1 00:00:01,109 --> 00:00:05,044 Behold the Quantum Flux. A magic portal to the past, 2 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:08,038 what some might call a "time machine." 3 00:00:08,107 --> 00:00:10,073 This is where you guys go "Oooh." 4 00:00:10,074 --> 00:00:11,103 - No, thank you. - Just get on with it. 5 00:00:11,138 --> 00:00:12,300 "Ooh," indeed. 6 00:00:12,309 --> 00:00:14,656 I'm throwing Dad and Gloria's 10th anniversary party, 7 00:00:14,691 --> 00:00:16,100 and Phil is part of the entertainment. 8 00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:18,289 I'm gonna make Gloria seemingly dematerialize, 9 00:00:18,324 --> 00:00:20,137 then wondrously travel back through time, 10 00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:22,193 and then rematerialize in her wedding dress. 11 00:00:22,228 --> 00:00:24,048 She's gonna change her clothes in a box. 12 00:00:24,083 --> 00:00:25,624 This is why I'm nervous about you introducing me. 13 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,517 I'm kidding! You're gonna be great. 14 00:00:27,552 --> 00:00:31,945 He better be great. I want Dad and Gloria's party to be perfect. 15 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:34,081 I was kind of a pill at their wedding. 16 00:00:34,116 --> 00:00:36,017 I hadn't fully accepted Gloria yet. 17 00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:38,697 And I feel a little responsible for what happened with my mom. 18 00:00:38,732 --> 00:00:41,704 I fed her, like, three drinks at the reception. 19 00:00:41,739 --> 00:00:43,168 You know, just to take the edge off. 20 00:00:43,203 --> 00:00:45,886 (AS GLORIA) I'm Gloria! Kiss me! Oh, hey, kiss me! 21 00:00:45,914 --> 00:00:47,153 (GUESTS GASPING, MURMURING) 22 00:00:47,188 --> 00:00:49,743 - MITCHELL: No, no! Oh, geez! Mom! Mom! - (SCREAMING) 23 00:00:49,778 --> 00:00:51,179 She almost took the doorframe off. 24 00:00:51,214 --> 00:00:53,956 Into the wormhole she goes. 25 00:00:53,991 --> 00:00:57,782 Clocks turn backwards, calendar pages re-attach themselves, 26 00:00:57,817 --> 00:01:02,318 and behold! The beautiful bride! 27 00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:06,256 Guys! This isn't exciting to you? Use your imaginations. 28 00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:09,922 Picture me standing next to Gloria in a wedding dress. 29 00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:11,466 - (CELLPHONE RINGS) - We're done. 30 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,231 - (CELLPHONE BEEPS) - Mitchell, did you get the cake? 31 00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:15,699 Yeah, yeah. I got everything. 32 00:01:15,734 --> 00:01:16,877 Okay, good. I'll have to meet you at Dad's. 33 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,113 I need to go with Phil to pick up his magic box. 34 00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:22,316 Oh, and, hey, you told Phil not to mention the trick to Cam, right? 35 00:01:22,351 --> 00:01:23,684 If Cam finds out, he's just gonna want us 36 00:01:23,753 --> 00:01:25,319 to do some kind of performance, too. 37 00:01:25,388 --> 00:01:27,355 Pretty sure I told him not to say anything. 38 00:01:27,423 --> 00:01:30,725 (DRUM FLOURISH) 39 00:01:30,793 --> 00:01:32,360 Yeah, pretty sure you didn't. 40 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:42,665 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:45,399 --> 00:01:47,032 MITCHELL: So, uh, what's all this? 42 00:01:47,101 --> 00:01:48,801 This is redemption. 43 00:01:48,869 --> 00:01:50,369 Maybe just a straight answer. 44 00:01:50,438 --> 00:01:52,337 The year was 2007. 45 00:01:52,406 --> 00:01:54,840 The wedding reception of Jay and Gloria. 46 00:01:54,909 --> 00:01:57,810 Our gift to the newlyweds was a duet performance 47 00:01:57,878 --> 00:01:59,678 - of "Islands in the Stream." - "Islands in the Stream." 48 00:01:59,747 --> 00:02:02,414 - A gift that would never be, because... - I remember. 49 00:02:02,483 --> 00:02:04,883 I fed my mom a few drinks at the reception. 50 00:02:04,952 --> 00:02:07,319 I really did not want to sing, so I figured... 51 00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,922 if I got her a little tipsy, I wouldn't have to perform 52 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,323 because I'd have to hold her hand... 53 00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:13,358 No, no, no! Oh, geez! 54 00:02:13,427 --> 00:02:15,127 - Mom, Mom! - (SCREAMING) 55 00:02:15,196 --> 00:02:17,229 ...and later hold her hair back. 56 00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:19,631 Well, your family has wondered for 10 years "What if?" 57 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:22,033 Today, they find out what for. 58 00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:23,468 Mm, I don't know, Cam. 59 00:02:23,537 --> 00:02:24,636 I'm a little rusty, 60 00:02:24,705 --> 00:02:26,738 and acoustics are never good inside a tent. 61 00:02:26,807 --> 00:02:29,107 And, oh! This party isn't about us. 62 00:02:29,176 --> 00:02:30,909 There's a whole slate of performers. 63 00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:32,210 Gloria's changing in a box. 64 00:02:32,279 --> 00:02:33,878 Which makes our medley all the more welcome. 65 00:02:33,947 --> 00:02:37,716 It's a medley now? No! No. In no way, shape, or form 66 00:02:37,784 --> 00:02:40,318 am I performing today in front of my judgmental family. 67 00:02:40,387 --> 00:02:43,922 - Fine. We'll just... go to the party. - Thank you. 68 00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:45,290 - No medley. - Exactly. 