1 00:00:01,129 --> 00:00:05,221 So according to the demonologist, the gymnasium is clean. 2 00:00:05,383 --> 00:00:07,305 - We're running out of to-do stars. - Yes. 3 00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:09,438 - Already dealt with. - It's hard to believe. 4 00:00:09,596 --> 00:00:13,226 Somewhere along the way, we started turning this school around. 5 00:00:16,895 --> 00:00:18,651 - The hell was that? - What was what? 6 00:00:18,813 --> 00:00:20,320 Long, quiet lull. Don't like it. 7 00:00:20,482 --> 00:00:21,525 It's called contentment. 8 00:00:21,691 --> 00:00:23,661 Exactly. Someone's always got a problem. 9 00:00:23,818 --> 00:00:27,959 I've got a problem. I don't like Abed's problem with our lack of problems. 10 00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:29,627 Okay. 11 00:00:29,782 --> 00:00:33,496 I commented on his commentary. I just drew a circle around Abed, baby. 12 00:00:33,661 --> 00:00:37,090 "I don't think it's nice to pigeonhole people's gimmicks." 13 00:00:37,248 --> 00:00:39,004 "You hear me, Two-Voice?" 14 00:00:39,167 --> 00:00:42,299 Abed, let us have a moment of peace and stillness. 15 00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:44,182 They're kind of rare around here. 16 00:00:44,339 --> 00:00:47,138 - Calm before the storm. - Says the storm generator. 17 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,305 All right, fine. Let's be content. 18 00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:54,560 Attention, students and faculty of Greendale. 19 00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:57,441 I pressed this button on accident... 20 00:00:57,602 --> 00:00:59,572 ...but might as well check in. How are you? 21 00:01:00,021 --> 00:01:01,195 Fine. 22 00:01:01,898 --> 00:01:03,369 That's nice. I'm good too. 23 00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:05,366 I love you guys. 24 00:01:05,527 --> 00:01:08,291 We love you too. 25 00:01:35,807 --> 00:01:37,646 The information you've requested... 26 00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:39,944 Is on the Internet. 27 00:01:40,895 --> 00:01:42,568 School board, baby. 28 00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:44,818 School board guys coming in. 29 00:01:44,983 --> 00:01:48,162 I would appreciate some knocking. Do you know what goes on in here? 30 00:01:48,319 --> 00:01:50,953 Heads-up. There's an insurance appraiser coming tomorrow. 31 00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:54,578 Your ass is getting appraised, insurance-style. 32 00:01:54,993 --> 00:01:57,674 - What does that mean? - We hope it means we find out... 33 00:01:57,829 --> 00:02:01,044 ...that your school is very, very valuable to the city. 34 00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:03,888 Hey, how hilarious would that be? 35 00:02:04,419 --> 00:02:05,760 Are you guys drunk? 36 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,768 - Good luck proving it before we're not. - Yeah. 37 00:02:11,259 --> 00:02:12,849 Pa-pa-papaya. 38 00:02:13,887 --> 00:02:15,014 Mango. 39 00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:17,267 Strawberry. 40 00:02:18,558 --> 00:02:21,275 - Too ripe. - You've been doing this for 30 minutes. 41 00:02:21,436 --> 00:02:24,698 So what? I made all the vegetables disappear. 42 00:02:24,856 --> 00:02:26,943 A lot more than this happens in 30 minutes. 43 00:02:27,108 --> 00:02:29,528 - We're relaxed and happy. - I care more about this... 44 00:02:29,694 --> 00:02:33,040 - ...than anything I've ever cared about. - Best $199 I've ever spent. 45 00:02:33,198 --> 00:02:34,455 It's 3 dollars. 46 00:02:34,616 --> 00:02:36,288 What are you playing? 47 00:02:36,451 --> 00:02:41,291 That's control software for some kind of irrigation equipment. 48 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,297 It's fun. 49 00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:45,297 Save Greendale Committee, unite. 50 00:02:45,585 --> 00:02:47,590 An insurance appraiser is coming tomorrow... 51 00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:50,471 ...to inspect the school. If he doesn't appraise us good... 52 00:02:50,632 --> 00:02:52,304 ...the school is doomed, doomed. 53 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:55,813 - Call to adventure. Call to adventure. - What's an insurance appraiser? 54 00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:58,474 Something that sounds normal and boring but is scary. 55 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,609 Like a raised mole or a turkey deep fryer. 56 00:03:00,767 --> 00:03:03,104 Only one man qualified to appraise insurance... 