1
00:00:03,143 --> 00:00:04,375
Good morning, Madam President.

2
00:00:04,444 --> 00:00:06,678
May I introduce you
to the ambassador of Java?

3
00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,112
Oh, thank you.

4
00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:11,073
Because, after all,
what is a travel mug

5
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:13,041
but a closet for your coffee?

6
00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:15,677
And boom,
our next promotional giveaway.

7
00:00:15,746 --> 00:00:16,545
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

8
00:00:16,638 --> 00:00:18,478
Throw on a black turtleneck
and some mom jeans,

9
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,240
It's like I'm married
to Steve Jobs.

10
00:00:20,308 --> 00:00:21,841
I did hear you
banging out e-mails

11
00:00:21,910 --> 00:00:23,176
till all hours last night,

12
00:00:23,245 --> 00:00:25,411
so the cucumbers in the sandwich
can be repurposed

13
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,147
as lunchtime
crow's-feet refreshers.

14
00:00:27,215 --> 00:00:28,215
Thank you.

15
00:00:28,283 --> 00:00:29,616
Don't forget
we've got drinks later.

16
00:00:29,684 --> 00:00:32,252
Right. Any specific joke areas
I should stay away from?

17
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,753
Oh, no, don't worry about it.

18
00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:36,055
It's mostly just me and the guys
talking business.

19
00:00:36,124 --> 00:00:38,158
Hey, you using
those spin classes I got you?

20
00:00:38,226 --> 00:00:39,792
Yeah.
I went twice last week.

21
00:00:39,861 --> 00:00:40,660
You can't tell?

22
00:00:40,729 --> 00:00:42,562
Sure, I can.

23
00:00:42,631 --> 00:00:45,031
The best part about taking over
my dad's company --

24
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:50,203
I am now a powerful white male,
and I love it.

25
00:00:50,272 --> 00:00:52,906
I totally get now
why we don't want anyone else

26
00:00:52,974 --> 00:00:54,140
to have what we have.

27
00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:56,809
Honey, before I take off
for work,

28
00:00:56,878 --> 00:01:00,447
I saw this and I thought of you.

29
00:01:02,571 --> 00:01:03,904
What is it?

30
00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:05,205
It's a key?

31
00:01:05,254 --> 00:01:06,921
Yeah, it is.
It is a key...

32
00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:11,688
But a key to what?

33
00:01:11,757 --> 00:01:14,391
[ chirping ]

34
00:01:14,459 --> 00:01:15,592
No!

35
00:01:16,315 --> 00:01:17,580
No!

36
00:01:17,649 --> 00:01:19,182
You got me a PhunkeeDuck?!

37
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,008
No more walking for my man.
Walking's for jerks.

38
00:01:22,076 --> 00:01:24,911
Oh, my god!
That is the best gift ever!

39
00:01:24,979 --> 00:01:27,847
I don't know where it stops
and I begin!

40
00:01:36,551 --> 00:01:39,884
Synced and corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

41
00:01:41,637 --> 00:01:42,969
Where is it?
Where is it?

42
00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:45,972
You know, these cheese cubes
keep getting smaller every week.

43
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:48,375
I should start saving these
to prove my point.

44
00:01:49,145 --> 00:01:50,077
Wow, am I retired.

45
00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:52,079
[ gasps ]
It's there!

46
00:01:52,148 --> 00:01:53,447
It's beautiful!

47
00:01:53,516 --> 00:01:55,048
A little revealing.

48
00:01:55,117 --> 00:01:57,518
I mean, I get using sex
to sell your hot sauce.

49
00:01:57,586 --> 00:02:00,320
That's why I wore jordache jeans
in my old closet ads.

50
00:02:00,389 --> 00:02:01,955
But a little much, isn't it?

51
00:02:02,024 --> 00:02:03,323
It's obviously working.

52
00:02:03,392 --> 00:02:05,359
The store said that they put out

53
00:02:05,428 --> 00:02:08,962
100 bottles of my sauce,
and half of them are gone!

54
00:02:09,031 --> 00:02:10,497
[ sighs ]

55
00:02:10,566 --> 00:02:11,566
Oh, my.

56
00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:13,100
Auntie Alice!

57
00:02:13,169 --> 00:02:14,968
She's a hot-sauce legend.

58
00:02:15,037 --> 00:02:16,603
Her level three sauce

59
00:02:16,672 --> 00:02:19,473
has a picture
of a rooster exploding.

60
00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:20,941
I have to go meet her.

61
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:24,111
Hey, guys, take a pic.

62
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:26,947
Hey, get out of here!
That's my wife!

63
00:02:27,332 --> 00:02:29,165
I am a huge fan.

64
00:02:29,234 --> 00:02:33,269
I have read your life story
on your label a thousand times.

65
00:02:33,338 --> 00:02:36,539
Is it true that your father
crashed his pepper truck

66
00:02:36,608 --> 00:02:39,308
into a papaya tree
and the legend was born?

67
00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:41,644
You're asking me
if something's real?

68
00:02:41,663 --> 00:02:45,198
I can't believe that
that cutout's an actual person.

