1
00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:02,722
Today, Sam Riley kicked
a soccer ball,
2
00:00:02,847 --> 00:00:05,947
and it hit another kid so hard,
his eye popped out.
3
00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:07,242
Awesome.
4
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,500
Really?
His eye popped out?
5
00:00:09,852 --> 00:00:12,011
Well, got to hit the sack.
Big Saturday tomorrow.
6
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,676
That's right.
It's somebody's birthday.
7
00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:18,343
Not just that. The iPad comes out
on my actual birthday.
8
00:00:19,116 --> 00:00:22,229
It's like Steve Jobs and God got
together to say, "We love you, Phil."
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,982
- What's so great about that doohickey?
- "Doohickey," Elly May?
10
00:00:26,409 --> 00:00:29,385
It's a movie theater,
a library, and a music store
11
00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:32,525
all rolled into one awesome pad.
12
00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:35,191
A library is a place
where people get books.
13
00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:37,662
A movie theater is a place
where people go on dates.
14
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,748
I'll load the beach chair into
the trunk, for the line in the morning.
15
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:44,210
Wait, honey, hang on.
You can't spend your birthday in line.
16
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,569
Not the whole day.
17
00:00:45,694 --> 00:00:48,631
I have to be there at 6:00, or forget
about it, and then I'm out by 10:00.
18
00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:51,717
- Why don't you let me do it?
- Claire, you don't have to do that.
19
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,761
No, I know, but I want to.
20
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:57,200
That way, on your birthday, you'll wake
up, and you'll have your brand-new...
21
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,117
toy.
22
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:04,414
In spite of you calling it a toy,
this is shaping up to top
23
00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:06,489
the best birthday I ever had.
24
00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:09,571
Thank God we didn't have to hear
that stupid story about...
25
00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:12,046
It was called the fun zone.
I was 11.
26
00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:14,569
I hit 10 straight fastballs
in the batting cage.
27
00:01:15,328 --> 00:01:17,034
Then my best friend, Jeff Sweeney,
28
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,992
stepped in
and took one in the groin.
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00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,088
I yelled out, "Ball two!"
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00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:23,919
Everybody laughed.
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00:01:24,421 --> 00:01:26,085
That was when I knew I was funny.
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00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:28,971
Good night.
33
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,892
B- e-l-i-e-v-e.
34
00:01:33,157 --> 00:01:34,057
Believe.
35
00:01:34,222 --> 00:01:36,651
Are you sure there's not
an e-i in the middle?
36
00:01:36,776 --> 00:01:37,775
No. It's i-e.
37
00:01:38,026 --> 00:01:39,830
Good, papi.
If I can't fool you,
38
00:01:39,955 --> 00:01:41,955
then your teachers
can't fool you, either.
39
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,550
They're not trying to fool me.
40
00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:46,585
Wait until you see what I got
Phil for his birthday.
41
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:48,649
I found it on the Skymall catalog.
42
00:01:48,883 --> 00:01:51,583
It's not one of those
talking alarm clocks?
43
00:01:51,789 --> 00:01:55,142
"It's 6:05. It's 6:25.
Wake up. Wake up."
44
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:56,323
Even better...
45
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,041
A rosewood chess set.
46
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,577
Before I wrap this thing,
47
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,288
what say we take it for a spin?
Manny, I'll teach you.
48
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:04,206
His father taught him how to play.
49
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,794
I'm gonna teach him real chess,
not the Colombian version.
50
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,737
We actually use the pieces
to play the game,
51
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,733
not smuggle stuff
out of the country.
52
00:02:10,987 --> 00:02:13,596
I know one Colombian piece
you won't be playing with later.
53
00:02:13,721 --> 00:02:16,719
- Manny, let's see what you got.
- You'd be surprised.
54
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,933
Manny's an excellent player.
55
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,901
But Jay is a grumpy loser.
56
00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:27,916
He mopes, he makes the face,
he slams the door,
57
00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:30,441
then he said
he didn't slam the door.
58
00:02:30,673 --> 00:02:32,423
It's better that he wins.
59
00:02:38,465 --> 00:02:39,515
I got this.
60
00:02:43,986 --> 00:02:45,836
Everything's gonna be okay.
61
00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:47,425
It's okay.
