1 00:00:03,185 --> 00:00:05,085 Hey. Haven't seen you all day. 2 00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:06,481 Hah. I've been really busy. 3 00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:09,317 Plus I had to find 30 extra chairs for my classroom since it's Family Day. 4 00:00:09,525 --> 00:00:12,426 Oh. Speaking of, I was gonna invite my mom so you could meet her 5 00:00:12,628 --> 00:00:14,858 but, uh, she still thinks I'm a lawyer. 6 00:00:15,064 --> 00:00:16,759 Oh, look. A Human Being has a little Human with it. 7 00:00:16,966 --> 00:00:18,456 How bloodcurdlingly adorable. 8 00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,294 Jeff, we need to talk. 9 00:00:20,503 --> 00:00:21,970 What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me? 10 00:00:22,171 --> 00:00:25,538 Oh. Heh-heh. Maybe we don't need to talk. 11 00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:29,140 I'm so excited for everybody to meet my sons. 12 00:00:29,345 --> 00:00:31,472 Hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what 13 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:32,704 the other one is... Yeah. Thinking? 14 00:00:32,915 --> 00:00:34,610 And finishing each other's... Pie. 15 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:37,411 Exactly. It's creepy. It's nice spending time with them. 16 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,986 I don't get to see them that much since I started school. 17 00:00:40,189 --> 00:00:43,625 My sister likes to joke they don't recognize me anymore, and I like to joke she's just jealous 18 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,691 because she's barren. Hmm. 19 00:00:45,895 --> 00:00:47,954 My dad's bringing cousin Abra. She's visiting from Gaza. 20 00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,132 Does she look like you, but in a wig and lipstick? 21 00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:51,560 No, that's Halle Berry. 22 00:00:51,767 --> 00:00:55,203 Abra wears a full burka in public so she just looks like someone covered head to toe in black fabric. 23 00:00:55,404 --> 00:00:58,396 I can't believe my grandma's rolling her old bones down here. 24 00:00:58,607 --> 00:01:00,302 I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in. 25 00:01:00,509 --> 00:01:02,739 You hide from her? Yeah, she's crazy. 26 00:01:03,379 --> 00:01:07,509 Troy. Society programs us to dispose of the elderly because they don't work 27 00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:10,844 or buy things, but don't be blind to your grandmother's value. 28 00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:13,578 You need to cherish her. You cherish her. 29 00:01:13,789 --> 00:01:16,257 I'm sure I will. She's not gonna be around forever. 30 00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:19,723 I wanna believe you're right, Britta, but you never quite are, are you? 31 00:01:21,530 --> 00:01:23,293 Sorry, I'm late. Was somebody canoodling 32 00:01:23,499 --> 00:01:24,898 with a certain professor? 33 00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:27,867 Actually, no. She dumped me. 34 00:01:28,404 --> 00:01:32,340 Oh, no, that's so sad. I'll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on. 35 00:01:32,541 --> 00:01:34,532 You boys put a dead bird in that bitch's glove compartment. 36 00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:36,335 Got it. Guys, guys, sit. 37 00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:39,243 Shirley, I don't need to cry. I'm fine. 38 00:01:39,448 --> 00:01:42,178 Jeff, we're your friends. Let it all out. 39 00:01:42,384 --> 00:01:43,874 There's nothing to let out. 40 00:01:44,086 --> 00:01:46,145 I'm just glad I didn't have to do the dumping. 41 00:01:46,355 --> 00:01:49,347 Then I'd have to lay low for three weeks to look sensitive. 44 00:01:54,930 --> 00:01:57,797 on campus now and all anyone will feel for me is sorry. 45 00:01:58,133 --> 00:01:59,532 Ew. Not anymore. 46 00:01:59,735 --> 00:02:01,134 Your heart's desensitized, Jeff. 47 00:02:01,337 --> 00:02:03,931 You're like a machine. It feels no love, just sex. 48 00:02:04,139 --> 00:02:06,039 You're like the Booty-nator. 49 00:02:07,109 --> 00:02:09,043 You know, Booty-nator? Like "I'll be back," but with booty. 50 00:02:09,245 --> 00:02:11,213 Why would Booty-nator be back with booty? 