1
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All aboard for safety and adventure

2
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On the rigid airship excelsior,

3
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Where the pampered luxury of a cruise ship meets

4
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The smoothness of modern air travel.

5
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Yes, when you fly excelsior,

6
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You're flying in style and safety.

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Safety?

8
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But isn't hydrogen flammable?

9
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And how, timmy.

10
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That's why excelsior is filled with safe, natural helium.

11
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Why, it's actually flame-retardant.

12
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Neat! and safe.

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So, whether you're enjoying excelsior's majestic vistas,

14
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Duty-free shopping, high-stakes baccarat,

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Dancing with your lovely wife,

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Or even a cigar after a french gourmet dinner,

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You'll be enjoying them in style and safety.

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All aboard excelsior!

19
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Who would want to put a bomb on that?

20
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Well, that's what we're hoping isis can find out.

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Archer: no, why bother?

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Some broad gets on there with a staticky sweater and, boom,

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It's, "oh, the humanity!"

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No, no, that's --

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Malory: sterling.

26
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Were you watching some other blimp commercial just now?

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Technically, it's a rigid airship.

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Malory: filled with helium.

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Lana: which is nonflammable. dumbass.

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I thought our promotional video covered that fairly well.

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Malory: oh, and how. sterling, it's totally safe.

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Well, except for the bomb threat.

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Malory: no, not to worry, dear.

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Isis won't let terrorists blow up your lovely blimp.

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- rigid airship.  - my top two agents will be on board.

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- nope!  - and i will oversee the operation personally from

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What i assume will be first-class accommodations.

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Ooh, actually, we are fully booked.

39
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Well, if you think -- oh, i don't know --

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This trudy beekman person can thwart a major terror plot --

41
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I suppose we could bump mrs. beekman.

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Bump me. i'm not going. if these two can share a cabin.

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- nope! - not going to let the terrorists win.

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- we'll pose as husband and wife. - nope!

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Cyril would totally freak.

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Malory, come on, let me stay with you,

47
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And we'll do the whole oprah/gayle thing.

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Malory: nope! i need a stateroom to myself,

49
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In case i have a gentleman caller.

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Archer: mother, please. lana: please.

51
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Do not make me do this.

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Malory: but, lana, think of the nocent lives you'll be saving

53
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And also the fact that this is a direct order.

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Lana: at least, tell me it's separate beds.

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Lana. lana. lana. lan-a-a-a!

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Lana: what?

57
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Danger zone

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Terrible, awful, just gut-wrenchingly bad feeling about this.

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Baby, i really need you to trust me, okay?

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Now, is the cabin small? yes.

61
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And yet, surprising amount of storage.

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Ugh, and i will hardly be in here, okay,

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Because i've got a terrorist to find,

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And i doubt he's hiding under -- what's basically a twin bed.

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Archer!

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Since it's all drawers under here because look how tiny this room is.

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Oh, my god. it's like a broom closet.

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And yet a surprising amount of storage.

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Oh, shut up.

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And, cyril, very eager to know why you're still here.

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He was just -- helping lana get settled.

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Trust me, cyril. she already settled.

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Disembark, cyril.

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We're about to launch... or whatever blimps do.

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Yeah, what does a blimp do, pam?

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Uh, kick your skinny ass!

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Now, come on. we got to get off this thing before --

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Rela-a-a-x.god, we've got half an hour.

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Oh, well, then, make me a double campari and, uh...

80
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I guess, vodka.

81
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We don't normally drink on the bridge.

82
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Well, i don't normally fly on the hindenburg 2.0,

83
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And cyril doesn't normally storm off without even kissing me goodbye.

84
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- so we're all out of our comfort zone. - not me.

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My stateroom is gorgeous.

86
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Malory: that -- what's her name? -- beekman,

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I bet she's just sick she got bumped.

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Yes, she literally vomited from anger,

89
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So if we could just focus on the bomb threat.

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Lana: how about crew members?

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Anyone who might be disgruntled?

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Achtung!

93
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That's lieutenant krauss.

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He and i were both up for command of the excelsior, but --

95
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You got it.

96
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Leaving him with motive.

97
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Release the mooring cable.

98
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Come on, it's not larry luftwaffe.

99
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That's --

100
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Oopsie.

101
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Ugh, way too obvious.

102
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God damn it!

103
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We're moving!

104
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I know!

105
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What happened to half an hour?

