1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,200
BECKY: You'd better get it out.
2
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:09,520
STEVE: You dropped it!
3
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,480
-I really need a piss.
-Well, don't piss on it!
4
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,320
Are you gonna get it out or not?
5
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,400
I'm not touching it!
6
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,200
Think of all the things
I've done in there.
7
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,440
Ugh.
8
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,000
How much would I have to
pay you to eat it? CHUCKLES
9
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,320
Fuck it.
10
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,640
Oh, Becky!
11
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,960
-What shall I do with it?
-Don't put it near me.
It's dripping!
12
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,360
-Stop shouting!
-Don't put it in the sink!
13
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,440
-Oh, for God's sake!
-GASPS
14
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,120
I'm never having a bath, ever again!
15
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,280
'Cause you're always having baths,
aren't you?
16
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,520
Do you want some water?
17
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,040
URINE TRICKLES
18
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,320
-Steve?
-I can't wee and talk
at the same time.
19
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,400
Make sure it all goes in the loo.
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,320
THEME MUSIC PLAYING
21
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,520
-URINE TRICKLES
-Ugh!
22
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,640
You know, one of the perks
of living with you
23
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,520
is every time I need the toilet,
I get to tread in your wee.
24
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,480
TOILET FLUSHES
25
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,920
You planned saying that, didn't you?
26
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,160
Yep.
27
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,360
Does Laura know
we're getting up early?
28
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,960
Yeah, I told her.
29
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,320
-You all right?
-Yeah.
30
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,320
You're putting toothpaste
on your head.
31
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,320
I've got a spot coming.
It dries the skin out.
32
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,200
Of course it does.
33
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,480
What are we gonna do
if one of us dies?
34
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:21,640
We're not gonna die.
35
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,280
GRUNTS
36
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,880
We look a bit like each other.
37
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,560
Fuck off!
38
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,360
GROWLS PLAYFULLY
39
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,040
Steve!
40
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,000
Do you think you'd be upset
if Laura died?
41
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,960
Mmm, no, but if she died, do you think
you'd feel genuinely sad,
42
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,080
or would you start to feel better
after an hour or so?
43
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,200
-Steve.
-What?
44
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,440
She's my sister.
45
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,640
I think I'd probably
like her more if she was dead.
46
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,520
That's better.
47
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,800
Oh, Laura was such a nice person.
48
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:21,240
She was really intelligent,
she said such interesting things.
49
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,760
I miss her so much!
50
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,480
-Why couldn't they take me instead?
-KNOCK AT DOOR
51
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,200
Becks, I really need my poo now.
52
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,000
Okay, Laur. We're nearly done.
53
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,080
No one needs a poo
this time of night.
54
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,040
Okay, Steve.
55
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,400
Was that an impression of my Mum?
56
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,000
LAURA: Becks, the loo roll's wet!
57
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,560
Have a look in the cupboards.
58
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,400
Fine, I'll do impressions
of your Mum, then.
59
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,760
Okay, Steve.
60
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,040
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE
I'm a silly little bitch
61
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,520
and my husband
basically walks all over me
62
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,800
and I've got a shit sense of humor
and I go to church.
63
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,240
LAURA FARTS, GRUNTS
64
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,000
Wow.
65
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,560
It's no worse than what you said.
66
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,320
Bloody hell!
67
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,360
Paul, mate, are you
gonna put some clothes on?
68
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,760
GRUNTS I wanna sleep with my knob out.
69
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,960
CLEARS THROAT Okay.
70
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,760
Shell, can you move your head?
71
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,520
MUMBLES
72
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,160
Shell!
73
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,880
Can you move your head, Shelly?
I need to get an egg.
74
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,040
WHIMPERS
75
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,920
Come on, mate.
Put your pants back on.
76
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,120
Are you gonna make that bitch
clean her fucking teeth?
77
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,880
Just put something on, yeah?
78
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,440
In the morning
her breath's like cat shit.
79
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,800
You stink of cat shit!
80
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,320
Put your clothes on, Paul.
81
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,320
She kisses me in the morning.
82
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,880
It's like kissing
a fucking litter tray!
83
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,840
STEVE: Paul!
84
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,920
Stop shouting, Paul.
You're causing a disturbance.
85
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,280
STEVE: Come on, mate.
86
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,440
-Did I tell you about Karleshia,
Becks?
-Yeah.
