1 00:00:01,963 --> 00:00:03,696 Hmm. 2 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,628 Shirley, did you ever date Roger Ebert? 3 00:00:05,647 --> 00:00:07,309 - Excuse me? - Nothing. 4 00:00:08,115 --> 00:00:09,572 Britta, did you ever take pictures of your feet 5 00:00:09,591 --> 00:00:12,907 and post them on the Internet for money? - Sha-ha! No. 6 00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:15,100 Guys, this history final is going to be killer. 7 00:00:15,113 --> 00:00:16,691 - We have to study. - [Sighs] 8 00:00:16,708 --> 00:00:19,716 It's no fair Professor Cornwallis turned all hard-assed again. 9 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:20,850 Lucky Pierce. 10 00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:23,164 Donating his kidney to Gilbert to get out of it. 11 00:00:23,212 --> 00:00:24,980 I never thought he'd be that generous. 12 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,406 Although, he did seem disappointed that the operation didn't involve 13 00:00:27,437 --> 00:00:29,882 sleeping with a Russian woman, then waking up in a bathtub full of ice. 14 00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:30,926 - Hmm. - Guys! - Hmm? 15 00:00:30,944 --> 00:00:32,867 - History! - I am studying history. 16 00:00:32,994 --> 00:00:34,875 - I'm studying our history. - Abed! 17 00:00:34,894 --> 00:00:36,351 Nobody bite. 18 00:00:36,451 --> 00:00:37,873 We agreed no biting. 19 00:00:37,911 --> 00:00:39,193 But, Jeff, it's a graduation gift. 20 00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:40,947 You see, on the surface we seem like just a group of people 21 00:00:40,964 --> 00:00:42,944 from diverse backgrounds who have become unlikely friends. 22 00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:44,775 But according to my research, 23 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,366 our paths have crossed many times. 24 00:00:46,418 --> 00:00:49,044 We were destined to meet. Like a team of superheroes. 25 00:00:49,093 --> 00:00:50,538 This 26 00:00:50,563 --> 00:00:53,783 - is our origin story. - And here... we... go. 27 00:00:53,801 --> 00:00:55,733 Abed, we don't have origin stories. 28 00:00:55,758 --> 00:00:56,954 We have lives. 29 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,959 Well, at least-- 30 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,379 yep, just me. 31 00:01:02,407 --> 00:01:05,791 So you're saying we're all connected like the classic French film trilogy 32 00:01:05,803 --> 00:01:07,629 Bleu, Blanc, Rouge? 33 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,000 No, like something more accessible. 34 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,289 - Like Unbreakable. - Wow. 35 00:01:10,316 --> 00:01:12,231 Abed, I know it's disappointing to you, 36 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:13,306 but we're not superheroes. 37 00:01:13,331 --> 00:01:16,112 This is the real world, not some comic book adventure. 38 00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:19,434 I've done it. I've infiltrated the school. 39 00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:21,053 I've learned its secrets. 40 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:23,134 I've gained everyone's trust. 41 00:01:23,190 --> 00:01:26,560 And now, on the anniversary of my empire's destruction, 42 00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:28,077 vengeance will be mine. 43 00:01:28,099 --> 00:01:31,564 [Distorted voice] No, vengeance will be ours. 44 00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:34,537 Okay, can you stop that? It really creeps me out. 45 00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:37,811 [Normal voice] I'm sorry. Just really love this thing. 46 00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:39,537 [Distorted voice] Skymall. 47 00:01:39,565 --> 00:01:41,820 [Evil laughter] 48 00:01:42,408 --> 00:01:44,039 ♪ Give me some rope 49 00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,748 ♪ tie me to dream 50 00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:47,223 ♪ give me the hope 51 00:01:47,248 --> 00:01:48,961 ♪ to run out of steam 52 00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:52,353 ♪ somebody said it can be here ♪ 53 00:01:52,374 --> 00:01:53,939 ♪ we could be roped up 54 00:01:53,964 --> 00:01:56,297 ♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪ 55 00:01:56,330 --> 00:02:01,241 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 56 00:02:01,261 --> 00:02:03,887 ♪ one by one, they all just fade away ♪ 57 00:02:03,929 --> 00:02:07,429 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 58 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,450 I've been doing exhaustive research into our lives. 59 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:10,990 Once I find the last one or two missing pieces, 60 00:02:11,014 --> 00:02:13,731 I'll have conclusive proof that we were all destined to meet. 61 00:02:14,038 --> 00:02:15,481 This is how we're all connected. 62 00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,106 I call it the crazy quilt of destiny 63 00:02:17,134 --> 00:02:18,953 mainly because the loom of fate was already taken. 