1
00:00:00,662 --> 00:00:02,766
Okay. Found you.
Oh!
2
00:00:02,857 --> 00:00:04,371
I do have an open seat
in first class,
3
00:00:04,476 --> 00:00:05,981
if one of you would like
a free upgrade.
4
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:07,720
No, thank you.
I think we'll sit together.
5
00:00:07,836 --> 00:00:09,638
After the amazing weekend
we just had--
6
00:00:09,714 --> 00:00:10,776
I'll take it.
7
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,227
Claire:
I deserved that seat.
8
00:00:13,328 --> 00:00:15,904
Three days in the woods with
Phil's ex-cheerleader buddies--
9
00:00:15,993 --> 00:00:18,734
the old stories,
the spontaneous human pyramids,
10
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:21,509
constantly updating
their tumbler Tumblr--
11
00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:23,715
I smiled through
the whole thing.
12
00:00:23,802 --> 00:00:25,363
Problem is I was so convincing,
13
00:00:25,454 --> 00:00:27,884
Phil thought I was having
a great time.
14
00:00:27,978 --> 00:00:30,369
What do I want?
Some credit.
15
00:00:30,461 --> 00:00:32,442
When do I want it?
Now.
16
00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:34,569
Hi.
17
00:00:35,308 --> 00:00:36,241
Hey.
18
00:00:37,376 --> 00:00:38,600
[ Sighs ]
19
00:00:39,158 --> 00:00:40,689
I'm sorry if I smell
like a campfire.
20
00:00:40,813 --> 00:00:42,183
I've been in the woods
for three days.
21
00:00:42,297 --> 00:00:43,485
I hate camping.
22
00:00:43,685 --> 00:00:45,284
If I'm ever
in the woods for three days,
23
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,032
it means I've been dead
for two of them.
24
00:00:47,112 --> 00:00:48,439
[ Laughs ]
25
00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:49,974
Wow.
26
00:00:50,191 --> 00:00:51,703
It feels good
to laugh for real.
27
00:00:51,795 --> 00:00:53,048
- [ Chuckles ]
- [ Sighs ]
28
00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:54,603
You look like you need a drink.
29
00:00:54,699 --> 00:00:56,103
Hon?
30
00:00:56,855 --> 00:00:58,867
Two Chardonnays and a hot towel
for my friend.
31
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,044
Right away.
32
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:02,691
I love you, beautiful stranger.
33
00:01:03,222 --> 00:01:04,920
[ Baby crying ]
34
00:01:04,984 --> 00:01:06,514
Phil: I have to admit,
I was a little miffed
35
00:01:06,603 --> 00:01:07,613
that Claire grabbed
the good seat,
36
00:01:07,678 --> 00:01:09,603
especially after I gave her
such a magical weekend,
37
00:01:09,686 --> 00:01:11,798
but I was determined
to stay positive.
38
00:01:11,903 --> 00:01:12,939
And then it hit me.
39
00:01:23,147 --> 00:01:24,541
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:28,247
Everybody, Sal's here.
41
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,141
- Okay. All right.
Man: - Oh, oh.
42
00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:30,416
Is this straight?
43
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:31,605
You're throwing a baby shower
44
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,297
with a dozen men
in tailored pants
45
00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:34,493
sipping Bellinis.
46
00:01:34,589 --> 00:01:36,965
Nothing about this is--
Ugh, I can't even finish.
47
00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:38,623
Really?
The last word was too much?
48
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,050
So, we decided
to get the gang together
49
00:01:41,158 --> 00:01:43,778
to throw our friend Sal
a belated baby shower.
50
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,222
She's been a little
hard to pin down lately,
51
00:01:45,323 --> 00:01:47,812
but we knew she'd never
miss the chance
52
00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:49,917
to shower with a bunch of men.
53
00:01:50,522 --> 00:01:51,731
You love that joke, don't you?
54
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:54,417
Well, because it's two different
kinds of showers.
55
00:01:54,498 --> 00:01:55,888
- Mmhmm.
- [ Laughs ]
56
00:01:56,487 --> 00:01:57,764
This is Little Sammy.
57
00:01:57,891 --> 00:01:59,103
[ Men awwing ]
58
00:01:59,194 --> 00:01:59,960
This is as long
59
00:02:00,066 --> 00:02:01,491
as you've ever been in our house
without a cocktail.
60
00:02:01,597 --> 00:02:03,515
No, thank you.
Just a water, please.
61
00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:04,485
[ All gasp ]
62
00:02:04,588 --> 00:02:06,487
Okay, everybody,
drop your pearls.
63
00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:07,856
I'm still breastfeeding.
64
00:02:07,942 --> 00:02:09,553
All the books say,
"Do it at least a year."
65
00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:11,020
- Jotham, drink this.
- I can't.
66
00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:12,616
I'm leaving early
to go to a hockey game.
67
00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:13,865
Kings versus Blackhawks.
68
00:02:14,013 --> 00:02:14,974
Wow.
69
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,830
They can call a team that?
70
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:18,791
Black hawks.
71
00:02:18,926 --> 00:02:19,726
Oh.
72
00:02:19,814 --> 00:02:20,884
I've got to put this
in the kitchen.
73
00:02:20,979 --> 00:02:22,010
I make all my own baby food.
74
00:02:22,093 --> 00:02:23,628
It's all-natural,
no chemicals.
75
00:02:23,753 --> 00:02:25,207
Uh, who is this woman?
76
00:02:25,289 --> 00:02:27,408
She's not drinking,
she's making her own baby food.
77
00:02:27,499 --> 00:02:29,089
Does Lily have
any other plates?
78
00:02:29,202 --> 00:02:30,805
I don't let Sammy eat
off this plastic.
79
00:02:30,896 --> 00:02:31,872
Uh, yeah, the far cabinet.
80
00:02:31,975 --> 00:02:33,104
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, thanks.
81
00:02:33,192 --> 00:02:34,242
Okay.
None of this makes sense.
