1
00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:03,815
So... cellular mitosis
is what?

2
00:00:03,816 --> 00:00:05,032
I miss Troy.

3
00:00:05,033 --> 00:00:06,667
Wrong, and stop guessing that.

4
00:00:06,668 --> 00:00:08,169
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.

5
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:10,087
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.

6
00:00:10,088 --> 00:00:11,872
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.

7
00:00:11,873 --> 00:00:13,007
Sorry, not "play."

8
00:00:13,008 --> 00:00:14,308
"Render
imaginated dreamscapes."

9
00:00:14,309 --> 00:00:17,545
Guys, we just finished
retaking biology all summer,

10
00:00:17,546 --> 00:00:19,764
and if I don't pass this final,
it was for nothing.

11
00:00:19,765 --> 00:00:21,148
Can we stay on target?

12
00:00:21,149 --> 00:00:23,601
Did someone say
"sexy construction worker"?

13
00:00:23,602 --> 00:00:25,152
- Ooh!
- Stay... stay on target.

14
00:00:25,153 --> 00:00:26,554
I'm dressed like this

15
00:00:26,555 --> 00:00:30,024
<i>because I'm building
to big news.</i>

16
00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:32,994
Subway has officially ended
its agreement with Greendale,

17
00:00:32,995 --> 00:00:34,829
and the restaurant I've chosen

18
00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:38,583
to occupy the cafeteria
kiosk is...

19
00:00:38,584 --> 00:00:39,584
Shirley's Sandwiches!

20
00:00:40,702 --> 00:00:43,671
I just need one of you
to sign this

21
00:00:43,672 --> 00:00:45,256
as the official owner
of the business.

22
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,416
Ooh, we should both sign it,
we're 50-50 partners.

23
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:49,393
But there's only one
dotted line on the form, so...

24
00:00:49,411 --> 00:00:51,176
- Oh, well, Pierce can...
- Me.

25
00:00:51,213 --> 00:00:52,550
- Hey!
- I paid for it.

26
00:00:52,564 --> 00:00:53,843
Well, there'd be no "it"
to pay for

27
00:00:53,858 --> 00:00:55,109
if I hadn't done all the work.

28
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:58,653
My goodness, this molehill
is becoming a mountain.

29
00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,804
You guys work it out,

30
00:00:59,805 --> 00:01:01,722
while I put together
an Alpine costume.

31
00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:03,941
I knew eventually
you'd try to box me out

32
00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:06,360
of my own business,
just like Hawthorne Wipes did.

33
00:01:06,361 --> 00:01:07,662
I'm not letting you guilt me

34
00:01:07,663 --> 00:01:10,031
into letting you call yourself
the owner of my company.

35
00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:12,704
Jeff! Hello?

36
00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:14,619
- Get involved.
- No.

37
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,237
I am here to replace
my fake bachelor's

38
00:01:17,238 --> 00:01:19,624
so I can get back
to my life as a lawyer.

39
00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:21,542
Nobody else is sacrificing
their interests.

40
00:01:21,543 --> 00:01:22,710
Don't ask me to sacrifice mine.

41
00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:25,258
Don't ask me to sacrifice mine.

44
00:01:31,928 --> 00:01:34,100
- Ooh, I gotta go.
- Unbelievable.

45
00:01:34,139 --> 00:01:36,057
Today is Abed's
first therapy session.

46
00:01:36,058 --> 00:01:36,808
His what?

47
00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:38,746
He's been feeling
extra vulnerable lately

48
00:01:38,777 --> 00:01:41,228
having lost Troy to the air
conditioning repair school,

49
00:01:41,229 --> 00:01:42,697
so he's finally gonna let me

50
00:01:42,698 --> 00:01:44,932
practice my psych skills
on him.

51
00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:46,317
Give me some credit, Winger.

52
00:01:46,318 --> 00:01:47,568
What's the worst
that could happen?

53
00:01:47,569 --> 00:01:48,836
Classic tee-up.

54
00:01:48,837 --> 00:01:50,988
Shut up, Leonard,
I know about your crooked wang.

