1
00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:06,799
Let me get that, husband.

2
00:00:07,973 --> 00:00:10,020
After a storybook wedding

3
00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:11,509
and a magical honeymoon,

4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:13,748
Mitchell and I are finally newlyweds.

5
00:00:13,749 --> 00:00:14,793
Are you sure you wouldn't
be more comfortable

6
00:00:14,794 --> 00:00:15,835
in your own chair?

7
00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:18,387
There's no more
"my chair" or "your chair."

8
00:00:18,997 --> 00:00:22,170
So we got back from our
honeymoon several weeks ago,

9
00:00:22,171 --> 00:00:23,146
and it feels like it never --

10
00:00:23,147 --> 00:00:24,111
Never ended?
Oh, my gosh.

11
00:00:24,112 --> 00:00:26,533
It's like we have
one mind and one heart.

12
00:00:26,534 --> 00:00:27,713
And one chair.

13
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,799
Happy three-month anniversary.

14
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,268
Oh, is that today?

15
00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:36,144
So, listen, I have this boring
cocktail thing at the office,

16
00:00:36,145 --> 00:00:37,233
but I should be home by 6:00,

17
00:00:37,234 --> 00:00:39,121
and then we can
head to the party.

18
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,840
For you, dad.
From dad. Again.

19
00:00:42,841 --> 00:00:44,651
Flowers? But you just
got me flowers yesterday.

20
00:00:44,652 --> 00:00:46,795
Well, you also
had cereal yesterday.

21
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,620
And I wouldn't mind
having some today.

22
00:00:49,061 --> 00:00:52,198
Sure was nice when this house
wasn't full of bees.

23
00:01:01,024 --> 00:01:04,524
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

24
00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:07,825
More syrup for milady?

25
00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,820
Why, thank you, kind sir.

26
00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:12,579
Claire, do we still have any of those
cookies that you and Luke baked?

27
00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:16,428
Are we the kind of family
that has cookies for breakfast?

28
00:01:16,429 --> 00:01:18,602
Yes, we are!

29
00:01:18,603 --> 00:01:20,326
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

30
00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:23,784
A butterfly!

31
00:01:23,785 --> 00:01:25,321
Oh, my God!

32
00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:26,364
We are having...

33
00:01:26,365 --> 00:01:28,461
The most perfect summer...

34
00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:29,421
Ever.

35
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,004
Don't get me wrong,

36
00:01:30,005 --> 00:01:32,009
the Dunphys have had
some great days.

37
00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:34,020
We just have a little trouble
stringing them together.

38
00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:36,619
Our record was eight
consecutive blissful days --

39
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:38,553
December 2007.

40
00:01:38,554 --> 00:01:39,917
It was our Hanukkah.

41
00:01:39,918 --> 00:01:42,604
This summer,
all the Dunphys are just clicking.

42
00:01:42,605 --> 00:01:44,735
Yeah, Haley and Luke
are getting along,

43
00:01:44,736 --> 00:01:47,074
Alex is off building
houses for the poor.

44
00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:49,773
Which I know sounds awful,
but she loves it.

45
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:52,009
My fashion blog is blowing up.

46
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:53,899
I started doing
these live video chats,

47
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:56,893
and now I have
over 50,000 subscribers!

48
00:01:56,894 --> 00:01:59,819
Oh, plus, my hair
has never looked better.

49
00:02:00,124 --> 00:02:01,877
I'm not a religious person...

50
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:03,732
but I just woke up.

51
00:02:04,476 --> 00:02:05,529
Phil has been gardening.

52
00:02:05,530 --> 00:02:07,836
I've had time to catch up
and read the classics.

53
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,026
When she isn't busy helping me

54
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:11,035
with my magic-mirror
disappearing trick.

55
00:02:11,036 --> 00:02:13,909
I'm just gonna say it --
suddenly, I love magic.

56
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,149
I don't care if it's the middle of the day.

57
00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:16,358
I just want to put you in a box

58
00:02:16,359 --> 00:02:17,702
and stick swords in you.

59
00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:20,864
If this summer
wasn't magical enough,

60
00:02:20,865 --> 00:02:22,931
I haven't had a single bad plum!

61
00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:25,062
Oh, my God!

62
00:02:25,614 --> 00:02:26,377
So, the zipper --

63
00:02:26,378 --> 00:02:28,394
Oh, my God!

64
00:02:28,935 --> 00:02:31,508
Oh, my God!

65
00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:46,650
Manny!

66
00:02:46,651 --> 00:02:48,698
Manny!

67
00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:51,225
Come! Talk to your cousins!

68
00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,390
Hola!

69
00:02:53,391 --> 00:02:55,149
Manny, why you
freeze the Colombians?

70
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,363
If I talk to one of them,

71
00:02:56,364 --> 00:02:57,687
I have to talk to 50 of them.

72
00:02:57,688 --> 00:02:59,543
Just do it as a birthday gift.

73
00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:00,242
You always do this.

74
00:03:00,243 --> 00:03:01,585
Your birthday's
not till next week.

75
00:03:01,586 --> 00:03:02,590
Not mine.

