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00:00:00,902 --> 00:00:03,569
Thank you for flying Jetblue.
Welcome to Las Vegas.
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00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,076
Here you go, here you go.
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00:00:05,077 --> 00:00:05,909
That was quick.
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- You skip the line when you're
on the Excelsior level. - Oh. Oh.
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00:00:09,101 --> 00:00:11,435
Three rooms adjoining,
top floor.
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00:00:11,597 --> 00:00:13,463
Oh.
Silver, pretty.
7
00:00:13,670 --> 00:00:15,534
Platinum, so don't wave
that around everywhere.
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00:00:15,544 --> 00:00:18,312
People'll get jealous.
Maybe wave it around a little.
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00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:21,504
My friend Burt Tanner
runs the hotel.
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00:00:21,831 --> 00:00:22,864
He comped us a few rooms
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00:00:22,865 --> 00:00:25,819
because we sold him some closets
for his high-roller suites.
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Zebrawood, heated sock drawer,
the works.
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00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:32,292
Hey, luxury bathroom,
it's me, lowly closet.
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Watch your back.
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00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:34,961
Mitchell?
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00:00:34,963 --> 00:00:36,129
Langham?
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00:00:36,131 --> 00:00:38,531
A-- d-- hey, Cam,
I-it's Langham and Tim!
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00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:39,799
- Hi! - Hi!
- Hi!
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00:00:39,801 --> 00:00:41,400
What are you boys doing here?
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- Bachelor-party weekend.
We're getting married in June. - What?
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00:00:44,638 --> 00:00:48,139
Oh, we really wanted to invite
you, but Tim's family is huge --
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Relax. We're getting married in
May and you're not coming, so...
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00:00:50,877 --> 00:00:51,743
Mitchell.
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Oh, look at us moving on.
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It's almost like you never
dumped me in an e-mail
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the morning after I told you
that I loved you.
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Well, y-- in my defense, e-mail
-- it was new back then...
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- Oh....
- And it was still a blurry line
29
00:01:00,921 --> 00:01:02,086
as to what was
appropriate and...
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00:01:02,088 --> 00:01:04,556
Well, we have
a pretty packed weekend.
31
00:01:04,558 --> 00:01:05,490
Oh, we do.
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But if you guys have some time,
here's our itinerary.
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- Okay.
- Come play.
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00:01:09,388 --> 00:01:10,554
- Oh, yeah.
- Fun. Bye.
35
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- You guys, congratulations.
- Thank you.
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Oh, my gosh,
an actual gay agenda.
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Oooh.
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Looks like we're not gonna see
much of you two this trip.
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- No.
- No, no.
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We are not participating
in any of this.
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They're very judgy about
bachelor parties.
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I offered to throw them one,
and I got a whole lecture.
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We're 40.
We have a child.
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We've been together
for 10 years.
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That's the one.
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It's just not
who we are anymore.
47
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Listen to this -- "bananas and
cabanas pool party." Oh, Cam.
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Yeah. "Most creative Speedo wins
tickets to The Kilty Pleasures."
49
00:01:39,051 --> 00:01:40,384
- Oh. Ah!
- Please.
50
00:01:40,386 --> 00:01:42,953
- What is The Kilty Pleasures?
- This.
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We will be maintaining our
dignity in the spa, thank you.
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I mean, come on,
have you ever seen
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a Scottish person this tan?
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I'm embarrassed
even looking at it.
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Then stop.
56
00:02:05,244 --> 00:02:08,746
Synced and corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:09,048 --> 00:02:11,148
Whoa, that warmer drawer
really works.
58
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It's like my mom's
hugging my feet again.
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I'm gonna go do some shopping.
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Oh, well, maybe
we'll catch up later.
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No, you have your day,
I'll have mine.
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Well, how 'bout the bar
at like 5:00?
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Sure.
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She was icing me,
but I deserved it.
65
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For the first time in my whole life,
I was neglecting her.
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I'd been invited to audition
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00:02:29,697 --> 00:02:31,697
for a secret magic society
in Las Vegas,
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but in all my rehearsals,
I'd paid no attention to Claire.
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I even left her alone
in a movie theater once.
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00:02:38,072 --> 00:02:39,204
Oh, no.
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00:02:39,206 --> 00:02:41,206
I let Phil think
I was still mad at him
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because I needed
a little time to myself.
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- Yeah!
- Come to mama! Yeah!
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Years ago,
Phil and I put aside money
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for a trip
on our 25th anniversary,
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but I lost that money
on a girls' weekend in Vegas.
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Since then,
I've been on a secret mission
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00:02:56,724 --> 00:02:58,056
to win that money back,
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and if things go well
this weekend, I am even.
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00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:04,730
Vegas, you have
a gambling problem,
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00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:06,398
and her name is Claire.
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Knockity-knock-knock.
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Mr. Dunphy, I presume?
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Yes. Who-- hi.
85
00:03:13,548 --> 00:03:15,047
I'm Leslie Higgins -- it's
a boy's name where I'm from.
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- I'm your Butler.
