1 00:00:00,807 --> 00:00:03,608 So I get to go to the French riviera on the isis dime 2 00:00:03,676 --> 00:00:04,442 To do what, exactly? 3 00:00:04,510 --> 00:00:07,044 Locate a stolen shipment of redeye missiles and 4 00:00:07,112 --> 00:00:11,339 Kill the arms dealer trying to Sell them -- spyridon skorpio. 5 00:00:11,339 --> 00:00:12,783 ....Is diabetes busy? 6 00:00:12,783 --> 00:00:14,792 Don't underestimate scorpio. 7 00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:16,858 There's a reason the bounty on him is so high. 8 00:00:16,858 --> 00:00:18,752 Like high enough to redo my kitchen? 9 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,240 Ugh! What did I tell you? 10 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:23,679 That saltillo tile is terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous. 11 00:00:23,679 --> 00:00:25,641 And mexican whorehouse-y. 12 00:00:25,641 --> 00:00:27,848 So I'm sure your cook feels at home. 13 00:00:27,848 --> 00:00:28,835 Hey, pita isn't a whore! 14 00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:30,079 Not until you got ahold of her. 15 00:00:30,079 --> 00:00:31,450 First of all -- oh, shut up! 16 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:34,192 The bounty on scorpio is more than enough for a new kitchen. 17 00:00:34,192 --> 00:00:35,763 I also have the nook, though, so -- 18 00:00:35,763 --> 00:00:40,361 And the rest you can set aside for pita's inevitable medical expenses. 19 00:00:40,361 --> 00:00:42,262 Oh, like, one time that happened! 20 00:00:42,262 --> 00:00:44,914 It's pretty late, though. Why don't you, uh, take a cab? 21 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:47,774 Mr. Sterling? I have problem. 22 00:00:48,079 --> 00:00:48,919 I'll pay for it. 23 00:00:49,719 --> 00:00:50,849 Again? 24 00:00:51,324 --> 00:00:52,194 Seriously, pita. 25 00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:55,026 You're killing me here. Again?! 26 00:00:55,383 --> 00:00:57,307 This was, uh, supposed to be coconut shrimp. 27 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,779 One, three times. 28 00:00:58,779 --> 00:01:01,156 But it's the pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom. 29 00:01:01,156 --> 00:01:03,026 Why don't you wear a vasectomy?! 30 00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:04,888 This again? Don't you want a grandkid? 31 00:01:04,888 --> 00:01:07,456 Well, if I did, I'd just scrape all your previous 32 00:01:07,456 --> 00:01:10,551 Mishaps into a big pile and knit a onesie for it. 33 00:01:10,551 --> 00:01:12,152 Jesus christ! 34 00:01:12,412 --> 00:01:14,266 Sorry, I've been fasting, and I'm edgy. 35 00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:15,498 Still, though. Sterling! 36 00:01:15,498 --> 00:01:19,833 Okay. If there's money left after the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe. 37 00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:21,369 So you do want the assignment. 38 00:01:21,369 --> 00:01:24,458 Yeah, I want it! You really, really, really want it? 39 00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:25,897 Yes. I really want it. 40 00:01:26,058 --> 00:01:28,200 Well, too bad. Because guess what. 41 00:01:28,424 --> 00:01:30,091 Why does she get the mission?! 42 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,099 Because I said so. 43 00:01:31,099 --> 00:01:33,371 Either way, we have a plane to catch. 44 00:01:33,371 --> 00:01:35,092 We?! Why are you going? 45 00:01:35,092 --> 00:01:37,896 I'm going to, um, a conference. 46 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:41,000 well, isn't that convenient? 47 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,236 If you think that's convenient, wait till you see my new kitchen. 48 00:01:44,318 --> 00:01:46,632 Ha! Seriously, though, you should 49 00:01:46,632 --> 00:01:48,352 Look through some of her design catalogs. 50 00:02:18,863 --> 00:02:21,260 cyril: So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France. 51 00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:22,729 Isn't that kind of sudden? 52 00:02:22,729 --> 00:02:25,299 lana: No, baby. Sudden is wanting to move in 53 00:02:25,299 --> 00:02:27,075 With somebody after only four months. 54 00:02:27,075 --> 00:02:28,948 cyril: Talking! Just talking about it. 55 00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:31,413 You know, I mean, geez, I moved 56 00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:33,354 In with my last girlfriend after four weeks. 57 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,459 lana: What are you, a lesbian? 58 00:02:34,459 --> 00:02:36,019 Why? Would you be into that? 59 00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:38,972 Just curious. Which was an odd word choice 60 00:02:38,972 --> 00:02:41,779 Right there, and am I talking out loud? 61 00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:42,439 malory: Now remember. 62 00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:46,022 I want the entire data system on those new servers, or I will 63 00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,520 Just make it rain pink slips! 64 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,023 fear is a poor motivator. 