1
00:00:03,625 --> 00:00:05,869
- What's cooking?
- My mother's recipe...
2
00:00:05,894 --> 00:00:07,894
- guinea-pig pie.
- Smells good.
3
00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:10,145
You just accept that? It's pecan.
4
00:00:10,148 --> 00:00:12,059
How cuckoo do you think my country is?
5
00:00:12,084 --> 00:00:13,129
It's come to this...
6
00:00:13,154 --> 00:00:14,623
"What's cooking" and "smells good"
7
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,669
gets me in trouble?
8
00:00:15,693 --> 00:00:17,232
Mom, you're already
cooking for tomorrow?
9
00:00:17,257 --> 00:00:18,356
Don't make a big deal.
10
00:00:18,358 --> 00:00:20,257
My baby's graduating.
11
00:00:20,259 --> 00:00:22,893
He won the award for
Integrity and Character.
12
00:00:22,895 --> 00:00:25,162
"No absents, no tardies,
13
00:00:25,164 --> 00:00:28,320
"respectful to students
and teachers alike."
14
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,915
My school had an award like
that, but instead of a sash,
15
00:00:30,940 --> 00:00:32,515
that kid got a punch in the mouth.
16
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:33,587
Proud of you, though.
17
00:00:33,612 --> 00:00:35,605
Why do all your stories
involve a punch in the face,
18
00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:38,129
a shifty European, or a broad
who's been around the block?
19
00:00:38,132 --> 00:00:40,485
That reminds me of when I had
to rough up this Italian kid
20
00:00:40,510 --> 00:00:41,976
because he didn't want
me dating his sister.
21
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,360
She was no nun!
22
00:00:43,385 --> 00:00:45,305
Jay, can you please
take care of the steaks?
23
00:00:45,330 --> 00:00:47,405
Sure. On the eve of your big day,
24
00:00:47,407 --> 00:00:49,140
we're celebrating with rib eyes,
25
00:00:49,143 --> 00:00:51,476
and you and I are gonna
have our first scotch.
26
00:00:51,478 --> 00:00:52,720
- Really?!
- Yeah.
27
00:00:52,745 --> 00:00:55,945
I've been waiting to
open a special bottle.
28
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:58,282
Huh. Looks like the mice got into it.
29
00:00:58,284 --> 00:01:00,601
Hello, hello?! Where's my son?
30
00:01:00,626 --> 00:01:01,859
- Dad!
- Ha ha ha!
31
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,261
What, did he hop the gate?
32
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:04,440
You came!
33
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,948
- I said I'd come.
- I know, but you came!
34
00:01:06,973 --> 00:01:08,065
How could I miss it?
35
00:01:08,090 --> 00:01:10,214
Manny, the first member of my family
36
00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,073
- to ever graduate from high school.
- Wait a minute.
37
00:01:12,098 --> 00:01:13,426
Don't you have a brother in Colombia
38
00:01:13,451 --> 00:01:14,909
- who's a doctor?
- Yes.
39
00:01:14,934 --> 00:01:17,776
He just does orthopedic
surgery, no brain or heart.
40
00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:18,879
Think of it... tomorrow,
41
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:21,184
I will watch you stride
across the stage with a sash,
42
00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:22,608
like a rebel's bandolier
43
00:01:22,633 --> 00:01:25,700
telling the world "No
absents, no tardies."
44
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,167
Manny and I were gonna grill some steaks
45
00:01:27,169 --> 00:01:29,269
and drink some, um, beers.
46
00:01:29,271 --> 00:01:31,271
Thank you, Jay, but if
it's all right with you,
47
00:01:31,273 --> 00:01:32,572
I would like to take Manny out
48
00:01:32,575 --> 00:01:35,707
for a special father-son celebration.
49
00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:38,598
- Is that okay?
- Ah, sure. I mean, he...
50
00:01:38,623 --> 00:01:40,247
made the effort to come.
51
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:41,681
Didn't have time to button
his shirt all the way up.
52
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,683
But... go ahead.
53
00:01:43,685 --> 00:01:44,984
Perfect! The night begins.
54
00:01:44,986 --> 00:01:47,186
But first... here.
55
00:01:48,982 --> 00:01:50,548
Walk through this.
56
00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:53,459
I know that smells terrible,
57
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:56,879
but I've never seen that
man get a mosquito bite.
58
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,067
There he is... the graduate.
59
00:02:02,069 --> 00:02:05,237
I have one word for
you, Luke... plastics.
60
00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:06,504
I don't think he knows
that movie, honey.
61
00:02:06,506 --> 00:02:08,539
Mrs. Dunphy, you're trying to seduce me.
62
00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:10,183
Okay, let's just give
him the gift, all right?
63
00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,338
Okay, but first, gather
around, everybody!
64
00:02:12,363 --> 00:02:13,980
Riddle me this...
65
00:02:14,005 --> 00:02:17,192
What has two hands, is wound
tight, and has a lot of ticks?
66
00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:18,223
Alex?
67
00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:19,583
Good guess, but no.
68
00:02:19,586 --> 00:02:20,818
This was made in Switzerland,
69
00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,031
not in the Disneyland Hotel.
70
00:02:23,056 --> 00:02:24,608
Awesome! A watch!
