1 00:00:03,216 --> 00:00:05,150 All right, let's get this over with. 2 00:00:06,553 --> 00:00:09,254 This proceeding and any sentences arising therefrom 3 00:00:09,356 --> 00:00:12,223 shall be conducted under the Federation Judicial Code, 4 00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:14,259 Article Nine, in re attempted murder 5 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,128 and mutiny, both capital offenses. 6 00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,447 Now, I know you've all been sworn, 7 00:00:18,448 --> 00:00:20,381 and I have read your complaints. 8 00:00:20,484 --> 00:00:22,383 - I have a question. - Is it, "What's the best way 9 00:00:22,486 --> 00:00:24,319 - to interrupt a judge?" - No. 10 00:00:24,421 --> 00:00:26,354 - Then... - It's, "Why does a spaceship 11 00:00:26,456 --> 00:00:29,357 have an enormous dedicated courtroom in it?" 12 00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:32,344 - Yeah, right? - I don't know! I didn't build it. 13 00:00:32,345 --> 00:00:35,305 Well, it's ridiculous. I basically sleep in a coffin, 14 00:00:35,306 --> 00:00:39,150 and this could have been... 2 1/2 squash courts. 15 00:00:39,252 --> 00:00:42,453 - Ooh, or a holodeck! - We have a holodeck. 16 00:00:42,556 --> 00:00:44,455 - Yeah, but we never use it. - Can we please... 17 00:00:44,558 --> 00:00:47,425 Oh, so hey, why not just have the holodeck 18 00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:51,246 - turn into a courtroom? - Ooh, or 2 1/2 squash courts. 19 00:00:51,348 --> 00:00:53,181 Order! Order, or I will 20 00:00:53,283 --> 00:00:55,416 hold you all in a different kind of contempt. 21 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:00,488 Now, then, Mr. Figgis, are the people ready to proceed? 22 00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:05,393 Oh, yeah. 23 00:01:05,495 --> 00:01:08,213 Uh... 24 00:01:08,315 --> 00:01:10,415 Oh, uh, sorry. Yes, Your Honor, the, uh... 25 00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:12,250 What is... 26 00:01:12,352 --> 00:01:15,220 Oh, come on, seriously? 27 00:01:15,322 --> 00:01:20,225 Yes, Your Honor. The people are ready to proceed. 28 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:21,527 That's what I thought. 29 00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:24,245 And is the defendant ready to proceed? 30 00:01:24,347 --> 00:01:27,415 No, the defendant is not because there is no defendant 31 00:01:27,517 --> 00:01:31,186 because this whole thing is a sham and a farce, 32 00:01:31,288 --> 00:01:33,521 and I don't recognize this kangaroo court's authority 33 00:01:33,623 --> 00:01:37,193 because it's presided over by a male prostitute. 34 00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:39,628 - Courtesan! - Pobobot! 35 00:01:39,629 --> 00:01:41,512 And by God, you will recognize it 36 00:01:41,615 --> 00:01:44,349 because prior to my current circumstances, 37 00:01:44,451 --> 00:01:48,319 for 16 years, I was a Federation High Court Justice! 38 00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:50,421 - I have a question. - Woman, I swear to God. 39 00:01:50,523 --> 00:01:52,423 How'd you go from being a Federation judge 40 00:01:52,525 --> 00:01:56,261 - to, like, blowing space truckers? - Well, missy... 41 00:01:56,363 --> 00:02:00,315 Th-that is a... oh, that is a long, crazy story. 42 00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:02,618 But it is entirely nongermane 43 00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:05,453 to the solemn proceeding before this bench. 44 00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:07,555 And so, Mr. Archer, 45 00:02:07,657 --> 00:02:10,458 having reminded you that the man who represents himself 46 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:14,545 - has a fool for a client... - I'm not representing myself. 47 00:02:14,614 --> 00:02:19,417 - Well, then who is? - Oh, just TV's Michael Gray. 48 00:02:19,519 --> 00:02:23,554 Who, for reasons known but to God, is wearing seersucker. 49 00:02:23,657 --> 00:02:26,457 So if you wanna go ahead and do that motion to dismiss, 50 00:02:26,559 --> 00:02:28,559 now would, uh, maybe be a good time. 51 00:02:29,562 --> 00:02:31,512 Oh, and also, we wish to countersue. 52 00:02:31,615 --> 00:02:32,615 - I'm not typing that. - What? 53 00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:35,351 - I'm gonna allow it! - For injuries and damages 54 00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:37,620 from you assholes attempting to murder me 55 00:02:37,621 --> 00:02:40,288 so Lana could steal half of the ship. 56 00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,490 Well, when TV's Michael Gray is done with you, 57 00:02:42,592 --> 00:02:44,592 I'm gonna own your half. 58 00:02:44,694 --> 00:02:47,428 So, hey, I don't think this is going as well 59 00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:50,053 as you think it's going. 60 00:02:51,551 --> 00:02:54,143 You goddamn crook. 61 00:03:26,822 --> 00:03:30,192 10x09 - Robert De Niro 62 00:03:29,487 --> 00:03:32,464 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 63 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,535 Jesus, okay. I think that's enough. 