1 00:00:01,971 --> 00:00:03,091 Okay. Here she comes. 2 00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:07,390 Happy mother's day! Aahhhh! 3 00:00:07,871 --> 00:00:08,931 What are you wearing? 4 00:00:08,932 --> 00:00:10,188 You don't remember this shirt? 5 00:00:10,189 --> 00:00:12,256 You made it for me for mother's day in kindergarten. 6 00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:14,443 - It's adorable. - It's perverted. 7 00:00:14,477 --> 00:00:15,844 It looks like you were felt up 8 00:00:15,895 --> 00:00:18,130 - by that creepy guy around the corner. - Ew! Why him? 9 00:00:18,164 --> 00:00:20,398 'Cause he's got, like, freakishly tiny hands. 10 00:00:20,432 --> 00:00:21,432 Thank you! 11 00:00:21,451 --> 00:00:23,034 I cannot believe you kept that shirt. 12 00:00:23,069 --> 00:00:25,320 Of course I kept it. I'm your mother. 13 00:00:25,371 --> 00:00:27,339 I keep everything you make me. 14 00:00:27,373 --> 00:00:28,390 Please take that off. 15 00:00:28,424 --> 00:00:30,008 Oh, when I'm dead. 16 00:00:30,042 --> 00:00:31,376 Today is my special day, 17 00:00:31,394 --> 00:00:33,512 and I am gonna enjoy me some coffee. 18 00:00:33,546 --> 00:00:37,549 - You know that's a pencil holder, right? - Oh, I do now. 19 00:00:38,352 --> 00:00:39,686 Go first. 20 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,741 - No, you can go first. - Manny, go first! 21 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:42,876 No, Jay, you go first. 22 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,328 Ah, somebody give me a present! 23 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,915 Oh, Jay, a diamond necklace! 24 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,717 Thank you! 25 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,168 You deserve it. 26 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,636 Go ahead, kid. 27 00:00:53,671 --> 00:00:55,388 Happy mother's day, mom. 28 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,856 Oh. 29 00:00:57,842 --> 00:01:00,510 A necklace made of the froot loops! 30 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,462 I love it! 31 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,532 I know they're not exactly diamonds, mom. 32 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,467 No, they're beautiful. 33 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,935 You know what? I got a confession to make. 34 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,571 Those aren't real diamonds. No. 35 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,639 Here, give them back. I'll get you some real ones later. 36 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:16,142 Dang it. Now I got to come clean. 37 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,145 These aren't real froot loops. They're generic. 38 00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:21,364 Hey. 39 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,417 Now I have no presents again. 40 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,240 Good morning! 41 00:01:30,274 --> 00:01:32,242 He-e-e-y! 42 00:01:32,276 --> 00:01:33,493 Hey, what's this? 43 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,078 Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily, 44 00:01:35,112 --> 00:01:36,529 and this is just my way of saying 45 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:37,831 "thank you" and "I love you." 46 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,532 Oh, thank you. 47 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,201 And this is just the beginning. 48 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,802 Yeah, 'cause today is your day. 49 00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:44,337 Today? 50 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,321 All day. 51 00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,208 Today. Today is my day. 52 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,743 Something's happening. 53 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,212 - It mother's day, Mitchell. - So? 54 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,381 You're bringing me breakfast in bed on mother's day. 55 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,816 Okay, no, no, this is not a mother's day breakfast. 56 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,151 This is breakfast that happens to be on -- 57 00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,053 You think of me as Lily's mother! 58 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:03,156 - I'm your wife! I'm a woman!! - What? 59 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:06,393 Honestly, I'm a little offended that he accused me of that. 60 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,862 I'm actually very sensitive to that issue. 61 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:13,299 Like I would ever treat my partner as a woman. 62 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,584 Somebody got new curtains. 63 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,670 Well, Mrs. Pritchett loves to shop. 64 00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:19,656 Oh, we're never gonna be done by 6:00. 