1
00:00:04,058 --> 00:00:06,064
So if you want paper towels in there,

2
00:00:06,132 --> 00:00:08,440
you'll just have to supply your own.

3
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,711
[Low, half-hearted bitching]

4
00:00:09,779 --> 00:00:11,317
Where do you get paper towels?

5
00:00:11,385 --> 00:00:16,035
And, last item, on a related note,
I have no choice but to cut salaries.

6
00:00:16,102 --> 00:00:17,339
[Loud, full-hearted bitching]

7
00:00:17,407 --> 00:00:20,216
Eight percent, across the board!

8
00:00:20,284 --> 00:00:21,722
And let's just put a lid on it!

9
00:00:21,790 --> 00:00:23,930
Do we have to supply our own lids?

10
00:00:23,998 --> 00:00:25,837
Look, I didn't invent the economy!

11
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:28,981
And until Isis gets in the black,
we all have to make some

12
00:00:29,049 --> 00:00:31,926
sacrifices, so...
Line one for you.

13
00:00:31,993 --> 00:00:33,097
It's your furrier.

14
00:00:33,164 --> 00:00:34,937
Unbelievable!

15
00:00:35,004 --> 00:00:38,592
We have to cut back but
you're buying new horseshoes?

16
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,189
Tell him to send over the gray fox.

17
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,802
See? Sacrifice.

18
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:46,512
At this rate I'll be
reduced to wearing nutria.

19
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,054
On your horse with
his fancy new shoes.

20
00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:51,061
Oh for the...
That's a farrier!

21
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:51,764
I know.

22
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,240
And this...
Is Konrad Schlotz.

23
00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:57,731
Herr Schlotz controls all of
Europe's Videotex services.

24
00:00:57,851 --> 00:00:58,811
Videotex?

25
00:00:58,931 --> 00:01:02,069
Wow, growth industry...
So he's worth billions.

26
00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:05,314
And I want to convince
him to invest in Isis.

27
00:01:05,381 --> 00:01:07,857
Well that's gonna be a tough sell...

28
00:01:07,924 --> 00:01:11,402
We've posted losses for
fifteen straight quarters, so...

29
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:15,719
So that's why you're going to cook up
a different set of books, Cyril.

30
00:01:15,786 --> 00:01:18,395
Ooh no, I'm not comfortable with that.

31
00:01:18,463 --> 00:01:21,285
Think you'd be more comfortable
on another little vacation?

32
00:01:21,405 --> 00:01:22,693
Upstairs?

33
00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:25,837
No, I was dating Lana
but since I suffer from sexual addiction,

34
00:01:25,957 --> 00:01:27,896
which these
quacks deny is even real,

35
00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:30,673
now they're treating
me for... Can somebody!

36
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:31,643
Please!

37
00:01:31,711 --> 00:01:33,960
Shut up that damn coyote?

38
00:01:34,192 --> 00:01:35,381
Clormatrazapam?

39
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,598
No. No I would not.

40
00:01:37,666 --> 00:01:40,465
So unless you want me send you back...
I will start cooking the books.

41
00:01:40,585 --> 00:01:42,078
Good thing you know how to cheat.

42
00:01:42,198 --> 00:01:43,909
Hey, ya know what?
Enough!

43
00:01:44,155 --> 00:01:46,932
Now then, this is a
two-prong operation.

44
00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:51,181
The books are prong one, while
prong two is El Frente Rojo.

45
00:01:51,249 --> 00:01:52,754
Derby day, wore that exact same hat.

46
00:01:52,874 --> 00:01:53,824
Shock!

47
00:01:53,892 --> 00:01:56,667
Herr Schlotz fears they may
attempt a kidnapping during

48
00:01:56,735 --> 00:01:59,255
a birthday party he's throwing
this weekend in Gstaad...

49
00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,318
Ach, Gstaad!

50
00:02:01,386 --> 00:02:03,376
- Oh yeah, count me in!
- And me out.

51
00:02:03,496 --> 00:02:06,303
I'm not getting frostbite
protecting some old German guy.

52
00:02:06,371 --> 00:02:08,545
Herr Schlotz isn't
the intended victim.

53
00:02:08,612 --> 00:02:11,522
It's his daughter, Anka...
Who obviously needs

54
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,466
someone on her constantly, and
so I will be that someone,

55
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,239
who is constantly on her!