76
00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:05,410
It's aunt Rosario's
82nd birthday today.

77
00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:07,864
That's why all the goats
are wearing the party hats.

78
00:03:07,865 --> 00:03:09,094
Look!

79
00:03:09,558 --> 00:03:10,970
Manny!

80
00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,438
Hi, everyone.

81
00:03:15,255 --> 00:03:16,693
Pretty snazzy new cheaters, huh?

82
00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:17,763
Five bucks.

83
00:03:18,057 --> 00:03:19,671
I know, right?!

84
00:03:19,882 --> 00:03:21,502
My husband is an older man,

85
00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:23,302
but he's not an old man.

86
00:03:23,485 --> 00:03:26,930
But with the track suit and --
and now the glasses,

87
00:03:26,931 --> 00:03:29,071
it's like he just
stopped trying lately.

88
00:03:29,072 --> 00:03:31,250
Comfort is not everything.

89
00:03:32,405 --> 00:03:35,414
My toes have been numb
since my quinceanera.

90
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:36,919
We don't have to be
at drinks till 5:00,

91
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:37,898
so I'm gonna run a few errands,

92
00:03:37,899 --> 00:03:39,356
take these bad boys for a spin.

93
00:03:39,357 --> 00:03:42,747
Ay, Jay, why don't you wear
that new outfit that I just got you?

94
00:03:42,748 --> 00:03:45,015
Uh, a little flashy,
that extra zipper.

95
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,937
Like a staircase to nowhere.

96
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,908
Yeah, but it makes you look very --

97
00:03:48,909 --> 00:03:50,788
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Right on your toes.

98
00:03:50,789 --> 00:03:53,265
It's fine. You can drop
a pay phone on my foot.

99
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,243
I don't feel a thing anymore.

100
00:03:59,007 --> 00:04:01,063
And now, as my lovely
assistant joins me,

101
00:04:01,064 --> 00:04:02,568
it's time to chant
the incantation

102
00:04:02,569 --> 00:04:07,424
that will send this fair maiden
into the sixth dimension.

103
00:04:07,425 --> 00:04:10,487
By the hat of Merlin,
by the witches of Gramanthia,

104
00:04:10,488 --> 00:04:13,835
we do make this offering to you --
be gone!

105
00:04:14,524 --> 00:04:16,237
Did I do it?
Did I disappear?

106
00:04:16,666 --> 00:04:18,287
Almost.
Just a little bit of forehead.

107
00:04:18,288 --> 00:04:19,423
Oh, I can scrunch down.

108
00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:20,412
There's love.

109
00:04:20,413 --> 00:04:21,367
Hey, guys.

110
00:04:21,368 --> 00:04:23,304
Sweet!
You brought the sifter.

111
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,922
Now I can start my rhubarb pie.

112
00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:27,650
Ooh, can I help pick the rhubarb?

113
00:04:27,651 --> 00:04:29,089
Lead the way, kitten.

114
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:30,266
Anybody want a plum?

115
00:04:30,267 --> 00:04:31,087
I'm good.

116
00:04:31,088 --> 00:04:32,431
I'll grab you a roadie.

117
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:34,879
There is no easy way to ask this,

118
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,235
but are you all high?

119
00:04:36,236 --> 00:04:37,592
No, Mitchell.
We're happy.

120
00:04:37,593 --> 00:04:39,201
Oh, I'm trying to get away
from "happy."

121
00:04:39,202 --> 00:04:41,187
All right, in the briefest
possible way,

122
00:04:41,188 --> 00:04:42,414
why don't you let me know
what's going on?

123
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,760
Okay, Cam refuses
to let the honeymoon end.

124
00:04:44,844 --> 00:04:47,295
I have a house full of flowers,
endless romantic texts.

125
00:04:47,296 --> 00:04:49,295
I know, I know,
I sound like an ungrateful jerk.

126
00:04:49,296 --> 00:04:50,088
You do.

127
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,365
It's exhausting.

128
00:04:51,405 --> 00:04:53,417
Not to mention
impossible to reciprocate.

129
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:54,659
Oh, my God!

130
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:55,227
Um, anyway,

131
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,207
do you think that maybe
I should talk to him gently

132
00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,781
about taking it down a notch?

133
00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:00,926
No, absolutely not.
That never ends well.

134
00:05:00,948 --> 00:05:02,977
Clearly you thought
this said "be mean."

135
00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:04,601
- Phil, honey, no.
- No.

136
00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:06,489
It's -- okay,
don't worry, I...

137
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,519
And it wasn't even
Valentine's day.

138
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,977
So your advice is to do nothing.

139
00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:12,452
Yes, Mitchell,
as horrible as this sounds,

140
00:05:12,453 --> 00:05:15,516
you need to suck it up
and let yourself be loved,

141
00:05:15,517 --> 00:05:18,766
and Cam will end up
dialing back the romance.

142
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,333
You might just miss it.

143
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:21,155
I know I do.

144
00:05:21,156 --> 00:05:23,322
Here we are.
A plum for my peach.

145
00:05:24,696 --> 00:05:25,676
Do you?

146
00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:27,511
Here you go.

147
00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:28,658
Thank you.

