1 00:00:00,383 --> 00:00:01,986 Oh, God! 2 00:00:01,987 --> 00:00:03,636 It's a little early, isn't it? 3 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,403 Go back to sleep. I don't need you awake for this. 4 00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:07,633 Honey, it's Christmas Eve. 5 00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:09,556 Are you gonna spend all day on that thing? 6 00:00:09,557 --> 00:00:10,927 I made a promise. 7 00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:12,469 Yes! 8 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,749 Last Christmas, Phil got an elliptical machine 9 00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:16,285 and vowed to walk the equivalent 10 00:00:16,286 --> 00:00:19,271 of our house to Canada in one year. 11 00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:21,592 This body doesn't just happen, ladies. 12 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:22,527 If he didn't make it, 13 00:00:22,528 --> 00:00:24,437 no machine in the bedroom. 14 00:00:24,438 --> 00:00:27,280 Except for this machine in the bedroom, ladies. 15 00:00:27,281 --> 00:00:29,009 Who are these ladies? 16 00:00:29,869 --> 00:00:31,734 Oh, Phil, give it up. 17 00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:34,017 Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you? 18 00:00:34,086 --> 00:00:36,217 Just when I'm so close to the Canadian border, 19 00:00:36,218 --> 00:00:37,771 I can smell the bacon 20 00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,744 and the reasonably priced medications. 21 00:00:39,745 --> 00:00:41,317 Mom, this came for you from Nana. 22 00:00:41,318 --> 00:00:43,040 I don't know why she bothers to wrap it every year. 23 00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:45,232 It's always the same thing -- slippers. 24 00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:47,205 You never know. She might surprise you this year. 25 00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:48,705 Would you care to take a visit 26 00:00:48,706 --> 00:00:50,996 to the museum of maternal indifference? 27 00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:52,884 Watch it! 28 00:00:53,802 --> 00:00:54,923 Oh, careful! 29 00:00:55,537 --> 00:00:58,476 You guys are really moving her downstairs right now? 30 00:00:58,602 --> 00:00:59,624 Aren't you gonna be late for work? 31 00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:01,694 They're not gonna fire an elf on Christmas Eve. 32 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,369 Ugh, I thought this would be lighter without my shoes on it. 33 00:01:04,370 --> 00:01:05,419 You know, once you set up your room, 34 00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:06,638 you could put books on this. 35 00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:08,713 Books... on a shoe shelf. 36 00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:09,660 Right. 37 00:01:09,876 --> 00:01:12,534 - You're not gonna jump on that? - I'm just too happy! 38 00:01:12,554 --> 00:01:12,970 After today, 39 00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:14,847 there'll be no more clothes thrown everywhere, 40 00:01:14,848 --> 00:01:16,255 no more hour-long phone calls 41 00:01:16,256 --> 00:01:17,555 where all she says is "no way." 42 00:01:17,716 --> 00:01:19,221 I think it's a little sad 43 00:01:19,222 --> 00:01:21,333 that you guys are doing this today. 44 00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:23,307 I remember when you used to get 45 00:01:23,308 --> 00:01:25,181 into the same bed on Christmas Eve 46 00:01:25,182 --> 00:01:27,704 and talk about all the presents you were gonna get. 47 00:01:27,711 --> 00:01:29,201 It's a perfect day for it! 48 00:01:29,202 --> 00:01:30,963 When I wake up in my own room tomorrow, 49 00:01:30,964 --> 00:01:34,052 I'm going to be giving thanks for my independence. 50 00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,203 And isn't that what Christmas is all about? 51 00:01:37,196 --> 00:01:38,379 Seriously? Nothing? 52 00:01:47,388 --> 00:01:50,888 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 53 00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:53,945 This is your great-grandmother's recipe. 54 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,654 If she could see you now... 55 00:01:55,953 --> 00:01:58,575 ..she would die again, because you're doing it wrong! 56 00:01:58,771 --> 00:02:00,534 My mother has been here all week. 57 00:02:00,535 --> 00:02:03,313 I love her very much, but you know what they say -- 58 00:02:03,314 --> 00:02:05,603 house guests start to stink after three days, 59 00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:06,957 like dead bodies. 60 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,748 What the hell is that? 61 00:02:10,749 --> 00:02:12,319 A fiber-optic tree. 62 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,242 It's way better for the environment than a real one. 63 00:02:14,243 --> 00:02:16,179 Not if the environment is my living room. 64 00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:18,460 Look, I admit, it takes some getting used to, 65 00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:19,622 but so did Greek yogurt. 66 00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:21,812 Now I can't even remember how the old stuff tastes. 67 00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:24,615 Why do we keep changing things that don't need changing? 68 00:02:25,418 --> 00:02:28,337 Christmas is real trees and eggnog, 69 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,794 Perry Como and Bing on the hi-fi. 70 00:02:30,795 --> 00:02:32,040 Now you're just making up words. 71 00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:33,137 I'm drawing a line in the sand. 72 00:02:33,138 --> 00:02:34,324 We're gonna get a real tree, 73 00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,264 and we're gonna cut it down like I did when I was a kid. 74 00:02:36,265 --> 00:02:37,130 Follow me. 75 00:02:37,632 --> 00:02:38,166 Hi, dad. 76 00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:40,056 Can't talk. Saving Christmas. 