65 00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:52,405 Lana, I want you to call or text me at the top of 66 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,453 Every hour, and I'll call or text at -- 67 00:02:54,453 --> 00:02:56,329 Yeah, I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon. 68 00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:57,819 Well, it's all on the schedule. 69 00:02:57,819 --> 00:02:59,979 Oh, no, honey, the doors are closing, and I didn't get the -- 70 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,392 Oh. So close. 71 00:03:02,392 --> 00:03:05,704 73 00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:07,954 No! 74 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:11,705 That's not why I'm -- but, look, you be careful with scorpio. 75 00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,721 He won't hesitate to kill you. 76 00:03:13,721 --> 00:03:15,585 Unless I get smothered to death first. 77 00:03:15,585 --> 00:03:17,626 Oh, well, that's just pathetic. 78 00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:19,908 But even though cyril may be clingy -- 79 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,037 Oh, saran wrap could take a lesson. 80 00:03:22,228 --> 00:03:26,111 You used to complain constantly that sterling was emotionally distant. 81 00:03:26,235 --> 00:03:27,855 Yeah. I was just being nice, though. 82 00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:28,936 I wonder if he's like 83 00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:31,473 That because I used to spank him with a wooden spoon. 84 00:03:31,473 --> 00:03:33,427 Uh, yeah, I don't know about that. 85 00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:35,756 But it might explain the ping-pong paddle. 86 00:03:36,102 --> 00:03:39,921 Merci! My point is, dear, you can trust cyril. 87 00:03:39,921 --> 00:03:43,119 Now, you go have a fun assassination. Uh, okay. 88 00:03:43,119 --> 00:03:45,979 Uh, and you go have fun at your thing. 89 00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:48,417 Oh, I will. Bye, dear. 90 00:03:49,092 --> 00:03:49,943 Did you rent a boat? 91 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:54,480 da! Is very pretty nice boat. 92 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,868 It better be, mr. Sex tape. 93 00:03:56,868 --> 00:04:00,739 And you, scuff that luggage, and i'll cut your hamstrings for you. 94 00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:03,146 You know, I think we're making some progress. 95 00:04:03,146 --> 00:04:04,786 where? In opposite world? 96 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,211 We're never gonna finish all this. 97 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:08,843 We can if certain people would help. 98 00:04:08,843 --> 00:04:10,157 krieger: I'm sorry, are you addressing me? 99 00:04:10,157 --> 00:04:14,220 Because your authority is not recognized in fort kick-ass. 100 00:04:15,182 --> 00:04:17,100 Mr. Archer, you could help. 101 00:04:17,304 --> 00:04:18,407 Hey, I'm helping cyril. 102 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,697 Text her again. 103 00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:20,928 I am, if you'd shut up. 104 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,641 And really pour out your feelings. 105 00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:23,990 Don't listen to him. 106 00:04:24,169 --> 00:04:25,689 He's just trying to -- shut up! 107 00:04:25,689 --> 00:04:27,462 Cyril, bare your soul. 108 00:04:27,462 --> 00:04:32,292 so, did I say it's nice boat, or what? 109 00:04:32,292 --> 00:04:34,114 Yes, nikolai, you certainly did. 110 00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:37,626 Which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself aboard 111 00:04:37,626 --> 00:04:39,202 The chum guzzler! 112 00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:43,249 I am just getting that. 113 00:04:43,591 --> 00:04:45,020 malory: Well, I know what you're not getting. 114 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,321 Give it to me! No! 115 00:04:46,321 --> 00:04:47,769 cyril: Pam, I'm serious! 116 00:04:47,769 --> 00:04:48,681 Give me my phone! 117 00:04:48,681 --> 00:04:50,217 Cyril, goddamn it. 118 00:04:50,217 --> 00:04:51,347 You're smothering lana. 119 00:04:51,347 --> 00:04:53,207 cyril: Pam, I will hit you in the face! 120 00:04:54,182 --> 00:04:55,839 archer: Don't listen to her, cyril. 121 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,103 You know, if there's one thing 122 00:04:57,103 --> 00:05:00,069 Wotamen tolly love, it's to be smothered by men. 123 00:05:00,065 --> 00:05:01,007 Like you'd know. 124 00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,638 archer: Or choked, in your case. 125 00:05:02,638 --> 00:05:03,632 Cyril, trust me. 126 00:05:03,632 --> 00:05:04,840 Give her some space. 127 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:05,943 cyril: But why hasn't she called? 128 00:05:05,943 --> 00:05:08,120 I mean, what if she's in danger or -- 129 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,232 archer: Cyril, come on! 130 00:05:09,232 --> 00:05:12,992 Worst-case scenario, her cover got blown, and scorpio's raping 131 00:05:12,992 --> 00:05:16,823 Her senseless before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. 