00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:07,103 --> 00:00:08,703
Hey, i though you were gonna take out the garbage.
I am.
2
00:00:14,242 --> 00:00:17,010
Phil.
Yes, getting it.
3
00:00:26,254 --> 00:00:27,554
Dylan.
4
00:00:27,622 --> 00:00:30,390
Hey, mrs. Dunphy.
Um, I'm just waiting for haley.
5
00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:31,892
Did you ring the bell?
6
00:00:31,959 --> 00:00:34,761
I texted. She said she'd
be down in just a minute.
7
00:00:34,829 --> 00:00:37,364
Oh, great.
Tell her I said hi.
I will.
8
00:00:37,431 --> 00:00:39,165
Dylan!
D-money!
9
00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:42,335
Chillin'
with dylan the villain.
10
00:00:42,403 --> 00:00:44,304
"d" to the "y" to the --
hey, mr. Dunphy.
11
00:00:44,372 --> 00:00:45,605
Hey, come on in.
12
00:00:45,673 --> 00:00:47,574
You're just in time
to catch the end of the game.
13
00:00:47,642 --> 00:00:49,209
Oh, I'm not really
a baseball guy.
14
00:00:49,277 --> 00:00:50,744
[ cellphone beeps ]
haley says hi.
15
00:00:50,811 --> 00:00:52,012
I-I was just being facetious.
16
00:00:52,079 --> 00:00:54,214
Come on.
I'll catch you up.
17
00:00:54,282 --> 00:00:55,882
Sit it. Park it.
18
00:00:57,752 --> 00:00:59,019
Come on, I don't bite.
19
00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:01,788
[ growls ]
kidding.
20
00:01:01,856 --> 00:01:03,657
[ chuckles ]
I'm kidding.
21
00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:05,725
Okay, see that guy?
He's the tying run.
22
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,427
Interesting story
about him.
23
00:01:07,495 --> 00:01:09,162
He's been stuck
on second base forever,
24
00:01:09,230 --> 00:01:11,298
And I'm pretty sure
he's gonna try and steal third,
25
00:01:11,365 --> 00:01:13,967
Which is just
a terrible, terrible idea.
26
00:01:14,035 --> 00:01:16,169
How are you
and haley doing?
27
00:01:21,976 --> 00:01:24,744
I wish I could stay home
with you and fly toy airplanes.
28
00:01:24,812 --> 00:01:26,579
These aren't toy airplanes,
manny.
29
00:01:26,647 --> 00:01:28,982
These are models,
and they're very complicated.
30
00:01:29,050 --> 00:01:30,684
You want to fly
one of these,
31
00:01:30,751 --> 00:01:33,753
You got to be familiar with
airfoil, drag, lift, and thrust,
32
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:36,256
And these are all principles
of aerodynamics.
33
00:01:36,324 --> 00:01:38,158
The box says, "12 and up."
34
00:01:38,225 --> 00:01:40,360
What?!
35
00:01:41,629 --> 00:01:43,296
You can fly toy planes
with jay next time.
36
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,031
Today you have to spend time
with luke.
37
00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:48,168
Why?
Because his mother
invited you, so you go.
38
00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:50,270
Family needs to be close,
right, jay?
39
00:01:50,338 --> 00:01:52,539
I'm pretty sure
this is a typo.
40
00:01:52,606 --> 00:01:53,974
Men need their hobbies.
41
00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:56,142
Manny's father
had many hobbies,
42
00:01:56,210 --> 00:01:57,510
Like hiking in the desert,
43
00:01:57,578 --> 00:02:00,413
That kind of skiing
that they drop you from the...
44
00:02:00,481 --> 00:02:02,549
How do you say in english?
The [imitates helicopter]
45
00:02:02,616 --> 00:02:04,451
Helicopter.
Yes.
46
00:02:04,518 --> 00:02:07,354
Once, on a dare,
he even boxedd with an alligator.
47
00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:08,688
Wrestle.
48
00:02:08,756 --> 00:02:11,458
You wrestle --
you can't box with alligators.