148
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:31,718
Is he okay?

149
00:05:31,719 --> 00:05:32,640
He's Mitchell.

150
00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:33,778
Look, I didn't even
want to talk about it.

151
00:05:33,779 --> 00:05:36,293
We've had such a great thing
going on here.

152
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:39,177
I don't want to let that kind
of negativity in the house.

153
00:05:39,942 --> 00:05:41,087
Alex!

154
00:05:41,131 --> 00:05:42,987
We didn't think you were
coming back until next week.

155
00:05:42,988 --> 00:05:44,516
I got a ride home early.

156
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:46,559
This has been
the worst summer ever!

157
00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:48,037
Careful, you idiot!

158
00:05:48,038 --> 00:05:49,770
You're an idiot!

159
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,793
And last night, my tent ripped,

160
00:05:54,794 --> 00:05:55,480
so I had to sleep

161
00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,447
under a plywood board
leaning up against a van.

162
00:05:57,448 --> 00:05:58,464
Pass me a napkin.

163
00:05:58,465 --> 00:06:00,042
Is milady's arm broken?

164
00:06:00,043 --> 00:06:01,229
Yours is about to be.

165
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,532
Aww, precious flowers.

166
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,191
Not that I could sleep
with all the rats.

167
00:06:04,192 --> 00:06:04,725
And, by the way,

168
00:06:04,726 --> 00:06:06,593
if any of you start
coughing up blood, my bad.

169
00:06:06,594 --> 00:06:08,477
I think I brought back the plague.

170
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,560
What am I doing?

171
00:06:09,561 --> 00:06:11,802
I think I left my backpack
in the driveway.

172
00:06:11,886 --> 00:06:13,343
Stop kicking me!

173
00:06:13,344 --> 00:06:14,768
You're kicking me!

174
00:06:15,423 --> 00:06:17,876
I'm sorry.
I'm just fidgety today.

175
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:18,875
It's okay.

176
00:06:18,876 --> 00:06:20,191
A cookie might help.

177
00:06:20,192 --> 00:06:21,618
Here's that napkin you wanted.

178
00:06:21,619 --> 00:06:22,477
I got the mail!

179
00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:23,181
Would it have killed you

180
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:24,937
to give me one
without ketchup on it?

181
00:06:24,938 --> 00:06:25,695
Move!

182
00:06:25,696 --> 00:06:26,888
You have room!

183
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,428
No, move out!
You're 40!

184
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,001
Okay. That's enough.

185
00:06:30,002 --> 00:06:31,582
Luke, why don't you go
water our garden.

186
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:33,399
Haley, just disappear
for a minute.

187
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,462
Well, it's not like you
could help with that.

188
00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:36,859
Abracad-ouch.

189
00:06:37,622 --> 00:06:39,748
Well, it's great
having Alex home, huh?

190
00:06:39,749 --> 00:06:40,821
So great.

191
00:06:41,123 --> 00:06:42,920
You don't think that
she's the reason why we --

192
00:06:42,921 --> 00:06:44,554
No. No, I do not.

193
00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:45,737
We both knew that
this charmed summer

194
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,194
had to have a bump
in it somewhere.

195
00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:48,952
Yes. Yeah.

196
00:06:48,953 --> 00:06:50,320
And it's not like
Alex coming home

197
00:06:50,321 --> 00:06:53,806
could suddenly throw off
our whole happy mojo.

198
00:06:54,187 --> 00:06:55,379
How's that plum?

199
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:57,145
Great.
Oh, my God.

200
00:06:58,946 --> 00:06:59,899
- There she is!
- There she is!

201
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,587
Oh, so happy
to have you home, honey.

202
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,310
Oh, my God! It's a bat!

203
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,697
What's happening?!

204
00:07:04,930 --> 00:07:06,012
Get it out of house!

205
00:07:06,013 --> 00:07:07,997
Get it away!

206
00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:12,800
This is unbelievable.

207
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:15,012
The dry cleaner lost
another one of my shirts.

208
00:07:15,013 --> 00:07:15,853
You know that nice,

209
00:07:15,854 --> 00:07:17,113
red-white-and-blue Hawaiian one?

210
00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:18,743
Yes, that was a very nice one.

211
00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:20,424
That's the fourth
Hawaiian shirt he's lost.

212
00:07:20,425 --> 00:07:21,050
I'm telling you,

213
00:07:21,051 --> 00:07:23,553
this is a "Dateline"
story waiting to happen.

214
00:07:23,557 --> 00:07:24,970
Great talking with you all,

215
00:07:24,971 --> 00:07:26,132
hey, but someone
wants to say hi.

216
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:27,075
No, no!

217
00:07:27,154 --> 00:07:28,504
Jay!

218
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:29,395
Hi, guys.

219
00:07:29,396 --> 00:07:31,179
Nope, still don't speak Spanish.

220
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:33,801
Always so much fun
seeing you guys, though.

221
00:07:33,802 --> 00:07:34,798
Listen, I --

222
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,137
- Gloria?
- Hmm?

223
00:07:36,694 --> 00:07:38,041
Your cousin's wearing

224
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:39,838
my black, yellow,
and peach Hawaiian shirt.