82
00:02:34,338 --> 00:02:34,939
I know.
83
00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:35,932
How does she breastfeed him
84
00:02:36,024 --> 00:02:37,706
if she doesn't let him
near plastic?
85
00:02:38,862 --> 00:02:40,493
Mom, do I have a fever?
86
00:02:40,572 --> 00:02:42,890
Ay, let me check.
87
00:02:44,619 --> 00:02:46,214
You know,
we have a thermometer.
88
00:02:46,627 --> 00:02:48,989
Do you have to be so white
all the time?
89
00:02:49,572 --> 00:02:51,814
Oh, baby, go lay down.
90
00:02:53,269 --> 00:02:55,851
You're such a brave,
little boy!
91
00:02:56,055 --> 00:02:56,960
He's faking it.
92
00:02:57,059 --> 00:02:58,103
He's pretending to be sick
93
00:02:58,182 --> 00:03:00,130
so he doesn't have to go
to his cooking class.
94
00:03:00,228 --> 00:03:01,714
He has to go.
Today's lasagna.
95
00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:03,943
I've been starving myself
all day for that.
96
00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:04,805
He doesn't want to go
97
00:03:04,915 --> 00:03:06,837
because there's a boy there
that is picking on him.
98
00:03:06,913 --> 00:03:08,140
Cooking class?
99
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,800
You know, we're running out
of places to send him
100
00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:10,831
where he can be cool.
101
00:03:10,922 --> 00:03:12,977
I know.
Enough is enough.
102
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:14,410
You have to teach him
how to fight.
103
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:15,491
Yeah. That'll work.
104
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:16,557
You're doing this.
105
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,462
And don't tell him
that this is coming from me.
106
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:21,454
It's bad for a boy to know that
his mother thinks he's weak.
107
00:03:21,544 --> 00:03:22,886
That's a lifetime
of paying women
108
00:03:22,959 --> 00:03:24,540
to spank him until he cries.
109
00:03:24,612 --> 00:03:26,006
The kid is just not a fighter.
110
00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:27,914
He gets squeamish
pounding veal.
111
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:29,421
Just do it!
112
00:03:29,495 --> 00:03:30,992
Fine, but I'm only doing it
for the lasagna
113
00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:33,877
and the extra food he's been
bringing home on Sundays.
114
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:35,906
Makes mondays easier, you know?
115
00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:37,428
Oh, my God,
you're the Garfield.
116
00:03:37,570 --> 00:03:38,715
Hey.
117
00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:40,030
One of you pretty ladies
118
00:03:40,134 --> 00:03:41,869
want to take me
to meet a girl later?
119
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:44,108
You think calling us pretty
is gonna get you a ride?
120
00:03:44,268 --> 00:03:45,106
I'll take it.
121
00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:46,381
Let me know
when you want to leave.
122
00:03:46,471 --> 00:03:48,659
Besides, I like Rose.
I think she's good for you.
123
00:03:48,776 --> 00:03:50,593
This is a new girl--
Sarah.
124
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:52,799
I'm done with rose.
She crazy.
125
00:03:52,873 --> 00:03:54,927
Easy, Macklemore.
What do you mean, "crazy"?
126
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,212
Alex:
I'll tell you what he means.
127
00:03:56,307 --> 00:03:59,156
Any time a woman
challenges a man in any way,
128
00:03:59,243 --> 00:04:00,908
suddenly, she's crazy.
129
00:04:01,072 --> 00:04:03,192
So, what did she do
that was so crazy, Luke--
130
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:04,252
give you her opinion?
131
00:04:04,335 --> 00:04:07,962
Yeah, or what, did she dare
to talk about her feelings?
132
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,035
The words sound like you get it,
but your tone is throwing me.
133
00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:13,040
Just tell me you said something
nice when you broke up with her.
134
00:04:13,224 --> 00:04:14,756
[ Scoffs ]
I haven't broken up with her.
135
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:15,551
- What?!
- What?!
136
00:04:15,661 --> 00:04:16,551
It just seems weird
137
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:18,644
to call someone up
and give them bad news.
138
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,227
She'll find out somehow.
139
00:04:20,307 --> 00:04:22,837
Ugh, when did you become
a guy? It's gross.
140
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,854
You need to stand up
and face her.
141
00:04:24,969 --> 00:04:25,747
In person?
142
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,330
What are we, 30?
Send her a text.
143
00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:28,991
You need to break it
to her gently.
144
00:04:29,081 --> 00:04:30,635
First, tell her she's awesome.
145
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:31,539
And pretty.
146
00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,765
If she was awesome and pretty,
I wouldn't be dumping her.
147
00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:35,246
Just do it, you pig.
148
00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:36,500
- [ Scoffs ]
- [ Scoffs ]
149
00:04:36,586 --> 00:04:38,112
We all know
I'm not gonna do it,
150
00:04:38,235 --> 00:04:41,010
so if you want it done, here.
151
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:44,605
Oh, and don't go
looking around on there.
152
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,816
It's not gonna make you
like me more.
153
00:04:47,545 --> 00:04:48,459
Ugh.
154
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,104
[ Snoring ]
155
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:52,784
[ Cellphone clatters ]
156
00:04:57,851 --> 00:04:59,389
'S-scuse me.
I think you're in my seat.
157
00:04:59,474 --> 00:05:00,922
Sir, we think
you're in her seat.
158
00:05:01,298 --> 00:05:03,227
No, I'm definitely 16C.
159
00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:04,934
This is 19C.
160
00:05:05,041 --> 00:05:06,509
Oh, darn it,
that's three rows up.
161
00:05:06,612 --> 00:05:07,936
Sorry about that.
162
00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:09,209
That's all right.
163
00:05:09,928 --> 00:05:11,115
Hi. Welcome.
164
00:05:11,201 --> 00:05:12,290
Um, could you hang back
a second?
165
00:05:12,365 --> 00:05:13,359
I-I dropped my phone.
166
00:05:13,468 --> 00:05:16,486
I may have, uh,
what you're looking for...
