1
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:14,371
Admiral Collingwoodl
2
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,587
Well, Admiral?
3
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,914
Great news, Your Majesty!
4
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,087
The French are defeated at last.
5
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Also the Russians, the Portuguese,
6
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the Chinese
7
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and the Welsh.
8
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Then our navy rules the ocean.
9
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Almost entirely, Your Majesty.
10
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"Almost"?
11
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,235
Unfortunately, just here,
12
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we're still having a little trouble with...
13
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Pirates.
14
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,116
What does it say on my royal crest, Admiral?
15
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"I hate pirates,"
16
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ma'am.
17
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Exactly.
18
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Hate them.
19
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With their idiotic shanties!
20
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And their ridiculous hats!
21
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:11,428
And their endless, blasted roaring!
22
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:15,181
I want them sunk, Admiral!
23
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Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks.
Do you hear me?
24
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I hate pirates!
25
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Ifstheloofing.
26
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It's the cutlasses.
27
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Ifstheloofing!
28
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It's the cutlasses!
29
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Loofing!
30
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Cutlasses!
31
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Loofing!
32
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,176
Sorry, Captain.
33
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:58,762
We were just discussing
what's the best bit about being a pirate.
34
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You were, were you?
35
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,936
I suggested it might be the looting.
36
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Whereas I contend it's the shiny cutlasses.
37
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,983
And I thought
it was the chance to catch exotic diseases.
38
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,404
Well, you're, all of you, wrong.
39
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:18,699
The best bit about being a pirate
40
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,828
isn't the looting or the cutlasses.
41
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,379
It's not the grog or the scurvy.
42
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,545
Or the scantily clad mermaids.
43
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:32,175
The best bit about being a pirate
44
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,803
is Ham Night!
45
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:37,638
Ham Night!
46
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Ham Night!
47
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Ham!
48
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On your nose.
49
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,003
Go, Captain. Go, Captain.
50
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,964
Hey! Hey!
51
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,805
It's like a meat ballet.
52
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,258
- To Ham Night!
- Ham!
53
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,217
- And to the Pirate Captain!
- Pirate Captain!
54
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:20,635
Pirate Captain!
55
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,061
How was that, Number Two?
56
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,563
You've still got it, Captain.
57
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,858
I'd take a jellyfish in
the face for that man.
58
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,981
Okay, now, shush, shush, shush.
Settle down, lads. Shush.
59
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,532
- Lads, lads.
- Pirates!
60
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:35,905
- It's not all about me.
- Don't be modest.
61
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No,no,no.
62
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,154
Behind every captain with glittering eyes
63
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,035
- and a luxuriant beard...
- Luxuriant!
64
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,536
That's what it is.
65
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,085
There's a crew of briny rogues.
66
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Briny rogues!
67
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,085
Sure, some of you
are as ugly as a sea cucumber.
68
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,458
Will you get away with ya?
69
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,214
Some of you are closer
to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate.
70
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,888
And some of you
are just fish I've dressed up in a hat.
71
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,184
But you're still the best crew
a captain could wish for.
72
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,722
Don't forget Polly.
73
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,103
And not forgetting, never forgetting...
74
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,900
Polly. The finest parrot
to sail the seven seas.
75
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,150
Come on, girl.
76
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,698
I love her beady eyes.
77
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,076
Who's the feathery
heart and soul of our boat?
78
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,994
Is it you? Is it you?
79
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,164
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
80
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,866
It's definitely you, isn't it?
81
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,748
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
82
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,590
Right. Where was I?
83
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,043
Ah, yes! Ah, yes.
84
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,422
Important announcement.
85
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,219
By order of the Pirate King himself...
86
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,440
The Pirate of the Year Awards?
87
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:49,940
Are you going to...
88
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,610
Are you going to enter again?
89
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,779
That I am, Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate.
90
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,695
I know it hasn't
worked out perfectly for the last...
91
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,321
-20 year.
-20 years, yeah.
92
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,620
Exactly, Pirate with Gout. 20 years.
93
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,698
It might be a bit more. 21, 22...
94
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,033
Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.
95
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,618
- You were very good, though.
- Shush!
96
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,750
The point is,
every time I've entered, I've failed to win.
97
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,082
So by the sheer law of maths...
98
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,208
Maths.
99
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,966
I must have a really
good chance this time.
100
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,633
Are you with me, lads?
101
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,470
Yes! This can only end brilliantly.
102
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,094
Then let's go plundering!
103
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,752
Land ho!
104
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,051
Blood Island.
105
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,631
So-called because
it's the exact shape of some blood.
106
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,789
Yeah!
107
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,687
Excuse me. Mind out.
108
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,188
Captain coming through.
109
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,394
Thank you very much.
110
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,569
Thank you.
111
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,239
One Pirate of the Year
entry form, if you please.
112
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,158
Thank you.
113
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,819
Now, let's see.
114
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:48,903
II
115
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,204
Oh, yes.
116
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,203
"Roaring." Check.
117
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,408
"Shanties."
118
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,084
I shall put "rousing."
119
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,373
"Beard"?
120
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,620
Luxuflant
121
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Obviously.
122
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,295
Do you think I should sign it in blood?
123
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,717
Make it more dramatic?
124
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,090
Might be a bit on the showy side.
125
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,093
Bit too much. You might be right.
126
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,392
Pirate Captain.
127
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,347
You can't lose, Captain.
128
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,471
I'd bet my face.
129
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,931
Well, thank you, Albino Pirate.
130
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,231
You're a shoo-in, sir.
131
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,856
Sure, there's not a pirate
on the seven seas can match you.
132
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,117
Lock up your daughters!
133
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,248
It's me, Peg-Leg Hastings!
134
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,746
Back from plunderin' the Spanish Main.
135
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,077
Good grief.
136
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:42,041
And I reckon this will make me
Pirate of the Year.
137
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,968
Don't worry, sir.
He's all flash and no bang.
138
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,273
Cutlass Liz.
139
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,571
The Butcher of Barbados.
140
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,614
Hello, boys.
141
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:13,284
You're probably all wondering
if I'm still as deadly as I am beautiful.
142
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,371
Well, lam.
143
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,963
Hello, Cutlass, you trollop.
144
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,757
Peg-Leg, you pile of squid bait.
145
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,710
Check it out, lubbers.
146
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,546
The world's biggest diamond.
147
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,092
That baby's got my name on it.
148
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:39,063
She doesn't even have a beard.
149
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,768
Sweet Neptune's briny pants.
150
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,608
Black Bellamy.
151
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,318
Roar!
152
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,944
Read it and weep, ya coves!
153
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:38,581
That's right, Black Bellamy
is gonna be Pirate of the Year.
154
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,078
Again.
155
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,535
How are you? Good to see you.
156
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,086
Grog for everybody!
157
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,126
Grog for everybody!
158
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,794
Wow, we are rubbish
compared to them, aren't we?
159
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,067
Perhaps we should be off, sir.
160
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,151
Yes.
161
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,492
Yes, yes, good point.
162
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,575
I just remembered, actually,
I have some very important
163
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,832
bits of rope I need to untangle.
164
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,750
Thank you.
165
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:39,517
Well, if it isn't the Pirate Captain.
166
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,518
Hello, Bellamy. Cutlass. Peg-Leg.
167
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,814
Didn't notice you come in.
168
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,311
The beard's looking great, my man.
169
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,489
And I see that you're more wanted than ever.
170
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,035
Come on, everybody, be nice.
Give him a break.
171
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,404
Bring it down a little bit. All right.
172
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,488
Seriously, Captain,
173
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,578
how's the pirating business treating you?
174
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,376
Yeah, yeah, brilliantly, brilliantly.
Thanks for asking.
175
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,249
Treasure coming out of my eyeballs.
176
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,623
Taken to washing my hair in 50-pound notes.
177
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:11,090
Really?
178
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,293
If you've got so much booty,
179
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:16,505
then how come
you're still sailing that old wreck?
180
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,010
Anyway, look,
I'd love to stay and chat, but, you know,
181
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:26,898
places to pillage, people to...
People to skewer.
182
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,904
Come on!
183
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,402
That is disgusting.
184
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,193
Wait a minute.
185
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,703
Captain, what is this?
186
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,784
- What?
- Captain?
187
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,866
That's nothing.
Could I possibly have that back?
188
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,326
- Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait.
- Thank you.
189
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,456
"Pirate of the Year"?
190
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,955
You're entering Pirate of the Year?
191
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,167
No,no,no,no,no.
192
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,757
- Yes.
- Again?
193
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,550
Yes!
194
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,843
Come on. Listen, did they change the rules?
195
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:06,725
I mean, I always thought they gave it
to the pirate with the most booty.
196
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,523
Do they nowjust give it to the guy
with the fattest parrot?
197
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,102
She is not fat. She's just big-boned.
198
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,361
She's fat, dude.
199
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,859
Yeah, go on. Go on, then, laugh.
200
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,315
Everyone laugh.
201
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:27,125
Ignore them, Captain. It's not worth it.
202
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,794
The trophy would just clash
with your wallpaper, anyway.
203
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,046
You'll see, you'll see.
204
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,723
I will be Pirate of the Year.
205
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,221
Yes.
206
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:49,272
And then you'll be laughing on
the other side of your faces.
207
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:52,733
Yes.
208
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:56,609
And believe me, that is
a very painful thing to do.