225
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:41,490
Ay, please, Jay!

226
00:07:41,491 --> 00:07:42,420
Like you're the only man

227
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,396
in this whole wide world
that owns that shirt.

228
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,684
These designer specs don't

229
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:46,972
just make my eyes pop.

230
00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:50,001
I can see the cigar burn
I put on the left pocket.

231
00:07:50,545 --> 00:07:51,923
It's a coincidence.

232
00:07:51,924 --> 00:07:52,846
There's a lot of those.

233
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,431
Like according to your
Uncle's hoodie here,

234
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,435
he was on my track team
at Buchanan high.

235
00:07:56,436 --> 00:07:57,712
Hey, guys. Tell you what.

236
00:07:57,713 --> 00:08:00,513
Why don't we sample some
American food for a change?

237
00:08:00,622 --> 00:08:03,852
So, you're sending
my clothes to Colombia?

238
00:08:04,290 --> 00:08:05,741
Just the old ones, and --

239
00:08:05,742 --> 00:08:07,356
and they send
most of them back.

240
00:08:07,357 --> 00:08:08,726
And there it is.

241
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,640
Do you have a problem
with the way I dress?

242
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:12,098
Jay, I love you very, very much.

243
00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:14,282
And I love you very much,
but that wasn't the question.

244
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,394
It's just that
sometimes I feel like

245
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:19,357
you could make a bigger effort
on your appearance.

246
00:08:19,358 --> 00:08:20,287
And there it is.

247
00:08:20,288 --> 00:08:22,012
Please stop saying that.

248
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,840
It's just that I feel that lately

249
00:08:24,841 --> 00:08:26,507
you don't make an effort
to look good for me,

250
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:29,147
and I'm always making an effort
to look my best for you.

251
00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:30,787
For me? Sure.

252
00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:31,301
What?

253
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,303
Well, let's face it, you don't
really doll up for me --

254
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,271
you do it for you.

255
00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:36,058
You get your hair done,
you get your nails done.

256
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:38,853
Oh, so you wouldn't mind
if I stopped fixing myself up?

257
00:08:38,854 --> 00:08:41,296
No, because I love you for you.

258
00:08:41,422 --> 00:08:42,360
And since we're being honest,

259
00:08:42,361 --> 00:08:44,170
I actually think sometimes...

260
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:45,468
you overdo it.

261
00:08:45,562 --> 00:08:47,027
And there it is.

262
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:48,250
You're using it wrong.

263
00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:49,049
No, this is good.

264
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,966
It's good to know that --
that you don't care.

265
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,491
This is gonna save me
so much time in the future.

266
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:54,093
Good.

267
00:08:54,094 --> 00:08:54,976
Good!

268
00:08:55,729 --> 00:08:57,925
Manny!

269
00:08:57,941 --> 00:08:58,907
Why?

270
00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:02,159
I don't care if it's cliche,

271
00:09:02,227 --> 00:09:04,548
I love the convenience
of a nice mini quiche.

272
00:09:04,549 --> 00:09:05,709
You got a little, um...

273
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,854
Oh, no.
Okay. Perfect.

274
00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:09,678
Can the new guy
embarrass himself any more?

275
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,992
Hey, counselor.

276
00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:13,552
What do I have to do
to get you to drop that suit?

277
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,651
Cam, what are you doing here?

278
00:09:14,652 --> 00:09:16,832
Surprising my "hugsband"!

279
00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:19,422
I'm hearing that term
for the first time.

280
00:09:19,423 --> 00:09:20,343
Yeah.

281
00:09:23,107 --> 00:09:24,313
So when will you guys be back?

282
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,735
Looks like somebody's
entertaining a lady friend.

283
00:09:26,915 --> 00:09:30,311
Maybe you'll pour her a nice,
tall glass of Manny-schewitz?

284
00:09:30,312 --> 00:09:32,785
You know what?
Sometimes just a straight answer.

285
00:09:32,912 --> 00:09:35,131
Gloria, can I get an E.T.A.?

286
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,236
These are important clients.

287
00:09:36,237 --> 00:09:38,222
I'd like them to still be alive
when we get there.

288
00:09:38,223 --> 00:09:40,105
Okay! I'm ready.

289
00:09:41,158 --> 00:09:41,845
Seriously?

290
00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:42,756
What?

291
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:45,947
Ay, no! I'm so sorry!

292
00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:48,932
I forgot this was
drinks with your clients.

293
00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,140
Hold on. Okay.

294
00:09:51,776 --> 00:09:53,455
I'm ready now. Let's go.

295
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,505
Hey, there, superstar.

296
00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:58,520
Moron!

297
00:09:58,521 --> 00:09:59,024
Derp!

298
00:09:59,025 --> 00:10:01,599
It really hasn't been
the same here without you.

299
00:10:01,864 --> 00:10:03,509
So what do you got there?

300
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,054
Oh, college brochure!

301
00:10:05,055 --> 00:10:07,050
You're gonna have
your pick of schools.

302
00:10:07,051 --> 00:10:09,129
You're our little genius.