132 00:05:16,823 --> 00:05:18,585 cyril: Oh, my god. What is wrong with you?! 133 00:05:19,311 --> 00:05:19,895 archer: What?! 134 00:05:20,077 --> 00:05:20,963 I said "Worst-case." 135 00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:24,706 kroshk¨¢, leave that to your field agent. 136 00:05:24,706 --> 00:05:27,227 Why must you always micromanage? 137 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:27,993 malory: I don't! 138 00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:32,747 And if you will recall, I used to be an excellent field agent. 139 00:05:33,086 --> 00:05:35,223 Is why I fall in love with you. 140 00:05:35,223 --> 00:05:37,916 malory: My god, kolya, we were so young. 141 00:05:37,916 --> 00:05:41,624 young. And in love. And in berlin. 142 00:05:41,624 --> 00:05:45,304 On that magical, moonlit night, beneath the bridge of spies. 143 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:50,043 the night before you break my heart and disappear for nine months. 144 00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:53,468 Kolya, there's -- there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 145 00:05:53,468 --> 00:05:56,581 What is in this drink?! 146 00:05:56,581 --> 00:05:57,706 oh, sorry. 147 00:05:57,706 --> 00:05:59,459 Is ice from cooler. 148 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:01,800 Somehow it got butter all over it. 149 00:06:03,462 --> 00:06:05,419 hey! Don't be queen of drama. 150 00:06:05,419 --> 00:06:07,499 malory: That wasn't me, you idiot! 151 00:06:09,725 --> 00:06:10,880 Oh, dear god. 152 00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,130 archer: Cyril, stop. cyril: It's lana. 153 00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:15,497 Here! Give me! archer: It's my phone. 154 00:06:15,497 --> 00:06:17,481 Pam put yours in the blender. 155 00:06:17,481 --> 00:06:19,321 It's called tough love, cyril. 156 00:06:19,321 --> 00:06:21,199 krieger: The secret ingredient is phone. 157 00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:23,366 archer: Myello? Mother? 158 00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:25,028 What?! Really? 159 00:06:25,028 --> 00:06:26,592 A-and you're sure it was lana? 160 00:06:26,592 --> 00:06:27,526 cyril: What was lana?! 161 00:06:27,526 --> 00:06:28,642 archer: Okay, I'm on it. cyril: Come on! 162 00:06:28,642 --> 00:06:30,985 archer: What? Yes. God! 163 00:06:30,985 --> 00:06:31,992 cyril: What did she say? 164 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,434 archer: Well, she's still really pro-vasectomy. 165 00:06:34,434 --> 00:06:35,338 cyril: About lana! 166 00:06:35,564 --> 00:06:36,456 archer: Oh, right. Yeah. 167 00:06:36,619 --> 00:06:40,475 So, uh, remember that worst-case scenario we talked about? 168 00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:41,310 cyril: Oh, my god. 169 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:42,305 krieger: Yes, I remember! 170 00:06:42,571 --> 00:06:44,052 cyril: Archer, if anything -- 171 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:44,964 archer: Cyril, relax. 172 00:06:45,365 --> 00:06:46,185 I will rescue her. 173 00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,338 So, krieger, how's about a roadie? 174 00:06:50,838 --> 00:06:54,911 Because it would be nice to know what kind of danger i'm facing here. 175 00:06:54,911 --> 00:06:55,559 What danger? 176 00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:56,855 They do it outpatient. 177 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,918 Wha-- not the vasectomy. 178 00:06:58,918 --> 00:06:59,742 The rescue. 179 00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:01,141 How would I know? 180 00:07:01,141 --> 00:07:02,780 I'm at a conference. 181 00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:04,238 Wait a minute. 182 00:07:04,238 --> 00:07:05,358 You don't have a minute! 183 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,951 Now, will you just put a lid on it?! 184 00:07:06,951 --> 00:07:08,675 All right. I'm going. 185 00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:09,452 God! 186 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:10,890 shitty flying rats! 187 00:07:11,076 --> 00:07:12,388 Just put the damn lid on it! 188 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,899 Commence operation 189 00:07:14,824 --> 00:07:16,782 Something about I rescue lana 190 00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:20,175 And she begs me to take her back, so then cyril commits suicide. 191 00:07:20,175 --> 00:07:22,426 Swear to god I had something for this. 192 00:07:23,871 --> 00:07:24,561 Seriously. 193 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,175 Are you people just bailing on this whole assignment or what? 194 00:07:27,175 --> 00:07:29,114 Who gives a gosh damn about that?! 195 00:07:29,114 --> 00:07:33,467 Lana's captured, maybe even -- rescued! Kenny crybaby! 196 00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,503 Come on! 197 00:07:34,648 --> 00:07:37,046 I bet mr. Archer already went all double-"O"-ninja on 198 00:07:37,046 --> 00:07:38,639 Skorpio's ass! 199 00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:40,269 Karate sound. 