209
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,984
Come on, lads.
210
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,743
Well...
211
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,671
All right, now listen up, you coves.
212
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,545
We'll show those swabs
a thing or two about pirating.
213
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:22,006
There's still time
to fill these chests with sparkling booty.
214
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,012
I can practically taste that trophy!
215
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,768
Trophy! Trophy! Trophy!
216
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,938
Captain! Sail off the port bow!
217
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,319
Let's get after her, Number Two.
218
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,863
Aye, aye, sir.
219
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,277
Clap on all sail!
220
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,654
Royals and topgallants!
221
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:43,734
Release those gallants!
222
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,843
Fire those long things that go bang.
223
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,055
Fire cannons four and six!
224
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,863
Eat cannonball, lubbers.
225
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,200
Here we go, lads! Look and learn.
226
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,959
Go get 'em, Pirate Captain!
227
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,629
Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain.
228
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,256
And I'm here for your gold.
229
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:44,004
Gold? This is a plague boat, old man.
I'd give my right arm for some gold.
230
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,631
Or my left.
231
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:48,182
Right, lads.
232
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,884
Minor hiccup, that last one.
233
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:50,968
This time,
234
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,512
it's payday!
235
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,859
I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold.
236
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,779
Geography field trip.
237
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,484
I'm the Pirate Captain, and...
238
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,119
Naturists.
239
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,707
Pirate Captain.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, gold.
240
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,159
Ghost ship.
241
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,045
Sorry.
242
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:06,840
Captain, we've sighted another ship, sir.
243
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,506
That's nice.
244
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,096
Do you want to give the order to attack?
245
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:20,058
No, not really, Number Two.
No, I think I've...
246
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,735
Think I had enough of piracy.
247
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,153
I'm hanging up my cutlass.
248
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,439
Captain, no!
249
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,196
Yeah, I was thinking
I might go into baby clothes, actually.
250
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,450
What?
251
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,530
I hear there's a fortune to be made
in baby clothes because
252
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,206
babies grow so fast.
253
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,830
No, but you can't. I mean, the crew...
254
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,626
They'd... They'd be lost without you.
255
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,670
What was I thinking, Number Two?
256
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,419
Pirate of the Year?
257
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,623
Me?
258
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,084
Look at the trophy cabinet.
259
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,676
Best Anecdote About a Squid.
260
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,973
I mean, that is all I've got to show
for my entire career.
261
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,804
Pirate of the Year?
262
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,390
It's just commercialized nonsense.
263
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:03,067
Real piracy isn't about trophies.
264
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,895
It's about fighting up staircases backwards.
265
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,150
It's about sliding down sails
with a knife in your teeth.
266
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,449
Beard glossiness!
267
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,992
And think about
all the adventures we've had.
268
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,369
Our adventure with Aztecs.
269
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,492
Our adventure with that pig.
270
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,576
Our adventure with...
271
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:29,294
Okay, maybe not the librarians.
But the fun we've had.
272
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,175
And what about the shanties?
273
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:34,348
Well, I mean...
People would miss my shanties.
274
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,096
And the running people through.
275
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,516
Well, I... I do enjoy
running people through.
276
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,222
Enjoy it? You're brilliant at it!
277
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,605
You're a brine-soaked
terror of the high seas!
278
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:46,940
Do you think so, Number Two?
279
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,817
Everyone does!
280
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:52,150
You're more of a pirate
than Black Bellamy or any of them.
281
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,031
You're a real pirate.
282
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,703
That's why the crew,
283
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:59,203
they think you're the best thing
since boil-in-the-bag ham.
284
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,204
Why do you think they all
285
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,873
got that tattoo? Come on.
286
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,378
What do you say?
287
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,920
Arrr!
288
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,501
By Neptune, where's that ship?
289
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,713
This is the one, lads!
290
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:17,175
Ninth time lucky! I can feel it in my beard!
291
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,431
Well, don't just sit there like lemons!
292
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,266
Hoist the flag!
293
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,642
Standard, sir?
294
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,895
Or extra gruesome?
295
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,317
Extra gruesome!
296
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:28,645
Let's make their gizzards shake.
297
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:42,583
Journal of Charles Dan/vin.
298
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:46,959
Day 93 aboard the Beagle.
299
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:51,793
I have, today,
discovered a new kind of barnacle,
300
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:57,758
which I have categorised
in the order of Pygophora.
301
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,973
I'll never get a girlfriend.
I am so unhappy.
302
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:23,371
And now I'm being attacked by pirates.
303
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:41,134
Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold.
304
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,057
I haven't got any gold.
305
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,014
No gold, eh?
306
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,565
Then what, might I ask, is this?
307
00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:50,605
It's a baboon's kidney.
308
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:52,357
Is it?
309
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,485
And what about this?
310
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,658
It's another baboon's kidney.
311
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,528
We searched the hold, Captain.
312
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,912
And?
313
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,790
Just creatures.
314
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:07,789
Bits of creatures in jars.
315
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,417
And an unhappy-looking baboon.
316
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,084
What kind of ship is this?
317
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,712
We're a...
318
00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:21,550
Well, we were a scientific expedition.
319
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,760
Charles Darwin, at your service, sir.
320
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:26,888
For pity's sake!
321
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,724
Is it so much to ask? Is it?
322
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:33,352
I just want one tiny bit of success!
323
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:37,156
One teensy weensy bit
of respect from my peers
324
00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:38,778
just once in my life!
325
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,364
Is that such a crime?
326
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,865
Is it?
327
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:47,033
- No?
- No!
328
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:48,617
No.
329
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,703
But you try telling that to the universe.
330
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:53,790
Just once, just once for things to go right.
331
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,125
Just... Just once.
332
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,264
So, are we done here?
333
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,721
Dear Diary,
334
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,932
about to meet a watery grave.
335
00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:12,733
It's nothing personal, you understand.
336
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,228
It's just... It's been a tough week,
337
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,110
and a good plank walk
usually cheers him up.
338
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,201
Will die without reaching second base
with a lady.
339
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,779
Get On with it!
340
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:28,206
Today's weather:
341
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,000
inclement.
342
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,089
- Stop!
- Now what?
343
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:41,512
Last request, is it?
Do we have to grant those?
344
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:44,511
Is there some sort of
human rights convention we're signed up to?
345
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:46,471
- But that bird!
- My parrot?
346
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:47,977
She's just big-boned!
347
00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:50,976
No, she's not.
I mean... I mean, she's not a parrot.
348
00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:52,432
Not a parrot?
349
00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:53,891
What's he on about, old girl?
350
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:55,100
She's... She's...
351
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:57,983
She's the scientific discovery of our age!
352
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,026
She's a...
353
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:04,652
Sorry. It's just,
354
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:06,783
that's my favourite bit.
355
00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:13,953
A dodo, you say?
356
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:16,789
They've been extinct for 150 years.
357
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:20,092
To find one alive today,
it's quite incredible.
358
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:23,213
Well, clever old girl. Not going extinct.
359
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,889
If I might be so bold, I would be prepared
360
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,726
to pay you 10 pounds for your Polly.
361
00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:32,104
Polly's not for sale.
362
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,647
Ten pound.
363
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:34,894
She's one of the family.
364
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,647
She's like an auntie.
365
00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:37,942
With a beak.
366
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,235
Yeah, I'm afraid they're right, Charles.
367
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:42,155
Polly here is the feathery
heart and soul of the boat.
368
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:43,448
Come on, little dodo.
369
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,493
It's such a missed opportunity.
370
00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,331
If I could've presented her
371
00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:55,002
in London to the Royal Society
at their annual science show...
372
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,954
No question of that, I'm afraid.
373
00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:59,460
- She'd have been an absolute sensation.
- Yeah, well, can't be helped.
374
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:02,084
And of course a shoo-in for the top prize.
375
00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,596
Prize?
376
00:25:05,671 --> 00:25:08,675
For best scientific discovery. Yes.
377
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,679
This prize,
378
00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:14,604
- Valuable, is it?
- Valuable?
379
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,605
It's priceless.
380
00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,903
Untold riches.
381
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:25,987
- Captain...
- No, no, no, no.
382
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:28,785
I was thinking, perhaps,
perhaps I was being a touch hasty.
383
00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:29,953
But, Captain, London?
384
00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:31,497
The home of Queen Victoria,
385
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:33,662
mortal enemy of pirates everywhere?
386
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:36,001
We'll end up hanged at Execution Dock.
387
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,872
We laugh in the face of danger, remember?
388
00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:43,547
- I don't.
- I don't really like danger at all.
389
00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:48,339
Captain, do you remember
the little talk we had?
390
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:51,596
The one about whether pigs
are actually a type of fruit?
391
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:53,969
No.
392
00:25:57,973 --> 00:25:58,974
No.
393
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:01,436
The one about us trying
to avoid harebrained schemes
394
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,065
that end in us facing certain death.
395
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:04,988
You heard the man, Number Two.
396
00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:06,907
"Untold riches."
397
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:07,983
Here's the plan.
398
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:11,696
We go to London,
Polly wins this science show thingy,
399
00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:15,750
we take the prize money,
I enter Pirate of the Year, I win!
400
00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:17,246
Binggl
401
00:26:17,326 --> 00:26:19,294
- But, Captain, I'm not sure...
- It can't fail.