71
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:25,906
We wanted to give it to you early
72
00:02:25,908 --> 00:02:27,574
so you could wear it
to graduation today.
73
00:02:27,576 --> 00:02:28,943
Yeah. It's shockproof.
74
00:02:28,968 --> 00:02:30,897
Oh, good. You can show it your grades.
75
00:02:30,922 --> 00:02:32,661
- I love it.
- What time is it?
76
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,616
Time for my little man
to go out in the world
77
00:02:34,641 --> 00:02:35,757
and make his mark
78
00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:37,726
like the tiny trouper he used to be.
79
00:02:37,751 --> 00:02:38,916
Hold on. I'll be right back.
80
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,119
I remember when he was so small,
81
00:02:40,122 --> 00:02:41,436
we'd give him a bath in the sink.
82
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:42,570
Here we go.
83
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,035
Dad, we really got to
talk about the crying.
84
00:02:44,059 --> 00:02:46,525
When we graduated, you were a
mess, and it was humiliating.
85
00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:49,062
Showing emotion is part
of being a sexy modern man.
86
00:02:49,064 --> 00:02:51,064
Ask anyone who was raised on Alan Alda.
87
00:02:51,066 --> 00:02:52,497
I don't think we have
to worry about him going
88
00:02:52,499 --> 00:02:54,140
anywhere anytime soon.
89
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:56,733
He just installed a mini fridge
and a hammock in his room.
90
00:02:56,758 --> 00:02:59,404
Mom, Dad, you did all the hard work
91
00:02:59,406 --> 00:03:01,061
getting me through high school.
92
00:03:01,086 --> 00:03:02,794
You deserve a gift.
93
00:03:02,819 --> 00:03:05,318
But what do you get
the Cadillac of parents?
94
00:03:05,343 --> 00:03:06,842
A Rolls-Royce.
95
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:08,280
Oh, my goodness!
96
00:03:08,282 --> 00:03:10,194
How did you afford that?
97
00:03:10,219 --> 00:03:11,764
- It was only $2,000.
- Huh.
98
00:03:11,789 --> 00:03:13,196
Judge Thompson, from the club,
99
00:03:13,221 --> 00:03:14,717
- got me into a police auction.
- Huh.
100
00:03:14,742 --> 00:03:17,397
If I had 40 more dollars,
you'd be looking at a speedboat.
101
00:03:17,422 --> 00:03:19,123
So, what do you think?
102
00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:21,820
It's... it's wow.
103
00:03:21,845 --> 00:03:24,351
- Right?!
- I loved the macaroni necklace
104
00:03:24,376 --> 00:03:25,804
he made me in first grade,
105
00:03:25,829 --> 00:03:28,675
and I even used the perfume
he gave me in fifth grade,
106
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,172
but this car is so gaudy.
107
00:03:31,197 --> 00:03:34,114
People are gonna think I played
for the Knicks in the '70s.
108
00:03:34,139 --> 00:03:36,706
It's the most beautiful gesture
109
00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,174
I have ever seen.
110
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,197
It's 100% class.
111
00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,961
Hey, Mom, didn't you say
you had some errands to run?
112
00:03:43,815 --> 00:03:45,711
Oh. I... in a little while.
113
00:03:45,736 --> 00:03:48,850
Uh, yeah. But... um,
gosh, it's got fur. Wow.
114
00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:50,930
It's like driving a lion.
115
00:03:50,955 --> 00:03:53,255
Hey, before you go, give us a honk.
116
00:03:53,257 --> 00:03:54,601
All right.
117
00:03:58,703 --> 00:04:00,578
The horn doesn't help, does it?
118
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:12,500
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
119
00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:14,981
So, I've narrowed it down to
120
00:04:14,984 --> 00:04:17,395
Swiss Coffee and Whispering White.
121
00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:19,523
But I can't decide
between matte or satin.
122
00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:20,988
I thought we landed on Eggshell.
123
00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,589
We decided against Eggshell.
124
00:04:22,591 --> 00:04:23,842
W-why don't we just sell the house?
125
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,574
Why don't we just
paint the floor Eggshell
126
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,194
- since that's what I'm walking on.
- Okay.
127
00:04:27,219 --> 00:04:29,099
- I forgot to give this to you.
- Oh, thank you.
128
00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:30,733
- Have a good day at school, sweetie.
- Bye, sweetie.
129
00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:33,247
It's fourth grade. We're
all just treading water.
130
00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:34,339
What is it?
131
00:04:34,364 --> 00:04:36,427
Ah, well, it's... it's
from the principal's office.
132
00:04:36,452 --> 00:04:37,622
Is she in trouble?
133
00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:40,684
No! She's... smart.
134
00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:42,275
- She is?
- That's what it says.
135
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,473
Are you sure it's not for Lily Rosen?
136
00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:44,640
You were at that science fair.
137
00:04:44,665 --> 00:04:45,945
She brought that frog back to life!
138
00:04:45,948 --> 00:04:47,414
This is for our Lily.
139
00:04:47,415 --> 00:04:49,167
T-they're suggesting
that she skip fifth grade
140
00:04:49,192 --> 00:04:50,786
and go right into
middle school next year.
