1 00:00:01,018 --> 00:00:02,078 Hey, best man. 2 00:00:02,191 --> 00:00:04,150 Yeah, I think I might go with "Best Person." 3 00:00:04,151 --> 00:00:06,412 Is this about mom again? I told you, I'm fine. 4 00:00:06,413 --> 00:00:07,816 I was just a little sad for you. 5 00:00:07,817 --> 00:00:11,080 Mom's a no-show, and you and dad are hardly even speaking. 6 00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,116 I'm leaving you! 7 00:00:12,117 --> 00:00:14,142 Not if I leave you first! 8 00:00:14,143 --> 00:00:15,796 What did you do?! 9 00:00:15,797 --> 00:00:18,132 Attention! Attention, please! 10 00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:20,046 The fire has jumped the freeway. 11 00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:22,608 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 12 00:00:22,609 --> 00:00:25,454 If you're evacuating the whole area, can't you just do us last? 13 00:00:25,455 --> 00:00:28,406 I don't think you realize how close you are to actual flames. 14 00:00:28,407 --> 00:00:30,854 Hello. Pepper Saltzman. 15 00:00:30,855 --> 00:00:31,948 Big supporter of yours. 16 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,222 Have all your calendars. 17 00:00:33,223 --> 00:00:35,751 We've waited 10 years. Can we please have an hour? 18 00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:37,179 I can give you 30 minutes. 19 00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,799 We can make that work! 20 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,933 The wedding will go on just in a slightly pared-down version. 21 00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,155 Claire, you're up front. 22 00:00:43,156 --> 00:00:43,886 Flower girl, strewing. 23 00:00:43,887 --> 00:00:45,176 Grooms, come with me. 24 00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:47,262 "Ooh! Ahh! They look so handsome!" 25 00:00:47,263 --> 00:00:48,908 Quartet, quartet, quartet! 26 00:00:48,909 --> 00:00:51,578 And cue Sal. Start after your limerick. 27 00:00:51,579 --> 00:00:52,922 Oh, god, no! 28 00:00:52,923 --> 00:00:55,049 Ugh! We're all making sacrifices, dear. 29 00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:59,423 I have a Prius full of monarch butterflies who are apparently coming home with me. 30 00:00:59,429 --> 00:01:00,169 - Aah! - No! 31 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:00,984 Her water broke! 32 00:01:00,985 --> 00:01:03,961 No! No, it did not! I am barely pregnant! 33 00:01:03,962 --> 00:01:07,069 Thank you all for being here on this joyous occasion. 34 00:01:07,518 --> 00:01:09,378 There once was a homo named Tucker... 35 00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,142 Sal, stop. No, you're going into labor! 36 00:01:11,143 --> 00:01:12,089 Also, just stop! 37 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:14,428 But we've only been together four months. 38 00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:17,884 I just love you so much, I can't wait to have your baby. 39 00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:20,285 God! Kids ruin everything! 40 00:01:20,286 --> 00:01:21,171 Yeah, they sure do. 41 00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:23,085 Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby. 42 00:01:23,086 --> 00:01:23,931 Okay. 43 00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:27,297 Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early... 44 00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:28,264 - Uh-huh. - ...they're black. 45 00:01:28,265 --> 00:01:29,977 Okay, this is a disaster! 46 00:01:29,978 --> 00:01:31,514 We have no one to marry us! 47 00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:34,667 Dearly beloved, that is a problem. 48 00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:35,639 Yep. 49 00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,958 Thanks to $35 and the internet, 50 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:41,023 you are looking at the good reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy. 51 00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,936 Over the last year, I've dropped a few subtle hints 52 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,988 to Mitch and Cam that I was available. 53 00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:48,203 Hey, have you guys decided who's gonna officiate your wedding? 54 00:01:48,204 --> 00:01:49,630 'Cause I got ordained online. 55 00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:50,417 Oh, my god. A wallaby! 56 00:01:50,418 --> 00:01:51,673 Oh, my gosh! 57 00:01:52,573 --> 00:01:54,569 To be continued! 58 00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:57,460 Phil, you're a lifesaver. Thank you. 59 00:01:57,461 --> 00:01:59,194 No thanks necessary. 60 00:01:59,195 --> 00:02:02,349 Cameron, marrying you would make me the happiest man on earth. 61 00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:05,446 Everyone, attention, please! 62 00:02:05,744 --> 00:02:09,729 I've been informed by the fire chief we need to leave immediately! 63 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,398 - The winds have shifted! - What? 64 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,850 But w-we have 30 minutes! 65 00:02:12,851 --> 00:02:18,025 A fellow wedding facilitator has informed me a beautiful space just became available. 66 00:02:18,026 --> 00:02:18,898 To the shuttles! 67 00:02:18,899 --> 00:02:20,868 But we don't know a thing about this place. 68 00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,999 Oh, my mistake. 69 00:02:23,027 --> 00:02:23,885 Let's go over it. 70 00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:27,212 It's a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling point 71 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,156 is it's not about to become a kiln! 72 00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:31,862 To the shuttles! 