1
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,840
LAURA: I'm gonna go, Becks.
It's Julie Taylor.

2
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,480
-Her little brother's missing.
-JULIE: Called him.
It went to answer phone.

3
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,040
Ah, shit.

4
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,920
Be serious, Steve.

5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,760
He hasn't been
taking his medication.

6
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,120
He's bipolar.

7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,480
I'm bipolar.

8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,520
My mum called,
said Edward's missing,
and I just burst into tears.

9
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,800
You should have seen her, Becks.
She basically went bananas.

10
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,480
-I had to slap her in the face.
-Could he be at your nan's?

11
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,880
Shut it, Steve.

12
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,280
Well, he used to stay at his nan's.

13
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,440
My Kieran ran away from home,

14
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,560
and it was the worst thing
that ever happened to me.

15
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,800
He was gone for two days
and it felt like...

16
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:44,160
Shelly, can you stop breathing on her?
Take a mint, or something

17
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:45,960
It's unbearable.

18
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,160
I remember this duvet.

19
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,080
We bought it together,
didn't we?

20
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,520
God! Crazy days.

21
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,240
Becks, get Julie a drink.
She's been crying.

22
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,120
Yeah, could I get
a glass of squash, please, Becky?

23
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,520
Yeah, of course.

24
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,360
Thanks, Becky.

25
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,640
And thanks, Steve.

26
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,840
I knew you'd want to help him.

27
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,080
THEME MUSIC PLAYING

28
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,480
Does she think she can just
come round here?

29
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,520
They've been in the sink.

30
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,000
Eurgh! SPLUTTERS

31
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,840
I've eaten sink juice.
Why didn't you put
them in the bin?

32
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,320
Because it's boring.

33
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,760
Is it me, or does Laura think
crying makes you thirsty?

34
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,960
SPLUTTERS

35
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,240
-Julie's annoying, isn't she?
-Yeah.

36
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,680
I am worried about Edward,
though, in this weather.

37
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,680
Hmm, I'd be tearing my hair out.

38
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,640
He's really fragile, Becks.

39
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,360
And he got kicked out the Cubs.

40
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,360
And she didn't help.
She's enough to make anyone bipolar.

41
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,520
He just needs someone normal
in his life, like us.

42
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,760
Someone to mentor him and teach
him about the ways of the world.

43
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,160
-What?
-The ways of the world?

44
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,800
-Yeah.
-What do we know
about the ways of the world?

45
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,920
-We sit in bed all day.
-I know about life.

46
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,200
-I'm 24.
-SHE LAUGHS

47
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,080
Wow.

48
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,360
Why are you being like this?

49
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,000
I'm not being like anything.

50
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,600
Oh, okay.

51
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,960
THUNDER RUMBLES

52
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,640
I was looking forward to us
eating that.

53
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,880
Hmm.

54
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,320
-How can that be £2?
-Hmm.

55
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,160
It's got cherries in it.

56
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:34,880
-You all right in there?
-Yeah.

57
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,000
It's quite fun
watching your ex-girlfriend cry.

58
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,280
Yeah?

59
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,920
It's her little brother,
though, innit?

60
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,800
Hey, hey!

61
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,320
Did you smell her?
She stinks of perfume.

62
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,640
Well, she works on
a perfume counter.

63
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:58,920
Yeah, I know.

64
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,240
LAURA: Some people are happy
in their lives, like me and Paul are,

65
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,040
and some people are unhappy
in their lives,

66
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,680
like your brother is.
Or Shelly.

67
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,680
But we have to remember that
whatever will be, will be.

68
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,480
Everybody lives
and everybody dies.

69
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,160
LAURA: Hmm. She's right.

70
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,640
Sorry, Stevie. I asked for a glass.

71
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,680
Oh, sorry.

72
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:31,240
I always drink squash out of a glass.
You should know that.

73
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,760
Get her a glass, Stevie.

74
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,840
Yes, sorry.

75
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,080
I'll, I'll get a glass.
Thank you.

