1
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:08,920
STEVE: She was in her 40s. She was
in the queue, sucking her thumb.
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,280
Oh, don't! Filthy bitch!
3
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:15,440
She must know it's weird,
she must know that
everyone who sees her, hates her.
4
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,120
How is it fun?
How is sucking your thumb fun?
5
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,160
Imagine where it's been.
Up her arse.
6
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:22,760
What was that?
7
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,160
-It's been up her arse.
-HE LAUGHS
8
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,760
I don't understand
where all my socks have gone.
9
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,480
I mean, she was wearing
a wedding ring.
10
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:36,680
Oh, my God!
11
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,240
How could you marry someone
who sucks their thumb?
12
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:40,960
Was she attractive?
13
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,680
No, of course not.
She had her thumb in her mouth.
14
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,160
Do you think I should, um...
Where've you gone?
15
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,080
-Oh, there you are.
-What was that?
16
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,040
Do you think I need a jumper?
17
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,640
I dunno.
18
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,680
She got off at Tottenham Hale
19
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,520
and me and this little boy
looked at each other and smiled.
20
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,480
You shouldn't be
smiling at little boys.
21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,800
THEME MUSIC PLAYING
22
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,560
DOOR OPENS
23
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,840
DOOR CLOSES
24
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,800
BECKY: Steve?
25
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,800
STEVE: I haven't got my wallet...
or my phone.
26
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,920
-STEVE: Have you got your keys?
-BECKY: No.
27
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,160
BANGING
28
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,520
-BECKY: What's wrong?
-STEVE: We're locked out.
29
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,040
-BECKY: What?
-STEVE: We're locked out.
30
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,120
BECKY: Oh, you silly wanker.
31
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,200
I haven't got my keys.
32
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,400
DRAWLY VOICE Okay, Steve.
33
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,680
Don't do impressions of my Mum.
34
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,240
When are you going to get rid
of all these?
35
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,640
When are you going to get rid
of your Mum?
36
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,280
Someone's going to trip on them.
37
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,960
Stand back, I'm gonna bash it down.
38
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,120
No! They'll charge us for the damage.
I can do it.
39
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,000
I can do it perfectly well,
thank you.
40
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,240
Okay.
41
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,880
How's it working out for you?
42
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,560
Oh, if I just...
43
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,640
Ooh, nearly!
44
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,200
Give me a pin.
45
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,120
-Why would I have a pin on me?
-I'm gonna pick the lock.
46
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,400
When have you ever picked a lock?
47
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,000
-Oh, Becky.
-Oh, let me kick it.
48
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,120
No! And have you got a pin on you
or not?
49
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,360
'Course, I don't have a pin on me.
Who goes around with
pins in their pockets?
50
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,560
-BECKY LAUGHS
-What?
51
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,840
No, it's interesting. I didn't
realize you did all your own stunts.
52
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,200
Why aren't you annoyed
about the door?
53
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,440
I guess I'm just distracted
by your hilarious T-shirt.
54
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,640
It's the only top I've got
that doesn't smell of damp.
55
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,560
Oh, yes, it does!
56
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,040
Oh, bloody hell!
57
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,080
Ooh, it's horrible, isn't it?
58
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,920
It smells like my bum.
59
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,400
You should have dried it
at the launderette.
60
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:26,480
Oh, my God!
I didn't have enough 20Ps.
61
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,200
-Oh, hello.
-All right.
62
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,720
Tidying.
63
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,840
STEVE GROANS
64
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,520
How's your door, Steve?
65
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,320
We're locked out.
66
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,040
Oh, no, that's a shame.
You'll have to wait up here with me.
67
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,120
Oh, um, we'd love to...
68
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,640
No worries.
69
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,320
...But we're actually just
heading to the cinema.
70
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,600
No...no worries.
71
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,320
My Uncle Dennis works there
and his boss goes on lunch at one.
72
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,160
Cool, yeah, I get it.
73
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,440
And we were just leaving,
but I got distracted because I was
talking about adult thumb suckers.
74
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,400
It's okay, I get it.