73 00:02:32,929 --> 00:02:39,548 Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com 74 00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:46,801 Cam, where are the shuttles that brought everyone up from the parking lot? 75 00:02:46,802 --> 00:02:49,557 Apparently they were double booked. This is the best Pepper could do. 76 00:02:49,727 --> 00:02:51,430 This is how we're getting everyone to the wedding? 77 00:02:51,431 --> 00:02:52,374 Half our guests are gay. 78 00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:55,059 We're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus. 79 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,452 That doesn't look completely sewn on. 80 00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:57,836 You might want to get something to cover that. 81 00:02:57,837 --> 00:02:59,017 Oh, good idea. 82 00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:00,117 Thank you. 83 00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:03,621 What did you say to Merle that make him want to leave Barb? 84 00:03:03,622 --> 00:03:04,514 I have no idea! 85 00:03:04,515 --> 00:03:05,846 We were just shooting the breeze... 86 00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:08,856 Wedding day, Dede, how happy I am now that I'm with you. 87 00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:10,709 Why would you say something like that? 88 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,630 Now you're breaking somebody's heart. 89 00:03:12,631 --> 00:03:14,357 I didn't mean for her to get hurt. 90 00:03:14,358 --> 00:03:19,651 Not her, him when he realizes that not every second wife looks like this. 91 00:03:19,689 --> 00:03:22,116 Thank you for lending me your jacket, Jay. 92 00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:25,183 It's good to know there are still gentleman in the world. 93 00:03:25,184 --> 00:03:26,369 Oh, it's you, Barb. 94 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:29,317 I didn't see you there on account of my bright future. 95 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,711 Thank you, Gloria. 96 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,063 Standing up to that old goat was best thing I ever did. 97 00:03:35,986 --> 00:03:37,065 What's all that about? 98 00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,175 No, no. The thing is that she told me a story about a goat 99 00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:41,912 And it's very old and then the goat... 100 00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,420 Oh, don't give me that. 101 00:03:44,117 --> 00:03:46,264 I told her to express herself. 102 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:47,955 I believe that in a good marriage, a woman can ex... 103 00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:49,941 Fine. Whatever. I'll undo it. 104 00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:55,339 We can't let Cam know what the situation with his parents is. 105 00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,087 He's very delicate. 106 00:03:57,852 --> 00:04:01,263 I can't believe I'm involved in breaking up yet another marriage. 107 00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:02,109 What? 108 00:04:03,707 --> 00:04:05,314 Hey, hey. How you holding up? 109 00:04:05,315 --> 00:04:06,489 Uh, I've had better days. 110 00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,297 But you and me... we're cool, right? 111 00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:10,173 We probably have some things that we should talk about, 112 00:04:10,174 --> 00:04:11,829 but maybe we save it for a less-stressful day. 113 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,729 This is not your fault, by the way. 114 00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,060 The fire was an act of God. 115 00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:19,581 Not that god sent a fireball down to keep a couple guys from getting married, but... 116 00:04:19,582 --> 00:04:20,749 I didn't say that right. 117 00:04:20,764 --> 00:04:23,854 There's no way that this... any of this... is part of God's plan. 118 00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:25,992 Save something for the toast, Dad. 119 00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:27,129 Damn it. 120 00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:29,434 Where do you want this? 121 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,395 Bus five. What's wrong with your voice? 122 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,987 The three of us just took a road trip. 123 00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:35,806 We sang Broadway tunes all the way to the Texas border. 124 00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:38,128 And then from the other side of Texas to Florida. 125 00:04:40,635 --> 00:04:42,157 Hey, so you're, like, the minister? 126 00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:46,532 Kinda. When they lost Sal, the situation was a no-brainer, which made them think of me. 127 00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:48,431 Isn't there a lot you have to remember to marry people? 128 00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:50,675 Not really. They all follow the same basic pattern. 129 00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:53,186 "We're gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony." 130 00:04:53,187 --> 00:04:55,305 "Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?" 131 00:04:55,306 --> 00:04:56,440 And the first person says... 132 00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:57,637 - I do? - Right. 133 00:04:57,638 --> 00:04:58,660 Then I ask the second person, 134 00:04:58,661 --> 00:05:00,500 "Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded spouse?" 