167
00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:18,598
- Right there.
- Wait. What?
168
00:05:18,703 --> 00:05:19,751
[ Chuckles ]
Hi.
169
00:05:19,843 --> 00:05:21,153
I'm a professional magician.
170
00:05:21,249 --> 00:05:23,385
Holy sword-box,
you're Edward Legrand.
171
00:05:23,478 --> 00:05:24,263
Yeah, I am.
I am.
172
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:25,134
I-I'm Phil Dunphy,
173
00:05:25,231 --> 00:05:27,091
p-professional realtor,
amateur magician.
174
00:05:27,162 --> 00:05:28,749
- Well, nice to meet you.
- Hi. I'm Jillian.
175
00:05:28,844 --> 00:05:30,035
I've been told
I have magic hands.
176
00:05:30,135 --> 00:05:30,966
[ Both laugh ]
177
00:05:31,099 --> 00:05:32,308
- I'm a masseuse.
- Oh.
178
00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:33,856
Why do you keep rubbing
your forearm like that?
179
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,073
- Oh, I-I had a suitcase land on me.
- Oh, let me see.
180
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:37,006
- Hey, Phil...
- Ohh.
181
00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:38,696
...I've got a great new trick
I want to show you.
182
00:05:38,784 --> 00:05:41,107
- Oh!
- Ooh, I can do tricks, too.
183
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,769
This spot's connected
to your tongue.
184
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,518
Oh. Ohh!
185
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:45,524
[ Chuckles ]
186
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:46,719
Can I stow your bag for you?
187
00:05:46,919 --> 00:05:49,165
- Mm.
- No, we'll be needing this.
188
00:05:50,068 --> 00:05:51,853
Trashy magazines.
189
00:05:51,944 --> 00:05:53,283
Oh, you're the best.
190
00:05:53,391 --> 00:05:55,123
Ooh.
Caramel truffles.
191
00:05:56,011 --> 00:05:58,565
I even brought
an extra fluffy neck pillow.
192
00:05:58,668 --> 00:05:59,641
Oh!
193
00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:03,361
Oh, this must be
what a mother's hug feels like.
194
00:06:03,492 --> 00:06:04,856
- [ Cellphone rings ]
- [ Moans ]
195
00:06:04,951 --> 00:06:06,213
Hello?
196
00:06:06,308 --> 00:06:08,389
Well, it looks like she's taking
good care of you.
197
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:10,116
Well, she is my best friend.
198
00:06:10,201 --> 00:06:11,591
- [ Chuckles ]
- Listen to me, Julio.
199
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:15,100
I want the gutters
cleaned today, not mañana.
200
00:06:15,184 --> 00:06:16,617
If everyone thought
my people were lazy,
201
00:06:16,712 --> 00:06:20,538
I would do whatever it took
to not seem lazy.
202
00:06:20,624 --> 00:06:22,285
Comprende?
203
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:24,709
Actually,
we're gonna take off soon,
204
00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:26,439
so we're gonna need you
to turn off your phone.
205
00:06:26,509 --> 00:06:29,241
I'm actually not done talking,
and two more.
206
00:06:29,425 --> 00:06:30,479
Well, if I were you,
207
00:06:30,575 --> 00:06:33,190
I'd put down the burrito
and get up that ladder.
208
00:06:33,324 --> 00:06:34,345
[ Cellphone beeps ]
209
00:06:34,897 --> 00:06:35,791
[ Sighs ]
210
00:06:35,870 --> 00:06:37,219
What are you doing
standing there
211
00:06:37,312 --> 00:06:39,752
and not getting drinks for me
and my good friend, Claire?
212
00:06:39,837 --> 00:06:41,580
Actually, we just met.
213
00:06:43,557 --> 00:06:44,954
Oh, guys, guys,
214
00:06:45,036 --> 00:06:47,757
I can't let you do the cleanup
all by yourselves.
215
00:06:47,844 --> 00:06:49,167
Ronaldo will help you.
216
00:06:49,266 --> 00:06:50,215
Of course!
217
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:51,421
Uh, where is Sal?
218
00:06:51,522 --> 00:06:53,824
I need her keys to start
loading the gifts in her car.
219
00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:55,864
I think she's changing Sammy
in our room.
220
00:06:56,398 --> 00:06:58,505
I hope she's also changing
those drapes.
221
00:06:58,615 --> 00:07:00,479
I don't want to sound like
a sentimental softy,
222
00:07:00,576 --> 00:07:01,555
but does anyone miss
223
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:03,594
the drunken whore
she used to be?
224
00:07:03,681 --> 00:07:05,363
Oh, I like the new Sal.
225
00:07:05,452 --> 00:07:07,410
Turns out, all she needed to
bring out her maternal instinct
226
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,398
was a little baby.
227
00:07:08,475 --> 00:07:10,640
I don't buy it.
No, something's up.
228
00:07:10,716 --> 00:07:13,085
You do remember her suggesting
we chuck Lily into the ocean.
229
00:07:13,176 --> 00:07:15,006
Oh, Mitchell, calm down.
Babies change people.
230
00:07:15,099 --> 00:07:16,593
Like you used to be
a judgmental cynic,
231
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,287
and then Lily--
Oh, wait.
232
00:07:19,514 --> 00:07:21,412
You guys, Sal's not back there.
233
00:07:21,501 --> 00:07:23,773
- Sal?
- The drapes still are.
234
00:07:23,867 --> 00:07:24,978
Well, that's weird.
Her car's gone.
235
00:07:25,073 --> 00:07:25,819
What?!
236
00:07:25,914 --> 00:07:27,241
Let's not jump to conclusions.
237
00:07:27,338 --> 00:07:29,453
In this neighborhood,
her car could have been stolen.
238
00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:31,073
Well, you know,
she did seem frazzled.
239
00:07:31,164 --> 00:07:32,680
May-- maybe she forgot
to say goodbye.
240
00:07:32,764 --> 00:07:34,524
Oh, and forgot
all of her presents.