64 00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,003 - Really? - Look. 65 00:02:20,022 --> 00:02:21,592 I don't care what tricks or nonsense you have 66 00:02:21,598 --> 00:02:23,261 in your scrapbook, Martha Stewart, 67 00:02:23,295 --> 00:02:24,821 but there's no way you're gonna get me to believe 68 00:02:24,839 --> 00:02:27,189 there's some outside force controlling my destiny. 69 00:02:27,201 --> 00:02:29,155 And I think you used that particular phrasing 70 00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:30,785 because I know you've seen Star Wars. 71 00:02:30,797 --> 00:02:31,815 [Gasps] 72 00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,072 Everybody's seen Star Wars. 73 00:02:33,097 --> 00:02:35,403 Yes, but you first saw it when it was re-released in 1982 74 00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:37,503 at the Greendale Palladium at 4:15 in the afternoon. 75 00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:39,272 And it was the best time you ever had with your father. 76 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,021 How did you know that? 77 00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:42,732 You keep this ticket stub in your wallet. 78 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,534 Abed, you can't-- 79 00:02:44,714 --> 00:02:46,884 - Give it back! - Whoa! 80 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:49,756 Our story begins in the distant mists of a lost era: 81 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,455 [Echoing] 2008. 82 00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:56,338 I know you're all wondering how I do it. 83 00:02:56,377 --> 00:03:00,152 How do I balance straight As, extracurriculars, 84 00:03:00,178 --> 00:03:03,085 and Israeli folk dancing every Friday night? 85 00:03:03,164 --> 00:03:05,837 It's a simple matter of 86 00:03:06,105 --> 00:03:08,105 organization, 87 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:12,263 dedication, and... 88 00:03:19,384 --> 00:03:20,653 And we're back! 89 00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,897 Then I drink your milkshake. 90 00:03:22,922 --> 00:03:24,239 [Laughter] 91 00:03:24,265 --> 00:03:26,798 Ah, that will never get old. [Laughter] 92 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,507 You guys gotta see my Juno. 93 00:03:28,536 --> 00:03:29,805 Hey, Troy. 94 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,052 So I heard you weren't doing that great in algebra, 95 00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:35,021 and you know, if you need a tutor for math, 96 00:03:35,039 --> 00:03:36,338 I'd be happy to help. 97 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,283 I'm being recruited by colleges to play football. 98 00:03:38,307 --> 00:03:40,089 - Oh. - I don't have time for math. 99 00:03:40,117 --> 00:03:42,469 The only thing that matters to me are statistics. 100 00:03:42,493 --> 00:03:43,232 Ooh! 101 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,774 Uh, that's also a type of math. 102 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:46,987 [Bell rings] 103 00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:49,243 But we already knew I went to high school with Troy, 104 00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,502 and it's not like he even remembered I existed. 105 00:03:51,528 --> 00:03:53,110 Yeah, I don't remember her at all. 106 00:03:53,122 --> 00:03:54,392 We should probably drop this. 107 00:03:54,439 --> 00:03:56,060 Wait, where's Pierce on this chart? 108 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:57,836 His contribution to the group has already been noted. 109 00:03:57,848 --> 00:03:59,628 Pierce Hawthorne. Fixture at Greendale. 110 00:03:59,652 --> 00:04:00,659 Unavoidable. 111 00:04:00,689 --> 00:04:02,477 - Hey, is that a sad face? - I wouldn't know. 112 00:04:02,502 --> 00:04:04,501 You have to look deeper. Here. Take this, for example. 113 00:04:04,507 --> 00:04:06,857 It's a receipt I found in the back of Shirley's sock drawer on Thanksgiving. 114 00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:08,905 You went in my bedroom for some comic book thing? 115 00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:11,178 Oh, no, my feet were cold. Ah, here. 116 00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:12,578 - You should probably wash those. - Oh. 117 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:13,893 Discovering the receipt was dumb luck, 118 00:04:13,898 --> 00:04:17,026 but it proves that we were at the mall on the exact same day. 119 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,698 Shirley, do remember what you bought for $54 at the Love Hut? 120 00:04:19,716 --> 00:04:21,328 What? Hmm? No. 121 00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:25,061 So excited about tonight, honey. 122 00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:26,418 Uh-huh. It's been too long 123 00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:29,868 since we had adult time without the kids. 124 00:04:30,406 --> 00:04:31,299 Oh! 125 00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:35,151 Well, I may have an anniversary surprise for you too. 126 00:04:35,239 --> 00:04:36,990 Well, I'm in public, but, uh... 127 00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:38,149 you know you gonna get it, right? 