77 00:02:41,146 --> 00:02:43,290 Hi. Thank you again for coming. 78 00:02:43,291 --> 00:02:45,487 No problem. I love babysitting! 79 00:02:45,488 --> 00:02:47,732 Good! We're going to run some quick errands. 80 00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:48,909 Wait, if you're taking Joe -- 81 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,072 Hola, Claire! 82 00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,189 Around 4:00, she gets fussy for her bottle. 83 00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,632 Lily, do you know why I'm able to relax 84 00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:58,950 and read this paper today? 85 00:02:58,951 --> 00:03:00,338 Because you don't have a job? 86 00:03:00,339 --> 00:03:03,018 FYI, I am starting a new job in exactly t-- 87 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,163 No. We're not doing this again. 88 00:03:05,511 --> 00:03:08,154 It's because I planned ahead. 89 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,020 I finished my Christmas shopping weeks ago. 90 00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:11,776 It's important to keep busy. 91 00:03:11,811 --> 00:03:14,239 I-it is perfectly normal to take some downti-- 92 00:03:14,669 --> 00:03:15,723 No. No! 93 00:03:15,724 --> 00:03:16,299 Okay. 94 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,652 I printed out the directions to Pepper's party. 95 00:03:18,918 --> 00:03:21,705 We're calling it "The 12 gays of Christmas" now. 96 00:03:21,706 --> 00:03:22,501 Oh, just be thankful 97 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,193 we talked him out of "Feliz navidude." 98 00:03:24,194 --> 00:03:25,594 Okay, honey, finish your breakfast 99 00:03:25,595 --> 00:03:27,738 so we can go help our fellow man! 100 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,739 One hour at this charity event, max. 101 00:03:30,762 --> 00:03:31,570 I can't eat. 102 00:03:31,571 --> 00:03:33,802 I'm too excited to get my Puppy Pound. 103 00:03:33,803 --> 00:03:35,239 I'm -- I'm sorry. Your what? 104 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,595 Puppy Pounds have six puppies 105 00:03:36,596 --> 00:03:37,828 with online profiles. 106 00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:40,127 Ask your parents before using the Internet. 107 00:03:40,128 --> 00:03:42,297 Honey, you never mentioned a-a-a Puppy Pound. 108 00:03:42,298 --> 00:03:43,845 - What is she talking about? - I-it's not on your list. 109 00:03:43,846 --> 00:03:46,938 Yes, it is. "Puppy Pound." 110 00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:48,825 Oh, no! She put a "p" backwards. 111 00:03:48,826 --> 00:03:50,824 And, honey, there's a "u" in "pound." 112 00:03:50,825 --> 00:03:53,230 - This says "guppy pond"! - Guppy pond! 113 00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:54,886 What is a guppy pond? 114 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,563 It's only the -- the coolest gift ever! 115 00:03:58,473 --> 00:03:59,925 I want a Puppy Pound. 116 00:03:59,926 --> 00:04:01,735 Um, honey, it's c-- 117 00:04:02,369 --> 00:04:03,153 Okay. 118 00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:04,515 I am not pointing fingers, 119 00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:05,946 but our daughter had 120 00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:08,092 exactly one thing on her list, 121 00:04:08,093 --> 00:04:10,272 and someone didn't get it, 122 00:04:10,273 --> 00:04:12,459 so someone needs to go to the mall. 123 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,405 You're pointing fingers. 124 00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:14,918 No. It's still a "1." 125 00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:16,433 It just fell asleep on the job. 126 00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:20,897 Ellipticaler's log, 12/24. 127 00:04:21,224 --> 00:04:23,019 10 miles from Canadian border. 128 00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:25,890 Spirits -- high. Stamina -- strong. 129 00:04:26,342 --> 00:04:29,167 Must get another application of thigh lube. 130 00:04:29,355 --> 00:04:30,331 Oh, good. Luke. 131 00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,713 Dad, I was with you on the tightrope. 132 00:04:32,714 --> 00:04:34,995 I was your wing man in the wing-eating competition. 133 00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:36,661 But I'm not feeling this one. 134 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,988 You're missing Christmas Eve. 135 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:41,220 There's something more important than Christmas, son -- pride. 136 00:04:41,294 --> 00:04:42,105 If I don't make it to Canada, 137 00:04:42,106 --> 00:04:43,278 your mom wins, and this baby 138 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,223 ends up in the garage first thing in the morning. 139 00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:46,405 Our garage? 140 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,961 I'm in charge of the recycling. 141 00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:50,668 I'm supposed to bring it from the garage to the curb 142 00:04:50,669 --> 00:04:52,349 by 6:00 A.M. thursday morning. 143 00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,201 I may have missed a few weeks. 144 00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:58,276 Shoot! 145 00:05:00,376 --> 00:05:02,071 Maybe more than a few weeks. 146 00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:04,822 After a while, the pile just got so big, 147 00:05:04,823 --> 00:05:06,167 I couldn't bring it out the night before 148 00:05:06,168 --> 00:05:07,734 or people would ask questions. 149 00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:10,173 I don't need people asking questions. 150 00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:12,112 Then you're right! You've got to finish! 