1 00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,270 - Dylan? - Oh, Mr. D. You jog here, too? 2 00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:09,280 I'm a half a block from my house. 3 00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:10,670 Are you wearing boots? 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,800 Okay, this is less of a coincidence than it seems. 5 00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:16,210 I've been following you around for a few days. 6 00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:17,580 It's about Haley. 7 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:19,230 I know she's in a relationship, 8 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,340 but I love her, and I think she loves me. 9 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,080 Dylan, I heard about what happened. 10 00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,950 I wouldn't read too much into it. It was only one kiss. 11 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,120 Uh... 12 00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:28,680 Oh, no. 13 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,290 Two kisses? 14 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:31,650 Okay. 15 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,680 I went to Dylan's house to tell him it wasn't okay 16 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,090 that we kissed, and I ended up sleeping with him. 17 00:00:36,180 --> 00:00:38,360 I would go back to his house to tell him it wasn't okay 18 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,370 we slept together, but where does that go? 19 00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,220 Anyway, I just want to talk to her, 20 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,580 and she won't return my calls. 21 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:45,890 She's ghosting you? 22 00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:48,200 For an older dude, you always kept up with the lingo. 23 00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:49,680 Word. 24 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,160 Aw, I'm sorry, man. 25 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,060 You're a good guy. You deserve better than being ghosted. 26 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,790 - I'll talk to her. - You'd do that for me? 27 00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:56,700 Yeah, I'll throw her a gab. You stab me? 28 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:57,780 Huh? 29 00:00:57,860 --> 00:00:59,750 Darn it. I think Luke's messing with me. 30 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,650 Modern Family Season 10 Episode 04 31 00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,490 "Torn Between Two Lovers" == resynced by Brach_Movic aka GilangPC == 32 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,450 Mama mia! 33 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:16,330 What is-a wrong-a with-a my arm-a? 34 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:19,160 Fuggedaboutit! Youse arm's fine! 35 00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,630 Ah, then why-a won't you take a big-a, juicy bite out of it? 36 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,440 Yo, Luigi, I think what we got here 37 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,300 is a communication problem. 38 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:30,460 See, when I said I wanted to eat Italian... 39 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,010 - And scene. - And scene. 40 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,200 Bravo! 41 00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:35,680 They just made that scene up as they were going, 42 00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:38,490 and then at the end, there was a funny twist. 43 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,890 Okay, for this next scene, 44 00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:41,500 Sherry will play a famous person. 45 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,170 Lou Diamond Phillips! 46 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,240 - Excellent. - And, Jay, I need an occupation. 47 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,570 I agree. 48 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,960 So, it turns out Manny's fake Canadian girlfriend is real 49 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,510 and annoying. 50 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,960 Until he goes back to school, she's staying here 51 00:01:54,050 --> 00:01:56,240 and auditioning to be an improv star, 52 00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:59,440 just like, you know, no one ever. 53 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,870 Boy, oh, boy, did that summer fly by or what? 54 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,760 - Anyway, off you go. - Bye, Jay. 55 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,650 - I miss already you, papi. - He'll be back 56 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:08,330 in three days to do his laundry. 57 00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:10,150 - I'll miss you, too. - Come here, Teddy Bear. 58 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,230 - Mwah! - Mwah! 59 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,280 - See you Saturday. - I can't wait. 60 00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:18,880 Okay, I'll be upstairs, doing space work. 61 00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,820 Gloria, quick question... 62 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,330 why is that person still here? 63 00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:29,390 Ay! I didn't tell you? 64 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,440 - Don't even. - The college won't let Sherry 65 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,220 live in the dorm with Manny, 66 00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:35,660 so she's gonna stay here. 67 00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:38,470 I am going to make a delicious sandwich. You want one? 68 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,570 I don't want a sandwich. I want her out of my house. 69 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,020 And I kind of want a sandwich. 70 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,260 This is Manny's first serious relationship. 71 00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:46,510 I used to tell him, 72 00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,950 "I know that one day you're gonna find a woman 73 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,970 that will appreciate all your gifts." 74 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,510 But I didn't know. 75 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,680 You're saying you don't find her annoying? 76 00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:57,970 No. I think she's funny. And don't worry. 77 00:02:58,050 --> 00:02:59,200 She's only gonna stay here 78 00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:02,110 until she can support herself doing improv. 79 00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,560 Well, put her name on the answering machine, 80 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,080 'cause she's not going anywhere. 