0 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,150 English (HI) Subtitles. [MP4] Modern Family S06E22 (720p) Patriot Games - HDTV [KoTuWa] 1 00:00:01,239 --> 00:00:04,639 OK, Lily, I've got the list of what you need for your project. 2 00:00:04,642 --> 00:00:05,642 Glitter glue... 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,624 - ...glitter dots... - Mm-hmm. 4 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,943 ...glitter... paper. 5 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:13,046 Mrs. Daniels says my projects have too much glitter. 6 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,298 Okay, well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, 7 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,284 because a project can't have too much pizzazz. 8 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,252 It's a report on the potato famine. 9 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,504 I'm -- I'm sorry. Do Irish tears not sparkle? 10 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,190 Okay. Okay. Sorry. 11 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,809 - Longinus, Jotham. - Oh, hey. 12 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,644 - Hi. - Oh, hi, guys. What's up? 13 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,979 Oh, nothing, just picking up supplies to make signs 14 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,398 - for the big protest. - Yes. 15 00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:32,899 - Oh, right. Right, yes. - Mm-hmm. 16 00:00:32,984 --> 00:00:35,151 - Uh, uh, w-- - And which big protest is -- 17 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,486 We're picketing the Jai Alai Lounge 18 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,154 - for obvious reasons. - Obviously. 19 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,656 - Obviously. - Obviously, yes. 20 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,324 What reasons, daddy? 21 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,493 Um, well, Jotham, y-you tell her. 22 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,161 It makes me so angry, I can't even say it out loud. 23 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,296 So upset. 24 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,582 All we know is the Jai Alai Lounge 25 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,251 - has the single best burger in the country... - Oh, my god. 26 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,585 ...if not the universe. 27 00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,254 - The Jai Alai burger is 1/4-pound... - 1/3. 28 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:55,588 ...prime Angus, 29 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,423 - Uh, fresh, crispy lettuce... - Butter lettuce. 30 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,259 ...a sauce delivered from heaven... 31 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,476 From Kansas City. 32 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,929 ...all on a perfectly toasted, fresh-baked bun. 33 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:03,980 With sesame seeds. 34 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,648 I wanted to have it as our wedding cake. 35 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,816 Maybe for your next one. 36 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,101 Hmm? 37 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,936 So, who's this "we" that's picketing? 38 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,437 Every week, a group of us get together 39 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,774 to protest those who have been holding back the gay cause. 40 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,276 Why haven't we ever been invited? 41 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:18,444 [ Clears throat ] It's just that you're not that... 42 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,612 - Political. - Mm. 43 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,748 Uh, um, you know, ever since... 44 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,751 He knows I can see, right? 45 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,586 We are very, very political people. 46 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,421 - Yes, we were just discussing... - Mm-hmm. 47 00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,790 - ...the potato famine of Ireland. - Yes. 48 00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:32,291 I haven't had a potato in four years. 49 00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:33,626 Well, if you're honestly interested, 50 00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:34,794 we'll be out there on Saturday at noon. 51 00:01:34,878 --> 00:01:35,962 You should come join us. 52 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,430 - We will. - Yep. With bells. 53 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,265 - Yeah. That's just -- that's an expression. - Oh, gosh. 54 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,800 [ Chuckles ] These are for Lily's project 55 00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:42,301 on the potato famine, actually. [ Bells thud, jingle ] 56 00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:43,386 - Oh, okay. Bye. [ Chuckles ] - Well, all right. 57 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,637 - Cameron: See ya, guys. - Mitchell: Bye. 58 00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:45,688 - See ya Saturday, guys. - Yeah, good to see you. 59 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:46,722 Bye. 60 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:47,857 Oh, my god. Can you believe that? 61 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,192 Yeah, he's a little hippy 62 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,110 for somebody that doesn't eat potatoes. 63 00:02:00,368 --> 00:02:03,701 Synced and corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 64 00:02:03,907 --> 00:02:06,492 [ Squealing ] 65 00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:08,828 We were called into Principal Brown's office 66 00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:10,730 one week before Alex's graduation. 67 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,565 That can mean only one of two things. 