64 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,436 I don't wish to cause the witness 65 00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:44,372 - any further distress. - I'm fine, Your Honor. 66 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,340 - What about my magazine? - Will you... 67 00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:48,476 There's lots more video, Your Honor. 68 00:03:48,578 --> 00:03:50,311 Like the part when Pam smashed me in the head 69 00:03:50,413 --> 00:03:52,598 - with a fire extinguisher. - Yeah! 70 00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,465 Play that! Ka-klunk! 71 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,501 Do the people have any further questions 72 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,670 - for this witness? - Not at this time, Your Honor. 73 00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:04,242 - Then your witness. - Well? Uh, what are you waiting for? 74 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:07,545 Get up there and cross-examine her. 75 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,432 - What are you, hourly? - I think I would be, if I was a lawyer. 76 00:04:11,534 --> 00:04:13,702 - Damn it. - Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 77 00:04:13,703 --> 00:04:15,436 Something is wrong with your brain. 78 00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:18,339 You need to plead not guilty by reason of insanity. 79 00:04:18,408 --> 00:04:22,776 Beg them for mercy and realize you're hallucinating me. 80 00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:27,298 - I'll see you disbarred for this. - Great, look forward to it. 81 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,401 Point of procedure. I, uh, no longer wish to be represented 82 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,538 - by TV's Michael Gray. - All righty. 83 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:36,474 Are the people okay with him not having an imaginary lawyer? 84 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,444 - They're great with it. - Then your witness. 85 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:43,397 Thank you. Now, then, Miss Kane, is it? 86 00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:46,367 Yup. 87 00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:49,537 Um... Damn, I had something for this. 88 00:04:49,639 --> 00:04:52,257 - Did ya? - Actually, can we maybe 89 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:57,545 call her back at a, uh, time later than, um... later than now? 90 00:04:57,647 --> 00:05:00,331 You're just a regular Clarence Darrow. 91 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,566 You may step down. Thank you. 92 00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,737 - Call your next witness. - Your Honor, the people call 93 00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:11,375 - the defendant's mother, Malory Archer. - Ooh. 94 00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:15,496 Come on, are we not doing that? 95 00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,667 - Ooh. - Oh, come on. 96 00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:23,249 - Are you kidding me? - Sit down, sir! 97 00:05:23,284 --> 00:05:25,983 Are you... she's dressed exactly like Marlene Dietrich 98 00:05:26,018 --> 00:05:27,375 in "Witness for the Prosecution," 99 00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:30,411 right down to the hair and the rakish little beret. 100 00:05:30,513 --> 00:05:31,730 Are you seeing this? 101 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,398 - Are you? - What? 102 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,368 How the... Objection. I object. 103 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,704 - To what? - I will ask the question! 104 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,672 It's actually the same question. 105 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,607 I don't know. Everything! 106 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,609 Oh, then I guess we can all go home. 107 00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:46,912 Can we? 108 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,952 - What the hell is happening? - Don't look at me. 109 00:05:48,995 --> 00:05:50,866 God damn it, TV's Michael Gray. 110 00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:53,434 - Uh, Your Honor... - Wait, wait, shut up. 111 00:05:53,536 --> 00:05:56,504 - You shut up! - Order! You're out of order! 112 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,706 You're out of order! You're out of order! 113 00:05:58,808 --> 00:06:01,409 This whole trial is out of order! 114 00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,377 Th-they're out of order! 115 00:06:03,479 --> 00:06:04,696 Everybody shut up! 116 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,597 And you bang that thing one more time, 117 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,568 - I'll break it off inside you. - Legit phrasing. 