57 00:03:03,269 --> 00:03:05,156 ...and he died 2000 years ago on a cross. 58 00:03:05,313 --> 00:03:08,113 I've seen insurance appraisers bleed. 59 00:03:08,274 --> 00:03:11,454 Their blood's different, darker. 60 00:03:11,611 --> 00:03:12,952 Everyone, take a breath. 61 00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:16,660 You're overreacting because this school is addicted to crisis. 62 00:03:16,825 --> 00:03:20,336 You're like Hurricane Katrina dogs that won't let anyone pet them anymore. 63 00:03:20,495 --> 00:03:23,674 But the weird thing we need to get used to is this: 64 00:03:23,832 --> 00:03:25,255 The school's in decent shape. 65 00:03:25,416 --> 00:03:27,801 This doesn't have to be a big deal. 66 00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:30,132 I wrote a paper on those dogs. 67 00:03:32,674 --> 00:03:36,351 We've worked hard all semester to save this school. 68 00:03:36,511 --> 00:03:39,014 Truth is, we did. 69 00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:40,224 So relax. 70 00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:42,525 - Are you sure, Jeffrey? - I promise. 71 00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:44,481 Heart's in the right place, but he's wrong. 72 00:03:44,644 --> 00:03:47,776 Greendale is a crazy place where crazy things happen. I have a plan. 73 00:03:47,939 --> 00:03:50,026 Pretend we have a renowned Physics Department. 74 00:03:50,191 --> 00:03:52,872 - Dean, start learning Swedish. - I'll do my best. 75 00:03:53,027 --> 00:03:55,578 Hickey, you keep in touch with any criminals you busted? 76 00:03:55,738 --> 00:03:57,660 - Five. - Get them for costume measurements. 77 00:03:57,824 --> 00:04:00,374 We need to make a particle accelerator out of boxes. 78 00:04:00,535 --> 00:04:03,038 Nope. Nobody do any of that. Abed, outside. 79 00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:09,046 - There is no story. - Everything's a story, Jeff. 80 00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:11,381 Getting out of bed is a story. This is a story. 81 00:04:11,546 --> 00:04:14,429 Study room, we're content. I'm concerned. Skip fruit-matching. 82 00:04:14,591 --> 00:04:16,477 Dean enters with the insurance story. 83 00:04:16,634 --> 00:04:17,678 Call, refusal. 84 00:04:17,844 --> 00:04:20,774 You're dragging me across a threshold demanding there be no story. 85 00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:23,232 Puts me into a world I'm gonna have to adapt to. 86 00:04:23,391 --> 00:04:25,230 You have to do it by yourself, please. 87 00:04:25,393 --> 00:04:27,564 Okay? Because if this appraisal is a story... 88 00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:30,410 ...that means we're in trouble, and we are not in trouble. 89 00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:31,822 Because if we are... 90 00:04:33,109 --> 00:04:34,153 No more stories. 91 00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:38,537 So we'll see you later. 92 00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,248 After no story. 93 00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:41,998 No story. 94 00:04:43,578 --> 00:04:45,215 So be it. 95 00:04:45,371 --> 00:04:47,840 Let the lack of story... 96 00:05:06,768 --> 00:05:08,239 Hey. 97 00:05:08,394 --> 00:05:10,446 Oh, put one trap behind each cabinet. 98 00:05:10,605 --> 00:05:13,405 Although, I think we're good. The cafeteria food killed... 99 00:05:13,566 --> 00:05:16,699 - ...most of the roaches anyway. - Hey, check it out. 100 00:05:16,986 --> 00:05:20,617 - Is this a wedding ring? - Are you kidding? What...? 101 00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:24,210 I lost this my first week here. 102 00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:26,789 Oh, who's the lucky...? 103 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:29,876 It's my mom's. I started wearing it because... 104 00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:33,635 ...I don't know, everybody dreams of settling down, right? 105 00:05:35,046 --> 00:05:37,894 And because it fits. She had huge fingers for a woman. 106 00:05:38,049 --> 00:05:40,185 Part of what killed her, really. 107 00:05:40,802 --> 00:05:42,558 I'm not dreaming about settling down. 108 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,935 Well, maybe you already have. You're teaching, and you like it. 109 00:05:46,099 --> 00:05:49,361 - You love Greendale. - No, I love Scotch and myself. 110 00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:51,156 I tolerate Greendale. 