200 00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:41,740 You really think so? 201 00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:43,952 cyril, right this second, 202 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:46,222 I Bet he's untying lana, 203 00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:49,710 taking Off her ball gag, and she's Looking up into 204 00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:53,943 his steely blue Eyes and parting her moist lips... 205 00:07:53,943 --> 00:07:55,923 Wait a minute. Yeah, hang on, crazy pants. 206 00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:56,987 krieger: Let her talk, woman! ...As he takes her in his 207 00:07:56,987 --> 00:08:00,890 Rippling rambo-y arms, throws her down... 208 00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:01,603 Oh, my god! 209 00:08:01,603 --> 00:08:03,593 ...And then unh, unh! 210 00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:05,993 yeah! Oh, yeah! That's right! 211 00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:07,553 Give it to me! Unh! 212 00:08:07,841 --> 00:08:08,651 Damn it. 213 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:09,394 Look what you -- 214 00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,520 Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere? 215 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,810 krieger: I've got some in the lab. 216 00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:14,434 I mean, maybe it's not that. 217 00:08:14,434 --> 00:08:17,208 But there's only one way to find out. 218 00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:17,925 Give me that! 219 00:08:18,411 --> 00:08:20,380 Ugh. Jesus, god. 220 00:08:20,908 --> 00:08:22,489 I thought I gave you a fake number. 221 00:08:22,489 --> 00:08:24,935 What? Archer, it's me. Cyril? 222 00:08:24,935 --> 00:08:26,550 Hey, I can't really talk right now. 223 00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,188 Well, that's too bad, mr. Man! 224 00:08:28,188 --> 00:08:30,260 Now, you just put lana on the phone. 225 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,316 Well, cyril, I can't really do that either. 226 00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:34,497 Uh, he says he can't put her on. 227 00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:40,816 Archer, put her on the phone! 228 00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:44,639 Cyril, buddy, look. When I see her, I will tell her to call you. 229 00:08:44,639 --> 00:08:47,725 But I can't frickin' talk right now! 230 00:08:47,725 --> 00:08:50,568 Archer? Hello? He hung up. 231 00:08:50,755 --> 00:08:51,996 probably 'cause he's all... 232 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,694 Oh, my god! I can't breathe. 233 00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:07,563 And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co-workers. 234 00:09:07,563 --> 00:09:09,600 That and no one ever lets me. 235 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,313 krieger: I've had good results with ether. 236 00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:24,144 Oh, my god. Nikolai, something's wrong! 237 00:09:24,144 --> 00:09:27,072 it's just fat dripping from kebabs. 238 00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:27,722 Not that! 239 00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,527 Kolya, my people need help! 240 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,995 Do you have any kgb agents nearby? 241 00:09:33,661 --> 00:09:34,490 "Meh" What?! 242 00:09:34,626 --> 00:09:40,083 I just don't feel so comfortable discussing kgb operations with you. 243 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,917 I tell you everything! 244 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,757 da. But is a little... 245 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,000 Unprofessional. 246 00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:49,149 Swear to god, lana better be dead on a slab 247 00:09:49,149 --> 00:09:53,352 or Begging for mercy over a vat of acid or a shark tank or -- 248 00:09:53,352 --> 00:09:56,584 Drinking champagne in a bikini?! 249 00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:58,127 Ah, screw me! 250 00:09:58,397 --> 00:09:59,639 skorpio: two minutes, my love! 251 00:10:00,196 --> 00:10:04,499 I'm just now again reshaving my balls again! 252 00:10:04,499 --> 00:10:07,674 First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation! 253 00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,787 And not at it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex 254 00:10:10,787 --> 00:10:11,417 With skorpio! 255 00:10:11,621 --> 00:10:12,124 Oh, really? 256 00:10:12,293 --> 00:10:13,002 No! God! 257 00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:14,183 I just kept putting him off, 258 00:10:14,183 --> 00:10:15,847 Making him reshave his balls. 259 00:10:16,494 --> 00:10:17,976 So you can hang out on a boat? 260 00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:19,209 It's a mega yacht! 261 00:10:19,674 --> 00:10:20,326 And I just -- 262 00:10:20,749 --> 00:10:22,659 I needed a break from cyril. 263 00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:25,299 Who thinks you got captur or killed. 264 00:10:25,299 --> 00:10:26,572 What was that all about? 265 00:10:33,431 --> 00:10:35,592 Uh, I actually forget what that was. 266 00:10:35,592 --> 00:10:37,279 I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard. 267 00:10:37,279 --> 00:10:38,997 Jesus, you are so irresponsible. 