1 00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:02,797 What the hell? 2 00:00:02,852 --> 00:00:05,134 Oh, my God. He brought Mom's old car? 3 00:00:05,199 --> 00:00:06,955 You know, that thing was perfect for Dede... 4 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:08,697 loud, pulled way to the left, 5 00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,771 and constantly broke down in public. 6 00:00:11,207 --> 00:00:13,736 My ex-wife, Dede, died two months ago, 7 00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:16,465 and her husband, Jerry, drove down with a bunch of junk 8 00:00:16,543 --> 00:00:17,814 she wanted us to have. 9 00:00:17,879 --> 00:00:19,150 I always liked Jerry. 10 00:00:19,215 --> 00:00:21,634 Then why did you always look at him funny? 11 00:00:21,699 --> 00:00:23,244 Because I knew what he was in for. 12 00:00:23,309 --> 00:00:24,767 Same way I look at the footage 13 00:00:24,832 --> 00:00:26,974 of those people boarding the Titanic. 14 00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:29,501 Jay, this is for you. 15 00:00:29,566 --> 00:00:30,728 Oh, God. Is that her? 16 00:00:30,793 --> 00:00:32,705 No, no, no. Apparently this is a jar of sand 17 00:00:32,770 --> 00:00:34,251 from your honeymoon in Miami Beach. 18 00:00:34,316 --> 00:00:36,205 Oh, yeah. We stayed at the Fontainebleau. 19 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,349 - Hmm. - Guess who we took an elevator with? 20 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,767 Jackie Gleason. 21 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,334 I told him we were the honeymooners, 22 00:00:41,402 --> 00:00:42,431 and, as a joke, he threatened 23 00:00:42,496 --> 00:00:43,771 to punch Dede to the moon. 24 00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,462 Why is that funny? 25 00:00:45,527 --> 00:00:47,056 Well, that's my point. It wasn't right. 26 00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:50,287 Claire, your mom wanted you to have her old sports car. 27 00:00:50,363 --> 00:00:51,379 Oh, great. 28 00:00:51,457 --> 00:00:54,955 And Mitchell, you get to keep her jewelry. 29 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,244 Oh, so Claire gets a car, 30 00:00:56,309 --> 00:00:58,314 and I get a, uh, box of turquoise. 31 00:00:58,379 --> 00:00:59,337 Want to trade? 32 00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:00,353 No. No, it's fine. 33 00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:02,798 I have a preteen girl at home, and she likes to play dress-up. 34 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,556 And, you know, Lily might like it, too. 35 00:01:04,621 --> 00:01:07,212 Mitchell and Claire, Dede wanted you two to decide 36 00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:08,658 who gets to keep her. 37 00:01:08,723 --> 00:01:10,744 Sorry, Jay. She left you out of this one. 38 00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,735 No worries, Jerr. I'm good with the sand. 39 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,568 Hang on. Uh, what do you mean, "gets to keep her"? 40 00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:17,509 That's Dede. 41 00:01:17,574 --> 00:01:20,146 We had her ashes organically fused with the root ball. 42 00:01:20,238 --> 00:01:21,790 That is so Mom. 43 00:01:21,855 --> 00:01:25,158 I know. Setting up one last thing for us to fight over, 44 00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:27,173 - because neither of us want that tree. - Because both of us want the tree. 45 00:01:27,238 --> 00:01:29,420 - What? - That was easy. 46 00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:40,228 *MODERN FAMILY* Season 10 Episode 09 47 00:01:40,293 --> 00:01:41,701 Episode Title: "Putting own Roots" 48 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,473 Oh, cool. 49 00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:46,930 Look. Nana left us her old toy box from her house. 50 00:01:46,995 --> 00:01:49,076 Aww, bless her hoarding heart. 51 00:01:49,248 --> 00:01:51,056 Remember how I used to hide in here 52 00:01:51,121 --> 00:01:53,357 and pop out like a scary monster? 53 00:01:53,731 --> 00:01:55,716 I had so much promise back then. 54 00:01:57,898 --> 00:01:59,646 A stick horse that vibrates? 55 00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:00,969 I never got the point. 56 00:02:01,034 --> 00:02:02,650 I don't know, but I remember 57 00:02:02,715 --> 00:02:04,720 spending hours riding on it. 58 00:02:04,785 --> 00:02:06,459 - Same. - Hm. 59 00:02:06,670 --> 00:02:09,545 Oh. Lookie here, Alex. 60 00:02:09,622 --> 00:02:11,954 The source of your greatest shame... 61 00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:13,542 the puzzle that I solved 62 00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:15,431 but you never did. 63 00:02:15,496 --> 00:02:16,555 Who cares? 64 00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:17,891 We were just dumb kids. 65 00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:18,992 Uh, no. 66 00:02:19,137 --> 00:02:20,728 We were dumb kids, 67 00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,551 and you were the genius. 68 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,000 That must eat away at you. 69 00:02:24,065 --> 00:02:25,128 Please. 70 00:02:25,252 --> 00:02:27,610 I'm top of my class at a prestigious university, 71 00:02:27,774 --> 00:02:29,821 and I co-invented a technology 72 00:02:29,886 --> 00:02:32,378 that has applications to astrophysics and medicine. 73 00:02:32,494 --> 00:02:33,904 And give me that damn puzzle! 74 00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:37,240 Oh, my God, it's Lulu! 75 00:02:37,339 --> 00:02:39,365 She was my favorite toy. 76 00:02:39,947 --> 00:02:41,160 Mm. 77 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,404 I guess I... I just really miss Nana. 78 00:02:48,574 --> 00:02:49,931 Also I'm pregnant. 