- Oh. Butler. Cool.
87
00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:20,219
Yes. As an Excelsior guest, uh,
I'm at your beck and call 24/7.
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Anything you need,
big or small, I can -- oh...
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00:03:25,559 --> 00:03:26,726
Can I just segue, sir,
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00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,394
to the importance
of discretion in my job?
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00:03:28,396 --> 00:03:30,963
- I'll just pop those --
- Oh, no, no, no. Never mind those.
92
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- As you wish.
- They're for an appointment I have later.
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00:03:32,787 --> 00:03:34,186
The less you know
about that, the better.
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00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:35,788
A myriad of apologies, sir.
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00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:37,790
- If there's nothing else...
- Oh, hang on.
96
00:03:37,792 --> 00:03:39,292
Actually, do you know where
I can get a cape laundered?
97
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,114
- Opera or superhero?
- I'd rather not say.
98
00:03:41,116 --> 00:03:42,749
I overstepped the mark
by asking.
99
00:03:42,751 --> 00:03:44,584
Uh, could I just, uh,
quickly point out
100
00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:46,086
our luxury bath service, sir?
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00:03:46,088 --> 00:03:48,255
We have five
outrageously decadent baths
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00:03:48,257 --> 00:03:50,423
that I can prepare for you
at a moment's notice.
103
00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:51,758
Uh, I should
just point out, though,
104
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that our pharaoh's fantasy
does take a dash longer,
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normally, because our nubian
lives off-site.
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Um... If there's nothing else,
107
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- I'll just help you with your case.
- Uh, no, uh --
108
00:04:01,936 --> 00:04:03,436
- I'll get that.
- Yeah.
109
00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:05,438
- Yep.
- All right. Thank you.
110
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,607
- I love cucumber water.
- I know.
111
00:04:07,609 --> 00:04:09,576
- If I were president --
- I know, I know.
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00:04:09,578 --> 00:04:11,611
Cucumbers in the reservoirs.
113
00:04:11,613 --> 00:04:13,546
- Giant cucumbers.
- Mm.
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00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:14,680
- Mr. Pritchett?
- Yes, hi.
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All right, I'll see you
in 90 minutes.
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00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:17,749
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
117
00:04:20,853 --> 00:04:22,421
Mr. Tucker?
118
00:04:25,692 --> 00:04:27,259
Mr. Tucker?
119
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,907
We had a few no-shows
for the Britney concert, so...
120
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,271
One, please.
121
00:04:36,273 --> 00:04:37,539
Uh, what about Mitchell?
122
00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:39,875
It's Vegas -- he doesn't
need to know what I'm doing.
123
00:04:39,877 --> 00:04:41,510
I don't need to know
what he's doing.
124
00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:43,845
So if you see him, maybe
don't mention what I'm doing.
125
00:04:43,847 --> 00:04:45,914
Oh. Understood.
126
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:48,483
So, do you have anything
on the aisle?
127
00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:52,220
Yeah?
128
00:04:52,222 --> 00:04:54,055
Rasputin's dalmatian
drowned in the Volga.
129
00:04:54,057 --> 00:04:55,357
I thought he was allergic
to dogs.
130
00:04:55,359 --> 00:04:57,526
You're thinking of Merlin.
And it was peanuts.
131
00:05:00,364 --> 00:05:03,065
Okay, everybody.
We have a visitor.
132
00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:05,200
Welcome Phil Dunphy.
133
00:05:04,613 --> 00:05:05,779
- Hi.
- Hey, Phil. Hi.
134
00:05:05,781 --> 00:05:08,448
Hey.
I'm so honored to be here.
135
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:09,449
Wow.
136
00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:11,818
You may recognize
my -- my screen name,
137
00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:13,119
abracadunphy17.
138
00:05:13,121 --> 00:05:14,454
That's you?
139
00:05:14,456 --> 00:05:16,122
You're up in the middle
of the night a lot.
140
00:05:16,124 --> 00:05:17,624
My wife grinds her teeth.
141
00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:20,126
But let me tell you
another story.
142
00:05:20,128 --> 00:05:22,796
It's about the miracle
of metamorphosis.
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00:05:22,798 --> 00:05:24,798
- Uh, Phil --
- They say the only constant is change --
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00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,133
Phil, we're gonna get to
your trick in just a minute.
145
00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:29,336
Oh. I'm sorry.
146
00:05:29,338 --> 00:05:30,337
Got a little excited there.
147
00:05:31,139 --> 00:05:33,207
The heroes of the
underground-magic blogosphere --
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00:05:33,210 --> 00:05:36,879
"Flashpaper" Finelli,
Kaiser Mayhem, The Kid.
149
00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:38,849
When you think about it,
150
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:40,690
it's crazy they're all alive
at the same time.
151
00:05:42,865 --> 00:05:44,532
Jay, I'm feeling a little cold.
152
00:05:44,534 --> 00:05:45,867
Maybe I should buy a scarf.
153
00:05:45,869 --> 00:05:47,302
Sure, get a couple of 'em.
