1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,386
Want some coffee?
2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,555
Say yes.
It's French press.
3
00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:07,990
I was doubtful, too,
4
00:00:08,024 --> 00:00:10,292
but I honestly can't see myself
going back to drip.
5
00:00:10,326 --> 00:00:13,095
I'm so happy you don't live
in a tough neighborhood anymore.
6
00:00:13,129 --> 00:00:15,030
We're so sorry for just
dropping by like this.
7
00:00:15,065 --> 00:00:16,632
Are you kidding me?
8
00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:20,703
I'll take any chance to spend
time with this little princess.
9
00:00:20,737 --> 00:00:23,739
I love her little hair,
her little toes.
10
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,074
And she loves
her grandmother.
11
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,142
I don't love
"grandmother."
12
00:00:27,177 --> 00:00:29,411
So, Cam and I have been
revising our will
13
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,413
to specify who should
take care of Lily
14
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,449
if, God forbid,
something happened to us.
15
00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:34,650
God forbid.
16
00:00:34,684 --> 00:00:36,552
I said "God for... "
17
00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:38,520
So, we've been
dropping by unannounced
18
00:00:38,555 --> 00:00:40,789
to, you know,
casually assess our candidates.
19
00:00:40,824 --> 00:00:42,291
Not all
of our candidates.
20
00:00:42,325 --> 00:00:44,359
No, t... that's true.
We did not drop by Missour-ah.
21
00:00:44,394 --> 00:00:46,595
It's "Missouri." No one from
Missouri would say "Missour-ah."
22
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,731
I'm so sorr-ah.
23
00:00:48,765 --> 00:00:52,000
So, anyway, Claire and Phil
were our first thought,
24
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,769
so we dropped by their place
last week.
25
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:54,903
[ Glass shatters ]
26
00:00:54,938 --> 00:00:57,039
You win the award
for worst mother ever!
27
00:00:57,073 --> 00:00:59,441
I will be sure to thank you
in my speech!
28
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,744
Phil, the frying pan's on fire!
29
00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:04,780
Son of Jor-El!
Everybody stay calm!
30
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,815
Dad, I'm gonna teach myself
how to juggle.
31
00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:08,450
Good for you, buddy.
32
00:01:08,518 --> 00:01:10,786
- Mom!
- No one heard me screaming?!
33
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,072
I've been trapped in the garage
for like 20 minutes!
34
00:01:13,122 --> 00:01:15,390
And yet still you didn't get
the rat traps I sent you for.
35
00:01:15,425 --> 00:01:16,391
- Oh!
- Thank you.
36
00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:17,960
Honey, it's doing it again!
37
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,661
Come on, now!
Every morning?!
38
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:21,897
[ Smoke alarm beeping ]
Haley: I hope the whole house burns down!
39
00:01:21,931 --> 00:01:23,432
Did we come at a bad time?
40
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:25,300
Come back in seven years
and five months,
41
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,401
when they're all gone!
42
00:01:35,478 --> 00:01:38,430
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by addic7ed
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:40,849
So, mama, you're good for coal?!
44
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:42,151
Okay, okay!
45
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,053
Well, you bundle up!
We don't want to lose you!
46
00:01:45,088 --> 00:01:47,022
Okay. Yeah, bye!
[ chuckles ]
47
00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:48,791
They're in the middle
of a terrible blizzard.
48
00:01:48,825 --> 00:01:50,025
So you shouted!
49
00:01:50,059 --> 00:01:51,827
Did they really lose two cows?
50
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,829
Oh, yeah, frozen solid.
Mama's gonna send pictures.
51
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,531
Oh, yay, a reason to stop
by the frame store.
52
00:01:55,565 --> 00:01:57,833
Manny, I got to get you down
to that sporting-goods place.
53
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,269
- Got to get him some stuff
for his weekend outing. - Ready!
54
00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:02,371
- Did you pee?
- Not ready.
55
00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:04,206
- Jay, would you mind if we came?
- Sure, why not?
56
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,808
You know, I'd like to get mama
some snowshoes...
57
00:02:05,842 --> 00:02:08,310
You know, to lift her spirits,
what with all the frozen cows and all.
58
00:02:08,344 --> 00:02:10,946
So, cows freeze now?
Are we all just accepting that?
59
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:12,314
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Jay, this one time...
60
00:02:12,348 --> 00:02:14,149
We'll take two cars.
61
00:02:14,184 --> 00:02:16,451
If you want, I can stay
with the little princess.
62
00:02:16,486 --> 00:02:17,886
Oh, that... that's a great idea.
63
00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:19,788
Oh, yeah, I'll just... I'll just
go out and get her bag.
64
00:02:19,823 --> 00:02:21,557
Maybe I can take her
to the mall,
65
00:02:21,591 --> 00:02:23,358
buy her a new outfit,
66
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,694
get her some hair rings...
Is that okay?
67
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,329
Yes, yes, of course.