241
00:07:34,652 --> 00:07:36,115
- [ Baby crying ]
- [ Gasps ]
242
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,380
And forgot her baby.
243
00:07:39,474 --> 00:07:41,463
You don't think that there's
any way that she would--
244
00:07:41,566 --> 00:07:42,164
N-no.
245
00:07:42,258 --> 00:07:43,581
I-I can't even say it.
246
00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:44,410
I can.
247
00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:46,596
That gin-soaked tart
abandoned the little bastard.
248
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:47,762
Oh, st--
249
00:07:48,243 --> 00:07:50,471
What?
He's fatherless.
250
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,843
Am I wrong?
251
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,191
Okay, I've called Sal
five times,
252
00:07:57,285 --> 00:07:58,392
and she still hasn't picked up.
253
00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:00,383
I knew this whole "Earth Mother"
thing was an act.
254
00:08:00,485 --> 00:08:02,741
[ Singsong voice ] Oh, maybe
we should use our happy voices
255
00:08:02,846 --> 00:08:04,195
when we're accusing a mommy
256
00:08:04,288 --> 00:08:06,272
of abandoning her
little baby boy.
257
00:08:06,328 --> 00:08:09,029
- Ugh. This is a true disaster.
- Isn't it?
258
00:08:09,118 --> 00:08:10,127
Someone put a Spanish roof
259
00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:12,572
on what is clearly
a mid-century ranch.
260
00:08:12,715 --> 00:08:13,876
Oh, no.
261
00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:15,272
Someone just went numero two.
262
00:08:15,368 --> 00:08:16,205
Pepper: - Oh!
- [ Normal voice ] Yeah.
263
00:08:16,319 --> 00:08:17,992
And the aftershocks
are still rolling in.
264
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,442
Here's her diaper bag.
And... what's--
265
00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,763
Oh, no. This--
Uh, h-here's a note.
266
00:08:23,865 --> 00:08:25,177
"I'm sorry to leave this way.
267
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,227
I'm not proud of it,
268
00:08:26,308 --> 00:08:27,848
but I just can't do this
anymore.
269
00:08:27,949 --> 00:08:28,903
Goodbye. Sal."
270
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,265
[ Singsong voice ]
It's getting harder and harder
271
00:08:30,351 --> 00:08:33,245
to keep a positive spin
on this.
272
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:37,488
[ Slurring ]
Here. Have some cheese.
273
00:08:37,581 --> 00:08:39,644
Oh, no. Thank you.
I'm-- I'm good.
274
00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:40,986
Oh, my.
275
00:08:41,061 --> 00:08:43,105
That is [Clears throat] strong.
276
00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:44,705
Oh, my goodness.
277
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,457
Hey.
What are you staring at?
278
00:08:47,553 --> 00:08:49,027
It's French cheese.
279
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,194
Costs more than you make
in a week.
280
00:08:51,266 --> 00:08:53,065
Okay, you might want
to keep your voice down.
281
00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:54,861
- Claire.
- Yeah?
282
00:08:54,946 --> 00:08:56,921
That guy over there
is checking you out!
283
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:58,398
I don't think he is.
284
00:08:58,561 --> 00:09:02,000
My friend Claire would like
to meet you in the bathroom.
285
00:09:02,078 --> 00:09:04,079
No.
I-I did not say that.
286
00:09:04,174 --> 00:09:06,656
Claire, why do you do that
to yourself?
287
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,157
You are so pretty.
288
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:10,391
Hey, Phil, what time is it?
289
00:09:10,493 --> 00:09:11,862
What's wrong?
290
00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:15,854
My watch is go--
Edward, what did you do?
291
00:09:15,975 --> 00:09:17,826
Jillian, what's your, uh,
middle initial?
292
00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:18,843
"C," for Catherine.
293
00:09:18,936 --> 00:09:22,388
And, Phil, uh, what age were you
when you first kissed a girl?
294
00:09:22,469 --> 00:09:24,242
12 cousin,
14 non-cousin.
295
00:09:24,343 --> 00:09:26,195
Let's stick
with non-cousin.
296
00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:29,737
I think if you go to 14C,
seat right over there,
297
00:09:29,823 --> 00:09:31,921
you'll wind up
with what you're looking for.
298
00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:33,088
[ Laughing ]
It works on battery,
299
00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:35,392
but, oh, my God, I'm excited!
300
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:40,220
Excuse me.
301
00:09:40,317 --> 00:09:41,566
- Phil. It's me.
- Oh, hey.
302
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:42,641
- What are you doing back here?
- I need a break
303
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:43,905
from the woman
I'm sitting next to up there.
304
00:09:43,988 --> 00:09:46,180
- She is the worst person on Earth.
- I'm sorry.
305
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:48,745
I was hoping she might be a
little less aggressive with you.
306
00:09:48,832 --> 00:09:50,063
Do you mind switching with me
for a little while?
307
00:09:50,145 --> 00:09:52,348
Oh, honey, you don't want to.
It's hell back here, too.
308
00:09:52,439 --> 00:09:53,715
I'm squished between
this fat lady
309
00:09:53,808 --> 00:09:55,393
who keeps digging into my elbow
310
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,862
and this huge, sweaty dude
311
00:09:56,937 --> 00:09:58,765
who won't stop blabbing on
about his job.
312
00:09:58,880 --> 00:09:59,911
Oh.
313
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,885
Well, could I get a hug?
I could really use one.
314
00:10:01,943 --> 00:10:04,013
Sure thing. Oops.
They want us back in our seats.
315
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:05,962
- [ Grunts ]
- I didn't hear the little ding.
316
00:10:06,051 --> 00:10:06,968
Your ears must be plugged.
317
00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:08,391
Whoa!
Did you feel that?
318
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,959
No, I-I-I didn't
feel anything.
319
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,550
This is scary.
You should go back.
320
00:10:16,345 --> 00:10:18,771
Amazing.
321
00:10:19,189 --> 00:10:20,063
Thank you.