56
00:02:16,307 --> 00:02:17,878
[Assorted grossed-out ad-libs]

57
00:02:17,947 --> 00:02:20,856
For God's sake, Sterling,
she's turning seventeen!

58
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,997
Oh, eww!
Sorry, even for you Archer...

59
00:02:23,065 --> 00:02:25,640
C'mon, she doesn't look like
she's just turning seventeen!

60
00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:27,773
No, she looks like she's
just turning eighteen.

61
00:02:27,893 --> 00:02:28,886
Exactly.

62
00:02:28,953 --> 00:02:31,093
Plus Europeans use the
metric system, which...

63
00:02:31,162 --> 00:02:36,145
Sterling Malory Archer, you
will not touch a single hair on that girl.

64
00:02:36,213 --> 00:02:39,290
I... See?
How I just let that go by?

65
00:02:39,357 --> 00:02:39,926
Look at me.

66
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,170
I'm the perfect gentleman.

67
00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:54,870
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com

68
00:03:18,541 --> 00:03:21,248
No.
This is completely unacceptable.

69
00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:23,553
Cutbacks, I get it, but
you cannot expect me to

70
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,184
share a room with Ray.

71
00:03:25,304 --> 00:03:29,009
Aw, I'll be gentle...
Mother! You know what he's implying, right?

72
00:03:29,129 --> 00:03:31,059
Stop whining, we're all making do.

73
00:03:31,179 --> 00:03:33,881
Why, I'm sharing a room with Lana...
Hooray...

74
00:03:33,949 --> 00:03:35,351
And Pam's sleeping in the cellar.

75
00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:38,293
Yeah, and if money's so damn
tight, why is she even here?

76
00:03:38,413 --> 00:03:41,033
Eh, she's making me mule
back a buncha this crap...

77
00:03:41,101 --> 00:03:43,406
That "crap" is three
hundred dollars a bottle,

78
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:46,447
and you can't get it in
America, so not another sip!

79
00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:48,386
And the rest of you, make
room in your luggage for

80
00:03:48,454 --> 00:03:49,690
ten liters apiece.

81
00:03:49,757 --> 00:03:53,031
Unbelievable...
I know, what kind of limit is that?

82
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:56,073
Ah gut, you are here, Frau Archer!

83
00:03:56,141 --> 00:03:56,942
Ah ah ah!

84
00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:58,514
It's Fraulein Archer!

85
00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:01,688
She added, desperately...
And these are my top agents,

86
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:06,368
who are ready to lay down their
lives to protect your, um...

87
00:04:06,435 --> 00:04:07,370
Lovely daughter.

88
00:04:07,437 --> 00:04:11,247
Let's hope it doesn't come to that...
Ja, but if it does...

89
00:04:11,572 --> 00:04:12,172
Let's hope not.

90
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,770
You must protect my princess.

91
00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:18,780
Anka is all I have in the world
since her mother passed away.

92
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,558
Oh, you poor thing.

93
00:04:20,588 --> 00:04:22,575
- You're a widower?
- Oh, like you didn't KNOW!

94
00:04:22,853 --> 00:04:24,098
No! No!

95
00:04:24,299 --> 00:04:26,808
- What is wrong with you?
- Did no one just see that?

96
00:04:26,837 --> 00:04:31,866
Jumpy, eh? Truly, *** has not frightened
the famous Sterling Archer.

97
00:04:31,986 --> 00:04:33,217
No, she does!

98
00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:35,968
- My Anka? What do you mean?
- Oh, right!

99
00:04:36,149 --> 00:04:38,641
Yeah, Archer, Anka is dirty sexy.

100
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,509
- What?
- Sterling!

101
00:04:39,675 --> 00:04:41,350
She is only 16!

102
00:04:41,395 --> 00:04:42,849
- I...
- Oh, schwein!

103
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,440
No, I know! I'm not.

104
00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:46,089
- Don't come near her again.
- Come on!

105
00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:48,092
And the rest of you, get to work.

106
00:04:48,295 --> 00:04:49,301
Come, Anka!

107
00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:52,665
Oh, hell, I hope you're happy.

108
00:04:52,766 --> 00:04:54,185
No, I'm not, mother.

109
00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:56,127
I just got fingered.