68
00:02:27,363 --> 00:02:29,498
Um, you know, Gloria,
Cam and I were talking
69
00:02:29,532 --> 00:02:31,333
about what would happen to Lily
70
00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:33,135
if anything were ever
to happen to us,
71
00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:35,337
- and we were thinking...
- Oh, my God. ˇsí, sí, sí! I take her!
72
00:02:35,371 --> 00:02:36,839
Okay, well, that's very sweet,
73
00:02:36,873 --> 00:02:38,040
but you realize
it would only happen...
74
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,341
I can't wait!
75
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:40,475
Okay, well, hopefully,
it's a long shot.
76
00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:42,578
Ay, a little girl!
77
00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:44,847
There would have to be
a very tragic accident.
78
00:02:44,881 --> 00:02:47,516
I know, I know.
[ clicks tongue ]
79
00:02:47,550 --> 00:02:48,951
Nothing is going to happen.
80
00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:51,186
Oh.
81
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:55,524
But if it did,
we would be so happy!
82
00:02:55,558 --> 00:02:57,993
[ Giggles ] ˇAy!
83
00:02:58,027 --> 00:03:00,729
So, what do you say, pal?
I got to swing by the office.
84
00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,164
You want to come along?
85
00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:03,498
Can't.
We got some stuff to do.
86
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,400
- What?
- Just errands.
87
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,602
Oh.
88
00:03:06,636 --> 00:03:09,104
I'm taking Luke to see
a child psychologist.
89
00:03:09,138 --> 00:03:11,907
This is something
that Phil would never agree to.
90
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,443
He's doesn't want Luke
to feel... different.
91
00:03:14,477 --> 00:03:16,111
But Luke's grades aren't great,
92
00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:18,547
and he's having trouble
concentrating in school.
93
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:22,517
I just want to make sure
that he's... normal.
94
00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:25,120
- Luke: Hey, mom, check it out.
- What are you doing?
95
00:03:25,154 --> 00:03:26,855
If I move my head fast enough,
96
00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:29,024
it looks like the can
is standing still.
97
00:03:29,058 --> 00:03:31,960
'Cause sometimes I wonder.
98
00:03:31,995 --> 00:03:34,062
Phil: But all the girls at work
love it when I bring Luke by,
99
00:03:34,097 --> 00:03:36,265
especially that receptionist
Heather, right, buddy?
100
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,033
She smells amazing.
101
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:40,535
Mm. Well, honey, you're gonna have to smell
daddy's receptionist some other time.
102
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:41,937
Like peaches.
103
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,239
If you're both going out,
who's taking me to cello?
104
00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:46,241
- One time, she gave me a Woody.
- Sweet Je...
105
00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:48,477
She remembered he's my favorite
character from "Toy Story."
106
00:03:48,511 --> 00:03:49,745
She did.
107
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:52,648
Uh... Haley, how are you
getting to the mall?
108
00:03:52,682 --> 00:03:54,650
Uh, Gabby's picking me up.
109
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:56,718
Okay, you're gonna drop your sister
off at her cello lesson first.
110
00:03:56,753 --> 00:03:59,288
No way. She plays lacrosse
and takes cello lessons.
111
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,657
Even my reputation
can't handle that dork hit.
112
00:04:01,691 --> 00:04:05,060
Okay, well, then you don't need to go
snowboarding with your friends on break.
113
00:04:05,094 --> 00:04:06,929
[ Sighs ]
Fine, I'll take her.
114
00:04:06,963 --> 00:04:08,463
Just never look
my friends in the eye,
115
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,965
and only speak in emergencies.
116
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,301
Got it.
Ah! Already failed.
117
00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:16,638
Honey, after I go by the office,
maybe we can grab some lunch.
118
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,807
Oh, I can't. I got to pick up
all that stuff for the school trip.
119
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,943
But you know what?
I'll see you tonight at dad and Gloria's.
120
00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:22,611
- Okay.
- Smell Heather for me.
121
00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:24,746
I always do... not.
122
00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,448
[ Spoon rattles ]
123
00:04:29,452 --> 00:04:30,986
Ms. Dunphy?
124
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,788
Hi, Dr. Klausner.
I am so sorry we're late.
125
00:04:32,822 --> 00:04:34,489
We just got a little bit
caught up in...
126
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,724
Oh, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
127
00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,826
It gave me a chance
to chat with your husband.
128
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,461
Hello, Claire.
129
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:40,896
So, Luke, come on in with me.
130
00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:43,098
Mom and dad, we'll let you know
when we need you.
131
00:04:43,132 --> 00:04:45,600
Go get 'em, pal.
132
00:04:45,635 --> 00:04:48,670
- How did you...
- How did I what?
133
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,039
Know you were someplace
you left no trace of
134
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,874
except for a tiny notation
in your calendar?
135
00:04:52,909 --> 00:04:54,910
It was quite simple, really.
136
00:04:54,944 --> 00:04:56,428
I noticed a tiny nota...
