1
00:00:00,334 --> 00:00:03,003
So... cellular mitosis
is what?
2
00:00:03,038 --> 00:00:04,219
I miss Troy.
3
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,818
Wrong, and stop guessing that.
4
00:00:05,853 --> 00:00:07,347
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.
5
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,301
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.
6
00:00:09,336 --> 00:00:11,094
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.
7
00:00:11,129 --> 00:00:12,186
Sorry, not "play. "
8
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,479
"Render
imaginated dreamscapes. "
9
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,245
Guys, we just finished
retaking biology all summer,
10
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,977
and if I don't pass this final,
it was for nothing.
11
00:00:19,012 --> 00:00:20,319
Can we stay on target?
12
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,814
Did someone say
"sexy construction worker"?
13
00:00:22,849 --> 00:00:24,358
- Ooh!
- Stay... stay on target.
14
00:00:24,393 --> 00:00:25,741
I'm dressed like this
15
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:29,203
because I'm building
to big news.
16
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:32,199
Subway has officially ended
its agreement with Greendale,
17
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,999
and the restaurant I've chosen
18
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,788
to occupy the cafeteria
kiosk is...
19
00:00:37,823 --> 00:00:38,789
Shirley's Sandwiches!
20
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,188
I just need one of you
to sign this
21
00:00:42,223 --> 00:00:44,426
as the official owner
of the business.
22
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,421
Ooh, we should both sign it,
we're 50-50 partners.
23
00:00:46,456 --> 00:00:48,382
But there's only one
dotted line on the form, so...
24
00:00:48,417 --> 00:00:50,425
- Oh, well, Pierce can...
- Me.
25
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:51,892
- Hey!
- I paid for it.
26
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:52,928
Well, there'd be no "it"
to pay for
27
00:00:52,963 --> 00:00:54,144
if I hadn't done all the work.
28
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:57,933
My goodness, this molehill
is becoming a mountain.
29
00:00:57,968 --> 00:00:58,982
You guys work it out,
30
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,081
while I put together
an Alpine costume.
31
00:01:01,116 --> 00:01:03,111
I knew eventually
you'd try to box me out
32
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,566
of my own business,
just like Hawthorne Wipes did.
33
00:01:05,601 --> 00:01:06,824
I'm not letting you guilt me
34
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:09,236
into letting you call yourself
the owner of my company.
35
00:01:09,271 --> 00:01:11,912
Jeff! Hello?
36
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,789
Get involved.
No.
37
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,326
I am here to replace
my fake bachelor's
38
00:01:16,361 --> 00:01:18,554
so I can get back
to my life as a lawyer.
39
00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:20,747
Nobody else is sacrificing
their interests.
40
00:01:20,782 --> 00:01:21,880
Don't ask me to sacrifice mine.
41
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,626
Don't ask me
to sacrifice mine.
42
00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:26,885
That's you just now.
43
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,131
Okay, so name
the stages of mitosis.
44
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,714
- Ooh, I gotta go.
- Unbelievable.
45
00:01:32,749 --> 00:01:35,262
Today is Abed's
first therapy session.
46
00:01:35,297 --> 00:01:36,562
His what?
47
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,938
He's been feeling
extra vulnerable lately
48
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:40,434
having lost Troy to the air
conditioning repair school,
49
00:01:40,469 --> 00:01:41,859
so he's finally gonna let me
50
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,146
practice my psych skills
on him.
51
00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:45,487
Give me some credit, Winger.
52
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,773
What's the worst
that could happen?
53
00:01:46,808 --> 00:01:48,031
Classic tee-up.
54
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,194
Shut up, Leonard,
I know about your crooked wang.
55
00:01:50,229 --> 00:01:52,487
No such thing as bad press.
56
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,703
Hey, Abed.
57
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,002
This can't be good.
58
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:12,758
♪ Give me some rope
tie me to dream ♪
59
00:02:12,793 --> 00:02:16,011
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
60
00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:19,313
♪ somebody said
it could be here ♪
61
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:23,185
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
62
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:28,232
♪ I can't count
the reasons I should stay ♪
63
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:32,701
♪ one by one
they all just fade away ♪
64
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:36,469
Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www. addic7ed. com
65
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:40,202
There are those who ask,
why connect the capillary tube
66
00:02:40,237 --> 00:02:42,346
directly to
the compressor valve?
