1 00:00:01,829 --> 00:00:05,663 As you know, all faculty at Greendale are required to give extra credit 2 00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:08,563 to students who organize academically-related events 3 00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:13,468 during what would otherwise be known as our "free time." 4 00:00:13,908 --> 00:00:15,705 No student in any department 5 00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:19,209 has ever exercised this option until now. 6 00:00:22,216 --> 00:00:25,879 Tonight, in the library, I will be hosting a Día de los Muertos party. 7 00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:27,111 Just relax, just relax. 8 00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:30,347 Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, 9 00:00:30,558 --> 00:00:33,026 is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween. 10 00:00:33,227 --> 00:00:34,854 Which is actually quite offensive 11 00:00:35,062 --> 00:00:38,589 to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position. 12 00:00:38,799 --> 00:00:41,131 At any rate, if you show up, you get extra credit. 13 00:00:41,669 --> 00:00:44,069 Me, I don't even get paid. 14 00:00:44,272 --> 00:00:45,500 See you tonight. 15 00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:51,004 Um, heh, heh. 16 00:00:51,412 --> 00:00:56,145 Most of you responded to my Evite, but some of you remain evasive, so... 17 00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:58,716 Count me in. This is my first college party. 18 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,319 I got some tequila, 19 00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:03,547 and I just rented Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, and look. 20 00:01:03,758 --> 00:01:05,555 Shirley, you took off your wedding ring. 21 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,352 My husband's been gone for six months. 22 00:01:07,562 --> 00:01:09,860 So I think it's time for me to embrace being single. 23 00:01:10,064 --> 00:01:11,224 Message received. 24 00:01:11,933 --> 00:01:14,026 I'm still waiting to hear from Jeff and Pierce. 25 00:01:14,235 --> 00:01:17,500 Oh, I thought I shot you a response from this pocket phone here. 26 00:01:17,705 --> 00:01:18,967 Access e-mail. 27 00:01:19,173 --> 00:01:21,801 You're not going to Annie's party? Oh, I have a conflict. 28 00:01:22,009 --> 00:01:23,943 It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life. 29 00:01:24,145 --> 00:01:26,773 I cannot figure out the voice command part of this thing. 30 00:01:26,981 --> 00:01:28,539 It's like I'm my mother. 31 00:01:28,749 --> 00:01:31,616 Calling mother. What? 32 00:01:32,019 --> 00:01:34,419 Speaking of enjoying life, I don't wanna beat a dead horse here, 33 00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:38,558 but are you sure you don't see anything non-platonic ever crystallizing between us? 34 00:01:39,026 --> 00:01:40,118 I'm sure. Okay, good. 35 00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:43,195 Because one of my professors is really hot. And I wanted to give you first right of refusal. 36 00:01:43,397 --> 00:01:44,694 Hello? Pierce? 37 00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:46,526 Mom? How's school going? 38 00:01:46,734 --> 00:01:48,463 Are you popular? 39 00:01:48,669 --> 00:01:50,830 I am headed through a tunnel right now. 40 00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:54,630 Wrong number. 41 00:01:54,842 --> 00:01:57,003 Has that boy Jeff stopped teasing you? 44 00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:34,143 The Bernoulli Distribution is the number of successes 45 00:02:34,351 --> 00:02:38,617 in a sequence of independent yes-no experiments. 46 00:02:38,822 --> 00:02:43,156 Okay. For the quiz Monday brush up on chapters three and four. 47 00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:47,930 Bernoulli's one of my favorites. 48 00:02:48,132 --> 00:02:50,532 Little known fact, statistics were not his only love. 49 00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:53,464 He's famous for his French sauce used on meat and poultry. 50 00:02:53,671 --> 00:02:54,638 That's béarnaise. 51 00:02:54,838 --> 00:02:56,533 We may need to settle this at a restaurant. 52 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:57,764 That's cute. 53 00:02:57,975 --> 00:03:02,344 A little aggressive. But as a busy, confident woman of authority I'm attracted to men who take charge. 54 00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:04,207 You being sarcastic or am I nailing it? 55 00:03:04,415 --> 00:03:06,508 You were nailing it until you had to ask. 56 00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:08,150 Oh, damn it. Starting over. 57 00:03:08,352 --> 00:03:11,253 Hey, you in the skirt, date me. I'd like to, Mr. Winger. 