1
00:00:02,295 --> 00:00:05,151
Family fun meeting
by the front door, stat!

2
00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,879
"Stat" means right now!

3
00:00:07,894 --> 00:00:09,407
Ugh. What is it?

4
00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:11,501
Ignore her. She's been
in a bad mood all day.

5
00:00:11,502 --> 00:00:12,729
And Luke isn't home yet.

6
00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:13,899
I'm right here.

7
00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:15,575
Where were you?

8
00:00:15,576 --> 00:00:17,511
This house still holds its secrets.

9
00:00:17,512 --> 00:00:19,633
You're probably wondering
why I called you all here.

10
00:00:19,634 --> 00:00:21,392
- Nope.
- Well, stop your wondering...

11
00:00:21,393 --> 00:00:22,490
We're not wondering.

12
00:00:22,491 --> 00:00:24,777
And behold.... this wonder!

13
00:00:24,778 --> 00:00:26,419
- Oh, my God!
- Wow.

14
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,384
I sold a home to the one
and only Pete Johnson.

15
00:00:30,385 --> 00:00:31,744
There's only one Pete Johnson?

16
00:00:31,745 --> 00:00:34,831
Only one who's 
California's top R.V. dealer.

17
00:00:34,832 --> 00:00:37,864
There's 835 others.
Nightmare of a deal to paper.

18
00:00:37,986 --> 00:00:39,602
Well, and this was
his way of saying...

19
00:00:39,603 --> 00:00:41,100
- Thank you.
- Of course.

20
00:00:41,101 --> 00:00:42,105
He paid a commission, too, right?

21
00:00:42,106 --> 00:00:45,186
Yes. And he told me I could
take Jolene out anytime.

22
00:00:45,502 --> 00:00:46,756
Yeah, I named her!

23
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:49,464
Let's take this dirty girl
for a spin up the coast!

24
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,890
- Yes! - Awesome!
- Pretty sweet, huh?

25
00:00:51,891 --> 00:00:53,251
- Yeah!
- Huh.

26
00:00:54,038 --> 00:00:55,554
I can see where this is going.

27
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,387
This summer-- you, me, the kids,

28
00:00:58,388 --> 00:01:00,490
- Yellowstone National Park.
- Mm.

29
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:03,413
And that's just the Verona,
he offered me an Amalfi.

30
00:01:03,549 --> 00:01:04,856
An Amalfi, Claire!

31
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:07,133
That makes the Umbria
look like a Portofino!

32
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,905
Well, they should've
called it the Roman,

33
00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,922
'cause that's what
we're about to be doin'.

34
00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:12,591
I'm really not following you.

35
00:01:13,555 --> 00:01:15,297
Ten days on the road
with those kids?

36
00:01:15,298 --> 00:01:16,846
Winnebag-no.

37
00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:18,473
I hate it when Phil does this.

38
00:01:18,474 --> 00:01:19,585
Now I have to be the bad guy

39
00:01:19,586 --> 00:01:22,257
who comes in and
squelches his brilliant idea.

40
00:01:22,258 --> 00:01:24,903
I said no.
Get it out of my house.

41
00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:25,961
Fine.

42
00:01:26,436 --> 00:01:27,479
Come on, Jolene.

43
00:01:29,451 --> 00:01:30,946
Fortunately, this time,

44
00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:32,406
I don't have to be
the wet blanket,

45
00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:34,918
because even on just
a short spin up the coast,

46
00:01:34,919 --> 00:01:37,480
Phil will see what I see
every day--

47
00:01:37,794 --> 00:01:39,482
the transformation that happens

48
00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:42,084
when our kids are locked
in a moving metal box...

49
00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:44,701
The kraken that is unleashed.

50
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,517
I love my kids very,
very much.

51
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,740
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

52
00:01:59,983 --> 00:02:01,877
- You're poking me.
- Yeah, well, I know, sweetie.

53
00:02:01,878 --> 00:02:03,381
But I don't get
these pins just right,

54
00:02:03,382 --> 00:02:05,315
your bun could fall out
during your routine,

55
00:02:05,316 --> 00:02:06,240
and it could mess you up.

56
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,681
Okay, let's test it out.

57
00:02:08,185 --> 00:02:09,512
All right.

58
00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:10,731
Jump.

59
00:02:10,781 --> 00:02:12,054
Good. Spin.

60
00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:13,848
Now give me Beyonce.

61
00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,906
Okay, I've done everything
I can do. It's up to you now.

62
00:02:17,907 --> 00:02:19,356
We have a gymnast in our family.

63
00:02:19,357 --> 00:02:21,100
Yeah, Lily goes
to gymnastics class.

64
00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:22,105
In one short year,

65
00:02:22,106 --> 00:02:23,831
I've seen her blossom
from a little girl

66
00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:25,061
who couldn't do a somersault...

67
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:27,293
Into one who... kind of can.