268 00:10:38,997 --> 00:10:39,544 Oh, really? 269 00:10:39,544 --> 00:10:41,297 Go ask pita who's irresponsible. 270 00:10:41,297 --> 00:10:43,334 Hey, she knew the job was risky going in. 271 00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:44,864 And since you didn't do your job -- 272 00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:46,262 lana: I will! All right? 273 00:10:46,262 --> 00:10:47,829 Just give me, like, a week. 274 00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:48,597 archer: Too late! 275 00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:50,343 You had your chance, and you blew it. 276 00:10:50,343 --> 00:10:51,478 Now, how's my disguise? 277 00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:52,671 lana: Uh, it depends. 278 00:10:52,671 --> 00:10:53,958 Who are you supposed to be, 279 00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:56,391 Topper bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper of the 280 00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:57,896 U.S.S. Rough service? 281 00:10:59,270 --> 00:10:59,785 archer: What? 282 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,665 They're your clothes, idiot. 283 00:11:01,665 --> 00:11:03,001 lana: Ugh! Damn it. 284 00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:04,911 That was the guy in charge of the chocolate fountain. 285 00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:06,251 archer: There's a chocolate fountain? 286 00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:07,532 lana: Oh, there's everything, 287 00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:10,800 Great champagne, ridiculous food, a whole, like, 288 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,999 squad of Hot little filipina masseuses. 289 00:11:12,999 --> 00:11:14,181 archer: Skeet? lana: Probably. 290 00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:16,005 And I just really need some "Me" Time 291 00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:18,914 before I have to go back to cyril and his whole -- 292 00:11:18,914 --> 00:11:21,045 archer: Curiously oppressive brand of love? 293 00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:23,030 lana: I mean, come on. Haven't I earned that? 294 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,890 archer: Yes, we have. I'm staying. 295 00:11:24,890 --> 00:11:27,219 what No! Yes. No, you are not! 296 00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:31,018 Yes, I am, or would You prefer I tell cyril you slept with skorpio? 297 00:11:31,018 --> 00:11:32,935 Even you wouldn't stoop that low. 298 00:11:32,935 --> 00:11:34,208 Lana, come on. 299 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:35,951 This is me. Remember? 300 00:11:37,231 --> 00:11:38,712 Unprofessional?! 301 00:11:38,712 --> 00:11:40,439 From the man who used an entire 302 00:11:40,439 --> 00:11:44,488 Kgb surveillance team just to make a sex tape of me?! 303 00:11:44,488 --> 00:11:47,969 And entire kgb art department to 304 00:11:47,969 --> 00:11:50,587 Airbrush wrinkles off your old ass. 305 00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:53,355 I want to leave, please, right now. 306 00:11:53,932 --> 00:11:57,257 so who's stopping you? 307 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,956 Smiles, everyone. Smiles. 308 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,238 For this party, 309 00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:10,375 everything must be as perfect as my beautiful Companion. 310 00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:11,557 skorpio: Because in one hour, 311 00:12:11,557 --> 00:12:15,650 The world's most dangerous terrorists will gather here 312 00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:19,712 on The argo to bid on my humble wares. 313 00:12:21,077 --> 00:12:22,633 Wait! Wait! You! 314 00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:28,752 Chocolate-fountain guy, you look, uh... Different. 315 00:12:28,752 --> 00:12:31,714 Um, I guess I've been working out. 316 00:12:31,714 --> 00:12:33,731 skorpio: Yes, I can see that. 317 00:12:33,731 --> 00:12:35,996 Quick, bring me some duct tape. 318 00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:36,603 I, uh -- 319 00:12:36,603 --> 00:12:39,404 skorpio: Because this malaka is ripped! 320 00:12:41,611 --> 00:12:42,603 Come, my dear. 321 00:12:42,603 --> 00:12:45,491 Before the party, I must relax... 322 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,055 On top of you. 323 00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:49,407 skorpio: No excuses, eh? 324 00:12:49,729 --> 00:12:51,151 My balls are smooth. 325 00:12:51,465 --> 00:12:52,830 And you know I love that. 326 00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:55,832 skorpio: Not as much as I love chocolate. 327 00:12:56,736 --> 00:13:00,743 skorpio: So you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes. 328 00:13:00,743 --> 00:13:02,647 I-I would prefer not to. 329 00:13:03,948 --> 00:13:06,091 "Bartleby the scrivener"? Anybody? 