1 00:00:03,915 --> 00:00:05,131 Look, 12 o'clock. 2 00:00:05,132 --> 00:00:07,116 The "History of Ice Cream" class is letting out. 3 00:00:07,117 --> 00:00:09,018 It's as informative as it is delicious! 4 00:00:09,019 --> 00:00:10,920 That class should've been ours. 5 00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:13,205 I hear the final is a sundae bar. 6 00:00:13,206 --> 00:00:14,390 - Mm. - I don't get history. 7 00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:15,658 If I wanted to know what happened in Europe 8 00:00:15,659 --> 00:00:16,692 a long time ago, 9 00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:17,960 i'd watch Game of Thrones. 10 00:00:17,961 --> 00:00:19,945 Troy, that show takes place in a fantasy realm. 11 00:00:19,946 --> 00:00:21,764 This class is about the real world. 12 00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:23,649 - [Gasps] - Not the show. 13 00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:25,734 You need to think before you speak. 14 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,636 I heard this teacher's a real hard-ass. 15 00:00:27,637 --> 00:00:29,388 He's British, and he has a degree. 16 00:00:29,389 --> 00:00:30,706 I can't have a hard-buns teacher. 17 00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:31,790 I'm already starting a new business. 18 00:00:31,791 --> 00:00:33,459 When am I supposed to see my family? 19 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:34,543 And last week, Ben took his first steps 20 00:00:34,544 --> 00:00:35,511 without me. 21 00:00:35,512 --> 00:00:36,512 Quick impression. "Wah." 22 00:00:36,513 --> 00:00:37,546 Who am I? You guys. 23 00:00:37,547 --> 00:00:39,281 Ha! Dead on. 24 00:00:39,282 --> 00:00:41,183 I know "the History of Ice Cream" 25 00:00:41,184 --> 00:00:42,517 would have been fun, 26 00:00:42,518 --> 00:00:44,703 but not only will this class be much less likely 27 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,288 to give us type 2 diabetes. 28 00:00:46,289 --> 00:00:49,308 We might actually learn so...n of a bitch! 29 00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:50,859 Germans: [lmitating techno tune] 30 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:52,695 Those annoying Germans are back? 31 00:00:52,696 --> 00:00:53,996 I thought they transferred after they lost 32 00:00:53,997 --> 00:00:55,447 their foosball scholarship. 33 00:00:55,448 --> 00:00:56,498 I heard they were juicing. 34 00:00:56,499 --> 00:00:59,735 No, them leaving would mean Greendale got slightly better, 35 00:00:59,736 --> 00:01:02,437 which, as we know, does not happen. 36 00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:05,457 Lukas, Karl, I see you've grown a new douche bag. 37 00:01:05,458 --> 00:01:07,209 My name is Reinhold. 38 00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:09,695 I believe you know my brother Juergen. 39 00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:12,915 There vas some bad blood between you two, ja? 40 00:01:12,916 --> 00:01:14,282 [Chuckles] Don't worry. 41 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,968 If there is one thing Germans don't do, 42 00:01:15,969 --> 00:01:17,252 it's hold a grudge. 43 00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:18,754 Unless we're talking about Die Hard 3. 44 00:01:18,755 --> 00:01:21,440 Or the 20th century. 45 00:01:21,441 --> 00:01:22,491 Morning, everyone. 46 00:01:22,492 --> 00:01:23,742 Morning. 47 00:01:23,743 --> 00:01:26,695 I am Professor Cornwallis. 48 00:01:26,696 --> 00:01:28,163 I know what you're all thinking, 49 00:01:28,164 --> 00:01:30,632 and the answer is... 50 00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,035 Yes. I am a direct descendant 51 00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:36,238 of general Sir Charles Cornwallis, 52 00:01:36,239 --> 00:01:38,707 who surrendered the British forces at Yorktown. 53 00:01:38,708 --> 00:01:40,459 Was anyone thinking that? 54 00:01:40,460 --> 00:01:41,477 Students: No. 55 00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:44,163 History is written... 56 00:01:44,164 --> 00:01:45,314 By the victors. 57 00:01:45,315 --> 00:01:47,132 Well, of course, we all know the quote. 58 00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:48,100 What does it mean? 59 00:01:48,101 --> 00:01:49,802 According to Oxford University, 60 00:01:49,803 --> 00:01:53,689 it means that my 20 years' loyal service there 61 00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:57,325 means nothing next to a little slipup 62 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,445 with a co-ed. 63 00:01:59,446 --> 00:02:00,729 Ahem. But what it really means 64 00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:03,699 is that history can be seen 65 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,867 from aultitude of vantage points. 66 00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:08,103 So, for your first test on Monday... 67 00:02:08,104 --> 00:02:09,471 All: [Groaning] 68 00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,740 I'm confused. When do we get our ice cream? 69 00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:13,125 I want to challenge you to look at history 70 00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:15,610 from all perspectives. 71 00:02:15,611 --> 00:02:18,597 How would the story read if it was written 72 00:02:18,598 --> 00:02:20,649 not by the victors, 73 00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:21,967 but by the vanquished? 74 00:02:21,968 --> 00:02:23,819 Ja. 75 00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:26,989 How indeed? 76 00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:29,541 [Chuckles wickedly] 77 00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:32,928 [Ominous music] 78 00:02:32,929 --> 00:02:36,832 [Laughing evilly] 79 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,533 I was recalling a very funny episode 80 00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:40,552 of the German version of The Nanny. 