65 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:21,157 Better call home. 66 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:23,293 The wife's not gonna like this. 67 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:27,747 Sometimes I think he just wants to be mad at me. 68 00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,868 - I can't eat! - Okay, you know what? 69 00:02:29,869 --> 00:02:31,771 If you can't accept the nice gesture, 70 00:02:31,772 --> 00:02:32,930 then just forget it. 71 00:02:32,937 --> 00:02:36,289 Okay, scratch the balloons. She is in a mood. 72 00:02:45,852 --> 00:02:50,597 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com 73 00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:52,726 I asked Claire what she wanted for mother's day, 74 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,094 and she said, "take a hike." 75 00:02:55,246 --> 00:02:56,613 It's not like that. 76 00:02:56,664 --> 00:02:59,699 She's -- she's just bananas for walking around in nature. 77 00:02:59,734 --> 00:03:01,468 Um, so, she and-- and Gloria 78 00:03:01,469 --> 00:03:03,703 are taking the kids up the canyon 79 00:03:03,737 --> 00:03:06,406 um, and Jay and I are, uh, throwing on the aprons 80 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,675 and preparing a mother day feast. 81 00:03:08,709 --> 00:03:10,710 It's... 82 00:03:10,744 --> 00:03:13,880 it's gonna be fun. 83 00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:20,203 ♪ I know you want to leave me ♪ 84 00:03:20,204 --> 00:03:23,892 - * but I refuse to -- * - We're not doing that. 85 00:03:31,816 --> 00:03:33,867 You know there are coyotes in these woods? 86 00:03:33,901 --> 00:03:35,368 Did you pack a weapon? 87 00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:36,803 I have a walking stick. 88 00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:38,204 Does it become a sword? 89 00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,490 I guess it could become a running stick. 90 00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:42,442 All right, you're gonna outrun a coyote? 91 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:44,794 The fastest mammal in the world? 92 00:03:44,879 --> 00:03:46,629 I'm not sure that's true. 93 00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:49,466 And how are you gonna fend them off with a popsicle stick? 94 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:50,950 It's a spear. 95 00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:52,618 And it smells like lemon-lime, 96 00:03:52,636 --> 00:03:54,620 a flavor coyotes hate. 97 00:03:54,638 --> 00:03:56,473 Where are you getting your information? 98 00:03:56,507 --> 00:03:57,674 How much farther? 99 00:03:57,725 --> 00:03:58,958 Well, I'd like to go far enough 100 00:03:58,993 --> 00:04:01,061 that we can't still see our car in the parking lot. 101 00:04:01,095 --> 00:04:03,329 I'm getting dust in my mouth. 102 00:04:03,364 --> 00:04:05,932 - You have to appreciate nature. - Yes. 103 00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:07,901 Soon, this will be the mall. 104 00:04:07,935 --> 00:04:10,120 - I'll come then. - I'm hungry. 105 00:04:10,171 --> 00:04:12,255 I say we eat what we kill. 106 00:04:12,289 --> 00:04:14,907 Oh, then I guess we'll be eating the mood. 107 00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:18,144 - I don't get you at all. - I know. 108 00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:19,179 Ugh. 109 00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:21,164 Oh, is that the party over there? 110 00:04:21,165 --> 00:04:22,281 I don't know. I'm a woman, remember? 111 00:04:22,315 --> 00:04:23,565 I have a terrible sense of direction. 112 00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,334 May I remind you that my big crime 113 00:04:25,368 --> 00:04:27,136 was making you fluffy pancakes, okay? 114 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:29,454 I'm getting a little sick of you dwelling on this. 115 00:04:29,506 --> 00:04:32,207 It happens to be mother's day, not martyr's day. 116 00:04:32,225 --> 00:04:33,275 Mitchell. 117 00:04:33,309 --> 00:04:36,478 I'm sorry. It's just a sensitive issue for me. 118 00:04:36,512 --> 00:04:37,679 Okay. 119 00:04:37,714 --> 00:04:39,665 There's nothing gays hate more than when people... 120 00:04:39,716 --> 00:04:41,216 - Treat us like women. - ...treat us like women. 121 00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:42,217 We're not. 122 00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:44,269 We don't want to go to your baby shower. 123 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,188 We don't have a time of the month. 124 00:04:46,222 --> 00:04:47,858 We don't love pink. 125 00:04:47,859 --> 00:04:48,574 Well, you love pink. 126 00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:51,343 - No, pink loves me. - Okay. 127 00:04:51,672 --> 00:04:53,807 - Hey, guys! - Hey! So... 128 00:04:53,841 --> 00:04:55,759 That's Jen, husband Rick, baby Diego. 