1
00:00:05,460 --> 00:00:07,630
So I said, "If a robot
can feel pain,
2
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:10,060
- I'm gonna make him feel pain."
- I totally get that.
3
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:13,470
Why am I carrying all the bags?
4
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,060
Welcome home, sir.
5
00:00:15,084 --> 00:00:17,000
Thank you, polite intruder.
6
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,810
I'm gonna shoot you now.
7
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,040
And you are welcome
to do so, sir.
8
00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:24,850
- I'm Aleister, your new valet.
- Surprise!
9
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,510
We picked him for you
after a trial by fire.
10
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:28,720
And lasers.
11
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,850
And now these bags
are his problem.
12
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,350
You are aware
that all my other valets
13
00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:35,860
were spectacular failures, right?
14
00:00:35,890 --> 00:00:37,390
Two are still in the hospital.
15
00:00:37,420 --> 00:00:40,530
One. They moved Cornelius
to a hospice.
16
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,030
Perhaps a drink
will help us break the ice.
17
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:46,100
A daiquiri?
Uh, one chance to impress,
18
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,530
and you're going with the drink
19
00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:49,470
of sad writers
and stupid teenagers?
20
00:00:50,870 --> 00:00:52,670
Holy shit. That is good.
21
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,540
Good?
I'd swim in this.
22
00:00:56,580 --> 00:00:58,750
- I'll fill the tub.
- And then fill me.
23
00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:01,380
With drinks!
Or, you know, whatever.
24
00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:02,820
Will there be anything else, sir?
25
00:01:02,850 --> 00:01:04,550
Do you know
who you're replacing?
26
00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,750
Woodhouse, the greatest, most
subservient valet
27
00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:10,490
to ever shuffle his weary frame
across this planet.
28
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,490
Do you really think you
can outshine him
29
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,760
- in being abused by me?!
- I welcome your evaluation, sir.
30
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,160
Okay, favorite grade of cashmere?
31
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,170
Grade A
sheared Mongolian goat.
32
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,070
- How would you press a tweed suit?
- I'd press it into a trash can.
33
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,770
How should I rub sand
into your eyes
34
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,640
- for maximum discomfort?
- Excellent question, sir.
35
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,440
Start coarse,
moving to finer grits,
36
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,180
ending with the black sands
of Vík Í Myrdal, Iceland.
37
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:35,920
Dang. Beach knowledge.
38
00:01:35,950 --> 00:01:37,950
Carol, don't interrupt the test!
39
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:40,790
Time for the final exam...
a gentlemen's duel.
40
00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:42,760
Really feels like
you're moving the goalposts.
41
00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,760
I'll do my best, sir.
42
00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:46,790
Ha! Parry, parry, riposte!
43
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:48,460
Capital defense.
44
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:51,160
Sloppy balestra.
You call that a coupé?
45
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,900
No, I call it a coulé.
46
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,840
Ha, touché.
And touché.
47
00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:58,970
You guys, look!
It's like we're dancing.
48
00:01:59,010 --> 00:02:00,640
Yeah, weird.
49
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:07,980
Ha!
50
00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:11,680
- Wow. Aleister, you're hired.
- Thank you, sir.
51
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,150
You would've had me
if it had not been for the leg.
52
00:02:14,190 --> 00:02:16,960
I can suggest some
rehabilitation exercises.
53
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:18,890
I'd...
54
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:19,930
I'd like that.
55
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:25,600
- Should we leave?
- I'm staying.
56
00:02:59,321 --> 00:03:02,342
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
57
00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,700
Y'all, my cover was blown.
58
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,000
I made it into the jungle,
59
00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:12,570
but it's only a matter of time
before my...
60
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,100
Attention!
Attention, please.
61
00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:15,570
- Archer, come on!
- What the shit?
62
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,910
Come on.
It was just getting good.
63
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,040
What, Ray dying in Africa?
64
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,580
For the love of God,
Cheryl, call Ray back.
