1
00:00:04,222 --> 00:00:06,724
Happy Friday, everybody.
What are you doing this weekend?

2
00:00:06,758 --> 00:00:10,261
The question is,
<i>who</i> am I doing this weekend?

3
00:00:10,295 --> 00:00:12,196
He's asking because
he's already forgotten.

4
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:13,797
It's nobody.

5
00:00:13,832 --> 00:00:15,432
I'm volunteering
at the animal hospital.

6
00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:16,533
- Aw.
- Animal hospital?

7
00:00:16,568 --> 00:00:17,968
The animals are the patients.

8
00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:19,203
That makes sense.

9
00:00:19,237 --> 00:00:21,038
Yeah, Dr. Zizmor's
letting me work off

10
00:00:21,072 --> 00:00:22,739
the cost
of Daniel's eye surgery.

11
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:24,591
Wait. You won't spend money
on a name-brand phone,

12
00:00:24,626 --> 00:00:26,477
but you got lasik
for your geriatric cat?

13
00:00:26,511 --> 00:00:28,612
He only has the one eye, Jeff.

14
00:00:28,647 --> 00:00:31,248
I can't exactly buy him
a cat monocle, can I?

15
00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:32,483
It's pretentious.

16
00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:35,119
And for your information,
this is a totorola.

17
00:00:39,057 --> 00:00:41,292
Troy and I will be having
a very special Saturday night,

18
00:00:41,326 --> 00:00:43,260
as in <i>Dark Knight.</i>

19
00:00:43,278 --> 00:00:47,131
It came! Our limited-edition,
$299 <i>Dark Knight</i> DVD

20
00:00:47,165 --> 00:00:48,265
with bonus footage,
special commentary,

21
00:00:48,283 --> 00:00:49,766
and a Christian Bale autograph,

22
00:00:49,784 --> 00:00:52,786
including a personalized message
of up to four words!

23
00:00:52,821 --> 00:00:56,206
"Abed is Batman now,
Christian Bale."

24
00:00:56,241 --> 00:00:58,575
- It's official.
- From the man himself.

25
00:00:58,610 --> 00:00:59,994
May I have that back, Annie?
Thank you.

26
00:01:00,045 --> 00:01:01,495
And just to clarify,
if you see this lying out,

27
00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:02,880
I'm still using it,
so you don't have

28
00:01:02,914 --> 00:01:04,281
to take it to the kitchen,
dump it out, and wash the bowl.

29
00:01:04,299 --> 00:01:05,616
Is this about
your buttered noodles?

30
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,668
I didn't say that.

31
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,337
- Yes!
- Into your face!

32
00:01:10,388 --> 00:01:12,456
Your tears reveal
your weakness!

33
00:01:12,474 --> 00:01:14,191
What is it
with those tools and foosball?

34
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,160
- They've been at it for weeks.
- I think they're European.

35
00:01:16,194 --> 00:01:18,012
It's probably a more important
game over there.

36
00:01:18,063 --> 00:01:19,229
Foosball's like the soccer
of ping-pong.

37
00:01:20,682 --> 00:01:22,983
- I can't take it anymore.
- Oh, Jeffrey, let them be.

38
00:01:23,018 --> 00:01:25,652
Gentlemen, my name
is Clarence Thaddeus Foos.

39
00:01:25,687 --> 00:01:27,771
My grandfather,
Fletcher Morton Foos,

40
00:01:27,806 --> 00:01:30,107
invented this game
for one purpose--

41
00:01:30,141 --> 00:01:32,409
to have the loudest,
dumbest thing happen.

42
00:01:32,444 --> 00:01:33,844
Now it has.

43
00:01:33,878 --> 00:01:35,646
The game of foosball
is completed.

44
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,880
You're free to return

45
00:01:36,915 --> 00:01:39,016
to your undoubtedly
hearing-impaired families.

46
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:42,720
Tell you what,
we'll stop playing,

47
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,455
if you can score a point on us.

48
00:01:44,489 --> 00:01:47,191
Tempting, but then wouldn't
I be playing foosball?

49
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:50,994
And, if so, how would I not
be a loud, weird knob?

50
00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:52,296
Free shot.

51
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:54,531
I'm not even touching
the foosenschaften.

52
00:01:54,566 --> 00:01:58,018
Sorry, luftballons.
I'm above it.

53
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:00,971
Boo-yah!