69
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,433
[ laughs ]

70
00:02:49,391 --> 00:02:50,391
Miles?

71
00:02:50,426 --> 00:02:51,759
Oh, hey, Jay.

72
00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:54,528
Uh, trying to read a text.

73
00:02:54,597 --> 00:02:56,163
They keep the lights
in here so low

74
00:02:56,232 --> 00:02:57,898
so they don't have to rotate
the produce.

75
00:02:57,921 --> 00:02:58,921
Don't give me that.

76
00:02:58,989 --> 00:02:59,989
I'm sorry, man.

77
00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:01,856
I've been lonely
since Reynetta left.

78
00:03:01,925 --> 00:03:03,391
You're a deacon.

79
00:03:04,594 --> 00:03:05,927
Honey, foot rub.

80
00:03:05,996 --> 00:03:07,028
Pass.

81
00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:09,731
[ whirring ]
Okay, there it is again!

82
00:03:09,799 --> 00:03:12,834
I'm telling you, something weird
is going on up there.

83
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,837
We're renting our upstairs unit
to earn a little extra cash

84
00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,339
and add a little extra tension
to our marriage.

85
00:03:18,408 --> 00:03:20,408
Our current guests registered

86
00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:22,877
as Mr. and Mrs. Wilkerson
and Tommy.

87
00:03:22,946 --> 00:03:26,481
I was expecting a nice young
couple and their little boy.

88
00:03:28,385 --> 00:03:29,851
Oh. Hello. You --

89
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,721
So, you -- you must be
Mr. and Mrs. Wilkerson?

90
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:35,223
- That's right.
- So you're Tommy?

91
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:36,224
He is.

92
00:03:36,292 --> 00:03:37,325
Welcome.

93
00:03:37,394 --> 00:03:38,993
Cam, let's help them
with their trunk.

94
00:03:39,062 --> 00:03:40,062
No!

95
00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:43,598
No? Okay, well,
uh, here is the key.

96
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,166
- Here you are.
- Thank you.

97
00:03:45,235 --> 00:03:46,235
Tommy?

98
00:03:48,724 --> 00:03:51,258
Okay, what is that all about?

99
00:03:51,326 --> 00:03:52,492
I mean, three adults?

100
00:03:52,561 --> 00:03:54,561
Why doesn't Tommy
have a last name?

101
00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:56,663
Why doesn't Tommy talk?
Is he their captive?

102
00:03:56,685 --> 00:03:59,286
Is Mrs. Wilkerson their captive?
Is the captive in the trunk?

103
00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:00,775
So there has to be a captive?

104
00:04:00,844 --> 00:04:02,677
Lately, we've been getting
negative reviews

105
00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:04,345
- from some of our renters.
- Say it.

106
00:04:04,414 --> 00:04:06,347
And they tend to follow
the common theme

107
00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:09,350
that the "bigger one"
is "nosy."

108
00:04:09,658 --> 00:04:12,358
While others say
the "orange fella"

109
00:04:12,427 --> 00:04:14,594
is "standoffish and cold."

110
00:04:14,663 --> 00:04:15,762
Who says that?

111
00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:17,164
I'm saying it now.

112
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:19,065
[ whirring, squeaking ]

113
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,000
Okay, we need to find out
what that is.

114
00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:22,569
Cam, stay out of their business,
all right?

115
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,571
If we drop below three stars,
we're gonna be stuck renting

116
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,506
to chain smokers
and pregnant foreigners

117
00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:28,374
trying to have their babies
in America.

118
00:04:28,443 --> 00:04:30,363
Mark down the time.
I just turned into my father.

119
00:04:30,412 --> 00:04:31,544
I'm going up.

120
00:04:31,613 --> 00:04:32,846
Cam...

121
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,082
Cam, what are you doing?!

122
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,951
I am checking on our guests.

123
00:04:38,019 --> 00:04:39,853
Hello!
Oh, all three of you.

124
00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:41,888
Uh, just stopped by to see
if you guys need

125
00:04:41,957 --> 00:04:43,289
Some fresh --
fresh towels.

126
00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:45,124
We're fine, thank you.

127
00:04:45,808 --> 00:04:48,042
Uh, yes, you were
gonna say something?

128
00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:49,541
You saw that, right?

129
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,789
Mrs. Wilkerson was giving me
the distress signal.

130
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,224
She was like...

131
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,293
Come on.

132
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:56,628
Cam!

133
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,296
Us again.
Just triple-checking

134
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,931
to see if you need
some hand soap,

135
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,166
a chance to talk to one of us
alone, some muffins.

136
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,502
Really, we're fine.
You don't have to keep checking.

137
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:05,670
Help!

138
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,439
She did not say "help."

139
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:09,908
So you did hear it.

140
00:05:12,506 --> 00:05:15,440
Hey, Delgado, thank your mom
for my new screen saver.

141
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:16,441
Will do, Parker.

142
00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,110
And speaking
of two-dimensional women

143
00:05:18,178 --> 00:05:19,878
who know a thing or two
about sauce,

144
00:05:19,947 --> 00:05:22,214
stop by Flanagan's and say hi
to your mom for me.

