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English (HI) Subtitles.
[MP4] Modern Family S06E11 (720p) The Day We Almost Died Web-DL [KoTuWa]
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It was an uneventful morning...
Quiet.
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00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,772
[ Indistinct arguing ]
instead of saving
every episode of "the bachelor,"
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00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,674
Why don't you just hit
yourself on the head
with a sledgehammer?!
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00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,809
Dad, turn down that song!
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00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,344
[ Hall & oates'
"I can't go for that" plays ]
¶ no can do ¶
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00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,013
The kids had a Friday off
of school,
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00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,715
So we picked up Manny and went
to our favorite pancake place...
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00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:17,816
Relaxing.
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00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:18,984
Mitchell, hi.
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00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,386
What?!
12
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,687
Oh, have him tell Cam
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00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,322
I'll pick him up
for racquetball in an hour.
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00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,356
I can't even hear him
it's so loud.
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00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,458
Can everybody just shut up?!
I hate it.
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00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,860
[ Music stops ]
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00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,695
Sorry about that.
Anyway...
[ cellphone ringing ]
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00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,796
Hello.
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00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,331
Gil: Hello.
Is this Phil dumpster?
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00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,832
What do you want, gil?
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00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,667
Got to be kidding me.
Hang on.
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00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,902
[ Gil speaking indistinctly
on telephone ]
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00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,671
I need you to send
a gift to mom
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00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,040
For her birthday
from the both of us.
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00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:42,341
Mitchell:
No, I did it last year.
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00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,243
I know, and I need you
to do it again.
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Look, I've got
a conference call at 1:20.
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00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,180
Then Luke's tutor
comes to the house,
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00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,849
2:45 sales meeting, and I still
got to get Alex to judo.
30
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,352
And yet you somehow found time
to bitch at me.
31
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,187
Wow!
You really can have it all.
32
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,357
Ugh. Honestly, just get her a
stupid gift card, you big baby!
33
00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,725
You're back in second place
with your favorite view.
Ugh.
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00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:03,429
Why does everything with him
have be so dramatic?
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00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:06,298
[ All screaming ]
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[ Breathing heavily ]
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Why are we stopping?
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Captions by vitac...
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Captioning provided by
20th Century Fox Television
and ABC, inc.
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And brought to you by Ford.
Beautiful things happen
when you go further.
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¶¶¶
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[ sighs ] hey.
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00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,420
Hey.
Oh. Perfect.
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00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,888
Okay, first you berate me
on the phone,
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00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,757
Then you show up to my office
and berate me in per...
46
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,759
Oh, w-what is this?
I don't care for this.
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00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,893
We got in an accident.
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00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:35,928
Oh, my god!
49
00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,629
We almost got
in an accident.
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00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,199
That seems like
a really important distinction.
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There was this big truck, and it
barreled through a stop sign,
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And it missed our car
by inches.
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00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,605
Oh, my god!
And everyone's okay?
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00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,973
Yes, just very shaken up.
Aw.
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00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,142
But, Mitchell, I am so sorry
that I yelled at you before.
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00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,877
It's fine.
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00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,079
Look, I brought you
the birthday card for mom,
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00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,281
And you can sign it.
Okay. Thank you.
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"To our best friend."
mm.
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00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,618
That's a little sarcastic.
It's her birthday.
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00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,719
I don't know.
No, I mean it.
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00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,321
Mitchell, I almost died.
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00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,890
I want our mom to have
a great birthday.
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00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,958
Oh,
and we're doing this again.
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00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:06,959
Okay.
Oh, god. Yeah.
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00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,560
Hi.
I'll be there in a sec, yeah.
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00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,561
[ Cellphone chimes ]
68
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,829
Okay,
my deposition got moved up.
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00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,064
That's great.
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00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,499
So I'll just have to move
everything... you know what?
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00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,300
I'm gonna eat in the car
and then...
no, no, no, no, no.
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00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,568
No, no, no.
Give it, give it!
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00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,937
Do you know what I was doing
right before I almost died?
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00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,072
Exactly what you're doing.
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00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:21,740
Humoring a relative?
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00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,809
No, no, scheduling my life
down to the last minute.
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00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,077
I mean, look at this...
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00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,645
"call new york office...
4:17 p.M."
[ sighs ]
79
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,514
Do you realize
that everybody but us
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00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,449
Rounds up
to the nearest five minutes?
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00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,584
Today made me realize something,
Mitchell.
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00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,621
No, I don't want to be
a 4:17 kind of person.
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00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:36,755
Do you?
Yes, I do.
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00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,158
'Cause that phone call
needs to be done by 4:23
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00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,093
So that I am not a dead man
by 4:41.
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00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:42,094
Give me my phone.
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00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,428
Nope. Nope. No.
Give me... Claire.
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00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:44,696
We're gonna do something
together.
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00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,365
Yes, take the rest
of the day off.
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00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,933
I can't do that.
Yes, you can.
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00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,001
I did!
92
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,602
Yeah, 'cause you work
for your father.
93
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,171
No, no, no,
we need this, Mitchell.
Hey, come on, give me my...
94
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,173
We really need this.
Claire, I'm really swamped
today, and I...
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00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,308
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease...
96
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,376
Stop. Just go.
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00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,778
Pleeeeease
can we slow down?
98
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,979
Ow! You're chafing my wrist.
99
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,514
Don't pretend
you're not loving this.
100
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,116
Okay. All right. I think I just
skated through some pee.
101
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,517
[ Sighs ]
c-can we go back now?
102
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,852
No!
God.
103
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,520
No, because we are not
appointment-making
control freaks.
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00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,022
We are having fun.
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00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,557
You are. I'm just doing
what you're making me do.
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00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,891
[ Sighs ]
okay, okay, stop.
107
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,126
No, no, no. No, no, no.
108
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,160
Let's go back, let's go back,
let's go back.
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00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,562
Why?
Why do we have to go back now?
110
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,996
Why... oh, I get it.
I get it.
111
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,365
You're still scared
to skate through the underpass.
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00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,134
What do you mean, "still"?
What do you mean, "scared"?
What underpass?
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00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,135
Mitchell,
you were 11 years old,
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00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,336
And mom made me
take you with me
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00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,971
When I was skating
with my friend sophie king,
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00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,673
And you were terrified
to go through the underpass
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00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,808
'cause it was dark,
and you were sure it
was filled with monsters,
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00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,909
So we ditched you.
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00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,344
I don't remember this
at all.
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00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,079
Yeah, I skated away
and called you a big baby.
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00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,248
Sophie threw a rock at me
and you yelled, "you're so gay."
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00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,850
[ gasps ]
I did do that.
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00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,252
Oh, didn't I?
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00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,020
We used to use that word
a lot.
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00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,489
You used to be able
to call anything gay. Ugh.
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00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:45,924
Do you ever miss that?
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00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,226
No.
No.
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00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,760
That's hurtful.
129
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,696
Yeah.
130
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,731
I'm sorry, Mitchell.
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00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,833
You were scared,
and I should've held your hand
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00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,402
Through the tunnel, and I was...
I was not a good big sister.
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00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,571
I'm so sorry.
Will you forgive me?
134
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,006
Yes, yes.
You do?
135
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,407
Yes! I forgive you.
I love you.
136
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,575
Love you, too.
Love you!
137
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,676
Okay, okay.
Okay.
138
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:05,744
Let's do this.
Yes, let's do this.
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00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,045
Come on.
What? What's happening?
140
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,113
No, no, no, we're going...
We're going through the tunnel.
141
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,114
No. God, no.
No, no, no.
142
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,349
Oh, no,
you got to get over this.
143
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,717
No! All right. Okay.
Just let yourself go.
144
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:12,918
Just let it go.
Just... you know?
[ breathes deeply ]
145
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:13,919
Yep. I'm good.
146
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,087
Uh, yeah,
you got to get past it.
147
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,022
N-n-no. No, no! No!
N-n-no! Claire, no!
148
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,223
N-n-no! N-no!
149
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,125
I felt bad
when we got separated,
150
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,727
But I knew that when he skated
151
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,695
Out the other side
of that tunnel,
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00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,897
An emotional scar
would've been healed.
153
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,033
Mitchell?!
Mitchell?
154
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,102
No! N-no!
N-n-no! N-no!
155
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,303
Oh, my god! What happened?
What happened?
156
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,604
It w... it was terrible!
Yes.
157
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,473
They took my wallet
and my skates and my tie.
No.
158
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,608
What... what homeless person
needs a tie?
159
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,643
Oh, my god.
I am so sorry, Mitchell!
160
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,211
Okay, um...
Can you give me my phone?
161
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:40,812
'Cause I got to, you know,
cancel my cards.
162
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:41,947
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, god. I hope you have juice.
163
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,148
That thing has been buzzing
like crazy.
164
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,483
Oh, god! Okay.
Okay.
165
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:45,751
My meeting's been pushed up.
It's in 15 minutes.
166
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,119
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
167
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,453
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Look at me. Look at me.
168
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,655
Huh? Yeah.
Hey, hey.
169
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,290
This is a test, and we don't
sweat the small stuff.
170
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,292
Just let it go.
Stop it! Stop it.
171
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,127
I know you think you discovered
the new you,
172
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,228
But you are controlling
173
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,996
Even when you're trying
to not be controlling.
174
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,131
So j... give me your skates.
175
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,432
What? Why?
176
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,234
You've dragged me so far,
we're closer to my office
177
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,335
Than we are to the car.
178
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,403
Take 'em off!
179
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,738
[ Clicks tongue ]
he just wasn't ready.
180
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,173
But me?
181
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,742
I had a message for the small
stuff that used to rule my life.
182
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,812
Hey, Phil.
Honey, how you holding up?
183
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:14,913
Phil: Good.
184
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,916
So, I'm at the beach...
Long story.
185
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,118
Anyway, I was hoping
you wouldn't mind waiting
186
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,687
At the house
for Luke's tutor.
187
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,155
Actually, I would mind.
I'd mind quite a bit.
188
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,589
I'm kind of busy.
189
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,590
Okay, great.
190
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,959
Suck it, small stuff.
191
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:31,430
[ All screaming ]
192
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,497
Haley:
[ breathing heavily ]
193
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,965
Why are we stopping?
194
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:37,469
For many, a near-miss with death
is a wake-up call.
195
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:40,305
But when a man misses
his own near-miss,
196
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:43,108
He truly sees
what he's been missing.
197
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,344
No more putting my dreams
on hold.
198
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:47,779
Five years ago,
I made a bucket list.
199
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,349
It was time
to start crossing things off.
200
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,850
[ All screaming ]
201
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,785
[ Tires screech ]
202
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,521
Scariest moment of my life.
203
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,156
[ Whimpering ]
204
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:01,159
Ohh. Oh, my gosh.
I thought I lost you!
205
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,162
But amazingly, something great
Came out of it.
206
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:07,165
I found out how my sister
truly feels about me.
207
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,500
Girls, are you sure?
208
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,902
Positive.
We'll walk home.
209
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,804
We almost died.
210
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:13,805
Yeah.
211
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,741
A-about what you said
in the car...
212
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,843
Please don't make fun of me
right now.
213
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,412
No, I would never.
It was actually really honest.
214
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,682
And I need to stop taking shots
at your intelligence.
215
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,550
You don't do it
that often.
216
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,486
Well,
you miss a lot of it.
217
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,521
[ Scoffs ] oh.
There, I did it again.
218
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,722
Did what?
219
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,357
Uh, it doesn't matter.
220
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:35,193
I always considered you to be
this self-absorbed person,
221
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,729
But you're more substantial
than that, aren't you?
222
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,164
Thank you.
[ chuckles ]
223
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,233
You know what?
I'm blowing off judo today.
224
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,434
Let's hang out.
225
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,668
What should we do?
226
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,337
[ Inhales sharply ]
makeovers.
227
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:46,538
Okay.
228
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,073
Great!
229
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,509
We're gonna walk
right past my waxing place.
230
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,344
Say goodbye
to that gal stache.
231
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:53,812
[ laughs ]
232
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,349
Ow. Ow!
233
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,751
If it were easy,
everyone would be hot.
234
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,453
Yep, you know,
I-it's not just my feet.
235
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,388
It's from when I walked
into the stop sign
236
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,090
Because you wouldn't
give me back my...
237
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,758
Okay, fine. I'll give you back
your man-goggles.
238
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,427
Here.
[ sighs ]
239
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,463
I just thought we might
run into some cute
boys on the way home,
240
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,231
But it's probably best
we didn't.
241
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,267
That's a pretty angry lip
you got there.
242
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:18,303
Really?
Uh-huh.
243
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,939
Wow.
Does everybody's get this red?
244
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,974
Well, you had
quite a bit of growth.
245
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,811
I was gonna have that lady
take a crack at your arms,
246
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,646
But she had already
sweat through her apron.
247
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,980
Oh, my gosh!
248
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,817
I already have 100 likes
on my picture of my new nails.
249
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:35,086
Um, fyi, I'm... I'm sort of
in the background there,
250
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,288
Screaming mid-wax.
251
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,557
400 people liked this photo.
252
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,126
I was not one of them.
253
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,662
My art teacher made
a pithy "blue period" comment,
254
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,930
And my top prom prospect
255
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,965
Suddenly found a girlfriend
in canada.
256
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,835
Do you think I could get
my sneakers back?
257
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,670
Ohh, I threw them away
with the rest of your clothes
258
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,971
When you were
in the changing room.
259
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,073
I thought about saving them
for the housekeeper,
260
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,142
But I couldn't remember
if she had a son.
261
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,312
Look, I've tried really hard
to put up with a lot since...
262
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,680
What's going on?
263
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,082
Oh, I just had so much fun
with you!
264
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,484
We don't do this enough.
265
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,687
I just wish there was something
that you could teach me.
266
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,355
Uh-huh.
[ gasps ]
267
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:11,656
Wait, what about
your judo stuff?
268
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,458
Uh [scoffs] you're not
interested in that.
269
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,160
No! No! I am! Come on!
270
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,529
Karate-chop me
or something!
271
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,630
[ Chuckles ]
that is not...
272
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,764
Okay. All right.
273
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,433
Let's just do
one simple move.
274
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,601
Okay.
275
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,269
Now, this won't wrinkle my top,
will it?
276
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,137
Ohh!
277
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,305
Wow.
278
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,974
That was actually fun!
279
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,642
Show me one more time.
280
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,110
Oh, no!
281
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,045
Oh, my gosh.
I thought I lost you again.
282
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,314
[ Smooches, sighs ]
wait, wait, wait. Back up.
Again?
283
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,350
Oh, yeah,
when we almost got killed,
284
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,951
I thought
I lost my phone.
285
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,052
It was really scary.
286
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,122
Mentos jet-pack ramp-climb,
test number two.
287
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,791
Lesson learned... when pressure
builds to dangerous levels,
288
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,960
It must be released.
289
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,899
Is your lip getting better
or your face getting redder?
290
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,434
[ Grunts angrily ]
291
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,810
Just gonna pop into
the family room.
292
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,179
What the hell
was that?!
293
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,915
Oh,
I'm just getting started!
294
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,349
Ohh! Why do you have to be
such a silly...
295
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,717
Haley, stop!
296
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,919
Both: Mom!
297
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,354
[ Alpaca bleats ]
298
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,156
Phil, honey.
299
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,030
¶ I can't go for that,
no, no can do ¶
300
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,331
I was already on edge.
301
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,000
The day before,
I was with my mom at the park
302
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,403
When some guy on a bike
swiped her phone.
303
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,672
He must have been
a criminal mastermind.
304
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:37,008
He struck the one second she
wasn't taking pictures of Joe.
305
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,210
The worst part is,
I saw him grab it.
306
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,112
I had a chance
to do something
307
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,348
And be a hero to my mom,
but I froze.
308
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,783
What would you have done,
309
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,352
Made him the subject
of a satirical cartoon?
310
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,854
Hey! Uh, they've taken down
presidents.
311
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,523
Now, can you just
support me here?
312
00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:53,959
There are only so many moments
a son has a chance to...
313
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,694
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Very mature.
314
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,762
Pick a fight
then tune me out?
[ Indistinct arguing ]
315
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,864
It's not bothering me.
Stop it!
316
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,366
Dad,
turn down that song!
317
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,134
¶ No can do ¶
318
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,569
[ all screaming ]
319
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,705
[ Tires screech ]
320
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,706
You sure, Manny?
321
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,641
Positive.
I-I'll walk home.
322
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,980
Haley: We almost died.
Alex: Yeah.
323
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,147
White.
324
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,816
Yes, I'm sure.
325
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,751
Why is it so hard
for you to imagine
326
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,153
That a criminal can be white
when most of the...
327
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,388
Ah, the bicycle.
328
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,923
Yes, yes, it was white.
329
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,258
I thought
your phone got stolen?
330
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,660
This is Joe's phone.
331
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,795
This is why
the terrorists hate us.
332
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,733
The universe
is cold and unfeeling.
333
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,267
The only constant is chaos.
334
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,237
Was that place out of
chocolate-chip pancakes again?
335
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,439
We were all almost killed
by a truck.
336
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,608
[ Gasps ] ay! Idios mío!
Are you okay, papi?
337
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,610
This was all Phil's fault,
wasn't it?
338
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,946
He's always blaring
that damn new wave music!
339
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,447
No.
He swerved to avoid it.
340
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,615
Saved my life.
341
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:53,018
But the game of life
is rigged.
342
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,319
Death always win.
343
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,787
Okay, I know what you need
right now...
344
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:56,821
A trip
to the ice-cream shop.
345
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:57,956
He doesn't need
ice cream.
346
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,158
He needs to talk about
what just happened to him.
347
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,826
Well,
I could go for some ice cream.
348
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,996
I know
how to fix my son.
349
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,365
So, this is fixed.
350
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,768
[ Horns blaring ]
351
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,369
Go around.
352
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,371
Normally, I'd be avoiding
these cracks
353
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,306
Out of respect
of your back, mom,
354
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,275
But after today,
it seems pointless.
355
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,610
That's it. Get in.
Gloria: No, no.
356
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:19,644
No, Jay, he's afraid!
357
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,012
It's only
gonna get worse.
358
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,347
In. Trust me.
359
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,685
Five minutes in here,
he'll be happy as a clam.
360
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,186
Aah! Mama!
361
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,688
Calm down.
362
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,722
This was a bad idea.
363
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,023
Hop out.
364
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,626
Good for you, Jay.
It has to be when he is ready.
365
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:35,960
Nope. He's driving.
What?
366
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,862
What? I-I can't.
You're doing it now.
367
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,064
Jesús, take the wheel.
368
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,032
He's terrified
to be in the back.
369
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,368
Now you're gonna
put him in the front seat
370
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,203
So that he can kill
all of us?!
371
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,138
Can you not
make this fear worse?
372
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,207
I watched dede
coddle Mitchell
373
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,842
When he was afraid
of the dark.
374
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,411
Till he was seven, he'd only
blink one eye at a time...
375
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,346
Gave a lot of girls
a very wrong idea.
376
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,915
[ Door-ajar signal beeping ]
377
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,417
Manny, you don't want
to do this right?
378
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,752
No, I really don't.
379
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,421
Okay, papi, you know what?
Let's switch.
380
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,689
I'm going to drive.
381
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,324
I've got a bombshell, mom.
382
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,860
Ay, papi, thank you,
but this is a very weird thing
383
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,695
To say
when we're in this position.
384
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:12,997
No, I've decided
I'm never driving.
385
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,166
Uh... unh-unh-unh-unh!
No way.
386
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,668
You there. You there.
387
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,336
We're doing this my way.
388
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,372
Ah, yeah, 'cause it's your way
or the highway.
389
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,041
Oh, god.
Not the highway.
390
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,175
You always want me
to be his dad.
391
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,210
Well, I'm being his dad.
392
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,078
Oh, uh, I-I'm really scared,
Jay.
393
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,080
This is what we're fixing.
394
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,915
Look, when I was a kid,
395
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,852
I lived by
a big, scary black lake.
396
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,721
I always thought there monsters
in there and whatnot.
397
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,023
One night,
my dad dragged me out of bed
398
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,226
And tossed me
right in that cold water.
399
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,594
I was never scared
of that lake again.
400
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,530
Now, give it some gas.
401
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,432
[ Breathing heavily ]
402
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,903
[ Gasps ] mama!
Aah!
403
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,705
That's another habit
I wouldn't mind breaking,
404
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,941
But, you know,
right now we... Have to...
405
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,477
Oh, what am I doing?
406
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,246
I hated my dad for that.
407
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:04,115
I ended up scared of him,
not the lake.
408
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,416
Manny, it's okay.
409
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,252
Over there! On the bike!
410
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,120
The white guy
that stole my phone!
411
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,221
I don't see anyone.
412
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,956
Yes!
He just turned the corner!
413
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,459
The phone burglar!
He's getting away!
414
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,060
[ Sighs ] not this time.
415
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,395
Up there to the left!
416
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,464
[ Both screaming ]
417
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,603
I don't see anyone!
418
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:28,506
I didn't see anyone either.
I made it up.
419
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:32,076
I am not going to drive my son
around until he's 40.
420
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,979
The only thing stronger
than Manny's fear
421
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,115
Is his need to protect his mama.
422
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,650
Oh, no! He got away!
423
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:41,085
But you did very good,
Manny.
424
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,154
That was
a frickin' rush!
425
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,490
But we're not giving up.
We're gonna find that guy.
426
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,491
No!
427
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,492
Are you sure
about this?
428
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,626
Just go.
I'm walking home.
429
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,431
Claire: I can't even hear him
it's so loud.
430
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,699
Can everybody just shut up?!
[ cellphone ringing ]
431
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,967
Hello.
Gil:
Hello. Is this Phil dumpster?
432
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,435
Stop.
What do you want, gil?
433
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,304
Got to be kidding me.
Hang on.
434
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,438
Is that your hot wife
I hear?
435
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,706
Hey, is she still taking
those yoga classes?
436
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,675
I need you to send
a gift to mom.
Hanging up.
437
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,177
W-w-wait. Wait. Real quick.
...2:45 sales meeting, and I
still got to get Alex to judo.
438
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,513
The listing at 225 cedar street,
it's mine now.
You poached my listing?
439
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,948
Poached it, seasoned it,
440
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,784
And covered it in thorpe-andaise
sauce, my friend.
441
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:14,719
Oh, my god, just get her
a stupid gift card.
You should thank me, dumpy.
442
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:16,154
You're back in second place
with your favorite view...
443
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,989
Don't be such a big baby.
Ugh.
...My sweet behind.
444
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:21,392
Why does everything with him
have to be so dramatic?
445
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,462
[ All screaming ]
446
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,064
Why are we stopping?
447
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,799
[ Breathing heavily ]
ohh.
448
00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:31,035
Oh, my god!
I thought I lost you.
449
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,303
[ Sighs ]
450
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,338
What's to tell?
451
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,673
A truck runs a stop sign,
I avoid it,
452
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,376
Everyone walks away...
Bing, bang, no boom.
453
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,811
Um, there was a truck!
Haley: That was crazy!
454
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:40,912
Okay, okay.
Where did it even come from?
455
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,814
You don't see that truck
coming towards you?
456
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,382
Everybody calm down.
Calm down. Let's not overreact.
457
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,683
What?!
Dad!
458
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,385
We were almost just killed!
Yes!
459
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,988
Exactly. Almost, which means
we're all just fine.
460
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,890
You aren't
the least bit upset?
461
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,825
It's gonna take more than that
to ruin a morning
462
00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:56,027
That started with
a whipped-cream smile
on my waffle.
463
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,029
Okay, it may have affected me
a little,
464
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,498
But sometimes it's hard to know
what you're feeling.
465
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,734
Mostly, I was thinking about
racquetball later
466
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,903
And hopefully giving Cam
a nice spanking.
467
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,071
Fair warning... may be
working out some anger issues
468
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,740
On the racquetball court
this morning.
469
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,208
Don't ask.
Sounds good.
470
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,076
So, we're getting
our new dryer delivered.
471
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,411
It's supposed to be eggshell,
472
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,246
But, oh, it's not eggshell...
It's white.
473
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,682
Anyway, I'm laying
into the delivery driver,
474
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,184
And Mitchell strolls in
and says, "oh, it's fine,"
475
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,588
And then offers him a piece
of his banana loaf.
476
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,223
I heard that.
477
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,225
Uh, just once, I would like
Mitchell to take my side.
478
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,127
I'm constantly strolling in
and saving him
479
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,095
Like a little princess
in the tower.
480
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,197
Sometimes I'd like to be
the princess.
481
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,599
Six of one, right?
What?
482
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,401
Why are...
Why are we stopping?
483
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,636
I'm... I'm very confused,
Phillip.
484
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,773
Trust me, this house is gonna
sell at thorpe speed.
485
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,241
Hey, guys.
486
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,444
Oh, hey, Phil.
I guess you heard. I'm sorry.
487
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,146
Oh, no,
it happens all the time.
488
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,114
I just stopped by to give you
guys a little care package
489
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,482
To show you
there's no hard feelings.
490
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:52,717
Class act, dung beetle.
491
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,485
Here's
the malpractice attorney
492
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:57,422
Most of his clients have used
after he's ripped them off.
493
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,823
You will be losing
some sleep,
494
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,658
But these have always
helped my wife.
495
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,926
And this priest is retired,
496
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,895
But I think he still does
exorcisms,
497
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:05,563
Which you'll need
after today.
498
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,432
Listen, Phil...
It's okay.
499
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:11,135
It's sad, really,
to see a once-mediocre realtor
500
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,503
Reduced to this.
501
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,972
Gil, please,
let's keep this civil.
502
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,140
Oh, by the way, if you ever
speak disrespectfully again
503
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,408
About my wife,
I'll kill you.
504
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,610
[ Chuckling ] sorry.
That sounded like a joke.
505
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,180
I will actually kill you.
506
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,782
Anyhoo, when you guys wake up
and smell the sulfur,
507
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,517
Here's a list
of other realtors,
508
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,253
And if you need me,
I'll be in the office at 9:00...
509
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,956
Uh, 10:00.
I have the dentist.
510
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,758
Where did that
come from?
511
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,260
Life's too short
to be ruled by fear.
512
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,863
What do you say we get you
the right dryer, princess?
513
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,264
Oh, my.
514
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,433
I mean,
Phil is usually just so...
515
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,602
But then he was just,
like, so...
516
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,938
And then he got even more...
517
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:47,972
There's nothing I can do.
518
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,308
I can't go for that.
No can do.
519
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,610
Cameron here bought
an eggshell dryer.
520
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,013
Not white, not oatmeal,
not swiss-coffee,
521
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,714
Not baby-powder,
not bone.
522
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,449
Eggshell.
Look, rob, is it?
523
00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,617
That's interesting.
524
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,953
Here's how
this is going down...
525
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:04,355
We don't leave
without that eggshell dryer.
526
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,557
Not swan-feather,
not chester-pig-white.
527
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,459
I think we've covered
the colors.
528
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,994
I sell houses to people
every day
529
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:12,030
Who ask me where
they should buy their dryer.
530
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,500
I don't think you want me
giving them any... Static.
531
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,135
I may have one
in the back.
532
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,337
But it takes two guys
to load the truck,
533
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,571
And it's just me today.
534
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,874
Is it?
535
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,044
It was right about then that a
question started nagging at me.
536
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,413
[ Hall & oates'
"I can't go for that" plays ]
537
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,260
Is Phil sexy?
538
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,528
[ Grunts ]
539
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,029
Hey.
540
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,531
You feel like doing something
a little crazy with me?
541
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,933
[ Cellphone ringing ]
what? No. What? No.
542
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,401
Hey, honey.
543
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,536
Claire:
Phil, honey, how you holding up?
544
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,737
Good.
545
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,205
I'm at the beach...
Long story.
546
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,573
I was hoping
you wouldn't mind
547
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,241
Waiting at the house
for Luke's tutor.
548
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,776
Actually, I would mind.
I'd mind quite a bit.
549
00:17:58,778 --> 00:17:59,844
I'm kind of busy.
Okay.
550
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,446
Cam, there's something
that Claire
551
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,881
Would never approve of
that I've always wanted to do.
552
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,583
Always?
553
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,685
We're gonna want to put a
blanket down on that backseat.
554
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:12,223
This was a huge mistake.
555
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:15,426
I am jammed in the backseat
with a hairy peruvian biter.
556
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,062
It's spring break '92
all over again!
557
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,764
Well, speed bump coming up.
Hold the leash taut.
558
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,032
It's supposed to
keep her calm.
559
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,600
I got lucky. I don't think
this one's a spitter.
560
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,035
[ Alpaca spits ]
ohh.