111 00:05:51,312 --> 00:05:53,863 It's a good school. There's no need to get sentimental. 112 00:05:54,023 --> 00:05:56,823 This is going to be the most boring thing to happen here... 113 00:05:56,985 --> 00:05:59,321 ...since Britta dated Troy. 114 00:05:59,487 --> 00:06:01,575 All right, no story. 115 00:06:02,157 --> 00:06:03,248 Wait. 116 00:06:03,408 --> 00:06:05,627 If there's no story, what am I explaining? 117 00:06:05,785 --> 00:06:07,707 I'm in a story. 118 00:06:08,329 --> 00:06:10,002 Okay, think, Abed, think. 119 00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:12,419 How do you shake a story? 120 00:06:14,002 --> 00:06:18,178 The answer is in the teacher's lounge. 121 00:06:23,428 --> 00:06:26,145 Oh, hey, Janelle, how are you? 122 00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:32,029 - Here he comes, here he comes. - Okay. 123 00:06:34,022 --> 00:06:36,821 Hi, my name is Ronald Mohammed. Go ahead, heard them all. 124 00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:38,989 The city of Greendale has sent me here... 125 00:06:39,152 --> 00:06:42,082 ...to assess this campus's level of liability. 126 00:06:42,238 --> 00:06:44,041 Now, what do I mean by liability? 127 00:06:44,199 --> 00:06:47,212 Well, the city defines liability as any asserted... 128 00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:51,081 ...or non-asserted perturbation by any qualifying party. 129 00:06:51,247 --> 00:06:54,545 What's a party? A party is a person or a group of persons... 130 00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:58,719 ...or an event celebrating a person or a party of persons' birth, marriage... 131 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,303 Don't panic, Jeffrey. 132 00:07:01,841 --> 00:07:03,977 I'm fine. I'm the only one who's not panicking. 133 00:07:04,135 --> 00:07:06,555 Please. You can lie to yourself, but don't lie to me. 134 00:07:06,721 --> 00:07:08,857 But the city defines a dog... 135 00:07:09,015 --> 00:07:11,898 ...as any living entity with four legs and a tail. 136 00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:13,863 So raccoons, bears... 137 00:07:14,229 --> 00:07:17,906 ...mountain lions, mice, these are all just different sizes of dog. 138 00:07:18,066 --> 00:07:19,276 What do I mean by size? 139 00:07:19,442 --> 00:07:21,743 - Tell you a story. - What's that supposed to mean? 140 00:07:21,903 --> 00:07:24,157 I know how much you feel for the campus, Jeff. 141 00:07:24,322 --> 00:07:25,710 How much you feel in general. 142 00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:29,496 And I know you think it's a weakness, but believe me, it's your strength. 143 00:07:29,661 --> 00:07:32,758 - You got something in your teeth. - You got something in your chest. 144 00:07:32,914 --> 00:07:36,757 Four hundred thousand gallons of liquefied horse meat. 145 00:07:38,795 --> 00:07:40,266 Here I come. 146 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,110 Just... 147 00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:57,232 And you shall find that salt is the taste of another man's bread... 148 00:07:57,397 --> 00:08:00,695 ...and hard is the way up and down another man's stairs. 149 00:08:00,859 --> 00:08:02,531 Dante. Let's proceed. 150 00:08:15,748 --> 00:08:18,334 No! It's always a story. 151 00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,471 Everything is a story. 152 00:08:20,628 --> 00:08:22,384 Wait, wait, wait. Story feeds on conflict. 153 00:08:22,547 --> 00:08:25,644 If I stop resisting, it'll stop being a story. 154 00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,224 No, Abed. 155 00:08:29,637 --> 00:08:30,681 Me with a beard? 156 00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:32,021 Keep fighting the story. 157 00:08:32,182 --> 00:08:34,436 Keep fighting it until it falls apart. 158 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:35,988 I'm right. 159 00:08:37,479 --> 00:08:40,492 I mean, I'm wrong. I mean, I'm right. I mean, I'm wrong. 160 00:08:40,648 --> 00:08:42,985 I mean, I'm right. I mean, I'm wrong. 161 00:08:43,151 --> 00:08:44,871 I mean, I'm right. I mean, I'm wrong. 162 00:08:45,028 --> 00:08:47,614 Unsubscribe. 163 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:49,702 For the final stage of my appraisal... 164 00:08:49,866 --> 00:08:52,666 ...I'm gonna randomly select one of your vending machines... 165 00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:55,247 ...to see if it can be rocked using human strength... 