303
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,060
I just hope --

304
00:10:11,061 --> 00:10:12,223
What, Claire?
What do you hope?

305
00:10:12,224 --> 00:10:14,230
Well, you have
such a perfect record,

306
00:10:14,231 --> 00:10:15,951
I hope they don't
hold it against you

307
00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:18,342
that this week you kinda...
well...

308
00:10:18,881 --> 00:10:19,916
Don't want to say "quit."

309
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:20,953
You just did.

310
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,736
Are you trying to send me
back to that hellhole?

311
00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:26,186
No! It's -- honey,
you're part of a team,

312
00:10:26,187 --> 00:10:28,098
and there are people
relying on you,

313
00:10:28,099 --> 00:10:30,455
so when you just
up and vanish like that,

314
00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:32,719
it sort of --
it --

315
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:33,635
Phil?

316
00:10:34,351 --> 00:10:35,220
Phil?!

317
00:10:36,528 --> 00:10:38,484
Your mom just feels
like it's unlike you

318
00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:39,601
to walk away from something.

319
00:10:39,602 --> 00:10:41,215
At least I could walk away.

320
00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:43,352
My tent-mate nail-gunned
her foot to the floor.

321
00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:45,629
She was just walking around
in a circle screaming

322
00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,142
until someone found her!

323
00:10:47,143 --> 00:10:48,799
Why do you guys want
to get rid of me so badly?

324
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,073
No one wants to get rid of you.

325
00:10:50,074 --> 00:10:51,182
It's just seven more days.

326
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:52,974
You'll feel good about
finishing something you started,

327
00:10:52,975 --> 00:10:54,743
and then you join us
for the perfect little summer

328
00:10:54,744 --> 00:10:55,992
we're having here.

329
00:10:55,993 --> 00:10:57,778
Were having until an hour ago.

330
00:10:57,779 --> 00:10:58,774
Haley!

331
00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,427
Oh, my God.
Okay, I see what this is.

332
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:01,894
You all are happier
when I'm not here.

333
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:02,848
No, that's not true.

334
00:11:02,849 --> 00:11:03,349
Save it!

335
00:11:03,352 --> 00:11:04,416
I'll get a ride back up there

336
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:05,851
and you all can
continue to enjoy

337
00:11:05,852 --> 00:11:07,637
your perfect, little summer!

338
00:11:07,638 --> 00:11:09,465
- Alex, honey!
- Leave me alone!

339
00:11:11,517 --> 00:11:13,493
We just got free cinemax!

340
00:11:16,086 --> 00:11:18,257
Here's Mitchell kissing a dolphin.

341
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,282
Oh, that's him kissing a tiger.

342
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:21,592
I'm the tiger.

343
00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:25,133
We have fun, you know?

344
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,409
Were we supposed
to bring our spouses?

345
00:11:27,410 --> 00:11:28,969
Hey, Cam?
Cam, hey, look.

346
00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:31,431
Um, this is kind of work-only.

347
00:11:31,432 --> 00:11:33,784
Oh, please.
They don't even know I'm here.

348
00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:34,851
I love this song.
Let's dance.

349
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:36,048
No, no. Nobody's --
nobody's dancing.

350
00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:37,356
Shh. Say it with your hips.

351
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,632
O-kay.

352
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,240
Hey, uh, no, Cam. Um...

353
00:11:41,447 --> 00:11:43,513
You know I love you, right?

354
00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:45,668
First man that ever
did love me right!

355
00:11:45,764 --> 00:11:46,306
We have fun.

356
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:47,657
We do, we do, we do.

357
00:11:47,658 --> 00:11:50,060
Um, so, look,
I-I was thinking that maybe...

358
00:11:50,061 --> 00:11:52,452
we could turn the romance down

359
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:54,436
just a little bit, you know?

360
00:11:54,437 --> 00:11:55,178
Because it's been
getting a little bit --

361
00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:58,089
I-I-I don't want to say
over the top, but it --

362
00:11:58,533 --> 00:11:59,610
Okay, I'm gonna need your help

363
00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:01,226
if we're gonna keep dancing here.

364
00:12:01,623 --> 00:12:02,856
I feel like you're mad.

365
00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:07,803
So, we had
an informal vote over there...

366
00:12:07,804 --> 00:12:08,733
We're not dancing anymore.

367
00:12:08,734 --> 00:12:09,961
Oh, good.

368
00:12:12,804 --> 00:12:14,749
You know Herb
might stop by, right?

369
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,112
He takes the pictures
for the company newsletter.

370
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:19,235
Yes, I love "Herb's blurbs."

371
00:12:20,177 --> 00:12:21,027
Well...

372
00:12:21,318 --> 00:12:23,849
Here come the doors!

373
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,326
Usually all the good places have them!

374
00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:27,977
I'm going to open them!

375
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:30,713
Oh, you're such a gentleman, Jay.

376
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,533
I think I forgot my wallet.

377
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:34,982
Oh, don't worry.

378
00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:37,977
I have some money here
in my fanny pack, huh?

379
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:40,431
For God's sake, fine.
You win.

380
00:12:40,432 --> 00:12:42,670
I like it when
you make yourself pretty.