135 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,816 - You know the drill, right? - I do. 136 00:05:01,863 --> 00:05:03,116 Then I say, "By the powers vested in me 137 00:05:03,117 --> 00:05:05,255 by the state of California, I now pronounce you legally wed." 138 00:05:05,256 --> 00:05:06,713 Bingo, bango, bongo, you're married. 139 00:05:06,714 --> 00:05:07,578 Awesome. 140 00:05:08,622 --> 00:05:09,949 Really awesome. 141 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,490 Look, Barb, I know what you're going through. 142 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,093 You and Merle are at a crossroads in your marriage. 143 00:05:21,094 --> 00:05:22,982 It feels like the end of the world, 144 00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:25,408 But in time, you'll see it more as a... 145 00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:26,533 Right. 146 00:05:26,596 --> 00:05:28,584 A little hiccup that we all go through. 147 00:05:28,982 --> 00:05:31,265 My advice... don't do anything. 148 00:05:31,545 --> 00:05:34,448 Just take some time and breathe. 149 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:36,956 Maybe through your nose. 150 00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:39,812 Did you happen to find anything in one of my pockets? 151 00:05:40,414 --> 00:05:42,698 Funny you should "Flask." 152 00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:45,680 Maybe I'll just take that. 153 00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:47,843 Excuse me. 154 00:05:47,844 --> 00:05:49,610 Well, it's much lighter now, isn't it? 155 00:05:49,611 --> 00:05:50,565 Yeah. 156 00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:52,168 Okay, this is weird. 157 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,140 I think this is the same seat I used to nervously scratch at 158 00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:55,011 On my way to school. 159 00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:56,629 Oh, poor thing. 160 00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:57,483 Yeah. 161 00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:59,270 Even then I felt such pressure to be perfect. 162 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,504 Andy's flight is delayed again. 163 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:03,854 Okay. That was close. We almost connected on a human level. 164 00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:05,031 He's doing the dumbest thing. 165 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:08,263 His girlfriend broke up with him, and he's flying out to win her back. 166 00:06:08,264 --> 00:06:09,544 That sounds so romantic. 167 00:06:09,545 --> 00:06:10,796 It's so weak. 168 00:06:10,797 --> 00:06:13,118 This girl throws a fit, he goes running. 169 00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:16,466 If they get back together, she has all the power. 170 00:06:16,649 --> 00:06:19,404 Oh, my god. You like him. 171 00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:20,551 No, I don't. What? 172 00:06:20,552 --> 00:06:21,552 This is so hilarious. 173 00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:22,818 He's totally not your type. 174 00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:23,656 Shut up. 175 00:06:23,657 --> 00:06:26,857 Please. You can't stop thinking about him, you're checking on him. 176 00:06:26,861 --> 00:06:28,291 He's not even like a real person. 177 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:29,499 He's like a muppet. 178 00:06:31,418 --> 00:06:33,247 I don't even get some of Sal's remarks here. 179 00:06:33,248 --> 00:06:36,971 "Marriage is like a freeway... messy, but if you communicate, it's so worth it." 180 00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:39,305 Honey, that does not say "Freeway." 181 00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:43,792 I can't use any of this, but I don't want the whole ceremony to be generic. 182 00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,552 There needs to be some magic in it. 183 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:46,579 Well, you can read a poem or maybe... 184 00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:47,579 Hold on. Back up. 185 00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,296 I like your last idea... a magic trick. 186 00:06:49,297 --> 00:06:49,947 I did not suggest a magic trick. 187 00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:53,312 After all, what's better than magic to symbolize the wonder of marriage?! 188 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,365 Excuse me. I'm talking to you. 189 00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:57,104 Yeah, yeah. 190 00:06:57,105 --> 00:06:59,702 They looked good on you in the store, but now you're not sure. 191 00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,569 That was the topic 10 minutes ago. 192 00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:04,293 Well, maybe if I stapled the sports page to my head, you'd pay attention. 193 00:07:04,294 --> 00:07:05,892 As long as it covered your mouth. 194 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,338 - What? - Nothing. 195 00:07:09,617 --> 00:07:12,028 Ugh, when are we going to be there? 196 00:07:12,029 --> 00:07:13,923 Soon, honey. Very soon. 197 00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:15,269 Come on. Give us a smile. 198 00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:19,130 Remember, this is the happiest day of your dads' lives. 199 00:07:19,929 --> 00:07:21,626 The butterflies are eating me! 200 00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:23,674 Well, who told you to jostle the crate?! 201 00:07:23,675 --> 00:07:25,163 Oh, blah. One got in my mouth. 202 00:07:25,164 --> 00:07:27,025 What a bunch of babies. 