145
00:05:22,283 --> 00:05:23,515
[ laughter ]

146
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,903
I know you were bothered
by that cutout.

147
00:05:28,552 --> 00:05:30,252
But every teenager gets teased,

148
00:05:30,321 --> 00:05:31,521
and you have to rise
above it, so --

149
00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:33,409
- Your mother's in the trunk.
- What?

150
00:05:33,478 --> 00:05:35,211
I couldn't stand the ogling
and the selfies,

151
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,779
so I stole it --
For both our sakes.

152
00:05:36,848 --> 00:05:37,713
We're in this together.

153
00:05:37,782 --> 00:05:38,848
How?
I didn't steal it.

154
00:05:38,925 --> 00:05:40,424
Oh, I see where this is going.

155
00:05:40,493 --> 00:05:42,993
You complain and complain,
I make the problem go away,

156
00:05:43,062 --> 00:05:44,729
and you had nothing
to do with it.

157
00:05:44,797 --> 00:05:46,897
I didn't ask for this.
I didn't ask for any of this.

158
00:05:46,966 --> 00:05:49,033
Let's not turn on each other.
It'll make us sloppy.

159
00:05:49,102 --> 00:05:51,335
I need your help
to get rid of it.

160
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:53,370
God knows I've already tried.

161
00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:02,144
Son of a...

162
00:06:11,114 --> 00:06:12,481
Son of a...

163
00:06:12,549 --> 00:06:15,283
A lot of cool storage solutions
coming out of Asia, huh?

164
00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:16,944
Yeah, there really are.

165
00:06:17,013 --> 00:06:18,363
But I think you might be
even more interested

166
00:06:18,364 --> 00:06:19,630
in what's been coming
out of Cuba.

167
00:06:19,698 --> 00:06:20,731
Hey-o!

168
00:06:20,799 --> 00:06:23,133
[ laughter ]
Is she the best or what?

169
00:06:23,652 --> 00:06:24,417
Shall we, hmm?

170
00:06:24,486 --> 00:06:25,819
- Let's do it.
- Mm-hmm.

171
00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:26,986
You know what, honey?

172
00:06:27,055 --> 00:06:28,655
We are just gonna talk
about work.

173
00:06:28,724 --> 00:06:30,824
Why don't you stay
and have another drink, huh?

174
00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,759
Oh. Well, you don't
have to twist my arm.

175
00:06:32,828 --> 00:06:35,295
What do you say, ladies?
Another round of sapphire sins?

176
00:06:35,364 --> 00:06:36,296
Ooh, yes, please.

177
00:06:36,365 --> 00:06:38,231
Phil, you are just so much fun.

178
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,699
Thank you.

179
00:06:39,768 --> 00:06:42,135
Oh, it is so nice to hear those
words come out of a man's mouth.

180
00:06:42,204 --> 00:06:43,269
Tell me about it.

181
00:06:43,338 --> 00:06:44,938
Ever since Kyle
got that promotion,

182
00:06:45,215 --> 00:06:46,515
he barely acknowledges me.

183
00:06:46,584 --> 00:06:48,784
Come on, now, I'm sure
he knows how lucky he is.

184
00:06:48,852 --> 00:06:50,619
You have the twins,
a spotless house,

185
00:06:50,688 --> 00:06:52,087
Killer yoga arms.

186
00:06:52,156 --> 00:06:53,156
Aw.

187
00:06:53,223 --> 00:06:54,289
Unh-unh.
This happens all the time --

188
00:06:54,358 --> 00:06:56,091
They get on their track
to success,

189
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,060
and you become
the invisible housewife.

190
00:06:58,443 --> 00:07:00,543
I don't know about all the time.

191
00:07:00,612 --> 00:07:02,245
Sitting with all those gals,
I thought,

192
00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:04,781
"wow, this is an insane
amount of perfume.

193
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:06,216
And also, am I on my way

194
00:07:06,285 --> 00:07:08,418
to becoming
an invisible housewife?"

195
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:10,453
No way.
There'd be signs, right?

196
00:07:12,122 --> 00:07:14,491
Hey, stranger.
Been keeping dinner warm for ya.

197
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,359
Oh, that's nice.
I had a steak at the club.

198
00:07:16,428 --> 00:07:18,428
But I wouldn't knock a scotch
out of your hands.

199
00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:19,296
Sure thing.

200
00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:20,364
Hey, is now an okay time

201
00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:21,872
to go over
this list of house stuff?

202
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,433
Mm-hmm.
Let's see.

203
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,736
Don't care, don't care,
call a guy, don't care.

204
00:07:27,215 --> 00:07:29,782
Guess who got the big listing
on Westmount today.

205
00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:32,318
Oh, that's great, sweetie.
It'll keep you busy.

206
00:07:34,255 --> 00:07:35,988
Is that a new bracelet?
[ gasps ]

207
00:07:36,057 --> 00:07:37,223
Oh, yes, it is.

