00:15:26,184 --> 00:15:28,287
There's a mug face down
on the floor, Steve.

239
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,687
Yes, Laura I know! I put it there.

240
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,440
I keep a spider in it.

241
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,720
Face down.

242
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,607
You know Dan upstairs?

243
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,967
Pyjamas. Yeah.

244
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,967
He's watching Titanic
for what is it, the...

245
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,047
Fourth. Fourth time this week.

246
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,640
He just split up with a
girl that looks like Winslet.

247
00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,247
Oh, she doesn't look like Winslet.

248
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,080
She's just fat and posh.

249
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,927
He wanted me to buy fruit with him.

250
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,887
Who goes out of
their way to buy fruit?

251
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,407
Oh, I'd love a mango.

252
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,087
What? Wouldn't you, Laur?

253
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,607
Oh, yeah.

254
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,807
What are you going
to do with a mango?

255
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,840
Eat it. How?

256
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,807
Don't know. A mango?

257
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,767
Who the fuck do you think you are?
They're like a pound each.

258
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,007
Fucking mango?

259
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,007
All right, Steve,

260
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,520
mind the language, Laura's upset.

261
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,160
Sorry, Laura.

262
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,967
I'm sure Paul's absolutely fine.

263
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,600
Thanks, Steve.

264
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,520
OK?

265
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,527
Have you seen the new telly?

266
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,327
Is that it? Mm, yep.

267
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,047
Not bad, is it? Found it in the skip.

268
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,720
Isn't he a dream?

269
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,367
Oh, that's Paul. It's his knock.

270
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,600
Go on, Laur, you answer it.
Be strong.

271
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,007
Thank God for that.

272
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,927
I can explain everything,
darling, it's not my fault.

273
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,574
It was events, it was
some real nasty events,

274
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:40,647
and I just missed you so much, darling.

275
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,687
Yeah.

276
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,287
Mm. You going to let
me watch you with this?

277
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,967
No, course not.

278
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,127
You're such a pervert.

279
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,680
I don't even know why
you bought this thing.

280
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,527
Her favourite thing
about him is his big dick.

281
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,447
Isn't that revolting? Well...

282
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,127
he might have a big dick
but I bet he can't do

283
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,407
a dick dance.

284
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,320
Can he, Becks? Can he?

285
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,887
Shall I do my dick dance?
Yes. Shall I? Yes. Shall I?

286
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,567
And you know how I've been
with Luke being ill.

287
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,367
I know, I know, I'm sorry.
I'm being selfish.

288
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,765
Well, you are. You are being
really selfish, but that's OK,

289
00:18:31,766 --> 00:18:34,407
because you're my darling, remember?

290
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,807
Look at it.

291
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,087
We have a bond
and we're getting married.

292
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,880
Yeah. Like two become one.

293
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,487
Like, what made you say that?

294
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,487
Mm, what? When two become one?

295
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,087
Oh, it's just a phrase, isn't it?

296
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,607
Yeah.

297
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,367
Yeah, it is.

298
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,847
Yeah.

299
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,367
Ooh, yeah.

300
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,087
Thank you, fans. Thank you, fans.

301
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:18,167
Paul could never do a dick dance
as good as that. No.

302
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,613
And I bet if he did he wouldn't

303
00:19:19,614 --> 00:19:21,807
have that bit of loo roll
caught in his foreskin.

304
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,240
What? Ohh.

305
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,200
do they smell good?

306
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,887
Mm, they smell lovely.

307
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,727
Do you want to smell? Mm, yeah.

308
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,880
Course I don't want to smell!

309
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,567
Is everything all right? Yeah,
I was being silly, he was at Iggy's.

310
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,367
Probably let her know next time,
Paul. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, everyone.

311
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,727
He's forgetful like that,
while I'm too far the opposite way.

312
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,120
That's why we're the perfect couple.

313
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,047
Steve was just doing a dick dance.
Becky.

314
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:58,858
A what? Nothing.

