1 00:00:00,766 --> 00:00:03,367 It's so unfair. You told me I coyld go. 2 00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,715 I told you you could go if you got to be on your History exam, which you didn't. 3 00:00:06,835 --> 00:00:09,018 I have a learning disability. 4 00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:11,589 The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards. 5 00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,604 Honey, we had you tested like six times. 6 00:00:13,605 --> 00:00:15,573 Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia. 7 00:00:15,574 --> 00:00:18,935 Oh, my God, why can't you ever let me have any fun?! 8 00:00:20,292 --> 00:00:21,598 Ew. Ew. Dad, gross. 9 00:00:21,599 --> 00:00:23,399 Your hand smells like cheese! 10 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,615 I didn't want to dirty a knife. Sit. 11 00:00:27,037 --> 00:00:28,913 Now, we all know when Nana Dede comes to visit, 12 00:00:28,914 --> 00:00:30,449 - your mom can get a little... - Psycho? 13 00:00:30,450 --> 00:00:31,654 - Scary. - Drunk? 14 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:32,509 All true. 15 00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:35,368 Therefore, I need you guys to be on your best behavior. 16 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,339 Don't worry. I'll keep to myself. 17 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:39,324 I have to practice for my cello recital. 18 00:00:39,325 --> 00:00:40,823 Ohh, fine. 19 00:00:40,824 --> 00:00:43,120 You know what? If it keeps you out of your mom's hair, yes, 20 00:00:43,121 --> 00:00:44,016 do that. 21 00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:45,926 Luke, if your mom starts to lose it, 22 00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:47,787 I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute. 23 00:00:47,788 --> 00:00:50,815 No problem. I've got some stuff prepared. 24 00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:53,545 "Hey, mom, I'm 'firsty.'" 25 00:00:53,546 --> 00:00:55,398 Heh? Adorable, right? 26 00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:57,189 Yeah, that's... that's good. 27 00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,974 Don't worry. It works better in my jammies. 28 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:10,357 Sync by Finovsk www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:16,469 --> 00:01:17,836 Her mom's gonna be in Chicago. 30 00:01:17,837 --> 00:01:19,838 Oh, that's fantastic! What part is she playing? 31 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,625 The city of Chicago. 32 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:24,760 Oh. 33 00:01:24,761 --> 00:01:26,728 Okay. Gun to your head... 34 00:01:26,729 --> 00:01:28,814 Which pair should I wear? 35 00:01:28,815 --> 00:01:30,131 Oh. Gun to my head. 36 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:31,767 I'd say, pull the trigger. 37 00:01:31,768 --> 00:01:32,967 What's that supposed to mean? 38 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:33,968 No Fizbo. 39 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,320 Okay, w-why?! 40 00:01:35,321 --> 00:01:37,706 C-Cam, the center of attention at Lily's party 41 00:01:37,707 --> 00:01:41,159 should be Lily, not Fizbo the needy clown. 42 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,661 I'm sorry. Excuse me. "Needy"? 43 00:01:42,662 --> 00:01:44,446 "Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell? 44 00:01:44,447 --> 00:01:45,747 "Why aren't they clapping 45 00:01:45,748 --> 00:01:47,482 when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?" 46 00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,651 It's 10 feet long with boxer shorts at the end. 47 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,019 It works on so many levels. 48 00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:52,120 Yeah. Well, also, 49 00:01:52,121 --> 00:01:54,689 it's a princess theme party, so... 50 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:56,991 I guess you just don't respect party themes. 51 00:01:58,044 --> 00:01:59,661 You did not just say that. 52 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,463 I'm sorry. That was... That was crossing a line. 53 00:02:01,464 --> 00:02:02,497 Yes, it was. 54 00:02:03,349 --> 00:02:06,101 So? Can Fizbo come to the party? 55 00:02:06,102 --> 00:02:07,636 No! No! 56 00:02:07,637 --> 00:02:10,522 You are Lily's dad. Just be there as her dad. 57 00:02:10,523 --> 00:02:12,474 Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now? 58 00:02:12,475 --> 00:02:14,442 Well, if the shoe fits... 59 00:02:14,443 --> 00:02:17,279 They don't. They're comically large. 60 00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:21,616 Hey, mom. 61 00:02:21,617 --> 00:02:23,885 Dad and Nana just pulled in. 62 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,157 Aah! 63 00:02:45,158 --> 00:02:46,274 Oh, wow. 64 00:02:46,275 --> 00:02:47,792 Claire bear! 65 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,761 Ohh. Oh, my sweet girl! 66 00:02:49,762 --> 00:02:51,880 Gosh, I forget that you're all grown up. Yeah. 67 00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:54,232 You know, in my mind, you're still 12. 68 00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,718 Well, look at us... just two old ladies. 69 00:02:58,271 --> 00:02:59,771 Ohh. 70 00:03:00,489 --> 00:03:01,810 We're home! 71 00:03:01,811 --> 00:03:02,798 Oh, good. 72 00:03:02,799 --> 00:03:05,517 And we bought Lily a beautiful birthday gift. 73 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,449 Yeah. I was pushing for a cashmere throw. 74 00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:11,900 Look, Jay. It's a talking storybook. 