129 00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:56,860 I don't get it either. 130 00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,695 Hey, Jen. Let me help you with that. 131 00:04:58,729 --> 00:04:59,613 Oh. 132 00:04:59,664 --> 00:05:02,632 Rick! How you doing? 133 00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:05,332 We should do play group on weekends more often. 134 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:07,453 It's nice to have the husbands around to help, right? 135 00:05:07,454 --> 00:05:09,973 Oh, yeah, because that makes all the sense in the world -- 136 00:05:09,974 --> 00:05:10,853 you as the husband. 137 00:05:10,854 --> 00:05:12,120 Stop it. That's not what she meant. 138 00:05:12,171 --> 00:05:13,705 Look at us. I could snap you like a twig. 139 00:05:13,739 --> 00:05:15,406 Okay, every once in a while you say that thing about the twig, 140 00:05:15,424 --> 00:05:17,759 - and I need you to know that it bothers me. - Sorry. 141 00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:20,645 Okay, everybody, happy mother's day! 142 00:05:20,679 --> 00:05:22,063 I know I speak for all the guys 143 00:05:22,148 --> 00:05:24,149 when I say thank you for everything you do 144 00:05:24,183 --> 00:05:25,500 while we're off having affairs. 145 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,318 Oh. 146 00:05:27,353 --> 00:05:28,803 I'm kidding. I'll pay for that later. 147 00:05:28,838 --> 00:05:30,889 Uh, let's get the moms and kids together for a picture! 148 00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:32,524 No, let's go. Let's get out of here. Leave the stroller and run. 149 00:05:32,558 --> 00:05:33,775 Cam, stop. No one's going to ask you to -- 150 00:05:33,809 --> 00:05:35,727 Cameron, get on up here. 151 00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,829 I don't know. You guys just go ahead. 152 00:05:37,863 --> 00:05:40,731 - You're an honorary mom! - Oh, I don't know. 153 00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:41,666 Uh, okay, all right. 154 00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,368 - Unhand me. - Get over there. 155 00:05:43,402 --> 00:05:45,253 That's -- that's... 156 00:05:46,705 --> 00:05:49,307 Okay, tighten up, tighten up. 157 00:05:49,341 --> 00:05:51,809 Up here, ladies! 158 00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:53,428 Beautiful. One more, gals. 159 00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:56,414 Oh, thanks, ladies. Thanks so much. Perfect. 160 00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:58,399 Great. Okay. 161 00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:02,669 Yeah, that was definitely poison oak. 162 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:04,287 I think this rash is spreading. 163 00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:05,755 Manny, that's not a rash. 164 00:06:05,789 --> 00:06:07,207 It's red because you scratch it. 165 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,275 I just don't want my throat to close. 166 00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,977 Wouldn't be the worst thing. 167 00:06:11,028 --> 00:06:12,729 I'm so bored, I'd rather be reading. 168 00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:15,098 I'm so bored, I chewed the last bug that flew in my mouth 169 00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:16,099 just to feel something. 170 00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:17,784 I'm so bored, I'm talking to you. 171 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:18,968 Ugh! Okay! 172 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,503 For the last 20 minutes, 173 00:06:20,538 --> 00:06:22,739 all you people have done is whine! 174 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,696 You would think on mother's day, at least, 175 00:06:24,697 --> 00:06:26,197 you would have something nice to say -- 176 00:06:26,232 --> 00:06:27,715 - Shh! - What? 177 00:06:28,968 --> 00:06:31,502 Thought I heard a coyote. Go ahead. 178 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,205 God, Luke, you're such an idiot. 179 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,391 At least I don't look like an idiot. 180 00:06:36,442 --> 00:06:38,309 - What does that mean? - Your hat. 181 00:06:38,327 --> 00:06:41,079 It's like you walked under a bird that poops ugly hats. 182 00:06:41,113 --> 00:06:42,197 Can we watch the language? 183 00:06:42,248 --> 00:06:43,715 There's nothing else to watch. 184 00:06:43,749 --> 00:06:45,166 Enough complaining! 185 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:46,468 You can't bitch all day 186 00:06:46,502 --> 00:06:48,970 because you're not at the beach all day. 187 00:06:49,021 --> 00:06:50,321 Come on. 188 00:06:50,356 --> 00:06:51,689 No. No, no. 189 00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:54,347 I-I'm giving myself a mother's day present. 190 00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:56,249 Kids, your hike is over. 191 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,490 - Yes! - Yeah! 192 00:06:57,491 --> 00:06:59,392 No! No, not happy. 