128 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,933 You gonna get it! [Giggling] 129 00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:46,128 So we were at the mall on the same day. 130 00:04:46,297 --> 00:04:48,172 Unbreakable. 131 00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:50,668 Mail call. 132 00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:53,111 That's all right. Won't be needing it today. 133 00:04:53,135 --> 00:04:55,073 But Kevin always takes the mail. 134 00:04:55,091 --> 00:04:56,926 Well, today's mail's kind of important. 135 00:04:56,955 --> 00:04:59,423 It's the day that I send in Greendale's lease renewal. 136 00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:02,276 - Lease re-new-al? - It's a critical document. 137 00:05:02,289 --> 00:05:05,098 See, Greendale sublets our land from the Arapaho nation. 138 00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:05,829 Ah. 139 00:05:05,854 --> 00:05:08,556 Miss a renewal and faster than you can say "wounded knee," 140 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:12,291 we turn into a casino and midsize concert venue. 141 00:05:12,443 --> 00:05:14,945 So you only trust me with busywork? 142 00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:17,691 Oh, no, that's not-- 143 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,299 Kevin, ah-- 144 00:05:20,324 --> 00:05:21,074 [Laughs] 145 00:05:21,105 --> 00:05:23,315 I cannot resist those puppy dog eyes. 146 00:05:23,362 --> 00:05:24,638 Here. 147 00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:26,990 Ah! Now, I have time to hit the seamstress. 148 00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:30,563 [Giggling] 149 00:05:31,852 --> 00:05:34,731 Guess all I have to say is "Ladies and gentlemen, 150 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:38,667 Greendale Resort and Casino presents Steve Winwood." 151 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,625 Okay, I just need to find the one last smoking gun, 152 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:41,913 and I think this might be it. 153 00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:44,271 I found it in a copy of the Greendale communist worker. 154 00:05:44,322 --> 00:05:45,653 Look familiar? 155 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,124 Oh, my God. 156 00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:50,693 This is me and my anarchist collective at the courthouse. 157 00:05:50,711 --> 00:05:52,627 We called ourselves the An-her-chists. 158 00:05:52,649 --> 00:05:53,932 - [Laughs] - [Sighs] 159 00:05:53,961 --> 00:05:55,373 Did you guys know that Jeff's in that photo? 160 00:05:55,386 --> 00:05:56,811 Britta and Jeff: What! 161 00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,179 Jeff. My man. 162 00:05:59,204 --> 00:06:00,629 Congrats on getting your case thrown out. 163 00:06:00,641 --> 00:06:02,391 Your argument was a masterpiece. 164 00:06:02,427 --> 00:06:04,328 I mean, it was definitely creative. 165 00:06:04,356 --> 00:06:05,301 Creative? 166 00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:09,181 He convinced a judge to forgive five years back taxes by getting him to agree 167 00:06:09,198 --> 00:06:11,790 that you humping an American flag to Back In Black 168 00:06:11,808 --> 00:06:15,871 was not stripping but actually not-for-profit performance art. 169 00:06:15,888 --> 00:06:17,375 Ch-chk... Boom! 170 00:06:17,406 --> 00:06:18,231 Blew me away. 171 00:06:18,256 --> 00:06:19,369 Come on, let's go! 172 00:06:19,394 --> 00:06:20,325 Thank you. 173 00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,211 Thank you for defending a woman's right 174 00:06:22,236 --> 00:06:24,504 to use her body however she chooses. 175 00:06:24,532 --> 00:06:28,035 I can honestly say that right is very important to me. 176 00:06:28,069 --> 00:06:29,278 Aw! 177 00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:30,839 Excuse me, Mr. Winger, can we get a-- 178 00:06:30,863 --> 00:06:32,121 - You're a hero. - Hi. 179 00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:33,263 Hi. 180 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,219 Guys! 181 00:06:34,247 --> 00:06:36,622 We have got to capitalize on this momentum. 182 00:06:36,644 --> 00:06:40,572 It is time An-her-chists finally takes a stand on animals rights. 183 00:06:40,602 --> 00:06:43,394 There is a medical lab in an office building nearby. 184 00:06:43,412 --> 00:06:44,719 Next week, I say we break in there-- 185 00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:47,067 Actually, we were thinking this is our last hurrah. 186 00:06:47,111 --> 00:06:48,797 But this was our first hurrah. 187 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,939 - We're just getting going. - Britta, we're done. 188 00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:53,659 I had a hamburger the other day, and suddenly I'm not cold all the time. 189 00:06:53,677 --> 00:06:57,270 Fine. Go. I don't need you. 190 00:06:58,324 --> 00:07:01,935 What's an anarchist to do without her organization? 191 00:07:03,332 --> 00:07:05,843 Jeffrey, how could you? 192 00:07:05,911 --> 00:07:07,535 Well, I was a really good lawyer. 