55
00:01:50,989 --> 00:01:53,291
No such thing as bad press.

56
00:01:57,546 --> 00:02:00,498
Hey, Abed.

57
00:02:06,305 --> 00:02:07,788
This can't be good.

58
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:13,561
♪ Give me some rope
tie me to dream ♪

59
00:02:13,562 --> 00:02:16,797
♪ Give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪

60
00:02:16,798 --> 00:02:20,134
♪ Somebody said
it could be here ♪

61
00:02:20,135 --> 00:02:23,971
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪

62
00:02:23,972 --> 00:02:29,026
♪ I can't count
the reasons I should stay ♪

63
00:02:29,027 --> 00:02:33,531
♪ One by one
they all just fade away ♪

64
00:02:33,532 --> 00:02:36,353
Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

65
00:02:36,354 --> 00:02:40,988
There are those who ask,
why connect the capillary tube

66
00:02:40,989 --> 00:02:43,624
directly to
the compressor valve?

67
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,259
Oh, sure,
why not just attach it

68
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,961
to the moisture accumulator?

69
00:02:46,962 --> 00:02:49,337
Hey, Troy.

70
00:02:49,356 --> 00:02:51,590
We boring you?
I miss my friends.

71
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:54,731
- He misses his friends.
- Aww.

72
00:02:54,936 --> 00:02:56,470
Mr. Barnes...

73
00:02:56,471 --> 00:02:59,678
Gather your things
and come with me.

74
00:03:00,576 --> 00:03:02,086
Now!

75
00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:04,862
The sun chamber.
A shameful relic

76
00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:07,181
from a savage chapter
of our history.

77
00:03:07,182 --> 00:03:09,617
Repairmen would duel
each other inside,

78
00:03:09,618 --> 00:03:13,360
losers succumbing
to heat exhaustion, or worse.

79
00:03:13,507 --> 00:03:17,499
- Troy, there is a prophesy.
- I miss Abed so much.

80
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:21,050
I'm ashamed to confess
that I once thought

81
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,824
that this might be me.

82
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,610
Now I realize that it's you.

83
00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:28,738
You are
the true repairman, Troy.

84
00:03:29,012 --> 00:03:32,091
You fix not only
air conditioners...

85
00:03:32,242 --> 00:03:34,367
but the men who fix them.

86
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:38,772
It's a trade school.
It's a two-year degree

87
00:03:38,832 --> 00:03:41,250
in boxes that make rooms cold.

88
00:03:41,251 --> 00:03:43,924
Sir, there's been a flow duct
rupture in quadrant four.

89
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,114
I'll handle it.

90
00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:47,206
This is your destiny,
Mr. Barnes.

91
00:03:47,371 --> 00:03:51,925
The true repairman
will repair man.

92
00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:58,118
Abed.

93
00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:00,169
I'm not talking to you
because I'm not crazy.

94
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,804
Think of it as inner dialogue.

95
00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:04,173
<i>I'm reading the novelization
of Chronicles of Riddick.</i>

96
00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:05,892
Can you honestly tell me
that's a saner decision?

97
00:04:05,893 --> 00:04:08,744
You're worried
you'll go crazy without Troy.

98
00:04:08,745 --> 00:04:10,980
That's why you're gonna
let Britta fix you, right?

99
00:04:10,981 --> 00:04:12,281
Because you think
you're broken,

100
00:04:12,282 --> 00:04:13,816
you're gonna get diagnosed
by someone who said

101
00:04:13,817 --> 00:04:15,651
her favorite superhero
was "x-man"?

102
00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:18,237
I'm a little scared.
Things are bad.

103
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:19,488
When the world
gets bad enough, Abed,

104
00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:23,242
the good go crazy.
But the smart...

105
00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,962
They go bad.

106
00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:28,231
Come on in here,
let's talk about it.

107
00:04:28,232 --> 00:04:29,632
I think it's safer
if I talk to Britta.

108
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,533
I think it's even safer
if I talk to her first.

109
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:35,471
Hello.