208
00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:39,392
Jim bought it for me
after our last big fight.

209
00:07:39,461 --> 00:07:42,095
I was on him about taking
all those business trips.

210
00:07:42,163 --> 00:07:43,596
That's what they do.

211
00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:46,232
Throw some new piece of jewelry
at you to keep you happy.

212
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:48,201
Mm-hmm.
Not that I'm complaining.

213
00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,402
- Oh, hello.
- Oh.

214
00:07:49,471 --> 00:07:51,804
[ laughter ]

215
00:07:51,873 --> 00:07:52,873
Right?

216
00:07:54,733 --> 00:07:55,865
Oh, good, mom's car is gone.

217
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,800
All right.
My hand saw is in the garage.

218
00:07:57,849 --> 00:07:59,848
You'll hold her down,
I'll cut the head off --

219
00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:00,641
- Jay!
- Oh!

220
00:08:00,658 --> 00:08:02,924
My car got a flat tire,
so it got towed.

221
00:08:02,988 --> 00:08:04,254
I need a ride to Phil's.

222
00:08:04,323 --> 00:08:06,523
He's helping me finish
my sauce website.

223
00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:08,425
Manny, baby, why are you crying?

224
00:08:08,493 --> 00:08:09,659
I'm not.

225
00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:14,331
Ooh, I got another e-mail
from the store.

226
00:08:14,399 --> 00:08:16,333
I bet you
that I sold another --

227
00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:18,635
What the hell?
Somebody stole my cutout.

228
00:08:18,704 --> 00:08:21,037
Stolen? Damn it!

229
00:08:21,495 --> 00:08:22,895
Well, there's no point
in replacing it

230
00:08:22,983 --> 00:08:24,716
because it's just gonna
get stolen again.

231
00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:25,781
I can't replace it.

232
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:26,948
It took two weeks

233
00:08:27,017 --> 00:08:29,083
just to get the mechanical arm
working right.

234
00:08:29,571 --> 00:08:31,171
Oh, wait till I catch this rat.

235
00:08:31,239 --> 00:08:33,239
I'm going to make him regret
that he was ever...

236
00:08:33,308 --> 00:08:34,308
[ teeth chattering ]

237
00:08:34,342 --> 00:08:35,842
Hey, Jay, turn the heater on.

238
00:08:35,911 --> 00:08:37,811
I can hear Manny's
teeth chattering.

239
00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:39,012
[ thumping ]

240
00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:40,780
What is that noise?

241
00:08:40,849 --> 00:08:42,215
I don't hear anything.

242
00:08:42,284 --> 00:08:43,783
[ thumping continues ]

243
00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:45,835
What is that thumping noise?

244
00:08:45,904 --> 00:08:48,104
Manny, go check the trunk.

245
00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:50,940
Uh, I don't really feel like
getting my hands dirty, Jay.

246
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:53,376
Your hands are plenty dirty
already, buddy boy.

247
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,511
Go deal with it.

248
00:08:55,394 --> 00:08:58,329
I am going to find
who did this, Jay,

249
00:08:58,397 --> 00:09:00,998
and I'm going to make him hurt.

250
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:03,500
Every thief makes a mistake.

251
00:09:03,569 --> 00:09:05,803
Gloria, you're letting this
get to you.

252
00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,472
You know what always
calms you down?

253
00:09:07,474 --> 00:09:08,673
Joe's little duck song.

254
00:09:08,742 --> 00:09:10,675
Now, let's --
Let's get that going.

255
00:09:10,744 --> 00:09:12,611
I hate him.

256
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,347
[ "Duck Parade" playing ]

257
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:18,016
♪ quack, quack, quack,
join the duck parade ♪

258
00:09:18,085 --> 00:09:19,484
I want blood!

259
00:09:19,553 --> 00:09:22,854
♪ Waddle, waddle, waddle,
waddle, watch them wade ♪

260
00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:24,489
♪ tail up, head down ♪

261
00:09:24,558 --> 00:09:26,525
♪ shake your feathers
all around ♪

262
00:09:26,593 --> 00:09:29,728
♪ everybody's smiling
at the duck parade ♪

263
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,721
This grainy security footage
is all the store sent?

264
00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:34,789
Mm-hmm.

265
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,625
I feel like I know him, Phil.

266
00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:39,593
Whoever it is, it looks like
they want to get caught.

267
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,161
He keeps going back
for the cheese cubes.

268
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,463
I can't watch this anymore.

269
00:09:42,531 --> 00:09:44,431
- Let's just work on my website, okay?
- Sure.

270
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,701
Claire: Phil, I'm late for
an appointment with a client.

271
00:09:46,729 --> 00:09:47,695
Can you do me a favor?

272
00:09:47,738 --> 00:09:49,872
If it's to put flowers
in the bathroom, I already did.

273
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:51,373
Oh, I hadn't noticed.

274
00:09:51,442 --> 00:09:52,775
Not surprised.

275
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,544
Okay, I was supposed to get
this client a bottle of scotch.

276
00:09:55,652 --> 00:09:57,285
I haven't had time
to do it myself.