54
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:04,108
I wish there was a word
to describe the pleasure I feel

55
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:05,409
at viewing misfortune.

56
00:02:05,443 --> 00:02:07,728
'Tis the face of a broken man.

57
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,613
Jeff. Smile.

58
00:02:09,647 --> 00:02:11,148
- Uh, uh...
- Ooh!

59
00:02:11,182 --> 00:02:13,183
They, uh, --
they come in a six-pack.

60
00:02:13,218 --> 00:02:17,187
♪ Give me some more
time in a dream ♪

61
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:20,357
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪

62
00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:23,861
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪

63
00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:27,864
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪

64
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:32,803
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪

65
00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:37,224
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪

66
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,479
sync by honeybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

67
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:45,883
Oh--

68
00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:47,434
Buttered noodles.

69
00:02:50,255 --> 00:02:53,907
I'm allowed to throw out
the dust, right?

70
00:02:53,942 --> 00:02:55,892
Yeah.

71
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,882
What's wrong?

72
00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:22,252
I-I...

73
00:03:25,757 --> 00:03:26,723
Why?

74
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,442
- I stepped on it.
- Why?

75
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,094
- I was dusting the tv.
- Why?

76
00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:32,946
I can run out and get
a new one before he gets home.

77
00:03:32,981 --> 00:03:34,031
Oh, sure, Annie.

78
00:03:34,065 --> 00:03:35,866
And--and then we just have
to record

79
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,702
fake exclusive commentary
by Christian Bale.

80
00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:39,987
Go ahead, you first.

81
00:03:40,038 --> 00:03:41,872
This scene
was a special challenge

82
00:03:41,906 --> 00:03:43,140
- to all involved--
- Stop it!

83
00:03:43,174 --> 00:03:44,575
That's not a real option!

84
00:03:44,609 --> 00:03:46,610
The disc
is irreplaceably awesome!

85
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,778
What if we got
a different disc, and--

86
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,948
Annie, do you know
how many sitcoms

87
00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:53,967
have done the "secretly replace
a broken, priceless item" thing?

88
00:03:54,002 --> 00:03:55,652
'Cause Abed does.

89
00:03:55,687 --> 00:03:57,721
Abed knows everything,

90
00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,673
and I know you think you
can think your way out of this

91
00:03:59,724 --> 00:04:03,960
with your "thinkiness,"
but don't think too much.

92
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,829
You just have to confess.

93
00:04:05,864 --> 00:04:08,515
- Okay?
- Okay.

94
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,992
We shot this scene on location--

95
00:04:19,027 --> 00:04:20,944
Okay, he's right. It won't work.

96
00:04:26,217 --> 00:04:28,986
Jeffrey?
What--what are you doing?

97
00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,170
Hmm? Oh.

98
00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:31,705
You know, I just thought...

99
00:04:31,756 --> 00:04:33,924
Next time those deutsche-bags
try to show off,

100
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:35,492
maybe I can catch them
by surprise.

101
00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:38,128
Jeff, you don't need to worry
what foreigners think about you.

102
00:04:38,162 --> 00:04:40,531
That's your birthright
as an American.

103
00:04:40,565 --> 00:04:43,717
Okay...

104
00:04:43,768 --> 00:04:45,869
Small confession.

105
00:04:45,904 --> 00:04:47,504
I used to love foosball.

106
00:04:47,539 --> 00:04:49,640
It was a great
after-school game

107
00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:52,042
for a lonely kid
with no dad--

108
00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:53,527
you know, just masculine enough

109
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,312
without having to know
how to throw or catch.

110
00:04:55,346 --> 00:04:56,680
I have seen you throw.

111
00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,382
And it was fun...

112
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:01,818
Till I started getting bullied
by people like those Germans.

113
00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:03,253
So I quit.

114
00:05:03,288 --> 00:05:05,656
Well, you did the right thing.

115
00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:09,493
Foosball is a vile game
for vile people.

116
00:05:09,527 --> 00:05:11,461
Shirley, you wouldn't get it.
It's a guy thing.

117
00:05:11,496 --> 00:05:13,664
It's not
a fresh-baked-pie thing.

118
00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:16,833
Well, I might get it a little.

119
00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:34,885
You don't know me.

120
00:05:36,821 --> 00:05:41,458
Ho...Ly...Crap.