151 00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:14,348 You'll never use this thing in the garage! It's too drafty! 152 00:05:14,349 --> 00:05:16,049 That's why I'm going to Canada, buddy -- 153 00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,458 to avoid the draft! 154 00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:19,425 No. 155 00:05:23,494 --> 00:05:24,363 Bang. 156 00:05:25,556 --> 00:05:27,623 I know we've been hiking for an hour, but... 157 00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,919 Worth it when you look at this beauty, huh? 158 00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:32,210 That's why you don't cut down the first tree you see. 159 00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:34,303 This is literally the first tree we saw. 160 00:05:34,304 --> 00:05:35,472 There's our car. 161 00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:37,027 No, we started that way. 162 00:05:37,028 --> 00:05:37,907 So, you're arguing 163 00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:39,831 that we walked entirely around the earth? 164 00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:40,813 Give me the ax. 165 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,466 Don't give me that look. 166 00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:50,496 Trees are like women. 167 00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,771 The best ones make you work a little bit harder. 168 00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,513 She's just not that into you. 169 00:06:01,238 --> 00:06:03,322 - I know! - Sorry it too long! 170 00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,820 Oh, it's fine. 171 00:06:04,821 --> 00:06:07,757 Claire and I were having a nice time catching up. 172 00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:10,617 I am really sorry that I am late. 173 00:06:10,618 --> 00:06:11,408 No, you're not. 174 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:12,221 No, I'm not. 175 00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:13,579 Mm-hmm. It's fine. 176 00:06:13,604 --> 00:06:15,209 Just hope I didn't talk Pilar's ear off! 177 00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,222 No! 178 00:06:16,236 --> 00:06:19,646 I love hearing about your family 179 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,179 and your big, new job! 180 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,548 Oh, well, it's -- it's not such a big job. 181 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,287 I mean, I'm really just working for my dad. 182 00:06:25,288 --> 00:06:26,524 But you're working hard. 183 00:06:26,525 --> 00:06:27,810 I'm proud of you. 184 00:06:27,811 --> 00:06:30,678 - How do they look? - Ooh! Perfect! 185 00:06:30,679 --> 00:06:32,823 - Yes. - You are a wonderful student. 186 00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:33,348 Thank you. 187 00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:35,170 My grandmother taught my mother. 188 00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,740 My mother taught me. 189 00:06:36,741 --> 00:06:39,170 And now, I teach Claire. 190 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,398 And don't be so modest. 191 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:43,079 I respect a woman who can raise a family 192 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,653 and have a full-time job. 193 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,328 Can you believe that on Fridays, 194 00:06:46,329 --> 00:06:48,251 they don't even have to dress up? 195 00:06:48,252 --> 00:06:49,274 Taste. Taste. Taste. 196 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,761 Sometimes, they even wear sweatpants. 197 00:06:51,762 --> 00:06:53,946 Would you like to lick the batter? 198 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,082 Yes! Oh, yes! 199 00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:56,917 - Me, too! - No, no, no! 200 00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:58,955 Helpers only. 201 00:06:59,346 --> 00:07:00,673 I don't make the rules. 202 00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:05,136 Oh, Lily, what a beautiful ornament! 203 00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:07,269 That's gonna make a little kid very happy. 204 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,984 Wait. I don't get to keep this? 205 00:07:08,985 --> 00:07:10,661 Why am I killing myself? 206 00:07:10,662 --> 00:07:12,055 Okay, kids! 207 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,998 We've got a visitor from the north pole, 208 00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:15,464 and he brought presents! 209 00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:19,260 Hey! Hey. How's it going? 210 00:07:19,261 --> 00:07:20,828 There are no Puppy Pounds anywhere. 211 00:07:20,829 --> 00:07:22,518 It's like trying to find a Cabbage Patch Kid 212 00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:24,309 on Christmas Eve 1983. 213 00:07:24,401 --> 00:07:25,552 Still hurts, huh? 214 00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:27,110 I had her bed all made. 215 00:07:27,111 --> 00:07:29,146 Okay. Well, Lily is gonna be devastated. 216 00:07:29,147 --> 00:07:30,692 Call around. Get us on some lists. 217 00:07:30,693 --> 00:07:31,943 You have to do something! 218 00:07:31,944 --> 00:07:33,106 I'll figure it out. 219 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,463 How's the fundraiser? 220 00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,108 Oh, well, I'm managing, you know. 221 00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:37,251 Oh, bring the checkbook. 222 00:07:37,252 --> 00:07:39,542 You can always tell when they're gearing up for the big ask -- 223 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,015 fill you full of freebies. 224 00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:43,122 Oh, hey, I gotta go. Got to help somebody. 225 00:07:45,115 --> 00:07:46,155 Hi! Classic. 