65
00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:24,150
Now?
66
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:26,650
- Ugh, fine.
- Good, now back to me...
67
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,880
Is anyone else
worried about Ray?
68
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,520
Is anyone else
worried about how Cyril
69
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:31,890
is constantly in the office?
70
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,590
Hey, I broke my arm
on a mission...
71
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:35,660
I'll break the other one
72
00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:37,630
if you don't shut up
for my announcement.
73
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:40,800
Okay, I found the valet
who will serve me until my,
74
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,760
or more likely his, death.
75
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,670
Wait, so you're not looking
for a valet anymore?
76
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:48,094
Excuse me.
77
00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:53,510
Gentlemen, it's been an honor.
78
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:57,650
He cleans like ten valets,
79
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,950
he rearranged my entire closet
in a way that makes sense,
80
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:03,750
and I made him eat a bag
of potting soil as a test
81
00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:05,050
and he was just like...
82
00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,920
Shall I open another bag, sir?
83
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,790
What is that accent?
84
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:11,930
- It sounds like Boston to me.
- Or a speech impediment.
85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,200
It's a normal British voice, all right?
I don't do it that well.
86
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:16,530
Aleister,
get in here and show them
87
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,600
your normal British voice.
88
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,700
- Sir.
- That's my guy!
89
00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:22,240
Guy, gang.
Gang, guy.
90
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,170
Don't bother trying
to look him in the eye.
91
00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,210
He's an expert
at averting his gaze.
92
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,810
Aleister, avert.
93
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:31,550
And can we revert to Ray?
Seriously, is he okay?
94
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:32,810
- Probably.
- Not.
95
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:34,580
For your leg, sir.
96
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,920
I brought your rehabilitation
bands to the office
97
00:04:36,950 --> 00:04:38,750
since I know you'll lose
all interest at home.
98
00:04:38,774 --> 00:04:40,860
He knows my foibles.
99
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:42,590
There's about 30 guys.
100
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:45,990
They got these crazy
fish boning knives...
101
00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:48,260
- Damn it, Sterling!
- Oh, I forgot the best part.
102
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,130
Aleister can make
Eggs Woodhouse.
103
00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:53,270
Maybe we should focus on Ray
being gutted in the jungle.
104
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:56,140
Maybe we should focus on your
obvious jealousy of Aleister.
105
00:04:57,910 --> 00:05:00,140
Wow. I honestly didn't know
it could do that.
106
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,280
I took the liberty of
installing the beanbag round
107
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:04,580
as a nonlethal office alternative.
108
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:08,220
Nonlethal violence
is my second favorite kind!
109
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,220
Enough!
Cyril, go rescue Ray.
110
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,120
His legs are valuable tech.
111
00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:15,590
Oh, I would love to fight
30 men with weird knives,
112
00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:17,590
but, gosh darn it,
I'm out of commission.
113
00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:19,760
Yeah, when did you
break your arm?
114
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,130
- On the last mission?
- No, I was on that mission.
115
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,900
I broke it right at the end,
after you finished... missioning.
116
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:29,910
Fine. Sterling, go rescue Ray.
117
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:32,740
Not possible, Mother.
I'm still breaking in Aleister.
118
00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:35,640
The first two weeks are crucial
for establishing dominance.
119
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,010
- Give me the jet and I'll rescue him.
- Done.
120
00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:40,530
And I never even
named a beneficiary
121
00:05:40,554 --> 00:05:42,120
on my life insurance.
122
00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:44,290
So more recovery than rescue.
123
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,790
At least that beach
behind him looks nice.
124
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,030
God, does no one
in this office know
125
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:54,000
- how to finish a sandwich?
- It would be my pleasure
126
00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:55,730
to clean out
your refrigerator, ma'am.
127
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:56,870
Phrasing?
128
00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:00,200
Oh, Aleister.
Nice to see you again.
129
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,040
Please, allow me.
130
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,170
- No, I couldn't.