68 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,300 Either she's gonna be valedictorian 69 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,636 or they're giving an award for sexiest dad. 70 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,638 We're very proud of Alex. 71 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,474 [ Squealing ] Honey. 72 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,509 [ Squealing stops ] I'm sorry. 73 00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:25,344 I just feel like my whole life has been building up to this point. 74 00:02:25,429 --> 00:02:26,345 - I know. - Oh. 75 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:28,264 - Hello, Dunphys. - Hey. - Hi. 76 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,565 So nice to be able to 77 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,517 give you some good news in one of these meetings. 78 00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:32,685 How is Haley, by the way? 79 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,354 So sorry we're late. We -- 80 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:36,939 - What's she doing here? - What's he doing here? 81 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,774 Well, Alex and Sanjay, 82 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,494 after four years of spirited competition, 83 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,028 I am very pleased to tell you 84 00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:46,532 that you are the Pali High Class of 2015 -- 85 00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:49,535 Ooh -- Co-valedictorians! 86 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,203 - That's amazing! Yes! - Oh! 87 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,873 Couldn't be more proud of the both of you, huh? 88 00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:55,541 What do you mean -- co-valedictorians? 89 00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:57,543 "Co" is the Latin prefix for "together." 90 00:02:57,627 --> 00:03:00,045 But really, what do you mean -- co-valedictorians? 91 00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:02,881 Well, I thought there might be some aggressive questions 92 00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:06,218 that, uh, made me nervous, and so I wrote down my remarks. 93 00:03:06,302 --> 00:03:07,386 Uh... [ Clears throat ] 94 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:10,189 No, I'm not trying to ruin your lives. 95 00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,858 It's just that your GPAs are tied 96 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,893 to the thousandth of a decimal point. 97 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,563 - But my GPA's 4.645923. - My GPA's 4.645923. 98 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,064 She got an "A-" on the French final. 99 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,899 He got an "A-" on an English paper. 100 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,901 - Oh. - No. 101 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,069 This is a nightmare. 102 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,204 Worst day of my life. 103 00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,705 Guys, we should be celebrating. 104 00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,574 This is literally a win/win. 105 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,409 I didn't work my whole life for a tie. 106 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,910 [ Scoffs ] 107 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,579 No offense, Principal Brown, but you were a teaching major. 108 00:03:33,663 --> 00:03:35,497 I'd like to check the GPAs myself. 109 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:36,582 Have at it. 110 00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:38,917 What is it with these two? 111 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:42,087 I agree with them. Ties are un-American. 112 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,389 Would you be happy if the Super Bowl ended in a tie? 113 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,059 Yes! There'd be twice as many parades! 114 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,511 There must be some way to determine 115 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,563 who the best student is. 116 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,764 Well, unfortunately, 117 00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:54,399 all the final exams and the papers are in. 118 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,784 Grades are closed. 119 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,221 [ Sighs ] Not all the grades. 120 00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:02,474 Well, well, well... 121 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:06,044 Looks like the janitor finally fixed my chair. 122 00:04:06,673 --> 00:04:07,773 What are you guys all doing here? 123 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:13,495 What are the last two states to be admitted into the Union? 124 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:14,747 Alaska and Hawaii. 125 00:04:14,798 --> 00:04:16,849 Name two cabinet-level positions. 126 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,900 That's easy. 127 00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,334 There's a higher one for the glasses 128 00:04:19,419 --> 00:04:21,387 and a lower one for the pots and the pans. 129 00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:22,388 Hey, don't get cocky. [ Chuckles ] 130 00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:24,022 When we started studying for this, 131 00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:25,958 you thought the Secretary of Defense job 132 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,359 was to guard "da fence." 133 00:04:27,394 --> 00:04:28,527 [ Chuckles ] 134 00:04:29,256 --> 00:04:31,974 Gloria's about to take her citizenship test. 135 00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:34,744 This little jumping bean's about to become an American. 136 00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:36,512 Jumping beans are Mexican. 137 00:04:36,547 --> 00:04:39,532 Once you're an American, you won't see the difference. 138 00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:41,517 I got you a little gift to celebrate. 139 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:42,635 Aww. 140 00:04:42,719 --> 00:04:44,320 I know it's not much. 141 00:04:44,354 --> 00:04:46,455 It's practically nothing. 