1
00:00:51,299 --> 00:00:52,729
“羅伯 L”

2
00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:00,648
“笨蛋出品”

3
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:04,562
“由完美的傻瓜”

4
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:06,953
“時人雜誌 最性感男人”

5
00:01:09,693 --> 00:01:12,413
“一個正妹…”

6
00:01:13,613 --> 00:01:17,003
“一個英國惡棍…”

7
00:01:19,828 --> 00:01:24,338
“另一個搞笑的傢伙…”

8
00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:28,142
“一個情緒化的新人類…”

9
00:01:37,512 --> 00:01:40,612
“一個特效角色…主演”

10
00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:50,660
“加上一個友情客串…”

11
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:10,967
“製片：大豬頭”

12
00:02:11,171 --> 00:02:14,221
“編劇：真正的英雄”

13
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:24,567
“導演：收太多錢的工具人”

14
00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:27,995
“你好！我是死侍！”

15
00:02:36,696 --> 00:02:40,206
“開心護照”“鬼屋 賽格威導覽”

16
00:03:02,305 --> 00:03:05,065
坐後面有點無聊

17
00:03:05,225 --> 00:03:06,575
好…

18
00:03:07,602 --> 00:03:12,372
好，但我得抓著方向盤

19
00:03:13,775 --> 00:03:15,195
不好意思

20
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:17,903
我是阿杜

21
00:03:17,904 --> 00:03:20,214
我姓死名侍

22
00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:22,658
不錯喔

23
00:03:22,659 --> 00:03:23,659
“水仙白日夢”

24
00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:24,827
很香吧

25
00:03:24,828 --> 00:03:27,048
不是芳香劑，我是說那女孩

26
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:30,585
喔，姬塔，她很美

27
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:34,722
她本來會是我的好太太

28
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:37,089
但是我的表哥班度

29
00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:38,799
偷走了姬塔的心

30
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:43,060
他人帥但不老實

31
00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:45,848
阿杜，我開始覺得

32
00:03:45,849 --> 00:03:48,069
我今天搭這輛車是有原因的

33
00:03:48,101 --> 00:03:49,602
是你叫的車，記得嗎？

34
00:03:49,603 --> 00:03:54,481
不，我的印度阿三朋友，愛情很美麗

35
00:03:54,482 --> 00:03:55,274
找到愛情

36
00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:57,585
全世界就像水仙白日夢一樣美好

37
00:03:58,486 --> 00:04:00,576
所以你要守住愛情

38
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:02,114
抓緊緊的！

39
00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:05,117
絕不放手，不要犯和我同樣的錯

40
00:04:05,118 --> 00:04:06,368
-懂嗎？    -懂

41
00:04:06,369 --> 00:04:08,162
否則你的世界就會像

42
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:10,173
剛下課的熱瑜伽教室一樣臭

43
00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:12,833
先生，那會是什麼味道？

44
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:15,836
-像吃完臭豆腐喇舌
-好，夠了

45
00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:16,837
我可以說個沒完，阿杜

46
00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:18,797
重點是，很可怕！

47
00:04:18,798 --> 00:04:20,808
很可怕

48
00:04:21,051 --> 00:04:23,802
死先生為何全身紅？

49
00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:25,804
因為聖誕節啊，阿杜

50
00:04:25,805 --> 00:04:28,349
而且有個人需要我好好教訓

51
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,975
我已經等了一年又三星期…

52
00:04:29,976 --> 00:04:31,977
六天…

53
00:04:31,978 --> 00:04:34,608
又14分鐘，等他彌補對我做的事

54
00:04:35,941 --> 00:04:38,317
他對你做了什麼，死先生？

55
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:39,948
我的爛臉…

56
00:04:41,196 --> 00:04:42,156
看！

57
00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:04,191
他們不會失望的

58
00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:06,387
最好不會

59
00:05:06,388 --> 00:05:08,848
下個月的貨呢？

60
00:05:08,849 --> 00:05:10,641
下個月沒貨

61
00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:12,492
不只你想打勝仗

62
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:15,115
這樣不行

63
00:05:17,732 --> 00:05:21,952
我們的供應鏈有個小小的麻煩

64
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:28,000
我們會感激你的耐心等候

65
00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:31,503
好

66
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:34,515
隔月我們會恢復全數供應

67
00:05:37,711 --> 00:05:39,051
很高興跟你做生意

68
00:05:42,716 --> 00:05:44,726
該死的變種人

69
00:05:54,436 --> 00:05:56,061
媽的！

70
00:05:56,062 --> 00:05:57,730
我忘了帶彈藥袋

71
00:05:57,731 --> 00:06:00,321
-要回頭嗎？    -沒時間了

72
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:02,067
鳥他的，老子照樣搞定

73
00:06:02,068 --> 00:06:05,446
9，10，11，12顆子彈，加上一條命

74
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:06,457
就是這裡！

75
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:11,076
總共九百塊

76
00:06:11,077 --> 00:06:12,828
我工作時從不帶皮夾的

77
00:06:12,829 --> 00:06:14,549
會破壞我的服裝線條

78
00:06:14,956 --> 00:06:17,466
擊掌付款怎麼樣？

79
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:18,417
好吧

80
00:06:18,418 --> 00:06:19,968
聖誕快樂

81
00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:24,173
也祝你有美好的一天！

82
00:06:24,174 --> 00:06:27,774
“韋德”

83
00:06:32,557 --> 00:06:34,600
“要謝你媽給你

84
00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:37,394
生個翹屁屁”

85
00:06:37,395 --> 00:06:39,855
“來份薯條配你的搖搖奶昔”

86
00:06:39,856 --> 00:06:42,107
“要是長相能殺人，你就是烏茲”

87
00:06:42,108 --> 00:06:43,868
“你是衝鋒槍，砰砰！”

88
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,697
哈囉，你一定在想

89
00:06:48,698 --> 00:06:52,451
我得幫誰搓懶叫才能拍自己的電影啊

90
00:06:52,452 --> 00:06:53,577
不能直接告訴你

91
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:56,288
請自行填空：“金＿狼”

92
00:06:56,289 --> 00:07:01,877
他下面可厲害的

93
00:07:01,878 --> 00:07:03,963
反正，我有地方要去

94
00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:06,131
有臉要整，而且…

95
00:07:06,132 --> 00:07:09,102
有壞人要扁

96
00:07:14,224 --> 00:07:15,784
使出渾身解數

97
00:07:25,485 --> 00:07:26,615
偷桃

98
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,500
高檔柔軟的皮椅呢

99
00:07:38,164 --> 00:07:40,304
我在找法蘭西斯！

100
00:07:40,542 --> 00:07:42,132
你看過這個人嗎？

101
00:07:52,179 --> 00:07:53,399
忙手忙腳

102
00:08:25,795 --> 00:08:28,385
含著就好，別用牙齒

103
00:08:49,444 --> 00:08:51,254
媽的

104
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:53,871
我忘了關家裡瓦斯嗎？

105
00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:12,731
最新消息

106
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:14,927
今早在高速公路上的連環車禍

107
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:16,512
演變成槍擊案…

108
00:09:16,513 --> 00:09:17,638
“X學校”

109
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:19,069
警方因交通嚴重堵塞無法抵達現場

110
00:09:19,099 --> 00:09:21,642
建議民眾待在家中

111
00:09:21,643 --> 00:09:23,811
攻擊者有武器，很危險…

112
00:09:23,812 --> 00:09:25,104
而且身著紅色緊身衣

113
00:09:25,105 --> 00:09:26,495
紅色緊身衣

114
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,148
死侍

115
00:09:28,149 --> 00:09:31,159
彈頭，走吧，有任務了

116
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:34,280
鋼人，等等！

117
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:37,700
我給過死侍加入我們的機會

118
00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:39,952
但他寧願像個小屁孩

119
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:42,496
火力強大的小屁孩

120
00:09:42,497 --> 00:09:43,706
他何時才會長大

121
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:46,292
明白成為X戰警的好處？

122
00:09:46,293 --> 00:09:48,433
哪來的好處？連身韻律制服嗎？

123
00:09:48,461 --> 00:09:50,421
還是每幾年就被轟掉的學校？

124
00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:51,463
拜託

125
00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:54,104
學校被轟只會讓我們更堅強

126
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,260
你吃過早餐了吧？

127
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,771
一天中最重要的一餐

128
00:09:59,431 --> 00:10:03,767
來，蛋白質棒，對骨頭有益

129
00:10:03,768 --> 00:10:06,398
死侍可能會試圖打斷你的骨頭

130
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:16,159
讓開！

131
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,185
喂！

132
00:10:46,061 --> 00:10:47,651
等等！

133
00:10:47,687 --> 00:10:49,855
你可能想問，為什麼穿紅色？

134
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:52,116
這樣壞人才看不出來我流血啊

135
00:10:52,901 --> 00:10:54,451
這傢伙跟我一樣聰明

136
00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:56,116
穿咖啡褲才看不出挫賽

137
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,949
喂！我只剩12發子彈

138
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,700
所以你們要分享

139
00:11:01,701 --> 00:11:03,791
來倒數吧

140
00:11:22,806 --> 00:11:24,186
媽的

141
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,027
去你媽的！

142
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:31,361
10！可惡！

143
00:11:31,731 --> 00:11:33,031
九，該死

144
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:34,031
八

145
00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:35,661
你娘勒

146
00:11:39,072 --> 00:11:40,622
死侍壞壞

147
00:11:41,741 --> 00:11:44,211
七，死侍乖乖

148
00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:09,066
有人沒在數喔，六

149
00:12:35,295 --> 00:12:36,855
四…

150
00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:40,272
打中了

151
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,275
我的屁股

152
00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:48,140
三，二！

153
00:12:48,141 --> 00:12:50,361
笨蛋！值得啦

154
00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,639
我今晚要自己打一槍

155
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:20,642
法蘭西斯

156
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,274
法蘭西斯

157
00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:26,178
機歪咧！

158
00:13:26,179 --> 00:13:28,229
你在哪裡，法蘭西斯？

159
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,197
你不是法蘭西斯

160
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:48,669
不會吧？捲袖子？

161
00:13:58,753 --> 00:14:00,129
你可能在想

162
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,089
“我男友說這是超級英雄電影”

163
00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:06,135
“但穿緊身衣的傢伙怎麼亂捅人啊”

164
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:10,816
我也許超級，但我不是英雄

165
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:13,058
而且沒錯，這是謀殺

166
00:14:13,059 --> 00:14:14,185
但很多很棒的愛情故事

167
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,394
都是用謀殺來開頭的

168
00:14:15,395 --> 00:14:18,480
所以這是個愛情故事

169
00:14:18,481 --> 00:14:19,940
為了說清楚

170
00:14:19,941 --> 00:14:24,987
故事得回到我穿上紅色提臀褲之前

171
00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:25,946
“兩年前…”

172
00:14:25,947 --> 00:14:30,868
我說慢一點會有幫助嗎？我沒叫披薩

173
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:33,579
這裡是紅礁大道7348號嗎？

174
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:34,663
你是莫城先生？

175
00:14:34,664 --> 00:14:38,094
對，莫城先生沒叫他媽的披薩！

176
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,588
那電話是誰打的？

177
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,510
我叫的

178
00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:45,218
鳳梨橄欖？

179
00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,427
甜甜鹹鹹的

180
00:14:48,428 --> 00:14:51,597
你他媽是哪位？你他媽在我家…

181
00:14:51,598 --> 00:14:52,818
餅皮烤焦了嗎？

182
00:14:52,849 --> 00:14:54,439
天啊，希望沒有

183
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,685
老兄，如果是因為賭帳

184
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:59,021
我跟豪伊說過…

185
00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:03,025
好吧，要什麼儘管拿

186
00:15:03,026 --> 00:15:04,406
謝了

187
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,529
先生，你對他動手前

188
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:07,960
介意先給我一大筆小費嗎？

189
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,116
你叫傑若米，是嗎？

190
00:15:11,117 --> 00:15:12,877
我是韋德威爾遜

191
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:16,705
要小費，不可能，阿傑

192
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:18,466
我不是因為他來的

193
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,432
是因為你

194
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,712
哇，好險不干我的事

195
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:25,933
還沒輪到你呢

196
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,634
你真的不要穿得金光閃閃的

197
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,636
你的牛仔褲又不是水晶燈

198
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:31,804
對了，我要沒收你的皮夾

199
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:32,972
反正是你自己給我的

200
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,807
好，能不能還我會員卡…

201
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:37,398
我會轟掉你的貓喔！

202
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:40,614
什麼意思，我沒養貓啊

203
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:42,697
我剛不是在貓砂上撇條嗎？

204
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,737
挖哩勒，你說說…

205
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:52,533
吃披薩，一定會熱到家嗎？

206
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,910
你認識梅根歐佛斯基嗎？

207
00:15:54,911 --> 00:15:56,579
我唸對了嗎？還是歐拉斯基？

208
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,170
歐羅斯基？是嗎？好

209
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,458
反正她認識你

210
00:16:01,459 --> 00:16:05,921
傑若米，我是那種拿錢辦事的傭兵

211
00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:08,883
梅根呢，人窮，但她運氣好

212
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,484
哥哥我心軟

213
00:16:10,802 --> 00:16:13,022
-但我只是…    -他媽的跟蹤狂

214
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,847
威脅會傷人，阿傑

215
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:18,350
但不如鋸刀那麼嚴重

216
00:16:18,351 --> 00:16:21,604
所以離梅根遠一點

217
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:22,563
行嗎？

218
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:23,856
是的，先生

219
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:24,947
那我們說完了

220
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,276
等等，就這樣？

221
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:29,247
對啊，說完了

222
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,155
你應該看看你的表情

223
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,698
-我不知道怎麼辦，我嚇死了
-對啊！

224
00:16:32,699 --> 00:16:34,079
我心軟，記得嗎？

225
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:37,411
你再往她的方向看一眼

226
00:16:37,412 --> 00:16:38,871
我就用最可怕的方式讓你知道

227
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,422
我也可以很硬的

228
00:16:43,126 --> 00:16:44,796
那樣說不太對

229
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,139
好像也對

230
00:17:00,101 --> 00:17:01,321
梅根？

231
00:17:02,145 --> 00:17:03,187
“費吉披薩”