277
00:09:57,353 --> 00:09:59,754
So can you pick one up
and bring it down to the office?

278
00:09:59,822 --> 00:10:00,522
Whatever you need.

279
00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:02,597
- I have to go out for a haircut anyway.
‭- Great.

280
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,837
Except I got
a haircut yesterday.

281
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,439
Okay, wow. This kitchen
really is a mess, huh?

282
00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:08,707
Mm. I'm off.

283
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,275
Don't.

284
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,346
Excuse me, Gloria.

285
00:10:14,415 --> 00:10:17,116
Apparently, I don't know
how to keep a kitchen clean.

286
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,083
What is that?

287
00:10:18,152 --> 00:10:19,618
Oh, it's just a little
hush-up gift

288
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,254
from my powerful wife who thinks
she can take me for granted.

289
00:10:22,323 --> 00:10:25,023
And I'll just hover after her
like a little puppy dog.

290
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,959
You have to stop
putting up with it.

291
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,895
They don't mean to ignore you,
but it will only get worse.

292
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:32,164
One time
when I had just married Jay,

293
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:35,000
I spent a whole day cooking
his favorite dinner.

294
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:37,803
- Beef Wellington and a baked potato
with all the fixin's? - Yes.

295
00:10:37,872 --> 00:10:41,573
And then when he got home,
he barely noticed what I had made.

296
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,481
So I took the emerald pendant
that he had bought me

297
00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:47,084
for the three past dinners
that he had missed

298
00:10:47,153 --> 00:10:48,819
and I threw it at his head.

299
00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:51,055
I told him
I don't need fancy things.

300
00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:52,189
I need the respect.

301
00:10:52,258 --> 00:10:54,091
Isn't that an emerald pendant?

302
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:55,626
It made its way back to me.

303
00:10:55,694 --> 00:10:58,562
But the point is that you
have to make a statement.

304
00:10:58,631 --> 00:11:00,864
You have to give back
the hoverboard.

305
00:11:00,933 --> 00:11:02,032
You know what?

306
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,001
I hate to admit it,
but you're right.

307
00:11:04,070 --> 00:11:05,602
Uh-oh.

308
00:11:05,671 --> 00:11:06,603
Phil?

309
00:11:06,672 --> 00:11:09,506
This happens. You just got
to let the battery run out.

310
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:12,192
We're out of stamps.
I'm heading to the post office.

311
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:14,042
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm good.

312
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:15,111
What are you doing?

313
00:11:15,146 --> 00:11:16,812
Oh, uh, just a little research.

314
00:11:16,881 --> 00:11:19,448
"Wilkersons plus adults Tommy
plus mysterious trunk."

315
00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:20,616
Okay, now try googling

316
00:11:20,684 --> 00:11:22,584
"irrational meddling
plus homosexual."

317
00:11:22,653 --> 00:11:25,487
Okay, Mitchell, what if they're
a part of some weird cult?

318
00:11:25,556 --> 00:11:26,796
Remember that "20/20" we watched

319
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:29,024
where they infiltrated
the ritual ceremony

320
00:11:29,093 --> 00:11:31,860
And Elizabeth Vargas had
to almost sacrifice a squirrel?

321
00:11:31,929 --> 00:11:34,062
I went through the bag
they dumped in the trash.

322
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:37,065
Oh, hi...

323
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:38,667
Now you're involving
our daughter?

324
00:11:38,736 --> 00:11:40,569
I don't know
what she's talking about.

325
00:11:40,638 --> 00:11:41,670
Okay, you know what?

326
00:11:41,739 --> 00:11:43,305
You need to get
out of the house.

327
00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:44,439
Go get the stamps.

328
00:11:44,508 --> 00:11:46,041
And a hobby.

329
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:47,743
Okay, well, they're in our home,

330
00:11:47,811 --> 00:11:49,845
And I'm just trying
to protect our family.

331
00:11:49,914 --> 00:11:51,413
I don't want to wake up dead.

332
00:11:51,482 --> 00:11:53,115
I can't believe I have
to say this to you again.

333
00:11:53,184 --> 00:11:54,249
You cannot wake up and be dead.

334
00:11:54,318 --> 00:11:55,318
It's an expression!

335
00:11:55,386 --> 00:11:56,585
It's not.
[ door closes ]

336
00:11:56,654 --> 00:11:58,453
Daddy should not have
involved you in his snooping.

337
00:11:58,522 --> 00:12:00,642
So you don't want me to tell you
what I found in here?

338
00:12:00,691 --> 00:12:02,558
No...

339
00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,226
Well, of course I looked.

340
00:12:04,295 --> 00:12:07,462
And inside I found latex gloves,
a bottle of bleach,

341
00:12:07,531 --> 00:12:08,797
Heavy-duty tarp.

342
00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:11,266
Now, I've never killed anyone
and cleaned it up,

343
00:12:11,335 --> 00:12:12,668
but that sounds like a kit.

344
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,570
So as soon as I saw them
drive off

345
00:12:14,638 --> 00:12:17,139
in their windowless murder van,
I-I ran upstairs.

