1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. World of Warcraft - Outland PVP (EU) - Torporr (name)
2
00:01:49,856 --> 00:01:52,120
Zeke! Hurry the fuck up!
3
00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:55,989
Almost there!
4
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:06,396
Nighty-night.
5
00:02:35,302 --> 00:02:36,826
Open it.
6
00:02:48,915 --> 00:02:50,644
Load it up.
7
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:04,155
Sorry, I don't
speak Russian.
8
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,457
Wait!
9
00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:21,508
MacGruber.
10
00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:27,283
Making life-saving inventions
out of household materials.
11
00:03:27,387 --> 00:03:29,719
MacGruber.
12
00:03:31,691 --> 00:03:36,321
Getting in and out
of ultra-sticky situations.
13
00:03:36,596 --> 00:03:38,689
MacGruber.
14
00:03:38,832 --> 00:03:40,925
The guy's a fucking genius.
15
00:03:41,034 --> 00:03:44,765
MacGruber.
16
00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,785
MacGruber.
17
00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:08,185
He made a fucking movie.
18
00:04:08,395 --> 00:04:11,296
MacGruber.
19
00:04:45,999 --> 00:04:47,523
Sir, I still don't
understand why we had...
20
00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:48,999
to come all
the way out here.
21
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:51,764
Because, Lieutenant,
we need the best.
22
00:04:53,173 --> 00:04:54,936
And this guy's that good?
23
00:04:55,675 --> 00:04:57,142
Yeah. He's that good.
24
00:04:57,243 --> 00:04:58,767
Then why isn't he on active duty?
25
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:00,844
Because...
26
00:05:02,515 --> 00:05:05,245
he's been dead for 10 years.
27
00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:26,162
Hello, Colonel.
28
00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:27,965
Hello, MacGruber.
29
00:05:28,341 --> 00:05:29,308
MacGruber?
30
00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:32,376
How did you find me?
31
00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,640
You forget l taught you
everything you know.
32
00:05:38,885 --> 00:05:41,376
Not everything, Colonel.
33
00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:43,878
Hello, Jim.
34
00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:45,423
MacGruber.
35
00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:48,187
This is Lieutenant Dixon Piper.
Lieutenant, this is...
36
00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:50,387
The legendary MacGruber.
37
00:05:51,531 --> 00:05:54,159
Former Navy SEAL,
Army Ranger and Green Beret.
38
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:57,168
Served six tours in Desert Storm,
four in Bosnia...
39
00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:01,434
three each in Angola, Somalia,
Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone.
40
00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:03,907
Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts...
41
00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:05,238
three Congressional
Medals of Honor...
42
00:06:05,378 --> 00:06:07,505
seven Presidential
Medals of Bravery...
43
00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:10,981
and starting tight end for
the University of Texas, El Paso.
44
00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:12,949
That was a long time ago.
45
00:06:13,053 --> 00:06:14,179
Listen, Mac...
46
00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:17,222
Colonel, with all due respect...
47
00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:19,188
whatever it is
you're here for...
48
00:06:19,292 --> 00:06:20,418
the answer is no.
49
00:06:22,495 --> 00:06:26,625
My life is here now. Everything
I care about is in these walls.
50
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:31,363
l'm a man of peace. This is
my home, these are my people.
51
00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:34,201
Hey, hey! Shit!
He'll give it back.
52
00:06:35,475 --> 00:06:37,705
Look, MacGruber.
Two days ago, a Russian convoy...
53
00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,803
carrying the X-5 nuclear
warhead got jacked.
54
00:06:40,914 --> 00:06:44,213
Yesterday, reliable sources informed
us it made its way to US soil.
55
00:06:44,317 --> 00:06:45,944
That's not my problem anymore.
56
00:06:46,052 --> 00:06:48,145
MacGruber, the X-5 is one of
the most powerful nuclear...
57
00:06:48,254 --> 00:06:50,222
Yeah, I know
what the X-5 is.
58
00:06:50,323 --> 00:06:52,314
Lieutenant, give us
a minute, will you?
59
00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:53,449
Yes, sir.
60
00:06:58,832 --> 00:07:02,598
Mac, you're our only hope.
61
00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:04,431
Your country needs you.
62
00:07:04,537 --> 00:07:07,904
I think l've given more than
enough to my country already.
63
00:07:09,075 --> 00:07:10,235
Mac, if this is about Casey, she...
64
00:07:10,343 --> 00:07:13,904
It's not about Casey. It's about
a promise I made to myself.
65
00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:15,480
- Listen to me, Mac.
- No, you listen!
66
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:16,981
I'm out of the game.
67
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:19,074
Well, the game has changed.
But the players are the same.
68
00:07:19,185 --> 00:07:21,050
MacGruber, it's Cunth.
69
00:07:22,989 --> 00:07:24,081
What?
70
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,658
We have reason to believe...
71
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,389
the X-5 is now in the possession
of Dieter Von Cunth.
72
00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:35,156
Cunth.
73
00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:37,234
Mac.
74
00:07:38,071 --> 00:07:41,404
This is your chance
to finally take him down.
75
00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:46,507
Sorry, Jim. I can't do it.
76
00:07:52,085 --> 00:07:53,518
If you change your mind...
77
00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:01,560
Lieutenant.
78
00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:17,365
Do you,
Casey Janine Fitzpatrick...
79
00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:21,413
take MacGruber to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
80
00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:23,007
I do.
81
00:08:30,323 --> 00:08:33,224
And do you, MacGruber,
take Casey Janine Fitzpatrick...
82
00:08:33,326 --> 00:08:35,453
Fuck you.
83
00:08:35,562 --> 00:08:38,087
to be your
lawfully wedded wife?
84
00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,498
Casey!
85
00:08:47,574 --> 00:08:49,132
MacGruber!
86
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:04,817
I'm in.
87
00:10:05,385 --> 00:10:06,352
What?
88
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:08,854
I'm in.
89
00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:11,583
MacGruber.
Thank God.
90
00:10:11,691 --> 00:10:14,888
Your God can't help you,
Jim. But I can.
91
00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:17,989
So what do we
know so far?
92
00:10:18,097 --> 00:10:19,621
Very little, unfortunately.
93
00:10:19,732 --> 00:10:22,360
We think Cunth smuggled
the X-5 into the US...
94
00:10:22,468 --> 00:10:24,959
but we lost the trail before we
could pin any hard evidence on him.
95
00:10:25,071 --> 00:10:27,699
I was actually talking
to the Colonel. Colonel?
96
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,798
Everything Piper
just said is correct.
97
00:10:29,909 --> 00:10:32,139
Thank you, Colonel.
98
00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:34,408
Well, then, if you'll excuse me...
99
00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:35,845
it's time to go
pound some Cunth.
100
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:38,850
Mac. lt's not that easy.
101
00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:41,785
Sure, to us, he's a black market
arms dealer. But to everyone else...
102
00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:43,515
he's become a respected
businessman...
103
00:10:43,623 --> 00:10:45,113
and a major political donor.
104
00:10:45,224 --> 00:10:46,248
He's untouchable.
105
00:10:46,592 --> 00:10:48,321
Oh, I'll touch him, rookie.
106
00:10:48,428 --> 00:10:49,986
I'll touch him
wherever l want.
107
00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:55,031
Now, Mac, one thing
we have working in our favor...
108
00:10:55,134 --> 00:10:57,898
is that Cunth needs passcodes
to make the X-5 operational.
109
00:10:58,004 --> 00:11:00,564
It is imperative that Cunth
does not get those codes.
110
00:11:00,673 --> 00:11:02,641
Oh, thanks.
Because before you said something...
111
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:05,404
I thought it'd be fine
if he got them.
112
00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:08,403
Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Mac.
113
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,107
This is a very tall order.
114
00:11:11,217 --> 00:11:13,583
Word on the street is
Cunth's put together a team...
115
00:11:13,686 --> 00:11:15,153
of the most ruthless criminals
this planet has to offer.
116
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:22,590
Zeke Pleshette. Constantine Bach.
The Culebra brothers.
117
00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:25,459
It's a veritable dream team of killers.
118
00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:28,056
Well, then, I'll just have to put
together my own dream team...
119
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:29,532
of killer-stoppers.
120
00:11:29,635 --> 00:11:31,296
Regarding that, Mac...
121
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,668
Lieutenant Piper here
is one of the best men we have.
122
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,673
He'll be your
second-in-command on this thing.
123
00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:37,675
I got a better idea.
124
00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:38,937
No fucking way.
125
00:11:44,650 --> 00:11:46,675
MacGruber, I know
I'm not what you expected.
126
00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:47,912
Let me guess.
127
00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:51,184
One year out of the academy,
zero combat experience...
128
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:53,520
little punk thinks
his shit don't stink.
129
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:54,650
Well, just to let you know...
130
00:11:54,761 --> 00:11:57,161
your shit does stink.
131
00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,027
It stinks like shit.
132
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:00,959
If you'll just give me a shot.
133
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,091
Give this a shot.
134
00:12:03,803 --> 00:12:05,498
My fricking nose!
135
00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:06,629
Now, if you'll excuse me...
136
00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:09,537
it's time to round up a real team.
137
00:12:09,942 --> 00:12:11,239
Asshole.
138
00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:08,495
I got it, Rico.
I got it.
139
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:12,594
Same old Frank.
Always wants to go it alone.
140
00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,395
MacGruber.
141
00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:16,770
Man, I thought you were dead.
142
00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:21,305
Last time I saw you, you had
a grenade launcher in one hand...
143
00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,676
and an M-16 in the other.
144
00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:25,910
And you had just ripped a dude's
throat out with your bare hands.
145
00:13:26,018 --> 00:13:27,144
Classic MacGruber.
146
00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:31,056
So, looks like you're keeping
your bod pretty tight.
147
00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:32,556
You're looking
pretty good yourself.
148
00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:33,682
Well, every day's a workout...
149
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:36,387
when you gotta carry around a
20-pound python in your jeans.
150
00:13:36,496 --> 00:13:37,861
You and your dick comments.
151
00:13:37,964 --> 00:13:38,988
It's fun to say them.
152
00:13:39,098 --> 00:13:40,588
It's fun to hear them.
That's why I say them.
153
00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:41,667
And that's why I listen.
154
00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:44,268
Wow, we had some
good times together, didn't we?
155
00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:46,361
We had some great times.
156
00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:47,939
We're about to
have some more.
157
00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:50,300
Uh-oh! l know that look.
158
00:13:50,409 --> 00:13:53,003
I need you, Frank.
It's serious.
159
00:13:53,112 --> 00:13:54,670
I'm putting together a team.
160
00:13:56,782 --> 00:13:57,806
Then I'm in.
161
00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:34,505
Two is a wonderful number.
162
00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:38,010
And three is a crowd,
that's true.
163
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:42,553
But four is the perfect
number for sure.
164
00:15:43,055 --> 00:15:45,785
If it's two kids and me...
165
00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:48,016
and you.
166
00:15:49,195 --> 00:15:50,719
I love you.
167
00:15:51,497 --> 00:15:53,021
That was beautiful, Vicki.
168
00:15:54,066 --> 00:15:57,058
MacGruber.
I thought you were dead.
169
00:15:57,169 --> 00:15:59,364
So did I.
But I'm not.
170
00:15:59,472 --> 00:16:01,201
I'm alive and I'm putting
together a team.
171
00:16:02,508 --> 00:16:03,736
Good for you.
172
00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:06,368
No, good for us.
And good for America.
173
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:08,877
And good for fans
of justice and truth.
174
00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:10,642
Because you're on that team.
175
00:16:11,884 --> 00:16:12,851
I can't.
176
00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:15,384
Just give me one
good reason, Vick.
177
00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:18,279
I do.
178
00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:22,225
And do you, MacGruber,
take Casey Janine Fitzpatrick...
179
00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:23,886
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
180
00:16:23,996 --> 00:16:25,691
No!
181
00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:32,336
I lost my best
friend that day.
182
00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:34,167
I did, too.
183
00:16:34,273 --> 00:16:36,741
And now we have
a chance to get revenge.
184
00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:39,504
Revenge?
It's Cunth.
185
00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:46,374
I'm sorry, I've started over.
My life is my music now.
186
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:52,983
If you change your mind.
187
00:16:58,597 --> 00:17:00,997
It was good to see you, Vicki.
188
00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:14,877
Is everything on schedule?
189
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:17,448
Yes, sir. We should have
the passcodes by Tuesday.
190
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:21,987
Wonderful.
Beautiful.
191
00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:23,749
Have you ever been to D.C?
192
00:17:24,657 --> 00:17:26,386
No, sir, I haven't.
193
00:17:26,492 --> 00:17:29,290
I was talking to the missile.
194
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:34,799
All right, you guys strapped in?
195
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,993
Yes! Tag 'em and bag 'em,
MacGruber!
196
00:17:37,103 --> 00:17:38,161
Yeah!
197
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,635
Just like old times!
198
00:17:39,739 --> 00:17:41,798
Shit. l gotta go
deal with the brass.
199
00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,340
Fuck the brass!
Let's go, man.
200
00:17:43,442 --> 00:17:45,137
Hang tight.
201
00:17:45,244 --> 00:17:46,609
Fuck the brass!
202
00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:47,940
Fuck the brass!
203
00:17:48,047 --> 00:17:49,309
Fuck the brass!
204
00:17:54,854 --> 00:17:55,843
One second, Grubes.
205
00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:58,412
Yes, Mr. President.
206
00:17:59,191 --> 00:18:01,421
Yes, sir. Well, we got MacGruber
on this team right in front of us.
207
00:18:02,261 --> 00:18:03,558
No, we're certain it's Cunth.
208
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,758
How's your nose, rookie?
209
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:08,425
It's fine. I just banged
it into a giant vagina.
210
00:18:09,869 --> 00:18:11,996
So, my face is a vagina, huh?
211
00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:15,096
Well, I bet you wish
your nose was a dick...
212
00:18:15,207 --> 00:18:17,107
so you could use it to fuck butts.
213
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,473
I forget.
The last time I saw you...
214
00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:21,978
did I remember to tell you
how ugly l think you are?
215
00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:24,242
No, you didn't.
Well, I think you're really ugly.
216
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:26,181
I think you're looking in the mirror.
You want to go?
217
00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:27,912
Any time, any place.
218
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,648
I'm starting to like this guy.
219
00:18:30,756 --> 00:18:32,917
Just kidding. I still hate you.
220
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:34,959
Well, I hate you.
You want to go?
221
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,858
Hey, guys, guys. Guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys. Cool it.
222
00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:44,736
So, MacGruber, we understand
you've recruited quite a team.
223
00:18:44,837 --> 00:18:47,829
Quite a team? Yeah,
you could say that.
224
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:52,570
Frank Korver, Tanker Lutz, Tut Beemer,
Tug Phelps, Vernon Freedom, moi.
225
00:18:53,512 --> 00:18:54,672
Yeah, I'd say
it's a pretty good team.
226
00:18:57,316 --> 00:18:58,806
Look, Mac, are you sure
you won't change your mind...
227
00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:00,249
about letting Piper here join you?
228
00:19:00,352 --> 00:19:02,013
He'd make a hell of an asset.