67
00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:44,456
Oh, sure,
why not just attach it
68
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,354
to the moisture accumulator?
69
00:02:46,389 --> 00:02:48,175
Hey, Troy.
70
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:51,192
We boring you?
I miss my friends.
71
00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:54,174
- He misses his friends.
- Aww.
72
00:02:54,209 --> 00:02:55,641
Mr. Barnes...
73
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,346
Gather your things
and come with me.
74
00:02:59,381 --> 00:03:01,313
Now!
75
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,871
The sun chamber.
A shameful relic
76
00:03:03,906 --> 00:03:06,381
from a savage chapter
of our history.
77
00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:08,821
Repairmen would duel
each other inside,
78
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:12,776
losers succumbing
to heat exhaustion, or worse.
79
00:03:12,811 --> 00:03:16,697
Troy, there is a prophesy.
I miss Abed so much.
80
00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:20,367
I'm ashamed to confess
that I once thought
81
00:03:20,402 --> 00:03:23,335
that this might be me.
82
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,838
Now I realize that it's you.
83
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,625
You are
the true repairman, Troy.
84
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:31,378
You fix not only
air conditioners...
85
00:03:31,413 --> 00:03:32,928
but the men who fix them.
86
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:37,968
It's a trade school.
It's a two-year degree
87
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:40,352
in boxes that make rooms cold.
88
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,098
Sir, there's been a flow duct
rupture in quadrant four.
89
00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:44,231
I'll handle it.
90
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:47,582
This is your destiny,
Mr. Barnes.
91
00:03:47,617 --> 00:03:50,898
The true repairman
will repair man.
92
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:57,244
Abed.
93
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,281
I'm not talking to you
because I'm not crazy.
94
00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:00,873
Think of it as inner dialogue.
95
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,285
I'm reading the novelization
of Chronicles of Riddick.
96
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,995
Can you honestly tell me
that's a saner decision?
97
00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:07,796
You're worried
you'll go crazy without Troy.
98
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:10,083
That's why you're gonna
let Britta fix you, right?
99
00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:11,341
Because you think
you're broken,
100
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,878
you're gonna get diagnosed
by someone who said
101
00:04:12,913 --> 00:04:15,106
her favorite superhero
was "x-man"?
102
00:04:15,141 --> 00:04:16,845
I'm a little scared.
Things are bad.
103
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,592
When the world
gets bad enough, Abed,
104
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,304
the good go crazy.
But the smart...
105
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,022
They go bad.
106
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,892
Come on in here,
let's talk about it.
107
00:04:26,927 --> 00:04:28,692
I think it's safer
if I talk to Britta.
108
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,604
I think it's even safer
if I talk to her first.
109
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,531
Hello.
110
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,568
Are you here to help me
with biology,
111
00:04:36,603 --> 00:04:37,993
or get me to help you?
112
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,954
- Bi-ol-o-gy.
- Are you lying?
113
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,534
Hard to break the word "yes"
into lilting syllables, huh?
114
00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:45,751
Ye-es?
115
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,419
Look, Pierce and I are so close
116
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,830
to getting the sandwich
shop going.
117
00:04:48,865 --> 00:04:50,349
I just need you to help...
Look.
118
00:04:50,384 --> 00:04:51,834
You want one piece
of free advice?
119
00:04:51,869 --> 00:04:53,217
Let Pierce cool down.
120
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,212
You know how crazy
and paranoid he can get.
121
00:04:55,247 --> 00:04:58,096
A- ha! Crazy?
Paranoid? Impotent?
122
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,300
- Cellular...
- I knew you'd run to Jeff,
123
00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:02,719
and turn him against me.
Mitosis.
124
00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:04,144
Guys, why are we yelling?
125
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,438
You sign that paper, I'll sue.
Well, hold on.
126
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:09,977
This will be settled
in Greendale court, 3:00 P.M.
127
00:05:10,012 --> 00:05:12,309
Obviously, Shirley
has her counsel,
128
00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:14,606
and I get to dress
like a judge.
129
00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:15,948
I was born in a courtroom,
130
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,777
sued it for my own placenta,
and won.
131
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:20,153
Now I'm calling my lawyer.
132
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:25,304
My biology final
is at 5:00.