193 00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:01,077 - Bad. Sad. - Mm. 194 00:07:01,111 --> 00:07:02,678 Gloria and I are gonna go finish 195 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,813 this beautiful hike together while you sit here 196 00:07:04,831 --> 00:07:08,868 and think about how selfish and thoughtless you've been. 197 00:07:08,919 --> 00:07:09,781 Come on. 198 00:07:09,782 --> 00:07:11,653 If we're thoughtless, how can we think? 199 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,254 You just lost your water. 200 00:07:17,289 --> 00:07:19,340 Let's go. 201 00:07:30,377 --> 00:07:31,711 What the hell are those? 202 00:07:31,745 --> 00:07:33,696 Onion goggles. No more tears when I cook. 203 00:07:33,731 --> 00:07:36,966 Welcome to the 21st century. You should get a pair. 204 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,518 I was gonna suggest the same thing. 205 00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:40,937 Hey, Jay, you know what we should put in this? 206 00:07:40,971 --> 00:07:42,388 - We should add a da-- - No. 207 00:07:42,423 --> 00:07:44,040 It's my mom's recipe. 208 00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,275 What it says on the page goes in the pot. 209 00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:47,860 Nothing more, nothing less. 210 00:07:47,895 --> 00:07:50,204 Now, how long do I stir the beef and sausages? 211 00:07:50,205 --> 00:07:51,108 Read it to me. 212 00:07:51,109 --> 00:07:54,644 You should stir the beef and sausages for five minutes. 213 00:07:54,679 --> 00:07:56,313 And how much longer do I have to listen 214 00:07:56,347 --> 00:07:57,681 to the Julia Child impression? 215 00:07:57,715 --> 00:07:59,616 For as long as it's still funny. 216 00:07:59,650 --> 00:08:01,368 I think the timer just went off on that. 217 00:08:01,419 --> 00:08:05,005 That was unnecessary. 218 00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:06,690 What's this? 219 00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:07,824 What?! 220 00:08:07,858 --> 00:08:09,492 Hey, Jay, maybe after this, 221 00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:12,078 we should make "The perfect mom." 222 00:08:12,113 --> 00:08:16,066 All we need is "a tablespoon of love, 1 cup of warmth, 223 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,367 add one heart, softened." 224 00:08:17,401 --> 00:08:19,202 What the hell are you talking about? 225 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,504 This recipe for the perfect mom, 226 00:08:21,538 --> 00:08:24,101 by Jay Francis Pritchett, age nine. 227 00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:27,563 Geez, I forgot all about that. 228 00:08:28,446 --> 00:08:30,469 I didn't know she had that in there. 229 00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:32,003 What's that, Francis? 230 00:08:32,004 --> 00:08:33,129 Nothing. 231 00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,764 How much longer on the meat? 232 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:35,866 Aw. 233 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,702 I love the part about "serves one small boy." 234 00:08:38,736 --> 00:08:40,003 That's adorable. 235 00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:42,122 Wow. 236 00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:44,908 "175 pounds of tenderness." 237 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:48,044 She must have loved that. Big woman? 238 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:51,815 Jay? 239 00:08:51,849 --> 00:08:53,750 And that's when I saw it. 240 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,535 Jay... 241 00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:57,854 Are... 242 00:08:57,889 --> 00:08:59,389 - are you crying? - No! 243 00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:01,992 It's the onions, damn it. Give me these. 244 00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:05,462 What are you lookin' at? 245 00:09:05,496 --> 00:09:06,930 Nothing. 246 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:10,700 Those really frame your face. 247 00:09:16,499 --> 00:09:18,917 Oh. Wow. 248 00:09:18,968 --> 00:09:20,068 Beautiful. 249 00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,721 Ay, thank you. 250 00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:25,607 Okay, I don't want you to judge me, 251 00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:28,043 but I have to say something. 252 00:09:28,077 --> 00:09:30,245 Sometimes, I want to punch my kids. 253 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,547 - You don't mean that. - No, I do. I do. 254 00:09:32,582 --> 00:09:34,716 The last time they were horrible the way they were today, 255 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:36,101 they happened to be all lined up. 256 00:09:36,135 --> 00:09:37,886 And I couldn't help but think, 257 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,387 "if I hit just one of them, 258 00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:41,489 the rest would go down like dominos." 