232
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,188
“對不起！”

233
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,949
傑若米不會再煩你了，他很抱歉

234
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,663
太厲害了

235
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,075
我應該帶溜冰鞋來的，秀給他們看

236
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,411
這才是好康，但大多是因為錢

237
00:17:19,412 --> 00:17:21,372
你覺得你可以處理一下我繼父嗎？

238
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,343
抓他的臉去拖地，因為他值得

239
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:26,259
等一下

240
00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:28,796
你是我的英雄

241
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,597
不不不，我不是

242
00:17:33,176 --> 00:17:35,766
現在不是，永遠不是

243
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,680
操你媽，韋德

244
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,481
我是壞人，收錢處理更壞的人

245
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:42,895
“瑪格麗特姊妹公主病學校”

246
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,520
歡迎光臨瑪格麗特姊妹

247
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,911
這裡像傭兵招募展

248
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:49,400
把我們想成崩壞的牙仙

249
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,111
只不過我們是靠打斷牙齒收錢

250
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:55,197
最好別讓我們在金卡上看到你的名字

251
00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:57,328
巴克！里菲爾德…

252
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,629
嘿，韋德！

253
00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,244
韋德威爾遜，可憐人的守護者

254
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,635
可以為你效勞嗎？

255
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,414
給我口交

256
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,665
天啊，我也要

257
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,046
喝的啦，激凸男，但首先…

258
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,387
“傑若米蓋瑞特”

259
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,462
喂，人家賺錢很辛苦的好嗎？

260
00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:12,339
要確定還給…

261
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,382
歐羅斯基小姐

262
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,383
就是她

263
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,926
你確定嗎？

264
00:18:15,927 --> 00:18:18,387
你這傭兵還蠻好心的

265
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,347
你一定輕易放過那小子

266
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,308
他不壞，黃鼠狼

267
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,726
只是愛黏人

268
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,269
我在那個年紀更誇張

269
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,188
我到異國旅行

270
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,773
巴格達、摩加迪休、傑克遜維爾

271
00:18:29,774 --> 00:18:31,494
認識有趣的新朋友

272
00:18:31,651 --> 00:18:33,831
然後幹掉他們，我看過你的Instagram

273
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,322
特種部隊去傑克遜維爾要幹嘛？

274
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,948
那是機密

275
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,242
那裡有間很棒的星期五餐廳

276
00:18:40,243 --> 00:18:42,620
好，卡魯哇、甜奶酒還有…

277
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,954
鮮奶油

278
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:46,295
你要的口交

279
00:18:46,499 --> 00:18:47,958
幹嘛點這鬼東西？

280
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,793
凱莉，凱莉

281
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:50,669
請拿去給巴克

282
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:53,339
跟他說是布思請的，來點前戲

283
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,591
你要幹嘛？

284
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,676
我不拉屎，只推人進茅坑

285
00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:58,517
喂，布思！

286
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,346
-冷靜    -等一下！

287
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,557
怎樣？

288
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,694
-乾杯    -去死啦

289
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:09,104
過來，你這死胖子！

290
00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:10,865
板凳是新的

291
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,195
他媽的躺好

292
00:19:19,574 --> 00:19:21,367
哇！他被打趴了

293
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,244
讓開，讓我過

294
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,675
巴克，去休息

295
00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:27,205
布思被打趴在地上

296
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:33,680
沒事，他還沒死

297
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,716
今天沒人贏

298
00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:39,385
很行嘛，韋德

299
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,972
是我不好，我賭布思死，你賭誰？

300
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,233
韋德，這個嘛

301
00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:46,533
不會吧

302
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,644
你不會賭我死吧

303
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,563
“瑪格麗特姊妹的死亡賭盤”

304
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,064
“黃鼠狼 六千 韋德威爾遜”

305
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,482
你賭我死，操你媽

306
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,203
你是全世界最爛的朋友

307
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,653
你糗了吧，我會活到102歲

308
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,905
然後才死，像底特律市一樣

309
00:19:59,906 --> 00:20:02,825
對不起，我只是想贏錢

310
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,243
我從來沒贏過

311
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,411
隨便啦

312
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,212
傭兵們，我請客！

313
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,546
國產酒，進口的他請不起

314
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:19,557
寶貝，你確定你要花光光嗎？

315
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:22,769
哇，辣妹

316
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:26,399
-凡妮莎    -韋德

317
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,903
這是什麼廟能有你這種爐？

318
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,568
我想插

319
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,622
巴克，你最好道歉，以免…

320
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,942
對，就是那裡

321
00:20:36,943 --> 00:20:38,611
請說金句，發胖的甘道夫

322
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,529
-我道歉    -用鼻子呼吸

323
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,781
我口不擇言…

324
00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:44,292
放手，好了

325
00:20:44,784 --> 00:20:47,286
疼惜他的蛋蛋，他道歉了

326
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,587
出去，滾，去找魔戒

327
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,591
喂，摸要收錢的

328
00:20:53,793 --> 00:20:55,143
收錢？

329
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,838
所以…

330
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,298
上你要付費？

331
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:00,132
對

332
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:01,383
童年不快樂嗎？

333
00:21:01,384 --> 00:21:02,468
比你慘

334
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:04,349
我還沒出生爸爸就跑了

335
00:21:04,679 --> 00:21:06,519
我媽還沒懷我，我爸就跑了

336
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:09,114
被香菸燙過嗎？

337
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:10,518
不然要怎麼熄菸？

338
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,852
我被性侵

339
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,646
我也是，被我叔叔

340
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:16,190
我的叔叔們輪流

341
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,859
我在上鎖的衣櫥裡過生日

342
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,319
那裡正好也是…

343
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,737
你的臥室，真好運

344
00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:23,458
我睡在洗碗機箱子裡

345
00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:25,540
你有洗碗機

346
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:26,909
我根本沒得睡

347
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,577
全年無休被抽皮鞭

348
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:30,458
插屁眼、滴蠟燭

349
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,799
誰會做這種事？

350
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:40,890
希望是你，今天晚上

351
00:21:43,426 --> 00:21:48,646
如果我給你九千塊…

352
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,350
和優格集點卡能做什麼？

353
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:54,241
大概48分鐘，你他媽想幹嘛都行

354
00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:57,487
還能吃低卡甜點

355
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:06,747
她剛剛把集點卡放進你嘴裡嗎？

356
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,206
是時候把球放進洞裡了

357
00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:12,804
是你說做什麼都行的

358
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,510
我懂了

359
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,208
顯然你喜歡擲球

360
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:18,544
多過打砲

361
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:20,305
這決定不容易

362
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:23,215
我只想先好好認識你

363
00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:27,346
而不是把你當發洩的對象

364
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:28,479
球進洞吧

365
00:22:29,347 --> 00:22:30,556
球進洞吧

366
00:22:30,557 --> 00:22:31,974
準備輸到脫褲吧

367
00:22:31,975 --> 00:22:33,142
試試看，男子漢

368
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:34,443
還不賴

369
00:22:40,483 --> 00:22:43,986
限量版【聖戰士：宇宙的守護者】

370
00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:45,157
麻煩你

371
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,990
好，等一下

372
00:22:47,991 --> 00:22:48,782
“3500張票”

373
00:22:48,783 --> 00:22:50,951
我注意這玩意很久了

374
00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:52,870
我要橡皮擦

375
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,288
好

376
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:57,124
你現在是愛勒斯星球的守護者了

377
00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,126
而你可以擦掉…

378
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:00,757
鉛筆寫的字

379
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,296
美女？

380
00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:03,672
很遺憾

381
00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:05,813
你的48分鐘到了

382
00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:08,886
這個可以再凹多一點時間？

383
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:13,687
五頭小獅子可以合體成百獸王

384
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:16,852
五頭小獅子？三分鐘

385
00:23:16,853 --> 00:23:17,895
說定了

386
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:20,446
剩下的2分37秒我們要做什麼？

387
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,334
抱抱？

388
00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:28,214
你能持續多久？

389
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:29,463
一整年？

390
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:42,015
情人節快樂

391
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:51,011
恭喜發財

392
00:23:51,012 --> 00:23:52,652
狗年行大運

393
00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,031
放鬆

394
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,742
三八婦女節快樂

395
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:09,369
不行，不好，不要

396
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:12,879
浴佛節快樂

397
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:19,164
-韋德？    -對不起

398
00:24:19,165 --> 00:24:20,795
萬聖節快樂

399
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:22,046
萬聖節快樂

400
00:24:31,511 --> 00:24:33,521
感恩節快樂

401
00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:36,733
我愛你

402
00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:42,354
如果你的左腿是感恩節

403
00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:44,315
右腿是聖誕節

404
00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:47,158
能在兩個假日間拜訪你嗎？

405
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,910
那件毛衣醜爆了

406
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:53,365
但你穿起來超正點

407
00:24:53,366 --> 00:24:54,533
紅色適合你

408
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,594
凸顯你紅腫的雙眼

409
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,454
聽著，我在想…

410
00:24:58,455 --> 00:24:59,595
想什麼？

411
00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:02,133
為什麼我們這麼合拍

412
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:03,589
為什麼？

413
00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:08,145
你的瘋和我的狂超速配

414
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:13,230
我們像拼圖，古怪彎曲的邊緣

415
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:16,023
拼在一起就看得見上面的圖案

416
00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:17,903
對

417
00:25:18,225 --> 00:25:19,615
韋德

418
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,603
我一直想問你一件事

419
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:25,414
因為你可能沒時間問

420
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,584
你願意…

421
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,698
-插進…    -嫁給我嗎？

422
00:25:34,407 --> 00:25:35,707
尷尬了

423
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:38,494
你藏在哪裡？

424
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,845
沒啊

425
00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:42,289
聽說要花一個月的薪水，所以…

426
00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:43,374
你是說…

427
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,542
我願意

428
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:45,843
那是我的台詞

429
00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:50,769
我愛你，韋德威爾遜

430
00:25:51,299 --> 00:25:52,716
你應該說…

431
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:53,847
我願意！

432
00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,308
她願意！

433
00:25:58,139 --> 00:25:59,899
我感覺像個小女孩似的

434
00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,314
要是我不放手呢？

435
00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:10,195
就上吧，像尤達騎路克一樣

436
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:12,702
星際大戰的笑話

437
00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,371
帝國大反擊啦

438
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:19,040
老天，你好像是我用電腦合成的

439
00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:24,339
來

440
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:26,435
完美

441
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:31,839
-我看看    -好了，尿尿時間

442
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,430
甩一甩

443
00:26:39,389 --> 00:26:40,819
是這樣的

444
00:26:40,932 --> 00:26:42,892
人生是一連串的災難

445
00:26:42,893 --> 00:26:46,783
僅有廣告般的簡單歡樂

446
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:50,365
最精采的廣告播完了

447
00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:55,821
表示要回到正常節目了

448
00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:56,872
怎麼…

449
00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:59,129
天啊，韋德？

450
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:06,675
你在搞笑

451
00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:08,555
沒有？

452
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:09,968
我覺得你在開玩笑

453
00:27:10,086 --> 00:27:13,672
每個人對癌症末期的反應不一樣

454
00:27:13,673 --> 00:27:16,008
有一些選擇可以考慮

455
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:18,479
每天都有新藥在研發

456
00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,154
所以怎麼辦？

457
00:27:24,518 --> 00:27:26,988
一定有什麼辦法

458
00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:30,523
我叔叔艾文被診斷出甲狀腺癌

459
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,108
德國有新的實驗藥物

460
00:27:33,109 --> 00:27:37,659
凡妮莎已經從頭想到尾了

461
00:27:37,697 --> 00:27:41,497
我呢，在記住她長相的細節

462
00:27:41,868 --> 00:27:44,548
彷彿像是我第一次見到她

463
00:27:44,621 --> 00:27:45,538
或是最後一次

464
00:27:45,539 --> 00:27:47,039
威爾遜先生

465
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,760
威爾遜先生

466
00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:51,505
花時間想清楚

467
00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,432
謹慎行事很重要

468
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:09,895
好了，重達90公斤名叫法蘭西斯的