110
00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:37,473
Are you here to help me
with biology,

111
00:04:37,474 --> 00:04:38,925
or get me to help you?

112
00:04:38,926 --> 00:04:41,894
- Bi-ol-o-gy.
- Are you lying?

113
00:04:41,895 --> 00:04:44,447
Hard to break the word "yes"
into lilting syllables, huh?

114
00:04:44,448 --> 00:04:46,715
Ye-es?

115
00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:48,351
Look, Pierce and I are so close

116
00:04:48,352 --> 00:04:49,652
to getting the sandwich
shop going.

117
00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,028
- I just need you to help...
- Look.

118
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,637
You want one piece
of free advice?

119
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,093
Let Pierce cool down.

120
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:56,037
You know how crazy
and paranoid he can get.

121
00:04:56,038 --> 00:04:58,957
A-ha! Crazy?
Paranoid? Impotent?

122
00:04:58,958 --> 00:05:01,126
- Cellular...
- I knew you'd run to Jeff,

123
00:05:01,127 --> 00:05:03,545
and turn him against me.
- Mitosis.

124
00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:05,013
Guys, why are we yelling?

125
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,332
- You sign that paper, I'll sue.
- Well, hold on.

126
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:10,802
This will be settled
in Greendale court, 3:00 P.M.

127
00:05:10,803 --> 00:05:12,888
Obviously, Shirley
has her counsel,

128
00:05:12,889 --> 00:05:15,440
and I get to dress
like a judge.

129
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,808
I was born in a courtroom,

130
00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:19,628
sued it for my own placenta,
and won.

131
00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:21,012
Now I'm calling my lawyer.

132
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:27,035
My biology final
is at 5:00.

133
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,238
I'm available
from 3:00 to 4:00.

134
00:05:30,239 --> 00:05:32,357
I'll see you in court.

135
00:05:32,358 --> 00:05:34,826
Hello, Abed?
Ready to get therapized?

136
00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:38,079
Abed?

137
00:05:46,205 --> 00:05:47,188
Hello, Britta.

138
00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,761
Come in.

139
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,270
What's going on?

140
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:58,066
Vice Dean Laybourne was
repairing a flow duct rupture,

141
00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,101
and he inhaled
a lethal dose of freon.

142
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,946
May his breeze join the wind.

143
00:06:13,532 --> 00:06:16,418
Okay, so mitosis
is when cells divide...

144
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,370
I wonder who Pierce is
gonna get to represent him.

145
00:06:18,371 --> 00:06:20,372
I promise,
whoever Pierce brings

146
00:06:20,373 --> 00:06:23,124
won't be prepared for me.
That's the Winger guaran...

147
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,676
Is that the cold-blooded
former colleague

148
00:06:24,677 --> 00:06:26,177
that got you fired
from your old law firm

149
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,762
by ratting on you
to the state bar?

150
00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:28,763
Tee.

151
00:06:35,006 --> 00:06:36,608
So is this a conflict of interest?

152
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,800
You know, Alan working
at your former firm and all?

153
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:41,002
Hey, Pierce just did you
the biggest favor of your life.

154
00:06:41,003 --> 00:06:43,421
He hired a guy I've spent
the last two years fantasizing

155
00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:44,723
about stabbing
in the... Sundance!

156
00:06:44,724 --> 00:06:46,474
- Tango!
- Hey.

157
00:06:46,475 --> 00:06:50,362
So... The case
of the sandwich signature.

158
00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:51,496
What are you doing here?

159
00:06:51,497 --> 00:06:52,781
I mean, me, I have to, but you?

160
00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:54,182
Hawthorne's a cash cow,

161
00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:56,935
and old a-con here
is tugging at that teat.

162
00:06:56,936 --> 00:06:59,771
That's money.

163
00:06:59,772 --> 00:07:01,072
Money.

164
00:07:01,073 --> 00:07:02,557
Please stop that.

165
00:07:02,558 --> 00:07:06,111
So full disclosure.
The firm would really like

166
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:09,864
to keep vitamin "p"
in its medicine chest.

