1
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,520
MUNCHING
2
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,360
Careful. It's electric.
3
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,480
You're bleeding again.
4
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,680
Do you want to lick it?
5
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:28,480
No.
6
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,040
-No!
-Come on. Don't be a dick.
7
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,040
Steve.
8
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,280
If you loved me,
you'd lick my blood.
9
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,960
Seriously, Becks!
You'll electrocute yourself.
10
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,600
I'll be the one
that has to tell your parents.
11
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,560
Is that your only problem
with me electrocuting myself?
12
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:49,880
Yes.
13
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,440
It just doesn't make any sense.
14
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,800
Mmm.
15
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,480
I've just moved in
with the world's biggest idiot.
16
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,040
THEY SIGH
17
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,040
Shall we unpack your stuff?
18
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,120
Ugh.
19
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,720
THEME MUSIC PLAYING
20
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:02,000
I was thinking
we should make a rota.
21
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:07,680
Becks.
22
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,160
I was thinking of making a rota.
23
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,040
Yeah, I heard you.
I was ignoring you.
24
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,520
Just for the cleaning and stuff.
25
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,280
What are we going to clean?
26
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,560
I don't know. The kitchen? The loo?
27
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,440
What's the point of cleaning
something if you're only
going to go and shit in it?
28
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,200
Or the washing up.
29
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,120
-Oh, please can we get...
-We're not getting paper plates.
30
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,280
Mmm.
31
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,120
You're salty.
32
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,360
I got sweaty bringing the stuff up.
33
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,480
Mmm.
34
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:54,760
HE TUTS
35
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,680
Becky.
36
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,840
All the hangers
have to face the same way.
37
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:10,960
What?
38
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,200
Are you a lunatic?
39
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,080
It makes it easier
when you take them out.
40
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,760
DOORBELL RINGS
41
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,680
If you make a rota,
I'll kill myself.
42
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,280
Shelly!
43
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,000
Where are the others?
44
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,160
I'm early.
45
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,920
Oh, okay, come in.
46
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,120
All right, Shell?
47
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,320
Oh, what's it like out?
48
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,840
It's lovely. Yeah. Very nice.
49
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,000
Good.
50
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,520
Well, congratulations on the move.
51
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,600
I got you this.
52
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,080
Oh.
53
00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,520
It's come back.
54
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,080
Aw. That's lovely.
55
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,000
Aw! Thanks, Shell.
56
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,560
Kieran made it. He's got these pens.
57
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,360
He's a clever boy.
58
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,680
Yeah. His father was a judge.
59
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,760
I need a wee.
60
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,800
SHE CHUCKLES
61
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,760
Shall I wait in there
till the others arrive?
62
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,800
-That's a good idea.
-Oh, okay.
63
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,560
How did she meet a judge?
64
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,480
Oh, Becky, Steve. Before I forget.
65
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,000
Yeah?
66
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,680
I bumped into Julie Taylor.
67
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,680
DOORBELL RINGS
68
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:58,960
I'll get that.
69
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,960
-I've known her for ages,
'cause I used to shag her Dad.
-Oh, did you?
70
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,280
I've moved in!
71
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,480
Congratulations.
72
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,560
Oh, my God, Becks.
73
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,760
You're never going to guess
who got me a job interview,
is she, Paul?
74
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,120
-Julie Taylor.
-Paul.
75
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,600
I apologize for that, Becks.
I wanted you to guess.
76
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,560
So, she's moved in.
77
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,200
Steve, I was just in Boots
for my Omega 3,
and guess who works there now?
78
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,600
-Julie Taylor?
-Yes, Steve. Well done.
79
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,720
God, she's hot, Becks.
She's like something out of Nuts.
80
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,080
Lovely.
81
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,120
And she remembered me from Brownies,
because I had all the badges,
82
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,440
and I told her about you and Steve,
and she's got me a job interview.
83
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,560
-They're going to stick her
on the perfume counter.
-I don't know about that.
84
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,880
-They will. They stick all
the fit ones on the perfume counter.
-LAURA CHUCKLES
85
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,200
I didn't know you went out
with Julie Taylor, Steve.
86
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,280
Yeah,
I was a very different person then.
87
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,920
I tell you, if I got on the end
of that, I'd bang it
till its teeth came out.
88
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,760
-Paul.