106
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I lied.

107
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Wh-- why the --

108
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Why the hell are you two still here?

109
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Because i knew you'd be here with mr. archer.

110
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No, no, now, that is --

111
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So ironic, cyril, especially in light of recent...

112
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No. ...rug-burny events. oh, my god!

113
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You two banged?!

114
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I, uh --

115
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See, here's the thing. etfruibasket!

116
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You are just a dog in a manger.

117
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I don't know what that means, pam.

118
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I didn't grow up on a cheese farm.

119
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Oh, for the -- it's called a dairy.

120
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And even the slightest hint of a problem on our maiden

121
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Voyage would kill excelsior's stock price.

122
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So, lana, canvass the passengers and crew,

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Learn what you can about krauss -- but, please, be discreet.

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Lana: hey, good advice!

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Which maybe i'll just sort of

126
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Fold in with my 12 years of experience as a covert operative!

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Malory: don't be snotty!

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Malory: and, sterling, if there is a bomb, captain, dear,

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Where would it do the most damage? probably --

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Archer: uh, this new place called anywhere.

131
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This whole thing's a bomb. it's not --

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Archer: jesus!

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Want to blow us all to shit, sherlock?!

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Malory: sterling! archer: what?!

135
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For the last time, the excelsior is filled with nonflammable helium!

136
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Although this is a non-smoking area, sir.

137
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Damn it, he's a prospective investor.

138
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Not after that, i bet.

139
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Forget about krauss.

140
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There's your bomber.

141
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Who?

142
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What?!

143
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That guy.

144
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Beardsley mcturbinhead.

145
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You idiot.

146
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That's sandu singh, the billionaire investor.

147
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He's a sikh.

148
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Oh, so if he's not a muslim, he just gets a pass?

149
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Well, that's called profiling,

150
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Mother, and i don't do it.

151
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Mr. singh is excelsior's majority shareholder.so?

152
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If anything went wrong on this flight, he'd lose millions.

153
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It's a perfect cover. sterling.

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Lana: just go look for the stupid bomb.

155
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Relax, what do we have, like four hours before we get to london?

156
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Lana: four hours? malory: are you joking?

157
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The crossing takes 24 hours.

158
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Archer: are you joking?

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What? rigid airships combine the pampering of a cruise ship

160
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With the speed of -- some other slightly faster ship?

161
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Uh, hello. airplanes?

162
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Yeah, it's blimps. you win. bye.

163
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Oh, god.

164
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I hope you didn't invest in this.

165
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It'll be fine, though... blimps are terrible.

166
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...as long as nothing goes wrong on this flight.

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Oh, captain, my captain, with isis on board,

168
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What could possibly go wrong?

169
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Pick one.

170
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Either "a," i tell lana what

171
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Happened on that scratchy green

172
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Office rug, or two, you get inside me.

173
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Or, "c," maybe i just

174
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Jam this mop into the engine and kill all of us.

175
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I don't think that's how blimps work.

176
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Darn! right, we just sort of float around.

177
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Stupid, naturally safe helium.

178
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But i am liking the jamming imagery.

179
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And the killing.

180
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And are you just gonna sit there?

181
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Yeah, until she tags me in.

182
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What?! i'm kidding!

183
00:07:35,794 --> 00:07:38,228
My back's all messed up.

184
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,102
So, you're ruining cyril's life because,

185
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In your dream-the-impossible-dream world,

186
00:07:45,928 --> 00:07:47,452
It'll make mr. archer jealous?

187
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Oh, pamela.

188
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Yeah?

189
00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:55,322
What's the poem gonna be about when cyril snaps and murders you?

190
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I don't know.

191
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World's gushiest orgasm?

192
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:01,341
Can you just get out of the way?

193
00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:03,810
What? are you gonna shoot me again?

194
00:08:03,878 --> 00:08:04,577
Yes!

195
00:08:04,645 --> 00:08:05,478
Oh.

196
00:08:05,546 --> 00:08:06,546
Well, then, hang on.

197
00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:08,975
Cyril is already freaked out enough about us sharing

198
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:12,550
This shoebox without you air-drying your unkempt bush.

199
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:13,752
Unkempt bush?!

200
00:08:13,819 --> 00:08:15,586
Um, you're one to talk!

201
00:08:15,654 --> 00:08:19,815
My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet!