62
00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:49,232
It's okay.
63
00:02:52,086 --> 00:02:53,658
Leave me alone.
64
00:02:54,571 --> 00:02:56,216
There's a man in Lily's room.
65
00:02:56,646 --> 00:02:58,596
There's a man in Lily's room!
66
00:03:02,145 --> 00:03:03,295
It's go time.
67
00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:12,191
Oh, thank God.
68
00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:15,147
It's me, it's me, it's me.
69
00:03:15,981 --> 00:03:18,739
She's fine. We must have just heard
a neighbor with the same monitor.
70
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,157
Thank God.
71
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,582
Boy, if a spider
would've broken in here,
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00:03:22,707 --> 00:03:24,328
he would've been in trou-ble.
73
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,801
Subtitles by Kevin & Tyno
74
00:03:29,926 --> 00:03:32,044
www.sous-titres.eu
75
00:03:41,206 --> 00:03:42,906
Light-up barbecue tongs.
76
00:03:43,031 --> 00:03:45,281
This was the lame gift I got Phil.
77
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:46,332
So...
78
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,591
Was I bummed to get up
at 5:00 in the morning and wait in line?
79
00:03:49,971 --> 00:03:52,528
No, because I was
finally getting my husband
80
00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:55,003
something that
he really, really wanted.
81
00:03:55,128 --> 00:03:57,341
I was every bit as excited
as he was.
82
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,346
Hey, buddy. I hope you're not upset
about our chess match yesterday.
83
00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:22,845
- What do you say we play again?
- I'm good.
84
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,413
That's the spirit.
85
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,599
Downloaded this for you.
It's kind of
86
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,417
a kid's guide to chess.
87
00:04:28,555 --> 00:04:30,051
No, Jay. I'm good.
88
00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:32,942
It's not all dry like that.
They have fun with it.
89
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:35,794
See, you can color in the little
players with your crayons.
90
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,986
- You are making me want to play again.
- We're lighting a fire.
91
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,657
Let me toss this out.
92
00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:42,032
If you beat me,
93
00:04:42,358 --> 00:04:44,308
if that day should ever come,
94
00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:46,209
I'll give you, uh...
95
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,828
Your watch.
96
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:50,336
Wow. You had that loaded up, huh?
97
00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:52,678
Okay. Game on.
98
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,269
Now, I want you to go first.
99
00:04:57,394 --> 00:05:00,376
Now, remember, try to open up
the middle of the board.
100
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:04,218
I'd have moved that guy
two spaces. More aggressive.
101
00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:08,200
And you don't want to bring
your queen out that quickly.
102
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,569
You could have protected that with that,
but now you're vulnerable to...
103
00:05:11,694 --> 00:05:12,694
Checkmate.
104
00:05:13,905 --> 00:05:14,697
What?
105
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,882
How'd you do that?
106
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,970
You will not believe what's going on
at Jake and Debbie's house.
107
00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:25,616
- Who?
- The people on the monitor.
108
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,984
So much drama.
109
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,742
Jake told Debbie
that he had to work late,
110
00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:33,032
so she called his boss
and found out that he didn't.
111
00:05:33,157 --> 00:05:33,958
Busted!
112
00:05:34,515 --> 00:05:36,418
So she spent all morning
on the phone crying
113
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,975
and crying to her mother
114
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,506
and said if Jake has to
work "late" one more time,
115
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,820
she's filing for divorce.
116
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:44,903
Huh.
117
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,097
I give you that tasty dish,
and all you give me is a "huh"?
118
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,474
I'm s...
Cam, I froze last night.
119
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,542
I froze.
120
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,478
I thought Lily was in danger,
and I froze. But not you.
121
00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:56,396
You sprung right into action.
122
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:58,607
You even had the cool
"It's go time" line.
123
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,151
That comes to me naturally.
I spent a year as a crossing guard.
124
00:06:01,913 --> 00:06:05,531
What kind of parent am I if I can't even
protect my own family?
125
00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:09,497
Just once I would love to be
the guy with no fear
126
00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:12,903
who can stand up and...
I don't know, you know, kick some ass.
127
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,346
You're so cute when you're angry
with your little fists.
128
00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:17,662
I just want to put you in my pocket.
129
00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:22,201
- I think he's coming.