81 00:02:40,553 --> 00:02:43,505 "Franlein" gets a... 82 00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:44,806 It wouldn't translate. 83 00:02:44,807 --> 00:02:45,811 [Upbeat music] 84 00:02:45,812 --> 00:02:47,280 ♪ Give me some rope 85 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:48,781 ♪ tie me to dream 86 00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:50,366 ♪ give me the hope 87 00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:52,285 ♪ to run out of steam 88 00:02:52,286 --> 00:02:55,421 ♪ somebody said it can be here ♪ 89 00:02:55,422 --> 00:02:56,989 ♪ we could be roped up 90 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:59,492 ♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪ 91 00:02:59,493 --> 00:03:04,380 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 92 00:03:04,381 --> 00:03:09,435 ♪ one by one, they all just fade away ♪ 93 00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,633 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 94 00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:14,470 And I still have those pants. True story. 95 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:16,338 [Chuckles] Oh, we have fun. 96 00:03:16,339 --> 00:03:18,574 [High-pitched scream] Sorry. 97 00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:20,225 I should've realized that might be startling. 98 00:03:20,226 --> 00:03:23,429 Dr. Ken Kedan, greater Greendale mental health services. 99 00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:27,733 Kevin, does this gentleman look familiar to you? 100 00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:29,535 I'm sorry. He doesn't. 101 00:03:29,536 --> 00:03:32,821 Kevin? Uh-uh. His name is Chang. 102 00:03:32,822 --> 00:03:34,423 Oh, of course. 103 00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:37,142 That explains the note. 104 00:03:37,143 --> 00:03:39,995 "Hello, my name is Kevin. I have Changnesia"? 105 00:03:39,996 --> 00:03:41,330 What is that? It's not uncommon 106 00:03:41,331 --> 00:03:42,631 for victims of memory loss to experience 107 00:03:42,632 --> 00:03:45,000 some syntactical confusion. 108 00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,502 Thus the inappropriate insertion of his name 109 00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:47,836 into an unrelated phrase. 110 00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:50,139 No, he's always Dean that. 111 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:51,607 Once we learned of the connection to Greendale, 112 00:03:51,608 --> 00:03:53,859 we realized it would be the perfect environment 113 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,377 for some immersive therapy. 114 00:03:55,378 --> 00:03:58,647 What? No, absolutely not. 115 00:03:58,648 --> 00:04:00,566 I can't have an unbalanced nut job 116 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,534 traipsing around on my campus! 117 00:04:02,535 --> 00:04:04,286 Put that on the rack. Put that in the fridge. 118 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,255 Get him out of here! 119 00:04:06,256 --> 00:04:08,957 Sorry. Your school board already signed off on it. 120 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:12,411 Kevin is now your responsibility. 121 00:04:12,412 --> 00:04:15,831 [High-pitched wail] 122 00:04:15,832 --> 00:04:16,999 I just felt a strange disturbance. 123 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,200 Did you have dairy this morning? 124 00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:19,367 Could be that. 125 00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,069 Or it could be that great evil is nearby. 126 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:22,638 I'll take a provisional lactaid. 127 00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:24,573 Won't be needing the lactaid. 128 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:28,109 Uh, guys? This is our study room. 129 00:04:28,110 --> 00:04:29,378 Please leave, 130 00:04:29,379 --> 00:04:31,096 and take that mushroom cloud of drakkar with you. 131 00:04:31,097 --> 00:04:33,015 Why must he hurt so with his vords? 132 00:04:33,016 --> 00:04:34,733 He's like a less funny Hans Rickles. 133 00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:36,651 I'm not here to argue, Angela Jerk-els. 134 00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:37,652 Beat it! 135 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:38,871 Ohhh! 136 00:04:38,872 --> 00:04:40,822 Someone must have changed the channel to USA, 137 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,891 'cause I just watched a burn notice. 138 00:04:42,892 --> 00:04:43,892 Oh. 139 00:04:43,893 --> 00:04:45,360 Who's Angela Jerk-els? 140 00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:47,646 I can assure you, ve are here for no reason 141 00:04:47,647 --> 00:04:48,664 other than to study. 142 00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:50,449 Our usual off-campus haunt, 143 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,534 der kaffee hausen, is closed for the shooting 144 00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,169 of an esoteric art film. 145 00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,004 Tomorrow it shall re-open, unt we shall be 146 00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:58,106 out of your heavily product-laden hair. 147 00:04:58,107 --> 00:05:00,659 [Chuckles] 148 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,778 Jeff, it's just a little table in the corner 149 00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:03,946 of the room. 150 00:05:03,947 --> 00:05:05,113 Why don't we just let them have it? 151 00:05:05,114 --> 00:05:07,032 Because that's called appeasement. 