1 00:00:01,884 --> 00:00:02,733 Honey! 2 00:00:02,734 --> 00:00:04,051 - What is all this? - Hey! 3 00:00:04,783 --> 00:00:07,934 Hey mom! I'm trying to write a stupid college essay question 4 00:00:07,935 --> 00:00:11,043 - and I really don't even know where to start. - OK, what's the question? Tell me. 5 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,222 "What's the biggest obstacle you ever had to overcome?" 6 00:00:14,297 --> 00:00:17,497 Didn't my 3rd Grade teacher said I had like ADD or something? 7 00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:20,417 Oh, no honey. She said you couldn't ***. 8 00:00:20,418 --> 00:00:23,422 She put it that way because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-O-L 9 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,694 Wait, slow down. 10 00:00:26,357 --> 00:00:27,584 Sweetheart. 11 00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:28,906 What's this? 12 00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:30,214 We talked about this last week. 13 00:00:30,215 --> 00:00:33,120 I said I'm building Luke a treehouse, you said fine. 14 00:00:33,121 --> 00:00:35,885 You know? Sometimes I think you just turn me out. 15 00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:38,271 I never told her. She just would have said "no." 16 00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:41,341 I don't remember agreeing to this, Phil. 17 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,453 This is like the time you backed down the driveway 18 00:00:43,454 --> 00:00:45,216 with a hang glider sticking out of the car. 19 00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:46,167 If you'd let me keep that, 20 00:00:46,168 --> 00:00:48,015 those geese would have followed me to the wetlands. 21 00:00:48,016 --> 00:00:50,108 - You would have died. - A hero. 22 00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,656 So we spread out a nice blanket, 23 00:00:54,657 --> 00:00:56,550 opened up a bottle of vino, 24 00:00:56,551 --> 00:00:58,548 and watched the sun set over the water. 25 00:00:58,549 --> 00:01:00,486 It was majestic. 26 00:01:00,517 --> 00:01:01,363 - Mm. - Majestic. 27 00:01:01,364 --> 00:01:03,840 Why? Why we never have the picnic? 28 00:01:03,841 --> 00:01:06,452 Who wants to sit on a blanket? There's no back support. 29 00:01:06,453 --> 00:01:07,840 It's majestic. 30 00:01:08,049 --> 00:01:11,720 Last week, Shorty took me to see the Cirque du soleil-- 31 00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:14,664 It's like a circus, but classy. 32 00:01:14,665 --> 00:01:16,632 So if you like elephants, 33 00:01:16,633 --> 00:01:18,150 don't hold your breath. 34 00:01:18,151 --> 00:01:19,303 She's so cute. 35 00:01:19,928 --> 00:01:23,712 Jay hates the crowds, the beach, the rainbows. 36 00:01:23,713 --> 00:01:25,954 Rainbows? It's just colors in the sky. 37 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:28,308 Do we have to pull over every time and take a picture? 38 00:01:28,309 --> 00:01:31,035 Shame. There's an expression in Italian, Jay-- 39 00:01:31,036 --> 00:01:36,483 Dammi la tua mano e corriamo uniti per tutta la vita. 40 00:01:36,484 --> 00:01:40,397 "Give me your hand and we will run together our whole lives." 41 00:01:40,938 --> 00:01:42,606 Jay also hates running. 42 00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:56,130 Modern Family 3x07 Treehouse Sync & Corrected By Ali's Ultimately 43 00:01:56,665 --> 00:01:57,339 Here you go. 44 00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:58,539 Oh, thank you. 45 00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:01,537 - And here you go. - Oh. What is this? 46 00:02:01,642 --> 00:02:03,323 You said to knock your socks off. 47 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,654 Oh, well, look. It's already working! 48 00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:07,528 Well, two more of those, 49 00:02:07,529 --> 00:02:09,435 and you won't be wearing any underwear either. 50 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,459 - Oh! Look... - Cam, down. Down. 51 00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:15,025 - Maybe later. - Oh, okay, maybe... maybe later. 52 00:02:15,273 --> 00:02:17,043 Did you hear that? Waitress is flirting with me. 53 00:02:17,044 --> 00:02:18,475 No, no. She's not flirting with you. 54 00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:20,720 She's-- she's trolling for tips, okay? 55 00:02:20,729 --> 00:02:22,282 She totally knows you're gay. 56 00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:23,882 How would she know I'm gay? 57 00:02:23,883 --> 00:02:26,838 Uh, maybe it's the way you ordered a drink-a-doodle-doo. 58 00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:30,088 Cam has this crazy theory that if he were straight... 59 00:02:30,089 --> 00:02:31,998 And Julia Roberts were single... 60 00:02:31,999 --> 00:02:33,649 - They'd be dating. - It's not crazy. 61 00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:34,985 I met her once at an A.I.D.S. walk, 62 00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:36,584 and our chemistry was palpable. 63 00:02:36,585 --> 00:02:38,102 No, you handed her a bottle of water. 64 00:02:38,103 --> 00:02:39,051 And her fingers lingered. 