76
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,760
Stevie would forget his head
if it wasn't screwed on.

77
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,360
-What are you doing?
-Washing up.

78
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,200
-Why are you doing that?
-Look at it.

79
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,080
LAUGHING
Okay, this is a first.

80
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,120
Oh, great!

81
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,000
Now everything's
going to get washed in squash.

82
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,040
Well, you'll you'll be doing
the squashing up.

83
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,640
Wow! That is one of the worst
jokes I've ever heard.

84
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,360
Ah, you'll be doing
the squashing up.

85
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,240
Do you actually find that funny?

86
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,400
Ha, ha, ha! You laughed.

87
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,960
At you. I'm laughing at you.

88
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,160
How is she?
Pretending to cry?

89
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,560
-No, she's better.
-That's a shame.

90
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,840
Could you do me a glass?

91
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,000
She wants it in a glass.

92
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,040
Can you hurry up with that
drink, Steve? She's been crying.

93
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,760
Yep, just doing it.

94
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,520
Poor Edward.

95
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,720
So sad.

96
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,440
If he's not back by sundown,
we should organize a search party,

97
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:03,920
search the woods.

98
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,760
-You always find them in the woods.
-Yeah.

99
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,720
-Heard from Paul?
-Yes, yeah.

100
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,160
He's cute.

101
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,160
The course is really good,
so they all stayed
and worked through the night.

102
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,920
Yeah? What kind of course is it?

103
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,320
Oh, I don't know. You know
what these courses are like.

104
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,520
I'm sure he told me, but...

105
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,920
Brain like a sieve!
Butter wouldn't melt.

106
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:28,120
It's just a course, isn't it?
An awayday, brainstorming,
breaking the ice.

107
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,680
I'm sure they just learn about stuff.
You know, Ryman's, stationery,

108
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,240
buying, selling,
buy, sell, buy, sell.

109
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,400
Woof, woof, wow, wow.
SNORTS Nee-naw, nee-naw!

110
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,360
Aagh!

111
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,600
LAUGHS

112
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,560
I might have a fun little
surprise for him when he gets
here.

113
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,640
Hmm?

114
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,720
Hurry up, Stevie.

115
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,400
-All right?
-Yep.

116
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,720
The last thing Edward needs is Laura.

117
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:10,880
Absolutely.

118
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,120
If only he'd had you as a mentor,
he'd be a millionaire by now,

119
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,480
not bent over a hedge
getting fingered by tramps.

120
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,720
Uh...

121
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,680
Now, now, come on.

122
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,280
-Now, now?
-Yes.

123
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,120
Since when did you say "now, now"?

124
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,320
I think you're being a bit mean.

125
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,600
We spend our lives being mean.

126
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,160
Well, there's some things
you don't make fun of.

127
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,240
-No, there's not.
-Yes, there is.

128
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,960
-Like what?
-Er, missing mental people,

129
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,320
crime victims, the disabled.

130
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,480
-You love disabled jokes.
-No, I don't.

131
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,120
What about your screen-saver?

132
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,120
DOORBELL RINGING

133
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,600
Knowing my luck, that'll be
another one of my ex-girlfriends
coming up here.

134
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,080
We'll have Debbie coming up
here, or Lisa Healey or Tabitha.

135
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,320
Or it could be one of my exes.
It could be Lee or Pete Gilbert,

136
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,680
or Danny Connor or Adam.

137
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,120
Okay. Okay.

138
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,720
-Are you all right?
-Yeah.

139
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,840
DOORBELL RINGING

140
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,800
How did you meet someone
called Tabitha?

141
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,400
She worked in Waterstones.

142
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,600
Posh bitch.

143
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,520
Tell him he looks better.
Tell him, Steve.
He won't listen to me.

144
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,360
What?
Um... How do you mean?

145
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,120
Jesus Christ! Do you think he
looks better now, like this,

146
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,200
or when he had that hair
and that beard

147
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,520
and he looked like
a fucking child-killer?