152 00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:08,350 And everyone knows if you give 153 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,252 the Germans something small, 154 00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:12,070 like the study room or Austria, 155 00:05:12,071 --> 00:05:13,488 they end up wanting something big, 156 00:05:13,489 --> 00:05:14,489 like Earth. 157 00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:16,358 - Oh. - Jeff's right. 158 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,026 If there were more people in the world like Annie, 159 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,878 we'd all be speaking vietnamese right now. 160 00:05:19,879 --> 00:05:21,830 - [Gasps in shock] - That was my war. 161 00:05:21,831 --> 00:05:24,099 I had flashbacks for years. 162 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,484 Pierce, you moved to Canada. 163 00:05:25,485 --> 00:05:28,153 And it was hell. 164 00:05:28,154 --> 00:05:30,105 Those people call ham "bacon". 165 00:05:30,106 --> 00:05:32,274 This is silly. I'm just gonna walk over there 166 00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:35,627 and tell them they are welcome to share our room. 167 00:05:35,628 --> 00:05:37,212 Delightful. 168 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:39,464 So today, ve study in here. 169 00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:41,199 Unt tonight, we dine in hell. 170 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,317 [Imitating techno beat] 171 00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:46,822 Germans: [lmitating techno tune] 172 00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:48,307 Doktor Blitz, knight of the Atlantis Guild, 173 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,927 wielder of the four-pronged trident on SpawnCraft? 174 00:05:51,928 --> 00:05:53,295 How did you know? 175 00:05:53,296 --> 00:05:55,463 I recognized your catchphrase, "Tonight we dine in hell!" 176 00:05:55,464 --> 00:05:56,481 I'm SpaceTimer8032. 177 00:05:56,482 --> 00:06:00,035 You are SpaceTimer8032? 178 00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:02,371 - The one and only. - It's wonderful to meet you... 179 00:06:02,372 --> 00:06:05,340 Brother. 180 00:06:08,428 --> 00:06:10,011 What was that all about? 181 00:06:10,012 --> 00:06:11,313 You two seemed pretty chummy. 182 00:06:11,314 --> 00:06:13,582 That man saved my life. 183 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,083 In a video game. 184 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,786 Let me get this as straight as I can get things. 185 00:06:17,787 --> 00:06:19,538 You authorized this? 186 00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:21,640 After everything that happened last year? 187 00:06:21,641 --> 00:06:22,757 Hear us out. 188 00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,526 They offered money. 189 00:06:24,527 --> 00:06:25,494 Did it ever occur to you 190 00:06:25,495 --> 00:06:27,112 that this man is a psychopath 191 00:06:27,113 --> 00:06:28,697 who may be faking his own Changnesia? 192 00:06:28,698 --> 00:06:30,198 Oh, now he has me saying it. 193 00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:31,450 Amdeansia. 194 00:06:31,451 --> 00:06:33,352 Amdeansia... I'm all turned around. 195 00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:35,270 If he is faking, you're welcome to prove it. 196 00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:37,222 We get the money either way. 197 00:06:37,223 --> 00:06:38,307 Mm! 198 00:06:38,308 --> 00:06:40,442 Oh, I will prove it. 199 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:43,945 And I'll have fun doing it. 200 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,380 Now, what to wear? 201 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,534 See? 202 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,802 I know those guys were annoying yesterday, 203 00:06:50,803 --> 00:06:52,921 but aren't you glad we didn't turn it 204 00:06:52,922 --> 00:06:54,723 into a whole big macho war thing? 205 00:06:54,724 --> 00:06:55,807 Gosh, ane, you're right. 206 00:06:55,808 --> 00:06:56,958 I can't believe I doubted you. 207 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,560 Hey, apropos of nothing, 208 00:06:58,561 --> 00:07:00,395 what's that sound you make when you see something shocking? 209 00:07:00,396 --> 00:07:01,980 - [Gasps in shock] - Oh, yeah, that's it. 210 00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:03,431 What are you guys doing at our table? 211 00:07:03,432 --> 00:07:05,751 What happened to der kaffee hausen? 212 00:07:05,752 --> 00:07:06,985 Our time in this room yesterday 213 00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:09,121 proved more pleasant than expected. 214 00:07:09,122 --> 00:07:10,839 It's got a good energy. 215 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,374 That table is ours. 216 00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:13,709 This room is ours! 217 00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:14,926 You guys need to leave. 218 00:07:14,927 --> 00:07:17,646 - Hey, Karl. - Hi, Abed. 219 00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:20,215 I am afraid it is you who must do 220 00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:21,883 the making like a tree, which is to say, 221 00:07:21,884 --> 00:07:22,901 leaving. 222 00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:23,902 Uh, security! 223 00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:25,720 You want us to leave? 224 00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:26,721 There a problem here? 225 00:07:26,722 --> 00:07:28,156 Yeah, there's a problem. 