322
00:10:20,813 --> 00:10:22,052
Sorcerer!
323
00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:24,475
- [ Grunts ]
- Not bad. I felt that one.
324
00:10:24,628 --> 00:10:26,067
So good, Manny.
325
00:10:26,156 --> 00:10:27,920
All right,
really let one go this time.
326
00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:29,903
Thinks about how mad
this guy makes you.
327
00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:31,427
- What's his name?
- Gideon.
328
00:10:31,516 --> 00:10:32,506
Oh, geez.
329
00:10:32,755 --> 00:10:34,416
All right,
think about what he did to you.
330
00:10:34,672 --> 00:10:35,973
I'd rather not talk about it.
331
00:10:37,665 --> 00:10:39,492
I don't know why you're smiling.
Your fennel's burnt.
332
00:10:39,630 --> 00:10:41,668
Whereas I made
a perfect butternut squash.
333
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:42,778
That's just butter.
334
00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:44,937
Oh, yeah, I-I totally forgot
the nut squash!
335
00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:46,925
- [ Laughing ] Oh!
- [ Groans ]
336
00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:48,689
Snap it.
Snap it. Good.
337
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,818
- More. Good.
- I'm done.
338
00:10:50,904 --> 00:10:52,605
I'm not fighting anymore.
It's not worth it.
339
00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:54,521
But you're doing so good.
340
00:10:54,605 --> 00:10:56,347
You just have to turn
your shoulder first
341
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:58,563
so that you can throw
your weight behind your punch.
342
00:10:59,482 --> 00:11:00,402
If you want.
343
00:11:00,495 --> 00:11:02,391
I already think
that you're very tough.
344
00:11:02,515 --> 00:11:04,817
This is all Jay's idea.
345
00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:06,788
All right. Come on, kid.
Show 'em who's boss.
346
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:07,681
No.
347
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,448
I'm more of a lover
than a fighter.
348
00:11:09,666 --> 00:11:11,213
Well, that's the goal, anyway.
349
00:11:11,524 --> 00:11:14,632
Ay, okay, papi,
whatever you decide.
350
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,794
- Don't let him leave this room!
- Ow, ow, ow!
351
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,752
Maybe you should teach him
how to hit.
352
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:20,837
Oh, my God.
Check it out.
353
00:11:20,964 --> 00:11:22,811
Rose got your breakup text
and wrote back.
354
00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:23,789
She mad.
355
00:11:23,877 --> 00:11:25,652
What?
Give me that.
356
00:11:27,359 --> 00:11:29,497
"Thanks for the dumbest
breakup text ever.
357
00:11:29,579 --> 00:11:31,275
Don't call a girl awesome,
then break up with her.
358
00:11:31,364 --> 00:11:33,079
If I'm so great,
why'd you dump me?
359
00:11:33,189 --> 00:11:36,012
Get over yourself,
you insensitive troll"?
360
00:11:36,097 --> 00:11:38,741
What is her problem?
She can't talk to you like that.
361
00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:41,240
[ Chuckles ] She's not.
She's talking to you.
362
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:44,368
I can't believe
I ever liked this girl.
363
00:11:44,462 --> 00:11:46,680
Our text was compassionate
and respectful.
364
00:11:46,754 --> 00:11:48,051
There was nothing dumb
about it.
365
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:49,693
A million percent.
366
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:51,125
- What are you doing?
- [ Chuckling ] Oh.
367
00:11:51,279 --> 00:11:55,289
This crazy bitch just messed
with the wrong crazy bitch.
368
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,045
Whoo, whoo, whoo, dee, doo!
369
00:11:57,132 --> 00:11:58,109
[ Scoffs ]
This is unreal.
370
00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,518
We always knew
Sal was unstable,
371
00:11:59,615 --> 00:12:00,871
but how could she do this?
372
00:12:00,957 --> 00:12:02,412
We don't know
that she's done anything.
373
00:12:02,509 --> 00:12:04,482
Okay, let's just suppose
for a second
374
00:12:04,569 --> 00:12:06,582
that she's on a plane to Cabo.
375
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,389
What then?
376
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:08,846
Maybe this is part of
a bigger plan.
377
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:09,789
You know, maybe the reason
378
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:11,110
we didn't adopt
another baby after Lily
379
00:12:11,194 --> 00:12:14,410
was because God wanted us
available for Sammy.
380
00:12:14,510 --> 00:12:16,603
Who is this God
that denies us a baby,
381
00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:17,872
then gets a party girl
pregnant,
382
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,358
only to have her desert the baby
so that we can finally get one?
383
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,170
The same God
that impregnated a virgin,
384
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,618
sent Moses down the river
in a basket,
385
00:12:24,718 --> 00:12:27,819
and commanded Abraham
to stab his own son.
386
00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:30,349
God only does weird baby stuff.
387
00:12:30,574 --> 00:12:31,857
Okay, yes, I'll admit,
388
00:12:31,937 --> 00:12:33,624
there is part of me that would
love to keep this little guy
389
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,557
and raise him the way
Sal was pretending to.
390
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,823
Exactly.
Lily could have a baby brother.
391
00:12:37,906 --> 00:12:39,017
But there are systems
in place here.
392
00:12:39,104 --> 00:12:41,137
You can't just keep him like
a bunny you found in the yard.
393
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,949
- That's crazy.
- Aww.
394
00:12:43,356 --> 00:12:44,645
Listen, we discussed it,
395
00:12:44,769 --> 00:12:46,982
and we think
we should take the kid.
396
00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:48,749
Ee!
What should we call him?
397
00:12:48,856 --> 00:12:50,846
Not sure,
but definitely not Sammy.
398
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:52,737
Sammy Saltzman sounds so silly.
399
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,192
[ Both laugh ]
400
00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:57,816
We can overhand shuffle,
401
00:12:58,014 --> 00:13:00,706
and we can riffle shuffle...
402
00:13:00,806 --> 00:13:01,999
[ Dramatically ]
But, you know,
403
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:06,057
there is no escape
from the angry...