79 00:02:49,996 --> 00:02:51,416 Dylan and I haven't told anyone 80 00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:53,415 because I'm still trying to get my head around it, 81 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,505 but holding Lulu made it so real. 82 00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,615 I'm gonna have an actual baby. 83 00:03:01,457 --> 00:03:02,669 Aah, I'm so stressed! 84 00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:04,040 I wish it was the '50s 85 00:03:04,105 --> 00:03:05,608 when it was still healthy to drink and smoke 86 00:03:05,673 --> 00:03:06,920 when you're pregnant. 87 00:03:08,149 --> 00:03:09,887 Wow. 88 00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:12,329 I cannot wait to restore this baby. 89 00:03:12,394 --> 00:03:13,952 My high school bully had one. 90 00:03:14,115 --> 00:03:16,607 You'd be surprised how fast this thing can go. 91 00:03:16,675 --> 00:03:19,353 No problem catching up with a kid on a bike 92 00:03:19,418 --> 00:03:21,097 who left school ten minutes early. 93 00:03:21,162 --> 00:03:23,320 I don't know if I want another half-finished project 94 00:03:23,391 --> 00:03:24,642 rusting away in the garage. 95 00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:26,767 The only reason I stopped working on robot lawnmower 96 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,457 was 'cause he started getting too smart. 97 00:03:28,863 --> 00:03:31,025 Come on, honey. Let's keep it. 98 00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:33,816 It reminds me of how crazy my mom could be. 99 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,420 I mean, what mother has a car like this? 100 00:03:36,494 --> 00:03:38,880 How's this? We take it for one drive. 101 00:03:38,996 --> 00:03:40,868 If you're not smiling by the time we come back, 102 00:03:40,933 --> 00:03:41,958 we get rid of it. 103 00:03:43,004 --> 00:03:44,072 - One drive? - One drive. 104 00:03:44,137 --> 00:03:45,158 - One drive. - One drive. 105 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,806 Ugh, she used to double-buckle me and Mitchell 106 00:03:47,871 --> 00:03:48,923 into the front seat. 107 00:03:48,988 --> 00:03:51,119 Between that and the homemade electric blankets, 108 00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:52,615 it's a wonder we're still alive. 109 00:03:55,137 --> 00:03:56,182 What's with the plumber? 110 00:03:56,247 --> 00:03:58,197 Did Joe flush his Aquaman down the toilet again? 111 00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,209 No. When my cousins left, 112 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,486 they said that the hot water in the guest bedroom 113 00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:03,611 was not working. 114 00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:05,563 The plumber just said that there's nothing wrong. 115 00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:08,091 Someone turned it off. 116 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,325 Probably Joe. 117 00:04:09,390 --> 00:04:11,435 So, what are we thinking? No play dates for a week? 118 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,911 I know it was you. 119 00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:15,521 You wanted them gone, and you froze them out. 120 00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:17,278 I'm admitting nothing, 121 00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:20,328 but you said one cousin would be here for one day, 122 00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,708 and there were three here for a week. 123 00:04:21,773 --> 00:04:23,181 I never said that. 124 00:04:24,301 --> 00:04:26,040 Why is Jerry still here? 125 00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:28,142 I know. Something must be wrong. 126 00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:31,629 He's sitting in the car like a sad little man. 127 00:04:31,694 --> 00:04:33,240 We have to go and invite him in. 128 00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,364 No, no, no, no. He'll move off eventually. 129 00:04:35,429 --> 00:04:37,921 Glor... Street sweeping is Thursday. 130 00:04:39,648 --> 00:04:41,497 Jerry, is everything okay? 131 00:04:41,562 --> 00:04:43,236 Yeah, does your truck need a push? 132 00:04:43,344 --> 00:04:44,658 It's the darnedest thing. 133 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:46,509 I can't seem to drive away. 134 00:04:46,811 --> 00:04:49,337 Dropping off Dede's stuff was the last check on the ol' list. 135 00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:51,218 Heck if I'm not feeling pretty lost. 136 00:04:51,283 --> 00:04:53,814 Yeah, I get it. Listen, you just drive down this street, 137 00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,474 turn right, and you'll hit the freeway. 138 00:04:55,539 --> 00:04:57,153 Jerry, just come inside. 139 00:04:57,218 --> 00:04:58,244 No, I couldn't. 140 00:04:58,309 --> 00:04:59,747 Yeah, got to love a man with pride. 141 00:04:59,812 --> 00:05:02,052 That's the thing that'll serve you well on the freeway. 142 00:05:02,117 --> 00:05:04,314 Just come inside, I'll make you something to eat, 143 00:05:04,379 --> 00:05:05,874 and you can stay as long as you want. 144 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,976 Right, Jay? 145 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,502 One of these days, Gloria. 146 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:09,859 One of these days what? 147 00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:11,709 Nothing. Just one of these days. 148 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,260 All right. Where should we put Mom? 149 00:05:15,325 --> 00:05:16,648 Uh, not too close to the window. 150 00:05:16,713 --> 00:05:18,447 Don't want to spend the next 20 years whispering. 