121
00:05:41,492 --> 00:05:43,393
All right, I think I figured
out the viewing order--

122
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:45,495
original version,
director's cut,

123
00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:46,597
director's cut with commentary,

124
00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:48,665
and then original version
cool-down.

125
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:52,102
- Yeah, we'll see.
- Mm-hmm.

126
00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,571
Oh, my God, you guys.

127
00:05:54,589 --> 00:05:56,239
We've been robbed!

128
00:05:58,276 --> 00:06:00,043
Oh, man.

129
00:06:00,078 --> 00:06:03,180
I can't believe we got robbed.

130
00:06:03,214 --> 00:06:04,965
Shirley, Shirley.

131
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,266
You have to teach me.

132
00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:08,452
Please, help me beat
those evil power krauts.

133
00:06:08,486 --> 00:06:10,187
Don't you get it, Jeff?

134
00:06:10,221 --> 00:06:13,690
They're not evil people
that are good at foosball.

135
00:06:13,725 --> 00:06:16,660
They are good at foosball
because they're evil.

136
00:06:16,694 --> 00:06:19,162
It's an evil game
that brings out the worst in us,

137
00:06:19,197 --> 00:06:21,164
like--like out-of-town weddings
where the reception's

138
00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:22,599
in the same place
as everybody's rooms?

139
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:25,402
Great. After three years
of religious advice

140
00:06:25,436 --> 00:06:26,670
and carb-laden pastries,

141
00:06:26,704 --> 00:06:29,940
you finally have one thing
I actually need, and--

142
00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:32,509
I'm sorry.

143
00:06:32,543 --> 00:06:35,012
Um, that was rude.

144
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:38,348
It--it shouldn't be
so important to me.

145
00:06:38,383 --> 00:06:40,467
I'll, uh...
I'll see you Monday.

146
00:06:43,221 --> 00:06:45,288
Jeff...

147
00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:47,691
Tomorrow, dawn--

148
00:06:47,725 --> 00:06:49,092
be in the student lounge.

149
00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:51,127
Shirley, you are the best.

150
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,503
Dear lord, please forgive me.

151
00:06:59,537 --> 00:07:01,438
And please have mercy on him.

152
00:07:01,472 --> 00:07:03,407
The stakes
have never been higher.

153
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:04,708
Shut up, Leonard.

154
00:07:04,742 --> 00:07:06,076
I found your YouTube page.

155
00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:08,045
What's the point
in reviewing frozen pizza?

156
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,529
You're talking about it.

157
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:12,149
Well, that is true.

158
00:07:15,036 --> 00:07:16,044
Now, Jeffrey...

159
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:17,591
The key to winning foosball

160
00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:18,772
is to tap into your darkness,

161
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,264
so I need you to promise
you won't judge

162
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,949
the side of me
that might come out.

163
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,384
Shirley...

164
00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:25,219
I'm gonna be perfectly blunt
with you.

165
00:07:25,253 --> 00:07:27,621
The few times that
you've been a little bad

166
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:28,756
are the times
I've liked you most.

167
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:30,224
- Really?
- Remember making fun

168
00:07:30,258 --> 00:07:31,725
of Britta's boyfriend's
tiny nipples?

169
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,394
Oh, yeah, they were tiny.

170
00:07:33,428 --> 00:07:35,062
Remember what you did
to Pierce's hoagie?

171
00:07:35,096 --> 00:07:37,231
That was so disturbing,
I almost proposed on the spot.

172
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:40,918
Now, come on,
show me how to dominate.

173
00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:43,771
All right, Winger,
hands on the grips.

174
00:07:44,906 --> 00:07:46,607
I'm coming up
on your right side

175
00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:48,575
in three, two, one!

176
00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:49,793
You know why you can't stop me?

177
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,111
'Cause I'm not playing a game.

178
00:07:51,146 --> 00:07:53,464
For you, it's winning
and losing.

179
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,248
For me, it's life and death.

180
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,433
That's how I win.

181
00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:57,885
That's where you have to go.

182
00:07:57,919 --> 00:08:00,654
No more thought,
no more feeling.

183
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,557
Kill or be killed.
Kill or be killed, little man.

184
00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:05,058
Think back
to when this game mattered,

185
00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:06,560
before you got to be too cool.

186
00:08:06,594 --> 00:08:08,162
Stop acting like you're
not ashamed right now.

187
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,147
Follow that shame to the fear.