65 00:02:39,052 --> 00:02:40,531 Because you wouldn't let go. 66 00:02:42,431 --> 00:02:44,269 I could totally pick up any woman in here. 67 00:02:44,270 --> 00:02:46,200 If by that, you mean lift her off the ground, 68 00:02:46,201 --> 00:02:47,859 then yes, I'll give you that. 69 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:49,587 I for sure could be a womanizer. 70 00:02:49,588 --> 00:02:51,159 Or you could be someone who just stepped out 71 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,261 of a machine called the womanizer. 72 00:02:53,512 --> 00:02:54,815 Okay, you know what? That's it. 73 00:02:54,816 --> 00:02:55,949 Pick anyone in here. 74 00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:58,004 If I can get their number, you do the laundry for a month. 75 00:02:58,005 --> 00:03:00,108 If I fail, I'll do it. 76 00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:02,451 Okay. I hate doing laundry. So, um... 77 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:04,069 No, um... 78 00:03:05,179 --> 00:03:06,657 Oh, okay. Right here. 79 00:03:07,278 --> 00:03:08,496 Her. 80 00:03:11,518 --> 00:03:12,605 Okay, great. 81 00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:16,065 Great. Just get rid of my flair... 82 00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:19,133 Whoa. Where did Cam go? 83 00:03:19,134 --> 00:03:21,160 I don't know. Where is he? 84 00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,447 Dinner was absolutely wonderful. 85 00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:25,642 Amazing. 86 00:03:25,643 --> 00:03:26,192 Hey, you know what? 87 00:03:26,193 --> 00:03:28,370 Why don't you guys come salsa dancing with us tomorrow night? 88 00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:30,339 Oh, yeah! That would be great! 89 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,747 It sounds like so much fun. I love salsa dancing. 90 00:03:32,748 --> 00:03:35,193 Jay, let's go salsa dancing with them. Look. 91 00:03:36,329 --> 00:03:37,622 Why not? 92 00:03:37,912 --> 00:03:39,611 I just bought that pay-per-view fight. 93 00:03:39,612 --> 00:03:41,087 I tell you what-- we'll compromise. 94 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,360 We'll watch the fight. We'll eat salsa. 95 00:03:43,361 --> 00:03:45,171 Who needs him? Come dancing with us. 96 00:03:45,172 --> 00:03:46,295 Ay, no, I wouldn't want to-- 97 00:03:46,296 --> 00:03:48,548 No, no! You'd be doing me a favor. 98 00:03:48,549 --> 00:03:51,822 Shorty never wants to stop, and I could use a break. 99 00:03:51,823 --> 00:03:53,655 You hear that Jay? I never stop. 100 00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:55,885 All I hear is she could use a break. 101 00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:01,042 Hey! Oh, my God! How are you? 102 00:04:01,738 --> 00:04:03,467 Hey. Hey! 103 00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:07,263 Wow. Look at you. You look fantastic. 104 00:04:07,264 --> 00:04:09,193 Thank you. So do you. 105 00:04:09,194 --> 00:04:10,777 How long has it been? 106 00:04:11,578 --> 00:04:13,117 - It feels like forever. - Yeah. 107 00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:15,935 Um, when is the last time we saw each other? 108 00:04:15,936 --> 00:04:18,002 Oh, let's see. I think it was at Dave's thing. 109 00:04:19,022 --> 00:04:21,458 You know what? I'm sorry. 110 00:04:21,988 --> 00:04:23,638 I don't know if you've heard. 111 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,919 I was in a terrible car accident, 112 00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:28,384 and ever since the coma, 113 00:04:28,491 --> 00:04:32,906 I have a really hard time placing names and faces. 114 00:04:32,907 --> 00:04:33,821 So who are you again? 115 00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:35,127 Oh, my God. I am so sorry. 116 00:04:35,128 --> 00:04:36,905 It was just a clever way to try to approach you. 117 00:04:36,906 --> 00:04:38,734 We don't know each other. 118 00:04:39,502 --> 00:04:41,246 I've never been in a coma. 119 00:04:41,626 --> 00:04:46,198 But you so deserved that. That was the worst pick-up ever. 120 00:04:46,199 --> 00:04:48,918 Oh, my God! 121 00:04:49,179 --> 00:04:52,175 That was genius! And mean! 122 00:04:52,176 --> 00:04:55,784 Now I know why we're old fake friends. 123 00:04:56,651 --> 00:04:57,676 Oh. Can I buy you a drink? 124 00:04:57,677 --> 00:04:59,567 Yeah. I'm Katie. 125 00:04:59,829 --> 00:05:00,974 Cameron. 126 00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:02,369 If she were a hot guy, 127 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,543 I would never have been that smooth. 128 00:05:04,544 --> 00:05:06,071 It's ironic. 129 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,834 Like the gift of the vagi. 130 00:05:11,417 --> 00:05:12,635 There you go. 131 00:05:12,762 --> 00:05:14,286 Thank you. Nice to meet you. 132 00:05:14,287 --> 00:05:17,205 - You, too. Bye! - Bye! 133 00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:19,803 Wham, bam, thank you, Cam. 134 00:05:19,804 --> 00:05:21,360 Seriously? You got her number? 135 00:05:21,361 --> 00:05:23,252 Sure did. And all my shirts get ironed, 136 00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,865 and their seams should appear straight, 137 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,385 just like their owner. 