203 00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,871 Pepper said it was nice. I hope we like it. 204 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,281 Cam, Cam, listen, whatever's on the other side of this curtain, 205 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,471 we cannot be disappointed. 206 00:07:38,472 --> 00:07:41,733 You're right. Today is not about flowers or superficial things. 207 00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:43,660 Right. Okay. 208 00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:45,471 - Oh, thank god. - It's pretty. I was so scared! 209 00:07:45,472 --> 00:07:46,998 - Oh, I love it, I love it. - I could cry! 210 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,953 Oh, don't cry. You'll streak your bronzer. 211 00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:50,437 Everyone, please take your seats! 212 00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:53,783 We'll be starting in cinco minutes, 10 at the most. 213 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,922 Do you ever notice with Ronaldo how his language barrier sort of fluctuates? 214 00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,917 How is this place even available? 215 00:07:57,918 --> 00:07:59,178 Oh, dreadful story. 216 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,640 Runaway bride, suicidal groom, feuding families. 217 00:08:02,641 --> 00:08:05,060 It really puts our mundane problems in perspective. 218 00:08:05,061 --> 00:08:06,417 Oh, we can't dim the lights. 219 00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:08,921 Then break some. These are not young men! 220 00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,568 Why don't you two go freshen up? 221 00:08:12,546 --> 00:08:13,381 Wait. 222 00:08:13,382 --> 00:08:15,098 Why am I seeing only half a quartet? 223 00:08:15,099 --> 00:08:16,704 Ed and Jim are volunteer firemen. 224 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:17,799 Of course they are. 225 00:08:17,828 --> 00:08:19,396 Try to play in front of a mirror. 226 00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:23,798 - A kiss for luck. - Oh, okay. Yes. 227 00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:26,184 A kiss for luck, my little gingersnap! 228 00:08:26,185 --> 00:08:27,353 Oh, okay. Oh, wow, Barb. 229 00:08:27,354 --> 00:08:29,351 Oh, oh, good thing we're out of the fire zone. Wow. 230 00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:32,911 Well, you know your dad gave me a little wedding helper. 231 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,581 I didn't know the jacket still had a... 232 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,512 Flask. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. 233 00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:37,711 You know, at the end of the ceremony, 234 00:08:37,712 --> 00:08:40,302 I kiss a man, so you might want to fill 'er up. 235 00:08:40,735 --> 00:08:42,766 This is how you try to fix things? 236 00:08:42,767 --> 00:08:45,183 - You get her drunk? - Don't blame him. 237 00:08:45,184 --> 00:08:47,449 She's been a loose cannon ever since she started going 238 00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:50,023 to that church service that starts at 10:30. 239 00:08:50,024 --> 00:08:51,535 They play guitar music. 240 00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:53,225 It's a celebration. 241 00:08:53,226 --> 00:08:54,738 It's gomorrah. 242 00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:57,945 The pastor wears one of them Madonna microphones. 243 00:08:57,946 --> 00:08:59,217 Oh, Madonna microphones. 244 00:08:59,218 --> 00:09:01,551 Where's my little corn silk? 245 00:09:01,702 --> 00:09:04,142 Hey, you want to go out and do something fun after this thing? 246 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,768 No, I was thinking about staying in tonight and spending some time with Joe. 247 00:09:06,769 --> 00:09:09,964 Ugh, you never want to do anything since that baby came along. 248 00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:12,133 - How are you? - I'm good. 249 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,302 You... you have the, um... 250 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,111 Marriage license, rings, signing pen, toast? Yes, of course. 251 00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:17,789 There's a reason I'm the best person. 252 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,542 You know that's just a title for today, right? 253 00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,552 Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding. 254 00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:23,683 I'm still kind of hearing... what is that? 255 00:09:23,724 --> 00:09:24,787 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 256 00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:25,738 Wait. Oh. 257 00:09:26,804 --> 00:09:28,789 That's pollen. Oh, no. 258 00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:29,910 Honey. Don't look at me. 259 00:09:29,911 --> 00:09:31,150 I only had one corsage. 260 00:09:31,151 --> 00:09:32,160 Where's your sister? 261 00:09:35,883 --> 00:09:36,769 Haley? 262 00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:38,974 Andy! You're still here? 263 00:09:38,975 --> 00:09:39,861 Yeah. 264 00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:42,240 My flight keeps getting delayed because of weather. 265 00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:43,684 Oh, so does the wedding. 266 00:09:43,685 --> 00:09:45,431 Wait. Is fire weather? 267 00:09:45,432 --> 00:09:47,197 - There was a fire? - Yeah. 268 00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:49,733 Guess that explains that smoking dress. 