188
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,282
Follow that fear to the rage.

189
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:14,768
You put that rage--
aah!

190
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,987
Up your ass, Turkey.
Ha ha!

191
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,540
There's only two ways
off this table--

192
00:08:19,574 --> 00:08:20,707
kill or be killed.

193
00:08:20,742 --> 00:08:22,009
- Say it.
- Kill or be killed.

194
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,010
I said say it, mumbles!

195
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,645
- Kill or be killed.
- Kill!

196
00:08:24,679 --> 00:08:25,796
- Kill!
- Kill!

197
00:08:25,830 --> 00:08:28,114
Kill!

198
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,133
Yeah!

199
00:08:31,753 --> 00:08:33,887
You called me Turkey.

200
00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:36,690
I love it.

201
00:08:39,627 --> 00:08:42,429
Sorry we couldn't get a car
over here until now.

202
00:08:42,464 --> 00:08:44,665
Our captain was killed
on duty last night.

203
00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:46,934
My God, I'm so sorry.

204
00:08:46,968 --> 00:08:48,101
Yeah.
Good man--

205
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,671
leaves behind two kids
and a pregnant wife.

206
00:08:50,705 --> 00:08:52,189
So you're missing a Batman DVD?

207
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,875
My <i>Dark Knight</i> extended
extended cut--it wasn't insured.

208
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,309
Well, there's no sign
of forced entry

209
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,644
on your door or windows.

210
00:08:57,679 --> 00:08:59,012
You sure it wasn't
just misplaced?

211
00:08:59,047 --> 00:09:00,497
Someone definitely broke in.

212
00:09:00,532 --> 00:09:01,949
Some of my jewelry's missing.

213
00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:03,450
You sure about that, Annie?

214
00:09:03,485 --> 00:09:05,686
Mm-hmm.
My necklace.

215
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,154
It was gold--
white gold--

216
00:09:07,188 --> 00:09:08,355
with emeralds.

217
00:09:08,389 --> 00:09:10,023
And my name engraved in Hebrew.

218
00:09:10,058 --> 00:09:11,625
It was a bat mitzvah gift
from my Nana.

219
00:09:11,659 --> 00:09:13,727
She was a rockette.
She married a count.

220
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:16,046
He was blind.
He loved her for her mind.

221
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,498
That's good color
for the report,

222
00:09:17,532 --> 00:09:18,699
but I got to be honest,

223
00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:20,834
small stuff like this
almost never turns up.

224
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:23,537
- Oh, no, Abed.
- We'll be in touch. Say...

225
00:09:23,571 --> 00:09:25,556
You look familiar.

226
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,407
Did I ever pretend to shoot
a guy in front of you

227
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,576
to teach you about gun safety?

228
00:09:31,379 --> 00:09:34,047
I'm really good at faces.

229
00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:36,233
Well, I guess
the only upside to this is

230
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,818
it's brought us closer together
as roommates.

231
00:09:37,852 --> 00:09:39,753
Something doesn't add up.

232
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,822
If there was no forced entry,
it had to be an inside job.

233
00:09:41,856 --> 00:09:43,373
- We don't know that.
- And instead of taking cash,

234
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,692
pharmaceuticals, laptops,
they take what?

235
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:47,711
My Batman DVD, and one piece

236
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:49,963
of oddly ornate
Hebrew-themed jewelry?

237
00:09:49,998 --> 00:09:51,248
- Nana gave it.
- It's smoke.

238
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,749
- It's a ruse, a lie.
- Hmm?

239
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,552
I think I know
what happened here.

240
00:09:55,587 --> 00:09:57,087
Abed, I--

241
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,739
The landlord did it.

242
00:09:58,773 --> 00:10:00,340
It all makes sense.

243
00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:01,909
Rick has keys
to every apartment--means.

244
00:10:01,943 --> 00:10:03,510
He knows when we're coming
and going--opportunity.

245
00:10:03,545 --> 00:10:07,281
And he was dressed as the Joker
for Halloween--motive.

246
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,183
- Hmm.
- Something's got to be done.

247
00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:12,069
Oh, let's not leap
to thing-doing.

248
00:10:12,103 --> 00:10:14,521
Right, Annie?

249
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,226
Double strike.

250
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,245
Got it.

251
00:10:21,279 --> 00:10:22,563
Back blast.