142 00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:48,357 It's America. It's fun. 143 00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:51,244 Aww, thank you, Jay. I'm so excited. 144 00:04:51,328 --> 00:04:54,347 Do you know that once I pass, I can serve on a jury? 145 00:04:54,431 --> 00:04:56,198 They still use the electric chair, right? 146 00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:58,882 [ Door opens, closes ] We're back. 147 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:00,184 Hola, Javier. 148 00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:02,119 How was "take your son to not work" day? 149 00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:03,887 How was life before radio? 150 00:05:03,972 --> 00:05:04,938 Ah. [ Clicks tongue ] 151 00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:07,040 Manny told me about your plans 152 00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:09,343 to abandon your Colombian roots. 153 00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,945 Really? You're gonna lecture me on abandonment? 154 00:05:11,996 --> 00:05:15,098 You left to buy some diapers, and I saw you four years later. 155 00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:18,502 If only you could let that go as easily as your homeland. 156 00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:21,930 .. 157 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:24,820 .. 158 00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:26,293 Are they fighting or falling back in love? 159 00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:28,450 .. 160 00:05:28,474 --> 00:05:29,730 .. 161 00:05:29,731 --> 00:05:31,915 [ Stammering ] 162 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,734 ...c-cow! 163 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,102 Cow? 164 00:05:35,186 --> 00:05:36,319 Cow?! 165 00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:38,493 The woman who is abandoning her country 166 00:05:38,527 --> 00:05:41,146 cannot remember the Spanish word for cow. 167 00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,764 It slipped my mind. [ Laughs ] 168 00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:44,916 Vaca. 169 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,835 There's a taco truck parked outside my office. 170 00:05:49,972 --> 00:05:52,807 Well, it looks like you both have the same gym grade, 171 00:05:52,842 --> 00:05:54,609 but I do see here that neither of you 172 00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:57,462 have completed this semester's mile run. 173 00:05:57,882 --> 00:05:59,266 We were at a debate tournament. 174 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,068 - Which we won, thanks to me. - Oh, please. 175 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,886 After your long-winded summation on euthanasia, 176 00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:04,588 people wanted to kill themselves. 177 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,823 Enough. We will do a makeup race. 178 00:06:06,858 --> 00:06:08,759 And whoever wins gets to be valedictorian. 179 00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,727 - You're on. - This is crazy. 180 00:06:10,795 --> 00:06:12,195 Are we all so obsessed with being number one 181 00:06:12,263 --> 00:06:14,164 that we can't just celebrate this moment? 182 00:06:14,964 --> 00:06:17,349 Yeah, I mean, it's the end of their senior year. 183 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,151 They're both into great colleges. 184 00:06:19,185 --> 00:06:21,286 They should be off celebrating, playing hookey, 185 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,921 going up to the lake house to go skinny-dipping 186 00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:24,890 with their friend's older brother who's home from college. 187 00:06:24,941 --> 00:06:26,525 - Let's -- let's keep this general, Claire. - Okay. Yeah. 188 00:06:26,559 --> 00:06:28,827 The point is these are two amazing kids. 189 00:06:28,878 --> 00:06:30,462 - We should be celebrating them both. - Mm-hmm. 190 00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:32,764 Mm, we're not surprised you would think that. 191 00:06:32,799 --> 00:06:33,765 Great. 192 00:06:33,833 --> 00:06:34,766 Wait. What? 193 00:06:35,554 --> 00:06:37,004 Every parent wants to believe 194 00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:39,106 that their child can compete with Sanjay. 195 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,574 But Alex can compete with Sanjay. 196 00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:41,826 That's why we're here. 197 00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:44,862 Sanjay was forming full sentences at 13 months. 198 00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:47,448 Alex had a poem published in Highlights magazine 199 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:48,749 when she was 5 years old. 200 00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:50,234 It was called "Mr. Lamb buys a ham." 201 00:06:50,302 --> 00:06:51,519 But really, it was about the Holocaust. 202 00:06:51,603 --> 00:06:53,154 - Hmm. - When he was 16, 203 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,973 Sanjay was the highest-ranked chess player in the state. 204 00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:58,092 When Alex was 15, 205 00:06:58,176 --> 00:06:59,810 she discovered a mistake in our taxes. 206 00:06:59,895 --> 00:07:02,463 - We owed a lot more money than I realized. - Hmm. 207 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,081 Yes, we're very impressed with how much Alex 208 00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:07,151 has been able to accomplish, given her background. 209 00:07:07,185 --> 00:07:09,737 You know what? You're right. 210 00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:12,039 Let's settle this out on the track. 211 00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:13,605 All right, Coach Tucker, 212 00:07:13,656 --> 00:07:15,207 I'm assuming we can count on you to officiate. 213 00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:16,375 Well, now, normally, 214 00:07:16,459 --> 00:07:18,460 I don't like to be the center of attention. 215 00:07:18,545 --> 00:07:19,778 That's fine. I'll get someone else. 216 00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:21,330 I said I would do it. 217 00:07:21,414 --> 00:07:23,999 Alex's uncle cannot possibly be considered an impartial judge. 218 00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:25,250 I'm the gym teacher. 219 00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:27,753 Who else has the training to oversee this? 220 00:07:27,787 --> 00:07:29,087 Anyone with a stopwatch? 