49
00:02:11,525 --> 00:02:12,859
Are you sure?
50
00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:15,295
How would they get the gloves
on those lile claws?
51
00:02:15,363 --> 00:02:17,263
Aren't they like tiny,
little hands?
52
00:02:17,331 --> 00:02:19,132
No!
53
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,601
Okay, now I forgot
what we were talking about.
54
00:02:21,669 --> 00:02:24,170
Anyways, hobbies are important
for the men,
55
00:02:24,238 --> 00:02:26,172
Whether you're
risking your life
56
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,009
Or flying little planes
from a safe distance.
57
00:02:32,013 --> 00:02:34,180
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
what are you doing?
58
00:02:34,248 --> 00:02:36,016
We're just gonna
buy some diapers.
59
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:37,951
It'll just take
a second.
60
00:02:38,019 --> 00:02:39,019
This is costco.
61
00:02:39,086 --> 00:02:40,920
Yeah, which is where
we buy diapers.
62
00:02:40,988 --> 00:02:42,288
Since when?
63
00:02:42,356 --> 00:02:44,090
Do you remember
when we adopted that baby
64
00:02:44,158 --> 00:02:45,291
A few months back?
65
00:02:45,359 --> 00:02:46,459
Since then.
66
00:02:48,929 --> 00:02:50,430
Mitchell is a snob.
67
00:02:50,498 --> 00:02:53,066
No, n-no,
I'm -- I'm discerning.
68
00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:56,202
Official slogan for snobs.
69
00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:58,438
When we first met,
he wouldn't even look at me
70
00:02:58,506 --> 00:03:00,507
Because I was a hick
from the farm in missouri
71
00:03:00,574 --> 00:03:03,309
And he's a big city mouse.
72
00:03:03,377 --> 00:03:05,078
Who says "city mouse"?
73
00:03:05,146 --> 00:03:06,446
Country mice.
74
00:03:08,049 --> 00:03:09,416
[baseball game plays
on television ]
75
00:03:09,483 --> 00:03:11,418
I think I'm gonna
go wait in the car.
76
00:03:11,485 --> 00:03:12,786
Okay.
77
00:03:12,853 --> 00:03:14,788
Hey, if you're on your way out,
can you grab the garbage?
78
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:17,424
I got it.
Okay, we got it.
79
00:03:17,491 --> 00:03:19,292
He's a little jumpy.
80
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,028
Oh, go figure -- a teenage boy
doesn't want to hang out
81
00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:23,229
With his girlfriend's dad.
82
00:03:23,297 --> 00:03:24,898
I thought
we were past all that.
83
00:03:24,965 --> 00:03:26,666
I'm all about...
84
00:03:26,734 --> 00:03:28,802
I'm all about taking it
to the next level.
85
00:03:28,869 --> 00:03:29,936
Really?
86
00:03:30,004 --> 00:03:32,072
I thought you were all about
keeping it real.
87
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:33,873
Yes, but the whole point
of keeping it real
88
00:03:33,941 --> 00:03:34,974
Is so you can take it
to the next level.
89
00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:36,576
Did you really
not know that?
90
00:03:36,644 --> 00:03:39,379
You haven't exactly taken it
to the next level with my dad.
91
00:03:39,447 --> 00:03:40,880
What are you
talking about?
92
00:03:40,948 --> 00:03:42,582
We've been married
for 16 years,
93
00:03:42,650 --> 00:03:44,884
And you still walk on eggshells
around him.
94
00:03:44,952 --> 00:03:45,919
What?!
95
00:03:45,986 --> 00:03:47,554
Are you kidding?
96
00:03:47,621 --> 00:03:50,123
Jay and I are total buds.
97
00:03:51,592 --> 00:03:53,593
[ doorbell rings ]
98
00:03:53,661 --> 00:03:56,162
You -- you want
to just hang out?
99
00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,098
Brought six friends,
so that just...
100
00:03:58,165 --> 00:04:00,066
[ chuckles ]
101
00:04:00,134 --> 00:04:01,201
Let's...