315
00:19:58,859 --> 00:20:02,607
If you guys are OK why don't you treat
yourselves to a nice meal deal, get some air.

316
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,585
Don't let Paul do a dick dance, Laur,

317
00:20:04,586 --> 00:20:07,407
he'd have someone's eye out
with that great big thing.

318
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:08,607
Yeah. Yeah, I would.

319
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,607
No chance of Steve doing that,
is there, love? You're funny.

320
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,407
Ooh, is it small, Steve?
No, to be fair, it's not small.

321
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,527
I'm flattered. But it's not
exactly going to split you in two.

322
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,760
It's fine, it's normal size,
I measured it.

323
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,167
What? I measured it. You measured it?

324
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,927
Yes, with a ruler.

325
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,040
Oh, that's a lovely image.

326
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:37,047
Was it a 15-centimetre ruler, Steve?

327
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,327
That doesn't even work.
What, can't you take a joke, mate?

328
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,407
How, how, how did this happen?

329
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:43,967
Why did they invent the microscope?

330
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,287
So Steve could find his dick.

331
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,448
Well, you've nicked that one off
Barney. Why can't you take a joke?

332
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,927
Why don't you go back to Iggy's?

333
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,643
Steve was having a wank the other day

334
00:20:52,644 --> 00:20:55,287
but he couldn't find any
tissues, so he had to use a stamp.

335
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,087
Did you write that one yourself?
Yeah. It's really good.

336
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,007
I bet when Paul has a wank
he has to use the whole duvet.

337
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,567
Yeah, I do.

338
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,272
What, and that's a good thing?

339
00:21:06,273 --> 00:21:10,200
You're the inspiration for those
little pens in Argos, aren't you, love?

340
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,914
Yeah, yeah, I was.

341
00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:16,647
I was the inspiration for the
little pens in Argos. Very funny.

342
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,767
So my dick's not as big as yours.

343
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,687
By about ten inches. Paul's
dick's so long he can't wear shorts.

344
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,767
Ooh, that's funny, because he can't
keep it in his trousers, either.

345
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,527
What? What? Steve.

346
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,767
What? What's that supposed
to mean? Steve.

347
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,047
What, what's that supposed
to mean, Becks?

348
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,489
He didn't mean anything by it.

349
00:21:43,490 --> 00:21:46,367
Steve, what do you mean he can't
keep his dick in his trousers?

350
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,927
Er, nothing, come on, let's go.

351
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,920
As you saying Paul can't
keep his dick in his trousers?

352
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,647
No! I was joking.

353
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,847
Oh, you know me, I'm always joking.

354
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,856
Maybe you should learn to take a joke.

355
00:22:01,857 --> 00:22:05,200
Now, Becks, how much do I owe you
for that curry the other night?

356
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:11,127
Why did you lie about you and
Dan talking about the Spice Girls?

357
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,167
Sshh, I didn't!

358
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,287
Why were you talking about doing
back-to-front with one of 'em?

359
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,727
What? You're crazy.

360
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,841
What's back-to-front? Were you doing
back-to-front with a Spice Girl?

361
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:24,927
No, of course not.

362
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,247
It was a deal, weren't it,
lamb and a naan, £5.50.

363
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,207
Steve, was he doing back
to front with a Spice Girl?

364
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:33,687
Of course he wasn't doing back-to-front
with a Spice Girl, whatever that is.

365
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,626
This is Paul, he works in Rymans,

366
00:22:35,739 --> 00:22:40,087
as if a Spice Girls going to want to
do back-to-front with him. Fuck you.

367
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,927
But you are shagging someone.

368
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,807
I'm what. Sssh, sssh, Laura's upset.

369
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,570
Steve. Look why don't I pop
out and get us all a mango?

370
00:22:48,571 --> 00:22:49,847
Steve, stop being a prick.

371
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,640
Let Paul answer the question. Paul?

372
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,847
Where were you last night, Paul?

373
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,447
Tell me or you can
have this ring back.

374
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,287
Oh, OK. OK.