229
00:19:02,121 --> 00:19:06,023
Oh, I would love to,
but the van's pretty full.
230
00:19:07,059 --> 00:19:08,686
You see, it's filled
with American heroes
231
00:19:08,794 --> 00:19:11,627
with over a hundred years
of combined combat experience...
232
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,823
and a whole lot
of brotherhood.
233
00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:15,924
And no, you can't ride
in the trunk, bud!
234
00:19:16,602 --> 00:19:21,539
'Cause the trunk is filled with over
75 pounds of homemade C-4 explosive...
235
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,406
that l personally packed
in there with my own two...
236
00:19:29,782 --> 00:19:31,647
Oh, fuck!
237
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:36,615
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
238
00:19:36,722 --> 00:19:40,214
Tut, Tug!
You guys okay?
239
00:19:40,326 --> 00:19:42,817
Oh, somebody's
gotta be in there!
240
00:19:43,329 --> 00:19:44,728
Oh! Oh!
241
00:19:45,197 --> 00:19:48,724
Call 911! Call 911!
242
00:19:50,769 --> 00:19:54,227
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
243
00:20:01,947 --> 00:20:04,040
They were nice funerals.
244
00:20:04,149 --> 00:20:08,245
Yeah. What did you
think of my eulogies?
245
00:20:10,523 --> 00:20:12,115
Very touching.
246
00:20:12,224 --> 00:20:15,193
I might have cut back
on the F-words a little.
247
00:20:15,294 --> 00:20:17,524
Well, they were
fucking great guys.
248
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:19,723
And this is a fucking
asshole of a day.
249
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:21,094
I know.
250
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:23,901
It's just that their kids were there.
251
00:20:24,003 --> 00:20:25,197
They laughed.
252
00:20:25,304 --> 00:20:27,602
Because of your use
of heavy language.
253
00:20:27,706 --> 00:20:29,333
Well, fuck 'em.
254
00:20:31,544 --> 00:20:33,375
I should have been in that van.
255
00:20:33,479 --> 00:20:34,741
But you weren't.
256
00:20:34,847 --> 00:20:36,371
No, I wasn't.
257
00:20:36,482 --> 00:20:39,110
And nobody's gonna regret
that more than Cunth.
258
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:41,650
MacGruber, about that.
259
00:20:41,921 --> 00:20:42,910
Look, l'm taking you off the case.
260
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,357
I'm sorry, I must
have heard wrong.
261
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,289
'Cause I thought
I just heard you say...
262
00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:49,418
''MacGruber, about that.
263
00:20:49,528 --> 00:20:50,756
"Look, I'm taking you off the case."
264
00:20:50,863 --> 00:20:52,125
That's exactly what I said.
265
00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:54,597
Damn it, Jim.
You can't do that. Okay?
266
00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:55,894
I'm the best chance you got.
267
00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:57,832
You told me yourself
at the monastery.
268
00:20:57,937 --> 00:20:59,199
But the game has changed!
269
00:20:59,305 --> 00:21:00,533
But the players are the same!
270
00:21:00,639 --> 00:21:02,539
Mac, I got no choice.
271
00:21:02,641 --> 00:21:05,769
Look, you've been through
a very traumatic experience.
272
00:21:05,878 --> 00:21:07,209
You're too close.
273
00:21:07,313 --> 00:21:08,678
And without a team
behind you...
274
00:21:09,214 --> 00:21:11,705
I just can't chance it.
275
00:21:11,817 --> 00:21:13,785
I'm sorry, Grubes.
276
00:21:27,499 --> 00:21:29,399
- Sir, I just...
- Piper.
277
00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:30,866
Where's the Colonel?
278
00:21:30,970 --> 00:21:33,632
You gotta help me. They want
to kick me off the mission.
279
00:21:33,739 --> 00:21:35,001
Well, under
the circumstances...
280
00:21:35,107 --> 00:21:36,802
- Fuck you, dickhead!
- All right.
281
00:21:36,909 --> 00:21:38,809
Wait, wait, wait!
I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that.
282
00:21:38,911 --> 00:21:40,378
What do you want, MacGruber?
283
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,048
- Join my team.
- What?
284
00:21:43,148 --> 00:21:46,242
Join my new team,
and tell the Colonel I can do this.
285
00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:47,319
I can't do that.
286
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,951
Okay, don't make me beg here.
287
00:21:51,056 --> 00:21:52,284
'Cause I will do it.
288
00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:55,287
I am so sorry.
289
00:21:57,262 --> 00:21:59,753
I'm so goddamn sorry.
290
00:21:59,865 --> 00:22:02,527
Look, I'm freaking out here.
291
00:22:02,635 --> 00:22:04,796
I killed them.
I killed them all!
292
00:22:04,903 --> 00:22:07,269
I'm so fucking stupid!
293
00:22:08,374 --> 00:22:11,639
I don't know what I'm doing
and everybody hates me!
294
00:22:15,748 --> 00:22:18,410
Look, I will suck your dick.
295
00:22:19,451 --> 00:22:20,884
I will suck your fucking dick.
296
00:22:20,986 --> 00:22:23,716
I will do it, just join my team.
297
00:22:23,822 --> 00:22:24,880
I'll suck your dick.
298
00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:27,515
You can fuck me
or get fucked by me.
299
00:22:27,626 --> 00:22:29,218
You can watch me
fuck something.
300
00:22:29,328 --> 00:22:31,956
Just point at something in
the room and I'll fuck it for you.
301
00:22:32,064 --> 00:22:34,089
Come on, just tell me
what you want me to fuck!
302
00:22:34,199 --> 00:22:36,292
Jesus Christ, MacGruber.
303
00:22:36,402 --> 00:22:39,860
Just tell me
what you want me to fuck.
304
00:22:42,174 --> 00:22:44,540
Okay, I don't have any lubricant.
Do you see any Wite-Out?
305
00:22:44,643 --> 00:22:46,406
Or, like, copy toner
should work, or...
306
00:22:46,512 --> 00:22:48,503
Put your pants back on.
What are you doing?
307
00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:49,581
I don't know!
308
00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:53,584
I don't know what l'm doing!
I'm so fucked here!
309
00:22:53,686 --> 00:22:55,847
I am so fucked.
310
00:22:56,989 --> 00:22:59,150
Come on, MacGruber.
311
00:23:00,292 --> 00:23:01,281
It's not so bad.
312
00:23:01,393 --> 00:23:03,156
Oh, it's not?
313
00:23:03,262 --> 00:23:04,820
The man who killed my wife...
314
00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:07,160
is in control of
a nuclear warhead...
315
00:23:07,266 --> 00:23:09,427
and I can't do
a goddamn thing about it!
316
00:23:09,535 --> 00:23:11,230
And it's not so bad?
317
00:23:13,005 --> 00:23:14,529
Cunth killed your wife?
318
00:23:16,341 --> 00:23:19,242
It was never proven
in a court of law...
319
00:23:19,344 --> 00:23:21,744
but I saw it
with my own eyes.
320
00:23:22,848 --> 00:23:25,476
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
321
00:23:25,584 --> 00:23:27,484
This mission was
my chance to do...
322
00:23:27,586 --> 00:23:30,350
what I should have
done 10 years ago.
323
00:23:30,456 --> 00:23:32,048
And I blew it.
324
00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:34,125
MacGruber, we have
a chopper waiting to take you...
325
00:23:34,226 --> 00:23:36,217
back to Ecuador.
326
00:23:42,034 --> 00:23:45,492
Well, Colonel,
I'm sorry I let you down.
327
00:23:48,807 --> 00:23:50,035
Piper.
328
00:23:52,010 --> 00:23:53,170
I'm in.
329
00:23:53,612 --> 00:23:54,579
Lieutenant?
330
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,080
- I'm in. I'm on the team.
- Really?
331
00:23:58,484 --> 00:24:00,952
Sorry, Lieutenant.
Two people don't make a team.
332
00:24:02,354 --> 00:24:04,015
- But three do.
- Vicki?
333
00:24:05,691 --> 00:24:06,885
I heard about
what happened.
334
00:24:06,992 --> 00:24:08,084
I thought you could
use some help.
335
00:24:08,193 --> 00:24:09,626
What about your music?
336
00:24:09,728 --> 00:24:12,196
It can wait.
337
00:24:13,966 --> 00:24:16,696
Dixon Piper, Vicki St. Elmo.
338
00:24:16,802 --> 00:24:17,826
Hi.
339
00:24:17,936 --> 00:24:21,633
Well, Colonel, looks like
I got myself a new team.
340
00:24:21,740 --> 00:24:24,265
Looks like you do, MacGruber.
341
00:24:24,376 --> 00:24:25,604
Looks like you do.
342
00:24:43,996 --> 00:24:45,293
What are we doing
here, MacGruber?
343
00:24:45,397 --> 00:24:46,489
Well, it's simple, Vicki.
344
00:24:46,598 --> 00:24:47,963
Cunth owns this place,
345
00:24:48,066 --> 00:24:51,001
so if we wanna find out where
that passcode deal is going down...
346
00:24:51,103 --> 00:24:52,400
we gotta turn over some stones.
347
00:24:52,504 --> 00:24:54,267
Nice car, dickhead!
348
00:24:54,373 --> 00:24:55,362
Fuck you!
349
00:24:57,442 --> 00:25:00,707
K-F-B-R-3-9-2.
K-F-B-R-3-9-2.
350
00:25:00,813 --> 00:25:02,440
So we're gonna see
if we can't make some contacts...
351
00:25:02,548 --> 00:25:03,606
gather some intel?
352
00:25:03,715 --> 00:25:06,650
Something like that.
K-F-B-R-3-9-2.
353
00:25:19,531 --> 00:25:20,520
Can I help you, bro?
354
00:25:20,632 --> 00:25:22,293
Yeah, I'll have the X-5.
355
00:25:23,502 --> 00:25:26,027
He doesn't know anything.
Come on.
356
00:25:27,272 --> 00:25:28,762
Turn off the music.
357
00:25:28,874 --> 00:25:31,240
Turn off the music!
358
00:25:32,544 --> 00:25:35,308
Turn off the fucking music,
or I will kill this woman!
359
00:25:36,481 --> 00:25:39,917
I'll do it. I'll kill her.
I will snap her neck.
360
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,981
Don't worry.
She's with me. She's safe.
361
00:25:43,088 --> 00:25:44,055
Hi.
362
00:25:44,156 --> 00:25:46,624
But I can't say the same
about the rest of you!
363
00:25:47,826 --> 00:25:49,418
Whoa! Son of a bitch!
364
00:25:49,528 --> 00:25:52,520
I'm sure that some of you guys
are just here on vay-cay.
365
00:25:52,631 --> 00:25:54,758
But most of you are
big pieces of shit...
366
00:25:54,867 --> 00:25:57,563
who are somehow connected
to Dieter Von Cunth.
367
00:25:58,604 --> 00:26:03,632
Now, this guy is up to something
incredibly illegal and astoundingly deadly.
368
00:26:03,742 --> 00:26:05,710
''Allegedly."
I should say that for legal purposes.
369
00:26:06,745 --> 00:26:08,269
But don't worry.
370
00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:12,373
'Cause I am coming for him,
and I am going to kill him.
371
00:26:13,452 --> 00:26:16,421
Who am I, you ask?
372
00:26:16,588 --> 00:26:17,577
My name is MacGruber.
373
00:26:19,291 --> 00:26:22,192
Remember that name!
374
00:26:22,294 --> 00:26:29,223
Capital M-A-C-capital G
-R-U-B-E-R!
375
00:26:33,205 --> 00:26:34,832
Anyone wants to come find me...
376
00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:38,706
I will be at the Gold Street Cafe
tomorrow at 2:00 p.m.
377
00:26:41,046 --> 00:26:42,377
Please spread the word,
ya frigging turds.
378
00:26:43,749 --> 00:26:45,614
Whoo! Whoo!
379
00:26:46,251 --> 00:26:48,310
That went great.
That was fucking tits.
380
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,149
MacGruber, what the hell was that?
381
00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:51,950
It's called "sending a message."
382
00:26:52,057 --> 00:26:54,787
And I think it will be
received loud and clear.
383
00:26:54,893 --> 00:26:55,985
That's what I'm worried about.
384
00:26:56,094 --> 00:26:57,288
Why?
385
00:26:57,396 --> 00:26:58,920
Because he thought
you were dead.
386
00:26:59,197 --> 00:27:00,494
That was a huge advantage.
387
00:27:00,599 --> 00:27:02,624
Yeah, and now he's going
to be coming for us.
388
00:27:02,734 --> 00:27:05,294
Exactly. It's all
part of the plan.
389
00:27:05,404 --> 00:27:06,371
What is the plan?
390
00:27:06,471 --> 00:27:08,234
I kind of make it up as I go.
391
00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:09,329
That's not really a plan, then.
392
00:27:09,441 --> 00:27:12,706
Okay, so it's not a plan.
Look, l'm not good with plans.
393
00:27:12,811 --> 00:27:14,745
And l'm not good with clues.
394
00:27:14,846 --> 00:27:17,679
What I am good with is
kicking ass and ripping throats.
395
00:27:17,783 --> 00:27:21,014
So Cunth is gonna come after me?
Well, bring it on.
396
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,213
'Cause then he'll be
on my turf, playing my game.
397
00:27:24,323 --> 00:27:27,952
And that's not a game
I plan on losing. Let's go.
398
00:27:28,060 --> 00:27:31,723
K-F-B-R-3-9-2. K-F-B-R-3-9-2.
K-F-B-R-3-9-2.
399
00:27:32,864 --> 00:27:36,891
Wetter. More.
400
00:27:39,972 --> 00:27:41,462
Sorry to disturb you, Dr. Cunth.
401
00:27:41,573 --> 00:27:42,767
Shoes.
402
00:27:42,874 --> 00:27:44,273
Sorry, sir.
403
00:27:45,944 --> 00:27:47,377
What is it?
404
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,980
Some lunatic smashed up
the club last night.
405
00:27:50,082 --> 00:27:51,208
He said he was
coming after you.
406
00:27:51,316 --> 00:27:53,079
Oh, I'm terrified.
407
00:27:53,185 --> 00:27:56,018
Said his name was MacGruber.
408
00:28:01,293 --> 00:28:02,954
MacGruber?
409
00:28:04,629 --> 00:28:06,722
Well, well, well.
410
00:28:06,832 --> 00:28:09,096
Alive after all these years.
411
00:28:10,002 --> 00:28:12,061
MacGruber, MacGruber.
412
00:28:13,572 --> 00:28:14,561
Bring him in.
413
00:28:14,673 --> 00:28:15,640
I don't have him, sir.
414
00:28:16,708 --> 00:28:17,675
You let him go?
415
00:28:19,444 --> 00:28:22,311
They didn't feel
he posed any real threat.
416
00:28:22,414 --> 00:28:24,746
They actually thought
he was mentally handicapped.
417
00:28:24,850 --> 00:28:26,283
No real threat.
418
00:28:26,385 --> 00:28:27,818
Let me ask you a question.
419
00:28:27,919 --> 00:28:30,513
Do you remember the assassination
of President Jimmy Carter?