137
00:04:56,479 --> 00:04:57,779
Shoot.
138
00:05:02,704 --> 00:05:05,304
That's weird.
My cello teacher's car's in here.
139
00:05:05,321 --> 00:05:06,655
I wonder if she's not home.
140
00:05:06,689 --> 00:05:08,690
Okay, so go knock on the door,
Alan Einstein.
141
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,726
Don't leave.
And it's "Albert."
142
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,328
I know. Alan's his dorky brother
who played the cello.
143
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:15,330
Good one.
[ both laugh ]
144
00:05:15,365 --> 00:05:18,800
I should probably not be
telling you this.
145
00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:20,635
- What?
- Nothing. It's really bad.
146
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:21,837
[ Gasps ] Tell me.
147
00:05:21,871 --> 00:05:23,438
When you and Dylan
were broken up,
148
00:05:23,473 --> 00:05:25,807
Rachel told him you were a skank
and got all up on him.
149
00:05:25,842 --> 00:05:28,243
No!
But she's so nice to me.
150
00:05:28,277 --> 00:05:30,312
To your face.
That's how she plays.
151
00:05:30,346 --> 00:05:32,381
Well, now she's gonna see
how we play.
152
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,782
What are we gonna do?
153
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,717
She's not there. You're just
gonna have to take me home.
154
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,286
We don't have time.
We have stuff to do.
155
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:39,888
Then I'm just gonna
have to come with you.
156
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,690
Can't we just drop her off
at a coffee shop or something?
157
00:05:41,724 --> 00:05:43,925
What, so she gets kidnapped
and I get in trouble?
158
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,660
No, thank you.
159
00:05:45,695 --> 00:05:46,995
Okay, fine,
you can come with us,
160
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:49,231
but you have to keep your mouth
shut about anything you see.
161
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,867
- What's she gonna see?
- Just drive!
162
00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:54,403
Ooh, maybe I should also get
a gift for my aunt Pat.
163
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,071
Have I ever told you about her?
164
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,640
Total gun nut, lives
completely off the grid.
165
00:05:58,674 --> 00:06:00,342
Did you see how cute
Gloria was with Lily?
166
00:06:00,376 --> 00:06:01,576
Oh, Pat is hilarious.
167
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,278
I don't think she's paid taxes
in 20 years,
168
00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:04,312
but very hospitable.
169
00:06:04,347 --> 00:06:05,480
Always has a deer
in the freezer.
170
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:06,782
Would you listen to me?
171
00:06:06,816 --> 00:06:09,384
I think that Gloria and my dad
could be Lily's guardians.
172
00:06:09,419 --> 00:06:12,154
Look, you know I love Jay,
and they're still in the mix,
173
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:14,556
but I just don't know
about him raising a child.
174
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:16,758
Well, Cam, he raised me.
175
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:20,729
Well, now you've put me
in an awkward position.
176
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:24,800
Oh, look at that.
That's adorable.
177
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,368
Let's see if we can get you
some snow pants.
178
00:06:26,402 --> 00:06:27,803
I just wish I felt better.
179
00:06:27,837 --> 00:06:29,504
I think I'm coming down
with flu-like symptoms.
180
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:31,173
Couple of hours before
your camping trip, huh?
181
00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:32,441
I want to go.
182
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,576
It's just, if I'm sick,
I might get the chaperones sick,
183
00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:36,411
and without chaperones,
it's anarchy.
184
00:06:36,446 --> 00:06:38,480
- Manny, listen to me.
- The buddy system falls apart,
185
00:06:38,547 --> 00:06:40,882
the principle of "last in,
first out" is ignored.
186
00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:42,684
- It's butterflies.
- Where?
187
00:06:42,718 --> 00:06:45,520
You're just nervous because there's
gonna be a lot of physical activity,
188
00:06:45,555 --> 00:06:47,222
which is not exactly
your strong suit.
189
00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:49,641
It is a little daunting
out there.
190
00:06:49,692 --> 00:06:51,426
D... don't use the word "daunting"
in nature, okay?
191
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:53,462
You just need
a little self-confidence.
192
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,897
Look at this. They got one
of these rock walls here.
193
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:57,165
Why don't you hop up on that?
194
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,200
Why?
195
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,102
Why? To prove
that you can do it.
196
00:07:00,136 --> 00:07:02,571
If you can do that,
you can do anything.
197
00:07:02,605 --> 00:07:05,006
Really? Can I fly?
Can I speak Chinese?
198
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:07,175
No, but you can sleep
in the house tonight.
199
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:10,645
Ace? Want to wire my boy up, here?
Go ahead.
200
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,380
I'm sorry I went
behind your back.
201
00:07:12,415 --> 00:07:15,684
But you get so defensive whenever
we talk about Luke's issues.
202
00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:18,386
He doesn't have issues.
You're just a worrier.
203
00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,222
Like when you thought
he was never gonna talk.