75 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,574 We record ourselves reading it, 76 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:14,526 and then at night, 77 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,243 Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep. 78 00:03:17,244 --> 00:03:18,222 Terrible idea. 79 00:03:18,223 --> 00:03:20,008 Unlike the timelessness of cashmere. 80 00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,409 Enough with the cashmere! 81 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,011 Why is it a terrible idea? 82 00:03:23,012 --> 00:03:25,760 Don't you remember the answering-machine message? 83 00:03:26,409 --> 00:03:27,666 Hi, you've reached Jay... 84 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:28,750 And Gloria. 85 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:31,069 Please leave a message after the... 86 00:03:33,351 --> 00:03:34,767 You didn't say "beep." 87 00:03:34,768 --> 00:03:35,423 If I say "beep," 88 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,182 then the people will think it's the beep. 89 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,488 No, I think they're gonna know to wait for the actual beep. 90 00:03:39,489 --> 00:03:41,254 - I don't think they'll know. - Just trust me. 91 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,430 Okay, fine. 92 00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:46,601 - Hi, you've reached Jay... - And Gloria. 93 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:50,139 Please leave a message after the beeeeeep! 94 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:51,651 What was that? 95 00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:52,840 You told me to make the beep. 96 00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,543 No, I didn't tell you to make the beep. 97 00:03:54,544 --> 00:03:56,453 I told you to say the word "beep." 98 00:03:56,454 --> 00:03:59,241 If I say the word, then people think it's the beep. 99 00:03:59,242 --> 00:04:01,552 - It's not the beep! - Then why even say it?! 100 00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:04,557 So, anyways, 101 00:04:04,558 --> 00:04:07,160 you'll never guess who I saw at the airport. 102 00:04:07,161 --> 00:04:08,578 Mm. Who's that? 103 00:04:08,579 --> 00:04:10,630 Robbie Sullivan. 104 00:04:10,631 --> 00:04:13,132 Robbie... my Robbie Sullivan from high school? 105 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,401 God, I haven't seen him in...years. 106 00:04:15,402 --> 00:04:16,402 Decades, really. 107 00:04:16,403 --> 00:04:18,104 I always liked him. 108 00:04:18,105 --> 00:04:19,472 And as I recall, 109 00:04:19,473 --> 00:04:22,192 the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other. 110 00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,776 Oh, really, mom? 111 00:04:23,777 --> 00:04:25,445 That's...not true. 112 00:04:25,446 --> 00:04:27,080 It is true. I read it in your diary. 113 00:04:27,081 --> 00:04:30,183 You read my diary! 114 00:04:30,184 --> 00:04:31,434 Well...Yeah. 115 00:04:31,435 --> 00:04:32,619 I-I read it 116 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:36,823 because I wanted to see if you were on drugs. 117 00:04:36,824 --> 00:04:39,192 It's called parenting, Claire. 118 00:04:39,193 --> 00:04:40,510 Mm-hmm. 119 00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:42,686 - So, mom... - Okay, buddy. 120 00:04:42,687 --> 00:04:43,965 We're gonna need you on the front lines 121 00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:45,285 sooner than expected. 122 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:46,870 Are you ready to be cute? 123 00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,334 - Please. - Go get 'em. 124 00:04:50,616 --> 00:04:52,959 Hi, mommy. My tummy's growling. 125 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,636 Can I have some pas-ghetti? 126 00:04:54,637 --> 00:04:55,929 Sweetie, you're hurting me. 127 00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:58,672 And take a shower tonight. Your hair smells like cheese. 128 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,675 I'll get it. 129 00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:06,200 Okay, I need a giant lollipop, 130 00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:07,874 and I need it now. 131 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,582 Oh, there's my girl! 132 00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,185 Oh, my God. Mwah! 133 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,075 - Robbie?! - Look at you! 134 00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:14,190 Surprise! 135 00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:16,693 I invited him to dinner! 136 00:05:16,694 --> 00:05:17,527 What? 137 00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:19,280 Didn't I tell you she'd be excited? 138 00:05:19,281 --> 00:05:20,503 Huh? I... Uh-huh. 139 00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:22,453 I don't know what to say. 140 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:25,129 Well, maybe a fuzzy navel wine cooler will loosen you up. 141 00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:27,478 Sure used to. 142 00:05:27,479 --> 00:05:28,308 Ohh... 143 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:30,554 Hey, honey, who's this? 144 00:05:30,555 --> 00:05:31,822 This is, um... 145 00:05:31,823 --> 00:05:32,990 Robbie... 146 00:05:32,991 --> 00:05:35,242 My boyfriend from when I was 17 years old, 147 00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,561 whom my mom invited to dinner. 148 00:05:37,562 --> 00:05:39,630 Fasten your seatbelts. Phil Dunphy. 149 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,881 Hey, Phil. How do you know Claire? 150 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,867 I know Claire from being married to Claire. 