1 00:00:00,688 --> 00:00:03,123 And now, please welcome your valedictorian, 2 00:00:03,124 --> 00:00:04,477 Alex Dunphy. 3 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,565 Where are my mom and dad? 4 00:00:18,841 --> 00:00:20,241 And in this corner, 5 00:00:20,242 --> 00:00:21,526 finishing first in her class, 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,444 delivering the commencement address, 7 00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:25,246 weighing in at -- What do you weigh, honey? 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,480 Dad! 9 00:00:26,498 --> 00:00:29,500 A healthy amount for a girl her age. 10 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:30,918 Are you getting all this, buddy? 11 00:00:30,952 --> 00:00:31,855 Pure gold. 12 00:00:31,856 --> 00:00:32,842 She's the main brain, 13 00:00:32,843 --> 00:00:37,150 the cerebellum of the ball, Alex Dunphy!! 14 00:00:37,151 --> 00:00:39,165 Oh, keep rolling, the news will want this footage 15 00:00:39,166 --> 00:00:40,333 when I eventually snap. 16 00:00:40,351 --> 00:00:42,268 I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class. 17 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,886 He was until he missed a few weeks 18 00:00:43,938 --> 00:00:45,855 and the robot he was building attacked him. 19 00:00:45,906 --> 00:00:47,146 It's happening, people. 20 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,534 Our hubris will be our undoing. 21 00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:49,618 Sweetie, what do you say 22 00:00:49,669 --> 00:00:51,503 you and I go and get our nails done, huh? 23 00:00:51,537 --> 00:00:53,096 It's okay. I want to work on my speech. 24 00:00:53,097 --> 00:00:54,313 Been there. 25 00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:56,532 I remember the speech that won me treasurer 26 00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,267 of my high-school Spanish club. 27 00:00:58,302 --> 00:01:01,437 "Mi nombre es Felipe. 28 00:01:01,471 --> 00:01:03,606 Yo voy a la escuela..." 29 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,941 Felipe. 30 00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:06,990 It was kind of a grande deal 31 00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:09,009 I was up against an actual Puerto Rican. 32 00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:10,790 Honey, are you sure? 33 00:01:10,791 --> 00:01:12,879 Because I think they can do school colors. 34 00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:14,547 I'm good, mom. Okay. 35 00:01:14,581 --> 00:01:18,602 Family milestones always throw Claire for a loop. 36 00:01:18,636 --> 00:01:19,819 She holds it in, 37 00:01:19,854 --> 00:01:21,443 and then the next day, she has a total meltdown, 38 00:01:21,444 --> 00:01:23,143 and I have to pick up the pieces. 39 00:01:23,177 --> 00:01:25,963 Problem is, tomorrow, 40 00:01:25,964 --> 00:01:27,632 I'm supposed to go to Vegas with my buds, 41 00:01:27,633 --> 00:01:30,935 so... I need her to melt down today. 42 00:01:30,969 --> 00:01:33,513 Otherwise, what happens in Vegas 43 00:01:33,514 --> 00:01:35,305 because I won't be there. 44 00:01:35,323 --> 00:01:36,974 Emotional day, huh? 45 00:01:37,008 --> 00:01:39,009 Happy day. 46 00:01:39,044 --> 00:01:40,811 Happy and sad. 47 00:01:43,615 --> 00:01:45,449 "Guys, I can't go to Vegas 48 00:01:45,484 --> 00:01:47,485 because my wife's freaking out!" 49 00:01:47,519 --> 00:01:50,054 Trust me, that is not a phone call you want to make 50 00:01:50,088 --> 00:01:52,323 to a bunch of ex-college male cheerleaders. 51 00:01:52,357 --> 00:01:55,693 They will mock you with a hurtful, rhythmic taunt. 52 00:02:02,191 --> 00:02:03,277 Hello? 53 00:02:03,278 --> 00:02:04,445 Gloria, it's me. 54 00:02:04,479 --> 00:02:05,746 Ay! How was the doctor? 55 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,248 Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please? 56 00:02:08,283 --> 00:02:10,050 I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work. 57 00:02:10,084 --> 00:02:11,034 Could you press... 58 00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:12,236 - Hello? - ...9? 59 00:02:12,287 --> 00:02:14,269 - Manny, it's okay. - What's okay? 60 00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:15,331 What's wrong? 61 00:02:15,332 --> 00:02:17,656 - Where are you calling from? - I'm not calling from. 62 00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:18,991 Jay is calling. 63 00:02:19,042 --> 00:02:20,075 What's wrong with Jay? 64 00:02:20,109 --> 00:02:21,276 My clicker won't work. 65 00:02:21,310 --> 00:02:22,260 Oh, my God, 66 00:02:22,311 --> 00:02:23,545 your heart's not working?! 67 00:02:23,563 --> 00:02:25,480 How could you tell us this over the phone?! 68 00:02:25,515 --> 00:02:26,615 My heart is fine. 69 00:02:26,649 --> 00:02:29,351 Would somebody please press 9 and let me in? 70 00:02:29,385 --> 00:02:30,218 Okay. 71 00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:31,553 Got it. 72 00:02:31,587 --> 00:02:34,342 It won't work if you're both on the line. 73 00:02:34,343 --> 00:02:35,527 - Okay. - Okay. 74 00:02:36,312 --> 00:02:39,480 Every damn time! 75 00:02:42,518 --> 00:02:45,153 - Okay, Lily, time to get dressed. - Okay. 76 00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:47,038 I can't believe Alex is gonna be in High School. 