469
00:28:09,896 --> 00:28:11,236
髒東西會躲在哪裡？

470
00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:38,090
全場安靜無聲

471
00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:40,843
來自加拿大雷吉納的

472
00:28:40,844 --> 00:28:44,614
轟動新人韋德準備踢球

473
00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:47,944
他的姿勢一百分

474
00:28:49,769 --> 00:28:53,909
各位，客氣就沒意思了

475
00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,525
各位，你們正在目睹完美的…

476
00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:59,076
甜蜜復仇

477
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,581
無死角攻擊

478
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:03,085
來囉！

479
00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:07,960
暴力美學的最高境界

480
00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:14,877
氣色不錯嘛，法蘭西斯

481
00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,968
休息足夠，兩眼開開準備投胎

482
00:29:17,297 --> 00:29:19,517
有印象嗎？沒有？

483
00:29:24,179 --> 00:29:25,769
現在呢？

484
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:31,936
韋德他媽的威爾遜

485
00:29:34,147 --> 00:29:35,481
你好啊，帥哥

486
00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:38,484
是啊，好像被輻射沙皮狗咬過

487
00:29:38,485 --> 00:29:41,695
那是誰的錯呢，法蘭西斯？

488
00:29:41,696 --> 00:29:43,822
該是恢復我帥氣臉龐的時候了

489
00:29:43,823 --> 00:29:47,133
拜託，你應該謝我，現在你死不了

490
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,827
我其實很忌妒

491
00:29:48,828 --> 00:29:51,338
但這種人生不值得吧

492
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:54,834
現在，我要用林普巴茲提特

493
00:29:54,835 --> 00:29:57,605
毀掉90年代音樂的方式對付你

494
00:29:59,673 --> 00:30:00,773
爹？

495
00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:06,345
我想我們都同意

496
00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:08,806
事情的發展歪到不行

497
00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:11,816
好吧，也沒那麼歪

498
00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:16,031
這是我最珍貴的財產

499
00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:17,398
哄？

500
00:30:17,399 --> 00:30:19,529
不對，轟！

501
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:23,540
“炒熱它”讓喬治與安迪爆紅

502
00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:27,241
所以我該微笑揮揮手送你出門？

503
00:30:27,242 --> 00:30:28,868
就當作過年大掃除

504
00:30:28,869 --> 00:30:30,202
只是把過年當死亡

505
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:32,204
要是打手槍就有銅板拿

506
00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:34,505
不知道已經賺多少了

507
00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:37,008
聽起來不少

508
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:41,547
別廢話了，你不准走

509
00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:42,598
喝下去

510
00:30:42,716 --> 00:30:43,356
你說得對

511
00:30:43,357 --> 00:30:45,791
癌細胞只在肝、肺、前列腺和腦

512
00:30:45,792 --> 00:30:46,942
沒這些也死不了

513
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:51,056
這裡才是你的家

514
00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:52,391
圍繞著你的聖戰士

515
00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,942
打手槍專用雜誌，還有我

516
00:30:55,979 --> 00:30:59,739
聽著，我們都知道癌症是慘劇

517
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:07,709
找奧斯卡獎編劇來寫也不會有收視率

518
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:12,956
我絕對不會讓你受這種苦

519
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,970
我要你記得我

520
00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:19,084
不是病懨懨的那種

521
00:31:19,085 --> 00:31:21,215
我要我們的回憶

522
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:23,088
我對天發誓，來生我會找到你

523
00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:26,258
我會在你窗外高唱“無心的呢喃”

524
00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:27,979
轟！

525
00:31:31,097 --> 00:31:34,397
沒人要高聲歌唱，好嗎？

526
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,325
一定會治好的

527
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:43,661
況且，我剛明白一件事

528
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:49,624
你贏了，你的人生正式比我的更遜

529
00:31:53,787 --> 00:31:55,087
我愛你

530
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:07,846
韋德

531
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:11,011
黃鼠狼

532
00:32:11,012 --> 00:32:13,639
你看起來需要口交和洗澡

533
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,808
為了禮貌起見，先洗澡

534
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:17,476
來三杯龍舌蘭

535
00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:21,313
或者來點小麥草

536
00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:22,690
對你的免疫系統很好

537
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,817
老天，你聽起來就像凡妮莎

538
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:26,026
你看看

539
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:29,530
她訂了這些五顏六色的診所手冊

540
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,621
我相信他們都通過政府檢驗

541
00:32:31,741 --> 00:32:34,743
不是去車臣才會得癌症嗎？

542
00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:37,804
中國和墨西哥中部

543
00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:40,249
你知道癌症的西班牙文怎麼說嗎？

544
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:41,630
不知道

545
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:43,711
癌症

546
00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:45,852
我也猜得出來

547
00:32:45,922 --> 00:32:47,506
你看起來多開心啊

548
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:50,217
我可以留著掛起來嗎？

549
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:51,808
才能記得你活著的樣子

550
00:32:52,012 --> 00:32:54,013
你現在將因癌症慘死

551
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:56,765
至少我會贏得死亡賭盤了

552
00:32:56,766 --> 00:32:58,646
我懂啦，黃鼠狼，謝謝

553
00:33:01,188 --> 00:33:03,856
那邊那個傢伙來找你

554
00:33:03,857 --> 00:33:06,775
毛毛的

555
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:09,036
我不知道，可能有新的劇情發展

556
00:33:12,741 --> 00:33:13,866
布思

557
00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:15,247
韋德

558
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:21,553
威爾遜先生

559
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:22,958
能為你效勞嗎？

560
00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:25,711
除了誘拐小孩性侵之外

561
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:29,423
我知道你最近被診斷出癌症末期

562
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:30,591
你跟蹤狂喔

563
00:33:30,592 --> 00:33:33,062
我的工作是招募

564
00:33:33,553 --> 00:33:36,233
你的困境我很遺憾

565
00:33:37,057 --> 00:33:39,391
但你是特種部隊的戰士

566
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:42,032
確認狙殺41人

567
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:43,729
每七週一人

568
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:45,910
和大部分人理髮的頻率一樣

569
00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:48,317
沖淡死亡的味道

570
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:51,570
要忘記自己這麼神很難

571
00:33:51,571 --> 00:33:55,741
現在你成天為小人物出氣

572
00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:57,542
人會變，你想怎樣？

573
00:33:57,619 --> 00:34:00,959
我代表一個可以幫你的組織

574
00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:06,594
如果我們可以治癒你的癌症

575
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,546
甚至賦予你多數人

576
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,347
夢寐以求的能力呢？

577
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,720
你聽起來像詐騙集團

578
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:18,806
不如治治我的香港腳

579
00:34:18,807 --> 00:34:20,474
幫我打手槍

580
00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:23,561
世界需要超凡的戰士

581
00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,771
我們不只會讓你變好

582
00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:29,032
我們會讓你更強

583
00:34:29,776 --> 00:34:31,286
超級英雄

584
00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:34,280
聽著，史密斯探員

585
00:34:34,281 --> 00:34:36,621
我試過當英雄，下場淒慘

586
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:39,753
但我想放棄治療的時候，我會找你

587
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:43,622
糟糕，這裡周圍500碼有學校

588
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:44,923
所以你還是…

589
00:34:49,671 --> 00:34:51,221
他的酒錢自己付

590
00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,605
他說了什麼？

591
00:35:20,994 --> 00:35:22,844
怎麼了？

592
00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:25,338
抱歉

593
00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:28,799
我做了地表最強老爸的噩夢

594
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:32,847
我夢到我綁架他女兒，他超不爽

595
00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:44,825
嘿，那部電影他們拍了三集欸

596
00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:48,989
會不會其實他只是個不及格的老爸

597
00:36:03,036 --> 00:36:07,006
癌症最可怕的，不是它對你的影響

598
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,209
而是影響你愛的人

599
00:36:10,210 --> 00:36:13,003
誰知道這傢伙能不能救我的命

600
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:15,854
但我只有一個辦法能救她

601
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,229
這不就是超級英雄會做的事嗎？

602
00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:38,656
好，來分析當超級英雄的優缺點

603
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:43,242
優點：他們可以上好多女人

604
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:44,702
乾洗有折扣

605
00:36:44,703 --> 00:36:48,747
誇張的片約，單獨和大鍋炒的電影

606
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:51,959
缺點：他們都是守規矩的遜咖

607
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,752
我聽得見

608
00:36:53,753 --> 00:36:56,922
我不是對你說，我是對他們說

609
00:36:56,923 --> 00:36:58,933
不要動

610
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,390
我警告過你，死侍

611
00:37:01,428 --> 00:37:05,097
這樣濫用超能力很可惜

612
00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:07,308
你們倆都要跟我們走

613
00:37:07,309 --> 00:37:11,270
我現在沒時間鳥你們

614
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:13,411
還有你哪位？

615
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:16,609
青少女彈頭

616
00:37:16,610 --> 00:37:20,112
青少女…啥米碗糕

617
00:37:20,113 --> 00:37:22,213
超酷的名字！

618
00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:26,118
你是他的搭檔嗎？

619
00:37:26,119 --> 00:37:27,620
不是，學員

620
00:37:27,621 --> 00:37:29,121
我猜猜

621
00:37:29,122 --> 00:37:31,665
X戰警留了爛攤子給你？

622
00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:32,833
那你算什麼？

623
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:35,294
假裝你不在，彈頭

624
00:37:35,295 --> 00:37:36,895
我們交換名字好不好？

625
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,297
我們可以走了嗎？

626
00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:40,674
你看看！我是青少女

627
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:42,968
我寧願去任何地方，也不要待在這

628
00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:45,179
我喜歡省話擺臭臉

629
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:48,940
碎嘴之後又不說話

630
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,478
所以是怎樣？省話擺臭臉

631
00:37:52,479 --> 00:37:55,319
還是碎嘴？回答我

632
00:37:56,316 --> 00:37:57,906
我無話可說

633
00:37:58,652 --> 00:38:00,653
我們不容許這樣，死侍

634
00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:02,154
拜託，乖乖跟我們走

635
00:38:02,155 --> 00:38:04,490
你這個金鋼芭比！

636
00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:05,491
嘴巴放乾淨

637
00:38:05,492 --> 00:38:07,292
你真的要阻撓我動手？

638
00:38:07,327 --> 00:38:11,830
相信我，那賤胚活該

639
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:14,631
他邪惡到家

640
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:18,299
何況又沒人受傷啊

641
00:38:23,343 --> 00:38:25,678
我們到之前那傢伙就已經掛在上面了

642
00:38:25,679 --> 00:38:28,848
韋德，你可以更有貢獻

643
00:38:28,849 --> 00:38:32,393
-加入我們，善用你的超能力
-小心頭

644
00:38:32,394 --> 00:38:33,853
成為超級英雄

645
00:38:33,854 --> 00:38:34,854
聽著！

646
00:38:34,855 --> 00:38:37,495
要是我決定成為打擊犯罪的蠢材…

647
00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:40,693
和一群愛靠腰的小屁孩同居在…

648
00:38:40,694 --> 00:38:45,573
光頭邪教怪叔叔的失樂園裡

649
00:38:45,574 --> 00:38:47,575
等那天來臨…

650
00:38:47,576 --> 00:38:49,702
我就會對你送出誠摯的交友邀請

651
00:38:49,703 --> 00:38:52,204
但在那之前，我要完成我來做的事

652
00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:55,040
否則就痛甩你巴掌

653
00:38:55,041 --> 00:38:56,333
等等

654
00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:57,543
-喂    -住口，光頭妹

655
00:38:57,544 --> 00:38:58,711
喂，蠢侍！

656
00:38:58,712 --> 00:39:00,222
你給我看著…

657
00:39:04,718 --> 00:39:06,728
真不幸

658
00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:12,358
真是夠了！

659
00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:18,158
草泥馬！

660
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:20,274
不妙

661
00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,400
韋德，拜託…

662
00:39:21,401 --> 00:39:22,701
偷桃！

663
00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:26,071
你老婆真可憐

664
00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:28,212
你該住手了

665
00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:34,173
所有的恐龍都怕暴龍

666
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,753
我保證你會慘兮兮，大隻佬

667
00:39:40,754 --> 00:39:42,224
你很丟臉

668
00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:44,774
拜託別站起來

669
00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:48,093
你看過斷腿的人踢泰拳嗎？

670
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,595
你有關閉的開關嗎？

671
00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:51,222
有，就在前列腺旁邊

672
00:39:51,223 --> 00:39:52,431
還是那是開起的開關？

673
00:39:52,432 --> 00:39:53,612
夠了！

674
00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:05,238
我們去找教授談談

675
00:40:05,445 --> 00:40:07,279
麥艾維還是史都華？

676
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,750
誰是誰都搞不清楚了

677
00:40:10,784 --> 00:40:13,494
是死是活，你都要跟我走！

678
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:15,329
你會復原的，韋德

679
00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:17,260
你總是會

680
00:40:21,461 --> 00:40:25,221
你看過【127小時】嗎？劇透！

681
00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:29,844
天啊

682
00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:31,235
好噁

683
00:40:34,015 --> 00:40:36,435
這是那部電影的高潮啊，寶貝

684
00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:38,821
祢在嗎，上帝？是我，壁虎先生