68
00:02:27,645 --> 00:02:29,643
Yeah, and by that standard,
we also have a black belt,

69
00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:32,049
art prodigy, and prima ballerina
in our family, so...

70
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,156
You know, what we
don't have in our family

71
00:02:33,157 --> 00:02:34,807
is two loving, supportive fathers.

72
00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:36,223
I'm just saying, she's 5, you know?

73
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,786
And you never let her forget it.

74
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,351
- Excuse me, is that your little girl
out there? - It is.

75
00:02:41,352 --> 00:02:43,104
- And you did her hair?
- I did.

76
00:02:43,105 --> 00:02:45,971
Do you mind helping
my Julie with hers?

77
00:02:45,972 --> 00:02:47,846
Oh. Oh, do you guys
own a convertible?

78
00:02:47,847 --> 00:02:50,127
- No.
- Oh, no judgment.

79
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,303
Yeah, I'll get to work
right when Lily's done.

80
00:02:58,975 --> 00:03:01,393
Not bad. That little leap
at the end-- that's new.

81
00:03:01,394 --> 00:03:03,522
Wow. She's getting really good.

82
00:03:03,598 --> 00:03:05,430
Mm. You better bring your "A" game.

83
00:03:05,438 --> 00:03:08,782
Oh, my God. Cam, look.
Lily's in second place. 9.2.

84
00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:09,720
I told you she's a gymnast.

85
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:11,395
With scores like that,
she's gonna make pre-team.

86
00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:12,610
- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.

87
00:03:12,611 --> 00:03:15,154
Pre-team? She could make pre--
What's pre-team?

88
00:03:16,672 --> 00:03:18,160
Claire!

89
00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:19,623
Phil!

90
00:03:19,624 --> 00:03:21,029
Haley!

91
00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:22,528
Luke!

92
00:03:22,529 --> 00:03:23,615
Alex!

93
00:03:23,616 --> 00:03:25,652
Gloria, we've been through
the roster three times.

94
00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:26,944
They're not home.

95
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,881
But their cars are here.
Where could they be?

96
00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:30,355
Who knows what these people do?

97
00:03:30,356 --> 00:03:31,964
But my backpack is in there, Jay,

98
00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,530
- my poem for my poetry reading.
- Calm down.

99
00:03:33,531 --> 00:03:35,151
Didn't you back it up
on your computer?

100
00:03:35,152 --> 00:03:37,083
What kind of man writes
poetry on a computer?

101
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,532
You could've ended
that sentence after "poetry."

102
00:03:41,926 --> 00:03:44,358
Come in.
And no questions.

103
00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:48,920
My backpack wasn't upstairs.

104
00:03:49,139 --> 00:03:49,783
What's that?

105
00:03:49,784 --> 00:03:52,004
Postcard from a friend
of Claire's-- Rachel.

106
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:54,615
"Living it up in Club Med Cozumel."

107
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,871
Looks like that marriage
went down the drain.

108
00:03:56,872 --> 00:03:58,338
In other shocking news,

109
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,090
Phil subscribes
to a trampoline magazine.

110
00:04:01,091 --> 00:04:02,548
Going through other people's mail--

111
00:04:02,549 --> 00:04:03,920
keeping it classy, Jay.

112
00:04:04,471 --> 00:04:06,424
Mom, my backpack
isn't in Luke's room.

113
00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:08,746
I don't see it in here, either.

114
00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:10,363
I don't think
it would fit in there.

115
00:04:10,364 --> 00:04:12,228
Ay, this was open when I came in.

116
00:04:12,762 --> 00:04:14,482
I was just looking
for an aspirin.

117
00:04:15,111 --> 00:04:17,112
I thought that
I heard some noises.

118
00:04:17,113 --> 00:04:18,282
So you were snooping?

119
00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:19,946
Oh, so now it's snooping,

120
00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:21,333
wanting to know
more about your family

121
00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:23,582
by looking through
their personal things?

122
00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:26,281
Not just now.
Since the invention of things.

123
00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:28,111
Is that one of Claire's brownies?

124
00:04:28,112 --> 00:04:29,935
No, they're delicious.
Must be Cam's.

125
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,802
- Oh, no.
- Don't worry. There's more.

126
00:04:31,803 --> 00:04:34,349
No! That's where my backpack is.

127
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,327
Cam drove me and Luke home.

128
00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:37,868
I must've left it in his car.

129
00:04:37,869 --> 00:04:39,196
Why are you so scattered lately?

130
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:42,845
Aw, he's just nervous because
of his poetry reading tonight.

131
00:04:43,211 --> 00:04:44,767
But don't worry, papi.

132
00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:47,128
I am going to be
there to support you.

133
00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:49,376
I don't want my mom there.

134
00:04:49,735 --> 00:04:52,984
I'm exploring some darker themes
I'm not sure she's ready for,

135
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:55,865
poems like "The umbilical noose,"

136
00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:57,625
"A jail called mom,"

137
00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:58,875
"Smother nature."