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00:05:48,872 --> 00:05:51,640
Why, I know
it's a little extravagant,
155
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,376
but we're Excelsior now --
might as well look it.
156
00:05:54,378 --> 00:05:56,645
Many years ago,
when Jay was in Las Vegas,
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00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,382
he bought Barkley,
the doggy butler.
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00:06:00,484 --> 00:06:02,150
I hate Barkley.
159
00:06:02,151 --> 00:06:05,434
I knew if Jay saw Rebarka,
he would want her too.
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00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:08,271
Yeah, that's her name --
Rebarka.
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00:06:08,273 --> 00:06:09,539
Uh, but, uh --
you know,
162
00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:12,142
if we're going to gamble,
maybe I need my lucky sweater.
163
00:06:12,144 --> 00:06:14,144
Can you go and get it
in the room?
164
00:06:14,246 --> 00:06:15,579
Who has a lucky sweater?
165
00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:18,118
You wore two different shoes
to watch the super bowl.
166
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,286
Fine.
167
00:06:19,288 --> 00:06:21,221
No, Jay!
Other way.
168
00:06:22,490 --> 00:06:24,791
I like that way.
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00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,628
Sorry, sir.
This is a private elevator.
170
00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:29,796
No need to apologize.
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00:06:29,798 --> 00:06:32,632
I'm glad you're on top
of this stuff.
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00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:34,301
That's only for
the Excelsior level.
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00:06:34,303 --> 00:06:35,802
This elevator goes
to the top floor.
174
00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:38,472
I thought Excelsior
was the top -- 62.
175
00:06:38,574 --> 00:06:40,507
Mandalay Bay has 63 floors.
176
00:06:40,909 --> 00:06:43,476
Top floor is Excelsior Plus.
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00:06:44,645 --> 00:06:45,879
Wait, they're allowed up there?
178
00:06:45,897 --> 00:06:47,396
They're wearing dungarees.
179
00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:51,434
61, 62... 63!
Son of a bitch!
180
00:06:52,376 --> 00:06:53,509
Come on, let me see an eight.
181
00:06:53,518 --> 00:06:55,285
- I want to see an eight.
- Seven out.
182
00:06:56,813 --> 00:06:57,812
Sorry.
183
00:06:57,824 --> 00:06:59,224
We'll get 'em next time, baby.
184
00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:00,333
Claire.
Give me your key.
185
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:01,704
I need to charge something
to your room.
186
00:07:01,846 --> 00:07:02,879
Hang on a second.
187
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,914
Four.
Point is four.
188
00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:09,685
Okay, odds on four
and a five each on "C" and "E."
189
00:07:09,757 --> 00:07:11,090
What are you talking about?
190
00:07:11,092 --> 00:07:13,092
It's the lady version
of Barkley.
191
00:07:13,094 --> 00:07:14,593
I have to put it on hold
192
00:07:14,595 --> 00:07:17,163
so that Jay, if he sees it,
he can't buy it,
193
00:07:17,165 --> 00:07:20,066
and then I will cancel
the charge before we leave.
194
00:07:20,068 --> 00:07:21,233
Winner --
four the hard way!
195
00:07:21,235 --> 00:07:24,103
Oh, yes!
Finally!
196
00:07:25,073 --> 00:07:26,249
Claire, the key.
197
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,250
Oh no, honey.
You're not going anywhere.
198
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:29,800
You're my good-luck charm.
199
00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:31,735
Give these a blow, beautiful.
200
00:07:38,443 --> 00:07:40,177
Oh! And how was your massage?
201
00:07:40,179 --> 00:07:41,178
So re--
202
00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:42,779
So, so relaxing.
203
00:07:42,781 --> 00:07:44,615
Sorry, my masseuse
was blasting the Enya.
204
00:07:44,617 --> 00:07:46,149
So, what are you gonna do next?
205
00:07:46,151 --> 00:07:47,818
A long soak?
A long sauna?
206
00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:49,353
Ooh, I think a sauna.
207
00:07:49,355 --> 00:07:50,787
Yeah, I think I'm gonna
do a soak.
208
00:07:50,789 --> 00:07:52,357
- Oh, a soak does sound nice.
- Maybe I'll do a sauna.
209
00:07:53,359 --> 00:07:53,992
Is that -- is that
glitter on your face?
210
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:55,307
Oh...
211
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,975
Yeah, I think my masseuse
might moonlight.
212
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,477
Vegas.
213
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,045
- All right, I'll see you in an hour.
- Okay. Yeah.
214
00:08:00,157 --> 00:08:02,691
Enjoy it. Really have fun.
Relax, Mitchell.
215
00:08:04,661 --> 00:08:06,328
- Phil, you're up.
- Okay.
216
00:08:06,330 --> 00:08:10,132
The miracle...
of metamorphosis.
217
00:08:10,134 --> 00:08:13,302
They say the only constant
is change.
218
00:08:13,304 --> 00:08:17,539
Well, all of that is about
to ch-- be different.
219
00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:22,144
Note the simple burlap sack,
the kind you'd find in any home.