404
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,863
- queen.
- What?
405
00:13:07,927 --> 00:13:09,750
Phil.
What are you doing?
406
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,167
Making the best
of a bad situation?
407
00:13:12,271 --> 00:13:13,556
Why is that woman
rubbing your shoulders?
408
00:13:13,664 --> 00:13:15,658
Oh, uh, Jillian is a masseuse,
409
00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:18,638
and this, of course,
is Edward Legrand.
410
00:13:18,755 --> 00:13:20,196
Pleasure to meet you.
411
00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,416
Now, if you could just give me
my ace of spades back--
412
00:13:22,486 --> 00:13:23,321
it's in your pocket.
413
00:13:23,416 --> 00:13:26,026
This is why you had to race back
to your hellish seat--
414
00:13:26,112 --> 00:13:28,246
for back rubs and card tricks?
415
00:13:28,386 --> 00:13:30,057
Do you have any idea what
I'm going through up there?
416
00:13:30,148 --> 00:13:31,783
She clipped her toenails
417
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:34,484
because her "Oriental girl"
didn't do it right.
418
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:35,921
Claire, I'm sorry.
419
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,540
But I need you to check
your pocket.
420
00:13:38,686 --> 00:13:40,040
[ Inhales deeply ]
421
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,786
Insanity!
422
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,165
- Thank you very much.
- [ Chuckles ]
423
00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:47,707
Don't be mad at me.
424
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,016
You're the one
who grabbed that seat.
425
00:13:49,103 --> 00:13:50,563
That was a pretty selfish move.
426
00:13:50,638 --> 00:13:51,554
Yeah, I did grab that seat,
427
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:53,984
because I spent the entire
weekend being selfless,
428
00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:55,550
and you didn't even
thank me once.
429
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,703
Why would I thank you for
giving you an awesome weekend?
430
00:13:57,822 --> 00:13:58,681
Awesome?
431
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:01,009
You spent the whole weekend
rehashing stories
432
00:14:01,095 --> 00:14:04,135
about itchy, rusty,
and loveboat.
433
00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:05,373
How is that fun for me?!
434
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,678
They were always
getting into stuff!
435
00:14:06,731 --> 00:14:07,932
I came back here
for some compassion,
436
00:14:08,025 --> 00:14:10,264
and all you did was lie to me
and blow me off
437
00:14:10,353 --> 00:14:12,324
so you could keep
having your fun
438
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,748
while I suffer up there
in first class!
439
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,069
Oh, my heart goes out to you.
440
00:14:16,151 --> 00:14:17,228
Oh, stick it, Kreskin.
441
00:14:17,312 --> 00:14:19,395
I'm sitting next to
a cheese-eating racist.
442
00:14:21,038 --> 00:14:22,268
I'm sorry about your card.
443
00:14:22,355 --> 00:14:23,494
Yeah, uh...
444
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:24,883
don't be.
445
00:14:24,971 --> 00:14:26,174
Son of a...
446
00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,018
All right.
447
00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:29,404
I'll be back--
pick you up at 6:00.
448
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:30,647
Now, remember,
what did I teach you?
449
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:32,199
Violence solves everything,
450
00:14:32,328 --> 00:14:34,515
and don't wind my fist up
like Popeye.
451
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,621
It's not violence.
It's self-defense.
452
00:14:36,757 --> 00:14:38,866
You cannot let this kid
keep pushing you around.
453
00:14:38,992 --> 00:14:41,069
Now, you walk in there
like a badass,
454
00:14:41,196 --> 00:14:44,036
and you make the best damn
lasagna anybody's ever seen.
455
00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:46,721
I appreciate the speech, Jay,
but I'll handle things my way.
456
00:14:46,806 --> 00:14:48,157
Kid, one more thing.
457
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,887
Don't forget the garlic bread.
458
00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:53,562
- Because without that...
- I-I get it.
459
00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:55,188
[ Car door closes ]
460
00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:57,701
Hey, Delgado.
461
00:14:58,729 --> 00:15:01,093
Manny, I'm talking to you.
You want a piece of this?
462
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,109
Ow!
What was that for?
463
00:15:06,189 --> 00:15:07,772
Looks like I gave you
a piece of this.
464
00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:08,577
What the hell?
465
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,459
I was just offering you
some apple crumble!
466
00:15:10,697 --> 00:15:11,927
What? You were not.
467
00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:15,052
Yes, I was!
I felt bad about teasing you.
468
00:15:15,144 --> 00:15:15,871
My therapist said
469
00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:17,422
I was acting out
because of my parents' divorce,
470
00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,933
so I was trying to be nice.
471
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:22,140
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know!
472
00:15:22,303 --> 00:15:23,697
Good shot, kid!
473
00:15:23,844 --> 00:15:25,653
That'll teach you
who to pick on, you punk--
474
00:15:25,741 --> 00:15:26,784
not my boy!
475
00:15:26,863 --> 00:15:28,265
He learned how to punch
from the best.
476
00:15:28,336 --> 00:15:29,390
His parents
are getting divorced,
477
00:15:29,477 --> 00:15:31,837
and he made me that dessert
as an apology.
478
00:15:31,937 --> 00:15:34,273
This whole thing
was your mother's idea.
479
00:15:37,272 --> 00:15:40,898
Ronaldo, you grab
the roller thingy, and, uh--
480
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,651
Oh! I'll grab
that big mesh cage.
481
00:15:43,788 --> 00:15:45,139
All right.
Everybody, stop.
482
00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:46,711
You can't just keep a baby
483
00:15:46,798 --> 00:15:49,969
like it's some rabbit
you found in the yard.
484
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,467
- There are systems in place.
- Wow.
485
00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:54,663
He has to stay
somewhere tonight, no?
486
00:15:54,764 --> 00:15:55,845
Yeah, how about right here,
487
00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:58,046
because we know how
to raise a child?
488
00:15:58,146 --> 00:15:58,956
Oh, please.