- Really?
131
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:07,340
You don't strike me as a woman
who can't do things.
132
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:11,950
Oh, Aleister!
You're bad.
133
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:14,150
Am I interrupting something?
134
00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:17,350
- I'm honestly not sure.
- Not at all, sir.
135
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,350
Would you like to squeeze
this lemon into my eyes?
136
00:06:19,374 --> 00:06:21,760
Uh, love where your head's
at Aleister, but later.
137
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,060
Right now, I need you
to reload my cane.
138
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:27,030
Right away, sir.
Ma'am, a pleasure.
139
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,930
Likewise.
In terms of pleasure.
140
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,760
Okay, Mother,
I'll only ask this incredibly
141
00:06:32,761 --> 00:06:33,820
traumatic question once.
142
00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:35,940
Are you into Aleister?
143
00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:38,370
Don't be absurd.
He's your valet.
144
00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:40,310
And yes, he's handsome
145
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:42,810
and I'm a woman
with powerful needs...
146
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,250
Mother, it's okay.
Stop. I mean, gross.
147
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,920
But you're right.
The man is perfect.
148
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,690
You'd have to be insane
not to want him to...
149
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,690
"Clean out your refrigerator?"
150
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,690
Absolutely.
Look at that grip.
151
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,390
He could twist a pineapple
in half.
152
00:06:57,430 --> 00:07:00,830
But he's a gross servant
and it's totally forbidden.
153
00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:04,670
- Is how I'd get things going.
- Can I help you, ladies?
154
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,740
Just keep doing
what you're doing, Aleister.
155
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,960
Since you're not going
on the mission,
156
00:07:10,984 --> 00:07:12,210
you can handle my paperwork.
157
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,680
But this is, like,
eight missions' worth.
158
00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:16,880
Fine, you can go get stabbed
in a jungle.
159
00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:18,250
It'll be done when you're back.
160
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,880
But let it be known
that I'm not happy about it.
161
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,020
Lana to the situation room.
162
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,090
If you're free.
163
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:29,690
Oh, office work.
Can't get hurt by you.
164
00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:33,130
Sorry. Just testing the range.
165
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,300
- Aleister, reload me.
- Don't reload him!
166
00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:39,970
Holy shit, Aleister.
What was that?
167
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,240
A technique
from my old employer,
168
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:44,270
General Bernard Montgomery.
169
00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:48,780
- You knew the Spartan General?
- Old Monty, yes.
170
00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:50,410
He also enjoyed his Manhattans.
171
00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:53,050
Will you take yours
in your office, sir?
172
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,750
Oh, I don't have an office.
173
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:57,020
I used to,
but it just kept blowing up.
174
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:59,450
You do now.
I took the liberty
175
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,890
of repurposing
an unused storage space,
176
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,730
with your mother's approval,
of course.
177
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,890
Seriously?
Cyril, did you just hear that?
178
00:08:05,930 --> 00:08:09,060
I have an office!
Cyril, Cyril, Cyril!
179
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,870
- What?!
- I have an office.
180
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,170
- In Fiji.
- So?
181
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,270
So what is Ray's tracking chip
doing in the Pacific
182
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,880
if his body is dying
in an African jungle?
183
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:21,630
I don't know.
Maybe they removed the chip.
184
00:08:21,654 --> 00:08:23,010
Well, that's
what I thought too.
185
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,780
But his secret second tracker
is also in Fiji,
186
00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:28,280
and that can't be removed
without killing the host.
187
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,190
- What?
- I mean, maybe someone can.
188
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:33,350
I certainly can't. Anyway,
I thought I'd tell Ms. Archer.
189
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,790
No, no, no, no!
Uh, don't worry about it.
190
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:37,760
Don't worry
about Ray's trackers
191
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:39,310
being on the opposite side
of the world
192
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:42,115
from where we think he is?
193
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:43,500
Can you keep a secret?
