1 00:00:00,827 --> 00:00:02,296 [siren wailing] 2 00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,198 Do we know anything? 3 00:00:04,232 --> 00:00:05,496 Oh, no. They're in there now with the doctor. 4 00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:06,636 We're lucky, though. 5 00:00:06,671 --> 00:00:08,725 The paramedics said it could've been a lot worse. 6 00:00:08,772 --> 00:00:10,461 My God, how did this even happen? 7 00:00:13,234 --> 00:00:15,818 There he is. Big day's coming up. 8 00:00:15,853 --> 00:00:17,294 What do you want for your birthday, big dog? 9 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:18,559 It's okay. I'm good. 10 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,523 Come on. The sky's the limit. 11 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:23,376 Dream big, my boy. 12 00:00:23,621 --> 00:00:26,117 - Well, I guess I could use a belt. - A belt? 13 00:00:26,184 --> 00:00:28,058 Yeah, you're right. I don't need it. 14 00:00:28,688 --> 00:00:30,511 An extension cord works pretty good. 15 00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,879 PHIL: Every year, Luke's birthday 16 00:00:33,914 --> 00:00:35,239 falls right around Thanksgiving, 17 00:00:35,306 --> 00:00:38,079 and so it gets lost in the holiday shuffle. 18 00:00:38,114 --> 00:00:39,562 Yeah, one year we forgot completely, 19 00:00:39,597 --> 00:00:41,397 and we had to improvise a cake out of stuffing. 20 00:00:41,465 --> 00:00:42,862 Which, by the way, he was fine with. 21 00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:44,260 He's one of those kids, you get him a gift, 22 00:00:44,328 --> 00:00:45,826 and all he wants to do is play with the box. 23 00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:48,191 Yeah, one year we actually just got him a box-- 24 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,520 a really nice box. 25 00:00:49,589 --> 00:00:52,151 And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag. 26 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,614 So he played with the gift bag. 27 00:00:54,682 --> 00:00:55,947 - W-we can't get it right. - No. 28 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,278 I feel terrible. We got to do something. 29 00:00:58,344 --> 00:00:59,474 Oh, yeah. 30 00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:01,042 Um, well, you know, the family 31 00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:02,701 is gonna be together for Thanksgiving 32 00:01:02,736 --> 00:01:04,335 for the first time in, I don't even know how long, so-- 33 00:01:04,403 --> 00:01:06,168 I am so with you-- we should blow this out 34 00:01:06,235 --> 00:01:08,397 and throw Luke the best birthday party of all time. 35 00:01:08,465 --> 00:01:10,428 Yes, yes, and we'll order a whole bunch of pizzas, 36 00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:12,426 and-- and-- and set up an arts-and-crafts table. 37 00:01:12,493 --> 00:01:14,258 - A what? - Yeah, a crafts table. 38 00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:16,934 You know, everybody gathers around, and they make stuff, 39 00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:18,885 and, then, bam, they got their own party favor. 40 00:01:18,952 --> 00:01:20,409 [snores] Sorry, I fell asleep 41 00:01:20,444 --> 00:01:22,317 while you were describing the most boring party ever. 42 00:01:22,352 --> 00:01:22,944 [chuckles] 43 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,177 Ow! 44 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:39,860 See you in a few hours. 45 00:01:39,895 --> 00:01:41,920 Yeah. Thanks again for the karaoke machine. 46 00:01:41,955 --> 00:01:43,253 I'll get it back to you right after the party. 47 00:01:43,322 --> 00:01:44,319 That'd be great. 48 00:01:44,659 --> 00:01:46,550 Please don't. I beg you. Don't. 49 00:01:46,585 --> 00:01:47,648 Don't bring it back. 50 00:01:47,715 --> 00:01:50,145 Hey, Phil, are you getting a clown for today? 51 00:01:50,213 --> 00:01:53,903 Oh, no, Luke-- Luke's not much of a clown fan. 52 00:01:55,041 --> 00:01:56,506 - Really? - Yeah, he never liked them. 53 00:01:56,671 --> 00:01:57,941 Has he ever seen a good one? 54 00:01:58,566 --> 00:02:00,904 Has-- has anyone? [laughs] 55 00:02:00,939 --> 00:02:02,703 Really? So, anyway, thanks again. 56 00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:04,416 Okay, yeah, see you later. 57 00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:08,006 No clown? No-- no clown? 58 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:08,579 Let it go. 59 00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,125 Who throws a party without a clown? 60 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,325 Since the late '30s, I'd say most people. 61 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,603 You know what? We haven't gotten Luke a present yet. 62 00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:17,753 Maybe a clown could be our present. 63 00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:19,492 Cameron, Cameron, if Phil and Claire 64 00:02:19,527 --> 00:02:21,281 wanted to get Luke a clown, they would've. 65 00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:22,491 This is not our party. 