226 00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:47,334 Flawlessly executed. 227 00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:48,335 If I had one... 228 00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,635 Just trying to bring a smile to you folks. 229 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,859 - You're gonna get through this. - Get through what? 230 00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:52,912 Don't be embarrassed. 231 00:07:52,913 --> 00:07:54,830 Everyone here is in the same boat. 232 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:55,802 We are? 233 00:07:55,803 --> 00:07:57,554 Best thing about the hot chocolate -- 234 00:07:57,587 --> 00:07:58,935 they let us keep the mug. 235 00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:08,317 I thought it was a charity event for the needy. 236 00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:10,859 Turns out, it was a charity event for the needy! 237 00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:13,917 Look! Santa gave me a Puppy Pound! 238 00:08:13,918 --> 00:08:14,955 What? No. 239 00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:16,511 I'm finally happy! 240 00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:18,105 I'd like a picture for the newsletter. 241 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:19,763 - Oh. - You can show your mommy. 242 00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:21,123 I don't have a mommy. 243 00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:22,858 This is why I do this. 244 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,709 That cramp could be a heart attack. 245 00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,602 Here's some advice I've been holding back on. 246 00:08:29,766 --> 00:08:31,195 Always shave with the grain. 247 00:08:31,471 --> 00:08:32,833 No reputable talent agent 248 00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,068 will ever ask for money up-front. 249 00:08:34,069 --> 00:08:35,191 Dad, you're fine. 250 00:08:35,192 --> 00:08:36,466 I really want to quit, Luke! 251 00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,626 No, you're gonna make it! 252 00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:39,131 He was never gonna make it. 253 00:08:39,132 --> 00:08:40,803 I just needed to buy some time. 254 00:08:42,311 --> 00:08:43,840 That's a lot of product you're moving. 255 00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:45,562 Just bring it to a recycling place. 256 00:08:45,563 --> 00:08:47,078 Not until I get paid. 257 00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:50,813 Just so you know, this is six weeks' allowance. 258 00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:52,865 Oh, you have the coolest parents ever. 259 00:08:53,638 --> 00:08:55,007 I want to know when you're about to leave, 260 00:08:55,008 --> 00:08:56,283 so give me a honk. 261 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,158 - Honk! - From your car. 262 00:08:59,783 --> 00:09:02,672 The best business card is a firm handshake. 263 00:09:02,673 --> 00:09:05,822 The best pick-up line is a tight pair of Dockers. 264 00:09:06,019 --> 00:09:06,992 The best Dockers are -- 265 00:09:06,993 --> 00:09:09,121 Dad, save your breath! You're in the last five miles. 266 00:09:09,122 --> 00:09:11,285 - I'm never gonna make it! - Of course you are! 267 00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:13,766 Then again, do what you want. I got stuff to do. 268 00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,068 - I'm gonna quit. - Cool. 269 00:09:15,069 --> 00:09:16,486 What's one more failure? 270 00:09:18,532 --> 00:09:20,871 You ever wonder why we take such a crazy route to school? 271 00:09:22,975 --> 00:09:25,006 So I don't have to drive by certain places -- 272 00:09:25,595 --> 00:09:27,643 the flute teacher's house I went to once... 273 00:09:28,173 --> 00:09:30,070 The French cooking academy I quit after learning 274 00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:32,059 only two of the five mother sauces... 275 00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:35,539 The hot yoga studio I left after "happy baby." 276 00:09:36,979 --> 00:09:37,912 I guess there's no avoiding 277 00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:40,184 this big failure sitting in my garage. 278 00:09:41,837 --> 00:09:42,684 Get up. 279 00:09:43,045 --> 00:09:44,512 I appreciate it, buddy, but -- 280 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,975 Get up. 281 00:09:46,726 --> 00:09:48,506 I don't know anything about flutes 282 00:09:48,507 --> 00:09:50,800 or cooking or happy babies... 283 00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:54,112 But I'm damn sure getting my dad to Canada. 284 00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:56,344 Now, mount that beast. 285 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,687 Thank you, son. 286 00:09:58,144 --> 00:10:00,068 You can thank me after you cross the finish line 287 00:10:00,069 --> 00:10:01,580 and the celebration begins. 288 00:10:01,581 --> 00:10:02,734 Just picture that. 289 00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:05,886 I'm picturing it! 290 00:10:07,727 --> 00:10:08,857 I'm picturing it! 291 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,592 I'm really picturing it! 292 00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:13,800 Thanks, Santa. 293 00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:14,842 Yeah. You got it. 294 00:10:14,983 --> 00:10:16,983 Don't forget a candy cane from Mrs. Claus! 295 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,772 Oh! I got to take a break. 296 00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,532 - What? - What? What? 297 00:10:21,993 --> 00:10:23,025 Um... It's okay! 298 00:10:23,026 --> 00:10:24,909 Does anybody want to take a picture with me? 299 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,301 - I'll do it. - Oh, maybe just the kids. 300 00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:30,642 - What was that? - What was what? 301 00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:32,297 Santa doesn't take breaks. 