87
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,720
-She's the one whose job
I'm overtaking.
-Yeah, you said.
88
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,400
It's like a fairy story.
89
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:40,000
One minute she's on
the perfume counter at Boots
the next minute, she's on X Factor.
90
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,160
You said, Laur.
91
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,120
They put her through to bootcamp,
but she didn't make the finals
'cause it's fixed.
92
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,640
Karleshia?
93
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:51,080
All I'm saying is,
everything happens for a reason
and you make your own luck.
94
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,760
Hmm, Laura, you've got
toothpaste on your cheek.
95
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,080
I've got a spot coming, Steve.
96
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,160
It dries the skin out.
97
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,000
Well, you both look
absolutely lovely.
98
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,440
STEVE: Ugh, Becky!
99
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,400
You'll be the ones
with the hangovers.
100
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,840
LAURA: Julie Taylor said
you get talent spotters
101
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,680
hanging round the perfume counter
looking for the next Jordan.
102
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,880
BECKY: Yes, I know, Laur.
You were telling us in the pub.
103
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,560
LAURA: I mean,
I know I'll never be a WAG,
104
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,720
but there's plenty
of other things you can do,
105
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,160
be a trendsetter,
or a famous novelist.
106
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,640
BECKY: You okay to go to sleep now,
Laur? We're getting up early,
remember?
107
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,840
Well, sorry, everyone. I thought
this was meant to be a sleepover
108
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,000
to celebrate my new career,
but obviously I've become mistaken.
109
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,600
It's not a sleepover.
You missed your bus.
110
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,360
You'll know this, Steve.
111
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,840
When Julie Taylor goes to sleep,
she's completely nude.
112
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:45,960
Okay, Laura.
113
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,000
She wears nothing, not a stitch.
114
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,800
She's completely and utterly nude
apart from a pair of wax earplugs.
115
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,000
Okay, that's enough
about Julie Taylor, Laura.
116
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,560
Don't worry, Becks.
She's not interested in Steve.
117
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,960
She's shagging a Chinaman.
118
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,080
Laura!
119
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,560
Okay, fine, I'll keep
myself to myself.
120
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,600
Good night, everyone.
121
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,720
-BECKY: Good night, Laura.
-STEVE: Good night, Laura.
122
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,320
Good night, Paul.
123
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,320
Have you taken your pill?
124
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,680
Yes, Paul.
125
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,120
I love you.
126
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,880
PAUL GRUNTS
127
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,960
I love you, Paul,
128
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,880
with all my heart.
129
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,920
Sweet dreams, everyone.
130
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,960
Sweet dreams, everyone.
131
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,320
-Sweet dreams, Laura.
-Sweet dreams, Laura.
132
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,960
May all your wishes come true.
133
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,040
-I haven't got any!
-Nor have I!
134
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,960
Oh, the zip's in my face.
135
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:29,000
FAINT DRIPPING
136
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,080
DRIPPING CONTINUES
137
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,840
Becks?
138
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,760
Becks, I think there's a drip.
139
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,600
There's definitely a drip, Becks.
140
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,480
-Steve, sort it out.
-You sort it out.
141
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,480
-I'm all comfy.
-So am I.
142
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,840
Maybe it's just me,
143
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,160
but that sounds like blood dripping
from the wounds of a ghost.
144
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,720
Brilliant. I need another wee.
145
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,320
Don't tread on me, Steve.
146
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,960
I'm not gonna tread on you.
147
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,000
Put the light on if you're weeing.
148
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,000
LAURA: I saw another ghost on Tuesday.
149
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,400
Me and Paul wanted to contact
the dead, or the living dead,
150
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,800
and find out what they know,
151
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,680
so we went to this seance from
a leaflet Paul got, and we came home
152
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,800
and I was being sick
153
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:50,440
and I looked in the mirror and
there was this presence hovering
behind me.
154
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,160
DRIPPING GETS FASTER
155
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,440
She was 12 and a half,
156
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,960
she was from the Dark Ages
and she was covered
157
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,000
from head to toe...
158
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,760
-PLASTIC BOTTLES CLATTER
-...in animal blood.
159
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,320
I think she wanted revenge on
whoever it was that covered
her in animal blood.
160
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,320
That's what it's like
being a ghost.
161
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,640
You bear a grudge
and the devil doesn't help,
162
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,600
winding them up,
chipping away at their self-esteem.