167
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:10,882
Full disclosure.

168
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,248
I really want to be
done by 4:00.

169
00:07:12,256 --> 00:07:14,881
Oh, that's the Jeff
wing basket I remember loving.

170
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,303
Hey, just go easy on Shirley.

171
00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:17,922
Scout's honor, Sinead O'Connor.

172
00:07:17,923 --> 00:07:21,576
Oy-yay, oy-yay, the honorable
Craig Pelton presiding.

173
00:07:21,577 --> 00:07:24,912
First off, there's one decision

174
00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,965
I'll need your help making.

175
00:07:26,966 --> 00:07:29,551
<i>Judging Amy or Judge Judy?</i>

176
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:31,853
You say your name is Evil Abed,

177
00:07:31,854 --> 00:07:34,948
which does not throw me,
because I'm a therapist.

178
00:07:34,985 --> 00:07:37,149
So let's talk about evil.

179
00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:43,176
You know what? Maybe I should
talk to Good Abed instead.

180
00:07:43,199 --> 00:07:45,483
Where I come from,
his name is Lame Abed.

181
00:07:45,484 --> 00:07:47,969
- And you come from...
- The darkest timeline.

182
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:49,571
You might call it
the Britta of timelines,

183
00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:50,739
where everything is the worst.

184
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,153
Jeff has one arm there.
Annie shot Pierce.

185
00:07:53,176 --> 00:07:54,353
- Troy can't speak...
- Ah!

186
00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:57,805
Now we're getting somewhere.
I think lame Abed sent you

187
00:07:57,828 --> 00:08:01,010
to talk because you're more
equipped to deal with fear.

188
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:03,074
That's the lame way
of seeing it, yes.

189
00:08:03,136 --> 00:08:04,784
Here's the truth.

190
00:08:04,804 --> 00:08:06,521
I've crossed
into your dark timeline,

191
00:08:06,522 --> 00:08:07,856
and now I'm going to darken it.

192
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,557
How?

193
00:08:09,596 --> 00:08:11,280
Tell me about
your parents, Britta.

194
00:08:11,344 --> 00:08:14,780
Um... No?

195
00:08:16,632 --> 00:08:18,183
Barnes, you should be
in the chapel.

196
00:08:18,184 --> 00:08:19,801
We lost a great man today.

197
00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,236
Yeah, he was the best,
wasn't he?

198
00:08:21,237 --> 00:08:22,854
That's why I don't understand

199
00:08:22,855 --> 00:08:25,874
how he could rupture
a freon line.

200
00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:27,158
That's kind of
a rookie mistake.

201
00:08:27,159 --> 00:08:29,144
I'm sure it was just
a faulty valve.

202
00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,328
My first order as vice Dean,

203
00:08:30,329 --> 00:08:31,529
I'm gonna have them
all replaced.

204
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,914
So you're vice Dean now?

205
00:08:32,915 --> 00:08:35,333
Why the sudden interest
in air conditioning repair?

206
00:08:35,334 --> 00:08:36,401
I thought you missed
your friends.

207
00:08:36,402 --> 00:08:38,253
- I do.
- Then go be with them.

208
00:08:38,254 --> 00:08:39,254
I'm releasing you.

209
00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:41,956
- But you...
- Goodbye, Troy.

210
00:08:46,762 --> 00:08:50,265
Miss Edison, do you recognize
the baby in that picture?

211
00:08:50,266 --> 00:08:52,300
That's Shirley's baby Ben.

212
00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:55,353
Would you think less
of Shirley Bennett

213
00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:58,973
if she offered
to sell Ben on craigslist

214
00:08:58,974 --> 00:09:01,893
for a chance
to bump it with Denzel?

215
00:09:01,894 --> 00:09:03,395
That was a joke for my cousin.

216
00:09:03,396 --> 00:09:05,346
Damn those Facebook
privacy settings.

217
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,031
- Jeff, do something.
- He's got nothing.

218
00:09:07,032 --> 00:09:08,283
I'm sure she didn't mean that.