226 00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,158 These dussle-dorks won't leave our study room. 227 00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,326 Nice! 228 00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:32,661 I don't understand any of these puns. 229 00:07:32,662 --> 00:07:34,312 I think I need to learn history. 230 00:07:34,313 --> 00:07:35,664 Do you have a sign-in sheet? 231 00:07:35,665 --> 00:07:37,699 You're asking for our papers? 232 00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,835 I thought this was America, not Arizona. 233 00:07:39,836 --> 00:07:42,954 We have a sign-in sheet. Lukas. 234 00:07:42,955 --> 00:07:44,906 Perhaps we should all just go home 235 00:07:44,907 --> 00:07:47,592 and see our families and think things through, huh? 236 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,628 - Looks like the room is theirs. - [Chuckles] 237 00:07:49,629 --> 00:07:52,747 Shirley, call your babysitter, 238 00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:54,966 because this... means... 239 00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:56,468 Let me guess. 240 00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:57,585 War? 241 00:07:57,586 --> 00:07:58,720 Let the lady finish her sentence. 242 00:07:58,721 --> 00:08:01,473 Thank you, Jeff! 243 00:08:01,474 --> 00:08:02,691 War. Yeah. 244 00:08:15,488 --> 00:08:17,722 We'd like to sign out study room "F". 245 00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:18,857 It would appear that in this battle, 246 00:08:18,858 --> 00:08:20,826 our bulge was a little bit bigger. 247 00:08:20,827 --> 00:08:22,160 [Chuckles] Guten bye-bye. 248 00:08:22,161 --> 00:08:23,495 Excuse me. Don't touch. 249 00:08:23,496 --> 00:08:26,815 Damn them and their perfectly crafted timepieces. 250 00:08:26,816 --> 00:08:28,132 What else do you have available? 251 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,203 [Sighs] 252 00:08:31,204 --> 00:08:34,289 [Light buzzing] 253 00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:36,391 It's like a Darren Aronofsky film. 254 00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:37,859 I'll get this. 255 00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,778 My fifth father-in-law was an electrician. 256 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,513 You pick up a thing or two. 257 00:08:41,514 --> 00:08:43,582 All: [Screaming] 258 00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:46,234 Agh! Everybody grab me, please! Ugh! 259 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,986 - Nobody grab him. - [Screaming] 260 00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,921 Pierce, just let go. 261 00:08:49,922 --> 00:08:51,456 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 262 00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:52,707 Of the thing, Pierce. 263 00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:54,342 Oh, it smells like barbecue. 264 00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:56,228 We're getting up earlier tomorrow. 265 00:08:56,229 --> 00:08:59,181 [Dramatic music] 266 00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:08,723 [Evil laughter] 267 00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:12,427 [Air hissing] 268 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:13,628 Oh, no. 269 00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:15,514 - Oh! - Ugh! 270 00:09:15,515 --> 00:09:18,483 [Somber music] 271 00:09:23,656 --> 00:09:27,359 [Maniacal laughter] 272 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,593 Oh, look at them! 273 00:09:28,594 --> 00:09:30,946 [Sobbing] 274 00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:33,915 [Sad music] 275 00:09:36,669 --> 00:09:38,636 [Crash!] 276 00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:54,452 Hi. 277 00:09:54,453 --> 00:09:56,338 Thanks again for taking me in. 278 00:09:56,339 --> 00:09:59,591 We must have been great pals before my Changnesia, huh? 279 00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,243 Oh, my... That's it. 280 00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:03,044 You may have fooled that handsome doctor, 281 00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:04,496 but you can't fool me. 282 00:10:04,497 --> 00:10:05,863 Oh, how convenient. 283 00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:07,632 Showing up here with Changnesia 284 00:10:07,633 --> 00:10:09,100 after you staged a coup, 285 00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:10,969 almost blew up the school, 286 00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:13,955 and locked me in a basement for months! 287 00:10:13,956 --> 00:10:16,291 Without so much as a drop of moisturizer! 288 00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:17,642 I did all that? 289 00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:18,876 I mean, Chang did all that? 290 00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:20,645 If that's true, 291 00:10:20,646 --> 00:10:23,999 then Chang, who is me, 292 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,000 deserves to go to jail. 293 00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:25,967 Well, he did. 294 00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:27,419 And you do. 295 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:29,420 This is the worst thing that's happened to me 296 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,740 in my 96 hours of memory. 297 00:10:31,741 --> 00:10:32,908 [Door opens] 298 00:10:32,909 --> 00:10:36,194 And that failed ventriloquist's name 299 00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:38,330 was Slobodan Milosevic. 300 00:10:38,331 --> 00:10:39,497 All: Ohh. 301 00:10:39,498 --> 00:10:42,517 For the essay portion of your test on Monday, 302 00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:45,570 you will be asked to describe a historical battle 303 00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:49,307 from the perspectives of both the winners and the losers. 