402
00:26:19,369 --> 00:26:22,919
And besides, look at her little face.
403
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:25,877
I sure want to win that science prize.
404
00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:27,085
Squawk!
405
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,796
Bravo, Captain!
406
00:26:28,879 --> 00:26:32,349
I see you're a man of vision!
407
00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:36,687
Right, then, Charles.
When is this science show of yours?
408
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:38,435
A week tomorrow.
409
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:39,982
Confound it!
410
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,934
You see, we could've
made that with a good wind behind us,
411
00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:44,770
but unfortunately there's this dirty
great sea monster in the way.
412
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:51,569
I think they just add those onto maps
for decoration, Captain.
413
00:26:54,488 --> 00:26:56,206
Is that a fact?
414
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,124
Well, blow me down.
415
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,332
I dare, you could learn something
from this fine fellow, Number Two.
416
00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:47,754
London Town.
417
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:50,677
The most romantic city in the world.
418
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:09,067
"Queen Victoria
419
00:28:09,271 --> 00:28:12,445
"welcomes you to London."
420
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:13,901
That's nice.
421
00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:15,827
Perhaps she's not so bad after all.
422
00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:24,044
Well, don't look so worried, Number Two.
423
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,917
Pirates are always visiting London.
424
00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:29,967
Turn back!
425
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,011
This is the fate of pirates here!
426
00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:35,547
Is that Scarlett Morgan?
427
00:28:36,506 --> 00:28:38,224
Pirate Captain.
428
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,643
Goodness me!
429
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,263
I haven't seen you
since that business in Madagascar.
430
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:47,522
Yes. I could've sworn they were girls.
431
00:28:47,601 --> 00:28:48,818
You're looking well, Morgan.
432
00:28:49,186 --> 00:28:50,563
Yeah, lost a bit of weight.
433
00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,193
What are you up to these days?
434
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:53,319
You know, this and that.
435
00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:55,901
Yeah, just gonna enter
a science competition, actually.
436
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,237
- Good luck with that.
- Yeah, thanks, thanks.
437
00:29:01,657 --> 00:29:02,909
No, no, wait, wait!
438
00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,208
Turn back!
439
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:06,878
Turn back.
440
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,167
- Sorry_
- No!
441
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,379
Look what you've done to me boat.
Look at the state of it.
442
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,846
I hope you've got some
insurance, 'cause I...
443
00:29:17,547 --> 00:29:18,969
Right, then. We'll be off.
444
00:29:19,049 --> 00:29:20,767
I'll bring her back tomorrow
straight after the show.
445
00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:23,220
Well, don't be daft, Charles.
I'll be presenting Polly.
446
00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:24,764
- You?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
447
00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:26,974
I always fancied
trying my hand at a spot of science.
448
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:28,851
But you can't. I mean,
449
00:29:28,934 --> 00:29:31,528
the streets of London
are no place for pirates.
450
00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:33,731
Pirates? What pirates?
451
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:35,615
Nobody here but us Girl Guides.
452
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:36,817
Yes!
453
00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:39,866
I've got a badge for looting.
454
00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:42,994
We're not really Girl Guides.
It's us, the pirates.
455
00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:44,791
We're masters of disguise.
456
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:47,039
How ingenious.
457
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:50,373
But all the same, Captain,
best we lie low for the night.
458
00:29:50,455 --> 00:29:51,832
Perhaps at my house.
459
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:54,009
- Captain, I really think...
- Good plan, Chuck.
460
00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:56,963
Be fun to see how you boffin types live.
461
00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:01,642
Well, come on. Taxi!
462
00:30:03,677 --> 00:30:05,270
Evening, Officer.
463
00:30:05,345 --> 00:30:07,393
Hidey-ho, ladies.
464
00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:16,068
London smells like Grandma.
465
00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:22,946
Whoa.
466
00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:26,158
Here we are.
467
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:28,209
Home, sweet home.
468
00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:35,713
You don't get many women back here,
do you, Charles?
469
00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:39,509
People who live alone
are always serial killers.
470
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,267
Sweet Neptune on a bike!
471
00:30:49,431 --> 00:30:50,808
Don't mind Mr Bobo.
472
00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:53,231
- Just an old project of mine.
- Project?
473
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,028
Yeah, I had this theory.
474
00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:57,652
I thought that if you took a monkey,
gave him a monocle
475
00:30:57,731 --> 00:31:00,109
and covered up his gigantic, unsightly ass,
476
00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:02,527
then he would cease
to be a monkey and become more of a...
477
00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:05,698
A man-panzee, if you will.
478
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:06,828
Bold theory.
479
00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:08,909
I don't like the monkey.
480
00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:11,753
But to be honest, monkeys are 10 a penny.
481
00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:13,956
He's not a patch on Polly here.
482
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,004
Anyhow, big day tomorrow.
483
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,251
We all need our rest.
484
00:31:18,335 --> 00:31:21,305
Let me show you to your room, Captain.
485
00:31:22,631 --> 00:31:24,633
Right behind you, Chuck.
486
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:36,686
Now, here's the plan.
487
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:40,491
You know what to do.
Wait until the bearded idiot is asleep,
488
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:41,817
then sneak into his room and...
489
00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:57,833
Captain.
490
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,920
It's... It's Mr Darwin, sir.
I'm sure he's up to no good.
491
00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:02,925
Honestly, Number Two, what's got into you?
492
00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:06,224
Thanks to Charles,
we're about to win lavish untold riches,
493
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,597
and here you are
trying to find fault with the poor fellow.
494
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,728
- Yes, but...
- No, no, no. Not another word.
495
00:32:10,804 --> 00:32:14,399
A future Pirate of the Year
needs his beauty sleep.
496
00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:17,273
Do you think you could
make nautical noises until we drop off?
497
00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:28,284
That's lovely. Now, that is lovely.
Can you do the shiver a timber?
498
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:36,458
And just chuck in a few gulls, would you?
499
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:11,410
Ladies and gentlemen, our winner.
500
00:33:11,781 --> 00:33:15,251
Give it up for the Pirate Captain!
501
00:33:31,676 --> 00:33:34,600
Congratulations, Pirate Captain.
502
00:33:35,472 --> 00:33:37,691
Nobody deserves this more than you.
503
00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:40,481
Thanks, Cutlass.
504
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,439
And that beard of yours,
505
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:46,275
it drives me
506
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:48,326
Crazy.
507
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:55,325
Give it here.
508
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,619
Give it back, Bellamy, it's mine!
509
00:33:57,911 --> 00:33:59,538
No, give it back.
510
00:34:03,667 --> 00:34:04,714
Neptune's navel!
511
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:06,173
Come back here, you lubber.
512
00:34:06,253 --> 00:34:07,425
Stop, thief!
513
00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,111
I'll take that.
514
00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:26,156
Not so fast, my friend.
515
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:28,571
Number Two!
516
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:32,659
Number Two, are you all right?
517
00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:35,912
Unhand that dodo!
518
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:46,630
Evening, Captain.
519
00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:10,484
Number Two!
520
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,201
We're under attack!
521
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:21,915
Abandon ship!
522
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:28,047
Hello, Pirate Captain, Pirate with a Scarf!
523
00:35:41,222 --> 00:35:44,066
Come back here,
Mysterious Shadowy Figure!
524
00:35:47,937 --> 00:35:49,359
Faster! Faster!
525
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,636
Got you! Are you all right, girl?
526
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:22,514
Captain! I mean, what's going on?
527
00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:24,520
Don't play the innocent.
528
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:28,103
You and your hench-monkey
tried to steal Polly.
529
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:31,190
Steal Polly? Dear me, no, you're mistaken.
530
00:36:31,272 --> 00:36:33,946
Then how do you explain this?
531
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:45,207
Well, I think it's obvious
what's happened, isn't it?
532
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:46,378
Is it?
533
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:48,627
Some jealous rival scientist
534
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:51,551
must have tried to make off with the dodo.
535
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:54,137
Well, that explains everything.
536
00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:57,057
Captain, please, let's go.
537
00:36:57,132 --> 00:36:58,509
Polly's not safe in London.
538
00:36:58,591 --> 00:37:00,764
I couldn't bear it
if something happened to Polly.
539
00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:03,313
Nothing is going to happen to Polly.
540
00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:06,392
She'll be perfectly safe.
Leave everything to me.
541
00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:08,476
Now, come on,
we can't keep that prize waiting.
542
00:37:21,364 --> 00:37:23,492
Anyone got a towel?
543
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:36,755
Nice going, banana butt.
544
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,599
Now this briny buffoon
is gonna grab all the glory.
545
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:41,051
It's a disaster.
546
00:37:41,134 --> 00:37:42,556
It's...
547
00:37:44,012 --> 00:37:46,390
Bad news, I'm afraid, Captain.
548
00:37:46,473 --> 00:37:47,565
You can't go in.
549
00:37:48,892 --> 00:37:51,896
It's strictly scientists only, you see.
550
00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:55,232
I'll just have to present Polly
551
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,487
myself.
552
00:37:56,566 --> 00:37:59,285
We're not really scientists.
It's us, the pirates.
553
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,455
See? Masters of disguise.
554
00:38:02,572 --> 00:38:03,789
But where's Polly?
555
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:06,368
That is on a need-to-know basis
from here on in, Charles.
556
00:38:06,701 --> 00:38:08,453
- Pardon?