259 00:09:41,523 --> 00:09:42,674 - Eee. - I know. 260 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,225 That would rob me of the pleasure 261 00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:46,061 of hitting each one individually, but... 262 00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:48,997 Oh, my God, you don't talk about your children this way. 263 00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:51,266 Oh, come on. You know Manny irritates you. 264 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:54,069 No. Manny is the best thing that ever happened to me. 265 00:09:54,103 --> 00:09:55,320 We have a special bond. 266 00:09:55,354 --> 00:09:56,521 Yes, bonds. I know. 267 00:09:56,572 --> 00:09:58,439 But that's not what I'm talking about now. 268 00:09:58,457 --> 00:10:01,459 Claire, for a long time, it was only the two of us. 269 00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:04,012 I cannot say anything bad about that boy. 270 00:10:04,046 --> 00:10:06,233 Give a break, Gloria! 271 00:10:06,234 --> 00:10:08,626 Anybody who's ever had a kid knows 272 00:10:08,627 --> 00:10:10,961 that they can irritate the freaking life out of you 273 00:10:10,996 --> 00:10:11,929 at some point. 274 00:10:11,963 --> 00:10:12,963 Am I right? 275 00:10:14,082 --> 00:10:16,850 Oh. Okay. 276 00:10:18,603 --> 00:10:20,354 He's persnickety. 277 00:10:20,405 --> 00:10:22,373 - What? - Manny. 278 00:10:22,407 --> 00:10:25,042 He's persnickety. It drives me up the wall. 279 00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:26,844 Okay, persnickety. Good start. 280 00:10:26,878 --> 00:10:28,679 He follows me around all the time. 281 00:10:28,713 --> 00:10:29,813 Sometimes I love it, 282 00:10:29,848 --> 00:10:31,615 but sometimes I need my own space. 283 00:10:31,649 --> 00:10:34,751 This does not make you a bad mother to admit these things. 284 00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:36,987 And the poetry. It's not very good. 285 00:10:37,022 --> 00:10:38,772 Ah. First time that I say that out loud. 286 00:10:38,823 --> 00:10:40,241 Okay. 287 00:10:40,275 --> 00:10:41,742 It's not very good! 288 00:10:41,776 --> 00:10:43,761 Wow. 289 00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:46,997 I-I love Manny, but, you know, sometimes I -- 290 00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:48,132 just be a boy! 291 00:10:48,166 --> 00:10:50,734 Go outside. Kick a ball. Steal something. 292 00:10:50,769 --> 00:10:51,902 Oh. 293 00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:54,572 It feels so good! 294 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,708 Maybe to you. 295 00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,445 No, Manny! Ay! 296 00:11:01,479 --> 00:11:06,417 I was talking about another Manny that I know long time ago! 297 00:11:06,451 --> 00:11:07,801 Diablo! 298 00:11:07,836 --> 00:11:10,187 Manny! 299 00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:12,890 You know, more people have died hiking 300 00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,075 than in the entire civil war? 301 00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:16,677 Ok, what book did you read that in? 302 00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:17,745 Book? 303 00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:19,763 Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma. 304 00:11:19,798 --> 00:11:22,866 You know mom's just gonna want us to apologize. 305 00:11:22,901 --> 00:11:24,922 Well, we did kind of ruin her mother's day. 306 00:11:24,923 --> 00:11:27,355 No, she ruined her mother's day. 307 00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:29,657 She took us to a place she knew we wouldn't like. 308 00:11:29,692 --> 00:11:31,321 And then we complain for like a second, 309 00:11:31,322 --> 00:11:32,455 and we're the bad guys? 310 00:11:32,489 --> 00:11:33,672 That's a good point. 311 00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:36,392 You ever get the feeling she does this intentionally? 312 00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:37,560 Why would she do that? 313 00:11:37,594 --> 00:11:39,686 - So she can make us feel guilty. - Exactly. 314 00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:41,321 And the next time we're choosing what to do, 315 00:11:41,355 --> 00:11:42,689 she gets her way again. 316 00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:44,357 And the next time and the next time. 317 00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:46,426 And eventually, it's mother's day every day. 318 00:11:46,461 --> 00:11:48,261 Wow. Mom's really smart. 319 00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:49,563 Well, not smarter than me. 320 00:11:49,597 --> 00:11:50,530 Well... 321 00:11:50,565 --> 00:11:52,449 I say we don't apologize this time, 322 00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:54,601 let her know we're onto her little game. 323 00:11:54,635 --> 00:11:56,553 We could change the way this whole family operates. 324 00:11:56,604 --> 00:11:58,722 Okay, so nobody says they're sorry. 