- Here he comes.
130
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:23,382
Dad!
131
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,039
Happy birthday!
132
00:06:25,164 --> 00:06:27,052
You guys, that's awesome.
133
00:06:27,717 --> 00:06:30,173
- Who are these from?
- Cam and Mitchell.
134
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:31,733
Those guys are a class act.
135
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,546
We're making you breakfast.
136
00:06:33,671 --> 00:06:35,171
French waffle cakes.
137
00:06:35,519 --> 00:06:36,619
Let me guess.
138
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:39,971
One waffle in between
two pieces of French toast,
139
00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:41,469
wrapped in a pancake.
140
00:06:41,594 --> 00:06:42,526
Nailed it.
141
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,494
Bring it in here, monkeys.
142
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,027
Love you!
143
00:06:46,152 --> 00:06:47,352
Get over here!
144
00:06:47,806 --> 00:06:48,657
Good enough.
145
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,326
- Where's mom?
- The greatest woman in the world?
146
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,138
She is standing in line
at the Apple store,
147
00:06:54,263 --> 00:06:56,511
making all my birthday wishes
come true.
148
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,300
Let's see how these bad boys taste.
149
00:06:59,931 --> 00:07:01,623
- That is hot!
- Are you okay?
150
00:07:01,748 --> 00:07:03,839
Fresh out of the oven, eh?
That is...
151
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,591
- Do you want some ice?
- Yes.
152
00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:07,540
Oh, man, this...
153
00:07:08,225 --> 00:07:10,528
Oh, that feels better.
That feels better.
154
00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:11,972
No, it actually...
155
00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:14,349
feels weird.
That burns in a different way!
156
00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:19,188
Don't wash this until we see
if I can get my skin back, okay?
157
00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:24,119
Let me see it!
158
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,899
Your party's not until tonight.
You'll have to wait.
159
00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:29,496
Just let me see the bag.
Did you leave it in the car?
160
00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:31,533
Who'd you deal with?
Was it a guy named Mehar?
161
00:07:31,658 --> 00:07:34,919
They call him "the beast."
Tiny guy. He must move a ton of product.
162
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,382
I kind of love
that you're making me wait.
163
00:07:37,507 --> 00:07:39,166
You are the best wife ever!
164
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,184
You are the best wife ever!
165
00:07:42,221 --> 00:07:43,837
I didn't get you the iPad.
166
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:47,336
I got to the store, they were all out.
I'm so sorry.
167
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,867
I don't understand.
My online buddies got it.
168
00:07:49,992 --> 00:07:52,106
Sat800 and Brobot
didn't get there until 8:00,
169
00:07:52,231 --> 00:07:55,352
and you definitely got there before 'em,
because you got there at 6:30.
170
00:07:55,662 --> 00:07:58,185
You didn't get there at 6:30?
Where were you?
171
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,647
I set the alarm for 5:00.
Got up. Came downstairs. I fell asleep.
172
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:06,110
Oh, my goodness.
What have I done? What have I done?
173
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,530
- I should've done this myself.
- They're gonna get more in next week.
174
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:13,033
Next week? That's, like, the worst thing
you can say to an early adopter.
175
00:08:14,184 --> 00:08:15,285
Where are you going?
176
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,538
To a place where birthdays
still mean something.
177
00:08:26,987 --> 00:08:28,215
I'll get that.
178
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,718
What are you doing here at...
179
00:08:32,843 --> 00:08:34,914
4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?
180
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:37,989
I'm just returning
my dad's belt of tools, so...
181
00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:40,144
At 4:17 on a Saturday afternoon?
182
00:08:40,593 --> 00:08:42,646
Don't you have
something better to do?
183
00:08:45,009 --> 00:08:47,151
- So, were you a big hit?
- What do you mean?
184
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,250
I just assumed it was
some kind of costume party.
185
00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:50,737
Was Cam the Indian?
186
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,376
For your information, dad,
187
00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:54,533
we were doing a little
construction at the house.
188
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,479
- What did you build?
- A gift-wrapping station.
189
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:58,928
And we're back.
190
00:08:59,164 --> 00:08:59,983
So...
191
00:09:00,108 --> 00:09:02,496
- Thank you for that.
- You're welcome.
