1
00:00:03,610 --> 00:00:04,463
Honey, honey, look, look.

2
00:00:04,464 --> 00:00:06,335
She's doing that thing
with her jaw again.

3
00:00:06,336 --> 00:00:09,380
Poor kid. She puts so
much pressure on herself.

4
00:00:09,448 --> 00:00:10,966
It's an
obsessive-compulsive thing.

5
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:13,585
I have read like 100
articles about it.

6
00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:14,588
Where does she get it from?

7
00:00:14,589 --> 00:00:16,719
Yeah, it's... it's a mystery.

8
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,357
I know.

9
00:00:19,425 --> 00:00:20,579
Alex...

10
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,392
Honey, hi! Hi, hi, hi.

11
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:23,968
Why don't you take a little break?

12
00:00:23,969 --> 00:00:25,171
Mom, the test is tomorrow morning.

13
00:00:25,172 --> 00:00:26,338
I'm not taking any breaks.

14
00:00:26,406 --> 00:00:28,409
Just a little...
Oh, okay.

15
00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:31,249
She does that jaw thing
every six seconds.

16
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:33,681
It's like the hippopotamus
at the miniature-golf place.

17
00:00:33,682 --> 00:00:36,689
Ohh, I've bounced so many
balls off those big teeth.

18
00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:37,763
It's all about the timing!

19
00:00:37,764 --> 00:00:38,768
Luke!

20
00:00:38,769 --> 00:00:40,051
So close!

21
00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:42,450
- Stop it, you...
- Hey, hey, Luke, go to your room.

22
00:00:42,451 --> 00:00:43,741
Go on!

23
00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:45,268
She's got to eat.

24
00:00:45,269 --> 00:00:46,776
- I did it out of love.
- Go.

25
00:00:48,329 --> 00:00:50,298
Look at her with the
little harmonica.

26
00:00:50,299 --> 00:00:53,523
I know. She's like a
little junior junior Wells.

27
00:00:53,524 --> 00:00:54,498
Where did you buy it for her?

28
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:56,000
I thought you got it for her.

29
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:58,181
Oh, no. Cam, she must have
grabbed it from that store.

30
00:00:58,182 --> 00:00:59,406
Okay. Honey...

31
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,751
Listen. Stealing is wrong.

32
00:01:01,752 --> 00:01:04,193
Now, we have to go
back and pay for it.

33
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,512
Cam, it's so far away.

34
00:01:05,513 --> 00:01:06,476
No, I'm not going back there.

35
00:01:07,514 --> 00:01:08,747
Tracy?

36
00:01:08,815 --> 00:01:10,678
Oh, my God. Mitchell.

37
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:13,619
Uh, this is... this is Cameron,
my partner...

38
00:01:13,686 --> 00:01:15,120
Oh. And, uh, our daughter, lily.

39
00:01:15,187 --> 00:01:16,232
Wow!

40
00:01:16,233 --> 00:01:17,977
Oh, Cam, this is... this is Tracy.

41
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,412
Oh. "Tracy" Tracy.

42
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,147
Yes. Oh, hi.

43
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,915
Tracy was my
high-school girlfriend.

44
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,150
Yes. Yes, it's true.

45
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,290
I had girlfriends...
quite a few, actually.

46
00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:29,329
I, too, took my fair share
of ladies to the hen house.

47
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:29,921
Literally,

48
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:30,939
I did take them to the hen house.

49
00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:32,924
That's the only place you could
get some privacy on a farm.

50
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,092
Really?

51
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:35,294
What were these...
What were these girls' names?

52
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,895
Oh, well, there was
Nellie Forbush...

53
00:01:36,962 --> 00:01:38,114
Oh...

54
00:01:38,115 --> 00:01:39,598
Betty Rizzo...

55
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:40,864
- Eliza...
- Doolittle.

56
00:01:40,932 --> 00:01:42,700
These are characters
from musicals.

57
00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:44,374
You're so gay,

58
00:01:44,375 --> 00:01:46,215
you can't even think
of real girls' names.

59
00:01:46,216 --> 00:01:47,142
Kim McAfee... that's a real one.

60
00:01:47,143 --> 00:01:49,100
"Bye bye birdie."

61
00:01:49,101 --> 00:01:50,257
What's new?

62
00:01:50,258 --> 00:01:51,481
I got married last year.

63
00:01:51,482 --> 00:01:52,514
Th-that's great.

64
00:01:52,582 --> 00:01:53,982
How long are you in town for?

65
00:01:54,050 --> 00:01:55,950
Just a couple of days.
We're staying at my folks'.

66
00:01:56,018 --> 00:01:57,785
Oh, I want to hear all about
Mitchell from high school.

67
00:01:57,852 --> 00:01:58,886
Did he have a beard?

68
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,555
Uh, you're looking at her.

69
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,725
Of course I didn't
know it back then.

70
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:05,993
But we should... we should all...

71
00:02:06,061 --> 00:02:07,027
Yeah. We should all hang out.

72
00:02:07,095 --> 00:02:08,663
Uh...No.

73
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:10,331
W-well, take care.