77 00:02:47,072 --> 00:02:48,189 I feel so old! 78 00:02:48,223 --> 00:02:49,207 Oh, well, you feel old. 79 00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:51,125 I was there when she was born -- 80 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,343 in the delivery room. 81 00:02:52,378 --> 00:02:54,479 If I wasn't gay before, I -- 82 00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:55,859 Oh, please, you wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm. 83 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,193 I've witnessed all kinds of birthing -- 84 00:02:57,227 --> 00:02:58,344 never batted an eye. 85 00:02:58,362 --> 00:02:59,729 I've seen cattle, I've seen hogs, 86 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,747 I've seen goats -- 87 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,831 I've even seen a three-legged -- 88 00:03:01,865 --> 00:03:02,949 Ohh! 89 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,950 Oh, my God! 90 00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:07,953 Oh, my God! 91 00:03:07,972 --> 00:03:10,667 - I'm sorry. - Really, Mitchell? 92 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,118 I could have just died. 93 00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:28,020 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com 94 00:03:28,902 --> 00:03:32,338 Principal Kaizler, faculty, parents, 95 00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:33,406 fellow graduates, it's -- 96 00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:34,791 Hey, superstar. 97 00:03:34,842 --> 00:03:37,093 Oh, you're working on your speech. 98 00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:38,211 Yep. 99 00:03:38,245 --> 00:03:39,345 Well, do you need any help? 100 00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:40,680 Because sometimes it's great 101 00:03:40,714 --> 00:03:42,415 to bounce ideas off someone whose opinion you value. 102 00:03:42,449 --> 00:03:43,483 I'm good. 103 00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:45,785 Okay. That's cool. 104 00:03:45,819 --> 00:03:46,970 Could your hair. 105 00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:48,588 We could do it like we saw in that magazine. 106 00:03:48,606 --> 00:03:50,723 Oh, what's that actress -- What's her name? -- 107 00:03:50,757 --> 00:03:51,398 with the -- you know, with the teeth? 108 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:52,631 Mom, mom, please. 109 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,250 - I'm -- I'm trying to concentrate. - Okay. 110 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,002 Okay. 111 00:03:56,723 --> 00:03:58,107 Well, you be ready to go in a half-hour, 112 00:03:58,158 --> 00:03:59,908 because we are going to carpool with your grandpa. 113 00:03:59,943 --> 00:04:01,493 Haley's driving me. 114 00:04:01,528 --> 00:04:03,529 I want to get there early. 115 00:04:03,563 --> 00:04:05,080 That's a great idea. 116 00:04:05,115 --> 00:04:06,999 Great. I will see you there... 117 00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:09,234 Superstar. 118 00:04:10,236 --> 00:04:12,838 Hey, mama bear. You okay? 119 00:04:12,872 --> 00:04:14,540 Not with "mama bear" I'm not. 120 00:04:14,574 --> 00:04:15,924 - Don't cry. - I'm not crying. 121 00:04:15,959 --> 00:04:17,876 Shh! Don't be brave. 122 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:19,778 I'm here for you. 123 00:04:19,813 --> 00:04:23,766 Until 2 P.M. tomorrow, when my flight leaves for Vegas. 124 00:04:25,185 --> 00:04:27,269 Where were you? Did you bring the bread? 125 00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:28,937 I was stuck outside that gate 126 00:04:28,972 --> 00:04:30,189 for 10 minutes before it opened. 127 00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:31,323 So no bread? 128 00:04:31,357 --> 00:04:33,225 - We got to get that thing fixed. - Ay! 129 00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:34,593 What happened to your eye? 130 00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:35,811 What are you talking about? 131 00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:36,895 It's droopy. 132 00:04:36,929 --> 00:04:38,030 What do you mean, "droopy"? 133 00:04:38,064 --> 00:04:39,782 Aah. I don't like the look of that, Jay. 134 00:04:39,816 --> 00:04:41,150 Here, let me check something. 135 00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:43,068 Put that thing away. I saw my dermatologist. 136 00:04:43,102 --> 00:04:44,486 He was checking for moles or something. 137 00:04:44,537 --> 00:04:45,954 He probably got some numbing cream on it. 138 00:04:45,989 --> 00:04:46,955 It's fine! 139 00:04:46,990 --> 00:04:48,778 Nothing to worry about. 140 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,060 I got botox. 141 00:04:52,094 --> 00:04:54,456 Stupid doctor talked me into it, 142 00:04:54,457 --> 00:04:55,890 and now it's drifting. 143 00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:59,162 I haven't felt this dumb since I shelled out 30 bucks 144 00:04:59,163 --> 00:05:00,137 for that bracelet 145 00:05:00,138 --> 00:05:01,904 that's supposed to give me better balance. 146 00:05:01,939 --> 00:05:03,639 - Try to push my arm down. - Okay. 147 00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:05,408 Go ahead. You can't do it. You can't do it. 148 00:05:05,442 --> 00:05:06,776 - Okay. All right. I can't -- - Honey, I'm home. 149 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:08,578 Hey, uh, why is your dad's car here? 150 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,279 Mwah! 151 00:05:12,349 --> 00:05:14,183 "It's ironic that I stand up he 152 00:05:14,217 --> 00:05:17,203 "representing my classmates when, for the past three years, 153 00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,822 "most of them have treated me like I'm invisible. 154 00:05:19,856 --> 00:05:20,990 "It's my own fault. 155 00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:22,758 "I was obsessed with good grades 156 00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:25,428 instead of looks, popularity, and skinny jeans." 157 00:05:25,462 --> 00:05:27,249 What?! Is that your speech?! 