75
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,000
-And I forgot my phone, my wallet and
my keys, so we're in a bit of a hurry.
-Okay.
76
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,840
Otherwise we'd love to come up.
77
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,720
-Yeah.
-Don't worry, I get it.
78
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,680
-It's a bit mucky in there, anyway.
-Yeah?
79
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,800
-Yeah, I was there in the flat
and a pigeon got in.
80
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,640
Bloody hell.
81
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,000
Shat everywhere.
82
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,440
Then it died.
83
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,080
My dad sucks his thumb.
84
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,920
-Does he?
-Yeah, he's 94 and he sucks
his thumb.
85
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,680
-Laura still sucks her thumb.
-Yeah, 'course, she does.
86
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,000
She used to suck it all the time
when she was little.
87
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,440
She got bullied about it.
88
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,240
Did she?
Yeah, it was terrible, poor thing.
89
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,240
They held her down
and kicked her in the face.
90
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,840
SNIGGERING
91
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,040
Steve.
92
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,600
Steve!
93
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,120
-Did they?
-Yes, it was awful.
She was only seven.
94
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,480
CONTINUES SNIGGERING
95
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,480
Steve, it's not funny. My mum cried.
96
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:27,920
They kicked her in the face?
97
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,400
-Yes, five of them!
-LAUGHS LOUDLY
98
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,440
Why's that funny?
How is a seven-year-old getting
kicked in the face funny?
99
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,280
CONTINUES LAUGHING
100
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,200
I dunno. It just is.
101
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,400
BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING
102
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,800
Come on, let me bash it down.
103
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,520
I don't want you
to bash the door down.
104
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:06,040
Don't do that. Don't bash the door
down, bloody hell. Just use my key.
105
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,720
What?
106
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,920
You can use my key.
107
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,520
-Have you got a key to our flat, Dan?
-Yeah.
108
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,360
Dan, why do you have a key
to our flat?
109
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,680
It's from the last tenant, Ollie.
I used to hang out with his dogs.
110
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,920
Do you use it now?
111
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,120
What's that?
112
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,160
Do you ever use the key?
113
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,640
-No, course not.
-Dan?
114
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,960
No, honest. Here it is.
115
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,800
In you go.
116
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,040
Oh, Becks, I can't find my wallet.
117
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,320
Oh, where did you last have it
118
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,400
I don't know.
When I paid for the pizzas?
119
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,280
I paid for the pizzas.
120
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,560
DAN: SINGING
# ...Come true, what'll I do? #
121
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,440
-Are you all right?
-Yeah.
122
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,840
I hear you do all your own stunts.
123
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,000
Yeah, thanks, Dan.
124
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,800
Seriously, Steve, there's a bit of
a whiff from your T-shirt.
125
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,320
Thanks.
126
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,280
I thought you'd want to know.
I'd want you to tell me if I stank.
127
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:41,680
Last night,
I got my foot stuck in a fence.
I was there ages.
128
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,280
There was nothing
I could do about it.
129
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,360
Fuck, Cat Deeley's dead!
130
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,080
Oh, no. No, she's not.
131
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,720
I've looked there.
Sorry, Dan, can I, um...
132
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,000
-I've got it.
-Oh.
133
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,520
Why have you got stamps in there?
134
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,160
In case I need to send a letter.
135
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,240
Can you call my phone?
136
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,160
Who are you going to
send a letter to?
137
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:41,720
PAPER TEARING
138
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,000
Sorry.
139
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,480
CELLPHONE RINGS
140
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,320
Ah, it's over here.
141
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,040
-STEVE: Where is it then?
-BECKY: Follow the ringtone.
142
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,280
STEVE: I am doing that.
I'm looking for it, you berk.
143
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,520
BECKY: Berk?
144
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,960
STEVE: Yes, berk.
145
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,680
Oh, I think it's hiding down here.
146
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,600
MUSIC STOPS
147
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,080
BECKY: I'll call it again.
148
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,120
CELLPHONE RINGS AGAIN
149
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,800
It's over here.
150
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,760
Hang on a minute.
Ah, got it.
151
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,240
-Hello, the Marshall residence.
-Come on.