133
00:05:25,339 --> 00:05:29,413
I'm available
from 3:00 to 4:00.
134
00:05:29,448 --> 00:05:31,463
I'll see you in court.
135
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,001
Hello, Abed?
Ready to get therapized?
136
00:05:34,036 --> 00:05:37,254
Abed?
137
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,346
Hello, Britta.
138
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,900
Come in.
139
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,444
What's going on?
140
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,232
Vice Dean Laybourne was
repairing a flow duct rupture,
141
00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,276
and he inhaled
a lethal dose of freon.
142
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:10,120
May his breeze join the wind.
143
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,549
Okay, so mitosis
is when cells divide...
144
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,544
I wonder who Pierce is
gonna get to represent him.
145
00:06:17,579 --> 00:06:19,511
I promise,
whoever Pierce brings
146
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,299
won't be prepared for me.
That's the Winger guaran...
147
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:23,839
Is that the cold-blooded
former colleague
148
00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:25,344
that got you fired
from your old law firm
149
00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:26,929
by ratting on you
to the state bar?
150
00:06:26,964 --> 00:06:27,930
Tee.
151
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,446
You know, Alan working
at your former firm and all?
152
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,795
Hey, Pierce just did you
the biggest favor of your life.
153
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:42,110
He hired a guy I've spent
the last two years fantasizing
154
00:06:42,145 --> 00:06:43,403
about stabbing
in the... Sundance!
155
00:06:43,438 --> 00:06:45,120
- Tango!
- Hey.
156
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:49,034
So... The case
of the sandwich signature.
157
00:06:49,069 --> 00:06:50,125
What are you doing here?
158
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,453
I mean, me, I have to, but you?
159
00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:52,836
Hawthorne's a cash cow,
160
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,624
and old a-con here
is tugging at that teat.
161
00:06:55,659 --> 00:06:58,425
That's money.
162
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,718
Money.
163
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,178
Please stop that.
164
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,883
So full disclosure.
The firm would really like
165
00:07:04,918 --> 00:07:08,554
to keep vitamin "p"
in its medicine chest.
166
00:07:08,589 --> 00:07:09,770
Full disclosure.
167
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,188
I really want to be
done by 4:00.
168
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,225
Oh, that's the Jeff
wing basket I remember loving.
169
00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,931
Hey, just go easy on Shirley.
170
00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:16,568
Scout's honor,
Sinead O'Connor.
171
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:20,232
Oy-yay, oy-yay, the honorable
Craig Pelton presiding.
172
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:23,569
First off,
there's one decision
173
00:07:23,604 --> 00:07:25,922
I'll need your help making.
174
00:07:25,957 --> 00:07:28,245
Judging Amy
or Judge Judy?
175
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,499
You say your name is Evil Abed,
176
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,453
which does not throw me,
because I'm a therapist.
177
00:07:33,488 --> 00:07:35,247
So let's talk about evil.
178
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,879
You know what? Maybe I should
talk to Good Abed instead.
179
00:07:41,914 --> 00:07:44,138
Where I come from,
his name is Lame Abed.
180
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,216
- And you come from...
- The darkest timeline.
181
00:07:46,251 --> 00:07:48,260
You might call it
the Britta of timelines,
182
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:49,393
where everything is the worst.
183
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,305
Jeff has one arm there.
Annie shot Pierce.
184
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,355
Troy can't speak...
Ah!
185
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,268
Now we're getting somewhere.
I think lame Abed sent you
186
00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:59,146
to talk because you're more
equipped to deal with fear.
187
00:07:59,181 --> 00:08:01,565
That's the lame way
of seeing it, yes.
188
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,448
Here's the truth.
189
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,194
I've crossed
into your dark timeline,
190
00:08:05,229 --> 00:08:06,528
and now I'm going to darken it.
191
00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:07,703
How?
192
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,406
Tell me about
your parents, Britta.
193
00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:12,868
Um... No?
194
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,872
Barnes, you should be
in the chapel.
195
00:08:16,907 --> 00:08:18,464
We lost a great man today.
196
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,917
Yeah, he was the best,
wasn't he?
197
00:08:19,952 --> 00:08:21,508
That's why I don't understand
198
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,691
how he could rupture
a freon line.