166 00:08:55,413 --> 00:08:56,920 ...enough to tip and crush me. 167 00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:58,678 Now, in the U.S., each year... 168 00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:00,221 ...six people die this way... 169 00:09:00,376 --> 00:09:02,512 ...and five of them are insurance appraisers... 170 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:05,174 ...so I take this very seriously. Here we go. 171 00:09:20,355 --> 00:09:22,691 - Okay. - Sorry we're late. 172 00:09:22,857 --> 00:09:24,945 Hey, look. It's Ronald Mohammed. 173 00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:26,320 How about that name? 174 00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:29,332 All right, what's the damage? 175 00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:33,202 How much is this scampy little hole in the earth gonna cost us this year? 176 00:09:33,368 --> 00:09:37,840 Well, your gas leak is repaired, all your fire exits actually lead outside... 177 00:09:37,997 --> 00:09:41,841 ...and I am told that no new species have been discovered here in a week. 178 00:09:42,001 --> 00:09:45,383 I have to say, I was brought in here to estimate Greendale's liability... 179 00:09:45,547 --> 00:09:49,390 ...but at this point in time, I'd describe this campus as an actual property asset. 180 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,067 This property has value. 181 00:09:55,223 --> 00:09:56,730 Oh, yeah! 182 00:09:57,142 --> 00:09:59,360 Best news ever. 183 00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,572 - This property has value. - It has value. 184 00:10:07,735 --> 00:10:10,204 - That means we can sell it. - We can finally sell it. 185 00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:11,751 Wait, wait, wait. 186 00:10:11,906 --> 00:10:13,746 Press stop on Dave Matthews. 187 00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:17,081 - What? - We can start courting businesses... 188 00:10:17,245 --> 00:10:19,416 ...to unload this school on the private sector. 189 00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:20,708 What do you mean? 190 00:10:20,874 --> 00:10:24,088 This is a huge chunk of real estate, which generates no tax revenue... 191 00:10:24,252 --> 00:10:26,672 ...and takes money from the Education budget. 192 00:10:26,838 --> 00:10:28,760 That's because it's a community college. 193 00:10:28,923 --> 00:10:32,601 Well, excuse us for taking longer to see that was the problem. 194 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,647 Maybe we're not as smart as you. 195 00:10:34,804 --> 00:10:36,525 I mean, we only went to Yale. 196 00:10:36,681 --> 00:10:38,437 Oh, no, you didn't. 197 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,613 - Yes, I did. - We should call T.J.Maxx right away. 198 00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:43,775 Dude, I told you. This jacket looks fine. 199 00:10:43,938 --> 00:10:46,157 No, to talk about selling this place. 200 00:10:46,316 --> 00:10:49,662 Oh, right. Yeah, T.J.Maxx, Marshalls. What about Ben & Jerry's? 201 00:10:49,819 --> 00:10:53,829 Oh, Richie, you're my friend, but that is the last thing you need. 202 00:10:53,990 --> 00:10:56,291 Tough love received, bro. 203 00:10:58,703 --> 00:11:02,085 I did it. This school is story-free. We can be content now forever. 204 00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:11,801 Let me be one of the six this year. 205 00:11:12,091 --> 00:11:15,390 Craig. Craig, this vending machine is not gonna tip over and crush you. 206 00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:17,143 Why not? Why? 207 00:11:17,305 --> 00:11:21,398 Because we fixed it when we saved Greendale. 208 00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:28,484 We saved Greendale. 209 00:11:30,193 --> 00:11:32,328 And now they're gonna sell it. 210 00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,334 If I come over there... 211 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:49,676 ...there are gonna be two sounds: me hitting you twice. 212 00:11:54,592 --> 00:11:58,021 Hello, Greendale, as you know, our school will soon be replaced... 213 00:11:58,179 --> 00:11:59,520 ...by a sandwich university. 214 00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:02,101 However, every ending is also a beginning. 215 00:12:03,476 --> 00:12:05,362 Sure, things may look bad now... 216 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,400 ...some of us may have no idea where we're going or what to do, but... 217 00:12:10,775 --> 00:12:12,827 Okay, okay, I should've written this out. 218 00:12:12,986 --> 00:12:15,869 I thought I'd be able to come up with something on the fly. 219 00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:21,797 Moving on to phase two, the actual saving of Greendale. 