304 00:10:49,308 --> 00:10:50,375 No dioramas. 305 00:10:50,376 --> 00:10:53,278 All: [Groan] 306 00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,696 Guten luck on the examination. 307 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,482 Ve vill be preparing for it in study room "F", 308 00:10:57,483 --> 00:10:58,616 as in "Fictory". 309 00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:00,352 I like the way your old chair 310 00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:01,886 cradles mein knaidels. 311 00:11:01,887 --> 00:11:03,054 [Laughter] 312 00:11:03,055 --> 00:11:04,389 I just made that up. 313 00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:05,707 You know, English is my second language. 314 00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:08,093 Jeff, stop. 315 00:11:08,094 --> 00:11:09,994 - It's over. - No. 316 00:11:09,995 --> 00:11:11,913 These guys are horrible. 317 00:11:11,914 --> 00:11:13,315 Totally. Except Karl. 318 00:11:13,316 --> 00:11:14,532 - Really, Abed? - Mm-hmm. 319 00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:15,600 Karl's not horrible? 320 00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:17,552 Even though he took your home? 321 00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:19,570 When I was growing up, it was just me and my mom. 322 00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:20,538 I didn't have much of a family. 323 00:11:20,539 --> 00:11:23,258 That is, until I met you guys. 324 00:11:23,259 --> 00:11:25,610 So excuse me if I'm not willing to give up 325 00:11:25,611 --> 00:11:29,047 the place where we became a family. 326 00:11:29,048 --> 00:11:30,749 So what are we gonna do? 327 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:32,851 We literally can't get up any earlier. 328 00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:34,569 Many years ago, 329 00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:37,689 before the concept of "too soon" existed, 330 00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:39,941 there was a show about a bunch of goofy Nazis 331 00:11:39,942 --> 00:11:41,710 running a prison camp, 332 00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:44,462 - and that show was called... - Hogan's Heroes? 333 00:11:44,463 --> 00:11:46,898 - Hogan's Heroes. - Yes. 334 00:11:46,899 --> 00:11:49,567 And while, for a latchkey kid with no jewish friends, 335 00:11:49,568 --> 00:11:51,970 it was a bit desensitizing, 336 00:11:51,971 --> 00:11:53,588 it still taught me 337 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:57,325 that the lovable misfits always win. 338 00:11:57,326 --> 00:11:59,444 And the bumbling Germans always lose. 339 00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:01,629 All we need is a clever ruse. 340 00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,548 Strike that. All we need is a ruse. 341 00:12:03,549 --> 00:12:05,000 You had me at "ruse." 342 00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:06,618 That was the last thing I said. 343 00:12:06,619 --> 00:12:09,020 Good thing you said it. 344 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,989 [Indistinct chatter] 345 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:13,992 [Lively German music] 346 00:12:17,996 --> 00:12:19,297 Ah! 347 00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:22,233 Welcome to Oktoberfest. 348 00:12:22,234 --> 00:12:24,569 - Vat is this? - Call it a peace offering. 349 00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:26,187 You won. We lost. 350 00:12:26,188 --> 00:12:28,790 Let's end this dumb war and move on. 351 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,274 Care for some authentic blutwurst? 352 00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:31,342 This stuff's the real deal. 353 00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:32,927 We got it down in little Munich. 354 00:12:32,928 --> 00:12:35,046 [Whispers] It's been banned by the FDA. 355 00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:36,380 - Ooh! - No, Karl! 356 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,216 That blutwurst was probably injected 357 00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:39,984 with a laxative to make us pull a grete waitz 358 00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:41,086 in our trousers. 359 00:12:41,087 --> 00:12:42,620 I promise you, 360 00:12:42,621 --> 00:12:44,372 there's nothing gross in this sausage. 361 00:12:44,373 --> 00:12:47,325 It's just pig's blood stuffed into a cow's intestine. 362 00:12:47,326 --> 00:12:50,128 Gott, that must be nearly 100 luftballons! 363 00:12:50,129 --> 00:12:51,179 [Laughing] 364 00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:53,214 Idiot! Do not accept their gifts. 365 00:12:53,215 --> 00:12:55,366 Something is clearly up. 366 00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:57,602 Please, these are just small tokens of our friendship. 367 00:12:57,603 --> 00:12:58,703 Oh, come on. 368 00:12:58,704 --> 00:13:01,205 Dirndls, blutwurst, luftballons. 369 00:13:01,206 --> 00:13:03,541 A cartoonishly large cake. 370 00:13:03,542 --> 00:13:05,176 This is a ruse. 371 00:13:05,177 --> 00:13:07,779 It is exactly like an episode of Hogan's Villains. 372 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,948 Ruse? This is no ruse. 373 00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:12,400 Just take that large cake back to the study room 374 00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:13,752 and enjoy it there. 375 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,470 So there's nothing hiding 376 00:13:15,471 --> 00:13:17,806 inside this giant German chocolate cake? 377 00:13:17,807 --> 00:13:19,057 Ask Abed. 378 00:13:19,058 --> 00:13:23,061 You can trust him. He's a friend. 