151 00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:46,036 Whoa, whoa, whoa. U-um... 152 00:05:46,037 --> 00:05:47,688 Wait a minute. Uh... 153 00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:50,013 Mom didn't mention that I'm married 154 00:05:50,014 --> 00:05:52,718 - with three kids? - No. All she said 155 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,678 was that you were still trying to figure out your life. 156 00:05:54,679 --> 00:05:55,546 - Really? - Yeah. 157 00:05:55,547 --> 00:05:57,047 Okay. Mom? Dede? 158 00:05:57,048 --> 00:06:00,194 - Aren't we all? - Uh, no. Not really. 159 00:06:00,195 --> 00:06:02,386 Why would you not mention that I'm married? 160 00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,090 Oh, God, Claire. 161 00:06:04,091 --> 00:06:07,011 Not everything in a conversation is about you. 162 00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:07,675 Mom... Mm-hmm. 163 00:06:07,676 --> 00:06:09,779 ...I could use some help in the kitchen. 164 00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:11,167 Your words, not mine. 165 00:06:13,992 --> 00:06:15,242 Whoa. 166 00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:16,727 You came here in a limo? 167 00:06:16,728 --> 00:06:18,128 Yep. That's right, little dude. 168 00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:19,284 Are you rich? 169 00:06:19,285 --> 00:06:20,776 Luke, that's not polite. 170 00:06:20,777 --> 00:06:21,865 Maybe Robbie isn't rich, 171 00:06:21,866 --> 00:06:24,535 but he needs a limo because he has a lot of DUIs. 172 00:06:24,536 --> 00:06:25,911 Nope. It's nothing like that. 173 00:06:25,912 --> 00:06:27,757 The truth is, Luke, I am rich, 174 00:06:27,758 --> 00:06:29,332 but not with money. 175 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,192 I've got my abs, 176 00:06:31,193 --> 00:06:32,838 I've got my hair, 177 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,952 and I've got a super-sweet job driving that limo outside. 178 00:06:35,953 --> 00:06:38,414 - Cool. - It is cool. 179 00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:41,238 Hey, Luke, who's taller? 180 00:06:41,239 --> 00:06:42,771 Me or your dad? 181 00:06:42,772 --> 00:06:45,647 Oh... I don't think we need to... 182 00:06:45,648 --> 00:06:47,825 I am just wearing socks, buddy. 183 00:06:47,826 --> 00:06:50,892 I just don't understand why you invited him to my house. 184 00:06:50,893 --> 00:06:52,594 Because he's an old friend. 185 00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:54,829 What was I gonna do... not invite him? 186 00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,648 Yes. Yes. 187 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,266 Sweetheart, I don't know about you, 188 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:00,668 but that is not the way I was raised. 189 00:07:01,597 --> 00:07:02,892 You raised me. 190 00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:04,627 You're overthinking this. Uh-huh. 191 00:07:04,628 --> 00:07:07,225 I was thinking that it might be a hoot 192 00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:08,343 for you to see him again. 193 00:07:09,678 --> 00:07:12,731 And did you think it might be a hoot to ask me first? 194 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:15,650 No. If I'd asked you, you would have said no. 195 00:07:15,651 --> 00:07:19,421 Of course, mom. Of course I would have said no. 196 00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:21,727 Oh. And I'm the bad guy. 197 00:07:21,728 --> 00:07:23,324 Honestly, Claire, 198 00:07:23,325 --> 00:07:25,926 I wish I had a tape recorder. 199 00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:32,408 "Once upon a time, there lived a family of bears. 200 00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:35,160 "There was papa bear"... 201 00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:37,369 That's you, Jay. 202 00:07:37,370 --> 00:07:38,681 Ah. Okay. Let's see. 203 00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:48,497 Do you want me to hold it and stand in the driveway? 204 00:07:48,498 --> 00:07:50,516 "Holy mackerel, this is good salmon." 205 00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:51,767 I feel like they missed an oppor... 206 00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:53,669 Shh! 207 00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:56,339 "I don't want to eat the fish. 208 00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,774 They are my friends!" 209 00:07:58,775 --> 00:08:00,343 What kind of voice is that? 210 00:08:00,344 --> 00:08:01,861 - I am a bear. - A bear? 211 00:08:01,862 --> 00:08:03,346 I was gonna get a crucifix. 212 00:08:03,347 --> 00:08:05,615 "And then the baby bear said..." 213 00:08:05,616 --> 00:08:08,284 "Good night, mama. Good night, papa. 214 00:08:08,285 --> 00:08:11,420 This has been the best day ever." 215 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:14,457 "And after she kissed her parents good night, 216 00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,575 "she drifted off to sleep. 217 00:08:16,576 --> 00:08:18,143 The end." 218 00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:19,503 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 219 00:08:19,504 --> 00:08:21,397 She? Baby bear's a girl? 220 00:08:21,398 --> 00:08:22,468 We have to do it over. 221 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,653 I would have played it totally different. 222 00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:26,055 - I think you nailed it. - And what's that supposed to mean? 223 00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:27,389 Manny, you're fine. 224 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:30,092 But, Jay, I need to tell you something. 225 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,161 It's a bear, Gloria. I did the best I could. 226 00:08:32,162 --> 00:08:34,997 No. I don't want you to get upset about this, 227 00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:37,099 but I'm not going to the party. 