1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:02,900
jay.
2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,800
- jay?
- what? what's wrong?
3
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,200
you're snoring.
4
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,900
me? oh, i'm sorry. i...
5
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,400
look at her!
6
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,500
come on. we said no
stella in the bed.
7
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,400
oh, but she's just
a little puppy.
8
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,600
she probably got
scared and snuck in.
9
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,400
oh, really? how come
when manny has nightmares
10
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,100
you don't let him
snuck in the bed?
11
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,900
gloria, it's 6:00 in the morning.
can we talk about this later?
12
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,500
answer the question, jay.
13
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,000
you know, i'm gonna
check the lease,
14
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:38,100
but i'm pretty sure we're
not allowed to have a meth lab.
15
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,900
you are a delight.
16
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,200
so what are you doing?
17
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,300
i think you're gonna like this.
i'm going on a juice fast.
18
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,100
mmm. love it.
19
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,200
hate it. let's face it,
20
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:52,000
a well-fed cam is hardly
a model of emotional stability.
21
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:55,100
now deprive him of food,
and stage by stage,
22
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,200
it's a slow descent
into madness.
23
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,800
stage one--the clean sweep.
24
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,000
poison.
25
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,800
poison.
26
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,100
poison.
27
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,400
do you think that this is
the best week to be doing this?
28
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,800
- why not?
- well, we have that charity
thing at my boss' house.
29
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,000
oh, so what, i'm supposed to
put off my quest for wellness
30
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:13,000
until we're no longer
socially in demand?
31
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,200
that will never happen.
i'm too charismatic.
32
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,000
no. no. not the cookies.
33
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,000
of course the cookies.
34
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:21,400
why do you always
want me to fail?
35
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,600
stage two--attack mitchell.
36
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:26,400
because when his diet
crashes and burns
37
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,800
into a giant pile of nutella,
38
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,100
i'm the one he's gonna blame.
39
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,100
well, no, not this time.
40
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,300
you know what? i'm gonna
do the fast with you.
41
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,400
i think it's a great idea,
and we should do it together
42
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:39,600
so we're on the same team,
you know, us versus food.
43
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,000
i know what you're doing...
44
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,600
and i really appreciate it.
45
00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:47,500
no, it'll-- it'll be good for me.
i've actually put on a few pounds.
46
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,800
yeah, well, you know,
i didn't want to say anything.
47
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,300
as the stock market plummeted,
48
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,000
brave young men took to the skies,
49
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:04,200
ushering in the golden
age of the daredevil.
50
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,000
how awesome are people?
51
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,000
so awesome.
52
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:12,000
you wanna get that,
buddy? i'll pause it.
53
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,100
- hey, luke. how's it going? i--
- hey, uncle mitchell.
54
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:17,400
i really can't talk. i'm
trying to watch a movie.
55
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:20,600
oh, okay, well, i just wanted
to drop off this bag of junk food.
56
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,700
- go on.
- uh, cam and i are on a juice fast,
57
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,100
so having this stuff in the house--
58
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,300
- i connected the dots. see ya.
- oh.
59
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,600
seeing that weird,
wonderful little man
60
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,600
pursuing his dream of walking
on a tightrope made me think
61
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,200
maybe i could pursue my dream...
62
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,500
here you go, buddy.
63
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,900
of walking on a tightrope.
64
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:55,100
www.1000fr.net presents
65
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:59,100
Capture:FRM@·ëε
Sync:FRS@Ììô¥
66
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,300
Modern Family S03 EP03
67
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:06,200
come on, dad! you got this!
you can do this!
68
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,400
- stay focused! stay hungry!
- you okay, buddy?
69
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,800
what? yeah, hell, yeah, no.
70
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,300
just proud of my dad!
71
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,100
there was a lot of
chocolate in that bag.
72
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,000
phil, honey, you gotta
take luke to school.
73
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,000
got it.
74
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,200
okay, i haven't fallen three
out of the last four times.
75
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,400
this afternoon, we go airborne.
76
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:27,000
- yeah! yeah!
- yeah!
77
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:31,600
- yeah!