148
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,600
Um...

149
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,160
He's been crying, Steve.

150
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,640
Seriously! Show me a grown man
that cries.

151
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,800
Please just tell him
he looks better, Steve, darling,

152
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,160
because in a minute I'm going to
blow my fucking face off.

153
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:06,800
You look nice, Dan.

154
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,360
Thank you.

155
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,040
Where's your Hoover?

156
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,040
Behind the fridge.

157
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,160
Ugh! The voice.

158
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,960
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

159
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,080
DOOR SLAMS

160
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,480
Come in.

161
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,400
Thanks, Steve.

162
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,440
CLEARS HIS THROAT

163
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,480
Fucking hell!

164
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,040
Sorry.

165
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,640
Steve... Ooh, very nice.

166
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,040
Thank you.

167
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,320
Sorry.

168
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,480
-It's okay.
-Don't worry.

169
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,560
I just, I want my hair back.

170
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,880
Oh, mate.

171
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,640
It'll grow back.

172
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,920
You shouldn't let her
speak to you like that.

173
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,320
I know.
She's lucky to have me.

174
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,520
Do you want to touch my head?

175
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,000
-No.
-It's smooth.

176
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,400
No, you're all right.

177
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,600
Do you want us to, um...

178
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,160
Yeah.

179
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,720
Anything from Edward?

180
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,480
This is a bit strong, Stevie.

181
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,600
Blimey! You know I like it weak.

182
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,720
Sorry. Do you want
more water in it?

183
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,680
No, don't worry. I'll live.

184
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,000
All this worry,
it's going to give me wrinkles.

185
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,320
By the end of the day,
I'll look like Shelly!

186
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,960
SHELLY GUFFAWS

187
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,080
Look at me, Steve.

188
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,000
Worst day of my life,
and I'm still funny.

189
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,680
LAUGHTER

190
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,160
Bloody hell.

191
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,160
HOOVER DRONES

192
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,440
Do you remember my cat Bilbo?

193
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,160
Yeah.

194
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,200
'Course he does, he named him.

195
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,960
Steve loved Bilbo, didn't you?

196
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,240
-Yeah, he was nice.
-Aw.

197
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,360
He had a lovely sense of humor.

198
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,920
Sounds great.
When can I meet him?

199
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,320
Well, unfortunately, Becky,
he passed away.

200
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,440
-Oh, Julie babes.
-Julie.

201
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,680
And I think it was actually
the emotional trigger

202
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,920
for a lot of the problems
building up inside of Edward.

203
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,840
-He always had problems.
-Hmm.

204
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,840
They kicked him out of Cubs.

205
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,600
Didn't they?

206
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,960
Oh, my Lord! What happened?

207
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,640
Anita did it.

208
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,160
-Do you want to touch my head?
-I'm all right.

209
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,360
Okay.

210
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,560
How have you been?

211
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,360
You know...

212
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,520
Yeah.

213
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,200
You look nice.

214
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,760
-No, I don't.
-You do.

215
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,280
Your hair's nice,
and your clothes.

216
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,400
They're always nice.

217
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,640
I like your face.

218
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,320
I don't know.

219
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,960
I think my tits are nice.

220
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,640
Yeah. Of course.

221
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,520
What have you got that for?

222
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,800
Oh, my breath's
a little bit smelly.

223
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,200
Oh, right.

224
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,560
Shelly?

225
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,360
DOORBELL RINGS

226
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,600
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Is it him, Steve? Is it Edward?

227
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:12,880
It's not him.

228
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,320
Hello, Anita.

229
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,920
Oh, no.

230
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,800
MUFFLED VOICES FROM HALL

231
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,960
She's fat.
You don't want to meet her.

232
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,960
Come here.

233
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,160
ANITA: I Hoovered up your hair.
Gagged about eight times.

234
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,640
Take that thing off
and get upstairs.

235
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,320
And how are you, Anita?

236
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,000
Oh, I'd be fine if I wasn't
going out with a dog.