163
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,520
Did it all go in the toilet?
164
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,840
Yeah. Can we go to sleep, Laura?
165
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,360
You didn't see a ghost.
They don't exist.
166
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,720
They do exist, Steve.
I've seen four.
167
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,160
-And at the seance
we spoke to Elvis.
-BECKY: All right, Laura.
168
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,640
Elvis didn't say much, but
what he did say was fucking
terrifying.
169
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,000
YAWNING Oh, Paul, please!
170
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,680
I've got a sixth sense for it.
Danny told me.
171
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,560
He's the wizard that did the seance.
172
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:50,040
I've got all the normal
five senses, seeing,
hearing, thinking and touch,
173
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,800
but I've also got
a sixth sense, ghosts.
174
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,360
Oh, my God!
175
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,200
Okay, that's enough
about ghosts, Laura.
176
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,440
Let's get some sleep.
177
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,200
We've got a very big day tomorrow,
we're getting up very early.
178
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,720
Okay.
179
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,680
Good night, everyone.
180
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,360
Sweet dreams, Paul.
181
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,680
And may all your wishes come true.
182
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,600
Paul and I are thinking
of going to Spain for a week.
183
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,280
SIGHS
184
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,160
TINNY MUSIC FROM EARPHONES
185
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,000
SIGHS Laura!
186
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:18,760
Turn your iPod off!
187
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,080
SIGHS God, it's like living
in a concentration camp!
188
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,840
DAN: Steve?
189
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,920
-BECKY SIGHS
-DAN: Steve.
190
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,680
I think there's someone
at the door, everybody.
191
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,440
-DAN: Steve?
-Get rid of him.
192
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,160
Are you awake, Steve?
I think I heard your voice.
193
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,280
-KNOCKING AT DOOR
-DAN: Steve!
194
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,600
-KNOCKING CONTINUES
-DAN: Steve, Steve!
195
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,680
-Brilliant!
-Don't tread on me.
196
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,880
How can I tread on you?
You're on the sofa!
197
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,320
-KNOCKING CONTINUES
-LAURA: So, at this seance,
198
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,960
Paul spoke to Roy, the scuzzy old
man that used to look after him.
199
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,720
PAUL: He wasn't scuzzy.
He was my friend.
200
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,400
All right, Steve.
201
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,840
Dan, it's really late.
202
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,120
Yeah, sorry.
203
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,240
I was just passing, thought
I'd pop in, see if you're okay.
204
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,920
Yep, I'm fine, thanks.
205
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,840
Good, good.
206
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,080
Okay, well, thanks for checking up...
207
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,640
Me and Anita split up.
208
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,720
Yeah.
209
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,840
-Sorry, mate.
-Yeah.
210
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,240
Well, I'm sure it'll work itself
out. It has before.
211
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,040
Not this time, Steve.
212
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,720
Okay.
213
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,200
I've been crying on a bench.
214
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,720
I got hit by a boy.
215
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,320
Oh, bloody hell!
216
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,760
He took my wallet.
217
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,760
There's nothing in it. I don't know
why I carry it round with me.
218
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,160
Okay, well, Dan, it's gone one.
219
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,760
We've actually got Laura,
Paul and Shelly staying,
220
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,800
and me and Becky have got a really
big day ahead of us tomorrow.
221
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,840
We're watching a whole series
of 24 in 24 hours,
222
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,080
it's gonna be pretty exhausting,
so why don't you...
223
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,040
Don't make me be alone tonight.
224
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,400
Don't.
225
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,200
Look at me, I've got nothing.
226
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,560
I can't be alone tonight.
227
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,600
I won't cause any bother.
228
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,960
I know.
229
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,600
I'll kip in the bath if you want,
I don't mind.
230
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,280
I won't come in the bedroom.
231
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,120
You don't have to talk to me.
232
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,240
I know, but...
233
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,360
You won't even know I'm here.
234
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,280
But I can't go up there tonight.
235
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,920
Some really dreadful things
have happened.
236
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,600
Mmm-hmm, I know,
but there's no space...
237
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,600
She fucked her uncle, Steve.
238
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,760
-Sorry?
-Anita.
239
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,240
She fucked her uncle.
That's why we split up.
240
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,320
-She fucked her uncle?
-Keep your voice down!
241
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,320
What, as in her auntie's husband?
242
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,560
Her dad's brother.