141
00:04:50,811 --> 00:04:53,231
"Lily is testing far
above her grade level...
142
00:04:53,256 --> 00:04:54,788
- What?
- "... and we feel she would benefit
143
00:04:54,813 --> 00:04:56,442
"from a more challenging curriculum."
144
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,732
Huh.
145
00:04:57,757 --> 00:05:01,137
I know! All these years we
thought that she was, uh...
146
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:03,404
- God, what's the word?
- Different?
147
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,807
Peculiar?
148
00:05:04,832 --> 00:05:05,958
Odd?
149
00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:07,747
- Mean?
- So many words. But...
150
00:05:07,772 --> 00:05:09,211
she was just really smart.
151
00:05:09,236 --> 00:05:11,279
Holed up in her room every
day after school, she wasn't...
152
00:05:11,304 --> 00:05:13,601
- Plotting to kill us?
- I was gonna say daydreaming.
153
00:05:13,626 --> 00:05:16,140
They... they want us to tour
the school today if possible.
154
00:05:16,142 --> 00:05:17,841
- This is so exciting.
- I know.
155
00:05:17,844 --> 00:05:19,677
Our little baby's a genius!
156
00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:22,447
You know, um, I also skipped a grade.
157
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,048
I'm not saying I was a genius, but...
158
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,905
Good, because we're getting
along so well right now.
159
00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:27,026
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
160
00:05:27,057 --> 00:05:28,063
- Hey. Mwah!
- Hey.
161
00:05:28,088 --> 00:05:29,829
- Here you go. Yeah.
- Thanks so much.
162
00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:31,766
- Hey, guess what.
- They want Lily to skip fifth grade.
163
00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:33,357
Traditionally, the person
who says "guess what"
164
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:34,704
also gets to say the what.
165
00:05:34,729 --> 00:05:36,596
Wait a second. Lily's smart?
166
00:05:36,621 --> 00:05:38,049
- Look.
- I mean, there's proof of that?
167
00:05:38,074 --> 00:05:39,283
- Yeah. Right there.
- Yes.
168
00:05:39,308 --> 00:05:41,934
Huh. They asked Alex
to skip a grade, too...
169
00:05:41,936 --> 00:05:43,935
- It's not a competition, Claire.
- ... but we felt...
170
00:05:43,938 --> 00:05:45,203
that it would be too much stress
171
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,485
to have her with kids so much older.
172
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:49,215
- Good for Lily!
- Yeah.
173
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,042
I just always thought
174
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,388
she was, you know...
175
00:05:53,413 --> 00:05:55,313
- So did we. Yeah.
- Us too. Yeah.
176
00:05:57,281 --> 00:05:59,289
How was your big night with Javier?
177
00:05:59,314 --> 00:06:00,584
I overindulged.
178
00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:02,486
- Booze or burgers?
- Booze.
179
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,721
I drank so much, I
had an angry slap fight
180
00:06:04,724 --> 00:06:06,625
with what turned out to be a mirror.
181
00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:08,313
Do I hear my Manny?!
182
00:06:08,338 --> 00:06:10,533
When you're hungover,
it's like a car alarm.
183
00:06:10,558 --> 00:06:12,296
Ay. iHola, papi!
184
00:06:12,298 --> 00:06:13,770
Happy graduation day!
185
00:06:16,134 --> 00:06:17,333
That's delightful.
186
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,069
I need your sash and your gown.
187
00:06:19,071 --> 00:06:20,403
So that I can press it.
188
00:06:20,405 --> 00:06:21,971
I don't want anyone looking wrinkly.
189
00:06:23,107 --> 00:06:25,041
I don't mean you, but it's
fun that you're right there.
190
00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:27,924
I, uh, left them at
school. I'll run over there.
191
00:06:27,949 --> 00:06:32,048
Mama, I have a stomachache.
192
00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,550
And my ankle is broken.
193
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:38,160
And you can walk with your broken ankle?
194
00:06:40,524 --> 00:06:43,024
I had a cousin got out
of Vietnam that way.
195
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,494
Whenever Manny's getting
a lot of attention,
196
00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:47,396
Joe gets very needy...
197
00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:48,736
"my head," "my arm."
198
00:06:48,761 --> 00:06:50,072
In Colombia, we say,
199
00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:52,831
"If it's not bleeding,
shut your guinea-pig hole."
200
00:06:53,149 --> 00:06:55,299
We actually do eat guinea pig.
201
00:06:56,395 --> 00:06:58,772
Call me back, Dad! It's an emergency!
202
00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:00,305
What's wrong?
203
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,754
I kind of misplaced my
cap and gown and sash.
204
00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:05,155
Maybe they're at that strip
club you went to last night.
205
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:06,714
Shh! How did you know?
206
00:07:06,716 --> 00:07:08,946
- It's all over your face.
- My shame?
207
00:07:09,351 --> 00:07:10,650
- Glitter.
- Ohh.
208
00:07:10,652 --> 00:07:11,930
Tell me what happened.
209
00:07:11,955 --> 00:07:14,354
We picked up my graduation
stuff on the way, and...
210
00:07:14,356 --> 00:07:16,623
I don't know. I guess the
tassel got my dad thinking.