194
00:08:43,530 --> 00:08:45,470
Did an entire breed
of Chilean llamas
195
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:50,210
- go extinct two months ago?
- I... don't know?
196
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,110
Exactly!
197
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,980
What I always wanted.
198
00:08:57,010 --> 00:08:58,380
Minus the bookshelf.
199
00:08:58,410 --> 00:08:59,950
Seems like a missed opportunity.
200
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:04,320
In that case, you might enjoy
"Mr. Boston's Bartender Guide."
201
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:07,960
It's whimsically practical!
202
00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:10,130
Uh, forget about the lemon
going in your eyes.
203
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,490
Put it in the cocktail.
204
00:09:11,530 --> 00:09:14,830
I'm gonna go get Cyril
so he can see how much
205
00:09:14,831 --> 00:09:17,930
- his office sucks next to mine.
- Very good, sir.
206
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:19,530
Oh, and hey...
207
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:22,500
- I love you, Aleister.
- And I you, sir.
208
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,480
I have infiltrated the agency
and achieved absolute trust.
209
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:34,850
The target will be dead in 24 hours.
210
00:09:43,310 --> 00:09:44,970
Hello, Aleister.
211
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,010
Did you really think
you could get away with it?
212
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,880
- Sir?
- You've got a secret.
213
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:52,850
You added something incredible
to my Eggs Woodhouse!
214
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,280
That would be
the Hungarian paprika, sir.
215
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,960
- For an extra kick.
- Ha! An amazing kick!
216
00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:00,590
All right, I'm off
to the office
217
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:02,290
now that it's got
all the good booze.
218
00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:06,030
Uh, sir, I thought I might
prepare my specialty tonight,
219
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,030
Steak Aleister.
If you make it home.
220
00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:10,630
Oh, I'll be here.
221
00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:12,770
And if I'm not,
I'm probably dead.
222
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,040
Oh.
Very good, sir.
223
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,390
His smile,
224
00:10:16,414 --> 00:10:18,170
it just lights up my whole day.
225
00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:20,040
Hey, do you like my tie?
Aleister picked it.
226
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,250
So is it gonna shoot me
or just electrocute me?
227
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,150
Not everything is about you, Cyril.
228
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:26,280
I deserve safety in my workplace.
229
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:31,320
- Was that an explosion?
- Yeah, of my schedule.
230
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:34,260
I bet Aleister is good
at elevator repair.
231
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:36,660
- The phone's dead.
- The elevator's broken.
232
00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:38,250
But the phone runs
on a separate line!
233
00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:40,130
It's part of the intricate
series of fail-safes
234
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,630
built into all modern elevators.
235
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,600
This is sabotage!
236
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,000
Yeah, again, of my schedule.
237
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,340
Is the primary driving rope
238
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,940
still threaded
through the car sheave?
239
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:55,140
Oh, my God.
Cool it, Alexander Miles.
240
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,810
I'm just trying to save our lives.
241
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:58,680
Well, try it
without showing off.
242
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,950
- Is the elevator cable okay?
- Was that so hard?
243
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,920
Oh, also... no.
244
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,020
- Jump or die in a box, Cyril.
- Jeezy Pete.
245
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:17,630
Oh, crap.
We're only on the third floor?
246
00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:19,100
Lost them over the waterfall,
247
00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,200
but my left leg
is all messed up, and I...
248
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,370
- Ray.
- Just spent three hours...
249
00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:23,890
- Ray!
- In a spider-filled ditch.
250
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:24,970
- Ray!
- What?
251
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,180
Krieger knows.
252
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:28,910
Oh.
253
00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:30,380
So when are you guys
getting here?
254
00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:33,050
ETA at the resort is six hours.
255
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,720
I'll keep the mais tied for you.
256
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:37,050
And, lady, you can't just
drop a towel on a chair
257
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:38,920
and be gone for hours.
258
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,730
A fake rescue mission
as cover for a secret vacation.
259
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,090
It's just like the good old days.