158 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,166 Get out of here! 159 00:05:28,201 --> 00:05:29,935 You cannot say that! 160 00:05:29,969 --> 00:05:31,484 Yes, I can! And you want to know why? 161 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:32,524 'Cause it's the truth. 162 00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:34,772 No one wants to hear the truth. 163 00:05:34,773 --> 00:05:35,907 It's very simple, Alex. 164 00:05:35,941 --> 00:05:37,508 In order to give a good speech, 165 00:05:37,543 --> 00:05:39,427 all you have to do is take a song and say it, 166 00:05:39,478 --> 00:05:41,179 like... "Don't stop believin'" 167 00:05:41,213 --> 00:05:42,820 or "get this party started." 168 00:05:42,821 --> 00:05:44,522 That means nothing. 169 00:05:44,557 --> 00:05:45,607 Who cares? 170 00:05:45,641 --> 00:05:47,239 Nobody wants to think. 171 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,478 It's a graduation, 172 00:05:48,479 --> 00:05:50,241 a celebration of being done with thinking. 173 00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:51,708 People want to be challenged. 174 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,343 They're gonna respect me for it. 175 00:05:53,377 --> 00:05:56,412 No one's ever gonna talk to you again. 176 00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:57,714 So what? 177 00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:59,933 Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike 178 00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:01,351 for what he believed in. 179 00:06:01,385 --> 00:06:05,021 That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria! 180 00:06:09,913 --> 00:06:10,930 Hey! 181 00:06:10,964 --> 00:06:12,086 - Hey, guys! We're here. - Hey. 182 00:06:12,087 --> 00:06:13,920 Come on over. Have some lemonade and cookies. 183 00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:15,221 Jay, that's not looking very good. 184 00:06:15,256 --> 00:06:16,430 It's fine. 185 00:06:16,431 --> 00:06:17,831 Quick! Who's the president? 186 00:06:17,849 --> 00:06:19,099 Obama! 187 00:06:19,134 --> 00:06:20,551 Phil, please. 188 00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:22,402 - I'm trying to rule out a stroke. - It's not a stroke. 189 00:06:22,437 --> 00:06:25,339 - Why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke? - Age. 190 00:06:25,373 --> 00:06:25,917 Diet. 191 00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,468 You forgot to bring my bread. 192 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:28,819 I'm sorry we're late. 193 00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:30,998 That's okay. We got to leave in about 5 minutes, though. 194 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:33,344 Luke, stop pushing that ball around! 195 00:06:33,345 --> 00:06:34,100 You're gonna fall in. 196 00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:35,600 Oh, yes, and then your Uncle Mitchell 197 00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:37,218 will laugh at your expense! 198 00:06:37,269 --> 00:06:39,381 I'm just saying it's a character flaw. 199 00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:40,574 Okay, okay, quick poll here. 200 00:06:40,575 --> 00:06:42,741 This morning, Cam, fully dressed... 201 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,877 Thank God it's one of those stories. 202 00:06:44,911 --> 00:06:47,480 ...while in the middle of a very serious thought, 203 00:06:47,514 --> 00:06:50,233 fell into a ducky pool. 204 00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:51,944 Oh, my goodness. Are you all right? 205 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,210 Yes, I am. Thank you. 206 00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:56,281 That is a normal reaction -- Love and concern. 207 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,749 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. 208 00:06:57,783 --> 00:07:00,485 No -- the pool popped. 209 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,272 Ay! Poor thing! 210 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,657 - There is nothing worse than a tailbone injury. - I know. I know. 211 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,075 Seriously? No, no, no, no. You're so full of it. 212 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,093 You know this is funny. 213 00:07:08,127 --> 00:07:09,728 Picture this 214 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,031 falling into a tiny pool. 215 00:07:14,317 --> 00:07:16,034 He'll be here all week, folks! 216 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,770 Literally, because you're not coming home with me. 217 00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:20,105 There she is. There's my little Stella. 218 00:07:20,123 --> 00:07:21,106 That's my girl. 219 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,145 Hi, sweetie. 220 00:07:22,146 --> 00:07:24,009 You're so cute, I just wan eat your face! 221 00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:27,976 You remember when you used to hold Alex like that, 222 00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,311 and you wanted to eat her face? 223 00:07:29,345 --> 00:07:30,395 Yeah. 224 00:07:30,429 --> 00:07:31,897 - Now she's off to High School. - Mm. 225 00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:33,031 Time marches on, huh? 226 00:07:33,065 --> 00:07:34,032 Yep. 227 00:07:34,066 --> 00:07:35,033 You know what's really sad? 228 00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:36,084 What? 229 00:07:36,118 --> 00:07:37,602 The end of "Titanic." 230 00:07:37,637 --> 00:07:38,603 Hey, Luke. 231 00:07:38,638 --> 00:07:41,340 Do you realize, in two years, 232 00:07:41,341 --> 00:07:42,824 you and I will be graduating? 