211
00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:18,057
Why didn't you leave them in the car?
212
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,692
I didn't want them to get stolen.
213
00:07:19,694 --> 00:07:21,328
And I may have taken it out
214
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,577
to impress a certain Chyna with a "Y."
215
00:07:23,602 --> 00:07:24,858
I think she really liked me.
216
00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:26,442
I'm not gonna spoil that one for ya.
217
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:27,833
I graduate in five hours!
218
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:29,502
We'll get you another cap and gown.
219
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:32,037
That sash has been worn by
every honoree for decades.
220
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,539
I'm not gonna be the one to lose it
221
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:35,307
after it's survived earthquakes and wars
222
00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:37,276
and the lunchroom gravy fire of '64!
223
00:07:37,278 --> 00:07:38,836
Fine. Where is this place?
224
00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:41,279
I don't know! I remember there
was a lot of brass and mirrors
225
00:07:41,281 --> 00:07:42,547
and loud '80s music.
226
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,948
Well, that narrows it down.
227
00:07:43,951 --> 00:07:45,716
Wait. Uh, it was by the airport.
228
00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:47,519
All right. We'll find it. I'll take you.
229
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,187
Don't worry. It'll be our little secret.
230
00:07:49,189 --> 00:07:50,757
Thank you, Jay.
231
00:07:52,109 --> 00:07:54,101
What happened to him?
232
00:08:01,852 --> 00:08:02,852
I'm back.
233
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,600
We need to talk to you. Sit down.
234
00:08:04,602 --> 00:08:07,035
- What's going on?
- Don't say anything.
235
00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:08,914
Just watch.
236
00:08:08,939 --> 00:08:10,421
Baby pictures of Luke?
237
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,457
More than baby pictures.
238
00:08:12,482 --> 00:08:14,810
You're gonna watch Luke
grow up to sappy music.
239
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:17,078
Why are you doing this?
240
00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:18,406
To get all the crying out of your system
241
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,148
so you don't melt
down at the graduation.
242
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,549
It's like when you drink too much
243
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:22,961
and your friends get you super-wasted
244
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:25,148
so you never drink again
for the rest of the week.
245
00:08:25,173 --> 00:08:27,539
It's the first time he saw snow.
246
00:08:27,623 --> 00:08:29,368
Oh, here, Dad.
247
00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:31,125
Thank you.
248
00:08:31,497 --> 00:08:33,929
His baby blanket?!
249
00:08:33,954 --> 00:08:35,258
Why?!
250
00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:41,934
Hey, nice car, Grey Gardens!
251
00:08:41,937 --> 00:08:44,421
It was a gift from my son!
252
00:08:45,564 --> 00:08:46,806
Ugh.
253
00:08:49,544 --> 00:08:51,195
What the hell?
254
00:09:01,731 --> 00:09:03,555
Rawrrr!
255
00:09:03,557 --> 00:09:05,690
You call that a tiger?
256
00:09:05,692 --> 00:09:09,660
R-a-a-a-awrrr!
257
00:09:09,685 --> 00:09:10,979
_
258
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,150
And we're very proud
259
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:14,098
of our state-of-the-art computer lab.
260
00:09:14,123 --> 00:09:16,644
It's so weird... every time
I step into a middle school,
261
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:18,835
I feel like I'm 14 ag-a-in.
262
00:09:18,838 --> 00:09:21,439
That... was on me. He
wasn't gonna do anything.
263
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,776
How much is his therapy costing again?
264
00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:25,676
We used to think that was snark.
265
00:09:25,678 --> 00:09:27,211
- Now we know it's wit.
- Yeah.
266
00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:29,512
Uh, Mr. Peterson, we
just want to be certain
267
00:09:29,537 --> 00:09:31,803
that this environment's
the right fit for Lily.
268
00:09:31,828 --> 00:09:33,294
We have a lot of experience
269
00:09:33,319 --> 00:09:35,180
dealing with accelerated students.
270
00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,086
But if Lily really is gifted,
271
00:09:37,111 --> 00:09:39,508
then maybe there's another
path... private schools.
272
00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:42,903
Although, I do love the
diversity of a public school.
273
00:09:42,928 --> 00:09:44,578
- On the other hand, I do wonder...
- Okay, you know what?
274
00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:46,969
We're just deciding if
she's gonna skip a grade.
275
00:09:46,994 --> 00:09:48,841
We're not charting out the
next 20 years of her life.
276
00:09:48,866 --> 00:09:50,665
Well, no, choices have consequences.
277
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:51,922
If we don't do this right,
278
00:09:51,947 --> 00:09:54,213
she could lose all interest
in school and drop out,
279
00:09:54,238 --> 00:09:55,837
and the next thing you
know, we're supporting her
280
00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:57,647
and her deadbeat boyfriend
and our savings are drained,
281
00:09:57,672 --> 00:09:58,853
and then we have to sell the house!
282
00:09:58,878 --> 00:10:00,214
Okay, why do all your
meltdowns have to do
283
00:10:00,239 --> 00:10:01,855
- with us selling the house?
- I'm just saying...
284
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,863
- We're gonna give you guys a minute.
- Okay.
285
00:10:03,888 --> 00:10:06,183
Lily, do you want to
see the computer lab?