151 00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,705 Okay, so, your mom can be a tree, 152 00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,072 but when I told you my Uncle Honus 153 00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:23,940 fell into a thresher and the next spring, 154 00:05:24,005 --> 00:05:25,916 an owl appeared with his exact face 155 00:05:25,981 --> 00:05:27,579 and pocket watch, you poo-pooed it. 156 00:05:27,644 --> 00:05:29,151 Why are you being so difficult? 157 00:05:29,216 --> 00:05:30,966 Because when we first got together, 158 00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,298 you promised that someday we would move back 159 00:05:33,363 --> 00:05:35,354 to my family farm, and every year, 160 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,557 the someday gets kicked 161 00:05:36,622 --> 00:05:38,283 further down the road like a nosy census taker. 162 00:05:38,348 --> 00:05:40,861 And... And once you plant your mom here, 163 00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:42,150 we're never gonna leave. 164 00:05:42,215 --> 00:05:43,222 That's crazy. 165 00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:44,717 And I-I-I don't think you want to 166 00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,557 talk about promises we made back then. 167 00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:47,697 What are you suggesting? 168 00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:49,433 I've kept every promise I've made. 169 00:05:49,498 --> 00:05:51,322 Really? You promised me 170 00:05:51,387 --> 00:05:53,119 a rose a month for the rest of my life, 171 00:05:53,184 --> 00:05:55,549 so I guess I dropped dead 15 years ago. 172 00:05:55,614 --> 00:05:56,912 I read an article that said it was 173 00:05:56,977 --> 00:05:59,424 - environmentally ins... - I've never seen you read an article. 174 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,829 Also, you said you'd finally watch "E.T.," 175 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,204 my all-time favorite movie. 176 00:06:03,269 --> 00:06:04,935 Oh, it just seems so stupid. 177 00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:06,268 What am I caring about? 178 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,033 A wrinkly puppet with a Christmas light 179 00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:10,040 at the end of his creepy finger? And really? 180 00:06:10,105 --> 00:06:11,384 Me saying I would watch 181 00:06:11,449 --> 00:06:13,181 some pandering sap-fest is the same 182 00:06:13,246 --> 00:06:16,618 as you saying I would someday be reunited with my family? 183 00:06:16,683 --> 00:06:18,023 A promise is a promise. 184 00:06:18,088 --> 00:06:19,605 I couldn't agree more. 185 00:06:20,638 --> 00:06:22,019 I couldn't agree more. 186 00:06:24,657 --> 00:06:26,527 So, anyway, 187 00:06:27,025 --> 00:06:29,332 you haven't missed much around here. 188 00:06:33,564 --> 00:06:35,066 I'm sorry to be such a burden. 189 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,648 It's just... I don't know how to move on. 190 00:06:37,713 --> 00:06:39,770 I've been... going through incense like crazy. 191 00:06:39,846 --> 00:06:41,204 Oh, poor man. 192 00:06:41,281 --> 00:06:42,551 Here. Eat something. 193 00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:45,207 I know you're a vegetarian, so I made you tomato soup. 194 00:06:45,283 --> 00:06:46,984 Hey, hey, hey, hey. That looks pretty good. 195 00:06:47,049 --> 00:06:48,343 You have any left over for me? 196 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,496 Aw, I threw it out. 197 00:06:49,572 --> 00:06:50,882 I know that you don't like 198 00:06:50,947 --> 00:06:52,714 things staying around too long. 199 00:06:52,798 --> 00:06:53,916 Mmm. 200 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:55,546 She's mad at me. 201 00:06:55,822 --> 00:06:57,929 Her family overstayed their welcome, 202 00:06:57,994 --> 00:06:59,703 and I turned off the hot water, 203 00:06:59,768 --> 00:07:00,976 took a few bulbs out of the room. 204 00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:02,413 You know how it is when you're married. 205 00:07:02,478 --> 00:07:04,085 Dede and I never had a cross word. 206 00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:05,182 What? 207 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:06,683 That is not possible. 208 00:07:06,838 --> 00:07:08,492 Yep. If things ever got heated, 209 00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:09,793 I'd come up behind her, 210 00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:11,391 put my hands on her neck... 211 00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:12,668 I'm with you so far. 212 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,949 Then massage her and tell her she was right. 213 00:07:15,072 --> 00:07:16,871 But what if she wasn't right? 214 00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:19,066 That's ego talking. 215 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,538 In Buddhism, we believe 216 00:07:20,603 --> 00:07:21,859 it's better to conquer yourself 217 00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:23,152 than win a thousand battles. 218 00:07:23,228 --> 00:07:25,968 That's why Nepal is always crushing it at the Olympics. 219 00:07:26,033 --> 00:07:28,054 Jay, an enlightened man would go over there 220 00:07:28,119 --> 00:07:30,328 and say, "Gloria, I love and respect you, 221 00:07:30,393 --> 00:07:32,281 "so of course I love and respect your family. 222 00:07:32,346 --> 00:07:33,832 I am sorry." 223 00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:35,148 But it was all her fault. 224 00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:37,406 She wouldn't admit it, but she told me 225 00:07:37,471 --> 00:07:40,367 one person was staying with us for one day. 226 00:07:40,432 --> 00:07:43,878 That's her text, but what was her subtext? 227 00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:46,328 Jerry, you're a genius. 