233 00:07:42,859 --> 00:07:44,326 Not now. 234 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,795 I think I'm moving the ball with my mind. 235 00:07:46,829 --> 00:07:48,997 Well, I'll be graduating. 236 00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,070 You guys, stop congratulating yourselves 237 00:07:53,104 --> 00:07:54,638 for being so compassionate. 238 00:07:54,672 --> 00:07:55,418 If you had been there, 239 00:07:55,419 --> 00:07:57,029 you would have laughed just as hard as I did. 240 00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:57,884 He's coming. 241 00:07:57,885 --> 00:07:58,589 Stop talking. 242 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:00,168 He's been embarrassed enough today. 243 00:08:05,663 --> 00:08:08,298 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 244 00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:12,825 Wow. Now it makes sense. 245 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,143 It's a Pritchett thing. 246 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,669 Cruelty's genetic. 247 00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,153 Suddenly it's all very clear. 248 00:08:18,171 --> 00:08:20,506 Be careful. You might run into it. 249 00:08:22,509 --> 00:08:23,392 I'm sorry. 250 00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:25,311 I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry. 251 00:08:25,362 --> 00:08:27,330 Oh, my God, dad, your face! 252 00:08:27,364 --> 00:08:29,198 What? Oh, that's nothing, nothing. It's boring. 253 00:08:29,232 --> 00:08:31,617 I went to the dermatologist. It's a boring story. I'm fine. 254 00:08:31,668 --> 00:08:33,168 - No, no, no, we got to get you to a hospital. - I'm fine. 255 00:08:33,186 --> 00:08:34,470 Yes, I'm taking you. Come. 256 00:08:34,504 --> 00:08:35,554 - Gloria, no, wait. - ¡Vamos! 257 00:08:35,606 --> 00:08:38,441 Wait right here! Gloria? 258 00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:40,042 Gloria?! 259 00:08:41,128 --> 00:08:42,545 Gloria? Gloria. 260 00:08:42,579 --> 00:08:44,013 Gloria, hold on. 261 00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:46,548 The reason my face looks like this is because I had... 262 00:08:46,566 --> 00:08:48,415 botox. 263 00:08:49,589 --> 00:08:52,074 Like the ladies use for their wrinkles? 264 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,892 Well, actually, nearly 10% of their sales are men, 265 00:08:53,927 --> 00:08:54,994 but that's not important. 266 00:08:55,028 --> 00:08:55,961 I had a bad reaction. 267 00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,496 Hit a nerve or something. 268 00:08:57,514 --> 00:08:58,931 It's gonna go away soon. 269 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,034 What? What's that supposed to mean? 270 00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:03,035 Nothing. 271 00:09:03,069 --> 00:09:04,303 Would you stop? 272 00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:06,672 This is very embarrassing for me. 273 00:09:06,706 --> 00:09:09,408 For both of us. 274 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,165 He's fine. It was a false alarm. 275 00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:17,795 What do you mean, a false alarm? 276 00:09:17,830 --> 00:09:18,863 His face looks like a candle. 277 00:09:18,898 --> 00:09:20,565 You heard her. I'm okay. 278 00:09:20,599 --> 00:09:21,833 She's not a doctor. 279 00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:22,867 Neither are you. 280 00:09:22,902 --> 00:09:24,118 Technically. 281 00:09:24,153 --> 00:09:25,691 Okay, look, I don't know what's going on here, 282 00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:28,113 but there is no way that this is normal. 283 00:09:28,114 --> 00:09:30,582 You look like a botox job gone horribly wrong. 284 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:34,267 No... my... God. You didn't. 285 00:09:34,286 --> 00:09:35,903 Of course he didn't. 286 00:09:35,937 --> 00:09:36,937 Did you? 287 00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:39,206 No. 288 00:09:40,342 --> 00:09:41,425 You did! 289 00:09:41,459 --> 00:09:43,727 What were you thinking? You're a veteran. 290 00:09:43,762 --> 00:09:46,146 Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go. 291 00:09:47,599 --> 00:09:49,106 Do you think he got his butt done, too? 292 00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:50,290 It looks fantastic. 293 00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:54,661 Alex, wait. I'm sorry. 294 00:09:55,437 --> 00:09:57,638 If you want to give your speech, go ahead. 295 00:09:57,673 --> 00:09:59,824 I was never valedictorian. What do I know? 296 00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:00,908 Thank you! 297 00:10:00,942 --> 00:10:02,460 I am doing this for a reason. 298 00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:03,961 It's not just like I'm -- 299 00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:07,982 Aha! Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day! 300 00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:10,801 Please. You really think I don't have duplicates? 301 00:10:11,637 --> 00:10:13,804 If you do this, you'll be a social piranha. 302 00:10:13,855 --> 00:10:17,892 Yes, I'll be an amazonian carnivorous fish. 303 00:10:17,926 --> 00:10:21,212 Carniv-- what?! 304 00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:30,371 Dad, open the gate. 305 00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:32,273 Oh, geez, not now! 306 00:10:32,307 --> 00:10:33,357 What? What's happening? 307 00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:35,042 It's stuck again. 308 00:10:35,077 --> 00:10:37,261 What do you mean, it's stuck? Can't you get it open? 309 00:10:37,296 --> 00:10:39,597 What do you think "stuck" means, Claire? 