138
00:04:59,513 --> 00:05:01,592
She'll just find some way
to make it all about her.

139
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,230
And a toasty 75 degrees

140
00:05:06,231 --> 00:05:07,930
for daughter Haley.

141
00:05:08,627 --> 00:05:12,679
You see, the Verona boasts
individualized climate zones, Claire.

142
00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:16,071
I could literally transport
a polar bear and an orchid

143
00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:17,921
and not make two trips.

144
00:05:18,672 --> 00:05:21,489
Dad, I'm freezing.
It's, like,1 degree back here.

145
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:25,761
Six minutes in, and it begins.

146
00:05:25,869 --> 00:05:27,853
Here.
Take the blanket from the bed.

147
00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:29,212
Thanks, kitten.

148
00:05:29,808 --> 00:05:31,160
Dad, can you change the music?

149
00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:32,305
Can I?

150
00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:34,869
Oh, no. Oh, no,
that's just getting louder.

151
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,335
This isn't good.
It's not good at all.

152
00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:39,076
Actually, it's kind of perfect.

153
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,018
Right?

154
00:05:40,019 --> 00:05:42,260
The big windows,
the classical music.

155
00:05:42,261 --> 00:05:43,657
It's like we're in a movie.

156
00:05:44,225 --> 00:05:45,542
Turn it up, handsome.

157
00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:46,817
You got it!

158
00:05:50,114 --> 00:05:53,314
Obviously, the novelty of the situation
was delaying the inevitable.

159
00:05:53,384 --> 00:05:55,812
But I didn't want to get halfway
into a trip to Yellowstone

160
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,047
before Phil discovered

161
00:05:57,048 --> 00:05:59,265
what malevolent hellspawn
we have for children...

162
00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:01,515
Whom I love very much.

163
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,558
Alex, honey,
that's a cute sweater.

164
00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:06,702
Doesn't Haley have one like that?

165
00:06:06,703 --> 00:06:07,879
Oh, it actually is hers.

166
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,854
- I took it from her closet before we left.
- Really?

167
00:06:09,899 --> 00:06:12,509
Ooh. Sorry, girls.
Didn't mean to start a whole thing.

168
00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:16,896
I am so sick of you always
looking better in my clothes.

169
00:06:16,897 --> 00:06:19,652
- When did that happen?
- You're okay with this?

170
00:06:19,653 --> 00:06:21,305
Oh, yeah. She can wear
whatever she wants

171
00:06:21,306 --> 00:06:22,939
after I've had it for six months.

172
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,546
- Oh.
- Or I get it automatically

173
00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:26,091
if you buy anything
that looks like it.

174
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:28,643
This just feels right.
Huh, team?

175
00:06:28,878 --> 00:06:30,008
Matter of fact,

176
00:06:30,009 --> 00:06:33,097
I was thinking we could all drive up
to Yellowstone this summer.

177
00:06:33,112 --> 00:06:34,424
But I say,

178
00:06:34,573 --> 00:06:37,641
let's take this beeyotch
ocean to ocean!

179
00:06:37,642 --> 00:06:39,212
- That'd be cool!
- Awesome!

180
00:06:39,213 --> 00:06:40,533
We're doing it!

181
00:06:41,087 --> 00:06:42,142
Phil, the road!

182
00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:48,352
I don't know what
button I just pressed,

183
00:06:48,823 --> 00:06:50,271
but that was amazing.

184
00:06:58,027 --> 00:06:59,838
My backpack's definitely
not in there.

185
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,624
Well, they're not
picking up their phone.

186
00:07:01,694 --> 00:07:03,477
He must've brought it inside.

187
00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:05,473
Sorry, kid, looks like
you're out of luck.

188
00:07:05,865 --> 00:07:06,978
Come!

189
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,671
Don't they have a burglar alarm?

190
00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:09,855
Ay, please.

191
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,020
Okay, everybody,
split up and search.

192
00:07:13,021 --> 00:07:14,085
Jay, you look in the bedroom.

193
00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:15,546
I'm not looking in their bedroom.

194
00:07:15,547 --> 00:07:18,608
Fine. Mom, I don't think
my backpack is in Cam's bag.

195
00:07:18,609 --> 00:07:20,195
I was just closing it for him.

196
00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:21,953
I... heard a noise.

197
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:23,835
Looks like the guys
threw a little party.

198
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,467
I noticed. They brought out
the guest soaps.

199
00:07:26,468 --> 00:07:27,686
How long have you been in here?

200
00:07:28,558 --> 00:07:31,141
Hey.
This is that bottle of wine

201
00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:33,066
I bought Phil when
he started his company.

202
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:36,235
And Claire's lipstick is
on many of these wineglasses.

203
00:07:36,236 --> 00:07:38,179
Pictionary.
They had game night?