118 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:10,635 Shh! Listen. 119 00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:11,770 Proximity alert. 120 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,804 - What's going on? - What alert? 121 00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:15,474 Why the hell is there a proximity... 122 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,742 - Whoa! - Ow! 123 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:17,809 Collision. 124 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,510 How the... Who's on the bridge? 125 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,529 Nobody, because we're all down here 126 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,764 at this goddamn kangaroo railroad. 127 00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:27,568 - What? - The... the... the... the... the... 128 00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:31,472 - Choo-choo! - Krieger! Why aren't you up there? 129 00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:35,576 - Well, then who would do this? - Holy shit, dude, that's really good. 130 00:06:35,678 --> 00:06:36,845 You don't think it's derivative? 131 00:06:36,846 --> 00:06:38,596 No, 'cause I don't know what that is. 132 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,499 - It's when... - Krieger! Status report! 133 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,568 Right? 134 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,804 Okay, uh, we've got moderate hull damage 135 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,707 - to starboard amidships, um... - From what? 136 00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:53,544 I don't know. Jesus. Turn that thing to the exterior cameras. 137 00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:55,563 Oh, right. 138 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,868 - Oh, my God. - A Dri'n attack barge. 139 00:06:59,869 --> 00:07:03,671 - Which means... - Boarding party. 140 00:07:03,773 --> 00:07:05,673 And there ain't no party like a boarding party 141 00:07:05,775 --> 00:07:07,708 'cause a boarding party don't stop. 142 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,762 Well, until these monstrous bastards 143 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,665 have slaked their thirst for blood. 144 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:18,636 And let me tell you, these little devils are just parched. 145 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,673 I know, right? Barry-6, out. 146 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,708 Wh-what do we do? What do we do? 147 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,544 Well, the first thing we've gotta do... 148 00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:29,497 and I'm sure we can all agree on this... 149 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:32,097 is declare a mistrial. 150 00:07:38,732 --> 00:07:40,565 Come on, man. What's taking so long? 151 00:07:41,985 --> 00:07:43,785 "Space metal"? 152 00:07:43,887 --> 00:07:45,720 Think about how dumb that sounds. 153 00:07:45,822 --> 00:07:48,657 Now, come on, let's peel this banana and... 154 00:07:48,725 --> 00:07:51,661 Take a bite. I mean, before they all get away 155 00:07:51,662 --> 00:07:53,896 - in an escape pod, of course. - Cyril! 156 00:07:53,897 --> 00:07:55,031 - Lana... - You are not... 157 00:07:55,032 --> 00:07:56,765 - I'm serious. - Abandoning ship. 158 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,651 - Do not make me hit you. - Excuse me? 159 00:07:59,753 --> 00:08:01,921 No, I... I didn't mean that. 160 00:08:01,922 --> 00:08:03,622 - Whoa! - Ow! 161 00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:06,725 - Serves you right! - Trying to cut the line like that! 162 00:08:06,827 --> 00:08:08,860 What... No one is abandoning ship! 163 00:08:08,962 --> 00:08:11,864 - We're gonna stay here and fight! - I really don't think we should. 164 00:08:11,865 --> 00:08:15,651 - Yeah, good luck with that. - Meaning? 165 00:08:15,719 --> 00:08:16,986 Meaning those freaks are literally gonna 166 00:08:16,987 --> 00:08:19,521 - chew you up and spit you out. - Well... 167 00:08:19,623 --> 00:08:20,790 Or not spit you out. 168 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:22,557 I don't know about pirate dining etiquette, 169 00:08:22,659 --> 00:08:24,592 but definitely the chewing up part. 170 00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:26,795 Well, nobody asked you, since last I checked, 171 00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,697 you're a goddamn mutineer. 172 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,815 Well, the last I checked... and I'm not being facetious... 173 00:08:30,917 --> 00:08:32,717 - nice sweater dress. - What? 174 00:08:32,819 --> 00:08:34,519 - Sweater dress? - What? 175 00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:39,522 - So you think maybe you are crazy? - I'm crazy? 