81 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,510 We're only lucky enough to get one Wayne Brady in a lifetime. 82 00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:12,680 Hey. I just ran into Dylan. 83 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,260 He told me what happened between you two. 84 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,440 - Look, whatever he said... - Relax. 85 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,090 I know you kissed him again. 86 00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:18,210 Okay. 87 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,300 You clearly inherited 88 00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:20,930 the power of the Dunphy kiss. 89 00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:23,400 Take it from me. That can really mess with a man. 90 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:24,840 You need to stop ghosting him. 91 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,980 I know. It's just so hard. 92 00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,190 I mean, I'm with Arvin, 93 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,990 who hasn't talked to me since I told him I kissed Dylan, 94 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,760 and every time I talk to Dylan, I end up... kissing him. 95 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,050 It's very confusing. 96 00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,910 Well, Dylan's a sensitive guy. 97 00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,420 After all your history together, 98 00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:38,990 he deserves to know where he stands. 99 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,040 You should talk to him. 100 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,360 - Fine. - I'll tell him to come over. 101 00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,670 Use the blowfish emoji. 102 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,570 It means, "Brace yourself for some bad news." 103 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,630 - No, it doesn't. - Luke. 104 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,730 Hey, hey, no, no. 105 00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,750 I said no more screen time today, okay? 106 00:03:53,870 --> 00:03:55,550 What's so fascinating about truck videos, anyway? 107 00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:56,800 Ooh, firemen. 108 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,140 All right, Lily, let's go. 109 00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,580 Okay, how late are we... 110 00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:02,080 "goat loose in the house" late or "stubborn cow in the road" late? 111 00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,430 You've lived here 20 years. Please use city time. 112 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,760 Oh, Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal! 113 00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,800 No, you're spilling all over the floor! 114 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:10,230 Hey, Lily, can you watch where you're going? 115 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,850 Yeah, I'm the problem. 116 00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:13,520 Now we're gonna have to change his shoes. 117 00:04:13,610 --> 00:04:14,700 No, he can't wear his other shoes 118 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,130 because he scribbled on those in crayon 119 00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,380 and it looks like a swastika, and in this day and age... 120 00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,810 Not just this day and age. 121 00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,040 Okay. His shoes are fine. They have kids. 122 00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,010 They know they ruin everything. 123 00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:26,930 - Except your life. - Yeah. 124 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,220 Nice save. 125 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,250 Another Assistant District Attorney in my office, Trent, 126 00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:33,390 invited us over for lunch, which is great 127 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,940 because he is looking for a second chair 128 00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:39,370 on a very high-profile case, and I want in. 129 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,400 You know, I was second-chair washboard 130 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,620 in the Grasshopper High School orchestra. 131 00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,250 Go on. 132 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,770 So, Trent and I have so much in common. 133 00:04:48,860 --> 00:04:51,240 His husband works in a school, just like Cam, 134 00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:53,070 and they have two young kids. 135 00:04:53,150 --> 00:04:56,490 I mean, if there was a gay lawyer dating site, 136 00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:57,540 we'd be a perfect match. 137 00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,160 It could be called HungJuries.com. 138 00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:03,010 Good. So, get all that out before we go. 139 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:03,970 Mm. 140 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,600 Welcome. Come in. You must be Cam. 141 00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:08,200 Hi. I'm Trent. This is my husband, Kieran. 142 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,610 Hi. Nice to meet you. This is Lily and Cal. 143 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:11,680 Sorry we're late. 144 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,520 These two got into a little spat in the car, 145 00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:14,740 and we had to pull over, so... 146 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,260 He burped in my face. 147 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,640 You were looking at me. 148 00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,040 Great, great. Round 2. 149 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,030 I'm sure you guys get it. 150 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,720 Oh, totally. Our little ones are even worse in the car. 151 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,820 Oh, I'll go get them so the kids can play. 152 00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:28,630 Wow. Your house, it's... it's... it's beautiful. 153 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,980 And... Oh, my God, this plate is gorgeous. 154 00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,740 Oh, thank you. Yeah, we got that in Nepal 155 00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:34,920 at a festival celebrating the child goddess Kumari. 156 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,020 Oh, well, the closest I've been to a child Goddess 157 00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,240 was my Drew Barrymore lunch box. 158 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,090 God, your house is so clean! 