58 00:03:11,455 --> 00:03:12,615 You're tall, dress nice. 59 00:03:12,823 --> 00:03:15,383 I've graded enough of your tests to know I'd never feel mentally inadequate. 60 00:03:15,592 --> 00:03:18,618 Thank you. Only problem, I don't date students. 61 00:03:21,832 --> 00:03:23,060 You know, if you agree to go... 62 00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:24,962 Oh. Hey. Awkward. 63 00:03:25,169 --> 00:03:26,500 How small is this campus? 64 00:03:26,704 --> 00:03:27,830 Bastard. 65 00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,198 It's fine, I don't care. 66 00:03:29,406 --> 00:03:30,873 It's disgusting the way men behave. 67 00:03:31,075 --> 00:03:34,340 You ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster, where Gerard Butler had that heart over his wiener? 68 00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:35,569 That resonated with me. 69 00:03:35,779 --> 00:03:38,680 Okay, fine. But just to repeat, I don't care what Jeff does. 70 00:03:38,882 --> 00:03:40,110 Bastard. 71 00:03:40,317 --> 00:03:43,081 I'm barely a student. I'm older than you, I drive a Lexus. 72 00:03:43,287 --> 00:03:45,915 I saw Ghost Busters in the theater. Look, my gums are receding. 73 00:03:46,123 --> 00:03:48,489 It's uncanny how many of my buttons you're finding, 74 00:03:48,692 --> 00:03:50,717 but I have a personal rule about this and I stick to it. 75 00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:53,055 Have a cup of coffee with me, I can change your mind. 76 00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,891 I know you can. That's why you're not getting the chance. 77 00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:59,496 Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo. 78 00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:03,963 Are you coming to my party? I'm definitely gonna try to swing by. 79 00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:06,039 Then I can mark you down as definitely being there 80 00:04:06,243 --> 00:04:08,074 from 7:00 sharp until question mark? 81 00:04:08,278 --> 00:04:10,143 Here's the thing... No, here's the thing. 82 00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:12,372 I am putting my foot down, do you understand? 83 00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:15,643 I am being assertive, and I am making eye contact, 84 00:04:15,853 --> 00:04:19,186 and it is achieving results. Trying to get formidable with me? 85 00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:21,858 It worked on Pierce. Infomercials work on Pierce. 86 00:04:22,292 --> 00:04:25,090 Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay? 87 00:04:25,295 --> 00:04:27,889 If you show up, it will be the first party I host 88 00:04:28,098 --> 00:04:30,931 where everyone doesn't say they need to get home in time for the news. 89 00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:33,592 This won't work. 90 00:04:34,104 --> 00:04:36,231 The last time you did this, I saved a vial of your tears. 91 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,702 And I've been slowly building up an immunity. 92 00:04:37,908 --> 00:04:39,603 I was so unpopular in high school, 93 00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:42,540 the crossing guard used to lure me into traffic. 94 00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:45,406 This party is a second chance 95 00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:49,712 at being hip, cool, 96 00:04:50,888 --> 00:04:52,480 laid-back. 97 00:04:53,891 --> 00:04:57,088 Look, I will come to your party. Thank you. 98 00:04:57,294 --> 00:05:00,695 I'm putting you down for two bags of ice and a sleeve of paper cups. 99 00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:17,173 Taking a pill? 100 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,940 Yes, I am. "Xenolovaden." 101 00:05:21,151 --> 00:05:22,345 My grandpa took that around your age. 102 00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,987 Fantastic. Helped him with his going problem. 103 00:05:25,189 --> 00:05:27,851 By the time Grandpa got up in years, his memory wasn't great. He'd mix the wrong pills. 104 00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:30,049 You know how old people are. Heard stories about it. 105 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,785 One time he started hallucinating and ran down the street with no pants on, 106 00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:36,329 which in the Gaza Strip is considered a real party foul so you should probably be careful. 107 00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:39,832 Look, I really don't need your advice, and I'm not your pantsless grandpa. 