204
00:07:20,256 --> 00:07:22,557
He was 2,
and all he could do was bark!
205
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,826
- I understood him.
- Phil!
206
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,728
Look, he starts coming here,
207
00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:29,498
the other kids find out,
he becomes a target,
208
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,399
like that limping gazelle
at the watering hole
209
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,868
that the alligator knows to eat.
210
00:07:32,902 --> 00:07:34,369
They're crocodiles,
not alligators.
211
00:07:34,403 --> 00:07:35,637
There are no alligators
in Africa.
212
00:07:35,671 --> 00:07:38,740
How about at the zoo?
Bam! Who needs a shrink now?
213
00:07:38,774 --> 00:07:40,308
- Mr. and Mrs. Dunphy?
- Yes?
214
00:07:40,343 --> 00:07:41,843
Hi.
215
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,745
Luke, I'm gonna talk to your
mom and dad for a minute, okay?
216
00:07:43,779 --> 00:07:45,714
Okay. She's, like,
the best doctor ever.
217
00:07:45,748 --> 00:07:48,416
A couple of puzzles, no shots.
218
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:50,552
I didn't even have
to take my pants off.
219
00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:52,554
Found that one out
a little late.
220
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:55,223
I've been there, buddy.
221
00:07:55,324 --> 00:07:56,308
Mwah!
222
00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,763
Well, Luke's a terrific kid.
223
00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:03,198
I have a few thoughts,
but, honestly,
224
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,833
I don't see anything
that's cause for alarm.
225
00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:06,835
Awesome.
Thanks so much for your time.
226
00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:08,570
We... we would love
to hear your thoughts.
227
00:08:08,637 --> 00:08:13,074
Well... he's a bright
and curious boy,
228
00:08:13,109 --> 00:08:14,576
but he gets distracted.
229
00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:15,727
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
230
00:08:15,778 --> 00:08:17,879
I see it all the time
with above-average kids.
231
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,348
Mm-hmm. Phil, honey,
I want you to hear this.
232
00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:21,850
Mm-hmm.
233
00:08:21,884 --> 00:08:23,351
They're a little overstimulated
234
00:08:23,386 --> 00:08:25,754
because there are so many things
they're interested in.
235
00:08:25,788 --> 00:08:27,656
They never seem to focus.
236
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:28,790
Makes me crazy.
237
00:08:28,824 --> 00:08:30,225
Too crazy.
238
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,560
Well, they usually
do outgrow it.
239
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,795
- What if they don't?
- He will.
240
00:08:33,829 --> 00:08:35,597
Well, there's...
there's medication,
241
00:08:35,631 --> 00:08:38,366
but why don't we cross
that bridge if we come to it?
242
00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:41,436
Is there any way to avoid
that bridge altogether?
243
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:43,905
You know,
maybe there's diet or...
244
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,408
or focusing exercises
or something?
245
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,109
Mrs. Dunphy, what exactly
are you worried about?
246
00:08:48,144 --> 00:08:49,377
Get comfortable.
247
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:52,314
I'm worried he's turning
into you, Phil.
248
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:54,282
Claire: I knew
the minute I opened my mouth
249
00:08:54,317 --> 00:08:55,951
that I was in the wrong,
250
00:08:55,985 --> 00:08:59,020
but, honestly, sometimes
I wonder about him.
251
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:01,156
- Luke: Hey, mom, check it out.
- What are you doing?
252
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:02,724
If I move my head
fast enough,
253
00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:05,126
it looks like the can
is standing still.
254
00:09:05,194 --> 00:09:09,431
[ Laughs ]
He's totally right!
255
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:12,267
I just find it interesting
that you blame Jay
256
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,969
for everything
from your night terrors
257
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:15,270
to your shy bladder,
258
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,239
and now he's
the perfect guardian for Lily.
259
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:20,575
No, not perfect, and... and I never
said anything about my shy bladder.
260
00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:23,211
O... oh. Then why did I have to
stand guard outside the bathroom
261
00:09:23,246 --> 00:09:25,647
at Pepper's three faces
of new year's Eve party?
262
00:09:25,681 --> 00:09:26,815
Damn it, Manny!
Move it! Go!
263
00:09:26,849 --> 00:09:27,949
It's scary.
264
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,051
You're 2 feet off the ground.
265
00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:31,920
I've seen vines climb walls
faster than that.
266
00:09:31,954 --> 00:09:33,388
Move your butt!
267
00:09:33,422 --> 00:09:36,091
Oh, well, there's your
esteem-building parent right there.
268
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:38,026
Wait, wait,
I think I hear future Lily
269
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:40,295
sending us a message
from her stripper pole...
270
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:43,098
"Thanks, gay dead dads.
This dance is for you."
271
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,432
Excuse me, Jay?
272
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:45,634
I'm getting down.
273
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,402
Not till you touch the top!
What is it?
274
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,804
Well, maybe if we didn't bully Manny
so much, but, rather, showed him,
275
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,273
he wouldn't be so afraid.