381
00:12:42,671 --> 00:12:43,651
I win!

382
00:12:43,652 --> 00:12:44,790
I just said you won.

383
00:12:44,791 --> 00:12:46,415
Ay, Jay, what
you're feeling right now

384
00:12:46,416 --> 00:12:49,062
is what I feel when you stop
trying to look good for me.

385
00:12:49,063 --> 00:12:50,493
No, I get it.

386
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,174
Then why did you stop trying?

387
00:12:52,175 --> 00:12:53,317
Because...

388
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,590
Oh, forget it.
It's too stupid.

389
00:12:57,591 --> 00:12:59,044
Tell me.

390
00:12:59,914 --> 00:13:01,429
A couple of months ago,

391
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:02,962
I was shopping at Barneys --

392
00:13:02,963 --> 00:13:04,701
you know I like to stay current.

393
00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:06,841
Anyhow, I'm coming out
of the dressing room,

394
00:13:06,842 --> 00:13:10,148
and I see these two young guys
laughing at me,

395
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:12,281
you know, like "there's
the old guy trying too hard."

396
00:13:12,282 --> 00:13:13,932
You know, of course I get mad.

397
00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:14,544
But I start thinking,

398
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:16,290
"they're right, Jay.

399
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:17,861
You're old. Just be old."

400
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:20,395
Listen to me, Jay Pritchett!

401
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:21,120
A lot of people assume

402
00:13:21,121 --> 00:13:22,719
that I married you
because of your money,

403
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,819
and that's only a very,
very small part of it.

404
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:25,901
I'd like to go back to that.

405
00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:28,195
I married you because
you were sexy.

406
00:13:28,196 --> 00:13:29,466
You still are.

407
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,432
Who knows for how long
that's gonna last,

408
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:32,933
for either of us.

409
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:36,215
So we have to keep making
an effort for each other.

410
00:13:36,543 --> 00:13:38,721
Next time you go to Barneys,
I go with you.

411
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:41,582
Maybe you're just making
the wrong choices.

412
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,022
Not always.

413
00:13:45,953 --> 00:13:48,104
You want to have a drink?
I can change.

414
00:13:49,372 --> 00:13:51,533
No, I think I'll text them,
tell them I was sick.

415
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:53,858
Let's go home.
You said I was sexy.

416
00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:57,690
Okay, bye, Rosa.
Thank you.

417
00:13:57,691 --> 00:13:58,669
Cam!

418
00:13:59,018 --> 00:14:00,172
What's up, dude?

419
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,089
Seriously?

420
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,838
What, is that
too romantic for you?

421
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,154
He loves me not...

422
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:05,372
He loves me not...

423
00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:06,580
He loves me not.

424
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:07,586
Okay, can we talk?

425
00:14:07,587 --> 00:14:10,061
Actually, no.
I'm kind of busy.

426
00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,695
I'm assuming you forgot
it's our three month-iversary.

427
00:14:12,696 --> 00:14:15,355
Well, I foolishly set up a celebration

428
00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:16,479
that I will kindly get rid of.

429
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,195
Cam!

430
00:14:18,802 --> 00:14:20,151
No, I didn't forget,

431
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:22,230
but that's what I want
to talk to you about.

432
00:14:22,231 --> 00:14:23,636
You've been a little bit --

433
00:14:23,637 --> 00:14:25,326
See, look.
This is what I'm talking about.

434
00:14:25,327 --> 00:14:26,221
You got me another present.

435
00:14:26,222 --> 00:14:27,439
Don't touch that.

436
00:14:28,778 --> 00:14:30,223
Oh, my -- my heart!

437
00:14:30,224 --> 00:14:31,268
What heart?

438
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,011
Cam! Come on!

439
00:14:35,021 --> 00:14:36,034
Okay, listen.

440
00:14:36,035 --> 00:14:37,633
I know how lucky
I am to have you,

441
00:14:37,634 --> 00:14:41,180
but I can't possibly keep up
with this level of affection...

442
00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:43,340
Oh, boy.

443
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,377
I apologize!
I'm a monster!

444
00:14:45,378 --> 00:14:47,459
No, obviously, I'm the monster.

445
00:14:47,659 --> 00:14:48,939
Obviously.

446
00:14:49,548 --> 00:14:50,455
You know, can I just point out

447
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,970
that when we were in Cabo,

448
00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:54,516
you didn't seem
to mind all the flowers...

449
00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:55,035
Yeah, but --

450
00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:56,688
Or the back rubs,

451
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,505
or the attention.

452
00:14:58,649 --> 00:14:59,763
Well, that --
that was our honeymoon,

453
00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:02,831
and, yes, I loved it,
but it was weeks ago.

454
00:15:02,832 --> 00:15:06,514
Well, maybe some of us
don't want it to... end!

455
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:08,829
Well, it has to eventually end.

456
00:15:09,837 --> 00:15:11,085
All right, Cam --

457
00:15:12,361 --> 00:15:13,985
Did you have this lipstick or --

458
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:15,470
You know, personally,

459
00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,517
I feel sorry for you
that you're so shut off

460
00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:18,858
that a few simple
romantic gestures --

461
00:15:18,859 --> 00:15:22,002
Oh, my God!
What am I looking at here?