220
00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,313
If you'd be so kind
as to assist me,
221
00:08:24,315 --> 00:08:25,647
The -- The -- The Kid,
222
00:08:25,649 --> 00:08:29,084
I'll endeavor to prove
that some change is glacial,
223
00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:32,254
while some change
is instantaneous.
224
00:08:32,256 --> 00:08:35,424
Now, if you'd be so kind as
to raise the simple burlap sack
225
00:08:35,426 --> 00:08:37,894
above my head
and pinch my wrists.
226
00:08:39,429 --> 00:08:41,664
You'll note, the clock
says exactly 4:02.
227
00:08:41,672 --> 00:08:43,105
I have 3:15.
228
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,173
Yeah, I have 6:35.
229
00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:46,441
Kaiser Mayhem!
230
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,776
It's what I do.
231
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,711
Wait, it's 5:20? I actually
have to call my wife.
232
00:08:49,713 --> 00:08:51,614
Uh, no, Phil, you can't just
stop in the middle of a trick.
233
00:08:51,716 --> 00:08:52,615
That's a cardinal rule.
234
00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:53,690
Guys, it's an emergency.
235
00:08:53,692 --> 00:08:55,025
Don't tell me you've never
had to call your spouse.
236
00:08:57,294 --> 00:09:00,478
Oh... There's --
there's people for you.
237
00:09:00,479 --> 00:09:02,313
Come on, Claire.
Please pick up.
238
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:05,482
- And the lady wins again.
- Yes! Yes!
239
00:09:05,484 --> 00:09:06,817
I did it! I did it!
240
00:09:06,819 --> 00:09:08,352
I did it!
I won back my money.
241
00:09:08,354 --> 00:09:10,854
Oh, suck it, the house.
242
00:09:10,856 --> 00:09:13,257
- Claire, the key.
- Yeah, okay, here you go.
243
00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:16,360
And, hey,
buy yourself something sparkly.
244
00:09:20,432 --> 00:09:22,166
Gloria, there's a floor
above us.
245
00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:23,612
- What?!
- I know. It threw me, too.
246
00:09:23,614 --> 00:09:24,947
Excelsior Plus.
247
00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:27,516
But to the people on that floor,
we're Excelsior Minus.
248
00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:28,517
Mm, what is up there?
249
00:09:28,519 --> 00:09:29,885
You need a black card
to get in.
250
00:09:29,887 --> 00:09:31,987
All we've got
is this stupid silver one.
251
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,522
Oh, I thought it was platinum.
252
00:09:33,524 --> 00:09:34,823
It's crap.
253
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:37,827
Uh, why -- why don't you
call your friend Burt
254
00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:40,096
and tell him that
we need the black card?
255
00:09:40,098 --> 00:09:42,265
Because he's not my friend.
I never really even met him.
256
00:09:42,346 --> 00:09:44,946
I think I heard him cough
one time on a conference call.
257
00:09:44,948 --> 00:09:46,782
I don't know why he would
treat me this way.
258
00:09:46,784 --> 00:09:48,684
- Oh, come on!
- What?
259
00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:52,654
Oh, come on!
You're Jay Pritchett!
260
00:09:52,656 --> 00:09:54,456
You're gonna find
your friend Burt
261
00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:55,490
and tell him who you are,
262
00:09:55,492 --> 00:09:57,125
and you're gonna get
the black card,
263
00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:59,194
because when you set
your mind on something,
264
00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:00,162
nobody can stop you!
265
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,930
- Right!
- Wait!
266
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:03,398
Go that way.
267
00:10:05,935 --> 00:10:08,939
Excuse me, how much
is that doggy in the window?
268
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:15,812
I had finally taken back from Vegas
what Vegas took from me.
269
00:10:16,135 --> 00:10:18,436
That's a feeling of satisfaction
I can't describe...
270
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:20,911
Because it didn't last
very long.
271
00:10:20,914 --> 00:10:22,380
- Oh, hey, Claire.
- Yeah?
272
00:10:22,382 --> 00:10:23,648
- Have you seen Cam?
- No.
273
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,850
- Although... we should stay in one
place so he can find us. - Yeah.
274
00:10:26,851 --> 00:10:28,417
How about a Blackjack table?
275
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,353
Oh, no, I'm really worn out
from my massage, the sauna...
276
00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:33,389
It was just -- it was
a lot of detoxing.
277
00:10:33,391 --> 00:10:35,691
You know what you need?
Some toxing.
278
00:10:35,693 --> 00:10:38,360
- No.
- Hand of Blackjack, couple of tequilas.
279
00:10:38,362 --> 00:10:40,563
Come on, it'll be fun.
Do it.
280
00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:42,364
You sound just like
the kid who bullied me
281
00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:43,866
into smoking
my first cigarette.
282
00:10:43,868 --> 00:10:45,568
Maybe this time
you won't tell on me.
283
00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:46,702
- And then hit.
- Yes.
284
00:10:46,704 --> 00:10:49,038
And then hit.
And then stay. Ah, ah.
285
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,040
- I know. I have it.
- Okay.