51 00:02:11,413 --> 00:02:12,573 Wouldn't he just try and kill it? 52 00:02:12,781 --> 00:02:14,646 Well, maybe he kills it, then brings it back as a trophy. 53 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:17,284 Why would he want dead booty? I want Pirate's Booty. 54 00:02:17,486 --> 00:02:18,783 Because you're hungry? Guys. 55 00:02:19,455 --> 00:02:23,255 I'll be back, but with booty. Yeah. 56 00:02:23,592 --> 00:02:24,820 That's beneath you. Gross. 57 00:02:28,063 --> 00:02:29,690 Well, you're too gorgeous to be a teacher 58 00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:32,196 and you're too happy to be a student. 59 00:02:32,401 --> 00:02:34,232 Take me to where your car broke down. 60 00:02:34,436 --> 00:02:38,065 I'm here for Family Day. I'm looking for my family. 61 00:02:38,274 --> 00:02:41,141 Oh. Well, at the very least, I could fill in for a creepy uncle. 62 00:02:41,343 --> 00:02:42,674 Jeff. Amber. 63 00:02:42,878 --> 00:02:44,140 There she is. 64 00:02:44,346 --> 00:02:46,246 Look at you, all grown up. 65 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:49,513 Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber. Small world. 66 00:02:49,718 --> 00:02:53,484 No, actually, it's a very big world with 5 billion other women in it. Heh-heh. 67 00:02:53,689 --> 00:02:55,088 Good luck. 68 00:02:55,291 --> 00:02:57,088 Come on, I'll show you around. 69 00:03:04,366 --> 00:03:05,799 I'm back. Without booty. 70 00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:07,832 Now I feel sorry for you. 71 00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:23,274 Hands in the air. Homeland Security. 72 00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:25,285 Boys, leave that man alone. 73 00:03:25,821 --> 00:03:26,810 Orange alert. Orange alert. 74 00:03:27,022 --> 00:03:28,284 Sorry. They're just excited. 75 00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:30,481 You're, uh, Abed's father? I'm Shirley. 76 00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:34,959 And that's Elijah like the prophet and Jordan like the 14-time NBA All-Star. 77 00:03:35,531 --> 00:03:37,396 Gubi Nadir. Is it how you say hello? 78 00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:39,300 That's my name. 79 00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:42,800 Oh! I'm sorry, you... You're like a black ghost. 80 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,529 This is my cousin, Abra. 81 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,134 Greetings. 82 00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:49,103 Over the course of seven marriages, 83 00:03:49,311 --> 00:03:53,179 I amassed some 32 stepchildren and obviously, Amber's my favorite. 84 00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:55,680 Yeah, there was something about his mass e-mails 85 00:03:55,884 --> 00:03:59,115 that made me certain this would be a family reunion. 86 00:03:59,488 --> 00:04:01,115 It sure is, sweetie. 87 00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,723 She's going to photography school. Oh, sounds interesting. 88 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:04,915 Keep it in your pants. 89 00:04:05,127 --> 00:04:08,961 You're embarrassing yourself. She may be hot, but she's my princess. 90 00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:11,359 Step princess. 91 00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:13,564 Okay. Family Day. 92 00:04:14,069 --> 00:04:15,661 Let's see what we got here. 93 00:04:16,338 --> 00:04:19,739 Wow. I can't believe Star-Burns isn't a virgin. 94 00:04:19,942 --> 00:04:23,070 But judging from that Bluetooth headset, his son is. Ch-chang! 95 00:04:24,146 --> 00:04:25,443 Winger. 96 00:04:25,647 --> 00:04:26,875 Too cool for family? 97 00:04:27,082 --> 00:04:29,516 Everyone here is my family. Oh... 98 00:04:29,718 --> 00:04:31,583 Weak. Cute. 99 00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:33,482 Where's your family, El Tigre? Ugh. 100 00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:35,520 My older brother will be at the barbecue. 101 00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:39,524 And it's none of your business, but I ate my twin in utero. 102 00:04:39,795 --> 00:04:42,025 Oh. Hey, Phantom Menace. 103 00:04:42,231 --> 00:04:44,222 How's the trade embargo with the Naboo? 