260
00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:47,000
And I hate it.
But, God, I need a break.
261
00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:48,260
Ever since Archer came back,
262
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:50,930
things have been...
weird with Robert.
263
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:52,940
Aw, trouble in billionaire-adise?
264
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:55,000
No... hey, no!
I love being married.
265
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,810
- It's just that...
- It's just he's constantly telling me
266
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,200
how to handle Archer,
and I'm like,
267
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:00,870
"I know how to handle Archer,
buddy, okay?
268
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,680
"I handled him for years
before I met you,
269
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,910
"and maybe, just maybe, I want
to complain about the guy
270
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:07,420
without you trying to fix it!"
271
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:11,420
- So this place has bungalows?
- And we have to keep it a secret.
272
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,760
Ow!
273
00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:14,690
- Hey, Lana.
- Keep what a secret?
274
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,160
- The obvious sabotage.
- Freak accident.
275
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,700
Elevators kill 27 people
a year, Cyril.
276
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:22,100
That's more than fireworks.
277
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,300
You seriously believe
that there was a spontaneous
278
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:27,100
simultaneous failure of
the primary suspension cable,
279
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:29,010
the traveling cable,
the safety catch,
280
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,910
- and the car roller guides?
- Yes?
281
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:34,010
There's explosive residue
on the cables, Archer!
282
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,880
It's a spy agency. There's
explosive residue on the coffeepot.
283
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:42,390
Okay, what's more likely,
that this was a freak accident
284
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:45,320
or that someone wants to kill
the world's most annoying spy?
285
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,920
No one's trying to kill me.
286
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,790
Also, rude people don't get to sit
287
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:52,200
in my fancy new guest chair.
Move.
288
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,760
Whoa!
289
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:54,800
Archer!
290
00:12:57,470 --> 00:13:00,000
I think someone's trying to kill me.
291
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,360
What the hell are you doing?
292
00:13:01,384 --> 00:13:03,340
We couldn't let you
do this alone.
293
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:06,310
If Ray's in trouble, I'm ready
to bust some coconuts.
294
00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:08,140
And I can scream so loud,
my own ears bleed.
295
00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:12,080
- Watch.
- No, nope. Uh, I appreciate the offer.
296
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,880
This mission,
it's just too dangerous.
297
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,820
Oh, God, I just...
I hope Ray doesn't die
298
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,490
during the time we waste
taking you back.
299
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,220
Bula bula!
300
00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:22,030
Hey, do y'all want
the tropical spa package?
301
00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,460
'Cause I gotta book that
in advaaance...
302
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:27,330
of the enemy closing in
on my position!
303
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:32,200
- Too dangerous?
- Hey, danger takes many forms.
304
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,200
We thought Ray was maybe dead!
305
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,840
Am I still turning
the plane around?
306
00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:40,780
Hell no. Sea salt scrubs
and coconut cocktails!
307
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:43,780
How can you be shopping?
You nearly died!
308
00:13:43,810 --> 00:13:45,090
And if you hadn't
taken the seat,
309
00:13:45,114 --> 00:13:46,220
I probably would have died!
310
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,450
Glass half full, my ruined
pants give me an excuse
311
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,250
to buy me and Aleister
matching suits.
312
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:51,450
I wonder what color he wants.
313
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,260
We shouldn't even be out in public.
We're too exposed.
314
00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:56,530
Cyril, no one tries three
assassinations in one day.
315
00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:01,500
- It's unprofessional. Aleister?
- Yes, sir?
316
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:04,000
I was wondering about your
suit preference vis-á-vis color.
317
00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:08,000
Gun to my head, sir,
my ideal suit is gray,
318
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,210
single-vent,
three-button.
319
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,840
Hey, man.
That's a great answer.
320
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,010
Thank you.
Good-bye, sir.
321
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,290
Get down!
322
00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:23,090
Huh, wha...