74
00:02:10,399 --> 00:02:11,965
Okay.

75
00:02:12,033 --> 00:02:14,534
Bye. Um...

76
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,470
Thumpety thump-thump.
Look at frosty go!

77
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:18,805
That was weird.

78
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,274
Well, don't worry about it.
It's high school, honey.

79
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,710
- Well, actually...
- What?

80
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:27,072
At our 10-year reunion,
we got a little drunk,

81
00:02:27,073 --> 00:02:29,281
started reminiscing,
one thing led to another...

82
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,617
You went back?

83
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,552
I-I think I just wanted
to see if I could.

84
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:35,854
Turns out I could.

85
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:37,809
Where did this happen?!

86
00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:38,851
Um, in the nurse's office.

87
00:02:38,852 --> 00:02:39,991
I can still hear the
crinkling of the paper.

88
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,819
After that, I-I didn't return
any of her phone calls,

89
00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:46,864
and I haven't seen her since.

90
00:02:47,727 --> 00:02:49,447
You naughty little girl.

91
00:02:49,448 --> 00:02:52,797
Well, you know, that's what
happens when you give me Kahlua.

92
00:03:07,513 --> 00:03:08,072
Hello.

93
00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:09,958
Jay, guess who called.

94
00:03:09,959 --> 00:03:11,594
- The Hoffmans.
- Who?

95
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:12,508
That's right.

96
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,435
The ones from the
hotel bar in Cabo.

97
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:16,901
They're in town for the night.
They want to go to dinner.

98
00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:18,980
Oh, hell. The boring
guy and the loudmouth?

99
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:21,498
I know. I was so excited
that they called.

100
00:03:21,499 --> 00:03:22,583
I don't want to see them.

101
00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:25,978
I know! So much fun!

102
00:03:25,979 --> 00:03:27,245
You're with them right now,
aren't you?

103
00:03:27,313 --> 00:03:29,211
Yes! Ha ha.

104
00:03:29,212 --> 00:03:31,749
And they can't wait
to see you, too!

105
00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:38,056
Okay, pencils down.
You're taking a break.

106
00:03:38,057 --> 00:03:39,981
No, I-I can't afford
to take a break.

107
00:03:39,982 --> 00:03:41,597
Sanjay Patel's not taking a break.

108
00:03:41,598 --> 00:03:44,505
Well, obviously, Sanjay's
parents don't care about him.

109
00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:45,396
Or "her."

110
00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:46,362
What is that... "Sanjay"?

111
00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:48,328
Sanjay's the only one in class
who might do better than me,

112
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,630
and I cannot let that happen.

113
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:50,898
Honey, listen to yourself.

114
00:03:50,966 --> 00:03:52,841
It's just not healthy.

115
00:03:52,842 --> 00:03:54,286
This is my fault.

116
00:03:54,287 --> 00:03:55,654
You see me achieve excellence,

117
00:03:55,722 --> 00:03:57,255
and it puts a lot
of pressure on you.

118
00:03:57,323 --> 00:03:58,857
What about me?

119
00:03:58,925 --> 00:04:00,225
Sorry. Yeah.

120
00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:02,327
It puts a lot of
pressure on both of you.

121
00:04:02,395 --> 00:04:03,228
Thanks, Phil.

122
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,413
- Okay, come on. Let's go have some fun!
- No!

123
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,406
Let's go!

124
00:04:07,407 --> 00:04:08,666
Yes! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

125
00:04:10,555 --> 00:04:12,222
Doesn't this feel good,
sweetheart?

126
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:13,424
It's fun, right?

127
00:04:16,194 --> 00:04:18,696
Honestly, I think you're
overly worried about lily.

128
00:04:18,764 --> 00:04:21,230
It's not like she's gonna
grow up to be a thief.

129
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:22,866
And besides,
at the end of the day,

130
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:25,167
who does she learn
her behavior from?

131
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:26,469
Us.

132
00:04:26,537 --> 00:04:29,071
We're her role models.

133
00:04:32,175 --> 00:04:33,991
Like mama always said,

134
00:04:33,992 --> 00:04:36,312
our children are just
miniature versions of us.

135
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:41,278
- Come on.
- Cam.

136
00:04:43,907 --> 00:04:44,941
Oh, come on, Jay.

137
00:04:45,008 --> 00:04:46,208
Give me one smile.

138
00:04:46,276 --> 00:04:47,276
I know you want to.

139
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,688
Oh, come on, Jay.Give me one smile.
I know you want to.

140
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:53,886
Isn't that fun, Jay?

141
00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:57,696
Oh, this has been so much fun!

142
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,212
You know, I'm surprised
to hear you say that.

143
00:04:59,213 --> 00:05:00,755
You've been pretty quiet.

144
00:05:00,756 --> 00:05:02,301
That's because I'm a listener.

145
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,002
I love to listen.

146
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,003
It's my hobby.

147
00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:06,572
Listening is your hobby?

148
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,740
Sure.

149
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,609
You guys have got to
come out and visit us.

150
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,680
- Seriously. We're not taking no for an answer.
- Yes. Yes, yes.