66 00:02:22,526 --> 00:02:25,111 - But-- - This is not our party. 67 00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:27,103 But-- fine. 68 00:02:27,232 --> 00:02:29,467 What would you suggest we get him, then? 69 00:02:29,597 --> 00:02:30,941 Get him a gift card. 70 00:02:32,053 --> 00:02:33,687 - A gift card? - Yeah. 71 00:02:34,785 --> 00:02:35,858 Who hurt you? 72 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:41,661 Hey, Gloria, you got any idea 73 00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:42,840 how to wrap one of these things? 74 00:02:42,908 --> 00:02:44,102 Is that a crossbow? 75 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,736 Yeah. Am I the greatest grandpa in the world or what? 76 00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:48,829 We can't give Luke a crossbow. 77 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,694 He pokes himself in the eye every time he uses a straw. 78 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,965 Are you kidding? I had one when I was his age. 79 00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:56,497 My dad used to give me a quarter for every crow I bagged. 80 00:02:56,589 --> 00:02:59,218 And I used to have a machete, but times have changed. 81 00:02:59,286 --> 00:03:01,479 He'll be fine. I'll teach him how to use it. 82 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:03,670 Hey, pal. How's it going? 83 00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,046 - Am I charming? - Oh, boy. 84 00:03:05,113 --> 00:03:07,808 Of course you're charming. Who said you were not charming? 85 00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:09,773 No one, but there is a girl in my school, 86 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,000 and I want her to like me. 87 00:03:11,073 --> 00:03:12,761 I need your advice, Jay. 88 00:03:12,803 --> 00:03:13,313 Really? 89 00:03:13,835 --> 00:03:15,425 She's gonna be at Luke's party. 90 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,578 [chuckling] Well, I'm... a little thrown. 91 00:03:18,663 --> 00:03:20,561 I mean, you don't usually come to me for advice. 92 00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:23,479 Well, this is one area in which you've done pretty well. 93 00:03:23,922 --> 00:03:25,149 He has a point. 94 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,410 I've tried everything to get her attention-- 95 00:03:28,445 --> 00:03:31,286 Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. 96 00:03:31,321 --> 00:03:32,245 Nothing has worked. 97 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,044 Here's the deal. 98 00:03:33,124 --> 00:03:35,172 Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. 99 00:03:35,385 --> 00:03:37,455 They go for power and success. 100 00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:39,343 And since you don't have either one of those things, 101 00:03:39,671 --> 00:03:41,485 you're gonna be the funny guy. 102 00:03:42,799 --> 00:03:44,075 No, no, no, no, no. 103 00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:46,086 I-I want the most dangerous reptile you've got. 104 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,559 I have an iguana that eats crickets. 105 00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:50,992 That'd be scary if it was a birthday party for crickets. 106 00:03:51,688 --> 00:03:53,661 Seriously, Jungle Tanya, 107 00:03:53,696 --> 00:03:54,906 I need you to step it up a notch. 108 00:03:55,117 --> 00:03:56,908 Is there anything that scares the cocoa out of you? 109 00:03:57,181 --> 00:03:58,607 Uh, not really. 110 00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:00,188 I do have a bearded dragon. 111 00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:02,950 - Ooh. Does it-- - No, it does not breathe fire. 112 00:04:03,441 --> 00:04:05,165 Well, then, we're back to square one, aren't we? 113 00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,688 [sighs] 114 00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:10,095 I couldn't get Luke out of my mind. 115 00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:12,895 I know I made a promise to Mitchell, 116 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,909 but some things are bigger than promises. 117 00:04:17,456 --> 00:04:20,310 Fizbo would be at that party. 118 00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:26,494 Hello, old friend. 119 00:04:31,225 --> 00:04:32,539 It all happened so fast. 120 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,303 I keep thinking there was something I could've done. 121 00:04:34,371 --> 00:04:35,636 Oh, don't blame yourself. 122 00:04:35,736 --> 00:04:37,378 Who could have possibly seen it coming? 123 00:04:37,801 --> 00:04:39,731 Sweetie, t-that's a rock wall. 124 00:04:39,798 --> 00:04:41,527 Is that even safe? Oh, my God. 125 00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:43,058 Honey, relax. 126 00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,988 Hey, has anyone ever gotten hurt on one of these things? 127 00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:47,605 I don't know, man. It's my first day. 128 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,642 See? They wouldn't let the new guy do it if it weren't-- 129 00:04:49,677 --> 00:04:51,510 - That did not make me feel better. - Don't worry, I signed 130 00:04:51,545 --> 00:04:53,564 like a hundred releases. 