202
00:08:20,294 --> 00:08:22,092
What terrible timing. oh, really?

203
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,394
Baby -- did i interrupt something?

204
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,197
Uh, rehearsal with your commodores tribute band.

205
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:29,833
Archer! cyril, what are you doing here?

206
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,368
I wanted to tell you something very important,

207
00:08:32,368 --> 00:08:37,171
But apparently, you're too busy showing off your vealy vulva!

208
00:08:37,239 --> 00:08:38,105
Cyril!

209
00:08:38,173 --> 00:08:41,107
You know, your whole trust thing -- and i've tried to, okay?

210
00:08:41,174 --> 00:08:41,874
You know what?

211
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,709
We are on a break! oh, yeah?

212
00:08:43,777 --> 00:08:44,444
Yeah!

213
00:08:44,512 --> 00:08:46,212
Well, that's fine by me!

214
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,180
Cyril, wait!

215
00:08:47,248 --> 00:08:48,671
No running! shut up!

216
00:08:48,671 --> 00:08:50,718
- oh, my god. what have i done?- what are you doing?

217
00:08:50,785 --> 00:08:51,518
Go after him.

218
00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:53,120
Oh, you think i should?

219
00:08:53,188 --> 00:08:54,121
Yes!

220
00:08:54,188 --> 00:08:55,688
We're almost out of fruit.

221
00:08:55,756 --> 00:08:59,792
Which is why i find it strange that you're so incredibly calm!

222
00:08:59,859 --> 00:09:03,893
Well, that seaweed wrap just slurps out the stress.

223
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,628
Can't wait to tell trudy beekman

224
00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:09,797
All about it, uh, if we ever meet.

225
00:09:09,865 --> 00:09:11,898
What about you? anything on krauss?

226
00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:12,865
No. shut up.

227
00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:13,766
Have you seen cyril?

228
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:15,134
Why would i have?

229
00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:17,202
And what the hell is he doing?

230
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,203
Archer: hey, what did i tell you, huh?!

231
00:09:19,671 --> 00:09:20,705
Archer: huh?! there!

232
00:09:20,773 --> 00:09:22,540
Go buy a nicotine patch!

233
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:26,409
Gentlemen.

234
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:28,644
No, no, no! what happened to discretion?

235
00:09:28,711 --> 00:09:30,812
Lana: what happened to that bartender?

236
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:31,646
Malory: right?

237
00:09:31,714 --> 00:09:34,448
Guy sees an empty glass, and all of a sudden, he's judge crater.

238
00:09:34,516 --> 00:09:37,884
Oh, for god's sake! nigel, some chips for mr. --

239
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,152
Archer: archer. sterling archer.

240
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,821
The minimum bet is 10,000, sir -- dollars.

241
00:09:42,889 --> 00:09:46,224
Archer: oh, i stuffed all my money in that guy's mouth.

242
00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:49,894
Well, perhaps we could play for something much more interesting.

243
00:09:49,962 --> 00:09:51,428
Archer: yeah, 'cause that was seriously,

244
00:09:51,496 --> 00:09:54,164
Like, all the cash i had on me, so...

245
00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:58,167
So, if i win, i spend a night of passion with your exquisite wife.

246
00:09:58,235 --> 00:09:59,167
Archer: my what?

247
00:10:00,369 --> 00:10:02,169
Oh, yes, my wife. of course.

248
00:10:02,237 --> 00:10:03,337
Yeah, it's a deal.

249
00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:05,939
But if i win, you tell me where the bomb --

250
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,236
Baccarat! archer: what?

251
00:10:07,237 --> 00:10:08,307
Mr. singh wins.

252
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,907
Archer: wait, wait, wait. we were going?

253
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:11,509
The von zeppelin suite.

254
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:14,677
I shall expect her within the hour.

255
00:10:14,745 --> 00:10:17,279
Archer: she's not gonna be happy about that.

256
00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:20,181
Um, what, are you mostly paid in tips?

257
00:10:20,249 --> 00:10:21,549
Almost entirely, sir.

258
00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:27,755
Well, whose fault is that?  i -- you --

259
00:10:27,823 --> 00:10:30,291
Malory: prancing around in your fiacci knockoffs,

260
00:10:30,359 --> 00:10:31,660
Blathering about your vulva?

261
00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:32,828
Lana: hey, first of all --

262
00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:33,962
Malory: i'm just saying,

263
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,197
You're driving cyril straight toward another woman.