243
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,720
Should've seen it coming.
244
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,320
I don't know what to say.
245
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,000
There's nothing to say.
246
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,360
It was her nan's birthday, they had
a barbeque, one thing led to another
247
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,520
and she ended up
fucking her uncle in the shed.
248
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,320
You'd better come in.
249
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,000
-Is anyone in the inflatable chair?
-No.
250
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,520
Excellent.
251
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,920
STEVE CLEARS HIS THROAT
252
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,520
Everyone. Dan's had a, um...
253
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,600
He's had a bit of bad news, so he's
gonna be joining us for the night.
254
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,440
What's happened?
255
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,920
Me and Anita split up.
256
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,360
Oh, no! Sorry, Dan.
257
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,720
Sorry to hear that, Dan.
258
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,000
Yeah, thanks.
259
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,800
MUMBLES SLEEPILY
260
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,760
Thanks, Paul.
261
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,400
What happened?
262
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,680
Just didn't
sort of see eye to eye.
263
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,480
On a matter
concerning her uncle.
264
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,480
Then later on,
I got hit with a brick.
265
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,200
A brick?
266
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,200
Oh, bloody hell!
267
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,880
I might get something cold
for my head.
268
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,200
How could I say no?
269
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,160
LAURA: You're not really gonna
let him stay, are you, Steve?
270
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,720
STEVE: I'm not gonna kick him out.
He's sad.
271
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,560
LAURA: What if I wake up
and find him licking me?
272
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,520
-BECKY: He's not gonna lick you,
Laura.
-LAURA: He might.
273
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,040
STEVE: He's not going to lick you.
274
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,760
LAURA: I can't believe
you're letting him sleep here.
There's already four of us.
275
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,840
What if we run out of air?
276
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,040
STEVE: Well, then I'll open
a window.
277
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,360
-LAURA: What if he's sick on me?
-STEVE: Why would he be sick on you?
278
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,440
BECKY: Laura, he's not gonna lick you
and he's not gonna be sick on you
279
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,000
and we're not gonna run out of air,
I promise.
280
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,000
LAURA: Okay, well, don't say
I didn't warn you.
281
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,120
STEVE: My God! Look,
he's just having a really bad time
282
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,640
-and needs a bit of company.
-BECKY: Steve...
283
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,400
He's going to sleep
and he's not gonna bother anyone,
284
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,680
so just, please,
just leave him alone!
285
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,840
LAURA: Well, all I'm saying is,
I can't sleep if he's
gonna be in here.
286
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,960
-BECKY: Yes, you can, Laura.
-I can't, Becks.
287
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,560
So, I'm gonna use this opportunity
to get on with a bit of admin.
288
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,160
Now, Steve, about the wedding.
289
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,880
Oh, Laura, please! Fuck's sake!
290
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,200
We're gonna buy some birds,
tie ribbons to their beaks
291
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,200
and fly them round the church
while we make our vows.
292
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,080
-Are you joking?
-No, Steve.
293
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,360
I have a number for an aviary.
294
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,880
Now, as best man, you'll be
in charge of feeding them.
295
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,400
Do you know what, Laura? We've got
people spread all over our flat,
296
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,480
I'm tired, every time I close my eyes,
I see a ghost covered in animal blood.
297
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,080
-Do you?
-Yes.
298
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,840
I've got a whole day
of watching 24 ahead of me.
299
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,160
It's going to be so draining!
300
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,640
So, right now
I couldn't give a flying fuck
301
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,440
about your wedding, which you
haven't even set a date for!
302
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,760
Good night.
303
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,880
PAUL CHUCKLES
304
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,040
I can see what Shelly means now.
305
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,360
-Laura, go to sleep.
-Yes, I will.
306
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,400
But I'm just saying, Becks,
I can understand now
307
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,440
some of the things Shelly was
saying tonight about Steve.
308
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,560
Okay, enough, Laura.
309
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,520
Well, what does that mean?
What did Shelly say about me?
310
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,520
She said she doesn't like you.
311
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,440
Yeah, good one. Thanks, Laura.
312
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:40,720
As if!
313
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,760
It's nothing personal, but from
the moment she laid eyes on you,
314
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,000
she's hated your guts.
315
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,160
Oh, as if, Laura!
316
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240
She thinks I'm funny,
doesn't she, Becks?
317
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,760
Becks?
318
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,320
I think she doesn't really
319
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,800
get you?