221 00:07:29,122 --> 00:07:31,256 Okay, you know what? No need to humiliate me. 222 00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,175 May the best child win. 223 00:07:33,259 --> 00:07:34,676 - Oh, she will. - Ah. 224 00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:35,761 [ Chuckles ] 225 00:07:35,795 --> 00:07:37,346 Consider this moment gauntleted. 226 00:07:37,430 --> 00:07:39,514 [ Groans ] Is that a word? 227 00:07:39,599 --> 00:07:40,849 Hold your head up like it is. 228 00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:43,468 Vocabulary's mostly a matter of confidence. 229 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:51,208 - I love that we're getting involved. - Yeah, me, too. 230 00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:53,468 I think we're really gonna send a strong message to whomever 231 00:07:53,503 --> 00:07:55,771 to stop doing whatever it is he or she is doing. 232 00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:58,991 Oh, like "shame" doesn't cover 1,000 different things? 233 00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:03,795 Okay. Where is everybody? 234 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,414 [ Scoffs ] So like the gays to no-show. 235 00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:06,698 Yeah, right? 236 00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:08,250 Is there a sale at Barney's that nobody told us about? 237 00:08:08,317 --> 00:08:09,551 [ Both laugh ] 238 00:08:09,585 --> 00:08:11,486 - Seriously, is there? - I don't know. 239 00:08:11,521 --> 00:08:14,556 Longinus and Jotham do this all the time. 240 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,158 They -- they guilt us into doing something, 241 00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:17,492 and then they bail. 242 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,727 They did it at Pepper's New Year's Steve party. 243 00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:20,429 Yeah, everybody had to dress as a famous Steve. 244 00:08:20,496 --> 00:08:21,880 Steve Austin. Steve Martin. 245 00:08:21,964 --> 00:08:24,282 They bailed, and we got stuck in a room full of Sondheims. 246 00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:25,934 [ Groans ] ♪ how are you doing? ♪ 247 00:08:26,002 --> 00:08:27,936 ♪ My name is Steve ♪ 248 00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:31,393 Hi. Excuse me. 249 00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:32,919 - Table for two? - No, no. 250 00:08:33,004 --> 00:08:35,021 God no. [ Chuckles ] Um, have there been 251 00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:37,173 any protesters out front this afternoon? 252 00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:38,975 Oh, the gay thing? Not today. 253 00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:39,943 Oh, of course. 254 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,277 We rush around all morning -- 255 00:08:41,329 --> 00:08:43,313 I haven't eaten breakfast -- And -- and for nothing. 256 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:45,548 And it couldn't smell any better in here. 257 00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:46,666 We do have a table. 258 00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:48,084 No, thank you. 259 00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:50,186 No, we're not gonna compromise our principles just for... 260 00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:51,821 [ Sniffs ] 261 00:08:52,556 --> 00:08:53,790 We'll take a booth away from the window. 262 00:08:53,841 --> 00:08:54,924 In back. Something in back? 263 00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,692 - This way. - Yeah. Okay. - Yeah? 264 00:09:00,497 --> 00:09:02,732 Oh, my god. She's still going. 265 00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:03,866 I know. 266 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,034 Remember how winded she used to get 267 00:09:05,118 --> 00:09:06,802 hauling around "Ulysses" in the third grade? 268 00:09:06,853 --> 00:09:09,739 She's surprisingly graceful for being so uncoordinated. 269 00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:12,341 I know. I was hoping to get a funny video of her falling. 270 00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:14,744 But I don't think it's gonna happen. 271 00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,596 My playlist ended two minutes ago. I heard all that. 272 00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:20,133 Honey, I know we were all just saying it before, 273 00:09:20,217 --> 00:09:21,951 but you could actually win this thing. 274 00:09:21,987 --> 00:09:24,421 I wasn't just saying it. I will win. 275 00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:25,839 Nothing is going to -- Ohh! 276 00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:28,125 [ Thud ] Oh. There it is. 277 00:09:28,159 --> 00:09:29,510 [ Groans ] 278 00:09:29,594 --> 00:09:31,762 [ Colombian music plays ] 279 00:09:32,743 --> 00:09:36,062 Hey. What's going on here? 280 00:09:36,096 --> 00:09:38,031 I'm making sancocho. 281 00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:40,550 Yeah. You got your little Colombian music going, huh? 282 00:09:40,634 --> 00:09:41,818 I know. So beautiful. 283 00:09:41,902 --> 00:09:43,069 Javier got to you, didn't he? 284 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,004 [ Chuckling ] No. 285 00:09:45,055 --> 00:09:46,472 Maybe a little bit. 286 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,726 Gloria, don't listen to him. Get rid of that squirrel stew. 287 00:09:48,777 --> 00:09:50,461 [ Music stops ] I got a few special things here 288 00:09:50,496 --> 00:09:52,246 to help celebrate you becoming an American. 289 00:09:52,331 --> 00:09:55,016 Look. Kobe steaks. 290 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,668 Bottle of scotch. 291 00:09:56,702 --> 00:09:57,902 Cigars. 292 00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,937 You know that none of that is made in America. 293 00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:02,006 Buying them all was the American part. 294 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,474 Jay, I'm not in the mood. 295 00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:05,193 - I am having some doubts. - Okay. 296 00:10:05,803 --> 00:10:07,187 You listened to Javier. Now listen to me. 297 00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:10,206 Do you know why I want you to become an American citizen? 