228 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,367 What? 229 00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:40,820 Yeah, it's because your ex-wife is going to be there, 230 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,555 and we're never good together. 231 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,839 I'm feeling very nervous. 232 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,358 It's better that I stay here. 233 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:46,776 Wow. I... 234 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,961 I don't know what to say. 235 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,547 Greatest news ever! 236 00:08:51,548 --> 00:08:52,865 So you're okay with this? 237 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,501 Well, I wouldn't say I'm okay with it, but I get it. 238 00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,968 I feel like I'm in the same boat 239 00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:59,321 with your friend's daughter's first communion coming up. 240 00:08:59,322 --> 00:09:02,608 I always felt like the husband never liked me. 241 00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,093 Maybe you're right. 242 00:09:04,094 --> 00:09:06,312 I should probably skip it. 243 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,282 Wait, wait, wait. 244 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,267 So Robbie Sullivan's at your house right now. 245 00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:13,952 Yes, he is having dinner 246 00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,137 with my family. 247 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,872 And let me tell you something. 248 00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:17,923 This chick was fat. 249 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:18,924 Okay? 250 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,459 Every time he opens his mouth, 251 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,661 I can feel my daughters losing respect for me. 252 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,730 You know, I never liked that guy. 253 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,415 He used to always put me in a headlock. 254 00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:28,121 It is amazing the freaks we used to date. 255 00:09:28,122 --> 00:09:30,119 'Ello, gov'nah! 256 00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,967 I gotta jump. 257 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,543 All right. Let's hear it. 258 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:38,761 Sir Fizbo-lot, 259 00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:41,497 royal court Jester, at your service. 260 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,382 I understand there's a little princess 261 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,552 'oos in need of a jolly good time! 262 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,803 No! 263 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,422 Your 'ighness said that the clown 264 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,990 doesn't fit the princess theme. 265 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,664 But "mefinks"... 266 00:09:53,665 --> 00:09:57,252 That a court Jester is right as rain! 267 00:09:57,253 --> 00:09:57,862 There goes the theory 268 00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,912 that an English accent makes everyone sound smart. 269 00:09:59,913 --> 00:10:00,666 Oh, come on. 270 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,851 It's gonna be a boring party without any entertainment. 271 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,436 I agree, which is why I hired a princess. 272 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,421 Cue the gasp. 273 00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:09,978 How could you do that? How dare you?! 274 00:10:09,979 --> 00:10:13,098 Entertaining and delighting children is who I am. 275 00:10:13,099 --> 00:10:14,233 Just be a parent. 276 00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:15,383 But I want to... Go. 277 00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:17,319 I want to... Now. Stop. 278 00:10:21,758 --> 00:10:23,701 I was thinking about what you said, 279 00:10:23,702 --> 00:10:25,528 and maybe I should go to the party. 280 00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:26,895 What'd I say? I didn't say anything. 281 00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:29,031 About Maria Victoria's first communion. 282 00:10:29,032 --> 00:10:30,999 We cannot let other people 283 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,968 make us miss important family events. 284 00:10:32,969 --> 00:10:35,270 What? I'm gonna miss Alex's graduation, 285 00:10:35,271 --> 00:10:37,940 all of Haley's weddings, just because of Dede? 286 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,092 I love them. They're my family, too. 287 00:10:40,093 --> 00:10:41,243 Whoa, whoa. Slow down. 288 00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:42,594 You're up to weddings already? 289 00:10:42,595 --> 00:10:44,212 H-h-how about this? 290 00:10:44,213 --> 00:10:45,614 Try missing tomorrow, 291 00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:47,866 and then just see how that feels. 292 00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:49,418 Ay, Jay. 293 00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:51,286 You're so good to me. 294 00:10:51,287 --> 00:10:53,138 That's why I have to go. 295 00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,506 You're gonna be there for me 296 00:10:54,507 --> 00:10:56,341 the same way I'm gonna be there for you 297 00:10:56,342 --> 00:10:58,093 at Maria Victoria's first communion. 298 00:10:58,094 --> 00:11:01,530 Wait a minute. That's back on the table? 299 00:11:01,531 --> 00:11:03,749 Well, you know, we didn't want to break curfew. 300 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,200 Curfew?! 