286
00:10:51,042 --> 00:10:52,175
18, 19, 18.
287
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:53,976
You are in a great position
right now.
288
00:10:53,978 --> 00:10:56,312
Oh, the dealer has 21.
289
00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:58,147
Hers is better.
I am so sorry, Mitchell.
290
00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:59,982
I promise you,
we did everything right.
291
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:01,317
- Don't be mad.
- I'm not mad.
292
00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:03,319
- Really?
- T-that was -- that was thrilling.
293
00:11:03,321 --> 00:11:04,487
I'm...
294
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:05,755
- My pulse is racing.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
295
00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:07,323
- Thank you so much for
making me do this. - Yeah.
296
00:11:07,325 --> 00:11:08,658
I'm going to play another hand.
297
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:11,260
- We're going to play another hand.
- No, alone.
298
00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:12,595
- Not with you. You're bad luck.
- Really?
299
00:11:12,597 --> 00:11:13,463
Go -- far.
300
00:11:13,765 --> 00:11:15,832
The minute I got rid of her,
I couldn't lose.
301
00:11:15,988 --> 00:11:17,988
Oh, gambling's fun.
302
00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:19,523
And easy.
303
00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:21,659
Hey, big spender.
What are you doing?
304
00:11:22,161 --> 00:11:23,860
Gambling.
I'm a gambler now.
305
00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,263
- Look at you, letting loose.
- Yeah.
306
00:11:25,264 --> 00:11:26,571
Yeah, I guess I figure
307
00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:28,771
whatever mischief one
might get into in Vegas
308
00:11:29,973 --> 00:11:32,174
kind of remains here within the
limits of the city, you know?
309
00:11:32,249 --> 00:11:33,982
- That's a cool way to think about it.
- Yeah.
310
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,185
- You know, I'm really glad that you
came over here. - Really? Why is that?
311
00:11:36,486 --> 00:11:39,245
Well, I always hated the way that
things ended between us, you know?
312
00:11:39,315 --> 00:11:41,749
Maybe now we can go out
on a better note.
313
00:11:41,751 --> 00:11:43,718
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
314
00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,534
Oh -- oh, my God!
315
00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:47,820
6-2-3-3, that's --
that's my room number.
316
00:11:47,822 --> 00:11:49,455
Huh.
Um, hit me.
317
00:11:49,457 --> 00:11:50,790
Seven.
318
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:51,791
Seven!
319
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:52,959
That's 21, huh?
320
00:11:52,961 --> 00:11:55,795
Yes! Yeah! Ah!
321
00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:57,797
Whoa, check you out.
322
00:11:57,799 --> 00:11:59,799
I guess tonight's my night
to get lucky.
323
00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:00,800
I would say.
324
00:12:00,802 --> 00:12:01,535
- 80, okay.
- Thank you.
325
00:12:02,637 --> 00:12:04,537
- Maybe I will run into you again, huh?
- Okay.
326
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,303
Oh, you...
327
00:12:09,056 --> 00:12:12,357
$120, $140, Higgins,
for nothing -- nothing!
328
00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:15,208
I want to do something crazy.
Okay, I'm gonna order a bath.
329
00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,383
Sir, it seems to me
like you've gone mad.
330
00:12:18,419 --> 00:12:19,718
Okay, this is what I want.
331
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,087
I want something romantic,
but also a little dangerous.
332
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:25,298
Romantic, dangerous -- might
I suggest, sir, the techno bath?
333
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:27,467
Your heart will throb
with the bass
334
00:12:27,469 --> 00:12:30,303
while your eyes take in an
off-the-scale laser light show
335
00:12:30,305 --> 00:12:32,472
from that most intimate
of V.I.P. arenas --
336
00:12:32,474 --> 00:12:33,807
your own tub.
337
00:12:33,809 --> 00:12:36,376
Okay. I want that.
That's what I want.
338
00:12:36,978 --> 00:12:39,813
Me thinks the Little Red Riding Hood
may be a big, bad wolf.
339
00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:40,359
Oh! I'll be back
shortly with supplies.
340
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:41,394
Okay!
341
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:44,730
Ah, Mr. Dunphy!
How are...
342
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:46,832
we this evening?
343
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:47,680
Not so good.
344
00:12:47,681 --> 00:12:49,214
I'm in a tight spot
with my lady.
345
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:50,516
- Ah.
- You know what might help?
346
00:12:50,518 --> 00:12:52,718
One of those -- one
of those luxury baths.
347
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,854
Ah, get yourself out of some hot
water by getting her into some.
348
00:12:55,856 --> 00:12:57,055
Wow, so good.
349
00:12:57,057 --> 00:12:58,857
Might I suggest
the Michael Bublé bath?
350
00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:00,225
You are a mind reader.
351
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,360
I'm not a mind reader, sir.
352
00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:03,028
I've just been in
the bath-buttling business
353
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:04,696
since the early '90s,
despite my fresh face,
354
00:13:04,698 --> 00:13:06,432
so I tend to know
what these situations need.
355
00:13:06,434 --> 00:13:07,734
- I'll get the water going.