302 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,971 He visits the North Pole! 303 00:10:34,249 --> 00:10:36,262 And why do you leave your things all over? 304 00:10:36,263 --> 00:10:37,767 Who do you think cleans this place up? 305 00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:39,459 Oh, you are such a nag! 306 00:10:39,927 --> 00:10:40,667 Can't we at least 307 00:10:40,668 --> 00:10:42,864 act like a happy couple during the holidays? 308 00:10:42,865 --> 00:10:44,194 For the children! 309 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,132 Another hot chocolate? 310 00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:47,673 How many more of those are you going to drink? 311 00:10:47,674 --> 00:10:49,651 At least it's warm, unlike you! 312 00:10:49,867 --> 00:10:51,172 He travels a lot. 313 00:10:51,173 --> 00:10:52,913 She's put on cookie weight. 314 00:10:52,914 --> 00:10:54,046 It's hard. 315 00:10:55,341 --> 00:10:56,316 Yes, you can put me on 316 00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,810 the "last-minute shoppers" waiting list. 317 00:10:57,811 --> 00:10:59,179 - Unbelievable. - Oh! Well, there he is! 318 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,307 H-hey, Jotham! 319 00:11:00,308 --> 00:11:01,446 Oh, looks like someone did 320 00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:03,293 a little last-minute Christmas shopping. 321 00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,766 That Zaniel's a lucky guy. 322 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,287 Yes, he is. 323 00:11:06,288 --> 00:11:07,343 But these are for Pepper's party. 324 00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,200 His invitation said, "no gifts, please." 325 00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:10,338 Mm, say that again... 326 00:11:10,588 --> 00:11:11,448 As Pepper. 327 00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:12,881 No gifts? 328 00:11:13,079 --> 00:11:14,060 Please. 329 00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:15,711 5 o'clock, Christmas Eve, 330 00:11:15,712 --> 00:11:18,118 and I have to find a dozen perfect presents 331 00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,348 for the world's snarkiest, cattiest men... 332 00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,526 My dear, dear friends. 333 00:11:23,213 --> 00:11:25,663 Pull! Pull! Pull! 334 00:11:25,792 --> 00:11:26,969 Yeah. Hey, take a break. 335 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,973 - This is taking forever. - It's supposed to. 336 00:11:29,197 --> 00:11:31,505 Took my dad and I all day to get a tree. 337 00:11:31,994 --> 00:11:33,777 And when he finally brought her down, 338 00:11:33,904 --> 00:11:35,603 he used to celebrate with a cigar. 339 00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:38,382 I was just a kid, so I'd have a cigarette. 340 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,446 All right. Grab the other end. 341 00:11:42,499 --> 00:11:43,251 There we go. 342 00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:44,054 Now we got a groove. 343 00:11:44,055 --> 00:11:45,046 Yeah. There we -- 344 00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,006 It won't budge! 345 00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:49,053 The hell is this wood made of? 346 00:11:49,054 --> 00:11:50,336 They ought to make saws out of it! 347 00:11:50,337 --> 00:11:52,120 Let's face it. The tree's beaten us. 348 00:11:52,121 --> 00:11:54,175 Hey, we're Pritchetts. We don't quit. 349 00:11:54,495 --> 00:11:56,476 Besides, all my tools are stuck in it. 350 00:11:57,953 --> 00:11:58,814 I got it. 351 00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:02,071 It's simple physics. 352 00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:02,976 A little pressure, 353 00:12:02,977 --> 00:12:05,008 the thing will snap where we put the blade in. 354 00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:06,655 - Done. - Just hit the gas. 355 00:12:07,732 --> 00:12:08,368 It's working. 356 00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:10,056 That's why they call it Yankee engine-- 357 00:12:10,057 --> 00:12:11,056 Get down! 358 00:12:13,144 --> 00:12:14,805 It's bald on one side now! 359 00:12:14,806 --> 00:12:15,936 It'll be fine! 360 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,446 We'll just comb over some branches! 361 00:12:21,111 --> 00:12:22,830 Oh, Claire, I thought that you had left. 362 00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:23,681 She was going to, 363 00:12:23,682 --> 00:12:25,712 but I wanted to show her how much better she looks 364 00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,997 without this hair blocking her pretty face. 365 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,044 She does have beautiful hair, though. 366 00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:30,767 I see. 367 00:12:33,358 --> 00:12:34,304 What did she say? 368 00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,089 That you picked a good color... 369 00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:37,429 At least, I think that's what she said 370 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,959 with that American accent. 371 00:12:39,514 --> 00:12:41,282 You don't have to entertain her. 372 00:12:41,382 --> 00:12:43,431 After all, she's my mother. 373 00:12:43,785 --> 00:12:47,760 Ah, these used to be Glorita's favorite! 374 00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:50,890 She used to do headstands to get extra cookies. 375 00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:52,102 At least, she'd try. 376 00:12:52,103 --> 00:12:53,999 Yeah, but it's not easy! 377 00:12:54,012 --> 00:12:57,291 I mean, it's hard enough to keep all this right-side up! 378 00:12:57,292 --> 00:12:59,570 Imagine when I had to put it all right-side down! 379 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,591 - It was... - Oh, my gosh. 380 00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:01,889 I can't believe I can still do it! 381 00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:02,544 Look at that. 382 00:13:02,545 --> 00:13:04,671 - Oh, wow. - Look at Claire, Gloria! 