1 00:00:09,068 --> 00:00:11,068 Ordinarily, I'm a rule follower, 2 00:00:11,103 --> 00:00:12,369 But when someone tells me 3 00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:14,338 I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium, 4 00:00:14,372 --> 00:00:17,996 That's when I get a little nuts. [ plastic crinkles ] 5 00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:19,618 It's a free country, right? 6 00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:22,224 Let's just say it ruffles me... [ plastic crinkles ] 7 00:00:22,258 --> 00:00:23,889 ...When some goobers... [ plastic crinkles ] 8 00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,816 ...Tell me I have to spend half my payday... [ plastic crinkles ] 9 00:00:26,850 --> 00:00:30,313 ...On their hot dogs. [ plastic crinkles ] 10 00:00:31,313 --> 00:00:33,077 Please, just remember the family portrait. 11 00:00:33,112 --> 00:00:34,942 We only have the photographer for an hour. 12 00:00:34,976 --> 00:00:36,242 Okay. Okay? 13 00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:37,611 And, sweetie, did you have a chance 14 00:00:37,645 --> 00:00:39,379 To try on the white pants I put in your closet? 15 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,247 Oh, what do they look like? 16 00:00:41,281 --> 00:00:44,555 Is there really a more clear way to describe white pants? 17 00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:46,292 Sweetie, if they don't fit you, 18 00:00:46,327 --> 00:00:48,395 You're gonna be the only one not wearing white, 19 00:00:48,429 --> 00:00:50,731 And then you're gonna stand out like "where's Waldo?" 20 00:00:50,765 --> 00:00:52,699 Actually, "where's Waldo?" doesn't stand out. 21 00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,767 He's super hard to find. That's the challenge. 22 00:00:54,801 --> 00:00:57,804 This portrait is incredibly important to me. Also, his name is just Waldo. Sorry. 23 00:00:57,839 --> 00:01:01,140 I spent weeks trying to find a time that works for everybody 24 00:01:01,174 --> 00:01:02,507 And finding the right photographer. 25 00:01:02,542 --> 00:01:03,742 So if you could just promise me 26 00:01:03,776 --> 00:01:05,843 That you'll cooperate, okay? 27 00:01:05,877 --> 00:01:07,277 I promise. Okay. 28 00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:08,978 This is amazing that you're doing this. 29 00:01:09,012 --> 00:01:10,078 Mm, thank you. 30 00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,112 You're wonderful. 31 00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:12,146 Thank you. 32 00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:13,182 Get in here. Okay. 33 00:01:13,216 --> 00:01:14,384 [ plastic crinkles ] oh, no can do. 34 00:01:14,418 --> 00:01:15,986 Oh. Oh. I love you. 35 00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:17,320 [ smooches ] bye. 36 00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:19,689 [ birds chirping ] 37 00:01:19,723 --> 00:01:21,657 Where's my good underwear? 38 00:01:21,692 --> 00:01:22,791 The question is, 39 00:01:22,826 --> 00:01:25,459 Why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? 40 00:01:25,493 --> 00:01:26,959 You make a nice living! 41 00:01:26,994 --> 00:01:29,327 The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. 42 00:01:29,362 --> 00:01:30,962 Put on the first thing I grabbed -- 43 00:01:30,996 --> 00:01:32,463 It was like a crotch tourniquet. 44 00:01:32,497 --> 00:01:34,432 You got to talk to her. Why me? 45 00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:37,301 Hola. You both speak the same language. 46 00:01:37,336 --> 00:01:38,302 She's Portuguese. 47 00:01:38,336 --> 00:01:39,969 Do you know how offensive it is 48 00:01:40,004 --> 00:01:42,938 That you put all of us in the same mixing pot? [ doorbell rings ] 49 00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:44,072 I'm sorry. Please apologize to her 50 00:01:44,107 --> 00:01:45,507 When you tell her not to put my underwear -- 51 00:01:45,541 --> 00:01:47,308 I can't talk to her! 52 00:01:47,343 --> 00:01:49,409 Hey, guys. 53 00:01:49,444 --> 00:01:50,577 Hey! Hey! 54 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,611 Where's Luke? 55 00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:52,979 I'm going instead. 56 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,314 Luke suddenly remembered a school project due tomorrow. 57 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,382 Oh, that's tough. 58 00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:57,683 But it's a good lesson for the kid. 59 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,785 You know, you ma a commitment, you got to follow through. 60 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,854 Yeah. What is the project? 61 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,456 Uh, he has to interview somebody who lived through the 1960s. 62 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:05,623 [ sighing ] oh, no. 63 00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:07,625 [ cellphone rings, beeps ] 64 00:02:07,659 --> 00:02:09,259 Hello. 65 00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:11,060 Yeah, Luke. 66 00:02:11,095 --> 00:02:13,462 Oh, sure, I remember what I said. 67 00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:14,863 Yeah, come on over. 68 00:02:14,897 --> 00:02:16,297 All right. 69 00:02:16,331 --> 00:02:18,298 Gloria, you're gonna have to take Manny to the game. 70 00:02:18,332 --> 00:02:20,733 Yay. Manny, vamos! 71 00:02:20,768 --> 00:02:22,335 I'm still getting dressed! 72 00:02:22,369 --> 00:02:25,304 Hey, mom! I think my diet's working! 