323
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,720
You said no one attempts
an assassination
324
00:14:24,744 --> 00:14:27,890
- three times in one day!
- Aleister, are you okay?
325
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,800
It sounds like you're nearby.
Are you in danger?
326
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,900
What if Aleister is the danger?
327
00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:36,030
Aleister?
Where are you right now?
328
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,570
Look, it's great
that Archer's awake.
329
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,410
- Absolutely.
- Hated that coma.
330
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,910
- But...
- Now when I look at him,
331
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:47,030
- I see a fragile baby bird.
- First I repressed
332
00:14:47,031 --> 00:14:49,180
my violent urges,
and now they're out again?
333
00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:51,310
Pick a lane, Cheryl or Carol!
334
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:53,880
And I flushed
four viable men today.
335
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,450
And I'm not ready
to talk about it.
336
00:14:55,490 --> 00:14:59,214
And he is getting in the way of
my great relationship with Robert.
337
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:01,990
Okay, fine it's not great.
338
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,710
But sometimes you fake it
till you make it.
339
00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:05,160
Like how Aleister is pretending
340
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:07,987
to be Archer's butler
so he can kill him?
341
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,340
In her defense, she thinks
all butlers are murderers.
342
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,080
Aleister, I'm home.
343
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:22,210
Welcome back, sir.
I've been expecting you.
344
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,320
Yes, I expect you have.
My very loyal valet.
345
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:28,350
I took the liberty
of preparing an early meal
346
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:30,020
to calm your nerves.
347
00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:32,220
- Steak Aleister.
- Wow.
348
00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:36,230
A delicious meal,
prepared fully out of my sight.
349
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:38,290
Perhaps, uh, you'd like
to take the first bite.
350
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,500
Thank you, sir,
but it wouldn't be proper.
351
00:15:40,530 --> 00:15:43,230
Oh, Aleister,
it's proper if I say it is.
352
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:44,330
Indeed, sir.
353
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:47,640
Mmm, excellent.
354
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:51,110
And now you, sir,
before it gets cold.
355
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,640
Terrible thing, that shooting
at the haberdashery.
356
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,910
Mm, nothing I couldn't handle.
357
00:15:56,950 --> 00:16:00,980
- But I do have one small concern.
- And what's that, sir?
358
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,390
I never told you
I was in the haberdashery.
359
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:11,660
Damn it!
You took my secret shotgun?
360
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,380
And had this floor waxed.
361
00:16:13,404 --> 00:16:15,470
Wow, looks crazy shiny.
362
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:25,110
Oh, you know me so well.
I hate it.
363
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:26,540
Just doing my job, sir.
364
00:16:28,310 --> 00:16:30,980
You haven't been doing
your rehabilitation exercises.
365
00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:34,250
- Pity.
- Good thing I have my cane.
366
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,250
How ironic, defeated by
the very beanbag round
367
00:16:37,290 --> 00:16:39,090
I made you reload.
368
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,120
Apologies, sir.
369
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:45,489
It seems I forgot to reload that round.
370
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:56,070
Damn it.
Why am I not dead?
371
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,670
First you break my heart,
372
00:16:57,710 --> 00:17:00,030
and now you don't even have
the decency to kill me quickly?
373
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,680
Frankly, Aleister, it's very rude.
374
00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:04,310
I beg your pardon, sir,
but I'm not here to kill you.
375
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,680
I'm here to kill
the world's greatest spy.
376
00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:09,080
Yeah, I know.
Me, Sterling Archer.
377
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,750
Nice to meet/be killed by you.
378
00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:12,720
I wasn't referring to you.
379
00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:18,160
So is it gonna shoot
me or just electrocute me?
380
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:21,700
There's explosive residue
on the cables, Archer!
381
00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:23,690
I was wondering
about your suit preference
382
00:17:23,714 --> 00:17:26,350
- vis-á-vis color.
- Cyril Figgis?
383
00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:27,600
The very same.
384
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,510
He's managed to elude my more
subtle efforts all morning.