-What? I would.
89
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,560
She said she's popping round.
Shelly told her where you live.
90
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:57,920
Oh, did she?
91
00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,440
Sorry.
92
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,600
Don't worry, Becks.
She's out of Steve's league.
93
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,040
Just put something nice on.
Something slutty. Make the effort.
94
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,760
Wear your Ben Sherman.
Don't be a dick.
95
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,720
-Ooh, I really need a wee-wee.
-So do a wee-wee.
96
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,320
She's "popping round"?
97
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,880
PAUL AND SHELLY CHAT
IN THE BACKGROUND
98
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,680
Who just "pops round"
their ex-boyfriend's house?
99
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,240
SCOFFS
100
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,560
-What?
-Do people still do that?
101
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,280
Yes.
102
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,120
-Really?
-Yes.
103
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,120
SHE SNIGGERS
104
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,240
It's come straight off a tree.
Of course I'm going to rub it.
105
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,400
I'm not just going to eat something
that's been on a tree!
106
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,920
All right.
107
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:43,960
Bloody hell.
108
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,320
If she comes round,
we'll just get rid of her.
109
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,760
Then you and me will snuggle up
and have sex on a chair.
110
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,440
-Really?
-Yeah.
111
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,880
-I'd love that.
-I know you would.
112
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,000
Thanks.
113
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,320
LAURA: So, in future, just make sure
you're not here before Paul and I,
114
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,960
because frankly, Shelly
Becky's my sister,
and you're fucking rude.
115
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,880
I didn't want to wait in the rain.
116
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,000
I've said everything
I've got to say on the matter.
117
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,480
So I've moved out
of Mum and Dad's at last.
118
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:23,800
Steve!
119
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,520
-SHELLY: Hooray.
-LAURA: What are you doing?
120
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,400
I'm about to do a wee.
121
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,760
I have some very important news,
and Paul's got to be back at one.
122
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,600
Can I just do a wee?
123
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,760
No.
124
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,720
PAUL: If you're more than
five minutes late from lunch,
125
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,240
Dean, the new guy,
he makes you down a pint of wine.
126
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,960
-Bloody hell.
-A pint of wine?
127
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,240
Yeah.
128
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,040
-Well, let me just do
a quick wee, and...
-No, Steve.
129
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,000
Ridiculous.
130
00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:00,560
So. First things first,
we've chosen a choir for the wedding.
131
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,880
Ooh.
132
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,200
We've been emailing a vicar,
133
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:07,240
and he's given us
the website of a choir
made up entirely of blind people.
134
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,480
Seriously, Steve. Can't see a thing.
135
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,760
-That's nice.
-Very nice.
136
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,520
That's very generous of you, Laura.
137
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,720
I know, Shelly.
It's an act of charity.
138
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,440
But also it's a tribute
to Paul's uncle,
who is unfortunately himself blind.
139
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,240
-Is he?
-Yeah.
He got stabbed in the eyes.
140
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,040
Hmm-mmm, so, we're inviting
submissions for hymns
for them to learn.
141
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,520
We want something upbeat,
like they have at black weddings.
But also something with a heart.
142
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,720
Something about baby Jesus.
143
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,080
Exactly, Shell.
144
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,960
I want it to be
a very serene ceremony,
145
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,200
like when Diana died.
146
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,120
STEVE SNIGGERS
147
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,000
Sorry.
148
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:51,040
There's nothing funny
about Diana, Steve. She was beautiful.
149
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,080
Yes. She was.
150
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,800
For God's sake, Steve.
151
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,400
SHELLY: She was too beautiful to live,
152
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,960
but she was too young to die.
153
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,920
That's nice. Did you come up
with that yourself, Shell?
154
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,200
Very clever. Well done.
155
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:10,880
Okay. Finished?
156
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,520
No, Steve. Sit the fuck down.
157
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,080
-I want to do a wee.
-Steve.
158
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,480
I now hand you over to Paul
for the main event of the day.
159
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,040
Becks, Steve, put your apples down.
160
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,080
This is very important.
161
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,560
I told Julie Taylor about this,
and she was very excited.
162
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,240
Right. So, you know, Iggy got put away
'cause he lost it with his missus?
163
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,480
No. What do you mean?
164
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,560
Well, she wound him up,
and he got annoyed, and...