69 00:02:45,359 --> 00:02:48,626 - Wait. This isn't a trick... - Just three un-related songs. 70 00:02:48,695 --> 00:02:50,462 You just agreed. Rehearsal starts right now. 71 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,598 - Jump in when you're ready. - (MID-TEMPO RHYTHM PLAYS) 72 00:02:57,437 --> 00:02:59,037 Why are you cooking? 73 00:02:59,106 --> 00:03:00,572 Are you allowed back there? 74 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,241 It's our anniversary. Can't I do something nice for your mother? 75 00:03:03,310 --> 00:03:04,976 Maybe. 76 00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:06,211 Morning, beautiful. 77 00:03:06,279 --> 00:03:08,580 We have huevos, we have chorizo, we have tortilla. 78 00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:10,115 What we ain't got is Manny. 79 00:03:10,183 --> 00:03:13,118 Unfortunately, he's gonna be a no-show at the party today. 80 00:03:13,186 --> 00:03:14,452 Aha. 81 00:03:14,521 --> 00:03:15,887 What can I get you? 82 00:03:15,956 --> 00:03:19,057 Take that garbage away from me. I'm going for a walk. 83 00:03:20,727 --> 00:03:22,594 Manny was a big part of our wedding. 84 00:03:22,662 --> 00:03:25,130 He walked Gloria down the aisle, did the calligraphy. 85 00:03:25,198 --> 00:03:27,766 And I knew him not showing up to our anniversary party 86 00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,035 would put Gloria in a bad mood. 87 00:03:30,103 --> 00:03:31,903 In some ways, I feel responsible. 88 00:03:31,972 --> 00:03:33,502 (DOOR OPENS) 89 00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:35,607 (DOOR CLOSES) 90 00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:37,342 You're home again? 91 00:03:37,411 --> 00:03:38,543 You're in college. 92 00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:40,178 You can't come back every weekend! 93 00:03:40,247 --> 00:03:41,813 - So no hug? - I love you, 94 00:03:41,882 --> 00:03:43,782 but you're not making the most of your college experience 95 00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:45,050 by being here all the time. 96 00:03:45,118 --> 00:03:47,385 My father dropped me off my freshman year, 97 00:03:47,454 --> 00:03:48,987 and I didn't see him again till the spring. 98 00:03:49,056 --> 00:03:50,355 - You want to know why? - I don't know. 99 00:03:50,424 --> 00:03:51,823 Something about dames and fistfights? 100 00:03:51,892 --> 00:03:53,658 Exactly. Too busy making friends, 101 00:03:53,727 --> 00:03:55,760 chasing skirts, and things of that nature. 102 00:03:55,829 --> 00:03:57,595 But your mother and I think it's bad for you 103 00:03:57,664 --> 00:03:58,763 to be here all the time. 104 00:03:58,832 --> 00:04:01,232 So hit the road, and we'll see you at Thanksgiving. 105 00:04:01,301 --> 00:04:02,934 Wait. I'm banned from my house? 106 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:04,736 Don't think of it that way. 107 00:04:04,805 --> 00:04:06,371 You're banned from my house. 108 00:04:08,942 --> 00:04:11,843 Technically, Gloria was not in on this decision, 109 00:04:11,912 --> 00:04:13,478 in the sense that... 110 00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:15,680 she was not in on this decision. 111 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:17,916 - (DOG BARKING) - Ruff, ruff, ruff! 112 00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,451 (DOG WHIMPERS) 113 00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:21,352 I was a little grumpy. 114 00:04:21,421 --> 00:04:24,956 I had agreed to do this magic trick at the party with Phil. 115 00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:28,960 I go into a box, and then I come out in my wedding dress. 116 00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,495 But there was a problem. 117 00:04:30,564 --> 00:04:31,629 Pull! 118 00:04:31,698 --> 00:04:33,932 - She won't budge! - (GRUNTS) 119 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,669 The only logical explanation is that somebody snuck into my closet 120 00:04:37,737 --> 00:04:39,637 and shrunk my wedding dress. 121 00:04:39,706 --> 00:04:41,906 Like, probably my sister. 122 00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:43,108 So for the past week, 123 00:04:43,176 --> 00:04:45,076 I've had to, like, get even skinnier 124 00:04:45,145 --> 00:04:47,512 than I was at my wedding. 125 00:04:47,581 --> 00:04:49,013 Oh, shut up. 126 00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:51,382 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 127 00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:54,119 Be cool. 128 00:04:54,187 --> 00:04:55,320 Phil, it's a magic shop. 129 00:04:55,388 --> 00:04:57,855 I'm the coolest person that's ever been in here. 130 00:04:58,291 --> 00:04:59,390 (BELL DINGS) 131 00:05:00,527 --> 00:05:02,760 Oh! (LAUGHS) 132 00:05:02,829 --> 00:05:04,462 How does he do it? 133 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,336 - I'm kidding. I know how he does it. - (CHUCKLES) 134 00:05:06,405 --> 00:05:08,472 Claire, meet the legendary Mister Ekshun. 135 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,608 - Hello. - And what's this behind your ear? 136 00:05:11,677 --> 00:05:13,910 - Oh, just some sweater fluff. - (CHUCKLES) 137 00:05:13,915 --> 00:05:16,949 Well, the place looks great. Can you imagine coming here every day? 138 00:05:17,018 --> 00:05:18,818 I wish it was every day. 139 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,620 I have less and less time for the old Illusionatorium, 140 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,822 with all the road jobs I still book. 141 00:05:23,854 --> 00:05:25,454 Would you mind quickly walking me through 142 00:05:25,522 --> 00:05:27,355 - the Quantum Flux Illusion? - Uh-huh. 143 00:05:27,424 --> 00:05:31,626 Well, according to magic bylaws, I can't disclose the secret 144 00:05:31,695 --> 00:05:35,063 in the presence of a non-licensed magician. 