102
00:04:02,703 --> 00:04:05,772
-- Sync by honeybunny --
www.MY-SUBS.com
103
00:04:15,891 --> 00:04:17,758
Manny brought his favorite game
to play with luke.
104
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:19,059
It's called "empire."
105
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,060
You use strategy
to expand territories
106
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,328
And take over the world.
107
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,164
Luke is gonna love that.
He's out back playing.
108
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,465
Do you need me
to get you something
109
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,833
While I'm out shopping?
110
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,169
That's such a nice offer,
but I think we're good. Thanks.
111
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,738
Okay, what about this?
112
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,907
You don't even say hello
to gloria and manny?
113
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:35,875
Hi, gloria and manny.
114
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,510
Okay, mom,
what about this?
115
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,312
No, you're wearing a dress.
116
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,614
[ sighs ]
mom, come on!
What?
117
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,983
It's gonna kill you to look
like a girl for one afternoon?
118
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,885
But it's a wedding
for some friend of yours
119
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,053
That I never even
heard of.
120
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,187
It's nonnegotiable.
121
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,755
You can borrow a dress
of haley's again.
122
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,291
No, that sends
an ugly message --
123
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,759
That I'm haley.
124
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,595
You know, instead of trying
to force me to wear a dress,
125
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:59,532
Why don't you worry about
getting luke to wear some pants?
126
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,168
What?
127
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,203
Why does he do this?
128
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:06,939
Luke!
129
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,874
Pants! Come on!
130
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,748
Phil: Jay and I are buds,
for sure,
131
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,151
But with kind of
an invisible asterisk.
132
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,421
Um, he's not, uh --
he's not a talker...
133
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,191
Or -- or a hugger.
134
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,227
Once, he ran over my foot
with his car.
135
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,030
To -- to be fair,
he had just given up smoking.
136
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,898
But, basically, we're buds.
137
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,168
Do you have to
just stand there?
138
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,404
You're making me
feel uneasy.
139
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,239
Oh.
140
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,074
[ clears throat ]
141
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,176
Oh, for god's sake,
sit here.
142
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,146
Here, hold this wing like this
while I adjust this.
143
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,048
Okay.
144
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,417
Come on. Here.
145
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,694
Not too hard.
146
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,196
Okay.
147
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,465
Alex, why don't you
come shopping with me?
148
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,502
Maybe I can help you find
something that you like.
149
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,772
That's a really nice offer,
but it's not really her thing.
150
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,274
Actually,
I'd love to go.
151
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,109
See, you don't know
what my thing is.
152
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,011
You have no idea
what my thing is.
153
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,613
I know what your thing is.
154
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,348
Your thing is to provoke,
155
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,883
Just like
your sister's thing
156
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,317
Is to never
come out of her room,
157
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,719
And your brother's thing --
158
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,455
Oh, well,
there's your brother's thing.
159
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,624
Luke!
Put 'em on!
160
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,025
Mm-hmm.
161
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,729
Our relationship's
always been stuck
162
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:40,232
In that primal place
where it started.
163
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,801
You know,
he's the old silverback
164
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,002
Protecting his females.
165
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,337
Then along comes this younger,
stronger gorilla,
166
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,440
Swinging in, beating his chest,
you know.
167
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,742
Naturally,
the ape ladies come running,
168
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,178
Presenting
their nice scarlet behinds.
169
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,648
Papa ape wants to stop all that,
but he can't, you know.
170
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,652
That's -- that's life.
I'm not the enemy.
171
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,021
The enemy is poachers.
172
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,626
That'll do it.
173
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:08,994
Don't touch it.
174
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,601
[ sighing ]
all right.
175
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,173
You want to go fly it?
176
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,341
Sure.
177
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,479
Oh, hey.
178
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,347
I got the toothpaste
and the soap.
179
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,449
Good. Now we can open
that general store.
180
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,718
I thought we were just here
to get diapers.
181
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,353
We had a saying
on the farm --
182
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,989
As long as you're bringing
the mule to the market, you --
183
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,958
I feel you
rolling your eyes at me.
184
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,360
We met at one of pepper's
legendary game nights.