383 00:13:05,354 --> 00:13:07,503 Very good! Two cookies for you! 384 00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:08,740 Thank you! 385 00:13:08,741 --> 00:13:10,564 Uh, yeah, but she needs a pedicure. 386 00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:11,832 Look at that. 387 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,271 You knocked me down! 388 00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:15,495 - I did not. - Yes, you did, too! 389 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:20,783 Girls! Girls! Girls! No need to fight. 390 00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:22,546 I don't have a favorite. 391 00:13:22,547 --> 00:13:24,039 Why the hell not?! 392 00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:29,861 I am very disappointed in both of you. 393 00:13:30,088 --> 00:13:32,174 Family members should treat each other 394 00:13:32,175 --> 00:13:33,618 with love and respect. 395 00:13:33,619 --> 00:13:36,023 Except that Claire is not part of our family. 396 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,066 - Cierra la boca! - No. No, no. 397 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,827 She's right-- unless that's what you just said. 398 00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:41,797 I can't tell, 'cause I-I only took French, 399 00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:42,959 and je parle un peu. 400 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,668 Oh, you have a beautiful accent. 401 00:13:44,669 --> 00:13:45,773 Really? Do you think so? 402 00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,562 - Ay-ya! Por favor? - I'm sorry. 403 00:13:47,563 --> 00:13:48,163 I... 404 00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:52,134 I-I'm jealous. 405 00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:54,274 Ay, Claire. 406 00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:58,426 But you're beautiful, too, in your own way. 407 00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,007 No. I'm not jealous of you. 408 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,373 I am jealous of how your mother 409 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:04,383 comes all the way to see you from Colombia, 410 00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,594 when my own mother won't even get on a bus 411 00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,940 from the almond co-op she lives on three hours away. 412 00:14:08,941 --> 00:14:10,420 She sends presents, no? 413 00:14:10,421 --> 00:14:12,266 Yeah. It's the same thing every year. 414 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:13,621 It's always slippers. 415 00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:14,878 I am sorry. 416 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:15,620 Thank you. 417 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,996 But I shouldn't take it out on you 418 00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:18,393 just 'cause I have a lousy mom. 419 00:14:18,394 --> 00:14:20,027 Don't disrespect your mother! 420 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,201 - Is she always like this? - Yes. 421 00:14:22,202 --> 00:14:25,785 Did you-- did you ever think maybe there's a reason 422 00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:27,598 she sends you that gift? 423 00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:28,928 Yeah, 'cause she found something 424 00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:30,533 when I was 8 years old that I actually liked, 425 00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,155 and she hasn't thought about it since. 426 00:14:32,156 --> 00:14:34,805 Well, maybe she thinks about it a lot. 427 00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:39,509 Maybe she remembers a time when she made you happy, 428 00:14:39,714 --> 00:14:41,300 and she wants to go back there. 429 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,070 Well, now I feel terrible. 430 00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:46,539 The only thing I sent her was an e-card. 431 00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:48,568 We don't like to admit it... 432 00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:52,997 but mothers never get over 433 00:14:52,998 --> 00:14:55,036 the day their daughters leave them. 434 00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:58,525 We never stop needing our little girls. 435 00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:03,488 I will never stop needing you, mama. 436 00:15:11,438 --> 00:15:12,129 Excuse me. 437 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:13,382 Excuse me. 438 00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:15,167 Excuse me, elf, 439 00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:16,449 it's been 45 minutes. 440 00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:17,513 Where's Santa? 441 00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:18,535 I don't know! 442 00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:20,655 Maybe he's a little busy making presents 443 00:15:20,656 --> 00:15:22,236 for every child in the world. 444 00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:24,371 One second! 445 00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:28,537 Where is he? 446 00:15:28,731 --> 00:15:31,273 He said he was going out for a pack of candy canes. 447 00:15:31,274 --> 00:15:32,560 You mean like those? 448 00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:37,617 Okay. Wake up! He is not coming back! 449 00:15:38,714 --> 00:15:40,068 We need to change into our regular clothes 450 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:40,979 and sneak out. 451 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:41,779 Who am I kidding? 452 00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,123 My eyes are unforgettable. 453 00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:45,397 I couldn't even hold on to a fake husband. 454 00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,281 I always thought you were the tough one to live with, 455 00:15:47,282 --> 00:15:48,173 but maybe I am. 456 00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:50,256 Okay, they've breached the jelly bean moat. This is a problem. 457 00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:52,539 It's a big problem. All this time, I've been waiting 458 00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:53,294 for a guy to see the true me, 459 00:15:53,295 --> 00:15:54,929 and now I'm scared he will. 460 00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:56,146 Oh, my God! They've got blitzen! 461 00:15:56,147 --> 00:15:57,343 What's going to happen to me? 462 00:15:57,344 --> 00:15:59,692 Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me? 463 00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:02,395 - Hey, mom found somebody! - That's true. 464 00:16:02,418 --> 00:16:03,367 Okay, listen. 465 00:16:03,552 --> 00:16:05,037 We really need to get out of here. 466 00:16:05,038 --> 00:16:06,064 But I just want to let you know 467 00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,987 that you weren't all bad to live with. 468 00:16:08,016 --> 00:16:08,757 I thought-- 469 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,036 Oh, my God! 470 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:11,760 Oh, my God! 471 00:16:13,021 --> 00:16:14,983 Where's Santa?! 472 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,082 Only 100 more yards. 473 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,451 You're just about there! 474 00:16:19,452 --> 00:16:20,524 Can you see it? 475 00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,719 It's so beautiful. It's so green. 476 00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,075 And, wow, those are high up there. 477 00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:26,757 The mountains? 478 00:16:26,758 --> 00:16:27,968 No, my shorts again. 479 00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:29,299 Would you mind giving them one last tug? 480 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,335 You're crossing the border. 481 00:16:30,336 --> 00:16:31,786 Yeah, I know, and I feel bad asking, 482 00:16:31,787 --> 00:16:33,145 but I'm tasting cotton. 483 00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:35,907 No! You did it! You're in Canada! 484 00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:37,502 Wait. What? 485 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,538 I did it? I did it! 486 00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:43,073 I did it! I did it! 487 00:16:43,997 --> 00:16:45,560 Let's go tell mom! 488 00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:47,817 Wait. 489 00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,404 How did I used to walk? 490 00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:50,957 All right. Come on, sweetie. 491 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:51,965 Let's go. 492 00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:57,272 Uh, we're serving Christmas dinner. 493 00:16:57,273 --> 00:16:58,047 Uh, no. That's fine. 494 00:16:58,048 --> 00:16:59,708 We have to actually get going, so... 495 00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,194 But I haven't eaten today. 496 00:17:01,195 --> 00:17:01,990 Oh, you poor thing! 497 00:17:01,991 --> 00:17:03,476 No, she's fine. She's fine. 498 00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:05,721 Oh, there he is. 499 00:17:05,722 --> 00:17:06,984 Honey, where did you get this coat? 500 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:08,052 Sorry, kids. 501 00:17:08,053 --> 00:17:11,242 It looks like we've run out of coats and toys. 502 00:17:12,215 --> 00:17:15,014 That's okay, mom. At least I got to see presents. 503 00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:16,288 Okay. Come on. Let's go. 504 00:17:16,289 --> 00:17:18,473 Hey! How are my do-gooders? 505 00:17:18,474 --> 00:17:19,012 Did you have fun? 506 00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:20,254 Yep. Talk about it in the car. 507 00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:21,193 Oh, my gosh. 508 00:17:22,856 --> 00:17:23,423 What are these? 509 00:17:23,424 --> 00:17:25,060 Yeah, I went a little crazy, huh? 510 00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:27,153 No! No, no! It's a Christmas miracle! 511 00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:29,912 Kids! Kids! Who wants presents? 512 00:17:29,913 --> 00:17:30,624 Cam, what are you doing? 513 00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:32,363 No, trust me. Lily has enough. 514 00:17:32,364 --> 00:17:35,346 - Cam, Cam. - Everybody, merry Christmas! 515 00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:37,865 Oh! Not that one. 516 00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:39,684 Feliz navidad! 517 00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:41,228 Okay, but those aren't for Lily. 518 00:17:41,229 --> 00:17:43,278 "His-and-his shower clogs?" 519 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,304 They're for Pepper's party. 520 00:17:44,305 --> 00:17:45,295 He said, "no gifts, please." 521 00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:47,086 Imagine how Pepper would say that. 522 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,090 What's a Himalayan salt plate? 523 00:17:49,091 --> 00:17:51,884 You can season your food while you serve it. 524 00:17:51,885 --> 00:17:52,977 Body-fat scale? 525 00:17:52,978 --> 00:17:54,692 I wish I would've had one of those when I was your age. 526 00:17:54,693 --> 00:17:57,201 - You're welcome. - Who's Robert Mapplethorp? 