73 00:02:25,338 --> 00:02:26,672 My underwear won't stay up! 74 00:02:26,706 --> 00:02:27,906 [ chuckles ] 75 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:41,819 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 76 00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:45,955 Oh, so delicious. 77 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,357 Yes. 78 00:02:47,391 --> 00:02:49,992 Hey, you're okay with me not going with you today, right? 79 00:02:50,027 --> 00:02:53,662 I have been hired to sing at a wedding this weekend. 80 00:02:53,697 --> 00:02:58,098 I was plucked from obscurity after a particularly stirring 81 00:02:58,133 --> 00:02:59,833 [chuckling] karaoke performance. 82 00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,901 So I guess you could say I'm a professional singer now. 83 00:03:01,936 --> 00:03:03,069 I don't know. 84 00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:05,804 Well, they're paying you in flowers, so... 85 00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:07,873 Well, I would have blown the money on flowers anyway. 86 00:03:07,907 --> 00:03:09,174 They're saving me a step. 87 00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:11,876 Plus, all the great divas are rewarded in flowers. 88 00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:14,044 They're also given paychecks. 89 00:03:14,078 --> 00:03:16,780 It's just, I'm really bad at small talk, so... 90 00:03:16,814 --> 00:03:18,581 I get it. It's not a problem. 91 00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:19,615 Are you sure? 92 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:20,749 Because you've been quiet all morning. 93 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,018 It's because I'm resting my instrument. 94 00:03:24,187 --> 00:03:25,187 Okay. 95 00:03:27,189 --> 00:03:28,589 I feel tension. 96 00:03:28,623 --> 00:03:31,691 [ upbeat music plays ] 97 00:03:31,726 --> 00:03:33,059 [ crowd shouting ] 98 00:03:33,093 --> 00:03:34,060 Phil: Kobe! 99 00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,995 Kobe Kobe! 100 00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,063 Kobe! Kobe! Kobe! Kobe! 101 00:03:37,097 --> 00:03:38,431 Hey, hat can I do for you? 102 00:03:39,499 --> 00:03:42,634 Do you like being a basketball...Player? 103 00:03:42,669 --> 00:03:44,302 You serious? 104 00:03:44,337 --> 00:03:46,904 I choked. I didn't think you'd look up heret me. 105 00:03:46,938 --> 00:03:48,572 Little preparation next time. 106 00:03:48,606 --> 00:03:49,606 It's a mental game. 107 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,874 Dually noted. 108 00:03:50,908 --> 00:03:53,042 All right. 109 00:03:59,415 --> 00:04:00,549 [ keys clatter ] 110 00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:03,585 What's wrong? 111 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,019 That broken step. 112 00:04:05,053 --> 00:04:06,654 It's gonna ruin our whole family portrait. 113 00:04:06,688 --> 00:04:07,888 Claire: Okay, here's my idea. 114 00:04:07,922 --> 00:04:09,322 I'm really excited about it. 115 00:04:09,356 --> 00:04:11,657 The whole extended family, all dressed in white, 116 00:04:11,691 --> 00:04:13,992 In a single-file line down the staircase. 117 00:04:14,026 --> 00:04:15,260 Oh, like a line on the highway. 118 00:04:15,294 --> 00:04:16,761 No. 119 00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:18,563 Or a-a ski jump. 120 00:04:18,597 --> 00:04:19,597 No. 121 00:04:19,631 --> 00:04:20,797 Why -- why would I want a ski jump? 122 00:04:20,832 --> 00:04:22,098 I don't know. 123 00:04:22,132 --> 00:04:24,033 My idea was to have the whole family on a giant bed 124 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:25,401 Like in "Willy wonka." 125 00:04:25,435 --> 00:04:27,369 Yeah, but that's ridiculous. 126 00:04:27,404 --> 00:04:29,538 Ridicu-licious. 127 00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:31,072 [ sighs ] 128 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,407 I don't see anything. 129 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:34,709 So I'm crazy? 130 00:04:35,243 --> 00:04:38,311 No! You're...Not. 131 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,146 Your father was supposed to fix that step. 132 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:44,649 Mom, you're obsessing over the tiniest little thing. 133 00:04:44,683 --> 00:04:46,183 So you do see it. Yeah. 134 00:04:46,217 --> 00:04:48,718 What is the big deal about this one picture? 135 00:04:48,752 --> 00:04:49,785 Honey, you know what? 136 00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:51,153 I don't expect you to understand. 137 00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:53,388 But [sighs] all right. 138 00:04:53,422 --> 00:04:57,024 When you're a mom, everything goes by so quickly. 139 00:04:57,058 --> 00:04:58,792 In a minute, Luke's gonna be shaving, 140 00:04:58,826 --> 00:05:00,493 And Alex is gonna be off at college, 141 00:05:00,527 --> 00:05:01,994 And -- and you're gonna be... 142 00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:06,398 ...You're gonna be doing something great. 143 00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:07,999 [ breathes deeply ] 144 00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:11,135 Just want to freeze this moment as it is right now. 145 00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:12,203 You know? 146 00:05:12,237 --> 00:05:13,370 I do. 147 00:05:13,404 --> 00:05:15,171 I know I don't show it, 148 00:05:15,205 --> 00:05:18,407 But this family's still the most important thing that I -- screw it. 149 00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,724 I'm gonna fix the bastard. 