298 00:10:11,642 --> 00:10:13,193 Because I fought for this country. 299 00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:15,762 My father fought for this country. 300 00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:19,666 Because this country's all about freedom and opportunity, 301 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,951 and I want you to share in that 100%. 302 00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,801 You're right. I want that, too. 303 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:25,902 I'm so sorry. 304 00:10:25,987 --> 00:10:27,204 Hey, you're just a little scared. 305 00:10:27,288 --> 00:10:28,655 I know what will help you feel better. 306 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,807 We'll fire up some steaks, we'll pour a little wine, 307 00:10:30,892 --> 00:10:31,992 you pop into those short shorts, 308 00:10:32,026 --> 00:10:33,243 I chase you around the living room -- 309 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:35,679 That type of thing. [ Chuckles ] 310 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,418 Hey, mom. 311 00:10:37,526 --> 00:10:38,743 Um, I got invited 312 00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:40,511 to my friend Billy's house for dinner tonight. 313 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,480 Don't worry. We're not gonna eat this. We're gonna eat steak. 314 00:10:42,564 --> 00:10:43,965 Oh, good. There's no Billy. 315 00:10:44,032 --> 00:10:45,466 Why the sudden change in menu? 316 00:10:45,517 --> 00:10:48,403 Well, I was having some doubts, but Jay made me feel better. 317 00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:51,172 He told me the reason why he wants me to be an American. 318 00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:52,807 Oh, those long lines. 319 00:10:52,858 --> 00:10:54,742 - What long lines? - The customs line. 320 00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:57,144 Oh, Jay hates them when we come back from Cabo. 321 00:10:57,229 --> 00:10:58,529 What? 322 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,082 That son of a bitch wants me to turn my back on my homeland 323 00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,600 for an airport line? 324 00:11:03,277 --> 00:11:05,612 You know, I should at least make an appearance at Billy's. 325 00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,399 [ Doorbell rings ] 326 00:11:12,503 --> 00:11:14,254 [ Birds chirping ] 327 00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:16,523 Sanjay. What are you doing here? 328 00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:17,624 What are those? 329 00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,593 Ankle weights. 330 00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,011 Okay. Wrist weights. 331 00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:23,302 Why are you here? 332 00:11:23,531 --> 00:11:25,131 Look, uh, tomorrow, it's all gonna be over, 333 00:11:25,182 --> 00:11:27,367 everything we've been working for since we started school. 334 00:11:27,435 --> 00:11:29,285 So, I-I wanted to come by and say thanks. 335 00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,704 I'm not a doctor yet, 336 00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,739 but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode. 337 00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:35,291 No, I'm serious. Thank you for pushing me. 338 00:11:35,376 --> 00:11:37,444 You know how hard it's been to keep up with you my whole life? 339 00:11:37,478 --> 00:11:39,446 Uh, I have my GPA because of you. 340 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,181 I got into Stanford because of you. 341 00:11:41,215 --> 00:11:42,649 [ Chuckles ] 342 00:11:42,683 --> 00:11:46,553 I'll admit I did spend about a few hundred extra hours 343 00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:47,971 trying to be better than you. 344 00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,126 I'm gonna miss this when we go to college. 345 00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,562 Yeah, I guess I'll miss this, too. 346 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:53,496 I like you. 347 00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:56,867 Okay. 348 00:11:56,952 --> 00:11:58,085 I mean like-like, 349 00:11:58,119 --> 00:11:59,687 like how Pierre Curie liked Marie Curie. 350 00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:00,605 Oh. 351 00:12:01,147 --> 00:12:02,514 I'm sorry. I-I went too far. 352 00:12:02,565 --> 00:12:04,032 You smell pretty. I should go. 353 00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,684 [ Rapid, heavy footsteps depart ] 354 00:12:06,719 --> 00:12:10,154 Where's Alex? I made her a smoothie. 355 00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:12,206 Might have made it a little too healthy. 356 00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:14,859 Why are we so focused on helping Alex win 357 00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:17,745 when we could be working on making Sanjay lose? 358 00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:20,631 - Talk to me. - Okay, is there a manhole on the track, 359 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,000 because it's kind of important to my plan. 360 00:12:24,057 --> 00:12:27,409 Okay, that was weird. Sanjay was just here. 361 00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,678 He said that the best part of high school 362 00:12:29,712 --> 00:12:32,114 was our competition, and... 363 00:12:32,148 --> 00:12:33,281 that he liked me. 364 00:12:33,332 --> 00:12:36,017 Oh, honey. [ Clicks tongue ] 365 00:12:36,802 --> 00:12:38,153 What? 366 00:12:38,187 --> 00:12:40,922 Doesn't the timing seem a little suspicious to you? 367 00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:43,058 Maybe, but he seemed really genuine. 368 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,659 Classic psychological warfare. 369 00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:46,628 I've dealt with it in elite competitions. 370 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:48,563 I didn't realize it happened outside of cheerleading. 371 00:12:48,598 --> 00:12:49,764 Think about it, sweetie. 372 00:12:49,815 --> 00:12:52,600 Has he ever said anything nice to you before? 373 00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:54,519 No. 374 00:12:54,603 --> 00:12:56,488 Not even when I break out my fun blazer. 