185
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,662
I remember mitchell
because he kept rolling his eyes
186
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,764
Every time I would get
a little boisterous.
187
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:46,799
I did not!
188
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,100
A little bit.
189
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,536
Yeah,
maybe a little bit.
190
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,338
We were --
we were playing charades,
191
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,874
And I-I had no idea
how to act out my clue,
192
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,877
And all I could think of
to do was...
193
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:00,479
And without missing a beat,
cam says --
194
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,214
"casablanca."
195
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,649
All I did was this...
196
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,751
"casablanca."
197
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,319
"casablanca."
198
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,555
Can we just please get
the diapers and get out of here?
199
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,590
Fine, but I want to stop by
the wine section first.
200
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,092
[ chuckling ] wait.
201
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,927
There's a wine section?
202
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,162
Yeah, a really good one --
just past the tires.
203
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,799
No way, they do not have --
oh, my god.
204
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,701
Oh, my -- cam. Cam.
205
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,570
The paper shredder
I wanted, huh?
206
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,171
Confetti and crosscut --
yep.
207
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,542
[ laughs ] ohh!
208
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,043
Oh, my god, amazing.
209
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,411
Yeah.
210
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,182
Cam...
211
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,051
What is this place?
212
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,887
[ timer dings ]
213
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,124
Those cookies smell like heaven.
Your own recipe?
214
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,426
No, I just throw them
in the en.
215
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,195
And added the secret ingredient
of caring?
216
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,164
Sure.
217
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,099
So, you and luke
having a good time?
218
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,602
I don't know.
He won't come out of his box.
219
00:08:56,670 --> 00:09:00,239
Maybe I'll just stay here and
spend some time with my sister.
220
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:04,209
Oh, right, I guess, technically,
I would be your stepsister.
221
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,545
My mother says we are never
to use the word "step"
222
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,013
Because it means
"not real,"
223
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,249
And we are
a real family.
Mm.
224
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,352
So, what is the matter,
claire?
225
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,422
What?
226
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,823
You seem sad.
227
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,628
It's just stuff with alex --
you know, kid stuff.
228
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,963
Ugh, kids.
229
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,732
You don't have to tell me.
My school is full of them.
230
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,669
I was thinking, after lunch,
231
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,938
We can go and do
a little shopping.
232
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,573
I'm not getting a dress.
233
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,475
I don't care.
I'm not your mother.
234
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,477
I know.
You're my grandmother.
235
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:39,678
Step-grandmother.
236
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,849
Anyways, today,
think of me as a girlfriend --
237
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,453
Two girls out
for an afternoon of fun.
238
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,789
What do you usually do
with your girlfriends?
239
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,059
I don't know. We go out.
We talk, drink wine.
240
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,427
Can I drink wine?
241
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,495
No.
242
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,397
Some friend.
243
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,100
Well, you can still
talk to me about anything.
244
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,403
Yeah, adults always say that,
but they don't mean it.
245
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:07,006
When my mom says
I can ask her anything,
246
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,207
I really can't.
247
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,009
She just freaks out.
248
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:13,646
I won't freak out.
Shoot.
249
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,748
Okay.
250
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,583
How many men
have you slept with?
251
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,085
Eight. Next.
252
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,489
[ plane engine buzzing ]
253
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,925
Now can I try it?
254
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,194
No.
255
00:10:28,262 --> 00:10:31,330
I should get one of those.
I've always loved planes.
256
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,567
You know, if things
had gone a little
differently in my life,
257
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,369
I think I would have
been a pilot.
258
00:10:36,437 --> 00:10:38,438
Hey, what would happen
if you turned the remote off
259
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,639
And then back on
real fast?
260
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,374
Yeah, you would have been
a great pilot.
261
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,544
So, can you do a --
can you do a loop-de-loop?
262
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:45,711
If I wanted to.
263
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,914
No way!
Can I try it?
264
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,881
No.
265
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,216
Okay.
266
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,488
I can see why you like this.
It's so peaceful.
267
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:59,859
It's like the whole world
just...Disappears out here.