- I am keeping her hidden.
557
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:11,540
That shadowy figure could be anywhere.
558
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:14,084
Luckily, I am not only
a master of disguises,
559
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:17,091
I am also a master of hiding things.
560
00:38:17,170 --> 00:38:19,298
Right, lads,
let's show these boffins what's what.
561
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:20,973
But, Captain.
562
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:23,143
- Really, I...
- Hello!
563
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:25,891
We're here for the science show.
564
00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:27,688
We're scientists.
565
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:30,184
That's a pipette, this is Charles Darwin,
566
00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:31,984
and I am the Scientist Captain.
567
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:35,988
If you're a scientist, name three elements.
568
00:38:36,105 --> 00:38:37,231
Well, let's see now.
569
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:40,034
There's... There's gold, ham...
570
00:38:42,028 --> 00:38:44,030
and
571
00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:45,490
the tears of a mermaid.
572
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:49,669
Yeah, two out of three. Close enough.
First on your left.
573
00:38:49,744 --> 00:38:52,543
The balloon of my airship contains
574
00:38:52,622 --> 00:38:54,670
-20,000 cubic feet of hydrogen gas.
- Excuse me.
575
00:38:54,749 --> 00:38:55,966
Sorry.
576
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:58,962
Just here, you will notice the open log fire
577
00:38:59,045 --> 00:39:02,345
to ensure a comfortable
temperature at higher altitudes.
578
00:39:02,799 --> 00:39:04,176
Captain?
579
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:06,386
Captain, Captain, please.
580
00:39:06,469 --> 00:39:08,346
You can't possibly
appear on stage without Polly.
581
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:10,477
Patience, Charles. All in good time.
582
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:12,600
Excuse me. Sorry.
583
00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,275
- Sorry.
- Idiot!
584
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,279
- Just a tick.
- But, Captain...
585
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,123
How on earth did...
586
00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:33,547
My airship will revolutionise
the fields of meteorology and cartography.
587
00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:34,668
But mostly,
588
00:39:35,665 --> 00:39:38,168
it's for looking down ladies' tops.
589
00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:40,258
Ingenious.
590
00:39:45,341 --> 00:39:47,810
Captain, I really, really think
591
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:50,105
it would be best if I take over from here.
592
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,144
There's a certain manner
in which these things are conduc...
593
00:39:52,307 --> 00:39:53,274
Nonsense, Chuck.
594
00:39:53,349 --> 00:39:56,728
What this science stuff needs
is a bit of showmanship!
595
00:40:12,869 --> 00:40:14,246
Look, it's the captain.
596
00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:16,589
Captain! Captain!
597
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:21,507
Fellow scientists, poindexters, geeks,
598
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,964
prepare to be confounded.
599
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:27,675
Prepare to be amazed.
600
00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:29,011
Prepare to...
601
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,596
Wait a second. What's this?
602
00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:37,811
What's this?
603
00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:42,986
Stop!
604
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:46,861
I am the world's leading doctor,
605
00:40:47,028 --> 00:40:51,499
and I declare the science you are doing
is too shocking by half.
606
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:52,575
Dr. Albino,
607
00:40:52,659 --> 00:40:55,287
are you saying that those of a nervous
disposition should leave immediately,
608
00:40:55,370 --> 00:40:58,340
in case the sheer unexpected
remarkableness of my discovery
609
00:40:58,414 --> 00:41:00,257
should cause their hearts to explode?
610
00:41:04,379 --> 00:41:05,426
I am.
611
00:41:05,505 --> 00:41:08,725
Well, science lovers, you have been warned.
612
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:12,513
This is our most educational adventure ever.
613
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,357
Back from the dead.
614
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:22,530
Back from beyond the grave.
615
00:41:23,523 --> 00:41:26,402
Back to astound you all.
616
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:28,365
The ninth wonder of the world.
617
00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:32,165
She's travelled halfway
across the globe to be here tonight.
618
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:36,040
Here's Polly!
619
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:39,668
It's a dodo.
620
00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:43,296
By Jove.
621
00:41:45,962 --> 00:41:48,590
That is astounding!
622
00:41:54,595 --> 00:41:56,597
An actual dodo!
623
00:41:56,764 --> 00:42:00,143
Makes electricity look like a pile of crap.
624
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:09,486
The Royal Society's prize
625
00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:12,789
for best scientific discovery...
626
00:42:13,114 --> 00:42:14,240
I hope it's not a cheque.
627
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,371
Is awarded to
628
00:42:16,451 --> 00:42:17,873
Have you any idea
what the sterling-doubloon
629
00:42:17,952 --> 00:42:19,044
exchange rate is these days?
630
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,418
The Scientist Captain.
631
00:42:21,664 --> 00:42:23,257
Thank you, thank you.
632
00:42:23,332 --> 00:42:24,504
You're too kind.
633
00:42:24,584 --> 00:42:26,177
Please stop. Enough. Thank you.
634
00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:27,466
Thank you.
635
00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:34,181
Is that it?
636
00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:35,307
Oh, no.
637
00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:37,522
- Good.
- You also get
638
00:42:37,638 --> 00:42:41,518
this leather-bound set of encyclopaedias.
639
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,696
Excuse me just one moment. Thank you.
640
00:42:46,981 --> 00:42:47,982
Okay, Chuck.
641
00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:50,319
Now, I like encyclopaedias
as much as the next man,
642
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,905
but they're not exactly gonna help me win
Pirate of the Year, are they?
643
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:56,457
Where's the booty?
644
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:58,330
Booty? What booty?
645
00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:02,004
The prize! The "untold riches," remember?
646
00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:05,546
Perhaps I didn't explain.
647
00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,377
It's not all about money.
648
00:43:07,668 --> 00:43:09,841
No, the real prize is...
649
00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:12,219
Her Royal Majesty, the Empress of India,
650
00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:14,596
Ruler of the Kingdom of Java...
651
00:43:14,675 --> 00:43:16,928
a personal audience with...
- Defender of the Faith,
652
00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:18,896
- Queen Victoria!
- Queen Victoria
653
00:43:19,305 --> 00:43:20,431
herself.
654
00:43:47,333 --> 00:43:49,131
Scientist Captain,
655
00:43:49,293 --> 00:43:51,045
congratulations.
656
00:43:51,129 --> 00:43:52,381
What a tremendous discovery.
657
00:43:52,463 --> 00:43:54,716
Your... Your Majesty.
658
00:43:54,841 --> 00:43:57,936
And who are these charming fellows?
659
00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:01,480
- Well, this is my crew.
- By which he means lab assistant crew.
660
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:04,275
Yes, yes.
I'm using "crew" in the street sense.
661
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:05,602
Yo.
662
00:44:05,726 --> 00:44:08,149
And I'm Charles Darwin, Your Majesty.
663
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:11,028
I helped find the dodo.
664
00:44:11,107 --> 00:44:12,654
Yes, whatever.
665
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:15,657
But where has your
delightful creature disappeared to?
666
00:44:15,736 --> 00:44:17,784
Resting, ma'am. Hidden away.
667
00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:20,287
I only let her out
for the big performance, I'm afraid.
668
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:23,495
In case sinister forces
should try to make off with her, you see.
669
00:44:23,578 --> 00:44:25,000
Sinister forces?
670
00:44:25,079 --> 00:44:26,456
Dean
671
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:30,419
Well, we have a wonderful
petting zoo at the palace
672
00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,845
where Polly would be quite safe.
673
00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:34,722
Perhaps we could
674
00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,508
take her off your hands.
675
00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:41,057
I'm sorry, ma'am,
but that's out of the question.
676
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:42,514
But she'd have a lovely time.
677
00:44:42,597 --> 00:44:46,272
There are guinea pigs and a donkey.
678
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:47,602
No, no, I couldn't, ma'am.
679
00:44:47,768 --> 00:44:51,818
Not even for little old me?
680
00:44:51,898 --> 00:44:53,616
No, no, no, I'm afraid not, ma'am.
681
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:56,035
No, you see,
there is nothing more important to a pirate
682
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:57,657
than his trusted dodo.
683
00:44:57,737 --> 00:45:00,661
She is the feathery
heart and soul of the boat.
684
00:45:01,991 --> 00:45:03,413
Did you say...
685
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:07,421
"Pirate"?
686
00:45:08,956 --> 00:45:10,879
Pirate? No, no, no, no, no.
687
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:12,335
Scientist.
688
00:45:12,418 --> 00:45:15,046
Yes, good old, good old science.
Can't get enough of it.
689
00:45:15,129 --> 00:45:16,381
Mixing stuff together.
690
00:45:16,464 --> 00:45:18,466
You know, test tube tubing
and Bunsen burning.
691
00:45:18,549 --> 00:45:20,051
See?
692
00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:24,396
He's no scientist!
693
00:45:24,472 --> 00:45:26,474
He's a Girl Guide!
694
00:45:28,768 --> 00:45:30,145
He's no Girl Guide!
695
00:45:30,686 --> 00:45:32,154
- He's a pirate!
- Pirate!
696
00:45:35,191 --> 00:45:36,408
Hang on, hang on.
697
00:45:36,484 --> 00:45:37,827
There's been some kind of mistake. Some...
698
00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:40,533
Some silly mistake. Whoa, laddies!
699
00:45:40,613 --> 00:45:42,536
Stop, stop. I can explain.