110
00:04:56,248 --> 00:04:59,415
You know, that is just... ewwh.

111
00:04:59,653 --> 00:05:01,721
Just thanks a lot, Bitch and Sundance.

112
00:05:01,863 --> 00:05:02,263
- What?
- What?

113
00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:03,819
What what? Didn't you see that?

114
00:05:03,847 --> 00:05:05,956
I saw you totally, eye-banged a teenager.

115
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,907
No you didn't, because I wasn't!

116
00:05:08,062 --> 00:05:10,221
- Whatever.
- Go, wash up, dirty bird.

117
00:05:10,917 --> 00:05:13,757
- I wasn't eye-banging her.
- Man, I was.

118
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,520
What? Geez, I'm only human!

119
00:05:18,075 --> 00:05:19,133
Are you?

120
00:05:19,563 --> 00:05:20,097
[Belch]

121
00:05:20,164 --> 00:05:21,568
Ay, that stinks.

122
00:05:21,635 --> 00:05:24,208
So don't smell it, don't smell it.

123
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:28,017
Another perfect example of
your reductive reasoning!

124
00:05:28,086 --> 00:05:29,489
Basta, queridos!

125
00:05:29,556 --> 00:05:30,692
Que es esto?

126
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:31,393
He started it.

127
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:35,003
Can't I leave you two alone for even
one hour without you going at it?

128
00:05:35,071 --> 00:05:38,211
I should have asked myself the
same thing about you two...

129
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:39,014
Meaning what?

130
00:05:39,082 --> 00:05:41,219
Meaning you left me for my brother!

131
00:05:41,287 --> 00:05:42,524
Your twin brother.

132
00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:46,233
So obviously I still find
you very attractive.

133
00:05:46,301 --> 00:05:48,238
And I have good news!

134
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,313
Even though Sterling Archer
is here in Gstaad...

135
00:05:51,381 --> 00:05:53,051
Archer?! Ay, dios mio!

136
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:56,427
It won't be a problem to
kidnap that bourgeois perrita.

137
00:05:56,495 --> 00:05:58,867
Her father has forbidden
Archer to go near her!

138
00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:00,270
So then we go with my plan.

139
00:06:00,338 --> 00:06:02,510
Your plan stinks more
than that cheese.

140
00:06:02,578 --> 00:06:04,916
I think that smell is them.

141
00:06:04,984 --> 00:06:08,492
But even they smell better
than your stupid plan.

142
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:09,829
We go with my plan.

143
00:06:09,897 --> 00:06:11,032
Fine.

144
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:13,263
You don't want the world's
greatest secret agent on the case?

145
00:06:13,383 --> 00:06:14,207
Fine!

146
00:06:14,275 --> 00:06:17,416
You want little countess Von
Fingerbang to get kidnapped?

147
00:06:17,484 --> 00:06:18,085
Fine!

148
00:06:18,152 --> 00:06:20,391
Oh oh oh, and as for you, Ray...!

149
00:06:20,459 --> 00:06:26,172
Sterling Archer may be many
things, but he's not... Fine?

150
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,247
Oh, I think he is very fine...
Hey no no, Anka,

151
00:06:29,315 --> 00:06:30,585
you can't be in here!

152
00:06:30,653 --> 00:06:33,025
Anka?
Mr. Archer, how familiar you are.

153
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:37,202
You must address me by title...
Countess Von Fingerbang.

154
00:06:37,270 --> 00:06:37,971
Noooope!

155
00:06:38,039 --> 00:06:40,244
C'mon Anka, seriously, you
seriously gotta get outta

156
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,252
here before... Shit!
Before the cops show up, or... Wait,

157
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,257
what do you have in Switzerland,
some kinda pikemen?

158
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:47,430
I don't know...
I am from Germany.

159
00:06:47,497 --> 00:06:50,838
Where the age of consent is fourteen.

160
00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:52,543
What is it, the Alabama of Europe?

161
00:06:52,610 --> 00:06:56,086
In many ways yes, but...
We can talk about that in bed.

162
00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:56,887
No we can't!

163
00:06:56,955 --> 00:07:00,263
Seriously you have to...
Hand over the girl, cochino!

164
00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:04,943
And that is just it for today, on
people calling me a frickin pig!