527 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,525 Actually, I'm gonna need that one back. 528 00:17:58,526 --> 00:17:59,200 Sorry. 529 00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:00,700 That's okay. 530 00:18:00,701 --> 00:18:03,236 All I really wanted this year was a Puppy Pound. 531 00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:05,731 Here. You can have mine. 532 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:06,755 It's really fun. 533 00:18:06,756 --> 00:18:07,518 Oh, my gosh. 534 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,284 That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen! 535 00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:12,167 Lily, honey, that was so nice! 536 00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:14,326 It's okay. I'll get one tomorrow. 537 00:18:14,403 --> 00:18:16,209 Um, well, you know what? About that -- 538 00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,314 Cam? Cam? 539 00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:20,462 Uh, that was a t-o-y s-t-o-r-e. 540 00:18:21,284 --> 00:18:22,924 - What? - Someone returned their Puppy Pound. 541 00:18:22,925 --> 00:18:25,465 W-we can't get over there in time before the store closes! 542 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,200 Wait, you know who lives right over there? 543 00:18:28,769 --> 00:18:32,176 Oh, no. No! 544 00:18:39,933 --> 00:18:41,021 Almost there. 545 00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:43,291 No. 546 00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,105 No! Why?! 547 00:18:47,361 --> 00:18:49,803 Why-y-y-y-y?! 548 00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:55,351 In hindsight, the cigar was a mistake. 549 00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:57,345 So, what do we do now? 550 00:18:57,844 --> 00:18:58,663 We go home. 551 00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:00,108 I thought Pritchetts never give up. 552 00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:01,422 They know when to give up, 553 00:19:01,423 --> 00:19:03,317 which is its own kind of victory. 554 00:19:03,821 --> 00:19:05,234 - Unless... - What? 555 00:19:05,543 --> 00:19:07,096 No it's crazy. 556 00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:08,301 Unless... 557 00:19:08,302 --> 00:19:10,068 Are you really gonna make me ask you again? 558 00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:13,463 We somehow apply pressure to the axhead already in the tree. 559 00:19:13,844 --> 00:19:15,482 I bet we can use the jack from the car. 560 00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:18,182 - Of course. The upward motion will split the trunk. - Yeah. 561 00:19:23,613 --> 00:19:25,195 We can always tell people that's how we did it. 562 00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:27,388 That is how we did it. 563 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,905 People love getting new things... 564 00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:33,676 But the best stuff has a story behind it. 565 00:19:33,677 --> 00:19:34,875 Damn fine tree. 566 00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:36,594 Except the saw's still stuck in the truck. 567 00:19:36,595 --> 00:19:38,909 Yeah, you're gonna want to keep your brother away from that, huh? 568 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,927 A lot of times, it's only after we get rid of something... 569 00:19:42,928 --> 00:19:43,943 Room for me? 570 00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:46,256 ...That we realize how much we miss it. 571 00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,750 Oh! Nice! 572 00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:53,501 Good job, Luke! 573 00:19:53,502 --> 00:19:55,487 Yay! A Puppy Pound! 574 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,340 And things that seem worthless 575 00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:01,687 suddenly turn out to be super valuable... 576 00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,290 Okay, everybody, picture in front of the tree. 577 00:20:04,291 --> 00:20:05,474 Timer's set. Ready? 578 00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,307 What? No! 579 00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:12,789 ...Maybe even precious... 580 00:20:13,437 --> 00:20:15,127 which is why I thought getting rid of this stuff 581 00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:16,782 would be a huge mistake. 582 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,349 Ah. Nice try. 583 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,911 You still owe us six weeks' allowance. 584 00:20:19,912 --> 00:20:21,268 And the fireworks. 585 00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:23,025 How could you screw this up? 586 00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:23,983 What? 587 00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:30,420 I'll see you in Vancouver, eh? 588 00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:31,804 No. Luke, do the accent again? 589 00:20:31,805 --> 00:20:33,148 Oh, are you on that machine? 590 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,626 Yes, Juliana, but unlike your husband, 591 00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:37,532 I'll be finished before you know it. 592 00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,058 You know what? It's actually easier this way! 593 00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:41,684 Wonder if you could patent a movement? 594 00:20:41,685 --> 00:20:43,257 Call it "fliptical" -- 595 00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:48,857 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 596 00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:54,106 Dad, trick or treaters! 597 00:20:54,107 --> 00:20:55,198 We're out of candy! 598 00:20:55,283 --> 00:20:56,959 Who is this dad? 599 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,627 I'm Gandalf. 600 00:20:58,982 --> 00:21:00,532 Who's on?