268
00:11:02,196 --> 00:11:03,596
I remember
this one summer --
269
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:04,931
I'll tell you what.
Hmm?
270
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,632
There's another trick
called "threading the needle."
271
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,968
I used to do it with claire
and mitch when they were kids.
272
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,436
You want to try it?
How does it go?
273
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,206
You grab one of those hoops
over there
274
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:17,009
And go to the far, far, far end
of the field and stand there,
275
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,178
And I fly the plane
through it.
276
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:22,148
Um, that sounds awesome!
277
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:23,649
And then I get a chance
flying it?
278
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,485
No.
Okay.
279
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,698
How's this?
280
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,800
Not far enough.
Go on.
281
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,401
Okay, further down.
282
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,570
Está bien. Más lejos.
You can't go too far.
Right, okay. I get it.
283
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:45,905
I get it!
284
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,078
How's this?
285
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:56,382
Good! Now stand still!
Don't move!
286
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:57,984
Ay!
Let's do it!
287
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,952
Whoo!
288
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,622
Whoo!
I love it!
289
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,024
I love it!
[ laughs ]
290
00:12:14,825 --> 00:12:16,025
You drove the plane into my face.
291
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,371
You must have moved.
I told you to stay still.
292
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,206
I didn't move!
Try not to talk.
293
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,007
I want to make sure
nothing's broken.
294
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,809
[ groaning ]
295
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,511
Alex and I
can't just disagree.
296
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,080
I mean, she has to turn
everything into a fight.
297
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,182
Hmm, a strong,
independent woman.
298
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,017
Sounds like somebody else
I know.
299
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,719
I was never hostile,
thou.
300
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,055
This -- this whole thing
with the dress --
301
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,057
Never had this problem
with haley.
302
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:41,160
Maybe alex doesn't want
to compete with her big sister.
303
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,629
Maybe she's trying
to create her own identity.
304
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,898
Put her in a dress
and she disappears.
305
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,400
For one afternoon.
306
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,935
I wouldn't give up being myself
for even one second.
307
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,370
Wow.
308
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,106
Sometimes it's hard to remember
you're only 10 years old.
309
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,342
And three-quarters.
310
00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:57,643
Yeah.
311
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:58,844
[ telephone rings ]
312
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,479
[ clears throat ]
hello?
313
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,748
Olives?
314
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,550
Yeah.
315
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,252
You got it.
[ beep ]
316
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,887
Mitchell,
I found the diapers.
317
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,221
They're over here.
318
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,823
Cameron,
guess what I found.
319
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,124
Coffins.
320
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,959
They sell baby formula,
and they sell coffins.
321
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,661
You can literally buy
everything you need
322
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:16,762
From birth to death.
323
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,931
Oh, my god,
look at these diapers.
324
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,200
[ gasps ]
look how cheap they are!
325
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,601
Oh, you know
what we should do?
326
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,170
We should get enough for like
the next year or two, right?
327
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,672
Where would we keep them?
328
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:27,940
They sell sheds.
329
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,909
Really?
You want to buy a diaper shed.
330
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,745
We're those guys now?
The guys with the diaper shed?
331
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,346
Just grab two more.
332
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,615
I'm not grabbing two more,
mitchell. It's time to go.
333
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,184
No, come on, come on.
We need a --
334
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,153
Excuse me. Where did you
get that flatbed thing?
335
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,589
Over there.
Go grab
one of those.
336
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:44,723
Really?
Yeah.
337
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,926
Get two.
338
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,529
I'm in the applesauce aisle!
339
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:54,099
So, anyways, after charades,
we went out for coffee,
340
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,569
And I learned
that he loves art,
341
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,438
He plays the piano,
he speaks french.
342
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,639
Un peu.
343
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,908
So, you know,
I-I misjudged him.
344
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,810
Yeah, I'm sort of
like costco.
345
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,980
I'm big, I'm not fancy,
and I dare you to not like me.
346
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,915
Yeah, and I'm kind of
more like that, um...
347
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,417
Oh.