152
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,080
Oh, I've got two missed calls.
153
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,720
Come on.
154
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,520
-Have you got everything?
-Yep.
155
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,240
-Are you sure?
-FARTS
156
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,000
Oh!
157
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,080
You changed your T-shirt then.
158
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,760
Yeah, well, I don't want people
at the cinema thinking I'm a dick.
159
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,200
If anyone at the cinema
even notices you exist,
160
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,760
I promise I'll give you £400 million.
161
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,040
STEVE: Why do I never get any texts?
162
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,240
-BECKY: You got one this morning.
-STEVE: That doesn't count.
163
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,760
DOOR SHUTS
164
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,480
DOOR OPENS
165
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,360
How about you seeing her
in a pair of your pants?
166
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,120
Oh, Becky!
167
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,720
Sorry, Dan.
Forgot about you.
168
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,280
-MOANING ON COMPUTER
-Are you all right, Dan?
169
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,480
Yeah. Sorry about that,
forgot you were here.
170
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,080
Don't come in here.
171
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,800
D'you need a minute
to clear the history?
172
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,840
Okay.
173
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,560
MUMBLING
174
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,400
-Hello!
-Oh.
175
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,920
Can I...can I give you a hand?
176
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,240
No!
177
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:56,480
Shut up.
178
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,920
-Okay.
-GRUNTS
179
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,240
MRS. BAILEY GRUNTING
180
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,280
Here, take my arm.
181
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:04,960
Here.
182
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,840
Leave me alone. I'm not an imbecile.
183
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,160
Why are so many old people posh?
184
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,320
Aargh!
185
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,760
Oh, come here. Seriously.
186
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,240
Get your hands off me!
187
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,560
Bloody fucking pussy-lickers!
188
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,000
MRS. BAILEY GROANS
189
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,040
Pussy-lickers!
190
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,720
DOOR OPENS
191
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,680
LAUGHING
192
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,440
Are you all done?
193
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,360
Yeah, sorry.
194
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,440
I just... Nothing depraved,
just women with...
195
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,760
-I don't want to know.
-Okay.
196
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,680
See you later then, Dan.
197
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,760
I'm not following you.
Careful of the boxes.
198
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,400
Just putting Alison in the bins.
199
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,720
Unless you want to do it.
She hasn't got a head,
but she's nice to cuddle.
200
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000
STEVE: I'm all right, thanks, Dan.
201
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,480
-DAN: Becky?
-BECKY: I'm okay, thanks.
202
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,200
DAN: No problem. See you later.
203
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,800
DOOR OPENS
204
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,760
-BECKY: I forgot my bag.
-DAN: Whoops.
205
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,640
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING
206
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,560
WOMAN1: I can't believe that.
207
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,880
-DOOR OPENS
-WOMAN1: I can't bloody believe it.
208
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,920
How can a banana cost that?
209
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:51,000
I've never paid more than 30p
for a banana. It's bloody ridiculous.
210
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,400
Oh, they still haven't got rid
of their effing boxes!
211
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,320
Oh, they're such wankers,
I hate them!
212
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,400
They're such a pair of
lazy, bloody arseholes!
213
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:01,720
WOMAN2: Oh, calm down.
214
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,440
-I can't effing calm down!
-DOOR SLAMS
215
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,080
LAURA: My God,
we had such an amazing time, Becks.
216
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,400
It was so hot, like really hot.
It was on the equator.
217
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,160
We had to wear hats, and the hotel
was amazing, wasn't it, Paul?
218
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,400
PAUL: They had Wi-Fi.
219
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,440
And all the staff were very
respectful, you know?
220
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,480
Knew their place and did as we said.
221
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,520
The adult pool had
a diving board in it.
222
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,520
He didn't stop diving, Becks.
Mind the boxes, Paul.
223
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,160
Laura did a dive and all the men
wolf whistled at her.
224
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,320
Paul, you're embarrassing me.
225
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,920
Seriously, every man round that pool
had a stiffy.
226
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,440
It's not for me to say.
227
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,120
We're actually just on our way
to the cinema, Laura. Sorry.