131 00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:57,342 When did we decide all this? I-I think it's too much. 132 00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:59,733 See, I knew you'd say that. That's why I didn't tell you. 133 00:04:59,806 --> 00:05:01,725 So just relax. Grab a snow cone. 134 00:05:01,737 --> 00:05:03,817 - There's a snow-cone machine? - Yeah. 135 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,629 Mom, just so you know, Dylan cannot have mayonnaise. 136 00:05:06,696 --> 00:05:08,821 That's random. Why are you telling me that? 137 00:05:08,962 --> 00:05:10,330 Uh, 'cause he's coming to the party. 138 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:11,523 Is that absolutely necessary? 139 00:05:11,591 --> 00:05:13,221 Yes, because she can't go 10 minutes 140 00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:14,910 without her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth. 141 00:05:15,153 --> 00:05:16,651 It's like he's feeding a baby bird. 142 00:05:16,718 --> 00:05:18,182 Don't be so jealous. 143 00:05:18,249 --> 00:05:20,280 I'm sure you'll meet someone super hot at computer camp. 144 00:05:20,346 --> 00:05:21,775 - Girls. - Hey, hey. 145 00:05:22,644 --> 00:05:23,975 So, what you got there? 146 00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:25,739 Oh, these are supplies for the crafts table. 147 00:05:25,807 --> 00:05:27,619 I finally figured out what we're gonna be making. 148 00:05:27,671 --> 00:05:29,301 Kids bored? [chuckles] 149 00:05:29,593 --> 00:05:31,022 I'm teasing. I'm teasing. 150 00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:32,354 It looks good. What-- what is it? 151 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,219 Comb sheaths. 152 00:05:34,796 --> 00:05:36,276 I know, I know. 153 00:05:36,311 --> 00:05:37,748 But we made them when I was 11 years old 154 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,431 at Donna Rigby's birthday party. 155 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:40,777 At first, we thought it was really stupid, 156 00:05:40,844 --> 00:05:42,143 and then we had a blast, so... 157 00:05:42,393 --> 00:05:43,122 How could you not? 158 00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,467 You combined the two things that kids love the most-- 159 00:05:45,771 --> 00:05:47,648 Combs and sheaths. 160 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,329 I'm kidding! 161 00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:52,188 Where's my comb? 162 00:05:52,297 --> 00:05:53,941 Oh, here it is, 163 00:05:53,976 --> 00:05:56,306 in my incredibly convenient beaded comb sheath 164 00:05:56,341 --> 00:05:58,748 that I made at Luke's awesome birthday party. 165 00:05:58,955 --> 00:06:02,643 Hole in one, Mrs. Dunphy. Hole in one. 166 00:06:03,184 --> 00:06:04,404 I'm home. 167 00:06:05,435 --> 00:06:07,776 I got Luke a video game, but it's about math, 168 00:06:07,844 --> 00:06:10,794 so... guess we're those kind of uncles. 169 00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:13,121 Cam? 170 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,270 Don't be mad. 171 00:06:19,762 --> 00:06:22,655 Oh... Cam, I... 172 00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:24,157 I've known I wanted to be a clown 173 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:26,620 since I found out clowns were just people with makeup. 174 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,216 Um, as a matter of fact, by the time I was a teenager, 175 00:06:29,285 --> 00:06:32,127 if I wasn't in school or fishin', I was clownin'. 176 00:06:32,546 --> 00:06:34,061 There are four types of clowns-- 177 00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:37,540 A tramp, an auguste, a whiteface, and a character. 178 00:06:37,608 --> 00:06:40,802 I am a classically trained auguste clown named Fizbo. 179 00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:42,406 - What? - N-nothing. 180 00:06:43,232 --> 00:06:44,897 Between the clownin' and the-- the fishin', 181 00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:46,661 I'm surprised you had time for the schoolin'. 182 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,051 Oh, and there's the fifth type, the sad clown. 183 00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:52,491 The sad clown is a tramp. 184 00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,097 So there's still only four types. 185 00:06:57,946 --> 00:06:59,258 Okay. 186 00:06:59,443 --> 00:07:01,142 Cam, I thought we discussed this. 187 00:07:01,177 --> 00:07:03,472 We did, but I-I started thinking. 188 00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:05,169 And this isn't about you or me. 189 00:07:05,236 --> 00:07:08,000 This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness. 190 00:07:08,066 --> 00:07:11,362 And he's gonna get that from his weird gay-clown uncle? 191 00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:14,070 Fizbo is not gay, he's asexual. 192 00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:15,655 - Ah. - H-he's an innocent whose only drive 193 00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:18,389 is to bring people joy and laughter and balloon animals. 