- As you wish.
356
00:13:07,736 --> 00:13:09,135
Same price either way.
357
00:13:09,336 --> 00:13:11,570
Burt says he's gonna be here
any minute.
358
00:13:11,572 --> 00:13:13,972
We got to really
lay it on for this guy --
359
00:13:13,974 --> 00:13:16,141
best scotch, put on
something sexy.
360
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:19,144
I...
have a great idea!
361
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,312
Cigars!
362
00:13:20,314 --> 00:13:22,147
A man like Burt appreciates
a good cigar.
363
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,348
Good thinking!
364
00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:25,817
Of course, upstairs, the butler
would be here already.
365
00:13:25,819 --> 00:13:27,486
I'm telling you,
we might as well
366
00:13:27,488 --> 00:13:29,054
be sleeping in the basement.
367
00:13:30,323 --> 00:13:33,325
I said hold it, not deliver it!
368
00:13:33,327 --> 00:13:36,161
Okay, there.
369
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,329
Come here.
370
00:13:37,331 --> 00:13:38,865
Stay in Claire's room.
371
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,155
Hey, honey.
I'm in the bathroom.
372
00:13:44,217 --> 00:13:46,652
Honey?
373
00:13:46,654 --> 00:13:48,320
Okay, I-I know I messed up,
374
00:13:48,322 --> 00:13:50,823
but sit tight -- I got
a little surprise for you.
375
00:13:50,825 --> 00:13:52,658
Higgins, you got a minute?
376
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:53,965
60 an hour. They all
belong to you, sir.
377
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:56,132
I need a couple
of primo cigars, A.S.A.P.
378
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,301
I'm not a stickler for
how they got in the country.
379
00:13:58,303 --> 00:14:00,636
I'm also expecting
a special scotch delivery.
380
00:14:00,638 --> 00:14:03,306
I need a shave.
Burt can't see me like this.
381
00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:04,974
Unfortunately, the
shaving butlers are all --
382
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,142
I know, Excelsior Plus.
383
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:08,144
- Are you decent?
- I am.
384
00:14:08,503 --> 00:14:09,836
Well, not for long.
385
00:14:09,838 --> 00:14:12,004
- My partner should be here any minute.
- Is it me, sir,
386
00:14:12,006 --> 00:14:14,507
or is the air positively fizzing
with erotic anticipation?
387
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:15,908
Yeah.
388
00:14:15,910 --> 00:14:17,510
- Oh, I forgot the ice.
- Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get it.
389
00:14:17,512 --> 00:14:18,644
Oh, I couldn't ask you
to do that.
390
00:14:18,646 --> 00:14:19,979
- No, not a problem.
- As you wish.
391
00:14:19,981 --> 00:14:21,414
Same price either way.
392
00:14:33,094 --> 00:14:35,095
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I-I'm looking for Mitchell.
393
00:14:35,177 --> 00:14:36,343
Oh, yeah, he's expecting you.
394
00:14:36,345 --> 00:14:38,278
In fact, he's asked me
to draw the two of you a bath.
395
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,846
Wow.
396
00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:41,348
- This is crazy.
- Yeah.
397
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:43,250
I believe that's the plan.
398
00:14:44,185 --> 00:14:45,952
Enjoy.
399
00:14:45,954 --> 00:14:47,087
Thank you.
400
00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,665
Oh, good. You're back.
How's Claire seem?
401
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,667
I'm sorry? You must have seen
her out there. Is she mad?
402
00:15:00,669 --> 00:15:01,735
W-what's she doing?
403
00:15:03,004 --> 00:15:04,671
Uh, she's dusting, sir.
404
00:15:03,899 --> 00:15:05,565
Oh, she always cleans
when she's mad.
405
00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:06,934
Do me a favor --
406
00:15:06,936 --> 00:15:08,969
bring her a drink and tell her
to get comfortable on the couch.
407
00:15:08,971 --> 00:15:10,971
She's -- she's allowed
on the furniture, is she?
408
00:15:14,075 --> 00:15:15,309
She's my wife.
409
00:15:17,979 --> 00:15:19,914
Oh, good!
I've been looking for you.
410
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:21,032
Well, you should
have been looking
411
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,021
for somebody who
was looking for you,
412
00:15:22,023 --> 00:15:23,188
because that's
what I was doing.
413
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,190
Come on, I have a surprise
for you.
414
00:15:26,613 --> 00:15:28,112
Oh...
415
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:29,280
Yeah, I-I've been
thinking
416
00:15:29,282 --> 00:15:30,648
we need to stop
being so uptight.
417
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:33,351
We are in Vegas.
Let's have a little fun.
418
00:15:33,353 --> 00:15:35,152
Well, I'll have to wrap
my head around that, but okay.
419
00:15:35,154 --> 00:15:36,521
Now, I have just the way
to kick it off --
420
00:15:36,523 --> 00:15:38,122
something we could do together.
421
00:15:38,124 --> 00:15:40,124
It's a little extreme,
422
00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:42,360
- but I think it might be
just what we need. - Okay.