138 00:05:31,368 --> 00:05:34,373 Should you be using screws instead of nails? 139 00:05:34,518 --> 00:05:36,784 America was built with nails, son. 140 00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:40,240 So was that gazebo you built for our 4th of July party. 141 00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:43,897 I'm telling you, you are gonna love this bad boy. 142 00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:45,686 You know what can't climb trees? 143 00:05:45,793 --> 00:05:46,731 Raccoons? 144 00:05:46,732 --> 00:05:48,081 Worries. 145 00:05:48,273 --> 00:05:50,376 Raccoons can and will get up here, so don't leave any food, 146 00:05:50,377 --> 00:05:52,829 or they'll get territorial and attack. 147 00:05:53,412 --> 00:05:55,347 Are you sure this is a good idea? 148 00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:56,989 Are you kidding me? You're gonna have so much fun 149 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,914 hanging out up here with your buddies. 150 00:05:58,928 --> 00:06:01,159 Trust me, when you get older, it all changes. 151 00:06:01,248 --> 00:06:03,653 - Why? - Well, life gets in the way. 152 00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:06,309 Did I just say "wife gets in the way"? 153 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:07,670 'Cause sometimes I do that. 154 00:06:07,706 --> 00:06:08,990 Nope, you're good. 155 00:06:09,292 --> 00:06:10,890 And you have lots of friends. 156 00:06:10,891 --> 00:06:11,868 Yeah, I have work friends, 157 00:06:11,869 --> 00:06:13,705 and your mom and I have couples friends, 158 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,685 and there are my college friends, 159 00:06:15,686 --> 00:06:17,676 but they're scattered all over the country. 160 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,006 It's not the same as just shouting out 161 00:06:19,007 --> 00:06:20,283 to your neighborhood buddies, 162 00:06:20,284 --> 00:06:22,507 "Hey, fellas! I'm up here in the tree house!" Uhh! 163 00:06:23,953 --> 00:06:26,067 Fix that... board. 164 00:06:29,191 --> 00:06:30,719 I can't do this. 165 00:06:31,232 --> 00:06:32,875 Why are you so frustrated? 166 00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:35,763 Because I've never had any obstacles to overcome. 167 00:06:35,764 --> 00:06:37,735 Oh, honey, that's not true. 168 00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:39,291 Really? Name one. 169 00:06:39,292 --> 00:06:40,412 Well... 170 00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:43,758 You're lactose-intolerant. 171 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,392 Oh, "dear college, cheese makes me gassy. 172 00:06:46,393 --> 00:06:47,573 See you in September." 173 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,143 Sweetie, you're not really starting your essays 174 00:06:49,144 --> 00:06:51,189 "dear college," are you? 175 00:06:51,194 --> 00:06:52,422 What difference does it make? 176 00:06:52,423 --> 00:06:55,150 I've lived a boring, sheltered, pathetic life. 177 00:06:55,151 --> 00:06:57,381 I am sorry we have made things too easy 178 00:06:57,382 --> 00:06:58,503 and comfortable for you. 179 00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:01,759 Oh, you should be! It is all your fault! 180 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:02,905 You have shielded me 181 00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:05,741 from everything interesting and dangerous! 182 00:07:05,742 --> 00:07:07,087 You are blaming me 183 00:07:07,088 --> 00:07:09,609 because I kept you from getting hurt? 184 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:11,282 Gaby's mom's a hoarder. 185 00:07:11,283 --> 00:07:13,344 That essay practically writes itself. 186 00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:15,725 Maybe it is our fault. 187 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:19,325 But did you ever consider there's a reason? 188 00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:21,479 What are you talking about? 189 00:07:23,491 --> 00:07:26,493 There's a reason why we were so easy on you. 190 00:07:26,494 --> 00:07:27,991 I don't understand. 191 00:07:28,188 --> 00:07:30,115 Oh, honey, you're old enough now. 192 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,163 Old enough for what? 193 00:07:31,164 --> 00:07:32,242 The truth. 194 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,156 Okay, come on. Gotta show you somethin'. 195 00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:36,497 We're gonna go for a ride. 196 00:07:36,705 --> 00:07:38,513 Mom, just tell me. 197 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,039 You are my mom, right? 198 00:07:42,116 --> 00:07:43,314 Oh, hey. 199 00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:45,620 I'm a bad man. 200 00:07:45,621 --> 00:07:47,168 Oh, no. What did you eat? 201 00:07:47,169 --> 00:07:50,049 Mitchell, remember the girl I met last night? 202 00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,084 How can I forget her? 203 00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,497 She's super famous for having the world's worst gay-dar. 204 00:07:53,498 --> 00:07:56,440 How could I be so cavalier with her emotions? 205 00:07:56,441 --> 00:07:57,918 You know, we had a real connection. 