228 00:07:46,517 --> 00:07:48,293 She sent me a text. 229 00:07:48,455 --> 00:07:49,571 I have the proof. 230 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,501 Gloria? 231 00:07:50,589 --> 00:07:52,496 - What? - Right here. 232 00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:54,429 You don't have to walk over here. 233 00:07:54,494 --> 00:07:56,972 I can read your giant font from across the room. 234 00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,288 "Jay, don't call the police when you come home. 235 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,366 "It's my cousin. 236 00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:02,977 He's staying with us for one day." 237 00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:04,699 Let me see. 238 00:08:13,298 --> 00:08:15,691 Walk me through that Buddhist nonsense again. 239 00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:17,328 Whoo-hoo! 240 00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:20,570 Fun, huh? Feel that wind and smell that air. 241 00:08:20,635 --> 00:08:22,203 Yeah, it's so bumpy. 242 00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,944 Sports suspension. Nothing between me and the road 243 00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:26,500 except my knuckle-less gloves. 244 00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:27,913 Why do you even have those? 245 00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:29,053 Oh, a quirk of the Dunphys. 246 00:08:29,118 --> 00:08:30,874 My fingers get cold, but my knuckles get hot. 247 00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:32,855 - Ah. - Check it out! 248 00:08:33,018 --> 00:08:34,710 There's an 8-track player. I love it. 249 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,043 Let's crank something. 250 00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:38,660 Never heard of this band... Head Cleaner. 251 00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:41,183 Yeah, why don't we just listen to whatever's in there? 252 00:08:42,526 --> 00:08:44,051 Oh, my God. 253 00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:47,019 - Oh, this takes me back. - Yeah, I love it. 254 00:08:47,525 --> 00:08:50,339 ♪ Get your motor goin' ♪ 255 00:08:50,752 --> 00:08:53,683 ♪ Heading for the doorway ♪ 256 00:08:54,197 --> 00:08:56,636 ♪ Cooking an adventure ♪ 257 00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:59,413 ♪ And then we make that doorway ♪ 258 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,005 So fun! 259 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,784 You're smiling. You love the car. 260 00:09:02,849 --> 00:09:04,572 Ah, I just remembered something. 261 00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:05,662 What? Tell me. 262 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,487 It's a... It's a thing from high school. 263 00:09:07,552 --> 00:09:09,643 Come on. There are no secrets on the open road. 264 00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:12,967 I just remembered that I lost my virginity in this car. 265 00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:14,332 What's that now? 266 00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:17,460 Yeah, my boyfriend snuck the car out at night 267 00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:19,881 and then, you know... ♪ He found the doorway ♪ 268 00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:23,834 Oh, my knuckles are overheating. 269 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,213 This isn't bothering you, is it, Phil? 270 00:09:25,278 --> 00:09:26,562 I mean, you told me about your first time. 271 00:09:26,627 --> 00:09:28,938 I told you about that to explain why I hate bees so much. 272 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,406 Let's just not talk about this anymore. 273 00:09:30,471 --> 00:09:31,497 Okay. 274 00:09:31,575 --> 00:09:35,043 ♪ Born to be wild ♪ 275 00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:37,253 This is the song that was playing, isn't it? 276 00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:38,496 It's one of them. 277 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,847 I'm gonna fix lunch. Want some? 278 00:09:43,002 --> 00:09:44,164 You're eating lunch? 279 00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:46,133 Is there some new Internet challenge I'm not aware of? 280 00:09:46,198 --> 00:09:48,274 And why is your doll in bandages? 281 00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:50,832 You know me. I always loved playing doctor. 282 00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:53,024 The truth is, I accidentally ran her over 283 00:09:53,089 --> 00:09:54,117 and ripped her arm off, 284 00:09:54,182 --> 00:09:56,344 which might have been fine if that was the only 285 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,395 baby-mangling issue I had today. 286 00:10:02,498 --> 00:10:03,555 Oh, my God! 287 00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:04,886 Oh, uh, uh... 288 00:10:04,951 --> 00:10:06,266 Oh, my God. 289 00:10:07,881 --> 00:10:09,591 I'm not cut out to be a mother. 290 00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:12,797 Then again, a real baby is easier than a doll, right? 291 00:10:12,893 --> 00:10:16,019 Like, a real baby would let you know 292 00:10:16,096 --> 00:10:18,250 if it was on fire. 293 00:10:19,358 --> 00:10:21,875 Oh, God, why are you crying? 294 00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:24,368 Did you just win the weirdest beauty pageant ever? 295 00:10:24,514 --> 00:10:25,683 Promises kept, Mitchell... 296 00:10:25,748 --> 00:10:27,379 180 months of roses, 297 00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:30,246 and I just watched the most beautiful love story 298 00:10:30,311 --> 00:10:32,528 between boy and alien. 299 00:10:32,593 --> 00:10:35,567 Why can't the world have the hearts of children? 