489
00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:00,001
We'll dress him and feed him,
490
00:16:00,087 --> 00:16:02,136
and Conchetta can handle
the poopy stuff.
491
00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,630
I gave her Obamacare.
It's the least she can do.
492
00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:06,331
We all want
what's best for the baby.
493
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,045
Y-you're very nice people,
but we've done this before.
494
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,033
So?
It's our turn.
495
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,100
[ Sighs ]
496
00:16:12,254 --> 00:16:14,018
I wanted a child
for some time now.
497
00:16:14,096 --> 00:16:15,632
My biological clock is ticking.
498
00:16:15,749 --> 00:16:17,538
That's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.
499
00:16:17,614 --> 00:16:19,728
- Is it? I'm 44.
- Or that is.
500
00:16:19,825 --> 00:16:20,950
You are one mean lady.
501
00:16:21,108 --> 00:16:23,355
We're not leaving
without Felipe.
502
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:24,747
Well, then, you're not leaving.
503
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:26,274
[ Scoffs ]
Fine!
504
00:16:33,887 --> 00:16:36,181
Did we settle on "Felipe"?
505
00:16:40,147 --> 00:16:41,261
[ Sighs ]
506
00:16:43,412 --> 00:16:44,299
Phil.
507
00:16:44,496 --> 00:16:45,337
Honey, what are you doing?
508
00:16:45,418 --> 00:16:46,416
[ Slurring ]
One second.
509
00:16:46,503 --> 00:16:49,326
So, I have 20 fur coats
in my closet,
510
00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:51,300
but I'm the only one
of my friends
511
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:53,408
who even wears them anymore,
512
00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:56,885
so you tell me
who's endangered.
513
00:16:57,464 --> 00:16:59,017
Jillian's waiting for you
in my seat
514
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:00,283
to give you a little back rub.
515
00:17:00,357 --> 00:17:01,318
You don't have to do this.
516
00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:03,219
You didn't have to be
so great this weekend.
517
00:17:03,843 --> 00:17:05,851
But you were, so thank you.
518
00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:07,750
And I should have
said that earlier.
519
00:17:08,543 --> 00:17:09,553
Mwah!
520
00:17:09,643 --> 00:17:10,956
Go enjoy
the rest of your flight.
521
00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:12,054
I'll deal with this.
522
00:17:12,142 --> 00:17:13,111
"Deal with this"?
523
00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:16,437
I'm a state senator's mistress.
524
00:17:16,525 --> 00:17:18,016
You're my hero.
525
00:17:19,144 --> 00:17:20,395
[ Door opens ]
526
00:17:20,866 --> 00:17:22,297
Gloria: Wipe your feet
before you come in!
527
00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:23,174
Listen to that.
528
00:17:23,252 --> 00:17:25,739
First thing out of her mouth,
she's telling us what to do.
529
00:17:25,825 --> 00:17:26,814
Well, that stops today.
530
00:17:26,877 --> 00:17:28,547
We go in strong.
We hold our ground.
531
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,875
We let her know
she's done pushing us around.
532
00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:32,796
Manny,
why are you home so early?
533
00:17:32,957 --> 00:17:34,538
Did you let him skip school?
534
00:17:34,616 --> 00:17:35,600
No, mom.
535
00:17:35,699 --> 00:17:36,553
I was kicked out
536
00:17:36,645 --> 00:17:38,707
for punching
a really misunderstood kid,
537
00:17:38,822 --> 00:17:39,773
thanks to you.
538
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:40,717
Thanks to me?
What, did--
539
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:41,638
I told him everything.
540
00:17:41,713 --> 00:17:42,922
And you know what we realized?
541
00:17:43,248 --> 00:17:45,813
There is a bully in our life,
and it's you.
542
00:17:45,949 --> 00:17:49,227
You make the rules,
you boss us around,
543
00:17:49,338 --> 00:17:51,480
- and we're not gonna take it anymore.
- Mm. Yeah.
544
00:17:51,624 --> 00:17:53,239
Ah, look at you two,
545
00:17:53,331 --> 00:17:55,410
standing up
to the big, scary bully
546
00:17:55,518 --> 00:17:57,534
that loves you and protects you
547
00:17:57,628 --> 00:18:00,319
and wants you to be safe
in this world.
548
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,841
You're just tiny, little men
to me right now,
549
00:18:04,985 --> 00:18:08,540
and you need to leave this house
and come back with more respect!
550
00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:10,023
And a pizza.
551
00:18:10,264 --> 00:18:11,080
[ Gasps ]
Oh, what?
552
00:18:11,153 --> 00:18:13,684
You need to go first
and check on your mascara?
553
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,225
- We do need to eat.
- Yeah.
554
00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:16,297
I wouldn't mind some pizza.
555
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:17,465
We're not getting
any pineapple.
556
00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:18,964
You are getting pineapple!
557
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:20,539
We're taking it off our slices.
558
00:18:20,624 --> 00:18:22,170
Don't waste any food, Jay!
559
00:18:22,232 --> 00:18:23,554
- I think we made our point.
- Totally.
560
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,198
We'll get our own pizza--
eat it in the car.
561
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:27,971
[ Door closes ]
562
00:18:29,232 --> 00:18:30,487
Give me one reason
563
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:33,372
why Sammy should stay here
tonight instead of with us.
564
00:18:33,474 --> 00:18:35,244
Because
we're experienced parents.
565
00:18:35,337 --> 00:18:36,678
We have a crib!
566
00:18:36,755 --> 00:18:38,916
We have a pediatrician.
Our house is babyproofed.
567
00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:41,458
Our house was in
Architectural Digest.
568
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,819
Ronaldo, please,
you're not helping.
569
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,170
They don't know what that is.
570
00:18:44,252 --> 00:18:46,804
How can you even fit another
child in this shoe box?
571
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:47,694
You're poor!
572
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,444
We have a beautiful house
with a big yard
573
00:18:49,548 --> 00:18:51,335
where he could throw the ball
with the gardener.
574
00:18:51,411 --> 00:18:52,125
Okay, look.