252
00:10:22,597 --> 00:10:23,564
Boom!

253
00:10:23,598 --> 00:10:24,598
Viper shot.

254
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,901
- Nailed it!
- Oh, look...

255
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,103
How cute--
you do like foosball,

256
00:10:30,138 --> 00:10:32,072
you just have to practice
with your mama.

257
00:10:32,106 --> 00:10:33,874
What are you guys doing here
on a Saturday night?

258
00:10:33,908 --> 00:10:35,542
Shouldn't you be making
weird art movies

259
00:10:35,577 --> 00:10:37,644
- or well-engineered cars?
- You take that back!

260
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,580
We came to play.
Get away from our table.

261
00:10:39,614 --> 00:10:41,148
- We're using it, strudel-brain.
- Nice.

262
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,149
Then play us for it.

263
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,518
Fine.
Monday morning--

264
00:10:44,552 --> 00:10:46,119
only let's make it interesting.

265
00:10:46,154 --> 00:10:48,021
The losers never get to use
this table again.

266
00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:50,557
Oh, you are so on
that things have now

267
00:10:50,592 --> 00:10:52,759
become very much like
<i>Donkey Kong.</i>

268
00:10:52,794 --> 00:10:54,461
We're gonna kick das butt.

269
00:10:54,495 --> 00:10:55,462
- Nice.
- Thank you.

270
00:10:55,496 --> 00:10:57,397
Enough teutonic punnery.

271
00:10:57,432 --> 00:11:01,201
Monday morning you get this...

272
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,405
Were you guys walking around
with a soccer ball

273
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,874
just so you could do that?

274
00:11:07,909 --> 00:11:10,911
They left the ball
and everything.

275
00:11:10,945 --> 00:11:12,980
I think they were literally
walking around with it

276
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:14,915
like a prop to use.

277
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:17,718
That's, like, a $25 dollar bit,
and it's not even that good.

278
00:11:19,837 --> 00:11:21,388
You have got
to come clean, okay?

279
00:11:21,422 --> 00:11:23,223
I don't know what he's doing
in there, but it feels dramatic.

280
00:11:23,257 --> 00:11:25,692
I'm sure he's already moved on
to some other obsession.

281
00:11:27,962 --> 00:11:29,763
Oh, look, fun.

282
00:11:29,797 --> 00:11:31,464
The police are powerless.

283
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,967
I must take justice
into my own hands.

284
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,870
Men like Rick operate
above the law.

285
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,272
But there's something else
above the law...

286
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,774
Bats...

287
00:11:40,808 --> 00:11:43,143
And me.

288
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,495
Abed, don't do
anything drastic.

289
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,981
Yeah, maybe we should
all just take a step back and--

290
00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:50,651
Aw, is that the grappling hook
I got you for Christmas?

291
00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:52,085
The night beckons.

292
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,121
Its black fingers
curl and uncurl,

293
00:11:54,155 --> 00:11:57,040
going, like,
"hey, come here."

294
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,026
Abed, wait!

295
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,227
Wait. I did it.

296
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,895
I stepped on your DVD,
and it broke,

297
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,898
and I staged
a break-in to cover it up.

298
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,400
If that were true,

299
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,101
you would've come forward
a long time ago.

300
00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:11,405
You're lying to keep me
out of danger.

301
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,023
But there can be no peace

302
00:12:13,057 --> 00:12:15,542
while crime spits and dances
on the grave of justice

303
00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:17,044
to the hot beats
of infectious rhythms

304
00:12:17,078 --> 00:12:19,680
of all that is wrong.

305
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,084
- Oh!
- Just...

306
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,019
- Use your foot.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!

307
00:12:26,054 --> 00:12:27,520
You're okay--okay.

308
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,755
Ooh!

309
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,058
Abed...

310
00:12:31,092 --> 00:12:32,376
- Oh!
- Oh!

311
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:33,927
Troy!
What are we gonna do?

312
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,462
Now you're open to input?

313
00:12:35,496 --> 00:12:36,747
I'm following him.

314
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:40,550
You moving in here
was supposed to tone us down.

315
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:43,537
So, Shirley, tell me--

316
00:12:43,571 --> 00:12:45,538
how does someone
with your talent for foosball

317
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,706
ever stop playing?

318
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,208
Oh, I don't want to talk
about that.

319
00:12:48,242 --> 00:12:50,544
Oh, come on, we're, like,
best friends now.

