1 00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:02,736 * (Rhythmic sounds) 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,672 This January... 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,207 - Yeah? - The all new season. 4 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,841 - Yeah? - Hot one today, huh? 5 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:09,377 - (Screams) - (Clinking) 6 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,248 Sunny. Premieres Wednesday, January 6. 7 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,749 Only on fxx. (Shouting) 8 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,419 [ Whistle blows ] 9 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,122 Fxx presents the league. 10 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,666 Greetings, members of the league! Remember last week 11 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,330 when I ran into a former flame? 12 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,066 Well, it was that night I made a very important decision. 13 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:35,069 I never want to be without you again. Mmm. 14 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,380 Ruxin: Oh, no, Andre, what are you 15 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,106 about to do? So we went to Mexico 16 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,050 and tied the knot! We went to Mexico and tied the knot! 17 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,409 Wait, what? (Andre laughs) 18 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,344 Yeah! I'm Mrs. Meegan nowzick! 19 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,446 And I don't really hate it that much. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,047 The name, I mean. Taco: Wow. 21 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,582 I could've notarized it. You know 22 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,518 Venezuela's different than Mexico, right? How so? 23 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,253 But right now, it's all about 24 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,222 my lady. That's me. 25 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,291 And bam! Bam! Baby. 26 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,460 I never thought I would be embarrassed for vanilla ice 27 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,295 to be associated with something. 28 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:04,031 * why don't you join us in a dance where you are? * 29 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,067 * we are robots who are in love. * (Groaning) 30 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,036 Can a baby miscarry itself? 31 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,239 * 32 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,110 Check it out. 33 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,979 Oh. Jesus, taco, what the hell happened? 34 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,748 You know, just normal wear and tear. 35 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,783 This is not normal wear and tear. 36 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,594 Well, also, the pony knocked over a lava lamp. 37 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,120 There was a fire... 38 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,497 The pony caught the place on fire? No, no, no. 39 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,056 The pony caught himself on fire. 40 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,092 This was from smoking in a bed. Was that you, taco? 41 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,138 No, it was the pony. Aren't you listening to what I'm saying? 42 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,497 Anyway, now all I have to do is get insurance, 43 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,965 and I'm gonna make a fortune. 44 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,933 Uh, it doesn't really work that way. 45 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,602 It's all part of my master plan. 46 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,137 Step one of the master plan: 47 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,573 Burn down the ebdbbnb. Step two: 48 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,908 Vanish without a trace. Why? 49 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,744 Can't tell you, Jenny. I wish i could, but I don't trust you. 50 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,280 Can you believe it? 51 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,823 Soon, the ebdbbnb will be closing its doors. 52 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,251 What? Taco, you have people in there. 53 00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,752 Taco: Hey, guys, watch out 54 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,954 for the hole in the floor while you're having sex! 55 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,624 It's real dangerous in there. You want to come up? 56 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,426 Ew. What? No. 57 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,094 Not with me, with strangers. 58 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,962 Oh, god, taco. 59 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,498 All right, I'm going in. 60 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,100 Jenny: The rules of the fertility bowl are simple: 61 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,036 When I win, Kevin has said he's gonna get a vasectomy. 62 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,038 And when I win, she's gonna get her tubes tied. 63 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,307 Oh, boy. 64 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,684 Kevin: But this is a very serious issue, 65 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,009 so we're gonna try to be 66 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,311 mature about it. Yeah. 67 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,945 And that's why i made a trophy. 68 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,681 Let me introduce you to the snip. 69 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,318 Look at this. That's a real trophy, babe. Oh, yeah. 70 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,820 Your name's gonna go right here for the rest of eternity. 71 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:33,854 We'll see about that. 72 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,122 Never run with the snip. 73 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,390 Be careful on the stairs. 74 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,192 Carry the snip with the sharp end down. 75 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,503 Kevin: I don't really care for this thing. 76 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:40,737 Then why didn't you make your own trophy? 77 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,005 I was going to, but the trophy place 78 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,231 didn't have plastic ovaries. 79 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,698 That's disgusting. I know. 80 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,243 That's what the old lady that worked there said. 81 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,901 Kevin: Wow. Andre: We're so excited 82 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,003 you guys are here. You guys. This is great. 83 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,639 What is it exactly? Andre: Oh, it's a 84 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,375 baby gender party. It is a baby gender party. 85 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,085 So it's a baby shower? Meegan and Andre: No. 86 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,421 You have to buy other presents the next time. No. 87 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:58,812 Yeah, we'll have a shower registry, 88 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,214 and this is the gender registry. 89 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,749 I need a cocktail. Yes. 90 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,817 Oh, we have boy cocktails and girl cocktails, 91 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,862 so if you want a boy, pick a blue cocktail; If you want a girl, 92 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,221 pick a pink cocktail. 93 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,432 I'll just mix a little of both in a glass 94 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,690 and call it an Andre. 95 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,492 That's what he's been doing all day. 96 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,493 (Laughter) 97 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,027 Great. Okay. 98 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,364 I mean, how are they gonna baby-proof this joint? 99 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,098 Well, Andre already people-proofed it. 100 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:21,168 Ooh. Anyone gonna take a hit off of Kevin's pubes? 101 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,446 Mm. I don't smoke the red stuff, thanks. 102 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,672 Hey, uh, Pete, what'd you get Andre? 103 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,217 Uh, nothing. Why? What are you talking about? You got to get him something 104 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,443 extra special. You guys are eskimo husbands. 105 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,512 While it's true we've spelunked in the same cave, 106 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,381 only I left something behind. 107 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,716 Ew. That's so gross. What, like a broken headlamp? 108 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,018 Oh, hold that thought. Everybody! 109 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,953 I have a very important announcement, everyone. 110 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,765 Now, I know you think today's party can't get any better. 