375
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,840
Steve's got it all wrong, as usual.

376
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,527
I might not have stayed at Iggy's.
You liar.

377
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,127
I didn't want you worrying.

378
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:18,887
I ended up going, er, to...

379
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,440
a museum.

380
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,007
Which museum?

381
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,511
Well, it was just a general museum,

382
00:23:33,624 --> 00:23:38,087
Becky, and I bumped into a very
nice young lady at the museum

383
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,767
who happens to do some agency work
as a Mel C look-alike. You bastard.

384
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,360
No, isn't it, Steve?

385
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,447
Yeah, the exhibits were so fascinating
he stayed there all night.

386
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:50,887
You bastard!

387
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,120
Jesus, Steve. Oh, what have I done?

388
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,400
You're a little shit.

389
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,287
Mel C? I know. Mel fucking C.

390
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,327
Sshh, I know, I know.
What does the C even mean?

391
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,887
Chisholm. Chisholm?

392
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,400
Chisholm? Yeah. Chisholm.

393
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:19,542
Dan.

394
00:24:19,543 --> 00:24:23,047
Hey, Steve, they were two for £1.50,
let's hang out, eat 'em with spoons.

395
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,127
Steve, come here, you prick.

396
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,468
Oh, Paul, did you give
her what she wanted?

397
00:24:27,469 --> 00:24:29,847
What she really, really
wanted? Not now, mate.

398
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,527
What's so good about Mel C?

399
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,007
Nothing.
There's nothing good about Mel C.

400
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,262
I've never liked their
music, have I? No.

401
00:24:36,263 --> 00:24:38,047
She did that one with Bryan Adams.

402
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,527
But you're right,
we've never liked her.

403
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,080
I am so fucking enraged. Urggh.

404
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,327
Oh, fuck off as well,
you little spider dick.

405
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,087
All right, how did you
know I did back-to-front with her?

406
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,327
Did yer? What is it?

407
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,327
It's when, when first of
all, you do her in the...

408
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,527
what, you've never
done back-to-front?

409
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,967
No, of course not.
You're like a fucking nun.

410
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,007
Right. Laura, let me in,
darling, we need to talk.

411
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,967
Go away, Paul, I don't
want to speak to you.

412
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,127
I'm not going anywhere, darling.

413
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,767
I believe it when I see it. Oh.

414
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,527
Don't do this to me, darling.

415
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,040
We have a bond.
You're my everything.

416
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,967
We're meant to be together.
Go away, Paul.

417
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,292
OK, you've got five

418
00:25:26,293 --> 00:25:30,120
seconds to let me in before
I kick the fucking door down!

419
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,607
What is that? Oh. Er, what is that...

420
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,447
Er, probably just let him, Becks.

421
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,127
I'm going fucking mental, darling!

422
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,327
Oh, mental, men...

423
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,967
"All tall men
mind the mad arithmetic."

424
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,040
I will smash the glass.

425
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,320
It stinks in here.
You total bastard!

426
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,080
I can't wait for the wedding.

427
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,577
I really need a piss.

428
00:26:13,578 --> 00:26:16,920
How long they going to
be? As long as they need.

429
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,407
Don't you dare.

430
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,287
Where's the spider?

431
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,520
I threw him out the window.

432
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,327
Very brave.

433
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,600
Someone's grown some balls.

434
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,080
Can I have the toast?

435
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:44,880
Yeah. Sure.

436
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,520
Thank you.

437
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,400
Are you enjoying that toast?

438
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,287
Yeah, why?

439
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,047
No reason, I'm just glad
you're enjoying it.

440
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,087
Thank you for allowing
me to eat it in your bed.

441
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,207
Not at all,

442
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,487
just glad you're enjoying it.

443
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,487
Mm, I am enjoying it.

444
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,647
Good, I'm glad you are.

445
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,607
Good.

446
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,240
Good.

447
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,040
Good.

448
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:38,687
I was up all night worrying about
you. I was sick with worry.

449
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,840
Sweetheart, darling,
you're so beautiful.