685
00:40:49,489 --> 00:40:52,169
慘，到，爆

686
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:55,661
不管人生能他媽的有多悲慘

687
00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:59,957
都能回溯到一個錯誤的決定

688
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:03,210
送你進屎坑的那個決定

689
00:41:03,211 --> 00:41:06,561
這個，就是我的錯誤決定

690
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:08,560
威爾遜先生

691
00:41:09,676 --> 00:41:11,719
沒有什麼比你改變心意

692
00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:14,221
更讓我開心的了

693
00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:16,232
你終於想清楚了

694
00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,402
答應我你會善待我

695
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:21,854
我才對得起她

696
00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:23,325
沒問題

697
00:41:23,732 --> 00:41:25,832
拜託不要讓我穿綠制服

698
00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:28,618
或變成動畫

699
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:38,166
快點，動作快

700
00:41:48,465 --> 00:41:50,895
這地方還真乾淨

701
00:41:51,384 --> 00:41:53,894
我的第一個要求是暖男

702
00:41:54,179 --> 00:41:57,729
真是的，還要暖一點的手術臺

703
00:41:59,017 --> 00:42:01,187
我們應該說好安全暗號

704
00:42:01,228 --> 00:42:03,358
“鴨血”好了

705
00:42:07,317 --> 00:42:08,867
輕一點啦

706
00:42:10,570 --> 00:42:13,160
你做女人不會太威武嗎？

707
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,335
你帶把吧

708
00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:20,412
火柴是怎麼回事？

709
00:42:20,413 --> 00:42:21,956
你還沒脫離口腔期喔？

710
00:42:21,957 --> 00:42:23,417
還是你超愛史特龍？

711
00:42:24,668 --> 00:42:26,258
忍耐一下，天使

712
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:28,712
很快就會結束

713
00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:30,893
你來幫我鋪床還是怎樣？

714
00:42:32,175 --> 00:42:33,467
又一個愛嘴砲的

715
00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:35,386
第一天當超級英雄很興奮

716
00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:37,807
他媽的閉嘴

717
00:42:40,851 --> 00:42:43,111
威爾遜先生，我是阿賈克斯

718
00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:46,160
我管理這個小工廠

719
00:42:46,940 --> 00:42:50,276
我的歡迎詞本來打算很客氣

720
00:42:50,277 --> 00:42:52,069
例如“會有點痛”

721
00:42:52,070 --> 00:42:53,946
“可能會不太舒服”

722
00:42:53,947 --> 00:42:56,282
但我決定直白點

723
00:42:56,283 --> 00:42:58,951
這不是政府的工廠

724
00:42:58,952 --> 00:43:02,663
是執行再生計畫的私人機構

725
00:43:02,664 --> 00:43:06,304
賦予你這種人非凡的能力

726
00:43:07,627 --> 00:43:11,217
但如果你以為取得超能力不會痛

727
00:43:11,798 --> 00:43:12,928
你就錯了

728
00:43:13,300 --> 00:43:15,384
我注射的血清會啟動

729
00:43:15,385 --> 00:43:17,636
潛藏在你DNA裡的變種基因

730
00:43:17,637 --> 00:43:19,263
為了產生作用

731
00:43:19,264 --> 00:43:21,904
我們必須對你施加強大壓力

732
00:43:27,022 --> 00:43:30,622
你聽過“不打蛋怎麼做蛋餅”吧

733
00:43:31,109 --> 00:43:32,789
我要傷害你，韋德

734
00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:36,503
我自己也曾是這邊的病人

735
00:43:36,740 --> 00:43:39,580
療程對每個人的效果不同

736
00:43:39,618 --> 00:43:42,708
天使變得更強壯

737
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,705
而我呢…

738
00:43:44,706 --> 00:43:47,046
我的反射神經強化

739
00:43:47,250 --> 00:43:48,501
神經末梢也被烤焦了

740
00:43:48,502 --> 00:43:50,512
所以我再也不覺得痛

741
00:43:51,922 --> 00:43:56,102
事實上，我什麼也感覺不到了

742
00:44:04,267 --> 00:44:07,353
謝謝你，感恩

743
00:44:07,354 --> 00:44:09,454
你的牙齒卡著東西

744
00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,274
就在中間

745
00:44:12,275 --> 00:44:15,485
一小塊菜花之類的

746
00:44:17,197 --> 00:44:19,957
我一直覺得很困擾

747
00:44:21,076 --> 00:44:22,409
騙到你啦

748
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:24,119
阿賈克斯是你的真名嗎？

749
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,913
聽起來超假的

750
00:44:25,914 --> 00:44:27,081
到底是什麼？

751
00:44:27,082 --> 00:44:29,542
凱文？布魯斯？史考特？

752
00:44:29,543 --> 00:44:31,473
米契？瑞克？

753
00:44:31,837 --> 00:44:33,637
貝克漢？

754
00:44:33,672 --> 00:44:35,432
盡量嘴砲吧

755
00:44:35,590 --> 00:44:38,810
幽默感終究會消失的

756
00:44:38,969 --> 00:44:40,302
等著瞧囉

757
00:44:40,303 --> 00:44:41,983
走著瞧吧

758
00:44:43,014 --> 00:44:44,598
交給你了

759
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,149
拜託

760
00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:49,741
你要把我交給這個麻辣賤諜嗎？

761
00:44:53,859 --> 00:44:55,943
過程是這樣的

762
00:44:55,944 --> 00:44:59,254
腎上腺素是血清的催化劑

763
00:44:59,573 --> 00:45:02,383
所以我們得讓你受苦

764
00:45:03,827 --> 00:45:06,996
運氣好的話，變種基因會啟動

765
00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:08,957
以獨特的型態展現

766
00:45:12,961 --> 00:45:16,101
倒楣的話，那我們得繼續傷害你

767
00:45:17,632 --> 00:45:18,799
用各種不同的方式

768
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:20,640
每一次都更令人痛苦

769
00:45:23,013 --> 00:45:25,693
到你突變為止

770
00:45:26,975 --> 00:45:28,535
或死亡

771
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,734
你是說列人生目標清單？

772
00:45:36,735 --> 00:45:39,028
“管他去死”清單

773
00:45:39,029 --> 00:45:41,999
我真的很想用奧運聖火點大麻

774
00:45:42,282 --> 00:45:44,241
你先抽再傳給我

775
00:45:44,242 --> 00:45:50,462
還要跟辣妹脫光光綁在一起高空彈跳

776
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:54,639
我的清單每一條都與公然裸露有關

777
00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:58,005
最後，舔AV女優屁屁

778
00:45:58,006 --> 00:46:01,426
不對，讓AV女優舔我屁屁

779
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:09,565
要她替我的孩子烤香蕉蛋糕

780
00:46:12,646 --> 00:46:14,986
凡妮莎

781
00:46:18,193 --> 00:46:20,653
我想見凡妮莎

782
00:46:20,654 --> 00:46:22,071
太美了

783
00:46:22,072 --> 00:46:25,533
我不知道其他人怎麼想，但我很感動

784
00:46:25,534 --> 00:46:26,700
我們只是在說笑

785
00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:29,301
沒關係

786
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:32,050
分心是好事

787
00:46:32,499 --> 00:46:34,917
你現在放棄就不好了

788
00:46:34,918 --> 00:46:37,048
不要聽他胡說，康寧漢

789
00:46:37,712 --> 00:46:40,172
名字叫法蘭西斯的人

790
00:46:40,173 --> 00:46:43,353
一定是個娘炮

791
00:46:43,677 --> 00:46:45,052
法蘭西斯？

792
00:46:45,053 --> 00:46:46,813
那是他的真名

793
00:46:47,097 --> 00:46:50,857
“阿賈克斯”是隨便取的

794
00:46:52,602 --> 00:46:56,492
法，蘭，西…

795
00:46:56,690 --> 00:46:58,320
拍謝！

796
00:46:59,860 --> 00:47:02,862
我偷了你大衣上的乾洗標籤

797
00:47:02,863 --> 00:47:04,333
“法蘭西斯費里曼”

798
00:47:04,656 --> 00:47:05,823
對了，我可能可以

799
00:47:05,824 --> 00:47:07,074
給你超級英雄的折扣

800
00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:08,534
你真惹人厭

801
00:47:08,535 --> 00:47:09,660
謝謝

802
00:47:09,661 --> 00:47:10,911
從來沒聽過

803
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:14,206
幫個忙，閉上你的臭嘴

804
00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:16,507
否則我就把你的嘴縫起來

805
00:47:18,044 --> 00:47:19,837
我要是你就不會那麼做

806
00:47:19,838 --> 00:47:23,090
從小就被虐待的好處就是

807
00:47:23,091 --> 00:47:26,351
很難找到新招式

808
00:47:28,722 --> 00:47:31,362
你確定？

809
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:39,164
如果這還解不開你的變種基因

810
00:47:39,691 --> 00:47:41,241
那就沒辦法了

811
00:47:41,401 --> 00:47:44,403
現在，我們要稀釋空氣中的氧濃度

812
00:47:44,404 --> 00:47:47,364
直到你感覺像窒息了

813
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:50,835
如果你的腦波減緩，表示你將昏厥

814
00:47:51,203 --> 00:47:52,593
然後我們會提高氧氣濃度

815
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:54,788
如果你的心跳減緩

816
00:47:54,789 --> 00:47:57,583
表示你能呼吸

817
00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:59,224
我們就往回調

818
00:47:59,586 --> 00:48:03,556
我們就將你留在那個狀態

819
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,925
我還以為你們之前很機歪

820
00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:08,686
你知道最有趣的是什麼嗎？

821
00:48:09,095 --> 00:48:11,765
你還以為我們要把你變成超級英雄

822
00:48:12,307 --> 00:48:16,067
你，蒙羞退伍

823
00:48:16,561 --> 00:48:18,901
跟妓女交往

824
00:48:19,272 --> 00:48:21,242
你是個廢物

825
00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:23,620
小祕密，韋德

826
00:48:24,152 --> 00:48:26,278
這工廠不生產超級英雄

827
00:48:26,279 --> 00:48:28,579
而是超級奴隸

828
00:48:29,324 --> 00:48:31,283
我們要給你戴上項圈

829
00:48:31,284 --> 00:48:33,424
拍賣給出價最高的買家

830
00:48:33,912 --> 00:48:35,592
誰知道他們會要你做什麼？

831
00:48:36,122 --> 00:48:39,882
恐嚇平民，幹掉自由鬥士

832
00:48:41,753 --> 00:48:44,893
也許有時除除草

833
00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:47,810
你他媽有病喔？

834
00:48:52,806 --> 00:48:55,641
你永遠回不去了

835
00:48:55,642 --> 00:48:58,152
再也不帥氣

836
00:48:58,937 --> 00:49:00,777
等一下！

837
00:49:02,816 --> 00:49:06,986
說真的，你的牙齒真的卡著東西

838
00:49:08,655 --> 00:49:10,295
週末愉快

839
00:49:10,365 --> 00:49:12,157
週末？等等

840
00:49:12,158 --> 00:49:13,628
什麼週末？

841
00:49:55,035 --> 00:49:57,203
我有說這是個愛情故事嗎？

842
00:49:57,204 --> 00:49:59,924
不，這是恐怖片

843
00:50:16,097 --> 00:50:18,307
他媽的

844
00:50:18,308 --> 00:50:21,602
看來有人失去最性感男人的頭銜了

845
00:50:21,603 --> 00:50:23,771
你做了什麼？

846
00:50:23,772 --> 00:50:27,149
我增加足夠的壓力，刺激突變

847
00:50:27,150 --> 00:50:29,580
你他媽的虐待狂！

848
00:50:29,986 --> 00:50:31,786
我治好了你，韋德

849
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:34,252
突變細胞能治癒一切

850
00:50:35,075 --> 00:50:38,135
攻擊癌細胞的速度就像形成一樣快

851
00:50:39,079 --> 00:50:41,959
我以前看過類似的副作用

852
00:50:42,958 --> 00:50:44,298
是可以治

853
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:49,557
但那樣就不好玩了

854
00:50:51,591 --> 00:50:54,441
現在，我要再把你關起來

855
00:50:55,929 --> 00:50:58,189
不是因為我需要

856
00:51:01,852 --> 00:51:03,862
是因為我想要

857
00:51:18,034 --> 00:51:19,285
好吧

858
00:51:19,286 --> 00:51:20,796
動手

859
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:25,838
你好臭

860
00:51:28,837 --> 00:51:30,177
王八蛋

861
00:51:30,797 --> 00:51:33,017
嘿，沒關係

862
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,801
算我們欠他的吧

863
00:51:35,802 --> 00:51:38,482
離開吧，走

864
00:51:38,972 --> 00:51:40,612
先出去吧

865
00:51:51,318 --> 00:51:53,238
很快問一下

866
00:51:55,197 --> 00:51:57,537
我叫什麼名字？

867
00:52:02,996 --> 00:52:04,626
不敢說吧

868
00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:09,258
抱歉，法蘭西斯，我不會說的

869
00:52:41,952 --> 00:52:44,712
“氧氣”