385
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,710
- He's quite cunning.
- Cyril Figgis?
386
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:34,710
The guy I sometimes
stab by accident?
387
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:37,010
Who I intend to stab on purpose
388
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,550
once he comes here
to rescue you.
389
00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:41,520
- Wait, I'm Cyril bait?
- Indeed you are.
390
00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:43,590
He was top agent
during your coma.
391
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:44,790
He won't let you die.
392
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:46,490
Let me explain something, Aleister.
393
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,460
I create bait, I use bait,
394
00:17:48,490 --> 00:17:51,390
and yes, sometimes
I accidentally shoot bait.
395
00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:53,430
But I will never be bait
396
00:17:53,431 --> 00:17:57,330
for Cyril goddamn Figgis!
397
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,770
And the Steak Aleister
was just adequate.
398
00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:08,640
Whoo-hoo!
Zip liiiine!
399
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,050
Boom goes the personnel
health-care form.
400
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,780
I'd like to see
a regular field agent
401
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:14,750
fill these out in triplicate.
402
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,280
- Cyriiiiil!
- Archer.
403
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,250
What are you doing here
after normal business hours?
404
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:22,790
I'm here during showdown hour.
405
00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:24,190
Oh, God, is this an honor thing?
406
00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,160
I'll just say
you have more honor.
407
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,700
No, I need to defeat you in battle
408
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:29,430
to prove I'm the world's best spy
409
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:31,270
so Aleister will try and kill me.
410
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,340
A-ha! So your valet
is trying to kill you.
411
00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:37,077
Well, right now,
he's trying to kill you.
412
00:18:37,112 --> 00:18:40,140
- What?
- But after I shoot you, he'll try to kill me.
413
00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:41,780
Keep up, Cyril.
Go get a weapon.
414
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,650
I've got a gun,
so probably a gun.
415
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,750
- I'm not gonna shoot you.
- Why not?
416
00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:48,580
For one thing, it's wrong.
Also, you've got a bad leg.
417
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,420
Cyril, you're making
this more annoying
418
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:56,320
- than it needs to be.
- So just don't shoot me!
419
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,330
If I don't, Aleister will.
420
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,360
Wouldn't you rather get shot
by someone you know,
421
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,470
- like me?
- Is there a no shooting option?
422
00:19:03,494 --> 00:19:05,700
Unfortunately, no.
423
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:08,640
Pretty sure shooting a coworker
is an HR violation.
424
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:15,060
Cyril, we were in this elevator
when it exploded,
425
00:19:15,061 --> 00:19:17,510
like, two hours ago.
How do you forget that?
426
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:18,870
Hey, I thought
you broke your arm.
427
00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:20,250
Well, I didn't.
428
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,680
I just wanted
to take a break from missions,
429
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,150
and I thought I had to hide it.
430
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:24,820
- Good instinct.
- But you know what?
431
00:19:24,844 --> 00:19:26,250
I was good enough in the field
432
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,290
that some assassin thinks
I'm the world's best spy,
433
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,230
which means I can do your job
and my office job.
434
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,130
And there's no shame
in choosing the office.
435
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,500
Hmm, can we still say
that I beat you?
436
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:37,800
I mean, technically
this shaft beat me.
437
00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:40,905
- Phrasing.
- You win!
438
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:44,290
Good, which means I am
officially the world's best...
439
00:19:44,314 --> 00:19:47,270
- Ow!
- But not for long.
440
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:49,480
Last words
before I kill you both?
441
00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:53,157
- Both? But he beat me.
- Making me the world's best spy.
442
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,480
Field spy.
I'm the top office spy.
443
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,920
Sure.
I don't care about that.
444
00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:59,250
Killing you both seems easiest.
445
00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:00,890
Too bad I'm wearing
a bulletproof vest.
446
00:20:00,914 --> 00:20:03,460
Too bad I removed
all the armor plating.
447
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:06,490
Oh, damn.