165
00:07:05,011 --> 00:07:10,156
[Screams and yells]

166
00:07:10,224 --> 00:07:13,064
Holy shit, did you see that?

167
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:14,635
I saw you save my life!

168
00:07:14,703 --> 00:07:18,478
No, I... Well maybe a little, and
I know just how to repay you!

169
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:19,448
Wait no no no!

170
00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:21,186
Bad touch, bad touch!

171
00:07:21,254 --> 00:07:22,856
You... schwein!

172
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:25,297
So, does this look as bad as it looks?

173
00:07:25,365 --> 00:07:27,937
I will let the gendarmes decide that!

174
00:07:28,005 --> 00:07:31,278
Oh, so they're not pikemen...
Wait! Anka, tell your father what happened.

175
00:07:31,398 --> 00:07:34,968
Papa, he lured me. And then he tried
to touch me with his...

176
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,025
Wilhelm!

177
00:07:36,094 --> 00:07:37,763
No, I saved her life!

178
00:07:37,831 --> 00:07:39,769
Look, I set a kidnapper on fire!

179
00:07:39,837 --> 00:07:41,907
Tell it to the gendarmes!

180
00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:43,612
Schwein!

181
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,684
Oh c'mon, did you not just see that?

182
00:07:45,752 --> 00:07:47,957
Sterling, you promised!

183
00:07:48,024 --> 00:07:50,664
And yet here you stand,
as a fortune walks away,

184
00:07:50,732 --> 00:07:54,141
with your wedding tackle
stuffed into your shaving kit!

185
00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:55,911
"Schwein."

186
00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:56,847
Doesn't even touch it.

187
00:07:56,915 --> 00:07:59,622
Yeah? Well neither did I, mother!
I saved her life!

188
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:02,495
Go ask that dick I set on fire!

189
00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:06,206
And speaking of, that bay rum
really burns on the owww!

190
00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:07,576
Hello, razor!

191
00:08:07,644 --> 00:08:10,584
Welcome to the party!

192
00:08:10,652 --> 00:08:13,024
[Beep] you, Switzerland.

193
00:08:15,227 --> 00:08:18,084
You're damn lucky Anka
convinced her father

194
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,286
not to press charges.

195
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,963
Yeah, I feel lucky. Let's see, sexually
assaulted by a teenage sociopath,

196
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,854
interrogated by gendarmes.

197
00:08:24,981 --> 00:08:26,855
- Oh, three stitches on my penis.
- Uh.

198
00:08:26,934 --> 00:08:28,535
So... yeah, it's all breaking my way!

199
00:08:28,602 --> 00:08:30,304
Well just stay of my way.

200
00:08:30,372 --> 00:08:34,143
I have to convince Schlotz
to get in bed with Isis.

201
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:37,583
And failing that, in bed with...
Don't! Say it.

202
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,551
I'm in enough pain.

203
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:41,689
Yeah, the entire hotel's
talking about your little shaving accident.

204
00:08:41,757 --> 00:08:44,862
Hooray... And if you wanna get
Schlotz into you... Phrasing!

205
00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:46,665
You better start eating strudel.

206
00:08:46,732 --> 00:08:49,168
Maaajor chubby chaser...
Well, a lot of that's muscle...

207
00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:51,306
Let's hope not...
Cause ya get pretty strong

208
00:08:51,373 --> 00:08:53,409
arms growing up on a dairy farm.

209
00:08:53,476 --> 00:08:54,778
A dairy farm?

210
00:08:54,845 --> 00:08:57,716
Yes, it was called Butterfat Ranch...
No it...

211
00:08:57,784 --> 00:08:59,352
And they had a big cheese-rodeo.

212
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:03,459
It was poovey farms.
I also was raised on a dairy farm!

213
00:09:03,527 --> 00:09:04,695
Yer shitting me!

214
00:09:04,762 --> 00:09:06,029
What was yer breed?

215
00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:06,798
Friesianu!

216
00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:08,367
We had Holsteins!

217
00:09:08,435 --> 00:09:10,203
Jeez, they're like...
Cousins!

218
00:09:10,271 --> 00:09:14,872
Wow! Man, all this cow-talk is
making me thirsty for some milk.

219
00:09:14,992 --> 00:09:18,451
And as luck has it, there is
some chilling in my suite.