269 00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:53,109 Line, andy. 270 00:09:53,629 --> 00:09:57,402 Well, if you're... if you're just killing time, the new wedding venue is nearby. 271 00:09:57,403 --> 00:09:58,391 You could totally come and hang. 272 00:09:58,392 --> 00:10:00,498 I don't think I'm exactly dressed for it. 273 00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:03,858 Of course, if I was with you, no one would even look at me. 274 00:10:03,859 --> 00:10:05,555 Wow, okay. 275 00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:08,095 That is quite enough pie for you, young man. 276 00:10:10,371 --> 00:10:12,505 Ugh. I've got to get back. 277 00:10:14,424 --> 00:10:16,705 Um, look, I didn't come here for coffee. 278 00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,859 Andy, I don't think it's a good idea for you to get on that plane. 279 00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,507 I don't think Beth is worth it. 280 00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:22,869 You don't even know Beth. 281 00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,064 I think I do. 282 00:10:24,777 --> 00:10:26,496 I think I've been her. 283 00:10:26,978 --> 00:10:27,639 Let me guess. 284 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,941 For every 10 letters you write, she writes one. 285 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:32,856 She's always the one who ends the phone call. 286 00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:35,530 You happen to mention when your birthday's coming up 287 00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:39,794 because you know deep down she's already forgotten it. 288 00:10:41,004 --> 00:10:43,899 Meanwhile, she gives you just enough to keep you on the hook. 289 00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:48,889 Hello? 290 00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:51,576 Of course I didn't leave, Mom. 291 00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:53,737 You walked past me two seconds ago. 292 00:10:54,882 --> 00:10:57,392 I'm just saying, you deserve better. 293 00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:03,592 Oh, my god! I'm waving at you! Stay where you are! I'm walking towards you! 294 00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:06,068 Lily, here you go. I'm taking your corsage. 295 00:11:06,069 --> 00:11:07,191 But it's mine. 296 00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:07,938 You're the flower girl. 297 00:11:07,939 --> 00:11:09,717 It's part of your job. Read the fine print. Thank you. 298 00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:11,162 Claire! What? 299 00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,407 I-I need the rings. 300 00:11:12,575 --> 00:11:13,701 - For what? - To practice our trick. 301 00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:14,516 Come on, come on, come on. 302 00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:16,462 Oh, honey, I don't know about the magic trick. 303 00:11:16,463 --> 00:11:18,905 Don't you think people should be focused on Cam and Mitch? 304 00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:21,093 I'm hoping so. It's the perfect misdirect. 305 00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,661 Okay, here's how we're gonna do this. 306 00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:24,022 You hold the rings. Okay. 307 00:11:24,023 --> 00:11:29,004 I say, "They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic." 308 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,141 We hold up our arms. 309 00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:31,182 You let go of the rings. 310 00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:34,387 They slide down the thread as if mysteriously floating 311 00:11:34,388 --> 00:11:37,090 All the way... half the way to me. 312 00:11:39,622 --> 00:11:42,170 Merle, I know that after talking to Jay, 313 00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:45,016 You think that there are better things out there for you. 314 00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:46,416 Who says there isn't? 315 00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:47,256 Okay. 316 00:11:47,378 --> 00:11:49,141 Take a trip with me to the future. 317 00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:51,794 It's a regular night at the local honky tonk. 318 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,881 Look, who's that man sitting alone in the bar? 319 00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:56,377 It's Merle. 320 00:11:56,378 --> 00:11:58,454 A beautiful woman approaches. 321 00:11:58,455 --> 00:12:00,681 She asks, "Is this seat taken?" 322 00:12:00,682 --> 00:12:04,350 He says, "No," and then she grabs the chair 323 00:12:04,351 --> 00:12:09,151 and goes sits next to a much younger, much handsomer-looking man. 324 00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:13,831 Then Merle turns around to the bartender and say, "Happy Tuesday, huh?" 325 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:19,090 The bartender replies, "Don't you mean 'Merry Christmas'?" 326 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,774 You see, Merle? 327 00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:23,211 It was Christmas the whole time! 328 00:12:23,657 --> 00:12:25,885 Okay, it's show time. Cue the processional. 329 00:12:25,886 --> 00:12:28,638 Phil, as they say in my native South Carolina, 330 00:12:28,639 --> 00:12:30,591 It's time to marry your brother-in-law. 331 00:12:31,615 --> 00:12:33,524 Flower girl, work those petals. 332 00:12:34,255 --> 00:12:35,586 Wedding party walking. 333 00:12:36,136 --> 00:12:37,006 What's that? 334 00:12:37,352 --> 00:12:38,351 I'll be right there. 335 00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:41,989 Okay. Last looks. 336 00:12:43,048 --> 00:12:44,370 - Very handsome. - Oh. 337 00:12:45,109 --> 00:12:46,897 This is my second favorite suit of yours. 