176 00:08:39,557 --> 00:08:42,711 - I mean... - She's crazy if she thinks she can fight off 177 00:08:42,712 --> 00:08:45,697 an entire barge full of murderous Dri'n pirates without me. 178 00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:48,717 - Uh, first of all... - Hull breach. 179 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,618 - Oh, no. - Oh, that's no good. 180 00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:52,021 Talk about crazy, huh? 181 00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:56,958 Whoo! Now, that's what I call a nice gash. 182 00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,564 No, we're not doing space phrasing. 183 00:09:02,666 --> 00:09:04,849 Uh, because it's derivative. 184 00:09:04,951 --> 00:09:07,786 - And also because I said so. - Hull breach. 185 00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:10,790 - I'm the only chance you've got. - He's right, you know. 186 00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:14,478 - Yeah, you gotta let him go. - That, or let us in that damn pod! 187 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,796 - I vote pod. - Cyril! And, I'm sorry, have we all forgotten 188 00:09:17,898 --> 00:09:21,583 he basically sexually assaulted me with a rolled-up magazine?! 189 00:09:21,685 --> 00:09:22,685 - No. - That's evidence. 190 00:09:22,686 --> 00:09:25,687 - You're evidence! - And there was nothing sexual about it. 191 00:09:25,789 --> 00:09:29,624 I don't know. I thought it was pretty sexy. 192 00:09:30,927 --> 00:09:33,728 On opposite day! Gross, you guys! 193 00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:36,865 - Goddamn. - Lana, I'm sorry I attacked you. 194 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,883 I honestly don't know what got into me. 195 00:09:38,985 --> 00:09:42,922 And when this is over, you can punish me however you see fit. 196 00:09:42,923 --> 00:09:44,923 - It's howmever. - Shut up! 197 00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,726 But this calls for some serious swashbuckling, 198 00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:50,895 and no one else can buckle swashes like me, so... 199 00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:52,797 Xenomorphs detected. 200 00:09:52,899 --> 00:09:54,816 - Oh, no! - Your call. 201 00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:58,720 Xenomorphs detected. 202 00:10:06,029 --> 00:10:07,829 Xenomorphs detected. 203 00:10:07,931 --> 00:10:09,731 You're damn right, they are. 204 00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:11,716 Get some! Yeah. 205 00:10:11,818 --> 00:10:14,786 Be a hitter, big un. And have fun out there. 206 00:10:14,888 --> 00:10:16,921 Oh, hey, and, uh, if anyone finds Archer, 207 00:10:17,023 --> 00:10:21,108 remember, he's all mine. 208 00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:22,923 Okay, so Mother... here you go... 209 00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:24,106 is gonna lure them into the holodeck. 210 00:10:24,107 --> 00:10:26,976 - Why? - Well, for one thing, because shut up. 211 00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:30,095 But remember... here you go... if we have to fall back... 212 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,129 and we can probably go ahead and make that 213 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,966 "when we fall back"... here, take some of these... 214 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,937 fall back to the escape pod. The pod is the Alamo. 215 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,973 If we're just gonna go back there, why'd we leave in the first place? 216 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,108 Because the goal isn't to run away so fast, 217 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,162 - it makes your vagina flap. - Plus, all the guns are in here. 218 00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:50,132 - Not all of them. - You got the sentry guns online? 219 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,202 - Yep, yep, yep. - Okay. Here we go! 220 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:01,009 - A and B guns firing. - Wait, wait, wait. At what? 221 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,827 What? 222 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,998 - 80, 60... - What the shit, Krieger? 223 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,000 40. 224 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,938 - That's it. - Then what was the point? 225 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,442 - Mm-mm-mm. Director's cut? - Ugh. 226 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,960 - Right? - Wait, what? 227 00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:20,828 Uh, did they even hit anybody? 228 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,165 So then just totally pointless. 229 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:30,071 Unless you lean on them, you big dummy. 