165
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,840
LAUGHS
166
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,000
Um, put it this way,
she won't be doing the hokey-cokey.
167
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,480
PAUL AND LAURA LAUGH
168
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,240
Needless to say,
I'm going to need a new best man.
169
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,200
And I've decided to announce,
once and for all,
170
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,120
who better for the job
than my one and only best buddy?
171
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,520
Steve.
172
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,120
LAURA: Three cheers for Steve!
Hip hip...
173
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,240
ALL: Hooray.
174
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,880
-LAURA: Hip hip...
-ALL: Hooray!
175
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,560
-LAURA: Hip hip...
-ALL: Hooray!
176
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,640
One for luck?
177
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,040
ALL: Hip hip, hooray!
178
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,680
Now, give him his present, Paul.
179
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,840
No. Are you sure?
What about Darren?
Or the other Paul?
180
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,800
Open your present, mate.
181
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,760
It's for your speech, Steve.
So, you can write down all the funny
little things Paul says and does.
182
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,720
Like the time I smashed up
Mothercare!
183
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,520
HE LAUGHS MANICALLY
184
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:52,840
Now the bride, the chief bridesmaid
and the maid of honor
are going to depart
185
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,000
to let the groom and his new best man
get up to some mischief.
186
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,720
Come on, Becks. Shelly.
187
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,560
Congratulations, Steve.
188
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:10,760
You'll have lots of fun
on the stag do, won't you,
with all Paul's friends?
189
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,840
LAURA: Becky!
190
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,120
-Mmm?
-Mmm.
191
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,640
HISSES Shit, don't go.
192
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,360
I've got three words for you.
193
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,640
Coke, whores and violence.
194
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,160
LAURA: Steve looked so pleased,
didn't he?
195
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,600
Can I have some OJ, Becks?
196
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,400
Yeah. Of course.
197
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,280
So you've moved in, then?
You've gone through with it?
198
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,120
Yeah. It's great.
199
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,120
Weird, but...
200
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,720
You know there's always a bed
at Mum and Dad's.
201
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,840
-Er, yep.
-And at ours.
202
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,720
If Luke's not on the chaise longue.
203
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,640
I want more than that.
204
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,120
There's also refuges, Becks.
205
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,120
Women's refuges.
Shelly stayed in one,
didn't you, Shell
206
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,360
Yeah.
207
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:11,560
I know it sounds a lot of fun,
a refuge full of girls
chilling and talking about boys,
208
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,960
but you do have to watch out
for the lezzers.
209
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,520
Fill it to the top, Becks.
I'm parched.
210
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,160
I'm parched,
but I also need a wee-wee.
211
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,920
I'm funny like that, aren't I, Shell?
212
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,640
Everything I do ends up being funny.
213
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,000
Ugh. Oh, it's got bits in it.
214
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,360
Oh, Pete's sake,
I'm not drinking that.
215
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,440
We're going to this parlor
in Gateshead where my cousins went.
216
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:44,200
It's hot, and it's full of whores.
You pay a flat fee,
and it's like all you can eat.
217
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,560
And we're going to go in the street,
wind everyone up and hit them.
218
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,640
And we're going to drink Stella
till we're basically disabled.
219
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,760
And we're going to do so much coke,
we look like fucking Santa.
220
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,960
Then, during the days,
they've got a railway museum.
221
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,080
Okay.
222
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,200
And the genius of it
is because you're organizing it,
223
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,560
Laura's going to believe anything
you tell her. It's genius.
224
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,760
So, we'll tell her we're paintballing,
or some bollocks,
225
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,680
and she'll believe it
because she's a moron,
226
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,680
and actually we're smashing
the fuck out of Geordies,
and sitting up to our necks in tits.
227
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,040
When I moved in with Paul,
I wrote a will.
228
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,520
Ooh, yeah. I should write a will.
229
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,160
It was just a part of my long-term
commitment to Paul.
230
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,680
So basically, I'm leaving
all my possessions, or what have you,
231
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,960
my bits and bobs, my straighteners,
my TV, my globe,
232
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,240
I'm leaving that all to Paul,
because he's the love of my life.
233
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:43,440
Sorry.
234
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,320
And then I'm going to leave £50
to an animal sanctuary.
235
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,200
Just because it's nice
to give something back
to the animals, isn't it,
236
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,840
after everything they've done for us?