145 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,959 Not a problem. I can just step outside. 146 00:05:37,028 --> 00:05:40,563 Nonsense! We prepare for such things. 147 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:44,100 Ah! The old sensory-deprivation helmet. 148 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,401 - Oh! - I put that baby on, 149 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,437 it's almost like I don't have roommates. 150 00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:49,305 Yeah, I, like I said, could just step out... 151 00:05:49,374 --> 00:05:50,740 - (MUFFLED) Outside would be fine. - (GRUNTS) 152 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,075 (HELMET CLICKS) 153 00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:55,978 - She's lovely. - Yeah. I'm super lucky. 154 00:05:56,504 --> 00:05:58,538 Thank you so much for helping me with this. 155 00:05:58,606 --> 00:06:01,140 Are you kidding? I wouldn't have this life 156 00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:02,742 if you hadn't turned down the magician gig 157 00:06:02,811 --> 00:06:04,577 on that Ixtapa cruise years ago. 158 00:06:04,646 --> 00:06:06,646 What? I-I was never offered that job. 159 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:09,482 Yeah, they said they called you and never heard back, 160 00:06:09,551 --> 00:06:11,284 so they moved on to me. 161 00:06:11,352 --> 00:06:13,186 I never got that call! 162 00:06:13,254 --> 00:06:14,620 Oh! (GASPING) 163 00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:17,059 I couldn't breathe! I couldn't breathe! 164 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,344 Well, you forgot to turn on the ventilator. 165 00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,578 That was supposed to be my job? 166 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,246 No. 167 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,949 This was supposed to be my job. 168 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:26,784 I look stupid. 169 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,703 Hey, you see what a bad mood your mother's in? 170 00:06:28,771 --> 00:06:31,172 That's because she misses Manny. Today, you're Manny. 171 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,673 But wouldn't she miss Joe then? 172 00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:33,808 Don't overthink. 173 00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:35,843 Just go in there, act all heartsick, 174 00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:38,145 and tell her you want to have high tea. 175 00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:42,817 Hey, Mom. Why are girls such a mystery? 176 00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:44,418 Have a scone! 177 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,287 Get out of here. I cannot even look at that. 178 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,357 Yikes! 179 00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:53,493 Shake it off. That's okay. That's a good first try. 180 00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:55,076 Go grab his pan flute! 181 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,880 How's my bride? 182 00:06:58,949 --> 00:07:01,016 Ay! So big now. 183 00:07:01,084 --> 00:07:02,784 I know. It snuck up on me, too. 184 00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:05,453 But remember, letting go is a natural part of life. 185 00:07:05,522 --> 00:07:07,922 No. It's terrible, Jay. 186 00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:11,126 And sending Joe in here with scones made it worse! 187 00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:13,061 (NOTES PLAY) 188 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:14,763 Silencio, Fulgencio! 189 00:07:16,981 --> 00:07:21,517 (OFF-KEY) ♪ That old black magic has me in its spell ♪ 190 00:07:21,586 --> 00:07:25,220 ♪ That old black magic that you weave so well ♪ 191 00:07:25,289 --> 00:07:28,791 - Take it, Daddy! - (DRUM SOLO) 192 00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:29,892 (SOLO STOPS) 193 00:07:29,961 --> 00:07:31,803 - (CLAPS) - Oh! Hi, Mitchell. 194 00:07:31,838 --> 00:07:35,130 You know what? I def traded up with Lily. I'm glad you backed out. 195 00:07:35,190 --> 00:07:37,090 Lily, why don't you go rest your instrument? 196 00:07:37,159 --> 00:07:40,460 So, uh, just to break down this "foolproof" plan, 197 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,062 you thought this would make me so jealous 198 00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:43,964 that I'd beg to be back in the act, didn't you? 199 00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:47,200 Um, no. I just found a younger talent that I clicked with. 200 00:07:47,269 --> 00:07:50,504 Okay, well, I look forward to watching you two perform. 201 00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:54,908 Well, I envy you getting to watch us perform. 202 00:07:55,035 --> 00:07:57,836 Lily, sweetheart, get in here! The rehearsal's not over! 203 00:07:57,905 --> 00:08:00,772 Y-Y-Yeah, time's a-wasting, my little thrush! 