276
00:09:51,307 --> 00:09:54,743
Excuse me, sherpa, can you
assist me with the harness?
277
00:09:54,777 --> 00:09:58,613
[ Stupid voice ] Oh, no. Which one
of these is my driving machine?
278
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:01,683
Phil, I already apologized.
It just... it came out wrong.
279
00:10:01,717 --> 00:10:03,234
[ Normal voice ] Funny, I thought
that was my problem...
280
00:10:03,286 --> 00:10:04,853
I came out wrong.
281
00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:06,688
Hold on.
282
00:10:06,722 --> 00:10:09,758
Oh, good, I can walk again.
283
00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,526
Honey, you know, sometimes
you can act a little bit...
284
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,694
Oh, no!
Where did everyone go?!
285
00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:15,030
Oh, just a blink.
286
00:10:15,064 --> 00:10:17,032
Phil, when you are ready
to talk to me like an adult,
287
00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:18,199
why don't you let me know?
288
00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:21,136
Fine.
Okay, okay.
289
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:22,570
The adults are
the big ones, right?
290
00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:26,808
[ Engines turns over ]
291
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,448
[ Tires screech ]
292
00:10:35,318 --> 00:10:38,820
Hey, how do you think
that got up there?
293
00:10:38,854 --> 00:10:41,389
Uh-oh.
294
00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:45,193
Now, I know it seems daunting,
Manny, but it's very simple.
295
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,028
I'm securely hitched to a rope,
296
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,030
which means
I'm not going to fall.
297
00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:51,132
You know, dad, you're really
making my life difficult right now.
298
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,634
How?
299
00:10:52,668 --> 00:10:54,202
By barking at Manny
like a drill sergeant
300
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,437
when I'm trying to convince Cam
301
00:10:55,471 --> 00:10:56,971
that you'd be
a great guardian for Lily.
302
00:10:57,006 --> 00:10:58,306
- Guardian?
- Yeah.
303
00:10:58,341 --> 00:11:00,141
- You're kidding.
- Aah!
304
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:01,376
Jay!
305
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,410
Yeah, never mind.
306
00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:03,645
That really hurt!
307
00:11:07,537 --> 00:11:08,457
This is a mistake.
308
00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:10,153
Why does she
keep saying that?
309
00:11:10,153 --> 00:11:12,721
Because they're the first words
she ever heard.
310
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:13,755
Here, you go first.
311
00:11:13,789 --> 00:11:15,857
This will teach
that skank a lesson.
312
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,826
Shaving cream in her locker?
313
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,411
Just stand over there
and yell if someone's coming.
314
00:11:19,462 --> 00:11:20,929
She might have
homework assignments in there
315
00:11:21,030 --> 00:11:22,530
she hasn't handed in yet.
[ sighs ]
316
00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:23,732
Haley!
317
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,633
[ Door closes ]
318
00:11:25,735 --> 00:11:27,318
- Someone's coming!
- Run!
319
00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,870
[ Sighs ]
320
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,638
[ Whispering frantically ]
321
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,907
- This way, this way!
- Okay, okay, okay!
322
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,443
- Where are we?
- Boys' locker room.
323
00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:36,644
It smells like feet.
324
00:11:36,646 --> 00:11:38,046
- That's not feet.
- Okay.
325
00:11:42,084 --> 00:11:43,184
I'm so scared.
326
00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:44,819
Just go to your happy place.
327
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,754
We just broke
into my happy place.
328
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:47,722
Who's there?
329
00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,591
[ Gasps ]
330
00:11:52,561 --> 00:11:54,929
[ Both laughing ]
331
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,097
Shh, shh, shh, shh!
332
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,400
Go, go, run, run!
333
00:11:58,402 --> 00:12:01,236
Not so loud! Run! Run!
334
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:03,138
So, how you doing?
335
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:06,641
Oh, not good. I'm just glad my clown training
prepared me to take a fall like that.
336
00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:08,643
Yeah, and in terms
of talking about it,
337
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,361
are we looking at weeks, months?
338
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:13,481
Do not minimize it, you, who I had
to rush to the emergency room
339
00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:15,116
that time you fell
out of your clogs.
340
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:17,051
There's your bubbly water
with lemon.
341
00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:18,453
Thank you, Jay.
342
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,621
How you doin'?
343
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:20,889
Oh, it's hard to tell.
344
00:12:20,923 --> 00:12:22,123
You know,
anytime you have
345
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,159
a catastrophic injury
to your lumbar area...
346
00:12:24,193 --> 00:12:26,561
I could use a little piece
of lumbar myself right now.
347
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:29,264
Well, I hope
you're comfortable now
348
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:31,800
making my family
Lily's guardians.
349
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,635
ˇHola, hola!
350
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,303
You're forgetting about Gloria.
351
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,305
Even you have to admit
how amazing she is with Lily.
352
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,141
Mm!
Look who's so pretty!