300 00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:36,965 Uh-huh. 301 00:10:37,607 --> 00:10:39,981 You know, I think the thing that touched me the most was how 302 00:10:40,046 --> 00:10:41,420 we were really rooting 303 00:10:41,485 --> 00:10:44,184 for E.T. to find his way home. 304 00:10:44,249 --> 00:10:46,919 I bet you were pretty thrilled to stumble upon that coincidence. 305 00:10:46,984 --> 00:10:48,364 - I didn't hate it. - Anyway, 306 00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,746 I'm all caught up in the promises department. 307 00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:52,121 - Your serve. - Cam, I just 308 00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:53,626 started at the D.A.'s office. 309 00:10:53,691 --> 00:10:55,516 I... I can't move anytime soon. 310 00:10:55,671 --> 00:10:57,211 Plus, what about Lily's school? 311 00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:58,903 They have schools in Grasshopper. 312 00:10:58,968 --> 00:10:59,999 Do they? 313 00:11:00,084 --> 00:11:02,028 Plus, Lily has so many friends here. 314 00:11:02,093 --> 00:11:03,098 Does she? 315 00:11:03,176 --> 00:11:04,676 Did I hear my name? 316 00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:06,934 What are you two yentas gabbing about? 317 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,535 We were just talking about moving to 318 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,864 Grandma and Grandpa's farm 319 00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:11,860 in... in the heart of Tornado Alley. 320 00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:13,457 Oh, God. Cam... Cam. 321 00:11:13,522 --> 00:11:15,004 Look, she's clearly terrified. 322 00:11:15,069 --> 00:11:17,489 Yeah, well, don't worry, sweetie, because it's already been determined. 323 00:11:17,554 --> 00:11:18,934 We're staying here forever, 324 00:11:18,999 --> 00:11:22,875 because other daddy is planting dead Nana in the backyard. 325 00:11:22,952 --> 00:11:23,999 I'm out. 326 00:11:24,077 --> 00:11:25,840 Okay, it was my mother's last wish 327 00:11:25,905 --> 00:11:28,098 that one of us take her, and Claire doesn't want her. 328 00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:30,106 - What do you want me to do? - Well, what do you want me to do? 329 00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:32,250 The farm has been in my family for 100 years. 330 00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:34,004 You know, I'm next in line, and you know Daddy. 331 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,586 H-He's slowing down. 332 00:11:35,718 --> 00:11:37,645 Your mother just sent us a video of him 333 00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,231 winning a log-rolling contest. 334 00:11:39,296 --> 00:11:42,364 Only in his age group, and he was so spent the next day, 335 00:11:42,429 --> 00:11:43,910 he slept through his first rooster crow 336 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:45,684 and his snooze rooster crow. 337 00:11:45,749 --> 00:11:47,285 Just admit it... you have no intention 338 00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:48,996 of keeping your promise of moving to Missouri. 339 00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:50,207 You know what? You're right. 340 00:11:50,272 --> 00:11:53,570 I... I can't ever imagine myself living on that farm. I'm sorry. 341 00:11:53,635 --> 00:11:54,660 Well, there it is. 342 00:11:56,185 --> 00:11:58,637 I'm just glad E.T. didn't land at your house. 343 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:02,929 Okay, don't give me that look. 344 00:12:02,994 --> 00:12:04,406 You'll get to go back to Missouri 345 00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:05,828 when your mom gets released from pris... 346 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,277 uh, princess camp. 347 00:12:07,432 --> 00:12:09,730 You're really hitting the gum pretty hard, aren't you? 348 00:12:09,822 --> 00:12:12,328 How do I do this? Do I... Do I just push down? 349 00:12:12,393 --> 00:12:13,442 I don't know. 350 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,224 Nope. 351 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,520 I got off to a slow start, 352 00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:19,226 but eventually I... I found my rhythm. 353 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:21,078 And... And once I broke that sprinkler line, 354 00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:23,109 the... the water did most of the digging for me. 355 00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:26,433 All right, let's go. Just one last pull. 356 00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,757 Ah! Ah, okay, that's my ankle. 357 00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,114 I'm stuck. 358 00:12:30,268 --> 00:12:32,640 Cal, so, what I'm gonna need you to do 359 00:12:32,705 --> 00:12:35,532 is go insi... Cal. Cal! 360 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,148 What? What is it, boy? 361 00:12:40,979 --> 00:12:42,072 Mitchell? 362 00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:43,226 H-He's in trouble? 363 00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:45,293 Trapped in a hole? Show me. 364 00:12:48,565 --> 00:12:50,890 - Oh, my God, you're cheating. - No. 365 00:12:50,955 --> 00:12:52,492 You're looking at ways to solve the puzzle. 366 00:12:52,557 --> 00:12:54,699 How'd you do it, you pea-brain? 367 00:12:55,036 --> 00:12:56,322 Aah! 368 00:12:57,294 --> 00:12:58,718 What is wrong with me? 369 00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:00,511 Maybe Dr. Johnson is right. 370 00:13:00,576 --> 00:13:02,746 Maybe I don't have what it takes to live on Mars. 371 00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:05,308 Stop! Stop. 372 00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:06,746 It's not you. 373 00:13:06,947 --> 00:13:08,250 After I solved the puzzle, 374 00:13:08,315 --> 00:13:09,812 I wanted to make sure you couldn't, 375 00:13:09,877 --> 00:13:11,515 so I broke a few pieces, 376 00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:12,720 glued some others together. 