159 00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:43,770 How do you keep it so clean with kids? 160 00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,870 Here they are. 161 00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:46,270 This is Devon and Denise. 162 00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,350 Oh! 163 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,120 Th-Those are your... Those are your kids. 164 00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,610 Oh, my God. I did it again. 165 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,130 I'm so used to calling them our kids, 166 00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:54,920 sometimes I forget to clarify. 167 00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,880 No. It's fine. And isn't Devon just a little cutie? 168 00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,760 That's Denise. She's the funny one. 169 00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:01,030 Daddy, I'm bored. 170 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,530 Okay, that's not polite, Lily. 171 00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:03,950 Now, hang on, little lady. 172 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,200 I'm about to get your party started. 173 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:10,080 This is a hand-carved backgammon set from Sri Lanka. 174 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,490 Use the gloves. Have fun. 175 00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:13,110 And while the kids are playing... 176 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,270 Or choking. 177 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,490 Why don't you guys join us in the kitchen? I'll grab us some wine. 178 00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,890 I hope you don't mind white. 179 00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,400 We lost a couch to a Cabernet incident, 180 00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,420 and Trent still gets flashbacks. 181 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,160 Okay. Go have fun, kids. 182 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,280 - Yes! - Okay, okay. 183 00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,040 First of all, no drinking juice. 184 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:27,300 Let me pat him down. 185 00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:30,010 All right. Let me check you. All right, he is clean. 186 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,880 Wait. What is this? 187 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:33,840 How did that get in there? 188 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,570 Okay, okay, look. Hey, come here. 189 00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,980 Just sit here. Do not move. 190 00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,120 You can play with Devon... ise. 191 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,640 Uh, you can watch your truck videos. 192 00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:43,740 Hey, don't take your eyes off of him. 193 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,930 So, just to be clear, I don't get any childhood? 194 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,820 Oh, please. Last week, we taught you how to make flan. 195 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,080 That's Dylan. 196 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,660 You need me to stick around? 197 00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,150 Nope. I was just downstairs practicing what to say, 198 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,060 and I am prepared for every possible scenario. 199 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,450 Okay. 200 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,640 - Hello, love! - Oh, no. 201 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:07,310 I missed you, too, Haley. 202 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,730 Surprise! 203 00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:11,470 Arvin called me from Switzerland 'cause he wanted to surprise you, 204 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,080 so I snuck to the airport and picked him up. 205 00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:15,010 I can't believe we got away with it! 206 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,990 Oh, good. This again. 207 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,090 Yeah! 208 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,810 Uh, come inside! Look at me! 209 00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,240 I'm gonna go make some tea! 210 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,130 Yeah, look at him! 211 00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:30,270 - Get away from that door! - Oh, hey, Mr. Dunphy. 212 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,130 Ugh! Ow! You broke my heart. 213 00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,060 Look, Dylan... 214 00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:46,390 No explanation necessary, Mr. D. 215 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,210 If you had to rough me up and take me hostage, 216 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,550 I'm sure you had your reasons. 217 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,220 Okay, Dylan, first, we have to talk about your costume. 218 00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,580 - Do you love it? - It's fantastic! 219 00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:56,390 But the timing couldn't be worse. 220 00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:58,760 - Why? - Have a seat. 221 00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:07,460 You know what? Standing's fine. 222 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,040 Listen. Uh... Arvin's here. 223 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,500 He flew back from Switzerland to surprise Haley. 224 00:08:13,590 --> 00:08:16,880 Wow. I'm up against another grand gesture. 225 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,590 What's he dressed as? 226 00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:20,530 Nothing. Just... Just himself. 227 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,980 I like my chances. 228 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,100 I'm sorry I didn't call you back. 229 00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:29,780 I just needed time to process the whole Dylan thing. 230 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:32,220 That's totally understandable. 231 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,260 Mom, got it from here. 232 00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:35,750 Of course. 233 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,630 We really got her, huh? 234 00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,310 Forgive me. I can't anymore. 235 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,110 - I just... I can't. - Okay. Okay. 236 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,780 Haley, I need to tell you something. 237 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,560 I transgressed. 238 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,850 You were a woman? 239 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,320 No. No. 240 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,480 After you told me about your kiss, um, 241 00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:54,710 I headed straight to a pub frequented by other scientists 242 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,070 and, long story short, 243 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,420 I kissed a nuclear physicist. 244 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,030 I know it's not PC to say, 245 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,680 but they really are the loosest of the scientific disciplines. 246 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:07,840 - I forgive you. - Just like that, so fast? 247 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,850 Yeah. Why not? Let's just agree we're both equally guilty, 248 00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,670 move on, and never talk about it again. 249 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,920 For the record, it could have gone further. 250 00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:15,840 I-I just want a little credit for that. 251 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,290 Okay. 252 00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,790 Mom! 253 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:22,950 What? 254 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,740 I do this every day at 3:00. 255 00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:31,280 Ah. 256 00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,100 Harpo, what are you doing? 257 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,080 Studying you, creating a character. Imagine I'm not here. 258 00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,710 I'm not that creative. Maybe you could help me. 259 00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:48,700 Oh! So gruff. Love it. 260 00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:50,280 - I'm leaving. - I'm leaving. 261 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,530 Good. You go. 262 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,680 Look at you, mis dos amigos! 263 00:09:55,830 --> 00:10:00,320 Look at... Look at you, mis dos amigos! 264 00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:02,650 That does sound like me. 265 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,670 You're so talented. 266 00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,410 Okay, that was strange. 267 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,470 Gloria hates when people imitate her. 268 00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:11,480 And then Gloria says, "Where are my 'chews'? 269 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,670 I cannot go to the club without my 'chews.' 270 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,290 Your stupid doggie chews my 'chews'!" 271 00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:20,420 Ay, funny. 272 00:10:20,510 --> 00:10:23,540 Manny, come rub my ankles, papi! 273 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:24,690 Good, good. 274 00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:29,030 But how is your funny old man character coming? 275 00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,080 Ugh. Somebody get me a scotch 276 00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:32,690 that's as stiff as my back. 277 00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:34,820 Do that again! 278 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,010 That's the money! 279 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,860 How did you know she was doing that? 280 00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,490 She is so supportive. It was her idea. 281 00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:42,400 And there it was. 282 00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:45,250 Gloria didn't want that weirdo here any more than I did. 283 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,430 She just wanted me to be the bad guy. 284 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,150 But the joke's on her, because, for short bursts of time, 285 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,020 I can be quite nice. 286 00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,610 We're trying out a new recipe for risotto. 287 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,410 We went truffle hunting in Tuscany, 288 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,790 and we brought back a few more than we declared. 289 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:04,000 Oh, and you, an officer of the court. So naughty. 290 00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,800 Don't worry. We're cool. 291 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:08,040 We get our Propecia in Mexico. 292 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,980 Tell us more about Tuscany. 293 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,540 Remember when we were saving up to go there? 294 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,000 What did we end up blowing that money on? 295 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,110 - Lily. - Right. 296 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:17,190 Oh, well, your life sounds so exciting. 297 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,250 Pbht! 298 00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:20,700 Your house is so beautiful, with such nice things. 299 00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:22,690 Well, they don't have to spend their money on orthodontia, 300 00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,220 - ballet lessons, and college funds. - Yeah. 301 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,630 The grass is greener. 302 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,770 Your grass is greener. 303 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,020 We can't seem to get Cal to pee indoors. 304 00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,290 Well, your family seems great. 305 00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:32,450 And, Mitchell, you are killing it at the office. 306 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:33,560 - Mm. - Really? 307 00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,400 Because I-I feel like I'm kind of getting 308 00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,540 more low-profile, starter cases. 309 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,180 Uh, I wouldn't worry about that. 310 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,540 There's actually a big case that I am working on, 311 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,150 I think you will... 312 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,260 - Oh, my God. - Oh. 313 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,090 - What was that?! - Go! Go! 314 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:48,090 Please let it be one of their kids. 315 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,160 There you are! 316 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,720 Hey. Uh, Haley, do you have a sec? 317 00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:54,970 If you don't mind, we were kind of in the middle of something. 318 00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:58,430 Phil, what are you doing intruding on these two? 319 00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,800 I just need to show Haley something in my office. 320 00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,350 I was doing a little cleaning, and I came across 321 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,280 this old doll that used to mean a lot to her. 322 00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,400 Can't you just get rid of the doll? 323 00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:09,080 I started to, but it really seems like 324 00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:11,520 something you should do, you know, for closure. 325 00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:14,390 You're right. 326 00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,820 Wait. You need closure from a doll? 327 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:17,950 That seems odd. 328 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,330 Well, I did sleep with that thing since I was like 16. 329 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,520 - 16? - 16? 330 00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,080 Oh, no. 331 00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,570 Dylan. 332 00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,970 What is Dylan doing here? 333 00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:30,520 He's making a grand gesture. 334 00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:32,120 He won't leave until he talks to Haley. 335 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,490 Oh, my God. It was one kiss. 336 00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:36,340 Poor, naive Claire. 337 00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,030 It was two kisses. 338 00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,360 You have something to do with this? 339 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:40,670 Haley was ghosting him. 340 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,200 - What does that mean? - You are so not hip. 341 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:44,780 She wouldn't call him back, 342 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,920 so I told her to do the right thing and end it, 343 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,480 or whatever, in person. 344 00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,480 "Or whatever"? No "or whatever." 345 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,830 She's been "or whatever-ing" since puberty. 346 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,080 It is time for her to grow up. 347 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,110 Doesn't matter. Look, we both want 348 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,940 the same thing for her in the end. 349 00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,100 - Absolutely. - Right. 350 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,530 For her to make her own decision. 351 00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:03,750 Of course. The only decision is... 352 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,440 - Arvin. - I agree. Arvin is very impressive. 353 00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,430 Buyou should know Dylan has been 354 00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:10,110 putting himself through nursing school, 355 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,250 working at the hospital, running. 356 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:15,110 You're not honestly making a case for that guy? 357 00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,020 That guy would take a bullet for Haley. 358 00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,540 Why are you so invested in him? 359 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,690 Because I was that guy! 360 00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:21,940 I was the underdog with every girl I ever liked. 361 00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:23,700 That's very sweet. 362 00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:25,230 But this isn't about you. 363 00:13:25,310 --> 00:13:27,200 This is about Haley 364 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:30,880 being with a respected, charming scientist 365 00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:34,080 versus a guy who Lily convinced to eat a box of crayons. 366 00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,460 It was one bite out of one crayon. 367 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:36,910 It was only because he was blindfolded 368 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,140 and trapped in a Chese finger puzzle. 369 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:43,000 I had no idea Arvin was going to be here 370 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,720 but can we please do this another time? 371 00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,490 I won't have the costume another time, Haley. 372 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:51,430 So, this is the doll you slept with. 373 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,830 Hey, you're pretty handsome yourself. 374 00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:58,820 So many questions. 375 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,970 First, why have you snuck 'round to see 376 00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:04,650 the bloke you supposedly feel terrible about kissing? 377 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,480 Yo, I hope this doesn't sound braggy, but for the most part, 378 00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:09,840 people do not feel terrible about kissing me. 379 00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,490 Okay, guys, stop. 380 00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:14,480 Listen to me, my simple friend. 381 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,990 I just spent 14 hours in a middle seat. 382 00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:19,100 I suggest you get out of my space. 383 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:22,170 Well, I suggest, next time, you ask about an exit row. 384 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,750 It could still be a middle seat, but you'd have more leg room. 385 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,810 You have to go! 386 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:32,340 Enough! Stop fighting or whatever this is. 387 00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:34,880 Arvin! There you are! 388 00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,710 Oh. Hi, Dylan. 389 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,310 - Radiant as ever, Mrs. D. - Ugh. 390 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,900 Haley, tell him to leave. 391 00:14:40,990 --> 00:14:42,690 Let me see if I can defuse the situation. 392 00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:44,940 Mom, Dad, stop meddling in my life. 393 00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:46,070 Outside now! 394 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,070 - All right. - Now! 395 00:14:47,150 --> 00:14:48,630 Okay. Okay. 396 00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:52,460 Help me. I don't know what to do. 397 00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:54,880 My mask! 398 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,990 We are so, so sorry. 399 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,280 I tried to block him. 400 00:14:58,370 --> 00:15:00,100 He faked going for the glass frog. 401 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,430 I can't believe it. 402 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,560 Breathe, honey. Breathe. 403 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,750 Can we fix it? 404 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,500 Oh, I don't know. Do you happen to have any clay 405 00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:08,150 from the melted runoff of Kilimanjaro? 406 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,690 Because that's what it's made of! 407 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,710 We got it on our first trip to Tanzania. 408 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,310 It was blessed by the shaman that healed his psoriasis. 409 00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,430 Of course we'll be happy to pay to replace it. 410 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,060 It's irreplaceable! 411 00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:19,580 Oh, my God. 412 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:21,550 - It's back. - Oh. 413 00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:24,170 We cannot apologize enough. 414 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,530 That's probably true. 415 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,250 I'll go get lunch. 416 00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:29,020 Okay, this is a disaster. 417 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,030 I know, but is any part of you still hearing 418 00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:32,430 "first trip to Tanzania"? 419 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,300 He was just about to offer me the case I want. 420 00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,360 Well, there'll be other cases. 421 00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:37,200 No. This one involves a music producer, 422 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,300 an escort, and illegal arms sales, okay? 423 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:40,950 I want to bring them to justice. 424 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,440 Plus, they've already sold the movie rights. 425 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,280 I could be played by Ryan Gosling. 426 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,830 That's it, honey. Aim high. 427 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,200 Oh, my God. What can we do? What can we do? 428 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,600 Whoa. 429 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,120 - Quick. Bite my ankle. - Excuse me? 430 00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,730 Hurry, before they come back. I'm gonna tell them 431 00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,480 the dog did it. It'll cancel out the mask. 432 00:15:57,570 --> 00:15:58,840 Just do it. 433 00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,430 Harder. It needs to scar me. 434 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,900 It's definitely scarring me. 435 00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:03,320 They need to believe a dog did it. 436 00:16:03,450 --> 00:16:05,030 Psst. 437 00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:08,920 Oh. Well, if you're 438 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,850 you're gonna make us wait so long to eat, 439 00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:12,980 this shouldn't come as a surprise. 440 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,160 Gloria, come here! 441 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,630 You got to see this. She's on fire. 442 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,780 Now, check this out. 443 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,810 I can throw anything at her, 444 00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:24,410 and she can make comedy gold out of it. 445 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,640 Here. Um... 446 00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:28,700 John Travolta in a submarine. 447 00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:31,660 Ow! Ow! 448 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,810 Yeah, because a submarine is small. 449 00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:37,420 You were right, Gloria. She's hilarious. 450 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,350 Do another one. Um... 451 00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:42,330 T. Rex in a volleyball game. 452 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,090 Look at that. 453 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,010 It's hard to spike with little arms. 454 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,520 Jay, can I talk to you in there for a second? 455 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,010 Yeah, yeah. All right. I'll be right back. 456 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,860 What a hoot! 457 00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:57,600 What is your game, old man? 458 00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,040 Nothing. I'm loving this. 459 00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:01,990 My only fear is that she might hit it big and leave us. 460 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:05,120 You think I'm an idiot? Nobody thinks that that is funny. 461 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:07,840 Be honest, you want her out of here more than I do. 462 00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,950 Okay, fine, but I don't want to be the mother 463 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,750 that hates her son's girlfriend. 464 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,240 I don't want to be the villain anymore. 465 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,910 But that's your job. I am the quiet and fun one. 466 00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:19,610 Have you not heard her impression of you? It's dead-on. 467 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,440 You want to get rid of her, you do it. 468 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,810 I won't have to, because I can pretend 469 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,900 that I like Sherry longer than you can. 470 00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:28,790 You will crack first. 471 00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,570 You will crack first! 472 00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:32,840 Sherry, you cannot stay here. 473 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,280 What? Why? 474 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,480 Because you're driving me crazy. 475 00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,960 But I thought you liked me. 476 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,920 What can I say, kid? She's rough. 477 00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:41,260 Let me get your bag. 478 00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:43,070 Hey, I'm back! Guess what. 479 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,080 All that calligraphy I've done for the dean paid off. 480 00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:46,400 He said you can stay with me. 481 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,740 Your mom just told me she hates me. 482 00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:50,740 Mom, why would you say that? 483 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,100 And scene! 