220 00:12:22,370 --> 00:12:23,414 Annie... 221 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:26,510 I've generated a few ideas involving social media... 222 00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:29,679 - ...that I think might do the trick. - Annie... 223 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,968 You want us to tweet "Savegreendale"? I'm sorry, Annie. 224 00:12:33,131 --> 00:12:36,559 The reason I have 48 followers is that I don't exploit them. 225 00:12:36,718 --> 00:12:39,601 They come to me for atheistic rants and photos of my meals... 226 00:12:39,762 --> 00:12:41,565 ...not this obnoxiousness. 227 00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:45,151 We need to make people aware that Greendale exists and needs help. 228 00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:47,315 - Why? - Because once the Internet... 229 00:12:47,479 --> 00:12:49,982 - ...knows about something, it changes. - Right. 230 00:12:50,148 --> 00:12:52,153 Just ask Chris Brown or China. 231 00:12:54,486 --> 00:12:56,241 Jeff, you made Annie cry. 232 00:12:56,404 --> 00:13:00,794 Well, if it's any consolation, this is the last time that will ever happen. 233 00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:04,211 I know how to save Greendale. 234 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:07,254 Treasure. Buried treasure. 235 00:13:08,416 --> 00:13:09,460 Okay, I'm tapped. 236 00:13:10,668 --> 00:13:15,094 We all wish we could do something, Annie, but I think that concludes... 237 00:13:15,256 --> 00:13:18,768 ...the last meeting of the Save Greendale Committee... 238 00:13:19,093 --> 00:13:21,348 ...the committee that did its darnedest. 239 00:13:21,513 --> 00:13:24,941 Wait! Are we sure we can't stop the school from being sold to Subway? 240 00:13:25,099 --> 00:13:26,274 I'm afraid so, Chang. 241 00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:29,780 Okay, I just wanted to make sure. 242 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,828 Screw you, guys. It's time to get paid. 243 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:50,088 Chang just unexpectedly betrayed the group for the last time. 244 00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:57,346 Greendale's gonna make a great Subway Sandwich University. 245 00:13:57,507 --> 00:13:59,346 Research shows most of your graduates... 246 00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:03,934 - ...end up working for our restaurants. - By design. We're proud of our school. 247 00:14:04,097 --> 00:14:05,271 Proud of Subway School. 248 00:14:05,431 --> 00:14:06,985 This campus is yours now. 249 00:14:07,142 --> 00:14:10,772 If you wanna dynamite it, all we ask is that you let us light the fuse. 250 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,657 Yeah, we hate this place. 251 00:14:12,814 --> 00:14:15,697 - You just said you were proud of it. - Proud of its potential. 252 00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:17,116 Love its potential. 253 00:14:17,277 --> 00:14:19,531 This'll be your office. 254 00:14:20,905 --> 00:14:23,670 Why? 255 00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,916 Okay, we'll check in on that later. 256 00:14:27,078 --> 00:14:29,498 What, can't wait until Greendale's corpse is cold... 257 00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:31,669 ...before you put it on a 6-inch white bun? 258 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:33,340 Young lady, that's not fair. 259 00:14:33,501 --> 00:14:36,384 Subway doesn't call its bread "buns," and we don't serve white. 260 00:14:36,546 --> 00:14:38,053 We serve Italian, honey oat... 261 00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:40,895 - ...nine-grain wheat. - Thanks for making my joke accurate. 262 00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:43,305 - Now it's hilarious. - Classes are over, kids. 263 00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:44,941 We're helping the dean pack. 264 00:14:45,096 --> 00:14:47,101 This is still Greendale for two hours. 265 00:14:47,265 --> 00:14:48,357 Enjoy it. 266 00:14:51,769 --> 00:14:55,198 Wait. You don't call your bread "buns." What do you call them? 267 00:14:55,648 --> 00:14:56,692 Bread. 268 00:14:57,859 --> 00:15:01,453 Bread is a substance. What do you call the units of bread you use, "breads"? 269 00:15:07,702 --> 00:15:09,043 You okay? 270 00:15:09,204 --> 00:15:10,497 I just wish we had more time. 271 00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:13,048 I could turn things around, I swear. Look. 272 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:17,550 I got one of these label things. I mean, it makes custom labels. 