192
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,282
Hey, uh, dad, do you remember
when I was
193
00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:08,088
probably 11 and you were teaching me
how to fight, and then I quit?
194
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,508
You said everything you needed to learn,
you'd learned from "West Side Story."
195
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,277
How'd that work out for you?
196
00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:15,470
If I'm ever in a dance fight,
I'll let you know.
197
00:09:17,803 --> 00:09:20,189
Is the offer, uh, still good?
198
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,394
What's the matter?
You got problems with Cam?
199
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,980
No! Why would you say that?
200
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,126
Come on. I mean, you know,
sharing a room with a guy?
201
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,736
I bunked with my brother.
I know that can get pretty rough.
202
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,369
I don't "bunk" with Cam.
203
00:09:32,494 --> 00:09:34,865
Dad, I just want to learn
a little self-defense.
204
00:09:35,118 --> 00:09:36,918
Show me what you remember.
205
00:09:37,297 --> 00:09:38,747
Right... right now?
206
00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:41,848
Gosh, uh...
207
00:09:42,819 --> 00:09:44,875
- Thumbs out.
- Thumbs... attaboy.
208
00:09:51,628 --> 00:09:53,133
That wasn't very pretty, was it?
209
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,843
Maybe it was a little too pretty.
210
00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,063
That's the thing.
211
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,400
Here it goes.
212
00:10:01,112 --> 00:10:01,912
Buddy,
213
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:05,361
I think the problem is
you're not jumping from high enough.
214
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:09,215
- You should get on top of the garage.
- Alex, stop trying to kill Luke.
215
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,569
I need your help. We've got to find
your dad one of those iPad thingies.
216
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,903
So, Haley, text everyone you know.
217
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,448
Alex, Facebook, chat,
218
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,153
tweet, buzz, bling...
Just do what you have to do.
219
00:10:19,278 --> 00:10:21,477
We have got to find
one of these iPads, okay?
220
00:10:21,602 --> 00:10:23,584
Luke, that means
stay out of everyone's way
221
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,290
and stop inhaling the balloons.
222
00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:27,202
I'm not inhaling them.
223
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,377
Stop lying.
224
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,214
How did she know?
225
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,960
Didn't your mama teach you
never to take a ride
226
00:10:37,085 --> 00:10:38,887
from a stranger?!
227
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,058
Got a little vacation time
coming up?
228
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,681
Have fun on the Moon!
229
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,706
Not feeling too well lately?
230
00:10:44,988 --> 00:10:47,656
Maybe you should come
see the doctor, and I'll...
231
00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:49,873
get rid of it!
232
00:10:51,686 --> 00:10:53,151
What's that supposed to mean?
233
00:10:55,593 --> 00:10:58,092
Attention. If you're here
for Phil's birthday party,
234
00:10:58,217 --> 00:11:00,525
they're gathering
in the picnic area.
235
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:02,250
Phil's birthday party.
236
00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:04,083
My wife knew I'd be here.
237
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:05,998
She put together
a whole party for me.
238
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,513
Does that really make up
for not getting an iPad?
239
00:11:08,638 --> 00:11:11,272
Don't make me sorry
I shared that with you, okay?
240
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,138
See you, fellas.
241
00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:18,905
Howdy do.
242
00:11:19,455 --> 00:11:22,450
I just heard the announcement
for Phil's birthday party.
243
00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:24,989
- It's right around the corner.
- Awesome.
244
00:11:25,114 --> 00:11:27,664
- Have fun.
- Thank you. Thanks, milady.
245
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,530
Happy birthday, Phil!
246
00:11:40,608 --> 00:11:42,333
This is awesome!
247
00:11:57,303 --> 00:11:58,303
Hello?
248
00:11:58,826 --> 00:12:00,469
No, I'm just putting the baby down.
249
00:12:00,839 --> 00:12:03,096
That's Jake.
He's the one having an affair.
250
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,266
- I know.
- Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night.
251
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,734
I'll just give my wife
some excuse.
252
00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:12,147
- Men are pigs.
- I don't really have a choice, do I?
253
00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:14,659
Yeah, you could not cheat on her.
How about that?!
254
00:12:14,784 --> 00:12:16,467
Because it has to be a surprise.