104 00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:47,800 Anyway, oh, looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank 105 00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:49,630 at the escort service this time. 106 00:04:49,838 --> 00:04:51,305 Hey, duck sauce. That was rude. 107 00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:56,137 The call girls I frequent are not nearly as attractive as my daughter. 108 00:04:56,345 --> 00:04:58,108 Stepdaughter. 109 00:04:58,313 --> 00:05:01,248 Technically, ex-stepdaughter. 110 00:05:02,651 --> 00:05:05,245 You know, your mother April... Mm-hm. Wanda, her name's... 111 00:05:05,454 --> 00:05:07,285 Was it Wanda? Yes. Yes. 112 00:05:07,489 --> 00:05:09,684 I need one sec. Excuse me. 113 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,723 Uh, Jeff, Jeff. Uh... 114 00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:13,394 Cards on the table, Jeff. 115 00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:16,257 Amber's the best shot I'll ever have 116 00:05:16,865 --> 00:05:19,834 at something like a real daughter and I'm striking out. 117 00:05:20,035 --> 00:05:22,128 Have you told her she's prettier than a hooker? 118 00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:23,895 If you come to the barbecue... 119 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,937 I know you'd never think of touching her. 120 00:05:26,642 --> 00:05:29,577 Maybe you could say a couple cool things about me. 121 00:05:29,778 --> 00:05:33,236 You want me to wingman you with your ex-stepdaughter? 122 00:05:33,449 --> 00:05:35,815 I'm sorry. I got a thing. 123 00:05:37,252 --> 00:05:38,742 You have a thing? 124 00:05:38,954 --> 00:05:40,319 Yeah, and it's on the rebound. 125 00:05:40,522 --> 00:05:43,013 I'm not subjecting it to a night with a hot girl that I can't have. 126 00:05:43,225 --> 00:05:44,954 You can't holster it for a friend? 127 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,787 Please, Pierce is barely a friend. 128 00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:48,826 He's no more related to Amber than you are, 129 00:05:49,031 --> 00:05:51,124 and was a total jag about shutting me down. 130 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,426 How much effort do I rate? For you? 131 00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:56,598 Um, I'd break a light sweat. 132 00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:58,067 Good, I need a favor. 133 00:05:58,273 --> 00:05:59,968 Help Pierce with his stepdaughter? 134 00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:02,639 You're becoming dangerous, Annie. 135 00:06:02,845 --> 00:06:04,005 It's those doe eyes. 136 00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:07,614 Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain. 137 00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:13,684 Is this Nana Barnes? 138 00:06:13,889 --> 00:06:15,948 Troy didn't mention you were such a knockout. 139 00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,092 What's that supposed to mean? Oh. Come on. 140 00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:20,523 I'm sure you've broken a few hearts in your time. 141 00:06:20,729 --> 00:06:21,753 Oh. 142 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,022 Tell me. 143 00:06:23,232 --> 00:06:25,632 How many men do you think I've laid with? 144 00:06:27,736 --> 00:06:30,170 Who are you? I am Britta. 145 00:06:30,372 --> 00:06:32,932 And I have offended you and I am sorry. 146 00:06:33,141 --> 00:06:34,574 Is there anything I can get you? 147 00:06:35,210 --> 00:06:36,541 Yes. 148 00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,736 You can get me a switch. A what now? 149 00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:42,242 She's not family, Nana. You can't make her get a switch. 150 00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:45,147 She can make me get it. I just have to know what it is. 151 00:06:45,354 --> 00:06:48,084 A switch is a stick she can use to whoop you with. 152 00:06:51,426 --> 00:06:54,589 Cherish, Britta. Cherish. 153 00:06:54,796 --> 00:06:57,822 Heh. Well, it was wonderful meeting your brother. 154 00:06:58,033 --> 00:07:00,900 Adios, Seņor Chang, shalom, Rabbi Chang, 155 00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:02,832 and to both of you, sayonara. 