301 00:11:05,201 --> 00:11:06,401 Oh, right. 302 00:11:06,402 --> 00:11:09,171 As if you two ever honored a curfew. 303 00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:11,523 I love your stories, Nana. Keep on goin'. 304 00:11:12,709 --> 00:11:13,775 Your father used to scare the crap out of me. 305 00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,627 Mm-hmm. 306 00:11:15,628 --> 00:11:19,398 Well, evidently not enough to keep you from sneaking in 307 00:11:19,399 --> 00:11:20,516 at 3:00 in the morning. 308 00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:21,733 I didn't know whether to punish you 309 00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:23,385 or make you pancakes. 310 00:11:23,386 --> 00:11:25,103 Hey, hey! Ha ha ha ha! 311 00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:27,022 Halfway through dinner, I told Claire 312 00:11:27,023 --> 00:11:29,825 that whenever she had the urge to lash out at her mother, 313 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:31,927 she should just squeeze my hand instead. 314 00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:35,496 A doctor had to cut off my wedding ring. 315 00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:37,579 Claire, you remember that time we cut school 316 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,268 - and we went out to the pier... - Mm-hmm. 317 00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:42,182 ...And we played that game, and you won the... 318 00:11:42,183 --> 00:11:43,784 Giant panda bear! The panda bear... Right. 319 00:11:43,785 --> 00:11:44,952 Yeah. Yes. 320 00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:46,186 Yeah. 321 00:11:46,187 --> 00:11:48,122 Do you remember what we did after that? 322 00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,890 Yes. 323 00:11:49,891 --> 00:11:51,809 Hey, do you still like roller coasters? 324 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:54,061 Not this one. 325 00:11:54,062 --> 00:11:56,430 You know, Robbie was a rogue, 326 00:11:56,431 --> 00:11:58,899 but he could charm your socks off. 327 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,484 Although I doubt he stopped there. 328 00:12:02,737 --> 00:12:04,788 Wow, mom. Mom? 329 00:12:04,789 --> 00:12:06,957 We're all adults here, honey, pretty much. 330 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:09,209 Okay, I think we're... we're done. 331 00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:10,728 Yeah, well, I better get going. 332 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,513 I've got an early-morning run, 333 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,647 celebrity client. 334 00:12:13,648 --> 00:12:14,732 Don't ask me who. 335 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,483 Let's just say that if I'm late, 336 00:12:16,484 --> 00:12:18,786 I'll be in Jeopardy. 337 00:12:18,787 --> 00:12:20,570 Who is Alex Trebek? 338 00:12:20,571 --> 00:12:22,859 Uh, he's a game-show host. Why? 339 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,327 No reason. 340 00:12:25,365 --> 00:12:26,896 - Claire. - Yes? 341 00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,731 This was incredible. Thanks a lot. 342 00:12:28,732 --> 00:12:30,132 S-so great. It was so great. 343 00:12:30,133 --> 00:12:31,567 - So good to see you. - I know. 344 00:12:31,568 --> 00:12:32,985 - You look so good. - Catching up was so fun. 345 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:33,986 Really good. 346 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,821 Hey, you... you take good care. 347 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,540 - You take good care, now. - Yes. 348 00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:39,708 Ohh, let's do it. Let's do that. 349 00:12:40,578 --> 00:12:42,928 I'll walk you out. 350 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,500 Bye! 351 00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:46,166 - Really, mom? - I was young. 352 00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,444 I thought he was sexy. 353 00:12:47,445 --> 00:12:49,479 - Go to your room. - Okay. 354 00:12:53,183 --> 00:12:54,300 I did it. 355 00:12:54,301 --> 00:12:56,319 She brought all the crazy in her arsenal, 356 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,337 and I did not crack. 357 00:12:57,338 --> 00:12:58,938 I think a bone in my hand did. 358 00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:00,607 Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 359 00:13:00,608 --> 00:13:02,308 You know what hurt more? What? 360 00:13:02,309 --> 00:13:03,777 I used to think your mother loved me. 361 00:13:03,778 --> 00:13:06,196 Apparently, she always wished you'd married Robbie. 362 00:13:06,197 --> 00:13:07,396 Oh, no, sweetie. 363 00:13:07,397 --> 00:13:10,333 This was all about her trying to annoy me. 364 00:13:10,334 --> 00:13:12,752 Come on. She's practically walking you two down the aisle. 365 00:13:12,753 --> 00:13:14,337 Ohh. Oh. 366 00:13:14,338 --> 00:13:15,605 His phone. 367 00:13:15,606 --> 00:13:17,757 All those mother's day cards I sent her... 368 00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:20,059 All those joke e-mails she forwarded to me 369 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,044 months after I'd already seen them. 370 00:13:22,045 --> 00:13:24,314 Well, no more polite "LOLs" for you, Dede. 371 00:13:26,535 --> 00:13:28,251 Oh! Oh! Holy cow! 372 00:13:28,252 --> 00:13:30,452 Wow. Okay, well... 373 00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:32,468 You were right. It's not about me. 374 00:13:32,469 --> 00:13:33,489 Oh, God. 375 00:13:36,176 --> 00:13:38,827 You are princess... 376 00:13:40,613 --> 00:13:42,881 Stop eyeing the princess. You're gonna freak her out. 377 00:13:42,882 --> 00:13:43,516 I don't know. 378 00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:45,951 I-I think the whole idea of needing a prince to come along 379 00:13:45,952 --> 00:13:48,535 and make you happy, sends the wrong message, Mitchell. 