237
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,720
I don't think you should
speak to Dan like that.

238
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,880
Go, Shelly.

239
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,360
ANITA: Oh, I wondered
if it spoke!

240
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,000
I can speak, actually.

241
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,400
At what age did your brain die?

242
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,120
SNIGGERS I shouldn't laugh.

243
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,200
I didn't even know
she had a brain.

244
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,000
SHELLY: Please, don't speak to me
like that. I have my rights,
as a person.

245
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,280
Hmm. They're called human rights.

246
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,680
STEVE: Let's all calm down.

247
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,600
Aw, listen to Steve.

248
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,760
-He ain't changed a bit.
-Aw.

249
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,000
ANITA: I haven't even
started yet.

250
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,200
I think you should stop being
so mean to everyone.

251
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,880
Oh, look at it!
Great clothes, great brain,

252
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,640
clearly scintillating conversation,

253
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,280
but most importantly,
what every girl needs,

254
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,480
breath that smells
of horse shit.

255
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,560
Anita!

256
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,520
I can't stand this.
Can you make her leave?

257
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,440
-I'm getting
one of my headaches.
-Right.

258
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:27,920
CLEARS HER THROAT

259
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,480
Excuse me, everyone.

260
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,640
ANITA: Get upstairs, Dan.

261
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,480
Shut the door behind you.

262
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,360
SHELLY: I think
that's a very good idea.

263
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,680
Who the flaming hell
do you think you are?

264
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,840
MUFFLED ARGUMENT CONTINUES

265
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,360
PHONE RINGING

266
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,480
Can I call you back?

267
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,520
All right. Bye.

268
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,600
You do know he asked me
to marry him, don't you?

269
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,440
No, he didn't.

270
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,160
Okay, then.

271
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,440
I said no.

272
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,080
ANITA: Uncle Graeme
is a good-looking man,

273
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,960
and if she had the chance
to fuck him,

274
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,400
she would do it every minute
of the day in every orifice
she could find.

275
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,840
You stop being horrible
about Shelly or I will kill you.

276
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,840
Come on, Dan. I'm fed up
of speaking to spastics.

277
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,800
I'll come down on you
like a ton of bricks.

278
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,440
ANITA: Dan, get upstairs now,

279
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,800
or you can
stay here with this mong

280
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,920
and that fanatic we both know
is exactly like your mother,

281
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,280
except she's even thicker
than your mother,
and even more of a slag!

282
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,720
SHELLY SOBBING

283
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,840
ANITA: Oh, stop crying!

284
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,760
You people make me so angry!
You're just disgusting little chavs,

285
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:47,120
living your paltry little lives,
eating shit food and watching
the television!

286
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,800
And you're the worst of the lot,
because you're old

287
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,040
and you're hanging out with
people half your age.

288
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,800
And you have nothing!

289
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,560
You're fat, you're ugly,
you disgust me.

290
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,480
Why don't you shut up,
you silly, fat bitch?

291
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,000
Okay.

292
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,080
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

293
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,080
DOOR SLAMS

294
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,760
Was that too much?

295
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,520
No, it was good.

296
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,480
I'm worried it was a bit harsh.

297
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,440
-It was good.
-Yeah.

298
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,560
Don't worry about it.

299
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,000
Oh, good. I need a wee-wee.

300
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,440
You're nothing like my Mum.

301
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,000
I don't want to think about it.

302
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,600
Seriously. She's Northern.

303
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,640
-PAUL: Steve.
-SHELLY: I don't want to think
about it, to be honest.

304
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,200
Hello, Paul.

305
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,360
How was the course?

306
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,440
I haven't been on a course,
have I, you prick!

307
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,400
I've met someone, Steve.

308
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,200
-I'm in love.
-Right.

309
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,800
She's called Masoomah, she's 17.

310
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,000
Oh, God.

311
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,440
She's from a family of proper
hard-core Muslims.

312
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,320
Oh, my good God.