325 00:11:58,756 --> 00:12:01,625 Got it? Keep your mouths shut when she comes back. 326 00:12:01,676 --> 00:12:04,778 If she comes back. 327 00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:06,646 Jay teared up in front of me. 328 00:12:06,681 --> 00:12:09,416 He'd never shown me that kind of vulnerability, 329 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,052 and it embarrassed him. 330 00:12:12,086 --> 00:12:14,488 I'd shamed the proud lion. 331 00:12:14,522 --> 00:12:16,256 Only thing to do... 332 00:12:17,825 --> 00:12:20,126 hug the proud lion. 333 00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:26,466 Oh, I could get bit. 334 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:28,768 I could get scratched. 335 00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:31,071 But you know what's inside every lion? 336 00:12:31,105 --> 00:12:32,239 A pussycat. 337 00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:33,707 I need you to get away from me. 338 00:12:33,741 --> 00:12:35,225 Yep. 339 00:12:38,045 --> 00:12:40,305 Okay, I'm just gonna say this one time 340 00:12:40,306 --> 00:12:42,073 so we can move on. 341 00:12:42,108 --> 00:12:44,709 - It's okay. - Gotcha. 342 00:12:44,743 --> 00:12:47,512 You -- you know what "it" is? 343 00:12:47,546 --> 00:12:48,680 It's you crying. 344 00:12:48,714 --> 00:12:50,648 - Which I didn't. - You teared up. 345 00:12:50,683 --> 00:12:52,750 It was the onions. 346 00:12:52,784 --> 00:12:54,252 Okay, okay. 347 00:12:54,286 --> 00:12:57,021 Maybe I'm -- maybe I'm just putting myself in your place, 348 00:12:57,056 --> 00:12:59,491 but if I came across something from my childhood, 349 00:12:59,525 --> 00:13:03,828 and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty, 350 00:13:03,862 --> 00:13:05,930 maybe even want to talk about it. 351 00:13:05,965 --> 00:13:07,432 Here. 352 00:13:19,879 --> 00:13:22,230 So proud. 353 00:13:23,025 --> 00:13:25,078 They offered me a bouquet, Mitchell. 354 00:13:25,079 --> 00:13:26,496 Which you accepted. 355 00:13:26,531 --> 00:13:28,949 Why can't you ever take my side? 356 00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:30,617 They think of me as a woman! 357 00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:31,752 Cam, no, come on. 358 00:13:31,786 --> 00:13:33,870 We're just a new type of family, you know? 359 00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:36,423 They don't have the right vocabulary for us yet. 360 00:13:36,474 --> 00:13:38,508 They -- they need one of us to be the mom. 361 00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,143 So why does it have to be me? 362 00:13:40,178 --> 00:13:41,545 - Do I wear a dress? - Well... 363 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,979 That's a nightshirt! 364 00:13:43,013 --> 00:13:44,347 It's kind of satiny. 365 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,682 What are you saying? 366 00:13:46,261 --> 00:13:47,461 Come on, you know. 367 00:13:47,512 --> 00:13:49,746 No. No, no, no. I don't know. 368 00:13:49,764 --> 00:13:52,466 All right, if -- if I'm thinking about it, 369 00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:55,853 of the two of us, if -- if I had to pick, 370 00:13:55,887 --> 00:13:59,323 I-I-I might say that you're slightly... mom-er. 371 00:14:00,442 --> 00:14:04,028 Excuse me. Can you throw that ball? 372 00:14:04,062 --> 00:14:05,329 Can I throw a ball? 373 00:14:05,363 --> 00:14:08,282 - You don't -- you don't think I can throw a ball? - Cam. 374 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:09,667 - No, no, no. - That's not what he said. 375 00:14:09,701 --> 00:14:10,951 No, apparently, this gentleman 376 00:14:11,002 --> 00:14:13,420 doesn't think I can throw a ball. 377 00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:14,905 Oh, that's not what he said. 378 00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:16,674 You think I can't throw a ball? Well, let's find out! 379 00:14:18,176 --> 00:14:19,143 Ugh. 380 00:14:19,177 --> 00:14:20,794 Oo God. He looks old. 381 00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:22,412 Oh, sorry! 382 00:14:22,430 --> 00:14:23,580 Cam, hands. 383 00:14:23,598 --> 00:14:25,249 Sorry! 384 00:14:25,283 --> 00:14:26,283 There you go. 385 00:14:29,138 --> 00:14:31,072 Please forgive me! 386 00:14:31,107 --> 00:14:33,808 I don't think I can. Let's just get in the van. 387 00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:35,376 Oh. Sorry for the rhyme. 388 00:14:35,394 --> 00:14:37,045 I know how you "hate my poetry." 389 00:14:37,079 --> 00:14:38,713 Please, stop my suffering! 390 00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:40,198 Say something terrible about me 391 00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:43,051 so that we can be even like Steven. 392 00:14:43,085 --> 00:14:45,286 Why would I say something terrible to someone I love? 393 00:14:45,304 --> 00:14:47,255 I curse my tongue! 394 00:14:47,289 --> 00:14:48,640 I'm gonna intervene here. 395 00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:51,929 Manny, let's talk about what really happened, okay? 396 00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:54,148 Your mom said you should go out and throw a ball around. 