700
00:45:58,881 --> 00:46:00,349
Your Majesty.
701
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:02,222
He's hidden the dodo.
702
00:46:02,301 --> 00:46:03,427
If you chop his head off now,
703
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:05,346
we might never find out where.
704
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:06,847
Wait a mo.
705
00:46:18,526 --> 00:46:20,620
One doesn't know why.
706
00:46:20,695 --> 00:46:24,871
Perhaps it's his luxuriant beard
or his gleaming teeth
707
00:46:25,032 --> 00:46:27,956
or the way he smells faintly of coconuts.
708
00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:31,130
But we have taken a shine to this pirate.
709
00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:34,668
Do you have a name, pirate captain?
710
00:46:35,042 --> 00:46:38,012
They call me the Pirate Captain.
711
00:46:38,379 --> 00:46:40,347
Well, Pirate Captain,
712
00:46:40,423 --> 00:46:44,178
we hereby pardon you
of your piratical crimes.
713
00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:51,024
You will stay in London, Pirate Captain,
714
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:53,899
and entertain us
with your stories and your wit.
715
00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:56,564
And especially
716
00:46:56,772 --> 00:47:01,448
your dear little dodo.
717
00:47:05,573 --> 00:47:06,665
Hell's barnacles.
718
00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:08,414
Can we please get out of here now?
719
00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:10,085
That was a bit close for comfort,
Number Two.
720
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:13,293
I will get you the dodo, Your Majesty.
721
00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:15,750
See that you do, Mr Darwin.
722
00:47:21,881 --> 00:47:23,508
Captain?
723
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,768
Captain! Captain!
724
00:47:26,093 --> 00:47:27,845
Hurry up, lads, chop-chop.
725
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:29,305
Let's get back to sea where we belong.
726
00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:31,106
Ave, aye, Captain!
727
00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:32,687
I told you coming to London was a bad idea.
728
00:47:32,767 --> 00:47:34,144
The sooner I get the smell of brine in my...
729
00:47:34,226 --> 00:47:35,603
Captain!
730
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:37,358
Captain!
731
00:47:37,438 --> 00:47:38,781
Whoa!
732
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:42,318
You're not leaving, surely?
733
00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:44,412
I most certainly am.
734
00:47:44,487 --> 00:47:45,955
You've let me down badly, Charles.
735
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:47,748
Look! Look!
736
00:47:47,823 --> 00:47:48,915
- Also, to be frank...
- Captain...
737
00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,789
...your nose is too small for your face.
738
00:47:51,118 --> 00:47:52,870
But you're the toast of London Town.
739
00:47:56,999 --> 00:47:58,296
I say, look at that.
740
00:47:59,794 --> 00:48:01,296
They've really captured my eyes.
741
00:48:01,420 --> 00:48:04,469
We were hoping
you might come out for a little
742
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:06,926
celebration before you go.
743
00:48:09,095 --> 00:48:11,974
We don't want to miss the tide, Captain.
744
00:48:12,056 --> 00:48:14,104
- No, no, no. Quite right, quite right.
- Captain,
745
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:16,981
do join us, please?
746
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,982
I'll just stop for a
quick one. Rude to refuse.
747
00:48:21,065 --> 00:48:22,567
- But it's Ham Night.
- I'll be 20 minutes.
748
00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:23,742
Half an hour tops.
749
00:48:23,818 --> 00:48:25,695
Just get her...
Get her warmed up without me.
750
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:26,825
Aren't we going yet?
751
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:29,999
But what about winning
the Pirate of the Year
752
00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:32,577
and showing all those other captains
that he's not a loser?
753
00:48:40,835 --> 00:48:43,304
Yoo-hoo! Come along, Captain.
754
00:48:43,379 --> 00:48:44,676
Captain...
755
00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:46,591
- Cheers!
- Good evening.
756
00:48:46,674 --> 00:48:48,347
Thank you. Thank you so very much.
757
00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:49,769
- Captain...
- And your name is?
758
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:50,845
Miss Jane Austen.
759
00:48:57,059 --> 00:49:00,563
And that, and that is
why, in a straight fight,
760
00:49:00,646 --> 00:49:03,525
a shark would probably beat a Dracula.
761
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,949
Jane Austen,
feel free to use it in one of your books.
762
00:49:07,027 --> 00:49:10,372
Pirate Captain, you are a born raconteur.
763
00:49:10,656 --> 00:49:14,081
So much better than the last
chap we all went doolally over.
764
00:49:14,243 --> 00:49:17,873
You've all been terribly kind.
765
00:49:19,039 --> 00:49:20,131
Do run along.
766
00:49:20,207 --> 00:49:21,880
Another drink, Captain?
767
00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:24,720
Cheers, Chuck.
768
00:49:25,921 --> 00:49:27,923
I say, you're not
769
00:49:28,215 --> 00:49:30,559
- Related in some way, are you?
- Pardon?
770
00:49:31,510 --> 00:49:32,557
It's just you, sort of...
771
00:49:33,262 --> 00:49:35,481
Well, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing.
772
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:37,229
Cheers.
773
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:48,028
Do you know what I've discovered, Charles?
774
00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:50,784
The friends you make
after you've become famous
775
00:49:50,863 --> 00:49:52,831
are better, truer friends
776
00:49:52,907 --> 00:49:54,955
than the ones you've had
for years beforehand.
777
00:49:55,034 --> 00:49:57,036
So very wise.
778
00:49:59,079 --> 00:50:00,752
But the lads will think I'm a fool.
779
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,584
No. A fool, you?
780
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,761
You're an intellectual giant.
781
00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:08,464
Just look at how
you managed to keep Polly safe
782
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,265
from those sinister forces.
783
00:50:10,341 --> 00:50:11,843
Yes, I did do that, didn't I?
784
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,553
You did.
785
00:50:13,636 --> 00:50:15,855
And wherever she's hidden,
786
00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:18,353
I bet it's somewhere really ingenious.
787
00:50:18,432 --> 00:50:19,433
It is rather.
788
00:50:21,352 --> 00:50:22,774
You'll never guess where.
789
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:25,857
Well, no, why,
you're too smart for me, Captain.
790
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:28,034
Right under everyone's noses.
791
00:50:28,108 --> 00:50:30,611
Or right under my noses, anyhow.
792
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:34,782
Ta-da!
793
00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:40,963
You've been keeping Polly in your beard?
794
00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:43,249
Actually, I keep all sorts in here.
795
00:50:45,793 --> 00:50:46,965
I'm sorry about this, Captain.
796
00:50:47,044 --> 00:50:48,466
About what?
797
00:50:50,381 --> 00:50:52,179
What the...
What's the monkey-man playing at?
798
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:56,136
This patently isn't even a real...
799
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:07,857
Come back here, you lubbers!
800
00:51:13,612 --> 00:51:15,330
Sorry, Your Reverence.
801
00:51:31,171 --> 00:51:33,014
Got you, you rogue!
802
00:51:39,888 --> 00:51:41,561
Yeah, that's rather nice.
803
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,645
Neptune's lips, what are you up to?
804
00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:47,154
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's not my fault.
805
00:51:47,229 --> 00:51:48,822
What do you mean "not your fault"?
806
00:51:48,897 --> 00:51:51,491
You steal Polly,
you shoot my best hat full of holes.
807
00:52:10,085 --> 00:52:11,211
Well, go on, then.
808
00:52:11,629 --> 00:52:12,972
Explain yourself.
809
00:52:14,465 --> 00:52:16,012
There's this girl.
810
00:52:16,091 --> 00:52:18,389
I'm hopelessly smitten with her.
811
00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,142
I'm listening.
812
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:24,066
I know how partial she is to exotic animals,
813
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:26,894
and I thought if I could get her the dodo,
814
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:30,447
then she might like me.
815
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:34,401
I'm so ashamed.
816
00:52:34,693 --> 00:52:36,570
Why didn't you say so?
817
00:52:37,071 --> 00:52:39,665
We've all done stupid
things to impress girls.
818
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:41,287
Yeah, you should act aloof.
819
00:52:41,367 --> 00:52:43,745
They love it when you act aloof.
820
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:46,000
Still, must be quite a girl
for you to go to all that trouble.
821
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,754
She is quite a girl.
822
00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,802
Kraken's biscuits!
823
00:52:52,753 --> 00:52:54,426
Mr Darwin.
824
00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,304
Honestly, Charles.
825
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:02,017
It's the bun. The bun really does it for me.
826
00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:03,689
And I see you've brought a friend.
827
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:05,061
How delightful.
828
00:53:05,140 --> 00:53:07,268
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
829
00:53:07,351 --> 00:53:10,525
Oh, get a grip, man. You couldn't
manage one tiny task, could you?
830
00:53:10,604 --> 00:53:12,606
It's pathetic.
831
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:44,768
Listen, Captain, I can see
I've gone about this all wrong.
832
00:53:46,765 --> 00:53:50,895
You see, I might have the body
of a weak and feeble woman,
833
00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:57,822
but I have the heart and soul of a person
who really, really wants that dodo.
834
00:54:18,172 --> 00:54:24,521
I seem to recall that you piratical types
have a bit of a soft spot for shiny things.
835
00:54:24,678 --> 00:54:27,602
Or am I getting you
muddled up with magpies?
836
00:54:27,681 --> 00:54:29,809
I couldn't.