111 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,424 No one thought that. 112 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,260 Uh-oh. What's that? (Harmonizing) 113 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,429 Oh. I think they're gonna sing. 114 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,299 I've reunited my college a cappella group, the dre tones, 115 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,766 and we're gonna bring oh, no. 116 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,202 Our motown sound 117 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,538 back to chi-town. 118 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,907 * do you recall 119 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,742 * the time that we met 120 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:05,746 * down by Lake Shore drive? 121 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,214 * hope in the air 122 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,383 * no one had a care 123 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:13,220 * down by Lake Shore drive 124 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,955 * and now marital bliss 125 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,325 * dre's seed in her uterus * uterus * 126 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,626 uterus? 127 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,128 * down by Lake Shore drive 128 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:25,065 * down by Lake Shore 129 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,802 * drive... 130 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,405 (Laughs) Give it up for the dre tones! Meegan: Yay! 131 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,449 Everybody clap! Kevin: Wow. 132 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,107 Andre: Yeah. 133 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,076 The dre tones! You guys remember the dre tones. 134 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,854 I know that you were busy for the shows that you were supposed 135 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,923 to come see, but I figured if you couldn't come to them, 136 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,415 they could come to you. 137 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,926 Anyway, I'd like to say a few words, if I may. 138 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,361 Oh, my gosh. Taco with a speech. Speech! 139 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,919 Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. First speech! 140 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,287 Andre, Meegan, 141 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,622 this has nothing to do with you. 142 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,091 Everyone, I want you all to know 143 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,027 that I am going to mysteriously vanish, 144 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,496 and I want you to know why. 145 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,031 I have been summoned to court. 146 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,801 I knew that one day it'd catch up to me. Yeah. 147 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,671 They want to put me on trial. They want me to fry. 148 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,305 No, they want you to be on a jury. 149 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,475 You can't be on a jury and tried at the same time. 150 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,009 That's not how it works, dum-dum. 151 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,720 I thought you were a lawyer. No, you don't... 152 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,112 Just... What? 153 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,215 Taco, what exactly are you on trial for? 154 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,850 Did you guys never ask yourselves, 155 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,986 "how does he maintain this decadent lifestyle?" 156 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,654 The bicycles, 157 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,723 the vintage suits, the used Van? 158 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,892 We pay for all of that. That's us. 159 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,794 The spear gun? Us. 160 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,705 I guess we really just didn't want to know the truth. 161 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,830 I appreciate that, ruspin. 162 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,831 So I guess 163 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:31,832 this is good-bye. 164 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:32,900 All right, bye. Later. 165 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,967 I love you, guy... 166 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,869 Well, I don't love y... 167 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:39,507 What's just below like and above dislike? 168 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,008 Neutral? 169 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,209 I neutral you guys. 170 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,011 Andre, I neutral you less. 171 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,479 So more towards like? 172 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,815 Taco: So I'm gonna vanish right... 173 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,882 Now. 174 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,218 Poof. Smoke. 175 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,252 This is crazy. 176 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,154 No. Let him go. 177 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,756 Vanishing! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 178 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:59,159 I'll take some of that. Vanishing food. Mmm. 179 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,829 And just like that, he mysteriously vanished. 180 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,030 Vanishing! 181 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,865 Andre: Well, everybody, let's not 182 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:08,602 let one vanishing wreck a whole afternoon of a cappella fun. 183 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,604 Oh, no. Let's just have one more vanishing. 184 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:11,748 What? No. No, no more vanishing. 185 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,007 Poof! Smoke. 186 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,743 And you made a pitch pipe appear! (Gasps) 187 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,177 Meegan: Magic! 188 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:17,945 (Plays note) 189 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:18,946 (Harmonizing) 190 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,281 * rock-a-bye, baby 191 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,650 * on the treetop... (Grunts) 192 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,689 Dre tones: * hello, hello, hello 193 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,924 * hello, my baby, hello, my honey * 194 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:34,895 * hello, my ragtime, ragtime gal, send me a kiss by... * 195 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,531 the dre tones are driving me crazy. I know. 196 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,232 Andre is so sexy. 197 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,400 Hmm. 198 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,879 So, when does the little pumpkin drop? 199 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,137 Labor day. 200 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,739 When did you guys break up again? 201 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:46,974 Mm... 202 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,076 Oh, I remember. You guys broke up 203 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,377 around the beer mile. 204 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,112 That was week four of the NFL season, 205 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,414 'cause c.J. Spiller was on my bench, and he killed it. 206 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,049 And you said the baby was due labor day. 207 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,818 Yeah. Most people don't know this, 208 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,987 but a baby actually gestates for ten months. 209 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,054 I know. Don't remind me. 210 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,756 (Chuckles) But that means 211 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:05,125 the baby would have been conceived at the end of October, 212 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,627 not the beginning of October, 213 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,762 around week seven or eight of the season. 214 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,664 But you and Andre had broken up at that point. 215 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:13,266 I don't... You know what, I'm probably 216 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,902 mixing up my dates. 217 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,780 The doctor was just throwing a lot of numbers out at me... 218 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,338 I got some week five 219 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,808 problems here. You got a problem there, too. 220 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,351 Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. Yeah. 221 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,844 Roethlisberger's out. 222 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,589 So what do I do, pick up tyrod Taylor? I mean, 223 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,356 you can, but you'd never have the balls to use him. 224 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,916 Tyrod Taylor's like buying a bowflex. 225 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,584 You're gonna buy it 'cause it looks good, 226 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,028 and then you're like, "I'm never gonna use this." 227 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,754 Never use him. (Grunts) 228 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,155 What is it, hemorrhoids? 