204
00:07:38,614 --> 00:07:40,528
But we always go to game night.

205
00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,433
Son of a bitch.
They snubbed us.

206
00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:44,514
Found it!

207
00:07:44,688 --> 00:07:46,968
There must've been a dozen players.

208
00:07:47,616 --> 00:07:49,119
Pepper was here.

209
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,416
But Pepper loves me.

210
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,294
Okay, she's all set.

211
00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,642
I defy you to find a tighter bun
in this gymnasium.

212
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,656
Lot of different ways
you could've said that.

213
00:07:58,091 --> 00:07:59,849
Oh, and good luck
on your floor routine, sweetie.

214
00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:00,906
Not that you need it.

215
00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:03,533
That's Abby.

216
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:04,627
- Mm-hmm.
- She's the best in class.

217
00:08:04,628 --> 00:08:06,035
- Oh.
- She's our competition.

218
00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:07,845
I've never wanted
to beat a kid so badly.

219
00:08:07,846 --> 00:08:09,124
Are you not hearing these?

220
00:08:09,526 --> 00:08:10,555
No? Okay.

221
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:11,966
Oh, Lily's on the beam.

222
00:08:12,303 --> 00:08:13,548
I'm nervous about her dismount.

223
00:08:13,549 --> 00:08:15,051
You said that she could
stick the landing, right?

224
00:08:15,052 --> 00:08:17,411
Yeah, as long as she breathes,
relies on her training,

225
00:08:17,412 --> 00:08:18,637
and stays in the zone.

226
00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,575
We are talking about
her stepping off a 6-inch beam.

227
00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:22,303
And not falling. Right.

228
00:08:23,108 --> 00:08:24,469
I have to admit.

229
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:27,503
Seeing Lily do so well
brought out something in me.

230
00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:29,396
The pride of being
a parent of a child

231
00:08:29,397 --> 00:08:32,333
who wasn't just
participating but thriving.

232
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,344
Okay, here comes her dismount.

233
00:08:35,345 --> 00:08:38,405
Stick it Lily. Stick it!

234
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:42,445
She stuck it!

235
00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:43,944
- Mm!
- She stuck it!

236
00:08:45,169 --> 00:08:46,426
9.4.

237
00:08:46,849 --> 00:08:48,720
If no one beat my daughter's
score on the beam,

238
00:08:48,852 --> 00:08:50,565
she would make pre-team.

239
00:08:51,109 --> 00:08:52,707
She'd be one of the elite.

240
00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:55,662
Funny thing, pride.

241
00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,569
They say it goeth before the...

242
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,366
Fall. Fall.

243
00:09:00,367 --> 00:09:02,166
- Fall.
- Mitchell, I can hear you...

244
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,662
- What?
- Rooting for a little girl to fall.

245
00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:05,892
If I can hear you,
other people can hear you.

246
00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:07,219
Yes!

247
00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:09,677
I don't know why I said that.
I don't-- I'm sorry.

248
00:09:09,678 --> 00:09:10,773
Yeah, he didn't mean it.

249
00:09:10,774 --> 00:09:13,198
- I didn't mean it.
- No, um, he just got caught up.

250
00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:14,836
And, uh, you know, we all know

251
00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:17,154
competition makes people
do crazy things. So...

252
00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,080
Look at this! Her bun fell apart
during the floor exercise.

253
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,333
Her hair got in her eyes
and she couldn't even finish!

254
00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:24,016
You did it on purpose!

255
00:09:24,017 --> 00:09:25,540
- No!
- Daddies!

256
00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:27,320
I'm in first place.

257
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,657
- Yay.
- That's great.

258
00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:34,090
Did you offend them?

259
00:09:34,091 --> 00:09:35,914
Me? They love me.

260
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,735
Can we go now?
I have a poetry reading tonight.

261
00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:40,598
And speaking of that,

262
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,882
- are you sure you guys really want--
- It makes no sense.

263
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,163
We're always the life
of every party.

264
00:09:45,389 --> 00:09:46,590
Maybe they didn't invite you

265
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:48,000
because you're a couple of snoops?

266
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,158
Okay, Mr. Goody two-shoes.

267
00:09:50,159 --> 00:09:52,230
A trait normal parents would value.

268
00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:56,164
Jay, I think you're right about him.

269
00:09:56,165 --> 00:09:59,034
He's been too good
lately for a teenager.

270
00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:00,386
It's not normal.

271
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,250
I am afraid that
the world is going to--

272
00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,469
- Oh, hell, no. This is too far.
- Ay.

273
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,680
Look at this.

274
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,482
Is that supposed to be...

275
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,500
That's us.

276
00:10:09,832 --> 00:10:11,482
Not only do we get blown off,

277
00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:12,977
now they're making fun of us.

278
00:10:12,978 --> 00:10:16,282
Well, I'm just gonna
leave them a little message.

279
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,804
As far as I'm concerned,

280
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,564
they can all...