353
00:12:40,209 --> 00:12:41,910
Oh, my God!
354
00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:43,278
Gloria, what did you do?
355
00:12:43,312 --> 00:12:44,412
What I told you.
356
00:12:44,447 --> 00:12:45,613
You pierced her ears?!
357
00:12:45,648 --> 00:12:47,315
What I said...
358
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,784
I was going to make her
pretty with earrings.
359
00:12:49,819 --> 00:12:51,820
I thought you said
"hair rings."
360
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,321
What are hair rings?
361
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,622
Yes, Mitchell,
what are hair rings?
362
00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:56,558
Something that you would
tie your hair back...
363
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,092
She said it!
364
00:12:58,127 --> 00:12:59,911
I didn't say "hair rings."
I said "earrings."
365
00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:01,362
You don't like?
366
00:13:01,397 --> 00:13:03,264
Of course not.
You punctured our daughter! Oh!
367
00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:06,618
But did you see both sides?
I didn't just do the gay ear.
368
00:13:06,669 --> 00:13:07,869
Look.
369
00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:09,037
Oh, my God.
370
00:13:09,071 --> 00:13:10,705
Oh, my God.
371
00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:19,547
I actually...
I think we're good.
372
00:13:19,582 --> 00:13:21,716
Let's just wait in here
for Gabby, okay?
373
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:24,052
Oh, my God! I can't believe
we just did that.
374
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:25,887
Can you believe
we just did that?
375
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:28,022
Yeah, we had a lot of fun.
Let's not geek it up.
376
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,059
Wait. What if I have
a taste for it now?
377
00:13:31,093 --> 00:13:32,994
Am I gonna start doing stuff
like that all the time?
378
00:13:33,028 --> 00:13:35,230
Calm down.
You just did one bad thing.
379
00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:37,565
[ Sighs ]
380
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,502
Two.
381
00:13:40,536 --> 00:13:42,704
I skipped my cello lesson today.
382
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,373
That wasn't even
where my teacher lives.
383
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,008
You ditched a class?
384
00:13:47,042 --> 00:13:49,043
Well, I... I didn't
have time to practice
385
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,279
because of lacrosse
and debate team and...
386
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:52,914
Do you even like
playing the cello?
387
00:13:52,948 --> 00:13:54,849
[ Scoffs ] Yeah.
388
00:13:54,884 --> 00:13:55,817
Alex?
389
00:13:55,851 --> 00:13:56,985
[ Sighs ]
390
00:13:57,019 --> 00:13:59,320
I hate it.
391
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:01,055
So quit.
392
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,824
I've never quit anything.
393
00:14:02,858 --> 00:14:04,959
You've never broke
into a school before.
394
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,128
Just did that.
395
00:14:07,162 --> 00:14:09,831
No offense, but the family's
hopes and dreams
396
00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:11,232
are kind of pinned on me.
397
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,435
I'm just saying
that no one would blame you
398
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:16,671
if you stopped
being so perfect.
399
00:14:16,705 --> 00:14:19,908
It actually would take
a lot of pressure off of me.
400
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:24,679
I did something bad, too...
401
00:14:24,713 --> 00:14:26,681
Something that nobody knows.
402
00:14:26,715 --> 00:14:28,783
- What?
- Come here.
403
00:14:28,817 --> 00:14:30,885
I can't say it too loud, okay?
404
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,353
What did you do?
405
00:14:32,388 --> 00:14:34,355
[ Both scream ]
406
00:14:36,659 --> 00:14:41,563
Phil, I'm just not sure
you understand
407
00:14:41,565 --> 00:14:43,698
why I said what I said.
408
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,833
There are qualities about me
you wish you could change,
409
00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:47,635
but you can't
'cause I'm all grown up,
410
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,137
but it's not too late for Luke.
411
00:14:49,171 --> 00:14:51,039
Okay.
412
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,942
Honey, there are
a hundred things about Luke
413
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,844
that he gets from you
that I absolutely love.
414
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,813
It's just this...
this one tiny part
415
00:14:58,847 --> 00:15:01,649
that I'm sure if I could just
get in there and just... ee!
416
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:04,085
Claire... he's a great kid.
417
00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:05,720
He's gonna be fine.
418
00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:07,855
I know.
419
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:09,557
I think I know.
420
00:15:09,592 --> 00:15:12,894
I feel terrible that we fought
in front of him.
421
00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:14,796
Did he say anything about that
on the drive here?
422
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,631
How would I know?
He rode with you.
423
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,700
He didn't drive with me.
He drove with you.
424
00:15:22,371 --> 00:15:26,658
Just admit it... you want Lily
raised by anyone but my family.
425
00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:28,676
It's just so far away
from everything she knows.
426
00:15:28,711 --> 00:15:31,212
And then there's the crazy aunts
and the frozen cows.