420
00:28:30,622 --> 00:28:32,920
No, sir, but that never happened.
421
00:28:33,025 --> 00:28:34,287
No, it didn't.
422
00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:37,951
Do not underestimate this man.
423
00:28:39,364 --> 00:28:41,491
He can be quite
a fly in the ointment.
424
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:42,589
Understood.
So what would you like us to do?
425
00:28:45,337 --> 00:28:46,964
Round up a couple
of flyswatters.
426
00:28:47,072 --> 00:28:48,664
Yes, sir.
427
00:28:59,584 --> 00:29:02,018
MacGruber,
your toilet is disgusting.
428
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,611
Gotcha!
It's pretty good, huh?
429
00:29:04,723 --> 00:29:05,690
Can we talk about this, please?
430
00:29:05,791 --> 00:29:07,190
Well, there's nothing to talk about.
431
00:29:07,292 --> 00:29:09,283
Everybody knows
that rats like cheese.
432
00:29:09,394 --> 00:29:11,726
And you, Vicki, are the cheese.
433
00:29:11,830 --> 00:29:13,058
But you're the one
he wants to come after.
434
00:29:13,165 --> 00:29:15,133
Why can't you be dressed like you?
435
00:29:15,233 --> 00:29:16,666
Because...
436
00:29:17,169 --> 00:29:18,158
You are.
437
00:29:18,270 --> 00:29:21,467
I have to say, I have some serious
concerns about this operation.
438
00:29:21,573 --> 00:29:23,541
If you think that I would
let that monster Cunth...
439
00:29:23,642 --> 00:29:25,610
touch one hair on Vicki's head...
440
00:29:25,911 --> 00:29:26,900
then you're sorely mistaken.
441
00:29:27,012 --> 00:29:28,001
Thank you.
442
00:29:28,113 --> 00:29:30,240
He'll get close to her,
possibly dangerously close.
443
00:29:30,348 --> 00:29:33,146
And of course, in this line of business,
anything can happen.
444
00:29:33,251 --> 00:29:35,116
But l know that Vicki
can take care of herself.
445
00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:36,744
Are you sure
this is gonna work?
446
00:29:36,855 --> 00:29:38,755
Don't worry.
447
00:29:38,857 --> 00:29:40,188
When you turn around
at gunpoint...
448
00:29:40,292 --> 00:29:42,089
and they see that it's not me...
449
00:29:42,194 --> 00:29:43,752
they are gonna be so furious...
450
00:29:43,862 --> 00:29:45,454
they're not gonna
know what to do.
451
00:29:45,564 --> 00:29:46,622
And that's when we got them.
452
00:29:51,236 --> 00:29:52,203
Hmm.
453
00:29:52,304 --> 00:29:53,271
What?
454
00:29:53,371 --> 00:29:54,770
You just look really pretty.
455
00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:57,201
Thank you?
456
00:29:57,309 --> 00:29:59,243
Come on, Piper.
Come on, MacGruber.
457
00:30:07,119 --> 00:30:09,417
All right, Vick.
If we're gonna draw this bastard out...
458
00:30:09,521 --> 00:30:12,513
he's gotta think he's got eyes
on the real live MacGruber.
459
00:30:13,258 --> 00:30:14,282
Okay.
460
00:30:14,392 --> 00:30:15,859
Okay, don't worry,
we got your back.
461
00:30:15,961 --> 00:30:17,861
We're only seven blocks away,
so if anything goes down...
462
00:30:17,963 --> 00:30:18,930
Seven blocks?
463
00:30:19,030 --> 00:30:21,089
Okay, you got me.
About 20 blocks.
464
00:30:21,199 --> 00:30:23,394
But if anything goes down,
we'll be right there.
465
00:30:23,502 --> 00:30:24,526
Wasn't anything closer?
466
00:30:24,636 --> 00:30:26,467
Nope.
There were tons of spots closer.
467
00:30:26,571 --> 00:30:28,232
Yeah, with meters.
468
00:30:28,340 --> 00:30:31,309
Fine. Look, I don't think
I should be talking to you anymore...
469
00:30:31,409 --> 00:30:34,606
because people are gonna be staring
at me and thinking that l'm talking to myself.
470
00:30:34,713 --> 00:30:37,739
And I don't want
to attract attention.
471
00:30:39,050 --> 00:30:40,984
And I'm at the counter...
472
00:30:42,387 --> 00:30:44,446
so just gonna order now.
473
00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:46,257
Can I help you?
474
00:30:46,358 --> 00:30:47,985
Can I have a small latte?
475
00:30:48,093 --> 00:30:49,151
No, no, no.
476
00:30:49,261 --> 00:30:51,388
MacGruber would
never order that.
477
00:30:51,496 --> 00:30:53,396
I'm all about
the large Tazo tea.
478
00:30:53,498 --> 00:30:56,797
I'm sorry. Sorry.
Can l change that?
479
00:30:56,902 --> 00:30:58,767
Can I get a large Tazo tea?
480
00:30:58,870 --> 00:31:00,030
Sure. Anything else?
481
00:31:00,138 --> 00:31:01,400
No!
No!
482
00:31:02,774 --> 00:31:03,866
Sorry.
483
00:31:03,975 --> 00:31:04,999
Can I get your name?
484
00:31:05,110 --> 00:31:06,907
I'll let you take this one, Vick.
485
00:31:07,012 --> 00:31:08,980
Um... MacGruber.
486
00:31:09,247 --> 00:31:10,714
Good job.
487
00:31:13,151 --> 00:31:14,311
It's gonna be $3.45.
488
00:31:14,419 --> 00:31:18,753
Yes, it is.
That's what it is every time I get it.
489
00:31:21,459 --> 00:31:22,448
Thanks.
490
00:31:23,295 --> 00:31:26,355
No, Vicki, no tip. What are you doing?
Get that tip back.
491
00:31:26,498 --> 00:31:28,557
I have to...
492
00:31:36,675 --> 00:31:37,664
I'm sorry.
493
00:31:37,776 --> 00:31:38,936
No, say you're not sorry.
494
00:31:39,044 --> 00:31:41,137
I'm not...
I'm not sorry.
495
00:31:41,246 --> 00:31:45,182
I mean, I'm sorry.
As me, I'm sorry.
496
00:31:45,684 --> 00:31:47,083
Wow.
497
00:31:47,185 --> 00:31:49,653
Okay, now why don't you move
down to the end of the counter?
498
00:31:49,754 --> 00:31:53,281
Further. Further...
Stop! Stop!
499
00:31:53,391 --> 00:31:54,653
MacGruber.
500
00:31:54,759 --> 00:31:55,726
That's me.
501
00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:59,524
Now, here is the most
important thing. Listen carefully.
502
00:31:59,631 --> 00:32:02,691
With your left hand,
lift the cup up to your mouth.
503
00:32:02,801 --> 00:32:05,463
Open your lips,
then tilt the cup back
504
00:32:05,570 --> 00:32:06,662
until the liquid...
505
00:32:06,771 --> 00:32:08,898
Down, down, down!
506
00:32:23,188 --> 00:32:24,746
We're gonna die!
We're gonna die!
507
00:32:25,991 --> 00:32:27,390
Hand me that Incredi-Mop!
508
00:32:27,492 --> 00:32:28,720
I'm a little busy at the moment!
509
00:32:30,095 --> 00:32:32,154
Hand me that lncredi-Mop,
and that is an order!
510
00:32:33,465 --> 00:32:34,762
Fine!
511
00:32:39,271 --> 00:32:43,002
No!
Oh, my God! No!
512
00:32:56,488 --> 00:33:00,686
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Oh, my God.
513
00:33:02,294 --> 00:33:05,388
Vicki?
Oh, my God! You're alive?
514
00:33:05,497 --> 00:33:08,398
Yeah, we're alive. We're coming
over there. Meet us out in the alley.
515
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,365
Okay.
516
00:33:24,616 --> 00:33:27,016
My teammates were getting shot.
517
00:33:32,223 --> 00:33:35,021
They're alive.
They made it.
518
00:33:37,195 --> 00:33:38,219
Thank you.
519
00:33:41,599 --> 00:33:43,157
That was nice work
with that lncredi-Mop.
520
00:33:43,268 --> 00:33:45,532
Yeah, it would be a good
commercial for their product.
521
00:33:45,637 --> 00:33:48,105
I'm not so sure that it would be.
522
00:33:50,475 --> 00:33:54,434
Hoss Bender. Dead at the age
of who-the-fuck-cares.
523
00:33:57,182 --> 00:33:58,308
MacGruber!
524
00:33:58,416 --> 00:33:59,713
Vicki.
525
00:34:00,418 --> 00:34:01,510
Ooh.
526
00:34:01,619 --> 00:34:03,780
MacGruber, I was
so worried about you.
527
00:34:03,888 --> 00:34:06,254
Well, I was really worried
about you, too, Vick.
528
00:34:06,358 --> 00:34:07,882
- Really?
- Yeah.
529
00:34:08,593 --> 00:34:10,288
I mean, I only have,
like, two of these vests...
530
00:34:10,395 --> 00:34:11,657
so if either of them
got shot up...
531
00:34:11,763 --> 00:34:13,526
it would be a real bummer for me.
532
00:34:13,631 --> 00:34:14,620
I mean, they're not expensive.
533
00:34:14,733 --> 00:34:16,530
- But they're really hard to find.
- Yeah, I got it.
534
00:34:16,634 --> 00:34:19,296
Hey, guys!
I found Hoss' car.
535
00:34:21,740 --> 00:34:22,707
Oh, mama!
536
00:34:23,241 --> 00:34:24,799
That's a whole lot of wampum.
537
00:34:25,543 --> 00:34:28,137
He's got every strip club
in the city in his GPS.
538
00:34:28,246 --> 00:34:29,543
Hoss Bender, what the hell
are you planning on doing...
539
00:34:29,647 --> 00:34:30,614
with all this money?
540
00:34:33,385 --> 00:34:34,443
I think it's fairly obvious.
541
00:34:36,721 --> 00:34:38,052
He was going to use it
to buy the pass...
542
00:34:38,156 --> 00:34:39,282
Buy the passcodes! Yup.
543
00:34:39,391 --> 00:34:40,380
Got there at the same time...
544
00:34:40,492 --> 00:34:41,891
maybe even slightly before you.
545
00:34:41,993 --> 00:34:45,087
Yep, he's gonna use it
to buy the passcodes.
546
00:34:45,196 --> 00:34:46,288
This is weird.
547
00:34:46,398 --> 00:34:49,162
He has an appointment this afternoon,
and all it says is "STD."
548
00:34:49,634 --> 00:34:50,601
Been there.
549
00:34:51,703 --> 00:34:54,570
STD is also code for
the old Stansfield rail yard...
550
00:34:54,672 --> 00:34:55,730
which is about
10 miles from here.
551
00:34:56,241 --> 00:34:58,436
I'm just going to pop
that into this GPS.
552
00:34:58,676 --> 00:34:59,643
Yeah, pop it in.
553
00:35:00,478 --> 00:35:02,946
Well, what do you know?
It's already routed.
554
00:35:03,047 --> 00:35:05,277
What do you say we go get
ourselves some passcodes?
555
00:35:05,383 --> 00:35:07,317
Yeah, but if Hoss doesn't show up,
they'll abort the drop.
556
00:35:07,485 --> 00:35:09,476
Who said Hoss isn't
gonna show up?
557
00:35:14,526 --> 00:35:17,324
Okay, now,
before we do this, any questions?
558
00:35:17,429 --> 00:35:18,794
Why do I have to be Hoss?
559
00:35:18,897 --> 00:35:20,330
Because you're good
at what you do.
560
00:35:20,432 --> 00:35:21,831
And why do I
have to be you?
561
00:35:21,933 --> 00:35:25,425
First of all, you will never be me.
And second of all...
562
00:35:26,271 --> 00:35:27,465
I forget your question.
563
00:35:27,572 --> 00:35:28,698
Okay.
564
00:35:28,907 --> 00:35:31,239
So it looks like we're dealing
with three guards here.
565
00:35:31,976 --> 00:35:33,068
Then it's three on three.
566
00:35:33,278 --> 00:35:35,303
Okay, so once we take
out the guards...
567
00:35:35,413 --> 00:35:37,347
Vicki will walk in
dressed as Hoss...
568
00:35:37,449 --> 00:35:39,178
and then we'll just...
569
00:35:39,284 --> 00:35:40,717
you know,
see what happens.
570
00:35:40,919 --> 00:35:42,477
- You ready?
- Wait.
571
00:35:42,754 --> 00:35:44,449
Wait, so we're just gonna wing it?
572
00:35:44,823 --> 00:35:47,314
Piper, there's a big difference
between winging it...
573
00:35:47,425 --> 00:35:48,756
and seeing what happens.
574
00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:50,088
Now let's see
what happens.
575
00:35:52,931 --> 00:35:54,899
- No, thanks.
- What?
576
00:35:54,999 --> 00:35:56,796
MacGrubie don't play like Homey.
577
00:35:56,901 --> 00:35:58,869
And Homey don't play like that.
578
00:35:59,204 --> 00:36:01,729
I'm sorry, I don't understand
what you're saying.
579
00:36:02,373 --> 00:36:04,637
I'm saying I don't use guns.
580
00:36:04,843 --> 00:36:06,606
So it's true what
they say about you.
581
00:36:06,744 --> 00:36:09,212
Guns are for the weak.
Guns are for the stupid.
582
00:36:09,681 --> 00:36:11,171
No offense.
583
00:36:11,282 --> 00:36:13,682
Let's see,
what do we got in here?
584
00:36:13,885 --> 00:36:15,978
A piece of cloth,
a spool, a tennis ball...
585
00:36:16,287 --> 00:36:17,447
What are you doing?
586
00:36:17,555 --> 00:36:20,353
Making a little distraction.
587
00:36:24,496 --> 00:36:26,259
What the hell is that?
588
00:36:31,169 --> 00:36:32,431
What the fuck?
589
00:36:49,454 --> 00:36:50,443
Now!
590
00:36:50,655 --> 00:36:51,679
Jesus.
591
00:36:51,890 --> 00:36:53,687
Now! Now! Now!
592
00:36:56,594 --> 00:36:57,561
Yes!
593
00:37:02,100 --> 00:37:03,863
I gotta admit, that sort of worked.
594
00:37:04,068 --> 00:37:06,593
Sort of worked?
I just killed three bad guys.
595
00:37:06,704 --> 00:37:08,103
They're dead
because I shot them.
596
00:37:08,206 --> 00:37:09,537
Because they were distracted.
597
00:37:09,641 --> 00:37:11,233
Okay, now, piece of advice.
598
00:37:11,342 --> 00:37:13,105
When you use the old celery trick...
599
00:37:13,211 --> 00:37:14,576
you're gonna wanna go
with the thick end.
600
00:37:14,679 --> 00:37:16,146
Seems counter-intuitive...
601
00:37:16,247 --> 00:37:17,612
but if you go thin end first...
602
00:37:17,715 --> 00:37:18,807
it just slides right out and you're...
603
00:37:18,917 --> 00:37:20,009
You're wasting your time.
604
00:37:20,118 --> 00:37:22,109
I'm never, ever gonna do that.