206 00:07:57,919 --> 00:07:59,441 She gave me her number, 207 00:07:59,442 --> 00:08:01,321 and right now she's probably sitting by the phone 208 00:08:01,322 --> 00:08:02,889 waiting for me to call. 209 00:08:05,594 --> 00:08:07,849 I don't think you understand how charmed she was by me. 210 00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:10,723 Oh, my God. Where did you get all this self-confidence? 211 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:14,414 I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper county fair. 212 00:08:14,415 --> 00:08:16,593 People at the time said I could go gerber. 213 00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:18,436 You know what? I'm calling her. 214 00:08:18,437 --> 00:08:19,438 What? 215 00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:21,912 No, I can't carry this around. 216 00:08:21,913 --> 00:08:24,617 I have to come clean so she can move on with her life. 217 00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,594 This is crazy. She is not waiting-- 218 00:08:26,595 --> 00:08:28,957 Hi. Katie. It's Cam. 219 00:08:29,723 --> 00:08:30,861 First ring. 220 00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:34,171 I was hoping I would call, too. 221 00:08:34,172 --> 00:08:35,334 Oh, smooth. 222 00:08:35,335 --> 00:08:37,923 So listen, I forgot to mention something last night, 223 00:08:37,924 --> 00:08:42,286 and I'm--I'm actually not really quite sure how to say this. 224 00:08:42,287 --> 00:08:43,846 I'm a gay guy. 225 00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:47,353 Um, it's actually somewhat delicate. 226 00:08:47,354 --> 00:08:49,271 As am I, on account of the gay. 227 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,763 No, no, I had a great time with you, too, Katie. 228 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,154 It's--well, it's just that-- 229 00:08:53,155 --> 00:08:55,615 - I don't dig the ladies. - No, no. And I want you to sit-- 230 00:08:55,616 --> 00:08:58,154 I want you to have a seat on a chaise lounge. 231 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:00,395 Hey, you wanna go out and grab some dinner 232 00:09:00,396 --> 00:09:01,540 before the fight tonight? 233 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,280 No, thank you. 234 00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:04,653 Wanna eat at home? 235 00:09:04,864 --> 00:09:07,445 I'll grill some steaks, open a bottle of wine. 236 00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,721 Whatever you want, because I'm not going to be here. 237 00:09:10,202 --> 00:09:13,144 She's going salsa dancing without me. 238 00:09:13,145 --> 00:09:17,031 Ay, Manny, I told you, it's a 21 and over club. 239 00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:19,527 A forbidden dance floor. Only makes me want it more. 240 00:09:19,528 --> 00:09:23,251 Wait a second. You're going dancing with Shorty and Darlene? 241 00:09:23,252 --> 00:09:25,529 Yes, because even though he's old like you, 242 00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:27,349 he still likes to have fun. 243 00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,852 We like to have fun. 244 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,860 Last week I took you to dinner, 245 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,356 went to the boat show, 246 00:09:32,357 --> 00:09:33,739 got some sherbet? 247 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,254 And we were home by 8:30 with no boat. 248 00:09:36,255 --> 00:09:38,532 What do you want from me? I don't like dancing. 249 00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,340 - I don't like sherbet. - Yeah, right. 250 00:09:40,341 --> 00:09:41,639 How about coconut? 251 00:09:41,973 --> 00:09:44,627 Who doesn't like the coconut, hmm? Who? 252 00:09:44,628 --> 00:09:46,309 And anyways, I'm going dancing with or without you. 253 00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:48,607 Fine. I hope you have a good time with Shorty. 254 00:09:48,608 --> 00:09:50,261 I don't need Shorty! 255 00:09:50,262 --> 00:09:53,898 I won't have any problem finding a partner on my own! 256 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,566 Wow. Way to rub it in, mom. 257 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:01,986 How'd it go, heartbreaker? 258 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,615 That is one classy lady... 259 00:10:04,616 --> 00:10:06,869 - Which is why I couldn't tell her. - What? 260 00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:08,775 Well... I just couldn't do it on the phone. 261 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,923 She seemed so excited to hear from me, 262 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,959 and I'm very bad at disappointing people, Mitchell. 263 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,076 Not all people. 264 00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:16,742 Mama was right when she said 265 00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:18,587 my charm was like a wild stallion-- 266 00:10:18,588 --> 00:10:21,264 if not properly bridled, it'll bust down a barn. 267 00:10:21,265 --> 00:10:23,125 Okay, you wanna get rid of your girlfriend? 268 00:10:23,126 --> 00:10:24,306 Tell her that story. 