380 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,317 I really do. 381 00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,021 Really? And a grown man 382 00:13:50,022 --> 00:13:51,957 pulling boxer shorts out of his mouth doesn't. 383 00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,792 I'm... 384 00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:55,844 Hey. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. 385 00:13:55,845 --> 00:13:56,862 Hi. Hi, sweetie. 386 00:13:56,863 --> 00:13:57,896 Hey, Phil. Hey. 387 00:13:57,897 --> 00:14:00,349 So...Where is she? Where's mom? 388 00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:01,841 Yeah, let's get the weirdness over with. 389 00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:02,850 Oh, no. I thought she was coming with you. 390 00:14:02,851 --> 00:14:03,760 Oh, no, no. 391 00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:05,821 I haven't seen mom since... let's see... 392 00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:07,839 oh, she made out with my ex-boyfriend last night. 393 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,473 What? Yeah. 394 00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:09,674 No, my God! 395 00:14:09,675 --> 00:14:10,859 Yeah. Yeah. 396 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:12,277 And then she took off with him, 397 00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:14,579 didn't come back to the house until after I was asleep, 398 00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:16,715 and then this morning left a cute little note 399 00:14:16,716 --> 00:14:18,684 that said, "having breakfast with Robbie!" 400 00:14:18,685 --> 00:14:21,169 What the hell is she doing? He's half her age! 401 00:14:22,288 --> 00:14:23,388 Don't say it. 402 00:14:23,389 --> 00:14:25,223 I think it's sweet. 403 00:14:25,224 --> 00:14:27,726 Love is beautiful. It has no age. 404 00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:30,028 When it's meant to be, it's meant to be. 405 00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:32,347 That is the question. 406 00:14:32,348 --> 00:14:33,715 Dad, what's going on over there? 407 00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:35,767 She was a little nervous about your mother being here, 408 00:14:35,768 --> 00:14:37,436 so she tried her first Xanax, 409 00:14:37,437 --> 00:14:39,521 washed it down with a shot of tequila. 410 00:14:39,522 --> 00:14:44,008 Ay, look at the princess. It's so beautiful. 411 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,927 Really? 'Cause I don't see it. 412 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,896 Excuse me. 413 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,649 There's the birthday girl! 414 00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:51,817 Glitter? 415 00:14:51,818 --> 00:14:54,302 That'll settle in her lungs. 416 00:14:54,303 --> 00:14:56,805 So, I wanted to ask what method of payment you prefer... 417 00:14:56,806 --> 00:14:58,990 Cash, credit card, check? 418 00:14:58,991 --> 00:15:01,193 Why, princesses don't get paid, 419 00:15:01,194 --> 00:15:02,794 except maybe in laughter 420 00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:04,129 and sparkles. 421 00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,331 That's nice. But I really need to know. 422 00:15:06,332 --> 00:15:09,923 All I ask is that a little girl's birthday wishes... 423 00:15:09,924 --> 00:15:11,117 "Come true" 424 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:12,872 Miss, seriously, if you want to get paid, I need to... 425 00:15:12,873 --> 00:15:15,039 Fine. You can make the check out to party stars incorporated. 426 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,202 Never break character. Never, ever! 427 00:15:17,203 --> 00:15:18,427 But... "But" nothing. 428 00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:20,646 When I was a clown, my shoe caught on fire, 429 00:15:20,647 --> 00:15:21,781 and one of my fellow clowns 430 00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,315 put me out with a bucket of flammable confetti. 431 00:15:23,316 --> 00:15:24,533 What's happening? 432 00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:26,035 Even as they loaded me into the ambulance, 433 00:15:26,036 --> 00:15:27,920 I continued to make balloon animals! 434 00:15:27,921 --> 00:15:28,971 Flammable confetti? 435 00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:31,524 There was a seltzer bottle right there! 436 00:15:31,525 --> 00:15:33,175 Oh, hi! 437 00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:34,835 Mwah! 438 00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:36,483 I cannot believe it. 439 00:15:36,484 --> 00:15:38,135 She brought him to the party! 440 00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:39,386 Oh, my God! I'm gonna kill her. 441 00:15:39,387 --> 00:15:41,055 - I'm gonna... - Stop. No, not... not now. 442 00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:42,857 The last thing I need is some big scene, Claire. 443 00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:44,859 You know, she's doing this just to torture me. Mm-hmm. 444 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,527 No, no. She's doing this to get back at me 445 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,528 because I didn't let her stay with us. 446 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,463 You're both wrong. This is about me. 447 00:15:49,464 --> 00:15:51,765 I got the young girl. She had to get the young guy. 448 00:15:51,766 --> 00:15:53,067 Well, she and I are good. 449 00:15:53,068 --> 00:15:54,652 We had a long talk last night 450 00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:56,399 after you and I "split" that bottle of wine, 451 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,634 and you "fell asleep" on the stairs. 