108 00:05:40,037 --> 00:05:42,870 Heh. "Pantsless grandpa." Heh, heh. 109 00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,437 Scary. 110 00:05:49,646 --> 00:05:51,637 You look great. 111 00:05:51,849 --> 00:05:53,248 Hi. 112 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,974 Britta, 113 00:05:55,185 --> 00:05:56,948 you look adorable. Thank you. 114 00:05:57,154 --> 00:06:00,681 I hate when women use Halloween as an excuse to dress up like sluts, you know? 115 00:06:00,891 --> 00:06:02,586 Yeah. 116 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,655 Okay, everyone. 117 00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:07,057 I think we can begin. 118 00:06:07,498 --> 00:06:11,867 I've got everyone's personalized cookie tombstones, por tradición. 119 00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:15,805 And, in a few minutes we're going to start the Dance of the Dead, 120 00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,735 La Danza de los Muertos. 121 00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:21,069 You don't have to keep doing that. Party on. 122 00:06:27,885 --> 00:06:30,911 Nice of you to be here, I'm sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor. 123 00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,884 Well, it's funny. I enrolled here as a selfish Ioner. 124 00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:35,388 But you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship. 125 00:06:35,592 --> 00:06:37,423 She blew you off, huh? She's grading papers. 126 00:06:37,628 --> 00:06:38,617 Professor Slater? 127 00:06:38,829 --> 00:06:41,889 She's not grading papers, she's at the faculty party in the cafeteria. 128 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:44,829 Oh, look. It's the eavesdropping matador. 129 00:06:45,035 --> 00:06:46,935 Are you saying my people are sneaky? 130 00:06:47,137 --> 00:06:48,365 What? 131 00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:50,506 There is a storm building on the horizon, 132 00:06:50,707 --> 00:06:52,265 but you and I will save the night. 133 00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:55,001 Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots. 134 00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:57,373 Predictable but appetizing. 135 00:06:59,249 --> 00:07:00,238 Hey. Hey. 136 00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:03,248 Can I ask you something that I always wanted to ask real Batman? 137 00:07:04,521 --> 00:07:07,513 Am I good-looking? You're a very attractive young man. 138 00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:09,282 I knew it. 139 00:07:12,462 --> 00:07:14,589 Let's get this party started. 140 00:07:14,798 --> 00:07:15,924 Who are you? 141 00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,033 I am the Beastmaster. 142 00:07:19,503 --> 00:07:21,903 From the movie, Beastmaster. 143 00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:24,865 What rock have you been living under? 144 00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,373 What are you going as? A gay douche bag? 145 00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:28,909 Just kidding. Nice one. 146 00:07:29,112 --> 00:07:30,204 I'm not much of a costume guy. 147 00:07:30,414 --> 00:07:32,507 You're not much of a liking-ladies guy either. 148 00:07:32,716 --> 00:07:34,650 Oh. Body blow. 149 00:07:34,851 --> 00:07:36,512 Is that liquor? 150 00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,145 Hello. Here's your drinks, mates. 151 00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:40,721 Oh. Thanks, Urkel. 152 00:07:40,924 --> 00:07:42,221 I'm Harry Potter. 153 00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:45,122 Really? What up, Urkel? 154 00:07:54,438 --> 00:07:55,871 Hey. 155 00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,773 All right. What are you taking? 156 00:07:59,977 --> 00:08:00,966 Huh? Oh. 157 00:08:01,178 --> 00:08:02,975 You know, the usual cool stuff. 158 00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:07,241 I've got ludes, dreamers, Johnny Boys. 159 00:08:07,451 --> 00:08:08,440 Tell you what, I'll... 160 00:08:08,652 --> 00:08:11,849 I'll trade you one of mine for two of yours. 161 00:08:12,789 --> 00:08:14,222 I don't know, Star-Burns, I'm... 162 00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:17,154 Oh, sorry. I thought I was dealing with the Beastmaster. 163 00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,990 Hey. Who said you weren't? Heh, heh, heh. 164 00:08:21,198 --> 00:08:23,257 Saddle up, fruit pie. 165 00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,662 Don't mind if I do. May I? 166 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:28,265 Here, take this. 167 00:08:28,472 --> 00:08:30,303 Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit. 168 00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:32,609 You going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one. 169 00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:36,711 Give it up, Winger. Professor Slater doesn't date students. 