269 00:10:24,307 --> 00:10:26,977 Maybe I will when she comes over. She's coming over. 270 00:10:26,978 --> 00:10:28,513 Are you serious? 271 00:10:28,514 --> 00:10:30,239 She said she was in the area running errands. 272 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,255 What was I supposed to say, "don't come over"? 273 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,325 Well, I guess I could have said that, 274 00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:34,525 but it's too late now, 275 00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,126 plus I wanna break it to her gently. 276 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,878 So come on. Help me un-gay this place. 277 00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:39,880 You know what? I'll make it less gay by half. 278 00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,181 Oh, these flowers should go, too. 279 00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:42,382 You mean the ones underneath the portrait 280 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,767 of you cuddling another man? 281 00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,869 Oh, good catch. 282 00:10:45,903 --> 00:10:47,387 Aw. 283 00:10:49,755 --> 00:10:50,824 Manny. 284 00:10:50,825 --> 00:10:52,209 What's up, big guy? 285 00:10:52,244 --> 00:10:54,922 How hard is it to learn this salsa dancing stuff? 286 00:10:54,923 --> 00:10:55,956 Not hard at all. 287 00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:57,974 It's about tapping into your emotion, 288 00:10:58,008 --> 00:11:00,426 your passion, and your inner fire. 289 00:11:00,478 --> 00:11:02,532 Crap! 290 00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:04,535 I stink at dancing. 291 00:11:04,536 --> 00:11:05,708 First dance at our wedding, 292 00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,776 Gloria was all graceful and gorgeous, 293 00:11:07,810 --> 00:11:09,844 and I was all big and clunky. 294 00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:12,009 Like that scene from "Beauty and the beast." 295 00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:13,778 Actually, that was the song. 296 00:11:13,812 --> 00:11:15,419 Manny picked it. 297 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,421 He didn't like me back then. 298 00:11:19,316 --> 00:11:20,753 Back straight. Okay. 299 00:11:20,754 --> 00:11:21,683 Do as I do. 300 00:11:23,228 --> 00:11:24,238 Other leg. 301 00:11:24,502 --> 00:11:25,569 Okay, stop marching. 302 00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:27,522 You're dancing, not invading Poland. 303 00:11:34,496 --> 00:11:36,878 Hello, hi! 304 00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:39,847 I'm looking for Jay Pritchett. He's about 6'2", tough guy, 305 00:11:39,882 --> 00:11:41,616 wrestles with homophobia... 306 00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:42,390 The hell are you doing here? 307 00:11:42,391 --> 00:11:44,202 Uh, I had to get out of the house. 308 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:47,422 Cam needed a little alone time with his new girlfriend. 309 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,129 - Don't ask. - Don't tell. 310 00:11:49,631 --> 00:11:50,697 What's going on here? 311 00:11:50,698 --> 00:11:53,084 He's learning to dance, but he's just so tense. 312 00:11:53,118 --> 00:11:54,884 - It's not working out. - 'Cause you're not letting go. 313 00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:56,871 I'm trying. Don't you think I want to be all smooth 314 00:11:56,905 --> 00:11:58,745 and make your mom happy out there? 315 00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:00,430 But I just can't do it, that's all. 316 00:12:00,465 --> 00:12:02,468 Jay, I'm not giving up on you. 317 00:12:03,184 --> 00:12:05,569 Okay. Hey, Manny, would you give us a second? 318 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,270 Thanks. 319 00:12:07,271 --> 00:12:09,923 Dad, look, I-I know this is weird, 320 00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:11,758 but you and I are a lot alike. 321 00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,477 We're self-conscious, okay? 322 00:12:13,511 --> 00:12:16,413 So, um, here. Just... 323 00:12:16,447 --> 00:12:17,300 The hell is this? 324 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,369 It's just something that some people take at clubs 325 00:12:19,370 --> 00:12:21,009 to, you know, loosen up. 326 00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:22,510 You take this? 327 00:12:22,545 --> 00:12:24,079 A gay man who hates dancing 328 00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:25,447 lives in a sad and lonely little world. 329 00:12:25,481 --> 00:12:27,248 This just melts your inhibitions, 330 00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:29,050 and--and you can dance all night, 331 00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:30,585 plus it gives you a raging-- 332 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:31,586 I don't wanna-- 333 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,171 I don't like this at all. 334 00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:34,898 Just hold on to it. Just in case. 335 00:12:34,899 --> 00:12:36,181 Come on. It's fine. 336 00:12:36,182 --> 00:12:37,932 Jay, I wanna show you something. 