346
00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:22,631
Oh, my god!

347
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,447
What are you?

348
00:12:28,016 --> 00:12:30,950
[ footsteps approach,
keys jingle ]

349
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:32,418
[ figurine clatters ]

350
00:12:37,002 --> 00:12:38,135
The people are back!

351
00:12:38,203 --> 00:12:39,936
Shh!

352
00:12:40,809 --> 00:12:43,441
Is this gonna be
a daily thing now, Tommy,

353
00:12:43,455 --> 00:12:44,554
losing your phone?

354
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,858
Oh, thank god.

355
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,903
Wait.
Where are you going?

356
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,271
Oh!

357
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,209
[ gasps ]

358
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,845
[ ringtone plays ]

359
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,113
Hey.
Um, what's up?

360
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,448
I'm still getting stamps.

361
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,716
Look to your left.

362
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,650
[ gasps ]
What are you doing?

363
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,185
I'm hiding.
They're here.

364
00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:09,898
I came up to see if anything
weird was going on.

365
00:13:09,973 --> 00:13:12,007
Did ya? Were you curious?
Gettin' a little nosy?

366
00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,008
Not the time.

367
00:13:13,076 --> 00:13:14,709
What are these creepy things?

368
00:13:14,778 --> 00:13:17,012
[ gasps ]
If these dolls could talk...

369
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,180
They'd tell you I dropped one
and then their head came off.

370
00:13:19,249 --> 00:13:20,482
Well, you have to put it back.

371
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,183
Maybe they won't notice
one of them's missing.

372
00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:23,812
Yeah, this seems like
a casual interest.

373
00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:26,303
Oh my gosh, here they come.

374
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,690
Okay, I'll create a distraction
so you can get back in there.

375
00:13:28,776 --> 00:13:31,577
I simply invited them to
a complimentary cocktail hour.

376
00:13:31,646 --> 00:13:34,246
Even possible satanists
enjoy a triple-cream brie

377
00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:36,282
and a crisp chardonnay.
[ chuckles ]

378
00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:37,917
So, what brings you all to town?

379
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,586
We're here for
the Chuckled Chums convention.

380
00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:43,355
I'm sorry,
the -- the Chuckled Chums?

381
00:13:43,424 --> 00:13:45,724
They're a line
of ceramic figurines.

382
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:47,426
We're avid collectors.

383
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,726
Oh.
[ thud, clattering ]

384
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,630
- Well, that sounds fun.
- Yeah.

385
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:56,934
Every year we gather together
with like-minded Chum lovers

386
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,802
To share our favorite pieces.

387
00:13:58,871 --> 00:13:59,871
[ gasps ]

388
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,038
Yes? You --
You want to say s--

389
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:01,939
Help!

390
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,907
Oh, bless you, darling.

391
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:06,743
You've probably guessed.
I'm the figurine restorer.

392
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:07,945
We're so excited.

393
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,880
Ours is this year's
featured collection

394
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,182
because of its size
and pristine condition.

395
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:16,019
I hope the industrial polisher
we brought wasn't too loud.

396
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:18,488
No, we can't hear anything
that goes on upstairs.

397
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,225
Okay.

398
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,127
All right.

399
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,395
Oh, no.

400
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,199
No, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!

401
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,767
No, no!
No, no, no!

402
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,502
Oh, god, no!

403
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:33,870
[ clattering ]

404
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:34,705
Hm.

405
00:14:35,431 --> 00:14:36,564
Fortunately, Chuckle Chums

406
00:14:36,633 --> 00:14:38,332
aren't all that expensive
to replace.

407
00:14:38,401 --> 00:14:41,102
They're mainly just an excuse
for lonely people to go outside.

408
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:44,005
- Point is, we learned our lesson.
No more snooping. - Absolutely.

409
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:46,701
Although we still don't have
an explanation

410
00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:48,837
for those creaky floorboards
in the middle of the night.

411
00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:51,288
Heavy-footed going one way,
light coming back.

412
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,718
Was it Tommy joining his Chums
for a ménage à trois,

413
00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:59,022
then being replaced
by Mrs. Wilkerson on the couch?

414
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:02,325
Okay, you need...
Help!

415
00:15:02,394 --> 00:15:03,459
Son of a bitch.

416
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,094
I broke two saw blades
on this thing,

417
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:07,230
And now these miracle shears
are no good.

418
00:15:07,299 --> 00:15:09,699
Guy who sold me these at the front
door cut through a horseshoe.

419
00:15:09,768 --> 00:15:10,900
Hold on.
Let's try your shredder.

420
00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:12,235
What's that doing
down here anyway?

421
00:15:12,304 --> 00:15:13,569
I made an executive decision

422
00:15:13,638 --> 00:15:15,204
about some of Joe's
lesser artwork.

423
00:15:15,273 --> 00:15:18,341
Help me lift this thing.

424
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:19,642
[ shredder whirring ]

425
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,843
Hey, it's working!

426
00:15:20,912 --> 00:15:22,478
The best shredder money can buy.