230 00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:32,073 - Okay, Mother... - Archer! 231 00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:34,892 - That's your cue. - And just how exactly 232 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,861 am I supposed to lure those creeps 233 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:40,040 to the holodeck without getting myself killed? 234 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:44,102 Oh, right, right, right, right, right. 235 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,072 Duh. ♪ Toodles ♪ 236 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,340 The rest of you, follow me. 237 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:52,227 Move, Cyril. I want to hear it flap. 238 00:11:52,228 --> 00:11:54,228 Come on, Archer. You can run, but... 239 00:11:54,331 --> 00:11:57,065 Well, I guess you can hide, obviously. 240 00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:59,167 But stop doing it is what I'm saying. 241 00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,035 - ♪ Yoo-hoo ♪ - Huh? 242 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,071 Who's up for some bopping and booping? 243 00:12:03,173 --> 00:12:05,106 I'll bop your boop, you little... 244 00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:08,026 Why would it be a ruse? 245 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,861 Come on, you mother humpers. 246 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,999 Jeezy Petes, you really are crazy! 247 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,135 We're sitting ducks. There's no cover. 248 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,904 Jesus Christ, do you nerds really never come down here? 249 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:22,940 - Oh! - This is incredible! 250 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,294 I know, right? Plus, upstairs, there's a bunch 251 00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:29,864 of hologram whores giving out old-timey 50-cent blow jobs. 252 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,302 - Wait, what makes them old-timey? - Uh, they're 50 cents? 253 00:12:36,106 --> 00:12:38,106 Hoooo, Mikey Mike! 254 00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:47,619 Whoa! 255 00:12:51,024 --> 00:12:55,777 - Is now the best time for that? - A lot better than it's about to be. 256 00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:57,745 How many are there? 257 00:12:57,847 --> 00:13:00,715 - Scores. - Like, literally scores or... 258 00:13:01,885 --> 00:13:03,685 Cyril, get your shit together. 259 00:13:03,787 --> 00:13:05,687 Now, listen, you gotta let 'em come into our killing zone. 260 00:13:05,789 --> 00:13:07,855 Don't just start blasting away the second you... 261 00:13:09,025 --> 00:13:14,975 Suppressing fire! 262 00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:21,953 Whoo! 263 00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:30,912 - Goddamn, dude. - Seriously. 264 00:13:31,014 --> 00:13:32,914 You shot all my guys. 265 00:13:33,016 --> 00:13:34,849 Oh, for... way to go, Cyril. 266 00:13:34,951 --> 00:13:37,752 - What? - "What?" I'm supposed to be the hero. 267 00:13:37,854 --> 00:13:38,954 - Doing what? - Seriously, Archer? 268 00:13:38,955 --> 00:13:40,089 - Wow. - Well? 269 00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:45,677 - That is pathetic. - So are sweater vests. 270 00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:46,879 - Huh? - What's a sweater vest? 271 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,747 Hey, asshole, you really wanna be the hero? 272 00:13:49,849 --> 00:13:52,984 - I mean... - Then let's just you and me play. 273 00:13:53,086 --> 00:13:54,086 Danger. 274 00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:57,122 The self-destruct system is now activated. 275 00:13:57,123 --> 00:13:58,890 Why do we even have that? 276 00:13:58,992 --> 00:14:01,809 - What? How? - Because the password was... 277 00:14:01,911 --> 00:14:03,678 - "guest." - Told you. 278 00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:05,847 Detonation in two minutes. 279 00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:07,983 - What? - Two? No. 280 00:14:07,984 --> 00:14:09,684 I thought I set it for 20. 281 00:14:09,786 --> 00:14:11,686 - Krieger, can you override it? - Um... 282 00:14:11,788 --> 00:14:13,621 Krieger cannot override it. 283 00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:15,757 - No. - What do we do? What do we do? 284 00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:20,945 Well, if you hustle, I bet you can just make it to the... 285 00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:23,815 Escape pod. 286 00:14:23,917 --> 00:14:25,850 - Come on, everybody. Move it! - Let's go! 287 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,719 All except you, Archer. 288 00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:29,687 They go. 289 00:14:29,789 --> 00:14:33,825 - You stay. - What? No. Sterling, no! 290 00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:35,768 Mother, it's okay. You go. 291 00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:39,014 - I need to stay here for a while. - Archer... 