377 00:13:12,785 --> 00:13:13,903 It can't be solved. 378 00:13:14,515 --> 00:13:16,914 I've had nightmares over that puzzle! 379 00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:18,723 I cried about it in therapy! 380 00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:19,757 Stop! Not the hair! 381 00:13:19,822 --> 00:13:22,226 - You're gonna fizz it. - Hey, what the hell? Break it up. 382 00:13:22,291 --> 00:13:23,546 Luke's not playing fair. 383 00:13:23,611 --> 00:13:25,255 Yeah, well, you make him feel dumb, 384 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,724 and he acts like it doesn't bother him, 385 00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,501 but it does. And, Luke, 386 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,914 you know better than to mess with someone so uptight. 387 00:13:30,979 --> 00:13:32,289 What do we always say? 388 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,511 Don't break Alex. She's our safety net. 389 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:36,308 Now, you both need to calm down. 390 00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:37,642 Luke, walk it off. 391 00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:40,039 Oh, no. 392 00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:41,041 Where's Lulu? 393 00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:42,336 Wh... Huh? 394 00:13:42,575 --> 00:13:43,969 The doll? 395 00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:45,618 Who cares? 396 00:13:49,984 --> 00:13:51,861 Haley, what's going on with you today? 397 00:13:51,926 --> 00:13:53,173 Are you okay? 398 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,220 Okay, um... 399 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,427 So, no one else knows, especially Mom and Dad, 400 00:13:58,601 --> 00:14:00,939 so you can't tell anybody, but... 401 00:14:02,445 --> 00:14:03,735 I'm pregnant. 402 00:14:03,815 --> 00:14:05,201 You're pregnant? 403 00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:06,634 Damn it, Luke! 404 00:14:08,828 --> 00:14:10,070 Wow. 405 00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:12,591 Guys, don't look at me like that, okay? 406 00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:15,923 You must think I'm some irresponsible idiot, don't you? 407 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:19,416 Um, uh, it's a... Wow, that's... 408 00:14:19,578 --> 00:14:21,447 You got... That's a lot to process. 409 00:14:21,531 --> 00:14:23,034 I... 410 00:14:23,422 --> 00:14:25,162 D-Do you know who's the... 411 00:14:25,227 --> 00:14:26,353 It's Dylan's. 412 00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:27,982 Oh. What a joyous... 413 00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:29,167 Oh, save it. 414 00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,896 He's been great, actually. 415 00:14:30,961 --> 00:14:33,595 I'm the disaster. I mean, look at Lulu. 416 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,447 I'm gonna be a horrible mother. 417 00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:39,611 Okay, first, it's just a doll. 418 00:14:40,891 --> 00:14:43,767 And you've been taking care of us our whole lives. 419 00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:47,052 Yeah. Remember how you used to pick out 420 00:14:47,117 --> 00:14:49,544 my first day of school outfit so I wouldn't get beat up? 421 00:14:49,609 --> 00:14:53,259 Or how you'd hold the book while I read myself a bedtime story? 422 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,791 And you're still doing it. 423 00:14:54,891 --> 00:14:56,150 You just swooped in and handled 424 00:14:56,215 --> 00:14:57,900 our fight like a pro. 425 00:14:58,187 --> 00:14:59,583 And you're understanding 426 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,884 and loving and a total badass. 427 00:15:02,016 --> 00:15:03,189 She's right. 428 00:15:03,328 --> 00:15:05,501 You're the kind of person that can patch things up 429 00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:08,169 if, say, Alex ever found out 430 00:15:08,234 --> 00:15:10,603 that I re-arranged the stickers on her Rubik's Cube. 431 00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:12,525 You son of a... 432 00:15:12,937 --> 00:15:15,439 Aah! Hair, hair! Haley, help! 433 00:15:16,719 --> 00:15:19,138 Oh. Well, I'm smiling, 434 00:15:19,203 --> 00:15:21,044 so I guess we're keeping the car. 435 00:15:21,109 --> 00:15:22,642 No, you know what? You're right. 436 00:15:22,726 --> 00:15:25,166 It's not safe, and it's just gonna take up space. 437 00:15:25,632 --> 00:15:27,656 Honey, did I say something wrong? 438 00:15:27,725 --> 00:15:28,794 Are you feeling bad? 439 00:15:28,859 --> 00:15:30,576 Well, I-I guess if I'm being honest, 440 00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:32,755 I'm a-a little worried that every time I get in the car, 441 00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:34,572 I'll picture you and, uh... 442 00:15:34,906 --> 00:15:35,918 Todd. 443 00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:37,240 - Todd? - Todd. 444 00:15:37,305 --> 00:15:38,755 Todd was the name of my bully. 445 00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,228 It's getting realer. 