320
00:12:50,578 --> 00:12:52,779
Don't back away from this.
Open up to me.

321
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,415
Okay, well...

322
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:58,118
When I was a kid,
I had anger, Jeff--

323
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:01,922
real bad anger--
and foosball was a release.

324
00:13:01,956 --> 00:13:03,657
But I didn't just--
just beat people.

325
00:13:03,691 --> 00:13:05,225
I-I broke 'em.

326
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:06,910
One time I was running
this table

327
00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:08,528
over at this Y.M.C.A
across town,

328
00:13:08,563 --> 00:13:10,197
and I was really giving it
to this kid--

329
00:13:10,231 --> 00:13:12,232
this skinny little white boy,
no offense.

330
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,068
He started crying.
They always started crying.

331
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,570
But something about this boy

332
00:13:16,604 --> 00:13:17,754
made me want to take it
all the way.

333
00:13:17,789 --> 00:13:20,607
I started jabbing him
with the rods until...

334
00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:23,460
The boy peed himself.

335
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,245
Everybody laughed.
I laughed.

336
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:28,882
But after that,
the game lost its flavor.

337
00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:30,784
Once you make
a boy pee his pants,

338
00:13:30,818 --> 00:13:34,454
you start thinking
about where your life is headed.

339
00:13:34,489 --> 00:13:38,592
Jeff, what's wrong?

340
00:13:38,626 --> 00:13:40,444
Gonna kill you!

341
00:13:40,478 --> 00:13:42,112
Your ass is mine!

342
00:13:42,146 --> 00:13:43,814
You're such a punk!

343
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,149
You like being beat by a girl?

344
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,452
Yes!

345
00:13:48,486 --> 00:13:49,936
What are you crying for?

346
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,455
Your mama cannot help you,

347
00:13:51,489 --> 00:13:53,373
and I know your daddy
ain't around,

348
00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:54,958
or you wouldn't play
like a bitch.

349
00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:57,160
Ha!

350
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,413
Ooh.

351
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,169
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Is that what I think?

352
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,788
I just beat this kid
all the way to tinkle-town.

353
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:13,593
Tinkle-town, tinkle-town,
tinkle-town, tinkle-town.

354
00:14:13,628 --> 00:14:16,930
Tinkle-town,
tinkle-town, tinkle-town,

355
00:14:16,964 --> 00:14:19,399
tinkle-town, tinkle-town.

356
00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:21,101
You were Big Cheddar?

357
00:14:21,135 --> 00:14:23,236
Who told you that--

358
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:26,573
Oh, dear lord.

359
00:14:26,607 --> 00:14:27,974
You're tinkle-town?

360
00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:30,243
Don't call me that.

361
00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:33,146
All your fake sweetness
and religion

362
00:14:33,181 --> 00:14:36,032
is just a veil covering
a horrible monster.

363
00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:41,872
And I had a lot
of Mountain Dew that day!

364
00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:49,493
There's an 80 percent chance

365
00:14:49,613 --> 00:14:52,504
you can't leave Woodstock
until you bone these hippies.

366
00:14:52,624 --> 00:14:53,863
Oh, boy.

367
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:57,753
Aah!

368
00:15:13,053 --> 00:15:15,120
You know what I came for, scum.

369
00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:16,121
Where is it?

370
00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:18,307
In the closet.
In the closet, man.

371
00:15:18,341 --> 00:15:20,242
- Abed, stop it!
- Get him!

372
00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:21,343
I mean, stop it.

373
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,811
They're in the closet.

374
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:25,681
I knew I'd get caught.
Just don't hurt me, Batman.

375
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,017
Closet.

376
00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:33,889
Women's shoes?

377
00:15:33,924 --> 00:15:36,225
But Rick doesn't have a wife...

378
00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:38,377
Or women's feet.

379
00:15:38,411 --> 00:15:40,663
Wait.
My summertime ballet flats?

380
00:15:40,697 --> 00:15:42,031
I thought I lost these
in the move.

381
00:15:42,065 --> 00:15:44,199
Is it there?
Does he have the DVD?

382
00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:46,135
- The what?
- The DVD.

383
00:15:46,169 --> 00:15:48,938
He has it, all right.

384
00:15:48,972 --> 00:15:51,173
And it looks like he broke it.

385
00:15:51,207 --> 00:15:53,709
Ah.