379 00:13:23,062 --> 00:13:24,896 Nope. Just solid cake. 380 00:13:24,897 --> 00:13:26,948 Hmm. 381 00:13:26,949 --> 00:13:29,300 Then you wouldn't mind if I... 382 00:13:29,301 --> 00:13:30,635 Cut the cake? 383 00:13:30,636 --> 00:13:32,003 Or you could save it for later. 384 00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:33,304 You don't have to share it. 385 00:13:33,305 --> 00:13:35,640 Shirley stayed up all night baking that for you. 386 00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:37,141 No problem. I just used the eggs 387 00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:38,810 I would've used for my son's breakfast. 388 00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:40,829 But it would be so easy for me 389 00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:43,147 to carve into this cake... 390 00:13:43,148 --> 00:13:44,215 And serve us all! 391 00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:45,350 Wait! 392 00:13:45,351 --> 00:13:47,102 Damn it. Sorry. 393 00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,020 We thought you were stupider than this. 394 00:13:49,021 --> 00:13:52,023 Troy. 395 00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:56,161 Should I release the tear gas, or has that ship sank? 396 00:13:56,162 --> 00:13:58,696 [Chuckles] 397 00:13:58,697 --> 00:14:01,015 An excellent attempt, Vinger, 398 00:14:01,016 --> 00:14:02,834 but we are smarter than you, and once again, 399 00:14:02,835 --> 00:14:04,769 it shall be us who are savoring 400 00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:07,689 the smooth and somewhat ha-ha-hoppy taste of victory. 401 00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:09,440 Beer me, bitte. 402 00:14:09,441 --> 00:14:11,526 Here you go. 403 00:14:11,527 --> 00:14:13,194 As they say in Ferris Bueller, 404 00:14:13,195 --> 00:14:14,712 danke schoen. 405 00:14:14,713 --> 00:14:16,581 And as they say in the movie, gotcha! 406 00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:20,251 Gotcha. 407 00:14:20,252 --> 00:14:22,137 - Busted. - Busted? 408 00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:23,188 For what? 409 00:14:23,189 --> 00:14:25,106 But there were dozens of students 410 00:14:25,107 --> 00:14:26,391 at that Oktoberfest. 411 00:14:26,392 --> 00:14:28,443 But you were the only German students 412 00:14:28,444 --> 00:14:29,944 celebrating German culture, 413 00:14:29,945 --> 00:14:32,530 and here at Greendale, that is a big, fat no-no. 414 00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:36,167 We frown on anyone celebrating their own cultural heritage. 415 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,753 I mean, if the hasidic student union wants 416 00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:41,523 to host a Kwanzaa celebration, you go, Jews! 417 00:14:41,524 --> 00:14:43,641 Hanukkah? No, sir. 418 00:14:43,642 --> 00:14:45,009 It's why I keep a detailed list 419 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,011 of every student's race and nationality... 420 00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:49,581 to prevent racism and nationalism. 421 00:14:49,582 --> 00:14:51,699 - This is an outrage! - Relax. 422 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,034 It's not like you're expelled. 423 00:14:53,035 --> 00:14:54,886 You're just banned from certain campus amenities, 424 00:14:54,887 --> 00:14:57,755 uh, water fountains, swimming pools... huh. 425 00:14:57,756 --> 00:14:59,156 Most of these are water-based. 426 00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:01,042 Oh, and the study rooms. 427 00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:02,544 - Oh! - Uh! 428 00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:03,711 [Phone rings] Oh, I gotta take this. 429 00:15:03,712 --> 00:15:06,464 Bye-bye. 430 00:15:06,465 --> 00:15:08,516 Dean Pelton... if I don't offer you a receipt, 431 00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:11,269 your education is free. 432 00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:12,971 Chang did what? 433 00:15:12,972 --> 00:15:15,974 [Triumphant music playing] 434 00:15:20,279 --> 00:15:23,898 [Indistinct shouting] 435 00:15:23,899 --> 00:15:25,450 Oh, cool. 436 00:15:25,451 --> 00:15:27,018 - What are we protesting? - You guys. 437 00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:29,687 You've been hogging that study room for three years. 438 00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:31,239 Somebody finally stood up to you, 439 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,657 and you had them banned. 440 00:15:32,658 --> 00:15:35,526 Why must our people always be the victims? 441 00:15:35,527 --> 00:15:37,579 - What do we want? - Justice! 442 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:38,913 - When do we want it? - Now! 443 00:15:38,914 --> 00:15:40,748 - What do we want? - Justice! 444 00:15:40,749 --> 00:15:41,950 - Oh, my God. - When do we want it? 445 00:15:41,951 --> 00:15:43,218 - Now! - This whole time, 446 00:15:43,219 --> 00:15:45,486 we thought the Germans were the Germans. 447 00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:48,640 But it turns out, we're the Germans. 448 00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:55,367 Hang on. You guys are all siding with the Germans? 449 00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:56,652 You realize these guys are, like, 450 00:15:56,653 --> 00:15:58,120 contractor-grade tools. 451 00:15:58,121 --> 00:16:00,422 They signed out that room fair and square, 452 00:16:00,423 --> 00:16:02,374 and then you had to take it too far, 453 00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,810 like you always do with that room. 454 00:16:04,811 --> 00:16:06,579 Yeah! 455 00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:09,215 [Suspenseful music] 456 00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:11,317 [Sighs] Damn it! 457 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,519 I signed this room out! 458 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,237 And I have a final tomorrow! 