605
00:37:22,554 --> 00:37:26,183
Never ever say, "Never ever."
Okay, follow me.
606
00:37:31,863 --> 00:37:34,331
That's Constantine Bach
and Zeke Pleshette.
607
00:37:34,532 --> 00:37:37,365
And if I'm not mistaken,
which I never am...
608
00:37:37,569 --> 00:37:40,936
that briefcase-carrying pile of shit
has the passcodes.
609
00:37:41,139 --> 00:37:42,697
All right, Vick, it's go time.
610
00:37:42,941 --> 00:37:44,033
Do I really have to do this?
611
00:37:44,242 --> 00:37:46,767
Nice one, Vick.
Start walking.
612
00:37:50,281 --> 00:37:51,976
Okay, I'm walking.
613
00:37:52,984 --> 00:37:55,214
Nothing bad has happened yet.
614
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,514
I'm still alive.
615
00:37:56,621 --> 00:37:57,747
Look, you're gonna be fine.
616
00:37:57,855 --> 00:37:59,447
This is just like Nicaragua.
617
00:37:59,657 --> 00:38:00,919
I got shot in Nicaragua.
618
00:38:01,125 --> 00:38:04,117
Don't worry,
this is nothing like Nicaragua.
619
00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:05,596
Okay.
620
00:38:05,863 --> 00:38:07,330
Okay, I think I see you
through the window.
621
00:38:07,432 --> 00:38:10,401
Now just walk on in here,
and, I don't know...
622
00:38:10,835 --> 00:38:12,359
fingers crossed.
623
00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:13,737
This is so exciting.
624
00:38:15,573 --> 00:38:17,598
Okay, now head through
the entrance, slowly.
625
00:38:17,709 --> 00:38:18,676
And don't worry.
626
00:38:20,478 --> 00:38:21,342
Remember, they think
you're Hoss Bender...
627
00:38:21,446 --> 00:38:22,640
so it's gonna take them
a little while to...
628
00:38:22,747 --> 00:38:23,873
That's not Hoss!
629
00:38:29,821 --> 00:38:32,449
Oh, my God!
630
00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:36,427
Shit!
631
00:38:37,929 --> 00:38:38,918
What are you doing?
632
00:38:39,130 --> 00:38:40,392
Making a homemade grenade!
633
00:38:48,172 --> 00:38:49,969
Can I borrow your gun?
I need something to stir this with.
634
00:38:50,074 --> 00:38:52,042
No! I'm using it!
Use your finger!
635
00:38:52,143 --> 00:38:53,303
Watch your tone!
636
00:39:07,191 --> 00:39:10,126
Oh, hold on!
Don't worry, I got this one.
637
00:39:19,837 --> 00:39:22,635
Damn it, they got the passcodes!
638
00:39:23,107 --> 00:39:24,096
Hey, guys?
639
00:39:24,609 --> 00:39:26,634
Vicki! You all right?
640
00:39:26,811 --> 00:39:28,278
I lost the money.
641
00:39:30,048 --> 00:39:31,640
And I peed my jeans.
642
00:39:32,216 --> 00:39:33,342
Sorry.
643
00:39:35,053 --> 00:39:36,452
I peed them.
644
00:39:41,693 --> 00:39:42,853
Gross.
645
00:39:43,061 --> 00:39:44,688
I washed it.
646
00:39:44,896 --> 00:39:46,227
I didn't.
647
00:39:46,431 --> 00:39:48,160
Looks like
this cell phone's all we got.
648
00:39:48,266 --> 00:39:49,893
Then we better make
the most of it.
649
00:39:50,001 --> 00:39:52,401
'Cause at this point,
this is our only connection to the X-5.
650
00:39:53,571 --> 00:39:56,631
Holy shit! It's ringing!
Vicki, call tracer.
651
00:39:56,741 --> 00:39:57,935
Call tracer.
652
00:39:59,677 --> 00:40:01,167
Set to jet, MacGruber.
653
00:40:01,279 --> 00:40:02,337
Now remember, MacGruber...
654
00:40:02,447 --> 00:40:04,347
you gotta keep him on the line
long enough to get a location.
655
00:40:05,516 --> 00:40:07,245
Don't worry.
I've done this before.
656
00:40:07,351 --> 00:40:09,717
Listen to me, you piece of shit.
Hoss and Zeke are dead...
657
00:40:09,821 --> 00:40:11,083
and if you don't tell me who this is...
658
00:40:11,189 --> 00:40:12,451
He hung up.
Did you get it?
659
00:40:12,557 --> 00:40:13,751
- No.
- Wow.
660
00:40:13,858 --> 00:40:14,950
Damn it. ls that thing working?
661
00:40:15,059 --> 00:40:17,357
Yeah. But you gotta keep them
on the phone for at least 20 seconds.
662
00:40:17,462 --> 00:40:19,453
That was 20.
That was maybe three.
663
00:40:19,564 --> 00:40:21,429
Shit! You're right.
Shit, shit, shit!
664
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,431
Second chance!
In your face!
665
00:40:24,535 --> 00:40:27,231
Listen to me, you piece of shit.
Hoss and Zeke are...
666
00:40:27,438 --> 00:40:28,666
That's my phone.
Talk to me.
667
00:40:28,773 --> 00:40:30,104
MacGruber, it's Faith.
668
00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:32,267
- Colonel!
- How's it going?
669
00:40:32,410 --> 00:40:33,434
What's the mission status?
670
00:40:33,611 --> 00:40:35,841
Positively banging,
Colonel. Right, guys?
671
00:40:36,047 --> 00:40:38,038
Oh, they're jazzed.
How's everything at the P-Gon?
672
00:40:38,149 --> 00:40:39,275
Well, we do have one lead.
673
00:40:39,383 --> 00:40:41,112
You probably already
know about it.
674
00:40:41,319 --> 00:40:44,447
Cunth's having a fundraising
event at his mansion tonight.
675
00:40:44,555 --> 00:40:46,648
We do know about Cunth's party...
676
00:40:46,758 --> 00:40:48,419
and we will be there with bells on.
677
00:40:48,626 --> 00:40:49,957
Absolutely not, MacGruber.
678
00:40:50,094 --> 00:40:51,391
Sir, I'm not gonna wear bells.
679
00:40:51,496 --> 00:40:54,260
No, Mac.
You are not to enter that party.
680
00:40:54,365 --> 00:40:56,026
Right now, Cunth has no idea
you're even alive...
681
00:40:56,467 --> 00:40:57,434
and that is a huge
advantage to us.
682
00:40:57,535 --> 00:40:58,524
Yes.
683
00:41:00,037 --> 00:41:01,664
This is surveillance only.
684
00:41:01,873 --> 00:41:04,103
I want to know exactly
who comes through that door.
685
00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,334
Is that clear?
686
00:41:05,443 --> 00:41:07,411
Loud and.
687
00:41:09,647 --> 00:41:10,875
So, Cunth is having a party?
688
00:41:10,982 --> 00:41:12,415
Yeah, he is.
689
00:41:12,917 --> 00:41:15,613
And guess who just
made the guest list.
690
00:41:19,824 --> 00:41:20,950
Guess who just made the guest list.
691
00:41:21,058 --> 00:41:22,423
- Us?
- Yes.
692
00:41:28,366 --> 00:41:30,891
For the record,
I think this is a really stupid move.
693
00:41:31,002 --> 00:41:33,937
Don't worry, l'm gonna
keep a real low profile.
694
00:41:59,230 --> 00:42:00,458
- May I take your coat?
- No.
695
00:42:00,598 --> 00:42:01,587
Your car stereo?
696
00:42:01,699 --> 00:42:02,757
Nice try.
697
00:42:08,105 --> 00:42:10,403
Okay, I think our definitions
of low profile...
698
00:42:10,508 --> 00:42:11,736
might be a little different.
699
00:42:11,943 --> 00:42:13,968
You think?
Where's Vicki?
700
00:42:14,178 --> 00:42:16,339
She arrived
10 minutes ago. She's out back.
701
00:42:16,981 --> 00:42:18,278
I'll find her in a sec.
702
00:42:18,382 --> 00:42:20,316
First, I got a little business to attend to.
703
00:42:21,519 --> 00:42:22,486
MacGruber, come in.
704
00:42:52,550 --> 00:42:53,881
Jesus Christ.
705
00:43:34,525 --> 00:43:35,514
Where have you been?
706
00:43:35,626 --> 00:43:38,356
Sorry, I just took an upper
decker in the master bathroom.
707
00:43:38,462 --> 00:43:39,429
Upper decker?
708
00:43:39,530 --> 00:43:41,930
Yeah, it's where you take a dump
in the water tank and not in the bowl.
709
00:43:42,033 --> 00:43:43,762
You look great.
710
00:43:45,002 --> 00:43:45,969
Thank you.
711
00:43:47,038 --> 00:43:48,699
Look, Vick...
712
00:43:48,973 --> 00:43:51,032
I'm going to need you to poke around,
see what you can dig up.
713
00:43:51,275 --> 00:43:52,401
I'm way ahead of you.
714
00:43:52,510 --> 00:43:53,636
You see that guy over there?
715
00:43:53,945 --> 00:43:55,435
I saw him coming out
of Cunth's office.
716
00:43:55,546 --> 00:43:56,877
I think he's one of his goons.
717
00:43:56,981 --> 00:43:58,141
Which guy?
718
00:43:58,249 --> 00:43:59,375
That handsome guy.
719
00:43:59,784 --> 00:44:02,947
That guy?
You think he's handsome?
720
00:44:03,054 --> 00:44:04,783
Yeah, he's very handsome.
721
00:44:05,256 --> 00:44:07,281
Really? Well, if you think
he's so handsome...
722
00:44:07,391 --> 00:44:08,517
then why don't you marry him?
723
00:44:09,193 --> 00:44:10,182
No, seriously.
724
00:44:10,461 --> 00:44:13,089
If you think he's so handsome,
go marry him.
725
00:44:13,197 --> 00:44:15,222
Leave the case.
Piper and I will do it. Okay?
726
00:44:15,333 --> 00:44:16,925
Is he that handsome to you?
727
00:44:17,034 --> 00:44:18,092
Are you willing to
quit your job for him?
728
00:44:19,603 --> 00:44:21,230
- No.
- Good.
729
00:44:22,173 --> 00:44:24,038
Now that's the guy
I want you to check out.
730
00:44:24,875 --> 00:44:26,740
He's teeming with intel.
731
00:44:26,944 --> 00:44:28,002
What?
732
00:44:28,112 --> 00:44:30,307
Follow that guy,
and that is an order.
733
00:44:30,414 --> 00:44:31,711
And stay away from that guy...
734
00:44:31,816 --> 00:44:33,340
who I actually would
describe as ugly.
735
00:44:33,517 --> 00:44:34,506
And that is another order.
736
00:44:34,618 --> 00:44:35,812
So, two orders.
737
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,217
Piper, you got a location on Cunth?
738
00:44:37,321 --> 00:44:38,754
He appears to be
in the south wing.
739
00:44:39,256 --> 00:44:40,245
On my way.
740
00:44:41,158 --> 00:44:42,455
That guy.
741
00:44:47,231 --> 00:44:50,598
I will see your 25,000
and raise you 50.
742
00:44:54,905 --> 00:44:55,872
He's bluffing.
743
00:44:57,074 --> 00:45:00,202
I can tell by the look
in his beady little eyes.
744
00:45:00,745 --> 00:45:02,736
MacGruber. We've been expecting you.
745
00:45:02,947 --> 00:45:05,108
Bet's to you, Senator Garver.
746
00:45:09,453 --> 00:45:10,579
I'm all in.
747
00:45:11,188 --> 00:45:14,715
The Senator's
all in for $750,000.
748
00:45:17,895 --> 00:45:18,953
Call.
749
00:45:20,464 --> 00:45:21,931
Straight flush.
Damn it!
750
00:45:23,234 --> 00:45:25,759
My associate will assist you with
your debt, Senator. Good night.
751
00:45:29,974 --> 00:45:31,942
- Sorry about that.
- Really.
752
00:45:32,643 --> 00:45:33,803
I thought he was bluffing there, so...
753
00:45:33,911 --> 00:45:34,900
Thank you, MacGruber.
754
00:45:35,012 --> 00:45:38,038
You just made me a teeny-weeny
bit wealthier than I already am.
755
00:45:38,149 --> 00:45:40,049
Well, I'm sure you'll find something
useful to do with it.
756
00:45:41,919 --> 00:45:43,944
Your companion's
a very beautiful young woman.
757
00:45:44,055 --> 00:45:45,044
Thank you.
758
00:45:45,156 --> 00:45:46,919
Hope you enjoy being
date raped, ma'am.
759
00:45:47,024 --> 00:45:48,013
This is my daughter.
760
00:45:48,125 --> 00:45:49,114
Hello.
761
00:45:50,628 --> 00:45:51,595
Sorry.
762
00:45:51,896 --> 00:45:53,591
He killed my wife.
763
00:45:53,964 --> 00:45:55,864
Will you excuse us
for a minute, please?
764
00:46:00,938 --> 00:46:02,303
Where's the X-5?
765
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,267
I don't know what
you're talking about.
766
00:46:04,375 --> 00:46:05,933
Where's the fucking warhead?
767
00:46:06,043 --> 00:46:07,840
What would I want
with a nuclear warhead?
768
00:46:08,746 --> 00:46:11,146
I never said it was nuclear.
769
00:46:11,248 --> 00:46:14,183
That's right, because most
warheads are filled with air.
770
00:46:15,820 --> 00:46:17,481
You know, I ran into Zeke Pleshette
771
00:46:17,588 --> 00:46:19,112
and Hoss Bender the other day.
772
00:46:19,256 --> 00:46:20,280
Really?
How were they?
773
00:46:20,391 --> 00:46:21,983
A lot less dead
than they are now.
774
00:46:22,093 --> 00:46:23,287
Oh, really.
That's too bad.
775
00:46:23,394 --> 00:46:25,055
Yeah, it's too bad for you.
'Cause they were a part...
776
00:46:25,162 --> 00:46:27,187
of your little dream team
of thugs, weren't they?
777
00:46:27,298 --> 00:46:30,563
Oh, that's right.
You got me. Past tense. They were...
778
00:46:30,668 --> 00:46:32,465
Yeah, it's really
quite a sad story, actually.
779
00:46:32,636 --> 00:46:33,625
What do you mean?
780
00:46:33,737 --> 00:46:35,762
I had assembled the greatest
dream team of thugs...
781
00:46:35,873 --> 00:46:37,397
in the history of the world.
782
00:46:37,508 --> 00:46:39,032
I had them all in one room...
783
00:46:39,143 --> 00:46:41,236
and I also had some homemade C-4.
784
00:46:41,345 --> 00:46:43,973
And wouldn't you know it, it exploded.
785
00:46:44,081 --> 00:46:45,241
And I lost them all.
786
00:46:45,349 --> 00:46:47,010
You're shitting me.
You're shitting me!
787
00:46:47,384 --> 00:46:48,783
Well, we have
a lot in common
788
00:46:48,886 --> 00:46:50,148
because l basically did
the same thing...