281
00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:27,782
Horse mouth!
That's a good one!

282
00:10:27,783 --> 00:10:29,527
No, "horse mouth"
is not an expression.

283
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:30,824
You can't get this?

284
00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:33,069
Look. Donkey.

285
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:35,337
That's not a donkey.
Look at the ears.

286
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,293
Okay. Donkey mouth!

287
00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:38,970
That's a terrible guess.

288
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,640
That's a terrible drawing!

289
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,287
- Hello? - We weren't invited
because you stink at this game.

290
00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:44,508
At least I can draw!

291
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:46,053
Excuse me.
Just need a signature.

292
00:10:46,054 --> 00:10:47,341
Yeah, sure.

293
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:51,840
Okay.

294
00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,162
Here we go.

295
00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:55,643
There. Thank you.

296
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:56,700
Yep.

297
00:10:57,854 --> 00:10:59,782
That's not a signature.
You drew a cat.

298
00:10:59,783 --> 00:11:01,003
Thank you.

299
00:11:09,499 --> 00:11:11,932
Perfect freaking harmony.

300
00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:13,141
That's when it hit me.

301
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:16,532
Maybe it's not the cold
confines of a moving vehicle

302
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,172
that brings out
the worst in my kids.

303
00:11:18,173 --> 00:11:21,356
Maybe I bring out
the worst in them

304
00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:24,941
when there's no fun-lovin'
Phil around to neutralize my toxins.

305
00:11:25,378 --> 00:11:26,971
I was in a full shame spiral.

306
00:11:27,122 --> 00:11:28,450
Aah! A bee!

307
00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,317
And then something
wonderful happened.

308
00:11:31,504 --> 00:11:32,373
I got it!

309
00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:34,544
- Ow! You idiot!
- Kill it!

310
00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:35,706
No, don't!

311
00:11:35,707 --> 00:11:36,992
Haven't you heard
of colony collapse?

312
00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,344
Bees are endangered!

313
00:11:38,358 --> 00:11:39,724
Okay, guys, stand still.

314
00:11:39,725 --> 00:11:41,265
They can't see you
if you're not moving.

315
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:42,931
- It's coming near me!
- Aah!

316
00:11:43,399 --> 00:11:44,621
- Aah!
- Do I look like a bee?!

317
00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:45,953
No, that was an accident!

318
00:11:45,954 --> 00:11:47,395
Well, so is this!

319
00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:51,992
Everyone remain calm!
I'll just open up

320
00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:53,650
the double-tilt Swiss skylight

321
00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:54,961
and the airflow will pull

322
00:11:54,962 --> 00:11:56,456
- the bee out of--
- Aah! There's another bee now!

323
00:11:56,457 --> 00:11:57,676
We must be near its cave!

324
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,871
Oh, my God!
There's so much stupid in here!

325
00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:01,880
All right, I'm pulling
this thing over.

326
00:12:01,997 --> 00:12:03,395
Those are the wipers.

327
00:12:03,396 --> 00:12:04,812
Claire, say something!

328
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,447
Kids, stop, please.

329
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:10,381
Hey, there are daily
flights to Yellowstone.

330
00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:12,845
Aah! You ripped my sweater!

331
00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:15,175
My sweater, which you
shouldn't even be wearing!

332
00:12:16,079 --> 00:12:18,194
- Aah! Get off of my sweater!
- Short layover in Salt Lake.

333
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,925
Are you really not
gonna do anything?

334
00:12:19,926 --> 00:12:22,140
Oh, Phil, you must have known
this was gonna happen.

335
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:24,607
I know that tone.
You're making a point.

336
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,635
It's better that you find out
who they are now

337
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:28,780
than when you're halfway
across the country.

338
00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:31,395
Well, I guess I'm just a naive boob

339
00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:33,020
who thought we liked each other!

340
00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:34,874
Obviously, it was too much to ask

341
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,220
to think that we could take
one magnificent trip

342
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:39,298
in a tricked-out,
state-of-the-art R.V.

343
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,634
to see the sun
dancing off the Pacific.

344
00:12:41,885 --> 00:12:43,485
What a huge ask!

345
00:12:58,563 --> 00:13:00,709
I can't stand the way
everyone's starting at us.

346
00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:02,093
Yeah, I know.
It's the way we look at people

347
00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:04,160
who walk with their pet birds.

348
00:13:04,397 --> 00:13:05,312
There she is!

349
00:13:05,313 --> 00:13:07,802
Hey, good luck on your balance
beam routine, sweetie.

350
00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:09,913
- You're gonna do great.
- I'll never beat Lily.

351
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,218
Of course you will,
because you're a superstar!

352
00:13:12,429 --> 00:13:14,402
And your daughter's a genius.
I am such a fan. Such a fan.

353
00:13:14,403 --> 00:13:16,501
- Okay, now you're overcompensating.
- I have to!