204 00:08:00,841 --> 00:08:02,941 And hurry! The party starts real soon! 205 00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:04,843 Okay, you know what? You win. 206 00:08:04,912 --> 00:08:07,613 You know I'm never taking the stage with that screech owl. 207 00:08:07,681 --> 00:08:10,649 Just sing. It would be very important for you. 208 00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:12,184 - For me? - Yes. 209 00:08:12,253 --> 00:08:16,488 Your family has been entranced by my performances many times. 210 00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:18,868 I don't need this, but over the last 10 years, 211 00:08:18,937 --> 00:08:21,838 I've watch you shrink in their presence. 212 00:08:21,907 --> 00:08:23,473 And you love to sing. 213 00:08:23,542 --> 00:08:24,741 I like it fine. 214 00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:26,643 And when we go out, you're the first person 215 00:08:26,712 --> 00:08:28,912 to grab the karaoke mic and scat the night away, 216 00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:32,014 and you're good at it. You know what people are calling you? 217 00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:33,086 Mnh-mnh. 218 00:08:33,154 --> 00:08:34,254 "Fella Fitzgerald." 219 00:08:34,322 --> 00:08:35,555 They do not! 220 00:08:35,624 --> 00:08:37,023 Yes, they do. 221 00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:39,859 And just once, I would love to watch your talent soar 222 00:08:39,928 --> 00:08:42,595 in front of your family and shut them up for good. 223 00:08:42,664 --> 00:08:44,230 - But if you don't want to... - You know what? Screw it. 224 00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,850 I don't even care that I'm mostly sure you're 225 00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:48,201 manipulating me right now. We're doing this. 226 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,003 I knew you'd come around. Welcome back to the act. 227 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,071 Okay, now, this is a bit much for me. 228 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,873 So... 229 00:08:56,339 --> 00:08:59,439 Hey, Beardy. Have you seen Manny Delgado? 230 00:08:59,508 --> 00:09:02,476 I think the make-out king is a little occupied. (CLICKS TONGUE) 231 00:09:07,316 --> 00:09:09,749 MANNY: Have you no respect for the ascot?! 232 00:09:11,248 --> 00:09:12,447 What are you doing here? 233 00:09:12,516 --> 00:09:14,483 I need you to come to our anniversary party. 234 00:09:14,551 --> 00:09:15,884 I thought I was persona non grata. 235 00:09:15,953 --> 00:09:17,886 Now I'm halfway into flagrante delicto. 236 00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:19,221 This, I don't miss. 237 00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,390 Your mother is upset you're not gonna be there. 238 00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,358 Well, then maybe she shouldn't have banished me from the house. 239 00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:25,761 I may have accidentally led you to believe... 240 00:09:25,829 --> 00:09:27,562 that she was part of that decision, 241 00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:29,164 - when actually... - I knew it! 242 00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:31,433 I knew my mom wouldn't be that mean to her little papi. 243 00:09:31,502 --> 00:09:32,567 DENISE: Manny? 244 00:09:32,636 --> 00:09:33,969 (DEEP VOICE) One minute, baby. (CHUCKLES) 245 00:09:34,038 --> 00:09:36,004 - That's been working? - (NORMAL VOICE) Shut up. 246 00:09:36,073 --> 00:09:39,107 So, I've been icing my mother for a week because of you? 247 00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:40,598 She must think I'm the worst son. 248 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,000 Then come home and make her day. 249 00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:44,869 I'm not dropping everything to come home and bail you out. 250 00:09:44,938 --> 00:09:46,504 Tomorrow, maybe... and I'm telling her you're the reason 251 00:09:46,573 --> 00:09:48,639 - I haven't been around. - Hold on. Hold on. 252 00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:50,425 It's better if she hears it from me. 253 00:09:50,493 --> 00:09:51,826 I just have to spin it 254 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,861 as if it's something I did in your best interest. 255 00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:56,664 And I'm supposed to back that up like I'm somehow better off because... 256 00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:59,967 - Where'd you go, baby bear? - (DEEP VOICE) Coming, baby bear. 257 00:10:00,078 --> 00:10:02,378 You're welcome. But two baby bears? 258 00:10:02,447 --> 00:10:04,280 (NORMAL VOICE) I'm new at this. 259 00:10:04,349 --> 00:10:06,716 - Hey, Claire. Quick question. - Uh-huh. 260 00:10:06,784 --> 00:10:09,719 I see that you only have Mitch and I down for one song. 261 00:10:09,787 --> 00:10:11,420 Which isn't enough time to tell a story. 262 00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:14,323 So we would be willing to cut our set list to six songs. 263 00:10:14,392 --> 00:10:15,491 Cool. So we'll keep it at one? 264 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,912 - Okay, so five quick songs, then? - One song. 265 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,329 Okay, I would be willing to close this right now at three songs. 