264
00:10:36,265 --> 00:10:38,800
Lana: cyril? with another woman?

265
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:41,218
Mallory, seriously. look at me.

266
00:10:42,858 --> 00:10:45,005
Look at and choke me!

267
00:10:45,073 --> 00:10:45,773
Oh, yes, yes!

268
00:10:45,841 --> 00:10:47,775
Oh, my god, what am i doing?

269
00:10:47,843 --> 00:10:50,210
You're ruining your life, you idiot!

270
00:10:51,278 --> 00:10:53,645
And making it hard to drop a deuce.

271
00:10:54,099 --> 00:10:55,528
Uh, i'm sorry, what?

272
00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:56,785
You. now.

273
00:10:56,785 --> 00:10:57,823
Led zeppelin suite.

274
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,586
You have no proof

275
00:10:58,654 --> 00:10:59,387
Singh's e bomber.

276
00:10:59,454 --> 00:11:00,470
He hinted, lana...

277
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,132
That's profiling.

278
00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:02,562
...that the proof was in his cabin.

279
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,276
Really?

280
00:11:03,394 --> 00:11:03,936
Yes!

281
00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:05,639
So go down there and find it

282
00:11:05,639 --> 00:11:06,978
While i go find the bomb.

283
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,870
Bombs, bombers, vulvas.

284
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,759
You people are just ruining my trip

285
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,323
Well, don't stand here gaping at me!

286
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:16,242
Go thwart something!

287
00:11:20,745 --> 00:11:21,636
No running!

288
00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:22,952
Zip it, zipperface!

289
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,709
Oh, kidding, sorry.

290
00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:26,143
Hey, have you seen that nerdy

291
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,496
Fruit-basket steward?

292
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,693
Uh, check the kaiser wilhelm suite.

293
00:11:29,693 --> 00:11:30,991
Names on the -- hey, what

294
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,746
Were you doi

295
00:11:32,746 --> 00:11:35,562
Thied

296
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,802
Pers, so don't

297
00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:37,512
It'sboten!

298
00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:38,857
Okay.

299
00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:41,674
Probably merits a archer

300
00:11:41,674 --> 00:11:42,648
Cyril, what are -

301
00:11:42,716 --> 00:11:44,007
Archer, i need your help.

302
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,789
Ink i'm losingre, man.

303
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:46,731
What gave it away?

304
00:11:46,799 --> 00:11:47,652
My mother's -- why are you

305
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:48,706
Wearing my mother's robe?!

306
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:49,813
I can explain this!

307
00:11:49,881 --> 00:11:51,468
I don't think i want you to.

308
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:52,609
See, it all started

309
00:11:52,677 --> 00:11:53,325
When you and lana --

310
00:11:53,325 --> 00:11:54,803
Cyril, you should tell her this.

311
00:11:54,803 --> 00:11:55,636
I tried!

312
00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:57,771
But you were naked, and it was

313
00:11:57,771 --> 00:11:58,280
All vulva this and vulva that.

314
00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,388
Yeah, and as you

315
00:11:59,456 --> 00:12:01,499
Stand here, dick and/or balls

316
00:12:01,499 --> 00:12:03,090
Caressed by my mother's robe --

317
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,578
Ugh! -- lana is waiting for you.

318
00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:06,570
Really? where?

319
00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:07,934
The led zeppelin suite.

320
00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:10,660
There's a von zeppelin suite.

321
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,624
Which i'm sure is what i meant, so go!

322
00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:13,482
Thanks, archer.

323
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,090
You're the best. i know.

324
00:12:18,317 --> 00:12:19,931
So, yes, the bottom

325
00:12:19,931 --> 00:12:22,744
Line is that i was unfaithful to you two

326
00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:26,548
Well, three times, i guess, if a dry-humpy choker counts.

327
00:12:26,548 --> 00:12:28,931
And if you can't see it in your heart to forgive me,

328
00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:30,577
I will forgive you.

329
00:12:30,577 --> 00:12:32,544
Because that's what love is, lana.

330
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,138
It's forgivey.

331
00:12:34,138 --> 00:12:35,274
Which is not a word.

332
00:12:35,274 --> 00:12:36,531
Come on, figgis!

333
00:12:36,531 --> 00:12:37,884
All right, here we go.

334
00:12:39,939 --> 00:12:41,932
Oh, why?