193 00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:10,007 Mysti is the stripper that Andre cheated on me with, 194 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:11,716 and you defended her. 195 00:07:12,229 --> 00:07:13,454 Shirley, I-- 196 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,521 If you hadn't gotten that homewrecker off, 197 00:07:15,552 --> 00:07:17,509 Andre never would've met her. 198 00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:20,265 Jeff ends Shirley's marriage. 199 00:07:20,278 --> 00:07:22,563 See? I told you we were always destined to meet. 200 00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:23,521 Hmm. 201 00:07:25,544 --> 00:07:27,024 I knew Jeff went to the same rec center, 202 00:07:27,049 --> 00:07:28,689 but I had no idea their paths crossed again. 203 00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:30,150 This is good. This is really great. 204 00:07:30,187 --> 00:07:31,536 We're really filling in some plot holes here. 205 00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:33,352 This is good stuff. It's really good. 206 00:07:33,569 --> 00:07:35,841 - Have I missed something? - These aren't plot holes, Abed. 207 00:07:35,871 --> 00:07:36,847 This is my life. 208 00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:39,382 But this kinda connection only makes our origin story more compelling. 209 00:07:39,399 --> 00:07:41,562 Like how awesome it is when Uncle Ben is murdered in Spider-Man. 210 00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:43,587 - Hmm. - My marriage almost ended. 211 00:07:43,639 --> 00:07:45,997 If it weren't for Jeff, that Jezebel would've been in jail 212 00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:47,844 instead of between my Laura Ashley sheets. 213 00:07:47,872 --> 00:07:50,156 Hey, this is not my fault. 214 00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,891 And by the way, the case didn't work out too great for me either. 215 00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:54,741 It was supposed to make my career, 216 00:07:54,781 --> 00:07:56,650 but it put a target on my back. 217 00:07:57,723 --> 00:08:00,005 [Both laughing] 218 00:08:00,629 --> 00:08:02,485 Michael Phelps, really? 219 00:08:02,518 --> 00:08:03,806 And it doesn't affect his breathing? 220 00:08:03,835 --> 00:08:04,788 Nope. 221 00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:07,672 Mysti, can I talk to Jeff for a moment? 222 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:11,026 I will go, uh, powder my nose. 223 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,618 For real. 224 00:08:14,456 --> 00:08:15,351 Listen. 225 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,173 There's this rumor going around the firm 226 00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:19,518 that you never received an undergraduate degree. 227 00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:21,956 - [Laughs] That's ridiculous. - I know. 228 00:08:21,974 --> 00:08:25,201 I mean, some jag is obviously jealous of your rising star. 229 00:08:25,314 --> 00:08:27,089 But the fact is, until this is settled, 230 00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:29,540 the bar isn't gonna let you practice. 231 00:08:32,341 --> 00:08:34,218 So you got caught in your own lie? 232 00:08:34,236 --> 00:08:35,645 I almost lost my family. 233 00:08:35,664 --> 00:08:37,250 How does your little tragedy even compare? 234 00:08:37,262 --> 00:08:39,477 Because I had to go to school here. 235 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:41,064 Abed, do not write that down. 236 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,141 It's not like I made Andre cheat. 237 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,877 Well, I happen to think it's cool that we're all connected, 238 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,632 even if some of it's in bad ways. 239 00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:50,655 I mean, I'm finally willing to forgive Annie for ruining high school. 240 00:08:50,690 --> 00:08:53,218 Wait, I ruined your time in high school? 241 00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:55,593 Yeah, you did. 242 00:08:57,456 --> 00:08:59,390 - You guys doing keg stands? - Yeah! 243 00:08:59,549 --> 00:09:01,556 Anyone can do a keg stand. 244 00:09:01,605 --> 00:09:02,872 I'm gonna do a keg flip. 245 00:09:02,899 --> 00:09:04,767 Hey, everybody, look at this. 246 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:09,412 [All chanting] Troy! Troy! Troy! 247 00:09:09,877 --> 00:09:11,065 Ah! 248 00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:12,156 Oh! 249 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:15,103 Oh, my football knee! Why! 250 00:09:15,128 --> 00:09:16,095 Can I have some corn nuts? 251 00:09:16,119 --> 00:09:20,419 Wah! No! Nooooo! 252 00:09:21,851 --> 00:09:23,576 That had nothing to do with me. 253 00:09:23,594 --> 00:09:25,705 And you already admitted that you faked that injury 254 00:09:25,723 --> 00:09:28,373 because you couldn't take the pressure of those football recruiters. 255 00:09:28,416 --> 00:09:30,734 I faked my injury because of what you said to me. 256 00:09:30,756 --> 00:09:32,300 Because of what I said? 257 00:09:32,343 --> 00:09:34,544 You didn't even remember that I went to school with you. 258 00:09:34,564 --> 00:09:36,871 I may have lied about that too. 259 00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:42,774 Hey, guys, it's time to do senior class superlatives! 