237
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,000
-Yeah.
-LAURA: Mmm.
238
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,360
You know, pulling stuff.
Guarding things. Making honey.
239
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:57,800
DOORBELL RINGS
240
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,880
You could write a book about it.
241
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,000
SHELLY: That'll be Julie Taylor.
I bumped into her in Boots.
242
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,200
Shall I answer it?
243
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,640
-LAURA: Oh. How was your interview?
-SHELLY: I got the wrong day.
244
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,840
LAURA: Oh, yeah. I've done that.
245
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,000
It's Dan.
246
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,680
DAN TALKING IN DISTANCE
247
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,560
Oi.
248
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,120
Oi. Laura's written a will.
249
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,480
Has she?
250
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,800
THEY GIGGLE
251
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,880
-What we getting?
-I don't know. What do you want?
252
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,080
-Her telly?
-I'll see what I can do.
253
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,120
BOTH LAUGH
254
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,640
Can you believe her going on
about Julie in front of you?
She's such a twat.
255
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,760
You can say that again.
256
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,560
-She...
-Don't say it again.
257
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,960
There is nothing more despicable
than a man who winks.
258
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,640
DOORBELL RINGS
259
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,400
BECKY: That's what
I meant to say, Laura.
I really like your new telly.
260
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000
-All right, Dan?
-I've got a girlfriend.
Anita took me back.
261
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,360
Oh. Oh, well done, mate.
262
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,800
She's lost weight. Look.
263
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,560
Didn't know you ate apples.
264
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,760
-Yeah. They're all right, aren't they?
-Yeah.
265
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,600
-I like them
when they're old and brown.
-Okay.
266
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,320
What d'you think of her?
267
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,240
Um, yeah. She has lost weight.
268
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,480
-Great.
-Yeah.
269
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:31,840
Would you do her?
270
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,120
What's that?
271
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,760
Anita. Would you do her?
272
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,840
Um, well, I've got Becky, so...
273
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,240
No, but if you were single,
would you do her?
274
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,200
Um, yes.
275
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,640
Excellent.
276
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,160
Where have you gone?
277
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,880
All right, Paul?
I've got a girlfriend.
278
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,880
Steve told you the good news?
279
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,080
Oh, yes. Um, Paul's asked me
to be his best man.
280
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,120
But you don't even like each other.
HE LAUGHS
281
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:01,840
Yes, we do.
282
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,240
Tell him about your girlfriend.
283
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,560
-What do you think? Would you do her?
-Yeah.
284
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,360
Two out of two. Where's Becky?
285
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,720
-Hello, everyone. I've got...
-Paul, we're going.
286
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,680
Julie'll be here soon,
and I look like a pig.
287
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,800
Oh, you don't look
anything like a pig, Laura.
288
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,400
Oh, Shelly.
You're such an arse-licker.
289
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,760
Brilliant. Proper apples,
from a proper fucking tree.
Where did you get these?
290
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:26,840
Steve's mum nicked 'em.
291
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,200
Her neighbor's got a garden.
292
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,280
Paul loves apples. Don't you, Paul?
293
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,880
Yeah. They're spasmodic.
294
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,640
Well, you could use that
in your speech, Steve.
Paul loves apples.
295
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,400
-Yeah.
-Go on, write it down.
296
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,680
STEVE CHUCKLES
297
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,040
Write it down.
298
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,320
STEVE CHUCKLES
299
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,480
Write it down, Steve.
300
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,880
HE SIGHS
301
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,360
HE MUMBLES
302
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,120
Thank you, Steve.
303
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,120
You all right, Dan?
304
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,680
Yep. Yeah.
305
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,040
Anita took me back.
Got a girlfriend.
306
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,400
-That's good.
-DAN: Yeah.
307
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,280
We had a full English,
I took her to an airfield, you know.
308
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,600
Right. I'm going to pop home,
have a wee-wee,
309
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,480
and do some research
for my Boots audition.
310
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,800
Bye. Bye, Shelly.
311
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,880
Bye, everyone!
312
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,960
Well, thanks for popping round.
Good luck with Boots.
313
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,040
Thanks, Becks,
but I don't think I need it.
314
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,480
See ya later, best man.
315
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,680
PAUL: And congratulations on the move.