219
00:09:08,284 --> 00:09:12,654
Or perhaps she doesn't
even love that baby,

220
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:16,408
because she spent most
of last year not even knowing

221
00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:18,243
who the father is.
- Objection.

222
00:09:18,244 --> 00:09:19,694
Establishing character,
your honor.

223
00:09:19,695 --> 00:09:21,696
This woman is clearly unfit
to own a sandwich shop.

224
00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:23,298
Alan, come on.

225
00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:24,999
No furths.

226
00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:30,338
I thought you said
you were gonna go easy.

227
00:09:30,339 --> 00:09:32,056
Felt easy to me.

228
00:09:33,709 --> 00:09:35,543
What was he wearing?

229
00:09:35,544 --> 00:09:37,312
He was dressed as a dinosaur.

230
00:09:37,313 --> 00:09:38,430
Is that why you dropped
out of High School?

231
00:09:38,431 --> 00:09:39,431
I don't know.

232
00:09:39,432 --> 00:09:41,483
- Are those even real glasses?
- No.

233
00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,318
Ah, do you feel that, Britta?

234
00:09:43,319 --> 00:09:47,105
- Your timeline's 10% darker now.
- This was 10%?

235
00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:49,507
Do you know what kind of person
becomes a psychologist, Britta?

236
00:09:49,508 --> 00:09:51,058
A person that wishes,
deep down,

237
00:09:51,059 --> 00:09:52,827
that everyone more special
than them was sick,

238
00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:55,497
because "healthy" sounds so much
more exciting than "boring."

239
00:09:55,498 --> 00:09:57,242
You're average, Britta Perry.

240
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,565
You're every kid
on the playground

241
00:09:58,572 --> 00:09:59,917
that didn't get picked on.

242
00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:01,341
You're a business casual
potted plant,

243
00:10:01,342 --> 00:10:02,960
a human white sale.

244
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,829
<i>You're VH1, Robocop 2,
and Back to the Future 3.</i>

245
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,798
You're the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.

246
00:10:07,799 --> 00:10:09,149
Actually, that
sounds delicious.

247
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,218
I'm the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.

248
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,719
You're Jim Belushi.

249
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,739
Ah.

250
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,225
12%

251
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,611
Where are you going?

252
00:10:20,612 --> 00:10:22,446
To make this timeline
the darkest of all.

253
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,715
Starting with your lame hero,
Jeff Winger.

254
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:26,600
I don't suppose lame Abed
owns a bone saw.

255
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:46,940
So, Pierce, you're seeking
full ownership

256
00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:48,271
of Shirley's Sandwiches.

257
00:10:48,311 --> 00:10:52,063
After all, you did provide
100% of the financing.

258
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:52,913
Correct.

259
00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:56,033
You really did?
Oh, damn it.

260
00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:57,832
Jeez, I came to this
thing unprepared.

261
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,676
I mean, I-I guess it's my job
to somehow tarnish you

262
00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:03,728
in the eyes of the court,
but, uh...

263
00:11:04,199 --> 00:11:06,638
- Let me check my notes.
- Take your time.

264
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:07,848
Thanks.

265
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:10,894
Hey, uh, while
I'm doing this...

266
00:11:10,895 --> 00:11:12,896
Does anybody know
any funny jokes?

267
00:11:12,897 --> 00:11:14,114
I do.

268
00:11:14,115 --> 00:11:18,029
An Irish and a Jew walk
into a Chinese laundry...

269
00:11:18,415 --> 00:11:19,663
With a gay duck.

270
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:21,955
- All right, okay!
- Oh, right!

271
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:23,957
So you're telling me they're
not good at basketball?

272
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:25,459
I have no questions,
your honor.

273
00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:39,556
Cruel.
Cruel, cruel, cruel.

274
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,224
In the name
of the five winds...

275
00:11:41,225 --> 00:11:44,227
East, West, North,

276
00:11:44,228 --> 00:11:46,530
the one we keep secret,
and South,

277
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,066
I hereby proclaim you...

278
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,484
This ceremony is a lie.