337 00:12:37,983 --> 00:12:41,051 A farmer in New Zealand taught a pig to dance. 338 00:12:42,777 --> 00:12:43,577 Oh. 339 00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:45,077 See how he keeps his snout up? 340 00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:53,628 Yep. This is it. 341 00:12:54,386 --> 00:12:55,409 This is what? 342 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,395 This. 343 00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:02,880 I-I can't do this. I can't get out of the car. 344 00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:04,515 I'm sorry. I'm too embarrassed. 345 00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:06,317 Would you just tell me what's going on? 346 00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:09,447 Okay. I-I want you to go read 347 00:13:09,448 --> 00:13:12,556 what's carved in that tree. 348 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:13,991 Mom, you're freaking me out. 349 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:17,778 Just do it. Do it, Haley. 350 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,331 Have fun getting home! 351 00:13:37,382 --> 00:13:39,550 There's your obstacle! 352 00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:42,803 What?! Are you kidding me?! 353 00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:49,476 Oh! Son of a... 354 00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:52,452 Brisket! Why does that keep happening? 355 00:13:52,453 --> 00:13:54,171 Maybe I need a nail gun. 356 00:13:54,205 --> 00:13:55,995 Okay, that's it! I'm out! 357 00:13:55,996 --> 00:13:57,396 What do you mean, you're out? 358 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,414 Where are you going? 359 00:13:58,465 --> 00:14:00,158 Dad, no offense, 360 00:14:00,159 --> 00:14:01,717 but I've seen you with a glue gun. 361 00:14:01,718 --> 00:14:05,054 I think a nail is gonna be harder to get out of my hair. 362 00:14:05,088 --> 00:14:07,473 No, don't go! I'm doing this for you! 363 00:14:07,507 --> 00:14:09,175 Are you, dad? 364 00:14:09,226 --> 00:14:11,194 Are you? 365 00:14:11,228 --> 00:14:13,496 The kid made me think with that one. 366 00:14:13,530 --> 00:14:16,299 Who was I really doing this for? 367 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,266 Sometimes I just say, 368 00:14:17,301 --> 00:14:19,412 "are you, dad? Are you?" 369 00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:20,547 Because he gets real quiet 370 00:14:20,581 --> 00:14:23,333 and doesn't notice when I walk away. 371 00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:30,125 It's weird, because I feel so comfortable around you already. 372 00:14:30,126 --> 00:14:31,817 You know, last night when I got home, 373 00:14:31,818 --> 00:14:35,036 I just started thinking about all of the fun things 374 00:14:35,070 --> 00:14:37,237 that we could do together, you know? 375 00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:38,239 Yeah. 376 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:39,296 I don't wanna scare you off, 377 00:14:39,297 --> 00:14:41,703 but my sister's getting married in a couple of weeks, 378 00:14:41,704 --> 00:14:44,879 and I so don't wanna go to that thing alone. 379 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,615 Maybe you could be my date? 380 00:14:46,616 --> 00:14:50,018 Katie, you're an amazing woman. 381 00:14:50,053 --> 00:14:52,704 You're smart, you're beautiful, 382 00:14:52,739 --> 00:14:55,279 and how fun is that handbag? 383 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,094 This is gonna come as a little bit of a shock. 384 00:14:59,129 --> 00:15:01,371 I'm fairly gay. 385 00:15:01,372 --> 00:15:03,123 I don't know why I said that. 386 00:15:03,157 --> 00:15:05,091 I'm--I'm totally gay. 387 00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:07,846 Just gay. 388 00:15:08,712 --> 00:15:10,585 You're telling me you're gay? 389 00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:11,533 Yeah. 390 00:15:12,774 --> 00:15:13,420 Why? 391 00:15:13,421 --> 00:15:15,254 I was born that way. I mean, you know, it's just-- 392 00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:18,557 No, why are you telling me? I mean, I know you're gay. 393 00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:19,992 It's obvious. 394 00:15:20,026 --> 00:15:22,161 Well, it's not that-- it's not that obvious. 395 00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:23,228 Well, yeah. 396 00:15:23,263 --> 00:15:24,797 The way you talk and walk and dress 397 00:15:24,831 --> 00:15:26,932 and your theatrical hand gestures-- 398 00:15:26,966 --> 00:15:28,835 I do not have theatrical hand gestures. 399 00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:32,782 Okay, maybe I am moderately... expressive. 400 00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:35,402 But why would you give me your number? 401 00:15:35,403 --> 00:15:37,371 Oh, because I want a gay friend-- 402 00:15:37,405 --> 00:15:39,240 someone I can dish with, 403 00:15:39,274 --> 00:15:42,009 give me guy advice, and I can shop with-- 404 00:15:42,043 --> 00:15:44,655 those are totally offensive stereotypes. 405 00:15:44,656 --> 00:15:46,758 We could go see Julia Roberts movies together. 406 00:15:46,792 --> 00:15:49,027 I know her, and she's as nice as she seems on screen. 