220
00:09:18,518 --> 00:09:20,954
Well let's get some!

221
00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:26,379
Don't wait up...
That is so classic her.

222
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,300
Chasing a billionaire while
we could all be surrounded by

223
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,671
terrorists, because we don't
even know what they look like!

224
00:09:30,739 --> 00:09:31,372
Well, spoiler alert:

225
00:09:31,439 --> 00:09:33,341
One of them doesn't have
any skin on his face.

226
00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:33,909
Meaning what?

227
00:09:33,977 --> 00:09:35,712
Meaning I set one of them on fire?

228
00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:39,018
Was that before or after you got
caught fondling a teenager?

229
00:09:39,085 --> 00:09:40,520
Well, obviously before!

230
00:09:40,588 --> 00:09:43,993
After was all...
Gendarmes and dick-stitches!

231
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:48,668
Ugh... And I didn't touch her,
Lana, so there's no reason to be jealous!

232
00:09:48,735 --> 00:09:49,535
Whatever!

233
00:09:49,603 --> 00:09:51,371
How's your Wilhelm?
Aagh!

234
00:09:51,439 --> 00:09:53,409
Should I kiss it and make it better?

235
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:55,345
No, you should get away from me!

236
00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:56,847
Look, I'm serious, you need help!

237
00:09:56,915 --> 00:09:58,417
You need help, Archer!

238
00:09:58,484 --> 00:09:59,619
She came up to me!

239
00:09:59,687 --> 00:10:02,757
Ray, what is a...
What did you call it?

240
00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:03,692
"Blow job?"

241
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:04,260
What?

242
00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:05,061
Shame on you!

243
00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:06,296
Fie and shame!

244
00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:10,070
And it's something a grown-up
does when he loves another grown-up.

245
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:13,442
Now raus, you mouse, get
ready for our ski lesson.

246
00:10:13,509 --> 00:10:15,011
She's giving you a ski lesson?

247
00:10:15,079 --> 00:10:16,513
No, I'm giving her one.

248
00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:18,183
Oh yeah right, I forgot
you won the Olympic

249
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,052
gold medal in men's downhill.

250
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,660
Well, ass, it was giant slalom...
And I only took bronze.

251
00:10:24,728 --> 00:10:26,597
So... you lost.

252
00:10:26,665 --> 00:10:28,633
Well, I came in third.

253
00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:30,103
Yeah, which is last.

254
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,572
Which is third.

255
00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:32,874
In the world.

256
00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:34,377
You lost, Ray.

257
00:10:34,444 --> 00:10:37,482
Jesus, get over it.

258
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:40,014
It actually was a huge disappointment.

259
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,665
***

260
00:10:43,007 --> 00:10:45,194
Months of preparation ruined!

261
00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:48,366
How could you be so stupid?

262
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:52,407
Carlito, he obviously did not
mean to get set on fire.

263
00:10:52,474 --> 00:10:53,942
We should have gone with my plan.

264
00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:56,914
Which was superior in every way!

265
00:10:56,982 --> 00:10:59,184
So then now we do your plan.

266
00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:00,920
My plan requires three people.

267
00:11:00,988 --> 00:11:04,527
Three people who have faces!

268
00:11:04,594 --> 00:11:05,060
Putamadre!

269
00:11:05,128 --> 00:11:07,532
Now I must call headquarters
for reinforcements.

270
00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:09,968
Good idea, mi amor.

271
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:12,640
You are so clever.

272
00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:16,479
And sexy.

273
00:11:16,548 --> 00:11:19,184
That sounds like Schlotz, but...
Oh my God,

274
00:11:19,251 --> 00:11:21,020
Pam must be getting naked!

275
00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:23,891
All these idiots think about sex.

276
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:25,494
It's called nymphomania.

277
00:11:25,562 --> 00:11:27,731
Maybe mixed with borderline
personality disorder,

278
00:11:27,799 --> 00:11:29,768
I mean I dunno, Lana,
I'm not a developmental

279
00:11:29,836 --> 00:11:32,439
psychologist, but...
Archer, I'm serious... I'm serious.

280
00:11:32,507 --> 00:11:33,341
That girl's a nightmare.

281
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:36,111
No, a nightmare is sharing
a room with your mother,

282
00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:37,982
who expects me to...
Loofah, I know...