229 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,491 No, it's just a weird night. Sleep. 230 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,892 You know. Hmm. 231 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,864 Meegan: Maybe could be coming early or... 232 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,175 It doesn't really matter, as long as we have a healthy baby. 233 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,768 Hey, Meegan. Hmm? 234 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,003 Can I guess what sex the baby is? 235 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,005 Sure. 236 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,874 I think the sex... 237 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,076 Was with Pete. 238 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:01,214 (Chuckles): Oh, man! 239 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,451 Shark ruxin, sniffing out the blood in the water 240 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,019 and chomping down on the truth! 241 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,363 Please don't tell Andre. It was one time. 242 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,389 Does Pete know? No! 243 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,224 He doesn't know, and he cannot know. 244 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,225 Promise me 245 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,961 he will not ever find out. 246 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,696 Keep that nasty finger away from me. 247 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,197 Please, please, ruxin. 248 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,132 Um, Meegan. Meegan, come here. 249 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,400 I-I'll be right there, honey. 250 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,335 Hold on. Promise me. 251 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,637 Meegan. 252 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:24,905 Ruxin, promise me. 253 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,415 Come here, come here. I'm coming, honey. 254 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,842 (Chuckles) This is an amazing baby shower. 255 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,645 It is now time to announce the sex of the nowzick baby. 256 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,480 Is it a boy or is it a girl? 257 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,482 Mouth-roll, please! 258 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,484 * what's the sex? * what's the sex? 259 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:41,154 * what's the sex? * what's the sex? 260 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,023 (Gasps) 261 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,158 It's a boy! It's a boy! 262 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,594 (Cheering) 263 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,735 Kevin: Between the dre tones and the hummus, 264 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,946 I'm gonna barf. Does your stomach hurt? What...? Is that...? 265 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,238 Geez. 266 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,040 Unbelievable. Nice job vanishing, taco. 267 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,842 The only thing vanishing are our deli meats. 268 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,510 (Sighs) Hey, honey, I'm home. 269 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,188 (Chuckles) Oh, my god. What is this, a youth hostel? 270 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,180 You guys look great. Where you been? 271 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,549 Out. We were at Andre and Meegan's baby shower. 272 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:10,618 Don't tell him. 273 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,885 She's pregnant? Jenny: Yeah. 274 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,921 Oh, god, I hope it's not mine. 275 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,031 Why would it be yours, rafi? 276 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,056 I've been jacking down 277 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,257 on their towels like crazy. 278 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,692 You think that's how it works? Yeah. 279 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,928 She puts the towel on, my biz gets on her leg... 280 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,229 Swim, swim, swim. 281 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,740 Next thing you know, four months later, 282 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,733 baby rafi comes out. Well, congratulations 283 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,067 if you're having a baby, rafi. 284 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,769 Rafi: No, I don't want a baby with Meegan. 285 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,880 Plus, if you must know, my very serious girlfriend Margaret 286 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:31,872 and I have been trying. 287 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,306 Oh. Oh. 288 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,375 You and Margaret are still together. Yeah. 289 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,820 But I don't know if she can get pregnant or not. 290 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,221 I'm starting to worry she might be seedless. 291 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,047 Either way, it's... time to go. 292 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,149 Cool. So... you should be... 293 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,827 No, no, no. I'm sleeping back here, behind the couch. 294 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:44,818 What? Hmm? 295 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,386 Why? Because Margaret's 296 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,221 already back there, and I'm already hard. 297 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,433 So you guys should probably get out of here pretty quick. 298 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,793 Jenny: What? Oh. Kevin: Um... 299 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,728 You know what, you-you might be right, rafi. 300 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:55,996 Rafi: Cool. 301 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:59,332 It's about to get weird! (Chuckles) 302 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,510 You guys are welcome to stay and watch. I'd love the audience. 303 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,004 (Screams) Oh, my god! 304 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:04,938 What? (Screams) 305 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,239 No, no, no, no, no! 306 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,474 Someone murdered Margaret! 307 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,810 First Sofia, now Margaret! 308 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,412 Someone's murdering the women that I love! 309 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,648 We're just gonna go to bed now. I think we should... 310 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,016 (Sobbing) 311 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,818 One, two, three. (Exhales) 312 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,186 Oh, baby. 313 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,622 (Exhales, grunts) Mmm. Oh. 314 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,125 One last time, baby. Oh, this is the last time. 315 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,326 Rafi, the remote... 316 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,328 Huh? Don't judge me, Brian. 317 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,830 I need you to look at me, Brian. 318 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,675 I need you to look at me so I can finish, Brian! 319 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,033 Oh, no. 320 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,135 There are seeds! 321 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,037 She was pregnant! 322 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,640 Do I roll the dice with stefon diggs or... 323 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:43,811 Do I play it safe 324 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,512 with Allen Robinson? 325 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,447 God, Andre's team is stacked. 326 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,283 If I tell him about Pete and Meegan, he'll implode. 327 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,285 On the other hand... 328 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,987 I'm such a good friend. 329 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,023 I need a sign. 330 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,657 (Doorbell rings) 331 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,862 Shiva? 332 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,230 Rodney. 333 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,198 I'm so sorry I didn't come to the funeral. 334 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,566 I was out of the country. 335 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,201 No, no, no. You're here now, 336 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,970 and that's all that matters. 337 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,471 Shiva: This is for you, Geoffrey. 338 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,474 Oh, a baseball glove. Thanks, the Shiva. 339 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,643 Just "Shiva" is fine. 340 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,645 Oh, you did great, buddy. Hey, go upstairs. 341 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,014 I'll tuck you in in a bit, all right? Okay. 342 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:25,418 Oh, my gosh. I didn't know what to get you, I'm sorry. 