837
00:54:29,892 --> 00:54:32,691
I mean, Polly, she's a family...
838
00:54:32,853 --> 00:54:35,402
Come now, Captain, it's so simple.
839
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:38,276
Polly here could live like
a queen at my petting zoo,
840
00:54:38,358 --> 00:54:41,988
and you... Well...
841
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:45,324
With treasure like this,
842
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:50,079
you could be famed across the seven seas.
843
00:54:54,541 --> 00:54:55,667
Captain.
844
00:54:55,751 --> 00:54:58,095
Polly's not for sale.
845
00:55:00,088 --> 00:55:02,216
You? Win Pirate of the Year?
846
00:55:02,299 --> 00:55:03,767
You're a shoo-in, sir.
847
00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:06,846
There's not a pirate
on the seven seas can match you.
848
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:08,931
But what about winning Pirate of the Year
849
00:55:09,014 --> 00:55:11,984
and showing all those other captains
that you're not a loser?
850
00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:14,608
Loser... Loser...
851
00:55:16,814 --> 00:55:19,567
I'm a floating head.
852
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:22,031
So, Captain,
853
00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:25,907
are you going to do the right thing?
854
00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:34,457
I'm sailing out on the ocean
855
00:55:34,540 --> 00:55:36,417
Out on the deep blue sea
856
00:55:37,668 --> 00:55:40,296
20 minutes, he said.
857
00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:41,972
Didn't he say 20 minutes?
858
00:55:42,089 --> 00:55:43,341
Don't worry, lads.
859
00:55:43,423 --> 00:55:44,925
He probably just got caught up,
860
00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:47,056
you know,
861
00:55:47,219 --> 00:55:49,768
battling a giant squid or something.
862
00:55:58,939 --> 00:56:00,361
Well, come on, you lubbers!
863
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:01,566
It's him!
864
00:56:01,650 --> 00:56:02,822
I told you!
865
00:56:02,901 --> 00:56:05,199
I... I told you he wouldn't let us down.
866
00:56:05,279 --> 00:56:06,531
Hello, boys.
867
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:09,033
Miss me?
868
00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:11,205
I'm having a mirage.
869
00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:13,834
But... How?
870
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:15,038
Good question, Number Two.
871
00:56:15,122 --> 00:56:18,501
I stole it all in a daring raid
on the Tower of London.
872
00:56:18,709 --> 00:56:23,590
You stole all this from the Tower of London?
873
00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:24,719
That's right.
874
00:56:24,798 --> 00:56:26,926
Then I burnt it to the ground,
wrestled a bear,
875
00:56:27,134 --> 00:56:29,136
and I kissed a princess for good measure.
876
00:56:30,053 --> 00:56:32,932
Well, what are you waiting for?
Don't just stand there like porpoises.
877
00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,312
There's a trophy with our names on it!
878
00:56:37,311 --> 00:56:39,484
Set a course for Blood Island!
879
00:56:44,526 --> 00:56:46,494
Avast, me hearties!
880
00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:51,910
And welcome to the
59th Annual Pirate of the YearAwards!
881
00:57:10,385 --> 00:57:12,103
This is the ticket, eh, Number Two?
882
00:57:12,179 --> 00:57:14,227
Please, please, please,
can't Polly come out now?
883
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:17,018
Best not.
884
00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:18,978
She's still very tired.
885
00:57:19,061 --> 00:57:20,688
- And here is your host for the evening...
- Shush.
886
00:57:20,979 --> 00:57:24,483
The Pirate King!
887
00:57:28,779 --> 00:57:32,454
Hello, Pirates!
888
00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:34,205
Hello, Pirate King!
889
00:57:34,368 --> 00:57:35,961
Any lubbers in tonight?
890
00:57:36,036 --> 00:57:37,458
No!
891
00:57:42,167 --> 00:57:43,384
Behind you!
892
00:57:45,003 --> 00:57:45,970
I'm Queen Victoria!
893
00:57:46,046 --> 00:57:47,844
And I hate pirates!
894
00:57:51,176 --> 00:57:52,519
Come on, cheer up.
895
00:57:52,594 --> 00:57:54,471
And now, you swabs,
896
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,774
this is the big one.
897
00:57:57,891 --> 00:58:02,488
The nominees for Pirate
of the Year are as follows:
898
00:58:02,562 --> 00:58:05,281
Black Bellamy.
899
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,442
Cutlass Liz.
900
00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:09,820
Peg-Leg Hastings.
901
00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:13,412
And a surprise late entry,
902
00:58:13,573 --> 00:58:15,667
the Pirate Captain!
903
00:58:16,785 --> 00:58:20,961
The panel of independentjudges
904
00:58:21,081 --> 00:58:24,176
have counted each
pirate's booty and declared
905
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,930
that this year's winner is
906
00:58:29,256 --> 00:58:32,305
the Pirate Captain!
907
00:59:20,307 --> 00:59:21,900
Excuse me!
908
00:59:23,351 --> 00:59:25,695
Excuse me.
909
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:27,948
Listen, this is all very moving.
910
00:59:28,023 --> 00:59:30,071
I'm welling up here, but...
911
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,827
Bellamy, this is most irregular!
912
00:59:33,403 --> 00:59:35,155
So is this!
913
00:59:42,788 --> 00:59:48,841
It seems Queen Victoria has
pardoned the Pirate Captain.
914
00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:50,841
No!
915
00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:53,553
So what if she did?
916
00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:55,259
If you've been pardoned,
917
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:58,144
then, technically,
you're no longer a pirate.
918
00:59:58,678 --> 01:00:00,680
And if you're no longer a pirate,
919
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:04,151
you really can't be Pirate of the Year,
920
01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:06,103
now, can you?
921
01:00:06,186 --> 01:00:08,735
- No, you can't!
- That's right!
922
01:00:08,897 --> 01:00:10,365
Is this true?
923
01:00:10,774 --> 01:00:14,199
Well, that's one, frankly,
rather negative way of looking at it.
924
01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:18,286
Villainous treachery!
925
01:00:18,365 --> 01:00:21,244
Treacherous villainy!
926
01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,296
You have betrayed the pirating fraternity.
927
01:00:24,412 --> 01:00:26,039
But, Pirate King...
928
01:00:26,206 --> 01:00:28,629
Your pirate hat and coat!
929
01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:46,606
Your pirate badge with googly eyes.
930
01:00:46,685 --> 01:00:50,906
And your World of Hooks discount card.
931
01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:52,695
Confiscate his treasure!
932
01:00:52,899 --> 01:00:55,402
Every last bit of it.
933
01:00:55,569 --> 01:00:59,244
Begone!
May your lubber shame bear down upon you.
934
01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:02,831
You are hereby banished from Blood Island!
935
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:08,173
You are a pirate no more!
936
01:01:18,592 --> 01:01:19,935
And stay out!
937
01:01:23,638 --> 01:01:27,188
Yes, well, not a... Not a total success.
938
01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:29,941
We don't need them and their stupid awards.
939
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:33,069
The best thing about being
a pirate isn't the treasure.
940
01:01:33,148 --> 01:01:35,025
- It's the cutlasses.
- It's Ham Night.
941
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,826
It's Polly.
942
01:01:36,902 --> 01:01:39,576
Where is Polly, Captain?
943
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:41,622
What do you mean? You know where she is.
944
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:44,042
She's been upset enough.
945
01:01:44,117 --> 01:01:45,164
Captain...
946
01:01:48,872 --> 01:01:50,465
Okay, okay.
947
01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:01,556
I sold her to Queen Victoria
for a boatload of treasure.
948
01:02:01,635 --> 01:02:04,229
There, I've said it.
949
01:02:12,145 --> 01:02:14,648
Well, come on. She was just a parrot.
950
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,449
I mean, she wasn't even a parrot.
951
01:02:16,524 --> 01:02:18,822
Always weeing on the boat's carpets,
biting everyone.
952
01:02:18,902 --> 01:02:21,621
She gave half of us tetanus,
for goodness sake.
953
01:02:21,988 --> 01:02:24,332
But she was our Polly.
954
01:02:24,407 --> 01:02:26,660
Well, you know, you should be happy for her.
955
01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:29,121
She'll be, she'll be living the high life.
956
01:02:29,996 --> 01:02:34,092
Eating gold bricks wrapped up in,
you know, swans.
957
01:02:37,337 --> 01:02:40,181
Well, where are you swabs going? Come on.
958
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:44,307
Well, we'll have an adventure
somewhere tropical with those native ladies
959
01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:47,435
whose outfits
don't leave much to the imagination.
960
01:02:49,349 --> 01:02:53,195
Looks like it's
just you and me now, eh, Number Two?
961
01:02:53,687 --> 01:02:55,610
Good old inseparable you and me.
962
01:02:55,689 --> 01:02:57,282
Us two against the world, eh?
963
01:02:57,357 --> 01:02:58,324
Yeah?
964
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,949
Like serrano ham and,
965
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:03,701
you know, that other kind of ham.
966
01:03:04,823 --> 01:03:06,200
Arrr.
967
01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:11,835
You can't always
just say "arrr" at the end of a sentence
968
01:03:11,913 --> 01:03:15,042
and think that makes everything all right.
969
01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:28,563
Fine. Fine, go on, then. Go.
970
01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:30,398
Go!
971
01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:34,228
It's not like I need any of you, anyway.