789
00:46:50,254 --> 00:46:51,380
Oh, no, wait.
That didn't happen to me...
790
00:46:51,489 --> 00:46:54,981
because l'm not a fucking retard
who blows up his own dudes.
791
00:46:55,092 --> 00:46:56,150
Fuck you, Cunth.
792
00:46:56,327 --> 00:46:58,761
And by the way,
I have a new team now.
793
00:46:58,863 --> 00:47:00,626
Not only do I have
Vicki St. Elmo...
794
00:47:00,731 --> 00:47:02,221
Maybe you've heard of her?
795
00:47:02,333 --> 00:47:05,530
But I also have one of the greatest
young military minds around.
796
00:47:05,669 --> 00:47:07,694
I mean, this guy's
the real deal.
797
00:47:07,805 --> 00:47:09,170
And we're gonna stop you.
798
00:47:09,473 --> 00:47:12,169
Well, you certainly have
a healthy imagination, MacGruber.
799
00:47:12,276 --> 00:47:16,042
But I don't know anything about
a warhead, nuclear or otherwise.
800
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,249
You're lying.
And you're a piece of shit.
801
00:47:19,350 --> 00:47:20,578
We're all done here.
802
00:47:20,684 --> 00:47:22,584
Would you show
Mr. MacGruber the door?
803
00:47:23,888 --> 00:47:25,822
Let me tell you how
this is gonna go down.
804
00:47:26,123 --> 00:47:27,818
First l'm gonna
kick you in the chin...
805
00:47:27,925 --> 00:47:29,790
breaking your jaw in four places.
806
00:47:29,927 --> 00:47:32,191
I'm gonna take you and
karate flip you over my back...
807
00:47:32,296 --> 00:47:34,696
and then knee your nose
into your brain, killing you instantly.
808
00:47:35,032 --> 00:47:36,659
I do wanna get throat rip in here.
809
00:47:36,767 --> 00:47:38,826
I think that's gonna be you, small fry.
810
00:47:39,136 --> 00:47:41,696
One thing I do know,
at the end of the day, Cunth...
811
00:47:41,805 --> 00:47:42,863
I'm gonna rip your dick off
and shove it in your mouth.
812
00:47:44,675 --> 00:47:47,906
And that is
non-negotiable. Who's first?
813
00:47:50,781 --> 00:47:51,748
Shit!
814
00:47:52,583 --> 00:47:53,743
My fucking back.
815
00:47:57,621 --> 00:48:00,021
You did not just do that.
That is a Blaupunkt!
816
00:48:00,357 --> 00:48:02,222
You owe me
a Blaupunkt!
817
00:48:03,427 --> 00:48:04,416
Where's Vicki?
818
00:48:12,570 --> 00:48:14,197
I'm not sure I can do this.
819
00:48:14,371 --> 00:48:15,702
Vicki, where are you?
820
00:48:15,806 --> 00:48:18,036
Don't do it for yourself.
Do it for your family.
821
00:48:18,142 --> 00:48:19,234
Vicki!
822
00:48:19,343 --> 00:48:20,310
My family?
823
00:48:20,711 --> 00:48:21,939
Good night, Senator.
824
00:48:22,179 --> 00:48:23,271
Vicki, l just got
thrown out of the party.
825
00:48:23,380 --> 00:48:24,847
- I got thrown through a window.
- Shh.
826
00:48:24,982 --> 00:48:26,313
Threw my Blaupunkt out, too.
827
00:48:26,417 --> 00:48:27,384
And it's broken, and I'm really
fucking bummed about it.
828
00:48:28,919 --> 00:48:31,888
MacGruber, I'm watching Senator Garver
talk to Constantine Bach.
829
00:48:31,989 --> 00:48:33,889
Oh, well, I'm glad
that you're having so much fun
830
00:48:33,991 --> 00:48:36,186
checking out all the cute guys
at the party, Vicki...
831
00:48:36,827 --> 00:48:38,852
but there's a nuclear
threat going on...
832
00:48:38,963 --> 00:48:40,794
and we could use
all the help we can get.
833
00:48:40,898 --> 00:48:42,388
So can you please
get out here?
834
00:48:42,499 --> 00:48:43,557
Fine.
835
00:48:46,904 --> 00:48:48,235
First of all, great party.
836
00:48:48,339 --> 00:48:49,601
Let's get that out of the way.
837
00:48:49,707 --> 00:48:51,538
I loved the music,
I loved the dancing...
838
00:48:51,642 --> 00:48:52,768
the sushi, excellent.
839
00:48:52,876 --> 00:48:54,741
I particularly enjoyed
being humiliated...
840
00:48:54,845 --> 00:48:57,405
by MacGruber in front
of my daughter and all my guests.
841
00:48:57,514 --> 00:48:59,607
By the way, does anyone
know how he got in?
842
00:49:00,217 --> 00:49:02,014
He walked in
the front door, sir.
843
00:49:02,419 --> 00:49:03,750
He walked in the front door.
844
00:49:03,854 --> 00:49:07,312
I imagined there'd be a more
complicated explanation than that.
845
00:49:07,424 --> 00:49:08,391
Sorry, sir.
846
00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:10,687
Jeff, there's no need
to apologize.
847
00:49:10,794 --> 00:49:11,818
I appreciate your honesty.
848
00:49:11,929 --> 00:49:13,760
Would you move a bit
to your left, please?
849
00:49:14,131 --> 00:49:15,098
Sir.
850
00:49:15,733 --> 00:49:16,700
Great.
851
00:49:19,737 --> 00:49:21,261
Anyone else feel like being honest?
852
00:49:22,473 --> 00:49:25,965
Great, hang that in the foyer
and go kill MacGruber.
853
00:49:29,313 --> 00:49:30,211
Damn it, MacGruber!
854
00:49:30,547 --> 00:49:31,980
I specifically told you
not to go in there.
855
00:49:33,784 --> 00:49:34,944
I got him exactly
where I want him.
856
00:49:35,052 --> 00:49:37,885
Do you? 'Cause l think
it's the other way around.
857
00:49:37,988 --> 00:49:39,512
Agree to disagree, Jim.
858
00:49:41,191 --> 00:49:42,590
Look, I'm really sorry, okay?
859
00:49:42,926 --> 00:49:47,022
''Sorry'' is not going to keep us
safe from this goddamn warhead!
860
00:49:49,199 --> 00:49:53,135
Mac, you've turned into a liability.
861
00:49:54,104 --> 00:49:57,801
And l have no choice
but to take you off this mission.
862
00:49:57,908 --> 00:49:59,739
And this time, it's for real.
863
00:49:59,943 --> 00:50:01,934
But he has the passcodes now!
864
00:50:02,046 --> 00:50:04,344
Because you couldn't stop him.
865
00:50:04,448 --> 00:50:06,177
Jim, you can't do this.
866
00:50:06,417 --> 00:50:08,408
Oh, l can and I just did.
867
00:50:24,635 --> 00:50:26,830
I will suck your fucking dick.
868
00:50:28,305 --> 00:50:30,170
I will let you fuck me.
869
00:50:30,574 --> 00:50:31,541
I'm sorry, Mac.
870
00:50:33,477 --> 00:50:34,774
It's over.
871
00:50:39,883 --> 00:50:43,410
I can't stop thinking about that
envelope that Senator Garver got.
872
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,420
I bet there was some
kind of a clue in there.
873
00:50:45,522 --> 00:50:48,457
It's cute that you're still
thinking about that, Vicki.
874
00:50:48,559 --> 00:50:51,187
But, trust me,
there's nothing to Garver.
875
00:50:51,295 --> 00:50:52,489
I have a feeling in my gut.
876
00:50:52,763 --> 00:50:54,128
Yeah. Sorry.
877
00:50:54,264 --> 00:50:56,664
No, you have nothing
to be sorry about.
878
00:50:56,767 --> 00:50:59,497
Both of you guys
have just done a great job.
879
00:50:59,603 --> 00:51:01,400
If there's anyone
to blame here, it's me.
880
00:51:03,207 --> 00:51:04,071
If it's any consolation...
881
00:51:04,174 --> 00:51:05,698
being with you the last few days...
882
00:51:05,809 --> 00:51:06,867
I've learned a lot.
883
00:51:08,045 --> 00:51:10,138
All of it was what not to do...
884
00:51:10,247 --> 00:51:12,010
but that's an important part
of the learning process.
885
00:51:13,450 --> 00:51:14,883
I'm gonna go use the ladies' room.
886
00:51:14,985 --> 00:51:16,179
Number one
or number two?
887
00:51:16,353 --> 00:51:17,684
Number none-of-your-business.
888
00:51:17,788 --> 00:51:19,312
That means number two.
889
00:51:19,423 --> 00:51:20,390
Shut up!
890
00:51:24,495 --> 00:51:25,621
So when are you
gonna make your move?
891
00:51:25,896 --> 00:51:27,227
What are you talking about?
892
00:51:27,398 --> 00:51:29,491
Come on, man.
You can see it from a mile away.
893
00:51:29,633 --> 00:51:31,100
Shut your butt!
894
00:51:31,201 --> 00:51:34,102
No, seriously.
You two are perfect for each other.
895
00:51:36,874 --> 00:51:40,674
I mean, look, don't get me wrong.
She's a good woman.
896
00:51:40,878 --> 00:51:43,108
Loyal, great at what she does...
897
00:51:43,213 --> 00:51:44,976
good-looking, rocking bod...
898
00:51:45,182 --> 00:51:48,549
smooth dresser, talented lyricist.
899
00:51:49,219 --> 00:51:51,084
But l can very confidently tell you...
900
00:51:51,188 --> 00:51:54,180
that Vicki and I will never
ever be like that.
901
00:51:54,525 --> 00:51:56,322
Never ever say, "Never ever."
902
00:51:57,094 --> 00:51:59,187
No, this time I can.
903
00:52:01,064 --> 00:52:02,964
After Casey, I made
a promise to myself...
904
00:52:03,066 --> 00:52:05,626
that I would never be
with another woman.
905
00:52:06,737 --> 00:52:07,863
Must have been really hard.
906
00:52:09,206 --> 00:52:12,198
Why did he do it?
Why did Cunth kill your wife?
907
00:52:12,376 --> 00:52:14,469
To this day, I have no idea.
908
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,180
We actually all went
to college together.
909
00:52:19,516 --> 00:52:22,542
Believe it or not,
we were very close friends.
910
00:52:24,455 --> 00:52:27,481
Then after graduation,
he got engaged to her.
911
00:52:28,892 --> 00:52:31,087
He asked me to be his best man...
912
00:52:31,195 --> 00:52:32,560
and right about that time...
913
00:52:32,663 --> 00:52:35,325
I started banging her
and mowing her box.
914
00:52:37,034 --> 00:52:38,262
She was actually the first person...
915
00:52:38,368 --> 00:52:41,201
I felt comfortable enough around...
916
00:52:41,305 --> 00:52:42,897
to let eat out my butt.
917
00:52:45,742 --> 00:52:48,040
Anyway, shortly thereafter...
918
00:52:49,179 --> 00:52:50,908
she left him for me.
919
00:52:51,381 --> 00:52:54,179
She was actually carrying
his child at the time.
920
00:52:54,885 --> 00:52:57,080
I asked her to terminate it,
obviously...
921
00:52:57,187 --> 00:52:58,711
so we could start fresh.
922
00:52:59,156 --> 00:53:00,646
And she agreed.
923
00:53:03,126 --> 00:53:04,821
We were so in love.
924
00:53:06,497 --> 00:53:08,021
And he took that from me.
925
00:53:08,799 --> 00:53:10,198
That's really fucked up.
926
00:53:10,667 --> 00:53:11,827
Thanks.
927
00:53:13,704 --> 00:53:15,797
You know, you're a good guy.
928
00:53:16,340 --> 00:53:18,934
And I need to apologize
for something.
929
00:53:19,676 --> 00:53:20,665
- No, you don't.
- No, I do.
930
00:53:22,212 --> 00:53:24,077
I treated you so badly.
931
00:53:25,816 --> 00:53:29,411
I guess l just felt threatened by you,
believe it or not.
932
00:53:30,454 --> 00:53:33,014
And I'm not used
to feeling that way.
933
00:53:33,257 --> 00:53:34,224
I mean...
934
00:53:35,559 --> 00:53:37,083
I'm fucking MacGruber.
935
00:53:40,197 --> 00:53:41,323
Water under the bridge.
936
00:53:41,431 --> 00:53:42,489
You know it.
937
00:53:44,434 --> 00:53:45,093
You know it!
938
00:53:45,202 --> 00:53:46,226
Another beer, Grubes?
939
00:53:48,171 --> 00:53:49,160
Let's see,
we got Molsons...
940
00:53:49,273 --> 00:53:50,365
Shh.
941
00:53:50,841 --> 00:53:51,808
What?
942
00:53:52,576 --> 00:53:53,565
We got company.
943
00:53:54,244 --> 00:53:57,338
Piper! No!
944
00:54:06,089 --> 00:54:07,283
Vicki! Get
behind him!
945
00:54:12,195 --> 00:54:14,186
Get in, get in, get in!
I'm trying to get in!
946
00:54:14,898 --> 00:54:16,297
Stay low!
Stay low!
947
00:54:19,937 --> 00:54:21,234
Oh, my God, is he dead?
948
00:54:21,338 --> 00:54:22,805
Yes! Yes, he's dead!
949
00:54:24,007 --> 00:54:26,271
Oh, fuck!
Holy shit!
950
00:54:26,410 --> 00:54:28,970
Oh, my God.
I thought we were goners.
951
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,341
How did you know
I was wearing a bulletproof vest?
952
00:54:31,448 --> 00:54:33,973
You're wearing a bulletproof vest?
Awesome!
953
00:54:34,484 --> 00:54:35,508
What, you didn't know?
954
00:54:35,619 --> 00:54:36,779
No, of course I knew.
955
00:54:36,887 --> 00:54:37,854
I knew the whole time, yeah.
956
00:54:39,389 --> 00:54:40,583
Pull over and let me out.
957
00:54:40,691 --> 00:54:41,658
No. Why?
958
00:54:41,758 --> 00:54:44,727
Because you just used me
as a human shield!
959
00:54:44,828 --> 00:54:46,955
- I did not! No, I didn't!
- Yes, you did!
960
00:54:47,064 --> 00:54:48,588
Vicki, did I just use him
as a human shield?
961
00:54:48,699 --> 00:54:49,666
Yeah, you kind of did.
962
00:54:49,766 --> 00:54:50,926
Okay, you're blowing this
out of proportion...
963
00:54:51,034 --> 00:54:52,023
and thanks.
964
00:54:52,135 --> 00:54:53,102
Pull over.
965
00:54:53,203 --> 00:54:54,170
- Pull over!
- Fine.
966
00:54:59,876 --> 00:55:02,344
Did you just kick my car?
Oh, no, you don't.
967
00:55:02,446 --> 00:55:04,676
No, you don't!
Real mature!
968
00:55:07,851 --> 00:55:09,045
You suck, MacGruber!
969
00:55:09,386 --> 00:55:12,446
Bye, Piper!
Get home safe!
970
00:55:23,734 --> 00:55:25,167
Are you okay?