199
00:08:23,726 --> 00:08:25,783
That's kind of
a rookie mistake.
200
00:08:25,818 --> 00:08:27,841
I'm sure it was just
a faulty valve.
201
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:28,974
My first order as vice Dean,
202
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,219
I'm gonna have them
all replaced.
203
00:08:30,254 --> 00:08:31,560
So you're vice Dean now?
204
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,014
Why the sudden interest
in air conditioning repair?
205
00:08:34,049 --> 00:08:35,491
I thought you missed
your friends.
206
00:08:35,526 --> 00:08:36,934
- I do.
- Then go be with them.
207
00:08:36,969 --> 00:08:37,900
I'm releasing you.
208
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,646
- But you...
- Goodbye, Troy.
209
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,946
Miss Edison, do you recognize
the baby in that picture?
210
00:08:48,981 --> 00:08:50,954
That's Shirley's baby Ben.
211
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:54,326
Would you think less
of Shirley Bennett
212
00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:57,471
if she offered
to sell Ben on craigslist
213
00:08:57,506 --> 00:09:00,582
for a chance
to bump it with Denzel?
214
00:09:00,617 --> 00:09:02,049
That was a joke for my cousin.
215
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:03,898
Damn those Facebook
privacy settings.
216
00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,712
Jeff, do something.
He's got nothing.
217
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:06,929
I'm sure she didn't mean that.
218
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:11,308
Or perhaps she doesn't
even love that baby,
219
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:15,097
because she spent most
of last year not even knowing
220
00:09:15,132 --> 00:09:16,897
who the father is.
Objection.
221
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,357
Establishing character,
your honor.
222
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,394
This woman is clearly unfit
to own a sandwich shop.
223
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:22,059
Alan, come on.
224
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,689
No furths.
225
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,027
I thought you said
you were gonna go easy.
226
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:30,737
Felt easy to me.
227
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:34,206
What was he wearing?
228
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,958
He was dressed as a dinosaur.
229
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,119
Is that why you dropped
out of High School?
230
00:09:37,154 --> 00:09:38,085
I don't know.
231
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,059
Are those even real glasses?
No.
232
00:09:40,094 --> 00:09:41,964
Ah, do you feel that, Britta?
233
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:45,759
Your timeline's 10% darker now.
This was 10%?
234
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,213
Do you know what kind of person
becomes a psychologist, Britta?
235
00:09:48,248 --> 00:09:49,721
A person that wishes,
deep down,
236
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,473
that everyone more special
than them was sick,
237
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,178
because "healthy" sounds so much
more exciting than "boring. "
238
00:09:54,213 --> 00:09:56,061
You're average, Britta Perry.
239
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,097
You're every kid
on the playground
240
00:09:57,132 --> 00:09:58,605
that didn't get picked on.
241
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,933
You're a business casual
potted plant,
242
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:01,525
a human white sale.
243
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,979
You're VH1, Robocop 2,
and Back to the Future 3.
244
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:06,398
You're the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
245
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:07,698
Actually, that
sounds delicious.
246
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,818
I'm the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
247
00:10:09,853 --> 00:10:11,320
You're Jim Belushi.
248
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:14,090
Ah.
249
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:16,790
12%
250
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:19,168
Where are you going?
251
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,267
To make this timeline
the darkest of all.
252
00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:23,255
Starting with your lame hero,
Jeff Winger.
253
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,209
I don't suppose lame Abed
owns a bone saw.
254
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,312
So, Pierce, you're seeking
full ownership
255
00:10:45,347 --> 00:10:46,570
of Shirley's Sandwiches.
256
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:50,359
After all, you did provide
100% of the financing.
257
00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:51,325
Correct.
258
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,203
You really did?
Oh, damn it.
259
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:56,330
Jeez, I came to this
thing unprepared.
260
00:10:56,365 --> 00:11:00,160
I mean, I-I guess it's my job
to somehow tarnish you
261
00:11:00,195 --> 00:11:02,492
in the eyes of the court,
but, uh...
262
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,790
Let me check my notes.
Take your time.
263
00:11:04,825 --> 00:11:06,465
Thanks.
264
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,002
Hey, uh, while
I'm doing this...
265
00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:11,505
Does anybody know
any funny jokes?
266
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,679
I do.
267
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,969
An Irish and a Jew walk
into a Chinese laundry...