335
00:12:41,932 --> 00:12:42,559
Hello.

336
00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,841
So, that's your idea of a break, huh?

337
00:12:44,841 --> 00:12:47,198
Oh, cyril, it's not what it looks like.

338
00:12:47,198 --> 00:12:49,395
Well, then, what is it?

339
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:53,012
Okay, so, cyril got in over his head. jesus

340
00:12:53,012 --> 00:12:55,046
God, did he  kill her? no, no, no.

341
00:12:55,046 --> 00:12:57,160
He ran from her to go confess to lana.

342
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,007
But, so, then this one starts

343
00:12:59,007 --> 00:13:00,302
Freaking out, and long story

344
00:13:00,302 --> 00:13:02,839
Short, i kind of had to drown her in the tub.

345
00:13:02,839 --> 00:13:04,049
So, you killed her?

346
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,070
Apparently not, so...

347
00:13:07,976 --> 00:13:09,194
Good news.

348
00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:09,927
Shut up, pam.

349
00:13:09,927 --> 00:13:11,646
And did cyril run by here crying

350
00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:12,575
In a woman's bathrobe?

351
00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:14,109
Well, it wouldn't surprise me.

352
00:13:14,109 --> 00:13:16,231
You're driving him stark raving mad

353
00:13:16,231 --> 00:13:17,041
What did i do?

354
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:18,131
What you do?

355
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,859
Running around all up and down

356
00:13:19,859 --> 00:13:20,746
This stupid blimp --

357
00:13:20,813 --> 00:13:21,664
Against the rules.

358
00:13:21,664 --> 00:13:23,004
...half-naked, tits

359
00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:24,730
Bouncing around like you're at a

360
00:13:24,798 --> 00:13:26,218
Rodeo, then going back to some

361
00:13:26,286 --> 00:13:27,173
Billionaire's suite?

362
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,414
I was trying to stop a

363
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:29,469
Bomb plot.

364
00:13:29,537 --> 00:13:31,178
Oh, my god.

365
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:33,622
There is no bomb! more good news.

366
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,799
And just how do you know that?

367
00:13:37,306 --> 00:13:39,626
Because i made the bomb threat.

368
00:13:39,626 --> 00:13:41,552
Trudy beekman booked the very

369
00:13:41,552 --> 00:13:43,134
Last ticket on this flight, so

370
00:13:43,134 --> 00:13:46,436
It was all, "meh, meh, meh, i'm trudy beekman.

371
00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:50,039
I'm on the co-op board, and i'm going on a blimp.

372
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:51,126
Meh!"

373
00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:54,760
So, yes, i made a phony bomb threat.

374
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:55,803
Good for you.

375
00:13:56,316 --> 00:13:57,465
And yet you lecture me.

376
00:13:57,465 --> 00:13:58,577
Lovely.

377
00:13:58,577 --> 00:13:59,666
Mm, yello!

378
00:13:59,666 --> 00:14:01,876
So, what would you say if i told you

379
00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:03,807
That  your mother made a phony bomb threat

380
00:14:03,807 --> 00:14:05,933
Just to get a free ride on a blimp?

381
00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:08,033
I'd say that's fairly classic her.

382
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:10,200
Oh, shut up. and then i'd just sort of laugh...

383
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,013
...at the, uh, um -- the

384
00:14:12,013 --> 00:14:12,872
Whatchamacallit...

385
00:14:14,044 --> 00:14:14,952
Irony?

386
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:21,046
Lan t ahere'sctuallare bomb on board?

387
00:14:21,046 --> 00:14:22,109
Archer?

388
00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:24,477
Archer -- oh, what the hell?!

389
00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:26,153
Where the are you going?

390
00:14:26,153 --> 00:14:27,613
I got to get my turtleneck.

391
00:14:27,613 --> 00:14:30,083
What the -- i'm not defusing a bomb in this.

392
00:14:30,083 --> 00:14:31,298
No running! shut up!

393
00:14:31,298 --> 00:14:33,932
Oh, and, lana, maybe you ought to grab the kraut.

394
00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:34,729
He's the bomber.

395
00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:36,456
Gott im himmel!

396
00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:37,642
What is this?!

397
00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:38,950
Lana: you know what it is,fritz,

398
00:14:38,950 --> 00:14:41,376
So shut your schnitzel hole and disarm it.

399
00:14:41,376 --> 00:14:43,067
Ah, i get it.