266 00:10:20,398 --> 00:10:21,697 One quick song, and if you so much 267 00:10:21,766 --> 00:10:24,600 as begin to introduce the band, I'll cut the power off. 268 00:10:24,669 --> 00:10:27,003 Okay, that is not the way you talk to talent. 269 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,528 (KNOCK ON DOOR) Gloria? 270 00:10:29,597 --> 00:10:32,164 GLORIA: I'm in the bathroom! Come in! 271 00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:34,333 Oh, uh... 272 00:10:34,402 --> 00:10:36,001 It's... It's Phil. 273 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,636 Come in! 274 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,205 - Phil Dunphy. - Phil! 275 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,742 Hey. 276 00:10:44,028 --> 00:10:45,527 The dress is in that bag over there. 277 00:10:45,596 --> 00:10:48,030 Oh, great. I'll hide it in the back of the time machine. 278 00:10:48,099 --> 00:10:49,865 You, uh... 279 00:10:50,569 --> 00:10:52,502 You got a big wrestling match coming up? 280 00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:54,304 I am having a bad day. 281 00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:56,106 I don't feel like doing the chitchatting. 282 00:10:56,174 --> 00:10:57,674 Not having a great day myself. 283 00:10:57,743 --> 00:10:59,042 Missed a phone call 15 years ago 284 00:10:59,111 --> 00:11:01,511 that could have launched a second career as a magician. 285 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,079 I could've had it all. (CLEARS THROAT) 286 00:11:03,148 --> 00:11:05,282 Realtor by day, magician by night. 287 00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:07,284 Just like the hero of that rock opera I never finished. 288 00:11:07,352 --> 00:11:09,619 Phil, this feels like the chitchatting. 289 00:11:09,688 --> 00:11:11,588 Well, I should probably get going. 290 00:11:11,657 --> 00:11:13,590 The steam's starting to pucker up my suit. 291 00:11:13,659 --> 00:11:15,759 Whew! Done. 292 00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:17,360 It's the same suit I wore to your wedding. 293 00:11:17,429 --> 00:11:18,495 (CHUCKLES) 294 00:11:18,563 --> 00:11:20,296 Can't believe how loose it's gotten. 295 00:11:20,365 --> 00:11:21,464 (WHIMPERS) 296 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,433 (APPLAUSE) And now it is my pleasure 297 00:11:25,502 --> 00:11:28,402 to bring up the first of our very special entertainers. 298 00:11:28,471 --> 00:11:32,440 Here to perform one song, Cameron and Mitchell. 299 00:11:32,509 --> 00:11:33,841 (APPLAUSE) 300 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,042 Just relax. 301 00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,148 Okay, now, remember... it's just like karaoke. 302 00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:41,482 Yeah, yeah, I-I got it. I got it. 303 00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,384 Sing a little and then throw to the drum solo. 304 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,253 Okay. Okay. 305 00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:46,621 ♫ "THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC" PLAYS ♫ 306 00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:49,123 ♪ That old black magic ♪ 307 00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:52,493 ♪ Has me (GULPS) in its spell ♪ 308 00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:56,397 ♪ That old black magic that you ♪ 309 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,665 ♪ Weave so well ♪ 310 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,467 (CHUCKLES) 311 00:11:59,536 --> 00:12:04,404 ♪ Icy fingers up and down my spine ♪ 312 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:10,410 ♪ The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ♪ 313 00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:13,647 - Take it, piano guy! - (PIANO SOLO) 314 00:12:13,657 --> 00:12:14,715 ♪ Be-Ba-da Ba-Ba-da-doop ♪ 315 00:12:14,784 --> 00:12:17,384 ♪ Bop-da-boop Ba-da-baaa Ba-Ba-da-baa ♪ 316 00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:19,063 JAY: Look at him go. 317 00:12:19,132 --> 00:12:21,265 You know, he was raised a mama's boy. 318 00:12:21,334 --> 00:12:23,334 Now he's a strong, capable man 319 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:26,037 making nonsense noises that sound a lot like instruments. 320 00:12:26,106 --> 00:12:28,673 Let's hear that guitar weep! 321 00:12:28,742 --> 00:12:31,509 (GUITAR SOLO) 322 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:33,444 ♪ Waah-waah-waah ♪ 323 00:12:33,513 --> 00:12:35,480 ♪ Waah-waah-waah waaaaahh ♪ 324 00:12:35,548 --> 00:12:36,881 ♪ Waah-whoa ♪ 325 00:12:36,950 --> 00:12:39,917 And there is someone that we haven't heard from yet. 326 00:12:39,986 --> 00:12:42,887 Take a walk with me, Mr. Bass Man. 327 00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:44,589 (BASS SOLO) ♪ Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo ♪ 328 00:12:44,657 --> 00:12:46,390 ♪ Bah-Bo-Bo-Bo da-bi-Bo ♪ 329 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,893 ♪ Bo Bo Bo ♪ 330 00:12:48,962 --> 00:12:51,496 ♪ Bah-bah bah-doo-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba ♪ 331 00:12:51,564 --> 00:12:53,998 ♪ Wha, wha, wha, wha ♪ 332 00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,366 ♪ What do you do ♪ 333 00:12:55,435 --> 00:13:01,272 ♪ When faced with black magic? ♪ 334 00:13:01,341 --> 00:13:03,207 Hey! 335 00:13:03,276 --> 00:13:05,676 (APPLAUSE) Thank you! Thank you so much! 336 00:13:06,313 --> 00:13:07,736 One more time! 337 00:13:07,771 --> 00:13:10,568 Okay. Nope. 338 00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:13,132 (DRUMMING) 339 00:13:13,201 --> 00:13:14,967 (CHEERING) 340 00:13:15,036 --> 00:13:16,536 Thank you very much. 341 00:13:16,604 --> 00:13:18,304 Uh, muy kind, pero I know you're only doing it 342 00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:19,705 to make me feel más better. 