I'm really pleased for you both.
316
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,560
-STEVE: Cheers, mate.
-BECKY: Thanks, Paul.
317
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,880
Come on, Paul.
I don't want to soil myself.
Congratulations, guys.
318
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,840
Just don't take the piss
with the ironing, Steve.
319
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,560
There's no need to iron his pants
and his socks,
320
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,120
because they're underwear,
and no-one can see 'em.
321
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,560
BECKY: Thanks, Laur.
322
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,400
Tell Julie
I'll see her next Wednesday.
323
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,480
-Yeah. Thanks, Shell.
-LAURA: Seriously, Becks.
324
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,400
Put something decent on.
She dresses like a famous person.
325
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,200
Bye, then.
326
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,520
LAURA: I've got a new air freshener
in my car, Shell.
327
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,640
-Have you?
-Yeah.
328
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,880
-LAURA: Do you want to come
and have a smell?
-SHELLY: Oh, I'd love to.
329
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,560
-LAURA: It's shaped like a tree.
-Ooh, sounds lovely, Laura.
330
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,520
She does his ironing?
331
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,720
Silly cow.
332
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,160
Any more of those apples?
333
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:50,960
HE SNEEZES
334
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,880
Thanks.
335
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,400
-Leave that for an hour.
-Hmm.
336
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,000
-Thought there'd be more excitement
about me and Anita.
-Don't do that, Dan.
337
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,080
Your ex is coming round, is she?
338
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,160
-Yeah.
-Awkward.
339
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,320
Hmm.
340
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,040
-Sorry, are you waiting for me to go?
-Yeah.
341
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,160
Sorry.
342
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,400
BOTH: Bye, Dan.
343
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,880
STEVE: Thanks for coming round.
344
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,200
Ugh!
345
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,520
SHE CHUCKLES
346
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,560
Oh, at last.
347
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,920
If we don't have sex soon,
my willy is going to pop.
348
00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:00,200
Honestly, it's glowing.
And I need a wee. It's relentless.
349
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,720
I think I've got an ulcer.
350
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,000
Laura's drunk out of that.
351
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,760
-Have her lips actually been on it?
-Yeah.
352
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,360
HE GROANS
353
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,960
Ugh. Right. I'm doing my wee.
354
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,560
DOORBELL RINGS
355
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,680
WOMAN: Steve?
356
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,400
Steve!
357
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,760
Oh, no.
358
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,120
Is that her?
359
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,360
No.
360
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,480
DOORBELL RINGS
361
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,560
We're going to have to answer it.
362
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,360
Okay. You answer it,
but tell her I've gone out.
363
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:48,760
Like she's going to believe that.
364
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,160
DOORBELL RINGS
365
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,240
HE SIGHS
366
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,480
Steve?
367
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,440
-Come on.
-Oh, no. Wait, Becky! Wait! Becky.
368
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,640
Hello. Sorry to disturb you.
Is Steve there?
369
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,720
Sorry. He can't come to the door.
He's really ill.
370
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,160
Oh.
371
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,960
Yeah, he's got the shits.
372
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,280
-JULIE: Oh. Poor thing.
-Yeah.
373
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,280
I think we've met. Julie?
374
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,480
Yeah. Ages ago. Becky.
375
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,880
Becky. Yeah. That's right.
Laura's sister.
376
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,080
Yes.
377
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,160
Laura's a little minx, isn't she?
Such a laugh.
378
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,080
She's hilarious.
379
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,360
I got her a job interview.
380
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,480
Pulled some strings.
I could get you one if you like.
381
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:33,760
Thanks.
382
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,960
-I hear you moved in today.
-Yes.
383
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:40,200
Congratulations. Shelly...
Do you know Shelly Mills?
384
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,960
-Yeah.
-She's hilarious.
385
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,080
She's thick as shit,
but you've got to love her.
386
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:50,280
She mentioned it, and I had this.
It's Steve's, it's his favorite CD.
387
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,160
It's been knocking round
my parents' house for ages,
388
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,360
so I thought I'd come round
get rid of it at last.
389
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,080
-That's nice.
-Thank you.
390
00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,480
I'm an old friend. Well.
Not a friend, but, you know...
391
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:02,880
Yes.
392
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,040
-Girlfriend.
-Yeah.
393
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,520
Ha. Whoops.