870
00:52:56,550 --> 00:52:57,850
“液態氧氣”

871
00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:06,869
你不會想殺我的

872
00:54:06,870 --> 00:54:09,420
只有我能補救你的醜臉

873
00:55:05,846 --> 00:55:07,686
我叫什麼名字？

874
00:55:13,562 --> 00:55:15,032
韋德

875
00:56:22,130 --> 00:56:25,470
我的癌症不只好了

876
00:56:26,676 --> 00:56:29,646
我不會再生任何病

877
00:56:33,016 --> 00:56:35,309
但真正重要的

878
00:56:35,310 --> 00:56:37,240
只有一件事

879
00:57:06,383 --> 00:57:07,773
走吧

880
00:57:12,806 --> 00:57:15,816
那看起來很痛

881
00:57:16,518 --> 00:57:18,278
謝謝

882
00:57:29,906 --> 00:57:32,199
天啊，他超醜的

883
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:33,659
看看那張臉

884
00:57:33,660 --> 00:57:36,078
天啊，你看他

885
00:57:36,079 --> 00:57:37,246
親愛的，不要一直看

886
00:57:37,247 --> 00:57:38,707
好噁

887
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:00,269
不行

888
00:58:00,270 --> 00:58:02,396
我不能讓她的人生和我一樣醜陋

889
00:58:02,397 --> 00:58:05,024
拜託，韋德，不可能那麼糟

890
00:58:05,025 --> 00:58:06,358
屁啦！

891
00:58:06,359 --> 00:58:09,695
我全身上下都爆醜，馬戲團都不想收

892
00:58:09,696 --> 00:58:12,536
韋德，凡妮莎愛你，她不會在意

893
00:58:14,034 --> 00:58:15,201
你喜歡嗎？

894
00:58:15,202 --> 00:58:16,672
不喜歡

895
00:58:16,870 --> 00:58:19,038
像一顆酪梨和另一顆

896
00:58:19,039 --> 00:58:21,169
快爛掉的酪梨打完砲

897
00:58:21,249 --> 00:58:22,082
對啊

898
00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:22,917
兩個一點都不溫柔

899
00:58:22,918 --> 00:58:24,210
像是帶著恨意的打炮

900
00:58:24,211 --> 00:58:26,212
彼此有著很變態的關係

901
00:58:26,213 --> 00:58:29,924
我一點都不想知道

902
00:58:29,925 --> 00:58:32,468
唯一能修復我的醜臉的人

903
00:58:32,469 --> 00:58:35,221
是管變種人工廠的英國混蛋

904
00:58:35,222 --> 00:58:37,223
但是他人間蒸發了！

905
00:58:37,224 --> 00:58:38,933
你得想辦法搞定

906
00:58:38,934 --> 00:58:42,061
因為目前為止，你只有一個選項

907
00:58:42,062 --> 00:58:43,312
說得好

908
00:58:43,313 --> 00:58:45,231
-找到法蘭西斯    -去演恐怖片

909
00:58:45,232 --> 00:58:46,232
什麼？

910
00:58:46,233 --> 00:58:48,484
自導自演恐怖片啊

911
00:58:48,485 --> 00:58:49,735
因為你看起來

912
00:58:49,736 --> 00:58:52,616
像無聊去整型還失敗的佛萊迪

913
00:58:53,156 --> 00:58:54,949
我要這麼做

914
00:58:54,950 --> 00:58:56,242
我要一個個收拾他的手下

915
00:58:56,243 --> 00:58:57,660
直到有人供出法蘭西斯

916
00:58:57,661 --> 00:59:01,789
逼他補救，然後爆他的腦，操他的頭

917
00:59:01,790 --> 00:59:04,959
我不要看，也不要想

918
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,253
但那渾蛋以為你死了吧？

919
00:59:07,254 --> 00:59:07,962
對

920
00:59:07,963 --> 00:59:09,922
那好，就讓他以為你死了

921
00:59:09,923 --> 00:59:11,590
怎樣，要我戴面具嗎？

922
00:59:11,591 --> 00:59:14,891
對，很厚的面具，無時無刻

923
00:59:15,303 --> 00:59:16,345
不好意思

924
00:59:16,346 --> 00:59:19,014
你醜得令人難忘

925
00:59:19,015 --> 00:59:20,975
你的臉讓人做噩夢

926
00:59:20,976 --> 00:59:22,434
像長了牙齒的蛋蛋

927
00:59:22,435 --> 00:59:24,228
你會孤獨至死

928
00:59:24,229 --> 00:59:26,109
我是說，如果你死的了的話

929
00:59:26,439 --> 00:59:28,440
為了大家，這樣比較好

930
00:59:28,441 --> 00:59:29,984
可以

931
00:59:29,985 --> 00:59:31,819
你現在需要緊身衣和外號

932
00:59:31,820 --> 00:59:34,040
例如，嘴砲王韋德

933
00:59:34,114 --> 00:59:37,584
或是，夜魔瞎、死不了先生

934
00:59:38,118 --> 00:59:39,418
媽的

935
00:59:39,744 --> 00:59:41,094
怎樣？

936
00:59:41,621 --> 00:59:43,664
我用一切家當賭你死，而現在

937
00:59:43,665 --> 00:59:45,291
我才明白我永遠贏不了

938
00:59:45,292 --> 00:59:46,333
死亡侍應生

939
00:59:46,334 --> 00:59:48,934
“瑪格麗特的死亡賭盤”

940
00:59:50,172 --> 00:59:52,772
死侍隊長

941
00:59:54,342 --> 00:59:55,509
不

942
00:59:55,510 --> 00:59:57,303
-死侍就好    -死侍就好

943
00:59:57,304 --> 00:59:59,597
敬你，死先生

944
00:59:59,598 --> 01:00:02,398
死侍，聽起來像他媽的系列電影

945
01:00:16,656 --> 01:00:19,076
一堆人要倒大楣了

946
01:00:19,826 --> 01:00:21,126
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

947
01:00:35,133 --> 01:00:37,103
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

948
01:00:44,976 --> 01:00:47,146
用碳酸水和檸檬清洗血跡

949
01:00:48,188 --> 01:00:51,448
不然就穿紅色的，北七

950
01:01:09,876 --> 01:01:11,636
別讓我問第二次

951
01:01:12,712 --> 01:01:14,088
法蘭西斯

952
01:01:14,089 --> 01:01:16,519
在哪裡？

953
01:01:16,842 --> 01:01:18,551
他讓我問了兩次

954
01:01:18,552 --> 01:01:20,852
面具蓋住我的聲音嗎？

955
01:01:25,392 --> 01:01:27,152
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

956
01:01:29,437 --> 01:01:31,567
法蘭西斯他媽的在哪裡？

957
01:01:39,948 --> 01:01:43,409
我要用除冰機嚕過你喔

958
01:01:43,410 --> 01:01:44,880
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

959
01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,417
不要，拜託！

960
01:01:47,747 --> 01:01:51,547
天啊，真抱歉，我不是故意…

961
01:01:51,751 --> 01:01:54,721
你這個小蜘蛛猴！

962
01:01:57,465 --> 01:02:01,385
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

963
01:02:02,095 --> 01:02:03,429
我好困惑

964
01:02:03,430 --> 01:02:04,638
打你是我大男人？

965
01:02:04,639 --> 01:02:06,432
不打你是我看不起你？

966
01:02:06,433 --> 01:02:08,976
我是說，真的很難決定

967
01:02:08,977 --> 01:02:11,197
法蘭西斯在哪裡？

968
01:02:12,606 --> 01:02:14,565
他媽的告訴我你老闆在哪裡

969
01:02:14,566 --> 01:02:16,196
否則你就死定了！

970
01:02:16,443 --> 01:02:18,413
再過五分鐘

971
01:02:19,613 --> 01:02:21,213
“除冰機傢伙”

972
01:02:22,782 --> 01:02:25,082
“史密斯探員”

973
01:02:28,246 --> 01:02:30,256
隨時打給我

974
01:02:45,639 --> 01:02:48,109
見到你真好，傑瑞德

975
01:02:48,975 --> 01:02:50,735
我要12吋潛艇堡

976
01:02:50,894 --> 01:02:52,074
加滿

977
01:03:07,327 --> 01:03:08,994
確認狙殺41人

978
01:03:08,995 --> 01:03:11,705
現在89，快到90了

979
01:03:12,165 --> 01:03:13,795
威爾遜先生？

980
01:03:15,293 --> 01:03:17,763
你看起來很有活力

981
01:03:18,255 --> 01:03:19,645
只是外表

982
01:03:20,006 --> 01:03:22,967
-我不會有好下場，對吧？
-沒錯

983
01:03:22,968 --> 01:03:24,176
對，你的老闆呢？

984
01:03:24,177 --> 01:03:25,977
我可以告訴你確切地點…

985
01:03:27,514 --> 01:03:29,654
你會告訴我，但首先…

986
01:03:29,933 --> 01:03:32,309
你們最好還是不要看

987
01:03:32,310 --> 01:03:33,820
這根手指…

988
01:03:35,689 --> 01:03:38,239
謝謝你，史密斯探員

989
01:03:41,528 --> 01:03:42,578
計程車！

990
01:03:44,030 --> 01:03:46,620
上車吧！今天是適合搭車的好日子

991
01:03:48,326 --> 01:03:49,996
你們都知道結果了

992
01:03:52,664 --> 01:03:55,174
糟糕！這不是要給你們看的

993
01:04:02,841 --> 01:04:04,931
好，都交代清楚了

994
01:04:12,559 --> 01:04:14,819
我們到了

995
01:04:15,395 --> 01:04:18,815
很抱歉在你的垃圾上流血

996
01:04:24,738 --> 01:04:27,118
用碳酸水和檸檬洗得掉

997
01:04:29,034 --> 01:04:31,577
有些憤怒是無法平息的

998
01:04:31,578 --> 01:04:36,968
像是計畫了一整年，結果自己受傷

999
01:04:37,375 --> 01:04:40,336
話說回來，要治療傷口

1000
01:04:40,337 --> 01:04:42,177
家是最好的地方

1001
01:04:42,714 --> 01:04:47,234
我和你們見過的老盲婦愛兒一起住

1002
01:04:47,344 --> 01:04:49,234
天啊，我想念古柯鹼

1003
01:04:49,513 --> 01:04:50,563
就是她

1004
01:04:51,348 --> 01:04:54,183
第四道牆裡的第四道牆

1005
01:04:54,184 --> 01:04:57,074
那樣就有16道牆

1006
01:04:57,270 --> 01:05:00,272
我是蝙蝠俠，她就是羅賓

1007
01:05:00,273 --> 01:05:02,816
只不過她是又老又瞎的黑人

1008
01:05:02,817 --> 01:05:04,737
而且我覺得她愛上我了

1009
01:05:04,903 --> 01:05:08,583
等等，我很確定羅賓也愛蝙蝠俠

1010
01:05:18,291 --> 01:05:19,591
愛兒？

1011
01:05:21,670 --> 01:05:23,260
早安，貪睡蟲

1012
01:05:24,548 --> 01:05:26,799
這裡臭得像老淑女的內搭褲

1013
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,801
對，我老，我穿內搭褲

1014
01:05:28,802 --> 01:05:30,652
但你不是淑女

1015
01:05:31,513 --> 01:05:33,483
好舒服

1016
01:05:33,974 --> 01:05:37,017
瞎子的好處是，看不見你穿鱷魚鞋

1017
01:05:37,018 --> 01:05:38,561
我穿著打手槍的鞋？

1018
01:05:38,562 --> 01:05:39,822
對，我知道

1019
01:05:40,105 --> 01:05:42,815
瞎子的壞處是

1020
01:05:42,816 --> 01:05:45,276
這公寓裡什麼都聽得見

1021
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:48,571
少煩啦

1022
01:05:48,572 --> 01:05:49,655
殺菌藥膏？

1023
01:05:49,656 --> 01:05:53,996
對，應該會有用

1024
01:05:54,870 --> 01:05:56,829
IKEA家具怎麼樣

1025
01:05:56,830 --> 01:05:58,831
宜家不會自己組裝

1026
01:05:58,832 --> 01:06:01,834
真的，我覺得特力屋也不錯

1027
01:06:01,835 --> 01:06:03,975
比寶萊屋好多了

1028
01:06:04,337 --> 01:06:07,006
拜託，隨便一種都比寶萊屋好

1029
01:06:07,007 --> 01:06:10,807
我寧可到好萊屋住陶坂屋

1030
01:06:11,678 --> 01:06:14,228
不，我要去特力屋才會有反應

1031
01:06:14,347 --> 01:06:15,181
麻煩，上螺絲

1032
01:06:15,182 --> 01:06:16,640
這裡？現在嗎？開玩笑的

1033
01:06:16,641 --> 01:06:17,850
我知道你很久沒被上了

1034
01:06:17,851 --> 01:06:19,321
你確定？

1035
01:06:19,686 --> 01:06:21,106
超噁的

1036
01:06:22,814 --> 01:06:25,494
完…成

1037
01:06:31,031 --> 01:06:34,421
早知道就不上網找室友

1038
01:06:34,534 --> 01:06:35,201
我唸給你聽

1039
01:06:35,202 --> 01:06:37,203
“尋求室友，能忽視人生的不完美”