972
01:03:35,478 --> 01:03:37,196
See if I care.
973
01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:43,828
See if I care.
974
01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:30,097
You're too late.
975
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,100
She's gone.
976
01:05:33,179 --> 01:05:34,351
Charles?
977
01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:35,640
Is that you?
978
01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:37,145
What are you doing here?
979
01:05:37,225 --> 01:05:40,855
We're tramps now.
It's not unlike being a scientist, but...
980
01:05:41,521 --> 01:05:44,320
with less experiments and
more drinking your own sweat.
981
01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:47,528
But where's Polly?
Why isn't she in her cage?
982
01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:50,454
It's too horrible.
983
01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:53,040
"Banquet for world leaders"?
984
01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:54,576
I've been a fool for love.
985
01:05:54,659 --> 01:05:57,208
Victoria never wanted
Polly for her petting zoo.
986
01:05:57,287 --> 01:06:00,541
"Terrine of Tiger, Black Rhino Ragout,
987
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:02,709
"Panda Face Fritters"?
988
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:06,012
I've discovered the Queen
is a member of a terrible secret
989
01:06:06,087 --> 01:06:07,805
dining society.
990
01:06:07,881 --> 01:06:10,555
Kings, queens, emperors from
around the world,
991
01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:13,386
they meet on her flagship, the QV1,
992
01:06:13,553 --> 01:06:18,980
to eat the rarest and most
endangered creatures they can find.
993
01:06:19,058 --> 01:06:21,277
This year, the highlight is...
994
01:06:22,896 --> 01:06:24,898
"Dodo a l'Orange"?
995
01:06:25,899 --> 01:06:27,367
She's going to eat Polly?
996
01:06:27,442 --> 01:06:28,694
It's all my fault.
997
01:06:28,776 --> 01:06:31,199
I'm an awful human being.
I'll never get a girlfriend.
998
01:06:32,906 --> 01:06:34,658
Now pull yourself together, man.
999
01:06:34,741 --> 01:06:37,335
Now listen, Charles,
we've all done something unforgivable.
1000
01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,003
I've betrayed my pirate honour,
1001
01:06:39,078 --> 01:06:42,423
you've betrayed science,
and Mr Bebe's betrayed the animal kingdom.
1002
01:06:43,082 --> 01:06:44,675
- We've got to rescue her.
- Us?
1003
01:06:44,751 --> 01:06:47,971
Against the crowned heads
of the world on an impregnable warship?
1004
01:06:48,129 --> 01:06:49,426
It's impossible odds!
1005
01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:51,600
It's only impossible
if you stop to think about it.
1006
01:06:51,674 --> 01:06:53,096
Come on, we didn't evolve from slugs
1007
01:06:53,301 --> 01:06:55,645
just to sit here
drinking our own sweat, now, did we?
1008
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:56,812
Are you with us, Mr Bobo?
1009
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:02,769
Oh, I say.
1010
01:07:03,228 --> 01:07:04,195
Well, pah!
1011
01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:05,692
We can do without the monkey-man.
1012
01:07:05,772 --> 01:07:07,490
Sorry, what was that about slugs?
1013
01:07:07,565 --> 01:07:10,444
No time for that now. Come on.
1014
01:07:14,322 --> 01:07:16,416
Prepare to be boarded, nerds.
1015
01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:30,463
It's true! You can see down ladies' tops.
1016
01:07:30,588 --> 01:07:32,761
Keep pedalling, Charles.
1017
01:07:36,344 --> 01:07:37,516
Help!
1018
01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:13,264
Neptune's nostrils. Not a thing.
1019
01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:19,721
Where the devil can she be?
1020
01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,727
Captain?
1021
01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:28,984
Pedal faster, Chuck!
1022
01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:38,786
But how on earth do we get on board?
1023
01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:41,501
This might sting a bit.
1024
01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:42,828
I really don't...
1025
01:08:43,578 --> 01:08:45,330
Catch hold of something!
1026
01:08:45,413 --> 01:08:46,710
Good man.
1027
01:08:56,341 --> 01:08:59,595
How do you like my pygmy
elephant nuggets, Your Majesty?
1028
01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:02,605
They're good, but not quite
1029
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,774
rare enough for my tastes.
1030
01:09:04,849 --> 01:09:06,066
Not rare enough?
1031
01:09:06,267 --> 01:09:08,611
Only three have been seen
in the last 50 years.
1032
01:09:08,770 --> 01:09:10,898
As many as three?
1033
01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:12,197
Well, well.
1034
01:09:12,273 --> 01:09:15,868
Just wait until you see what
I've got for the main course.
1035
01:09:16,235 --> 01:09:17,987
Gaston?
1036
01:09:18,196 --> 01:09:19,368
Gaston?
1037
01:09:20,031 --> 01:09:21,374
Are you there?
1038
01:09:21,449 --> 01:09:22,450
Oui, Your Majesty.
1039
01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:23,500
Gaston, I think
1040
01:09:23,576 --> 01:09:25,419
- We're ready.
- Neptune's teeth.
1041
01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:28,335
There's not a moment to lose.
We've got to find that kitchen.
1042
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:31,008
But it's hopeless.
Where do we even start to...
1043
01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:34,637
So that's why I reckon,
in a straight fight, a shark
1044
01:09:34,712 --> 01:09:36,589
- Would probably beat a Dracula.
- No!
1045
01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:39,802
Course, a Frankenstein versus a jellyfish,
1046
01:09:39,967 --> 01:09:41,719
well, that's a different matter.
1047
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:46,103
All clear, Chuck.
1048
01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:48,772
Chuck?
1049
01:09:49,977 --> 01:09:52,275
It's all right, Charles, I'm coming!
1050
01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:55,742
- Don't worry, I'll just...
- Charles?
1051
01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:58,282
Just... Just hang on!
1052
01:10:01,406 --> 01:10:02,953
Charles?
1053
01:10:06,202 --> 01:10:07,704
Poseidon's lips!
1054
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:09,881
Are you all right, Charles?
1055
01:10:11,749 --> 01:10:13,467
Hey, you there!
1056
01:10:13,668 --> 01:10:14,885
What are you doing here?
1057
01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:17,180
Well, now. Excellent question.
1058
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:20,350
All exotic animals should have been
delivered to the chef by now.
1059
01:10:20,633 --> 01:10:21,759
- What?
- What is it?
1060
01:10:21,843 --> 01:10:22,969
Some sort of duck?
1061
01:10:24,095 --> 01:10:26,348
Yes, yes. That's it, yes.
1062
01:10:27,682 --> 01:10:29,104
Quack, quack.
1063
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:30,525
Hurry up, then. Kitchen's that way.
1064
01:10:30,685 --> 01:10:32,403
Yeah, come away! Go on.
1065
01:10:32,478 --> 01:10:33,479
Quack, quack.
1066
01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:37,568
Here we go, my Pretty
1067
01:10:38,109 --> 01:10:40,612
It's time to be...
1068
01:10:42,280 --> 01:10:44,374
delicieux!
1069
01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:48,832
Mon dieu!
1070
01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:57,966
Polly, come to Daddy.
1071
01:10:58,045 --> 01:11:00,264
I'm sorry, old girl.
1072
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:03,183
I will never, ever leave
you again. I promise.
1073
01:11:03,885 --> 01:11:05,683
I will never leave you.
1074
01:11:07,513 --> 01:11:08,890
Perhaps we'd best make a move.
1075
01:11:10,224 --> 01:11:12,602
Yes, yes, yes, of course.
Back to the balloon.
1076
01:11:12,685 --> 01:11:13,686
Gaston?
1077
01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:15,028
Gaston?
1078
01:11:16,022 --> 01:11:17,444
Hello?
1079
01:11:18,733 --> 01:11:20,360
Captain. No.
1080
01:11:20,610 --> 01:11:22,658
Hello, Your Majesty.
1081
01:11:22,737 --> 01:11:26,037
The dodo is coming tout de suite.
1082
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:29,127
- This really isn't wise.
- Claudette est dans Ia bibliotheque.
1083
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,203
Please, I think we...
1084
01:11:30,286 --> 01:11:33,381
But you know, Your Majesty,
you cannot hurry the cooking.
1085
01:11:33,456 --> 01:11:35,834
Is a very delicate recipe, uh?
1086
01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:39,588
And the dodo is a very fattening dish.
1087
01:11:39,670 --> 01:11:41,047
Perhaps is not so good for you.
1088
01:11:41,130 --> 01:11:43,929
And, you know, the calories,
they will go straight to your chubby thighs.
1089
01:11:44,008 --> 01:11:45,726
- Captain.
- A minute on the lips
1090
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:46,894
is a lifetime on the...
1091
01:11:47,512 --> 01:11:48,889
Zut alors!
1092
01:11:49,055 --> 01:11:50,147
Well, well.
1093
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:52,066
Pirate Captain.
1094
01:11:54,060 --> 01:11:55,812
Here you are again. And...
1095
01:11:55,895 --> 01:11:57,272
Oh, mY-
1096
01:11:57,438 --> 01:12:00,533
Is that Mr Darwin behind those feathers?
1097
01:12:00,608 --> 01:12:01,609
Hello.
1098
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:04,992
What a delightfully unexpected surprise.
1099
01:12:05,404 --> 01:12:09,204
You know, I think, secretly...