268
00:11:17,004 --> 00:11:18,011
With a gay duck.
269
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,521
- All right, okay!
- Oh, right!
270
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:22,558
So you're telling me they're
not good at basketball?
271
00:11:22,593 --> 00:11:24,059
I have no questions,
your honor.
272
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,121
Cruel.
Cruel, cruel, cruel.
273
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,825
In the name
of the five winds...
274
00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:42,793
East, West, North,
275
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,122
the one we keep secret,
and South,
276
00:11:45,157 --> 00:11:47,120
I hereby proclaim you...
277
00:11:47,155 --> 00:11:49,049
This ceremony is a lie.
278
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:50,731
And having
a special room for it
279
00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:52,573
is a waste
of valuable floor space.
280
00:11:52,608 --> 00:11:54,346
You are no longer
a student here.
281
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,196
And we use this room
for yoga on weekends.
282
00:11:57,231 --> 00:12:00,012
Remove him.
I am the truest repairman.
283
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,605
And this man is a dishonor
284
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,079
to making air conditioners
work good.
285
00:12:05,114 --> 00:12:06,518
And I have the right
to challenge him...
286
00:12:06,553 --> 00:12:10,063
In the sun chamber.
287
00:12:10,098 --> 00:12:12,447
Holy crap.
288
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,860
Your less than honor,
can I call a recess?
289
00:12:14,895 --> 00:12:16,546
Ooh, yay, costume change.
290
00:12:16,581 --> 00:12:18,162
Court briefly adjourned.
291
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,574
What are you trying
to do, Winger?
292
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,916
Zealously represent
your client?
293
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,121
Let me make things
a little easier for you.
294
00:12:26,156 --> 00:12:27,956
Figure out a way
to throw this case,
295
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,882
or figure out
where you're gonna work
296
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,752
when you get out of here,
because I don't know
297
00:12:31,787 --> 00:12:33,337
where it's gonna be
if it's not for us.
298
00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:35,304
That's right, Jeff.
I went there.
299
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:39,009
You drove me there.
Miss Daisy's in the house,
300
00:12:39,044 --> 00:12:41,094
thanks for the ride,
sorry about slavery.
301
00:12:41,129 --> 00:12:42,227
Don't oversell
your clout, Alan.
302
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,014
You're partner
because I sold you to Ted.
303
00:12:44,049 --> 00:12:45,981
Ted respects me...
Ted's gone.
304
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:49,228
He got too old, couldn't swim
with the sharks, and got eaten.
305
00:12:49,263 --> 00:12:50,861
That makes no sense.
He started the firm.
306
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,940
You can't lose your own firm.
You can if you're dead.
307
00:12:52,975 --> 00:12:55,442
That shark thing
was not a metaphor.
308
00:12:55,477 --> 00:12:56,575
I'm the big dog now.
309
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,362
So you want
the last three years
310
00:12:59,397 --> 00:13:02,080
in this toilet to have a point?
311
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,416
Then I'm the guy
you got to make happy.
312
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,286
Or, you know, you could
finish up your big win here.
313
00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:07,920
Court is in session.
314
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:12,209
Blind Justice presiding...
aah! Oh, my God!
315
00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:15,594
Ahh!
Oh, one more recess.
316
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,090
I hit the corner
right on a fresh tattoo.
317
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:19,807
Well boys and girls...
318
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:24,888
I hope you brought
your popsicles,
319
00:13:24,923 --> 00:13:29,935
because it's about
to get scalding hot
320
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,444
in the sun chamber.
321
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,670
You already know the rules...
322
00:13:35,705 --> 00:13:38,826
Because there aren't any!
323
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,405
Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?
324
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,949
Take that crap off
and sit down.
325
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,871
Sorry about that.
Of course there are rules.
326
00:13:48,906 --> 00:13:50,956
Two men are sealed
in the chamber,
327
00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:52,464
each with a broken unit.
328
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,835
The heat will increase
until one man yields...
329
00:13:54,870 --> 00:13:55,801
or dies.
330
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,463
Begin!
331
00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:12,060
You're just in time
for Jeff's closing statements.
332
00:14:12,095 --> 00:14:13,986
Who cares?
Everything is terrible.
333
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,523
Oh, no. Have you been
watching Dance Moms again?