- yeah! mm!
78
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,600
sitting all by
yourself at the table.
79
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,700
now where have i
seen that again?
80
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,600
oh, right. every day
in the school cafeteria.
81
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,700
- i do that by choice.
- the school's choice.
82
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:43,600
isn't that your nickname?
83
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:47,400
haley, be nice to your sister.
alex, good save.
84
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,200
- mom, sign this.
- what is it?
85
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,200
they finally bumped me up
to the harder math class.
86
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,400
third period, mr. waters.
87
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,300
what? no, mom, you cannot
sign this. this is my class.
88
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,700
you're a freshman. what are
you doing in second-year math?
89
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,300
you're a senior. what are you
still doing in second year math?
90
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,900
not "still." "again."
91
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,800
alex, be nice to your sister.
92
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:07,100
haley, not a good save.
93
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,000
i knew it would suck
having you at my school.
94
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,500
well, hang in there.
a couple more years,
95
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,500
you'll have it all to yourself
again. come on, girls.
96
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,900
jay, look at this.
97
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,500
it's ruined. stella did this.
she chew on my shoe!
98
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,400
you have to discipline
that stupid dog.
99
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,800
i discipline her all the time.
100
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,100
oh, really? how? by buying
her little cupcakes?
101
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,200
they're not real cupcakes.
102
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,400
they're doggy treats in
the form of cupcakes.
103
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,000
yeah, you should have told
that to manny before he ate one.
104
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,100
oh, come on. his coat
never looked better.
105
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,800
you wouldn't find it so funny
if she was destroying your shoes.
106
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,400
well, i don't leave my shoes
laying around, so...
107
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,500
so it's my fault that she
chooses to chew my shoe?
108
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,900
i didn't say that.
you barely said it.
109
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,900
- you have to stop coddling her.
- i don't coddle her.
110
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:54,700
what?
111
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,300
she tries to drink
the water. it's funny.
112
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,100
you don't look at me in class.
you don't text me.
113
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,500
who would text during a class?
114
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,600
what are you?
115
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,300
hon, i realize that this situation
is not ideal for either one of you,
116
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,200
but sometimes we just
rise above things.
117
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:15,200
yes?
118
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,700
excuse me. did you notice the
curb here is painted yellow?
119
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,100
uh, no, i did not.
120
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,900
wow. it means loading
and unloading.
121
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,100
okay, well, i was just
dropping off my kids.
122
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,300
and yet i see no kids
emerging from the vehicle.
123
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,900
well, we were chatting.
124
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,000
wow.
125
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,200
at the risk of surprising
you a third time, officer,
126
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,800
i've been dropping off
here for years, and i--
127
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,400
- move it.
- okay. you betcha.
128
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,100
what was her problem?
129
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,700
oh, you know what you
should have said to her--
130
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,100
nothing. i should have said
nothing would be the point.
131
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,500
i have to see her every day.
i mean, why make it worse?
132
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,200
that's exactly what
i'm talking about.
133
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,200
awkward, unpleasant situation--
134
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,600
rise above.
135
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,900
have a nice day.
136
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,300
- yeah.
- love you!
137
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,100
bye-bye!
138
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,900
"and yet i see no children
emerging from the vehicle."
139
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,500
how'd you like to see my
fist emerging into your face?
140
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,000
oh! now i think of it!
141
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,600
day four of the juice fast,
142
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,100
and i'm hungry, but i'm--
i'm feeling pretty good.
143
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,400
cam, on the other hand,
has gone all...
144
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,200
"girl, interrupted."
145
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,200
after one, throwing out
all of our food,
146
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,000
and two, blaming me,
147
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:27,500
he entered stage three--
soap actress.
148
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,400
i just wish my sister would
put herself out there more.
149
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,800
she has so much to offer.
150
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,500
why are men so superficial?
151
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,800
that was followed by stage four--
152
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,300
a rush of epiphanies...
153
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,700
i... don't... need... food.
154
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,300
look at this.
architecture is everywhere.
155
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,100
oh. spaniards make
amazing athletes.
156
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,900
into stage five--despair...