151
00:05:11,681 --> 00:05:14,813
- Oh, we would love to!
- Okay, let's slow down.

152
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:15,980
You're nice people.

153
00:05:16,048 --> 00:05:17,613
We're nice people.

154
00:05:17,614 --> 00:05:18,650
But let's be honest...

155
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,753
We've all tried to do that thing
where we force a friendship

156
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,288
that isn't really there.

157
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:26,224
So why don't we just
call it a day right now

158
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:29,527
and say goodbye, shake hands,
wish each other well?

159
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,828
Oh, my God.

160
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,397
This is so uncomfortable.

161
00:05:33,465 --> 00:05:34,189
No, no, but the beauty of it is

162
00:05:34,190 --> 00:05:35,324
we're never gonna see
each other again,

163
00:05:35,325 --> 00:05:37,934
so there's no reason
to be uncomfortable.

164
00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,470
They're staying with us tonight.

165
00:05:39,537 --> 00:05:41,472
Their bags are in our house.

166
00:05:41,539 --> 00:05:44,642
Oh, then you were right.

167
00:05:44,709 --> 00:05:46,477
This is uncomfortable.

168
00:05:46,544 --> 00:05:48,411
This is uncomfortable.

169
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:53,916
Do you like it? Mm.

170
00:05:53,984 --> 00:05:55,418
The recipe called
for a cup of water,

171
00:05:55,486 --> 00:05:57,253
but I used milk instead to
make the sauce creamier.

172
00:05:57,321 --> 00:05:58,621
Mm. Mm.

173
00:05:58,689 --> 00:05:59,955
Cam, I need to tell you something.

174
00:06:00,023 --> 00:06:01,624
- You hate it.
- Cameron. No.

175
00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:03,425
You're right. I shouldn't
try anything new ever.

176
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:04,660
Stop it. I'm trying
to talk to you.

177
00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:06,295
Okay, today,

178
00:06:06,362 --> 00:06:07,962
when we were leaving the mall,

179
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:09,631
I saw Tracy by the fountain...

180
00:06:09,699 --> 00:06:11,433
Please, don't tell me you
slept with her again.

181
00:06:12,835 --> 00:06:14,770
Did you? You didn't. Right?

182
00:06:14,837 --> 00:06:15,737
You're joking.

183
00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:16,602
Yeah.

184
00:06:16,603 --> 00:06:18,473
Okay. Um...

185
00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:20,443
I don't know how to say this,
or... or if I'm even right.

186
00:06:20,444 --> 00:06:21,708
I'm probably not.

187
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:25,754
But, um, she was
with a redheaded boy,

188
00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:28,148
about 8 years old,

189
00:06:28,216 --> 00:06:31,719
which is the same number
of years since we...

190
00:06:31,787 --> 00:06:32,897
No!

191
00:06:32,898 --> 00:06:34,863
And she said she'd only
been married a year,

192
00:06:34,864 --> 00:06:37,371
and it would explain why she
was so awkward with me, and...

193
00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:39,373
Mm-hmm!

194
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,542
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm-hmm.

195
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,676
No...
Mm-hmm.

196
00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:42,659
I know. I know. It's crazy,

197
00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:45,379
but, Cam, I need to
find out if he's mine.

198
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:46,224
Mm.

199
00:06:46,225 --> 00:06:47,228
Are you okay?

200
00:06:47,229 --> 00:06:49,508
Yeah. Yeah, well,
you don't just tell your partner

201
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,042
you may have a baby
with someone else

202
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,171
and expect him to
go back to eating

203
00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:55,304
a delicious and inventive meal
like it's nothing! Mm-hmm.

204
00:06:55,305 --> 00:06:56,714
Okay, Cam, but even if he is mine,

205
00:06:56,782 --> 00:06:58,806
it doesn't change
anything between us.

206
00:06:58,807 --> 00:07:01,601
Mitchell, I need to
have my reaction.

207
00:07:01,602 --> 00:07:02,783
Mm! Mm-hmm.

208
00:07:03,859 --> 00:07:05,115
Mm-hmm.

209
00:07:08,797 --> 00:07:11,008
Jay!

210
00:07:11,009 --> 00:07:12,698
They order a cab.
Are you happy now?

211
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,599
I'll be happy when I
hear a trunk close.

212
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:18,069
Hey, mom. You want
a drink of water?

213
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,570
No, papí. Not right now.

214
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:21,205
You sure? You look thirsty.

215
00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:22,706
What's with you and
the water today?

216
00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:23,942
It's a dribble cup.

217
00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:25,810
You can't drink from
it without spilling.

218
00:07:25,877 --> 00:07:27,979
I think it's going to
make me very popular.

219
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:30,828
Ay, papí, why do you need these
things to make you popular?

220
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:31,961
First the walking stick,

221
00:07:31,962 --> 00:07:34,384
- then the business cards.
- Are they gone yet?

222
00:07:34,452 --> 00:07:36,301
Why did you talk
to them like that?

223
00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:37,454
What? I was just being honest.

224
00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:38,588
They're boring as hell!

225
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:40,023
Quiet! They can hear you!

226
00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:41,044
Oh, he probably already heard me.

227
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:43,160
His hobby is listening.

228
00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:45,128
Jay, you don't treat
people like that.

229
00:07:45,196 --> 00:07:46,111
What? I should do what you do?

230
00:07:46,112 --> 00:07:47,697
Pretend to like someone you don't?

231
00:07:47,765 --> 00:07:49,131
I'm doing it right now.

232
00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:51,200
Can I tell you something, Gloria?

233
00:07:51,268 --> 00:07:52,581
When you reach a certain age,

234
00:07:52,582 --> 00:07:55,595
you want to spend what precious
little time you have left

235
00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:57,573
with people you actually like,

236
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,575
not some bozos who
glommed onto you.

237
00:07:59,642 --> 00:08:00,843
Tell me about it.

238
00:08:00,910 --> 00:08:02,678
I've got a clingy fifth
grader I can't shake.

239
00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:04,146
See, even Manny knows.

240
00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:06,547
I got your back, Jay. Thirsty?

241
00:08:06,615 --> 00:08:07,562
Manny, go to sleep.

242
00:08:07,563 --> 00:08:09,617
Can we just please
forget about this now?

243
00:08:09,685 --> 00:08:10,818
And the worst thing

244
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:12,854
is that you sold me
out without warning

245
00:08:12,921 --> 00:08:14,422
and made me look like a fool.

246
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,180
Husband and wife are
supposed to help each other,

247
00:08:16,181 --> 00:08:18,593
not throw each other
under the bus!

248
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,061
I would never do that to you!

249
00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:22,296
Gloria... Gloria, wait!

250
00:08:23,775 --> 00:08:26,630
Could you get my book for me?
I left it downstairs.

251
00:08:30,105 --> 00:08:31,105
There you are.

252
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:32,706
Our cab is here.

253
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,041
I am so sorry.

254
00:08:34,109 --> 00:08:36,276
Not your fault. Well, goodbye.

255
00:08:38,012 --> 00:08:39,879
Ay, wait. You left this.

256
00:08:39,946 --> 00:08:40,946
Oh, no, that's...For you.

257
00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,115
Oh.

258
00:08:42,182 --> 00:08:43,549
In Cabo, you mentioned
you were a fan

259
00:08:43,617 --> 00:08:44,583
of Gabriel García Márquez.

260
00:08:44,651 --> 00:08:46,204
So, we tracked him down

261
00:08:46,205 --> 00:08:47,160
and got him to sign a copy

262
00:08:47,161 --> 00:08:50,323
of "one hundred years
of solitude" for you.

263
00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:51,457
That's amazing.

264
00:08:51,525 --> 00:08:53,591
Well...

265
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,027
No, no. Don't go.

266
00:08:55,094 --> 00:08:57,662
I really want you to
spend the night here.

267
00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,097
Jay clearly doesn't.

268
00:08:59,165 --> 00:09:01,766
Jay doesn't know what he wants.

269
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,869
I don't like to tell this
to people, but, uh...

270
00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:07,972
Jay's mind is... going away.

271
00:09:08,041 --> 00:09:09,507
Oh, my God. No.

272
00:09:09,574 --> 00:09:13,144
He's so old,
some nights it's like...

273
00:09:13,211 --> 00:09:15,012
He's not even here.

274
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,213
Oh...

275
00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:18,682
Gloria, honey. Ah.

276
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,651
That's it.
We're not going anywhere.

277
00:09:20,718 --> 00:09:22,153
Come on. Mmm.

278
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,987
Ohh. Mm.

279
00:09:27,925 --> 00:09:30,026
Hey.

280
00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:31,661
You never came to bed.

281
00:09:31,728 --> 00:09:33,663
I fell asleep in the den.

282
00:09:33,730 --> 00:09:35,932
Cam, we need to talk about...

283
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:37,733
Mitchell, wait.

284
00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:38,968
Listen.

285
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,970
I was up all night,
thinking about it.

286
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,704
And here's the thing.

287
00:09:42,772 --> 00:09:44,440
If you would have
told me 10 years ago

288
00:09:44,507 --> 00:09:46,108
that I would be
living with someone

289
00:09:46,176 --> 00:09:47,742
and raising a beautiful baby girl,

290
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:49,211
I would have said you were crazy.

291
00:09:50,035 --> 00:09:51,746
But here we are.

292
00:09:51,814 --> 00:09:53,882
And you and lily
are the best things

293
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,317
that have ever happened to me.

294
00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:57,786
So if you're telling
me there's another kid,

295
00:09:57,853 --> 00:10:00,121
how can that be anything but good?

296
00:10:00,189 --> 00:10:02,356
Oh, Cam, that's...
that means so...

297
00:10:02,424 --> 00:10:03,458
No, it's okay.

298
00:10:03,525 --> 00:10:04,893
No, I need to have my reaction.

299
00:10:06,095 --> 00:10:07,361
We're gonna be okay.

300
00:10:07,429 --> 00:10:08,763
Yeah.

301
00:10:09,206 --> 00:10:10,306
So what do we do now?

302
00:10:10,374 --> 00:10:11,740
I don't know.
I guess I'm gonna have to...

303
00:10:11,808 --> 00:10:12,875
I'm gonna have to call Tracy

304
00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:15,010
and tell her that we need to talk.

305
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:16,111
Okay. Um...

306
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,516
- Are you nervous?
- I'm terrified.

307
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,087
Yes. I mean, what's this
kid gonna think of me?

308
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,450
I've been absent for the first
eight years of his life.

309
00:10:23,451 --> 00:10:24,990
I mean, how do you make up
for time like that when...

310
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:25,958
Okay, slow down.

311
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,159
You're spinning out.

312
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,861
It's probably just a false alarm.

313
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:29,676
No, you're right.

314
00:10:29,677 --> 00:10:32,162
This could be my "going bald"
scare all over again.

315
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,365
Yeah. And we know
how that turned out.

316
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,005
Honey.

317
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,791
What would happen if the
greatest scientists on earth

318
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:47,611
got together to mate nature's
two most violent predators?

319
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,883
Are we talking about
"Croctopus" in 3-d?

320
00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:53,917
10.

321
00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:55,355
- Book it!
- Mm.

322
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:59,022
Claire and I share a true
love of cheesy cinema.

323
00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:00,557
Um, our favorite categories

324
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:03,292
include genetically engineered
animals gone wrong...

325
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,594
- Old and young people switching bodies.
- Mm.

326
00:11:05,662 --> 00:11:07,429
Uh, tough guys taking
care of babies.

327
00:11:07,497 --> 00:11:08,798
Any sequel three and higher.

328
00:11:08,866 --> 00:11:09,932
Oh, yeah.

329
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,234
Usually get a new
cast around five...

330
00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:12,704
That's where the
magic really happens.

331
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,670
Yeah. Yeah.

332
00:11:14,738 --> 00:11:16,272
Yeah. Mm!

333
00:11:16,339 --> 00:11:17,773
Hey, honey, how'd your test go?

334
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:18,750
Second highest in the class.

335
00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:19,889
- Hey.
- Well, that's great.

336
00:11:19,890 --> 00:11:22,548
Sanjay Patel edged
me out by 12 points.

337
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,768
- Oh, honey, who cares what she did?
- It's a he!

338
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:27,099
Sanjay is a very common
Indian boy's name.

339
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,942
There are like millions of them.

340
00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:30,035
Sweetheart,
it's still a great score.

341
00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:31,370
I hope you're not
beating yourself up.

342
00:11:31,438 --> 00:11:32,771
- I'm not.
- That's our girl.

343
00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:34,706
Sanjay's dad's a surgeon.
His mom's a professor.

344
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:36,274
I can't compete with that.

345
00:11:36,342 --> 00:11:38,243
I'll just have to do the best
I can with what I was given.

346
00:11:38,311 --> 00:11:39,544
Good for you!

347
00:11:39,612 --> 00:11:40,912
We're proud of you, honey.

348
00:11:40,979 --> 00:11:42,214
She's such a good kid.

349
00:11:42,281 --> 00:11:44,048
Yeah, she is.

350
00:11:44,813 --> 00:11:46,647
Did she just say she
was gonna do the best

351
00:11:46,715 --> 00:11:47,782
with what she was given?

352
00:11:47,849 --> 00:11:49,954
I don't know. I was still
thinking about all the Sanjays.

353
00:11:49,955 --> 00:11:52,399
I don't know any,
but I know three Miltons.

354
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,091
She's saying we're stupid!

355
00:11:55,092 --> 00:11:56,890
Well, she's...Wrong.

356
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:57,689
Is she?

357
00:11:57,690 --> 00:11:58,937
Honey, look at how
long it just took us

358
00:11:58,938 --> 00:12:00,660
to figure out that
she's insulting us.

359
00:12:01,548 --> 00:12:03,313
Are we holding our kids back?

360
00:12:03,314 --> 00:12:06,132
- No. We're both bright people.
- Yeah.

361
00:12:06,199 --> 00:12:07,633
We're college graduates. We read.

362
00:12:08,646 --> 00:12:09,469
I'd go so far as to say

363
00:12:09,470 --> 00:12:11,392
we're as intellectual
and sophisticated as...

364
00:12:11,393 --> 00:12:14,351
Sweet! "Croctopus"
tickets confirmed!

365
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,273
Oh, I just think that we
should offer to take Manny.

366
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:24,011
- Maybe for a weekend.
- Something.

367
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:24,992
Hey, guys.

368
00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,914
- Oh, hey, Manny.
- Hey, Manny.

369
00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:30,551
Where are you going?

370
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:31,551
Got a golf lesson.

371
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:32,519
My swing's a mess.

372
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:33,337
Manny's coming with me.

373
00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:34,808
No, you can't go downstairs now.

374
00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:36,323
You'll run into the Hoffmans.

375
00:12:36,391 --> 00:12:37,398
Actually, I want to talk to them,

376
00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:39,326
because I've been thinking
about what you said last night,

377
00:12:39,394 --> 00:12:41,395
and I'm sorry if I
embarrassed you.

378
00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:42,110
You're right.

379
00:12:42,111 --> 00:12:43,661
You never would have
done that to me.

380
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:45,365
- I forgive you!
- So I'll say goodbye.

381
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:46,193
No, Jay.

382
00:12:46,194 --> 00:12:47,364
Don't do that.

383
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,832
First they think you like them.

384
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,722
Then they think you
don't like them.

385
00:12:50,723 --> 00:12:51,777
Don't confuse them.

386
00:12:51,778 --> 00:12:53,470
I want to do this for you.

387
00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:55,666
Jay, wait!

388
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,028
It's okay.

389
00:12:57,029 --> 00:12:59,152
Ay, Jay, wait!

390
00:12:59,599 --> 00:13:01,990
So, hey, how...
how are you handling things,

391
00:13:01,991 --> 00:13:03,668
you know, with Jay?

392
00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:05,036
What do you mean?

393
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,839
Honey, your mom told us
that Jay's, you know,

394
00:13:07,907 --> 00:13:09,306
a little off his game.

395
00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:11,111
A little? It's hard to watch.

396
00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:14,598
It must be so frustrating for him.

397
00:13:14,666 --> 00:13:17,023
Well, he does swear a lot.

398
00:13:17,024 --> 00:13:19,804
You know, the worst is when
he goes off into the woods.

399
00:13:19,805 --> 00:13:21,237
Oh, and when he drives...

400
00:13:21,305 --> 00:13:22,923
Oh, my God. Look out.

401
00:13:22,924 --> 00:13:24,340
I'm surprised he hasn't
killed anybody yet!

402
00:13:26,093 --> 00:13:27,555
Hey!

403
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:30,040
I'm so glad you
guys are still here.

404
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,409
I just want to say...

405
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:33,546
Sorry for last night.

406
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:34,559
It's okay.

407
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,048
We understand.

408
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,080
Ay, you see? Problem is solved.

409
00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:39,582
Now go. You're going to be late.

410
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:40,826
There's nothing
wrong with you guys.

411
00:13:40,827 --> 00:13:41,679
You know, it's... it's me.

412
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,357
Oh, we know.

413
00:13:42,358 --> 00:13:45,759
We went through the same
thing with Steph's father.

414
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,687
Now I'm confused.

415
00:13:46,688 --> 00:13:48,202
I'm Steph.

416
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,557
Uh, here, Jay. I poured you
a glass of orange juice.

417
00:13:50,558 --> 00:13:52,600
Thanks, kid.

418
00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:58,704
What the hell?
What's wrong with me?!

419
00:13:58,772 --> 00:13:59,422
It's always funny.

420
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,570
Jay, go change.

421
00:14:00,571 --> 00:14:01,986
I'll be there in one second.

422
00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:03,186
Maybe we should get going.

423
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:04,820
Well, at least let me
drive you to the airport.

424
00:14:04,821 --> 00:14:06,039
No, no. No, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.

425
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,913
We'll call a cab.

426
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,195
Honey, do you want
popcorn or anything?

427
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,043
No, I'm good...

428
00:14:11,044 --> 00:14:12,910
'N' plenty.

429
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:15,680
So hold your water

430
00:14:15,747 --> 00:14:18,749
'cause I've got some
"twix" up my sleeve.

431
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,956
You may be cool,

432
00:14:19,957 --> 00:14:22,853
but I'm...Wine cooler.

433
00:14:22,921 --> 00:14:24,188
I love us.

434
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:26,973
Thank you.

435
00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:28,478
Well, hello, Dunphy!

436
00:14:28,479 --> 00:14:30,104
- Hey!
- Hey!

437
00:14:30,105 --> 00:14:32,696
- Who is that?
- It's the Patels, Sanjay's parents.

438
00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:35,598
- Hey. Hey, how are you?
- I heard Sanjay did so well on his test today.

439
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,167
Oh, yes, we're very
proud of him. Wow.

440
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:38,868
Indeed. Yeah. Yeah.

441
00:14:38,936 --> 00:14:41,871
Are you here to see
"Deux Jour de la Vie"?

442
00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:44,007
Well, we're not here to see
"Croctopus"!

443
00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:48,299
Forgive Vish if you
hear him groan.

444
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:51,332
He gets annoyed if the
subtitles are mistranslated.

445
00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:54,291
Well, that makes "deux" of us.

446
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:57,152
I guess we'll... see you in there.

447
00:14:57,153 --> 00:14:58,086
- All right.
- You bet.

448
00:14:58,154 --> 00:15:01,322
See you in there!

449
00:15:03,926 --> 00:15:06,527
Phil, where are you going?!

450
00:15:06,595 --> 00:15:08,062
"Croctopus."

451
00:15:08,129 --> 00:15:10,431
Honey. Honey!

452
00:15:10,499 --> 00:15:12,433
I think we should
go see this movie.

453
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:14,101
Why do I have to
watch a French movie?

454
00:15:14,169 --> 00:15:16,203
I didn't do anything wrong.

455
00:15:16,271 --> 00:15:17,671
Well, maybe Alex has a point.

456
00:15:17,738 --> 00:15:20,206
How can we encourage our kids
to have intellectual curiosity

457
00:15:20,274 --> 00:15:21,207
when we don't have any?

458
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:23,477
I don't know.

459
00:15:23,544 --> 00:15:25,311
It's two hours of our life.

460
00:15:26,647 --> 00:15:27,948
Fine.

461
00:15:28,015 --> 00:15:30,216
For our kids.

462
00:15:30,284 --> 00:15:31,518
Sometimes I hate the kids.

463
00:15:31,586 --> 00:15:33,786
I know.

464
00:15:38,725 --> 00:15:40,325
I'm so confused.

465
00:15:40,393 --> 00:15:41,393
I'm not.

466
00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:42,795
I love this.

467
00:15:42,863 --> 00:15:44,597
You do not.

468
00:15:44,664 --> 00:15:47,733
Name one thing you've
liked about this.

469
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:49,934
I liked the scene with
the old man on the beach.

470
00:15:50,002 --> 00:15:51,803
That was a trailer for
a different movie.

471
00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:53,237
So he's not coming back?

472
00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:55,573
No, he's not coming back,
and I'm not coming back, either!

473
00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:59,377
Some of us are trying
to enjoy this film.

474
00:16:01,547 --> 00:16:04,382
While Claire watched one of
the most highly acclaimed

475
00:16:04,449 --> 00:16:06,349
films of the year,

476
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:08,485
I sat through a badly
made schlockfest

477
00:16:08,553 --> 00:16:10,988
with absolutely no
redeeming value.

478
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:13,524
And it was awesome.

479
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,260
Oh, my God.

480
00:16:34,277 --> 00:16:36,645
It feels like I have ink on me!

481
00:16:42,051 --> 00:16:43,351
Sweetheart...

482
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,920
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

483
00:16:44,987 --> 00:16:46,187
What?

484
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,186
Oh, my God. Honey...

485
00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:48,557
I fell asleep. I missed it.

486
00:16:48,624 --> 00:16:50,158
Yeah, let's go home.

487
00:16:51,561 --> 00:16:54,361
I can't believe I fell
asleep and you left.

488
00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:56,329
Alex is right... We're idiots.

489
00:16:56,397 --> 00:16:58,498
Claire, stop it.

490
00:16:58,567 --> 00:17:00,601
Look...

491
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:03,051
Our kid got the second-best
grade in the class.

492
00:17:03,838 --> 00:17:05,873
Dumb parents don't
make kids that smart.

493
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,875
She got the best of both of us.

494
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,342
Mm.

495
00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:12,745
Kind of like if you combined
the jaw strength of a crocodile

496
00:17:12,813 --> 00:17:16,049
and the ink-spraying
capabilities of an octopus.

497
00:17:16,117 --> 00:17:19,419
You'd end up with
something unstoppable.

498
00:17:19,487 --> 00:17:22,255
But they did stop him
in the end, didn't they?

499
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:23,723
"Her." And she laid eggs.

500
00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:24,891
Croctopi.

501
00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:25,958
Yeah.

502
00:17:26,025 --> 00:17:27,025
Ohh.

503
00:17:28,274 --> 00:17:29,674
Hey. Hey.

504
00:17:29,742 --> 00:17:33,278
Check out Einstein over there.

505
00:17:34,195 --> 00:17:36,129
Well, that's just sad.

506
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,401
Hey, Vish.

507
00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:42,669
You just do this.

508
00:17:45,872 --> 00:17:46,906
Thank you.

509
00:17:46,973 --> 00:17:49,241
So, did you enjoy the film?

510
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,710
Not in the least.

511
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,113
I actually found it
quite two-dimensional.

512
00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:55,815
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

513
00:17:55,882 --> 00:17:56,798
Hmm.

514
00:17:56,799 --> 00:17:58,038
Well, lovely to see you.

515
00:17:58,039 --> 00:17:59,305
Good to see you, too.

516
00:17:59,372 --> 00:18:00,339
All right. Bye.

517
00:18:00,407 --> 00:18:01,607
Bye.

518
00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:03,760
After you, doctor.

519
00:18:03,761 --> 00:18:05,487
After you, professor.

520
00:18:18,324 --> 00:18:19,481
Mitchell, Cameron.

521
00:18:19,482 --> 00:18:20,158
Come on in.

522
00:18:20,226 --> 00:18:21,727
Hi.

523
00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:23,361
Um, so...

524
00:18:23,429 --> 00:18:25,030
W-we need to talk.

525
00:18:25,098 --> 00:18:26,664
About what?

526
00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:28,384
Do you mind if we sit down?

527
00:18:28,385 --> 00:18:29,478
Please.

528
00:18:30,535 --> 00:18:33,858
Um, Tracy, I...
I have something to say,

529
00:18:33,859 --> 00:18:35,021
and I'm afraid that
if I just don't

530
00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:37,041
say it all at once,
I'm never gonna say it.

531
00:18:37,109 --> 00:18:38,209
So... ohh.

532
00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:39,376
This takes me back to prom night.

533
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:42,346
Again... sorry about that.

534
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,748
Anyway, uh,

535
00:18:44,815 --> 00:18:47,884
I saw you yesterday across
the mall after we spoke

536
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:51,721
and couldn't help but notice
that you weren't alone.