279
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:52,035
And having
a special room for it

280
00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:53,787
is a waste
of valuable floor space.

281
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:55,789
You are no longer
a student here.

282
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,625
And we use this room
for yoga on weekends.

283
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,411
- Remove him.
- I am the truest repairman.

284
00:12:02,961 --> 00:12:05,000
And this man is a dishonor

285
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:06,333
to making air conditioners
work good.

286
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,918
And I have the right
to challenge him...

287
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:11,021
In the sun chamber.

288
00:12:11,949 --> 00:12:13,825
Holy crap.

289
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,259
Your less than honor,
can I call a recess?

290
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,961
Ooh, yay, costume change.

291
00:12:17,962 --> 00:12:19,596
Court briefly adjourned.

292
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:22,099
What are you trying
to do, Winger?

293
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,351
Zealously represent
your client?

294
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:27,521
Let me make things
a little easier for you.

295
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:29,406
Figure out a way
to throw this case,

296
00:12:29,407 --> 00:12:31,358
or figure out
where you're gonna work

297
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,143
when you get out of here,
because I don't know

298
00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:34,778
where it's gonna be
if it's not for us.

299
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:36,780
That's right, Jeff.
I went there.

300
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:40,417
You drove me there.
Miss Daisy's in the house,

301
00:12:40,418 --> 00:12:42,502
thanks for the ride,
sorry about slavery.

302
00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:43,704
Don't oversell
your clout, Alan.

303
00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:45,455
You're partner
because I sold you to Ted.

304
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,424
- Ted respects me...
- Ted's gone.

305
00:12:47,425 --> 00:12:50,660
He got too old, couldn't swim
with the sharks, and got eaten.

306
00:12:50,661 --> 00:12:52,328
That makes no sense.
He started the firm.

307
00:12:52,329 --> 00:12:54,347
- You can't lose your own firm.
- You can if you're dead.

308
00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:56,850
That shark thing
was not a metaphor.

309
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,018
I'm the big dog now.

310
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:01,171
So you want
the last three years

311
00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:03,557
in this toilet to have a point?

312
00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:05,892
Then I'm the guy
you got to make happy.

313
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:07,694
Or, you know, you could
finish up your big win here.

314
00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:09,396
Court is in session.

315
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:13,650
Blind Justice presiding...
aah! Oh, my God!

316
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:17,070
Ahh!
Oh, one more recess.

317
00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:19,522
I hit the corner
right on a fresh tattoo.

318
00:13:21,318 --> 00:13:23,670
Well boys and girls...

319
00:13:23,718 --> 00:13:27,230
I hope you brought
your popsicles,

320
00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:31,569
because it's about
to get scalding hot

321
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:34,601
in the sun chamber.

322
00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:37,387
You already know the rules...

323
00:13:37,432 --> 00:13:41,330
Because there aren't any!

324
00:13:41,372 --> 00:13:43,669
Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?

325
00:13:43,831 --> 00:13:46,105
Take that crap off
and sit down.

326
00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:50,561
Sorry about that.
Of course there are rules.

327
00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,613
Two men are sealed
in the chamber,

328
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:54,005
each with a broken unit.

329
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,375
The heat will increase
until one man yields...

330
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:57,517
or dies.

331
00:13:57,518 --> 00:14:00,154
Begin!

332
00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:13,717
You're just in time
for Jeff's closing statements.

333
00:14:13,718 --> 00:14:15,703
Who cares?
Everything is terrible.

334
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:18,205
<i>Oh, no. Have you been
watching Dance Moms again?</i>

335
00:14:18,206 --> 00:14:19,757
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.

336
00:14:22,377 --> 00:14:23,644
Evil Abed, what are you doing?

337
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:24,878
I'm going to cut off
Jeff Winger's arm.

338
00:14:24,879 --> 00:14:26,096
I won't let you.
That's horrible.

339
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:29,483
Don't you mean dark?
Welcome to my world.

340
00:14:35,824 --> 00:14:38,108
Psst! Jeff! Winger!