157
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:57,800
daddy, we hided,
but you didn't seek.
158
00:06:58,800 --> 00:06:59,700
cam?
159
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,300
then came rage.
160
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:03,400
oh. ow.
161
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,200
oh.
162
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:09,800
hey. whatcha got there?
163
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:10,900
the good news is,
164
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,000
cam's never made it this far
into a diet before, so...
165
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,900
downside--i have no idea what
the next stage is gonna be.
166
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,500
but i'm pretty sure it's not
charming party guest.
167
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:25,200
cam, i-i was thinking, i'll take the
bullet tomorrow night at my boss' house.
168
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,100
you don't have to go to the party.
169
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,500
they're--they're boring.
170
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,300
silly cause, you know,
lots of people.
171
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:35,900
parking...
172
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,300
- cam, say something.
- why do you hate me?
173
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,200
i don't hate you.
174
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,200
then why are you trying to
push me out of your life?
175
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:44,500
because you--
you seem a little...
176
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,300
unhinged.
177
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,400
okay, well,
you know what i think?
178
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,300
you should worry a little
bit less about me
179
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,500
and a little bit more about yourself
and what you're gonna wear tomorrow night,
180
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,300
because i saw what
you have laid out,
181
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,100
and i don't think you're gonna
like the way you look in photos.
182
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,800
well, i hadn't landed on that.
183
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,500
her hand's in the air,
like, every five seconds,
184
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,500
and she actually reminded
mr. waters to assign homework.
185
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,000
the class loved that.
do you know how embarrassed i was?
186
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,300
not as embarrassed as i was
187
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,400
when she said 8 was
a prime number. 8, mom.
188
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,800
okay, fine. you know what?
189
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,500
i'm gonna call the school today
and have your schedules changed,
190
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:22,200
but i want you to know a little
part of me died today, okay?
191
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,200
i thought the two of
you could understand
192
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,800
how being in the same class
would benefit you both.
193
00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:28,700
alex, you--you
could've tutored haley.
194
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,800
haley, you could've helped
alex with her social skills.
195
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:35,500
come on. the two of you
could've been two super dunphys.
196
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,700
and instead, what are you?
two bickering half-dunphys,
197
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,600
and i'm the fool
that expected more.
198
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,300
no, i don't even want to hear it.
just go upstairs. go.
199
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:49,900
wow. what was that?
200
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,200
that was a master
class in parenting.
201
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,600
right now our daughters are upstairs
making a decision they think is their own,
202
00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,500
but really, it was an idea
that was skillfully implanted by me.
203
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,600
inception, claire.
204
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,300
- dangerous game, but i like it.
- mm.
205
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,300
- what are those?
- wire walkers.
206
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:15,300
you want to go to the dance,
you gotta wear the shoes.
207
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,800
luke, grab your camera.
208
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000
luke.
209
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,900
i wasn't sleeping.
210
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:27,300
honey, i-i think
those are... jazz shoes.
211
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,800
no. tightrope shoes.
212
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,500
got 'em at an estate
sale. only worn once.
213
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,200
that--that is not
a ringing endorsement for...
214
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,800
oh! phil, honey.
215
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,900
please be ca--careful. right.
216
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,700
watch the door.
217
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,300
hey, what'd you
get for number 3?
218
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,000
you're not going to learn
if i just give you answers.
219
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,800
well, what if i gave you
something in return?
220
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,100
like what?
221
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,000
you can talk to me in class.
222
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,600
i want lunch at the cool table.
223
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,300
then i want all the answers.
224
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,500
then i want a week at the table.
225
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,200
- that'll cost you two pop quizzes.
- a month.
226
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,900
- the midterm.
- deal.
227
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,500
looking great, dad.
228
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:12,700
with these steps,
i break the surly bonds...
229
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,200
chicken in a basket!
230
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,000
don't look at me.
231
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,100
- mom. mom. mom.
- what? what? what? what? what?
232
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,900
mom. did you call
the school yet?
233
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,900
uh, not yet, but
i was just about to.
234
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,800
uh, bartles & jaymes!