423
00:15:42,362 --> 00:15:43,361
Go on in.
424
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,366
Are you crazy?
425
00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:50,241
Oh, come on, Cam,
we deserve this.
426
00:15:50,243 --> 00:15:51,643
All right, you get started,
427
00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:53,611
and then I'll jump in
when it starts to heat up.
428
00:15:53,613 --> 00:15:56,581
- Mitchell! - Come on. Then
I will throw you into it, tiger.
429
00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:58,082
Rub a dub dub.
430
00:15:58,084 --> 00:15:59,751
Dear, no.
431
00:15:59,753 --> 00:16:00,919
Langham.
432
00:16:00,921 --> 00:16:02,587
Both of you?
433
00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:03,755
Huh. Well, okay.
434
00:16:03,757 --> 00:16:06,291
No. No. No, not okay.
What are you doing here?
435
00:16:06,293 --> 00:16:07,325
You gave me your room key.
436
00:16:07,327 --> 00:16:08,760
- What?!
- Don't act so shocked.
437
00:16:08,762 --> 00:16:09,795
You told me
at the bachelor party
438
00:16:09,797 --> 00:16:10,829
you two lead separate lives.
439
00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:12,692
You went to the bachelor party?
440
00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,927
Yes, and I was starting to feel
bad about sneaking around,
441
00:16:14,928 --> 00:16:16,261
but I guess I shouldn't have,
442
00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:17,562
now that I see
what you're up to.
443
00:16:17,564 --> 00:16:19,865
I'm not up to anything!
I left my key by mistake.
444
00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:21,767
We're all obviously tense.
445
00:16:22,769 --> 00:16:24,949
Let's take a deep breath...
446
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:26,049
Get in the tub...
447
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,784
That's not happening.
448
00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,052
You want to tell me
449
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,988
how you "accidentally"
gave someone your key?
450
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,656
You want to tell me
why you spent all day
451
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,324
sipping Tequila
out of some guy's navel?
452
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,326
- You saw that?
- I guessed.
453
00:16:36,728 --> 00:16:38,294
Hi, guys.
What's going on?
454
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,329
Hey, Claire. Can you
please just come back?
455
00:16:39,329 --> 00:16:41,329
- We're in the middle of an argument.
- Oh. Bet I know why.
456
00:16:41,649 --> 00:16:43,815
Are you guys getting
in the bath?
457
00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:44,983
Or I'm way off.
458
00:16:45,986 --> 00:16:47,486
- Langham!
- It's Tim.
459
00:16:47,488 --> 00:16:50,389
- He can't know I'm here.
He has insane trust issues. - Insane?
460
00:16:50,391 --> 00:16:52,991
Langham, are you in there?
461
00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:54,493
- Go out this door.
- In here.
462
00:16:54,495 --> 00:16:56,828
Gloria, hurry up, will you?
463
00:16:57,739 --> 00:16:59,406
He's on his way up.
I need to shave.
464
00:16:59,499 --> 00:17:01,666
Oh, you're here.
465
00:17:01,668 --> 00:17:03,334
Jay Pritchett.
Thanks for stopping by.
466
00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:05,203
Nice robe.
Like Hef, back in the day.
467
00:17:05,205 --> 00:17:06,537
I'm gonna cut to the chase.
468
00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:09,674
I like your lifestyle.
I want a taste of it.
469
00:17:09,676 --> 00:17:11,375
Well, s-sure,
that's flattering, but...
470
00:17:11,377 --> 00:17:14,178
- Okay, the bathroom is all you--
- Gloria, it's Burt Tanner!
471
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,514
That's not Burt Tanner,
that's Long-ham.
472
00:17:17,517 --> 00:17:18,516
Langham!
473
00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:19,919
What's that thing doing here?
474
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:23,767
Just enjoying a dirty Martini before
a cleansing romp in the bath.
475
00:17:23,772 --> 00:17:25,272
That's not who the bath is for.
476
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:29,127
Oh, my mistake.
477
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:30,672
Welcome... Claire.
478
00:17:31,274 --> 00:17:34,776
You're certainly gonna be clean
by the end of the night, aren't you?
479
00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:37,653
Jay, I forgot
all my hair products!
480
00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:39,254
I'm going to borrow
from Claire.
481
00:17:39,256 --> 00:17:40,856
Okay, the coast is clear.
482
00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:46,195
Eee!
483
00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:47,963
Ay.
484
00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:50,366
Huh? Jay!
485
00:17:50,468 --> 00:17:51,434
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
486
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:53,269
Hey.
Phil, there you are.
487
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:55,237
Ducky! How'd you know
where I was?
488
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:56,676
Magicians run this town.
489
00:17:56,678 --> 00:17:57,677
Really?
490
00:17:57,679 --> 00:17:59,479
No. I'm a shaving butler
up on Plus.
491
00:17:59,481 --> 00:18:01,781
Look, I felt bad about
how things went down today,
492
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:03,783
and I-I just wanted
to give you another shot.
493
00:18:05,487 --> 00:18:07,987
Right this way.
494
00:18:07,989 --> 00:18:09,490
I really think you're gonna
like what you see.
495
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:12,826
Okay, let me just get
everything set up.
496
00:18:14,656 --> 00:18:16,056
Metamorphosis.
497
00:18:16,773 --> 00:18:19,608
They say the only constant
is change.
498
00:18:19,622 --> 00:18:21,956
I-I'm sorry, what --
I-- s-- what is that?
499
00:18:21,994 --> 00:18:24,661
Oh, I don't even know.
Something my wife bought.
500
00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:26,730
Let me just get rid of it.
Here we go.
501
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:30,066
Really, uh, rubbing it in
on that wife thing, huh?
502
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,570
Metamorphosis.
503
00:18:34,118 --> 00:18:35,185
Burt!
504
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,778
Nice of you
to come down a floor
505
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:39,147
and see how the other half lives.
506
00:18:39,149 --> 00:18:39,849
If you will,
507
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:42,852
raise it above my head
and pinch it at my wrists.
508
00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:45,320
Go ahead and make it
good and tight.
509
00:18:45,121 --> 00:18:46,587
Don't be easy on me.
510
00:18:46,589 --> 00:18:47,755
Okay.
511
00:18:47,757 --> 00:18:49,624
Now...
512
00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:53,928
As the lowly caterpillar
becomes the majestic butterfly,
513
00:18:54,052 --> 00:18:57,187
as the tiny acorn
becomes the mighty oak,
514
00:18:57,189 --> 00:19:02,526
so, too, do we complete
our... metamorphosis.
515
00:19:03,428 --> 00:19:05,429
So, it's The Governor's Bluff.
516
00:19:05,431 --> 00:19:07,465
Well, it's a huge twist
on The Governor's Bluff.
517
00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:08,929
Eh.
518
00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:09,864
No, no, no, no, no!
519
00:19:09,966 --> 00:19:11,866
There were other elements.
You just kind of threw me off.
520
00:19:11,868 --> 00:19:14,435
I forgot -- I was gonna -- as a
flourish I was gonna use one --
521
00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:18,568
Hola.
522
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,677
A-- that's amazing!
523
00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:22,580
Y-you lull me with this --
with this hacky quick change,
524
00:19:22,582 --> 00:19:25,416
and the whole time, you're changing
the fake dog into a hot maid?
525
00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:26,851
It's brilliant!
It's magic!
526
00:19:26,853 --> 00:19:31,689
No, that's metamorphosis!
527
00:19:31,691 --> 00:19:34,359
Like you, Burt, I enjoy the finer things.
528
00:19:34,361 --> 00:19:38,029
As a matter of fact, that's probably
the Cuban I ordered for you.
529
00:19:38,031 --> 00:19:39,430
Hola.
530
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:43,334
Cam, if you wanted
a bachelor party,
531
00:19:43,336 --> 00:19:44,669
you should have just
said something.
532
00:19:44,671 --> 00:19:47,505
Well, I didn't know I wanted one
until we got here.
533
00:19:47,507 --> 00:19:49,173
And you're so "eh, eh, eh,"
534
00:19:49,175 --> 00:19:51,376
- I-I was afraid to say anything.
- Okay, all right.
535
00:19:51,378 --> 00:19:52,543
Lucky for the two of you,
536
00:19:52,545 --> 00:19:54,512
I know you better
than you know yourselves,
537
00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:58,449
and what the two of you need
is a little guilty pleasure,
538
00:19:58,451 --> 00:20:00,084
or should I say...
539
00:20:03,522 --> 00:20:05,690
The scotch delivery you had me
on the lookout for, sir.
540
00:20:13,332 --> 00:20:15,333
I like your style, Pritchett.
541
00:20:15,335 --> 00:20:17,502
You're in.
542
00:20:17,504 --> 00:20:19,003
Vegas.
543
00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,572
- This reminds me of my late grandfather.
- He was Scottish?
544
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:22,740
- He was a stripper.
- Oh.
545
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:25,039
There we go.
546
00:20:25,075 --> 00:20:26,474
You've got the touch, kid.
547
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,776
I was blessed with my mother's
small hands, sir.
548
00:20:28,778 --> 00:20:30,411
Shall I order
your complimentary,
549
00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:31,779
in-room,
hot-stone massage?
550
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,081
Complimentary?
551
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:35,750
All part of the Excelsior Plus
experience, sir.
552
00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:38,286
Might be nice after a dip
in your private lap pool.
553
00:20:38,288 --> 00:20:40,922
Oh, where has this been all my life?
554
00:20:40,924 --> 00:20:43,224
You know, I saw a harpist
in the elevator.
555
00:20:43,226 --> 00:20:45,393
Can we get that
for our brunch tomorrow?
556
00:20:45,395 --> 00:20:47,629
If it was up to me, yes,
but unfortunately,
557
00:20:47,631 --> 00:20:52,066
that is reserved for our
Excelsior Ultra guests only.
558
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:56,638
62, 63, 64!
Son of a bitch!
559
00:20:56,838 --> 00:21:03,238
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