343 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:29,656 Oh, Shiva, your presence is a gift. 344 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,424 Are you doing okay? 345 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,160 Is there anything i can do for you? 346 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,528 Well, I mean, 347 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,597 there's... one thing. 348 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,598 What is this? 349 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,333 This is my fantasy lineup. 350 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,569 Okay, what do you want me to do with this? 351 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,837 I want you to bless it. 352 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,005 What? 353 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,539 A blessing from the Shiva. Okay. 354 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,742 Rodney, you know that I'm just a girl 355 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,053 you went to high school with, right? 356 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,444 I don't have magical powers, 357 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,447 I can't help you win a fake football league. 358 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,682 I know it seems crazy, but... 359 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,084 Is this really gonna help you? 360 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,585 More than anything 361 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,788 anyone has done for me since my wife died. 362 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,589 Okay. 363 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,257 Specifically in the wide receiver area. 364 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,359 That's been a real bugaboo this week. 365 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,295 This is what I would do... 366 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,597 Hey, you seen my pube trimmers? Whoa. 367 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,199 Who's this? Shiva, rafi. 368 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,934 Wow. Very firm grip. 369 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,203 You know what that means... Super good hand jobs. 370 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,214 Ruxin: Okay, rafi, that's enough. Sorry to interrupt, 371 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,307 but, uh, I just can't help but feel like 372 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,775 with Sofia only, like, a month dead, 373 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,443 it's a little early for you to be dating. 374 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,378 Oh, oh, no, no, no. We're not dating. 375 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,780 Oh, whatever you call it... 376 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,581 Like, finger-blasting, ass-blasting. No. 377 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:29,926 Okay. Okay... Kissing on the mouths: Upstairs, downstairs. 378 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,618 Wide... wide receiver. You know what? 379 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,462 I'm just gonna go. Rafi: Front to back, top to bottom. 380 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,264 Rodney... I'll see you... Swappin' poops, butt to butt. 381 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,224 I'll see you next week. No. 382 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,458 Next week is too late. 383 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,927 (Grunts) 384 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,670 Ooh, you smell good. What is that, McDonald's? 385 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,963 Mmm. Wow. 386 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,464 She's like a big Mac. 387 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,409 Shiva, just tell me who to play at wide receiver! 388 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,434 (Door closes) 389 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,735 Oh, rafi, you screwed it up. 390 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,237 That was great. You're welcome, man. 391 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,504 You're welcome? Yeah. 392 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,672 No, you screwed me, rafi. 393 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,107 She was about to bless my lineup. 394 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,575 I'll bless your lineup. 395 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,619 Is that what we're talking about here? (Spits) 396 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,078 Yeah. 397 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,579 Oh. 398 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,452 There you go, bingo bango. Blessed, rafi-style. 399 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,997 Ruxin: Tell him. I shouldn't tell him. 400 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,323 Tell him. 401 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,160 Don't tell him. 402 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,095 Tell him. 403 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,664 Hey. Hey. 404 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,833 Hey! 405 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,668 What?! What the hell? Who are you? 406 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,170 Where am I? 407 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,872 Come on. What are you, an idiot? 408 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,040 Who do I look like? 409 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,477 Should I know who you are? I would think so. 410 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,312 Did you jerk off into a sock when you were 12? 411 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,713 Yes, but who didn't? Okay, yeah. 412 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,682 Camp whiterow. You scored ten points 413 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,384 in the color war game, you came home, 414 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,452 you told everybody you scored 28. 28. 415 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,455 In the sixth grade, you played Ali hakim in Oklahoma! In Oklahoma! 416 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,400 Oh, yeah. They cut the song. Yeah, they cut my song, "it's a scandal!" 417 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,069 "It's a scandal, it's a... it's an outrage!" "It's an outrage!" 418 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,460 It was a scandal! A scandal! 419 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,462 Both: It was an outrage! 420 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,898 So you're me. 421 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,065 Sorry to say I am. 422 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,701 Yes, I'm ruxin from the future. 423 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,904 The hair's a bummer, man. 424 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,039 The hair's a real bummer. You know why that happened? 425 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,041 No. After you told Andre, 426 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,044 you lost your job, you lost your friends, you lost the league. 427 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,546 So you're saying that because i told Andre, I lost my hair? 428 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:07,857 Yeah, I got used to it after a while. 429 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,716 Really? Yeah. 430 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,218 Do women? There's a small 431 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,386 percentage that has a thing for it. Really? 432 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,889 Yes. Those are the ones you got to go after. 433 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:16,924 How are they? 434 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,758 Not great. Yeah. 435 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,870 Hey, come on, I want to show you something. Just show it to me here. 436 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,505 I can't show it to you here. I'm comfortable in bed. 437 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,007 Why do I have to get up and go somewhere? Get-get up. 438 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,499 Come on, let's go. I want to show you something! 439 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,169 All right, all right, all right. 440 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,238 (Both sigh) 441 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,875 So, what, I make some decision 442 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:39,112 to tell Andre, the league falls apart, everything goes to shit? 443 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,146 Even worse. 444 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,682 Holy shit, that's the oracle. 445 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,051 Jenny: The freaky Friedman kid? 446 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,253 My god, I'm gonna go talk to him. Okay. 447 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,720 I'll pay for the nuts. Oracle! 448 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,223 Still licking food and putting it back. Classic. 449 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,625 Excuse me? You still play fantasy football, man? 450 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,237 I'm having problems with my number-two running back 451 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,762 this week. I got Melvin Gordon. 452 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,197 Oracle: I wouldn't worry about it. 453 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,933 See, what happens this week is... 454 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,634 You die. 455 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,938 (Snorts) Okay. Uh, you don't have to get so dramatic, man. 456 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,739 I haven't told you the rest of my lineup. 