971
00:55:25,636 --> 00:55:26,625
Yeah.
972
00:55:28,839 --> 00:55:30,773
My God, what happened
to your leg?
973
00:55:32,676 --> 00:55:34,769
It's nothing.
MacGruber, you've been shot!
974
00:55:34,911 --> 00:55:35,935
I wish it was through the head.
975
00:55:36,046 --> 00:55:37,035
Don't say that.
976
00:55:37,881 --> 00:55:40,281
Come inside.
Let me get that bullet out of you.
977
00:55:48,859 --> 00:55:51,020
This is gonna sting a little.
978
00:55:56,566 --> 00:55:57,931
I'm going to remove the bullet now.
979
00:55:58,035 --> 00:55:59,866
Do you want to
bite down on this?
980
00:56:00,070 --> 00:56:01,560
I deserve pain.
981
00:56:11,948 --> 00:56:14,007
I don't know
what happened back there.
982
00:56:14,685 --> 00:56:16,676
I just freaked out.
983
00:56:17,621 --> 00:56:19,384
Everybody makes mistakes.
984
00:56:19,489 --> 00:56:20,478
No.
985
00:56:21,658 --> 00:56:22,818
Not me.
986
00:56:23,093 --> 00:56:25,084
He didn't die.
But he could have.
987
00:56:25,195 --> 00:56:26,787
You're being too hard on yourself.
988
00:56:26,897 --> 00:56:29,092
Or maybe the Colonel was right.
989
00:56:29,199 --> 00:56:30,723
Maybe l've lost it.
990
00:56:36,039 --> 00:56:37,973
Why do you stick around?
991
00:56:38,675 --> 00:56:39,835
Because I believe
in what you're doing.
992
00:56:40,177 --> 00:56:41,337
You do?
993
00:56:41,478 --> 00:56:42,502
Yes.
994
00:56:43,847 --> 00:56:45,678
You're an amazing man.
995
00:56:46,516 --> 00:56:48,950
You're gorgeous,
you have a perfect body.
996
00:56:49,052 --> 00:56:50,349
A great sense of style.
997
00:56:50,721 --> 00:56:52,086
You're smart and brave.
998
00:56:52,189 --> 00:56:53,156
Yeah.
999
00:56:54,291 --> 00:56:56,919
Casey was a very lucky woman
to have a guy like you.
1000
00:56:57,227 --> 00:56:59,889
Well, you're a very
special woman, too.
1001
00:57:01,698 --> 00:57:04,462
Tell me, why didn't you
ever settle down?
1002
00:57:06,236 --> 00:57:08,397
I've only ever loved one man.
1003
00:57:09,106 --> 00:57:10,073
He's taken.
1004
00:57:10,307 --> 00:57:11,274
Oh.
1005
00:57:12,409 --> 00:57:13,467
He's married?
1006
00:57:14,845 --> 00:57:16,005
He was.
1007
00:57:16,613 --> 00:57:19,741
But she's still in his heart,
God rest her soul.
1008
00:57:21,084 --> 00:57:22,847
I just hope he doesn't
blame himself...
1009
00:57:22,953 --> 00:57:24,750
for her getting blown up
at their wedding.
1010
00:57:26,923 --> 00:57:28,413
Maybe one day...
1011
00:57:28,658 --> 00:57:31,183
you'll get the courage
to tell him how you feel.
1012
00:57:33,130 --> 00:57:34,256
Maybe.
1013
00:57:37,367 --> 00:57:38,595
I got it.
1014
00:57:41,972 --> 00:57:43,098
MacGruber.
1015
00:57:44,441 --> 00:57:45,567
Sorry.
1016
00:57:45,976 --> 00:57:47,170
I always get an erection...
1017
00:57:47,277 --> 00:57:50,576
when a beautiful woman
uses a pair of pliers near my balls.
1018
00:57:50,714 --> 00:57:52,773
MacGruber.
1019
00:57:54,117 --> 00:57:56,085
Thank you.
1020
00:57:59,489 --> 00:58:00,820
I better get you sewn up.
1021
00:58:01,091 --> 00:58:02,080
No.
1022
00:58:03,894 --> 00:58:05,327
Leave it open.
1023
00:58:06,963 --> 00:58:10,023
I like holes.
1024
00:58:12,869 --> 00:58:14,769
I'm a virgin.
1025
00:58:15,305 --> 00:58:17,136
Not for long.
1026
00:59:10,894 --> 00:59:12,987
My God, l'm gonna
frigging explode inside you.
1027
00:59:13,096 --> 00:59:14,154
I'm going to spill it.
1028
00:59:14,264 --> 00:59:16,095
I'm going to fill you up.
1029
00:59:16,199 --> 00:59:17,325
I'm going to fill you up.
1030
00:59:17,434 --> 00:59:19,026
What?
I'm going to fill you up!
1031
00:59:19,135 --> 00:59:21,365
Okay. Just let me do the talking.
Sorry.
1032
00:59:21,471 --> 00:59:22,733
Oh, yeah!
1033
00:59:23,006 --> 00:59:27,067
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
1034
01:00:12,756 --> 01:00:13,723
You were amazing.
1035
01:00:13,823 --> 01:00:15,085
I have to go.
1036
01:00:15,191 --> 01:00:16,180
What's wrong?
1037
01:00:16,293 --> 01:00:17,453
I have to go.
1038
01:00:17,594 --> 01:00:18,561
Oh!
1039
01:00:18,862 --> 01:00:19,851
Shoot!
1040
01:00:24,334 --> 01:00:25,358
MacGruber!
1041
01:00:29,773 --> 01:00:32,742
MacGruber!
Wait!
1042
01:00:45,488 --> 01:00:47,786
I'm so sorry, Casey.
1043
01:00:48,091 --> 01:00:50,457
I just made love
to another woman.
1044
01:00:50,660 --> 01:00:53,891
I can't help but feel
that l've betrayed you.
1045
01:00:56,232 --> 01:00:57,665
It's okay, MacGruber.
1046
01:01:00,003 --> 01:01:00,970
Casey?
1047
01:01:01,071 --> 01:01:02,095
It's okay.
1048
01:01:02,205 --> 01:01:04,332
Be with Vicki.
1049
01:01:05,675 --> 01:01:07,302
But I can't do that to you.
1050
01:01:07,544 --> 01:01:10,479
You have to move on
with your life.
1051
01:01:12,849 --> 01:01:14,714
I don't know what to say.
1052
01:01:18,154 --> 01:01:20,554
Then don't say anything.
1053
01:01:38,708 --> 01:01:39,732
Yeah!
1054
01:01:40,243 --> 01:01:41,232
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1055
01:01:45,815 --> 01:01:49,410
Wow. Wow. Wow.
1056
01:01:50,086 --> 01:01:55,524
Wow! Wow! Wow!
Wow! Wow! Wow!
1057
01:01:57,027 --> 01:01:57,994
I'm going to shoot.
1058
01:01:58,094 --> 01:01:59,857
I'm going to fucking shoot.
1059
01:01:59,963 --> 01:02:01,328
I'm gonna shoot, too.
1060
01:02:01,431 --> 01:02:02,659
Let's shoot together.
1061
01:02:02,766 --> 01:02:03,733
Okay.
1062
01:02:24,354 --> 01:02:25,514
I shot.
1063
01:02:26,623 --> 01:02:27,954
I did, too.
1064
01:02:29,926 --> 01:02:31,791
Now go, MacGruber.
1065
01:02:31,895 --> 01:02:33,795
Go tell Vicki how
you feel about her.
1066
01:02:36,733 --> 01:02:37,893
I will.
1067
01:02:46,142 --> 01:02:47,473
Oh, and Casey?
1068
01:02:51,147 --> 01:02:52,341
Thanks.
1069
01:03:05,562 --> 01:03:06,756
What are the chances?
1070
01:03:14,370 --> 01:03:15,394
Go for Grubes.
1071
01:03:15,505 --> 01:03:16,870
MacGruber.
Oh, sweet.
1072
01:03:16,973 --> 01:03:18,065
Look, I just wanted
to apologize
1073
01:03:18,174 --> 01:03:19,300
for how things went
down the other day...
1074
01:03:19,409 --> 01:03:20,876
and give you the good news.
1075
01:03:21,111 --> 01:03:22,078
Good news?
1076
01:03:23,246 --> 01:03:24,440
I'm all ears.
1077
01:03:24,547 --> 01:03:25,571
We just received intel
1078
01:03:25,682 --> 01:03:28,446
that Russian special forces
have recovered the X-5.
1079
01:03:28,585 --> 01:03:29,677
That's great!
1080
01:03:29,786 --> 01:03:32,118
I want to be there when
you take Cunth down.
1081
01:03:32,956 --> 01:03:34,719
MacGruber, listen.
We were wrong about Cunth.
1082
01:03:34,824 --> 01:03:35,984
He's not involved.
1083
01:03:36,092 --> 01:03:37,616
It was Chechen rebels.
1084
01:03:37,827 --> 01:03:41,524
Jim, you're wrong about being wrong.
This is textbook Cunth.
1085
01:03:41,965 --> 01:03:44,297
I'm telling you, Mac, he's clean.
1086
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,163
Yeah, as clean as a pig dick.
1087
01:03:46,970 --> 01:03:49,097
Look, Jim, this has gotta
be some kind of distraction...
1088
01:03:49,205 --> 01:03:50,968
so he can use the X-5.
1089
01:03:51,074 --> 01:03:53,201
And my gut tells me
he's gonna use it soon.
1090
01:03:53,810 --> 01:03:55,175
I don't know what he's gonna do...
1091
01:03:59,749 --> 01:04:00,773
Oh, my God.
1092
01:04:00,884 --> 01:04:04,342
Jim! Jim! Cunth is gonna nuke
the State of the Union!
1093
01:04:04,554 --> 01:04:07,455
MacGruber, this intel
comes from a very reliable source.
1094
01:04:07,557 --> 01:04:10,253
Now, do me a favor.
Take some time off.
1095
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:11,327
Just go to a beach somewhere...
1096
01:04:11,427 --> 01:04:13,622
kick off your boots
and drink a few Molsons.
1097
01:04:13,830 --> 01:04:15,229
I have a better idea.
1098
01:04:16,866 --> 01:04:19,027
I'm gonna go save the world.
1099
01:04:26,843 --> 01:04:28,003
Hey, what the fuck?
1100
01:04:28,111 --> 01:04:29,339
Fuck you, asshole!
1101
01:04:29,445 --> 01:04:31,003
That's my car!
1102
01:04:36,686 --> 01:04:40,144
Senator, tell me again
where you got this intel.
1103
01:04:42,058 --> 01:04:44,549
I'm sorry, Jim.
I had no choice.
1104
01:04:52,035 --> 01:04:53,161
Vicki.
1105
01:04:53,570 --> 01:04:55,435
I'm so sorry, Vicki.
1106
01:04:56,539 --> 01:04:57,699
What the hell?
1107
01:04:58,508 --> 01:04:59,634
Vicki?
1108
01:05:01,778 --> 01:05:02,745
Vicki?
1109
01:05:09,519 --> 01:05:11,350
"Songs for My Gruber."
1110
01:05:11,788 --> 01:05:13,085
Oh, Vicki.
1111
01:05:17,827 --> 01:05:18,919
Vicki. Where are you?
1112
01:05:19,162 --> 01:05:20,254
Hello, MacGruber.
1113
01:05:20,697 --> 01:05:23,029
Cunth. What did you
do with Vicki?
1114
01:05:23,132 --> 01:05:24,429
Oh, I haven't seen her.
1115
01:05:24,534 --> 01:05:26,161
I somehow stumbled
on her cell phone.
1116
01:05:26,469 --> 01:05:27,959
Listen to me, Cunth.
1117
01:05:28,071 --> 01:05:30,164
I know what you're planning,
you frigging turd.
1118
01:05:30,273 --> 01:05:32,264
Look, if you care at all
about Vicki's cell phone...
1119
01:05:32,375 --> 01:05:33,364
you'll stay away.
1120
01:05:33,843 --> 01:05:34,935
If you don't, I'll smash it...
1121
01:05:35,044 --> 01:05:36,841
into a million, trillion little pieces.
1122
01:05:37,046 --> 01:05:38,673
Do you understand me?
1123
01:05:39,015 --> 01:05:41,108
I understand.
Or at least I think I do.
1124
01:05:41,217 --> 01:05:42,741
Vicki's cell phone is Vicki, right?
1125
01:05:42,852 --> 01:05:43,841
Goodbye, MacGruber.
1126
01:05:43,953 --> 01:05:45,113
Dieter, wait!
1127
01:05:45,288 --> 01:05:46,550
Look, uh...
1128
01:05:47,290 --> 01:05:50,919
I just wanted to say that
it's been really good...
1129
01:05:51,294 --> 01:05:52,921
to mix it up with you.
1130
01:05:53,029 --> 01:05:54,963
And, you know...
1131
01:05:55,431 --> 01:05:57,092
I think that you would
admit that we make...
1132
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:58,895
pretty damn good adversaries.
1133
01:05:59,602 --> 01:06:01,763
And, you know...
1134
01:06:02,739 --> 01:06:05,264
thanks for being there, dude.
1135
01:06:05,642 --> 01:06:07,803
Wow. I didn't expect that.
Thanks, MacGruber.
1136
01:06:08,011 --> 01:06:10,138
Cunth, one more thing.
1137
01:06:10,546 --> 01:06:13,379
Uh... Let's see, how do I put this?
1138
01:06:14,050 --> 01:06:15,449
Uh...
1139
01:06:18,021 --> 01:06:21,013
Oh, yeah.
I cannot wait to cut off your dick
1140
01:06:21,124 --> 01:06:22,887
and shove it in your mouth!
1141
01:06:23,026 --> 01:06:24,618
Goodbye, MacGruber.
1142
01:06:26,963 --> 01:06:28,931
Time to go pound some Cunth.
1143
01:06:34,837 --> 01:06:35,929
Boom.
1144
01:07:14,844 --> 01:07:15,970
Thanks for doing this, Pi.
1145
01:07:16,112 --> 01:07:17,306
And, look...
1146
01:07:17,413 --> 01:07:18,880
sorry about last night.
1147
01:07:18,981 --> 01:07:20,471
It was a real rookie maneuver.
1148
01:07:21,384 --> 01:07:23,477
Let's get something straight.
1149
01:07:23,586 --> 01:07:24,917
I'm not doing this for you.
1150
01:07:25,021 --> 01:07:27,080
I'm doing it for all the innocent
people out there...
1151
01:07:27,190 --> 01:07:28,817
whose lives are at stake.
1152
01:07:28,925 --> 01:07:31,416
Well, my life is just as at stake.
1153
01:07:31,527 --> 01:07:34,189
So in a way,
you are doing it for me.
1154
01:07:34,297 --> 01:07:35,764
And I thank you
for that.
1155
01:07:35,865 --> 01:07:37,958
You know what?
Just stop.
1156
01:07:38,067 --> 01:07:40,092
That's all you do, is talk.
1157
01:07:40,203 --> 01:07:41,636
You talk and you
fuck things up.
1158
01:07:41,738 --> 01:07:42,864
And I rip throats.