170 00:08:36,913 --> 00:08:39,848 Or married Asians who drive mopeds. 171 00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,813 I'll give you 20 bucks. 172 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:44,784 I'll bring the hog around. 173 00:08:56,466 --> 00:08:59,663 Okay, it's time for the Dance of the Dead. 174 00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,531 Everyone form a circle. 175 00:09:01,738 --> 00:09:04,172 Lights. Music. 176 00:09:04,374 --> 00:09:06,899 Is it under genre or on a specific play list? 177 00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:10,813 Hey, man, what'd you slip me? 178 00:09:11,014 --> 00:09:13,448 I keep grinding my teeth and I wanna kiss everybody. 179 00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,117 What did you slip me, man? 180 00:09:15,318 --> 00:09:18,185 My heart stopped racing and I can't pee. 181 00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:20,219 Now, for the first dance, 182 00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:23,359 I would like to invite a very special guest to the floor. 183 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,993 Jeff Winger? 184 00:09:29,766 --> 00:09:31,063 Jeff? 185 00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:32,758 Where's Jeff? 186 00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:35,096 Please slow down. 187 00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:37,068 Please. Stop crying, Winger. 188 00:09:37,274 --> 00:09:39,105 Watch it! 189 00:09:39,643 --> 00:09:41,372 Is Jeff gone? 190 00:09:42,579 --> 00:09:45,104 You know, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna miss the news. 191 00:09:45,315 --> 00:09:46,407 News. 192 00:09:47,784 --> 00:09:50,412 He just stepped out. He's gonna be right back. 193 00:09:53,056 --> 00:09:55,047 He's going to the faculty party. 194 00:09:55,258 --> 00:09:57,556 To be with Professor Short Skirt? We hate her. 195 00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,752 No, it's not about her, Shirley. 196 00:09:59,963 --> 00:10:02,022 I can't believe that Jeff would do this to Annie. 197 00:10:02,232 --> 00:10:04,359 Yes, absolutely, it's about Annie. 198 00:10:04,568 --> 00:10:07,833 We should go find that bitch's car and snap off her antenna. 199 00:10:09,239 --> 00:10:10,934 It's like high school all over again. 200 00:10:11,141 --> 00:10:13,200 Everyone's leaving. 201 00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,071 Not me. 202 00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:17,803 I can do this all night. 203 00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:20,709 I love you. 204 00:10:30,065 --> 00:10:31,327 There you go, pretty lady. 205 00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:34,195 What are you doing here? Showing you my non-student side. 206 00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:36,564 I have to admit, this outfit is doing it for me. 207 00:10:36,772 --> 00:10:39,502 I may or may not have been deflowered by a junior rodeo champion. 208 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:41,266 You remind me of my first time too. 209 00:10:41,477 --> 00:10:43,138 You lost your virginity to Robin Hood? 210 00:10:43,345 --> 00:10:44,937 No, with an attractive woman at a party. 211 00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:46,774 We seem destined to repeat history. 212 00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:50,884 I told you, no students. It's unseemly. I go out with you, you tell your friends. 213 00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:54,681 What friends? I have no friends, I hate everyone here but you. 214 00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:56,755 Hey. What are you doing here? 215 00:10:56,959 --> 00:11:00,486 What are you doing here? You should be over at the library with Annie. 216 00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:04,154 Whoa. Yippee ki-yay. 217 00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:06,994 Thought you weren't a costume guy. Had to have one to get in, squirrel. 218 00:11:07,202 --> 00:11:08,464 Oh. So where did you get it? 219 00:11:08,671 --> 00:11:11,469 I wouldn't think any costume stores would be open this late. 220 00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:13,403 I don't know what you're getting at. 221 00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:16,237 The words you're looking for are, "I own a cowboy outfit." 