330 00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:08,636 Not a big melville crowd here, huh? 331 00:13:08,636 --> 00:13:10,817 He's not an easy read. 332 00:13:10,817 --> 00:13:13,440 And I drove her right into his arms. 333 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,191 his big, tan, muscle-bulgey arms. 334 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:17,831 Cyril, come on. 335 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:18,758 Don't listen to -- 336 00:13:18,758 --> 00:13:21,653 What the hell's your name now, anyway? 337 00:13:21,653 --> 00:13:23,067 I don't even remember. 338 00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:24,093 Exactly! 339 00:13:24,391 --> 00:13:28,025 So, what you snorting off me? 340 00:13:28,025 --> 00:13:29,433 krieger: It's mostly msg. 341 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,526 The flavor enhancer! 342 00:13:31,526 --> 00:13:33,317 which you so need. 343 00:13:33,317 --> 00:13:34,790 Pipe down, pipe cleaner! 344 00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:37,463 And, cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay? 345 00:13:37,463 --> 00:13:39,566 Probably fraught with danger. 346 00:13:39,566 --> 00:13:41,135 You really think so? 347 00:13:41,135 --> 00:13:44,150 I bet they're fighting for their lives. 348 00:13:46,424 --> 00:13:47,970 Yeah. That -- 349 00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:51,435 That got a little dark. 350 00:13:53,623 --> 00:13:56,558 skorpio: So, now we have champagne, huh? 351 00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,991 Um, got anything a little stronger? 352 00:13:58,991 --> 00:14:01,407 Or way stronger, like poison? 353 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:04,856 skorpio: Hmm. I think I have just the thing. 354 00:14:04,856 --> 00:14:05,884 Oh, my god! 355 00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:08,595 skorpio: Ready the shark tank For my guests, 356 00:14:08,595 --> 00:14:12,588 agents archer and kane, of isis! 357 00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:13,774 You knew the whole time?! 358 00:14:13,774 --> 00:14:15,030 skorpio: How you say... 359 00:14:16,476 --> 00:14:18,157 all right, you heard mr. Skorpio. 360 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,708 skorpio: No, just "Skorpio." 361 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,404 Remember how we're doing that from now on? 362 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:27,735 sorry, sir. Uh, hang on just one second. 363 00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:30,151 skorpio: Where was this enthusiasm before? 364 00:14:30,151 --> 00:14:31,335 I know, right? 365 00:14:31,335 --> 00:14:32,648 Now he wants to contribute. 366 00:14:33,962 --> 00:14:34,558 Funny. 367 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,493 Actually, I'm getting this! 368 00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:37,466 oh, no! grenade! 369 00:14:38,597 --> 00:14:40,058 I had something for this, too. 370 00:14:40,058 --> 00:14:41,626 Um...Damn it. 371 00:14:41,626 --> 00:14:43,618 Eat grenade, stupids. 372 00:14:45,201 --> 00:14:47,330 Oh, well, now what?! 373 00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:49,706 ugh! Are you still here? 374 00:14:49,706 --> 00:14:50,977 Where'd you get a grenade? 375 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,784 Hanging from the lampshade. 376 00:14:52,784 --> 00:14:53,312 Wait. What? 377 00:14:53,496 --> 00:14:56,150 Soulatka poutana! 378 00:14:57,378 --> 00:14:59,316 What? Did he just call me a whore?! 379 00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,186 Now, why on earth would he do that? 380 00:15:02,186 --> 00:15:05,540 because he turns women into whores! 381 00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,740 Just ask his slutty mexican cook! 382 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,364 Oh, my god! Yes! 383 00:15:09,364 --> 00:15:10,740 We should call her! 384 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,221 Because I would literally murder 385 00:15:12,289 --> 00:15:14,343 Somebody for some migas right now. 386 00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:18,457 Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me. 387 00:15:18,457 --> 00:15:20,203 And I am so open to that. 388 00:15:20,203 --> 00:15:22,395 And, cyril, ignore her. 389 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:25,078 Nothing's going on between archer and lana. 390 00:15:25,078 --> 00:15:26,719 Although... 391 00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:27,844 cyril: "Although" What? 392 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,299 Well, every isis agent has a company-issued 393 00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:33,131 Life-insurance policy. 394 00:15:33,545 --> 00:15:34,255 And, uh... 395 00:15:34,255 --> 00:15:35,273 cyril: And what?! 396 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,230 archer: You're my beneficiary! 397 00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:39,901 lana: Your what?! 398 00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:42,333 archer: On my company life insurance! 399 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:43,527 lana: Oh, my god! 400 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,269 archer: I mean, if this goes tits-up... 401 00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:49,891 lana: Now? Really? 402 00:15:50,274 --> 00:15:50,847 archer: Oh, right! 