407 00:15:49,061 --> 00:15:51,579 - Shut up. Really? Is she? - She is, yeah. 408 00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:54,265 Wait, what--so you were pretending to be straight, 409 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,733 and hitting on me? 410 00:15:55,768 --> 00:15:58,236 I was just a stupid bar bet. 411 00:15:58,254 --> 00:16:00,838 My boyfriend-- oh, he's here... 412 00:16:00,873 --> 00:16:03,464 Bet me that I couldn't get a beautiful woman's number. 413 00:16:03,465 --> 00:16:06,127 And as a proud gay man, I know it shouldn't matter, 414 00:16:06,128 --> 00:16:10,104 but I-I just wish everyone could find me attractive. 415 00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:12,884 Oh. But now he's gonna get to gloat, 416 00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:14,760 and I guess I deserve it. 417 00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:16,800 Hi... hi. 418 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:19,341 How's-- how's it going? 419 00:16:19,342 --> 00:16:20,004 Hello. 420 00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:23,793 This is Katie, and, uh, it turns out, well... 421 00:16:23,794 --> 00:16:25,861 No, actually. 422 00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:27,475 It doesn't turn out well. 423 00:16:27,510 --> 00:16:31,563 Because I thought I finally met a nice, funny guy, 424 00:16:31,614 --> 00:16:33,882 who is also hot! 425 00:16:33,916 --> 00:16:36,284 And now he's telling me he's gay?! 426 00:16:36,302 --> 00:16:38,770 He's, like, the least gay person 427 00:16:38,771 --> 00:16:41,966 I have ever met in my entire life! 428 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,312 And I thought he was the one! 429 00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:47,219 And I even told my mom about him! 430 00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,288 You better cherish him! 431 00:16:58,745 --> 00:16:59,863 Wow. 432 00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,341 Are you sure you're gay? 433 00:17:05,376 --> 00:17:06,776 - No. - Cam. 434 00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:08,544 Yes. 435 00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:10,980 Yes. Look... 436 00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:13,049 You're gonna find somebody, 437 00:17:13,083 --> 00:17:15,033 because you're an amazing girl, Katie. 438 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,034 You're the whole package. 439 00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:20,537 I just prefer somebody who has one. 440 00:17:21,244 --> 00:17:22,885 Okay. 441 00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,717 Oh... my... God! 442 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,520 That was a lot of girl tongue! 443 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,872 I think I need a drink-a-doodle-doo. 444 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,862 What was that? 445 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,997 Hello, Haley. How was your day? 446 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:47,550 I have no money, no cell phone... 447 00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:48,934 You're welcome. 448 00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:49,935 What?! 449 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:50,903 I listened to you. 450 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,504 I stopped coddling you, and look-- 451 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,373 you overcame an obstacle. 452 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,292 Oh! Yeah! I did! 453 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,611 I grew up normal despite my crazy mom! 454 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,529 Well, that sounds like the beginning of a great essay. 455 00:18:00,564 --> 00:18:01,697 "Dear college..." 456 00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:04,685 Oh, honey, if you get stuck, let me know, 457 00:18:04,686 --> 00:18:06,203 and I'll make you sleep out in the yard. 458 00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:07,521 You're psychotic! 459 00:18:07,539 --> 00:18:08,622 Use spell check! 460 00:18:16,148 --> 00:18:17,198 Aah! 461 00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:20,968 Don't just sit there! Get out here! 462 00:18:20,986 --> 00:18:23,187 I'm good, I'm good. 463 00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:24,689 Okay! 464 00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:26,074 Hola! You're looking so good! 465 00:18:26,108 --> 00:18:27,141 How long has it been? 466 00:18:27,176 --> 00:18:29,315 We don't know each other. Go away. 467 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,256 Fair enough. 468 00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:32,724 Hola! 469 00:18:32,725 --> 00:18:34,766 You're looking so good. How long has it been? 470 00:18:35,802 --> 00:18:37,523 What was wrong with that guy? 471 00:18:37,524 --> 00:18:38,453 Yeah, I would have danced with him. 472 00:18:38,454 --> 00:18:39,379 He's got nice shoulders. 