222 00:11:16,445 --> 00:11:18,743 And it is tight too. Did you buy it like that? 223 00:11:18,947 --> 00:11:20,847 Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes. 224 00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:22,847 Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD. 225 00:11:23,052 --> 00:11:25,748 Britta Perry, GED. Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's? 226 00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:29,082 When you say classmate, it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste. 227 00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:31,020 What's great about community college is 228 00:11:31,226 --> 00:11:34,195 is that a lot of the students are as mature as the teachers. 229 00:11:34,396 --> 00:11:36,660 Jeff, you must return to Annie's party. 230 00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:37,991 She's feeling unpopular. 231 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,600 Jeff, Pierce took something and he is tripping balls. 232 00:11:40,803 --> 00:11:42,998 He's touching people and dancing weird. 233 00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:45,196 It's like Grumpy Old Men, but not hilarious. 234 00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:49,503 Okay. Guys, I'm at a grown-up Halloween party, all right? 235 00:11:49,712 --> 00:11:50,906 You're all being unseemly. 236 00:11:51,113 --> 00:11:53,274 Oh, no. How are we unseemly? 237 00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:57,578 Why is Urkel ripping the antenna off Professor Slater's car? 238 00:11:58,854 --> 00:12:00,685 That's right, Professor Slim Calves. 239 00:12:00,889 --> 00:12:03,915 This is what you get when you steal Jeff from a good woman. 240 00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:09,320 No, Abed. 241 00:12:18,941 --> 00:12:21,466 Is he meowing? Yeah. 242 00:12:21,677 --> 00:12:23,804 Enough. I want you guys out of here. 243 00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:26,503 Britta, I don't care about your high school soap opera. 244 00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:28,205 Abed, you're not Batman. 245 00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:31,444 Pierce, Pierce, Pierce. 246 00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:33,848 Stop grinding on the Women's Studies department. 247 00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:35,455 You are too old to be tripping. 248 00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:37,753 I'm old? 249 00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:40,019 What do you mean old? 250 00:12:43,432 --> 00:12:45,525 Who's hands are these? 251 00:12:48,504 --> 00:12:49,493 Stop me. 252 00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,337 Way to go. 253 00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:54,532 I know I'm not Batman. You could try not being a jerk. 254 00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,977 She's pretty hot. 255 00:12:59,481 --> 00:13:01,949 Well, where were we, little doggie? 256 00:13:02,151 --> 00:13:04,346 Unseemly. Yeah, crap. 257 00:13:09,925 --> 00:13:11,483 Shirley? 258 00:13:16,198 --> 00:13:17,665 Shirley? 259 00:13:17,866 --> 00:13:19,527 This is Professor Robin Hood's office. 260 00:13:19,735 --> 00:13:20,929 What are you doing? 261 00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:23,036 Putting this hose in her desk. You turn the water on. 262 00:13:23,238 --> 00:13:24,262 Why? 263 00:13:24,473 --> 00:13:26,839 To teach that long neck, weave-having bank teller 264 00:13:27,042 --> 00:13:29,670 she can't steal another woman's man, that's why. 265 00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:31,576 Uh... 266 00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:35,781 I have a confession to make. 267 00:13:36,819 --> 00:13:40,152 I think some of what I just said may have more to do with my situation. 268 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:44,052 Yeah, the long neck, weave-having bank teller didn't feel universal. 269 00:13:44,259 --> 00:13:49,697 My ex-husband came by this morning, and he asked for his ring back. 270 00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:51,221 It was his mother's, 271 00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:52,991 and he wants to give it to his new girlfriend. 272 00:13:54,503 --> 00:13:56,232 Shirley, that sucks. 273 00:13:56,438 --> 00:13:59,168 The best thing that ever happened to me was him leaving. 274 00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:01,308 I just always thought he'd come crawling back, 275 00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:03,705 and I'd get to tell him to go to hell. 276 00:14:05,981 --> 00:14:08,040 He couldn't even give me that. 277 00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:10,676 You know what the crazy thing is? 278 00:14:11,286 --> 00:14:12,810 Everything you've done tonight? 