403 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,575 Because you walked into strippers discount warehouse 404 00:15:53,575 --> 00:15:56,265 and Said, "Help me showcase my intellect." 405 00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:59,206 lana: Discount?! Hello! This is fiacci! 406 00:15:59,206 --> 00:16:00,892 Uh, I think it's pronounced "Knock-off." 407 00:16:03,207 --> 00:16:06,241 Right after I get back, I am changing that stupid policy! 408 00:16:07,168 --> 00:16:10,712 Ugh! Yes, you're my beneficiary. 409 00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:13,441 How'd you get life insurance, lana? 410 00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:15,976 Don't they know you're in the danger zone? 411 00:16:16,878 --> 00:16:18,107 cyril: But that doesn't mean anything. 412 00:16:18,174 --> 00:16:20,720 I mean, they could've forgotten to fill out new beneficiary 413 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,874 Forms, or -- 414 00:16:21,874 --> 00:16:24,891 They have to update those "Bennie" Forms every quarter. 415 00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:29,933 cyril: But that means -- oh, my god! 416 00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:32,356 krieger: Damn ass-hammered shit! 417 00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:33,062 What?! 418 00:16:33,255 --> 00:16:33,976 krieger: Benefits! 419 00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:38,770 Oh, I forgot to spend the balance in my goddamn flex account! 420 00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:40,306 Are you date of employment or -- 421 00:16:40,306 --> 00:16:42,358 krieger: Calendar year! 422 00:16:42,997 --> 00:16:44,478 cyril: That's just leaving money on the table. 423 00:16:44,478 --> 00:16:45,670 How did you forget that? 424 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:49,551 I guess I was busy fantasizing about archer and lana having intercourse. 425 00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:53,356 Cyril, come on, hon. 426 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,114 We all were. 427 00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,344 archer: And you expect me to believe that. 428 00:16:57,847 --> 00:16:58,925 lana: I don't care! 429 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,858 Just like I don't ever think about you! 430 00:17:01,858 --> 00:17:02,937 Reloading! 431 00:17:02,937 --> 00:17:03,991 archer: Firing. 432 00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:05,361 So, when you filled out your insurance forms, 433 00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:06,837 you weren't Thinking about my tan, 434 00:17:06,837 --> 00:17:10,913 muscular Arss in the combat-firing stance? 435 00:17:10,913 --> 00:17:12,570 lana: No! I wasn't! 436 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:13,530 I don't! 437 00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:14,748 I mean, I'm -- 438 00:17:14,748 --> 00:17:16,741 archer: So full of shit, your eyes are brown. 439 00:17:20,636 --> 00:17:23,059 No, they're -- oh, my god. 440 00:17:23,386 --> 00:17:23,983 They're green. 441 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,043 Like emeralds. 442 00:17:26,334 --> 00:17:27,379 How did I never see that? 443 00:17:27,894 --> 00:17:29,204 Lana, your eyes are amazing. 444 00:17:29,603 --> 00:17:30,119 lana: Archer -- 445 00:17:30,303 --> 00:17:31,523 archer: I mean, not compared to your tits, but -- 446 00:17:33,191 --> 00:17:34,558 What is your problem?! 447 00:17:34,626 --> 00:17:35,325 lana: You! 448 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,430 And plus, I have a boyfriend! 449 00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:38,178 archer: Oh, right. 450 00:17:38,345 --> 00:17:39,928 How could I forget mr. Cling? 451 00:17:41,341 --> 00:17:43,202 Cyril! Cyril, come on! 452 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:43,928 Let go! 453 00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:47,687 God, he's stronger than he looks! 454 00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:49,711 krieger: Get him out of here! 455 00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:52,762 Because these corporate bagmunchers owe me 456 00:17:52,762 --> 00:17:58,054 $630 for my goddamn flex account! 457 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,791 I cannot believe you shot me! 458 00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:03,869 God, you know how much I hate that! 459 00:18:03,869 --> 00:18:05,661 lana: Yeah, well, you better get used to it! 460 00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:06,741 skorpio: Kill them, you fools! 461 00:18:06,741 --> 00:18:07,422 Kill them! 462 00:18:07,422 --> 00:18:08,723 lana: Oh, my god. 463 00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:11,691 I am gonna die, and you are the last man I was in bed with. 464 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:12,474 archer: Well, one of them. 465 00:18:12,474 --> 00:18:14,416 Don't worry. I won't tell cyril. 466 00:18:14,948 --> 00:18:15,712 Probably. 