283
00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:39,885
Protect! Some eurotrash brat!

284
00:11:39,953 --> 00:11:41,988
Who's got about a jillion
guests coming to her stupid

285
00:11:42,056 --> 00:11:43,157
birthday party tomorrow!

286
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:45,160
Yeah...
Think they're gonna have a band?

287
00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:45,928
Or just a DJ?

288
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,397
I don't...
Why don't you go find out?

289
00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:48,600
No, I can't be alone.

290
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,771
That's when she strikes,
like a slutty little ninja.

291
00:11:51,839 --> 00:11:53,107
Eww, is that Schlotz and Pam?

292
00:11:53,175 --> 00:11:54,910
And are they drinking anti-freeze?

293
00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:55,744
Let's hope.

294
00:11:55,812 --> 00:11:58,682
Ugh, change it, before I puke my...
Holy shit! Lana, look!

295
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,520
That's the kidnapper I set on fire!

296
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,153
That guy?

297
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,422
Who's never been on fire?

298
00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:05,227
He was, though! Lana, I swear...
You swear?

299
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:08,407
Like you swore about a
ninety-pound schoolgirl raping ya?

300
00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:12,357
Attempted rape, Lana, and that guy was
running around like Johnny Storm.

301
00:12:13,545 --> 00:12:16,005
AKA the human torch, Lana, duh!

302
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:18,192
And if you don't believe me, fine...
Hey!

303
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:20,145
I can take care of myself.
Ow!

304
00:12:20,265 --> 00:12:23,370
Oh, great, yeah,
go terrorize the bell hop.

305
00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,560
Good thing the gun was empty.
Oh, shit.

306
00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:28,753
God, I hate it when he's right.

307
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,076
Now he gets to be the big hero who...

308
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:33,008
has no bullets.

309
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,849
Going against an unknown
number of radical terrorists

310
00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:37,777
armed with automatic weapons.

311
00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:39,061
So that's gonna...

312
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,417
Ugh, dammit.

313
00:12:41,537 --> 00:12:43,672
Herr Schlotz, herr Schlotz!

314
00:12:43,792 --> 00:12:45,148
Are you in there?

315
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:47,634
I need to ask you a tiny...

316
00:12:47,754 --> 00:12:50,313
My God, woman, can't you not read?

317
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:52,136
Not without my glasses, so...

318
00:12:52,256 --> 00:12:54,496
I was hoping if you could read this to me...

319
00:12:54,616 --> 00:12:56,655
Perhaps in your suite over a drink...

320
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,478
Yeah, come on in...

321
00:12:58,598 --> 00:13:01,266
Just making a fresh batch
of green Russians.

322
00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:05,393
Ow ow ow ow ow ow.

323
00:13:05,461 --> 00:13:07,697
First thing when I get back,
buying an electric razor.

324
00:13:07,765 --> 00:13:10,402
That's no fun...
Oh for [beep]'s sake!

325
00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:14,508
Then you don't get to squirt
that hot white cream all over your face.

326
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:16,912
Why aren't you with Gillette?

327
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:22,388
As the ski lift was coming, at
the last moment I jumped out of the way!

328
00:13:22,456 --> 00:13:25,662
Dukes, I am gonna be
in huge trouble...

329
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:29,867
Right after I freeze to death.

330
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:30,869
Double dukes!

331
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,805
Oh great, they cut the power!

332
00:13:32,873 --> 00:13:36,512
How romantic...
Yeah it is.

333
00:13:36,579 --> 00:13:38,481
No, not romantic, dangerous!

334
00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:40,051
Because it's gonna be dark soon.

335
00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:43,614
So before it is too dark,
let me ask your opinion on

336
00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:46,729
something... What're you...
No no, re-zip, re-zip!

337
00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:49,273
Do you think I need a boob job?

338
00:13:50,257 --> 00:13:51,437
Honestly?

339
00:13:51,504 --> 00:13:51,870
Wh-?

340
00:13:51,938 --> 00:13:54,608
I'm kidding! Anka, c'mon, you're
gonna be a beautiful woman someday.

341
00:13:54,676 --> 00:13:55,042
Really?

342
00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:57,580
Yes, really. And literally,
the minute you turn eighteen

343
00:13:57,648 --> 00:14:00,250
please call me, but...
Save your minutes!