255
00:12:16,592 --> 00:12:18,895
When she hears me speaking
Italian to her grandmother,
256
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,208
it'll be worth
all this sneaking around.
257
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,266
Lily, I had it backwards.
He's wonderful.
258
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,412
- I'll just tell her I'm working late.
- No, Jake, don't do that!
259
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,070
- That's the worst thing you could do!
- Buona notte.
260
00:12:29,195 --> 00:12:31,004
Oh, no, what are we gonna do?
261
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:32,852
We have to fix this.
262
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:38,897
I'm gonna teach you a couple
of basic Brazilian jujitsu moves.
263
00:12:39,303 --> 00:12:40,403
Now, just...
264
00:12:40,751 --> 00:12:42,001
Just attack me.
265
00:12:42,126 --> 00:12:45,292
- I'm sorry. What?
- Take any deep-seated anger you have,
266
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:48,100
- get a running start and come.
- I don't have any deep-seated anger.
267
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,451
Remember that Halloween when I wouldn't
let you go as Olivia Newton-John?
268
00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:55,839
You see what I did?
I used your momentum against you.
269
00:12:56,105 --> 00:13:00,109
Learned this from the Gracie brothers.
It's called the lion killer, mata-leao.
270
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,032
Try to get out. Try to get out.
There, you see?
271
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,358
- I can't.
- Yeah.
272
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,065
- Alright, now...
- Impressive.
273
00:13:07,190 --> 00:13:09,734
The beauty of this is you don't have
to make the first move.
274
00:13:09,859 --> 00:13:12,526
Chances are, your opponent's
gonna be overconfident.
275
00:13:12,651 --> 00:13:14,895
He's gonna think you don't know a thing.
Basically,
276
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,003
he's being suckered into thinking...
277
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,860
Manny, that little bastard.
He hustled me.
278
00:13:22,129 --> 00:13:23,129
Oh, crap.
279
00:13:24,227 --> 00:13:25,227
Oh, crap.
280
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,765
Oh, crap.
281
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,184
All right, come on.
Yeah, breathe.
282
00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:32,718
- Attaboy.
- What?
283
00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:35,981
- You all right? Come around.
- Why am I on the floor?
284
00:13:39,422 --> 00:13:42,529
Haley, I just struck out again.
Please tell me you have some good news.
285
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:45,532
The grove just got in a shipment.
I'm texting you the directions now.
286
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,525
Okay, that's good.
That's good.
287
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:49,750
That's good.
288
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,354
I'm there. I'm on that.
289
00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:59,285
- That kid stole my watch.
- What?
290
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,388
He hustled me at chess.
291
00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:04,009
You promised
you were gonna let him win.
292
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,236
- I did the first time.
- Wait a minute. You're in on it, too?
293
00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:10,410
- Go and get dressed for the party.
- Do I have time for a steam?
294
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,281
- Yeah, but a quick one.
- Okay.
295
00:14:12,406 --> 00:14:15,837
- Why would you tell him to lose to me?
- 'Cause you're a baby if you don't win,
296
00:14:15,962 --> 00:14:17,710
with the kicking and the eyebrows
297
00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,222
and the angry eating
of the sunflower seeds...
298
00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:24,443
Actually, that's not true.
I don't mind losing to a chess genius,
299
00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:26,114
which Manny obviously is.
300
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,533
Chess genius?
He's not even as good as I am.
301
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,785
You're not that good.
I won on our honeymoon.
302
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,786
- Or did I let you win?
- You didn't let me win.
303
00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:38,376
Why would I sacrifice my queen
for your pawn, Jay?
304
00:14:44,887 --> 00:14:46,237
Stop saying that.
305
00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:54,851
Luke, honey, hi.
What's going on?
306
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,770
The guy came with Dad's cake,
307
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,769
but just so you know,
it's missing a piece.
308
00:14:58,894 --> 00:15:01,062
Did you take a bite
out of your father's cake?
309
00:15:01,806 --> 00:15:04,156
- Stop lying, Luke.
- I'm not lying.
310
00:15:04,744 --> 00:15:07,739
By the way, I used your credit card
to pay him. Is that all right?
311
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:08,941
Oh, no.
312
00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:12,689
That's fine. Whatever.
That's why I left the wallet there.