457 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,708 I got Melvin Gordon or... (Gasps) 458 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,143 (Choking) 459 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,248 Kevin? Kevin? 460 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,916 Kevin! Kevin! Oh, my god, help me! Help! 461 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,418 Oh, my god. 462 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,487 I can't believe Jenny's a widow. Well, 463 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,821 didn't exactly say that. 464 00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,992 (Filtered breathing) 465 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,728 Honey, I'm home from work. 466 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,297 How was your day? 467 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,308 Those kids wanted a spaceman at their birthday party, 468 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,334 and they got one. I bet they did. 469 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,903 Ellie, dinner! 470 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,571 Oh, my god. Ellie: I heard you, mom. 471 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,640 Ugh, yuck. I'll eat at the tattoo parlor. 472 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,009 Such a hard worker. 473 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:42,976 Sweetheart, what are you gonna eat there... 474 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:43,977 Red bull and vodka? 475 00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,778 Maybe, biatch. 476 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,590 Are you gonna be bringing home the older gentleman 477 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,149 you're in a casual relationship with? 478 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,285 And don't forget to pick up your kid at day care. 479 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,421 There he is. 480 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,424 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast, young man. 481 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,591 (Gasps) Oh. 482 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,193 Chalupa Batman, is that a joint? 483 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,461 What did I tell you? 484 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,596 Do not steal from your father's stash! 485 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,631 Mm-mm. 486 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,932 Use your vape instead. 487 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,600 Attaboy. 488 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,769 Look at this family we've got, huh? 489 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,038 (Both grunting) 490 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,140 Let's do it in front of the kid. 491 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,774 Okay. Okay, fine. 492 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,843 I want to see what happens if I don't tell Andre. 493 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:17,877 Do I win the Shiva? 494 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,812 Maybe. 495 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:22,515 Mm. Mm. 496 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,717 You know, it is so flattering, 497 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:28,388 but you do not have to blast my name every time you climax. 498 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,956 I actually legally do. 499 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,192 (Laughs): No, you don't. 500 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,860 Well, I'm happy you're happy, because now 501 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,795 you're stuck with me, Rodney. 502 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,897 Everybody calls me somakanakram. 503 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,499 I can't believe you took my name. 504 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,535 And legally changed my first name to ruxin. 505 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,504 (Giggles) 506 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,349 Okay, well, good to know what happens, theoretically, 507 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,175 in the future, but what happens this year? 508 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,209 Do I win the league? 509 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,678 That's up to you. 510 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,747 So... okay, I'll-I'll make a decision here. 511 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,649 Just... I mean, what do you think? 512 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,527 Do I play lesean McCoy? Does he end up having a good week? 513 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,686 Come on, do the right thing. 514 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,030 I would do the right thing if I knew 515 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,522 I had a rock-solid lineup. 516 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,557 Stop tinkering and choose. 517 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,494 Okay, fine. But you know where i like to do my final tinkers. 518 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,405 Yes, I know where you like to do your final tinkers. 519 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,897 Mm. 520 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,199 Mm. 521 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,766 Mm. Mm. 522 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,701 Mm. 523 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,104 Mm... Mm... 524 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,672 All right, I don't think i need to be here for this. 525 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,774 I will, uh, let myself out. 526 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,676 Wow. I mean, 527 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,079 what a pleasure! What a pleasure! 528 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,548 We have to get together! We have to get together! 529 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,250 Aw... oh, yeah. Aw... oh, yeah. 530 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,120 Uh, yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, uh... 531 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,355 Yeah, sure. 532 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,290 Mm... 533 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:41,094 Mm. 534 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:44,631 Is there a problem? Nope. 535 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:45,698 No problem. 536 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,635 I just kind of forgot, uh... 537 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,544 (Scoffs) I hate myself. 538 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,746 (Computer beeps, ruxin groans) 539 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,549 Oh, no, no! 540 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,452 Getting older sucks. 541 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:08,321 Whoa. 542 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,722 Pete Eckhart. Hey. 543 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,324 Hi, I'm James. I'm with draftkings. 544 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,568 Welcome to fantasy football world championships. 545 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,826 Thanks. 546 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,304 Little fyi... Tournament's no different 547 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,839 than what you've been doing all season. 548 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,798 Here's the thing, there's only ten players. 549 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,233 Highest score wins it all. 550 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,577 Oh, that's crazy... My league is actually 551 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,811 doing the same thing this week. 552 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:23,979 Your other league allows you to win 553 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,605 a million dollars at the end? 554 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,183 No, we-we compete for a trophy. It's... it's actually 555 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,152 named after this girl we went to high school with. 556 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,454 Her name... Great story. Nicky, get him a ticket to paradise, 557 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,645 show him to his table. 558 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,347 Good luck, Peter. Uh, okay, yeah. 559 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,515 See you out there, man. 560 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,017 This... 561 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,363 Oh, you know, I'm in my high school 562 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,155 league championships at the same time, 563 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,456 so I'm pulling double duty. 564 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,867 Yeah, you should definitely work on that. 565 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,793 I'll, uh, focus on winning a million dollars. 566 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,161 Dick. 567 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,163 He's actually right. The hell am I doing? 568 00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,299 All right, set that lineup. 569 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,434 Adrian Peterson. My eskimo brother. I mean, it's a.D. 570 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,812 You got to do it, right? Are you trying to look at my lineup? 571 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,538 No, I was just talking about football. 572 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,840 Why would I want to talk about football with you? 573 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,842 I'm actively trying to beat you. 574 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:03,976 I also want you to lose. 575 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,778 This is really fun. 576 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,014 I cannot believe that we are ending the season 577 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,549 like we began it... 578 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,451 In shitty costumes. 