341
00:14:42,364 --> 00:14:44,331
Jeffrey, this is a...
a terrible situation

342
00:14:44,332 --> 00:14:45,699
for me to have put you in.

343
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:48,402
A guy like Alan isn't above
making trouble for you

344
00:14:48,403 --> 00:14:50,337
at your old firm.
- Shirley, I...

345
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:52,840
It's not worth your career.

346
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:55,281
I want you to have
what you want.

347
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,630
- Thank you, Shirley.
- Settle down.

348
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:02,006
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have
your closing statement.

349
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:34,698
Your honor...

350
00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:37,301
I have no closing statement,
because I'm throwing the case.

351
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:39,053
- No, no, it's okay.

352
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:40,421
It's fine, don't worry.

353
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:42,973
My client, Shirley Bennett,
my friend of three years,

354
00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:44,558
she told me that it was okay.

355
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:48,645
She said what I want
was more important.

356
00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:51,548
She's right, right?

357
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:53,367
I mean, guys like me,

358
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,985
we'll tell you
there's no right or wrong.

359
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:57,271
There's no real truth.

360
00:15:58,273 --> 00:15:59,356
I'll kill you.

361
00:15:59,357 --> 00:16:02,159
I'll kill you
just like I killed him.

362
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,028
And as long as
we all believe that,

363
00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:07,281
guys like me can never lose.

364
00:16:07,282 --> 00:16:09,032
Was that out loud?

365
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:11,535
Because the truth is...

366
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:14,705
I'm lying when I say
there is no truth.

367
00:16:14,706 --> 00:16:18,926
The truth is...
the pathetically, stupidly,

368
00:16:18,927 --> 00:16:22,596
inconveniently obvious
truth is...

369
00:16:22,597 --> 00:16:27,351
Helping only ourselves is bad,
and helping each other is good.

370
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:30,721
Now I just wanted
to get out of here,

371
00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:32,806
pass biology,
and be a lawyer again

372
00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:34,108
instead of helping Shirley.

373
00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:35,309
That was bad.

374
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:36,894
And my former colleague

375
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,397
wanted so badly
to keep his rich client

376
00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:42,699
that he just asked me
to roll over

377
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,318
in exchange for my old job.

378
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:49,106
So I guess we all walked
in here pretty bad.

379
00:16:49,107 --> 00:16:51,625
But now...

380
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,460
Shirley's gone good.

381
00:16:53,461 --> 00:16:54,611
Shirley's helping me.

382
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,380
It's that easy.

383
00:16:56,381 --> 00:16:59,750
You just stop thinking
about what's good for you,

384
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:02,803
and start thinking about
what's good for someone else.

385
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:14,314
And you can change
the whole game

386
00:17:14,315 --> 00:17:15,933
with one move.

387
00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:24,825
Now if you like this idea,
you can make it true

388
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:27,828
by doing something good
for everyone here.

389
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:31,615
Throw this case out of court.
It's dumb.

390
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:34,067
That is all.

391
00:17:34,068 --> 00:17:36,170
I withdraw my case.

392
00:17:36,171 --> 00:17:37,754
Why didn't you just do some

393
00:17:37,755 --> 00:17:39,671
inspirational speech
about friendship?

394
00:17:39,698 --> 00:17:41,749
You're fired.

395
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:50,184
Way to go, soft serve.
You're finished.

396
00:17:50,185 --> 00:17:53,086
By the way, never got a chance
to tell you this,

397
00:17:53,087 --> 00:17:55,189
but it was me who turned you
in to the state bar.

398
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:56,890
I know.

399
00:17:58,092 --> 00:17:59,593
And I never got
a chance to thank you.

400
00:17:59,594 --> 00:18:01,945
This place has made you so gay.

401
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:05,365
Hey! Don't use "gay"
as a derogatory term.

402
00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:06,600
Booyah, good person.

403
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:10,704
Gentlemen, take this man

404
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:13,207
to the infinite labyrinth
of eternal ice.

405
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:14,958
- Yes!
- No!

406
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:18,529
No, take him to the police.