194 00:07:18,424 --> 00:07:20,477 He's-- he's the least sexual being on Earth. 195 00:07:20,512 --> 00:07:20,983 Oh. 196 00:07:21,051 --> 00:07:23,595 Oh, okay, we, at least we agree on something, yeah. 197 00:07:29,473 --> 00:07:32,901 If this tape is found in the future, 198 00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:36,125 this is how we humans celebrated birthdays. 199 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,078 LUKE: Hey, Dad! 200 00:07:37,096 --> 00:07:38,694 Yeah, there's my boy, 201 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:40,657 zip line extreme-- Oh! 202 00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:41,890 Ugh! 203 00:07:41,958 --> 00:07:43,454 I'm okay. I'm good. 204 00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,120 I'm good. Lesson learned. 205 00:07:45,186 --> 00:07:47,318 Don't stand-- Don't stand there. 206 00:07:47,385 --> 00:07:48,948 Let's go ahead and rope this area off. 207 00:07:49,015 --> 00:07:50,652 Excellent. Thank you. 208 00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:54,037 Hey, buddy. You having fun? 209 00:07:54,042 --> 00:07:55,899 Yeah, and I love my new belt. 210 00:07:56,072 --> 00:07:57,435 CLAIRE: Hey, Luke! 211 00:07:57,604 --> 00:07:59,402 Luke, do you want to make a comb sheath? 212 00:07:59,469 --> 00:08:00,529 A what? 213 00:08:00,735 --> 00:08:02,630 It's a cool leather holder for your comb. 214 00:08:02,698 --> 00:08:03,929 And you can decorate it. 215 00:08:03,997 --> 00:08:06,392 I've got beads and-- and glitter 216 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,725 and-- and all kinds of stuff. 217 00:08:07,792 --> 00:08:08,524 Do you want to? 218 00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:11,486 Nah, I'm gonna do the rock wall. 219 00:08:12,470 --> 00:08:14,681 Okay, honey, it's your day. 220 00:08:14,799 --> 00:08:16,497 Honey, let me know if you get low on supplies. 221 00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:19,227 I'll make a quick run back to the 1950s for you. 222 00:08:19,295 --> 00:08:20,325 Aah! 223 00:08:20,947 --> 00:08:22,157 Again?! 224 00:08:22,224 --> 00:08:26,317 Seriously, zip-line guys, just some ropes. 225 00:08:26,385 --> 00:08:28,549 Did you remember to switch the whites to the dryer? 226 00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:29,780 Oh, no, I forgot. 227 00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,044 They're gonna smell musty. 228 00:08:31,113 --> 00:08:32,676 I know. I'm sorry. 229 00:08:32,744 --> 00:08:34,773 - I'll pump. - No, no, no, I'll do it. 230 00:08:34,808 --> 00:08:36,604 You just stay right here and relax. 231 00:08:36,673 --> 00:08:38,968 Oh, I get it. You're worried about people seeing me. 232 00:08:39,035 --> 00:08:40,067 Without question. 233 00:08:40,135 --> 00:08:41,465 You know, people are gonna stare. 234 00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:43,177 They're not used to seeing one clown in a car. 235 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,523 That's her-- Bianca Douglas. 236 00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:50,233 She's so cute. 237 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,346 Yeah, and she has good handwriting. 238 00:08:52,786 --> 00:08:55,182 She's the complete package. Wish me luck. 239 00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:56,567 You don't need luck. 240 00:08:56,614 --> 00:08:59,217 You just remember those jokes I told you, hmm? 241 00:09:02,407 --> 00:09:05,045 - We have to stop meeting like this. - What? 242 00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:07,699 - We go to school together. - Oh, yeah. 243 00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:08,998 Do you like jokes? 244 00:09:09,065 --> 00:09:09,886 Sure. 245 00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,027 Great. Okay. 246 00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:13,226 So, a grasshopper named Gary walks into a bar. 247 00:09:13,294 --> 00:09:15,990 Oh, no. You're not supposed to know his name. 248 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:17,321 Let me try another one, okay? 249 00:09:17,388 --> 00:09:19,368 - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 250 00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:21,450 - Interrupting cow. - Interrupting cow who? 251 00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:22,614 Moo. 252 00:09:22,681 --> 00:09:23,780 Oh, crap. 253 00:09:33,568 --> 00:09:36,197 - Um, hey. - Hey, yourself. 254 00:09:36,499 --> 00:09:37,160 Move. 255 00:09:37,464 --> 00:09:39,293 You kind of just bumped me with your car. 256 00:09:39,294 --> 00:09:40,284 I don't think so. 257 00:09:40,285 --> 00:09:42,062 No, no, you did, because, um, 258 00:09:42,412 --> 00:09:43,947 see, yeah, I got grease on my pants, 259 00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:45,319 and then also I felt it. 260 00:09:45,388 --> 00:09:46,485 Call an ambulance. 