273 00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:22,682 This was gonna help me get organised. 274 00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:28,392 Where should we start? Pack up these pictures? 275 00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:30,478 They're not really mine. 276 00:15:30,642 --> 00:15:32,896 They're Greendale history. 277 00:15:33,061 --> 00:15:35,742 Here's our 1987 civil rights march. 278 00:15:35,897 --> 00:15:39,491 This was when we started offering Photoshop classes. 279 00:15:39,651 --> 00:15:42,415 And that's Russell Borchert. 280 00:15:43,071 --> 00:15:45,076 Borchert, Borchert, loved computers... 281 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:49,380 Yes, yes, "More than women's butts or hooters." Very mature, you two. 282 00:15:50,078 --> 00:15:51,798 Was there any truth to that legend? 283 00:15:51,955 --> 00:15:54,375 The legend that a Greendale computer professor... 284 00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:56,094 ...made love to a computer... 285 00:15:56,251 --> 00:15:58,837 ...and died of the first computer virus? Sure. 286 00:15:59,003 --> 00:16:02,385 The truth is, Greendale had a computer professor. 287 00:16:02,549 --> 00:16:04,803 By the way, he was a millionaire and a genius. 288 00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:08,396 He has sex with one computer, and that's his legacy? 289 00:16:08,555 --> 00:16:11,105 So after all my work, how will I be remembered? 290 00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:13,686 The bald dean with glasses, I guess. 291 00:16:13,852 --> 00:16:16,188 You aware there's an engraved plate on this, says: 292 00:16:16,354 --> 00:16:19,451 - "The truth is behind this picture"? - Of course. I'm not an idiot. 293 00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:22,077 Whoa, wait. It meant literally? 294 00:16:22,235 --> 00:16:23,789 What is it? 295 00:16:37,125 --> 00:16:38,881 You were teaching Fundamentals of Law? 296 00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:40,087 Yeah. 297 00:16:40,253 --> 00:16:43,931 Think you could make the transition to teaching Sandwich Law? 298 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,721 It's essentially the same, I'm sure, just a bit more focused. 299 00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:49,899 Here. 300 00:16:50,054 --> 00:16:51,561 That's a Subway black card. 301 00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:54,820 It entitles you to 5-dollar footlongs for life. 302 00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:57,490 For life, Mr. Winger. 303 00:16:58,021 --> 00:16:59,824 For life. 304 00:17:14,496 --> 00:17:16,465 - Hey. - Hey. 305 00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:21,430 So, what are you gonna do? 306 00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:23,840 I'm thinking I'm gonna transfer to city college... 307 00:17:24,005 --> 00:17:26,306 ...but I'm knowing I'm gonna be a bartender. 308 00:17:26,466 --> 00:17:27,676 You? 309 00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:30,476 - Subway offered me a job. - Nice. 310 00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:35,311 I'm worried about Abed and Annie. They're not ready for this to end. 311 00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:37,943 They're part of the adulthood-begins-at-30 generation. 312 00:17:38,102 --> 00:17:39,526 And I'm... 313 00:17:39,687 --> 00:17:41,942 I'm actually looking forward to a little bit of... 314 00:17:42,106 --> 00:17:44,194 - Sanity? - Yes. Sanity. 315 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:48,036 Yeah. I mean, it's over, but on the other hand, it's over. 316 00:17:48,196 --> 00:17:52,502 Amen. And to think this all started because you wanted to... 317 00:17:52,659 --> 00:17:53,702 Nail you. 318 00:17:53,868 --> 00:17:55,458 Yeah, I regret nothing. 319 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:59,001 Don't. I mean, after everything that has happened here... 320 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:03,128 ...what did either of us really get done aside from each other? 321 00:18:03,294 --> 00:18:08,348 Exactly. And what are either of us gonna be leaving with? 322 00:18:15,557 --> 00:18:20,812 I should go clean out my locker, she said at the age of 33. 323 00:18:23,565 --> 00:18:24,692 Let's get married. 324 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:27,621 - What? - Yeah, right? 