338 00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:47,631 Second? 339 00:12:47,632 --> 00:12:48,901 Right after your birthday suit. 340 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,764 Hey. Cut it out. I'm practically a married man. 341 00:12:51,765 --> 00:12:53,033 I know. 342 00:12:53,102 --> 00:12:56,048 You know, you scared me earlier with what your dad said. 343 00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:56,879 W-what? 344 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,997 Well, just about the fire, you know... 345 00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:00,953 being a sign we shouldn't get married. 346 00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,974 It was kind of apocalyptic-y. 347 00:13:02,975 --> 00:13:04,634 No. Then the sky turned dark. 348 00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:05,999 Yeah, because of the fire. 349 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,030 Well, and then we had a flood. 350 00:13:07,031 --> 00:13:08,824 You know, Sal... sploosh. 351 00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:11,159 I think you're stretching just a little bit. 352 00:13:11,804 --> 00:13:13,173 Because we paid for this room! 353 00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:15,599 Mr. And Mrs. Lucas, we just need 20 minutes! 354 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,802 Cut the boy soprano. 355 00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,892 No, we need these people out of here! 356 00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:20,811 I can see you want to run again, don't you? 357 00:13:20,812 --> 00:13:21,945 Follow your heart. 358 00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:24,607 On your mark, get set, live, baby! 359 00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:25,814 You don't need that! 360 00:13:25,815 --> 00:13:27,741 You don't see this as another biblical sign? 361 00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:29,432 A swarm of "Lucases." 362 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:30,965 Slight change, everyone! 363 00:13:31,065 --> 00:13:31,862 Don't worry! 364 00:13:31,863 --> 00:13:33,656 There's always a plan "C"! 365 00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:37,311 Oh! They're everywhere! 366 00:13:37,444 --> 00:13:38,929 What is wrong with you people? 367 00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:40,948 Leave the box alone! 368 00:13:41,518 --> 00:13:42,758 Oh, if that thing is coming in, 369 00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:45,937 We need to put a few more people on the lawn. Oh! 370 00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:47,017 Okay, this place is cozy, right? 371 00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:48,583 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 372 00:13:48,584 --> 00:13:50,714 It's fine. It's... oh, it's going to be fine. 373 00:13:50,715 --> 00:13:51,382 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 374 00:13:51,383 --> 00:13:54,661 Although we may need to sit some of the overflow guests upstairs. 375 00:13:54,662 --> 00:13:56,245 Oh, we don't... we don't own the upstairs. 376 00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:57,125 Really? 377 00:13:57,318 --> 00:14:00,387 I always assumed there was a nicer part you weren't showing me. 378 00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:03,574 Make sure their checks have cleared. 379 00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:11,091 Just get another caterer here or these people will be eating butterfly bisque! 380 00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:12,289 Okay, I'm trying to remain calm, 381 00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:14,355 but you realize that's another sign of the apocalypse, right? 382 00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:15,223 Famine? 383 00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:17,562 He sounds as bad as Steven, Stefan, and Longines. 384 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:20,048 Oh, so what you're saying is we have four hoarse men? 385 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,632 Stop with the frowning. 386 00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:23,173 Today, you smile for your son. 387 00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:24,952 Tomorrow, you can do whatever you want. 388 00:14:24,953 --> 00:14:27,657 Tomorrow, I might just move out. 389 00:14:28,407 --> 00:14:30,867 Oh, now I feel a smile coming on. 390 00:14:32,015 --> 00:14:33,866 Oh, my god. You're texting Andy now? 391 00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:36,506 I'm just letting him know he can hang out here if he wants. 392 00:14:36,507 --> 00:14:39,249 Haley, I hope you know what you're doing. 393 00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,702 I'm not doing anything. 394 00:14:41,189 --> 00:14:43,904 I mean, it's one thing if you're actually into him, 395 00:14:43,963 --> 00:14:46,748 but if you're just playing around with him for the fun of it... 396 00:14:47,188 --> 00:14:50,135 Here's the thing about nice, quiet dorks like Andy. 397 00:14:50,638 --> 00:14:53,305 You get over us much faster than we get over you. 398 00:14:56,466 --> 00:14:59,069 Hi. Sorry. So sorry. 399 00:14:59,070 --> 00:14:59,975 Excuse me. It's my husband. 400 00:14:59,976 --> 00:15:02,378 "They say the best marriages"... 401 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:07,431 I don't mean to rush you, but there's like 80 people waiting to get in here. 402 00:15:07,432 --> 00:15:08,645 No, no, no. I'm so glad you're here. 403 00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,271 - I just worked up a new magic trick. - Oh. 404 00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:16,180 I start by saying, "They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic." 405 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:20,498 Then in my sleeves, I've rigged two confetti poppers that I found in Lily's closet. 