344
00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:03,122
Because tonight Sterling Archer dies!

345
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,291
[Laughing] Oh yeah?

346
00:14:04,358 --> 00:14:06,327
[Click, click]

347
00:14:06,395 --> 00:14:07,896
Oh no.

348
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:11,703
Don't shoot the girl, we need her!

349
00:14:11,771 --> 00:14:13,740
Archer, you must save me!

350
00:14:13,807 --> 00:14:14,708
Got any ideas?

351
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,377
Because I'm all ears!

352
00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:19,549
Why don't we take that?

353
00:14:19,617 --> 00:14:22,370
Well obviously we're gonna take that.

354
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:23,545
C'mon!

355
00:14:25,527 --> 00:14:26,328
Oh, Archer!

356
00:14:26,395 --> 00:14:27,730
We are safe now, ja?

357
00:14:27,798 --> 00:14:30,583
Well, it's a little early to say...

358
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,213
But I really kinda doubt it.

359
00:14:39,265 --> 00:14:42,668
I mean, I'm sure I've
been in worse situations...

360
00:14:42,736 --> 00:14:45,580
But right now I'm kinda drawing
a blank.

361
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:52,980
What the hell's all that,
ya reckon?

362
00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:53,748
Immigrants.

363
00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:59,150
Cramming their lowriders full of
free health care and... Snow.

364
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,263
We should go to the gendarmerie!

365
00:15:07,331 --> 00:15:08,799
Yeah, if you weren't topless!

366
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,902
Oh, and hadn't accused
me of molesting you!

367
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:15,573
Are you going to throw that in
my face for the rest of my life?

368
00:15:15,641 --> 00:15:18,608
Yeah, all four minutes of it!

369
00:15:20,414 --> 00:15:21,514
Idiota!

370
00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:23,049
The girl is worth millions!

371
00:15:23,117 --> 00:15:25,609
Be careful where you are shooting!

372
00:15:27,322 --> 00:15:29,611
Ooh, Pink Floyd show!

373
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:31,993
Oh.

374
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:36,865
Man, I'm gonna be in trouble...
Trouble dukes.

375
00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:38,167
Where are we going?

376
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:38,935
The forest!

377
00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:41,404
They'll have to split up in there,
then we can take 'em out one

378
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:42,672
or two at a time!

379
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:43,908
You want to fight them?

380
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:44,942
Are you insane?

381
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,645
No, just incredibly pissed off!

382
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,601
You can't believe what this
is doing to my stitches!

383
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,454
Okay, I need you to do
exactly what I tell you

384
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:58,007
when I tell you, without...
We should just go to the what?

385
00:17:05,772 --> 00:17:08,809
Because I came in second, smartass!

386
00:17:08,876 --> 00:17:09,943
Out of how many?

387
00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:10,577
Two?

388
00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:12,180
Will ya just shut up and drive?

389
00:17:12,247 --> 00:17:12,980
How do I do it?

390
00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:13,681
Right hand!

391
00:17:13,749 --> 00:17:14,782
Take the throttle!

392
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,585
Like this?

393
00:17:16,653 --> 00:17:17,953
No, ya gotta twist it!

394
00:17:18,021 --> 00:17:19,488
I am twisting it!

395
00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:22,358
No, you gotta...
Hang on a second!

396
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:24,673
You gotta twist it like this.

397
00:17:27,098 --> 00:17:28,833
You've gotta go faster, Anka!

398
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:29,600
Faster?

399
00:17:29,668 --> 00:17:31,268
I'm freezing to death already!

400
00:17:31,336 --> 00:17:34,339
You shoulda thought of that before
you took your stupid clothes off!

401
00:17:34,407 --> 00:17:35,807
Seriously, would you go?

402
00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:37,577
I'm doing it like you said.

403
00:17:37,644 --> 00:17:41,647
Grip it as hard as you can, and
twist the absolute shit out of it!

404
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:43,283
Oh, I get it!

405
00:17:43,351 --> 00:17:45,853
Just like men love
it on their Wilhelm!

406
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,323
No we don't...
Oh, my God!

407
00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:50,492
You've never even seen a Wilhelm!

408
00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:52,594
Wh-? I have seen dozens!

409
00:17:52,662 --> 00:17:53,996
Scores even!