427
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,614
In 2004, our whisper-close
hamper technology

428
00:15:24,683 --> 00:15:27,483
got stolen out of the trash,
got sold on the dark web.

429
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,284
Never again.

430
00:15:28,353 --> 00:15:29,786
Oh, no, it's stuck!

431
00:15:29,854 --> 00:15:31,888
Gloria: Hola!

432
00:15:33,825 --> 00:15:35,491
Hey-oh!

433
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,926
Hey, you're back early, huh?

434
00:15:36,995 --> 00:15:39,228
Yeah, I didn't want
to go back to that store

435
00:15:39,297 --> 00:15:40,297
and get angry again.

436
00:15:40,332 --> 00:15:41,898
- I just want to relax.
- Yeah.

437
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,533
Manny!

438
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:45,101
Uh, yes, mama?

439
00:15:45,504 --> 00:15:47,037
Can you please draw me a bath

440
00:15:47,105 --> 00:15:49,205
with those fancy bath salts
that you have?

441
00:15:49,274 --> 00:15:50,640
Oh, I usually save those
for spec--

442
00:15:50,709 --> 00:15:51,908
Just draw the damn bath.

443
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:53,476
I'll get you a nice
glass of wine to go with it.

444
00:15:53,545 --> 00:15:54,778
- Oh, okay.
- Come on, honey,

445
00:15:54,846 --> 00:15:56,846
I got a nice chardonnay out here
you're gonna like.

446
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,182
[ scratching ]
Is that Stella?

447
00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,258
No, definitely not.

448
00:16:01,106 --> 00:16:02,472
What did you bring?

449
00:16:02,541 --> 00:16:03,306
Gloria, wait.

450
00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:04,207
[ gasps ] oh!

451
00:16:04,276 --> 00:16:05,575
Gloria, don't be mad.

452
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,583
It must have been
that old witch, Auntie Alice!

453
00:16:09,652 --> 00:16:12,553
She must have left this
as a warning!

454
00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:13,554
Devious.

455
00:16:13,576 --> 00:16:15,776
Dang it, I got my fingerprints
all over it now.

456
00:16:15,845 --> 00:16:19,346
I bet she was the one
who gave me that flat tire.

457
00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:21,682
Who are you calling?

458
00:16:23,652 --> 00:16:25,552
[ speaking Spanish ]

459
00:16:27,456 --> 00:16:28,555
...Auntie Alice.

460
00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:30,801
What was that?

461
00:16:31,170 --> 00:16:32,270
She's going to pay.

462
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,459
You don't even know it was her.

463
00:16:33,527 --> 00:16:34,994
Whatever that was,
you got to call it off.

464
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,029
I know it was her.
I saw the evil in her eyes.

465
00:16:37,098 --> 00:16:38,964
She probably has cataracts.

466
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:41,166
Oh, for god's sake,
Gloria, I did it.

467
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:42,835
- I stole the cutout.
- You?

468
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,704
I didn't love the way those guys
were taking pictures with it.

469
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:47,873
Jay, but you've never
been jealous like this.

470
00:16:47,942 --> 00:16:49,041
Well, when we first met,

471
00:16:49,110 --> 00:16:50,376
but then I realized
it's a full-time job.

472
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:51,710
I'm sorry.

473
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:55,047
There's nothing wrong with being
protective of your wife.

474
00:16:55,116 --> 00:16:56,482
It means that you care.

475
00:16:56,797 --> 00:16:59,031
Is something bad happening
to that poor woman?

476
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,799
I don't know details.
I let them decide.

477
00:17:00,868 --> 00:17:02,268
They don't like to feel managed.

478
00:17:02,336 --> 00:17:04,370
I'm begging you
to make that call!

479
00:17:04,438 --> 00:17:07,273
Auntie Alice spoke at career day
at my high school!

480
00:17:07,341 --> 00:17:08,807
[ telephone rings ]

481
00:17:08,876 --> 00:17:09,742
Hello?

482
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:12,093
No, we didn't order flowers.

483
00:17:12,059 --> 00:17:14,192
That's them.
Tell them no tulips.

484
00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:15,760
Uh, no tulips.

485
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:17,846
They hung up.

486
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,480
Good thing that I remembered
the code.

487
00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:20,669
[ chuckles ]

488
00:17:20,738 --> 00:17:22,438
Okay, now, my -- mwah! --
Big jealous man,

489
00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:24,073
let's go and have some wine.

490
00:17:24,142 --> 00:17:26,342
I don't know why that cutout
bugged me so much.

491
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:29,211
I guess probably because I have
more time now to be jealous.

492
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,481
Okay, now, you have more time
to take me upstairs

493
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:35,692
and show me what those bad men
were doing to me at the store.

494
00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:38,891
I'm getting back
to liking retirement.

495
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,560
I told you to say
no roses, right?

496
00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:42,541
Tulips!

497
00:17:43,686 --> 00:17:45,820
I'm sure it's fine.

498
00:17:47,323 --> 00:17:50,124
Here's the scotch you asked for.

499
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,197
And also,
there's something else.