313
00:15:13,466 --> 00:15:14,516
Oh, my God.
314
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,052
Oh, my God!
315
00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:19,084
I left the wallet.
316
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,585
I left the wa...
317
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,732
Your poor dad.
318
00:15:21,857 --> 00:15:25,090
All this running around, and he'll think
nobody cares about him on his birthday.
319
00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:26,408
More cake?
320
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,647
Why not, little Phil?
321
00:15:28,906 --> 00:15:30,706
I got no place else to go.
322
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,443
Sir.
323
00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:41,388
Sir.
324
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:43,008
Sir, hi. Excuse me.
325
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:45,700
Um, yes, I know
this is highly unusual,
326
00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,313
but I need your help
to save a marriage.
327
00:15:48,438 --> 00:15:51,216
A couple in this neighborhood
is about to get a divorce
328
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:54,430
for a simple misunderstanding.
Their name is Jake and Debbie.
329
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,465
And I know you've taken an oath to not
tell people where other people live.
330
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:02,416
I respect that, but we could work out
some sort of super-secretive spy signal,
331
00:16:02,541 --> 00:16:05,468
where if you scratch your left ear,
you know, maybe they live on the left,
332
00:16:05,593 --> 00:16:08,550
- and your right ear, they live on...
- They live right here.
333
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,605
This conversation never happened.
334
00:16:18,142 --> 00:16:21,313
- Sorry.
- Thank God! Thank you, thank you.
335
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,379
- Dad just put me to sleep.
- The hunting story?
336
00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:29,137
Oh, my gosh, no.
You can't cut the line. Sorry.
337
00:16:29,262 --> 00:16:30,357
I was here.
338
00:16:30,955 --> 00:16:34,927
I've been here for an hour and a half.
You haven't been, so you cut the line.
339
00:16:35,052 --> 00:16:35,919
Whatever.
340
00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:40,040
Excuse me, sir, you don't understand.
You're not getting in front of us.
341
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,583
Calm down, gingerbread.
342
00:16:43,073 --> 00:16:44,476
Are you gonna move or not?
343
00:16:47,844 --> 00:16:49,794
Then you leave me no choice.
344
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,343
Oh, my God.
345
00:16:51,763 --> 00:16:52,863
Go to sleep.
346
00:16:53,565 --> 00:16:54,665
Go to sleep.
347
00:16:54,943 --> 00:16:56,389
- Go to sleep.
- No.
348
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,142
- Go to sleep.
- What are you doing? Get off of him.
349
00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:01,262
- Shut up. He's about to go to sleep.
- No.
350
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:05,607
- Let's stop it. You three, out of line.
- Sorry, I had nothing to do with this.
351
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,030
I'm just waiting in line to get an iPad.
I don't even know this guy.
352
00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:11,370
- I need your credit card.
- He's the problem.
353
00:17:11,495 --> 00:17:13,907
- Shut up. You're supposed to be asleep.
- I have it.
354
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,359
- I've got it.
- What?
355
00:17:15,484 --> 00:17:18,048
I've got your card.
I'm good. No, no, I'm good.
356
00:17:18,173 --> 00:17:19,635
No, I'm here...
357
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,082
I've got to get my husband an iPad!
358
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:25,245
Key to a good birthday...
Low expectations.
359
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:28,964
Thought I was getting an iPad.
I was wrong about that.
360
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,642
Thought I was getting a surprise
party at the batting cages.
361
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,067
Sorry, big Phil.
362
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,766
When it comes right down to it, we're
Jeff Sweeney taking a ball to the plums.
363
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,616
Hey, um, Dad,
your cake fell off the counter,
364
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:47,545
but uncle Cam's trying to fix it.
365
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,670
He won't.
366
00:17:49,804 --> 00:17:51,504
And the pizzas never showed up.
367
00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:52,879
And they won't.
368
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:55,458
Hey, balloons.
369
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:58,730
- Fine. I guess we'll never know.
- Or we can find out right now, huh?
370
00:17:59,063 --> 00:18:01,454
- Manny, give me the chess set.
- Oh, it's a chess set.
371
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,534
Yeah. You'll get it later.
We got something to settle. Go in there.
372
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:07,252
- Happy birthday, Phil.
- Happy, happy.