427
00:15:31,246 --> 00:15:32,680
Oh, please, in the last hour,
428
00:15:32,715 --> 00:15:35,350
your father publicly shamed Manny,
dropped me from the sky,
429
00:15:35,384 --> 00:15:37,552
while his wife drilled holes
in our baby's head.
430
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:38,920
Oh!
431
00:15:38,954 --> 00:15:41,356
Which is why I think we should
revisit Claire and Phil.
432
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,657
Where are my keys?
433
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:45,326
We left Luke alone
in a parking garage!
434
00:15:45,328 --> 00:15:47,795
We don't know the whole story.
435
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:48,963
Don't we?
436
00:15:48,998 --> 00:15:50,281
- Whose car are we taking?
- Mine.
437
00:15:50,332 --> 00:15:51,933
Then I'm driving!
438
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,502
Hey, mom.
439
00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:56,137
- Buddy!
- Luke?
440
00:15:56,171 --> 00:15:57,438
- Buddy!
- Lukey?
441
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,107
- Thank you so much.
- Honey, get out of there.
442
00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:00,308
Thank you!
443
00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:01,442
I'm so sorry.
We are so sorry.
444
00:16:01,510 --> 00:16:02,977
Oh, buddy,
you must've been so scared.
445
00:16:03,012 --> 00:16:04,412
- No. - Oh, God.
- Well, what happened?
446
00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:05,647
Well, I knew you'd come back.
447
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:06,648
Uh-huh.
448
00:16:06,682 --> 00:16:07,715
Then you didn't.
449
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,951
So I had to go find a phone.
450
00:16:09,985 --> 00:16:12,387
That's when I saw a stray dog
and I played with him for a while.
451
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:13,388
- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
452
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,822
Then I thought I saw
Mrs. Morgan,
453
00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:17,025
my first-grade teacher,
going into a church.
454
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,727
It wasn't her,
but there was a wedding there.
455
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:21,062
That's where I met
the Litvaks.
456
00:16:21,096 --> 00:16:23,064
Oh, thank you!
Thank you so much.
457
00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:24,432
Congratul... tov.
458
00:16:24,466 --> 00:16:25,933
[ Engine turns over ]
459
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,402
Mwah! Oh, baby.
460
00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:28,936
- Can I go get a drink?
- Yes, you can.
461
00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:30,738
- Yes, you can! You can drink
whatever you want! - Of course you can.
462
00:16:30,773 --> 00:16:33,307
There's tons of soda in there.
463
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:35,476
Ohh!
464
00:16:35,544 --> 00:16:37,845
What an amazing kid!
465
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,948
I can't believe I ever worried
about him out in the world.
466
00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:42,133
[ Both sigh ]
467
00:16:42,184 --> 00:16:44,218
That's what I do, though, isn't it?
I worry.
468
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,987
I worry... I think about
a tiny, little thing,
469
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:47,588
and then I obsess on it,
until, suddenly,
470
00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:49,090
it's the only thing
I can think about.
471
00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:51,259
God, please don't let me
screw up our son.
472
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,027
Hey, hey.
473
00:16:55,064 --> 00:16:57,065
You know why else
he's gonna be okay?
474
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,399
No.
475
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:02,003
Because somewhere out there
is a worried little girl
476
00:17:02,037 --> 00:17:04,706
who's making lists
and labeling bins,
477
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,775
and he's gonna find her.
478
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:13,264
Mm!
479
00:17:13,315 --> 00:17:14,549
Oh!
480
00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:16,117
Cam?
481
00:17:16,151 --> 00:17:18,886
I know you're kind of down
on Jay being Lily's guardian.
482
00:17:18,921 --> 00:17:21,389
Now, that's not anything
you need to worry about, Manny.
483
00:17:21,423 --> 00:17:23,674
I just think you're being
too hard on him.
484
00:17:23,726 --> 00:17:25,560
We had a little chat in the car.
485
00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:27,528
I'm sorry I let you down, Jay.
486
00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:30,264
I'm starting to think if
I couldn't even get up that wall,
487
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,066
then why am I even
going on this...
488
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:33,267
Knock it off, Manny.
489
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,103
We both know you could
get up that wall.
490
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,038
Now, why are you trying
to get out of this trip?
491
00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,706
I'm not.
I'm excited to go...
492
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:40,541
Manny...
493
00:17:40,576 --> 00:17:41,776
Okay.
494
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,212
I have some concerns
about the shower situation.
495
00:17:44,246 --> 00:17:46,214
Oh. Because?
496
00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:48,616
- Well, I'm pretty much at my target weight.
- That's good.
497
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:53,321
But the thing is, I haven't
quite reached my target height.
498
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:55,490
Got it.
499
00:17:55,524 --> 00:17:57,225
All right, first of all,
you don't have to go.
500
00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:59,227
I'll write you a note.
501
00:17:59,261 --> 00:18:01,062
We'll plan on doing
something fun this weekend.
502
00:18:01,096 --> 00:18:02,263
- Really?
- You bet.