320
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,560
What does that mean?
321
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,360
Becky.
322
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,400
BECKY: It doesn't mean anything.
Just get Dan and let's go to sleep.
323
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,000
STEVE: What do you mean, she doesn't
get me? What is there to get?
324
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,960
BECKY: Sometimes when you get
a bit drunk, you do silly things.
325
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,360
I think it's funny
and everyone else thinks it's funny
326
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,200
but sometimes Shelly just
can't understand, Shelly's like that.
327
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,720
-She thinks you might be deranged.
-STEVE: But you know me...
328
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,200
I'm just having a laugh...
I'm joking around.
329
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,360
LAURA: Well, the truth is, Steve,
she's terrified of you.
330
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,640
STEVE: No, she's not!
Why would anyone be scared of me?
331
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,720
Okay, name two things
Shelly doesn't like about me.
332
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,480
-She thinks you're lazy.
-SCOFFS As if!
333
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,800
She finds you physically repulsive.
334
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,720
-Laura!
-And on the way home,
335
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,800
she said you were sexually
intimidating.
336
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,480
-When?
-In the kebab shop.
337
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,880
She thought you were gonna rape her.
338
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,720
What? I'd never rape anyone.
Would I, Becks?
339
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,080
No, Steve.
You'd never rape anyone.
340
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,000
And if I was gonna rape someone,
I certainly wouldn't do it
in a kebab shop.
341
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,280
I wouldn't do it anywhere.
342
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,200
Look, Shelly likes me.
We were having a laugh tonight.
343
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,720
She liked my impression
of an earthworm.
344
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,480
No, she didn't.
No one did.
345
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,120
She said you had wandering eyes.
346
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,240
I did not have wandering eyes!
347
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,120
Oh, why have you stood up?
348
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,360
The...
349
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,560
They're not my wandering eyes,
350
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:19,480
they're the wandering eyes
of a sexually intimidating earthworm.
351
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,880
Oh, look, you've completely
missed the point of my impression
of an earthworm.
352
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,240
Steve. You're an adult,
353
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,840
you have an impression
of an earthworm and you did it
in a kebab shop.
354
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,200
She's bound to think you're weird.
355
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,720
Now, turn the light off
and go to sleep.
356
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,120
Oh...
357
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,320
Oh, bloody hell!
358
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,720
STEVE: This is ridiculous.
359
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,760
I've never had
someone dislike me before.
360
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:57,640
Well, that's bollocks.
361
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,080
STEVE: What do you mean,
"that's bollocks"?
362
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,720
BECKY CHUCKLES
363
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,960
BECKY: What do you mean, you've never
had someone dislike you before?
364
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,120
STEVE: No one dislikes me.
I'm nice, I'm a nice bloke.
365
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,800
I smile at people.
366
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,160
-Dan!
-STEVE: I'm Nice.
367
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,920
Sorry.
368
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,480
Sorry for waking you.
369
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:14,560
Are you okay?
370
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:15,840
Not really.
371
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,800
Me and Anita split up
372
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,000
and a ten-year-old
bashed my head in.
373
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,080
I don't feel great,
if I'm honest, Shelly.
374
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,920
I think you're great, Dan.
375
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,800
I think you're really lovely.
376
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,200
Go on.
377
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,680
I wouldn't change a thing about you.
378
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,280
What about my face?
379
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,440
Or my body?
380
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,840
I think you're a
wonderful human being.
381
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,680
You're a perfect gentleman.
I wouldn't change a thing.
382
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,040
Oh, don't go to sleep.
383
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,960
Shelly, say something else.
384
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,320
Shelly?
385
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,720
Shelly!
386
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,800
What about Jamie?
He hates you.
387
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,240
Yeah, well? I hate him.
388
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,960
Some of the boys me and Shelly used
to work with, they didn't like you.
389
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,240
I've never met them!
390
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,400
Hayley, Kelly, Rebecca.
391
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,640
They think you're a twat.
392
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,880
No, they don't!
393
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,080
You told them
you worked for Formula One.
394
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,520
Oh, come on, that was funny!
395
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,040
All my mates think you're a pussy.
396
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:29,320
No one likes you, Steve,
because you've got wandering eyes.
397
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,600
They are not my wandering eyes.
398
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,000
They are the wandering eyes
of an earthworm.
399
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,000
Oh, bloody earthworm.