260 00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:45,211 [Cheers and applause] 261 00:09:45,402 --> 00:09:48,843 Okay, the first award is "Most Handsome." 262 00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:50,554 And the winner is... 263 00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:53,747 - Troy Barnes. - Of course it is. 264 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,382 "Most Popular." 265 00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:56,710 Troy Barnes. 266 00:09:56,735 --> 00:09:59,513 No! You guys are awesome. 267 00:09:59,571 --> 00:10:00,838 "Best Smile." 268 00:10:00,856 --> 00:10:01,794 [Mimics brushing] 269 00:10:01,825 --> 00:10:03,410 Ha ha, gotta keep 'em white. 270 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:07,251 "Best Moves." "Best Practical Joker." 271 00:10:07,309 --> 00:10:08,841 "Coolest Locker." 272 00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:11,173 And now, the last award of the night. 273 00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:13,556 "Most Likely to Succeed." 274 00:10:13,574 --> 00:10:15,234 Okay, this has to go to me, 275 00:10:15,253 --> 00:10:16,987 because I am most likely to succeed. 276 00:10:17,006 --> 00:10:18,539 It's just a fact. You guys know. 277 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,360 And the winner is... 278 00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,287 Troy Barnes. 279 00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:24,051 [Cheers and applause] 280 00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:27,227 [Screams] 281 00:10:27,553 --> 00:10:29,467 You have got to be kidding me! 282 00:10:29,492 --> 00:10:32,723 Troy Barnes, most likely to succeed? 283 00:10:32,755 --> 00:10:36,321 I'm the damn Valedictorian and head of student council 284 00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,816 and president of campus crusade for Christ. 285 00:10:38,828 --> 00:10:40,533 And I'm Jewish! 286 00:10:40,555 --> 00:10:43,638 And you are just some mindless robot. 287 00:10:43,663 --> 00:10:46,524 You just go wherever they tell you to run. 288 00:10:46,865 --> 00:10:48,738 I'm sorry. 289 00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:50,918 Do you go to my school? 290 00:10:50,955 --> 00:10:51,941 [Laughter] 291 00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:53,966 [Laughter] Oh! 292 00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:57,499 [Screaming] 293 00:10:57,533 --> 00:11:00,635 [All reacting] 294 00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,967 Pop! Pop! 295 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:08,950 Your words cut me more than hundreds of non-tempered glass shards could. 296 00:11:09,025 --> 00:11:12,394 I had six different reconstructive surgeries. 297 00:11:12,484 --> 00:11:14,034 I went through withdrawal. 298 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:17,183 I had to smile when I didn't feel like smiling. 299 00:11:17,242 --> 00:11:18,377 That hurts my face. 300 00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:20,571 Can we all just stop dredging up the past? 301 00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:22,547 The only thing your fate web thing does 302 00:11:22,572 --> 00:11:25,219 is point out how fragile our happiness is. 303 00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,308 If only Jeff hadn't defended that woman, 304 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,553 if only Andre hadn't met her after I left the restaurant, 305 00:11:29,566 --> 00:11:31,550 if only I didn't have to pick up my kids at the mall, I-- 306 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,800 Wait. 307 00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:35,642 When? Which mall? 308 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,146 Oh, my God. 309 00:11:40,378 --> 00:11:42,062 Oh, my God. 310 00:11:44,627 --> 00:11:46,386 Hey, what movie you guys gonna see? 311 00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,436 The Phantom Menace. It's kind of old. 312 00:11:48,463 --> 00:11:49,178 [Sighs] 313 00:11:49,202 --> 00:11:51,559 - And why do you wanna see it? - Because we like Star Wars. 314 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,777 Okay, if you like Star Wars, why do you wanna murder it and urinate on its grave? 315 00:11:54,822 --> 00:11:55,871 The prequels are terrible. 316 00:11:55,888 --> 00:11:57,733 I mean, seriously, wouldn't Chewbacca, at some point, go, 317 00:11:57,771 --> 00:11:59,546 "Hey, Yoda, I know that guy"? 318 00:11:59,617 --> 00:12:00,992 He has double light sabers. 319 00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:02,747 That's stupid. You're both stupid. 320 00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:04,861 Well, why are you here to see the movie? 321 00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:05,864 I'm not. 322 00:12:05,876 --> 00:12:08,387 I go wherever it plays to warn people. 323 00:12:08,419 --> 00:12:09,736 You've been warned. 324 00:12:12,887 --> 00:12:15,286 Stranger said what to him? 325 00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:18,107 Okay, fine. I'll come get you. 326 00:12:18,386 --> 00:12:20,637 I'm sorry, baby, I'll be back as soon as I can. 327 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,472 Okay, just stand there, okay? 328 00:12:23,918 --> 00:12:25,605 This can't be. 329 00:12:26,265 --> 00:12:27,965 I don't see why I have to go to a therapist. 