375 00:12:56,572 --> 00:12:57,622 [ Gasps ] [ Groans ] 376 00:12:57,707 --> 00:13:00,225 Oh, my god. What is wrong with me? 377 00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:03,044 I can't believe I let him get in my head. 378 00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:04,629 Oh, he is going down. 379 00:13:04,713 --> 00:13:08,566 Tomorrow, Sanjay Patel begins a lifetime of second best. 380 00:13:08,651 --> 00:13:09,784 Enjoy your hydrox cookies 381 00:13:09,869 --> 00:13:11,836 and your silver medal, Mr. Vice President! 382 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:14,358 You go, girl. 383 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:16,694 Do we have any cookies? 384 00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:18,329 Gloria. 385 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,630 [ Bad Texas accent ] Howdy, hubby. 386 00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:22,700 How about some grub before we turn on the NASCAR? 387 00:13:23,421 --> 00:13:25,655 I'm not gonna lie, I like where this is going. 388 00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,625 But, uh... I'm not sure I'm supposed to. 389 00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:29,910 Ain't this what you wanted? 390 00:13:29,994 --> 00:13:31,061 The perfect American wife 391 00:13:31,095 --> 00:13:33,146 to make your life more convenient? 392 00:13:33,231 --> 00:13:35,082 Do you think that's an American accent? 393 00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,700 [ Normal voice ] From Texas. 394 00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:39,236 Manny told me that you want me to give up my heritage 395 00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,404 so that you don't have to wait in line at the airport. 396 00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:43,089 Oh, I got to stop talking to that kid when I'm drinking. 397 00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:44,207 Well, I'm not gonna do it. 398 00:13:44,292 --> 00:13:47,677 So say goodbye to your little American wife. 399 00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:52,115 Man, those shorts really take the sting 400 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,268 out of getting yelled at. 401 00:13:55,353 --> 00:13:56,353 Yeah. 402 00:13:56,404 --> 00:13:58,405 Oh, my god, that burger was so good, 403 00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,739 I feel like I just cheated on you. 404 00:13:59,824 --> 00:14:02,375 Yeah, I heard the moaning. Are we terrible people? 405 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,461 I don't think we are. Look, hear -- hear me out. 406 00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:06,463 By eating those burgers, we denied them 407 00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:08,798 from the sort of narrow-minded homophobes 408 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,300 that would come to a restaurant like this. 409 00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:12,852 Okay, I don't totally follow, but I like where you ended up. 410 00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:15,188 I-I'm just saying that we did the right thing by coming here, 411 00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523 and I feel like -- Oh, god, gays. 412 00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:18,441 All: We're here! We're queer! 413 00:14:18,476 --> 00:14:21,945 We don't support corporations that contribute to super PACs 414 00:14:21,979 --> 00:14:25,497 which don't support healthcare coverage for same-sex partners! 415 00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:27,572 - Oh, right. - We're here... 416 00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:30,075 - Right. Right. - That's why we're boycotting this place. 417 00:14:30,159 --> 00:14:31,126 Right. 418 00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:33,976 All: We're here! We're queer! 419 00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,477 How are we supposed to fall in without them noticing? 420 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,634 Okay, it's just like double Dutch. 421 00:14:36,718 --> 00:14:37,802 Just find the rhythm and jump in. Go, go. 422 00:14:37,886 --> 00:14:39,920 - Right now? Ah. - We're here! We're queer! 423 00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:42,788 We don't support corporations that contribute to super PACs 424 00:14:42,872 --> 00:14:46,225 which don't support healthcare coverage for same-sex partners! 425 00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,707 We're here! We're queer! 426 00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:51,677 We don't support corporations that contribute to super PACs 427 00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,062 which don't support... 428 00:14:53,146 --> 00:14:54,730 Hey, you came! 429 00:14:54,781 --> 00:14:56,799 Well, well, well. What a surprise. 430 00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:58,601 I don't know why this is a surprise. 431 00:14:58,635 --> 00:14:59,935 We're very political people. 432 00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,236 Yes, there's not a week that goes by 433 00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:02,538 that we're not deeply entrenched 434 00:15:02,606 --> 00:15:04,173 in the issues that face our community. 435 00:15:04,224 --> 00:15:05,641 Ohh. Deeply. Deeply. 436 00:15:05,709 --> 00:15:07,443 - And this whole, um, super PAC thing... - Super PAC. 437 00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:09,178 - Ohh. - It's -- it is infuriating. 438 00:15:09,245 --> 00:15:11,347 - Mr. Pritchett, you forgot your cellphone inside. - Thank you. Thank you. 439 00:15:12,497 --> 00:15:13,914 See, uh, before you guys got here, 440 00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:15,215 we went in there, 441 00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,017 and we demanded a refund for our gift cards. 442 00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,152 - Yes, we went into the belly of the beast. - So... Yes, we did. 443 00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:21,955 - Sir, you forgot your food to go. - Thank you. 444 00:15:22,006 --> 00:15:23,723 - And fed your bellies. - How could you? 445 00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:26,326 Okay, before you get all superior, 446 00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:28,511 we hadn't eaten since breakfast. 447 00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:29,613 It's a quarter to 1:00. 448 00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:30,780 That's what I'm saying. 