261 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,482 Okay, I just thought you might want to know 262 00:09:48,549 --> 00:09:49,903 in case you wanted to be a decent human being 263 00:09:49,938 --> 00:09:53,193 and apologize, but... no? Okay. 264 00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:54,788 Ass. 265 00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:57,735 What did you say? 266 00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:01,533 Just forget about it, all right? 267 00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:05,038 Listen, carrot top, I didn't touch you, 268 00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:06,370 so do the smart thing-- 269 00:10:06,436 --> 00:10:09,114 Shut your hole, get in your car, and drive away. 270 00:10:09,148 --> 00:10:10,196 Is there a problem here? 271 00:10:11,446 --> 00:10:12,616 What the hell are you? 272 00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:13,994 I'm the ass-kicking clown 273 00:10:14,061 --> 00:10:15,958 that'll twist you like a balloon animal. 274 00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,788 I will beat your head against this bumper 275 00:10:17,856 --> 00:10:19,121 until the airbags deploy, 276 00:10:19,189 --> 00:10:22,595 so apologize to my boyfriend right now! 277 00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:23,915 Apologize-- boyfriend? 278 00:10:23,983 --> 00:10:25,012 Apologize! 279 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,511 Okay. I'm sorry. 280 00:10:27,344 --> 00:10:28,727 I'm sorry. 281 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,659 Let's go. We're gonna be late. 282 00:10:45,588 --> 00:10:46,950 Mind if I come in? 283 00:10:46,984 --> 00:10:48,407 - Sure. - All right. 284 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:50,626 Come here. 285 00:10:52,446 --> 00:10:54,151 Why you bounce so sad? 286 00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:55,741 I told all my jokes. 287 00:10:55,809 --> 00:10:58,344 It turns out I'm not the funny guy. 288 00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:01,430 The right girl will find you when it's time, 289 00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:04,969 even though I'm gonna hate losing you to another woman. 290 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:06,760 You'll never lose me, Mom. 291 00:11:06,829 --> 00:11:08,826 I'll always love you, no matter what. 292 00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:12,156 Oh. [speaks Spanish] [chuckles] 293 00:11:12,191 --> 00:11:14,771 You see right there? You need no tricks. 294 00:11:14,885 --> 00:11:17,723 Just be the sweet, wonderful little boy that you are. 295 00:11:18,215 --> 00:11:20,512 Sweet little boy-- Got it. 296 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,347 She won't know what hit her. 297 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:23,275 [speaking Spanish] 298 00:11:25,539 --> 00:11:28,172 Hey, Manny, want to make a sweet comb sheath? 299 00:11:28,203 --> 00:11:29,792 Could not be a worse time, Claire. 300 00:11:32,247 --> 00:11:32,905 PHIL: Oh. 301 00:11:33,430 --> 00:11:35,754 It's so peaceful and quiet over here. 302 00:11:35,827 --> 00:11:36,834 Ha ha. 303 00:11:36,835 --> 00:11:39,257 If you came over here to gloat, I already know it's a dud. 304 00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:40,869 Actually, I came to give you this. 305 00:11:41,819 --> 00:11:43,116 It's your favorite flavor-- 306 00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:44,284 Blue. 307 00:11:44,713 --> 00:11:45,712 Thanks, honey. 308 00:11:46,461 --> 00:11:47,968 And your hair looks really nice. 309 00:11:48,045 --> 00:11:50,781 Mm, thanks. I've been combing it all day. 310 00:11:51,874 --> 00:11:53,805 All right, let's all give Luke a big hand 311 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,609 - for being so brave. - [cheers and applause] 312 00:11:56,644 --> 00:11:59,262 It feels so weird. What does it eat? 313 00:11:59,331 --> 00:12:01,743 Oh, just little-boy brains. 314 00:12:02,061 --> 00:12:04,153 Well, at least luke's got nothing to worry about. 315 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,627 Is there mayo in this? 316 00:12:05,662 --> 00:12:06,621 No, you're good. 317 00:12:07,121 --> 00:12:11,334 Um, so, I was thinking that maybe we could go slip away. 318 00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,155 So, does anyone want to pet the iguana? 319 00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:15,922 Hells, yes. Oh, man. 320 00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:18,373 I love lizards. 321 00:12:18,641 --> 00:12:19,735 What's his name? 322 00:12:19,804 --> 00:12:21,228 Her name is Lizzy. 323 00:12:21,536 --> 00:12:24,959 Wow. I totally get that. 324 00:12:25,131 --> 00:12:26,663 You don't deserve this. 325 00:12:26,998 --> 00:12:27,598 What? 326 00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:29,691 Hot reptile chick, 327 00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:31,372 you know, probably has her own apartment, 328 00:12:31,824 --> 00:12:34,487 obviously okay touching gross stuff. 329 00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:36,856 - They're just talking. - You're right. 330 00:12:36,950 --> 00:12:39,312 Dylan's far too sophisticated to get sucked in by 331 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:41,400 a single lady with tons of cool tattoos. 