330 00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:30,173 Because after that woman chewed them out for three hours, 331 00:12:30,192 --> 00:12:33,262 the theater got a restraining order against you. 332 00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:34,940 Yalla. 333 00:12:36,509 --> 00:12:37,790 Hey, doc. By the way, 334 00:12:37,803 --> 00:12:40,074 someone just stole your prescription pad. 335 00:12:42,414 --> 00:12:44,627 I'm trying to liberate you! [Monkey squealing] 336 00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,374 Ow! 337 00:12:47,415 --> 00:12:49,437 You're the crazy man at the mall! 338 00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,797 You're the one who got me busted for drugs! 339 00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:54,917 You were out there somewhere and you weren't looking for me? 340 00:12:54,967 --> 00:12:56,205 In fairness, Annie, 341 00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:58,849 running through a glass door might've been the drug tip-off. 342 00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:02,391 All this time, I wondered what it was that brought our group together. 343 00:13:02,652 --> 00:13:04,601 But I forgot one thing all heroes need. 344 00:13:04,644 --> 00:13:05,761 They need an enemy. 345 00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:08,592 Batman has the Joker, the Justice League has the Legion of Doom, 346 00:13:08,624 --> 00:13:10,462 and this study group... 347 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,030 has me. 348 00:13:12,056 --> 00:13:14,131 I'm the supervillain. Why didn't I see it before? 349 00:13:14,149 --> 00:13:16,180 I'm emotionless, logical, smarter than everybody else. 350 00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:18,424 - Hey! - I tried sawing off Jeff's arm. 351 00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:19,830 Why do you keep saying that? 352 00:13:19,855 --> 00:13:21,358 I should go. It's not safe to be around me. 353 00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:22,670 I'm just as bad. 354 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:23,932 I couldn't handle the monkey, 355 00:13:23,949 --> 00:13:26,591 so I traded it in for a glaucoma brownie, 356 00:13:26,609 --> 00:13:28,437 even though I knew if it bit someone, 357 00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:30,937 it would make them a teensy bit psychotic. 358 00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:32,420 Britta's right. 359 00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:34,646 We've all made some bad decisions. 360 00:13:34,654 --> 00:13:37,451 And if you really wanna know who the villain is here, 361 00:13:37,592 --> 00:13:39,659 it's me. 362 00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:43,622 - Ah. - Weee! [Giggles] 363 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,809 Yeesh, I didn't think it was possible to put more glitter on. 364 00:13:46,843 --> 00:13:48,392 It's coming off of you like Pig-Pen. 365 00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:50,512 Well, some people seem to like it. 366 00:13:50,535 --> 00:13:52,960 This married guy just gave me his phone number. 367 00:13:53,005 --> 00:13:55,904 Can you believe his wife left him on their anniversary? 368 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:56,783 You gonna call him? 369 00:13:56,789 --> 00:13:58,411 I mean, he did just win a bunch of money. 370 00:13:58,436 --> 00:13:59,292 I don't know though. 371 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,161 You don't know what? You're not married. 372 00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,116 You gotta grab what you want in this life. 373 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,932 That's the way it works. 374 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:07,258 Someone just took something important from me. 375 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:08,917 And you know what? 376 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,767 I admire him for it. 377 00:14:11,172 --> 00:14:13,341 All right, I mean, I guess I'll go talk to him. 378 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,241 You do that. 379 00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:17,404 And I'm gonna go get "crap on other people's lawns" drunk. 380 00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:20,589 To a memorable evening for both of us. 381 00:14:23,552 --> 00:14:25,936 Maybe you coincidentally affected some of us. 382 00:14:25,961 --> 00:14:28,563 But I actively endorsed pain. 383 00:14:28,596 --> 00:14:31,355 I was the bad guy, and... 384 00:14:32,029 --> 00:14:34,549 I'd like to think I'm not that guy anymore. 385 00:14:34,576 --> 00:14:36,942 Also, and I hate to bring this up, 386 00:14:37,318 --> 00:14:39,563 you did once make me pee myself. 387 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:42,709 Well, I guess we're even then. 388 00:14:42,961 --> 00:14:45,449 I might finish studying at home. 389 00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:57,410 Just ten minutes ago, I would've been so excited about that peeing thing. 