343 00:13:19,774 --> 00:13:23,075 Wow. Somebody's been listening to Rosetta Stone in the car. 344 00:13:23,144 --> 00:13:25,845 Cam, come on. Talk to me. 345 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,149 What in the skibbity doo wop was that? 346 00:13:28,218 --> 00:13:29,885 (LAUGHTER) 347 00:13:29,953 --> 00:13:31,253 Did you bring your own studio audience? 348 00:13:31,321 --> 00:13:35,123 No. They're Gloria's family. Unlike some people, they feel things. 349 00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:37,676 Cam, look, I'm sorry. I got carried away. 350 00:13:37,745 --> 00:13:40,279 It seemed deliberately hurtful. Every musician got a solo 351 00:13:40,348 --> 00:13:42,181 except the one you promised to have and to hold. 352 00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:45,184 - TOGETHER: Aww! - Okay, do you mind? Thank you. 353 00:13:45,253 --> 00:13:47,686 Look, Cam, I-I'm sorry I forgot to throw it to you, 354 00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:50,028 but I-I was just swept up in the moment. 355 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,796 It... That was... It was exhilarating. 356 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:54,332 I-I... Did you hear those people cheering? 357 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,335 Well... you were brilliant. 358 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,104 Not the most generous of performances, but... 359 00:13:59,499 --> 00:14:02,667 I was completely free in front of my entire judgy family, 360 00:14:02,736 --> 00:14:05,603 and none of that would have happened without you. 361 00:14:06,209 --> 00:14:07,642 Well, I think I hear what you're saying... 362 00:14:07,711 --> 00:14:10,111 that half of that applause was mine 363 00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:11,946 - 'cause I transformed you. - Okay. 364 00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:13,982 Well, that's better than any 10-minute drum solo. 365 00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:15,583 So you'll tell everyone this was my doing? 366 00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,685 Of course I will. Come here. 367 00:14:17,754 --> 00:14:20,788 TOGETHER: Ooh! 368 00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:24,659 Okay, I'll spin the box two times, 369 00:14:24,728 --> 00:14:27,461 you'll have 30 seconds to change into your wedding dress. 370 00:14:27,571 --> 00:14:30,539 Or I change into an old pair of pajamas 371 00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:32,174 to show the people how comfortable.. 372 00:14:32,242 --> 00:14:33,808 I have always been with Jay. 373 00:14:33,851 --> 00:14:34,883 Oh, yeah. Sure, Gloria. 374 00:14:34,952 --> 00:14:35,985 Why don't we just throw the script out 375 00:14:36,053 --> 00:14:38,120 and you can say whatever you want, 'cause the audience already thinks 376 00:14:38,189 --> 00:14:40,155 the actors make it all up anyway?! 377 00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:41,257 I'm sorry! 378 00:14:41,325 --> 00:14:42,358 JAY: What's going on? 379 00:14:42,426 --> 00:14:44,026 It's okay, Phil. 380 00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:46,128 He's very upset because 15 years ago, 381 00:14:46,197 --> 00:14:49,932 he missed a phone call for a job to do boat magic. 382 00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,300 That's why you've been sulking all afternoon? 383 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,426 My life would be completely different if not for stupid fate! 384 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,628 Fate? 385 00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,298 Let me ask you something. And there's a real lesson here. 386 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,233 Do you like how your life turned out? 387 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,401 Yeah, sure. 388 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,137 Great family, steady work, bus benches? 389 00:15:06,578 --> 00:15:08,177 I got that call when you weren't home 390 00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:09,645 and never gave you the message. 391 00:15:09,714 --> 00:15:12,615 What... question mark, exclamation point?! 392 00:15:12,684 --> 00:15:14,250 Why would you do something like that?! 393 00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:15,985 To save him from himself. 394 00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:19,288 People sometimes need a gentle nudge to make the right choice. 395 00:15:19,357 --> 00:15:21,224 And, luckily for everyone, I'm here to do it. 396 00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:22,692 And not just for Phil. 397 00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:24,827 I know you're wondering why Manny isn't here. 398 00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,662 - I b... - Who's ready for some magic? 399 00:15:26,731 --> 00:15:28,998 Phil, Gloria, you're up. 400 00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:31,134 (APPLAUSE) 401 00:15:31,841 --> 00:15:33,808 - Honey, you okay? - Nope! 402 00:15:33,877 --> 00:15:35,743 Ladies and gentlemen, 403 00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:39,347 the scientists would have you believe that time travel is poppycock. 