348
00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:13,819
What is the name of that little
shop we went to in paris?
349
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,388
You are such a snob.
350
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,459
"casablanca."
351
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,363
I have a small flower
on my ankle
352
00:14:23,431 --> 00:14:25,932
And a tiny, little butterfly
on my...
353
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,601
Thigh.
354
00:14:27,668 --> 00:14:29,002
How high up?
355
00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,303
Very high.
356
00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:32,105
Did you do it
to look sexy?
357
00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:33,907
No, did you do it
for a guy?
358
00:14:33,975 --> 00:14:35,275
Does grandpa like it?
359
00:14:35,343 --> 00:14:37,677
No, no, and yes.
360
00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,846
That's gross.
Mm.
361
00:14:39,914 --> 00:14:41,348
Let's go back
to your piercings.
362
00:14:41,415 --> 00:14:42,449
No, no, no.
363
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:44,384
I've answered enough
of your questions.
364
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:46,286
Now it's your turn
to answer one.
365
00:14:46,354 --> 00:14:48,321
What is it?
366
00:14:48,389 --> 00:14:50,023
Why you don't want
to wear a dress?
367
00:14:50,091 --> 00:14:52,225
Because I don't want
to look like haley
368
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,460
And her stupid friends.
369
00:14:53,528 --> 00:14:56,196
I wear dresses,
and I don't look like haley.
370
00:14:56,264 --> 00:14:59,499
You are haley,
just...40 years older.
371
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:00,834
10.
20.
372
00:15:00,902 --> 00:15:01,935
Deal.
373
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:04,538
Alex, why are you fighting me
on this?
374
00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:06,306
It doesn't matter
if I dress up.
375
00:15:06,374 --> 00:15:08,108
I'm not pretty
like haley and you.
376
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,910
That's ridiculous!
You're beautiful!
377
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,011
I'm not.
378
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,479
But that's okay.
379
00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:14,114
I'm the smart one.
380
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:18,752
Hmm, the cute busboy doesn't
know that you're smart.
What?
381
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:20,720
He's been smiling at you every
time he comes to the table.
382
00:15:20,788 --> 00:15:22,122
He does not!
383
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:25,292
Why do you think we are
the only people with bread?
384
00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:29,663
Look, one day,
you are going to want
385
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:31,231
To date a cute guy
like that.
386
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:34,834
When that day comes, you're
gonna want to look beautiful,
387
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,703
And then
you'll wear a dress.
388
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,141
So, you ever kiss
another girl?
389
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,910
That's no way to talk
to your grandmother.
390
00:15:43,978 --> 00:15:46,079
Was my mom hard on me
growing up?
391
00:15:46,147 --> 00:15:48,281
Yeah, she was,
but you know what?
392
00:15:48,349 --> 00:15:50,750
Back then, everything
was betty friedan
393
00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:51,885
And gloria steinem.
394
00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:53,253
They didn't understand --
395
00:15:53,321 --> 00:15:55,755
Gloria:
Hola. We're back.
Alex: Hello.
396
00:15:55,823 --> 00:15:56,923
Hey, how'd it go?
397
00:15:56,991 --> 00:15:59,693
It was great.
Did you have fun with luke?
398
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,529
Well, not --
we had a great time.
399
00:16:02,597 --> 00:16:06,266
Alex, I've been thinking,
and...
400
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:08,068
If you don't want to wear
a dress to the wedding,
401
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,703
It's not the end
of the world.
402
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:12,105
It's all right.
403
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:13,440
I bought one.
404
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:14,841
[ both laugh ]
405
00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:16,476
Do you see how she has to
provoke me?
406
00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:17,877
We'll talk about it
next week.
407
00:16:17,945 --> 00:16:19,946
[ phil groaning,
pounding on door ]
408
00:16:20,014 --> 00:16:22,916
Jay: Clear the way.
Coming through. Coming through.
409
00:16:22,984 --> 00:16:25,118
Ow! Ow!
I need to rest my face.
410
00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:26,052
You're fine.
411
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,221
You'll be all right.
412
00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:30,156
Oh, my god! Dad!