462
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:22,896
Well, I guess I'm crazy,

463
00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:25,307
because I've taken
pictures of you sleeping

464
00:15:25,308 --> 00:15:26,962
every night since we got married

465
00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:28,298
because you're the man of my dreams.

466
00:15:28,299 --> 00:15:30,289
Okay, super quick --
if I was the man of your dreams,

467
00:15:30,290 --> 00:15:31,994
wouldn't you have
to be the one sleeping?

468
00:15:31,995 --> 00:15:33,618
Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.

469
00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:34,788
Speaking of which, what is this?

470
00:15:34,789 --> 00:15:36,346
Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.

471
00:15:36,347 --> 00:15:38,409
Oh, Cam, come on!

472
00:15:38,410 --> 00:15:40,190
Even you have to admit
this is excessive.

473
00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:41,710
Excessive? Really?

474
00:15:42,487 --> 00:15:44,338
Struck by cupid's magic arrow.

475
00:15:44,339 --> 00:15:45,463
It's off, Lily.

476
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,882
Seriously?
Two hours rehearsing with Rosa?

477
00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:51,536
Cam, what is going on with you?

478
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,165
We just had the most
romantic year ever,

479
00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:57,420
planning our ceremony,
the wedding, the honeymoon,

480
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,366
and I'm just worried
if we let this go,

481
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,479
we'll never get it back.

482
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,657
Well, that doesn't all just end.

483
00:16:02,658 --> 00:16:03,882
It did once.

484
00:16:03,902 --> 00:16:05,818
You know, the first two years
we were together,

485
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:07,854
we were insanely romantic.

486
00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:10,923
Then it became about
parenting a-and working.

487
00:16:10,981 --> 00:16:13,021
And this last year,
we got that back,

488
00:16:13,022 --> 00:16:16,224
and I just realized
I've dropped the ball.

489
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,299
Oh, no.

490
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,196
Well, m-maybe you --
you shouldn't be the only one

491
00:16:19,197 --> 00:16:20,358
carrying the ball.

492
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:22,482
What if you did a give-off to me?

493
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:23,098
A hand-off.

494
00:16:23,099 --> 00:16:24,416
Okay, what -- yeah.

495
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,126
Look, w-what if I...

496
00:16:26,324 --> 00:16:28,880
Tried to become
a little bit more romantic?

497
00:16:28,881 --> 00:16:30,847
What would that even look like?

498
00:16:32,579 --> 00:16:34,762
This song... this song...

499
00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:37,721
Was playing the night
I asked you to move in.

500
00:16:37,938 --> 00:16:39,635
At that Applebee's.

501
00:16:40,589 --> 00:16:42,059
I believe you owe me a dance.

502
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,200
Yes.

503
00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:52,486
Are we almost done
with fairy time?

504
00:16:52,487 --> 00:16:53,591
- Lily, of all...
- Lily, that's offensive.

505
00:16:53,592 --> 00:16:55,446
I just want to get
out of this costume.

506
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:56,719
- Oh.
- Oh, of course.

507
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:57,784
Now, that does look uncomfortable.

508
00:16:57,785 --> 00:16:58,413
They snap off.

509
00:16:58,414 --> 00:17:00,232
They snap off. Oh, that's easy.

510
00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:01,605
My ride's on its way.

511
00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:03,254
Don't worry,
I'll wait outside on the curb.

512
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,464
Honey, nobody wants you to go.

513
00:17:04,465 --> 00:17:07,046
Yeah, even if you are bad luck,
you're our bad luck.

514
00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:09,222
You realize that is in no way
an apology, right?

515
00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:09,988
The thing is that we are really --

516
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:10,767
Please stop talking.

517
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,779
I spent this entire summer
as an outsider.

518
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,798
They literally made me build
the outside of the house.

519
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:17,670
And then I come back here and I --

520
00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:19,278
Why is your webcam on?

521
00:17:19,279 --> 00:17:21,170
Are you trying to humiliate me?

522
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,627
That light means it's on?

523
00:17:22,628 --> 00:17:23,927
It doesn't automatically turn off

524
00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:25,186
when you go
to a different web page?

525
00:17:25,187 --> 00:17:28,224
No, and considering you keep
your laptop on your bed,

526
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:29,536
right by where you change,

527
00:17:29,537 --> 00:17:30,640
and when you
come out of the shower,

528
00:17:30,641 --> 00:17:31,913
and who knows what else...

529
00:17:31,914 --> 00:17:33,472
Everyone knows what else!

530
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:35,649
It's probably why
you have 50,000 subscribers.

531
00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,809
Hey! You should be
ashamed of yourselves!

532
00:17:40,132 --> 00:17:41,797
Yeah, yeah.
Still not off.

533
00:17:41,914 --> 00:17:43,249
How do you do that?

534
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,640
Wait, what is that smell?

535
00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:47,036
Your father and Luke
are making a rhubarb pie

536
00:17:47,037 --> 00:17:48,855
from rhubarb we grew
in our own garden.