397 00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:56,199 That can't be the first time you've heard that. 398 00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:59,336 No. But there was some hurtful stuff said about my poetry. 399 00:14:59,404 --> 00:15:01,005 Which your mom regrets. 400 00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:02,473 I do! 401 00:15:02,507 --> 00:15:04,475 So? That's what parents are for. 402 00:15:04,509 --> 00:15:08,245 Sometimes they criticize because it helps make you stronger. 403 00:15:08,263 --> 00:15:11,031 Kids these days get -- get trophies just for showing up. 404 00:15:11,066 --> 00:15:12,583 What's that gonna lead to? 405 00:15:12,617 --> 00:15:14,919 A bunch of 30-year-olds living at home. 406 00:15:14,953 --> 00:15:17,254 Manny, your mom loves you very much. 407 00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,889 But she's a human being. 408 00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:20,624 So she let off a little steam. 409 00:15:20,659 --> 00:15:23,644 Honestly, it's probably a great thing for your relationship. 410 00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:25,863 - I guess I can -- - Stop. 411 00:15:25,897 --> 00:15:28,832 He needs to know the real truth. 412 00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:30,968 Manny, Claire was feeling bad 413 00:15:31,002 --> 00:15:33,854 because she wants to hit her own children, 414 00:15:33,888 --> 00:15:36,323 so I tried to make her feel better 415 00:15:36,374 --> 00:15:38,959 by inventing terrible things about you. 416 00:15:39,044 --> 00:15:41,412 You mean you don't have a problem with my poetry? 417 00:15:41,446 --> 00:15:43,948 No, the only problem that I have 418 00:15:43,982 --> 00:15:46,617 is that I never have enough of it. 419 00:15:46,668 --> 00:15:49,542 You're the perfect kid in every way. 420 00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:52,069 Ay, mi amor. 421 00:15:52,087 --> 00:15:53,898 Wow. That's healthy. 422 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,270 - Good. You're back. - Uh-huh. 423 00:15:56,305 --> 00:15:57,338 Are we done? 424 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,973 Unless the you have something to say 425 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,542 to the person who gave you life on her special day. 426 00:16:01,577 --> 00:16:04,812 Nope. I'm good. 427 00:16:04,847 --> 00:16:07,715 - My baby, Luke? - Uh... 428 00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:11,052 No. 429 00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:15,356 - Hey. - Hey. 430 00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:17,291 - Here. - What's this? 431 00:16:17,325 --> 00:16:19,093 Well, it's a mother's day card. 432 00:16:19,127 --> 00:16:21,062 And I know -- Stop it! Okay. 433 00:16:21,096 --> 00:16:23,550 Cam, that was Gloria's card from Manny 434 00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:24,651 but I just wanted you to see 435 00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:26,603 was its definition for "mother" was on it. 436 00:16:26,638 --> 00:16:29,323 It's warm, nurturing, supportive. 437 00:16:29,357 --> 00:16:30,824 You know, maybe when the world sees you as a mom -- 438 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:32,593 Not just the world. 439 00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:34,693 Fine. Fine. Me too. 440 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,262 But maybe this is what we're seeing, 441 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,531 and I don't know why that's such a bad thing. 442 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:43,635 It certainly doesn't make you less of a man, right? 443 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,904 - Maybe you're right. - Yeah. 444 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,306 Come on, let's join the party. 445 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,641 And, Cam, put down the scotch. You're not fooling anyone. 446 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,526 It is so burn-y. Oh, my God. 447 00:16:51,561 --> 00:16:55,314 Come on, people! Everybody to the table! 448 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,803 It's just hard, you know? 449 00:17:01,838 --> 00:17:04,089 Having your mother's day ruined. 450 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,995 I never thought it would be you, Lucas. 451 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,095 Don't even think about it. 452 00:17:17,096 --> 00:17:18,313 But she's sad. 453 00:17:18,348 --> 00:17:19,381 Sad she's losing. 454 00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:21,350 She just hit you with her best shot. 455 00:17:21,384 --> 00:17:22,618 We need to stay strong. 456 00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:24,086 - But I feel -- - Don't feel! 457 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,355 Just go splash water on your face and man up! 458 00:17:31,578 --> 00:17:35,047 We're your mother now. 459 00:17:35,098 --> 00:17:37,683 How was your day with my dad? 460 00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:40,035 Awkward, actually. 