390 00:15:11,382 --> 00:15:14,159 I wanted to make a prequel and I ruined everything. 391 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:16,282 I guess it could happen to anyone. 392 00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:18,472 I should probably write George Lucas a note of apology. 393 00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:20,647 Okay, let's not get crazy. 394 00:15:20,917 --> 00:15:23,518 And you didn't ruin anything. 395 00:15:23,766 --> 00:15:25,660 May I sit here? 396 00:15:25,979 --> 00:15:27,524 Shirley, what are you doing here? 397 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:30,703 Oh, just wanted some yogurt. 398 00:15:30,961 --> 00:15:33,492 And I do know you're not that person anymore. 399 00:15:33,525 --> 00:15:36,133 Are you sure? 'Cause I was awfully good at it. 400 00:15:36,164 --> 00:15:38,099 Well, we all do bad things every now and again. 401 00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:40,402 I mean, I put a stripper's head through a jukebox. 402 00:15:40,455 --> 00:15:41,434 Hmm. 403 00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,815 What are you guys doing here? 404 00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:48,764 I guess we all really wanted yogurt. 405 00:15:48,837 --> 00:15:50,544 You know what's weird? 406 00:15:50,607 --> 00:15:52,961 This is where I first decided to go to Greendale. 407 00:15:53,108 --> 00:15:54,754 Wait, really? 408 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,787 This is where I was when I first decided to go to Greendale. 409 00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,899 You're kidding me. 410 00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:03,731 Senor Chang, I know you're as disappointed as I am 411 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,536 in the caliber of students we have at Greendale. 412 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,401 But the mall offers a whole new valuable demographic 413 00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:11,409 of people awake during the daytime. 414 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,488 All right, I'll pass flyers at Yogurtsburgh. 415 00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:14,739 Self-serve yogurt. 416 00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,983 Those douses already know one marketable skill. 417 00:16:17,014 --> 00:16:18,108 Okay, Ben-- 418 00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:20,175 But it still has the tags on! 419 00:16:20,217 --> 00:16:21,949 So I lost the receipt. 420 00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:23,254 It's not like I even got to wear it, 421 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,151 because my husband's a tasteless man slut. 422 00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:29,767 What hey, littering! 423 00:16:31,606 --> 00:16:33,784 [Gasping] 424 00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:36,801 This better not awaken anything in me. 425 00:16:44,398 --> 00:16:45,999 God, this day... 426 00:16:46,032 --> 00:16:47,855 I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox 427 00:16:47,879 --> 00:16:49,574 would make me feel better, but I'm just... 428 00:16:49,624 --> 00:16:51,641 out of $54... 429 00:16:51,673 --> 00:16:52,907 and a marriage. 430 00:16:53,409 --> 00:16:54,809 Crystal Skull was aliens, 431 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:57,283 so it's a pretty great film. 432 00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,815 You guys seen this? 433 00:17:04,868 --> 00:17:08,720 Guys, working the program with you has been so great. 434 00:17:08,732 --> 00:17:12,615 I feel like I'm finally ready to get my life back on track. 435 00:17:13,421 --> 00:17:14,315 Last chance. 436 00:17:14,342 --> 00:17:18,442 Just walk over there right now and apologize to the theater manager. 437 00:17:18,857 --> 00:17:20,351 Midichlorians. 438 00:17:20,723 --> 00:17:22,007 Midichlorians! 439 00:17:22,622 --> 00:17:23,429 Fine. 440 00:17:23,447 --> 00:17:25,824 Then you're not going to film school! 441 00:17:27,343 --> 00:17:29,645 Hi! Do you have any vegan froyo? 442 00:17:29,695 --> 00:17:31,826 Do you even know what froyo is? 443 00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:34,059 Fine. Do you have a job application? 444 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,072 Hey. 445 00:17:35,118 --> 00:17:37,736 That weird guy hasn't blinked once. 446 00:17:38,235 --> 00:17:40,681 Oh, yeah. 447 00:17:41,632 --> 00:17:43,052 What a dweeb. 448 00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:46,522 - Yeah, what a dweeb. - [Laughs] Oh, nice shot, man! 449 00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:50,976 Hey, do you work at Greendale? 450 00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:52,501 Work? That's putting it charitably. 451 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,924 Greendale community college is a total joke. 452 00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:57,155 They'd give a degree to a monkey. 453 00:17:57,737 --> 00:18:01,650 Hey, does Ian Duncan still teach psychology at Greendale? 454 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,530 - That drunken limey? - That's the one. 455 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:04,761 He's got tenure. 