400
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,880
No, I can't hold it in, Becks.
I'm gonna have to do
another wee-wee.
401
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,120
-Dan?
-Sorry.
402
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,120
-You okay?
-Yeah. You?
403
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,360
Yeah.
404
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,400
I did my earthworm in a kebab shop
and it went down wrong.
405
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,600
Bad luck, mate. Do you wanna
do it now and I'll laugh?
406
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,960
No, you're all right.
407
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,000
Can I try one?
408
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,200
Let's get some sleep, eh?
409
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,640
Yeah.
410
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,800
Yeah, I'll just finish this.
411
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,720
No, don't eat that, mate.
412
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,640
No, come on, come on.
Come on, don't eat that.
413
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,680
Oi, Becky.
Come here and fuck me.
414
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,520
For God's sake!
415
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,440
DAN: It's really nice. Do you want
some? It's frozen sweet corn.
416
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,480
You can have them in the summer
instead of popcorn.
417
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,040
You coming to bed?
418
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,200
You've, um, you've got something
on your face, Becky.
419
00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,640
Yeah, it's toothpaste.
420
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,640
Oh, right. Looks nice.
421
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,400
Oh, come on.
422
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,760
We need our sleep for 24.
423
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,560
I think the toilet's leaking, Becks.
424
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,880
There's wet all over the floor
in there.
425
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,280
Okay, thanks, Laura.
426
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:25,880
I thought it all went in!
427
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,920
SNORTS You're a delight to live with,
do you know that?
428
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,400
Hey!
429
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,840
You still like me, don't you?
430
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:36,920
Yeah, loads. Love you to bits.
431
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,600
No, but...
432
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,160
You're glad you moved in with me.
433
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,680
Yes, it's been fantastic, come on!
434
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,280
No, I know, but, I'm, I'm cool.
435
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,680
Aren't I? I'm a cool kind of guy
to live with.
436
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,360
Mmm, yeah, really cool.
I mean, look at you now.
437
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,680
Becky!
438
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,880
It's not nice when you find out
someone doesn't like you.
439
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,360
Oh, come on,
it's just Laura winding you up.
440
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,160
And anyway, you've got me.
441
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,040
Who gives a fuck
what anyone else thinks?
442
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,800
Night, Shell.
443
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,240
SNORING
444
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:18,920
Oh, you have gotta be joking.
445
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,360
Steve, will you shut Dan up?
446
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,360
Why are you in my bed?
447
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,200
Paul's my fiance, Steve. I think
I'm allowed to sleep next to him.
448
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,160
Laura, you're in our bed, though.
449
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,440
I know, Becks. Can you shut Dan up?
I'm trying to sleep.
450
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,320
Dan! Stop snoring!
451
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:36,800
SNORING STOPS
452
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,520
LOUD SNORE
453
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,920
Oh, put your finger under his nose.
454
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,640
I'm not touching his nose!
455
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,280
I read somewhere that the best way
to stop someone snoring
456
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:48,840
is to put a goose in the room.
457
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,160
Oh, okay, I'll do that, then!
458
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,120
Put your finger under his
nose! It'll stop him snoring.
459
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,840
Are you thinking of sneezing?
460
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,320
No.
461
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,840
When someone's snoring,
you put a finger under his no...
462
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,680
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm thinking of sneezing.
463
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,200
Hit him, Steve.
Punch him in the face.
464
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,880
I'm not, I'm not gonna
punch him in the face!
465
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,680
Will you get out of our bed?
466
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,280
SHE SIGHS
467
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,440
There's room for one more in here,
Becks.
468
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,160
Come on. In you come.
469
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,840
Snuggle up next to me.
470
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,720
That's it, in you come.
471
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,680
Snuggle up, snuggle up, Becks.
That's it.
472
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,640
How is this fair?
473
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:37,200
That's it. Oh, this is nice, isn't
it? It's like when we were kiddies.
474
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:40,080
# Come closer
and cuddle me tight #
475
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,880
-Oh, careful though, Becks.
Paul's got a hard-on.
-Ugh!
476
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,840
# My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
477
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,760
# Boom bang-a-bang when you are near
478
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,560
# Boom bang-a-bang bang all the time
479
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:55,440
# It's such a lovely feeling
480
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,120
# When I'm in your arms
481
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,680
# Don't go away, I wanna stay
My whole life through
482
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,800
# Boom bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you #