228
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,120
Oh, Becks, the cinema's open 24/7.
229
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,840
Let's go inside
and look at our photos.
230
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,760
Oh, no, we do really want to see
them, definitely.
231
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,240
But we need to be at the cinema
before Dennis's boss comes back.
232
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,520
What?
233
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,600
Let us in.
234
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,320
I've got a new best friend, Adriana.
235
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,840
She was in charge of the
entertainment at the hotel.
236
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,000
Beach games, water sports, Macarena.
237
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,400
She's so fit, Gazza fucked her.
238
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,200
Have you got your key?
239
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,880
-No.
-Oh, I can't find it.
240
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,320
And I got poorly.
Didn't I, Paul?
241
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,440
Yeah, she had one of those
24-hour superbugs.
242
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,560
Hmm, I think I ate a bad peach.
243
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,400
Me and Paul booked this trip
to the ruins,
244
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,560
but obviously I couldn't go
because I was on the lavatory.
245
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,120
So Adriana took my place.
246
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,800
Yeah.
247
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,920
Did you have fun at the ruins?
248
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,840
Yeah. It was good.
249
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,920
-No, they were good ruins.
-Mm.
250
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,560
-Found it?
-Um...no.
251
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,040
-No.
-Have you got your key?
252
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,320
Er...
253
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,160
Becks, can you let me in, please?
I'm claustrophobic.
254
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:21,400
LAURA: Thank you.
Oh, my God, Becks, Spain is so camp!
255
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,240
PAUL: Every Spaniard we met was either
gay or a woman.
256
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,920
And they eat so much paella,
the Spaniards, they can't
get enough of it.
257
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,200
They have it for breakfast,
lunch and dinner, seven days a week.
258
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,640
-PAUL: And siestas.
-Yeah, they have all these siestas,
259
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,360
which means all the little locals,
all the camp little Spaniards,
260
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,040
they sleep during the day
and come out at night.
261
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,080
It's like a tradition. It goes back,
like, millions of years.
262
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,960
STEVE: That's very interesting.
Shall we, er...
263
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,000
-PAUL: Have you been to Spain, Steve?
-STEVE: No, Tenerife, but not...
264
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,040
LAURA: Oh, tell them
about the dogs, Paul.
265
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,280
They've got these mental dogs
that don't have any parents
266
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,360
and they eat shit and bark at you.
267
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,600
Paul made friends with one of them.
268
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,240
Yeah, Sparky.
269
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,120
He liked bacon, didn't he, Paul?
270
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,640
Yeah, ham.
271
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,560
-And croissants.
-Yeah.
272
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,720
LAURA AND PAUL CONTINUE CHATTING
273
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,200
Becks! I want to show you our photos.
274
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,960
Okay.
275
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,920
STEVE SIGHS
276
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,280
We're going to have to
look at their photos.
277
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,760
Can I touch your tits?
278
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:19,920
Yes.
279
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,120
We have to be nice about their photos.
280
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,680
Okay.
281
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,920
I'll text Uncle Dennis,
let him know we're running late.
282
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,720
PAUL: I wanna do it. No, Laura,
you'll get it all wrong.
283
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,960
LAURA: I won't, Paul.
284
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,400
PAUL: Yes, you will.
285
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:38,960
Sparky.
286
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,280
Steve, this is Sparky.
287
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,440
Ooh, wow!
288
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,360
Look at it properly, Steve.
It was Paul's friend.
289
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,240
CLEARS THROAT
Oh, yeah. Oh, he looks lovely.
290
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:56,960
Becky?
291
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,040
Yeah, nice.
292
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,360
He was a real ladies' dog.
Proper buff.
293
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,480
And also, just...
just a very brilliant dog.
294
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,440
He looks it.
295
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,120
Paul cried when we had to come home.
296
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,440
It was the end of an era.
297
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,720
That's our room.
298
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,640
There was this crusty old bitch
that cleaned it.
299
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,120
That's me watching Sky. They had all
the Sky movies and they had MTV
300
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,240
but it was foreign,
and Disney channel...
301
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,760
-But they didn't show
Mickey Mouse once.