413
00:16:30,224 --> 00:16:31,891
Little accident.
Nothing big.
414
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:33,126
I was in a plane crash.
415
00:16:33,194 --> 00:16:34,427
What happened?
416
00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:36,696
We were threading the needle,
and somebody moved.
417
00:16:36,764 --> 00:16:38,765
No, I didn't.
You did it on purpose.
418
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:41,868
That's the painkiller talking.
He's a little loopy.
419
00:16:41,936 --> 00:16:43,203
How bad is it?
420
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,072
Well, the wing is cracked,
the propeller's bent,
421
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,307
But I can --
I mean phil.
422
00:16:47,375 --> 00:16:49,209
I was in a plane crash.
423
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,443
Thanks, dad.
424
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,278
I didn't ask him to be there.
He insisted.
425
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:54,314
He took a chance.
This is what happened.
426
00:16:54,382 --> 00:16:56,249
Kind of like the time
you ran over his foot?
427
00:16:56,317 --> 00:16:57,250
You ran over
his foot?
428
00:16:57,318 --> 00:16:58,385
That was an accident.
429
00:16:58,452 --> 00:16:59,853
You know, dad,
you did it on purpose.
430
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,287
We all saw the tire marks
on the lawn.
431
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:02,288
I had just quit smoking.
432
00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:03,356
[ phil groans ]
433
00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:04,924
See, you're upsetting
your husband.
434
00:17:04,992 --> 00:17:06,993
Water.
I'll get it.
435
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:10,263
[ sighs ]
436
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:11,598
You okay?
437
00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:14,200
Gloria.
Thank god you're here.
438
00:17:14,268 --> 00:17:16,936
Don't worry.
I'm here, too.
439
00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:18,872
Who's this?
440
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:20,507
Jay:
Wasn't my fault.
441
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:23,243
Oh, I have seen you thread
the needle a million times.
442
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,378
You never miss.
Yeah, I must be getting old.
443
00:17:25,446 --> 00:17:27,614
Why don't you just admit it?
You never liked phil.
444
00:17:27,682 --> 00:17:29,516
And put that down.
You do not get a cookie.
445
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:30,984
Jay: I like phil.
446
00:17:31,052 --> 00:17:33,620
It's just that sometimes
he tries too hard, you know?
447
00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:36,456
And it's just kind of...
Irritating.
448
00:17:36,524 --> 00:17:37,891
Okay, maybe he tries
too hard
449
00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:39,426
Because you make zero effort
with him.
450
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,593
You know what?
451
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,328
In the 16 years
that we've been married,
452
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,298
Have you one time told him
that you liked him?
453
00:17:45,366 --> 00:17:47,400
Not in those
exact words, no.
454
00:17:47,468 --> 00:17:49,102
No, not in any words, dad.
455
00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:52,138
How do you think
that makes me feel?
456
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:53,606
Water.
457
00:17:53,674 --> 00:17:55,341
You've never told your son
that you love him?
458
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:57,744
Whoa, whoa,
when did we jump to "love"?
459
00:17:57,812 --> 00:17:59,913
And he's technically
not my son.
460
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,348
Ah. So that means that you
don't love manny, either?
461
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:03,650
Well, sure I do.
462
00:18:03,718 --> 00:18:05,285
I mean, believe me,
when I was in that park,
463
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,986
I really wished
manny was there.
464
00:18:07,054 --> 00:18:08,455
For what --
465
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:12,058
So that you could fly
the plane into his head? Huh?
466
00:18:12,126 --> 00:18:15,462
Dad, thanks so much
for bringing phil home.
467
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:18,331
I found one of your little flaps
in his hair, so...
468
00:18:21,202 --> 00:18:23,470
Actually, this is called
an aileron. It controls the --
469
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,638
Yeah, 'cause that's what matters
right now.
470
00:18:25,706 --> 00:18:27,574
Bye, dad.
471
00:18:37,685 --> 00:18:38,985
Hey, phil.
472
00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:40,320
Phil: Jay.
473
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,125
Ow!