313
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,600
Like proper hard-core,
capes and veils,

314
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,880
not like these pussy ones
that wear jeans, and drink.

315
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,640
-Paul!
-She's short.

316
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,960
she's fit, she's got a prayer mat...

317
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,560
and I'm going to marry her on it.

318
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:21,920
Okay, where do I start?

319
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,280
I'm not going to live
a life of lies, Steve.

320
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,040
The moronity of it all.

321
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,360
Where's Laura?

322
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,920
-SHELLY: She's in the bathroom.
-PAUL: Brilliant.

323
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,400
She's got my telly.
Oi, don't take my telly.

324
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,280
Hurry up in there, Laura. I've got
something I want to say.

325
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,880
-LAURA: Hi, there, lover.
-DAN: Anita!

326
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,040
Oh, my God, Becks,
did you hear all that?

327
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,480
Hey! I thought we were
meant to eat that together?

328
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,200
I know what we can have with it.

329
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,040
Laura, I need to speak to you.

330
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,520
Be patient, Paul, my darling.

331
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,280
BELL RINGS

332
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,360
Anita is so horrible.

333
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,920
Apparently, she'll eat a whole
tin of corned beef, as a snack.
Dan told me.

334
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,040
380 grams.

335
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:13,400
She'll just crack open a tin
and eat it with a teaspoon.

336
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,200
Can you imagine what that's doing
to her insides?

337
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,320
380 grams of corned beef a day.

338
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,040
That's in a week, that's...

339
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,680
Are you shitting?

340
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,920
No, Paul, I'm a lady.

341
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,640
Um, that's...

342
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,240
...nearly 4 kilograms.

343
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,200
Bloody hell!

344
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,080
She eats 4 kilograms
of corned beef a week!

345
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,440
Well, I guess that's a lot.

346
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,160
I've no idea
how big a kilogram is.

347
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,800
How big's a kilogram, Becks?

348
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,840
What's that? Bag of sugar?
That's...

349
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,840
You okay? Or am I being
the world's biggest idiot again?

350
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,040
Oh, my God, Becks,
what's happened?

351
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,080
Did you ask her to marry you?

352
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,920
Julie, can I have a word?

353
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,000
JULIE: Oh, wow.
Someone's all excited.

354
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,240
Right, Laura,
I have an announcement to make.

355
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,520
No, Paul, me first.
Becks, you'll want to hear this.

356
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:31,120
Right, fine. I'll say it now,
because who gives
a fucking shit?

357
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,080
-Language, Paul.
-Oh, shut up!

358
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,680
-Paul, you're being noisy.
-Don't speak like that to me!

359
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,760
I'll speak to you how I like, Paul.
I'm pregnant.

360
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,320
No, you're not.

361
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,680
Yes, I am, Paul.

362
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,480
No, you're fucking not.

363
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,160
Oh, yes, I am, Paul.

364
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,280
SHE LAUGHS

365
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,440
You're not really, though, are you?

366
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,600
Yes!

367
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,800
Aren't I amazing?

368
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,600
I'm someone's mummy.

369
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,280
Wow, well done.

370
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,680
Sorry... Yeah.

371
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,920
Amazing! Congratulations.

372
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,480
I'm going to give birth
in a bath.

373
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,720
You'll have to get in with me,

374
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,400
and we'll name it and raise it
and love it and dress it.

375
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,560
We'll have it immunized
and feed it milk.

376
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,320
Oh, Julie babes,
we'll have so much fun.

377
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:27,560
LAURA: Julie...

378
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:32,240
Sorry, I've got to tell Julie.
She's going to be the fairy
godmother.

379
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,040
Julie babes, I've got something
I want to tell you.

380
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,840
Julie! Wait, Julie.

381
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,240
Paul, my mum's on the phone.
She wants to speak to you.

382
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,960
Come on.

383
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,480
Speak to her.

384
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,920
It's my bike.

385
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,040
I was going to sell that.

386
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,280
Can you believe the rain?

387
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,560
She's gone.

388
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,480
She won't be coming back.