354
00:13:16,502 --> 00:13:18,429
You saw what a monster
I was out there.

355
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:21,513
This-- this is the exact thing
I always hated in my dad,

356
00:13:21,514 --> 00:13:25,406
that ugly macho
testosterone drive to win,

357
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,232
and today it has flowered in me.

358
00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:29,695
- Well... 
- No, this ends today, Cam.

359
00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:31,102
I am not passing this on to Lily.

360
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:32,649
Well, it's not all on you.
You know,

361
00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:35,729
I'm beginning to think maybe
I did sabotage Abby's hair.

362
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,929
I didn't spray.
I didn't Beyonce.

363
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,134
I basically built
a ticking time bun.

364
00:13:40,346 --> 00:13:41,370
Well...

365
00:13:46,299 --> 00:13:47,508
Are you okay?

366
00:13:47,932 --> 00:13:49,060
No.

367
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:54,014
- My hair hurts.
- I'll fix it.

368
00:13:57,882 --> 00:13:59,082
We should find Lily.

369
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,414
Did you see what
your daughter just did?

370
00:14:03,412 --> 00:14:05,413
Uh... Lily, did you pull
the pins out of Julie's hair?

371
00:14:05,414 --> 00:14:06,822
Yeah, she fell.

372
00:14:06,987 --> 00:14:08,779
- Oh.
- Okay, um...

373
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,102
I-- Could I get everyone's
attention for just a moment?

374
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,591
We consider what
our daughter just did

375
00:14:12,592 --> 00:14:14,874
to be an embarrassment
to the sport of gymnastics.

376
00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:17,696
I assure you,
she did not learn this from us.

377
00:14:17,697 --> 00:14:20,058
And as far as we are concerned,
that is a sign of weakness...

378
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,171
Not the way a winner behaves,
but the way...

379
00:14:22,172 --> 00:14:24,419
- A loser behaves.
- A loser behaves.

380
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,554
Come on, Lily. Let's get
your grips and tiger paws.

381
00:14:26,555 --> 00:14:29,602
- You're going to a time-out.
- Yeah. A nice long one.

382
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:33,678
I made pre-team, and my daddies
get to watch from outside.

383
00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:35,856
- No closer than 100 feet.
- But we're appealing.

384
00:14:35,857 --> 00:14:38,370
- Yay!
- Yay, Lily!

385
00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:43,433
Kill the chicken!
Chicken fingers!

386
00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:46,126
- Pigeon man!
- "Pigeon man." "Pigeon man"!

387
00:14:46,337 --> 00:14:47,955
You see, Tony, it's not me.

388
00:14:47,998 --> 00:14:49,395
Would you invite her
to game night?

389
00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:50,446
I'm gonna go now.

390
00:14:50,562 --> 00:14:52,907
They're kinda sticklers about
the next-day delivery thing.

391
00:14:53,707 --> 00:14:55,900
- Bird in the hand!
- There you go.

392
00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,318
Any slower, she'd be
the U.S. mail, am I right?

393
00:14:58,601 --> 00:15:00,085
That's gonna kill
at the warehouse.

394
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,387
You see?
You are the problem.

395
00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:04,708
Except you cheated.
I saw you look at the paper.

396
00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:05,979
I knew it.

397
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,214
You're no better.

398
00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:09,185
All the screaming and bullying.

399
00:15:09,186 --> 00:15:11,603
The question isn't why
you two weren't invited.

400
00:15:11,604 --> 00:15:13,501
It's why you're ever invited.

401
00:15:13,565 --> 00:15:16,357
And by the way,
this isn't even about you.

402
00:15:17,097 --> 00:15:18,665
"Treasure... chest."

403
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:20,697
Now can we clean this place up and go?

404
00:15:24,608 --> 00:15:25,840
Funny story.

405
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,844
My mom and Jay were invited.

406
00:15:28,008 --> 00:15:29,587
Cam gave me
the invitation at school,

407
00:15:29,588 --> 00:15:30,742
and I forgot about it.

408
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:33,330
But how could I tell them
right after I'd shamed them?

409
00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:34,936
I had to cover my tracks.

410
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,401
It's true, Jay. I cheated.

411
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,077
I cheat a little bit every time that
we come to the game night.

412
00:15:41,101 --> 00:15:42,810
I think Mitch saw me the last time,

413
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,799
and that's why they don't want
to play with us anymore.

414
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,159
But why would you do that?

415
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,483
I don't know!

416
00:15:47,484 --> 00:15:49,832
Maybe because
I don't want you to think

417
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:51,236
that I am not smart.

418
00:15:51,237 --> 00:15:53,005
I would never think that.

419
00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,742
And besides, it's my fault, anyway.

420
00:15:54,743 --> 00:15:57,305
The kid is right.
I'm too competitive.

421
00:15:57,306 --> 00:15:59,869
Lost a game of Yahtzee once.
The dice are still on the wall.