1040
01:06:37,204 --> 01:06:38,370
“手要巧”

1041
01:06:38,371 --> 01:06:40,706
還是你寧願我組裝，你付房租？

1042
01:06:40,707 --> 01:06:42,837
今早幹嘛這麼機掰啊？

1043
01:06:43,335 --> 01:06:44,502
我們來回顧一下

1044
01:06:44,503 --> 01:06:46,879
好不容易抓到讓我變成怪物的賤胚

1045
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:48,810
後來卻讓他跑了

1046
01:06:50,175 --> 01:06:51,685
加上我的手

1047
01:06:51,801 --> 01:06:53,844
唯有抓到他，我才有機會再變帥…

1048
01:06:53,845 --> 01:06:55,012
找回我的超性感前女友

1049
01:06:55,013 --> 01:06:57,348
避免這鬼事發生在別人身上

1050
01:06:57,349 --> 01:06:58,307
所以，沒錯

1051
01:06:58,308 --> 01:07:01,358
我今天跟用砂紙打手槍一樣不爽

1052
01:07:03,021 --> 01:07:04,861
我放屁經過

1053
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:24,300
我知道紅衣小男孩是誰了

1054
01:07:26,378 --> 01:07:28,548
該死的韋德威爾遜

1055
01:07:29,214 --> 01:07:31,854
如果我的臉像那樣，我也會戴面具

1056
01:07:32,217 --> 01:07:34,057
但願我也有那種治癒能力

1057
01:07:37,722 --> 01:07:40,558
不過，我們會解決他

1058
01:07:40,559 --> 01:07:42,069
用我們的方法

1059
01:07:42,185 --> 01:07:44,235
是喔，如果他恢復呢？

1060
01:07:44,938 --> 01:07:46,105
他恢復不了

1061
01:07:46,106 --> 01:07:48,774
變成碎片怎麼恢復呢

1062
01:07:48,775 --> 01:07:52,995
真有趣，我幾乎想念起那廢物了

1063
01:07:54,114 --> 01:07:55,834
我喜歡挑戰

1064
01:07:56,908 --> 01:08:01,088
但他對生意有害，我們去找他吧

1065
01:08:05,292 --> 01:08:06,750
來點普拿疼？

1066
01:08:06,751 --> 01:08:09,601
你自己去塞啦

1067
01:08:09,629 --> 01:08:12,089
我翻出珍藏的過期止痛藥

1068
01:08:12,090 --> 01:08:16,440
現在他媽的嗨翻天

1069
01:08:18,930 --> 01:08:21,270
但謝謝你的好意

1070
01:08:21,892 --> 01:08:26,395
是我瘋了嗎，還是你的手很小？

1071
01:08:26,396 --> 01:08:28,446
跟肯德基的塑膠叉一樣小

1072
01:08:30,317 --> 01:08:32,610
我了解你為什麼不爽

1073
01:08:32,611 --> 01:08:35,613
但你要找到這個女人表白

1074
01:08:35,614 --> 01:08:37,072
你的心情才會好起來

1075
01:08:37,073 --> 01:08:40,492
我要講幾次，瞎太太？她不會要我的

1076
01:08:40,493 --> 01:08:42,286
你看得見就會懂

1077
01:08:42,287 --> 01:08:43,454
外表不是一切

1078
01:08:43,455 --> 01:08:44,622
外表就是一切

1079
01:08:44,623 --> 01:08:46,749
你有沒有聽過貝克漢說話？

1080
01:08:46,750 --> 01:08:49,090
聲音尖得像小女生似的

1081
01:08:49,169 --> 01:08:50,127
你以為萊恩雷諾斯

1082
01:08:50,128 --> 01:08:52,505
靠高超演技成名的嗎？

1083
01:08:52,506 --> 01:08:53,964
愛情是盲目的

1084
01:08:53,965 --> 01:08:54,925
不是

1085
01:08:55,926 --> 01:08:57,476
盲目的是你

1086
01:08:57,844 --> 01:09:00,846
所以你就要躺在那裡哀怨嗎？

1087
01:09:00,847 --> 01:09:02,932
不，我要等這隻手長回來

1088
01:09:02,933 --> 01:09:05,283
然後我要想全新的復仇計畫

1089
01:09:05,852 --> 01:09:08,822
在此同時，你還是離開比較好

1090
01:09:09,189 --> 01:09:11,909
用這隻手打手槍一定覺得很粗大

1091
01:09:12,984 --> 01:09:16,004
走，快走

1092
01:09:16,196 --> 01:09:17,154
醫生說

1093
01:09:17,155 --> 01:09:19,198
“壞消息是，你不會活那麼久”

1094
01:09:19,199 --> 01:09:20,866
病人問“我還有多久？”

1095
01:09:20,867 --> 01:09:22,785
醫生說“五”

1096
01:09:22,786 --> 01:09:24,453
那傢伙說“五什麼？”

1097
01:09:24,454 --> 01:09:28,674
醫生說“四，三，二…”

1098
01:09:35,549 --> 01:09:37,349
能為你們效勞嗎？

1099
01:09:39,678 --> 01:09:41,098
希望如此

1100
01:09:45,058 --> 01:09:49,448
我聽說你可以指引我朋友的去向

1101
01:09:49,729 --> 01:09:51,029
他叫韋德威爾遜

1102
01:09:52,232 --> 01:09:53,399
抱歉

1103
01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:55,280
不認識

1104
01:10:02,325 --> 01:10:04,955
喂，你不該站在吧檯後面

1105
01:10:08,415 --> 01:10:10,332
我看過這女的

1106
01:10:10,333 --> 01:10:11,584
這一定是凡妮莎了

1107
01:10:11,585 --> 01:10:13,185
我聽過好多你的事

1108
01:10:17,591 --> 01:10:19,641
親愛的，你看看四周

1109
01:10:19,926 --> 01:10:22,846
情況對你不利

1110
01:10:23,930 --> 01:10:25,764
放輕鬆，天使

1111
01:10:25,765 --> 01:10:27,395
放他下來

1112
01:10:28,685 --> 01:10:30,735
我們已經有需要的東西了

1113
01:10:30,854 --> 01:10:32,244
你確定？

1114
01:10:32,606 --> 01:10:35,774
你們一定要穿得黑罵馬嗎？

1115
01:10:35,775 --> 01:10:38,735
好好欣賞【刀鋒戰士2】午夜場

1116
01:10:42,115 --> 01:10:44,075
謝謝你們挺我

1117
01:10:48,788 --> 01:10:50,956
韋德，我們他媽的出事了

1118
01:10:50,957 --> 01:10:53,427
我說的“我們”是指你

1119
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:55,930
真不敢相信我要這麼做

1120
01:10:56,129 --> 01:10:59,048
有什麼又驚又怕的形容詞？

1121
01:10:59,049 --> 01:11:01,258
有啊，“驚怕”吧

1122
01:11:01,259 --> 01:11:03,093
你想到要怎麼跟她說了嗎？

1123
01:11:03,094 --> 01:11:04,404
操！

1124
01:11:04,429 --> 01:11:06,609
這樣的開場白不好

1125
01:11:12,229 --> 01:11:15,564
現在，下一位上台的是…

1126
01:11:15,565 --> 01:11:18,075
掌聲鼓勵，貞女小雀！

1127
01:11:21,571 --> 01:11:23,989
我都叫她假掰女

1128
01:11:23,990 --> 01:11:26,158
我們要比他們先找到她

1129
01:11:26,159 --> 01:11:27,660
你怎麼知道她在這裡？

1130
01:11:27,661 --> 01:11:31,131
因為我不時在跟蹤那性感尤物

1131
01:11:55,814 --> 01:11:59,624
每次我看見她，都像第一次

1132
01:12:00,151 --> 01:12:02,621
尤其是從這個角度

1133
01:12:25,802 --> 01:12:30,152
愛情無價，但可以租用三分鐘

1134
01:12:32,893 --> 01:12:35,863
你他媽的遜咖！

1135
01:12:36,313 --> 01:12:37,613
加油啊！

1136
01:12:38,565 --> 01:12:39,732
快點振作

1137
01:12:39,733 --> 01:12:42,163
這不是為了我，是為了凡妮莎

1138
01:12:45,989 --> 01:12:47,619
來吧

1139
01:12:49,910 --> 01:12:51,840
使出渾身解數

1140
01:12:55,081 --> 01:12:56,471
凡妮莎

1141
01:12:58,710 --> 01:13:03,140
外面有人找你，跟前男友有關

1142
01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:31,580
我就知道是你

1143
01:13:33,119 --> 01:13:35,379
古怪彎曲的邊緣

1144
01:13:36,623 --> 01:13:38,763
像拼圖

1145
01:13:48,552 --> 01:13:50,732
這你就要感謝韋德威爾遜了

1146
01:13:59,437 --> 01:14:01,277
喂！她去哪裡了？

1147
01:14:01,898 --> 01:14:04,778
我看見她去後面，去找她，猛男

1148
01:14:32,512 --> 01:14:34,263
他媽的！

1149
01:14:34,264 --> 01:14:36,682
-等一下…    -去你媽的！

1150
01:14:36,683 --> 01:14:38,601
-我們先談談    -操他娘的！

1151
01:14:38,602 --> 01:14:39,935
好吧，你打吧

1152
01:14:39,936 --> 01:14:41,854
-好了    -幹！幹！

1153
01:14:41,855 --> 01:14:44,825
-別這樣，夠了    -幹！幹！

1154
01:14:44,983 --> 01:14:46,333
幹！

1155
01:14:47,027 --> 01:14:49,195
冷靜，冷靜

1156
01:14:49,196 --> 01:14:50,529
這是好的開始

1157
01:14:50,530 --> 01:14:52,698
我要他媽的把他…

1158
01:14:52,699 --> 01:14:53,699
等等

1159
01:14:53,700 --> 01:14:55,284
-找出來    -什麼？

1160
01:14:55,285 --> 01:14:57,005
-我已經抓狂了    -好啦

1161
01:14:57,120 --> 01:14:58,954
好啦，好啦

1162
01:14:58,955 --> 01:15:00,331
來，是凡妮莎

1163
01:15:00,332 --> 01:15:02,374
-什麼？
-不，等等，是法蘭西斯

1164
01:15:02,375 --> 01:15:03,626
他要你去找他

1165
01:15:03,627 --> 01:15:05,127
“要她就來廢車廠找她，中午12點”

1166
01:15:05,128 --> 01:15:06,879
-那是什麼？    -屎的表情符號

1167
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:09,048
就是有笑臉和眼睛的一坨大便啊

1168
01:15:09,049 --> 01:15:11,679
我一直以為是巧克力優格

1169
01:15:12,052 --> 01:15:13,344
我需要槍

1170
01:15:13,345 --> 01:15:14,512
好，哪種？

1171
01:15:14,513 --> 01:15:15,721
全部的槍！

1172
01:15:15,722 --> 01:15:17,192
好，好

1173
01:15:34,741 --> 01:15:36,450
“時人雜誌 最性感男人 休傑克曼”