575
00:18:52,206 --> 00:18:54,219
If anybody's gonna adopt Sammy,
it's gonna be us.
576
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:54,967
Oh!
577
00:18:55,038 --> 00:18:56,432
Whoa!
Do I have any say in this?
578
00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:59,403
Sal!
Oh, well, you're back.
579
00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,731
What the hell
are you four doing?
580
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,696
You walked out of here and left
your baby without saying a word,
581
00:19:02,779 --> 00:19:04,420
so maybe we'll be asking
the questions.
582
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,344
I told John John
where I was going.
583
00:19:06,443 --> 00:19:07,449
The drunkest guy at the party.
584
00:19:07,527 --> 00:19:08,439
Excuse me for not wanting
585
00:19:08,512 --> 00:19:10,021
to interrupt
your fierce debate--
586
00:19:10,138 --> 00:19:13,001
"Who's hotter, Mr. Clean
or The Brawny Paper Towel man?"
587
00:19:13,099 --> 00:19:14,196
- Mr. Clean.
- Brawny Paper Towel guy.
588
00:19:14,294 --> 00:19:15,443
We're not going back there.
589
00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:17,013
That still doesn't explain
why you would leave
590
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,659
in the middle
of your own baby shower.
591
00:19:18,749 --> 00:19:21,108
I got freaked out when jotham
mentioned the Blackhawks.
592
00:19:21,196 --> 00:19:22,883
Every time.
I hear it every time.
593
00:19:22,968 --> 00:19:24,982
Sammy's dad is on the team,
okay?
594
00:19:25,065 --> 00:19:26,335
And he didn't know
Sammy existed--
595
00:19:26,463 --> 00:19:28,899
at least not until I just went
down there and I told him.
596
00:19:28,976 --> 00:19:30,650
Oh, gosh. What happened?
How did he take it?
597
00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:32,223
It turns out he's married.
598
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:33,938
Yeah, I could have googled that.
So he's out.
599
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,780
And you thought
I deserted my own baby?
600
00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:38,492
You did leave.
601
00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:39,918
And then what--
what's up with this note, huh?
602
00:19:39,994 --> 00:19:41,296
Look--
"I'm sorry to leave this way.
603
00:19:41,371 --> 00:19:43,254
I'm not proud of it,
but I just can't do this."
604
00:19:43,346 --> 00:19:44,514
This diaper bag
605
00:19:44,606 --> 00:19:46,971
is just a recycled purse
from my single days!
606
00:19:47,059 --> 00:19:49,537
I got a lot of these notes
lying around for quick getaways.
607
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:53,416
- You guys don't think
that I can do this, do you? - No!
608
00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:54,727
- We always thought you could do it.
- I certainly don't.
609
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,210
- We don't think you can't do it.
- Shut up!
610
00:19:56,306 --> 00:19:57,747
I don't think
I can do it, either!
611
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,223
Oh, Sal.
612
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,650
I mean, it's just--
[Breathes deeply]
613
00:20:01,878 --> 00:20:03,956
so hard.
614
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:06,741
I feel so guilty that he doesn't
have a dad in the picture.
615
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:08,750
I don't know. I'm trying
to do everything perfectly.
616
00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:10,213
It's exhausting.
617
00:20:10,388 --> 00:20:12,434
And I haven't had sex
in like a year.
618
00:20:12,519 --> 00:20:13,741
[ All gasp ]
619
00:20:13,986 --> 00:20:15,356
[ Sammy coos ]
620
00:20:15,935 --> 00:20:17,293
- Oh!
Cameron: - Oh.
621
00:20:17,532 --> 00:20:18,291
[ Sammy coos ]
622
00:20:18,355 --> 00:20:19,694
This little dude--
623
00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:23,608
he's the one thing in my life
that I cannot mess up.
624
00:20:24,588 --> 00:20:25,801
[ Sighs ]
625
00:20:26,178 --> 00:20:27,773
I just wish I could
give him a dad.
626
00:20:27,858 --> 00:20:30,722
Well... what about us?
627
00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,955
- We could be Sammy's dad.
- All of us.
628
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:33,985
Yeah, Sal, we love you,
629
00:20:34,087 --> 00:20:35,915
and we're always here for you--
whatever you need.
630
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:38,209
Except we'll be in Capri
all of July.
631
00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:39,522
Seriously, Sal,
632
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:41,737
you and Sammy
will never be alone.
633
00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:43,381
You guys are so sweet.
634
00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:44,219
[ Chuckles ]
635
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:45,981
Wait.
June's no good, either.
636
00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:48,348
I'm getting my neck done.
[ Inhales sharply ]
637
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:52,890
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
638
00:20:52,891 --> 00:20:54,269
We stuck up for you!
639
00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:57,322
Yeah, Rose had it coming.
She can't talk to you the way we do.
640
00:20:57,442 --> 00:20:59,279
But Rose has forwarded
your text to Sarah,
641
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,083
and now Sarah
doesn't wanna go out.
642
00:21:01,084 --> 00:21:02,360
Give me that phone.
643
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,731
What did the skank Sarah
say to you?
644
00:21:05,668 --> 00:21:06,462
Uh.
645
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:08,550
Yeah, um-- ouch.
Good opening.
646
00:21:09,026 --> 00:21:09,722
[ Laughs ]
647
00:21:09,723 --> 00:21:11,419
That's so funny.
We totally deserve that.
648
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:13,511
Totally!
Good sense of humor!
649
00:21:13,512 --> 00:21:15,364
Oh, my God.
I love her.
650
00:21:15,365 --> 00:21:16,459
Me too.
651
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:18,104
Don't worry, Luke.
We're gonna win her back.
652
00:21:18,401 --> 00:21:19,567
We just got--
653
00:21:19,952 --> 00:21:21,312
Luke?
654
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,897
You think maybe we need
dates of our own?
655
00:21:24,898 --> 00:21:25,807
So bad.
656
00:21:25,808 --> 00:21:30,240
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com