386
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,411
Who are you?

387
00:15:59,783 --> 00:16:01,850
If you had something to say,

388
00:16:01,885 --> 00:16:03,652
why not put it
in the text message?

389
00:16:03,687 --> 00:16:05,854
I wasn't sure what to say.

390
00:16:05,889 --> 00:16:08,190
Do you understand

391
00:16:08,224 --> 00:16:10,242
what you did to me...
Big Cheddar?

392
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:11,694
Please don't call me that.

393
00:16:11,728 --> 00:16:13,929
Why not?
It's what you are--

394
00:16:13,964 --> 00:16:15,664
a mean, nasty bully.

395
00:16:15,699 --> 00:16:17,600
I was 12 years old.

396
00:16:17,634 --> 00:16:18,867
I peed!

397
00:16:18,902 --> 00:16:20,703
I had to change schools.

398
00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:22,371
I changed everything--

399
00:16:22,405 --> 00:16:24,707
my clothes, my hair,
my personality--

400
00:16:24,741 --> 00:16:25,941
because of you.

401
00:16:25,976 --> 00:16:28,010
What a waste.

402
00:16:28,044 --> 00:16:29,878
I wish I could take a picture
of you right now

403
00:16:29,913 --> 00:16:31,513
and send it
to my ten-year-old self.

404
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:32,965
Watch it, Winger.

405
00:16:33,016 --> 00:16:35,150
You don't have a trademark
on self-pity.

406
00:16:35,185 --> 00:16:37,303
- I will defend myself.
- Good.

407
00:16:37,337 --> 00:16:38,754
Bring the cheddar...

408
00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:40,639
Big Cheddar.

409
00:16:40,674 --> 00:16:42,157
I'm gonna put you
on the express train

410
00:16:42,192 --> 00:16:43,926
back to tinkle-town!

411
00:16:56,356 --> 00:16:57,606
- Argh!
- Uh!

412
00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,108
Uh!
Aah!

413
00:16:59,142 --> 00:17:00,409
- Uh!
- Aah!

414
00:17:00,443 --> 00:17:05,080
Aah!

415
00:17:06,516 --> 00:17:09,585
Aah!

416
00:17:12,889 --> 00:17:13,839
Ah!

417
00:17:13,873 --> 00:17:16,542
- Die!
- Never!

418
00:17:26,736 --> 00:17:28,804
Argh!

419
00:17:28,838 --> 00:17:31,640
Argh!

420
00:17:31,674 --> 00:17:32,891
Ah!

421
00:17:32,942 --> 00:17:34,342
- You get it.
- No, you get it.

422
00:17:34,361 --> 00:17:35,844
You're the one
that needs the advantage.

423
00:17:35,879 --> 00:17:38,313
Wrong. Wrong!

424
00:17:38,347 --> 00:17:40,783
Every game I ever won,
I won fairly.

425
00:17:40,817 --> 00:17:43,052
Foosball was how I measured
my value as a man.

426
00:17:43,086 --> 00:17:44,219
You took that away!

427
00:17:44,254 --> 00:17:45,487
Why do think I had to?

428
00:17:45,521 --> 00:17:46,739
You try sprouting three feet

429
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:48,023
just when boys
are about to look at you.

430
00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:49,858
Everyone stopped liking me.

431
00:17:49,893 --> 00:17:51,326
This game is all I had.

432
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,361
- It's all I had.
- Well, that's stupid.

433
00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:55,197
You're a perfectly fine person.

434
00:17:55,231 --> 00:17:57,332
So are you.

435
00:17:57,366 --> 00:17:59,501
Thank you.

436
00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:01,720
You're welcome.

437
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:07,876
I'm sorry, Jeff.

438
00:18:10,413 --> 00:18:13,782
You don't have anything
to be sorry for, Shirley.

439
00:18:13,817 --> 00:18:16,018
So Rick has agreed to stay
out of your apartment

440
00:18:16,052 --> 00:18:17,586
as long as you stay out of his.

441
00:18:17,620 --> 00:18:19,388
And I'm getting tired
of saying this to people,

442
00:18:19,422 --> 00:18:20,589
but these things
wouldn't happen

443
00:18:20,623 --> 00:18:22,224
if you'd invest
in a simple shoe safe.

444
00:18:22,258 --> 00:18:23,759
That's it?

445
00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:26,728
Now we just live upstairs
from this...