373
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,045
Is it Claire's baked brie I smell?
374
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,463
Cam, you'll never
believe what happened.
375
00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:17,375
Happy birthday, Phil.
376
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:18,332
Sure.
377
00:18:18,457 --> 00:18:20,804
You'll never believe it.
I got in trouble for fighting.
378
00:18:20,929 --> 00:18:24,060
- And we saved a marriage.
- Oh, well, this is the best day ever.
379
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,528
- It really is.
- Ain't it, though?
380
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,193
Look at this, papi!
Huh?
381
00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:34,656
Easy.
382
00:18:34,952 --> 00:18:37,403
You can't sing
"We are the champions"...
383
00:18:37,528 --> 00:18:38,978
without your queen.
384
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:43,056
Damn it! Listen, I lose,
and I burn this house down!
385
00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:49,127
- Ah, but look at this...
- What are we doing? This is ridiculous.
386
00:18:50,314 --> 00:18:53,965
One of us will win the game,
the other will feel lousy, we both lose.
387
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,929
Yeah, just leave my birthday
present on the floor.
388
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,130
That's my girl.
389
00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:03,558
She had me.
There was no way I could win.
390
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,478
I knew it. I'm just glad
she didn't know it yet.
391
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,412
Two moves, and then...
392
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:10,991
I'm a very good chess player.
393
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:12,882
But I'm a better wife.
394
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,400
- Hey, did you get it?
- No.
395
00:19:17,525 --> 00:19:20,453
- How's your dad?
- Acting weird... er.
396
00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:21,787
Hey, wife.
397
00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:22,912
Honey. Hi.
398
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,206
Um, listen.
399
00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:27,329
- Yeah, Luke, hang on one second.
- Honey, it's okay.
400
00:19:27,454 --> 00:19:29,147
I don't feel things anymore.
401
00:19:29,272 --> 00:19:31,572
But, sweetie, I want you to feel...
402
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,706
Luke, just a second.
Where are you going?
403
00:19:33,831 --> 00:19:36,478
Just heading out to the yard
to get a shovel for my cake.
404
00:19:37,191 --> 00:19:38,551
Luke, what do you want?
405
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,130
I went on Dad's computer,
406
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:44,224
contacted some of his geek friends,
told them that he was dying
407
00:19:44,499 --> 00:19:46,434
and his last wish was an iPad.
408
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:48,478
What have I told you about the...
409
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,796
One of them felt so bad,
they brought over an extra.
410
00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:53,417
Oh, my God.
411
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:56,479
You got it,
you beautiful little liar.
412
00:19:56,604 --> 00:19:57,821
Here comes Dad.
413
00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:07,664
Who wants some cake?
414
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,583
I used to, but I don't
desire food any...
415
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,168
Oh, my God! You got it!
416
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,421
All this time, I said I didn't care,
but I do care... I care so much!
417
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,705
- Do you want to blow out the candles?
- Yes.
418
00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:18,754
Go on.
419
00:20:18,879 --> 00:20:19,843
Go.
420
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,220
It did not just do that!
421
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,311
- Yes, it did!
- Honey!
422
00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:28,804
Who's ready for the first day
of the rest of their lives?
423
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,048
- Phil, happy birthday.
- Look at this.
424
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:34,597
- Can I touch it?
- Yeah. Not so hard, but touch it.
425
00:20:34,722 --> 00:20:37,652
Touch it, but don't touch it.
Touch it, but don't touch it.
426
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,973
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.
427
00:20:41,314 --> 00:20:43,700
- I love you.
- Thank God that guy came over.
428
00:20:44,153 --> 00:20:47,150
- What did he say his name was?
- He didn't. Must be an angel.
429
00:20:48,053 --> 00:20:51,019
- Did you hear that? I'm an angel.
- Or some creepy perv.
430
00:20:52,237 --> 00:20:53,537
How did he know?
431
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,629
- Maybe I should call the police.
- You should.
432
00:20:58,754 --> 00:21:02,000
- I'm gonna call the police.
- And they lived happily ever after.
433
00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:04,429
No, where are you going?
It was just getting good.
434
00:21:05,369 --> 00:21:07,036
I want...
That's my program.
435
00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:09,541
I love you.
436
00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:10,995
I love you, too, honey.