325 00:18:27,777 --> 00:18:30,577 I mean, this is what matters, isn't it? 326 00:18:30,738 --> 00:18:33,075 This is what keeps this all from being pointless. 327 00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:36,919 Let's do what people do. Get a house we can't afford, a dog that makes us angry. 328 00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:39,249 Dedicate an entire cabinet to grocery bags... 329 00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:41,715 ...realise we have a favourite brand of olive oil? 330 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,216 Yes. Marry me. 331 00:18:43,376 --> 00:18:45,428 Okay, yeah. 332 00:18:48,923 --> 00:18:51,688 Yeah. Yeah, this feels right. 333 00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:54,560 Let's get out of here and never look back. 334 00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:57,189 First, let's lock these doors and pull these shades. 335 00:18:57,348 --> 00:19:01,061 - We've never had sex on the new table. - Yes, two for two. 336 00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:03,524 Medium roughness, high tempo? 337 00:19:03,688 --> 00:19:05,242 Let's make it a number eight. 338 00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:11,447 Buried treasure! 339 00:19:11,613 --> 00:19:14,412 Buried treasure! Lock the doors, close the blinds. 340 00:19:15,116 --> 00:19:18,295 We could save Greendale, Jeff. 341 00:19:18,453 --> 00:19:22,084 There may be treasure on campus. 342 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,088 Hidden, buried treasure. 343 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,670 Treasure! We need to call an emergency meeting... 344 00:19:26,836 --> 00:19:29,137 ...somewhere safe where no one can hear or see... 345 00:19:29,297 --> 00:19:31,385 ...because we have to keep this a secret... 346 00:19:31,549 --> 00:19:36,555 ...because it's a buried treasure! 347 00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:38,144 Buried treasure! 348 00:19:38,306 --> 00:19:42,945 Buried treasure, buried treasure, buried treasure. 349 00:19:43,102 --> 00:19:46,116 Buried treasure, buried treasure, buried treasure. 350 00:19:46,731 --> 00:19:48,736 Buried treasure, buried treasure. 351 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:49,992 Interesting. 352 00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:53,411 Emergency meeting. 353 00:19:58,451 --> 00:20:00,539 And that's how I ended up at Greendale. 354 00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:03,337 Isn't it strange how it took this school shutting down... 355 00:20:03,498 --> 00:20:05,337 ...for you and I to know each other? 356 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,256 - What's up next for you? - Don't know. 357 00:20:07,418 --> 00:20:09,922 Maybe go stay with family in Lincolnshire. 358 00:20:10,088 --> 00:20:11,511 - Lincolnshire? - Yeah. 359 00:20:11,673 --> 00:20:14,935 - Where in Lincolnshire? - Just a little town called Scunthorpe. 360 00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:17,679 Scunthorpe? I was stationed around Scunthorpe. 361 00:20:17,846 --> 00:20:18,973 - No. - Oh, wait, wait. 362 00:20:19,806 --> 00:20:23,863 O'er the lady's smocks I tarry 363 00:20:24,018 --> 00:20:26,699 Through the hollyhocks and glen 364 00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:29,820 For a piss and a thrush In Scunthorpe 365 00:20:29,983 --> 00:20:33,032 - Then it's off to Henningpen - Then it's off to Henningpen 366 00:20:33,778 --> 00:20:35,036 I love that. 367 00:20:35,196 --> 00:20:37,700 Oh, where in God's name did you learn that song? 368 00:20:37,866 --> 00:20:40,202 - In Stainsbury Pub. - My family practically lived... 369 00:20:40,368 --> 00:20:43,216 - ...in Stainsbury's. - I lost my virginity at Stainsbury's. 370 00:20:43,371 --> 00:20:45,542 My mother was a Stainsbury whore. 371 00:20:52,422 --> 00:20:54,308 Mine was missing a thumb. 372 00:20:54,466 --> 00:20:56,684 Oh, my God. 373 00:20:59,053 --> 00:21:00,893 - Two thumbs, she got both. - Two thumbs. 374 00:21:01,055 --> 00:21:05,445 I mean, you may have slept with my aunt... 375 00:21:05,602 --> 00:21:08,319 ...but given the circumstances, cheers. 376 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,235 - Cheers, yeah. - Yeah. 377 00:21:11,232 --> 00:21:14,744 So you're gonna stay with your family till you get your bearings? 378 00:21:14,903 --> 00:21:17,999 I've got a cousin, Clive, who's got a spare room. 379 00:21:18,156 --> 00:21:20,208 - You and he would really get along. - Really? 380 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:21,790 Yeah.