537
00:17:48,856 --> 00:17:50,096
You're not leaving
until you try it.

538
00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:51,754
No, no, no, no, no.
I smell smoke.

539
00:17:51,755 --> 00:17:53,275
Well, I didn't turn the oven on yet.

540
00:17:53,276 --> 00:17:53,849
Did you?

541
00:17:53,850 --> 00:17:54,510
No.

542
00:17:54,511 --> 00:17:55,492
Oh, no, no!

543
00:17:55,493 --> 00:17:57,587
I tried to start that stupid
"War and Peace" again

544
00:17:57,588 --> 00:17:59,414
last night in the bathtub,
but then I fell asleep.

545
00:17:59,415 --> 00:18:00,450
It dropped in the water

546
00:18:00,451 --> 00:18:02,184
and I thought
I would just dry it out.

547
00:18:02,476 --> 00:18:03,237
Take cover!

548
00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:04,986
- Okay! Okay!
- Take cover!

549
00:18:04,987 --> 00:18:06,138
Oh, God!

550
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:07,310
Damn this thing!

551
00:18:07,311 --> 00:18:08,687
Did nobody notice
the oven light?!

552
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,439
Lights mean things, people!

553
00:18:12,263 --> 00:18:13,003
Great job!

554
00:18:13,004 --> 00:18:15,110
Oh, God! Oh, no! No! No!

555
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:16,327
Good job, honey!

556
00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:19,627
This has been awesome,
but my ride's here.

557
00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:20,197
Have a magical day.

558
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:20,851
No, no, no, no.

559
00:18:20,852 --> 00:18:21,637
- No, I got it.
- No, sweetie.

560
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:23,063
- Claire, I got this.
- Okay.

561
00:18:23,064 --> 00:18:23,928
Spoon time, people.

562
00:18:23,929 --> 00:18:25,358
Yes! Family tradition.

563
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:25,999
Yes.

564
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,067
Look, you can leave
if you want to, sweetheart,

565
00:18:28,068 --> 00:18:30,997
but we're not letting you go
without a smile on your face.

566
00:18:31,101 --> 00:18:33,165
Luke and I poured
a lot of love into this pie,

567
00:18:33,176 --> 00:18:34,125
so, here...

568
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,799
Taste this.

569
00:18:36,592 --> 00:18:37,763
Taste our love.

570
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,960
You took the leaves
off the rhubarb, right?

571
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,489
They're incredibly poisonous.
You all could die.

572
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,892
No! Alex says they're poison!

573
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,593
We're right here!
We heard her!

574
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:49,907
You can't leave us.

575
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,571
We're a danger to ourselves.

576
00:18:51,572 --> 00:18:52,704
We're a family of fire starters,

577
00:18:52,705 --> 00:18:54,971
poison eaters,
and online prostitutes.

578
00:18:54,972 --> 00:18:56,553
It wasn't a perfect summer.

579
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:58,378
It was a stupid summer.

580
00:18:58,379 --> 00:18:59,846
Without you here to shame me,

581
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,185
I watched every
"Real Housewives" episode

582
00:19:02,186 --> 00:19:04,884
and I only got to page two
in "War and Peace."

583
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:05,798
Please stay.

584
00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:08,229
We need at least
one adult in this household.

585
00:19:08,841 --> 00:19:09,965
Okay, fine.

586
00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:13,768
You know the attic window
is open, right?

587
00:19:13,769 --> 00:19:14,920
We really didn't.

588
00:19:17,786 --> 00:19:19,087
I race you up the stairs.

589
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:21,116
Why don't you slip into
something less comfortable?

590
00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:22,009
Okay!

591
00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:24,756
Surprise! Surprise!
Surprise! Surprise!

592
00:19:25,827 --> 00:19:28,368
Just a thought --
maybe we should stop doing these.

593
00:19:28,369 --> 00:19:29,260
What's going on?

594
00:19:29,261 --> 00:19:30,481
It seems pretty obvious.

595
00:19:30,482 --> 00:19:31,847
I had to throw
the party a week early

596
00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:33,203
to really surprise her.

597
00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:34,382
Should we be
concerned about her?

598
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:36,353
That's kind of similar
to the way mom left.

599
00:19:36,354 --> 00:19:39,226
Gloria and I got in this whole thing
about how we dress.

600
00:19:39,227 --> 00:19:39,904
Long story,

601
00:19:39,905 --> 00:19:42,444
I think she might need
a little more time bef--

602
00:19:42,445 --> 00:19:44,481
Hola!

603
00:19:47,071 --> 00:19:48,446
I had this outfit underneath.

604
00:19:48,447 --> 00:19:49,239
Did you really think

605
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,729
that I was gonna walk
into a bar looking like that?

606
00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:54,051
Gracias!

607
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:55,456
All these years,

608
00:19:55,457 --> 00:19:58,090
you're telling me you
can get ready that fast?

609
00:20:12,947 --> 00:20:15,196
♪ Caribbean queen ♪

610
00:20:15,531 --> 00:20:17,923
♪ now we're sharing the -- ♪

611
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,119
Oh, my God!

612
00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:47,019
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
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