235
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:30,400
good. because we are thinking
we might want to stay in that class.
236
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,400
really? oh, girls,
i don't know about that.
237
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,400
- oh, please let us try it.
- super dunphy?
238
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:38,200
i can't hold her!
i can't hold her!
239
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,500
well, maybe one more week.
240
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,000
thanks, mom.
241
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,900
i don't know. uh, a cup
of soup, a cobb salad.
242
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,000
yeah, it had bacon.
243
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,200
cam, i don't have all day to
describe all my meals to you.
244
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,800
stop eating all my things,
you stupid animal.
245
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,100
no, cam, not you.
i'll call you back.
246
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:03,900
bad doggy!
247
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,400
you want to chew on something?
248
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,600
okay. okay. okay.
249
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,000
look at this.
250
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:12,600
look at this delicious
man shoe. eat it.
251
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:15,500
come on. eat it. eat it.
252
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,800
mmm! yummy.
253
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,200
eat the shoe.
254
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,400
eat his shoe. come on.
eat his shoe.
255
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,600
num, num, num, num. num, num.
256
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,200
yeah, like this. look. ah.
257
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,000
delicious.
258
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:30,800
mom?
259
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,500
drop it.
260
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:40,400
- i--
- please. i'm sorry you had to see this.
261
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,700
- hello?
- hi, mrs. dunphy.
262
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,400
this is rose in
the principal's office.
263
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,300
- can you hold for principal weller?
- yes.
264
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:59,600
- hi, claire.
- hi, john. what'd she do this time?
265
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:01,900
actually, i've got
both of them in here.
266
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,800
both of them? really?
267
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,200
alex was letting
haley copy her homework.
268
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,100
- mr. waters caught them.
- i-i don't believe it.
269
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,800
i'm about to have a little talk with them,
so they'll be out a few minutes late.
270
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,000
um, i'm so sorry,
john, and honestly,
271
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:18,000
i-i really am a better
mother than this. i promise.
272
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,600
so you've said.
273
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:20,900
mm-hmm.
274
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,100
seriously?
275
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,600
seriously? oh. you...
276
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,200
excuse me.
277
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,400
hey, um, what the hell is this?
278
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,100
this zone is for
loading and unloading,
279
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,300
not for talking on the phone.
280
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,000
yeah, i know, but i was
talking on the phone
281
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,500
to the school that my kids were
about to come out of, so...
282
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,500
are you aware this
zone has a time limit?
283
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,800
n-no, i'm not.
284
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,400
wow.
285
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,700
you know what? i do want
to do some unloading.
286
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,000
i know your type.
287
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,000
life has been bad to you.
it has made you feel small.
288
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,500
and then one day somebody
gives you a fake cop outfit,
289
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,000
a toy badge and
a little spongebob tie.
290
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,200
suddenly it's payback time, right?
291
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,100
well, i got news for you,
"law & order: special parking unit,"
292
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,100
not my fault.
293
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,000
- i'm really sorry, dad.
- oh, it's all right.
294
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,200
everybody throws up at school.
295
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,300
if i had a nickel for
every time i puked at school,
296
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,900
you know how much
money i'd have?
297
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,100
35 cents.
298
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,200
exactly. now go get cleaned up,
and i'll call the doctor.
299
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000
wait, dad, i don't need a doctor.
300
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,200
what's up?
301
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:35,200
the other day, uncle mitchell
brought over a bag of junk food
302
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,500
so he and cam could
do a jew fast.
303
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,100
- juice fast?
- i'm pretty sure he said "jew."
304
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,900
but anyway, i took the bag,
and i hid it, and i ate it all.
305
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,100
oh, buddy.
306
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,800
i couldn't help myself.
i'm weak. don't look at me.
307
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,300
it's all right.
308
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:54,100
it's okay. hey, you
learned a lesson.
309
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,400
a painful lesson.
310
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,300
i guess we both have.
311
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,900
what do you mean?
312
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:05,300
i always saw myself as a guy who could
soar through the sky, dancing on a wire.
313
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,600
i can't even get across one
6 inches off the ground.