That is too bad.
448
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:10,470
Wait, just one question.
Why use me to get to Cyril?
449
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,730
Why?
Because you're best friends.
450
00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:13,770
- What?
- Aww.
451
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,940
- I can't stand this guy.
- You spend hours a day with him.
452
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,770
- True.
- We work together.
453
00:20:18,810 --> 00:20:20,490
You talk about him
more than anyone else.
454
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:23,450
- Really?
- To criticize how stupid he is.
455
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,990
Oh, please.
He was the first person
456
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,070
you told about your new office.
457
00:20:27,094 --> 00:20:28,920
- Wow, you told me first?
- To spite you.
458
00:20:28,950 --> 00:20:31,820
- We are best friends!
- Maybe I'm your best friend.
459
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:34,590
You're my worst... stranger.
460
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,360
It's a classic odd couple fight.
461
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:38,830
Okay, it's one thing to say
I'm not the world's best spy.
462
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:40,860
But saying I'm Cyril's best friend
463
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:44,900
- is an insult that will not stand.
- That's a bit hurtful.
464
00:20:44,930 --> 00:20:47,200
You realize you've brought
a cane to a gunfight?
465
00:20:47,230 --> 00:20:48,940
I realize shooting
an unarmed guy
466
00:20:48,970 --> 00:20:52,770
- would make you a huge loser.
- Touché.
467
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,280
- Cool.
- Cool.
468
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:57,710
Stop it.
We're not friends.
469
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,920
If you can kill me,
then you can kill Cyril.
470
00:21:00,950 --> 00:21:03,280
What? Wait, he doesn't
have that power.
471
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,750
Very good, sir.
472
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:06,670
You made me believe
I could love a valet again
473
00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:09,290
and then besmirched
Woodhouse's memory.
474
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,490
- You besmirched!
- It was a job, sir.
475
00:21:11,491 --> 00:21:13,700
- Not to me!
- Not my concern.
476
00:21:18,370 --> 00:21:21,440
Well, you guys seem busy,
and I've got paperwork, so...
477
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:24,340
It can wait!
I'm sorry, sir.
478
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,610
Perhaps you should have kept up
479
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,640
with those
rehabilitation exercises.
480
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,680
Oh... but I did.
481
00:21:33,980 --> 00:21:36,620
Well driven, sir.
482
00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:38,920
God damn it.
It didn't have to be this way.
483
00:21:38,950 --> 00:21:43,430
It did.
But it wasn't just a job for me.
484
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:46,460
It was... a pleasure.
485
00:21:46,490 --> 00:21:48,960
We'll always have
my reorganized closet.
486
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,670
Yes, and if you'd like,
I can recommend another...
487
00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:55,970
valet.
488
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,940
Shh.
No, I'm done with valets.
489
00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:03,380
Because no one
will ever top you.
490
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:06,880
And that Steak Aleister,
i-it wasn't just adequate.
491
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:10,099
It was goddamn perfect.
492
00:22:10,690 --> 00:22:13,720
Good-bye, Aleister.
493
00:22:16,090 --> 00:22:18,060
You... you taught...
494
00:22:18,090 --> 00:22:21,400
you taught me to love again!
495
00:22:22,860 --> 00:22:27,700
- Where the hell is everybody?
- Holy crap.
496
00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:30,040
Can we just live here?
497
00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:31,070
Yeah!
498
00:22:31,110 --> 00:22:32,440
What's their extradition policy?
499
00:22:32,470 --> 00:22:35,410
Yeah, it's pretty, but a burger
costs, like, a million dollars.
500
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,080
- I'll take four.
- Oh, shut up.
501
00:22:37,110 --> 00:22:39,580
And I'll take the big bedroom.
502
00:22:39,610 --> 00:22:41,380
Oh, I'm sorry.
503
00:22:42,950 --> 00:22:45,450
The big bedroom is already taken.
504
00:22:48,361 --> 00:22:52,630
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