1159
01:07:42,972 --> 01:07:44,269
I seriously doubt it.
1160
01:07:44,374 --> 01:07:46,205
Oh, you do?
Well, then, I guess you'll see.
1161
01:07:46,309 --> 01:07:50,405
Will I?
Yeah, you will. And so will they.
1162
01:07:51,814 --> 01:07:54,112
Sorry to bother you, sir,
but... Colonel?
1163
01:07:55,518 --> 01:07:56,576
Colonel!
1164
01:08:01,924 --> 01:08:05,325
MacGruber was right.
1165
01:08:16,806 --> 01:08:19,900
Looks like 11, 12 that l can see.
1166
01:08:21,277 --> 01:08:22,744
But there will be more inside.
1167
01:08:22,845 --> 01:08:25,245
Well, I hope they got a ditch
dug out back for all the bodies.
1168
01:08:25,348 --> 01:08:29,216
Otherwise things are going to
get real smelly here later on.
1169
01:08:29,318 --> 01:08:30,785
That's a pretty gross
way to look at it.
1170
01:08:30,887 --> 01:08:32,013
Well, I'm a realist.
1171
01:08:32,121 --> 01:08:33,713
I don't know how many people
you're planning on killing...
1172
01:08:33,823 --> 01:08:35,450
but I am definitely going to
kill that guy with the pony...
1173
01:08:35,558 --> 01:08:36,547
Shh! Shh.
1174
01:08:38,661 --> 01:08:40,151
No, just let him pass.
1175
01:08:40,263 --> 01:08:42,356
We don't want to attract
any more attention.
1176
01:08:44,300 --> 01:08:45,267
MacGruber?
1177
01:08:49,872 --> 01:08:50,839
Oh!
1178
01:08:53,943 --> 01:08:54,932
Jesus Christ.
1179
01:08:55,044 --> 01:08:57,376
Pretty cool, right?
Bet you weren't expecting that.
1180
01:08:57,480 --> 01:09:00,711
Yeah, that was really disgusting.
1181
01:09:00,817 --> 01:09:03,718
Well, get used to it,
'cause that's my main move.
1182
01:09:03,820 --> 01:09:06,721
Besides, he would've done the exact
same thing to me if he had the chance.
1183
01:09:06,823 --> 01:09:08,620
No, he wouldn't have.
He would've shot you, not...
1184
01:09:08,724 --> 01:09:10,487
Down, now.
1185
01:09:11,861 --> 01:09:13,021
All right, that was too close.
1186
01:09:13,129 --> 01:09:14,426
We need a new point of entry.
1187
01:09:14,530 --> 01:09:15,895
Let's move!
1188
01:09:18,468 --> 01:09:19,935
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki.
1189
01:09:20,036 --> 01:09:22,231
Always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.
1190
01:09:24,173 --> 01:09:26,038
What was that?
Didn't quite catch that.
1191
01:09:27,810 --> 01:09:29,402
Stick it where the sun
don't shine, Dieter.
1192
01:09:29,512 --> 01:09:32,379
Oh, yeah?
Where might that be?
1193
01:09:32,482 --> 01:09:34,211
Your butt?
1194
01:09:35,218 --> 01:09:37,618
Up your butthole?
1195
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:39,711
Let's just put this back in, shall we?
1196
01:09:39,822 --> 01:09:41,312
Now, I know
MacGruber's after you.
1197
01:09:41,424 --> 01:09:42,857
And I can't wait.
You know why?
1198
01:09:42,959 --> 01:09:45,519
'Cause I'm going to
watch him watch me
1199
01:09:45,628 --> 01:09:48,290
kill you right in front of him, and then...
1200
01:09:48,397 --> 01:09:50,763
I'm going to watch me kill him...
1201
01:09:50,867 --> 01:09:52,334
in front of a mirror.
1202
01:09:52,435 --> 01:09:55,131
And then, l'm going
to watch some TV.
1203
01:09:55,238 --> 01:09:57,229
I hope there's something good on.
1204
01:09:59,742 --> 01:10:03,269
This will be one of the most anticipated
State of the Unions in history.
1205
01:10:03,379 --> 01:10:05,870
I'm told the President is
about to enter the chamber.
1206
01:10:06,282 --> 01:10:08,011
Oh, good.
I love disaster movies.
1207
01:10:13,222 --> 01:10:14,780
Here he is,
ladies and gentlemen,
1208
01:10:15,258 --> 01:10:17,453
the President of
the United States.
1209
01:10:18,461 --> 01:10:23,091
And then I told her,
''Not for long,'' and then we rammed.
1210
01:10:23,733 --> 01:10:25,633
You what?
Yeah, I humped her.
1211
01:10:25,735 --> 01:10:26,861
I don't want to use the F-word...
1212
01:10:26,969 --> 01:10:29,267
'cause I don't want to diminish
its beauty in any way.
1213
01:10:29,372 --> 01:10:31,067
But it was fucking great.
1214
01:10:31,173 --> 01:10:33,971
And I've never felt that way
about a bone session before.
1215
01:10:34,076 --> 01:10:36,510
Yeah, sounds really special.
Thanks.
1216
01:10:36,612 --> 01:10:37,840
This looks like the main duct.
1217
01:10:37,947 --> 01:10:39,608
We should be right underneath
the control room.
1218
01:10:39,715 --> 01:10:41,512
Oh, yeah.
You ready?
1219
01:10:41,617 --> 01:10:43,209
Time to go pound some Cunth.
1220
01:10:43,319 --> 01:10:44,650
Yeah.
1221
01:10:45,988 --> 01:10:47,683
- What?
- Nothing.
1222
01:10:48,057 --> 01:10:49,456
No, what?
1223
01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:52,494
It's just I've noticed
you say that line all the time.
1224
01:10:52,595 --> 01:10:53,584
It's a good line.
1225
01:10:53,796 --> 01:10:55,058
Is it?
1226
01:10:55,164 --> 01:10:56,859
Yeah. I know good lines.
I'm really good with them.
1227
01:10:56,966 --> 01:11:01,062
I work them up, and I even have
a line for after I defeat Cunth.
1228
01:11:01,170 --> 01:11:04,196
Great. Can't wait to hear it.
Practiced it in a mirror. It is ready to go.
1229
01:11:04,307 --> 01:11:06,400
Yeah, you'll hear it.
You'll know.
1230
01:11:06,509 --> 01:11:08,238
I'll look at you and...
Yeah, you'll know.
1231
01:11:08,344 --> 01:11:09,641
Should we get going?
1232
01:11:10,079 --> 01:11:11,307
Okay.
Okay.
1233
01:11:12,515 --> 01:11:14,346
Oh, I can go...
1234
01:11:14,951 --> 01:11:16,976
You go. You go.
1235
01:11:17,420 --> 01:11:19,445
Miller, do you copy?
1236
01:11:20,489 --> 01:11:22,980
Miller, are you there?
1237
01:11:23,092 --> 01:11:24,389
God damn it, Miller.
1238
01:11:27,229 --> 01:11:28,218
Throat lozenges?
1239
01:11:28,331 --> 01:11:30,196
You're going to want
to take the whole box.
1240
01:11:32,468 --> 01:11:33,594
Awesome.
Got another throat rip in.
1241
01:11:35,404 --> 01:11:36,166
Cool.
1242
01:11:36,272 --> 01:11:37,330
Might go for the turkey.
1243
01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:38,805
The turkey?
1244
01:11:38,908 --> 01:11:41,741
Yeah, it's a bowling term for
when you get three strikes in a row.
1245
01:11:41,844 --> 01:11:43,937
And I applied that
to throat rips.
1246
01:11:44,046 --> 01:11:45,013
That's sick.
1247
01:11:45,114 --> 01:11:46,274
Maybe.
1248
01:11:46,382 --> 01:11:48,247
But if ripping throats
gets that warhead back...
1249
01:11:48,351 --> 01:11:49,875
I'll suck as many dicks as it...
1250
01:11:49,986 --> 01:11:52,420
Rip as many throats as I have to.
1251
01:11:52,521 --> 01:11:54,853
- Did you hear that?
- No.
1252
01:11:54,957 --> 01:11:56,083
Okay, good.
1253
01:11:56,692 --> 01:11:58,751
Awesome!
Check this out.
1254
01:11:58,861 --> 01:12:00,158
Hey, Cunth.
1255
01:12:00,262 --> 01:12:02,492
Guess who's in your
stupid compound.
1256
01:12:02,598 --> 01:12:04,498
It's me, MacGruber!
1257
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,966
And I am with my brother
from another mother...
1258
01:12:07,069 --> 01:12:08,468
Lieutenant Dixon Piper.
1259
01:12:08,571 --> 01:12:09,765
What are you...
Let me do this. What are you...
1260
01:12:09,872 --> 01:12:10,964
Let me do this!
1261
01:12:11,073 --> 01:12:15,533
Just lick it up.
Back on the air, fuckface!
1262
01:12:15,645 --> 01:12:16,669
Kill him.
1263
01:12:16,779 --> 01:12:18,713
Now, look. Even though
there are only two of us here in this,
1264
01:12:18,814 --> 01:12:20,679
call it a control room,
we are going to destroy you.
1265
01:12:20,783 --> 01:12:22,876
Control room! Now!
1266
01:12:22,985 --> 01:12:25,146
So anyways, come on over
to the control room.
1267
01:12:25,254 --> 01:12:29,418
We'll be waiting,
and we have a little surprise for you.
1268
01:12:51,814 --> 01:12:53,873
Pretty good idea, huh?
1269
01:12:53,983 --> 01:12:55,848
Which one,
the desecration of the corpse...
1270
01:12:55,951 --> 01:12:58,146
or the water ambush?
1271
01:12:58,254 --> 01:13:00,950
You know, you make
fun of this stuff, but trust me...
1272
01:13:01,057 --> 01:13:02,888
that is going
to buy us some serious time.
1273
01:13:04,560 --> 01:13:05,652
They're in the machine room!
1274
01:13:06,495 --> 01:13:08,895
Machine room! Go!
1275
01:13:23,946 --> 01:13:25,573
Okay, I rounded up this wrench...
1276
01:13:25,681 --> 01:13:27,444
and I already have this bottle cap.
1277
01:13:27,550 --> 01:13:31,042
But be on the lookout
for one large brown egg.
1278
01:13:31,153 --> 01:13:32,347
Shut the fuck up, MacGruber!
1279
01:13:36,525 --> 01:13:38,049
I am trying to help here!
1280
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,219
There are too many guys.
I need you to take two of these guns.
1281
01:13:40,329 --> 01:13:42,797
I told you, I do not use guns.
1282
01:13:42,898 --> 01:13:43,887
Well, you better start...
1283
01:13:43,999 --> 01:13:46,160
because sticking a piece of
fucking celery up your ass...
1284
01:13:46,268 --> 01:13:47,292
ain't gonna hack it this time.
1285
01:13:47,403 --> 01:13:49,462
I'm not going to use a gun!
Why?
1286
01:13:49,572 --> 01:13:51,597
Because...
1287
01:13:51,707 --> 01:13:54,073
I don't know how. Okay?
1288
01:13:54,176 --> 01:13:55,438
I don't fucking believe it.
1289
01:13:55,544 --> 01:13:56,602
They scare me.
1290
01:13:56,712 --> 01:13:58,077
Do you want to save Vicki?
1291
01:14:00,049 --> 01:14:02,142
Okay, okay.
So what do l do?
1292
01:14:02,251 --> 01:14:04,151
You point it and you shoot it.
1293
01:14:04,253 --> 01:14:06,153
Okay, okay.
Okay, here goes.
1294
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:11,818
Oh! I got a barrel!
1295
01:14:11,927 --> 01:14:14,054
Aim for a person!
Oh! Good call, good call. Okay.
1296
01:14:18,267 --> 01:14:20,531
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I got that guy! Did you see that?
1297
01:14:20,636 --> 01:14:23,070
I think I actually got him,
but you're doing a great job.
1298
01:14:23,172 --> 01:14:24,662
Thank you.
I'm going to take those two guys out.
1299
01:14:24,774 --> 01:14:26,241
No, no, no!
I want to do it! I want to do it!
1300
01:14:30,846 --> 01:14:31,813
This is so awesome!
1301
01:14:31,914 --> 01:14:35,008
This is so much better than those
stupid fucking gadgets I used to make.
1302
01:14:35,117 --> 01:14:36,414
We gotta make a run
for that door.
1303
01:14:36,519 --> 01:14:37,747
We're gonna go on
the count of three...
1304
01:14:37,853 --> 01:14:39,878
and whatever you do,
just keep shooting.
1305
01:14:39,989 --> 01:14:42,219
Okay, okay, okay.
1306
01:14:42,324 --> 01:14:43,689
Ready?
We just keep shooting?
1307
01:14:43,793 --> 01:14:44,919
- Yeah.
- Okay!
1308
01:14:45,027 --> 01:14:45,994
One...
1309
01:14:46,095 --> 01:14:47,824
two, three!
1310
01:15:15,724 --> 01:15:17,589
That was a close one.
1311
01:15:17,693 --> 01:15:19,183
- Where are the guns?
- Shh. Shh.
1312
01:15:21,330 --> 01:15:22,592
We got company.
1313
01:15:31,807 --> 01:15:33,536
Nice gun butt.
1314
01:15:33,642 --> 01:15:36,634
One of us should probably
finish him off.
1315
01:15:37,913 --> 01:15:40,438
You really want
that throat rip, don't you?
1316
01:15:40,549 --> 01:15:41,538
Well...
1317
01:15:41,650 --> 01:15:45,313
I mean, yeah, but l know
you're not into it, so.. .
1318
01:15:46,722 --> 01:15:47,689
Hey.
1319
01:15:48,757 --> 01:15:50,190
Go for the turkey.
1320
01:15:50,926 --> 01:15:52,860
Really?
Yeah.
1321
01:15:53,562 --> 01:15:54,551
Thank you.
1322
01:15:54,663 --> 01:15:57,826
No, thank you.
For trying to save my life.
1323
01:15:57,933 --> 01:15:59,366
Well, I owed you one.
1324
01:16:00,169 --> 01:16:01,466
Put her there, Grubes.
1325
01:16:16,085 --> 01:16:17,074
That's it.
1326
01:16:17,186 --> 01:16:18,153
Vicki's in there.
1327
01:16:18,254 --> 01:16:20,415
I can feel it in my balls.
1328
01:16:21,757 --> 01:16:22,917
Vicki!
1329
01:16:23,425 --> 01:16:24,619
Hi!
1330
01:16:26,028 --> 01:16:28,553
Game's over, gentlemen.
1331
01:16:32,134 --> 01:16:33,499
Ah! MacGruber.
1332
01:16:36,205 --> 01:16:37,866
You're just in time.
1333
01:16:39,041 --> 01:16:41,066
You guys hungry?
You want a potsticker, a Molson?
1334
01:16:41,176 --> 01:16:43,303
We made a pretty
substantial Costco run.
1335
01:16:43,412 --> 01:16:45,880
Might not be able to get food
for a while, so we got enough...
1336
01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:48,211
for, like, an entire nuclear winter.
1337
01:16:48,317 --> 01:16:50,911
Constantine, would you be a
lamb and take these two...