500
00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:55,090
I'm returning the hoverboard.

501
00:17:55,128 --> 00:17:57,061
Fine. I-I think the receipt
was in the box.

502
00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:59,262
Oh. Okay.
Well, good.

503
00:17:59,494 --> 00:18:01,361
Because I can't accept a gift
if it's just a shiny

504
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,479
servo-controlled substitute
for respect and appreciation.

505
00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:05,914
I'm not invisible, Claire.

506
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,534
You married a strong
and capable man who --

507
00:18:08,602 --> 00:18:10,135
Can you help me with this clasp?

508
00:18:10,504 --> 00:18:12,038
Claire?

509
00:18:12,706 --> 00:18:13,572
Honey?

510
00:18:13,641 --> 00:18:14,740
No. Don't cry.

511
00:18:14,786 --> 00:18:16,586
I-I can, uh --
I can keep it if you want.

512
00:18:16,654 --> 00:18:18,721
I-I can't return it anyway.
I already dented it.

513
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:20,790
No, it's not that.
It's -- it's not.

514
00:18:20,859 --> 00:18:23,025
It's just all of this.
I'm so stressed.

515
00:18:23,094 --> 00:18:25,061
Phil, I've never
been a boss before,

516
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:26,295
and I am freaking out.

517
00:18:26,364 --> 00:18:27,764
But you've been handled it
so well.

518
00:18:27,832 --> 00:18:30,500
I am faking it, Phil.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

519
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,868
I'm just copying my dad --

520
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,803
The steak, the scotch,
the cigars.

521
00:18:33,872 --> 00:18:36,272
Do you have any idea
how bad the heartburn is?

522
00:18:36,341 --> 00:18:38,307
But you just got here.
Give it a little time.

523
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:40,009
There is no time.
I'm in charge now.

524
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,711
And I live every day
in constant fear

525
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:43,646
of everyone discovering
that I'm a fraud.

526
00:18:43,715 --> 00:18:45,715
Oh, my god, I really am
a powerful white male!

527
00:18:45,784 --> 00:18:47,550
Hey, you are not a fraud.

528
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:52,597
I haven't had the guts to sit
at my dad's desk since he left.

529
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,966
I still feel
like the little girl

530
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,735
who used to play
hide-and-seek under it.

531
00:18:58,604 --> 00:18:59,937
Look.

532
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,272
This is your desk now.

533
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,641
You've earned it.

534
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,912
You are not
a little girl anymore.

535
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,682
In fact, you're the strongest,

536
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,184
smartest woman I know.

537
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:17,155
The hardest company in the world
to run is Dunphy Co.,

538
00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,333
and you've kept us in business
for 22 years.

539
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,425
I don't worry about you
in this job.

540
00:19:21,435 --> 00:19:23,702
I worry about the poor chump
who has to follow you.

541
00:19:23,722 --> 00:19:24,354
Oh.

542
00:19:24,476 --> 00:19:27,077
Margaret: Everyone is here
for your meeting, Claire.

543
00:19:27,146 --> 00:19:28,545
Knock 'em dead, boss.

544
00:19:28,614 --> 00:19:30,080
Uh, Phil, wait.
Oh!

545
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:31,314
Oh, sorry.

546
00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:33,411
Thank you...

547
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:36,426
for everything.

548
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:37,313
Thank you.

549
00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:39,850
And I'm sorry
if I don't say it more.

550
00:19:39,919 --> 00:19:41,352
Come here.

551
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:44,755
I guess you want to get rolling
on your meeting.

552
00:19:44,824 --> 00:19:45,856
Mm.

553
00:19:45,925 --> 00:19:47,725
I'll just duck out.

554
00:19:47,794 --> 00:19:49,326
- Take it.
- Thank you.

555
00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:50,395
[ sighs ]

556
00:19:50,429 --> 00:19:51,429
[ beep ]

557
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:55,132
Claire?

558
00:19:56,869 --> 00:19:58,502
I love you.

559
00:20:12,051 --> 00:20:13,484
Okay, Margaret.

560
00:20:13,553 --> 00:20:14,719
Phil: No, no, no, no, no,
let me spin!

561
00:20:14,736 --> 00:20:16,535
It's worse you try to help.

562
00:20:16,604 --> 00:20:18,604
Send them in.

563
00:20:21,309 --> 00:20:22,309
[ sighs ]

564
00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:31,836
[ beep ]

565
00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:37,675
Phil?

566
00:20:37,743 --> 00:20:40,311
Oh, no, not again.

567
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:48,986
Should we wake him up?

568
00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:50,521
Oh, I read the instructions.

569
00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:51,590
It says not to.

570
00:20:54,393 --> 00:20:56,460
Hello.

571
00:20:56,529 --> 00:20:58,429
What?

572
00:20:58,498 --> 00:21:00,631
Don't worry.
I'm a realtor.

573
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,166
I'll be right there.

574
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:07,137
I have a really early meeting.

575
00:21:07,206 --> 00:21:08,706
- I'm on it.
- Thank you.

576
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:10,730
Synced and corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com