446 00:15:40,358 --> 00:15:41,560 I mean, how would you feel 447 00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:44,622 about driving around in the sweet ride I lost my virginity in? 448 00:15:44,687 --> 00:15:46,341 Do you really think you can track down 449 00:15:46,406 --> 00:15:48,169 the ox cart from the Renaissance fair? 450 00:15:48,234 --> 00:15:50,826 I only got to second base in the ox cart. 451 00:15:50,891 --> 00:15:53,435 If it makes you uncomfortable, we can sell the car. 452 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,197 - Really? - Yeah. 453 00:15:55,377 --> 00:15:56,531 Thank you. 454 00:15:56,617 --> 00:15:58,458 But for what it's worth, 455 00:15:58,523 --> 00:16:01,576 I don't want to keep it because I had so much great sex in it. 456 00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,427 - So much? - No, it's because of 457 00:16:03,492 --> 00:16:05,118 what happened the next day. 458 00:16:05,273 --> 00:16:08,849 My mom, ugh, she found the condom wrapper 459 00:16:08,914 --> 00:16:12,619 under the seat, and it must have freaked her out. 460 00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:15,837 But instead of shaming me 461 00:16:16,094 --> 00:16:17,840 or... or embarrassing me 462 00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:20,720 with some long, awful lecture, 463 00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,166 she was cool. 464 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,919 She wanted to make sure that 465 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,318 I was okay with everything 466 00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:28,865 and... that it had all been a good experience. 467 00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:30,161 But... 468 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,966 Wow. 469 00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:36,220 That must be why she wanted me to have the car. 470 00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:39,416 That talk meant as much to my mom as it did to me. 471 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,044 That's incredibly sweet, 472 00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:44,801 and, if it means that much to you, you should keep it. 473 00:16:44,885 --> 00:16:47,119 But I doubt I'll ever feel comfortable in it. 474 00:16:47,955 --> 00:16:49,658 We can fix that. 475 00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,330 I like where this is going. 476 00:16:55,570 --> 00:16:58,286 I'm gonna make you the best sex I ever had in this car. 477 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,282 That's a lot of pressure. Let's aim for top three. 478 00:17:00,347 --> 00:17:01,372 Mm. 479 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,400 Gloria. I have something to say. 480 00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:10,747 My approach cost me a phone and 481 00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,548 a second visit from the plumber, 482 00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:15,099 so I decided to try Jerry's advice 483 00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:18,439 and give Gloria a heartfelt, sincere apology. 484 00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,380 How hard could that be to fake? 485 00:17:20,445 --> 00:17:22,959 I was wrong to chase off your cousins. 486 00:17:23,866 --> 00:17:26,228 I'm sorry that I didn't... 487 00:17:26,664 --> 00:17:29,158 take your feelings into consideration. 488 00:17:29,703 --> 00:17:32,501 You deserve to be respected. 489 00:17:33,031 --> 00:17:35,275 What I should've said was I love you, 490 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,212 so I love your family. 491 00:17:37,461 --> 00:17:40,185 Please forgive me for my rude behavior. 492 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:43,533 Jay, this is all I ever wanted. 493 00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:47,423 For you to come to me like this, it means the world to me. 494 00:17:47,594 --> 00:17:48,664 I'm sorry. 495 00:17:48,742 --> 00:17:51,619 I should've been more forward about my cousin's visit. 496 00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:55,262 And I was wrong for crushing your cellphone. 497 00:17:55,327 --> 00:17:56,794 Can you ever forgive me? 498 00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:59,177 Well, it may take a little while, but sure, 499 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:00,380 I guess I can. 500 00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:01,747 You know what I'm going to do? 501 00:18:01,812 --> 00:18:05,001 I'm gonna go to that butcher shop that you like. 502 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,646 And, if Jerry doesn't mind, 503 00:18:08,711 --> 00:18:11,552 I'm gonna buy you a beautiful steak for dinner. 504 00:18:11,617 --> 00:18:13,404 Hey, it's your house. You do what's best for you. 505 00:18:13,469 --> 00:18:15,193 Come to my house, I'm going to be nude. 506 00:18:15,258 --> 00:18:17,212 We're never going to go to your house, Jerry. 507 00:18:17,351 --> 00:18:18,775 Did you hear that, Stella? 508 00:18:18,954 --> 00:18:20,294 We're gonna have a steak. 509 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:21,513 Jerry, you're a genius. 510 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,247 - This is life-changing. - What did I tell you? 511 00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,893 I wish I had tried this years ago. 512 00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:27,986 This would've made my life with Dede downright tolerable. 513 00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:29,086 Who knows? 514 00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:30,615 Maybe we even could've been happy. 515 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,701 I'm glad you think so. 516 00:18:31,766 --> 00:18:33,888 But I'm not the one you need to tell. 517 00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:37,617 Hey, Dede, it's me, Jay. Just wondering how you're doing. 518 00:18:37,696 --> 00:18:38,812 Dad? 519 00:18:38,898 --> 00:18:40,732 Uh, it's Saturday here. 520 00:18:40,797 --> 00:18:42,306 You're not leaving a voicemail. 521 00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:43,821 - From the heart. - Yeah. 522 00:18:43,886 --> 00:18:46,146 What I wanted to say... is 523 00:18:46,211 --> 00:18:49,450 I... could've handled a lot of things better in our relationship. 