150 00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:22,860 I mean, seriously, how hard can it be? 151 00:05:22,894 --> 00:05:25,028 If your father can do it, I can do it, right? 152 00:05:25,062 --> 00:05:26,362 All right. [ sighs ] 153 00:05:26,397 --> 00:05:28,798 I just need to... 154 00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:30,700 Like, lift... 155 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,803 Oh. Now I see it. 156 00:05:34,837 --> 00:05:36,804 Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 157 00:05:39,508 --> 00:05:41,142 [ cheers and applause ] 158 00:05:41,176 --> 00:05:43,345 These seats are amazing! 159 00:05:43,412 --> 00:05:45,680 Why you have candy coming out of your pants? 160 00:05:45,715 --> 00:05:47,082 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Huh? 161 00:05:47,116 --> 00:05:48,383 I brought my own snacks. 162 00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:50,918 Not because I'm cheap. It's. 163 00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:52,887 Plus, I get a little rush from the danger. 164 00:05:52,921 --> 00:05:55,289 Be cool! Be cool! Be cool! 165 00:05:55,323 --> 00:05:56,824 Just look straight ahead. 166 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,427 I've never felt more alive. 167 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,061 Whoo! 168 00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:05,197 Okay, I just made it worse. I'm not freaking out, though. 169 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,599 I'm gonna call your dad, 170 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,767 And he's gonna tell me how to fix this. 171 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,169 "Oh, my God, it's dad" 172 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,904 Where? Right there, behind Kobe! 173 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,139 Oh! Oh, how weird is this? 174 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,541 Quick. Quick. Tell me something to say that'll freak him out. 175 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:17,843 Tell him I'm pregnant! 176 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,311 No, I'm not gonna say that. 177 00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:20,379 [ ringing ] 178 00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:23,315 Okay, here we go. How funny is this? 179 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:24,549 [ laughing ] 180 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:27,619 He it's Phil. 181 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,254 You know what to do. 182 00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,589 [ beep ] 183 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,123 Well, that was pretty funny. 184 00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:34,283 [ beep ] 185 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,014 Oh, my God! 186 00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:44,783 Oh, my God. 187 00:06:45,718 --> 00:06:47,519 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 188 00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:53,991 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 189 00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:57,494 Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. 190 00:06:57,528 --> 00:07:00,830 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 191 00:07:00,865 --> 00:07:02,799 Oh, my God! Oh! 192 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,367 [ cellphone rings ] 193 00:07:04,402 --> 00:07:06,202 Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry for that. 194 00:07:06,237 --> 00:07:07,370 [ beep ] 195 00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:08,872 Hello? 196 00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:10,273 There is a pigeon in our house! 197 00:07:10,308 --> 00:07:11,575 What do I do? What do I do? 198 00:07:11,609 --> 00:07:12,642 Who is this? 199 00:07:12,676 --> 00:07:14,143 Never funny. Not funny now. 200 00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:15,277 Calm down. 201 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:16,745 You know, I grew up around many animals. 202 00:07:16,779 --> 00:07:17,979 One time, a rooster attacked me, 203 00:07:18,014 --> 00:07:19,881 And my mom wrung its neck, and we had it for dinner. 204 00:07:19,915 --> 00:07:22,550 Great time for an anecdote. Help me! 205 00:07:22,584 --> 00:07:24,150 It's more afraid of you than you are of it. 206 00:07:24,185 --> 00:07:25,818 Pigeons aren't scared of anything. 207 00:07:25,852 --> 00:07:27,185 They stand on electrical wires. 208 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:28,553 You're gonna be fine, Mitchell. 209 00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:30,521 You know what? Just as long as you don't -- 210 00:07:30,555 --> 00:07:32,289 Oh, you know what? They're starting. I got to go. 211 00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:33,757 Okay. Bye. [ beep ] 212 00:07:33,791 --> 00:07:35,558 As long as I don't what?! Cam, as long as I don't -- 213 00:07:35,593 --> 00:07:37,460 Oh. [ groans ] 214 00:07:40,363 --> 00:07:41,763 Ooh, the kiss Cam! 215 00:07:41,797 --> 00:07:43,831 Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera was on us 216 00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:45,165 And then the crowd started -- 217 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,500 We're related. Not by blood. 218 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,335 Touch me, and there will be blood. 