400
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,883
The german guy mit the scar must be the bad guy.

401
00:14:46,883 --> 00:14:48,936
Well, you know how i got this scar?

402
00:14:48,936 --> 00:14:51,885
Saving a jewish girl from a gang of skinheads.

403
00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:53,052
Oh, jesus.

404
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:53,653
Yeah!

405
00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:56,372
Und so krauss gets a curb party.

406
00:14:56,372 --> 00:14:58,657
Wow, now i feel like an asshole. your words.

407
00:14:58,724 --> 00:15:00,124
But could you be a lamb

408
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,158
And disarm it anyway?

409
00:15:01,226 --> 00:15:01,992
Yeah, probably.

410
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:03,293
Wha--

411
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,637
Okay, i got the turtleneck and my wire cutters.

412
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:06,663
Now, where are we?

413
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:07,704
We're at you just shot

414
00:15:07,704 --> 00:15:09,766
The guy who could disarm the bomb, jackass!

415
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:11,268
I didn't shoot him!

416
00:15:11,335 --> 00:15:13,899
You think i'd bring a gun on this firetrap?

417
00:15:13,899 --> 00:15:15,711
Well, then who did it? i did!

418
00:15:15,937 --> 00:15:17,640
Captain lammers?!

419
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:18,738
Nice read, velma.

420
00:15:18,738 --> 00:15:21,867
"keep your 401 in company stock," they said.

421
00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:24,031
"the price can only go up," they said.

422
00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,721
Well, guess what.

423
00:15:25,721 --> 00:15:27,079
Um, it didn't?

424
00:15:27,147 --> 00:15:28,713
Who the hell wants a two-day

425
00:15:28,748 --> 00:15:30,015
Blimp ride to london, which is

426
00:15:30,082 --> 00:15:30,916
Our only route?!

427
00:15:30,983 --> 00:15:32,450
Okay, so it's a niche

428
00:15:32,518 --> 00:15:33,185
Market, but --

429
00:15:33,252 --> 00:15:34,753
Blowing it up will send

430
00:15:34,821 --> 00:15:36,154
The stock ice down to zero!

431
00:15:36,222 --> 00:15:37,956
Yeah, that's why i shorted it.

432
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,276
But what about all the other employees?

433
00:15:40,925 --> 00:15:42,458
See, it's that kind of

434
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,358
Selfish shit --

435
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:44,459
Lana, no!

436
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,693
You'll kill us all!

437
00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:48,002
For the last time, you idiot!

438
00:15:48,002 --> 00:15:49,610
It's not hydrogen!

439
00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:52,146
It's heliu-u-u-u-m!

440
00:15:52,938 --> 00:15:55,436
And what about that are you still not getting, exactly?

441
00:15:55,503 --> 00:15:57,742
Well, obvious the concept, lana.

442
00:15:58,039 --> 00:15:59,439
Sorry i didn't go to space camp.

443
00:15:59,507 --> 00:16:01,056
How about bomb-defusal camp?

444
00:16:01,056 --> 00:16:01,839
No, actually,

445
00:16:01,839 --> 00:16:03,809
Lacrosse camp, if that helps.

446
00:16:03,809 --> 00:16:05,009
I mean, a lot of those skills

447
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:05,776
Are universal.

448
00:16:05,844 --> 00:16:06,710
Shut up.

449
00:16:06,778 --> 00:16:07,871
Agent gillette, please.

450
00:16:07,871 --> 00:16:08,739
Oh, great.

451
00:16:09,547 --> 00:16:11,481
Come on, people, talk to me!

452
00:16:11,548 --> 00:16:12,815
What are we thinking?

453
00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:13,983
What are we doing?

454
00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:14,889
What are we wearing?

455
00:16:14,889 --> 00:16:17,286
My crisis vest, mr. fat face.

456
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:18,921
Lana? hey, girl. you there?

457
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:20,222
Yeah, i'm -- hey, can

458
00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:20,856
You see me?

459
00:16:20,923 --> 00:16:23,293
I see your knock-off fiacci drawers!

460
00:16:23,293 --> 00:16:24,634
You are such a bitch.

461
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:25,212
Hey, ray.

462
00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:27,533
Let's see that ignition, girl.

463
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:28,426
Got it?

464
00:16:28,426 --> 00:16:29,464
East german crap.

465
00:16:29,464 --> 00:16:31,748
Probably a gk-31 or -32.

466
00:16:31,748 --> 00:16:33,509
So, uh... so on the side of the timer,

467
00:16:33,509 --> 00:16:35,043
There should be a serial number.

468
00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:37,337
That'll tell me which wire y'all need to cut.

469
00:16:37,610 --> 00:16:38,683
You got it? yeah, i see it.

470
00:16:38,683 --> 00:16:39,319
Ready?

471
00:16:39,319 --> 00:16:40,394
Since first call.

472
00:16:40,394 --> 00:16:42,726
9-3-4...

473
00:16:42,726 --> 00:16:44,876
...t-x-s...

474
00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:46,743
T-x-x? two x's?

475
00:16:46,811 --> 00:16:48,778
No, x-s, like inxs.

476
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:50,346
In-x-x? "s"!

477
00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:52,248
Jesus, use the nato phonetic alphabet.

478
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,048
What?

479
00:16:53,116 --> 00:16:54,149
Christ on sale!

480
00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:54,750
Is it "s"?

481
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:55,484
Duh!

482
00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:56,351
"sierra."

483
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:58,553
Ray, it's niner-3-4...

484
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:00,388
Tango-xray-sierra.

485
00:17:00,455 --> 00:17:01,422
Thank you, doll.

486
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:02,857
Now, there should be a dash

487
00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:04,058
Followed by two letters.

488
00:17:04,126 --> 00:17:04,992
Okay.

489
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:06,426
Okay, so now i want you to

490
00:17:06,494 --> 00:17:08,860
Cut the blue and white wire.

491
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:09,694
Which one?

492
00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:10,655
There's two of those.

493
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,763
No -- one's blue with a white

494
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:13,997
Stripe, and the other one's

495
00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:15,264
White with a blue stripe.

496
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:17,092
Yeah, and both are identical!

497
00:17:17,092 --> 00:17:18,082
No! they're not!

498
00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:19,567
Uh, ray, hon?

499
00:17:19,635 --> 00:17:21,185
They're really similar.

500
00:17:21,185 --> 00:17:23,931
One's a teeny bit...blue, honey.

501
00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:26,066
Which one? i guess that one maybe.

502
00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:27,265
So, wait, which one do i cut?

503
00:17:27,265 --> 00:17:29,632
The teeny bit...blue one!

504
00:17:29,845 --> 00:17:30,578
Okay!

505
00:17:30,646 --> 00:17:31,179
Okay!

506
00:17:31,246 --> 00:17:32,046
Wait! stop!

507
00:17:32,114 --> 00:17:33,948
You said the two letters after

508
00:17:34,016 --> 00:17:35,888
The dash were oscar-kilo. who?

509
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,945
What? "ok" -- oscar-kilo.

510
00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:41,292
No! "okay"! like, "okay, now i'm gonna tell

511
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:42,006
You what they are."

512
00:17:42,006 --> 00:17:43,213
Yeah, and then you didn't.

513
00:17:43,213 --> 00:17:44,430
I thought we skipped that part!

514
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,648
Skipped a step in disarming a bomb.

515
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,300
Yeah, which i thought was pretty irresponsible

516
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,071
On your part! why do you always do

517
00:17:50,071 --> 00:17:51,907
This?! why do you always not shut up?!

518
00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:53,801
Stop.

519
00:17:53,868 --> 00:17:55,802
On the radio, when we answer

520
00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:58,071
In the affirmative, we say

521
00:17:58,139 --> 00:17:58,805
"roger."

522
00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:00,755
O-- roger. sorry.

523
00:18:00,755 --> 00:18:02,309
Now, in the serial number,

524
00:18:02,377 --> 00:18:04,111
What are the two letters

525
00:18:04,179 --> 00:18:05,579
Following the dash?

526
00:18:09,570 --> 00:18:10,895
You ready? roger!

527
00:18:10,895 --> 00:18:12,786
The first letter is "b."

528
00:18:12,786 --> 00:18:13,443
"bravo."

529
00:18:13,443 --> 00:18:14,892
Thanks. second letter is "n."

530
00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:16,744
"m" as in "mike" or "n" as --

531
00:18:16,744 --> 00:18:17,446
As in "nancy."

532
00:18:17,446 --> 00:18:19,203
God. you of all people what?! archer

533
00:18:19,203 --> 00:18:20,933
Me of all people what? nothing.

534
00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:22,507
Ray, hon?

535
00:18:22,507 --> 00:18:24,404
Okay, so -- you can say "okay."

536
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:24,923
Oh, my god!

537
00:18:24,923 --> 00:18:27,578
Ray, can i shoot him? in about five seconds, honey.

538
00:18:27,798 --> 00:18:29,647
Lana, be careful! jesus, the helium!

539
00:18:29,899 --> 00:18:32,174
Right after he cuts the solid-green wire.

540
00:18:32,917 --> 00:18:34,990
The green color is solid or --

541
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,468
Roger! o-- roger.

542
00:18:36,468 --> 00:18:37,971
Cutting the green wire.

543
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:39,839
Archer!

544
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:42,007
Jesus! god! what?!

545
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:43,441
That's how annoying you are.

546
00:18:43,508 --> 00:18:44,908
Your mom's annoying!

547
00:18:44,976 --> 00:18:45,842
How about that?

548
00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:46,576
Let's go there.

549
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:47,977
Let's go here, where,

550
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,999
Archer, shut up and cut the goddamn wire, already!

551
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,684
You shut up, and i'm doing it!

552
00:18:52,684 --> 00:18:53,229
God!

553
00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:54,649
Oh, my -- ray!

554
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:55,616
What's going on?

555
00:18:55,684 --> 00:18:56,851
The timer sped up!

556
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:58,252
Did you cut the green one?!

557
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,321
Yes! roger!

558
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,188
Steven! whoever!

559
00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:00,956
Ray?

560
00:19:01,024 --> 00:19:02,320
What were the last two letters?!

561
00:19:02,461 --> 00:19:05,074
"b," as in "butt hole"! what do we do here?

562
00:19:05,074 --> 00:19:07,612
And "m," as in "mancy."

563
00:19:07,612 --> 00:19:08,603
What?!

564
00:19:10,562 --> 00:19:12,316
"m" as in what?

565
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:12,991
"mancy."

566
00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:14,442
What did you think i said?

567
00:19:14,442 --> 00:19:15,252
"nancy"!

568
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:16,606
You idiot!

569
00:19:16,606 --> 00:19:17,949
I can see how, uh...

570
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,700
And then i was like, "you of all --"

571
00:19:22,759 --> 00:19:24,788
Exact same spot! ray?

572
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,277
Ray, tell me what to do!

573
00:19:27,346 --> 00:19:28,679
Do y'all have parachutes?

574
00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:29,313
No!

575
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:30,881
Well, that would be, you

576
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:32,015
Know -- problem solved!

577
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:32,916
Ray!

578
00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:33,884
I don't know!

579
00:19:33,951 --> 00:19:35,885
Push it off with your big-ass hands!

580
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:38,158
Good luck, honey.

581
00:19:38,158 --> 00:19:39,799
Oh, it's too heavy!

582
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:40,561
Archer!

583
00:19:42,826 --> 00:19:44,496
I cannot do this alone!

584
00:19:44,496 --> 00:19:45,828
You're not alone!

585
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,398
Baby! you came back to me!

586
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:49,631
Well, i really --

587
00:19:49,699 --> 00:19:52,653
Lana, there's a lot you and i need to talk about.

588
00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:53,545
And let's do that,

589
00:19:53,545 --> 00:19:56,275
Right after we shove this huge bomb off the blimp.

590
00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:58,497
Okay, but then we seriously need to -- cyril!

591
00:19:58,497 --> 00:19:59,609
Sorry. here we go.

592
00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:03,978
Lana, we're not gonna make it!

593
00:20:04,046 --> 00:20:06,047
Yes, we are, cyril!

594
00:20:06,115 --> 00:20:07,681
We are gonna make it!

595
00:20:10,985 --> 00:20:12,018
Oh, my god!

596
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,052
Lana, we made it!

597
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,053
Hooray for metaphors!

598
00:20:15,121 --> 00:20:16,688
I told you.

599
00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:21,325
Okay, now, then, what did you want to talk about?

600
00:20:21,393 --> 00:20:24,299
Um, well, uh, a lot of stuff, really.

601
00:20:25,664 --> 00:20:26,997
Starting with the fact we just

602
00:20:27,065 --> 00:20:27,932
Bombed ireland.

603
00:20:29,314 --> 00:20:30,696
Um...pretty sure that's wales.

604
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:40,697
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