561
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,470
[ Alpaca bleats ]
uh, I spoke too soon.
562
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,738
You think? That's it.
Pull over.
563
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,774
You know, Phil,
I wanted to support you on this.
564
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,143
I'm a firm believer
in livestock in the home,
565
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,778
But you are
out of control.
566
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,613
No, I'm in control...
More than ever.
567
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,382
And if me getting what I want
inconveniences people a little,
568
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,984
Then so be it.
[ alpaca bleats ]
569
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,120
Oh.
Uh, she's nervous.
570
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,654
The guy said you should let her
suck on your hair.
571
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,823
Okay, that is it.
I am done.
572
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,226
¶ Enough of
this ridiculousness ¶
573
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,560
And thank you, Phil,
574
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,896
For making me appreciate
Mitchell.
575
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,397
He may have his faults,
576
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:58,069
But at least he's not
a crazy person.
577
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:00,004
[ Alpaca bleats ]
578
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:03,174
Phil, honey.
579
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,575
Yes, Claire.
580
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,344
I got an alpaca...
Again.
581
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,013
And there's nothing
you can say about it.
582
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,982
I'm not saying anything.
What's the problem?
583
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,351
[ Both screaming ]
584
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,919
Mom, dad!
585
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,587
There is a Camel
in the living room!
586
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:17,922
It's not a c...
587
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,423
I-I just can't.
Okay.
588
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,359
I see you've all met
jolene two.
589
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,495
Sadly, the original jolene
that your mother made me return
590
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,031
Was cruelly adopted
by a children's hospital.
591
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,433
You see,
something hit me this morning
592
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,636
When that truck
didn't hit me this morning...
593
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:35,339
I have not been in control
of my own life.
594
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,441
But those days are done.
595
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,943
Oh.
Haley: Mm.
596
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,312
Huh.
597
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,614
Well, I guess I'm not
in control of everything, am I?
598
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,049
[ Chuckles ]
funny, isn't it?
599
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,285
You can try and try,
but in the blink of an eye...
600
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,287
[ breathing shakily ]
601
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,356
[ Voice breaking ] you can lose
everything that matters to you.
602
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,359
Dad, are you okay?
603
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,528
Don't you all see
what's going on here?
604
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,230
Dad really wanted
that milk.
605
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,166
I almost lost you guys today...
All of you.
606
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,135
Aw.
Just like that.
607
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:05,369
Aw, daddy.
608
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,671
Oh, honey.
609
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:09,240
You spent the whole day
trying to control everything,
610
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,742
And I spent the entire day
trying not to,
611
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,811
And neither way worked,
did it?
612
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,012
Nope.
[ sighs ]
613
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:17,348
I may fight you on this,
but I'm gonna need you
614
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,083
To make me get rid
of jolene two.
615
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,018
She's a biter.
[ chuckling ] I know.
616
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:24,021
As soon as we're done
with this hug.
617
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,857
Hey, whatever this is,
I need to get in on it.
618
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,092
I almost died today.
619
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,927
Grandpa.
Daddy.
620
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,363
Aw, dad.
Hey.
621
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:33,698
Come here.
622
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,499
Aww.
Come here, you.
623
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:44,742
Learn how to drive, lady!
624
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,244
[ Panting ]
625
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,045
I will get to the meeting
when I get there.
626
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,413
I looked death in the face
today.
627
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,583
Hel... hello. Yes, I would like
to leave a message.
628
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,086
My husband ordered
an eggshell dryer...
629
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,623
Not talc, not parchment...
Eggshell.
630
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,692
Hey, you're home early.
What happened to you?
631
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:02,693
Doesn't matter.
632
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:04,695
So, I called
that appliance store,
633
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,431
And I demanded that you get
the dryer that you wanted.
634
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,933
Oh, well,
it must've worked
635
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,535
Because they're taking away
the wrong one right now.
636
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:12,903
Anything for you,
princess.
637
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,439
Ooh! Who's this guy?
Get over here, sexy.
638
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,941
[ Chuckles ] if you want to see
sexy, I just...
639
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,776
Ooh.
Ah-choo!
640
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,077
Ah-choo!
641
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,779
Oh, d...
What is all over you?
642
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,547
Well, now you are.
Ah-choo!