406 00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,743 - Hmm. - So when I raise my arms... 407 00:15:23,608 --> 00:15:25,492 Really? You're not gonna say, "Don't do that"? 408 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,781 No, I mean, I don't think you need the magic trick, 409 00:15:27,782 --> 00:15:29,904 but if you do it, I'm sure you'll be great. 410 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:31,996 Oh, honey. 411 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,337 Oh, god, let me get that. Honey! No! 412 00:15:34,338 --> 00:15:35,795 Honey, no! Hey! 413 00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:37,021 Phil! Oh, no! 414 00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:38,479 No, no, water's on! Water's on! 415 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,509 No! You... 416 00:15:40,549 --> 00:15:41,722 Just a minute! 417 00:15:45,702 --> 00:15:47,272 - Hey, Andy. - Hey. 418 00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,803 Has the wedding started yet? 419 00:15:48,804 --> 00:15:50,469 Oh, yeah, lots of times. 420 00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,607 - What's up? - Oh, nothing. 421 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:56,130 Hey, that thing you said before about me deserving better, 422 00:15:56,143 --> 00:15:58,431 you just meant, like, in general, right? 423 00:15:58,432 --> 00:16:00,831 You weren't thinking of anyone in particular? 424 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:05,641 Yeah, no, I-I just meant you deserve to be happy. 425 00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:06,995 And if it's this girl, great. 426 00:16:06,996 --> 00:16:08,108 If not, great. 427 00:16:08,109 --> 00:16:11,987 Um, sometimes the hardest part is just figuring out what you want. 428 00:16:12,359 --> 00:16:13,696 Yeah, that's what I thought. 429 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,838 Well, enjoy the wedding. 430 00:16:16,023 --> 00:16:17,454 Thanks. Have a nice trip. 431 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,570 Yeah. I'll see you. 432 00:16:26,437 --> 00:16:27,711 I'm so glad we did this. 433 00:16:27,712 --> 00:16:28,935 I know. Who were we kidding? 434 00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:30,305 It was so gonna happen. 435 00:16:30,922 --> 00:16:32,493 I can't get enough of this. 436 00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:36,842 No, Mitch is fine. Still mad at me, though. 437 00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:39,500 You know how touchy he can be, Dede. 438 00:16:39,897 --> 00:16:44,022 Remember when we tried to cheer him up after his first ice-skating competition? 439 00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:48,346 How were we supposed to know third place is a good thing? 440 00:16:49,746 --> 00:16:52,419 Remember he tromped off across that muddy field in his skates? 441 00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:54,211 He sunk like a woolly mammoth. 442 00:16:54,699 --> 00:16:56,727 Hey, Dede, if you're around the 4th of July, 443 00:16:56,728 --> 00:16:58,851 you should come by and watch the wedding video. 444 00:17:01,055 --> 00:17:02,901 No, we're out of town in August. 445 00:17:03,825 --> 00:17:06,042 All right. Well, soon. Okay. 446 00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:08,692 Oh, Dede, I don't think I have your new... 447 00:17:17,446 --> 00:17:19,385 Okay, it's magic time, everyone! 448 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:23,500 Phil, please take your place beneath our majestic arch. 449 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,188 Cue the quartet. 450 00:17:25,739 --> 00:17:26,734 Where's the other one? 451 00:17:26,749 --> 00:17:29,030 He rode with the caterer who flipped his truck. 452 00:17:29,205 --> 00:17:31,404 Why do good things happen to everyone but me? 453 00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:34,675 Let's send the flower girl before she's a flower teenager. 454 00:17:36,519 --> 00:17:38,868 Oh, so sad. 455 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:39,820 Sorry. 456 00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:43,425 - What is... - Yeah. Like I'm the problem. 457 00:17:43,766 --> 00:17:44,778 Is your Dad here? 458 00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:45,900 Yeah, he should be right... 459 00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:47,608 Oh... oh, my god. 460 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,191 He's out on the sidewalk on the phone. 461 00:17:49,397 --> 00:17:50,557 Do you want me to go get him? 462 00:17:50,558 --> 00:17:52,021 No, no, I don't. Let's just... come on. 463 00:17:52,022 --> 00:17:53,040 Let's just do this. 464 00:17:55,169 --> 00:17:55,942 Mitchell. 465 00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:58,633 Is this really how you want to get married? 466 00:17:58,634 --> 00:17:59,700 Well, it's not ideal. 467 00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:01,403 No, people don't have any rice to throw 468 00:18:01,404 --> 00:18:03,500 because they're chewing it raw out of starvation. 469 00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,574 Half of our guests are on the lawn and... 470 00:18:06,368 --> 00:18:07,332 There go the sprinklers. 471 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,698 Okay, let's just call time of death on this. 472 00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:11,361 All right, yeah. 473 00:18:11,362 --> 00:18:15,516 Hey, everybody, um, thank you so much for, uh, for dealing with all this today. 