-No!
302
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,400
Paul's going to write to
Walt Disney about it.
303
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,360
That's our room from the balcony.
304
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,680
That's the door that leads
to the bathroom.
305
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,400
Toilet, the bath, the sink.
306
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,960
-The hot tap was really hot,
wasn't it?
-Yeah.
307
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,520
-Was it?
-Yeah, we had to mix in some cold.
308
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,200
Okay.
309
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,760
That's me in the mirror.
'70s night.
310
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:54,840
THEY LAUGH
311
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,520
Don't know what that is.
Me in a wig.
312
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:00,680
Laura crying.
313
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,640
Some fat bloke we used to punish.
314
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,960
Him and his wife were well fat.
Really old as well.
315
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,120
Didn't get involved in anything.
316
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,480
Yeah, we hated them.
317
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,440
Everyone in our little gang did.
318
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,840
I hate shy people.
319
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,960
A lizard.
The sea.
320
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,600
-A bigger lizard.
-STEVE: Mmm.
321
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,640
This bloke we used to see
looked like Des Lynam.
322
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,320
LAUGHING
323
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,520
PAUL: Yeah.
324
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,240
GIGGLING
325
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,720
Oh, that's Adriana.
326
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,440
Oh, she looks nice, Paul.
327
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,240
Yeah.
328
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,440
-Yeah.
-We're organizing a sing-along.
329
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,040
That's me and my dinner.
330
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,560
Laura and her dinner.
331
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,400
That's me after my dinner.
Look how full I am!
332
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,800
Me doing one of my dives.
333
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,880
Laura reading.
334
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,040
LAUGHS Me dressed as a pirate.
It was pirate night.
335
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,720
A funny rock.
My collection of shells.
336
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,280
Oh, this was Ferdinando,
or something.
337
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,240
He was this short little Spaniard
who was there on his own.
338
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,960
Small bloke, wasn't he, Laura?
339
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,240
Yeah, he was small.
340
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,360
Smallest bloke in Spain?
341
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,560
Yeah.
342
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,320
Laura in her bikini.
343
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,560
One of the barmen had a motorbike
and let us use it for the shoot.
344
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,320
She kept getting beeped at,
didn't you?
345
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,640
Yeah.
And people were shouting stuff.
346
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,320
It was brilliant, Becks.
347
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,600
We got one of the scaggy old maids
to oil me.
348
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:53,800
-BECKY: Very nice.
-STEVE: Mmm!
349
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,800
-D'you like them, Becks?
-Yeah.
350
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,800
I'm going to start a portfolio,
aren't I, Paul?
351
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,160
She's going to be
the next Pamela Anderson.
352
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,480
Yeah.
353
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,760
PAUL CHUCKLES
354
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,480
Do you like this?
355
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,240
It was only a fiver.
356
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:15,680
Yeah, it's lovely.
357
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,480
Carry on, Paul.
358
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,880
I think we're coming to the end
of them now.
359
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,000
And these are just in the airport.
360
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,040
Okay. Well, what a lot of
excellent photos.
361
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:30,000
Thanks for showing us. Been lovely
to see you both, but we...
362
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,440
Give them their present, Paul.
363
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,600
Oh, yeah.
364
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,640
Now, I know you've gotta go, Steve,
but Paul went to a lot of effort
to get this.
365
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,280
Oh, that's nice.
366
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,400
PAUL: It's shower gel and shit.
367
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:43,760
Thank you.
368
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,760
Oh, wow, thanks, Paul.
369
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,320
There's biscuits in there, too.
370
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:49,400
Thanks.
371
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,800
We made friends with the skanky maid
so she'd give us more.
372
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,680
Yeah, and I raided her trolley.
373
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,240
That's really nice of you.
Thanks, Paul.
374
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,280
No worries. You'd do it for me.
375
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,320
Okay, you can go now, Becks.
376
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,920
Me and Paul are going to go round
Shelly's and give her her sombrero.
377
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,120
Well, thanks for coming round,
Laura.
378
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,080
Glad you both had such a nice time.
379
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,120
You didn't mention my tan, Becks.
380
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:16,880
Yeah, looks great.
381
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,160
Thank you. Arm, give me your arm.
382
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,320
-See?
-Yeah.
383
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:27,880
So when are we going to see you next?
384
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,600
-Dunno, soon?
-Thursday?
385
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,160
-Are you around, Thursday?
-Maybe.
386
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,440
Or Friday.
We could do something Friday.
387
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,280
-Okay.
-I'm also free Tuesday or Wednesday.
388
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:40,360
-Great.
-So Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday or Friday then.
389
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,520
-Yeah.
-Cool.
390
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,480
I'll put it in my new calendar.
391
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,560
-PAUL: Did you bring the dongle
so we can show them to Shelly?
-LAURA: Yes, Paul.
392
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,000
Dan, we're off now.
393
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,640
Yes, yeah. Definitely, yes.
394
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,640
Or I could go and get the photos
from when I went to Hastings?
395
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,800
We're just about to leave, Dan.
396
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,920
All right.
397
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,840
Plymouth?
398
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,520
Come on.
399
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,400
Sorry, I'm just trying to think what
I'm going to do
for the rest of the day.
400
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,600
Internet? Go on the internet.
401
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,240
No, my laptop's
covered in pigeon shit.
402
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:18,440
Anita?
403
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,280
No, she's in Aberdeen.
404
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,640
-Aberdeen?
-What's she doing there?
405
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,000
Who knows?
406
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,320
It's dry.
407
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,560
Thanks.
408
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,640
Right, I'll go and collect my parcel.
409
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,600
Okay.
410
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,840
KEYS JINGLING
411
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,920
-Bye, then.
-BOTH: Bye!
412
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,720
Ain't it annoying
when you have to be nice to people?
413
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,080
Have you got everything? Yes.
414
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,280
Come on.
415
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:36,680
Wait! Oh, keys.
416
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,640
No. Wallet.
417
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,240
Sorry, come on.
418
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,880
STEVE: Yeah, so, what films are on?
419
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,080
I don't know, we'll just see
whatever's on when we get there.
420
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,120
STEVE: Hang on a minute.
I'm going to get cold, aren't I?
421
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,720
You'll be fine, Steve, it's sunny.
422
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,760
Doesn't mean it's warm.
423
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,400
EXASPERATED Can we just go
to the cinema?
424
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,800
Say it in a deep voice.
425
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,920
DEEP VOICE Can we just go
to the cinema?
426
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,520
CHUCKLES Yes.
427
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,680
Come on, we are so late.
428
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,840
CLATTERING, SCREAMING
429
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,240
-Oh, bloody hell.
-Fuck!
430
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,440
MRS. BAILEY: Help me!
431
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,000
GROANS
432
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,520
Oh, God!
433
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:39,880
It's 20 past.
434
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:44,000
Bloody shit-eating dog-fuckers!
435
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,280
We could go to the cinema tomorrow.
436
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:47,880
He doesn't work Tuesdays,
we'd have to pay.
437
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,360
I'm not paying to watch a film.
438
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,280
MRS. BAILEY GROANS
439
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,360
Shall we just leave her?
440
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,080
GROANING I need my Alfred.
441
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,640
Help me.
442
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,240
-Hi, are you okay?
-No.
443
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,400
BECKY: We didn't see you down there.
Are you okay?
444
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,920
What happened?
445
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,400
Your boxes, I slipped
on your bloody boxes,
446
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,280
you fucking rapist!
447
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,920
Rapist!
448
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,360
Fucking pussy-licker!
449
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:29,560
Fucking minge-fingering animal
pussy-lickers!
450
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,320
I'll call an ambulance.
451
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,720
GROANING
452
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:39,080
Ah! Fucking...rapist pussy-lickers!
453
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,520
# My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
454
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,360
# Boom-bang-a-bang
when you are near
455
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,240
# Boom-bang-a-ban-bang all the time
456
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:52,080
# It's such a lovely feeling
457
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,360
# When I'm in your arms
458
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,880
# Don't go away, I'm gonna stay
my whole life through
459
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,720
# Boom-bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you #