459 00:16:15,238 --> 00:16:18,457 They lost a pen. 460 00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:19,791 Can you come back in a few hours? 461 00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,977 We're playing Dungeons & Dragons. 462 00:16:21,978 --> 00:16:23,529 Yes? I left my notebook in there. 463 00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:24,663 Well, you're going to have to come back later. 464 00:16:24,664 --> 00:16:26,632 I'm trying to prove a point. 465 00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:28,934 You're like those guys on Hogan's Heroes. 466 00:16:28,935 --> 00:16:30,069 The Nazis. 467 00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,338 [Gasps] You take that back! 468 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:33,322 I'm jewish. 469 00:16:33,323 --> 00:16:34,340 Yeah, Leonard. 470 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,175 Don't call me a Nazi. 471 00:16:36,176 --> 00:16:38,310 You are wearing an S.S. t-shirt. 472 00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:40,029 - Oh. - Oh! 473 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:42,565 - Oh! - Oh. 474 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:43,666 [Keys jingle] 475 00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,517 Open two. 476 00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:50,039 [Door lock buzzes] 477 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,373 What are you doing here? 478 00:16:51,374 --> 00:16:53,726 You, sir, have been bailed out. 479 00:16:53,727 --> 00:16:56,896 We are going to nurse you back to health. 480 00:16:56,897 --> 00:16:58,864 But why? 481 00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:01,600 Why take me back in after everything I did to you? 482 00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,052 When I heard that you had checked yourself into jail, 483 00:17:03,053 --> 00:17:04,603 I realized you couldn't be faking. 484 00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:06,989 The real Chang would never have remorse 485 00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:07,957 for what he did. 486 00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:09,758 I believe you... 487 00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:12,511 Kevin. 488 00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:13,845 Plus, curing Changnesia, 489 00:17:13,846 --> 00:17:14,813 that's a human interest story. 490 00:17:14,814 --> 00:17:15,998 That puts Greendale on the map. 491 00:17:15,999 --> 00:17:17,917 But your health comes second, whoop, first, 492 00:17:17,918 --> 00:17:19,551 to the school. 493 00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:21,520 Oh, let's not hug. Do you mind getting my... 494 00:17:21,521 --> 00:17:22,605 Okay. 495 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,924 Probably shouldn't step on it. 496 00:17:24,925 --> 00:17:27,593 I feel guilty eating this cake. 497 00:17:27,594 --> 00:17:28,927 And not for the usual reasons. 498 00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:30,913 Hate to say it, but this is what happens 499 00:17:30,914 --> 00:17:32,898 when a group of people blindly follows 500 00:17:32,899 --> 00:17:34,533 a charismatic, golden-throated leader. 501 00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,468 Are you actually comparing me to Hitler? 502 00:17:36,469 --> 00:17:38,153 [Overlapping agreements] There are similarities. 503 00:17:38,154 --> 00:17:40,072 Hang on. Nobody's even willing 504 00:17:40,073 --> 00:17:42,491 to consider that I might be the Hitler of this group? 505 00:17:42,492 --> 00:17:44,593 We were the good guys. 506 00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:46,378 How could everybody think we're the bad guys? 507 00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:47,663 We are. 508 00:17:47,664 --> 00:17:49,365 When Karl and I were raiding the Diamond North Caves, 509 00:17:49,366 --> 00:17:50,616 I was facing 50 Death Beatles. 510 00:17:50,617 --> 00:17:51,884 I would've perished for sure, but he saved me. 511 00:17:51,885 --> 00:17:53,302 Then when I had a chance to return the favor, 512 00:17:53,303 --> 00:17:54,920 I looked him in the eye, and I told him it was solid cake. 513 00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:56,205 You were just following orders. 514 00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:57,990 There's probably a way I can make it up to him. 515 00:17:57,991 --> 00:17:59,825 Oh. 516 00:17:59,826 --> 00:18:01,327 Maybe I'll give him my four-pronged trident. 517 00:18:01,328 --> 00:18:03,262 Why don't you call it a "quadrident"? 518 00:18:03,263 --> 00:18:04,897 - Shh. - Ah! 519 00:18:04,898 --> 00:18:06,532 There you people are. 520 00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:10,336 I believe we have something to discuss. 521 00:18:10,337 --> 00:18:12,037 Oh, my God. 522 00:18:12,038 --> 00:18:14,306 You clever British bastard. 523 00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:16,275 You set this whole thing up to teach us a lesson. 524 00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:18,143 - What? - Making the school pretend 525 00:18:18,144 --> 00:18:20,913 to hate us, to show us that one man's hero 526 00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:22,364 is another man's villain. 527 00:18:22,365 --> 00:18:24,350 Of course! We aren't Nazis. 528 00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:25,417 [Laughter] 529 00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:27,102 I tip my cap to you, sir. 530 00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:28,187 Lesson learned. 