452 00:15:58,635 --> 00:16:02,538 I don't know why everybody's getting so upset about this. 453 00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:04,780 Maybe it's about passion, 454 00:16:04,781 --> 00:16:07,379 about what the body wants, 455 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:08,984 what the... what the heart wants for the heart. 456 00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:11,720 Dad, seriously, can you deal with Cheech and Chong? 457 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,122 Hi, everyone. 458 00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:14,757 Jay, Gloria. 459 00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:16,625 Oh, buenos dias, Dede... 460 00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:17,927 B-buenos... ...Mi amor bella. ¿Cómo está? 461 00:16:17,928 --> 00:16:19,044 Uh, yeah. Uh, Gloria... 462 00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,062 Come on. 463 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,347 That's enough. 464 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,015 Hi, mom. Hi. 465 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,333 Oh, Mitchell. Mwah! 466 00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:25,985 Thank you for coming. 467 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,169 Oh! You remember Robbie. 468 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,037 Yes, I do. Yes. Hi. 469 00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:31,674 Oh! That's Lily! 470 00:16:31,675 --> 00:16:33,259 Oh! I guess you're trying 471 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,711 to keep the outfit I sent her clean. 472 00:16:37,491 --> 00:16:38,791 So, Robbie, 473 00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,594 it looks like the years have been treating you good, huh? 474 00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:42,062 Hey, what's up, Red? Okay. Um... 475 00:16:42,063 --> 00:16:44,397 I love this guy. Remember, we used to wrestle around 476 00:16:44,398 --> 00:16:45,549 all the time? 477 00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:46,800 Yeah. Please stop. Is my baby watching? 478 00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:47,868 Good to see you, man. 479 00:16:47,869 --> 00:16:49,252 I need to talk to you for a second. 480 00:16:49,253 --> 00:16:50,637 Let me just... Whoa, whoa, whoa. 481 00:16:50,638 --> 00:16:52,005 ...Ask you a little something. 482 00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:53,540 What are you doing with my mother? 483 00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:54,741 Hey, I've got a code. 484 00:16:54,742 --> 00:16:57,244 What happens in the limo stays in the limo. 485 00:16:57,245 --> 00:16:58,295 She's my mother! 486 00:16:58,296 --> 00:17:00,297 Look, I know this is all a little freaky, 487 00:17:00,298 --> 00:17:03,817 but I had a crush on your mother back in high school, 488 00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:06,119 and it's always been kind of a fantasy for me. 489 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,604 Ew! 490 00:17:07,605 --> 00:17:10,624 You were dating me and fantasizing about my mother? 491 00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:11,758 Ohh, boy. 492 00:17:11,759 --> 00:17:12,792 What? 493 00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:13,977 I think we both know 494 00:17:13,978 --> 00:17:16,329 what this is really all about. 495 00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:17,556 Uh, no. 496 00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:18,760 You still want me. 497 00:17:18,761 --> 00:17:20,713 Oh, my God. Are you insane? 498 00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:22,269 Oh, what's going on here, you two? 499 00:17:22,270 --> 00:17:25,037 You are. You're insane. 500 00:17:25,038 --> 00:17:26,171 Claire still wants me. 501 00:17:26,172 --> 00:17:27,222 No. Don't. 502 00:17:27,223 --> 00:17:29,141 Oh...Oh, I should've seen this coming. 503 00:17:29,142 --> 00:17:29,857 Oh, really. 504 00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:32,394 One minute she sees I'm happy, 505 00:17:32,395 --> 00:17:34,113 and she swoops in! Didn't swoop! 506 00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,998 I didn't swoop. If anybody swooped, it was you! 507 00:17:35,999 --> 00:17:37,499 - You swooped! - Claire, hush. Not now! Not now! 508 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,434 Not now. No, stop, please. 509 00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:42,037 She accused me of trying to steal my old boyfriend from her. 510 00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:44,605 Okay, fine, but make it quick. 511 00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:47,508 Why does everything have to be so hard with you? 512 00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:51,178 Why can't you just be a normal old grandma?! 513 00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:52,379 Why do you... You come in here, 514 00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,747 it's some sort of sick game for you 515 00:17:53,748 --> 00:17:55,349 to just push people and push people and push people 516 00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,517 and see how far you can push them! 517 00:17:56,518 --> 00:17:57,851 And so fine... Look at me! 518 00:17:57,852 --> 00:17:58,852 You win! You win! 519 00:17:58,853 --> 00:18:00,904 I'm screaming at a princess party, mom! 520 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:02,622 - Claire. Claire... - I'm [muffled] screaming 521 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,458 - at a princess party! - Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire. 522 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:05,793 Robbie? 