449 00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:32,048 Mitchell: Okay, you know what? Yes. 450 00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:33,333 We went in there with the best of intentions, 451 00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:36,336 and we stumbled, but who amongst us hasn't? 452 00:15:36,404 --> 00:15:38,371 - And, okay, isn't that what we're fighting for -- - Yes. 453 00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:40,006 ...the freedom to fall short of perfection 454 00:15:40,091 --> 00:15:42,808 and still be judged by the same standard as everyone else? That. 455 00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:44,183 - Thank you. - No. 456 00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:45,818 Didn't you hear our chant? It was really quite clear. 457 00:15:45,849 --> 00:15:47,266 - It's quite long. - You know, look. 458 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,867 - We want to be socially responsible. - We do. 459 00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:50,369 We want to do the right thing. [ Sighs ] 460 00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:52,337 - But it's hard to keep track... - So hard. 461 00:15:52,405 --> 00:15:53,939 ...of all the companies that we like 462 00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:55,440 - and that we don't like. - Don't like. 463 00:15:55,508 --> 00:15:58,477 [ Sighs ] We're -- we're just trying to make it in this world, 464 00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,662 raise our daughter, get her to her soccer game. 465 00:16:00,747 --> 00:16:01,913 - Ooh. - Not Youth Soccer Federation. 466 00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:02,931 'Cause if it's Youth Soccer Federation -- 467 00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:04,349 - I don't want to know. - Oh, my god! 468 00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,551 You know what? Sh-shame! Shame! 469 00:16:06,585 --> 00:16:07,936 Shame! Shame on you. 470 00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,946 You are no better than the people in that restaurant. 471 00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:12,631 Come on, Cam let's go. 472 00:16:12,699 --> 00:16:13,916 Come on. 473 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:14,800 Think they bought it? 474 00:16:14,802 --> 00:16:15,818 Keep your head up. Don't look back. 475 00:16:15,886 --> 00:16:18,187 Being right is mostly confidence. 476 00:16:21,642 --> 00:16:23,877 [ Sighs ] 477 00:16:24,807 --> 00:16:26,759 Okay, look. I'm sorry. 478 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,377 We good? 479 00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:31,681 Apparently not. 480 00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:34,769 Look, complaining about a line at an airport 481 00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:36,587 is easier than admitting the truth 482 00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:38,889 about why I want you to become a citizen. 483 00:16:40,492 --> 00:16:41,575 I guess it still bothers me 484 00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,127 that you have all these ties to Javier. 485 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,595 What ties? What are you talking about? 486 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,564 Gloria Delgado-Pritchett. 487 00:16:46,648 --> 00:16:50,134 You still have his last name. You're both Colombians. 488 00:16:50,185 --> 00:16:51,635 When you and I come back to the country, 489 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:52,937 we have to wait in separate lines 490 00:16:53,005 --> 00:16:54,405 like we're not even in the same family. 491 00:16:54,456 --> 00:16:55,740 I don't know. 492 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,975 I guess I just thought that if you committed to America, 493 00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:01,462 in some weird way, you'd be recommitting to me. 494 00:17:03,972 --> 00:17:05,539 That's the longest you've ever been quiet, 495 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,457 and it's terrifying. 496 00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,109 I know nobody asked for my advice -- 497 00:17:09,177 --> 00:17:10,561 Yet you're talking. 498 00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:11,528 I agree with Jay. 499 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:12,529 Let's hear him out. 500 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,814 Don't do this for him, mom. 501 00:17:13,881 --> 00:17:15,115 You're all over the place. 502 00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:18,018 But you also shouldn't worry about what dad thinks. 503 00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:19,453 I think you should become a citizen 504 00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:22,889 because even back when we were alone in our apartment, 505 00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:24,524 this is what you always wanted. 506 00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:28,528 Remember sitting by the window, 507 00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:31,782 watching reruns of "Miami vice" on the neighbor's TV, 508 00:17:31,866 --> 00:17:33,717 and all the bad guys were caught 509 00:17:33,801 --> 00:17:36,486 and all the policemen had those -- those nice cars? 510 00:17:37,175 --> 00:17:38,375 We used to watch that 511 00:17:38,426 --> 00:17:40,861 and think what an amazing country this was. 512 00:17:42,697 --> 00:17:44,548 Did a little research. 513 00:17:44,632 --> 00:17:48,185 If mom isn't a citizen when Jay "moves on to a better place," 514 00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:50,921 we could be looking at a pretty hefty estate tax. 515 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,056 I don't want to sound insensitive, 516 00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:55,659 but I have acquired a real taste for truffles. 517 00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:58,384 All right, kids, four laps. 518 00:17:58,466 --> 00:18:00,016 First one to finish wins. 519 00:18:00,101 --> 00:18:02,319 It's not rocket science, unfortunately for you, 520 00:18:02,403 --> 00:18:03,920 because I think you'd find that easier. 521 00:18:04,005 --> 00:18:05,205 [ Laughs ] 522 00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:06,206 You nervous? 