314
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,700
well, maybe that's the problem.
315
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,000
maybe you keep falling because part
of you knows that you can fall.
316
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,000
maybe if the wire was much,
much higher, you wouldn't fall.
317
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,900
oh, luke, luke, luke.
318
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,500
you are a genius.
319
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,800
come on. we got work to do.
320
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,600
- yes! can i have a doughnut first?
- yes, you can!
321
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,600
ah, there they are,
my super dunphys.
322
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:35,800
we're sorry, but we just--
323
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,200
unh-unh-unh. you
don't get to talk.
324
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:41,900
you had a chance to be
better people today.
325
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,500
you, to be more well-rounded,
326
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,500
and you, to be
a better student.
327
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,500
you could have elevated the dunphy name,
but instead, you chose to tarnish it,
328
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,700
so, congratulations, ladies,
329
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,700
you brought this
family to a new low.
330
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:58,200
- mom, are you--
- yeah. yeah, i am,
331
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,700
and i would actually like to get
these loosened up, if i might.
332
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,300
- are we gonna have any more trouble?
- no, ma'am.
333
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,100
oh, claire, do you need
me to drive the girls?
334
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,400
all good, janet. all good.
335
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,600
goat cheese risotto ball?
336
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,500
no, thank you.
337
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,600
are you sure? they're so good.
338
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,900
walk away.
339
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,700
it's tough enough to deal with
cam when i'm at full strength,
340
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,200
but i have been fasting
just as long as he has,
341
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,900
and i do not have the energy to
deal with a big, needy brisketcase--
342
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,100
brass--basketcase.
343
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,400
cam! don't be mad at me,
344
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,500
but i think that you really
need to eat something.
345
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,500
what?
346
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,400
you're supposed
to be my support.
347
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,900
oh, away from me, temptress.
348
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,400
and i never thought i would call
you that in a negative way.
349
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,600
i've seen her do
a lot of crazy stuff,
350
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,500
but this is a whole new level.
351
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,200
is this a people cookie?
352
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,000
- you're good.
- a definitive "yes" or
"no" would be appreciated.
353
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,900
those cupcakes did a number on me.
354
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,700
are you happy?
355
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600
you have reduced me to
a person who eats a shoe.
356
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,000
- gloria, sit.
- you think this is funny?
357
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,600
to talk to me like i am a dog?
358
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,100
i'm not talking to you
like you're a dog.
359
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,300
i'm just asking you to sit so we
can get to the bottom of this.
360
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,600
okay, fine.
361
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,500
good girl.
362
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,100
come on. you set me up.
363
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,000
gloria, why are you
acting so crazy?
364
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,200
it's just a little dog.
365
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,100
it's not the little dog
that is making me crazy.
366
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,700
it's you that is making me crazy.
367
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,000
- me?
- yeah, you used to put me first.
368
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,000
you used to want
me in that shower.
369
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,200
should i be here for this?
370
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,700
no, manny. it's okay. i go.
371
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,300
but i want you to know this.
372
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,500
where i come from,
men cherish woman.
373
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,500
it goes wife, mistress, dog.
374
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,700
dog always at the bottom.
375
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,400
as you can imagine,
i get asked to help,
376
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,900
uh, with a lot of
these environmental causes.
377
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,400
usually, i buy a ticket,
378
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,600
uh, bid on shaquille
o'neal's big shoe...
379
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,400
and, uh, come home.
380
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:51,000
but then, something happened.
381
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,000
i love paddle surfing,
382
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:57,800
and each time i'd go out,
i'd see this one sea lion.
383
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,400
he'd pop his head up.
he'd check me out.
384
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,500
i got so used to seeing him,
i even named him--snorkels.
385
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,600
oh, god, i do not like
where this is going.
386
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:08,900
so one day, i, uh, i go
out and i see snorkels.
387
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,700
but he's doing this weird
twisting thing in the water.
388
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,500
- oh, god. oh, god. oh, god.
- shh, shh.
389
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:19,100
so i paddle over, and i see
he's got a plastic grocery bag
390
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,500
wrapped around his neck
and one of his fins.