410
00:17:54,064 --> 00:17:55,431
You are such a liar!

411
00:17:55,499 --> 00:17:58,535
I bet you've never even
gotten to second base!

412
00:17:58,603 --> 00:18:01,438
I... Well, so maybe not!
So what?

413
00:18:01,506 --> 00:18:02,772
What do you mean so what?

414
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,776
Why do you behave like...
No one cares how I behave!

415
00:18:05,844 --> 00:18:10,315
Mama is gone, papa is always at work, so
I just rot away at that boarding school!

416
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:13,987
Yeah, and then I bet you get...
Sent off to camp all summer!

417
00:18:14,054 --> 00:18:16,289
Riding camp, skiing camp...!

418
00:18:16,357 --> 00:18:17,323
Lacrosse camp...!

419
00:18:17,391 --> 00:18:19,426
It's like he doesn't want me around!

420
00:18:19,494 --> 00:18:23,330
Yeah, so you misbehave because...
You just want a little attention!

421
00:18:23,398 --> 00:18:26,701
And it's so hard to make friends!

422
00:18:26,769 --> 00:18:29,005
Because you're insecure,
so you overcompensate,

423
00:18:29,072 --> 00:18:34,344
and come across as...
A snob, or arrogant, yeah, no I get it!

424
00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:36,914
You know Archer, I think
you and I are a lot alike

425
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:41,219
I don't do that!

426
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,954
Okay, I think that's all of em!

427
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:48,494
Which is good, because I'm out of ammo...
And we're out of gas.

428
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:49,563
Fantastic.

429
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,264
Guess we'll have to hike back.

430
00:18:51,332 --> 00:18:53,533
Oh my God! You must be freezing.

431
00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:55,303
Hey relax, you're gonna be okay.

432
00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:58,272
We'll get you back to the hotel and...
All the wind from the

433
00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:01,410
driving, Archer, my hands
are really burning!

434
00:19:01,477 --> 00:19:03,779
Ooh, that's first-degree frostbite.

435
00:19:03,846 --> 00:19:05,715
Too bad you don't have big,
mitteny gloves, like me.

436
00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:07,283
I can't feel a thing in these.

437
00:19:07,351 --> 00:19:09,953
And it's like my breasts are on fire!

438
00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:12,790
I, um, just maybe put
your hands on them.

439
00:19:12,857 --> 00:19:15,160
My hands are like ice!

440
00:19:15,227 --> 00:19:17,141
But yours are...
No!

441
00:19:17,261 --> 00:19:19,434
- Please...
- No, we can make it back in like...

442
00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,615
- half hour tops.
- I can't wait that long.

443
00:19:21,735 --> 00:19:25,204
Please, with such big, mitteny
gloves, it won't even count!

444
00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:28,809
Nooope!
But I could get nerve damage!

445
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,377
That's actually a possibility.

446
00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:31,346
Please, Archer!

447
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:34,130
Just for one minute!
Um...

448
00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:41,191
Literally one minute, and
only because this is a

449
00:19:41,258 --> 00:19:43,660
medical emergency.

450
00:19:43,728 --> 00:19:45,695
Ahh... that feels nice.

451
00:19:45,763 --> 00:19:49,667
No it doesn't, don't enjoy this,
this is a medical proced... Oww!

452
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:50,401
What's wrong?

453
00:19:50,469 --> 00:19:53,705
Nothing, just um...
My stitches.

454
00:19:53,773 --> 00:19:54,873
Oh yeah?

455
00:19:54,907 --> 00:19:56,743
Gettin' a little
"local swelling?"

456
00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:59,045
[Anka giggles]

457
00:19:59,113 --> 00:20:00,647
Right.

458
00:20:00,714 --> 00:20:06,420
I can't believe I let this happen...
It was those damn green Russians.

459
00:20:06,488 --> 00:20:09,624
Yeah, they pack a wallop...
And if you ever breathe

460
00:20:09,692 --> 00:20:11,760
a word of this, I will
gut you like a carp.

461
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:14,296
Hey, what happens in Gstaad...
[Tiny burp]

462
00:20:14,364 --> 00:20:16,532
Stays in Gstaad.

463
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,503
Now who's ready for a shower?

464
00:20:19,570 --> 00:20:21,085
This gal!

465
00:20:21,285 --> 00:20:31,485
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com