461 00:17:40,069 --> 00:17:42,204 He, um... he cried a little. 462 00:17:42,238 --> 00:17:43,222 - My dad?! - Shh! 463 00:17:43,256 --> 00:17:45,329 - Dad what? - He cried. 464 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,797 No, I didn't say he cried. 465 00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:48,054 - Who cried? - My dad. - Stop! 466 00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:49,672 Why would you make Jay sob like that? 467 00:17:49,706 --> 00:17:51,340 I didn't make him sob. 468 00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,592 He teared up when I found this poem 469 00:17:53,626 --> 00:17:55,561 he wrote for his mom as a boy. 470 00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:56,862 - Ohh. - Ohh. - Ohh. 471 00:17:56,930 --> 00:17:59,665 - What is "ohh"? - Phil saw dad cry. 472 00:17:59,699 --> 00:18:01,700 Jay misses his mama. 473 00:18:01,735 --> 00:18:05,187 - Everybody, stop! - Is anybody hungry? 474 00:18:06,673 --> 00:18:09,966 - What? - You cried for your mommy? 475 00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:11,434 Oh, crap. I did not. 476 00:18:11,452 --> 00:18:13,536 - Yes, Phil just told us -- - No, that's not true. 477 00:18:13,571 --> 00:18:15,205 - She's a liar. - What's wrong with you? 478 00:18:15,239 --> 00:18:17,961 Look, I know you would all be so happy 479 00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:20,414 if you thought I had some big emotional moment 480 00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:22,032 about my mom, but I didn't. 481 00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,917 So you don't miss your mom? 482 00:18:23,952 --> 00:18:26,553 Of course I do. She was a great lady. 483 00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:29,806 And she also left me a fantastic recipe for sauce, 484 00:18:29,857 --> 00:18:31,158 which now is getting cold. 485 00:18:31,192 --> 00:18:33,527 So can we please eat? 486 00:18:33,561 --> 00:18:35,162 - Hear, hear! - Just grab some wine. 487 00:18:35,196 --> 00:18:37,564 Oh, my gosh, smell that. 488 00:18:37,582 --> 00:18:39,366 It smells like grandma's house. 489 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,034 Hey, you guys remember that? 490 00:18:41,052 --> 00:18:43,036 I remember the first time I cut spaghetti. 491 00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:45,338 - Eh-eh! - That's what she did! Eh-eh! 492 00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:46,790 Yeah, no, you can't cut spaghetti. 493 00:18:46,824 --> 00:18:47,974 She taught me to twirl. 494 00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:49,760 Oh, so she's the one. 495 00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:50,961 Yeah, she was tough. 496 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:52,796 I remember I had this little league coach. 497 00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:53,981 And one time after a game, 498 00:18:54,015 --> 00:18:55,432 he was laying into me about something. 499 00:18:55,466 --> 00:18:56,516 I don't remember. 500 00:18:56,551 --> 00:18:57,951 But mom comes charging out of the stands. 501 00:18:57,986 --> 00:18:59,102 She goes right up to the guy -- 502 00:18:59,153 --> 00:19:01,188 I mean, face to face, nose to nose -- 503 00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:02,789 and she says to him, "let me tell you something -- 504 00:19:02,824 --> 00:19:05,259 "nobody, and I mean nobody, 505 00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:08,428 "yells at my little b-- 506 00:19:08,463 --> 00:19:09,830 boy." 507 00:19:09,864 --> 00:19:12,299 Oh, my God! It's happening again! 508 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:13,583 It's okay, Jay. Let it out. 509 00:19:13,635 --> 00:19:15,419 - Let it out. - You only get one mom. 510 00:19:17,038 --> 00:19:18,338 I'm sorry, mom! 511 00:19:18,372 --> 00:19:20,807 Me too! 512 00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:24,177 A bottle of red, a bottle of -- what?! 513 00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:29,049 Oh, yeah, and I'm the weak one. 514 00:19:30,735 --> 00:19:32,552 All right. Mitchell? 515 00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:34,254 Oh, I'm good. 516 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,017 - Ohh. - Ugh. 517 00:19:52,018 --> 00:19:53,101 - Phil! - Oh. 518 00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:54,135 - Dad! - Come on, honey! 519 00:19:54,153 --> 00:19:55,270 I'm sorry. 520 00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,656 - Ew, get off of me! - I'm sorry! 521 00:20:01,449 --> 00:20:02,641 Dada! 522 00:20:02,642 --> 00:20:04,813 Oh, I think she's calling you. 523 00:20:04,847 --> 00:20:07,648 Don't even try. I have that pottery class in the morning. 524 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:11,920 Jay, let's go to bed. 525 00:20:11,954 --> 00:20:13,722 Be right up. 526 00:20:21,063 --> 00:20:23,515 Son of a bitch. 527 00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:29,215 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com