391
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,900
and i freaked, tried to get
it off with my paddle.
392
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,000
it didn't work,
so i-i jumped in,
393
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:32,800
but he disappeared under
the water. and, uh...
394
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,700
don't say it.
don't you dare say it.
395
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,300
- and i never saw him again.
- ohh.
396
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,100
this is the saddest
thing i've ever--
397
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,100
mitchell, are you okay?
398
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,500
of course i'm not okay.
399
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:49,700
none of this is okay.
400
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,900
okay, well, you need to pull yourself
together 'cause we're at your boss' house.
401
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,300
he drowned, cam!
402
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,300
- is he all right?
- yeah, yeah, i just think
he needs a little air.
403
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,800
you know who else needed air?
404
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,500
snorkels!
405
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,400
excuse me.
406
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:09,900
snorkels?! where
are you, snorkels?!
407
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,000
- mitchell, get back here!
- oh, snorkels!
408
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,800
mitchell, what is
wrong with you?!
409
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:17,400
what do you think is wrong
with me? i'm starving!
410
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,200
well, if you're starving,
then just eat something!
411
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:23,800
i can't eat something because
then you'll get mad at me,
412
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,400
and we're at my boss' house!
413
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,500
i'm not gonna get mad at you!
414
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,900
i appreciate what
you're doing for me!
415
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,500
i'm doing it for you.
416
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:32,900
oh, you don't have to
do anything for me.
417
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,100
i love you just
the way you are.
418
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,500
i love you just
the way you are.
419
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,900
- i got you! i got you, babe!
- okay. okay. thank you.
420
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,200
i got you!
421
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,400
- cam, i can walk. i can walk.
- i got you!
422
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,100
i think mitchell may just
be a work friend.
423
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,300
i let down my mom and dad today,
and... worse than that,
424
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,500
i let down my teacher.
425
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,400
it's all my fault.
everything i touch turns to detention.
426
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:08,600
i'm sorry, mom.
427
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,200
me, too.
428
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,200
oh, i don't really have a whole lot
of moral high ground to stand on.
429
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:17,500
i wasn't exactly my
best self today either.
430
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,200
all in all, not a great
day for the dunphys.
431
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,400
come on, dad!
believe in yourself!
432
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,300
you're making the
impossible unimpossible.
433
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,000
phil. oh, my god.
434
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,500
don't even bother.
he's in the zone.
435
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,800
- he can't hear you.
- go, dad!
436
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:36,300
you got this!
437
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,500
all weelong, i'd been telling my girls
how to act instead of showing them,
438
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,200
but not phil.
439
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,400
phil could have said,
440
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,600
"alex, relax. don't take
everything so seriously."
441
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:52,200
or "haley, challenge yourself.
don't give up so easily."
442
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,400
but instead of talking the talk,
443
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,400
phil walked the walk.
444
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,100
and isn't that what we're supposed
to do for the people we love?
445
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,500
it's definitely a challenge...
446
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:15,400
but phil made it look easy
7 feet off the ground.
447
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:19,500
you're awesome!
448
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,200
oh, my goodness!
449
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,500
turns out, i've had my
super dunphy all along.
450
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,200
yeah!
451
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,800
what was on my mind as i
was walking across that wire?
452
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,600
i kept thinking,
if i can do this,
453
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,800
then i've got two ways of
getting across my yard.
454
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,100
did you have fun?
455
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,500
yes. she's the cutest dog
in the whole world.
456
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,600
yeah, i heard you the first time.
457
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:50,200
let's go find your daddies.
458
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:51,500
we're in here!
459
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:55,500
oh, my god. these
cupcakes are so good.
460
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,600
i'm so sorry. we helped ourselves.
461
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,700
we were so hungry.
they are delicious.
462
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,100
i love that they're not
too sweet, you know?
463
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,000
mmm. mmm. they
taste almost like pate.
464
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,800
- you know, i mean...
- but why are you eating?
465
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:07,900
we've been on a juice cleanse.
466
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,300
you need to mind your own business,
sweetie, for right now.
467
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,600
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468
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,600
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