579 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,153 Relax and behold the maha shivaratri. 580 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,189 The great night of Shiva. 581 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,566 Wait, is this, like, a real religious ceremony? 582 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,858 Yeah. 583 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,828 Om namah shivaya. Praise Shiva. 584 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,363 Praise Shiva. Praise Shiva. 585 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,873 Ruxin: Praise Shiva. Andre: Praise Shiva. 586 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:25,965 We do not belong here. 587 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,367 We absolutely belong here. 588 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,369 Kevin: Yeah, we've got the Shiva, the sacko... 589 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,137 Jenny: And don't forget the snip. 590 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,039 Ah. I got to hand it to you, commish. 591 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,407 How'd you swing this place? 592 00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,376 Oh, I told 'em that the trophies were... 593 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,144 A special offering. 594 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,212 And I did bring a way 595 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:41,214 for us to watch the late games 596 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,849 on the iPad. 597 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,517 Ooh, all praise Wi-Fi. 598 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:45,994 While we're on the subject of praising, 599 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,020 let's do this right, shall we? 600 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,856 For you. What are you doing? 601 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,024 There are no false idols. 602 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,160 (Speaking foreign language) 603 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,728 Kevin: Oh, oh, guys, guys. 604 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,896 Quiet. It's starting. 605 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,731 (Speaks foreign language) 606 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,933 (Indian pop music playing) 607 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,442 That's cool. How are the bears doing? 608 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:11,311 (Man singing in foreign language) 609 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,616 (Whoops) Yeah! 610 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,553 Put your hands up! Put your hands up! Ooh! 611 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,923 Ooh! Ooh! 612 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:24,857 Taco! 613 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,359 What's going on, guys? 614 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,429 I have reappeared! Smoke. 615 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,530 I couldn't stay away, 616 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,131 even if means going to jail. 617 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,266 How's it going? 618 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,567 You come to this temple often? 619 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:35,635 Taco, get over here! 620 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,337 I'll talk to you later. 621 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,806 Hey, guys. 622 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:40,907 What are you doing? 623 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,275 Wow, look at all these people 624 00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,444 worshiping the Shiva. 625 00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,837 Fantasy football's really taken off over the past few years. 626 00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,928 Yes! Matt forte, td! That was a value pick, too. 627 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,721 Suck it, shit-sippers! 628 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,256 Excuse me. That's inappropriate language. 629 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,825 Well, it's smack talk. This is fantasy. 630 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,394 Come on. Why would you think that I sip shit? 631 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,095 Oh, you know what? Forget it. You... 632 00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:04,340 (Cheering over TV) Aaron Rodgers! 633 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,632 Td! Come on! 634 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:06,899 Man: Stop. 635 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,468 Don't look at me. 636 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,969 I want to foot-punch your face. 637 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,804 I don't care. I'm winning. 638 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:14,574 (Speaking foreign language) 639 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,676 Ooh, Rudolfo, give me a spritz of that. 640 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,512 You know what? Give me a little kiss on this cheek, too. 641 00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,013 (Silly giggling) 642 00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,350 Looks like the sacko is concluding first. Oh. 643 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:27,186 And tied with the lowest score, we have Pete and taco. 644 00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:28,631 Who's the sacko? Pete's got no one left, 645 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,523 and you have Justin Tucker. 646 00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:32,592 Baltimore is about to kick you guys. Yup. 647 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,626 Justin Tucker's a kicker? 648 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:34,761 Yup. Yes! 649 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,195 I had Justin Tucker once. 650 00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:37,797 You've had every kicker once. 651 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:40,367 Guys, I won! Pete Eckhart! I won a million dollars! 652 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,378 Yeah, you're also about to get the sacko, so... Man (Over TV): Justin Tucker 653 00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,313 gets ready for the kick from 47 yards out. Oh, shit. 654 00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:45,548 Oh, kick is up. Man (Over TV): The kick is up. 655 00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,306 And... ooh, no good. 656 00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,041 Yes! Mm. No. Flag. 657 00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:50,553 Man (On TV): Wait. We've got a flag on the play. Oh. 658 00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:52,379 Offside, Pittsburgh. Five-yard penalty. 659 00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:53,489 Kevin: Offsides on Pittsburgh! 660 00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,781 Aah! Offside? 661 00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,383 That is a shitty call! 662 00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:57,850 I don't know. The ref said. 663 00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,552 Yeah. Refs. Okay. All right. 664 00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:00,963 Uh. Rekick. Man (Over TV): Here's the rekick. It's up. 665 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,855 And it's good. And it's... 666 00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,156 Another three points. Good. 667 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,659 Oh, son of a... sacko! 668 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:08,561 No, no, no, I saw him miss it. 669 00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:09,729 I lost fair and square. 670 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,464 He didn't have to redo it for me. 671 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:14,200 Pete, you lost because of a bad call from the ref. 672 00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:15,902 Karma's a real bitch. 673 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,471 Should I remind you guys that i just won a million dollars? 674 00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:20,740 Should I remind you you are... sacko! 675 00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:21,508 Sacko! 676 00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:22,575 Sacko! Sacko! 677 00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:23,342 Oh, sacko! 678 00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,210 * sack-oh! 679 00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:25,077 Sacko! 680 00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:27,079 Sacko del toro! 681 00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:29,716 You know, I am rich enough that this really shouldn't bother me, 682 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:30,983 but this really bothers me! 683 00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:33,052 Money can't buy you not-sacko-ness. 684 00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,522 What about the Shiva? We'll find out soon enough. 685 00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:36,889 Ladies and gentlemen, please come 686 00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:38,558 and seek the blessings of lord Shiva. 687 00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:39,702 Oh, now's the time. Here we go, guys. Pete: Oh. 688 00:22:39,726 --> 00:22:41,394 This? Yup, this way. Come on. 689 00:22:41,428 --> 00:22:43,563 Here we go. This. 690 00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:46,866 All (Chanting): Om namah shivaya. Om namah shivaya. 