422
00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:01,479
Yeah, but at least
you're not a cheater.

423
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,871
I feel like such a donkey mouth.

424
00:16:04,202 --> 00:16:06,690
Guys, there's something
you should know.

425
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:10,219
It's Trivial Pursuit night
at mom's church.

426
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,319
I hate for you to miss
my poetry reading,

427
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,762
but maybe you could
head down there,

428
00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,171
work on your sportsmanship,

429
00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,283
and you will feel better
about yourselves.

430
00:16:17,489 --> 00:16:19,814
Are you sure you're going
to be okay without me there?

431
00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:22,655
Yes, mother. Mother.
I'll be in the car.

432
00:16:23,403 --> 00:16:26,327
I get this damn competitive
streak from my old man.

433
00:16:26,328 --> 00:16:28,261
It's a miracle I didn't
pass it down to Mitchell.

434
00:16:28,262 --> 00:16:30,106
I love that we can
blame our parents.

435
00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:33,446
My mother was the biggest
cheater I've ever known.

436
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:36,368
And she used to snoop on
everything that we did.

437
00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:38,440
Ay. Jay, look at this.

438
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:40,895
Our invitation.

439
00:16:40,896 --> 00:16:42,819
They must have forgot
to give it to us.

440
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:45,212
No. I checked this bag
when we got here,

441
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,733
- and it wasn't there.
- Why are you always--

442
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,453
You know I have a problem.

443
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:49,940
This was Manny.

444
00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:52,277
He forgot to give it to us,

445
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,026
and then he came and
tried to sneak it in there.

446
00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:56,682
Why wouldn't he just tell us?

447
00:16:57,708 --> 00:17:00,179
Maybe because he doesn't
want us to go to the reading.

448
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:03,658
That's why he was talking about
the church and the game.

449
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,742
He was working us.

450
00:17:05,743 --> 00:17:07,598
Guess he's not too much
of a goody two-shoes.

451
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:11,658
No. He's a lying,
scheming little sneak.

452
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:14,441
That's my son.

453
00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:15,702
Our son.

454
00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,296
I've never seen dad
freak out like that before.

455
00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:20,705
I feel terrible.

456
00:17:20,862 --> 00:17:22,346
Oh, it's partly my fault.

457
00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:24,962
I goaded you guys into
a fight to prove a point.

458
00:17:25,142 --> 00:17:26,863
Why do I always have to win?

459
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:28,268
How did I get this way?

460
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,166
That you?

461
00:17:33,042 --> 00:17:34,146
Yeah.

462
00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:35,904
- You?
- Yep.

463
00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:37,629
How many kids in yours?

464
00:17:37,876 --> 00:17:39,157
Felt like 30.

465
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,341
I got four.

466
00:17:40,939 --> 00:17:43,348
But I'm thinking of emancipating
two of them early.

467
00:17:43,349 --> 00:17:45,742
Tell me one of you
has cigarettes or a flask.

468
00:17:45,743 --> 00:17:46,861
Sorry, buddy.

469
00:17:47,247 --> 00:17:48,846
I've been through every state--

470
00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:52,603
depressed, catatonic, Arkansas.

471
00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:55,993
I considered faking my own death
in Bryce Canyon National Park.

472
00:17:56,328 --> 00:17:58,663
Have you been?
Not to be missed.

473
00:17:58,664 --> 00:18:01,072
I'm gonna miss it.
I'm missing every bit of it.

474
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:03,865
I'm not spending another second
in that rolling asylum.

475
00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:07,143
Poor guy. How long you been
on the road? Couple weeks?

476
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,255
Couple days?

477
00:18:13,156 --> 00:18:15,732
Dad's in the middle
of a super sad dude hug.

478
00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:17,846
We really disappointed him.

479
00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:19,782
Yeah, maybe we should 
just suck it up

480
00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:21,488
and go to jellystone this summer.

481
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:24,162
Wait. That's why
dad got this thing?

482
00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:26,865
I-I can't go
on a trip this summer.

483
00:18:26,909 --> 00:18:28,693
- Why?
- I've...

484
00:18:29,329 --> 00:18:33,489
- I've got stuff.
- Huh? No. What stuff?

485
00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:35,368
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Luke.

486
00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:38,183
Summer school.
I'm failing pre-algebra.

487
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,493
- Why didn't you say something?
- I don't know.

488
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,701
I feel stupid.

489
00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:43,487
You know what it's like
to follow her?

490
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,997
All the teachers look at me

491
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,566
and think that I'm some
kind of irrational remainder.

492
00:18:47,979 --> 00:18:49,940
- Did I use that right?
- No.

493
00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:51,431
Dang it.

494
00:18:51,678 --> 00:18:53,901
But why didn't you ask me?
I would've tutored you.

495
00:18:54,619 --> 00:18:57,217
I tried, but you were
always off in your room

496
00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:59,389
or some corner
of the house on the phone.