394
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,440
Funny. We went out for a while,
actually. Yeah.
395
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,800
Two and half years? Yeah.
Right up till I went off to uni. Mad.
396
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,720
Seriously. I've just finished
Business and Admin.
397
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,120
Yeah. Bolton.
Crazy days. Best years of my life.
398
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,760
So how is he?
Apart from being poorly.
399
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,120
He's good.
400
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:36,600
Good.
401
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,560
All right, Steve?
402
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,240
Yep.
403
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,600
Congratulations
on being Paul Parker's best man.
404
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,800
Thanks. Thank you.
405
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,760
I hope you feel better.
406
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,320
HE GROANS
407
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,480
Aw.
408
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,800
Well, I'll leave him my number,
and he can call me when he's better,
409
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,200
and me and him
can have a proper catch-up.
410
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,280
I'm sure he'd love to.
411
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,720
I'm doing the marathon in April.
412
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,320
I'll have to get you to sponsor me.
It's going to be hilarious.
413
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:11,760
I'll be dressed as a chicken.
414
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,160
Have you got any paper?
415
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,840
Paper. Paper.
416
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,360
Now, where do we keep
all our stationery?
417
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:43,080
Oh, my God. Thank fuck for that.
I'm dying for a piss.
418
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,520
D'you reckon I should text Laura
and ask her if I'm allowed to go yet?
419
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,560
CHUCKLES
She gets worse.
420
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,360
What was Julie's excuse, Becks?
Bringing a CD round?
421
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,720
Well, that's bollocks.
That's so clearly bollocks.
422
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,040
Oh. That feels good.
423
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,600
Oh.
424
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:03,960
Oh.
425
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,680
Bringing a CD around?
What a twat!
426
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,520
CHUCKLES
427
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,000
Oh! Oh, that's lovely. Oh.
428
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,120
Hey, Becks.
Are we still going to shag
on the chair?
429
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,680
TOILET FLUSHES
430
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,720
TAP RUNS
431
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,720
Hello.
432
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,040
Hi.
433
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,160
I was just bringing this round.
434
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,360
Oh. Brilliant. I'll listen to that.
435
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,960
It's just been cluttering up
my parents' house.
436
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,520
STEVE: Yes. Sorry.
437
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,240
How are your parents? All right?
438
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,960
Yeah.
439
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,240
Good. Good.
440
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,480
You well?
441
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:25,960
Yeah.
442
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:27,760
You?
443
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,560
My tummy hurts.
444
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,440
Mm.
445
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,600
Well, it was nice to see you.
446
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,080
Yes. It's lovely.
447
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,240
Places to go. People to meet.
448
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:41,960
Bye, Becky.
449
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,320
Bye.
450
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,160
No.
451
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:56,120
No.
452
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,720
You are such a plonker.
453
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,280
-Did she hear me?
-Of course, she heard you.
454
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,160
No way.
455
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,840
You just stood there weeing.
456
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,600
Well, I can't stop mid-flow,
you know that. You know
I can't stop mid-flow.
457
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,720
Oh, I can't believe I just did that.
458
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,960
After she went to all that trouble
to bring your CD round.
459
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,440
Oi, you, leave her alone.
She's got places to go,
people to meet
460
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,000
BECKY SNIGGERS
461
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,160
So then, best man.
462
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,880
Oh, it is going to be horrible.
463
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,360
-Now that you've got rid of her
so delicately...
-Mmm.
464
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,480
...and everyone's left us alone
at last.
465
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,560
Any idea what we should do next?
466
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,080
-Nope.
-No?
467
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,040
It feels to me
like you've just had a very good idea.
468
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,200
# Come closer,
come closer and listen
469
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,160
# The beat of my heart
keeps on missin' #
470
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,480
Er...did you throw
my fairy lights in the bin?
471
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,120
# Come closer
and love me tonight #
472
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,480
No.
473
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:14,880
You little bastard.
474
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,400
Ho-ho, Becky!
475
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:18,840
Woo-hoo!
476
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,880
# My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
Boom-bang-a-bang
477
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,640
# When you are near
478
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,320
# Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
479
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:31,360
# It's such a lovely feeling
480
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,240
# When I'm in your arms
481
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,120
# Don't go away
I wanna stay my whole life through
482
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,040
# Boom bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you #