156 00:07:04,773 --> 00:07:06,468 Don't go. 157 00:07:06,675 --> 00:07:08,199 Seņor Chang? 158 00:07:09,611 --> 00:07:11,772 Ben, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? 159 00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:14,278 Okay, that is who I am. So drop it. 160 00:07:14,483 --> 00:07:16,280 Dropping. I'm dropping. 161 00:07:16,485 --> 00:07:20,421 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Amber alert. You are allergic to peanuts. 162 00:07:20,622 --> 00:07:23,056 That might be a different step kid. 163 00:07:23,258 --> 00:07:24,350 My flight actually leaves so... 164 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:29,293 Your flight actually leaves after I tell you a story called: 165 00:07:29,498 --> 00:07:31,227 Pierce Takes On The School Bully. 166 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,361 Heh. Are you a ninja 167 00:07:35,571 --> 00:07:37,698 Oh, baby. Don't be rude. 168 00:07:37,906 --> 00:07:38,895 Uh, she's wearing a burka. 169 00:07:39,107 --> 00:07:40,836 It's a way women to express their modesty. 170 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:44,604 They're like Islamic turtlenecks. Ask her if she wants to play with us. 171 00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:54,051 Bouncy house. 172 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:01,493 Sounds heated. Did she call him a pig's anus or something? 173 00:08:03,332 --> 00:08:05,800 She's saying she's old enough to jump in a giant balloon. 174 00:08:07,836 --> 00:08:09,394 She's saying he's overprotective. 175 00:08:12,441 --> 00:08:13,874 Now she says he's a pig anus. 176 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,407 That fight made me crave a hot dog. 177 00:08:15,611 --> 00:08:17,738 Stay put, boys. I'll be right back. 178 00:08:21,216 --> 00:08:24,014 Look at them. You are a bad mother. 179 00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:25,243 Control your children. 180 00:08:25,687 --> 00:08:29,020 I have to go back to my car and get my emergency shirt. 181 00:08:29,491 --> 00:08:31,254 And I don't even like that shirt. 182 00:08:32,728 --> 00:08:35,754 Not only did he join a band, they got jealous and booted him. 183 00:08:35,964 --> 00:08:36,988 Get out. 184 00:08:37,199 --> 00:08:39,292 Heh-heh. That's exactly what they said. 185 00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:42,368 Off to the bathroom, Stepdad. 186 00:08:43,972 --> 00:08:46,634 I've never been called Stepdad. I don't think anyone has. 187 00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:50,505 Listen, when she gets back, come up with some reason why you have to leave, okay? 188 00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:52,339 I'll beg you to stay, but you don't. 189 00:08:52,547 --> 00:08:54,879 In fact, why don't you just leave now. Cut our work in half. 190 00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,311 Good luck, buddy. 191 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:09,120 You're leaving? My girlfriend is pregnant. 192 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,663 Pierce said you were gay. He... 193 00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,960 Yup. As the sunrise. 194 00:09:14,169 --> 00:09:15,329 And I'm deeply ashamed. 195 00:09:15,537 --> 00:09:18,438 I'm just glad I have friends like Pierce to keep me... 196 00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:22,934 Honest. 197 00:09:28,795 --> 00:09:30,160 This is slightly wrong. 198 00:09:30,363 --> 00:09:32,058 Too much tongue? Just enough. 199 00:09:32,265 --> 00:09:33,596 But it... It's Pierce. 200 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,734 You mean the guy who decided he doesn't want men 201 00:09:35,935 --> 00:09:39,268 touching his ex-stepdaughter, but divorced Mom for our housekeeper? 202 00:09:39,472 --> 00:09:40,837 Could be the same guy, yeah. 203 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,598 Amber? 204 00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,538 Amber, there you are. 205 00:09:46,112 --> 00:09:49,377 Why are you here, Jeff? I go to school here, remember? 206 00:09:49,616 --> 00:09:52,483 Ahem. There's a Pictionary tournament in the student lounge. 