537
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:53,489
Uh, you were with...

538
00:18:53,557 --> 00:18:56,057
I don't even know how to put this.

539
00:18:56,058 --> 00:18:57,961
His name...ls Bobby.

540
00:18:58,028 --> 00:19:00,029
Bobby.

541
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,897
Such a lovely name.

542
00:19:01,965 --> 00:19:03,265
Tracy...

543
00:19:03,332 --> 00:19:04,933
I-is he...

544
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:06,201
Yes, Mitchell.

545
00:19:06,269 --> 00:19:07,335
He is.

546
00:19:07,403 --> 00:19:08,804
Oh, my God. Oh... Okay.

547
00:19:08,872 --> 00:19:10,239
Um...

548
00:19:10,306 --> 00:19:12,074
Why didn't you tell me?

549
00:19:12,142 --> 00:19:14,042
Mitchell, you and I don't
have a relationship anymore.

550
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,678
I called you after our little...

551
00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:18,980
Visit to the nurse's room.

552
00:19:19,047 --> 00:19:21,215
You never returned
any of my calls.

553
00:19:21,283 --> 00:19:22,917
I-I was freaked out,
Tracy, and I...

554
00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:25,619
Hey, let's not rehash the past...

555
00:19:25,687 --> 00:19:28,089
...But rather,
focus on the future.

556
00:19:28,157 --> 00:19:29,922
Yes, yes. Yes, Cam and I, um,

557
00:19:29,923 --> 00:19:32,094
want to know if you're open...

558
00:19:32,095 --> 00:19:33,628
To us...

559
00:19:33,696 --> 00:19:36,097
Getting to know Bobby.

560
00:19:36,164 --> 00:19:38,165
I don't think that's
a very good idea.

561
00:19:38,234 --> 00:19:38,987
Okay, I understand.

562
00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:40,801
No, it might be a
little awkward at first,

563
00:19:40,869 --> 00:19:42,103
but I think after some time...

564
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,938
We brought him a present.

565
00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,842
For Bobby? Mm-hmm.

566
00:19:47,909 --> 00:19:48,976
Please, we just...

567
00:19:49,044 --> 00:19:50,377
We really just want to meet him.

568
00:19:51,779 --> 00:19:54,348
Fine.

569
00:19:54,415 --> 00:19:56,049
Okay.

570
00:19:56,117 --> 00:19:57,070
Bobby?

571
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,518
Could you come out here?

572
00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:03,510
- Hey, honey. What's up?
- Hi.

573
00:20:03,511 --> 00:20:06,954
I wanted to introduce you
to Mitchell and Cameron.

574
00:20:07,322 --> 00:20:09,157
- This is my husband.
- Hey. How ya doin'?

575
00:20:09,224 --> 00:20:10,458
Hey, what's up,
dude? How ya doin'? Good.

576
00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:11,526
Nice to meet you. Yeah.

577
00:20:11,593 --> 00:20:13,427
- Hi. Cameron.
- Hi, there. Yeah.

578
00:20:13,495 --> 00:20:15,864
So, uh, how do you know Tracy?

579
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:18,432
Um, uh, how... uh, we, um...

580
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,768
Mitchell took me to the prom.

581
00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:21,601
- The prom.
- The prom.

582
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:22,936
Oh, a redhead.

583
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:25,039
You really have a type, don't you?

584
00:20:26,908 --> 00:20:28,742
They got you a present?

585
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,010
Oh... it's not...

586
00:20:30,078 --> 00:20:31,145
You don't need to...
I wouldn't even...

587
00:20:31,212 --> 00:20:32,046
You don't...

588
00:20:35,382 --> 00:20:36,628
"Li'l slugger"?

589
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:40,704
I'm just gonna go and
let you two catch up.

590
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:42,639
So...

591
00:20:47,427 --> 00:20:48,845
'Sup?

592
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:53,210
I never realized that you
ever had sex with a girl

593
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:54,753
oh, yeah. Yeah.

594
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,926
I kind of got around
back then, actually.

595
00:20:56,927 --> 00:20:58,488
- More than one?
- Please.

596
00:20:58,489 --> 00:20:59,995
Well, there was Tracy. Who else?

597
00:20:59,996 --> 00:21:01,800
Uh, Betty Rizzo.

598
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,505
Don't remember her.

599
00:21:03,506 --> 00:21:05,202
Eliza Doolittle?

600
00:21:05,203 --> 00:21:07,123
- Nellie Forbush?
- These were classmates?

601
00:21:07,124 --> 00:21:08,522
Well, s-s-some were older.

602
00:21:08,523 --> 00:21:10,002
S-some were younger.

603
00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:14,498
Uh, Liesel and Gretel Von Trapp.

604
00:21:15,019 --> 00:21:16,824
Sisters, obviously... too far?

605
00:21:16,825 --> 00:21:17,989
I'm not an idiot.

606
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:19,666
You played that
record night and day.

607
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:21,737
- Why would you tell me a thing like that?
- I just...

608
00:21:21,937 --> 00:21:32,137
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