310 00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:40,986 We have to do something, dad. 311 00:10:40,987 --> 00:10:42,683 Can't you -- can't you push it open or something? 312 00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,189 I don't know! 313 00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:46,492 We are trapped in your driveway, 314 00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:47,676 and you don't know? 315 00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:48,911 As a gate owner, dad, 316 00:10:48,945 --> 00:10:50,946 you have a certain responsibility. 317 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:53,916 See, my daughter is gonna get up on that stage 318 00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:55,167 and give a speech 319 00:10:55,201 --> 00:10:56,418 and graduate from Middle School, 320 00:10:56,453 --> 00:10:57,720 and if I am not there, dad, I am going to freak out! 321 00:10:57,721 --> 00:10:58,920 I am going to freak out! 322 00:10:58,954 --> 00:10:59,921 Maybe push it. 323 00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:01,489 I am going to freak out! 324 00:11:01,524 --> 00:11:02,757 Why are you smiling? 325 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,442 I'm not -- I'm not smiling. 326 00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:07,328 Chun-chunk. 327 00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:08,897 Hysterical wife. 328 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,331 Hysterical wife. 329 00:11:10,366 --> 00:11:11,966 Hysterical wife. 330 00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:13,777 Jackpot. 331 00:11:16,144 --> 00:11:17,328 Come on. 332 00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:19,735 All right. Okay, we have tried this way. 333 00:11:19,736 --> 00:11:21,749 I say we ram the gate. Kids, get out of the way. 334 00:11:21,783 --> 00:11:23,605 Hold on! I think I can fix this! 335 00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:25,873 I just need a paper clip, some olive oil, 336 00:11:25,874 --> 00:11:26,890 and a ribbon. 337 00:11:26,925 --> 00:11:28,092 What's the plan, "MacGyver"? 338 00:11:28,126 --> 00:11:29,243 Actually, the paper clip 339 00:11:29,277 --> 00:11:30,945 is to connect these two circuits, 340 00:11:30,979 --> 00:11:33,230 and the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism. 341 00:11:33,264 --> 00:11:34,632 And the hair ribbon is for Lily. 342 00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:36,367 Her hair's been driving me crazy all day. 343 00:11:36,401 --> 00:11:37,835 Why don't we just call some cabs? 344 00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:38,836 Because, Mitchell, this is not Times Square, 345 00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:40,120 and they'll take forever. 346 00:11:40,155 --> 00:11:42,066 Well, then we'll just climb over the fence and start running. 347 00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:44,037 No, we won't, because it's 5 miles away, Phil! 348 00:11:44,038 --> 00:11:46,069 And I'm in big shoes, so, no. 349 00:11:46,087 --> 00:11:47,254 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 350 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:50,348 I save the day. 351 00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:52,117 Let's take this crazy bicycle, 352 00:11:52,118 --> 00:11:53,602 we throw it over the gate, 353 00:11:53,636 --> 00:11:55,804 then we take Phil and we take Claire, 354 00:11:55,838 --> 00:11:58,206 and then we throw them over the gate, too. 355 00:11:58,224 --> 00:11:59,608 All right, what the hell is that? 356 00:11:59,642 --> 00:12:00,258 Jay bought it. 357 00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:01,624 He thought we were gonna use it all the time, 358 00:12:01,642 --> 00:12:03,836 but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees. 359 00:12:03,837 --> 00:12:05,120 Champagne problems, right? 360 00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:07,222 Honey, they're not gonna ride the bike. 361 00:12:07,256 --> 00:12:09,892 Yeah, but I still think that we should throw it over the gate. 362 00:12:09,926 --> 00:12:10,976 Okay, you know what? 363 00:12:11,027 --> 00:12:12,077 Thank you. Thank you. 364 00:12:12,112 --> 00:12:13,729 Nobody else has come up with an idea. 365 00:12:13,747 --> 00:12:15,564 I think I've got a good idea. 366 00:12:15,599 --> 00:12:17,716 We don't have time to build a rocket, buddy. 367 00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:19,334 Never mind. 368 00:12:19,352 --> 00:12:20,803 Okay. So... 369 00:12:20,837 --> 00:12:22,571 Phil and I will go over first, 370 00:12:22,606 --> 00:12:23,822 and then you guys will throw over the bike? 371 00:12:23,857 --> 00:12:25,291 Okay, step up. I'll boost you. 372 00:12:25,325 --> 00:12:26,869 Couldn't we get a ladder? 373 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,127 Please, I'm cheer's squad, 374 00:12:28,128 --> 00:12:30,355 I boosted girls bigger than you to the top of a human pyramid. 375 00:12:30,356 --> 00:12:31,521 Now, arms at your side. 376 00:12:31,555 --> 00:12:33,573 Straight like a pencil. 377 00:12:33,608 --> 00:12:35,575 One, two... 378 00:12:35,627 --> 00:12:36,660 We are bulldogs! 379 00:12:36,694 --> 00:12:37,744 Aah! 380 00:12:37,795 --> 00:12:40,097 Ow! 381 00:12:40,131 --> 00:12:41,181 She's fine. 382 00:12:41,232 --> 00:12:43,600 Okay. Jay, now you do me. 383 00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:48,572 Just grab a handful. Don't be shy. 384 00:12:48,606 --> 00:12:50,190 I'm not giving you as much to work with. 385 00:12:50,224 --> 00:12:51,975 I used to have a lot more there. I lost it. 386 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,477 They used to call me "The Grand Can." 387 00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:01,336 "It's ironic that I stand up here 388 00:13:01,337 --> 00:13:04,056 representing my classmates when, for the past..." 389 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:05,457 I read the rest of your speech. 390 00:13:05,475 --> 00:13:07,426 Congratulations. 391 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,277 Do you hate me? 392 00:13:09,312 --> 00:13:10,695 What?! 393 00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,924 You talk about how all the popular kids are shallow and lame. 394 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,102 I didn't mean you. 395 00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:15,603 You think you have everyone figured out, 396 00:13:15,621 --> 00:13:17,956 but everybody has their stuff. 397 00:13:17,957 --> 00:13:19,574 What "stuff" do you have? 398 00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:22,794 Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties? 399 00:13:22,828 --> 00:13:25,129 You really want to know what "stuff" I have? 400 00:13:25,163 --> 00:13:26,264 Yeah. 401 00:13:26,298 --> 00:13:27,849 I'm flunking out of biology. 402 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:29,867 And now I have to go to summer school. 403 00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:33,060 My friends -- all they can ever talk about nowadays 404 00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:33,588 is going off to college, 405 00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:36,007 and I don't even know if I can get into college. 406 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:37,542 Is that enough "stuff" for you? 407 00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:38,776 Whatever. 408 00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:40,128 You know what? 409 00:13:40,746 --> 00:13:43,404 Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast. 410 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,784 But you're only doing it to yourself 411 00:13:44,785 --> 00:13:46,518 because you're smart and pretty 412 00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:49,137 and sort of funny in a way that I don't really get 413 00:13:49,188 --> 00:13:50,555 but other people seem to enjoy, 414 00:13:50,573 --> 00:13:52,541 so, you can either start fresh next year 415 00:13:52,575 --> 00:13:55,293 or be the freak who flipped off her class. 416 00:13:55,327 --> 00:13:56,661 You really think I'm pretty? 417 00:13:56,696 --> 00:13:59,297 Shut up! 418 00:14:03,269 --> 00:14:04,703 Phil, go straight! 419 00:14:04,737 --> 00:14:05,770 This way's faster! 420 00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:06,771 No, straight! 421 00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:07,789 Stop leaning! 422 00:14:07,823 --> 00:14:08,974 - Do you want to drive?! - I do. 423 00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:09,958 Tough, I called it! 424 00:14:10,009 --> 00:14:10,926 D'oh. 425 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,260 What was that?! 426 00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:14,078 Oh, crap. The chain broke! 427 00:14:14,096 --> 00:14:15,931 Just keep pedaling. It doesn't matter. 428 00:14:15,982 --> 00:14:17,715 It matters a little! 429 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:19,784 Cam, please be careful. 430 00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:22,784 Why? If I get electrocuted, my hat might blow right off. 431 00:14:22,785 --> 00:14:25,960 - That'd be funny as hell, right? - No. No. 432 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,084 Hey, Jay! 433 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:31,020 I know you're feeling self-conscious, 434 00:14:31,055 --> 00:14:33,273 so I dug out something I thought might help. 435 00:14:33,324 --> 00:14:34,324 Put that thing away. 436 00:14:34,358 --> 00:14:36,326 I knew you'd say that, but hear me out. 437 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,660 This was designed to make 438 00:14:37,678 --> 00:14:39,896 a hideously disfigured man look supercool. 439 00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,397 It's perfect for you. 440 00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:42,865 Oh, yikes. Okay. 441 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,285 I'll go upstairs and see if I have a lefty. 442 00:14:48,606 --> 00:14:50,573 Don't look at me like that. 443 00:14:50,608 --> 00:14:53,376 I have to say that I am a little disappointed 444 00:14:53,377 --> 00:14:54,610 in you doing this thing. 445 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:55,678 Not me. 446 00:14:55,712 --> 00:14:57,096 I feel real good about it. 447 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,981 Now many times do I have to tell you 448 00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,883 that you don't have to look young for me? 449 00:15:00,918 --> 00:15:01,918 I didn't do it for you. 450 00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:03,019 What is her name?! 451 00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:04,003 Stop. 452 00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:06,222 Most of the time, I walk around, 453 00:15:06,256 --> 00:15:07,507 and in my head, I'm 40. 454 00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:08,991 Then I look in the mirror, 455 00:15:09,026 --> 00:15:10,493 I say, "who's that old man? 456 00:15:10,527 --> 00:15:12,345 And what's he doing in my bathroom?" 457 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,363 Well, it's my bathroom, too. 458 00:15:14,398 --> 00:15:16,783 And I like when the old guy is there. 459 00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:20,086 This is the face that I fell in love with. 460 00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:21,871 Not this face -- 461 00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:23,139 This one. 462 00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:24,340 Ooh! Ooh! The gate's opening! The gate's opening! 463 00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:26,142 - How did you do that? - I didn't do anything. 464 00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,160 I did it. 465 00:15:27,211 --> 00:15:28,978 I opened it with my mind. 466 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,379 Come on, guys! 467 00:15:30,413 --> 00:15:32,348 - Let's go, guys! - Yeah, let's go. - ¡Vamos! 468 00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:33,816 - Manny! - Get Manny. 469 00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,284 Everyone in the car. Let's go! 470 00:15:35,319 --> 00:15:38,421 Yep. That's what I thought. Chain's broken. 471 00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:39,856 What do you think? 472 00:15:40,957 --> 00:15:43,176 I think we gotta go. 473 00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:46,545 Sweetie, we -- we can't make it on foot. 474 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,947 We have to try. 475 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,116 Honey. 476 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,118 Honey! 477 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,152 It's okay. 478 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,590 It's not okay, Phil! 479 00:15:54,591 --> 00:15:57,009 It's not okay. We're losing her. 480 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,210 - Alex? - Yes. 481 00:15:58,245 --> 00:15:59,328 You're not losing her. 482 00:15:59,362 --> 00:16:01,130 We are. She's going to High School. 483 00:16:01,164 --> 00:16:03,399 This is just when I lost Haley. 484 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:06,302 This is when Haley went from being my sweet little angel 485 00:16:06,336 --> 00:16:09,588 to being a moody, texting, snotty little princess 486 00:16:09,623 --> 00:16:11,473 who hates me. 487 00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,208 Haley doesn't hate you. 488 00:16:13,243 --> 00:16:15,077 And we're not losing her. 489 00:16:15,111 --> 00:16:17,313 Do you remember when you used to come home from work 490 00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:18,948 and Haley would meet you at the door 491 00:16:18,982 --> 00:16:20,449 in her little "Aladdin" pajamas? 492 00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,801 And, you know, she'd stick her arms up in the air 493 00:16:22,836 --> 00:16:25,354 and say, "daddy, daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride." 494 00:16:25,388 --> 00:16:27,156 Remember that? 495 00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:30,092 When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you? 496 00:16:30,913 --> 00:16:34,082 I don't remember. It's been so long. 497 00:16:35,585 --> 00:16:37,119 We're losing another one. 498 00:16:37,153 --> 00:16:39,154 And that's what kids do -- they leave. 499 00:16:39,188 --> 00:16:42,991 They leave, and they -- and they don't come back. 500 00:16:43,025 --> 00:16:45,093 Well, ours will come back, right? 501 00:16:45,128 --> 00:16:46,261 What if they don't, 502 00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:49,347 and -- and, pretty soon, it's just the two of us? 503 00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:51,950 I don't want to go to Vegas anymore. 504 00:16:51,984 --> 00:16:52,868 I know. 505 00:16:52,902 --> 00:16:54,035 I just want to hug them 506 00:16:54,069 --> 00:16:55,754 and embarrass them in front of their friends. 507 00:16:55,805 --> 00:16:57,305 I know. 508 00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:59,274 And Alex -- my God. 509 00:16:59,308 --> 00:17:01,376 If we miss this speech -- 510 00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:04,279 Honey, she's a middle child -- 511 00:17:04,313 --> 00:17:06,331 she will never forgive us. 512 00:17:06,382 --> 00:17:08,417 We're not missing that speech! 513 00:17:08,451 --> 00:17:10,652 Hello! Hello! 514 00:17:10,686 --> 00:17:11,853 What's the plan, Phil? 515 00:17:11,888 --> 00:17:13,305 Mi nombre es Felipe. 516 00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:14,573 Yo voy... 517 00:17:14,607 --> 00:17:15,757 a la escuela. 518 00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:16,792 You need a ride to the school. 519 00:17:16,826 --> 00:17:17,793 Yes, please! 520 00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:19,795 Felipe? 521 00:17:23,633 --> 00:17:24,766 Okay. 522 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,568 ¡Vámonos, muchachos! 523 00:17:31,641 --> 00:17:33,475 I am so proud to be standing 524 00:17:33,509 --> 00:17:36,912 in front of this extraordinary group of youngsters. 525 00:17:36,946 --> 00:17:40,192 I'm sorry -- or should I say "oldsters"? 526 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,695 But seriously, the word "commencement" 527 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,463 means "beginning." 528 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:45,581 I'm sorry I laughed. 529 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:46,916 I don't need an apology, 530 00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:48,851 but I will say your behavior today 531 00:17:48,885 --> 00:17:50,169 has been very eye-opening. 532 00:17:50,187 --> 00:17:51,270 No offense, Jay. 533 00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:54,173 None taken. You look like an iceberg. 534 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,325 Okay. 535 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,326 Señor, this is it... right hear, yeah. 536 00:18:01,982 --> 00:18:03,282 Okay. Let's go. 537 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,084 ¡Muchas gracias, muchachos! 538 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,335 You're quite welcome! 539 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,189 And now, please welcome your valedictorian, 540 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,057 Alex Dunphy. 541 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,890 Where's my mom and dad? 542 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:20,840 Thank you. 543 00:18:20,841 --> 00:18:23,275 Mm -- there they are! 544 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,278 Come on, Phil! 545 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,397 Principal Kaizler... 546 00:18:28,432 --> 00:18:29,426 - Hold on, Phil! - ...Faculty... 547 00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:30,148 - Oh, sweet cream! I'm sliding! - Oh, my God, Phil! 548 00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:31,533 - ...school-board administrators... - I got you. Get up. Get up. 549 00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:33,851 - I got you. - ...Fellow graduates... - I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! 550 00:18:33,852 --> 00:18:35,402 ...parents, and everyone 551 00:18:35,436 --> 00:18:37,170 who helped us through these challenging formative years, 552 00:18:37,188 --> 00:18:38,722 Cam! You have lost all credibility. 553 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,884 - This is completely different. - How? 554 00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:43,635 It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy 555 00:18:43,636 --> 00:18:45,687 against the backdrop of a formal setting... 556 00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:47,522 Not a big-boned man falling into a pool. 557 00:18:47,556 --> 00:18:50,008 - Really? - Shh! This is about Alex. 558 00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:54,479 It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates 559 00:18:54,497 --> 00:18:55,463 when... 560 00:18:57,717 --> 00:19:00,352 ...they're so... 561 00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:01,653 awesome... 562 00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:04,773 They should be up here themselves. 563 00:19:04,807 --> 00:19:07,859 But I'm up here, and... 564 00:19:07,893 --> 00:19:09,694 I'm sayin'... 565 00:19:09,729 --> 00:19:10,912 stuff, 566 00:19:10,946 --> 00:19:14,249 'cause everybody's got their... 567 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,284 stuff, 568 00:19:16,335 --> 00:19:18,286 whether you're popular 569 00:19:18,337 --> 00:19:20,338 or a drama geek... 570 00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:22,467 - Oh. - ...or a cheerleader... 571 00:19:22,468 --> 00:19:25,804 or even a nerd like me. 572 00:19:25,855 --> 00:19:28,857 We all have our insecurities. 573 00:19:28,892 --> 00:19:30,192 Yes, we do. 574 00:19:30,226 --> 00:19:31,927 We're all just trying to figure out who we are. 575 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:35,430 I guess what I'm trying to say is... 576 00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:41,320 ...don't stop... believin'... 577 00:19:42,271 --> 00:19:44,656 ...Get this party started. 578 00:19:44,707 --> 00:19:47,075 Whoo!! 579 00:19:47,109 --> 00:19:49,878 That's so cute. 580 00:19:58,087 --> 00:20:00,121 Seriously? 581 00:20:01,539 --> 00:20:02,497 There she is! 582 00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:04,096 - Here's our girl! - Great job. 583 00:20:05,842 --> 00:20:08,260 Your speech moved me. 584 00:20:08,311 --> 00:20:10,979 I loved how you play with the song titles. 585 00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:12,064 Fantastic. 586 00:20:12,098 --> 00:20:13,065 My idea. 587 00:20:13,099 --> 00:20:14,049 You did good, kid. 588 00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:15,434 Thanks, grandpa. Aah! 589 00:20:15,485 --> 00:20:17,019 Don't ask. He'll be fine. 590 00:20:17,053 --> 00:20:18,687 Yes. We are so proud of you. 591 00:20:18,721 --> 00:20:19,721 Come here. 592 00:20:19,739 --> 00:20:20,789 Hello. 593 00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:22,708 I opened a gate with my mind. 594 00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:24,292 What do you say we all go get something to eat? 595 00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:25,460 - Let's do it. - Yeah. 596 00:20:25,495 --> 00:20:28,413 A-actually, I was kind of just invited to a party. 597 00:20:28,464 --> 00:20:29,381 Whoo! 598 00:20:29,415 --> 00:20:30,799 Would it be okay if I go? 599 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,000 Yeah. Of course. 600 00:20:32,034 --> 00:20:33,468 - Yeah. - Yay! 601 00:20:33,503 --> 00:20:35,921 - See you, kid. - Have fun. - Thanks for coming, you guys! 602 00:20:35,972 --> 00:20:36,972 - Bye! - Bye! - Bye! - Bye! 603 00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:38,673 - Congratulations! - Hmm. 604 00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:41,727 I'm kind of hungry, mom. 605 00:20:41,761 --> 00:20:43,729 Oh, my God. She's back. 606 00:20:43,763 --> 00:20:45,213 - My baby. - What? 607 00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:46,714 - My baby. - Oh, my God. 608 00:20:46,733 --> 00:20:47,899 - My little baby. - What are you doing? 609 00:20:47,934 --> 00:20:49,301 Let's go. Let's go eat. 610 00:20:49,352 --> 00:20:50,769 I'm not hungry anymore. 611 00:20:50,803 --> 00:20:52,320 - Oh, you're not gonna regret this. - I could use some shrimp. 612 00:20:52,355 --> 00:20:54,389 I'm not hu-- I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry anymore. 613 00:20:54,423 --> 00:20:56,141 - Sure you are. Sure you are. - I'm not -- no, I'm not. 614 00:20:56,141 --> 00:21:02,141 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com