407
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,965
He murdered someone.
Take him to jail.

408
00:18:21,966 --> 00:18:23,967
You guys are weird.

409
00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:25,719
Jeff, that was great.

410
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,471
You were like
a white Blair Underwood.

411
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:28,639
Shirley,
if you're willing, I think

412
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,252
we should let Jeff sign
the sandwich shop form.

413
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,550
Yeah, you could represent
both of us.

414
00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:32,605
You know, like our attorney.

415
00:18:32,627 --> 00:18:35,762
My God, Pierce!
You had your first good idea.

416
00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:38,632
- Thank you.
- Britta, I'm so sorry.

417
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:40,100
It doesn't matter, Abed.

418
00:18:40,101 --> 00:18:41,935
I should've never
played therapist with you.

419
00:18:41,936 --> 00:18:43,803
I'll change my major
just one more time.

420
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:45,239
But you can't.
You cured me.

421
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,710
I mean, I'm not cured.
I'm willing to admit

422
00:18:46,732 --> 00:18:47,961
I definitely need therapy.

423
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:49,693
You're the only kind
of shrink I could ever trust.

424
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,528
The kind with as little control
over my mind as me.

425
00:18:54,282 --> 00:18:55,365
Mind if I cut in?

426
00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:58,919
Troy!

427
00:18:58,920 --> 00:18:59,953
You're back.

428
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:02,539
Yeah, I made a new rule

429
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,823
that the air conditioning
repair school

430
00:19:03,824 --> 00:19:05,425
has to act like
a regular school.

431
00:19:05,426 --> 00:19:07,044
I can do that
because I'm their messiah.

432
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:09,463
Cool. I went crazy and
I wanted to cut off Jeff's arm.

433
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:11,548
I missed you so much, buddy.

434
00:19:15,970 --> 00:19:17,888
So, Jeff,
we still best friends?

435
00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:25,178
All right.

436
00:19:25,179 --> 00:19:28,348
Cellular mitosis.
What is it?

437
00:19:28,349 --> 00:19:30,701
♪ Give me some rope ♪

438
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,402
♪ Tie me to dream ♪

439
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,870
♪ Give me the hope ♪

440
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:35,622
♪ To run out of steam ♪

441
00:19:35,623 --> 00:19:37,240
♪ Somebody said ♪

442
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,025
♪ It could be here ♪

443
00:19:39,026 --> 00:19:42,862
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪

444
00:19:42,863 --> 00:19:49,586
♪ But I love you more
than words can say ♪

445
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:56,259
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪

446
00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:01,965
♪ One by one
they all just fade away ♪

447
00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:05,319
♪ I'm tired
of the wait and sees ♪

448
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,722
♪ I'm tired of that
part of me ♪

449
00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:11,891
♪ That makes up a perfect lie ♪

450
00:20:11,892 --> 00:20:15,329
♪ To keep us between ♪

451
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:18,281
♪ But hours turn into days ♪

452
00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:21,868
♪ So watch
what you throw away ♪

453
00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:25,589
♪ And be here to recognize ♪

454
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:27,874
♪ There's another way ♪

455
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:39,703
Hello, everybody.
I'm Leonard.

456
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,157
And I'm here today to review
Let's Potato Chips.

457
00:20:44,723 --> 00:20:46,792
$1.79 at Kroger's.

458
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:48,641
Ah.

459
00:20:49,063 --> 00:20:50,597
Get this sucker open...

460
00:20:50,622 --> 00:20:52,506
Ah, there we are.

461
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:55,369
Now, I've already had
some of these,

462
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:58,072
but let's see.

463
00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,932
Mmm! Crispy. Mm-hmm.

464
00:21:01,121 --> 00:21:02,818
Salty, not too greasy.

465
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,914
That one's shaped like a duck.

466
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:10,418
Well, I guess
that's definitely a buy.

467
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:12,053
That's it.

468
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:15,765
Let's Potato Chips are good,
and they're a buy.

469
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:19,678
♪ I'm as high as hell,
you're about to get shot ♪