1174
01:15:37,577 --> 01:15:39,377
大概有三千發子彈

1175
01:15:40,038 --> 01:15:42,378
我們都知道我用12發有多屌

1176
01:15:42,499 --> 01:15:44,750
欸，小心點，瞎太太

1177
01:15:44,751 --> 01:15:46,141
你瞄著我們

1178
01:15:47,254 --> 01:15:48,879
我本來要去逛海砂屋

1179
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:51,140
但這裡比較醋咪

1180
01:15:52,008 --> 01:15:54,885
我說過了，去何首屋，不要去海砂屋

1181
01:15:54,886 --> 01:15:56,929
不聽話就滾蛋

1182
01:15:56,930 --> 01:15:59,765
媽的，屋裡就只有這些槍了

1183
01:15:59,766 --> 01:16:01,816
少來，快點，拿出來

1184
01:16:01,893 --> 01:16:03,693
拉上來，拉上來

1185
01:16:04,771 --> 01:16:05,938
放下去，放下去

1186
01:16:05,939 --> 01:16:06,989
去你的

1187
01:16:08,775 --> 01:16:11,865
點45口徑，我喜歡

1188
01:16:13,697 --> 01:16:15,247
韋德

1189
01:16:16,116 --> 01:16:19,166
我可以跟你去，但我不想

1190
01:16:23,415 --> 01:16:24,885
聽著，愛兒

1191
01:16:25,625 --> 01:16:28,294
如果我再也見不到你

1192
01:16:28,295 --> 01:16:31,105
我要你知道我很愛你

1193
01:16:31,756 --> 01:16:33,632
還有，這公寓某處

1194
01:16:33,633 --> 01:16:36,927
埋著大約116公斤的古柯鹼

1195
01:16:36,928 --> 01:16:40,018
就在能治好眼盲的藥旁邊，找到隨你

1196
01:16:45,228 --> 01:16:46,778
想嗨一下嗎？

1197
01:16:56,615 --> 01:16:58,425
綁在這裡

1198
01:17:08,335 --> 01:17:09,805
動手吧

1199
01:17:11,963 --> 01:17:14,813
謝了，孬種，說的是你

1200
01:17:15,008 --> 01:17:18,344
哇，你也愛嘴砲，和韋德一樣

1201
01:17:18,345 --> 01:17:20,054
我一直告訴你們這些混蛋

1202
01:17:20,055 --> 01:17:21,680
你們抓錯人了

1203
01:17:21,681 --> 01:17:23,224
我的前男友死了

1204
01:17:23,225 --> 01:17:25,351
我也那麼以為

1205
01:17:25,352 --> 01:17:26,977
但是他一直出現

1206
01:17:26,978 --> 01:17:28,354
像9527的小強

1207
01:17:28,355 --> 01:17:29,955
只是更醜

1208
01:17:30,690 --> 01:17:34,450
也許我沒感覺，但他有

1209
01:17:35,195 --> 01:17:37,375
就看看他要怎麼救你

1210
01:17:46,039 --> 01:17:47,839
異形3的雷普莉耶！

1211
01:17:48,166 --> 01:17:50,296
靠，你還真老

1212
01:17:51,670 --> 01:17:54,129
假笑兼內傷

1213
01:17:54,130 --> 01:17:55,589
去叫鋼彈

1214
01:17:55,590 --> 01:17:57,883
你們要去吃飯嗎？早鳥優惠？

1215
01:17:57,884 --> 01:18:00,694
講得好像提早吃飯或省錢有錯一樣

1216
01:18:00,804 --> 01:18:04,444
記得你們放走的那個壞人嗎？

1217
01:18:04,766 --> 01:18:06,725
他抓了我的女人

1218
01:18:06,726 --> 01:18:08,396
你們要幫我救她

1219
01:18:08,478 --> 01:18:10,396
韋德，是你嗎？

1220
01:18:10,397 --> 01:18:11,814
對，是我死侍

1221
01:18:11,815 --> 01:18:15,085
我有你無法拒絕的提議

1222
01:18:17,487 --> 01:18:18,707
我在外面等就好

1223
01:18:18,708 --> 01:18:20,865
真好笑，房子這麼大，只看過你們兩個

1224
01:18:20,866 --> 01:18:24,416
片商大概沒錢請其他的X戰警吧

1225
01:18:27,664 --> 01:18:32,724
所以我認為【超級8】是A片

1226
01:18:32,919 --> 01:18:34,753
這金光閃閃的傢伙是誰？

1227
01:18:34,754 --> 01:18:36,881
金光閃閃，瑞氣千條

1228
01:18:36,882 --> 01:18:41,232
後面這位鋼屌朋友同意幫我

1229
01:18:41,469 --> 01:18:45,556
條件是，我會考慮加入他的男孩天團

1230
01:18:45,557 --> 01:18:46,891
我們不是男孩天團

1231
01:18:46,892 --> 01:18:48,232
最好不是

1232
01:18:49,269 --> 01:18:51,239
把姬塔搶回來了沒？

1233
01:18:51,730 --> 01:18:54,190
我試過緊緊守住

1234
01:18:54,191 --> 01:18:58,121
但班度比我行比我帥

1235
01:18:58,486 --> 01:19:00,536
我覺得你可愛的要命

1236
01:19:06,119 --> 01:19:07,419
阿杜

1237
01:19:09,080 --> 01:19:10,380
那是什麼聲音？

1238
01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:18,005
班度…在後車廂

1239
01:19:18,423 --> 01:19:19,757
誰？

1240
01:19:19,758 --> 01:19:22,510
我的情敵班度，被綁在後車廂裡

1241
01:19:22,511 --> 01:19:24,220
我照你說的做，死侍

1242
01:19:24,221 --> 01:19:26,347
我打算拿他來做生魚片

1243
01:19:26,348 --> 01:19:28,398
丟在姬塔門口

1244
01:19:29,392 --> 01:19:31,143
我沒叫他這麼做

1245
01:19:31,144 --> 01:19:33,854
絕對沒有，他誤會了

1246
01:19:33,855 --> 01:19:37,149
阿杜，這樣無法贏回姬塔的心！

1247
01:19:37,150 --> 01:19:38,317
我真以你為榮

1248
01:19:38,318 --> 01:19:40,653
放班度走，像個紳士

1249
01:19:40,654 --> 01:19:41,570
幹掉他

1250
01:19:41,571 --> 01:19:43,739
然後，奪回姬塔

1251
01:19:43,740 --> 01:19:46,617
用老套的方式，發揮你的男人魅力

1252
01:19:46,618 --> 01:19:48,248
綁架她

1253
01:19:49,496 --> 01:19:50,956
那傢伙死定了

1254
01:19:56,127 --> 01:19:57,795
擊掌付款嗎？

1255
01:19:57,796 --> 01:19:59,386
為了你？雙手一起來

1256
01:20:00,590 --> 01:20:03,425
好，我們出去大幹一場吧

1257
01:20:03,426 --> 01:20:05,646
你知道該怎麼做

1258
01:20:06,304 --> 01:20:09,194
乎伊死，阿侍！

1259
01:20:10,141 --> 01:20:12,401
來做沙威瑪囉

1260
01:20:13,645 --> 01:20:15,312
有人刮花你的臉

1261
01:20:15,313 --> 01:20:18,315
搞亂你的腦子，搶走你未來孩子的媽

1262
01:20:18,316 --> 01:20:19,942
親手造就你的黑白人生

1263
01:20:19,943 --> 01:20:22,528
可不是常有的事

1264
01:20:22,529 --> 01:20:26,999
這麼說吧，聖誕節的氣氛越來越濃了

1265
01:20:39,629 --> 01:20:41,046
喂

1266
01:20:41,047 --> 01:20:42,597
你的軍火袋呢？

1267
01:20:45,218 --> 01:20:46,598
“死侍 來電”

1268
01:21:01,193 --> 01:21:02,873
班度？

1269
01:21:04,112 --> 01:21:06,238
請留言

1270
01:21:06,239 --> 01:21:07,698
媽的！

1271
01:21:07,699 --> 01:21:09,408
我要用老套的方法

1272
01:21:09,409 --> 01:21:13,169
左右開弓，使出渾身解數

1273
01:21:13,830 --> 01:21:15,170
下音樂

1274
01:21:31,014 --> 01:21:33,774
韋德威爾遜！

1275
01:21:34,059 --> 01:21:35,939
我叫什麼名字？

1276
01:21:36,269 --> 01:21:38,199
我他媽的會拼給你看

1277
01:21:40,148 --> 01:21:41,315
修理他

1278
01:21:41,316 --> 01:21:42,525
超級英雄落地

1279
01:21:42,526 --> 01:21:44,866
等著看，她要超級英雄落地了

1280
01:21:49,157 --> 01:21:50,617
超級英雄落地！

1281
01:21:50,867 --> 01:21:52,247
那很傷膝蓋

1282
01:21:52,285 --> 01:21:53,995
他們老是這樣太誇張

1283
01:21:54,246 --> 01:21:57,540
你很漂亮，但我是來對付法蘭西斯

1284
01:21:57,541 --> 01:21:58,791
所以我才帶他來

1285
01:21:58,792 --> 01:22:02,302
我寧可不打女人，所以拜託…

1286
01:22:09,219 --> 01:22:12,609
我是說，所以我才帶她來

1287
01:22:13,849 --> 01:22:16,100
沒關係，等你打完卡

1288
01:22:16,101 --> 01:22:17,685
稍等

1289
01:22:17,686 --> 01:22:19,316
好了，貼好標籤

1290
01:22:20,438 --> 01:22:22,568
彈頭，扁她

1291
01:22:28,947 --> 01:22:32,957
我真同情想硬上她的傢伙

1292
01:22:33,368 --> 01:22:35,248
好吧，開火！

1293
01:22:46,673 --> 01:22:48,340
快點他媽的搞死她！

1294
01:22:48,341 --> 01:22:49,466
請注意措詞

1295
01:22:49,467 --> 01:22:50,887
甲賽啦

1296
01:23:16,620 --> 01:23:18,590
別看，孩子

1297
01:23:19,039 --> 01:23:20,669
別看！

1298
01:23:27,714 --> 01:23:29,089
等等！

1299
01:23:29,090 --> 01:23:30,299
等等！

1300
01:23:30,300 --> 01:23:31,342
停火！

1301
01:23:31,343 --> 01:23:32,718
停火！

1302
01:23:32,719 --> 01:23:34,479
各位，喂！

1303
01:23:35,555 --> 01:23:39,308
你們只是為那結屎面的傢伙工作

1304
01:23:39,309 --> 01:23:43,395
所以我要給你們機會放下武器

1305
01:23:43,396 --> 01:23:46,440
然後我會非常認真地考慮…

1306
01:23:46,441 --> 01:23:50,201
讓你們安全下莊

1307
01:23:51,947 --> 01:23:53,280
算了

1308
01:23:53,281 --> 01:23:54,501
突擊！

1309
01:25:06,438 --> 01:25:07,608
含卵蛋！

1310
01:25:11,943 --> 01:25:13,163
巴伯？

1311
01:25:13,987 --> 01:25:14,987
韋德？

1312
01:25:14,988 --> 01:25:16,322
天啊，我好久沒見到你了

1313
01:25:16,323 --> 01:25:18,923
傑克遜維爾的星期五餐廳

1314
01:25:19,367 --> 01:25:21,457
搞什麼鬼

1315
01:25:21,661 --> 01:25:23,461
天啊，過來

1316
01:25:25,332 --> 01:25:27,632
孩子們好嗎？

1317
01:25:27,834 --> 01:25:29,627
蓋兒還會煮鮪魚燉鍋嗎？

1318
01:25:29,628 --> 01:25:30,336
超好吃

1319
01:25:30,337 --> 01:25:32,927
但吃多會變胖

1320
01:25:39,346 --> 01:25:42,681
你的…左邊，你很漂亮

1321
01:25:42,682 --> 01:25:44,032
你好貼心喔

1322
01:25:45,185 --> 01:25:46,445
謝謝

1323
01:25:56,196 --> 01:25:58,364
“法蘭西斯”

1324
01:25:58,365 --> 01:26:02,215
他也會寫給你嗎？真浪漫

1325
01:26:02,369 --> 01:26:03,999
別擔心，寶貝，我來了

1326
01:26:05,372 --> 01:26:06,382
開火！

1327
01:26:13,713 --> 01:26:15,513
喂！

1328
01:26:15,549 --> 01:26:16,719
上來！

1329
01:26:53,545 --> 01:26:55,395
王八…

1330
01:27:06,433 --> 01:27:09,243
那王八蛋應該穿屎色的褲子

1331
01:27:11,688 --> 01:27:13,158
你說對了，美人

1332
01:27:13,773 --> 01:27:15,743
紅色真的適合我

1333
01:27:16,359 --> 01:27:17,359
韋德？

1334
01:27:17,360 --> 01:27:18,580
別擔心，寶貝

1335
01:27:18,737 --> 01:27:21,037
我會救你出來

1336
01:27:21,198 --> 01:27:23,449
還有什麼更好的方式把你搞瘋呢

1337
01:27:23,450 --> 01:27:25,451
我早就被你搞瘋了

1338
01:27:25,452 --> 01:27:27,620
你離開我，渾球！

1339
01:27:27,621 --> 01:27:29,381
深呼吸，親愛的

1340
01:27:30,624 --> 01:27:32,054
等等

1341
01:27:32,792 --> 01:27:34,682
我說錯了

1342
01:27:36,630 --> 01:27:39,465
希望他們真的弄壞你所有的神經

1343
01:27:39,466 --> 01:27:40,926
因為我要一根根抽出來！

1344
01:27:41,968 --> 01:27:44,398
我聽說你的身體部位會自行生長了

1345
01:27:44,596 --> 01:27:45,638
我結束後

1346
01:27:45,639 --> 01:27:47,598
看你能長什麼東西回來

1347
01:27:47,599 --> 01:27:48,939
嗆的好

1348
01:27:49,643 --> 01:27:51,477
對，真的好

1349
01:27:51,478 --> 01:27:52,778
來跳舞吧

1350
01:27:53,897 --> 01:27:55,147
我說的跳舞

1351
01:27:55,148 --> 01:27:56,618
就是砍死彼此

1352
01:28:50,954 --> 01:28:53,497
好吧，用拳頭

1353
01:28:53,498 --> 01:28:55,628
聽起來是你最後一個週末夜了

1354
01:30:17,207 --> 01:30:19,587
渾球！

1355
01:31:15,640 --> 01:31:16,940
撐著點，寶貝！

1356
01:31:17,142 --> 01:31:19,402
-韋德！    -抓好了！

1357
01:31:22,522 --> 01:31:24,782
我有個計畫，你不會喜歡

1358
01:31:35,118 --> 01:31:36,538
媽的！

1359
01:31:42,209 --> 01:31:45,009
別擔心，一切在我掌握中

1360
01:32:00,727 --> 01:32:02,107
可惡！

1361
01:32:02,729 --> 01:32:05,909
使出渾身解數！

1362
01:32:47,941 --> 01:32:49,241
謝謝

1363
01:32:53,905 --> 01:32:55,865
慢慢來

1364
01:33:05,959 --> 01:33:08,929
天啊！超讚的！

1365
01:33:39,659 --> 01:33:41,499
廢話少說

1366
01:33:42,245 --> 01:33:46,165
我和你要修補這張爛臉

1367
01:33:46,666 --> 01:33:47,966
什麼？

1368
01:33:50,170 --> 01:33:53,180
你真是該死的白痴

1369
01:33:53,423 --> 01:33:58,313
你真的以為治得好？

1370
01:33:59,888 --> 01:34:01,148
什麼？

1371
01:34:01,264 --> 01:34:02,654
你聽見了

1372
01:34:04,184 --> 01:34:05,351
不

1373
01:34:05,352 --> 01:34:06,902
不！

1374
01:34:13,777 --> 01:34:17,077
所以，你的意思是

1375
01:34:17,572 --> 01:34:22,172
搞成這樣，你卻無法治好我？

1376
01:34:22,410 --> 01:34:24,578
你這樣說，聽起來更蠢了

1377
01:34:24,579 --> 01:34:25,871
我讓你活著

1378
01:34:25,872 --> 01:34:30,012
你卻辦不到我要你做的事

1379
01:34:33,505 --> 01:34:35,645
有遺言嗎？

1380
01:34:37,217 --> 01:34:38,597
我叫什麼名字？

1381
01:34:39,427 --> 01:34:40,761
誰他媽的在乎啊？

1382
01:34:40,762 --> 01:34:41,852
韋德！

1383
01:34:43,181 --> 01:34:45,861
只要四、五件事

1384
01:34:46,142 --> 01:34:47,184
什麼？

1385
01:34:47,185 --> 01:34:49,855
四、五件事就夠了

1386
01:34:50,272 --> 01:34:51,452
要幹嘛？

1387
01:34:52,315 --> 01:34:53,945
成為英雄

1388
01:34:55,652 --> 01:34:58,445
每個人都以為這是全職工作

1389
01:34:58,446 --> 01:34:59,488
身為英雄起床

1390
01:34:59,489 --> 01:35:02,329
身為英雄刷牙，身為英雄上班

1391
01:35:02,826 --> 01:35:04,660
不是這樣的

1392
01:35:04,661 --> 01:35:07,705
人生中真正重要的時刻

1393
01:35:07,706 --> 01:35:10,126
只有四、五個

1394
01:35:10,208 --> 01:35:12,751
你有選擇的時刻

1395
01:35:12,752 --> 01:35:17,222
做出犧牲，改正缺失，拯救朋友

1396
01:35:17,716 --> 01:35:20,636
原諒敵人

1397
01:35:20,760 --> 01:35:22,440
在這些時刻

1398
01:35:22,929 --> 01:35:26,109
一切都變得不重要

1399
01:35:26,516 --> 01:35:29,356
這個世界看待我們的方式

1400
01:35:29,436 --> 01:35:30,736
我們看待…

1401
01:35:34,691 --> 01:35:35,991
你幹嘛殺他？

1402
01:35:36,943 --> 01:35:39,028
你碎唸個沒完啊

1403
01:35:39,029 --> 01:35:42,114
對，也許我要醜一輩子…

1404
01:35:42,115 --> 01:35:45,159
但至少這醜臉永遠無法恢復了

1405
01:35:45,160 --> 01:35:48,090
如果穿超級英雄緊身衣

1406
01:35:48,246 --> 01:35:49,747
表示要原諒這種心理變態

1407
01:35:49,748 --> 01:35:51,957
那麼也許超級英雄不適合我

1408
01:35:51,958 --> 01:35:54,460
不是每個人都跟你一樣能當訓導主任

1409
01:35:54,461 --> 01:35:55,669
答應我…

1410
01:35:55,670 --> 01:35:56,310
好啦好啦

1411
01:35:56,311 --> 01:35:59,465
我會注意接下來的幾個時刻

1412
01:35:59,466 --> 01:36:01,133
哇哩咧

1413
01:36:01,134 --> 01:36:05,054
現在，不好意思，我只是個男孩

1414
01:36:05,055 --> 01:36:07,139
將要站在一個女孩面前

1415
01:36:07,140 --> 01:36:08,516
要告訴她…

1416
01:36:08,517 --> 01:36:10,643
我他媽要告訴她什麼啊？

1417
01:36:10,644 --> 01:36:14,204
你自己想清楚吧

1418
01:36:15,357 --> 01:36:16,690
我根本說不出…

1419
01:36:16,691 --> 01:36:18,081
我活該，這也是

1420
01:36:18,527 --> 01:36:20,319
不，不，別打那裡

1421
01:36:20,320 --> 01:36:22,410
你說啊！

1422
01:36:24,157 --> 01:36:25,991
對不起

1423
01:36:25,992 --> 01:36:27,752
我很抱歉

1424
01:36:28,286 --> 01:36:31,126
對這一切，很抱歉離開你

1425
01:36:32,332 --> 01:36:34,458
很抱歉沒有早點硬起來

1426
01:36:34,459 --> 01:36:36,585
我這兩年過得很苦

1427
01:36:36,586 --> 01:36:37,546
苦？

1428
01:36:45,053 --> 01:36:47,193
我住在毒窟裡

1429
01:36:48,139 --> 01:36:49,769
一家12口

1430
01:36:51,226 --> 01:36:52,810
每晚只能互相抱著取暖

1431
01:36:52,811 --> 01:36:55,896
每個人都搶著要找最胖的諾雅

1432
01:36:55,897 --> 01:36:57,523
我們什麼都一起用

1433
01:36:57,524 --> 01:37:01,994
地板、牙線，甚至保險套

1434
01:37:09,870 --> 01:37:12,340
所以，你還有房子住

1435
01:37:20,881 --> 01:37:24,141
我應該早點來找你的

1436
01:37:25,302 --> 01:37:27,761
但是，寶貝，面具下的傢伙

1437
01:37:27,762 --> 01:37:29,562
不是你記憶中的我

1438
01:37:33,643 --> 01:37:35,153
這個面具？

1439
01:37:54,998 --> 01:37:56,878
還有這個

1440
01:37:58,043 --> 01:38:00,143
以免另一個掉下來

1441
01:38:02,797 --> 01:38:05,132
好，就…

1442
01:38:05,133 --> 01:38:06,884
像撕OK繃一樣…

1443
01:38:06,885 --> 01:38:09,136
痛到破表

1444
01:38:09,137 --> 01:38:10,437
等等…

1445
01:38:12,057 --> 01:38:13,607
你確定嗎？

1446
01:38:15,185 --> 01:38:16,495
我確定

1447
01:38:26,696 --> 01:38:27,906
哇

1448
01:38:28,949 --> 01:38:30,419
是啊

1449
01:38:36,998 --> 01:38:38,628
嘿

1450
01:38:40,627 --> 01:38:42,637
稍微調適一下…

1451
01:38:42,879 --> 01:38:45,099
喝一堆酒之後…

1452
01:38:46,216 --> 01:38:48,476
這張臉…

1453
01:38:52,639 --> 01:38:54,609
我可以

1454
01:39:01,731 --> 01:39:05,484
緊身衣底下的我也不一樣了

1455
01:39:05,485 --> 01:39:06,615
不

1456
01:39:06,820 --> 01:39:08,821
超大的

1457
01:39:08,822 --> 01:39:12,632
拜託，韋德，注意措詞，有小孩在

1458
01:39:13,410 --> 01:39:15,327
你們還在這幹嘛？

1459
01:39:15,328 --> 01:39:18,080
滾啦，自己找事做！

1460
01:39:18,081 --> 01:39:20,916
你，去當別人的葛格

1461
01:39:20,917 --> 01:39:22,710
叫野獸不要在我的草坪上拉屎

1462
01:39:22,711 --> 01:39:24,670
還有你，雞湯麵

1463
01:39:24,671 --> 01:39:26,547
沒人比得上你

1464
01:39:26,548 --> 01:39:28,674
辛妮歐康諾90年的歌

1465
01:39:28,675 --> 01:39:31,685
沒關係，你還不賴

1466
01:39:33,346 --> 01:39:35,055
什麼鬼？

1467
01:39:35,056 --> 01:39:36,849
怎麼沒撂狠話

1468
01:39:36,850 --> 01:39:38,400
我以你為榮！

1469
01:39:38,518 --> 01:39:41,729
我們遲早要讓你加入X戰警，韋德

1470
01:39:41,730 --> 01:39:43,063
有那麼一下子

1471
01:39:43,064 --> 01:39:44,899
感覺我們是三頭小獅子

1472
01:39:44,900 --> 01:39:47,450
合體形成一個超級機器人

1473
01:39:48,028 --> 01:39:49,236
白痴

1474
01:39:49,237 --> 01:39:50,617
對啦

1475
01:39:53,742 --> 01:39:58,462
現在，我等待已久的時刻

1476
01:40:01,875 --> 01:40:03,345
過來

1477
01:40:12,886 --> 01:40:16,186
轟！我答應過的

1478
01:40:28,902 --> 01:40:30,110
看到沒？

1479
01:40:30,111 --> 01:40:33,739
不當超級英雄也能把到妹

1480
01:40:33,740 --> 01:40:36,830
速配的妹會讓你成為英雄

1481
01:40:37,118 --> 01:40:40,704
現在，將鏡頭拉遠結束

1482
01:40:40,705 --> 01:40:42,289
就是這樣，很棒…

1483
01:40:42,290 --> 01:40:44,750
這是今晚唯一會拉出來的東西

1484
01:40:44,751 --> 01:40:48,128
誰不喜歡快樂大結局呢？

1485
01:40:48,129 --> 01:40:51,048
再見了，這是你友善的好鄰居

1486
01:40:51,049 --> 01:40:52,049
為大家獻唱…

1487
01:40:52,050 --> 01:40:58,230
“我無法再以與你共舞的方式跳舞”

1488
01:41:17,742 --> 01:41:18,752
該死

1489
01:41:49,191 --> 01:41:53,235
他超帥

1490
01:41:53,236 --> 01:41:55,656
她超辣

1491
01:41:57,115 --> 01:41:58,865
他最帥！

1492
01:47:07,843 --> 01:47:09,773
你們還在啊？

1493
01:47:12,055 --> 01:47:15,395
演完了啦，回家

1494
01:47:16,810 --> 01:47:21,450
在等續集的預告？我們沒那個預算

1495
01:47:22,190 --> 01:47:25,234
在等山繆傑克森出現？

1496
01:47:25,235 --> 01:47:27,945
眼罩和酷炫皮大衣？

1497
01:47:27,946 --> 01:47:29,866
走啦，可以走了

1498
01:47:35,871 --> 01:47:38,414
但我可以告訴你一個小祕密

1499
01:47:38,415 --> 01:47:41,709
續集裡“機堡”會出現

1500
01:47:41,710 --> 01:47:44,170
超棒的，有生化手臂，會穿越時空

1501
01:47:44,171 --> 01:47:45,262
還不知道要找誰來演

1502
01:47:45,263 --> 01:47:46,505
任何人都有可能

1503
01:47:46,506 --> 01:47:48,090
理平頭的肌肉棒子就行

1504
01:47:48,091 --> 01:47:49,842
可能是梅爾吉勃遜、杜夫朗格

1505
01:47:49,843 --> 01:47:51,427
綺拉奈特莉，她戲路很廣

1506
01:47:51,428 --> 01:47:53,846
誰知道呢？反正，天大的祕密

1507
01:47:53,847 --> 01:47:58,647
還有，垃圾隨手帶走，亂丟很機歪

1508
01:47:59,269 --> 01:48:00,649
真的可以走了

1509
01:48:04,274 --> 01:48:06,108
翻譯：戴斯蒙