332 00:12:41,435 --> 00:12:42,276 DYLAN: Hey. [laughs] 333 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,800 - I think it peed on me. - Oh, no. 334 00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:46,649 No way, mother nature. 335 00:12:47,072 --> 00:12:48,527 I can't believe he does that. 336 00:12:48,562 --> 00:12:50,367 [indistinct shouting] 337 00:12:51,722 --> 00:12:53,169 Hey, what am I missing, guys? 338 00:12:53,602 --> 00:12:55,099 Aw, geez, Gloria. 339 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,330 Jay, look! I go high! 340 00:12:57,398 --> 00:12:58,426 Look, look! 341 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,416 Hey, guys, hit the road. 342 00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:02,400 Come on, you're family men. Come on, scat. 343 00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,820 Great job, buddy. 344 00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:07,753 Now comes the fun part. Rappel down. 345 00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:09,503 It's really high. 346 00:13:10,048 --> 00:13:12,897 You have nothing to fear but fear itself... 347 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,848 and the concrete, but I'm right here, buddy. 348 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,422 Okay, just catch me. 349 00:13:17,457 --> 00:13:19,325 I am brave. 350 00:13:19,403 --> 00:13:21,000 Roller coasters? Love them. 351 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,464 Scary movies? I've seen "Ghostbusters" like seven times. 352 00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:25,372 I regularly drive through neighborhoods 353 00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,018 that have only recently been gentrified. 354 00:13:27,193 --> 00:13:29,409 So, yeah, I'm pretty much not afraid of anything... 355 00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:31,653 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody! 356 00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:32,774 Quit your clowning around. 357 00:13:32,809 --> 00:13:34,341 That's my job! [laughs] 358 00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:37,169 Except clowns. 359 00:13:38,612 --> 00:13:41,075 Never shared that with the fam, so [exhales sharply] 360 00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:42,713 I do have an image to maintain. 361 00:13:42,907 --> 00:13:45,198 I am not really sure where the fear comes from. 362 00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:47,202 My mother says it's because, when I was a kid, 363 00:13:47,237 --> 00:13:49,984 I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows? 364 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,161 Hey! Oh! 365 00:13:52,228 --> 00:13:53,725 Well, you must be the birthday boy. 366 00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:55,991 Wow. Is that you, Uncle Cam? 367 00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:58,486 [laughs] Well, no, I'm Fizbo the Clown. 368 00:13:58,553 --> 00:13:59,971 I don't know who this "Uncle Cam" is. 369 00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:02,244 But he sure sounds handsome, doesn't he? [laughs] 370 00:14:02,582 --> 00:14:04,680 - Hey, who likes balloon animals? - I do! I do! 371 00:14:05,342 --> 00:14:06,206 It's just Cam. 372 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:07,941 It's just Cam. 373 00:14:08,009 --> 00:14:09,073 You all right? 374 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,538 What? Yeah. 375 00:14:10,606 --> 00:14:12,003 No, I just have kind of a... 376 00:14:12,253 --> 00:14:14,887 complicated relationship with clowns. 377 00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:16,707 Oh, well, join the club. 378 00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:25,081 Look, I came on strong with that whole funny-guy bit. 379 00:14:25,149 --> 00:14:27,372 This is me just being myself. 380 00:14:28,346 --> 00:14:31,093 Okay. Hey, do you know who that boy is over there? 381 00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:32,939 Oh. That's Dylan. 382 00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,556 He's Haley's boyfriend. 383 00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:37,427 He's so cute and tall. 384 00:14:37,734 --> 00:14:40,461 [sighs] I'm still growing. Give me a break. 385 00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:45,534 Pardon me, miss, but this little doggy needs a new home. 386 00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:47,166 - Oh, thank you. - [giggles] 387 00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:51,383 That's quite an impressive getup you got there. 388 00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:52,391 Well, thank you, Jay. 389 00:14:52,782 --> 00:14:54,600 Oh, by the way, you have something on your shoulder. 390 00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:58,504 [laughs] That's good. 391 00:14:58,539 --> 00:15:00,757 Never mind. It was nothing. 392 00:15:01,157 --> 00:15:01,965 Yeah, we're done here. 393 00:15:11,658 --> 00:15:14,658 So, do you keep these at, like, a zoo or something? 394 00:15:14,693 --> 00:15:15,853 TANYA: No, I just keep them at my place. 395 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:16,984 That's awesome. 