473 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:41,948 Aw, you know, salsa is so intimate and sensual 474 00:18:41,949 --> 00:18:44,238 that it feels wrong to do it with somebody else 475 00:18:44,239 --> 00:18:45,456 that is not Jay. 476 00:18:45,474 --> 00:18:46,924 Aw. You know, Darlene feels the same way. 477 00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:48,793 If I wasn't here, she's be holding up the wall. 478 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,362 Yeah. A wall of men. 479 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:54,532 You know, I think I should go home to my loving husband 480 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:58,169 and pull him close and tell him that I danced with 20 men. 481 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,671 He's not home. 482 00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,474 He's in a dicey neighborhood worried about his car. 483 00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:04,675 Yay! Hey! 484 00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,844 Jay! 485 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,113 What, are we gonna kiss or dance? 486 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,114 Let's dance! 487 00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:12,450 I'm dead set against drugs. 488 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,619 "Just say no" and all that stuff. 489 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:15,967 But I thought, 490 00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:19,034 just this once for Gloria. 491 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,968 And if I was gonna make a complete ass of myself, 492 00:19:23,002 --> 00:19:24,383 I didn't wanna remember it. 493 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,948 The big drug I gave him-- baby aspirin. Orange-flavored. 494 00:19:31,949 --> 00:19:33,538 He could have chewed it. 495 00:19:37,057 --> 00:19:39,185 Home come you never surprise me like that? 496 00:19:39,186 --> 00:19:40,060 I do surprise you. 497 00:19:40,061 --> 00:19:42,231 No, you don't. You never surprise me... 498 00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:50,747 That's gonna be a hell of a tree house. 499 00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:54,217 Oh, thanks. I'm trying. 500 00:19:54,251 --> 00:19:56,502 It's for my son, but he's kind of lost interest. 501 00:19:56,537 --> 00:19:58,588 It's kind of like my daughter with the dog. 502 00:19:58,622 --> 00:20:00,656 Which is why I'm the one out here doing this. 503 00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:03,159 Did you just move in? 504 00:20:03,193 --> 00:20:05,561 Lived here eight years. You? 505 00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:07,964 - 12. - Huh. 506 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:08,998 Huh. 507 00:20:09,032 --> 00:20:10,233 You know, me and my friends, 508 00:20:10,234 --> 00:20:12,210 we, uh, we built a tree house when I was a kid. 509 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,710 We spent hours in that thing. 510 00:20:13,711 --> 00:20:14,711 Loved it. 511 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,780 Me, too. 512 00:20:16,814 --> 00:20:19,066 You need any help? 513 00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,317 Yes, a lot. 514 00:20:20,351 --> 00:20:22,686 But I-I don't wanna bother you. 515 00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:23,854 Only thing that bothers me 516 00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:25,689 is that drunken Amish roof you got up there. 517 00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:26,707 Do you even have a level? 518 00:20:26,741 --> 00:20:28,913 I did, but I might have gotten frustrated 519 00:20:28,914 --> 00:20:31,015 and thrown it into your yard. 520 00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:32,516 Let me find it. I'll be right over. 521 00:20:32,534 --> 00:20:34,018 Thanks. 522 00:20:34,036 --> 00:20:35,736 I'm Phil, by the way. 523 00:20:35,821 --> 00:20:38,205 I'm Andre. Nice to meet you, Phil. 524 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,707 Nice to meet you, Andre. 525 00:20:39,741 --> 00:20:42,076 So I guess I was wrong when I said once you get older, 526 00:20:42,127 --> 00:20:43,861 it's harder to make new friends. 527 00:20:44,269 --> 00:20:46,948 Honey! The dude in the tree is cool! 528 00:20:46,949 --> 00:20:49,684 Andre, it turns out, is an orthopedic surgeon, 529 00:20:49,718 --> 00:20:53,354 handy with tools, and a great guy to hang out with. 530 00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:57,925 Plus he's a badass black man that gives me extra street cred. 531 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,961 That's his joke. 532 00:20:59,995 --> 00:21:03,831 He's my brotha from a different motha. 533 00:21:03,866 --> 00:21:05,266 - What was that? - Different-- 534 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,801 - That's not it. - What is it? 535 00:21:06,835 --> 00:21:08,002 It's "brother from another mother." 536 00:21:08,036 --> 00:21:09,170 Brotha from anotha motha-- 537 00:21:09,204 --> 00:21:10,204 Slow down. Slow it down. 538 00:21:10,239 --> 00:21:12,340 Brotha from another motha. 539 00:21:12,374 --> 00:21:15,176 Forget it. Don't-- just don't say it. Forget it. 540 00:21:15,376 --> 00:21:16,576 Sync & Corrected By Ali's Ultimately 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net