389
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,840
THUNDER RUMBLES

390
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,880
Look at me.

391
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,480
I was 18.

392
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,560
It was Tenerife. It wasn't even
a real ring, it was
one of those sweets.

393
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,280
You know pick 'n' mix. I don't
know what they're called
but they're usually red.

394
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:01,440
Strawberry.

395
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,320
Pretty small, chewy.
Shaped like a ring.

396
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,680
-They're really nice.
-Yes, okay, I know them.

397
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,080
Right.

398
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,880
It was nothing.

399
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,960
It wasn't like you and me.

400
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:22,920
Becks!

401
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,480
Leave it, it'll dry itself.

402
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,840
HIGH-PITCHED
Would it help if I did a silly voice?

403
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,920
How did you feel
when she said no?

404
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,040
HE SIGHS

405
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,240
I was gutted.
HE SIGHS

406
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:05,200
I was. I was completely gutted.

407
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,800
Of course I was,
I'd just been dumped.
I'm not going to lie to you.

408
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,120
But it...

409
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,640
It doesn't mean anything.

410
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,760
If I'd have known that you existed,

411
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,840
I would have never have
given a shit about it.

412
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,080
It's not like I loved her.
I was just...

413
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:24,800
used to her.

414
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,560
CONTINUES SOBBING

415
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:35,880
I don't think
she's ever made me laugh.

416
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,240
All I wanted to do today
is help Edward, 'cause he's just a boy

417
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,720
who needs helping,
that's all.

418
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,320
I was being a good Samaritan .

419
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,960
THUNDER RUMBLES

420
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,400
Why are you quoting the <i>Bible?</i>

421
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,320
No.

422
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,880
What do you mean,
a good Samaritan?

423
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,800
Not from the <i>Bible,</i>
it's just a saying.

424
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,280
That comes from the <i>Bible.</i>

425
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,840
It's not from the <i>Bible.</i>

426
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,040
It's from the Samaritans.
It's a phone company.

427
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:30,680
Laura's pregnant.

428
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:34,160
Is she?

429
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,560
Yeah.

430
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,520
Oh, my God.
That kid's going to be
a total nightmare.

431
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,960
They'd better not bring it round.

432
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,880
Hmm, fuck that.

433
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,600
Why would anyone
want to marry Julie?

434
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,480
And Bilbo?

435
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,240
I'm not like that any more.

436
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,320
I don't know what you're like.

437
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,360
I've only known you nine months.

438
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,680
You might turn out to be
a serial killer.

439
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:25,440
You might be one of these men
that meets women, rapes
and kills them,

440
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,720
boils them in the bath
and then eats them.

441
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,480
I wish I was.
That sounds brilliant.

442
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:38,240
Thanks for getting rid of her.

443
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:39,880
It was good, wasn't it?

444
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,360
I quite enjoyed it.
I felt all manly.

445
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,000
Thank God you're not manly.

446
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,120
I'm manly.

447
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,560
No, you're not.

448
00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:58,640
Do you want to do something?

449
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:04,120
Do you wanna get out the house?
I know it's wet, but we can
get on a bus, ride about.

450
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,600
Get a bit of fresh air,
go out of town.

451
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,600
Anything you want. We can
do some shopping, go to Nando's.

452
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,720
It's a bit stuffy in here,
innit?

453
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,800
Might be nice to get out the flat.

454
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,840
HE CHUCKLES

455
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,120
<i># Come closer </i>
<i>and cuddle me tight</i>

456
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,640
<i># My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang</i>
<i>Boom-bang-a-bang</i>

457
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,600
<i># When you are near</i>

458
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,520
<i># Boom-bang-a-bang all the time</i>

459
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,320
<i># It's such a lovely feeling</i>

460
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:54,280
<i># When I'm in your arms</i>

461
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:58,120
<i># Don't go away I wanna stay</i>
<i>my whole life through</i>

462
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,080
<i># Boom-bang-a-bang</i>
<i>close to you #</i>