404 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:42,717 But today, on the anniversary of the wonderful Gloria 405 00:15:42,786 --> 00:15:44,318 and Jay, 406 00:15:44,685 --> 00:15:46,685 I shall confound the skeptics 407 00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:48,988 and transport this beautiful woman 408 00:15:49,056 --> 00:15:51,857 back in time to the day of her wedding. 409 00:15:51,924 --> 00:15:54,191 Gloria, get in the box! 410 00:15:55,561 --> 00:15:58,296 Drumroll, please. 411 00:15:58,364 --> 00:16:01,132 (DRUMROLL) 412 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,667 (CYMBALS CRASH) 413 00:16:02,735 --> 00:16:04,835 (DRUM SOLO) 414 00:16:08,341 --> 00:16:10,941 (SOLO CONTINUES) 415 00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,784 (SOLO ENDS) 416 00:16:20,852 --> 00:16:25,354 Whoo! Yes, drums! Yes! 417 00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:29,071 Anyway, watch as she disappears into the wormhole. 418 00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:30,640 That's my trick. I'm done. 419 00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:32,942 What do you mean, you're done? Bring her back. 420 00:16:33,011 --> 00:16:34,677 - (THUMP, THUMP) - GLORIA: Okay, I'm ready! 421 00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:38,481 You made my dream disappear. Now yours is gone. 422 00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:41,050 iHola! I want to come out! 423 00:16:41,105 --> 00:16:43,773 Phil. Phil, you are Dede-ing my party. 424 00:16:43,841 --> 00:16:45,374 Your father Dede'd my life. 425 00:16:45,443 --> 00:16:47,677 He's the one who got the phone call 15 years ago 426 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,245 about the magic job and never told me. 427 00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:50,546 Oh, Phil. 428 00:16:50,615 --> 00:16:52,815 Your family has always treated me like a child 429 00:16:52,884 --> 00:16:54,083 who can't make his own decisions. 430 00:16:54,152 --> 00:16:56,152 I couldn't even make an outfit choice for the wedding 431 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,920 without your mother commenting on it. 432 00:16:57,989 --> 00:16:59,922 That's why I slipped her those three drinks at the reception. 433 00:16:59,991 --> 00:17:02,224 - (THUMP, THUMP) - GLORIA: It's very warm back here! 434 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,271 You need to let Gloria out of that box. And... 435 00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:07,540 my dad had nothing to do with that. 436 00:17:07,608 --> 00:17:09,675 I'm the one who told him not to give you the message. 437 00:17:09,744 --> 00:17:11,644 - (THUMP, THUMP) - Did I miss the "Ta-da"? 438 00:17:11,713 --> 00:17:14,513 Phil, I'm so sorry. But your business was just taking off, 439 00:17:14,582 --> 00:17:16,048 - and the kids were really little. - No, no. I-I don't want to hear it. 440 00:17:16,117 --> 00:17:18,951 My own wife is the reason I don't have a career in magic, 441 00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:21,579 a thing I was born to do?! 442 00:17:29,042 --> 00:17:30,375 Look at me! 443 00:17:30,443 --> 00:17:33,004 I haven't changed in 10 years! (GIGGLES) 444 00:17:33,013 --> 00:17:34,078 (RIP, POP) 445 00:17:34,147 --> 00:17:35,246 -Aaah! -Oh! 446 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:36,681 - (CROWD MURMURS) - Aah! 447 00:17:40,543 --> 00:17:41,642 (DOOR SLAMS) 448 00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,244 Gloria! 449 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,413 You came! Thank God! 450 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,647 Not because of you. 451 00:17:46,716 --> 00:17:49,417 I couldn't enjoy my time with Denise knowing my mother needed me. 452 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,052 I mean, I enjoyed it a little. 453 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,387 She's a dance major trying to replace food with affection. 454 00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:54,588 I really don't care. 455 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,756 Gloria! 456 00:17:57,727 --> 00:17:59,026 I have a surprise for you! 457 00:17:59,095 --> 00:18:01,228 - I'm here! - Okay. 458 00:18:01,492 --> 00:18:03,092 I was kind of expecting a bigger reaction. 459 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,494 Yeah, I thought for sure Manny being here would tip the scales. 460 00:18:05,563 --> 00:18:09,131 No! I don't need anyone to do that for me! 461 00:18:09,592 --> 00:18:10,991 Just leave me alone. 462 00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:12,760 What kind of sick game are you two playing? 463 00:18:12,828 --> 00:18:14,695 Do you have any idea what I gave up to be here? 464 00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:16,063 What's going on with you, Gloria? 465 00:18:16,132 --> 00:18:17,398 (SOBS) 466 00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:20,134 This dress doesn't fit me anymore! 467 00:18:20,202 --> 00:18:21,669 That's it?! 468 00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:23,671 I drove all the way to Manny's dorm for nothing? 469 00:18:23,739 --> 00:18:25,773 Oh, because you've made the sacrifice today. 470 00:18:25,841 --> 00:18:26,874 - (SIGHS) - (CELLPHONE BEEPS) 471 00:18:26,942 --> 00:18:28,309 You don't understand. 