1338
01:16:51,020 --> 01:16:53,284
while I have a little fun
with MacGruber, here?
1339
01:16:55,324 --> 01:16:56,291
Kneel.
1340
01:16:56,959 --> 01:16:58,256
Kneel!
1341
01:16:58,627 --> 01:17:01,960
First of all, I'd like to thank you
for that upper decker you left me.
1342
01:17:05,734 --> 01:17:07,668
I can't wait to kill you.
1343
01:17:07,770 --> 01:17:08,998
I want my mommy!
1344
01:17:09,104 --> 01:17:10,765
What, is MacGruber
gonna rip my throat out?
1345
01:17:10,873 --> 01:17:13,239
No, I want your throat
to stay right where it is
1346
01:17:13,342 --> 01:17:14,639
so I can hear you
scream bloody murder
1347
01:17:14,743 --> 01:17:16,768
when I cut off your dick
and shove it in your mouth.
1348
01:17:16,879 --> 01:17:17,868
Tonight!
1349
01:17:17,980 --> 01:17:19,880
That sounds like a real fun Tuesday...
1350
01:17:19,982 --> 01:17:21,108
but I've already got other plans.
1351
01:17:21,216 --> 01:17:22,979
Oh!
See, in about four minutes...
1352
01:17:23,085 --> 01:17:26,020
I'm going to turn Washington D.C.
into a pile of ash.
1353
01:17:26,121 --> 01:17:28,453
And then I've got a big pile
of money to count.
1354
01:17:28,557 --> 01:17:30,582
How do you make money
killing millions of innocent people?
1355
01:17:30,693 --> 01:17:32,752
Really? I thought that was clear.
1356
01:17:32,861 --> 01:17:34,351
Uh... Someone pays me to do it.
1357
01:17:34,463 --> 01:17:36,897
You see, I can't say who 'cause
that would be gossiping.
1358
01:17:36,999 --> 01:17:38,159
It's the Chinese.
1359
01:17:38,267 --> 01:17:39,825
You make me sick.
1360
01:17:40,336 --> 01:17:41,997
How could you do this?
1361
01:17:42,104 --> 01:17:43,366
Oh, I'm not doing it.
You are.
1362
01:17:44,173 --> 01:17:45,663
You're mad.
You're mad!
1363
01:17:45,774 --> 01:17:49,870
Incensed. Disillusioned by a government
you blame for the death of your wife.
1364
01:17:49,979 --> 01:17:54,416
Your trampy,
backstabbing wife.
1365
01:17:54,516 --> 01:17:57,679
You killed Casey.
You killed Casey!
1366
01:17:57,786 --> 01:17:59,253
Not according
to your manifesto.
1367
01:18:00,055 --> 01:18:02,455
What? What are you talking about?
1368
01:18:02,558 --> 01:18:03,547
Your manifesto.
1369
01:18:04,326 --> 01:18:05,759
In here...
1370
01:18:06,428 --> 01:18:09,295
you blame the government
for the death of Casey...
1371
01:18:09,398 --> 01:18:10,797
and you're going to make
them pay dearly for it.
1372
01:18:12,368 --> 01:18:14,893
Cunth, you gotta believe me,
I didn't write that.
1373
01:18:15,004 --> 01:18:17,370
I'm being framed by somebody.
I don't know who it is...
1374
01:18:17,473 --> 01:18:19,907
but you gotta believe me!
This has been a big misunderstanding...
1375
01:18:20,009 --> 01:18:21,840
Oh, my God!
It's me. I'm writing it.
1376
01:18:21,944 --> 01:18:23,468
I'm the one that's
framing you. Me.
1377
01:18:23,579 --> 01:18:25,877
You son of a bitch!
You'll never get away with this.
1378
01:18:25,981 --> 01:18:28,415
Oh, God. Colonel Faith knows all
about this, and he is going to...
1379
01:18:28,517 --> 01:18:30,178
- Colonel Faith?
- He's dead.
1380
01:18:31,620 --> 01:18:33,053
What?
You're lying.
1381
01:18:34,256 --> 01:18:36,019
Am I?
1382
01:18:36,158 --> 01:18:37,090
Screw you, Cunth!
1383
01:18:37,192 --> 01:18:38,454
Is that an invitation?
1384
01:18:38,560 --> 01:18:40,391
Ew! No.
1385
01:18:41,130 --> 01:18:43,530
Okay, can we get on
with your deaths now?
1386
01:18:43,632 --> 01:18:45,623
But first, there's something
I've been wanting...
1387
01:18:45,734 --> 01:18:47,668
to do for a long time.
1388
01:18:49,204 --> 01:18:50,694
Anyone up for a little trim?
1389
01:18:50,806 --> 01:18:52,797
No.
What are you doing?
1390
01:18:52,908 --> 01:18:54,432
I just want you to look
good in your coffin.
1391
01:18:54,543 --> 01:18:57,535
Don't fucking do it,
Cunth! Don't do it!
1392
01:18:57,646 --> 01:18:58,635
Boys.
1393
01:19:12,294 --> 01:19:17,231
No!
1394
01:19:19,334 --> 01:19:20,995
Oh, look at me!
1395
01:19:21,103 --> 01:19:23,731
I'm MacGruber.
Hey, I'm gonna go pound some Cunth.
1396
01:19:23,839 --> 01:19:26,364
You wanna go?
Fuck you, fuck you.
1397
01:19:41,490 --> 01:19:42,457
Hey!
1398
01:19:43,792 --> 01:19:44,986
What the fuck?
1399
01:19:56,038 --> 01:19:57,062
Now, Vicki!
1400
01:20:07,116 --> 01:20:09,414
l didn't think
you used a gun.
1401
01:20:09,518 --> 01:20:10,746
I don't.
1402
01:20:10,986 --> 01:20:13,352
You punch like a little girl.
1403
01:20:13,455 --> 01:20:15,616
Well, you're gonna walk
around like a little girl.
1404
01:20:15,724 --> 01:20:17,282
'Cause after I disarm this nuke...
1405
01:20:17,392 --> 01:20:19,053
I'm gonna cut off your dick and...
1406
01:20:19,161 --> 01:20:21,152
Shove it in my mouth.
You're like a broken record.
1407
01:20:21,263 --> 01:20:22,525
The only record I'm gonna break...
1408
01:20:22,631 --> 01:20:24,861
is the ''amount of your own dick
in your mouth'' record.
1409
01:20:31,773 --> 01:20:33,536
Launch commencing
in three minutes.
1410
01:20:34,476 --> 01:20:35,602
Three minutes, MacGruber!
1411
01:20:35,711 --> 01:20:36,735
Let's move!
1412
01:20:39,214 --> 01:20:40,977
MacGruber!
1413
01:20:46,021 --> 01:20:47,181
All right.
Don't worry, gang.
1414
01:20:47,289 --> 01:20:48,620
I've been in this situation before...
1415
01:20:48,724 --> 01:20:49,884
and nothing bad has ever happened.
1416
01:20:49,992 --> 01:20:50,981
Right, Vicki?
1417
01:20:52,161 --> 01:20:54,891
All right. Before we start,
there's something I need to say here.
1418
01:20:54,997 --> 01:20:56,624
Vicki, I have been
doing so much thinking
1419
01:20:56,732 --> 01:20:58,097
since we had intercourse last night...
1420
01:20:58,200 --> 01:20:59,189
MacGruber, the bomb!
1421
01:20:59,301 --> 01:21:00,290
You're right, you're right. Okay.
1422
01:21:00,402 --> 01:21:01,426
Piper, toss me that copper wire.
1423
01:21:01,537 --> 01:21:02,868
You got it, MacGruber.
1424
01:21:02,971 --> 01:21:04,097
Vicki, that ball bearing.
1425
01:21:04,206 --> 01:21:05,537
Here you go, MacGruber.
1426
01:21:05,641 --> 01:21:06,608
Piper, those pliers.
1427
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:07,868
Coming at you, Grubes!
1428
01:21:10,345 --> 01:21:11,573
Hurry up, MacGruber!
1429
01:21:11,680 --> 01:21:12,772
We're running out of time!
1430
01:21:14,416 --> 01:21:17,044
Vicki, make me the happiest man
on the face of the Earth.
1431
01:21:17,152 --> 01:21:18,210
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
1432
01:21:18,320 --> 01:21:21,118
Yes! I porked Casey's ghost last night.
We can talk about that later.
1433
01:21:21,823 --> 01:21:24,587
All right, we got a nuclear
warhead to... Holy shit!
1434
01:21:24,693 --> 01:21:25,887
What's wrong, MacGruber?
1435
01:21:25,994 --> 01:21:27,518
What the fuck is this?
1436
01:21:27,629 --> 01:21:30,097
It's a warhead, MacGruber.
You can defuse it, right?
1437
01:21:30,199 --> 01:21:32,599
Are you kidding me?
Look at all this crap.
1438
01:21:32,701 --> 01:21:34,999
There's, like,
a million wires in here.
1439
01:21:35,103 --> 01:21:37,003
I'm more like a three-wire guy.
1440
01:21:37,105 --> 01:21:38,834
Look at this wire.
Where does this go?
1441
01:21:38,941 --> 01:21:40,602
What does that.. .
There's a green one.
1442
01:21:40,709 --> 01:21:42,233
There's, like, a bunch of green.
1443
01:21:42,344 --> 01:21:43,675
Launch commencing
in two minutes.
1444
01:21:43,779 --> 01:21:44,837
Two minutes, MacGruber!
1445
01:21:44,947 --> 01:21:48,383
Yeah, I heard it, Vicki!
Jesus, nag, nag, nag!
1446
01:21:48,483 --> 01:21:50,713
I'm really sorry,
sweetie. l'm so sorry.
1447
01:21:50,819 --> 01:21:52,218
MacGruber, can you
do this or not?
1448
01:21:56,425 --> 01:21:59,588
No. I cannot defuse this missile.
1449
01:22:01,797 --> 01:22:02,991
Bravo, MacGruber!
1450
01:22:03,098 --> 01:22:05,191
I expected no less
from a washout like you.
1451
01:22:05,300 --> 01:22:07,564
Once again,
I win. You lose.
1452
01:22:07,669 --> 01:22:10,069
I didn't finish
my sentence, Dieter.
1453
01:22:10,172 --> 01:22:14,370
No, I cannot defuse your missile.
But I can do this.
1454
01:22:14,476 --> 01:22:16,740
Launch commencing
in one minute.
1455
01:22:19,815 --> 01:22:20,873
No!
A nuclear warhead's...
1456
01:22:20,983 --> 01:22:23,577
not quite the same without
its thermonuclear core.
1457
01:22:23,685 --> 01:22:25,209
Damn it!
1458
01:22:25,320 --> 01:22:27,015
It doesn't matter.
1459
01:22:27,122 --> 01:22:29,249
There's still enough ammonium
nitrate left in that warhead...
1460
01:22:29,358 --> 01:22:31,724
to blow up the White House
and Congress, combined.
1461
01:22:31,827 --> 01:22:32,919
Right again, Cunth.
1462
01:22:33,028 --> 01:22:36,657
Of course, it's going to be awfully
hard to fly it without...
1463
01:22:40,102 --> 01:22:41,194
the guidance system.
1464
01:22:41,303 --> 01:22:42,565
Weak!
1465
01:22:42,671 --> 01:22:44,263
So l guess you do win.
1466
01:22:44,373 --> 01:22:47,171
And your prize will be getting
blown to smithereens...
1467
01:22:47,276 --> 01:22:48,868
in about how long, Mrs. MacGruber?
1468
01:22:48,977 --> 01:22:50,274
Thirty-two seconds!
1469
01:22:50,379 --> 01:22:53,405
Well, we better scoot.
We do have a wedding to plan.
1470
01:22:54,383 --> 01:22:55,350
Let's move.
1471
01:22:56,685 --> 01:22:59,176
Launch commencing
in 20 seconds.
1472
01:23:03,925 --> 01:23:04,892
Toodle-loo.
1473
01:23:05,193 --> 01:23:06,592
MacGruber!
1474
01:23:17,239 --> 01:23:22,609
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six,
1475
01:23:22,711 --> 01:23:28,672
five, four, three,
two, one, zero.
1476
01:23:40,429 --> 01:23:43,193
Classic MacGruber.
1477
01:23:48,770 --> 01:23:50,260
I love you both.
1478
01:24:00,782 --> 01:24:04,309
Theirs is a love
that knows no bounds.
1479
01:24:04,419 --> 01:24:06,512
A love that heals
in times of sickness.
1480
01:24:07,289 --> 01:24:11,350
A love that forgives
in times of anger.
1481
01:24:11,460 --> 01:24:14,896
A love that loves
in times of love.
1482
01:24:15,297 --> 01:24:17,390
- Vicki wrote that.
- Hmm.
1483
01:24:17,499 --> 01:24:18,466
It's beautiful, honey.
1484
01:24:18,567 --> 01:24:19,829
Thank you.
1485
01:24:19,935 --> 01:24:24,065
Now, is there anyone here with
just cause why these two souls...
1486
01:24:24,172 --> 01:24:25,969
should not be joined
in holy matrimony?
1487
01:24:28,510 --> 01:24:30,637
You scared me!
1488
01:24:34,116 --> 01:24:35,879
Bye.
1489
01:24:36,485 --> 01:24:38,715
Then let's get to it.
1490
01:24:38,820 --> 01:24:41,584
Do you, Vicki
Gloria St. Elmo...
1491
01:24:41,690 --> 01:24:44,352
take MacGruber to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
1492
01:24:44,459 --> 01:24:48,327
I do.
1493
01:24:48,430 --> 01:24:49,829
And do you, MacGruber...
1494
01:24:49,931 --> 01:24:54,800
take Vicki Gloria St. Elmo
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
1495
01:25:02,210 --> 01:25:03,973
No!
1496
01:25:11,286 --> 01:25:12,685
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
1497
01:25:12,788 --> 01:25:13,948
- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.
1498
01:25:21,897 --> 01:25:23,057
No, Vicki, don't.
1499
01:25:34,943 --> 01:25:36,171
I gotta admit...
1500
01:25:36,278 --> 01:25:38,746
I'm kind of glad
you're still alive.
1501
01:25:38,847 --> 01:25:42,078
'Cause there's something I've been
wanting to say to you for a long, long time.
1502
01:25:42,184 --> 01:25:46,120
Hey, Cunth,
suck your own dick.
1503
01:25:46,221 --> 01:25:47,188
Come and get it.
1504
01:25:52,594 --> 01:25:54,687
What the fuck?
Where is it?
1505
01:25:55,997 --> 01:25:57,760
It was blown up in the explosion.
1506
01:25:57,866 --> 01:25:59,163
You are shitting me!
1507
01:25:59,267 --> 01:26:00,234
Are we done here?
1508
01:26:00,335 --> 01:26:01,666
God damn it!
1509
01:26:01,770 --> 01:26:03,601
Are we...
No, we're not done here!
1510
01:26:08,710 --> 01:26:09,699
Piper!
1511
01:26:28,597 --> 01:26:30,360
Fuck you, dude!
1512
01:26:53,021 --> 01:26:54,147
I do.