292 00:14:39,015 --> 00:14:41,150 Detonation in 90 seconds. 293 00:14:41,151 --> 00:14:44,086 - Go! - Son of a... 294 00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:45,953 Come on. 295 00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,890 No, no, no, no, no, no! Sterling! 296 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,744 Moms, huh? 297 00:14:52,846 --> 00:14:55,747 So you're willing to die just to make sure I do? 298 00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:57,082 - Yep. - Why? 299 00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:01,386 Because, Archer, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, 300 00:15:01,387 --> 00:15:05,755 you put your nasty dick in my fiancée's butthole. 301 00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:08,727 Wait, wait, wait, that... that's what this is about? 302 00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,845 - Oh, yes. - Uh, what was her name? 303 00:15:10,947 --> 00:15:12,814 - Simone? - Framboise! 304 00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:14,916 Detonation in 60 seconds. 305 00:15:15,018 --> 00:15:19,721 Jesus Christ. Well, if it's any consolation, Barry, 306 00:15:19,823 --> 00:15:21,023 I can't even remember what she looks li... 307 00:15:23,026 --> 00:15:25,009 - Go, go, go, go, go! - But wait! 308 00:15:25,111 --> 00:15:27,078 - Couldn't we... - Malory, we need to move. 309 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:30,849 - We've only got... - Detonation in 30 seconds. 310 00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,084 - That. - No, no, no, wait! 311 00:15:34,888 --> 00:15:37,889 - Wait. Just wait a second. Wait. - What? 312 00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:41,138 Chicken butt. 313 00:15:41,978 --> 00:15:43,245 Chicken butt, Barry! 314 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:46,881 Detonation in 15 seconds. 315 00:15:46,983 --> 00:15:48,950 Escape pod launched. 316 00:15:49,052 --> 00:15:51,986 Yes! They're safe, Barry. 317 00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:53,288 Detonation in ten... 318 00:15:53,289 --> 00:15:55,056 - Are they? - Nine... 319 00:15:55,158 --> 00:15:56,958 - What? - Eight... 320 00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:58,776 - Are they safe? - Seven... 321 00:15:58,878 --> 00:16:00,079 - Yes. - Six... 322 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,813 So you're the big man, huh? 323 00:16:01,915 --> 00:16:03,148 - Five... - Yes, Barry, I am. 324 00:16:03,149 --> 00:16:04,982 - Four... - I'm huge. 325 00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:06,884 - Three... - Not what Framboise said. 326 00:16:06,986 --> 00:16:08,087 - Two... - Oh, really? 327 00:16:08,088 --> 00:16:09,221 - Because... - One. 328 00:16:09,222 --> 00:16:11,022 Shit, I had something for... 329 00:16:11,124 --> 00:16:14,058 Ignition. 330 00:16:25,088 --> 00:16:28,823 Rampaaaaaage! 331 00:16:28,925 --> 00:16:33,077 - Ugh. - Sterling Malory Archer. 332 00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:35,079 Code name Duchess. 333 00:16:35,181 --> 00:16:38,950 So here's the thing. I need to access my operations account, 334 00:16:39,052 --> 00:16:40,119 and you're preventing that. 335 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,155 Now, we can do this easy, or we can do it hard. 336 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:46,090 The thought of me dead gives you an erection? 337 00:16:46,192 --> 00:16:50,077 - Jesus Christ! - Your call. 338 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:51,946 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 339 00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:53,915 Drink, drink, drink, drink! 340 00:16:54,017 --> 00:16:55,284 Ow! Ow! 341 00:16:55,285 --> 00:16:56,985 Bawk! Bawk! 342 00:16:56,986 --> 00:16:59,154 - Archer! - I'm coming! 343 00:16:59,155 --> 00:17:00,155 Phrasing, boom! 344 00:17:05,211 --> 00:17:06,911 Okay, let's try that a... Oh, shit! 345 00:17:08,248 --> 00:17:10,081 Survey says... 346 00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:13,985 - Don't try to do anything stupid. - I don't have to try. 347 00:17:18,057 --> 00:17:20,057 I'll show you who's boss. 348 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,844 How do you like that? 349 00:17:24,247 --> 00:17:27,282 - Hey, asshole! - Lana. 350 00:17:29,252 --> 00:17:30,952 Lana. 351 00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,021 Lana! 352 00:17:35,258 --> 00:17:37,359 - Lanaaaaa! - What? 353 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,060 ♪ Danger zone ♪ 354 00:17:39,112 --> 00:17:43,114 Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, 355 00:17:43,216 --> 00:17:46,217 - Abbiejean. - Why is that who named like me? 356 00:17:46,319 --> 00:17:50,154 Because he's your son, you colossal idiot. 357 00:17:50,256 --> 00:17:51,989 Until you can look at your mother 358 00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:54,225 and see her not just as your mother 359 00:17:54,327 --> 00:17:56,027 but as a person... 