523 00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:07,891 Come on, Alex! You can do it! 524 00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,860 I ran six miles the morning you were born! 525 00:18:09,944 --> 00:18:11,778 You came out of the womb ready for this! 526 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:15,048 Sanjay! Your 115 cousins are rooting for you! 527 00:18:15,743 --> 00:18:16,793 Why are you ignoring me? 528 00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,145 All right, on your mark. 529 00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:20,731 Look. I didn't mean to weird you out yesterday. 530 00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:23,283 Stop it. I'm not falling for these little mind games. 531 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,585 - Get set. - It's not a game. 532 00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:26,670 - It's how I feel. - I said enough, Sanjay. 533 00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:28,272 [ Whistle blows ] Vish: Run, Sanjay! 534 00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:30,307 - Claire: What's happening? - He must know something we don't. 535 00:18:30,391 --> 00:18:32,376 Stop running, Alex! It's a trap! 536 00:18:34,295 --> 00:18:35,712 What are you doing? 537 00:18:35,797 --> 00:18:37,547 I was telling the truth yesterday. 538 00:18:37,598 --> 00:18:39,316 I don't care if I lose valedictorian 539 00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,168 if it'll prove that I really like you. 540 00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:43,754 Are -- Are you serious? 541 00:18:43,838 --> 00:18:45,756 Yes. 542 00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,157 Please don't laugh at me. 543 00:18:47,191 --> 00:18:50,077 I'm -- I'm feeling very exposed with my skinny legs. 544 00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:53,096 [ Chuckles ] I-I like your legs. 545 00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:55,399 You do? 546 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:57,617 Well... I love your hair. 547 00:18:58,790 --> 00:18:59,708 And your smile. 548 00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:01,847 And the way you roll your beautiful brown eyes 549 00:19:01,918 --> 00:19:03,135 when someone gets an answer wrong. 550 00:19:03,219 --> 00:19:05,220 [ Chuckles ] 551 00:19:05,272 --> 00:19:06,523 I don't understand what's going on. 552 00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:07,824 Why isn't he running? 553 00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:08,992 We spent $1,200 554 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,094 on a Skype session with Usain Bolt. 555 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,552 Uh, I feel like we're about to kiss. 556 00:19:14,636 --> 00:19:16,521 Are we about to kiss, 'cause I've never really -- 557 00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:20,423 Oh, my god. They're kissing. 558 00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:21,857 Sanjay! What are you doing?! 559 00:19:21,942 --> 00:19:23,025 Get away from her! 560 00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:24,860 Oh, it's so cute. [ Whimpers ] 561 00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:26,028 He seems quite skilled at it. 562 00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,213 Okay, that's enough. 563 00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:29,265 I-I think -- I think we can dial it back. 564 00:19:29,349 --> 00:19:32,268 So, co-valedictorians it is. 565 00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:34,537 I missed a tile demo at Home Depot for this, 566 00:19:34,621 --> 00:19:36,372 but good for you. 567 00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:38,461 [ Patriotic music plays ] Announcer: This is a land 568 00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,396 where people of vastly different cultures 569 00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:43,233 are brought together by their willingness to work hard 570 00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:45,085 and their desire to succeed. 571 00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:46,587 I'm a better kisser than you are. 572 00:19:46,671 --> 00:19:51,175 You're joking, right? I'm actually destroying you. 573 00:19:51,226 --> 00:19:53,177 This is a land made great 574 00:19:53,228 --> 00:19:56,230 by people standing up for what they believe. 575 00:19:56,314 --> 00:19:57,348 What are you doing? 576 00:19:57,399 --> 00:19:59,016 Um, you know what? 577 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:02,102 I have decided that we -- We cannot eat these curly fries. 578 00:20:02,187 --> 00:20:03,654 Ba-Ba-Ba! Shake it. 579 00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:08,692 The container, Cam. 580 00:20:10,328 --> 00:20:13,414 This is a beacon of freedom. 581 00:20:13,498 --> 00:20:16,417 Welcome to the United States of America. 582 00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:17,418 That's your wife? 583 00:20:17,502 --> 00:20:19,753 Pretty great country, huh? 584 00:20:24,194 --> 00:20:25,394 Okay. You ready to begin? 585 00:20:25,445 --> 00:20:27,396 Yes. [ Sniffs ] 586 00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:29,807 The United States government has how many branches? 587 00:20:29,892 --> 00:20:31,475 - Three. - Correct. 588 00:20:31,526 --> 00:20:33,527 What color are the stars on the American flag? 589 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,980 White, but I feel like it's my duty to tell you 590 00:20:36,064 --> 00:20:38,232 that you have a flag right behind you, 591 00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:40,201 so probably you need to ask me another question. 592 00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:42,319 No need. Congratulations, you passed. 593 00:20:42,404 --> 00:20:44,488 What? That's it? Two questions? 594 00:20:44,573 --> 00:20:46,791 And I have a cheat flag? That's all it takes? 595 00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,993 Yep, you'll get an official letter in the mail 596 00:20:49,077 --> 00:20:50,494 with the details of your oath ceremony. 597 00:20:50,695 --> 00:20:52,946 Do you know how long I've been studying for this? 598 00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,115 You're robbing me of the feeling of achievement. 599 00:20:55,661 --> 00:20:57,994 Ask me another question, and a hard one this time. 600 00:20:58,018 --> 00:21:00,018 - But you already pa-- - Do it! 601 00:21:01,544 --> 00:21:04,478 OK. How many members of Congress are there? 602 00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:07,550 You know what? It's too late, you already said that I passed. 603 00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:15,700 Synced and corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com