524 00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:50,610 Mm. 525 00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:52,381 I guess I wasn't a very good partner. 526 00:18:52,446 --> 00:18:53,521 I dug in a lot. 527 00:18:53,586 --> 00:18:56,290 I never thought of things from your point of view. 528 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,267 I guess I always needed to get my own way. 529 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:01,283 Anyway, you were a good woman, 530 00:19:01,383 --> 00:19:02,971 and we had some fun times, 531 00:19:03,063 --> 00:19:04,564 especially in the sack. 532 00:19:04,717 --> 00:19:06,435 Never had a problem there. 533 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,227 Careful. That's my wife you're talking to. 534 00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:10,252 - Oh, sorry, Jerr, yeah. - Okay. 535 00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:12,920 I hope you grow up into a nice, big tree, 536 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,068 a-and I hope you don't get any of those beetles 537 00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:16,162 that are killing everything. 538 00:19:16,227 --> 00:19:18,052 And when you settle in in a little while, 539 00:19:18,117 --> 00:19:20,322 maybe I'll bring Joe over and he can climb you. 540 00:19:21,157 --> 00:19:22,674 - Mm. - Amen. 541 00:19:23,438 --> 00:19:24,508 You done? 542 00:19:24,627 --> 00:19:25,834 Yeah, I think so. 543 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,420 Mind if I say a word? 544 00:19:27,485 --> 00:19:29,055 She's all yours. 545 00:19:29,414 --> 00:19:30,994 Jay was a big man. 546 00:19:31,391 --> 00:19:33,182 He apologized to his wife. 547 00:19:33,615 --> 00:19:35,244 And do you know what she did? 548 00:19:35,564 --> 00:19:37,533 She apologized back! 549 00:19:37,867 --> 00:19:39,994 Did you ever do that even once?! 550 00:19:40,086 --> 00:19:43,775 I apologized to you a thousand times, and you let me just eat it. 551 00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:46,006 Well, I'm tired of telling you you're always right, 552 00:19:46,071 --> 00:19:47,115 'cause guess what? 553 00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:49,563 That dolphin did not recognize you. 554 00:19:49,628 --> 00:19:51,389 Your haikus had too many syllables. 555 00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:54,236 And trust me, vegans do need deodorant! 556 00:19:54,352 --> 00:19:56,369 All right. Come on. 557 00:19:56,907 --> 00:19:58,671 Come on, kid. Let me buy you a nice steak. 558 00:19:58,736 --> 00:19:59,906 Yeah. 559 00:20:00,078 --> 00:20:01,692 Hey. Here. 560 00:20:01,762 --> 00:20:03,216 I-I want you to eat something. 561 00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:04,318 Be careful. 562 00:20:04,383 --> 00:20:06,255 Thank you for taking such good care of me, 563 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,398 even when you're mad. 564 00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:09,607 No. My gosh, I am not mad. 565 00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,045 And I shouldn't have pushed. 566 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:14,341 I-I'm sorry, but, you know, if we learn one thing today, 567 00:20:14,406 --> 00:20:17,216 it's that you couldn't survive on a farm. 568 00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:18,674 I'll be fine, 569 00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:21,196 - because I'll be with you. - What? 570 00:20:21,409 --> 00:20:24,374 I guess w-when I look at things from your point of view, 571 00:20:24,539 --> 00:20:26,369 I... I made a promise. 572 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,154 When your dad needs you to take over the farm, 573 00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:30,555 I'm in. 574 00:20:30,819 --> 00:20:33,065 Mitchell, that means so much to me, 575 00:20:33,263 --> 00:20:34,658 and you're gonna love it. 576 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,857 The fresh air, and there's no traffic. 577 00:20:36,922 --> 00:20:40,023 Oh, and with a second lawyer in town, we could reopen the courthouse. 578 00:20:40,441 --> 00:20:42,024 H-Have you ever milked a goat? 579 00:20:42,089 --> 00:20:44,402 Have you ever had fresh milk right from the spigot? 580 00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,841 Oh, unbelievable. 581 00:20:45,906 --> 00:20:47,679 You do have to be careful of snakes and mice and rats. 582 00:20:47,744 --> 00:20:49,772 There's a ton of field mice. 583 00:20:49,837 --> 00:20:52,642 They scare me. One ran up my sleeve one time when I was a kid. 584 00:20:54,345 --> 00:20:57,478 This car is smaller than I remember. I think I'm just less flexible? 585 00:20:57,593 --> 00:20:59,978 - I think I threw out my lap. - Oh. 586 00:21:00,064 --> 00:21:02,380 We were, um, just cleaning out the garage. 587 00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:03,981 Mm, nice try. We heard everything. 588 00:21:04,046 --> 00:21:05,646 Yeah, although around the finish line, 589 00:21:05,711 --> 00:21:07,459 we kind of lost track of who was who. 590 00:21:07,524 --> 00:21:10,743 I can't believe Mom caught you having sex in her car again. 591 00:21:10,945 --> 00:21:13,427 You're calling the tree Mom? Okay. 592 00:21:13,492 --> 00:21:15,251 So, listen, after some reflection, 593 00:21:15,373 --> 00:21:17,243 we decided that she might be better off here. 594 00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:18,486 Now, before you say no... 595 00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:20,150 I'd actually really like that. 596 00:21:20,253 --> 00:21:21,429 Hey! 597 00:21:21,507 --> 00:21:23,270 What was all that screeching in the garage? 598 00:21:23,335 --> 00:21:24,435 Are the raccoons back? 599 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:25,666 Damn it!