360 00:17:56,079 --> 00:17:58,079 When have I ever been honest with Sterling? 361 00:17:58,181 --> 00:17:59,114 You can't grow up. 362 00:18:00,116 --> 00:18:02,116 Honey, you still got it. 363 00:18:02,218 --> 00:18:05,086 ♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow, a-huh-huh ♪ 364 00:18:05,188 --> 00:18:06,921 Pretty much my whole life, 365 00:18:07,023 --> 00:18:09,056 my default setting has been half-ass. 366 00:18:09,158 --> 00:18:10,925 Whoo-who cares? 367 00:18:11,027 --> 00:18:13,077 Imagine as I literally beat you to death 368 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,846 that a giant hand has turned my dial 369 00:18:15,949 --> 00:18:18,883 from half-ass to quadruple-ass. 370 00:18:24,591 --> 00:18:26,958 Oh, booyakasha! 371 00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:30,177 I've been shot, stabbed, set on fire, poisoned, shot, 372 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,213 sexually assaulted, partially chewed, 373 00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:35,016 shot, and declared legally dead 374 00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:36,184 twice on the same day. 375 00:18:36,185 --> 00:18:39,186 - Think you might have a problem. - Yeah, Lana, it's called cancer. 376 00:18:41,157 --> 00:18:42,357 Archer? 377 00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:44,325 - Are you... - The man who cheated death? 378 00:18:48,081 --> 00:18:49,248 I might be immortal. 379 00:18:49,249 --> 00:18:51,315 Archer! 380 00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:57,121 - This close. - ♪ Rebound ♪ 381 00:18:57,223 --> 00:19:02,276 ♪ Rebound ♪ 382 00:19:04,047 --> 00:19:06,914 Goddamn Barry. 383 00:19:08,117 --> 00:19:09,951 - Mother? - Sterling? 384 00:19:10,053 --> 00:19:11,053 W-w-wait, what are you... what are you... 385 00:19:11,054 --> 00:19:14,055 - I...I... - I know you didn't just break 386 00:19:14,157 --> 00:19:17,258 another glass in here, because if I told you once, I told you... 387 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,144 My Lord Jesus! God! 388 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:23,749 - Gladys! He's awake! - He's awake! 389 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,118 Yeah, um, duh. Wh-why am I in a hospital? 390 00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:29,320 You were shot by a crazy woman. 391 00:19:29,422 --> 00:19:31,289 Just like Eddie Waitkus! 392 00:19:31,391 --> 00:19:33,124 - Who? - Don't get him started. 393 00:19:33,226 --> 00:19:35,277 Oh, man. For a second there, 394 00:19:35,278 --> 00:19:37,179 I thought maybe the booze had caught up with me. 395 00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:38,880 Ooh, speaking of... 396 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:42,249 - With me standing right here? - He's gonna need it. 397 00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:45,286 Wait, why? Wait, wait, wait, wait. 398 00:19:45,388 --> 00:19:48,122 H-how long have I been here? 399 00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:50,057 - Mother? - Sterling... 400 00:19:50,159 --> 00:19:51,376 Mother, how long have I been here? 401 00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:54,945 - Three years. - What? 402 00:19:55,048 --> 00:19:56,981 No. Three... 403 00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:59,083 Wait, not... no. No, no, no. 404 00:19:59,185 --> 00:20:00,419 Y-you want me to call Dr. Gorenstein? 405 00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,987 Oh, please. You think he could be bothered? 406 00:20:03,089 --> 00:20:06,211 At midnight on a Sunday? 407 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:11,324 - Plus, what would his mistress say? - So bad. 408 00:20:11,347 --> 00:20:14,081 Wait, why are you here at midnight on a Sunday? 409 00:20:14,183 --> 00:20:18,119 - Well, I, um... - She's always here. 410 00:20:18,121 --> 00:20:21,155 Oh, now, not always. 411 00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:36,488 - Let me get you some ice chips. - For three years? 412 00:20:36,489 --> 00:20:39,290 I wanted to be here when you woke up. 413 00:20:41,227 --> 00:20:45,480 Okay, so, like, wh-wh-what about Lana? 414 00:20:45,481 --> 00:20:48,115 - Lana? - Hey, wait, do I have a kid? 415 00:20:48,217 --> 00:20:52,153 There's plenty of time to talk about all of that. 416 00:20:52,255 --> 00:20:55,222 The important thing is that you're back 417 00:20:55,324 --> 00:20:58,275 - and we're together. - Um, uh, okay. 418 00:20:58,378 --> 00:21:03,114 After all, the real story's always been about you and me. 419 00:21:03,216 --> 00:21:06,350 - What are you... - Which, when you think about it, 420 00:21:06,452 --> 00:21:11,088 at its heart, it's really a love story. 421 00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:15,226 - Please, Mother, don't say that. - It's true. 422 00:21:17,380 --> 00:21:19,313 Ugh! 423 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:25,832 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~