474 00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:16,466 It means a lot to us. 475 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:17,295 But unfortunately, this is not gon... 476 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,988 Stop. You can't do this. 477 00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:21,005 Ye, I'm way ahead of you, Dad, and thank you for stopping by. 478 00:18:21,006 --> 00:18:24,116 What I mean is, you can't get married like this. 479 00:18:24,152 --> 00:18:25,475 You two deserve the kind of wedding 480 00:18:25,476 --> 00:18:28,317 you've been talking about nonstop for the last nine months. 481 00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:29,137 What do you mean? 482 00:18:29,138 --> 00:18:30,370 You bring it up every chance that you get. 483 00:18:30,371 --> 00:18:31,590 I know what nonstop means! 484 00:18:31,591 --> 00:18:33,369 Trust me, okay? 485 00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:37,207 Now, what are we all standing around for? 486 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,447 My son's getting married today. 487 00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:40,989 Hey. All right, Jay. 488 00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:43,603 It's what this golf club needs. Shake it up a little. 489 00:18:43,604 --> 00:18:44,429 Go on, dear. 490 00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:46,576 How often do your fathers get married? 491 00:18:46,621 --> 00:18:49,688 So far, one, two... 492 00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:51,159 Why am I still seeing you? 493 00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:54,563 You can take your seat, dad. 494 00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:55,705 We're about to start. 495 00:18:55,706 --> 00:18:58,313 Actually, I thought you and I would take a little walk. 496 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,147 I remember it like it was yesterday... 497 00:19:04,299 --> 00:19:06,733 The day that Mitchell came home from the hospital 498 00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:10,212 in a very unfashionable white diaper 499 00:19:10,213 --> 00:19:14,282 with three strands of scraggly raggedy andy hair. 500 00:19:14,532 --> 00:19:16,367 If he's doing it, I'm doing it. 501 00:19:16,544 --> 00:19:17,844 You coming, Barb? 502 00:19:18,264 --> 00:19:20,126 You old sweet talker. 503 00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:21,589 Wait for me! 504 00:19:24,089 --> 00:19:25,278 We were inseparable. 505 00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:27,546 I was his big sister, 506 00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:31,788 his big brother, his nemesis, 507 00:19:31,789 --> 00:19:34,440 his protector, his best friend. 508 00:19:36,487 --> 00:19:38,009 I was his first partner. 509 00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:41,246 And I loved every minute of it. 510 00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:44,580 Thank you all for being here on this happy occasion. 511 00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:49,917 They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic. 512 00:19:51,746 --> 00:19:54,365 Believe me. I know. 513 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,424 We're gathered here today to join two amazing people. 514 00:20:00,425 --> 00:20:05,516 So naturally, I was a little picky when it came to who was going to be replacing me. 515 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,505 And then I met this Cam. 516 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:11,672 And sure, he was warm and funny and loving. 517 00:20:15,307 --> 00:20:17,539 Cameron, do you take Mitchell to be your husband? 518 00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:18,391 I do. 519 00:20:18,810 --> 00:20:22,109 Cameron, would you please place this ring on Mitchell's finger? 520 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:27,153 Mitchell, do you take Cameron to be your husband? 521 00:20:27,911 --> 00:20:29,087 I do. 522 00:20:30,122 --> 00:20:32,756 Then by the powers vested in me by the state of California, 523 00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:36,249 I am privileged to pronounce you spouses for life. 524 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:38,517 You may now kiss your husband. 525 00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,591 I wondered, 526 00:20:46,592 --> 00:20:49,998 "Was he really everything I wanted for my brother? 527 00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,560 "Was he really the best person?" 528 00:20:54,031 --> 00:20:56,871 No, I'm the best person. 529 00:21:00,113 --> 00:21:04,927 And now I am very pleased to raise a glass and introduce for the first time ever... 530 00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,960 On our fourth try... 531 00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:10,152 great husbands, Mitch and Cam. 532 00:21:10,327 --> 00:21:11,432 Yes! 533 00:21:26,006 --> 00:21:27,028 I saw that. 534 00:21:27,029 --> 00:21:27,866 What? 535 00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:29,720 The way you look at my sister. 536 00:21:29,779 --> 00:21:30,892 You do it all the time, you know. 537 00:21:30,893 --> 00:21:31,919 I do not. 538 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,566 Just not in front of me, okay? 539 00:21:34,404 --> 00:21:36,727 So, have you heard from your dads on their honeymoon? 540 00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,283 You must really miss them, don't you? 541 00:21:38,284 --> 00:21:40,071 Sorry. I was being dramatic. 542 00:21:40,072 --> 00:21:41,364 No, you were right. 543 00:21:41,365 --> 00:21:42,580 You'll hate yourself. 544 00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:43,443 Right again. 545 00:21:43,444 --> 00:21:45,881 It's like they never left.