497
00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,296
Yeah, who have you been
talking to so much lately?

498
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:02,640
- Aaron?
- Who's Aaron?

499
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,260
Actually, it's two boys--
Aaron and Alex.

500
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:06,519
- Oh, two boys.
- A boy named Alex likes you?

501
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,502
Yeah, I know. It's weird.

502
00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:09,414
But my friend Andi with an "I"--
She's a girl--

503
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,120
- also liked Alex.
- The boy?

504
00:19:11,121 --> 00:19:13,294
Yes, the boy. I don't refer
to myself in the third person.

505
00:19:13,295 --> 00:19:15,140
- I thought Aaron was the third person.
- No.

506
00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:17,575
Anyway, I thought I was cool
juggling two boys at once,

507
00:19:17,576 --> 00:19:18,657
but...

508
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:21,172
They both ended up
dumping me on the same day.

509
00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:22,731
Sweetie, that's awful.

510
00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:24,652
How did I not know
this was happening?

511
00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:26,277
You've been really busy lately,

512
00:19:26,278 --> 00:19:27,797
like with flipping that house.

513
00:19:27,798 --> 00:19:30,143
And plus I didn't really
want to talk about it,

514
00:19:30,144 --> 00:19:32,065
- because it's kind of embarrassing.
- Oh...

515
00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:35,907
Not as embarrassing as failing
a class that starts with "pre."

516
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:37,790
- Baby...
- You guys wanna feel better?

517
00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,893
I auditioned to be a
Laker girl this morning.

518
00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:42,601
- What? You did?
- No way.

519
00:19:42,602 --> 00:19:45,180
I took all those dance classes
when I was younger,

520
00:19:45,181 --> 00:19:46,585
and, I don't know.
I've been trying to figure out

521
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,051
what I want to do with my life,

522
00:19:48,052 --> 00:19:50,706
so I saw online that
there were open tryouts,

523
00:19:50,707 --> 00:19:52,727
- so I went down there.
- And?

524
00:19:53,051 --> 00:19:54,811
I'm the new head Laker girl, mom.

525
00:19:55,107 --> 00:19:57,412
It was a disaster.
I was the worst one there.

526
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,406
I couldn't even get
through my routine.

527
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,120
- Oh...
- You have a routine?

528
00:20:02,916 --> 00:20:06,115
Pat, Heath, you guys have given me
the courage to go back in there,

529
00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:07,125
stand up to my wife,

530
00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,938
and tell her
she was right all along.

531
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,477
Happy trails, Phil.

532
00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:12,507
Heath?

533
00:20:12,508 --> 00:20:14,413
I might just stay here a while.

534
00:20:16,878 --> 00:20:18,547
Phil. Phil, I have
to show you something.

535
00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:19,592
Don't gloat. I get it.

536
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,393
I keep trying to push
this family closer together,

537
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:24,267
- but they need their space.
- No, no, no. We have too much space.

538
00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:25,984
Being in trapped in one room
has forced us

539
00:20:25,985 --> 00:20:27,271
to actually talk to one another,

540
00:20:27,272 --> 00:20:29,643
and I have found out some
incredible things about our kids.

541
00:20:29,644 --> 00:20:31,645
Wait. Incredible good?

542
00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:32,898
You tell me.

543
00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:37,476
Oh, my God.

544
00:20:37,682 --> 00:20:41,068
- Dream come true! I don't even
need context! - Yeah!

545
00:20:41,178 --> 00:20:42,544
What is this?!

546
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:45,403
- So our trip's back on?
- We're in if Jolene's in.

547
00:20:45,404 --> 00:20:48,011
- Come on. Do it!
- Yeah!

548
00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:57,373
Oh! Why can't I get this?

549
00:20:57,374 --> 00:20:59,592
You just gotta focus.
Clear your mind.

550
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,630
Loosen up. Get in the zone.
You know this.

551
00:21:01,631 --> 00:21:02,966
Okay, we're gonna walk
through this together,

552
00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:04,107
step by step.

553
00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:06,525
Five, six, seven, eight...

554
00:21:06,538 --> 00:21:09,026
One, two, three, four,

555
00:21:09,027 --> 00:21:12,472
- five and six, seven and eight...
- 56.1 plus or minus 8.25.

556
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,368
- That's the first one.
- One, two, three, four,

557
00:21:14,369 --> 00:21:16,182
- five, six, two, five--
- Okay, number 2-- x plus 2 over 4

558
00:21:16,183 --> 00:21:19,183
- equals 3 plus 3-- minus--
- Damn it, Alex, do you mind?

559
00:21:19,183 --> 00:21:20,383
We're doing something
important here!

560
00:21:22,787 --> 00:21:24,607
Oh. OK.
Once more.

561
00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:26,007
- Like nobody's watching.
- x plus 2...

562
00:21:26,207 --> 00:21:36,207
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