691 00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:49,769 Om namah shivaya. 692 00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:53,673 Om namah shivaya. Om namah shivaya. 693 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:58,344 (Shouting): Shiva komedi somakanakram! 694 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,746 (Whoops) Excuse me. What...? 695 00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,380 Just, with you in one second. 696 00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:04,116 Now, first up, the fertility bowl. (Jenny laughs) 697 00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:07,353 With a score of 87 to 76, i am happy to announce 698 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,556 I am keeping my parts the way they are! 699 00:23:09,589 --> 00:23:10,790 What? No! No! Yes! 700 00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:12,191 No, give me that! Let me see that! 701 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,693 Sorry about your balls, Jenny. What? 702 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,937 Shut up, Pete! But if you're gonna 703 00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:16,228 open up the hood, you should 704 00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:17,406 let me in there, and I could just get... 705 00:23:17,430 --> 00:23:19,298 What? No! Shut up about my parts! 706 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:21,400 Jenny, here's the snip. You are the winner. No. 707 00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:23,245 No, I'm not taking that! This whole thing is stupid! 708 00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:25,404 I'm not doing it! Jenny! Oh, Jenny, come on! 709 00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:27,273 Don't... what? What? No, no, no, no, no. Shiva. 710 00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:28,717 Shiva, Shiva, Shiva. All right, fine. 711 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:30,109 I wasn't gonna make her do it. 712 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,620 I just wanted to lord my victory over her. 713 00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:33,646 Hurry up! Hurry up! Everyone waiting here! 714 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,615 Chill out. Your league'll be next. 715 00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:37,884 Now to the main event... The Shiva bowl. 716 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,318 Pete: Finally. 717 00:23:39,351 --> 00:23:40,653 And the winner is... 718 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,622 A tie 719 00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:43,790 between ruxin 720 00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:45,625 and the coin... 84 to 84. 721 00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:46,993 Well, so that means I won. 722 00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:48,561 No, we have to go to the tie-breakers. 723 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:49,938 The tie-breakers are all even, as well. 724 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,464 Points, record, head-to-head. 725 00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,108 Well, I won. I mean, what are you gonna do? 726 00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:54,300 How are we gonna solve this? 727 00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:55,502 I say flip the coin. Yes. 728 00:23:55,535 --> 00:23:56,969 Flip the coin? 729 00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:59,005 The coin is obviously gonna choose himself. 730 00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,583 Come on. What do you mean, "choose himself"? 731 00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:01,684 It's coin collusion! Pete: Okay, here it is. 732 00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:03,242 It is not coin collusion. 733 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,520 I mean, this is a classic case of coin collusion! 734 00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:05,788 Well, how do we break the tie, then? 735 00:24:05,812 --> 00:24:07,022 You can't have a race, you can't... 736 00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:08,748 Just... flip it! 737 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,117 You heard the man. All right, we'll flip the coin. 738 00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:12,819 You can call it in the air, okay? 739 00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:14,521 Oh, thanks so much. 740 00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:15,955 Okay. Here we go. 741 00:24:16,523 --> 00:24:19,325 * 742 00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:20,459 Heads. No, tails. 743 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:23,395 (Heart beating) 744 00:24:26,232 --> 00:24:27,667 Oh! 745 00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:29,869 Mother... 746 00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:32,338 (Bleep) 747 00:24:32,371 --> 00:24:33,540 (Bleep), future ruxin! 748 00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:35,041 He (Bleep) Me! 749 00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,375 If I ever see him again, 750 00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:37,953 I'm gonna chop off both of his butt cheeks, 751 00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:40,112 use 'em as buns, then chop off 752 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:42,448 his meaty clackers, stick 'em together 753 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,718 in a big meatball sub, and then make him eat it! 754 00:24:45,752 --> 00:24:47,186 Okay, I'm gonna go see how 755 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:48,454 Jenny's doing, so... 756 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,222 You had to tinker on the coin flip. 757 00:24:50,256 --> 00:24:52,358 Pete: Is this what it comes down to? 758 00:24:52,391 --> 00:24:54,193 I mean, a coin is our Shiva bowl champion? 759 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,395 Shiva, is this what you want? 760 00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:58,565 Are we all so unworthy? Yes. 761 00:24:58,598 --> 00:25:00,166 Now, get the hell off my stage! 762 00:25:00,199 --> 00:25:01,409 Well, I'll just keep this for safekeeping. Ooh! Change. 763 00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:02,835 Here we go. 764 00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:04,312 Just total bullshit! Ruxin: Get your trophy. 765 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:06,372 Oh. Oh, get my trophy, ruxin? 766 00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:08,040 I will get my trophy. 767 00:25:08,074 --> 00:25:11,243 I will get my trophy, and then i will throw it directly into 768 00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:12,755 the trash! Guys, I couldn't find Jenny... hey! 769 00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:13,913 (Kevin and Jenny screaming) 770 00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:14,814 All: Oh! Jenny: Oh, my god! 771 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:15,882 (Kevin screaming) 772 00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:17,584 Oh, my god! 773 00:25:17,617 --> 00:25:19,351 (High-pitched screaming) 774 00:25:19,385 --> 00:25:21,020 Jenny: Oh, no! Kevin: Oh! 775 00:25:21,053 --> 00:25:22,889 Oh, no! Oh, god, is it bad? 776 00:25:22,922 --> 00:25:24,657 No. No. 777 00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:26,192 Yeah, it's awful. 778 00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:27,526 Ruxin: Ugh, what a tragedy. 779 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,896 I can't believe i lost to the coin. 780 00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:31,564 What the (Bleep) Is going on? 781 00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,638 Just normal fantasy football stuff. (Kevin screaming) 782 00:25:38,805 --> 00:25:40,448 (Beeping) Kevin: What's going on? What happened? 783 00:25:40,472 --> 00:25:42,008 Just relax, Kevin. 784 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,619 You've lost a lot of blood, but you're gonna be fine. 785 00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:45,111 Smells like bacon. 786 00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:47,246 That... is not bacon. 787 00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:48,724 We're cauterizing the smaller vessels. 788 00:25:48,748 --> 00:25:49,982 (Kevin gasping softly) 789 00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:55,054 (Sighs) 790 00:25:55,087 --> 00:25:57,857 Hey, handsome, you're awake. 791 00:25:57,890 --> 00:25:59,592 What happened? Shiva: Kevin, 792 00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:02,428 you've suffered extensive trauma from a sharp object. 793 00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:03,529 Oh. What? 794 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:04,807 We couldn't save your testicles. 795 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,265 Oh. Oh, god. 796 00:26:06,298 --> 00:26:08,200 Kevin, you got straight-up snipped by the snip. 797 00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:09,602 So I'm gonna lose my balls? 798 00:26:09,636 --> 00:26:10,469 They are gone. 799 00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:11,804 Did you keep them? 800 00:26:11,838 --> 00:26:13,472 Well, I can ask. 801 00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:14,807 Please. 802 00:26:14,841 --> 00:26:16,943 I want them to go in the sacko. 803 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:19,746 Pete: I will go look 804 00:26:19,779 --> 00:26:21,156 in the dumpster right now if that's where they are... 805 00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:22,715 Ruxin: Hold on, 806 00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:24,951 so Pete wins the sacko, which means he gets Andre's 807 00:26:24,984 --> 00:26:27,553 beach house, and he now has the money to fix it up, 808 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,722 and he gets Kevin's balls? 809 00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:31,624 How is this a sacko punishment? 810 00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:34,827 Well, as the sacko commissioner, um... 811 00:26:34,861 --> 00:26:37,630 It is decided? 812 00:26:37,664 --> 00:26:41,834 I'm sorry. Kevin just lost both of his testicles, 813 00:26:41,868 --> 00:26:43,245 and all you care about is your league? 