531 00:18:28,188 --> 00:18:29,772 Are you actually suggesting 532 00:18:29,773 --> 00:18:31,356 that a Professor at Greendale 533 00:18:31,357 --> 00:18:33,492 would set up an elaborate ruse 534 00:18:33,493 --> 00:18:35,761 just to teach seven students a lesson? 535 00:18:35,762 --> 00:18:36,929 - Uh, yes. - Yeah. 536 00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:38,230 - Yes. - That's a Wednesday. 537 00:18:38,231 --> 00:18:39,648 Oh, my God. 538 00:18:39,649 --> 00:18:43,168 I've made a terrible mistake coming here. 539 00:18:43,169 --> 00:18:45,888 So this wasn't part of the class? 540 00:18:45,889 --> 00:18:47,172 Then why are you here? 541 00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:48,557 Because you had a test today, 542 00:18:48,558 --> 00:18:49,608 and you all missed it! 543 00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:50,893 "F"s for everyone. 544 00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:52,144 Oh. 545 00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:53,946 Maybe it's not too late 546 00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:55,916 to get out of my contract. 547 00:18:58,418 --> 00:19:00,319 - I really am Hitler. - Yeah. 548 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,355 So it's just decided. 549 00:19:03,356 --> 00:19:04,523 No vote or anything. 550 00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:06,091 I hate this. 551 00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:07,492 I wish there was a way that we could 552 00:19:07,493 --> 00:19:08,644 make it up to people. 553 00:19:08,645 --> 00:19:10,629 That's it. 554 00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:13,232 We need to make reparations. 555 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,184 We have to start giving back 556 00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:18,787 because Greendale has given us so much. 557 00:19:18,788 --> 00:19:20,622 It gave us the study room. 558 00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:24,876 And that study room is our home. 559 00:19:24,877 --> 00:19:29,565 But our home is more than those four walls. 560 00:19:29,566 --> 00:19:34,420 And our family is more than the seven of us. 561 00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:38,891 It's all of Greendale. 562 00:19:38,892 --> 00:19:42,144 And everyone deserves to have what we have. 563 00:19:42,145 --> 00:19:44,680 [Peaceful music] 564 00:19:44,681 --> 00:19:45,764 What do you know? 565 00:19:45,765 --> 00:19:47,800 Greendale just got slightly better. 566 00:19:51,287 --> 00:19:52,404 It's good to be back. 567 00:19:52,405 --> 00:19:54,590 Should we go celebrate at Skeeper's? 568 00:19:54,591 --> 00:19:56,675 Oh, come on, Shirley. We all have lives. 569 00:19:56,676 --> 00:19:57,810 There you are! 570 00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,845 I am so proud how you stepped up 571 00:19:59,846 --> 00:20:00,846 and made amends. 572 00:20:00,847 --> 00:20:02,981 And everyone forgave you. 573 00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:05,017 Because when it comes right down to it, 574 00:20:05,018 --> 00:20:06,718 Greendale's a forgiving place. 575 00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:07,936 It really is. 576 00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:09,721 Please keep that in mind the next 20 seconds. 577 00:20:09,722 --> 00:20:11,206 Remember that people can "Chang". 578 00:20:11,207 --> 00:20:12,357 People can what? 579 00:20:12,358 --> 00:20:14,392 Hmm? 580 00:20:14,393 --> 00:20:15,494 Hi, I'm Kevin. 581 00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:18,363 All: [Screaming] 582 00:20:18,364 --> 00:20:20,365 He has Changnesia. 583 00:20:22,898 --> 00:20:24,291 And you know what that sound is. 584 00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:26,309 Both: It's the Troy and Abed Podcast. 585 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,427 Sponsored by Shirley's Sandwiches, 586 00:20:27,428 --> 00:20:28,678 home of the fried chicken skin wrap. 587 00:20:28,679 --> 00:20:29,896 Is it inside? Is it outside? You find out. 588 00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:31,481 Okay, our guest today is from Germany, Europe. 589 00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:33,232 Karl, guten tag. How are you doing? 590 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,633 - Sehr gut. - Great. 591 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,135 Now's the part of the show where we get real. 592 00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:38,404 Friendship, loyalty, betrayal, redemption. 593 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,189 - Is this an apology? - Yes. 594 00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:41,307 And for being a guest on the show today, 595 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,808 we want you to have this. 596 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,661 It's a gift certificate to Shirley's Sandwiches, 597 00:20:44,662 --> 00:20:47,163 home of the triple-fried monte cristo. 598 00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:48,665 We challenge you to taste the bread. 599 00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:50,583 This coupon is a $5 bill. 600 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,485 Well, that's all the time we have today. 601 00:20:52,486 --> 00:20:53,636 For Troy Barnes, I'm Abed Nadir. 602 00:20:53,637 --> 00:20:54,704 And for Abed Nadir, I'm Troy Barnes. 603 00:20:54,705 --> 00:20:58,091 Both: And we're out. 604 00:20:58,092 --> 00:20:59,325 Thanks so much for doing this. 605 00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:01,094 So will you be on my podcast tomorrow? 606 00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:03,429 We've got a thing. 607 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,683 Beep, boop, bow! [Smooth jazz playing]