219 00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:51,638 [ cheers and applause ] 220 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,239 Not us. 221 00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:55,407 What's wrong with you? 222 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:56,574 It's the kiss-cam -- 223 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:57,842 When it lands on you, you're supposed to kiss. 224 00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:01,346 [ crowd booing ] 225 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,081 It's my wife's dad's second wife, 226 00:08:03,148 --> 00:08:05,917 So, legally okay, but still weird. 227 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,454 That was awkward. 228 00:08:10,488 --> 00:08:12,222 And...We're back. 229 00:08:12,256 --> 00:08:14,390 [ crowd booing ] 230 00:08:14,425 --> 00:08:18,662 Ay, come on. It's not a big deal. 231 00:08:18,696 --> 00:08:21,631 [ cheers and applause ] 232 00:08:24,301 --> 00:08:25,668 Thank God for caller I.D. 233 00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:27,670 So you don't have to talk to your wife. 234 00:08:27,704 --> 00:08:28,904 [ chuckles ] 235 00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:30,239 Oh, we're gonna talk, mister. 236 00:08:30,273 --> 00:08:31,307 [ hammering ] 237 00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:32,574 We're gonna talk and talk... 238 00:08:32,609 --> 00:08:33,775 [ cellphone beeps ] 239 00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:37,710 Dad! Mom saw you on TV! 240 00:08:37,745 --> 00:08:38,978 You're dead. 241 00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,080 Phil: Here's the thing. 242 00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:44,548 The kiss-cam is only supposed to be for the enjoyment 243 00:08:44,582 --> 00:08:46,282 Of the people at the game! 244 00:08:46,316 --> 00:08:48,083 They never show that on TV. 245 00:08:48,118 --> 00:08:51,519 What people do in the privacy of their own sports arena 246 00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:53,887 Should be their own business. 247 00:08:54,922 --> 00:08:56,088 So, in '66, 248 00:08:56,122 --> 00:08:59,858 I worked at my grandfather's office-supply business. 249 00:08:59,892 --> 00:09:02,193 You know, your ink, your staples, your legal pads. 250 00:09:02,228 --> 00:09:03,527 Am I going too fast for you? 251 00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:05,995 I feel asleep for second. 252 00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:08,797 Did you do anything interesting in the '60s? 253 00:09:08,832 --> 00:09:10,066 Well, one summer, I swept up hair 254 00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:11,467 At my other grandfather's barber shop. 255 00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:12,735 Ugh, you're killing me! 256 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:15,271 What do you want? I don't know. 257 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,606 Brian Beckwith's grandfather marched on Washington. 258 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,007 Artie Beckwith? 259 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:21,675 He couldn't walk two feet without complaining. 260 00:09:21,709 --> 00:09:23,142 He marched on Washington? 261 00:09:23,177 --> 00:09:25,044 He told Brian he did. 262 00:09:25,079 --> 00:09:26,712 With Martin Luther king Jr. 263 00:09:26,746 --> 00:09:28,480 Martin Luther king? 264 00:09:28,515 --> 00:09:30,549 Guess who cut his hair. 265 00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:31,917 [ chuckling ] what? 266 00:09:31,951 --> 00:09:34,286 Do you know who cut Martin Luther king Jr.'s hair? 267 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,288 Neither does Luke's teacher. 268 00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:38,458 So, the barber shop was in Washington? 269 00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:39,459 Okay. 270 00:09:39,893 --> 00:09:41,660 Did you cut any other famous hair? 271 00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:43,697 Oh, yeah, the Kennedys, Richard Nixon, 272 00:09:43,731 --> 00:09:44,898 All the astronauts. 273 00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:47,133 How do you think buzz Aldrin got his nickname? 274 00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:49,402 [ chuckling ] awesome. 275 00:09:49,436 --> 00:09:51,236 Mitchell: ♪ we love to play in Lily's room 276 00:09:51,271 --> 00:09:53,204 ♪ we don't need any milk ♪ 277 00:09:53,239 --> 00:09:54,806 [ humming ] 278 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,874 Okay, you know what, Lily? I am a man. 279 00:09:56,908 --> 00:09:59,809 I am going into the kitchen to get your milk. 280 00:09:59,844 --> 00:10:00,777 [ Lily crying ] 281 00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:01,878 [ breathing heavily] 282 00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:04,679 [ groans ] 283 00:10:04,714 --> 00:10:06,881 [ breathing deeply ] 284 00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:10,583 Whaaaaaaaaa! 