472 00:18:28,377 --> 00:18:33,280 I tell people that I work hard to stay fit and to stay young, 473 00:18:33,349 --> 00:18:37,150 but the reality is that I barely do anything. 474 00:18:37,293 --> 00:18:39,600 But now my body is getting... 475 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,721 - Bigger? - How dare you! 476 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,123 But yes. 477 00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,759 (SIGHS) But I've always looked a certain way. 478 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:51,996 And now that I don't, then what am I? 479 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:56,033 Just a self-trained hairdresser with a hot-sauce business. 480 00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,501 You still have that? 481 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:02,072 Gloria, you're so much more than how you look. 482 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,776 That's what you say to people that are not that pretty anymore. 483 00:19:05,795 --> 00:19:07,028 Are you insane? 484 00:19:07,097 --> 00:19:09,731 You could be my age and 30 pounds heavier, 485 00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:12,467 and you would still be unbelievably out of my league. 486 00:19:12,536 --> 00:19:15,737 Listen, you gain a couple... who cares? 487 00:19:15,805 --> 00:19:17,739 These have been the best 10 years of my life. 488 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:21,609 I'm in it for every pound, every wrinkle, 489 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:22,944 every gray hair. 490 00:19:23,013 --> 00:19:24,245 (WHIMPERS) 491 00:19:24,314 --> 00:19:27,081 EVERYONE: Aww! 492 00:19:27,150 --> 00:19:29,450 (CLATTERING) 493 00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:35,871 Come on! 494 00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:39,119 Let's go. Get in the car. 495 00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:41,088 - Where are we going? - Don't worry about it. 496 00:19:41,156 --> 00:19:44,091 Oh. Why should I start making my own decisions now? 497 00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:50,757 I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job. 498 00:19:50,826 --> 00:19:52,492 You're just such a "Go for it" kind of guy, 499 00:19:52,561 --> 00:19:54,194 and I love that about you, 500 00:19:54,262 --> 00:19:56,396 but in that case, we had three little kids, 501 00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:58,498 a mortgage, and I was nervous. 502 00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:00,841 You could have at least included me in the decision. 503 00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:02,710 You're right! You're right. 504 00:20:02,779 --> 00:20:04,745 And I know "I'm sorry" doesn't begin to cover it. 505 00:20:04,814 --> 00:20:05,846 Why are we stopping? 506 00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:07,415 Well, our kids are grown, 507 00:20:07,483 --> 00:20:09,683 I run a company, you've got a great day job. 508 00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:12,887 I thought maybe it was time you picked up an old hobby. 509 00:20:12,955 --> 00:20:14,388 Are those... Uh... 510 00:20:15,558 --> 00:20:16,657 Keys to your new magic shop. 511 00:20:16,726 --> 00:20:18,659 Oh, my God! 512 00:20:18,728 --> 00:20:20,828 (LAUGHS) 513 00:20:20,897 --> 00:20:21,929 Go on! 514 00:20:21,998 --> 00:20:24,131 - What?! - I know! 515 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,634 And Mister Ekshun was willing to let it go for next to nothing. 516 00:20:26,702 --> 00:20:28,402 Which, now that I think of it, 517 00:20:28,471 --> 00:20:30,371 is probably not a great sign. 518 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,240 This is awesome! 519 00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:35,843 And "Mister Ekshun"... I just got that! 520 00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:37,945 It's kind of funny that you're making up 521 00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:39,580 for making a decision that should have been mine 522 00:20:39,649 --> 00:20:41,515 by making another decision for me. 523 00:20:43,486 --> 00:20:45,820 Do you want it or not? 524 00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:47,221 - I love you. - I love you. 525 00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:49,423 - Mwah! - (BOTH CHUCKLE) 526 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:50,948 Bylaws. 527 00:20:52,863 --> 00:20:55,962 ♪ Fiz-El-ah dwee-zop beh-zong de-doy ♪ 528 00:20:56,031 --> 00:20:57,035 ♪ Ske-diddly-Dee-daht ♪ 529 00:20:57,099 --> 00:20:58,798 ♪ De-daht de-do! ♪ 530 00:20:58,867 --> 00:21:00,900 ♪ Bow! Bam! Chow ♪ 531 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,102 ♪ Cha-cha-cha! ♪ (BEEP, BEEP, BEEP) 532 00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,104 ♪ Waah-waah-waah Zep-za-da wah ♪ 533 00:21:04,172 --> 00:21:06,206 ♪ Shah-waah waah-waah Bah-dop bah-dop waah ♪ 534 00:21:06,274 --> 00:21:07,974 ♪ Waah-waah-waah Bop-Ba-dop ♪ 535 00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,010 ♪ Waah-waah-waah Ba-dop Ba-dop waah ♪ 536 00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:13,097 ♪ Diddly-bop dit-do da-Ba-da baaaa ♪ 537 00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:16,571 ♪ Pa-Ra-Ba-Ra-Ba-Ra Ba-Ra-Ba-Ra Pa-pa-bar ♪ 538 00:21:16,596 --> 00:21:18,441 ♪ Pa-Ra-Ba-Ra... ♪ - It's getting late. 539 00:21:19,557 --> 00:21:20,655 Nighty night. 540 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:25,680 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com