396 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,611 I only have a cat. 397 00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:19,331 Yeah? 398 00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,160 I used to have a cat. 399 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,610 I was just messing with you before, 400 00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:26,356 but, seriously, he's still talking to her? 401 00:15:28,404 --> 00:15:29,109 On it. 402 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:31,180 You know, this is one of-- 403 00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:32,456 I feel like Britney Spears. 404 00:15:32,491 --> 00:15:33,786 [laughs] You're so funny. 405 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,199 You kinda do look like Britney Spears. 406 00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:37,893 - Oh really? - I was kidding. 407 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,833 Um, anyway, this is probably my favourite. 408 00:15:40,868 --> 00:15:42,447 Hey, Jungle Lady, 409 00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:44,968 I think-- I think one of your bugs got out. 410 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,818 What? This one? 411 00:15:46,853 --> 00:15:49,080 This box thing here-- It's on its side, empty. 412 00:15:49,147 --> 00:15:51,377 - Oh, my God, where did it go? - Is everything okay? 413 00:15:51,378 --> 00:15:54,252 No, I lost a poisonous scorpion, and I need to find it. 414 00:15:54,474 --> 00:15:57,837 Okay, kids, um, let's all tuck our pants into our socks, 415 00:15:57,905 --> 00:15:59,634 avoid shady, moist places, 416 00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:02,160 and let's make a game of looking where we step. 417 00:16:05,728 --> 00:16:07,938 [woman speaking on P.A.] 418 00:16:07,939 --> 00:16:09,552 - Is he okay? - Can we see him? 419 00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:11,282 He's in with the doctor right now. 420 00:16:12,874 --> 00:16:14,147 These things happen, right, 421 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,811 no matter how careful you are? 422 00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:18,907 Hey, look what Grandpa gave me-- a crossbow. 423 00:16:18,974 --> 00:16:20,139 Sweetie, that does not look safe. 424 00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:22,003 Don't worry. He's gonna show me how to use it. 425 00:16:22,072 --> 00:16:24,282 Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. 426 00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:25,804 Come on, you ready? 427 00:16:28,299 --> 00:16:30,691 Oh, my God, you are not making comb sheaths. 428 00:16:30,726 --> 00:16:31,711 I am, and I know. 429 00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:33,321 It's really lame. Everybody hates it. 430 00:16:33,389 --> 00:16:35,647 No, it's just like, uh, Donna Rigby's party. 431 00:16:35,682 --> 00:16:38,416 Exactly, yes, and it has the beads and everything. 432 00:16:38,483 --> 00:16:40,545 Oh, amazing. This is awesome. 433 00:16:41,247 --> 00:16:43,900 Wow. So, Cam's a clown. 434 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,535 PHIL: I got you! - Yeah. 435 00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:48,367 - I totally got you! - And there's mine. 436 00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:50,733 Do think it's weird that we both chose people 437 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,311 - who are so-- - Uninhibited? 438 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:54,633 I was gonna say embarrassing, but, yeah. 439 00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:56,801 Look at them, though. They're the life of the party. 440 00:16:57,859 --> 00:16:59,808 PHIL: Oh yeah. - You know, I got to say, 441 00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:03,111 for all his craziness, I love my clown. 442 00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:05,599 Me too. They're good for us. 443 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,445 I would've totally tanked this party. 444 00:17:07,513 --> 00:17:10,894 Oh, and I would've gotten my butt kicked at a gas station. 445 00:17:11,217 --> 00:17:12,199 Sorry? 446 00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,571 It turns out Fizbo is a real badass. 447 00:17:14,637 --> 00:17:16,374 Aah! Aah! Scorpion! 448 00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:17,799 Scorpion! Scorpion! 449 00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:20,478 - Scorpion! - [people screaming] 450 00:17:20,696 --> 00:17:22,061 Scorpion! 451 00:17:22,129 --> 00:17:24,992 No, no. Too close. Too close. 452 00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,105 Too close. 453 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,787 What the hell? Oh! 454 00:17:27,855 --> 00:17:29,631 Oh, crap! 455 00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:32,481 [people screaming] 456 00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:34,079 Oh, my God! 457 00:17:40,007 --> 00:17:41,690 Bianca, I'm coming. 458 00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:45,663 Who else is in there? Get out! 459 00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:48,574 Aaaahh! 