446
00:18:26,746 --> 00:18:28,897
Guy that's really
into footwear?

447
00:18:28,932 --> 00:18:30,232
Sweetie, you're a renter.

448
00:18:30,266 --> 00:18:31,900
Look forward to owning a house.

449
00:18:31,935 --> 00:18:33,368
Be glad he's not into heads.

450
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,737
Thanks for your help, officer,

451
00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:36,138
and if you should ever need me,

452
00:18:36,172 --> 00:18:38,674
I usually get out
of school around 4:00.

453
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,276
This guys sleeps outside your
room, though, and that's okay?

454
00:18:41,311 --> 00:18:43,178
Uh...

455
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:45,681
There's one thing
I don't understand.

456
00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:48,016
Why would Rick deny
taking my DVD?

457
00:18:48,051 --> 00:18:49,384
And why break it?

458
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:53,122
Well, maybe he stepped on it
by accident

459
00:18:53,156 --> 00:18:56,625
and felt really,
really, really bad.

460
00:18:56,659 --> 00:18:58,160
All the more reason to confess.

461
00:18:58,194 --> 00:18:59,595
Well, not everybody's
perfect, Abed.

462
00:18:59,629 --> 00:19:01,563
Batman. And I am.

463
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,532
Well, Batman,

464
00:19:03,566 --> 00:19:06,368
on behalf of all of us
that aren't perfect,

465
00:19:06,402 --> 00:19:09,471
can I just say
I'm sorry I broke your DVD?

466
00:19:09,506 --> 00:19:11,874
Apology accepted.

467
00:19:11,908 --> 00:19:13,375
But I wouldn't mention it
to Abed.

468
00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:14,877
That guy's pretty ruthless.

469
00:19:14,911 --> 00:19:17,246
And that's coming from Batman.

470
00:19:21,668 --> 00:19:23,618
Hey, guys.

471
00:19:23,636 --> 00:19:26,054
Abed, where have you been?

472
00:19:26,089 --> 00:19:27,322
Troy, really?

473
00:19:27,357 --> 00:19:28,323
Let it go.

474
00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:31,459
Aw, black in the house!

475
00:19:31,478 --> 00:19:34,012
- My hand is cramping.
- It's fine.

476
00:19:34,063 --> 00:19:37,900
Oh.
Hey, freudenkatzen.

477
00:19:37,934 --> 00:19:39,468
Ready for your schpankin'?

478
00:19:39,502 --> 00:19:41,904
Just like we practiced?

479
00:19:41,938 --> 00:19:44,656
Let's shut 'em down.

480
00:19:44,691 --> 00:19:47,326
Ha ha ha.
Let's dance, David Bowie.

481
00:20:03,026 --> 00:20:04,560
Get the ball, Karl.

482
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:06,512
I'm trying,
and stop yelling at me.

483
00:20:06,546 --> 00:20:08,714
Stop being such a schvine!

484
00:20:08,765 --> 00:20:09,932
Aren't you guys
playing foosball?

485
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,733
We've played enough
for one lifetime.

486
00:20:11,768 --> 00:20:13,435
We're gonna go see a movie.

487
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,192
Since when are those two
so close?

488
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:29,103
Sync by honeybunny
corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

489
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:37,601
Hello. This is November 29th

490
00:20:37,721 --> 00:20:39,146
and I'm Leonard,

491
00:20:39,456 --> 00:20:41,090
and today I'm reviewing.

492
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:44,510
<i>Eugenio's four cheese</i>
<i>frozen pizza.</i>

493
00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:46,996
That's $5.99 at Kroger's.

494
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:51,033
I've tried it before,
and we'll see.

495
00:20:55,205 --> 00:20:57,223
Mmm!

496
00:20:57,274 --> 00:21:00,843
Mmm, the cheese is good.

497
00:21:00,878 --> 00:21:02,528
The sauce is good too.

498
00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:05,948
Mm, well,
it's definitely a buy.

499
00:21:05,983 --> 00:21:08,518
<i>Eugenio's four cheese</i>
<i>frozen pizza--</i>

500
00:21:08,552 --> 00:21:11,354
a buy.

501
00:21:11,388 --> 00:21:12,522
See you next time.

502
00:21:12,556 --> 00:21:13,990
♪ I'm as high as hell ♪

503
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,525
♪ and you're about
to get shot ♪