503
00:18:02,297 --> 00:18:04,232
And you're not mad at me?
504
00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,701
Look, if you were a different kid,
I'd give you the speech...
505
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,336
You know,
"we all have insecurities.
506
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:09,737
You've got to
be brave here."
507
00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:11,038
But let's face it...
508
00:18:11,073 --> 00:18:12,740
you're already
about the bravest kid I know.
509
00:18:12,775 --> 00:18:14,492
- I am?
- [ chuckling ] Come on.
510
00:18:14,543 --> 00:18:17,812
You wear blazers to school.
You play the pan flute.
511
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,081
You... you read poetry to girls.
512
00:18:20,115 --> 00:18:22,483
I couldn't even talk to girls
when I was your age.
513
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,319
The shower thing's nothing
compared to all that.
514
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,123
So, whatever you decide,
I'm behind you.
515
00:18:31,426 --> 00:18:33,594
No, I got that set up
just right.
516
00:18:33,629 --> 00:18:35,663
I told you about that before.
517
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,498
Jay said that?
518
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,600
Yeah, and he wasn't drinking
or anything.
519
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:40,968
So, what are you gonna do?
520
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:42,737
I think I'm gonna go.
521
00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:45,373
I mean, if Reuben can go
with that extra nipple...
522
00:18:45,407 --> 00:18:47,809
I'm proud of you, Manny.
523
00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:50,978
You're doing the right thing,
trust me.
524
00:18:51,013 --> 00:18:52,980
I mean, what were
you thinking, Gloria?
525
00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:55,349
Ay, Mitch,
I said I was sorry.
526
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:59,420
But I had them since I was 2...
huge ones.
527
00:18:59,454 --> 00:19:00,555
What is she...
528
00:19:00,589 --> 00:19:02,456
Earrings, Phil.
Earrings.
529
00:19:02,491 --> 00:19:05,726
Mitch, I just wanted to tell you
how really touched I was
530
00:19:05,761 --> 00:19:07,962
you'd want me to be
Lily's guardian.
531
00:19:07,996 --> 00:19:10,932
Oh, you're welcome.
And you're out.
532
00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:12,366
Excuse me.
533
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,735
I have a very important
announcement to make.
534
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,771
[ Cellphone ringing ]
535
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:19,907
Oh. Sorry.
Sorry, so rude.
536
00:19:19,942 --> 00:19:23,110
Totally inexcusable.
Yello!
537
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:31,652
Mitchell and I have decided
that if, God forbid,
538
00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:32,987
anything should happen to us...
539
00:19:33,021 --> 00:19:34,422
- You don't have to do this right now.
- No.
540
00:19:34,456 --> 00:19:37,225
We would like to Jay and Gloria
to be Lily's guardians.
541
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,626
- Cam?
- It's the right decision.
542
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:40,411
Gloria: [ gasps ]
That is great news!
543
00:19:40,462 --> 00:19:43,030
Lily, when something
horrible happens,
544
00:19:43,065 --> 00:19:45,132
you're going to be all mine!
545
00:19:45,134 --> 00:19:47,768
It really is an "if" situation.
546
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:49,070
All mine!
547
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,173
I don't mean to ruin this
really beautiful moment,
548
00:19:52,207 --> 00:19:54,709
but were Phil and I even
considered for the position?
549
00:19:54,711 --> 00:19:55,676
Claire?
550
00:19:55,744 --> 00:19:57,011
I mean, we are the parents
551
00:19:57,045 --> 00:19:59,447
of three healthy,
well-adjusted children who...
552
00:19:59,481 --> 00:20:01,215
Honey, we need to go down
to the police station.
553
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:02,750
Our daughters just
vandalized the school.
554
00:20:05,888 --> 00:20:07,421
This is not over.
555
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:11,626
Let's go see
your new room, Liliana.
556
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:15,329
No, that's not her name.
557
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:20,601
Hey.
558
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:21,769
Oh, hey, what are you
doing home?
559
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,237
Oh, I bailed on yoga.
560
00:20:23,272 --> 00:20:24,372
Oh, yeah, yeah.
561
00:20:24,406 --> 00:20:25,473
Oh, oh, could you go
to the mailbox and get me...
562
00:20:25,507 --> 00:20:27,041
No, why can't I just come in?
563
00:20:27,075 --> 00:20:28,175
- You can. I just...
- Cameron?
564
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:29,310
- What?
- Look at me.
565
00:20:29,377 --> 00:20:31,212
I am.
What did you do?
566
00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:34,615
I am home alone
for a lot of hours.
567
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,617
Carmen Miranda?
568
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:40,288
I just wanted a couple
before the holes closed up.
569
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,956
- Oh, Cameron.
- Oh.
570
00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:46,928
- All right, just get one with me
really quick. - Okay.
571
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:48,362
All right.
Hey! One for daddy!
572
00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:49,797
Whoo!
[ camera shutter clicks ]
573
00:20:49,997 --> 00:20:53,197
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