334
00:14:16,558 --> 00:14:18,066
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.
335
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:21,952
Evil Abed, what are you doing?
336
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,197
I'm going to cut off
Jeff Winger's arm.
337
00:14:23,232 --> 00:14:24,371
I won't let you.
That's horrible.
338
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,826
Don't you mean dark?
Welcome to my world.
339
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:36,418
Psst! Jeff! Winger!
340
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,674
Jeffrey, this is a...
a terrible situation
341
00:14:42,709 --> 00:14:43,974
for me to have put you in.
342
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,720
A guy like Alan isn't above
making trouble for you
343
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,680
at your old firm.
Shirley, I...
344
00:14:48,715 --> 00:14:51,148
It's not worth your career.
345
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:52,684
I want you to have
what you want.
346
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:56,945
- Thank you, Shirley.
- Settle down.
347
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,691
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have
your closing statement.
348
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:32,981
Your honor...
349
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,644
I have no closing statement,
because I'm throwing the case.
350
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:37,361
No, no, it's okay.
351
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:38,737
It's fine, don't worry.
352
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,316
My client, Shirley Bennett,
my friend of three years,
353
00:15:41,351 --> 00:15:42,866
she told me that it was okay.
354
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:46,989
She said what I want
was more important.
355
00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:49,363
She's right, right?
356
00:15:49,398 --> 00:15:51,667
I mean, guys like me,
357
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:53,328
we'll tell you
there's no right or wrong.
358
00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:55,622
There's no real truth.
359
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,673
I'll kill you.
360
00:15:57,708 --> 00:16:00,544
I'll kill you
just like I killed him.
361
00:16:00,579 --> 00:16:03,380
And as long as
we all believe that,
362
00:16:03,415 --> 00:16:05,632
guys like me can never lose.
363
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,349
Was that out loud?
364
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,852
Because the truth is...
365
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:13,578
I'm lying when I say
there is no truth.
366
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:17,269
The truth is...
the pathetically, stupidly,
367
00:16:17,304 --> 00:16:20,904
inconveniently obvious
truth is...
368
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:25,694
Helping only ourselves is bad,
and helping each other is good.
369
00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:28,443
Now I just wanted
to get out of here,
370
00:16:28,478 --> 00:16:31,158
pass biology,
and be a lawyer again
371
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:32,451
instead of helping Shirley.
372
00:16:32,486 --> 00:16:33,625
That was bad.
373
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,210
And my former colleague
374
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:38,749
wanted so badly
to keep his rich client
375
00:16:38,784 --> 00:16:41,043
that he just asked me
to roll over
376
00:16:41,078 --> 00:16:42,669
in exchange for my old job.
377
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,466
So I guess we all walked
in here pretty bad.
378
00:16:47,501 --> 00:16:49,933
But now...
379
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,469
Shirley's gone good.
380
00:16:51,504 --> 00:16:52,971
Shirley's helping me.
381
00:16:53,006 --> 00:16:54,688
It's that easy.
382
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:58,066
You just stop thinking
about what's good for you,
383
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,146
and start thinking about
what's good for someone else.
384
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,658
And you can change
the whole game
385
00:17:12,693 --> 00:17:14,284
with one move.
386
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:23,168
Now if you like this idea,
you can make it true
387
00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:26,585
by doing something good
for everyone here.
388
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,967
Throw this case out of court.
It's dumb.
389
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:32,392
That is all.
390
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,478
I withdraw my case.
391
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,063
Why didn't you just do some
392
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,808
inspirational speech
about friendship?
393
00:17:37,843 --> 00:17:39,852
You're fired.
394
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,492
Way to go, soft serve.
You're finished.
395
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:51,029
By the way, never got a chance
to tell you this,
396
00:17:51,064 --> 00:17:53,532
but it was me who turned you
in to the state bar.
397
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,242
I know.
398
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,953
And I never got
a chance to thank you.
399
00:17:57,988 --> 00:18:00,254
This place has made you so gay.
400
00:18:00,289 --> 00:18:03,709
Hey! Don't use "gay"
as a derogatory term.
401
00:18:03,744 --> 00:18:04,960
Booyah, good person.
402
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,012
Gentlemen, take this man
403
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,550
to the infinite labyrinth
of eternal ice.