814 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:45,104 (Quietly): Hmm. Yeah. 815 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:46,782 Yes. It was what i was thinking about, too. 816 00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:48,150 Well, at least you guys are consistent. 817 00:26:48,174 --> 00:26:49,676 Ever since I've known you, you have 818 00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:51,778 never stopped being stupid. 819 00:26:51,811 --> 00:26:53,512 Kevin, I've given this a lot of thought, 820 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:57,116 and I'm willing to donate one of my testicles to you. 821 00:26:57,149 --> 00:26:59,518 No, I don't want it. It'll be the one I use less. 822 00:26:59,551 --> 00:27:01,654 Like the lazy-eye testicle, the one that wanders. 823 00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:03,598 Here, feel this guy right here. No. God almighty, taco. 824 00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:04,957 That guy. Oh, my god. 825 00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:06,301 Jenny: Oh, god. It's gonna be yours. 826 00:27:06,325 --> 00:27:07,660 It's gonna be in you. 827 00:27:07,694 --> 00:27:08,861 Andre: I just want you to know 828 00:27:08,895 --> 00:27:10,029 that I'll do the procedure. 829 00:27:10,062 --> 00:27:11,463 Let me see the canvas 830 00:27:11,497 --> 00:27:13,332 I'm working with here. (Gasps) Taco: Oh! 831 00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:15,377 Oh, looks like someone sucked the pork out of a dumpling. 832 00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:16,945 Well, guess that's the end of the season. 833 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:18,480 All the winners and losers are accounted for. 834 00:27:18,504 --> 00:27:19,939 Except for one, Pete. 835 00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:22,141 May I remind you of a bet that you and I had 836 00:27:22,174 --> 00:27:24,052 about who would be happier at the end of the season. 837 00:27:24,076 --> 00:27:25,477 Right. Yes. And I know that 838 00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:27,213 you won the house and all that money. 839 00:27:27,246 --> 00:27:30,216 But I... Am gonna be the father 840 00:27:30,249 --> 00:27:32,785 of a beautiful baby boy. 841 00:27:32,819 --> 00:27:34,653 I won, and it's not even close. 842 00:27:34,687 --> 00:27:36,455 Well, Andre, I cannot compete with that. 843 00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,157 As a consolation prize, 844 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,992 I'll quit my job, I'll never work again, 845 00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:42,394 and I will buy a first-class plane ticket 846 00:27:42,428 --> 00:27:44,230 and fly off into the California sunset. 847 00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:45,564 Woe is me. 848 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:48,067 Arrivederci. 849 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,178 You know what Pete used to say about fantasy football? 850 00:27:50,202 --> 00:27:52,338 "There are many things a man can do with his time, 851 00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:54,340 "but this... 852 00:27:54,373 --> 00:27:56,142 Is better than those things." 853 00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:57,543 (Gasps) 854 00:27:57,576 --> 00:28:00,379 Did you feel that? Oh, my god, it kicked! 855 00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:01,757 We need to vine this. Let's go. Come on. 856 00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:03,182 Okay. Oh, my god. 857 00:28:03,215 --> 00:28:04,492 Meegan: It's so exciting when he kicks! 858 00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:06,018 They seem happy. 859 00:28:06,052 --> 00:28:07,854 We're not gonna tell Andre, right? 860 00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:09,789 Wait. You knew? 861 00:28:11,057 --> 00:28:14,260 This unmentionable stays unmentioned. 862 00:28:14,293 --> 00:28:15,895 At least until the kid's 18th birthday. 863 00:28:15,928 --> 00:28:18,197 Mm. You want to get a coffee, talk about it? 864 00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:20,867 Let's go. 865 00:28:23,936 --> 00:28:26,939 Happy 18th birthday, son. Thank you. 866 00:28:26,973 --> 00:28:29,441 I have spared no expense making you into a great man. 867 00:28:29,475 --> 00:28:31,944 Enrolling you in the best magic camps 868 00:28:31,978 --> 00:28:34,180 and teaching you the fine art of haberdashery. 869 00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:37,183 But this is the one I'm most excited about. 870 00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:38,450 Your own fantasy team. 871 00:28:38,484 --> 00:28:40,019 Really, father? 872 00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:41,553 Welcome to the league! 873 00:28:41,587 --> 00:28:43,122 (Laughs) 874 00:28:43,155 --> 00:28:45,491 Welcome to the league! 875 00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:47,927 Okay. 876 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,229 Huh? Your first message board message! 877 00:28:50,262 --> 00:28:53,699 Hello, Andre. You are watching this video 878 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:54,867 18 years in the future. 879 00:28:54,901 --> 00:28:56,568 Andre, what's the future like? 880 00:28:56,602 --> 00:28:58,570 What are the douchiest douche bags wearing now? 881 00:28:58,604 --> 00:29:00,639 I don't know. We are shooting this video 882 00:29:00,672 --> 00:29:04,110 on the day your son, Andre ii, was born. 883 00:29:04,143 --> 00:29:05,377 The deuce! 884 00:29:05,411 --> 00:29:06,979 Named after your turd of a father. 885 00:29:07,013 --> 00:29:08,214 He's not... not a turd. 886 00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,748 It's actually a more fashionable way 887 00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:11,550 to say "junior." Kevin: Speaking of which, 888 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:13,419 we have something we'd like to tell you. 889 00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,988 All (To tune of "hava nagila"): * Andre is not your father 890 00:29:16,022 --> 00:29:18,825 * he's not your papa 891 00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,793 * biologically, hey! 892 00:29:20,827 --> 00:29:23,930 * Andre is not your pa, Andre is not your pa * 893 00:29:23,963 --> 00:29:27,099 * pa, pa, pa-pa-pa, Andre's not your pa * 894 00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:29,068 * hey! Who... is? 895 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:31,103 * who, who, is, is? 896 00:29:31,137 --> 00:29:33,305 * Pete's your dad, Pete's your papa, Pete's your dad * 897 00:29:33,339 --> 00:29:35,074 * Pete's your papa, Pete's your dad... * 898 00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,175 Pete's my father? 899 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:41,848 * Pete's your real live dad. 900 00:29:41,881 --> 00:29:43,082 Let's grab a beer sometime. 901 00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:44,350 Welcome to the league, buddy. 902 00:29:44,383 --> 00:29:45,784 Suck it! 903 00:29:47,987 --> 00:29:49,755 (Laughs): Yes! 904 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:50,923 (Whoops) 905 00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:52,358 (Laughs): Yeah! 906 00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:18,985 That's all, shit-sippers! 907 00:30:19,018 --> 00:30:21,353 (Laughs, whoops) 908 00:30:21,387 --> 00:30:23,489 Captioned by media access group at wgbh 909 00:30:25,224 --> 00:30:26,725 * (Radio, muzak) 910 00:30:26,758 --> 00:30:28,394 (Gunshot) (Glass shatters) 911 00:30:28,427 --> 00:30:30,963 (Body thuds) (Bell jingles) 912 00:30:30,997 --> 00:30:35,034 Fargo. All-new, mondays at 10:00 on fx. 913 00:30:36,268 --> 00:30:38,704 - This January... - (Screams) 914 00:30:38,737 --> 00:30:40,372 Ew. (Sniffs) Bro. 915 00:30:42,208 --> 00:30:43,675 (Gasps) Oh, god! 916 00:30:43,709 --> 00:30:44,887 Do you hear that chirping sound? 917 00:30:44,911 --> 00:30:46,312 (Squawking) Aaah! 918 00:30:46,345 --> 00:30:47,813 What the hell am I looking at? 919 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:49,548 Hello! 920 00:30:49,581 --> 00:30:50,849 Oh! 921 00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:52,318 - (Screams) - (Hisses) 922 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:54,320 - (Cheers) - No! 923 00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:56,322 We're mainlining wine. It's not beer. 924 00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:58,233 We can't mainline beer because it's got bubbles in it. 925 00:30:58,257 --> 00:30:59,725 We tried. It was bad. 926 00:30:59,758 --> 00:31:01,193 Oh! Oh. 927 00:31:01,227 --> 00:31:03,896 Sunny. Premieres Wednesday, January 6. 928 00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:06,065 Only on fxx. 929 00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:10,369 Man (On TV): The dominant female toys with her prey... 930 00:31:10,402 --> 00:31:11,837 (grunts) 931 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:16,442 But quickly loses interest and moves on to the next... 932 00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:17,977 (blows raspberry) 933 00:31:19,078 --> 00:31:23,782 Oh. (Grunts, groans) 934 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:27,386 Ah, come on. (Grunts) 935 00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:31,991 Aaah! 936 00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:37,329 (Phone chimes) Oh. 937 00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:40,732 Happens to the best of us. 938 00:31:40,766 --> 00:31:41,533 (Gasps) No. 939 00:31:41,567 --> 00:31:43,435 (Laughing) 940 00:31:43,469 --> 00:31:45,204 (Thuds) (Groans) 941 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:47,439 Man seeking woman. An all new season. 942 00:31:47,473 --> 00:31:50,742 Premieres Wednesday, January 6 on fxx. 943 00:31:54,013 --> 00:31:57,016 * (Woman singing in French) 944 00:32:01,653 --> 00:32:03,422 (Bull growls) (Needle scratches record) 945 00:32:03,455 --> 00:32:05,291 (Scattered applause) 946 00:32:09,996 --> 00:32:12,164 (Sirens wailing) 947 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,936 (Chattering, cheering) (Man breathing heavily) 948 00:32:20,806 --> 00:32:22,641 Man: I'm not a bad person. 949 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,111 Officer (On speaker): Throw the gun out the window. 950 00:32:25,144 --> 00:32:28,280 People love you. You got the whole world. Don't throw it away. 951 00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:29,781 Don't throw it all away.