460 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:52,690 It turns out I'm not the sweet guy or the funny guy. 461 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:55,325 No, manny, don't go in, por favor! 462 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,420 I must! 463 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,672 I'm coming! 464 00:18:02,811 --> 00:18:05,402 Manny Delgado is a man of action. 465 00:18:10,459 --> 00:18:10,904 Wait. 466 00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:12,197 My dog-- It's still in there. 467 00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:14,886 I'll be right back. 468 00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:16,060 [grunts] 469 00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:27,116 LUKE: Ow! My arm! 470 00:18:27,151 --> 00:18:29,555 Sweetie? Luke? 471 00:18:29,590 --> 00:18:30,509 What-- what happened, buddy? 472 00:18:30,578 --> 00:18:31,807 What happened? What happened, honey? 473 00:18:31,874 --> 00:18:33,525 Hey, hey, hey, hey, what happened? 474 00:18:33,539 --> 00:18:35,772 I slipped on these stupid beads. 475 00:18:36,254 --> 00:18:37,188 Oops. 476 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:38,917 - Come on, here we go. - Ow! 477 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,579 [police siren blaring] 478 00:18:40,614 --> 00:18:41,542 How is he? 479 00:18:41,983 --> 00:18:42,827 Oh, he's gonna be fine. 480 00:18:42,895 --> 00:18:45,808 JAY: Hi, honey. Hey, Manny. How are you, kid? 481 00:18:45,843 --> 00:18:47,618 - Oh, there he is. - Uh-oh, there he is. 482 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,345 Poor thing! 483 00:18:51,252 --> 00:18:53,399 Wow, everybody's here. 484 00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:55,565 Of course we are. How's that busted flipper? 485 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,573 - Okay. - Sorry about today, buddy. 486 00:18:57,608 --> 00:18:59,756 - We'll try again next year, huh? - Are you kidding? 487 00:18:59,791 --> 00:19:01,538 This was the best birthday ever. 488 00:19:01,885 --> 00:19:02,435 What? 489 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,306 I got a cast. 490 00:19:04,341 --> 00:19:05,576 You like the cast? 491 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,731 I've always wanted one. 492 00:19:06,799 --> 00:19:09,317 After a few weeks, they start to smell. 493 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,012 You are so weird. You know that? 494 00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:13,585 - Can I sign it? - Sure. 495 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,631 Hey, me first. 496 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:15,613 Okay. 497 00:19:15,648 --> 00:19:17,274 PHIL: If you'd asked me before the party 498 00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:20,092 if I wanted there to be a chain reaction of disasters 499 00:19:20,127 --> 00:19:21,179 that led to Luke breaking his arm, 500 00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,038 I probably would've said no. 501 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:24,943 Probably? 502 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:28,034 Prob-- definit-- Definitely not, would not want that. 503 00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:31,552 But one way or another, 504 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,704 Luke was the center of attention on his birthday, 505 00:19:33,832 --> 00:19:35,342 and the whole family was together, 506 00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:38,619 just the way it should be. 507 00:19:39,292 --> 00:19:41,821 Fizbo delivery! I brought the cake! 508 00:19:41,888 --> 00:19:44,856 [cheers and applause] 509 00:19:46,722 --> 00:19:47,611 I can't do this. 510 00:19:48,403 --> 00:19:49,277 Okay, I'm out. 511 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,546 [wheezing] 512 00:19:54,373 --> 00:19:56,028 Cake! 513 00:19:57,918 --> 00:20:00,620 Blow-- blow the candle, Luke. Blow the candle. 514 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:02,224 [cheers and applause] 515 00:20:04,576 --> 00:20:07,087 Bianca Douglas called me three times tonight. 516 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,991 I'm not gonna lie to you. 517 00:20:09,058 --> 00:20:10,425 I'm starting to feel smothered. 518 00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:14,591 I really like my cast, but it's starting to itch. 519 00:20:14,951 --> 00:20:17,663 Good thing my mom made me this personal scratcher. 520 00:20:19,179 --> 00:20:21,325 Oh, that's good stuff. 521 00:20:21,609 --> 00:20:23,974 If another woman is messing with your man, 522 00:20:24,339 --> 00:20:25,907 you have to get proactive. 523 00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:27,783 I don't care how pretty she is 524 00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:30,251 or how many stupid reptiles she has, 525 00:20:30,466 --> 00:20:32,511 she tries to take what's mine, 526 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:34,809 girlfriend's gonna get stung. 527 00:20:37,248 --> 00:20:39,955 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com