1100
01:12:11,077 --> 01:12:14,172
I've always loved you, Charles.
1101
01:12:14,914 --> 01:12:16,336
Gosh.
1102
01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:18,130
Really?
1103
01:12:18,876 --> 01:12:19,877
No!
1104
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:26,596
Give me my dodo!
1105
01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:29,600
Now, come on, Vickie, be sensible.
1106
01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:31,730
It's just you, a tiny queen,
1107
01:12:31,806 --> 01:12:34,730
against me, a dashing
terror of the high seas.
1108
01:12:34,809 --> 01:12:36,686
En garde!
1109
01:12:36,769 --> 01:12:37,861
Oh, dear!
1110
01:12:37,937 --> 01:12:39,905
Poor defenceless me.
1111
01:12:41,274 --> 01:12:43,276
What is a girl to do?
1112
01:12:47,071 --> 01:12:48,197
Now, steady on.
1113
01:12:50,449 --> 01:12:51,541
Now careful.
1114
01:12:51,742 --> 01:12:53,961
Do you know why I really hate pirates?
1115
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,121
Childhood trauma, was it?
1116
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,298
Bitten by a pirate when you were a baby?
1117
01:12:58,583 --> 01:12:59,550
Beard envy?
1118
01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:01,673
It's because you're out-of-date.
1119
01:13:01,919 --> 01:13:03,546
You're dinosaurs!
1120
01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:06,808
All that "romance of the seas" guff!
1121
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,145
Right, where were we?
1122
01:13:19,896 --> 01:13:21,318
Look at you.
1123
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:22,982
You should be extinct.
1124
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:29,739
Along with your little friend!
1125
01:13:43,878 --> 01:13:45,221
Pity you can't eat pirates, really.
1126
01:13:48,841 --> 01:13:52,721
But you'd probably taste of barnacles.
1127
01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:56,858
Whereas, dear little
Polly here is going to be
1128
01:13:57,058 --> 01:14:02,155
absolutely delicious!
1129
01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:06,863
Mr Bobo?
1130
01:14:08,736 --> 01:14:10,704
Give me back my dinner!
1131
01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,454
- Captain, catch!
- Number Two!
1132
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:18,917
Sorry, Vickie.
1133
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,424
Dodo is off the menu.
1134
01:14:29,048 --> 01:14:30,550
No, no, stop!
1135
01:14:33,511 --> 01:14:34,558
Stop!
1136
01:14:38,766 --> 01:14:39,813
Stop!
1137
01:14:42,895 --> 01:14:45,774
I'm being squashed
by giant barrels of vinegar!
1138
01:14:53,239 --> 01:14:54,286
Good work, Chuck.
1139
01:14:54,448 --> 01:14:55,745
Number Two, what are you doing here?
1140
01:14:55,866 --> 01:14:57,789
How did you find me? Where are the lads?
1141
01:14:57,910 --> 01:15:00,038
Don't worry, they're on the case.
1142
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:08,091
It's all thanks to Mr Bobo here.
1143
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:11,049
He rowed halfway across the ocean
to tell us what you were up to.
1144
01:15:11,298 --> 01:15:14,347
And, you know, I figured you
1145
01:15:14,427 --> 01:15:16,771
tend to end up wrapped in
sausages facing certain death
1146
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:18,689
at about this point in an adventure.
1147
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:20,061
Yes.
1148
01:15:20,141 --> 01:15:22,360
Yeah.
1149
01:15:22,435 --> 01:15:23,937
Yes.
1150
01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:27,732
Listen, Number Two, I...
1151
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,576
I realise I let you down.
1152
01:15:34,822 --> 01:15:36,199
Sorry.
1153
01:15:36,282 --> 01:15:37,625
I let everybody down.
1154
01:15:38,284 --> 01:15:40,582
You know, I've...
1155
01:15:40,745 --> 01:15:44,500
Well, I've done some pretty appalling things
in my piratical career.
1156
01:15:44,582 --> 01:15:47,506
Like that time I used babies as squid bait.
1157
01:15:47,877 --> 01:15:49,675
Or that other time I thought it would be
1158
01:15:49,837 --> 01:15:51,965
okay to let a turtle drive the boat.
1159
01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:53,966
But the thing is...
1160
01:15:54,133 --> 01:15:56,306
I mean, what I'm trying to say is...
1161
01:15:56,802 --> 01:16:00,181
You decided to single-handedly take on
Queen Victoria's flagship,
1162
01:16:00,264 --> 01:16:01,766
in order to rescue Polly.
1163
01:16:02,850 --> 01:16:04,397
Yes, I'm afraid I did.
1164
01:16:06,729 --> 01:16:09,608
That's terrifically idiotic.
1165
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:10,821
Yes.
1166
01:16:11,025 --> 01:16:14,529
It's also the reason why me and the lads,
1167
01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:17,244
Well, We Still think
1168
01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:20,497
you're the best pirate on the seven sea...
1169
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:32,088
Gadzooks!
1170
01:16:32,630 --> 01:16:34,348
No!
1171
01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:53,025
Polly!
1172
01:16:54,193 --> 01:16:55,194
Oh, no, you don't.
1173
01:16:55,277 --> 01:16:56,324
Captain?
1174
01:17:05,913 --> 01:17:09,008
Kiss your beaky little friend goodbye.
1175
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:30,063
That's it, Polly. Snip-snip.
1176
01:17:30,146 --> 01:17:32,399
Come on, little dodo. Bitey-bite.
1177
01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:34,317
The dumpy lady's got Polly!
1178
01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:35,989
Snip-snip.
1179
01:17:37,403 --> 01:17:38,495
Bite it!
1180
01:17:38,612 --> 01:17:40,285
Bite it, you stupid bird!
1181
01:17:40,406 --> 01:17:42,204
Bite it!
1182
01:17:48,581 --> 01:17:50,174
No!
1183
01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,592
My dodo!
1184
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:52,759
Polly!
1185
01:17:52,918 --> 01:17:54,966
My dinner!
1186
01:18:10,436 --> 01:18:11,938
Barnacles.
1187
01:18:31,457 --> 01:18:33,551
Well done, sir.
1188
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:34,593
Hey!
1189
01:18:34,668 --> 01:18:36,295
Wah-hey, Captain!
1190
01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:39,303
Fair play to you, sir.
1191
01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:42,184
Wah-hey!
1192
01:18:45,012 --> 01:18:49,108
This is our most unexpectedly
heartwarming adventure ever.
1193
01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:51,652
You'll swing for this! Curse you!
1194
01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:55,072
And after you've done swinging,
I'll chop your head off!
1195
01:18:55,147 --> 01:18:57,900
I'll put it in a cannon
and fire it into the sun!
1196
01:18:57,983 --> 01:19:00,486
Does that mean he's not pardoned any more?
1197
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,196
"Pardoned"?
1198
01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:07,286
You'll be outlawed across the globe!
1199
01:19:07,368 --> 01:19:10,998
There'll be a higher price
on your head than any pirate before you!
1200
01:19:11,413 --> 01:19:15,634
The whole world will know your name!
1201
01:19:19,588 --> 01:19:21,340
Welcome back,
1202
01:19:21,966 --> 01:19:23,343
Captain.
1203
01:19:47,992 --> 01:19:49,835
- See ya!
- Bye!
1204
01:19:49,910 --> 01:19:51,708
Bye-bye!
1205
01:20:01,922 --> 01:20:03,469
Well, it's been a pleasure, Charles.
1206
01:20:03,549 --> 01:20:05,222
Good luck with the science.
1207
01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:07,978
- Thank you, Captain.
- And just a little tip,
1208
01:20:08,053 --> 01:20:09,521
grow yourself a beard.
1209
01:20:09,596 --> 01:20:11,223
It'll make your face look less lumpy.
1210
01:20:32,077 --> 01:20:34,171
100,000 doubloons.
1211
01:20:36,081 --> 01:20:37,833
Not bad, eh, Mr Bobo?
1212
01:20:52,431 --> 01:20:54,854
That... I...
1213
01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:58,570
- Is this a bit of squid tentacle?
- Yeah.
1214
01:20:58,645 --> 01:21:00,192
And that's my earwax.
1215
01:21:04,818 --> 01:21:08,288
I keep telling you, it's never been about
the trophies or the treasure.
1216
01:21:08,364 --> 01:21:10,913
It's about who you are, inside.
1217
01:21:12,451 --> 01:21:13,953
I say, you're not...
1218
01:21:14,036 --> 01:21:16,414
Not a woman
disguised as a man, are you, Number Two?
1219
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:17,544
No.
1220
01:21:17,623 --> 01:21:19,967
Because that does happen
surprisingly often at sea.
1221
01:21:39,103 --> 01:21:40,730
Well, come on, you coves.
1222
01:21:40,979 --> 01:21:42,856
Those treasure chests
won't plunder themselves.
1223
01:21:42,940 --> 01:21:44,237
Hoist the flag!
1224
01:21:44,316 --> 01:21:46,410
Ave, aye, Captain!
1225
01:21:46,485 --> 01:21:49,409
Set a course for adventure!
1226
01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:11,760
You see? I told you.
1227
01:22:11,844 --> 01:22:13,061
Didn't I tell you?
1228
01:22:13,137 --> 01:22:15,811
Just added on for decoration, my foot.
1229
01:23:13,137 --> 01:24:15,811
npdv.id@gmail.com