286
00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:09,450
This feels like a good time
to tell you I'm adopted.
287
00:10:09,452 --> 00:10:10,779
Maybe Claire's right.
288
00:10:10,804 --> 00:10:12,703
Maybe it's too much pressure
for her to skip a grade.
289
00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:14,766
I did it, and I'm fine.
290
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:16,190
Uh-huh.
291
00:10:17,064 --> 00:10:19,597
I'm sorry. Um... Hey,
w-what does "uh-huh" mean?
292
00:10:19,622 --> 00:10:21,372
Well, perhaps you're not the...
293
00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:23,629
best advertisement for skipping a grade.
294
00:10:23,654 --> 00:10:26,433
So, wait. You're afraid
Lily's gonna turn out like me?
295
00:10:26,435 --> 00:10:28,473
I'm just saying that
maybe you skipping a grade
296
00:10:28,498 --> 00:10:29,653
put too much pressure on you,
297
00:10:29,678 --> 00:10:32,003
and it exacerbated your
neurotic tendencies,
298
00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:34,987
and now you can't even
make a tiny, little decision
299
00:10:35,012 --> 00:10:37,687
about, you know... paint.
300
00:10:37,712 --> 00:10:38,950
Wow!
301
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:40,546
I can...
302
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:43,415
Y-you... I don't have to just st...
303
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:45,884
Oh, you think you are so s...
304
00:10:45,886 --> 00:10:47,919
You can't decide how
to storm off, can you?
305
00:10:47,922 --> 00:10:49,942
I am...
306
00:10:52,264 --> 00:10:54,122
Luke's first haircut.
307
00:10:54,384 --> 00:10:56,372
He gave me bangs.
308
00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:58,963
Well, that's it.
309
00:10:58,966 --> 00:11:00,979
Hopefully you're all cried out.
310
00:11:01,004 --> 00:11:03,468
You remember when he hid that
mouse trap under the pillow
311
00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:05,370
to catch the tooth fairy?
312
00:11:06,459 --> 00:11:08,575
Dad, we got to start getting
ready for the graduation.
313
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,134
Yeah, so maybe splash some
cold water on your face
314
00:11:11,159 --> 00:11:12,215
and wrap it up.
315
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,177
Do you guys remember that
"Luke Loves Daddy" rap?
316
00:11:15,771 --> 00:11:17,236
♪ My name is Luke Dunphy ♪
317
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,327
♪ And I'm here to say ♪
318
00:11:19,352 --> 00:11:20,984
♪ I love Daddy ♪
319
00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:23,920
I thought you said he'd
be cried out by now.
320
00:11:23,922 --> 00:11:25,889
Dad, please, you really got to stop.
321
00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:28,872
That's what he said when
I was the tickle monster!
322
00:11:29,921 --> 00:11:31,247
Ohh!
323
00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:35,356
Mama, now my tooth hurts.
324
00:11:35,381 --> 00:11:38,033
Well, I guess you can't have cake today.
325
00:11:38,036 --> 00:11:40,169
What if it's my leg?
326
00:11:40,171 --> 00:11:42,591
Claire, I guess I'm
picking up the cake myself,
327
00:11:42,616 --> 00:11:45,350
because you didn't answer my messages.
328
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,845
Grawr!
329
00:11:50,847 --> 00:11:52,849
Gr-a-a-awr!
330
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,851
Hey, Claire, are you
having fun at the Gym Town?
331
00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,450
As a matter of fact, I am.
332
00:11:58,475 --> 00:12:01,543
This is my new friend, Charlie.
333
00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:04,427
He loves dinosaurs, and tomorrow
we're both gonna have pink eye.
334
00:12:04,452 --> 00:12:05,992
Hi, Charlie!
335
00:12:05,995 --> 00:12:07,497
Can you go and find the negligent adult
336
00:12:07,522 --> 00:12:08,721
that brought you here?
337
00:12:08,746 --> 00:12:10,465
Oh, do you have to go so soon?
338
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:12,192
He smells so good!
339
00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:15,078
Yeah, you're like two
sniffs away from a felony.
340
00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:17,904
What is going on?
341
00:12:17,907 --> 00:12:19,708
I gave Phil such a hard time
342
00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:21,951
for being too emotional
about Luke's graduation,
343
00:12:21,976 --> 00:12:25,712
but I think it's hitting me
more than I want to admit.
344
00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,480
I know. It happens so fast.
345
00:12:27,482 --> 00:12:29,515
Luke used to love coming here.
346
00:12:29,518 --> 00:12:32,028
Today he gave us a Rolls-Royce.
347
00:12:32,053 --> 00:12:33,590
The one outside is yours?
348
00:12:33,615 --> 00:12:35,081
I thought I was gonna be able
349
00:12:35,106 --> 00:12:37,205
to meet Mr. Burt Reynolds!
350
00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:40,964
You're lucky. When Manny
goes, you still have Joe.
351
00:12:40,989 --> 00:12:43,528
Yeah, but it doesn't
make it hurt any less.
352
00:12:43,531 --> 00:12:44,996
We just have face it...
353
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,366
They're not boys anymore. They're men.
354
00:12:47,368 --> 00:12:49,735
Luke has a job, and he's dating.
355
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,537
He can serve on a jury.
God, that's terrifying.
356
00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:55,939
I know. Manny ditched us
last night to go drinking.
357
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,041
He thinks I don't know, but I know.
358
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,637
He smelled like a sweaty peppermint.
359
00:13:00,662 --> 00:13:04,028
I saw the pictures that he
texted Luke from the strip club.
360
00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:06,450
Is that where Javier took him?
361
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,903
Oh. You did not know that. I'm sorry.
362
00:13:08,928 --> 00:13:12,356
But it... it looked like one
of the classier establishments.
363
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:14,957
The girl that was sitting on
Manny's lap had on a really cute top,
364
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,020
at... at least in the first picture.
365
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:18,738
The one time that I thought
366
00:13:18,763 --> 00:13:20,597
that he was going to be a good father,
367
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,589
and he teaches Manny how to be a dog!
368
00:13:22,614 --> 00:13:23,780
I'm gonna kill him!
369
00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:24,964
Hey, look at me!
370
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:27,548
I'm about to talk to a stranger!
371
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:33,875
Oh, yes. This is it. This is the one.
372
00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:36,211
Ugh. It wasn't this
depressing last night.
373
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,780
The lunch scene in a strip joint
374
00:13:37,781 --> 00:13:40,716
is like a refugee camp with less hope.
375
00:13:40,718 --> 00:13:42,050
Excuse me.
376
00:13:42,052 --> 00:13:43,752
Uh, my friend left
377
00:13:43,754 --> 00:13:45,742
some personal belongings
here last night.
378
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:47,430
Anything left behind...
379
00:13:47,455 --> 00:13:49,758
- goes in the lost and found.
- There we go. Thank you.
380
00:13:49,783 --> 00:13:52,749
There's a jacket... glasses...
381
00:13:54,364 --> 00:13:56,038
hairpiece, I hope...
382
00:13:56,063 --> 00:13:58,038
- What about my stuff?!
- Nope.
383
00:13:58,209 --> 00:14:00,429
There's a lot of wedding
rings in here, though.
384
00:14:00,454 --> 00:14:01,920
Sir, we're in a big hurry.
385
00:14:01,945 --> 00:14:03,677
Have you seen a cap and gown and sash?
386
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:06,336
Gentlemen, put your
hands together for...
387
00:14:06,361 --> 00:14:09,483
Val the Dictorian!
388
00:14:16,051 --> 00:14:18,885
She definitely looks
like she knows stuff.
389
00:14:24,832 --> 00:14:26,285
Credit where credit is due.
390
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:29,242
She put together a pretty
solid act in very little time.
391
00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:30,987
Can you just please help
me get my stuff back?
392
00:14:31,012 --> 00:14:32,034
Miss?
393
00:14:32,719 --> 00:14:33,827
Miss?
394
00:14:34,627 --> 00:14:35,681
Val?
395
00:14:35,706 --> 00:14:37,239
Hi. Heh. Here's the thing.
396
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,673
The gown, everything...
397
00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:40,475
He actually left them here last night.
398
00:14:40,477 --> 00:14:42,651
I was having a tête-à-tête with Chyna.
399
00:14:42,676 --> 00:14:45,046
She probably mentioned me.
Hope I didn't lead her on.
400
00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:46,848
See, I'm going to college soon, and I...
401
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,299
and I don't want any loose ends.
402
00:14:48,324 --> 00:14:49,620
I'm in the middle of my act.
403
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:51,244
Sure, but the thing is
he's got to get it back,
404
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:54,385
so if you could strip a
little more in our direction...
405
00:14:56,628 --> 00:14:58,427
I'm such a screw-up.
406
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:02,662
Huh. "Integrity."
407
00:15:02,665 --> 00:15:05,801
It should say "Perverted
Schnapps Maniac."
408
00:15:06,247 --> 00:15:07,809
Oh, God.
409
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:10,122
It smells like Miss Dictorian's perfume.
410
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,387
I can't wear this. I'm a fraud.
411
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,661
No absents? Oh, I've got
one big absent... my soul.
412
00:15:16,686 --> 00:15:19,478
Manny, you've spent your whole
life trying to be perfect,
413
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,583
and this is throwing you
for a loop... I get it.
414
00:15:21,608 --> 00:15:23,648
But if you just look around this room,
415
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,965
you'll realize people make mistakes.
416
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,523
You could do way worse
than you did last night,
417
00:15:31,525 --> 00:15:33,158
and it ain't gonna change a thing.
418
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,789
So my advice... try to be
a little easier on yourself.
419
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,164
Thanks, Jay.
420
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:42,391
Oh, God, there's Chyna.
421
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,183
Pretending to ignore me!
422
00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:46,563
She's as transparent as her pumps.
423
00:15:48,622 --> 00:15:51,557
James Earl Carter.
424
00:15:52,405 --> 00:15:54,238
Have you seen my booboo?
425
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,814
Ohh! Poor baby! Mwah.
426
00:15:56,815 --> 00:15:59,715
Nicole Ingrid Cortez.
427
00:16:02,641 --> 00:16:06,456
Can you please move over?
I have to kill someone.
428
00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:08,591
Charles Mark Coleson.
429
00:16:08,813 --> 00:16:10,660
I hope that you had fun last night.
430
00:16:10,662 --> 00:16:12,795
Oh, I did. It was a magical time.
431
00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:14,596
- Lucy Coleson.
- I can't believe that you...
432
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,998
Me either. Look at
our son over there, eh?
433
00:16:17,023 --> 00:16:19,001
- He's perfect.
- Yeah, and then you come along
434
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:20,802
- and you expose him to all this...
- Me?
435
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:23,638
It was you who exposed him
to so many amazing things.
436
00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:26,202
You raised him to be a
wonderful man without my help.
437
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,810
Every single thing that is good
about him is because of you.
438
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:29,911
- Henry Coruthers.
- I'm sorry?
439
00:16:29,914 --> 00:16:32,981
I'm sorry. Thank you for being
the finest mother to our son.
440
00:16:32,983 --> 00:16:34,335
Hmm?
441
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,843
Damn it. You're welcome.
442
00:16:36,868 --> 00:16:38,366
I'm sorry about earlier.
443
00:16:38,391 --> 00:16:40,265
It's not that I don't
want Lily to be like you...
444
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,201
No, no. Hey. You're right, okay?
445
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:43,413
I'm an indecisive mess.
446
00:16:43,476 --> 00:16:45,083
Of course I don't want that for her.
447
00:16:45,108 --> 00:16:47,538
And for the record, I don't
want her to be like me, either.
448
00:16:47,563 --> 00:16:49,229
- Ohh!
- It's not like I'm exactly an overachiever.
449
00:16:49,254 --> 00:16:50,841
That's true.
450
00:16:50,866 --> 00:16:52,365
Yeah, you jumped on
that one pretty quick.
451
00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,154
If you care about what I think...
452
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,535
- ... I want to skip.
- Jacob Marcus Dalton.
453
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,022
Are you sure, sweetie?
Because it's a lot of pressure.
454
00:16:58,047 --> 00:17:00,350
- I can handle it.
- But what about all your friends?
455
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,175
- I mean, look at... look at these kids.
- Phillip Thomas Darrow.
456
00:17:02,178 --> 00:17:04,378
A lot of them have known
each other since kindergarten.
457
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:07,646
I'll make new friends.
Kids really like me.
458
00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:10,149
So... she's popular?
459
00:17:10,151 --> 00:17:11,617
Brittany Willa Darrow.
460
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,952
Phil, I'm sorry I
gave you grief earlier.
461
00:17:13,955 --> 00:17:16,055
Today has hit me much harder
than I thought it would.
462
00:17:16,057 --> 00:17:17,323
It's okay to be emotional.
463
00:17:17,325 --> 00:17:18,944
It's too late. I'm all cried out.
464
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,994
It's like there's no more
moisture left in my body.
465
00:17:21,995 --> 00:17:24,561
I'm afraid if I blink,
my eyes will get stuck.
466
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,600
Hmm. Really?
467
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,679
Do you remember that video
468
00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,536
where the lion greets the man...
469
00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:32,749
and hugs him 'cause he
hasn't seen him in 20 years?
470
00:17:32,774 --> 00:17:36,607
Yep. I sure do. I am... dead inside.
471
00:17:36,609 --> 00:17:38,676
Manuel Alberto Delgado.
472
00:17:38,678 --> 00:17:40,952
Bravo, Manny! Baby!
473
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,225
- Mwah!
- You did it, buddy!
474
00:17:43,482 --> 00:17:45,982
Lucas Phillip Dunphy.
475
00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:47,451
Yeah!
476
00:17:47,453 --> 00:17:50,387
- Whoo!
- My baby, my baby!
477
00:17:50,389 --> 00:17:51,913
Well done, son.
478
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,801
Remember how cute he was
479
00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:55,647
in his little Buzz Lightyear costume?
480
00:17:55,672 --> 00:17:58,072
Or how he used to say
"burfday" and "Li-bary"?
481
00:17:58,097 --> 00:17:59,819
He still does.
482
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,061
This is... tearing me up.
483
00:18:03,086 --> 00:18:04,733
Congrats, buddy.
484
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,335
Why does your gown smell
like Haley's perfume?
485
00:18:10,075 --> 00:18:13,208
This is a fun game, isn't
it? But you know what?
486
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:16,866
Maybe one where we
just sat at a table...
487
00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:19,114
Hey.
488
00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:20,499
Hey.
489
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,236
Congratulations on the first
490
00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:26,221
of what I'm sure will be many diplomas.
491
00:18:26,223 --> 00:18:27,722
Unless you want to skip all that
492
00:18:27,724 --> 00:18:30,366
and move to Colombia
and become a radiologist.
493
00:18:30,994 --> 00:18:33,381
Thanks for helping me
with the cap-and-gown mess.
494
00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:34,973
I don't know what I would
have done without you.
495
00:18:34,998 --> 00:18:36,225
I'm just happy you and your dad
496
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:38,741
got to have some
father-son time last night.
497
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:40,858
Yeah.
498
00:18:42,156 --> 00:18:43,355
What?
499
00:18:43,396 --> 00:18:45,083
It's just...
500
00:18:45,108 --> 00:18:47,264
with me graduating and everything,
501
00:18:47,289 --> 00:18:49,323
I kind of wanted to say...
502
00:18:49,348 --> 00:18:51,648
you and me today, you know,
503
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,272
that's what I think
of as father-son time.
504
00:18:55,663 --> 00:18:57,459
Let me tell you something.
505
00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:00,725
After my divorce,
506
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:03,684
my rule for dating was no kids.
507
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,952
And then you and your
mom came along, and...
508
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,944
all of that went right out the window.
509
00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:11,925
What I'm trying to say is...
510
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,464
here's to you, son.
511
00:19:16,566 --> 00:19:18,027
You know, I'm still kind of hungover.
512
00:19:18,052 --> 00:19:21,016
You're a man now! Power through!
513
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:23,341
The thing is, we love the car.
514
00:19:23,366 --> 00:19:25,923
We were so moved by the gesture.
515
00:19:25,948 --> 00:19:27,487
So moved.
516
00:19:27,512 --> 00:19:29,346
Hey! I'm back!
517
00:19:29,349 --> 00:19:31,249
I guess I just needed to rehydrate.
518
00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:32,300
Ohh.
519
00:19:32,325 --> 00:19:34,785
But we can't keep it.
520
00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:36,925
Honey, it's just... it's too generous.
521
00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:38,581
But I love you guys so much.
522
00:19:38,606 --> 00:19:40,925
You're the graduate. You need the car.
523
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,488
It's yours.
524
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,863
I don't know what to say.
525
00:19:45,888 --> 00:19:47,487
How 'bout "nailed it"?
526
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,843
I wanted that sweet ride
from the moment I saw it,
527
00:19:49,868 --> 00:19:52,235
but I knew my parents
would never let me get it.
528
00:19:52,237 --> 00:19:56,172
I also knew they'd never keep
it if I gave it to them, so...
529
00:19:56,174 --> 00:19:59,064
If there were any S.A.T. questions
about tricking your parents,
530
00:19:59,089 --> 00:20:01,154
I'd be going to college.
531
00:20:01,179 --> 00:20:03,589
Come on, you guys. Let's roll.
532
00:20:03,614 --> 00:20:05,181
You guys leaving already?
533
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:07,683
- Yeah, we all have plans.
- Wait. Lily?
534
00:20:07,685 --> 00:20:09,218
There are nine girls who will freak
535
00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:10,775
if I don't make an
appearance at Jenna's.
536
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,299
I'm confused. I-is she fun?
537
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:14,978
Hang on.
538
00:20:17,961 --> 00:20:19,927
Ooh, nice ride!
539
00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:21,296
Bye-bye!
540
00:20:21,298 --> 00:20:23,033
- See ya later!
- Bye!
541
00:20:23,058 --> 00:20:24,499
- Oh, my... Bye!
- Bye!
542
00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:25,836
Oh, my gosh! Luke is driving!
543
00:20:25,861 --> 00:20:27,580
They didn't even stay for dessert!
544
00:20:27,605 --> 00:20:30,337
Oh, God. They're really gone.
545
00:20:30,339 --> 00:20:31,572
It's so sad.
546
00:20:31,573 --> 00:20:33,217
But isn't it what we hoped for?
547
00:20:33,242 --> 00:20:34,430
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
548
00:20:34,455 --> 00:20:35,709
A toast.
549
00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:37,736
We raised them to be independent,
550
00:20:37,761 --> 00:20:39,413
and now they're out in the
world having their own lives.
551
00:20:39,415 --> 00:20:40,514
We did it.
552
00:20:40,516 --> 00:20:41,748
- iSalud!
- To us!
553
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,075
Oh, sorry I missed the first part,
554
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,432
but I'll drink to
whatever you're toasting.
555
00:20:44,457 --> 00:20:45,653
Top me off!
556
00:20:49,852 --> 00:20:51,578
Um, what are you doing?
557
00:20:51,579 --> 00:20:53,178
Well, I'm just trying to see
558
00:20:53,203 --> 00:20:55,871
if there's anything else
about Lily we haven't noticed.
559
00:20:55,872 --> 00:20:58,204
Like... she plays golf?
560
00:20:58,206 --> 00:21:00,106
No, we would know.
Aren't there greens fees?
561
00:21:00,108 --> 00:21:01,675
- And what about this?
- Huh?
562
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:02,976
"La Dolce Vita"?
563
00:21:02,978 --> 00:21:04,651
She likes Italian films?
564
00:21:04,676 --> 00:21:07,380
Well, no wonder she thought "Ice
Age: Collision Course" was boring.
565
00:21:07,405 --> 00:21:09,684
- I liked it.
- What else?
566
00:21:11,082 --> 00:21:13,451
A photo of Lily shaking
hands with the governor?!
567
00:21:13,476 --> 00:21:14,720
What? When?!
568
00:21:14,722 --> 00:21:16,555
Okay, maybe we need to
start paying more attention.
569
00:21:16,557 --> 00:21:18,891
Or if it ain't broke...
570
00:21:18,893 --> 00:21:21,226
- Yeah, she's fine.
- She's fine.
571
00:21:21,421 --> 00:21:26,101
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com