207 00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,243 Sounds fun. Is Jeff joining us? 208 00:09:54,454 --> 00:09:57,014 I don't know if he can, can you? I can't. 209 00:09:57,223 --> 00:09:58,485 Oh. Come on, stay. Stay. 210 00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:00,852 I can't. Maybe I shouldn't, either. 211 00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:04,753 Stay, Jeff. You think I should? 212 00:10:04,964 --> 00:10:05,953 I think you have to. 213 00:10:06,166 --> 00:10:07,599 I'll stay. Me too. 214 00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:09,666 Ha-ha. Good Family Day. 215 00:10:16,776 --> 00:10:17,970 What are you doing? 216 00:10:18,178 --> 00:10:20,476 Getting Nana a switch. 217 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,410 Britta, stop pretending that my mean old nana is awesome. 218 00:10:23,616 --> 00:10:24,878 I'm not pretending. 219 00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:27,848 I think it's cool that she's got her own style of discipline. 220 00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:29,487 Nana's old school. 221 00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:32,351 Yeah, my mom told me there'd be white people that did this. 222 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,618 With the pocket watches and coffee grinders, 223 00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:36,625 and pretending to be into steamboats. 224 00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:38,855 But let's get this straight. 225 00:10:39,065 --> 00:10:40,532 This is real life. 226 00:10:40,733 --> 00:10:42,564 My Nana is gonna whoop you. 227 00:10:42,769 --> 00:10:45,465 Not unless I find her a switch. 228 00:10:48,908 --> 00:10:50,500 How about this? 229 00:10:50,710 --> 00:10:52,507 Yeah, that's a great switch, Britta. 230 00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:54,737 Very hip. Should hurt a lot. 231 00:10:54,948 --> 00:10:56,643 Uh, where's Elijah and Jordan? Uh, Abed? 232 00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,046 Oh, what a surprise that you lost them. 233 00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:00,514 They're playing hide and seek. 234 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,187 Uh, where? I don't think that's how it works. 235 00:11:02,388 --> 00:11:03,582 Stop screwing around, Abed. 236 00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:06,987 Hey, you want to yell at someone? Go find your crazy kids. 237 00:11:07,193 --> 00:11:09,354 My boy is disciplined. It's not his job... 238 00:11:09,562 --> 00:11:12,656 All right, you got me, Gubi. I'm a bad mother. 239 00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:16,263 I let my kids be kids instead of acting like a jail warden. 240 00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:19,199 Ah. You don't like her burka? I'm not talking about the burka. 241 00:11:19,405 --> 00:11:21,498 I'm talking about her never having any fun. 242 00:11:21,708 --> 00:11:24,438 Now Abra, you look me in the eyes and you tell me... 243 00:11:25,912 --> 00:11:26,901 Um... 244 00:11:28,281 --> 00:11:30,909 I'm sorry. I seemed to have forgotten the napkins. 245 00:11:31,117 --> 00:11:33,711 Do... Do you mind? Fine. 246 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,080 Now I'm the napkin man. 247 00:11:49,903 --> 00:11:51,131 Oh. Uh-huh. 248 00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,861 Circle. 249 00:11:54,574 --> 00:11:56,041 Circle with a squiggly line. 250 00:11:56,242 --> 00:11:57,300 Uh... Squiggly line circle. 251 00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:58,772 You... You did hear me say circle. 252 00:12:00,813 --> 00:12:03,714 Smiling sideways vagina. No. 253 00:12:03,917 --> 00:12:06,408 Happy sideways vagina. No. 254 00:12:07,687 --> 00:12:09,245 Happy face. 255 00:12:09,455 --> 00:12:10,547 And that's a clam? 256 00:12:10,757 --> 00:12:12,816 As happy as a clam. Yes. 257 00:12:13,026 --> 00:12:15,824 As happy as a clam? What a gay guess. 258 00:12:16,029 --> 00:12:17,997 Idiot. Pierce, you're up. 259 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,790 Eat my dust, Winger. 260 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,400 You do know we're on the same team? 261 00:12:23,803 --> 00:12:24,827 Go. 262 00:12:26,105 --> 00:12:27,436 Uh... 263 00:12:28,374 --> 00:12:29,636 All right, here we go. Uh... 264 00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:31,173 Let's see. 265 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:36,841 Look, I don't, uh... 266 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,411 Pierce you have to add more. Draw more. 267 00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:46,659 Stop. Stop circling the same thing. 268 00:12:46,859 --> 00:12:49,692 Well, guess something, you girlfriendless geek. 269 00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:53,127 What are you drawing? You're supposed to know, stupid. 270 00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:54,925 Relax. 271 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:56,763 I'll get this. 272 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:02,901 I think they'll both drop charges, but we gotta take statements. 273 00:13:03,109 --> 00:13:04,201 It's gonna be a while. 274 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:07,345 And I may just be a simple cop, but people need to know. 275 00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:11,039 This isn't gonna stop until Pictionary bans the word windmill. 276 00:13:11,451 --> 00:13:14,614 Pierce, we'll meet you at the gala. We're gonna go get you some coffee. 277 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,345 Is coffee code for sex? 278 00:13:18,491 --> 00:13:19,480 Is it? 279 00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:21,117 No. 280 00:13:22,295 --> 00:13:25,662 Nana, here's your switch. Bring it here. 281 00:13:29,369 --> 00:13:30,461 I'll make do. 282 00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:32,570 Okay. Let me have it. 283 00:13:32,772 --> 00:13:34,672 I ain't no nun. Bend over. 284 00:13:38,011 --> 00:13:40,571 Drop your pants and get over my lap. 285 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,180 All you have to do is walk away. 286 00:13:58,197 --> 00:14:01,166 What are you doing? She's respecting her elders. 287 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,232 See Troy? Did you think I was a hypocrite? 288 00:14:03,436 --> 00:14:05,734 That I wouldn't really... Okay, that really... 289 00:14:05,938 --> 00:14:07,496 Oh! Okay, that really... 290 00:14:10,743 --> 00:14:12,768 I don't understand you, Britta. 291 00:14:12,979 --> 00:14:16,813 I don't understand you at all. 292 00:14:19,619 --> 00:14:20,608 You know what? 293 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,685 Totally wrong room. Will you get the door? 294 00:14:24,357 --> 00:14:26,348 Uh... She's had enough. 295 00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:28,254 Oh... She's had enough. 296 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:36,867 Let's focus on you, the forbidden fruit 297 00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,402 that is the ex-stepdaughter of a casual acquaintance. 298 00:14:39,605 --> 00:14:42,665 Oh, oops. Don't wanna lose that. 299 00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:46,200 Why do you have a $25,000 check from Pierce? 300 00:14:46,746 --> 00:14:48,907 Tuition for fashion school. 301 00:14:49,115 --> 00:14:50,207 Not photography school? 302 00:14:52,385 --> 00:14:54,285 You caught me. 303 00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:56,250 Uh... Maybe I'll just buy a car. 304 00:14:56,656 --> 00:14:58,055 And you can just do that, huh? 305 00:14:58,257 --> 00:15:01,021 Well, it helps that he's kind of desperate and stupid. 306 00:15:01,227 --> 00:15:04,663 Did you wanna be a good person right now or did you wanna be with me? 307 00:15:11,304 --> 00:15:12,293 Oh, there you are. 308 00:15:12,505 --> 00:15:13,699 Thanks a lot, Pollyanna. 309 00:15:13,906 --> 00:15:16,136 You made me hang out with Pierce and his stepdaughter. 310 00:15:16,342 --> 00:15:18,367 She's grifting him. She's what? 311 00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:20,068 She's taking a bunch of money from him. 312 00:15:20,279 --> 00:15:23,373 He thinks it's for school, but it's for grifting. 313 00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:25,574 Did you tell him? 314 00:15:25,918 --> 00:15:28,148 It's not that simple. It's not? 315 00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,580 Oh, my... Jeff. 316 00:15:31,791 --> 00:15:34,282 Gross. You're gross. 317 00:15:34,494 --> 00:15:36,655 You did it with her? Yeah, but not twice. 318 00:15:36,863 --> 00:15:38,091 I wanted to do it twice. 319 00:15:38,297 --> 00:15:39,389 That's gross. 320 00:15:39,599 --> 00:15:44,127 You met her this morning. You're faster than some bacteria. 321 00:15:44,337 --> 00:15:46,134 Are you just doing this because Slater hurt you? 322 00:15:46,339 --> 00:15:48,102 What? No, I'm not hurt. 323 00:15:48,307 --> 00:15:49,467 And Amber threw herself at me. 324 00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:52,974 Well, you still have to tell Pierce that she's taking advantage of him, don't you? 325 00:15:53,179 --> 00:15:57,047 Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt. 326 00:15:57,250 --> 00:16:00,242 Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's getting an allowance, I'm getting... 327 00:16:00,453 --> 00:16:03,183 We already talked about it. But don't forget this is Pierce. 328 00:16:03,389 --> 00:16:05,323 He's a racist, homophobic old goof. 329 00:16:05,525 --> 00:16:06,958 He does bad stuff all the time. 330 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,560 Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out, 331 00:16:09,762 --> 00:16:11,730 so why are you talking to me about it? 332 00:16:13,232 --> 00:16:15,291 Because you're... 333 00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:17,060 You know. 334 00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:18,965 A decent person? Maybe. 335 00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:21,936 And you knew talking to me about it would make you feel like a bad friend. 336 00:16:22,141 --> 00:16:25,907 You wanted to feel like a bad friend because you wanna be a good friend? 337 00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:28,012 You really suck, you know that? 338 00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:35,181 Mm, mm, mm! Go get you and your brother some Ding Dongs and calm down. 339 00:16:35,388 --> 00:16:36,582 Okay. 340 00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:39,087 What's up? Oh. Abed, did your family take off? 341 00:16:39,292 --> 00:16:42,523 Yeah. Thanks for distracting my dad while we helped Abra get back in her burka. 342 00:16:42,728 --> 00:16:45,492 Well, if a young lady wants to go in a bouncy house, she should go. 343 00:16:45,698 --> 00:16:48,098 It was a noble thing you did. Oh, I didn't do it. 344 00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:51,065 No, it was Jordan and Elijah's idea. They're good kids. 345 00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:53,033 If they weren't, they wouldn't help Abra. 346 00:16:53,239 --> 00:16:55,537 I see why you were so excited for me to meet them. 347 00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:57,003 You should be proud of them. 348 00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:59,269 You're a good mom. Oh. Come on. 349 00:17:00,913 --> 00:17:02,676 Hey, Mom. Look what I got. 350 00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:06,745 Ding Dongs, my favorite. 351 00:17:08,955 --> 00:17:10,422 Mm. Ha-ha. 352 00:17:10,623 --> 00:17:11,681 Pretty rough, huh? Mm. 353 00:17:11,891 --> 00:17:12,880 You were right. 354 00:17:13,092 --> 00:17:15,560 Nana is a monster. What did you say? 355 00:17:15,761 --> 00:17:17,786 I said you were a monster, ma'am. 356 00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:21,125 And you said Troy was right. 357 00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:23,127 Get me a switch. 358 00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:25,259 Okay. 359 00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,237 Hey, stranger. 360 00:17:31,444 --> 00:17:33,002 Wanna pick up where we left off 361 00:17:33,212 --> 00:17:35,305 after I log some time with Daddy Warbucks? 362 00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:37,641 No, Amber. Uh... 363 00:17:37,917 --> 00:17:41,114 I thought about it and what I want is for you to tear up that check 364 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,220 and go dance with your stepdad. 365 00:17:43,422 --> 00:17:45,447 Are you trying to get me to cut you in? 366 00:17:45,658 --> 00:17:46,750 You don't have leverage. 367 00:17:47,159 --> 00:17:49,354 If I walk over there and tell him everything, 368 00:17:49,562 --> 00:17:51,154 guess who he'll forgive. 369 00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:54,629 You, but I'd rather be the bad guy than watch you siphon him. 370 00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:55,823 How about this? 371 00:17:56,035 --> 00:18:00,267 I walk away and if the check clears, I won't make problems for you. 372 00:18:00,473 --> 00:18:01,633 I'll stay gone. 373 00:18:01,841 --> 00:18:03,308 Come back whenever you want, 374 00:18:03,509 --> 00:18:06,171 but be good to him when you do because I'll be around. 375 00:18:06,379 --> 00:18:07,971 I'm his friend. 376 00:18:08,381 --> 00:18:10,941 And you can be his stepdaughter, or not. 377 00:18:14,186 --> 00:18:15,175 Yeah. 378 00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:16,912 I'll take the 25 grand. 379 00:18:17,123 --> 00:18:20,752 Over him, I'd take 25 cents. 380 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,325 Bye. 381 00:18:25,498 --> 00:18:27,261 Oh, Jeff. Heh. 382 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,731 Have you seen Amber? Yeah. 383 00:18:30,936 --> 00:18:33,461 Listen, Pierce. Uh... I gotta tell you something. 384 00:18:33,673 --> 00:18:35,038 She's not coming, is she? 385 00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:37,300 I wrote her a pretty big check this afternoon. 386 00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:40,001 I had a feeling she might take it and run. 387 00:18:40,212 --> 00:18:43,375 You want me to help you cancel it? Oh, hell, she earned it. 388 00:18:44,050 --> 00:18:46,644 You're lucky, Jeff. It's not too late for you. 389 00:18:46,852 --> 00:18:49,980 Have a family. Share your life. 390 00:18:50,189 --> 00:18:52,419 That and understanding computers are two things 391 00:18:52,625 --> 00:18:55,355 you just can't knock out at the end. 392 00:18:56,195 --> 00:18:59,961 Pierce, who did you call last week after you farted on Vaughn? 393 00:19:00,232 --> 00:19:01,893 Ha-ha. You. And who did Abed call 394 00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:04,160 after that squirrel stole his hotdog? 395 00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:06,429 Me. That's sharing your life. 396 00:19:06,639 --> 00:19:08,800 If you have friends, you have family. 397 00:19:12,511 --> 00:19:14,240 Jeffrey. 398 00:19:16,215 --> 00:19:17,944 Come here, son. 399 00:19:25,391 --> 00:19:27,154 Are we hugging or dancing? 400 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:28,993 You know, if the roles were reversed, 401 00:19:29,195 --> 00:19:32,130 I would have had sex with your ex-stepdaughter. 402 00:19:32,331 --> 00:19:33,559 I did. 403 00:19:35,568 --> 00:19:37,627 Chip off the old block. 404 00:19:37,837 --> 00:19:40,203 It was either that or deal with your actual pain. 405 00:19:40,406 --> 00:19:42,203 What pain? 406 00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:44,136 Twelve o'clock. 407 00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:45,908 Oh, are you kidding me? l... 408 00:19:52,718 --> 00:19:55,050 It's okay, it's okay. 409 00:19:56,288 --> 00:19:57,448 Let it out. 410 00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:01,888 We always used to watch the shows she wanted to watch. 411 00:20:02,194 --> 00:20:05,425 I hate Glee. I'm not crazy about Glee, either. 412 00:20:05,631 --> 00:20:07,531 I hate it. 413 00:20:07,967 --> 00:20:09,901 I don't understand the appeal at all. 414 00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:16,901 Why did we do this again? 415 00:20:17,108 --> 00:20:19,770 We thought it looked fun. Is your cell phone in your pocket? 416 00:20:19,978 --> 00:20:22,811 Yeah, but I can't reach it. I can only move my right arm. 417 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,276 Okay. There's money already in there. 418 00:20:24,482 --> 00:20:27,042 Slide your arm through that bottom slot and press the button G-14. 419 00:20:27,252 --> 00:20:29,948 When a snack is selected, the mechanical lever that's holding it will be thrust forward, 420 00:20:30,155 --> 00:20:32,715 thereby knocking your cell phone out of your pocket and into the receptacle below. 421 00:20:32,924 --> 00:20:34,653 We could pick it up and call for help. 422 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:35,917 Here we go. 423 00:20:43,568 --> 00:20:44,762 Troy? 424 00:20:44,969 --> 00:20:47,369 I think I hit G-13.