474
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,793
What,
are you made of china?
475
00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:47,994
[ groans ]
476
00:18:48,062 --> 00:18:51,464
Phil, I just want you to know,
I'm sorry.
477
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:54,601
And whether I missed
or you moved --
478
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:55,702
I didn't.
479
00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:57,504
Either way...
480
00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,273
I just want to say
that I like you.
481
00:19:00,341 --> 00:19:01,741
Really?
482
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:03,042
Yeah.
483
00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:05,678
What do you like about me?
484
00:19:08,082 --> 00:19:10,416
You're a nice guy.
485
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:13,486
You try real hard.
486
00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:15,655
I do.
487
00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:16,823
You're a good dad.
488
00:19:16,891 --> 00:19:18,858
I am a good dad.
Come here.
489
00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:20,794
Come here, you.
490
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,095
[ groans ]
491
00:19:22,163 --> 00:19:24,164
This feels so right.
492
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,999
[ groans ]
[ door opens ]
493
00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:27,901
What's going on?
494
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:29,569
There was
a little accident,
495
00:19:29,637 --> 00:19:31,838
But jay's telling phil
how much he loves him.
496
00:19:31,906 --> 00:19:34,274
Oh, well,
that's nice for phil.
497
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,309
That's great, since he's never said
anything like that to my boyfriend.
498
00:19:36,377 --> 00:19:37,510
Let it go.
499
00:19:37,578 --> 00:19:39,312
No, it's not okay.
Mitch is right.
500
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,247
You go in there, too, cam.
Come on.
501
00:19:41,315 --> 00:19:42,715
You're kidding.
502
00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:44,017
Jay!
503
00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:45,084
Come on in, cam.
504
00:19:45,152 --> 00:19:47,153
A ttle hug?
Get in here.
505
00:19:47,221 --> 00:19:48,822
[ all grunting ]
506
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,089
Say it, say it!
507
00:19:50,157 --> 00:19:51,424
I like you, too, cam.
508
00:19:51,492 --> 00:19:54,127
What do you like
about him?
Oh, geez.
509
00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:56,229
Where did you get
that camera?
510
00:19:56,297 --> 00:19:58,598
Only the greatest store
on earth.
511
00:19:58,666 --> 00:19:59,034
Thanks, dad.
512
00:20:00,101 --> 00:20:01,702
Manny, picture.
Get in there, too.
513
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:03,204
Phil:
Get in here, manny.
514
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:04,939
[ mitchell laughs ]
515
00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:06,040
Say, "cheese!"
516
00:20:06,107 --> 00:20:07,208
Don't push it.
517
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,876
Together: Cheese!
Picture!
518
00:20:08,944 --> 00:20:10,511
Cheese!
Cheese! Queso!
519
00:20:10,579 --> 00:20:11,645
[ laughter ]
520
00:20:11,713 --> 00:20:12,913
Cameron: How beautiful!
521
00:20:12,981 --> 00:20:14,481
Jay: Oh, boy!
522
00:20:14,549 --> 00:20:17,117
Phil: Doesn't it feel like his
arms could go around the world?
523
00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:19,526
I think I strained something.
524
00:20:22,423 --> 00:20:23,423
I always wanted a daughter.
525
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,007
To dress her up
with pretty dresses,-
526
00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:29,844
Do her hair, her nails,
her makeup.
527
00:20:29,912 --> 00:20:31,512
[ chuckles ]
528
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:35,616
No one knows this, but for
the first year of his life,
529
00:20:35,684 --> 00:20:36,784
I made up manny
like a girl
530
00:20:36,852 --> 00:20:38,786
And told everybody
that he was my daughter.
531
00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:40,455
[ laughs ]
532
00:20:40,522 --> 00:20:42,457
But just for a few times.
533
00:20:42,524 --> 00:20:44,725
I didn't want to mess
with his head.
534
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:46,194
When he found the pictures,
I told him
535
00:20:46,261 --> 00:20:50,131
That it was his twin sister
who died, you know.
536
00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:53,132
Transcript by MY-SUBS.com
Sync by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com