285 00:10:10,617 --> 00:10:13,385 [ screaming ] 286 00:10:18,957 --> 00:10:20,491 [ screaming continues ] 287 00:10:24,629 --> 00:10:27,765 Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Ohh! 288 00:10:27,799 --> 00:10:30,134 [ Lily crying ] come on. 289 00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:40,243 [ cello playing ] 290 00:10:42,213 --> 00:10:52,922 ♪ ave Maria ♪ 291 00:10:52,956 --> 00:11:00,162 ♪ Gratia plena ♪ 292 00:11:00,196 --> 00:11:07,868 ♪ Maria, Gratia plena ♪ 293 00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:14,839 ♪ Maria, Gratia plena ♪ 294 00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:22,312 ♪ ave, ave Dominus ♪ 295 00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:26,983 ♪ Dominus tecum ♪ 296 00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:35,122 ♪ Benedicta tu in mulieribus ♪ 297 00:11:35,157 --> 00:11:42,494 ♪ et benedictus fructus ventris ♪ 298 00:11:42,529 --> 00:11:51,935 ♪ ventris tui, Jesus ♪ 299 00:11:54,404 --> 00:12:05,179 ♪ ave Maria ♪ 300 00:12:05,213 --> 00:12:07,047 [ applause ] 301 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,236 Then one day, wilt Chamberlain shows up. 302 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,471 He says, "can you take a little off the top 303 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:20,639 For my friend here?" 304 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,707 And it's Elvis. 305 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,841 [ chuckling ] no way. 306 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,409 Greatest singer that ever lived -- 307 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,510 After Sinatra. 308 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,878 I'll fight any man who says different. 309 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,013 My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived 310 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:30,748 Is Peabo Bryson. 311 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,183 Then I guess I got to fight your dad. 312 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,719 Yeah. I guess. 313 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,289 [ cellphone beeps ] 314 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:42,396 Luke says grandpa wants to fight you. 315 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:46,466 [ grunts ] 316 00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:51,238 [ clatter ] 317 00:12:51,272 --> 00:12:53,140 Why does everything have to suck?! 318 00:12:53,175 --> 00:12:55,543 Let's just do the picture another day. 319 00:12:55,577 --> 00:12:56,578 I think I'm getting a pimple. 320 00:12:56,612 --> 00:12:57,879 No! 321 00:12:57,913 --> 00:12:59,981 Do you know how long it took me to book this photographer? 322 00:13:00,016 --> 00:13:03,317 Maybe by the fireplace. 323 00:13:03,352 --> 00:13:05,019 Yeah. 324 00:13:05,053 --> 00:13:07,522 That's a classic old-person spot for a portrait. 325 00:13:07,556 --> 00:13:10,091 Yeah, if I'd ever bothered to paint that hideous WA 326 00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:11,927 Claire is a perfectionist, 327 00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:13,862 Which sometimes is a good thing, 328 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,865 Like when it comes to picking a [chuckling] husband. 329 00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:18,230 Sometime it's a bad thing, 330 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,168 Like when, uh, everyone else sees something beautiful, 331 00:13:21,202 --> 00:13:24,971 And all she sees is the teeny, tiny flaw. 332 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,905 No. 333 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,540 No. [ dialing ] 334 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,409 No. 335 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,643 Hi. 336 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,178 My house is a disaster. 337 00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,412 Can we do this picture at your place? 338 00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:39,315 Yeah, yeah, that's -- that's not gonna work. 339 00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:49,053 Maybe one more layer -- and tight, really tight. 340 00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:50,287 Dad, can you call them again? 341 00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:51,655 I just did. They're on their way. 342 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:52,856 Game went into overtime. 343 00:13:52,890 --> 00:13:54,256 I know, but we're losing the light, 344 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,691 And the photographer has got to get 345 00:13:55,725 --> 00:13:56,992 To a bar mitzvah in 10 minutes. 346 00:13:57,026 --> 00:13:58,260 Oh, red wine. Really? Now? 347 00:13:58,294 --> 00:13:59,928 You know, honey, I think you're getting 348 00:13:59,962 --> 00:14:01,329 A little too uptight about this. 349 00:14:01,363 --> 00:14:02,363 Mm-hmm. 350 00:14:02,397 --> 00:14:03,431 It's hard to breathe. 351 00:14:03,465 --> 00:14:05,132 Oh, you're fine. What'd you do to him? 352 00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,334 He's turning blue. Yeah, but his clothes will stay white. 353 00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:10,003 We're home! 354 00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:11,303 Oh, thank God! 355 00:14:11,338 --> 00:14:12,304 Alex: Hello! Manny, let's go change. 356 00:14:12,339 --> 00:14:13,305 Mwah! 357 00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:15,808 Hey. There's my beautiful wife. 358 00:14:15,842 --> 00:14:17,209 I know you're mad at me, 359 00:14:17,244 --> 00:14:19,012 And I know this foam finger can't map for everything -- 360 00:14:19,046 --> 00:14:21,180 Honey, you just go change, and we'll talk about what you did later. 361 00:14:21,214 --> 00:14:22,381 Okay. Hey... 362 00:14:22,415 --> 00:14:23,849 Thank you so much for those tickets. 363 00:14:23,884 --> 00:14:25,618 Gloria tells me you had a real good time. 364 00:14:25,652 --> 00:14:27,085 Not really. No, I didn't. 365 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,353 God, I love your daughter. [ clatter ] 366 00:14:28,387 --> 00:14:29,587 Ohh! I should -- 367 00:14:29,622 --> 00:14:30,855 I should come by and kiss that step -- 368 00:14:30,889 --> 00:14:32,122 Fix that step. 369 00:14:32,156 --> 00:14:33,456 [ door opens ] 370 00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:34,958 Ugh, you're acting like I wanted to destroy the house. 371 00:14:34,992 --> 00:14:36,192 No, I just think it's odd 372 00:14:36,226 --> 00:14:37,994 That the majority of things you destroyed 373 00:14:38,028 --> 00:14:39,194 Were sent to us by my mom. 374 00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:40,328 Oh, okay, okay, okay, 375 00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:42,096 So while I'm fighting off that filthy creature, 376 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,964 I actually stop and say, "oh, you know what? 377 00:14:43,999 --> 00:14:45,899 Here's the opportunity I've always been looking for 378 00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:47,734 "To destroy our kitschiest objects." 379 00:14:47,768 --> 00:14:49,101 "kitschiest"? Oh, she's gonna love that. 380 00:14:49,136 --> 00:14:50,269 You know, if you would have just come with me to the wedding, 381 00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:51,270 None of this would have happened. 382 00:14:51,304 --> 00:14:52,671 Okay, so you are angry. 383 00:14:52,705 --> 00:14:53,905 Mitchell, I get it. 384 00:14:53,939 --> 00:14:55,607 You're terrified of small talk...And birds. 385 00:14:56,141 --> 00:14:58,108 You're just lucky that pigeon didn't want to chat you up 386 00:14:58,143 --> 00:14:59,076 About the weather. 387 00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:00,643 Hello, Jay. Jay: Hello, guys. 388 00:15:00,677 --> 00:15:02,878 Claire: Oh, God! 389 00:15:02,946 --> 00:15:04,513 Oh, you look like the guy from "dance fever"! 390 00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:05,914 Thank you. 391 00:15:05,949 --> 00:15:07,349 Deney Terrio. Cleveland, Ohio. 392 00:15:07,383 --> 00:15:08,417 Dad, really. 393 00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:09,684 That is not a compliment. 394 00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:11,519 That's why I wanted you to try those on earlier. 395 00:15:11,554 --> 00:15:12,587 Turn around. 396 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:13,788 The picture can't happen today. 397 00:15:13,822 --> 00:15:14,955 My pimple's getting worse. 398 00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,690 Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Can you stand? 399 00:15:16,725 --> 00:15:17,725 Yeah? 400 00:15:17,759 --> 00:15:18,692 Well, then, the picture's happening. 401 00:15:18,727 --> 00:15:20,928 It's all anybody's gonna see! 402 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,529 I wouldn't be so sure about that. 403 00:15:24,898 --> 00:15:26,665 Did you get a look at her dress? 404 00:15:26,699 --> 00:15:28,266 What?! Why would I look at her dress? 405 00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:29,267 I love you! 406 00:15:29,302 --> 00:15:30,435 Photographer: Uh, Mrs. Dunphy. 407 00:15:30,469 --> 00:15:31,470 The sun is setting. 408 00:15:31,504 --> 00:15:33,104 Oh, okay, yeah, this is happening. 409 00:15:33,139 --> 00:15:34,039 Everybody, come on, let's go. 410 00:15:34,073 --> 00:15:35,206 Hold it. Be careful. 411 00:15:35,241 --> 00:15:37,242 I stained some furniture out there this afternoon. 412 00:15:38,026 --> 00:15:38,993 Of course you did, dad. 413 00:15:39,027 --> 00:15:40,194 Anything else I need to know about? 414 00:15:40,228 --> 00:15:41,528 Maybe the neighbors on either side 415 00:15:41,563 --> 00:15:42,730 Are having a paintball fight. 416 00:15:42,764 --> 00:15:43,998 Now, watch this. 417 00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:46,434 Dad, in his infinite wisdom, stained furniture today. 418 00:15:46,468 --> 00:15:48,002 Don't touch it. It's wet. 419 00:15:48,036 --> 00:15:50,171 Hurry, hurry! Put that down, sweetheart. 420 00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:52,807 Okay, okay, we got it. Now we're gonna go out here. We're ready. 421 00:15:52,842 --> 00:15:54,109 Oh, my God! 422 00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:55,210 Are you kidding me?! 423 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,478 Gloria: Ay. All right, how do you -- 424 00:15:56,513 --> 00:15:57,513 How do you turn the sprinklers off? 425 00:15:57,547 --> 00:15:59,381 Ay, of course, because I'm Latina, 426 00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:02,384 I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers! 427 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,253 You were here when they installed it! 428 00:16:05,037 --> 00:16:07,006 Ay, yeah. Ay... 429 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,408 The box is across the yard. 430 00:16:08,475 --> 00:16:10,343 Claire: You mean the now-soaking-wet yard? 431 00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:11,812 That's great. We are screwed. 432 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:14,313 No, we're not. 433 00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:16,948 We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon yet. 434 00:16:16,983 --> 00:16:20,284 Luke walks over there, "hurt locker"-style, 435 00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:23,154 Flips the switch, and boom! -- 436 00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:26,558 Or, not boom -- water off. 437 00:16:26,592 --> 00:16:29,327 Put the "he" in "hero," son. 438 00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:34,132 Claire: Oh. 439 00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:35,266 Ohh. 440 00:16:35,301 --> 00:16:36,701 "hurt locker." 441 00:16:36,736 --> 00:16:38,436 It's -- it's more like "squirt locker." 442 00:16:39,872 --> 00:16:41,506 Really? That wasn't funny? 443 00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,674 I actually pity you guys. 444 00:16:43,709 --> 00:16:45,443 [ clicking ] 445 00:16:45,477 --> 00:16:46,610 [ sprinklers shut off ] 446 00:16:46,645 --> 00:16:48,112 [ cheers and applause ] 447 00:16:48,147 --> 00:16:50,648 No! No time to celebrate! Stop it! 448 00:16:50,682 --> 00:16:52,383 We don't have a lot of time. 449 00:16:52,418 --> 00:16:54,252 All right, everybody, if I can have the little ones out front -- 450 00:16:54,286 --> 00:16:55,586 You know what, sir? If you don't mind... 451 00:16:55,621 --> 00:16:56,621 I've got this. 452 00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,255 Come on, people. Let's get out here. 453 00:16:58,289 --> 00:17:01,125 Haley, Alex, I need you to unwrap your brother, all right? 454 00:17:01,159 --> 00:17:02,927 I need the Dunphys over on this side. 455 00:17:02,961 --> 00:17:04,395 Dad, you're in the middle. 456 00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:07,198 Mitchell, Cam, Lily on this end. 457 00:17:07,232 --> 00:17:08,666 [ sighing ] okay. 458 00:17:08,734 --> 00:17:10,134 Listen. Uh-huh? 459 00:17:10,168 --> 00:17:11,335 I know I screwed up, 460 00:17:11,403 --> 00:17:13,704 But if ever you're in my arms again... 461 00:17:13,739 --> 00:17:15,606 Phil, not now. Yes, now! 462 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,741 I don't want to look at this picture when I'm 80 years old 463 00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,643 And you're long dead and know that you were angry at me 464 00:17:19,677 --> 00:17:20,877 When we took it! 465 00:17:20,912 --> 00:17:22,045 Phil, we'll talk about what you did later. 466 00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:23,713 Okay, everybody. Eyes over here. 467 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,782 I didn't do anything. She kissed me. 468 00:17:26,816 --> 00:17:28,383 What?! [ camera shutter clicks ] 469 00:17:28,918 --> 00:17:30,785 Who kissed you? Gloria. 470 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:31,720 What?! 471 00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:32,854 It was the kiss-cam. 472 00:17:32,888 --> 00:17:34,055 Why did you kiss Cam? 473 00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,224 No, I kissed Phil. He told me I had to. 474 00:17:36,258 --> 00:17:38,026 No. No. Okay. Hang on a second. 475 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:39,160 Was this before or after 476 00:17:39,195 --> 00:17:40,795 You ignored the phone call from your wife? 477 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,497 You saw that, too?! Mm. 478 00:17:43,031 --> 00:17:46,433 Could we please just take the damn picture?! 479 00:17:46,468 --> 00:17:48,769 Okay, everybody, one more time. 480 00:17:48,804 --> 00:17:50,371 Just so you know, I am angry with you. 481 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:52,139 I knew it! 482 00:17:52,173 --> 00:17:54,407 Oh, damn it! It was a big day for me, 483 00:17:54,442 --> 00:17:56,609 And he didn't to go because he doesn't like small talk! 484 00:17:56,644 --> 00:17:58,244 Would it be terribly inconvenient 485 00:17:58,279 --> 00:18:00,214 To just postpone this hissy fit for a few minutes? 486 00:18:00,248 --> 00:18:01,748 Okay, you know what?! 487 00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:04,251 Maybe some of us don't want to take a picture today! Thank you! 488 00:18:04,285 --> 00:18:05,452 Cam: Yeah, and, please, Claire, don't try to make Mitchell 489 00:18:05,487 --> 00:18:06,820 Do something he doesn't want to do. 490 00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:08,188 Oh, shut up, Cam! 491 00:18:08,222 --> 00:18:09,589 [ imitates wings fluttering ] okay, stop it! 492 00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:10,791 Stop it! Everyone! 493 00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:13,527 Listen, this took me forever to put together, 494 00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,963 So I don't really care who kissed who 495 00:18:15,997 --> 00:18:18,098 And who's got a pimple on her head, 496 00:18:18,132 --> 00:18:20,167 And who is wearing an outrageously inappropriate dress! 497 00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:23,135 We are gonna get together and act like a normal family 498 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,836 For 1/10 of a freaking second, 499 00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,104 And we're gonna do it right now. 500 00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,105 Come on, let's go. 501 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,140 Get your hands off or me! 502 00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:30,307 No. No, make me. 503 00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,443 Make me. Make me. Jay: Oh, this is ridiculous! 504 00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:34,712 You're both uptight about everything! 505 00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,447 You didn't want to go to a wedding with him 506 00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,783 Because you didn't want to make small talk? 507 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,084 That's how I met Gloria. 508 00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,619 Do you remember the first thing I said to you? 509 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:42,686 Yes. 510 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,522 "I like chocolate, I like fruit, 511 00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,724 But not together." 512 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,392 You couldn't come up with that, Ivy league? 513 00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,628 And you -- you would be a lot happier 514 00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,897 If you weren't so obsessed with everything being perfect. 515 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:54,298 Look at us here all in white. 516 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,733 What are we, a cricket team? 517 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,836 News flash -- life is not perfect, Claire. 518 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,072 Now, calm the hell down! 519 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,407 Okay, dad, that's great. 520 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,042 And that's really easy for you to say, 521 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,210 But do you think I like being like this? 522 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,879 No, I don't. 523 00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,446 So if you have some quick and easy fix, 524 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,148 Why don't you just give it to me right now? 525 00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,086 Ohh! 526 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,055 Oh! Oh! Oh! Jay! Oh! 527 00:19:18,089 --> 00:19:19,423 Oh, my God! 528 00:19:19,457 --> 00:19:22,059 I-I got this, baby. 529 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,495 No! What are -- [ gasps ] 530 00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:27,098 Why did you do that? Two people are dirty! 531 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:28,366 Well, three. 532 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,301 [ gasps ] okay, you know what? 533 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:32,636 That's for "kitschy." 534 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,871 Mud fight! 535 00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,072 [ girls screaming ] Claire: No. 536 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,607 Oh! Oh! Don't do that! 537 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:40,144 [ all screaming ] 538 00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:42,480 Stop! 539 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,349 Oh! 540 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,750 [ laughing and screaming ] Haley, stop it! 541 00:19:48,285 --> 00:19:49,453 Luke: No! Excuse me! 542 00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:51,522 [ laughter fades ] 543 00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:52,523 Are we still doing this? 544 00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:53,524 No. 545 00:19:53,558 --> 00:19:54,925 No, we're not. 546 00:19:57,128 --> 00:20:00,864 [ laughter ] 547 00:20:00,898 --> 00:20:02,765 Now we are. 548 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,034 Gloria: Ready! 549 00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:06,235 Phil: Whoo-hoo! 550 00:20:06,269 --> 00:20:08,704 Aah! [ giggles ] 551 00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:10,273 Say "cheese." 552 00:20:10,307 --> 00:20:12,208 Say "cheese!" 553 00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:13,776 Jay: Back in '68, 554 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,645 When I was sweeping up hair in that barber shop, 555 00:20:15,679 --> 00:20:18,048 I had this mental picture of the family that, 556 00:20:18,082 --> 00:20:20,617 If I was lucky enough, one day I would end up with -- 557 00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:23,520 Perfect wife, perfect kids. 558 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,621 Guess what. 559 00:20:24,655 --> 00:20:25,822 I didn't get any of that. 560 00:20:25,856 --> 00:20:28,158 Wound up with this sorry bunch. 561 00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:30,327 And I'm thankful for that every day. 562 00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,196 Well, most days. 563 00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:35,799 I think I'm just gonna go with the Elvis stuff. 564 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,239 Yeah, I would. 565 00:20:41,037 --> 00:20:42,203 To the right...To the right... 566 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,871 And a skosh to the left. 567 00:20:44,905 --> 00:20:46,239 There we go. 568 00:20:46,273 --> 00:20:48,074 [ inhales sharply ] whatever. 569 00:20:48,108 --> 00:20:49,775 I'm gonna have to take the picture down 570 00:20:49,810 --> 00:20:51,343 When I repaint the wall anyhow. 571 00:20:51,378 --> 00:20:53,145 Kill me now. 572 00:20:53,179 --> 00:20:54,179 What? 573 00:20:54,214 --> 00:20:55,648 Don't know how... 574 00:20:55,682 --> 00:20:57,182 I got so lucky. 575 00:20:57,217 --> 00:20:58,217 Mm-hmm? 576 00:20:58,251 --> 00:20:59,918 I love you. 577 00:20:59,953 --> 00:21:01,787 I love that picture. 578 00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:03,155 Yeah. 579 00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:08,860 Is that a chip on the frame right there? No. No. 580 00:21:08,894 --> 00:21:09,928 I can see it. Honey! 581 00:21:09,929 --> 00:21:19,929 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com