404
00:18:11,585 --> 00:18:13,267
- Yes!
- No!
405
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:16,854
No, take him to the police.
406
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:20,309
He murdered someone.
Take him to jail.
407
00:18:20,344 --> 00:18:22,203
You guys are weird.
408
00:18:22,238 --> 00:18:24,027
Jeff, that was great.
409
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,522
You were like
a white Blair Underwood.
410
00:18:25,557 --> 00:18:26,947
Shirley,
if you're willing, I think
411
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,692
we should let Jeff sign
the sandwich shop form.
412
00:18:28,727 --> 00:18:29,693
Yeah, you could represent
both of us.
413
00:18:29,728 --> 00:18:30,951
You know, like our attorney.
414
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:34,114
My God, Pierce!
You had your first good idea.
415
00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:36,992
- Thank you.
- Britta, I'm so sorry.
416
00:18:37,027 --> 00:18:38,417
It doesn't matter, Abed.
417
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:40,308
I should've never
played therapist with you.
418
00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:42,164
I'll change my major
just one more time.
419
00:18:42,199 --> 00:18:43,547
But you can't.
You cured me.
420
00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:44,833
I mean, I'm not cured.
I'm willing to admit
421
00:18:44,868 --> 00:18:46,300
I definitely need therapy.
422
00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:48,107
You're the only kind
of shrink I could ever trust.
423
00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:49,880
The kind with as little control
over my mind as me.
424
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:53,717
Mind if I cut in?
425
00:18:53,752 --> 00:18:57,227
Troy!
426
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,270
You're back.
427
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,856
Yeah, I made a new rule
428
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:02,184
that the air conditioning
repair school
429
00:19:02,219 --> 00:19:03,734
has to act like
a regular school.
430
00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,360
I can do that
because I'm their messiah.
431
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,814
Cool. I went crazy and
I wanted to cut off Jeff's arm.
432
00:19:07,849 --> 00:19:09,900
I missed you so much, buddy.
433
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,240
So, Jeff,
we still best friends?
434
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:23,504
All right.
435
00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:26,708
Cellular mitosis.
What is it?
436
00:19:26,743 --> 00:19:28,748
♪ Give me some rope ♪
437
00:19:28,783 --> 00:19:30,498
♪ tie me to dream ♪
438
00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:32,249
♪ give me the hope ♪
439
00:19:32,284 --> 00:19:33,966
♪ to run out of steam ♪
440
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:35,693
♪ somebody said ♪
441
00:19:35,728 --> 00:19:37,351
♪ it could be here ♪
442
00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:41,223
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
443
00:19:41,258 --> 00:19:47,934
♪ but I love you more
than words can say ♪
444
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:54,611
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
445
00:19:54,646 --> 00:19:59,154
♪ one by one
they all just fade away ♪
446
00:19:59,189 --> 00:20:03,135
♪ I'm tired
of the wait and sees ♪
447
00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:06,711
♪ I'm tired of that
part of me ♪
448
00:20:06,746 --> 00:20:10,252
♪ that makes up a perfect lie ♪
449
00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:13,637
♪ to keep us between ♪
450
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,598
♪ but hours turn into days ♪
451
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:20,220
♪ so watch
what you throw away ♪
452
00:20:20,255 --> 00:20:23,932
♪ and be here to recognize ♪
453
00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:26,226
♪ there's another way ♪
454
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:38,036
Hello, everybody.
I'm Leonard.
455
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:42,201
And I'm here today to review
Let's Potato Chips.
456
00:20:42,236 --> 00:20:44,995
$1.79 at Kroger's.
457
00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:46,503
Ah.
458
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,081
Get this sucker open...
459
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,923
Ah, there we are.
460
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,794
Now, I've already had
some of these,
461
00:20:52,829 --> 00:20:55,471
but let's see.
462
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:57,904
Mmm! Crispy. Mm-hmm.
463
00:20:57,939 --> 00:21:00,302
Salty, not too greasy.
464
00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:04,313
That one's shaped
like a duck.
465
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:06,913
Well, I guess
that's definitely a buy.
466
00:21:06,948 --> 00:21:09,443
That's it.
467
00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:13,614
Let's Potato Chips are good,
and they're a buy.
468
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:16,360
♪ I'm as high as hell,
you're about to get shot ♪