1 00:00:06,438 --> 00:00:07,593 Lana. 2 00:00:08,163 --> 00:00:09,313 Lana. 3 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,170 Let me go ahead 4 00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:12,725 and save you the trouble of shouting my name 5 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,430 - like a shrill five-year-old... - Shrill? 6 00:00:14,518 --> 00:00:16,389 And point out that I'm a little busy 7 00:00:16,477 --> 00:00:17,696 doing both our jobs. 8 00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,132 Which I'd be helping you with 9 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,819 if I could find the goddamn cherries. 10 00:00:20,907 --> 00:00:21,754 What cherries? 11 00:00:21,841 --> 00:00:23,251 The maraschino cherries, 12 00:00:23,339 --> 00:00:24,908 - Lana. I... - We are entering the atmosphere 13 00:00:24,995 --> 00:00:27,415 of an uncharted planet at a couple thousand miles per hour 14 00:00:27,503 --> 00:00:28,642 to check out a distress beacon, 15 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,862 and you're talking to me about cherries? 16 00:00:30,981 --> 00:00:32,896 She said. Dryly. 17 00:00:32,983 --> 00:00:35,952 Sorry. I didn't invent how to make a whiskey sour, Lana. 18 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:36,938 Here's an idea. 19 00:00:37,026 --> 00:00:39,845 Maybe try inventing not doing that right now. 20 00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:41,773 God, lighten up. It's a road trip. 21 00:00:41,861 --> 00:00:44,124 Who goes on a road trip without a few cocktails? 22 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,696 - Look... - Trick question, Lana. 23 00:00:45,805 --> 00:00:47,124 - No one does. - This isn't... 24 00:00:47,212 --> 00:00:49,564 The time to try new things. Exactly. 25 00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:52,665 Especially when we're going a thousand miles per... 26 00:00:52,758 --> 00:00:54,188 Goddamn it! 27 00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:57,007 System failure. 28 00:00:57,094 --> 00:00:59,511 - System failure. - Autopilot is out! 29 00:00:59,815 --> 00:01:01,235 I got it. 30 00:01:03,091 --> 00:01:04,505 What is happening? 31 00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:06,989 - What are they doing?! - Goddamn it! 32 00:01:07,077 --> 00:01:08,582 The hell's going on up there? 33 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:10,024 Don't look at me! 34 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,266 Talk to Captain Road Trip over here! 35 00:01:12,354 --> 00:01:15,032 What? Oh, how is this suddenly my fault? 36 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:16,808 We're coming in hot! 37 00:01:16,896 --> 00:01:18,680 Everyone, hang on! 38 00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,819 Hey, if you happen to see any cherries back there... 39 00:01:20,907 --> 00:01:22,139 Oh, God, give it a rest! 40 00:01:22,227 --> 00:01:24,352 You give it a rest! 41 00:01:45,094 --> 00:01:46,110 Ow! 42 00:01:46,264 --> 00:01:48,196 Holy shitsnacks! 43 00:01:52,337 --> 00:01:53,423 Never mind. 44 00:01:53,532 --> 00:01:55,251 Found the cherries. 45 00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:29,072 *ARCHER * Season 10 Episode 06 46 00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:31,166 *ARCHER * Episode Title :"1999: Road Trip" 47 00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:42,423 So, got some good news and some bad news. 48 00:02:43,778 --> 00:02:45,869 Any chance you're gonna tell us what it is? 49 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,671 Oh. Right. The bad news is, 50 00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:49,853 comms are dead and the fuel cell's ruptured, 51 00:02:49,949 --> 00:02:52,173 so we're not going anywhere anytime soon. 52 00:02:52,261 --> 00:02:54,550 Hang on. You mean, we're frickin' stranded? 53 00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:56,994 Not stranded, dummy. 54 00:02:57,082 --> 00:02:58,151 He said "soon." 55 00:02:58,239 --> 00:02:59,994 Though I technically meant "ever." 56 00:03:00,082 --> 00:03:01,112 Then what's the good news? 57 00:03:01,199 --> 00:03:03,517 Hmm. Guess it was mostly just bad news. 58 00:03:03,605 --> 00:03:05,759 - Damn it, Krieger! - God, relax. 59 00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:07,334 He said "mostly." 60 00:03:07,422 --> 00:03:10,548 So... completely inoperable. 61 00:03:10,636 --> 00:03:12,212 Um, what are you doing? 62 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,181 Oh. Uh, since our insurance claims keep getting denied, 63 00:03:15,269 --> 00:03:18,033 Ms. Archer has put me in charge of the paperwork. 64 00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:19,744 Cause of accident: 65 00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,837 barely functional alcoholism. 66 00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:23,275 - Hey! - All right, listen up. 67 00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:24,940 Let's salvage what we can from the shuttle 68 00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:26,353 and find the distress beacon. 69 00:03:26,441 --> 00:03:27,814 It's probably a downed ship, 70 00:03:27,902 --> 00:03:30,009 so maybe there's a fuel cell we can use. 71 00:03:30,097 --> 00:03:31,374 Way ahead of you. 72 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,283 On the "salvage what you can" part. 73 00:03:33,371 --> 00:03:35,548 - Unbelievable. - Right? 74 00:03:35,653 --> 00:03:37,035 What are the chances lemons 75 00:03:37,123 --> 00:03:40,103 - would survive the... - Can you please focus? 76 00:03:40,191 --> 00:03:42,126 Why? Mother's probably putting together 77 00:03:42,214 --> 00:03:44,064 a rescue plan as we speak. 78 00:03:45,394 --> 00:03:47,158 Mm. should probably check 79 00:03:47,246 --> 00:03:49,978 on why their comms are down. 80 00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:53,275 Meh. Feels like it can wait. 81 00:03:55,079 --> 00:03:56,923 Everything can wait. 82 00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:02,704 Speaking of, anybody want in on this? 83 00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:03,838 I'm about to make another batch. 84 00:04:03,925 --> 00:04:05,460 - Seriously? - Road trip. 85 00:04:05,548 --> 00:04:08,217 Which we may be on forever if we're stranded here. 86 00:04:08,305 --> 00:04:10,335 Oh, take it easy, Lana. It'll be fine. 87 00:04:10,423 --> 00:04:13,530 And this blithe optimism is based on what, exactly? 88 00:04:13,618 --> 00:04:16,012 Because this is me we're talking about. 89 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,178 Wildly reassuring. 90 00:04:17,266 --> 00:04:18,344 Trust me on this. 91 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,633 I have mastered the art of blind luck. 92 00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:22,489 No offense to your blind luck, 93 00:04:22,577 --> 00:04:24,624 but it might be nice to have a plan B. 94 00:04:24,712 --> 00:04:26,859 Why? Seriously, do you have any idea 95 00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:29,993 how many times I should haveliterally died in the last year? 96 00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:31,670 - Wow me. - Krieger, tell her. 97 00:04:31,758 --> 00:04:33,368 Including that thing last week? 98 00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,475 Hey! This is totally safe, right? 99 00:04:35,563 --> 00:04:38,261 - Technically? - As in "actually," Krieger! 100 00:04:38,349 --> 00:04:39,866 Kind of feels like probably. 101 00:04:39,954 --> 00:04:41,122 To both of those. 102 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:42,663 Whoa, whoa, wait! What?! 103 00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,518 - Then nine. - Boosh. 104 00:04:44,606 --> 00:04:45,967 Please tell me there's a point. 105 00:04:46,055 --> 00:04:47,304 Point is, if you hit pause 106 00:04:47,392 --> 00:04:49,286 on your whole angry negativity thing... 107 00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:50,553 Angry what? 108 00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:51,702 For, like, one second, 109 00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,139 you'd notice we always end up fine. 110 00:05:01,971 --> 00:05:04,444 Though we may be pushing our luck at this point. 111 00:05:07,353 --> 00:05:09,097 Christ on a cracker. 112 00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:11,805 Is this whole frickin' planet uphill? 113 00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:13,480 Jesus, is that a thing? 114 00:05:13,568 --> 00:05:16,295 At least it means we're not totally lost going in circles. 115 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,991 Though not feeling entirely un-lost. 116 00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:20,123 We're not lost, idiots. 117 00:05:20,211 --> 00:05:22,266 I know how to work the whatchamahickey. 118 00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:23,655 Really? Because "whatchamahickey" 119 00:05:23,743 --> 00:05:25,441 doesn't inspire tons of confidence. 120 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,405 It's technically a whatchamacallit. 121 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,585 Or am I being too negative? 122 00:05:29,673 --> 00:05:31,717 - When are you not? - All the time, jackass! 123 00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:34,025 - Oh, and there's the angry part. - Look... 124 00:05:34,113 --> 00:05:36,768 Face it, Lana. Angry'sbasically your default setting. 125 00:05:36,856 --> 00:05:38,466 - Says who? - Besides everybody? 126 00:05:38,554 --> 00:05:40,936 - Well, not everybody. - Thank you! 127 00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:43,163 Just the people who've actually met you. 128 00:05:43,251 --> 00:05:45,061 Yeah. Possibly a few others. 129 00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,150 Hey, assholes. 130 00:05:46,292 --> 00:05:48,359 I'm not, like, perpetually angry. 131 00:05:48,977 --> 00:05:50,030 Really? 132 00:05:50,118 --> 00:05:52,256 - Yes, really. - Scale of one to ten, Lana, 133 00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:54,342 how happy would you say you are, in general? 134 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,600 Oh, easily a six. 135 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,795 A six? Then what's a seven, 136 00:05:57,883 --> 00:05:58,943 "Yay, I've got 137 00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:00,927 - tons of cancer"? - Like you're any better. 138 00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:03,112 Seriously? I'm always a total nine. 139 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,299 Please. 140 00:06:04,387 --> 00:06:06,499 I'm buoyant, Lana, bordering on bubbly. 141 00:06:06,587 --> 00:06:07,749 Listen to how I talk. 142 00:06:07,837 --> 00:06:09,545 - There's a tone. - A tone? 143 00:06:09,633 --> 00:06:11,131 Yes, Lana, a tone. 144 00:06:11,225 --> 00:06:13,733 Notice how my sentences go up at the end? 145 00:06:13,821 --> 00:06:16,085 Oh, yeah. You mean like, "Shut the hell up"? 146 00:06:16,173 --> 00:06:17,788 Exac... Damn it. 147 00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:19,181 - Ow! - Ha. 148 00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:21,491 Now I'm a seven, by the way. 149 00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:27,483 And now I'm a two. 150 00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:31,975 So which part of the blind luck plan is this? 151 00:06:32,063 --> 00:06:34,522 Um, I think this is the part where you sh... 152 00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:36,015 it! 153 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,233 Finally! 154 00:06:37,321 --> 00:06:39,236 Some frickin' downhill. 155 00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:45,928 Blind luck, you are my spirit animal. 156 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,332 Holy space snacks. 157 00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:53,168 What the hell happened? 158 00:06:53,304 --> 00:06:55,601 Hopefully nothing a fuel cell couldn't survive. 159 00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:57,684 Yeah, otherwise, we're pretty much screwed. 160 00:06:57,772 --> 00:06:58,809 Easy, Debbie Downer. 161 00:06:58,897 --> 00:07:01,067 No one wants to go to your dark place right now. 162 00:07:01,163 --> 00:07:03,270 - You know... - Yeah, but she's right. 163 00:07:03,358 --> 00:07:05,168 We only have enough food for a few days. 164 00:07:05,256 --> 00:07:07,936 Then what? We sit around and starve? 165 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:09,934 Please, whoever survives the culling 166 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,067 - will have plenty of food. - The what? 167 00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:13,590 Uh, the culling? 168 00:07:13,678 --> 00:07:15,668 You know, where people suffocatein their sleep 169 00:07:15,756 --> 00:07:17,542 with gross, sweaty socks stuffed in their mouths 170 00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,029 or get accidentally stabbed in the neck 171 00:07:19,116 --> 00:07:20,637 while they pee or whatever? 172 00:07:21,568 --> 00:07:23,950 - What? - The details make it weird. 173 00:07:24,038 --> 00:07:25,200 Just the details? 174 00:07:25,288 --> 00:07:26,419 Section seven, 175 00:07:26,507 --> 00:07:28,989 possible post-accident injuries. 176 00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:31,934 - Uh, that's "culling" with a "C," right? - Look, 177 00:07:32,022 --> 00:07:34,326 idiots, there's got to be a fuelcell around here somewhere. 178 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,246 They're basically impossible to destroy. 179 00:07:36,334 --> 00:07:38,432 Unless the pilot spills a cocktail 180 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,043 - all over the flight controls. - Yeah. 181 00:07:40,131 --> 00:07:42,332 But what are the odds their pilot was that kick-ass? 182 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,403 Perhaps better than you think. 183 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,535 Holy... 184 00:07:47,647 --> 00:07:49,733 Shitsnacks. 185 00:07:49,821 --> 00:07:51,296 Ooh. Fascinating. 186 00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:53,196 Now I'm an eight. 187 00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:56,145 How is this possible? 188 00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:57,408 It-it isn't. 189 00:07:57,495 --> 00:07:58,504 This is insane. 190 00:07:58,592 --> 00:07:59,832 Obviously. 191 00:08:00,129 --> 00:08:02,434 I mean, who shaves off hair like this? 192 00:08:04,495 --> 00:08:05,856 Idiot. 193 00:08:14,808 --> 00:08:17,738 Okay, there's got to be a logical explanation. 194 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,561 Lana, there's nothing logical about shaving... 195 00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:22,297 Not talking about your hair, dumb-ass. 196 00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:24,300 None of this makes any sense. 197 00:08:24,388 --> 00:08:27,141 Uh, ever consider the fact we're obviously ghosts 198 00:08:27,229 --> 00:08:29,828 looking at our own stupid dead bodies? 199 00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:32,102 We're not ghosts, dick nuts. 200 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,734 - How do you... - Ow! 201 00:08:33,918 --> 00:08:36,057 Buy a girl a drink first. 202 00:08:36,145 --> 00:08:37,207 Jesus. 203 00:08:37,295 --> 00:08:39,793 Is anyone here familiar with multiverse theory? 204 00:08:39,881 --> 00:08:41,340 How 'bout pretend we're not? 205 00:08:41,428 --> 00:08:44,257 Long story short, this may be a parallel universe, 206 00:08:44,345 --> 00:08:47,000 making these our doppelgangers. 207 00:08:47,088 --> 00:08:48,432 Doppel-what? 208 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,686 Sort of like everyone's alter egos. 209 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:52,820 Not everyone's. 210 00:08:52,946 --> 00:08:54,828 Yeah. Where's yours, Krieger? 211 00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:57,039 Huh. Maybe doppel-Krieger survived. 212 00:08:57,127 --> 00:08:59,805 Yeah. And maybe he killed everybody. 213 00:08:59,893 --> 00:09:00,963 Please, 214 00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:03,195 why would I ever finally do that? 215 00:09:04,994 --> 00:09:06,836 What the hell? 216 00:09:07,765 --> 00:09:09,148 Mayday, Mayday. 217 00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:11,268 This is Sterling Archer of the MVSeamus, 218 00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:12,467 and we are going down. 219 00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:14,242 Repeat, we are going down. 220 00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:16,158 Transmitting our location now. 221 00:09:16,246 --> 00:09:18,555 And, on a personal note, whoever gets this, 222 00:09:18,647 --> 00:09:21,278 please know my only regret is... 223 00:09:21,366 --> 00:09:22,674 The hair, obviously. 224 00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:23,750 - Shut up. - Oh, come on. -Shut up, man. 225 00:09:23,838 --> 00:09:26,045 I wasn't able to save my valiant crew. 226 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,458 My dear friends, Cyril, 227 00:09:27,546 --> 00:09:28,883 Pam, Krieger, 228 00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:30,227 Ray, Crystal... 229 00:09:30,315 --> 00:09:32,839 Oh, my God! Totally forgot about the Crystal thing. 230 00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:34,600 I love you all dearly. 231 00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:36,642 Truly the best friends a guy could have. 232 00:09:36,729 --> 00:09:38,514 - Aw. - Oh, my God, give me... 233 00:09:38,602 --> 00:09:39,344 Shut up! 234 00:09:39,432 --> 00:09:40,563 But, most of all, 235 00:09:40,690 --> 00:09:42,461 I'll miss my wife, Lana. 236 00:09:42,593 --> 00:09:45,180 You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 237 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,445 I wrote you this poem I want to read. 238 00:09:47,757 --> 00:09:50,867 It's called "I'll Never Stop..." 239 00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,505 "Totally Embarrassing Yourself"? 240 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,003 - Come on! - Oh, God! 241 00:09:54,265 --> 00:09:56,528 You realize, theoretically, that was you, right? 242 00:09:56,616 --> 00:09:58,533 How? He's nothing like me. 243 00:09:58,621 --> 00:10:01,537 Got a point. He did seem entirely non-self-absorbed. 244 00:10:01,624 --> 00:10:03,257 Exactly. Wait, what? 245 00:10:03,345 --> 00:10:04,827 And weirdly not a dick. 246 00:10:04,915 --> 00:10:06,757 You're weirdly not a dick. 247 00:10:06,846 --> 00:10:08,382 - Makes no sense. - Yeah. 248 00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:11,865 That other Archer was refreshingly friendly. 249 00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:13,897 Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril. 250 00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:15,109 And we're back. 251 00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:17,663 And is it just me, or was that shaved head thing 252 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,976 - super working? - Totally. 253 00:10:20,064 --> 00:10:21,484 - Ka-sploosh! - I was into it. 254 00:10:21,572 --> 00:10:23,993 Just sit thereand be into the non-hair-having, 255 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,865 clearly castrated version of me 256 00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:29,163 while I go find a fuel cell to get us all out of here, which, 257 00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:33,827 P.S., is pretty much the opposite of self-absorbed! 258 00:10:36,795 --> 00:10:38,812 So, how's the bubbly thing going? 259 00:10:39,002 --> 00:10:40,699 Still sporting that nine? 260 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,132 No. 261 00:10:53,508 --> 00:10:55,895 "Are you making any of the following claims 262 00:10:55,982 --> 00:10:57,332 for emotional distress?" 263 00:10:57,419 --> 00:10:58,804 Yes, yes, yes. 264 00:10:58,892 --> 00:10:59,892 Well, these are all yes. 265 00:11:08,865 --> 00:11:11,824 Shit, I'm heavy. 266 00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:18,433 Incoming! 267 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:31,784 So, I officially quit. 268 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,230 And speaking of good news, 269 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,762 I assume finding this crammed up my ass qualified? 270 00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:39,852 Is that a fuel cell? Oh, thank God. 271 00:11:39,939 --> 00:11:42,026 Shut up, Cyril. You still don't matter. 272 00:11:43,474 --> 00:11:45,722 It's funny 'cause it's true. 273 00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:50,267 Okay, got some good news and bad news. 274 00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:54,167 Bad news is, that thing's not going anywhere. 275 00:11:54,376 --> 00:11:55,862 And the good news? 276 00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:58,306 Mm. I swear I had something for this. 277 00:11:58,394 --> 00:11:59,776 - Krieger. - Krieger! -Great. 278 00:11:59,864 --> 00:12:01,964 Making us pretty much screwed. 279 00:12:02,052 --> 00:12:03,749 - Easily a six. - Shut it. 280 00:12:03,868 --> 00:12:06,519 And let the culling begin! 281 00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:08,017 Okay. 282 00:12:08,836 --> 00:12:11,058 Maybe instead of culling each other, 283 00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:13,120 we should come up with an actual plan. 284 00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:15,284 Like, obviously, someone needs to go out there 285 00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,573 and distract that thing while everyone else gets away. 286 00:12:17,661 --> 00:12:18,955 And I vote Pam. 287 00:12:19,043 --> 00:12:20,518 What? Screw you, dick nuts. 288 00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:21,981 - What? - Why me? 289 00:12:22,068 --> 00:12:23,418 Because look at you, Pam. 290 00:12:23,505 --> 00:12:25,637 That thing's not gonna want to eat... that. 291 00:12:25,724 --> 00:12:26,856 Well, you either! 292 00:12:26,943 --> 00:12:29,002 'Cause who'd want to eat a complete dick? 293 00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:30,856 Just gonna softball it in like that? 294 00:12:30,944 --> 00:12:33,174 Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam. 295 00:12:33,262 --> 00:12:35,450 Yeah, well, I'm sorry we ended up 296 00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:37,670 with the complete asshole version of you. 297 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,973 Oh, what? You'd rather have touchy-feely bald guy? 298 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,754 - Yep, yep, yep. - 100%. -No contest. 299 00:12:42,915 --> 00:12:44,582 Fine. Know what? 300 00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:47,176 You want him? 301 00:12:49,407 --> 00:12:51,778 Then come and get him! 302 00:12:52,085 --> 00:12:53,609 Boom! Wordplay! 303 00:12:54,484 --> 00:12:56,203 Now run, idiots! 304 00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:03,473 So, was it weird? 305 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:04,782 Probably. 306 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,214 Wait, what are we talking about? 307 00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:08,782 You know, watching your alterego get eaten by a giant lizard. 308 00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,308 Please, if that guy was really my alter ego, Lana, 309 00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,006 he would have been something really cool, 310 00:13:13,094 --> 00:13:15,739 like a secret agent or a private detective 311 00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,386 or a... 312 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,222 Oh, my God! 313 00:13:24,310 --> 00:13:25,740 You guys are alive! 314 00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:26,742 Archer! 315 00:13:26,829 --> 00:13:28,657 Oh, God. Get it off. 316 00:13:28,744 --> 00:13:30,180 And your hair! 317 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:32,401 - Right? - It's glorious! 318 00:13:32,489 --> 00:13:34,315 Aw. Wait a minute. 319 00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,924 Doppelganger multiverse theory? 320 00:13:36,012 --> 00:13:37,182 Exactly. 321 00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:39,690 And the rest of my crew's... dead? 322 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,433 - Exactly. - Oh, like you didn't kill them. 323 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:43,636 What? 324 00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,465 Why would I ever do that, finally? 325 00:13:45,553 --> 00:13:46,589 - Right? - Besides... 326 00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:48,001 You know what? What do you say 327 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:50,156 we take this half-assed reunion on the road 328 00:13:50,243 --> 00:13:53,190 before that tyrannosaurus whatever shows up for seconds? 329 00:13:53,278 --> 00:13:54,604 - Fascinating. - What? 330 00:13:54,753 --> 00:13:56,901 Our Lana had a lot of angry energy, too. 331 00:13:56,989 --> 00:13:58,456 Ha! Hilarious. 332 00:13:58,544 --> 00:13:59,612 Oh, is it? 333 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,063 And that was no Tyrannosaurus rexyou saw. 334 00:14:02,151 --> 00:14:04,034 I mean, unless a T. rexis capable 335 00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:06,647 of camouflaging itself perfectlyin any surroundings 336 00:14:06,735 --> 00:14:08,472 with chameleon-like... 337 00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:13,286 Oh, shit. 338 00:14:13,396 --> 00:14:14,596 It's right behind me, isn't it? 339 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:29,287 So, how's that whole blind luck thing working out? 340 00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:33,800 No! Me! 341 00:14:39,391 --> 00:14:40,851 You tell me. 342 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,806 Uh, I mean, seriously, Lana, 343 00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:54,306 At some point, you really got to ask yourself... 344 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,509 It's not the time. 345 00:14:55,597 --> 00:14:58,001 If maybe the luckiest spot in the galaxy 346 00:14:58,089 --> 00:15:00,136 is standing right next to me. 347 00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:02,775 Got a whole bunch of wedding photos that say otherwise. 348 00:15:02,863 --> 00:15:04,658 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 349 00:15:06,668 --> 00:15:07,798 We have wedding photos? 350 00:15:07,886 --> 00:15:10,292 Oh, yeah. Big box of 'em labeled "Cautionary Tale," 351 00:15:10,379 --> 00:15:12,381 which is what this whole thing'sgonna turn into 352 00:15:12,468 --> 00:15:14,957 if we can't find our way back to the ship. 353 00:15:16,329 --> 00:15:17,461 How the hell? 354 00:15:17,558 --> 00:15:19,316 I've learned not to ask. 355 00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:20,778 Now, let's get the hell out of here. 356 00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:22,934 Wait, what are you talking about? We can't just fly off. 357 00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:25,478 What? Then why have I been lugging this thing around 358 00:15:25,566 --> 00:15:26,853 - all this time? - No. 359 00:15:26,941 --> 00:15:28,621 I mean we can't just leave everyone. 360 00:15:28,717 --> 00:15:31,001 Of course we're not, Lana. 361 00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:33,056 Assuming they get here on time. 362 00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:34,884 Wow. Such an asshole. 363 00:15:34,972 --> 00:15:36,231 - What? - Could you try 364 00:15:36,318 --> 00:15:38,720 not being completely consumed with yourself 365 00:15:38,808 --> 00:15:40,886 for once in your life? 366 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:42,980 Why? 367 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,509 Wait, I don't want to go wandering around 368 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:49,382 a man-eating jungle and suddenly I'm the asshole? 369 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,204 How does that even work? 370 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:56,837 Oh, I know. 371 00:15:57,077 --> 00:15:59,806 Maybe I should shave my head and take up poetry 372 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,431 and see how many things I canrhyme with "soul-sucking" and... 373 00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,095 Lana! 374 00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:08,462 Psst! Lana! 375 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:10,742 What are you guys doing? 376 00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,765 Well, we werehiding from that stupid, 377 00:16:12,853 --> 00:16:14,163 giant lizard thingy. 378 00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:16,866 But now, thanks to your loud-as-shit ass... 379 00:16:16,954 --> 00:16:18,415 Not so much. 380 00:16:20,927 --> 00:16:21,938 Holy... 381 00:16:22,026 --> 00:16:23,275 Shit. 382 00:16:23,619 --> 00:16:25,173 Oh, wait. 383 00:16:26,828 --> 00:16:29,218 Ow! What are you doing, woman?! 384 00:16:29,306 --> 00:16:31,242 Besides pissing it off even more! 385 00:16:31,329 --> 00:16:33,940 And totally killing our earballs! 386 00:16:34,134 --> 00:16:36,247 - What? - See?! 387 00:16:38,004 --> 00:16:39,510 Goddamn it! 388 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,893 Good God. What the hell's it doing now? 389 00:16:51,042 --> 00:16:52,704 I don't know, moving on to plan B? 390 00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:56,167 Yeah, "B," as in "burying us alive!" 391 00:17:04,478 --> 00:17:05,983 Okay. 392 00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:07,514 Who brought the dog? 393 00:17:15,694 --> 00:17:16,952 Damn it! 394 00:17:22,772 --> 00:17:24,208 No! 395 00:17:52,819 --> 00:17:56,649 Well, look who decided not to be a total dick. 396 00:17:56,737 --> 00:17:59,305 Just couldn't leave my buddy Cyril behind. 397 00:17:59,548 --> 00:18:00,636 Wait, really? 398 00:18:00,723 --> 00:18:02,100 Of course not, idiot. 399 00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:05,576 And yet you had the time to stopand make a cocktail. 400 00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:08,470 God, you are just so glass half-empty. 401 00:18:08,557 --> 00:18:09,905 Ooh, actually, me, too. 402 00:18:09,993 --> 00:18:12,039 So just gonna freshen this up. 403 00:18:24,149 --> 00:18:25,516 Item one. 404 00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,705 - Item what? - Yeah, what are we even doing? 405 00:18:27,793 --> 00:18:29,399 It's called an agenda. 406 00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:31,492 - For what? - So confused right now. 407 00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,733 I swear, you people! 408 00:18:33,999 --> 00:18:35,365 Item one. 409 00:18:35,453 --> 00:18:37,586 The insurance company has officially deemed 410 00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:39,414 the Seamus Ila total loss, 411 00:18:39,514 --> 00:18:40,863 so this little enterprise 412 00:18:40,951 --> 00:18:43,867 may actually turn a profit this year. 413 00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:46,321 What are you talking about? 414 00:18:46,409 --> 00:18:48,686 - The other crew. - Hang on. I thought those were 415 00:18:48,774 --> 00:18:50,743 our parallel universe doppel-bangers. 416 00:18:50,891 --> 00:18:52,226 Oh, for the love of... 417 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,420 Those were clones, you idiots. 418 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,070 I had you people cloned in your sleep. 419 00:18:57,158 --> 00:18:59,779 - Why? - To double productivity, dear. 420 00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,773 It was Krieger's idea. 421 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,937 Oh, did I obviously forget 422 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:06,484 - to mention that? - Yep. 423 00:19:06,572 --> 00:19:09,797 So wait till you see what we doto you in yoursleep. 424 00:19:11,055 --> 00:19:13,133 Now I'm a nine. 425 00:19:38,292 --> 00:19:41,456 Made in Georgia. 426 00:19:43,037 --> 00:19:45,576 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 427 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,704 Sync corrections by srjanapala