467 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:18,383 lana: Shit! I'm out of ammo! 468 00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,119 Archer! archer: Lana! 469 00:18:20,331 --> 00:18:21,529 Lana, do you trust me?! 470 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,299 lana: What? No! 471 00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:23,207 I don't trust you! 472 00:18:23,426 --> 00:18:24,754 archer: Well, that's too bad. 473 00:18:25,014 --> 00:18:26,156 Because guess what. 474 00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:31,761 malory: Oh, my god! 475 00:18:32,451 --> 00:18:34,166 Nikolai! Our son! 476 00:18:34,542 --> 00:18:35,452 our what?! 477 00:18:35,941 --> 00:18:38,094 malory: Oh, so, remember that 478 00:18:38,244 --> 00:18:40,272 Little something I wanted to tell you? 479 00:18:40,272 --> 00:18:42,117 a "Little something"? 480 00:18:42,117 --> 00:18:46,045 Oh, that is just classic you! 481 00:18:46,045 --> 00:18:47,615 malory: So I'm a little late. 482 00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:48,846 a lot late! 483 00:18:48,846 --> 00:18:52,233 No one could have survived that. 484 00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,128 archer: Oh, man! 485 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:58,374 I am awesome! 486 00:18:58,374 --> 00:19:01,729 lana: Ugh, and it just keeps on getting better. 487 00:19:01,729 --> 00:19:02,496 archer: Lana?! 488 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:03,642 lana: Asshole? 489 00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:04,612 archer: Oh, my god. 490 00:19:05,966 --> 00:19:07,318 Was that not epic? 491 00:19:07,518 --> 00:19:08,413 lana: First of all -- 492 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:09,314 malory: Nikolai, look. 493 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:10,376 They're alive! 494 00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:11,554 Oh, thank god! 495 00:19:11,996 --> 00:19:13,447 thank god?! 496 00:19:13,447 --> 00:19:14,772 For what?! 497 00:19:14,772 --> 00:19:17,755 The lying woman I risked my career for? 498 00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:21,003 The son she don't told me of? 499 00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:24,971 Or maybe my damn security deposit? 500 00:19:24,971 --> 00:19:26,930 malory: Psh! Security deposit. 501 00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:28,699 What was it, a pair of flip-flops? 502 00:19:28,699 --> 00:19:29,633 archer: Half the bounty. 503 00:19:29,831 --> 00:19:31,103 Come on, I deserve it. 504 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,336 lana: Ha! Too bad! 505 00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:33,832 So you can just paddle that hole 506 00:19:33,832 --> 00:19:35,288 In your foot right on back to 507 00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:36,990 Your cheesy mexican kitchen. 508 00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:39,113 archer: Oh, I'll get a new kitchen. 509 00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:40,393 But let's see you get a new 510 00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:42,895 Boyfriend after I have a long talk with cyril. 511 00:19:43,329 --> 00:19:44,991 About what, exactly? 512 00:19:44,991 --> 00:19:47,226 How you cried during a two-man threesome? 513 00:19:47,226 --> 00:19:50,419 Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, lana. 514 00:19:50,419 --> 00:19:51,748 lana: Yeah, and now I know. 515 00:19:51,748 --> 00:19:55,033 And when I tell pam, so will everybody in the office! 516 00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:56,764 archer: Oh, is that how you want to play it? 517 00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:57,371 lana: Yep! 518 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,270 archer: Fine! 519 00:19:58,513 --> 00:19:59,782 You keep your stupid bounty, then! 520 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,366 And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend. 521 00:20:02,366 --> 00:20:03,012 lana: I will! 522 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:07,525 Oh, and cyril may be clingy, but at least I know I can trust him! 523 00:20:07,525 --> 00:20:08,421 cyril: Oh, my god. 524 00:20:08,421 --> 00:20:09,859 Oh, my god. Oh, my god! 525 00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:10,794 cyril, come on. 526 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,626 Snap out of it. Seriously. 527 00:20:12,626 --> 00:20:14,429 It's not like we burned down the mainframe. 528 00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:15,950 You really need to relax. 529 00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:18,843 cyril: How?! My life is ruined! Again! 530 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:20,222 look, what happens on this 531 00:20:20,222 --> 00:20:22,072 Scratchy green office rug stays 532 00:20:22,072 --> 00:20:24,271 On this scratchy green office rug, okay? 533 00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:27,567 cyril: You mean this, what we just did... 534 00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:29,640 You'll keep this our secret? 535 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,609 yeah. God! 536 00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,961 Cyril, you can trust me. 537 00:20:33,891 --> 00:20:34,988 You know, probably. 538 00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:36,697 cyril: Wha-- probably?!