523 00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:08,095 I think maybe, you know, you should take off. 524 00:18:08,096 --> 00:18:09,997 Yeah, yeah, look, I hear you, Phil. 525 00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:12,266 Uh, but between you and me... 526 00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,268 I'm getting some serious vibes 527 00:18:14,269 --> 00:18:15,775 from the princess over here, 528 00:18:15,776 --> 00:18:17,905 and I'd kind of like to play that out. Oh. 529 00:18:17,906 --> 00:18:19,573 Hey. Time to go. 530 00:18:19,574 --> 00:18:21,943 Hey, Mr. P. How you been? 531 00:18:21,944 --> 00:18:23,114 I'm doing good. 532 00:18:23,115 --> 00:18:25,412 But I never liked you in the basement with my daughter, 533 00:18:25,413 --> 00:18:27,481 and I don't like you here with my ex. 534 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:31,370 You know, your little intimidation game 535 00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:33,240 may have worked on me when I was a kid, 536 00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:36,055 but I'm a full-grown man now... 537 00:18:36,056 --> 00:18:37,724 And I think I should go. 538 00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,359 So much for keeping it all about Lily. 539 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,060 Well, yeah, and I certainly didn't help 540 00:18:47,061 --> 00:18:49,246 by berating that perfectly sweet journeyman princess 541 00:18:49,247 --> 00:18:50,280 like I did. 542 00:18:50,281 --> 00:18:51,715 Oh, God, look at this place. 543 00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,183 Everybody's traumatized. 544 00:18:53,184 --> 00:18:54,829 Oh, we need somebody to 545 00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:57,030 pump some life back into this party, huh? 546 00:18:57,031 --> 00:18:58,705 I got this. I'll go in and turn on some music, 547 00:18:58,706 --> 00:19:00,490 bring out the cupcakes, pump up the bubble machine. 548 00:19:00,491 --> 00:19:01,958 Or... 549 00:19:03,388 --> 00:19:04,562 Is that a roundabout way of saying 550 00:19:04,563 --> 00:19:06,564 a certain clown can come to the party? 551 00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:07,965 I was wrong. 552 00:19:07,966 --> 00:19:10,167 Every kid wants a clown for a dad. 553 00:19:10,168 --> 00:19:12,670 Oh! You just made a little girl very happy. 554 00:19:12,671 --> 00:19:14,538 Yes, well, I can see that. 555 00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:22,246 You okay? 556 00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:23,347 I'm fine. 557 00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:25,495 I will be fine. 558 00:19:25,496 --> 00:19:27,964 'Cause you know Claire gets stressed out. 559 00:19:27,965 --> 00:19:29,382 That stuff she said out there... 560 00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:31,201 Was all true. 561 00:19:31,202 --> 00:19:32,035 Yeah. 562 00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:35,839 I don't know what I was thinking with him. 563 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,223 I feel like such a fool. 564 00:19:37,224 --> 00:19:40,143 You got flattered by the attention of a younger guy, 565 00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,845 and you got a little carried away. 566 00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:43,680 - So what? - It's not that. 567 00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:45,665 It's... I divorced you, 568 00:19:45,666 --> 00:19:48,034 because I was looking for something else. 569 00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:49,752 I haven't found it. 570 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,387 But when I come back here, 571 00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:53,873 I feel like I have to prove something. 572 00:19:53,874 --> 00:19:56,860 Like people are looking at me, 573 00:19:56,861 --> 00:19:58,578 saying, "You broke up the family. 574 00:19:58,579 --> 00:20:00,363 What do you have to show for it?" 575 00:20:00,364 --> 00:20:01,531 You did the right thing. 576 00:20:01,532 --> 00:20:02,899 We were stalled. 577 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,400 I didn't have the guts to end it. 578 00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:07,036 That's because you're a decent man. 579 00:20:07,037 --> 00:20:09,722 And that doesn't make it any easier. 580 00:20:09,723 --> 00:20:13,409 I just don't want to be thought of as "Crazy Nana." 581 00:20:13,410 --> 00:20:15,512 That's not really who I am. 582 00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:18,848 I think, more than anything else, 583 00:20:18,849 --> 00:20:21,263 my real problem... 584 00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:22,718 Is her! 585 00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:23,987 Huh? 586 00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:26,222 No, Dede! Ay, ¿qué pasa? Oh. 587 00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:29,041 Ha ha. So, maybe it isn't about me? 588 00:20:29,042 --> 00:20:29,993 Or me. 589 00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:31,361 - I told you it was about me! - No! No! 590 00:20:31,362 --> 00:20:32,810 I got Gloria! 591 00:20:33,758 --> 00:20:35,231 I got Gloria! 592 00:20:40,577 --> 00:20:42,779 This is such a precious gift! 593 00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:45,248 I know. I can't believe my dad sat down and did this. 594 00:20:45,249 --> 00:20:47,095 Keep going. 595 00:20:47,096 --> 00:20:49,186 Jay, pay attention. It's your line! 596 00:20:49,187 --> 00:20:50,920 I just had a damn line. 597 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:53,406 Manny, freshen this up for me. 598 00:20:53,407 --> 00:20:54,758 No, no more drinks until we finish this. 599 00:20:54,759 --> 00:20:57,616 Who cares? Cam's just gonna return it anyway. 600 00:20:57,617 --> 00:20:58,748 Cue gasp. 601 00:20:59,089 --> 00:21:06,436 Sync by Finovsk www.addic7ed.com