484 00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:56,690 Why can't I tell Dylan to leave? 485 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,670 Because you are scared 486 00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,740 of the first real, adult relationship 487 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,840 with the perfect man, and you're clinging to the past. 488 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,050 Or you and Dylan have a special connection 489 00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,260 and you still love him. 490 00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:09,370 Not helping. 491 00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:11,200 God, they're both such great guys, 492 00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,320 but they're so different. 493 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,250 How am I supposed to choose? How did you guys do it? 494 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:18,540 Well, sweetheart, I... I'm not gonna be any help here. 495 00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,470 From the minute I met your mom, there was no choice. 496 00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,570 She was smart. She was strong. 497 00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:26,540 She resented her father just enough to go for a guy like me. 498 00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:29,240 She... She gave my life balance, 499 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:30,910 and now I can't imagine it without her. 500 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,040 Also, she's... she's crazy hot. 501 00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:37,390 - Mom? - Well, first of all, um, 502 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,220 I'm a sucker for guys who say things like that. 503 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,730 Your dad is the nicest, most positive person I know, 504 00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:45,970 and he always helps me find the fun in life. 505 00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:49,490 And, uh, he is still real easy on the peepers. 506 00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:51,380 Aww. We really are lucky. 507 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,680 Oh, I know. 508 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:54,980 I forgot what we were even fighting about. 509 00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:56,310 Me too. 510 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,110 You weren't fighting. We were talking about my problem. 511 00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,770 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, honey, 512 00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:02,210 you should probably just ignore eveyothing we said 513 00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:05,460 and try to imagine your life with each of them. 514 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,000 What do you see? 515 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:13,180 I guess, with Arvin, I see a big, beautiful house... 516 00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:16,600 Arvin! Arvin, wait! 517 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,030 Lined with books, 518 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,570 interesting people coming in and out, 519 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,220 raising kids with a brilliant man. 520 00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:26,120 I'm so sorry. I... 521 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,580 Oh, well. 522 00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:30,560 Now I may have to use my genius for evil. 523 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,590 You're my origin story. 524 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:33,840 What? 525 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,910 Every supervillain has a reason they're so... 526 00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:40,470 You know, maybe this is for the best. 527 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:45,550 With Dylan, I see us in a cute, little place 528 00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:47,910 that needs a ton of work. 529 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,130 We may not have all the nicest things, 530 00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,820 but there's music and laughing, 531 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,170 and I know I can always be myself, 532 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,440 anhe'll always love me for it. 533 00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:00,720 Um... 534 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,610 I just got out of a relationship. 535 00:20:04,990 --> 00:20:07,320 I'm, like, a complete mess. 536 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:10,430 That's perfect. I love messes. 537 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,790 Can we, uh, take a step back 538 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,240 and just go out on a date? 539 00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:16,640 Sure. 540 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,500 Your chariot awaits. 541 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,230 I couldn't fit in my car, you know. 542 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,750 Okay, how do I do it? I'll just... Oh! 543 00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,640 We're never gonna be able to retire, are we? 544 00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:32,150 Nope. 545 00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:44,460 I'm sorry the juicy trial didn't work out. Are you okay? 546 00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:46,950 Yeah. I-I guess if I had to do it all over again, 547 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,560 I wouldn't have told you to bite me. 548 00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:51,640 Weird how I just went along with that, no questions. 549 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,780 Oh, and speaking of doing it all over again, 550 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,300 do you ever regret having kids? 551 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,690 Of course not. 552 00:20:56,770 --> 00:20:58,830 I mean, do I sometimes look back 553 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,450 and wish everything was different? 554 00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:02,000 If you say "yes," that is regret. 555 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,230 Then, no, because if we didn't have them 556 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,830 I would be Trent, an uptight lunatic 557 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,240 who falls apart over a broken tchotchke. 558 00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:12,140 I mean, kids give you perspective. 559 00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:15,480 You realize what's important, to let go of... 560 00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:18,810 And there goes our last nice thing. 561 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,270 - Thank God we're free now. - Mm.