279 00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:18,185 It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt, 280 00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:20,691 so I had to pretend that you were. 281 00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,921 I totally get that. 282 00:14:23,131 --> 00:14:25,065 I feel better now. 283 00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:27,495 Let's go check on Annie. 284 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,565 Can you believe I targeted this poor lady? 285 00:14:34,776 --> 00:14:37,677 Look at all these awards, I bet she's nice. 286 00:14:38,146 --> 00:14:39,545 Yeah. 287 00:14:40,315 --> 00:14:42,749 Nice and pretentious. 288 00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:53,720 Pierce, are you okay? 289 00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:57,432 Hey, man, what's going on? 290 00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,965 You have a full-on erection. 291 00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:01,692 Just relax. Relax, man. 292 00:15:01,904 --> 00:15:04,372 Just relax. Just relax, okay? 293 00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:09,104 You are too old to be tripping. 294 00:15:11,914 --> 00:15:13,381 You're going to die. 295 00:15:14,516 --> 00:15:15,949 You are too old to be tripping. 296 00:15:16,685 --> 00:15:18,710 Tell me about The Beatles, Pierce. 297 00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:22,989 Tell me about Woodstock and sputnik, Pierce. 298 00:15:36,972 --> 00:15:38,371 Do I feel a breeze here? 299 00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:40,507 Because someone just struck out. 300 00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:41,835 She blew you off too, Chang. 301 00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:44,808 Heh, heh, heh. Is that what you have to fall back on? 302 00:15:45,013 --> 00:15:46,571 Look at me, bro. Look at me. 303 00:15:46,782 --> 00:15:49,046 I've got the body of a fifth grader, okay? 304 00:15:49,251 --> 00:15:50,843 If I was working with what you've got, 305 00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:54,284 she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now giving me a Mexican Halloween. 306 00:15:54,489 --> 00:15:56,582 It's this campus. It feeds on my coolness. 307 00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:58,089 I got no moves anymore. 308 00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:01,956 Moves? Everything's a game to guys like you. 309 00:16:02,164 --> 00:16:05,622 I know one move I bet you've never tried in your life. 310 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,392 What is it? 311 00:16:16,712 --> 00:16:18,703 Please sleep with me. Please. 312 00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:21,041 Pretty please. I'm so lonely. 313 00:16:21,249 --> 00:16:24,707 I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time, and you're so good-looking. 314 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,616 Please do me the favor of having sex with me. 315 00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:35,492 Okay. Stay three steps behind and promise you won't tell anybody. 316 00:16:35,697 --> 00:16:38,666 I promise. I promise. 317 00:16:51,213 --> 00:16:53,738 Everybody stay out of the library. 318 00:16:53,949 --> 00:16:56,577 Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there. 319 00:16:56,785 --> 00:16:58,343 No, I'm not ready to die. 320 00:16:58,553 --> 00:17:00,043 You're not gonna die. Look at me. 321 00:17:00,255 --> 00:17:02,519 Just keep walking. Don't make eye contact. 322 00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:05,056 Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 323 00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:07,251 Pierce is freaking out. You're the only one that can help. 324 00:17:07,763 --> 00:17:08,923 What makes you think that? 325 00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:11,224 Is Jeff there? He's the only one who can help. 326 00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,596 He says he's gonna kill himself but he doesn't want us to call 911 327 00:17:14,803 --> 00:17:18,170 because he doesn't wanna get in trouble for taking drugs. 328 00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:23,102 I can't believe I'm doing this. 329 00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:26,542 I, uh... 330 00:17:27,783 --> 00:17:30,946 I think I have to say good night. 331 00:17:31,153 --> 00:17:34,281 Are you, like, a court appointed guardian for these people? 332 00:17:34,489 --> 00:17:36,923 No. Heh. Um... 333 00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:38,524 They're my classmates. 