456 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,795 Maybe getting my degree won't be as hard as I thought. 457 00:18:06,827 --> 00:18:08,945 [Grunting] 458 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,045 Sir, what are you doing? 459 00:18:11,995 --> 00:18:13,433 Can we get some help out here? 460 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:16,543 Some old guy broke the machine and is faking a heart attack. 461 00:18:19,756 --> 00:18:21,023 Oh, wait. 462 00:18:21,626 --> 00:18:23,238 Ah, stupid. 463 00:18:23,262 --> 00:18:26,298 [All laughing] 464 00:18:33,258 --> 00:18:34,569 Cool, cool, cool. 465 00:18:34,621 --> 00:18:37,369 Wait, so was that old guy really Pierce? 466 00:18:37,385 --> 00:18:40,638 We'll never know, because he'll never ever remember. 467 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,485 What are the chances of all of us 468 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,016 ending up at the same place at the same time twice? 469 00:18:45,027 --> 00:18:46,860 Abed, it's amazing. 470 00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:48,257 I mean, yes, 2008 was the height 471 00:18:48,281 --> 00:18:50,883 of the slightly sour frozen yogurt craze, but... 472 00:18:51,023 --> 00:18:52,890 that still doesn't explain it. 473 00:18:53,139 --> 00:18:55,627 Maybe we really were all meant to be together. 474 00:18:55,652 --> 00:18:58,407 I'm not sure I understand it, but 475 00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,321 maybe we don't have to. 476 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,676 What I do know is that the ways our paths crossed, 477 00:19:03,713 --> 00:19:05,713 even when they were bad, 478 00:19:05,738 --> 00:19:07,970 all led us to this point. 479 00:19:08,282 --> 00:19:10,570 And I wouldn't have it any other way. 480 00:19:10,746 --> 00:19:13,865 So what you're saying is that we're all each other's Uncle Ben's murder. 481 00:19:14,084 --> 00:19:15,547 And we're all Spider-Men. 482 00:19:16,497 --> 00:19:17,939 Yeah. 483 00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,458 Let's say I'm saying that. 484 00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:22,688 Mm, I think we know whose will this really is. 485 00:19:23,758 --> 00:19:25,708 Yeah, I think I do. 486 00:19:25,888 --> 00:19:27,612 I'll be right back. 487 00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:34,081 Hello? 488 00:19:36,545 --> 00:19:38,636 Hey, Abed. 489 00:19:39,709 --> 00:19:40,628 [Sighs] 490 00:19:40,653 --> 00:19:42,116 Just doing some Pilates. 491 00:19:42,154 --> 00:19:43,935 - I was looking for you. - Wha--I-- 492 00:19:43,972 --> 00:19:46,937 We discovered you're the reason we all went to Greendale. 493 00:19:47,021 --> 00:19:48,459 You linked all of our stories. 494 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,477 Like how the Cosmic Cube assembled the Avengers. 495 00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:52,868 That, and the 4-billion-dollar deal with Disney. 496 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,563 Turns out you were always one of us. 497 00:19:55,637 --> 00:19:58,839 So I came to see if you wanted to get some frozen yogurt. 498 00:19:58,887 --> 00:20:00,498 Really? 499 00:20:00,581 --> 00:20:02,331 That's-- 500 00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:06,029 that's all I ever wanted. 501 00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:09,067 But it's too late. 502 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:10,830 Here's another thing I realized. 503 00:20:11,112 --> 00:20:14,036 Because of you we got to reinvent ourselves at Greendale. 504 00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:16,588 Everyone should have the same chance, don't you think... 505 00:20:16,665 --> 00:20:18,666 - Chang? - It's not Chang. 506 00:20:18,748 --> 00:20:20,760 It's Kevin. 507 00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:24,691 How long have you known? 508 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:26,208 Known what? 509 00:20:26,762 --> 00:20:29,123 Only you know who you really are. 510 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,347 Also, you may have experimental monkey fever. 511 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,981 You coming? 512 00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:40,038 Yeah. 513 00:20:43,872 --> 00:20:45,636 Actually, can we stop at the post office first? 514 00:20:45,654 --> 00:20:47,011 I have something to mail for the Dean. 515 00:20:47,023 --> 00:20:48,916 It's confidential and I don't wanna talk about it, 516 00:20:48,937 --> 00:20:50,634 so stop interrogating me. 517 00:20:55,342 --> 00:20:57,292 I'm out. I Changed my mind. 518 00:20:57,318 --> 00:21:00,573 [Distorted voice] You're too in to be out. 519 00:21:03,097 --> 00:21:04,962 - Hey! - Hi! 520 00:21:04,987 --> 00:21:06,784 You want some refills? On me, huh? 521 00:21:06,804 --> 00:21:08,007 Refills? You want some? 522 00:21:08,025 --> 00:21:09,654 _ 523 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,405 _ 524 00:21:11,652 --> 00:21:13,725 Time for plan "B". 525 00:21:15,505 --> 00:21:19,889 [Evil laughter] 526 00:21:19,922 --> 00:21:24,713 [Distorted laughter] 527 00:21:24,764 --> 00:21:31,601 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther