1 00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:02,722 Today, Sam Riley kicked a soccer ball, 2 00:00:02,847 --> 00:00:05,947 and it hit another kid so hard, his eye popped out. 3 00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:07,242 Awesome. 4 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,500 Really? His eye popped out? 5 00:00:09,852 --> 00:00:12,011 Well, got to hit the sack. Big Saturday tomorrow. 6 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,676 That's right. It's somebody's birthday. 7 00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:18,343 Not just that. The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. 8 00:00:19,116 --> 00:00:22,229 It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "We love you, Phil." 9 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,982 - What's so great about that doohickey? - "Doohickey," Elly May? 10 00:00:26,409 --> 00:00:29,385 It's a movie theater, a library, and a music store 11 00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:32,525 all rolled into one awesome pad. 12 00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:35,191 A library is a place where people get books. 13 00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:37,662 A movie theater is a place where people go on dates. 14 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,748 I'll load the beach chair into the trunk, for the line in the morning. 15 00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:44,210 Wait, honey, hang on. You can't spend your birthday in line. 16 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,569 Not the whole day. 17 00:00:45,694 --> 00:00:48,631 I have to be there at 6:00, or forget about it, and then I'm out by 10:00. 18 00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:51,717 - Why don't you let me do it? - Claire, you don't have to do that. 19 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,761 No, I know, but I want to. 20 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:57,200 That way, on your birthday, you'll wake up, and you'll have your brand-new... 21 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,117 toy. 22 00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:04,414 In spite of you calling it a toy, this is shaping up to top 23 00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:06,489 the best birthday I ever had. 24 00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:09,571 Thank God we didn't have to hear that stupid story about... 25 00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:12,046 It was called the fun zone. I was 11. 26 00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:14,569 I hit 10 straight fastballs in the batting cage. 27 00:01:15,328 --> 00:01:17,034 Then my best friend, Jeff Sweeney, 28 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,992 stepped in and took one in the groin. 29 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,088 I yelled out, "Ball two!" 30 00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:23,919 Everybody laughed. 31 00:01:24,421 --> 00:01:26,085 That was when I knew I was funny. 32 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:28,971 Good night. 33 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,892 B- e-l-i-e-v-e. 34 00:01:33,157 --> 00:01:34,057 Believe. 35 00:01:34,222 --> 00:01:36,651 Are you sure there's not an e-i in the middle? 36 00:01:36,776 --> 00:01:37,775 No. It's i-e. 37 00:01:38,026 --> 00:01:39,830 Good, papi. If I can't fool you, 38 00:01:39,955 --> 00:01:41,955 then your teachers can't fool you, either. 39 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,550 They're not trying to fool me. 40 00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:46,585 Wait until you see what I got Phil for his birthday. 41 00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:48,649 I found it on the Skymall catalog. 42 00:01:48,883 --> 00:01:51,583 It's not one of those talking alarm clocks? 43 00:01:51,789 --> 00:01:55,142 "It's 6:05. It's 6:25. Wake up. Wake up." 44 00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:56,323 Even better... 45 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,041 A rosewood chess set. 46 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,577 Before I wrap this thing, 47 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,288 what say we take it for a spin? Manny, I'll teach you. 48 00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:04,206 His father taught him how to play. 49 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,794 I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version. 50 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,737 We actually use the pieces to play the game, 51 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,733 not smuggle stuff out of the country. 52 00:02:10,987 --> 00:02:13,596 I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later. 53 00:02:13,721 --> 00:02:16,719 - Manny, let's see what you got. - You'd be surprised. 54 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,933 Manny's an excellent player. 55 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,901 But Jay is a grumpy loser. 56 00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:27,916 He mopes, he makes the face, he slams the door, 57 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:30,441 then he said he didn't slam the door. 58 00:02:30,673 --> 00:02:32,423 It's better that he wins. 59 00:02:38,465 --> 00:02:39,515 I got this. 60 00:02:43,986 --> 00:02:45,836 Everything's gonna be okay. 61 00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:47,425 It's okay. 62 00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:49,232 It's okay. 63 00:02:52,086 --> 00:02:53,658 Leave me alone. 64 00:02:54,571 --> 00:02:56,216 There's a man in Lily's room. 65 00:02:56,646 --> 00:02:58,596 There's a man in Lily's room! 66 00:03:02,145 --> 00:03:03,295 It's go time. 67 00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:12,191 Oh, thank God. 68 00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:15,147 It's me, it's me, it's me. 69 00:03:15,981 --> 00:03:18,739 She's fine. We must have just heard a neighbor with the same monitor. 70 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,157 Thank God. 71 00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,582 Boy, if a spider would've broken in here, 72 00:03:22,707 --> 00:03:24,328 he would've been in trou-ble. 73 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,801 Subtitles by Kevin & Tyno 74 00:03:29,926 --> 00:03:32,044 www.sous-titres.eu 75 00:03:41,206 --> 00:03:42,906 Light-up barbecue tongs. 76 00:03:43,031 --> 00:03:45,281 This was the lame gift I got Phil. 77 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:46,332 So... 78 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,591 Was I bummed to get up at 5:00 in the morning and wait in line? 79 00:03:49,971 --> 00:03:52,528 No, because I was finally getting my husband 80 00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:55,003 something that he really, really wanted. 81 00:03:55,128 --> 00:03:57,341 I was every bit as excited as he was. 82 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,346 Hey, buddy. I hope you're not upset about our chess match yesterday. 83 00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:22,845 - What do you say we play again? - I'm good. 84 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,413 That's the spirit. 85 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,599 Downloaded this for you. It's kind of 86 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,417 a kid's guide to chess. 87 00:04:28,555 --> 00:04:30,051 No, Jay. I'm good. 88 00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:32,942 It's not all dry like that. They have fun with it. 89 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:35,794 See, you can color in the little players with your crayons. 90 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,986 - You are making me want to play again. - We're lighting a fire. 91 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,657 Let me toss this out. 92 00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:42,032 If you beat me, 93 00:04:42,358 --> 00:04:44,308 if that day should ever come, 94 00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:46,209 I'll give you, uh... 95 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,828 Your watch. 96 00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:50,336 Wow. You had that loaded up, huh? 97 00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:52,678 Okay. Game on. 98 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,269 Now, I want you to go first. 99 00:04:57,394 --> 00:05:00,376 Now, remember, try to open up the middle of the board. 100 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:04,218 I'd have moved that guy two spaces. More aggressive. 101 00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:08,200 And you don't want to bring your queen out that quickly. 102 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,569 You could have protected that with that, but now you're vulnerable to... 103 00:05:11,694 --> 00:05:12,694 Checkmate. 104 00:05:13,905 --> 00:05:14,697 What? 105 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,882 How'd you do that? 106 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,970 You will not believe what's going on at Jake and Debbie's house. 107 00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:25,616 - Who? - The people on the monitor. 108 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,984 So much drama. 109 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,742 Jake told Debbie that he had to work late, 110 00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:33,032 so she called his boss and found out that he didn't. 111 00:05:33,157 --> 00:05:33,958 Busted! 112 00:05:34,515 --> 00:05:36,418 So she spent all morning on the phone crying 113 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,975 and crying to her mother 114 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,506 and said if Jake has to work "late" one more time, 115 00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,820 she's filing for divorce. 116 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:44,903 Huh. 117 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,097 I give you that tasty dish, and all you give me is a "huh"? 118 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,474 I'm s... Cam, I froze last night. 119 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,542 I froze. 120 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,478 I thought Lily was in danger, and I froze. But not you. 121 00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:56,396 You sprung right into action. 122 00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:58,607 You even had the cool "It's go time" line. 123 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,151 That comes to me naturally. I spent a year as a crossing guard. 124 00:06:01,913 --> 00:06:05,531 What kind of parent am I if I can't even protect my own family? 125 00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:09,497 Just once I would love to be the guy with no fear 126 00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:12,903 who can stand up and... I don't know, you know, kick some ass. 127 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,346 You're so cute when you're angry with your little fists. 128 00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:17,662 I just want to put you in my pocket. 129 00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:22,201 - I think he's coming. - Here he comes. 130 00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:23,382 Dad! 131 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,039 Happy birthday! 132 00:06:25,164 --> 00:06:27,052 You guys, that's awesome. 133 00:06:27,717 --> 00:06:30,173 - Who are these from? - Cam and Mitchell. 134 00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:31,733 Those guys are a class act. 135 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,546 We're making you breakfast. 136 00:06:33,671 --> 00:06:35,171 French waffle cakes. 137 00:06:35,519 --> 00:06:36,619 Let me guess. 138 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:39,971 One waffle in between two pieces of French toast, 139 00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:41,469 wrapped in a pancake. 140 00:06:41,594 --> 00:06:42,526 Nailed it. 141 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,494 Bring it in here, monkeys. 142 00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,027 Love you! 143 00:06:46,152 --> 00:06:47,352 Get over here! 144 00:06:47,806 --> 00:06:48,657 Good enough. 145 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,326 - Where's mom? - The greatest woman in the world? 146 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,138 She is standing in line at the Apple store, 147 00:06:54,263 --> 00:06:56,511 making all my birthday wishes come true. 148 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,300 Let's see how these bad boys taste. 149 00:06:59,931 --> 00:07:01,623 - That is hot! - Are you okay? 150 00:07:01,748 --> 00:07:03,839 Fresh out of the oven, eh? That is... 151 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,591 - Do you want some ice? - Yes. 152 00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:07,540 Oh, man, this... 153 00:07:08,225 --> 00:07:10,528 Oh, that feels better. That feels better. 154 00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:11,972 No, it actually... 155 00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:14,349 feels weird. That burns in a different way! 156 00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:19,188 Don't wash this until we see if I can get my skin back, okay? 157 00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:24,119 Let me see it! 158 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,899 Your party's not until tonight. You'll have to wait. 159 00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:29,496 Just let me see the bag. Did you leave it in the car? 160 00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:31,533 Who'd you deal with? Was it a guy named Mehar? 161 00:07:31,658 --> 00:07:34,919 They call him "the beast." Tiny guy. He must move a ton of product. 162 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,382 I kind of love that you're making me wait. 163 00:07:37,507 --> 00:07:39,166 You are the best wife ever! 164 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,184 You are the best wife ever! 165 00:07:42,221 --> 00:07:43,837 I didn't get you the iPad. 166 00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:47,336 I got to the store, they were all out. I'm so sorry. 167 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,867 I don't understand. My online buddies got it. 168 00:07:49,992 --> 00:07:52,106 Sat800 and Brobot didn't get there until 8:00, 169 00:07:52,231 --> 00:07:55,352 and you definitely got there before 'em, because you got there at 6:30. 170 00:07:55,662 --> 00:07:58,185 You didn't get there at 6:30? Where were you? 171 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,647 I set the alarm for 5:00. Got up. Came downstairs. I fell asleep. 172 00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:06,110 Oh, my goodness. What have I done? What have I done? 173 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,530 - I should've done this myself. - They're gonna get more in next week. 174 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:13,033 Next week? That's, like, the worst thing you can say to an early adopter. 175 00:08:14,184 --> 00:08:15,285 Where are you going? 176 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,538 To a place where birthdays still mean something. 177 00:08:26,987 --> 00:08:28,215 I'll get that. 178 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,718 What are you doing here at... 179 00:08:32,843 --> 00:08:34,914 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon? 180 00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:37,989 I'm just returning my dad's belt of tools, so... 181 00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:40,144 At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon? 182 00:08:40,593 --> 00:08:42,646 Don't you have something better to do? 183 00:08:45,009 --> 00:08:47,151 - So, were you a big hit? - What do you mean? 184 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,250 I just assumed it was some kind of costume party. 185 00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:50,737 Was Cam the Indian? 186 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,376 For your information, dad, 187 00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:54,533 we were doing a little construction at the house. 188 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,479 - What did you build? - A gift-wrapping station. 189 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:58,928 And we're back. 190 00:08:59,164 --> 00:08:59,983 So... 191 00:09:00,108 --> 00:09:02,496 - Thank you for that. - You're welcome. 192 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,282 Hey, uh, dad, do you remember when I was 193 00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:08,088 probably 11 and you were teaching me how to fight, and then I quit? 194 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,508 You said everything you needed to learn, you'd learned from "West Side Story." 195 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,277 How'd that work out for you? 196 00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:15,470 If I'm ever in a dance fight, I'll let you know. 197 00:09:17,803 --> 00:09:20,189 Is the offer, uh, still good? 198 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,394 What's the matter? You got problems with Cam? 199 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,980 No! Why would you say that? 200 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,126 Come on. I mean, you know, sharing a room with a guy? 201 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,736 I bunked with my brother. I know that can get pretty rough. 202 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,369 I don't "bunk" with Cam. 203 00:09:32,494 --> 00:09:34,865 Dad, I just want to learn a little self-defense. 204 00:09:35,118 --> 00:09:36,918 Show me what you remember. 205 00:09:37,297 --> 00:09:38,747 Right... right now? 206 00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:41,848 Gosh, uh... 207 00:09:42,819 --> 00:09:44,875 - Thumbs out. - Thumbs... attaboy. 208 00:09:51,628 --> 00:09:53,133 That wasn't very pretty, was it? 209 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,843 Maybe it was a little too pretty. 210 00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,063 That's the thing. 211 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,400 Here it goes. 212 00:10:01,112 --> 00:10:01,912 Buddy, 213 00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:05,361 I think the problem is you're not jumping from high enough. 214 00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:09,215 - You should get on top of the garage. - Alex, stop trying to kill Luke. 215 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,569 I need your help. We've got to find your dad one of those iPad thingies. 216 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,903 So, Haley, text everyone you know. 217 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,448 Alex, Facebook, chat, 218 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,153 tweet, buzz, bling... Just do what you have to do. 219 00:10:19,278 --> 00:10:21,477 We have got to find one of these iPads, okay? 220 00:10:21,602 --> 00:10:23,584 Luke, that means stay out of everyone's way 221 00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,290 and stop inhaling the balloons. 222 00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:27,202 I'm not inhaling them. 223 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,377 Stop lying. 224 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,214 How did she know? 225 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,960 Didn't your mama teach you never to take a ride 226 00:10:37,085 --> 00:10:38,887 from a stranger?! 227 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,058 Got a little vacation time coming up? 228 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,681 Have fun on the Moon! 229 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,706 Not feeling too well lately? 230 00:10:44,988 --> 00:10:47,656 Maybe you should come see the doctor, and I'll... 231 00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:49,873 get rid of it! 232 00:10:51,686 --> 00:10:53,151 What's that supposed to mean? 233 00:10:55,593 --> 00:10:58,092 Attention. If you're here for Phil's birthday party, 234 00:10:58,217 --> 00:11:00,525 they're gathering in the picnic area. 235 00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:02,250 Phil's birthday party. 236 00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:04,083 My wife knew I'd be here. 237 00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:05,998 She put together a whole party for me. 238 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,513 Does that really make up for not getting an iPad? 239 00:11:08,638 --> 00:11:11,272 Don't make me sorry I shared that with you, okay? 240 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,138 See you, fellas. 241 00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:18,905 Howdy do. 242 00:11:19,455 --> 00:11:22,450 I just heard the announcement for Phil's birthday party. 243 00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:24,989 - It's right around the corner. - Awesome. 244 00:11:25,114 --> 00:11:27,664 - Have fun. - Thank you. Thanks, milady. 245 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,530 Happy birthday, Phil! 246 00:11:40,608 --> 00:11:42,333 This is awesome! 247 00:11:57,303 --> 00:11:58,303 Hello? 248 00:11:58,826 --> 00:12:00,469 No, I'm just putting the baby down. 249 00:12:00,839 --> 00:12:03,096 That's Jake. He's the one having an affair. 250 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,266 - I know. - Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night. 251 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,734 I'll just give my wife some excuse. 252 00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:12,147 - Men are pigs. - I don't really have a choice, do I? 253 00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:14,659 Yeah, you could not cheat on her. How about that?! 254 00:12:14,784 --> 00:12:16,467 Because it has to be a surprise. 255 00:12:16,592 --> 00:12:18,895 When she hears me speaking Italian to her grandmother, 256 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,208 it'll be worth all this sneaking around. 257 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,266 Lily, I had it backwards. He's wonderful. 258 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,412 - I'll just tell her I'm working late. - No, Jake, don't do that! 259 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,070 - That's the worst thing you could do! - Buona notte. 260 00:12:29,195 --> 00:12:31,004 Oh, no, what are we gonna do? 261 00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:32,852 We have to fix this. 262 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:38,897 I'm gonna teach you a couple of basic Brazilian jujitsu moves. 263 00:12:39,303 --> 00:12:40,403 Now, just... 264 00:12:40,751 --> 00:12:42,001 Just attack me. 265 00:12:42,126 --> 00:12:45,292 - I'm sorry. What? - Take any deep-seated anger you have, 266 00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:48,100 - get a running start and come. - I don't have any deep-seated anger. 267 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,451 Remember that Halloween when I wouldn't let you go as Olivia Newton-John? 268 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:55,839 You see what I did? I used your momentum against you. 269 00:12:56,105 --> 00:13:00,109 Learned this from the Gracie brothers. It's called the lion killer, mata-leao. 270 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,032 Try to get out. Try to get out. There, you see? 271 00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,358 - I can't. - Yeah. 272 00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,065 - Alright, now... - Impressive. 273 00:13:07,190 --> 00:13:09,734 The beauty of this is you don't have to make the first move. 274 00:13:09,859 --> 00:13:12,526 Chances are, your opponent's gonna be overconfident. 275 00:13:12,651 --> 00:13:14,895 He's gonna think you don't know a thing. Basically, 276 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,003 he's being suckered into thinking... 277 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,860 Manny, that little bastard. He hustled me. 278 00:13:22,129 --> 00:13:23,129 Oh, crap. 279 00:13:24,227 --> 00:13:25,227 Oh, crap. 280 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,765 Oh, crap. 281 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,184 All right, come on. Yeah, breathe. 282 00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:32,718 - Attaboy. - What? 283 00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:35,981 - You all right? Come around. - Why am I on the floor? 284 00:13:39,422 --> 00:13:42,529 Haley, I just struck out again. Please tell me you have some good news. 285 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:45,532 The grove just got in a shipment. I'm texting you the directions now. 286 00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,525 Okay, that's good. That's good. 287 00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:49,750 That's good. 288 00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,354 I'm there. I'm on that. 289 00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:59,285 - That kid stole my watch. - What? 290 00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,388 He hustled me at chess. 291 00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:04,009 You promised you were gonna let him win. 292 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,236 - I did the first time. - Wait a minute. You're in on it, too? 293 00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:10,410 - Go and get dressed for the party. - Do I have time for a steam? 294 00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,281 - Yeah, but a quick one. - Okay. 295 00:14:12,406 --> 00:14:15,837 - Why would you tell him to lose to me? - 'Cause you're a baby if you don't win, 296 00:14:15,962 --> 00:14:17,710 with the kicking and the eyebrows 297 00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,222 and the angry eating of the sunflower seeds... 298 00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:24,443 Actually, that's not true. I don't mind losing to a chess genius, 299 00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:26,114 which Manny obviously is. 300 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,533 Chess genius? He's not even as good as I am. 301 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,785 You're not that good. I won on our honeymoon. 302 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,786 - Or did I let you win? - You didn't let me win. 303 00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:38,376 Why would I sacrifice my queen for your pawn, Jay? 304 00:14:44,887 --> 00:14:46,237 Stop saying that. 305 00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:54,851 Luke, honey, hi. What's going on? 306 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,770 The guy came with Dad's cake, 307 00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,769 but just so you know, it's missing a piece. 308 00:14:58,894 --> 00:15:01,062 Did you take a bite out of your father's cake? 309 00:15:01,806 --> 00:15:04,156 - Stop lying, Luke. - I'm not lying. 310 00:15:04,744 --> 00:15:07,739 By the way, I used your credit card to pay him. Is that all right? 311 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:08,941 Oh, no. 312 00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:12,689 That's fine. Whatever. That's why I left the wallet there. 313 00:15:13,466 --> 00:15:14,516 Oh, my God. 314 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,052 Oh, my God! 315 00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:19,084 I left the wallet. 316 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,585 I left the wa... 317 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,732 Your poor dad. 318 00:15:21,857 --> 00:15:25,090 All this running around, and he'll think nobody cares about him on his birthday. 319 00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:26,408 More cake? 320 00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,647 Why not, little Phil? 321 00:15:28,906 --> 00:15:30,706 I got no place else to go. 322 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,443 Sir. 323 00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:41,388 Sir. 324 00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:43,008 Sir, hi. Excuse me. 325 00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:45,700 Um, yes, I know this is highly unusual, 326 00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,313 but I need your help to save a marriage. 327 00:15:48,438 --> 00:15:51,216 A couple in this neighborhood is about to get a divorce 328 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:54,430 for a simple misunderstanding. Their name is Jake and Debbie. 329 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,465 And I know you've taken an oath to not tell people where other people live. 330 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:02,416 I respect that, but we could work out some sort of super-secretive spy signal, 331 00:16:02,541 --> 00:16:05,468 where if you scratch your left ear, you know, maybe they live on the left, 332 00:16:05,593 --> 00:16:08,550 - and your right ear, they live on... - They live right here. 333 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,605 This conversation never happened. 334 00:16:18,142 --> 00:16:21,313 - Sorry. - Thank God! Thank you, thank you. 335 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,379 - Dad just put me to sleep. - The hunting story? 336 00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:29,137 Oh, my gosh, no. You can't cut the line. Sorry. 337 00:16:29,262 --> 00:16:30,357 I was here. 338 00:16:30,955 --> 00:16:34,927 I've been here for an hour and a half. You haven't been, so you cut the line. 339 00:16:35,052 --> 00:16:35,919 Whatever. 340 00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:40,040 Excuse me, sir, you don't understand. You're not getting in front of us. 341 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,583 Calm down, gingerbread. 342 00:16:43,073 --> 00:16:44,476 Are you gonna move or not? 343 00:16:47,844 --> 00:16:49,794 Then you leave me no choice. 344 00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,343 Oh, my God. 345 00:16:51,763 --> 00:16:52,863 Go to sleep. 346 00:16:53,565 --> 00:16:54,665 Go to sleep. 347 00:16:54,943 --> 00:16:56,389 - Go to sleep. - No. 348 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,142 - Go to sleep. - What are you doing? Get off of him. 349 00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:01,262 - Shut up. He's about to go to sleep. - No. 350 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:05,607 - Let's stop it. You three, out of line. - Sorry, I had nothing to do with this. 351 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,030 I'm just waiting in line to get an iPad. I don't even know this guy. 352 00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:11,370 - I need your credit card. - He's the problem. 353 00:17:11,495 --> 00:17:13,907 - Shut up. You're supposed to be asleep. - I have it. 354 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,359 - I've got it. - What? 355 00:17:15,484 --> 00:17:18,048 I've got your card. I'm good. No, no, I'm good. 356 00:17:18,173 --> 00:17:19,635 No, I'm here... 357 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,082 I've got to get my husband an iPad! 358 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:25,245 Key to a good birthday... Low expectations. 359 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:28,964 Thought I was getting an iPad. I was wrong about that. 360 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,642 Thought I was getting a surprise party at the batting cages. 361 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,067 Sorry, big Phil. 362 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,766 When it comes right down to it, we're Jeff Sweeney taking a ball to the plums. 363 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,616 Hey, um, Dad, your cake fell off the counter, 364 00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:47,545 but uncle Cam's trying to fix it. 365 00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,670 He won't. 366 00:17:49,804 --> 00:17:51,504 And the pizzas never showed up. 367 00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:52,879 And they won't. 368 00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:55,458 Hey, balloons. 369 00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:58,730 - Fine. I guess we'll never know. - Or we can find out right now, huh? 370 00:17:59,063 --> 00:18:01,454 - Manny, give me the chess set. - Oh, it's a chess set. 371 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,534 Yeah. You'll get it later. We got something to settle. Go in there. 372 00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:07,252 - Happy birthday, Phil. - Happy, happy. 373 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,045 Is it Claire's baked brie I smell? 374 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,463 Cam, you'll never believe what happened. 375 00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:17,375 Happy birthday, Phil. 376 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:18,332 Sure. 377 00:18:18,457 --> 00:18:20,804 You'll never believe it. I got in trouble for fighting. 378 00:18:20,929 --> 00:18:24,060 - And we saved a marriage. - Oh, well, this is the best day ever. 379 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,528 - It really is. - Ain't it, though? 380 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,193 Look at this, papi! Huh? 381 00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:34,656 Easy. 382 00:18:34,952 --> 00:18:37,403 You can't sing "We are the champions"... 383 00:18:37,528 --> 00:18:38,978 without your queen. 384 00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:43,056 Damn it! Listen, I lose, and I burn this house down! 385 00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:49,127 - Ah, but look at this... - What are we doing? This is ridiculous. 386 00:18:50,314 --> 00:18:53,965 One of us will win the game, the other will feel lousy, we both lose. 387 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,929 Yeah, just leave my birthday present on the floor. 388 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,130 That's my girl. 389 00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:03,558 She had me. There was no way I could win. 390 00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,478 I knew it. I'm just glad she didn't know it yet. 391 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,412 Two moves, and then... 392 00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:10,991 I'm a very good chess player. 393 00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:12,882 But I'm a better wife. 394 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,400 - Hey, did you get it? - No. 395 00:19:17,525 --> 00:19:20,453 - How's your dad? - Acting weird... er. 396 00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:21,787 Hey, wife. 397 00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:22,912 Honey. Hi. 398 00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,206 Um, listen. 399 00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:27,329 - Yeah, Luke, hang on one second. - Honey, it's okay. 400 00:19:27,454 --> 00:19:29,147 I don't feel things anymore. 401 00:19:29,272 --> 00:19:31,572 But, sweetie, I want you to feel... 402 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,706 Luke, just a second. Where are you going? 403 00:19:33,831 --> 00:19:36,478 Just heading out to the yard to get a shovel for my cake. 404 00:19:37,191 --> 00:19:38,551 Luke, what do you want? 405 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,130 I went on Dad's computer, 406 00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:44,224 contacted some of his geek friends, told them that he was dying 407 00:19:44,499 --> 00:19:46,434 and his last wish was an iPad. 408 00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:48,478 What have I told you about the... 409 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,796 One of them felt so bad, they brought over an extra. 410 00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:53,417 Oh, my God. 411 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:56,479 You got it, you beautiful little liar. 412 00:19:56,604 --> 00:19:57,821 Here comes Dad. 413 00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:07,664 Who wants some cake? 414 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,583 I used to, but I don't desire food any... 415 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,168 Oh, my God! You got it! 416 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,421 All this time, I said I didn't care, but I do care... I care so much! 417 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,705 - Do you want to blow out the candles? - Yes. 418 00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:18,754 Go on. 419 00:20:18,879 --> 00:20:19,843 Go. 420 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,220 It did not just do that! 421 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,311 - Yes, it did! - Honey! 422 00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:28,804 Who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives? 423 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,048 - Phil, happy birthday. - Look at this. 424 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:34,597 - Can I touch it? - Yeah. Not so hard, but touch it. 425 00:20:34,722 --> 00:20:37,652 Touch it, but don't touch it. Touch it, but don't touch it. 426 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,973 I'm so sorry I ever doubted you. 427 00:20:41,314 --> 00:20:43,700 - I love you. - Thank God that guy came over. 428 00:20:44,153 --> 00:20:47,150 - What did he say his name was? - He didn't. Must be an angel. 429 00:20:48,053 --> 00:20:51,019 - Did you hear that? I'm an angel. - Or some creepy perv. 430 00:20:52,237 --> 00:20:53,537 How did he know? 431 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,629 - Maybe I should call the police. - You should. 432 00:20:58,754 --> 00:21:02,000 - I'm gonna call the police. - And they lived happily ever after. 433 00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:04,429 No, where are you going? It was just getting good. 434 00:21:05,369 --> 00:21:07,036 I want... That's my program. 435 00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:09,541 I love you. 436 00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:10,995 I love you, too, honey.