334 00:17:39,027 --> 00:17:40,892 Good night, Jeff. 335 00:17:46,368 --> 00:17:48,700 Loser. 336 00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:59,406 What in the Pink Floyd? 337 00:17:59,614 --> 00:18:03,243 I'm gonna crush myself to death with desks and tables, Jeff. 338 00:18:03,452 --> 00:18:05,511 Is that a death befitting a beastmaster? 339 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,156 I never saw Beastmaster , I just wanted to be cool. 340 00:18:09,825 --> 00:18:11,986 I'm coming in there, Pierce. 341 00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:23,229 Those floating Mexican skeletons were right. My life is over. 342 00:18:23,438 --> 00:18:27,898 Well, when we go to floating skeletons with our problems, 343 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:31,443 we get what we pay for, don't we? 344 00:18:33,048 --> 00:18:34,174 I'm old, Jeff. 345 00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:37,746 Pierce, I don't know how you spent the first 60 years, 346 00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:39,750 but I know in the last two months, 347 00:18:39,955 --> 00:18:42,185 you've probably doubled the national average 348 00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:44,756 for amount of life lived per lifetime. 349 00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:49,356 Well, I do have a young African American friend. 350 00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:53,398 Yeah, and more importantly, you're dressed like a gladiator 351 00:18:53,602 --> 00:18:56,127 in a desk fort that you built during a bad trip. 352 00:18:56,538 --> 00:18:59,871 If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, 353 00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:03,441 you're a hero to everything that's ever lived. 354 00:19:04,679 --> 00:19:07,011 Yeah? Yeah. 355 00:19:07,215 --> 00:19:08,978 Yeah. 356 00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:29,795 Batman? 357 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:30,994 Yeah. 358 00:19:32,174 --> 00:19:34,472 Are you staying for the party? 359 00:19:34,943 --> 00:19:38,504 If I stay there can be no party. 360 00:19:40,815 --> 00:19:44,376 I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant. 361 00:19:45,153 --> 00:19:49,522 Wherever a party needs to be saved, I'm there. 362 00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:53,359 Wherever there are masks, wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, 363 00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:55,257 I'm there. 364 00:19:57,732 --> 00:19:58,790 But sometimes I'm not 365 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,333 because I'm out in the night, staying vigilant, watching. 366 00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:07,600 Lurking, running, jumping, hurdling, sleeping. 367 00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:08,969 No, I can't sleep. 368 00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:11,077 You sleep. I'm awake. 369 00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,747 I don't sleep, I don't blink. 370 00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:15,912 Am I a bird? No. 371 00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:17,812 I'm a bat. 372 00:20:18,653 --> 00:20:20,621 I am Batman. 373 00:20:20,822 --> 00:20:21,948 Or am I? 374 00:20:23,558 --> 00:20:25,651 Yes, I am Batman. 375 00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:29,419 Happy Halloween. 376 00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:33,725 I'm Batman. 377 00:20:33,935 --> 00:20:34,867 You sound like Cookie Monster. 378 00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:36,059 I'm Batman. 379 00:20:36,271 --> 00:20:37,465 That's Batman. 380 00:20:38,073 --> 00:20:40,098 Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones. 381 00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:41,741 Yeah, it sure does. 382 00:20:41,943 --> 00:20:43,535 At, like, a candy traffic school. 383 00:20:44,679 --> 00:20:47,944 Like a little gingerbread man at the wheel, and he's drunk. 384 00:20:48,149 --> 00:20:49,616 Look out. We driving. 385 00:20:49,818 --> 00:20:52,048 Yeah, but you keep wanting to eat yourself. 386 00:20:52,287 --> 00:20:53,276 All day. 387 00:20:53,488 --> 00:20:54,887 That's one of my biggest fears. 388 00:20:55,090 --> 00:20:57,786 What is? If I ever, like, woke up as a doughnut. 389 00:20:57,993 --> 00:21:00,223 You would eat yourself. I wouldn't even question it. 390 00:21:00,428 --> 00:21:02,259 Mm. That would be tasty. 391 00:21:02,464 --> 00:21:05,592 It's cool to know other people think about this stuff too. 392 00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:07,228 Yeah. 393 00:21:07,869 --> 00:21:08,858 Yeah.